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It doesn’t even matter


The things which we no longer have are the things which no longer matter. The hurt which remains is there to teach you something about you.

“I tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end it doesn’t even matter…I had to fall to lose it all, but in the end it doesn’t even matter.” (Linkin Park’s “In the End”)

I lost my house in Helendale in July of 2008. While it hurt a bit, I cannot lie and say that the world was over with for me, because it wasn’t. I realized quite early on afterwards that it was meant to be like this. It was meant that I would no longer be in that place for the purpose of my having to begin the process of shedding what was once real to me.

What was once real to me was not for me to become very attached to, because in becoming attached to it all, I would suffer the worst hurt ever, which would be the stinging blows to the pride within me that would tell me that somehow, I deserved to lose everything that I thought mattered to me. And again, I cannot lie – the house, while it mattered to me a little bit, the idea that I lived where I lived mattered to me a whole lot.

Where I lived was a huge source of pride for me, but here I am, years later, and I realize that what was the source of pride was not what I thought it was, but rather and only the illusion of what was, versus what it became. What it became was a monster of proportions so huge and so…untamed…that for at least one person who used to live in that house, the loss of it was something that they’d felt on levels that not a lot of people would feel if they were not so attached to that tangible item.

And really, that is truly what any actual standing building that a person or a group of people would live inside of and call home. It is not the actual building, but what it represents. For me, the house represented a place where memories would be made, with neighbors who were some of the most pleasant people I had ever known.

Yet, here I am, seven years later, almost, and things have changed markedly.

I no longer care about the house that I no longer owed a lot of money on. The only memories that I have of that place that can be called good and real are the ones of my kids, of my hula halau, of the treasure called friends who, when I thought about it, are two of the very best people I know and two people who I love immensely. While I no longer own all the vehicles, no longer have access to the golf course, the lakes, I have what can never be taken from me.

I have me.

I have this me.

Losing something as big as the family home is not something that I hadn’t been through at least once in my lifetime, and that is probably why I was okay the day that I have to pack up my entire house, without the help of certain others, and leave that life behind. The reason that life had to be left behind and the reason why that life and the loss of it no longer matters is because even in all of that loss, the one thing that was gained by me was not just “this me.”

I gained, through the losses, the reality of two people who, no matter what, have always been there for me (Hi April…Hi Tim…I Love You Guys!) Through that loss, I regained and revived and recreated hula to become what, for me and a lot of people like me, it was meant to be, which is not a Polynesian review show, but medicine. I gained, through that hurt, a new lesson to work through and to turn into The Sisterhood of The Soul, and through that group of healer women who are also my cousins, have created what is the beginning of things as they ought to be.

And that is not the only loss that I gained from, really. I gained the bravery to confront my abuser, to tell him that we are done and that within but a very short time here now, it will be on paper. I gained the knowledge that even as I have been the very one to have to learn to heal me, without the hurt of feeling like my own blood relations skipped out on me when things got to be really too much for me to deal with, I gained the right to call myself a strong, Stand Alone Human Being.  This does not mean they all skipped, because the ones who mattered the most never did. It just seemed that way at times.

Seriously…in the end, it doesn’t even matter

When we are able to get past the hurt, and when we are able to look at the dragons which once invaded our waking life and our sleeping dreams, and when we can see things from a new perspective, this is when things that we thought mattered no longer matter as much. It is when we realize that we have learned what we are meant to learn from any given situation that our lives will begin to blossom.

For instance, not too long ago, I was very upset with my parents, and it was over something that was a source of pride for me. I won’t go on with what it was all about. I will just state here that the last time that hurt visited me was yesterday, and when I say the last time, I mean exactly that.

I mean that no matter what it is that I want to do for them or for anyone else, the one person who I need to do the most for is me. This is not my telling anyone that you have to be selfish, because being selfish is very counterproductive.

What I mean is that, once we let go of the grip that we have on certain ideals, on certain things that we think we have to have be a certain way, on things that we believed mattered for so long and which really do not matter in the manner that they once mattered, we are, at that point, in a stage of growth. The sooner that we really wrap our heads around this, and the sooner that we accept this one thing, the sooner we will find out the reason that we hurt for so long.

Vice Grip

Lots of us like to have a vice-grip on things that we ought to not have said grip on. When we choose the energy onto which we will hang we have to remember that there are good reasons to hang onto it, and then there are all the other reasons. 

We each have our own reason for hanging on to the energy, or, on the other side of that, allowing the energy to have its vice-grip on us.

There are times when this grip is welcomed, when it is needed and when it is pleasant, and then there are all the other times.

There are times when it is that we do not want the vice-grip loosened, when we would rather bathe our own selves in that energy because it is so very welcoming and so very…much a part of us…that to release it would cause our own energy field a whole lot of havoc…then, there are all those other times.

It is all those other times that we need to help ourselves understand why it is that we want to believe that we are meant to hang onto it.

Recently, one of those two very good friends ended his own struggle with a vice-grip energy that was not an energy that would have helped him grow into the person who he is becoming. It took us months to realize that what he was seeking had been so easily attained that once it was that he was able to allow this vice-grip to no longer have him in that bind of hurt, things just seemed to be much lighter for him. He’d have never made it through the same lesson one more time. It would have wrecked him for the rest of his life in many more ways than only one.

On my part and in my life, even as there is a very lovely vice-grip energy that I am lucky to have whenever I can get it, there is the other side of that, which is the side and the thing which prompted this writing today.

Too many teachers of the Divine seem not to tell their charges that things will be harsh before they are not, and the harshest lessons of all are the ones which come from the people who have been in our lives for years and years. On my part of all of this other side of the energy stuff, my biggest challenge over the course of my life has been trying hard to get my blood relations, at least a lot of them, to take me seriously, to have some semblance of respect for at least how I feel, let alone who and what I am, and to take some measure of self-control when speaking of things that at one time meant something to me and which, at this time, I realize, don’t even matter to me as much as I thought it all did.

Why? Because I know that I am not meant for those things, at all, and until I woke up this morning, it did not dawn on me that what I was being taught has been learned, and that what I did not want to accept was accepted a long time ago in that, I am a healer, a writer, a scientist, a spiritualist…and no where in all of those things does anyone read the word “marketing person.”

Even though that is what I used to be, and in some ways still am (someone has to promote me and my girls…we do fine doin’ it all on our own), in that capacity, the one that I started out with their offerings, I am no longer.

That me no longer fits this me’s life and this me’s needs and this me needs things to be a lot more organized for this me to be satisfied with life in that respect. This does not mean that I have no respect for what this set of people are doing. It means that I no longer have to voluntarily obligate me…this me…to their bidding, even as I easily and readily lend myself to their success.

That You is not This You

You know very well that not one of us, at least not without the help of someone experienced in past life regression, can go back in time, at least not for real. We can visit there, and we can take a few moments there, but you have got to admit that even though right now, for myself included and to a limited extent, might suck beyond all which else that sucks, you have to admit that you would so much rather be this version of you than that other you.

That other you was weak in many areas of your own life, and that other you was someone who, from time to time, you did not even like very much. That you did things that this you would never dream of doing, because this you has built a wall of integrity that cannot be demolished by anyone but this you.  This you loves who you are becoming, and that old you..well, that you no longer exists.

That You no longer exists

Believe me or not, the reason that for some of us, life seems to be very difficult right now is because many people don’t realize that the reason things do not work like they once did in the past is because you are now this version of you, and this version of you cannot do things any longer that the old version of you used to do. 

That might be a little hard for you to wrap your head around, and it takes time to ease into the new you, but once it is that you have done just said such easing into things, you will find that you cannot do things like you used to do them. You will find that it is hard to fit into your old lifestyle, with the same type of people who used to be the people who you would do anything for.

You will find out that even though this you requires a little more than the old you did, once you get the hang of it, you will not look back, ever, and neither will you want to. You will learn that there are times which require you to return to pieces of that old you, but in those times you will be beside yourself with wonder because even using some of what was you, even in that instance, it is the new and improved you. 

I cannot lie – I would love nothing more than to no longer live where I am right now, but, the fact of the matter is that, the old me – she is who used to live in that big fat house on the golf course in the desert, and she is who would be hurt by the words that she is reading right now, and that me would pretend that anything else offered in the way of a new place to live would be just fine, even though that me, on the inside, would be dying a death of the ego on many levels.

This me, however, has been actively looking for that new place where new memories, with all of the right people, are going to be made, and this me, while she can be markedly impatient for good things to happen, knows, just because she is this me, that the perfect house where all of these great things will happen is just waiting to tell me that it is the right one for us. This me might be a little on the strange side (a little?), but this me loves me, and this me takes no shit from anyone when in regards to this me and what this me knows is right for me. 

In the end, our losses are meant to teach us to become the best versions of ourselves. Our pain is not meant to live on forever, and is there to make us aware that we are in need of some “me maintenance.” Our past hurts are meant to remind us that we have been through what we needed to go through in order to get to the person who we are becoming, and the people who we are each becoming are meant to go through this crap called loss, pain, hurt, all so that we can recognize what they are and more, recognize the things that are NOT meant to hurt us. 

Me and This Me need to get things moving right along for the day… please make sure that you know what is worth having a vice-grip on, and more, what you will allow to have a vice-grip on you.

I Love You All !


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Pack Mentality

Humans beings. We like thinking we are more refined than any other species, but we are not. In fact, we are more like the animals than we want to believe, and more than that, sometimes, we can act like rabid pack animals.

Humans …we allow ourselves to love, to be loved, and lots of the time, it works out.  Other times, we love, and the thing or the people who we love are not as loved as we love them, or perhaps not at all. And lots of us have a problem with this in the manner that is “you either are with us, or you are against us.” This creates within a person an energy that is of panic, and it is such, in the person who has not raised their own level of vibration to the point where they are able to ignore such things (read: demands), that it creates the thought, as well, that if we do not choose to run with the pack, we will be…not might be, not could be but will be…left behind, all alone by ourselves, with no one.

My thought about that is to just let them go….just let them all go.

You are not required, by any means other than what is your own soul’s energy about certain things and ways of being, to follow the crowd, namely if what the crowd is thinking runs against the tide of what is the truth within you.

The Truth Within You

We all have our own moral truths. These are the truths by which we live our daily lives. Sometimes, those truths are not the same as the truth of the many and the many will judge the one whose truth does not match theirs as being the lie. While it might be the energetic opposite of what the pack finds as being its collective truth, it does not mean that it also is required to be your truth. In simpler terms, say you go to lunch with your friends. All of you are thirsty. You all know what you want, you all order what you want. The server comes back with the same drinks, meaning that you did not get what you expected. You do not like what is in front of you. Immediately, you make the server aware of it. The server corrects the mistake. Life goes on.

Yet, lunch with friends is not the best example, even as it is the easiest. When we are talking about the human toll in terms of pack mentality, I am not talking about the toll of human life only. I am talking about the toll of human emotional life and human emotional life is something that too many people do not understand. It is easy to get ourselves involved in a sexy little drama, and easy for us all to draw conclusions based on the opinion of the whole, regardless of the truth …the emotional truth…of the individual.

The Emotional Truth of the Individual

Alrighty…let’s think about this, shall we? Think about the last time that there was something on the news, something that was very, very emotionally charged, where lots of people felt compelled to wrap themselves around a certain individual, love them, support them, only to, a little while later, find out that there were things about that person, or perhaps about an entire situation, that did not match what any one person’s ideal of anyone else, particularly the certain individuals in any given situation, was.

Now imagine that this energy, the emotional truth of the whole, based on the individual truths of each individual in the whole, is compounded by the hurt within each individual being made bigger through the pseudo-support of rallying against the certain individual, because the individuals in the group that is the whole have been fooled, or perhaps parts of the story had been hidden, and in that secrecy there were the things that the certain individuals did not want anyone knowing, but  more than that, things that the whole of individuals might not have wanted to see, let alone be surprised by.

What happens next, typically, is that the hurt individuals within the whole begin to compare their own emotions, their own feelings, through the stories that they have been conjuring…the “what if” and the “Maybe this is how” and really, this is how it all begins, good or bad, needed or not – when the time arises and we are in need of confirmations of how we are feeling about anything at all, and there is an entire population of people who are, all at one time, rallying support and love behind others within their tribe of community, we seek out the nurture of the Tribe.

Unfortunately, sometimes, the Tribe forgets that it is a tribe for a reason, for a common good, for the wholeness that is the family, and ultimately the tribe becomes a pack of rabid animals waiting and watching for the weaknesses in others, waiting to attack anyone whose opinion does not meet or match their own.  Waiting, and watching, as well, for those who will, not just protect the innocent, but more, who choose to not deem what the whole deems as right, as Truth.

Once again…that which is our own truth does not mean it is THE truth…it only means that it is ours

Our opinion of anything at all – in some cases, that is our truth, because it is the truth that we have an opinion, a preference, anything at all, about anything at all- is just that…our opinion. We are allowed by our very human spirit to form and to have an opinion, but not always will that opinion need to be heard or voiced by us. Our opinion is not going to be the same as everyone else’s, and may well run in the opposite direction of the whole’s.  Because we do or do not agree with someone else’s opinion does not make us bad or stupid. It is when we are willing to enforce (yes- ENFORCE and not FORCE) that opinion onto others via the matching opinion of others within the whole that things begin to take on the color of the Pack of Energy Vampires (I can’t call them wolves, because wolves are Sacred animals and wolves are also, in MANY Native American tribal traditions, the symbol for the Pisces…need I say more?).

The Enforcement of the Injected Opinion as Truth

It is not that difficult to lead people to think that one person’s truth, if it is dressed up with the right bunch of words and energies, is the truth of the Pack. It isn’t. Think back to the days of high school, where it was that only opinions mattered. It mattered to us all what others thought, and lots of the time, what others thought compelled us to behave in one manner or another. We either did well enough on our own because we were held as the one person whose opinion matched what might have been the actual truth, or, we were one of the many who, through the matching of that truth to our own, and given that we were not strong enough to vocalize that one truth, we were, at that point, suddenly part of a pack.

Now, think back, too, to that one giant rumor that spread throughout the school, and how, once it was that the truth was found out, that the majority of people who were off and running their mouths with a truth that might have sorta matched their own was no where near the actual truth in regards to what happened in actuality. At that time in your life you probably were glad that you were not the one who had started running your mouth, even though you might have been someone who’d agreed with what was being said. Now think about the people who these things were being said about…

…and now think about the things that were not true about the things that were being said about those people, and think, too, about how much of what was being said was not the truth, but merely the opinion of one person, or perhaps one group of people, and how much of the truth was skewed into the mix of the things that could have been the truth.

Think about the energy that surrounds such things, and think about how much each and every one of us likes being part of anything at all, and more, how much any one of us likes being part of what can be thought as being the “winners’ in a disgustingly nasty, men-involved, almost cat-fight over things that become emotionally heated over an opinion that one person or a mere handful of people voiced and others’ whose opinions were sort of like theirs.

It is not hard to adopt a Pack Mentality

We humans do not like being alone in any manner. I don’t care how many think they like to be exclusively alone, because for the most part, there are not a lot of us on the planet who like being by ourselves all the time,  and this includes in our manner of thoughts and of course, we love it when we are not alone in the opinions that we have about anything at all.

And really, we all love gossip. We love to hear it, and others, to create it, and still many, many more love to spread it, and the original message, the actual story, the things contained within the stories are the very things that get lost in the haze of the he-said-she-said garbage. All the while, lives hang in the balance, and as well, people forget that the more they run their gums, and the less they think about the actual human emotional toll, the more the pack mentality grabs our attention. And, unfortunately, sometimes even us!

It is hard to not let one’s self get wrapped up in the sensationalism, in the taking sides of things, of things that we wonder about, things that we are thinking about anything that is big and ugly and makes us feel like we have to take sides about .

Go ahead…take sides…the one called “your own”

I will not lie – there was a time, many years ago, that I would take sides. Then one day, when it was that both sides seemed to be against me, so to speak, I learned what it was to be the one person whose truth did not match the people or the groups which were having a difference of opinion from me. This taught me that it is not okay to take sides when it comes to things that are of a hurtful nature and that cause others pain that cannot be reversed as quickly as perhaps other things might.

How about trying this? How about putting your own self in another’s shoes for a moment, and ask yourself if you were who was being thought about in the manner that is derogatory and heated by the pack mentality, how might you feel if you were that person? How might you feel if you were that person’s family, friend, child, neighbor, coworker, employer…the list could go on and on…and the things that you have said, speculated, believed, all which may or may not be the truth, are the very things that you have to deal with? How might you feel if you were trusting someone, and they broke that trust, and even as you know the person who did whatever it was to break that trust would not do whatever it was that they have or maybe have not and are only being blamed for it, you chose to take on the energy of the pack?

Pack energy is addictive. 

Pack energy. We all know it well.  I know it really well. Over time, I have had to not only earn being the so-called ‘leader of the pack’ (in terms of The Sisterhood of The Soul…the healing group comprised of myself and a few of my cousins and a few good friends here on the west coast), but had to adopt the idea that what I say impacts all of them. No, what I say isn’t about “what I say- GOES”…it is about being able to represent myself to them, each of them, in the manner that is what I hope they can see in terms of my not wanting to hurt them, my not wanting to hurt the people who they work with, my not wanting to hurt me through hurting them.

In a short time, I have had to take who I thought I was and all on my own, with some help from teachers and therapists, and of course, other healers, my best friends, and the like, and become the best version of me, to this point, that I can manage to be, even with all the challenges I face. I did it. I did not think I could, and for a long time, didn’t want to do what I had to do in order to do what I knew I needed to on my own behalf. Which, easily, was to not get wrapped up in the energy that is joining the opinions of the larger populace in terms of what it is that we can allow ourselves to believe, all on our own, without the influences of others.

It is wise to think on one’s own, simply for the fact that sometimes, the pack is not right. Sometimes, it is your own soul’s leanings that are the truth and are the only truths you need to believe…

I Love You All !


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Cutting Cords

I could sit until I am blue in the face and say that the things that we are attached to are also attached to us…no matter what those things are. We have the option to free ourselves from the ties that bind us to the unreality in our heads, and it is an unreality which lends to the energies of our actual reality, which normally turns things on the inside of us…well…not so great!


I have a deal to make with you all…let’s all, every one of us, practice cutting the ties that bind us to things, people and the unreality that we all have living and breathing within us. I know I know…hard to stop being who you have been for so long and try on the new you. I get it. I have a hard time, too. Yet, the thing that I am writing about is so not what you think it is. This is not a pep talk – I tend to not give those these days, for the simple fact that humans, by and large, like solutions, all of us, and sometimes, those solutions we cannot think of are directly tied to the things that we are willing to believe, if for no other reason than that those things are what we have always believed.

If there is anything a Pisces knows, it is all about belief, of any kind, but mostly the kind that remind us that we are not the only game in town, that we are not the best thing on two legs, at least not for the whole world, that is, and most of all, we believe in what we believe in, even if it is a fat guy who shimmies down the chimney once a year to leave stuff under a tree that should have been left in the wild to be what it was meant to be and not … literally dead in the water.

Our beliefs – no, not the sort that tell us we will or will not go to hell, will or will not be reincarnated, not those kinds of beliefs – are the things that plague us for the entirety of our lifetimes unless and until someone else comes along and tells us that indeed, there is something that we can do about the things that break our concentration, that make us want for better days, that make us think things that we know we ought not think. When we are talking about truth, we are also talking about the beliefs that we took on in another time in life, or perhaps are things that are still being actively said to us, or perhaps were things that we were witness to that we never really bothered to question. I know well the idea that all it takes for anyone to have a big fat mess in life is for us to think that we will not ever be able to get out of the messes that we have found ourselves in, regardless if whether or not it was someone else who does not know us at all brought the thought, or the reality that makes old beliefs materialize, to our awareness.

What no one ever tells us, because really, not a lot of people understand the importance of our own symbolism, is that EVERYTHING in our awareness is meant to show us, not only what we are made of, not only what we are worthy of, not only the things that we know are good and there for us and meant only for us, but more, our awareness also shows us the things that are no longer needed in our lives.  There are things in each of our lives which, until we have learned what we need to from it all, we will not be rid of. This tells us that all of our situations, be they good or other than good, are temporary. This tells us that what we have at our disposal is not only the issues, but also the way that we choose to see, or to no longer see them. There is also there the energy that is feeling like we are somehow so tied to someone or something that the fear inside of us takes hold, we panic, and then, suddenly the things that we were able to face and to deal with become these …monsters…the very ones which have followed us around for a long time, perhaps even from the time that we were children, where said fears of abandonment, of insecurity, of things that make us so very afraid of life, that we begin to think thoughts that we would rather not, that we know are so not the truth of us.

When it is that these things become dearly entrenched into our ways and means of being, and when it is that these thoughts become the very things which tell us that we are not going to be able to do something, or that we are not going to be able to be something, or that, in any manner at all, we are not – this is when it is time to ‘auhea wale ana ‘oe and pay attention. We need to pay attention to the things in our awareness and how those things consume us until something else comes along to add to the things or perhaps one thing that seems to be more looming and dooming than is much else.

When it comes to that point, and we want to break free from those things, very simply, perhaps too much so….it is just time to begin to cut cords.

Why the proverbial cutting of cords is very important

A few years ago I was introduced to one of the strangest things that I had ever heard of and that I eventually integrated into the teaching that I do with others, and that thing is called “Cord Cutting.” It was introduced to me by more than one teacher, and employed by another person who, at that time, while she might not have been in her right mind, what she did give to me was one of the most powerful tools that any one metaphysical teacher could have in their reach and at their disposal. That one thing is called cord cutting. I will not lie and say that it is easy, because when I was first taught this technique, I had a hard time thinking that what was happening, because of the energies of my wanting to let go of things and ways of being was directly related to why it was such an important thing for me to learn. While I won’t tell anyone that I was anywhere at all near where it was that I needed to be in learning this, it was not long before I was cutting cords all the time, and at that time, I couldn’t see past what it was that my Soul was showing me because my ego was still hanging on to the things that hurt me so badly. I had a very hard time with letting go of anger, of hurt feelings, of anything that was beneficial for me and the thing that, at this point, I know I was to Become.

And more than that, in speaking in terms of energy, when we are loaning who and what we are to our fears, we are taking away our life force and handing it over to things and ways of being which no longer serve us. What we think protects us actually and only inhibits us. What keeps us safe from assumed harm actually also keeps us inhibited in our growth. What we think has helped us will always help us is doing anything but helping us, and what we end up with is a gigantic jumblefuck of confusion. This is not a mistake – it is how energy works. When we confuse our own truths and focus on things that are not there or that we are not truly aware of, and we have not yet figured out what our own symbolism is all about is also when we will react and not respond. Life requires that we respond, but human nature is about the reactive nature that is the biological need for survival on all levels. Not one of us wants to “put ourselves out there” exposed for the elemental climes of turmoil, but turmoil is part of life, and while it sucks horribly, it is also something that teaches us that we are proverbial rock stars made of the stars, that what is in front of us is nothing compared to the beauty which awaits us if we are willing to look at what we are faced with right this moment in another manner.

If we can see things for what they are right this moment, and can think, too, with possibilities being masked as our having no choice, and can see what are our opportunities for stretching and becoming what and who we are meant to become, we can also see where it is that we are corded, in some cases, by our own choosing, to the things which have no more use for us. For some folks this is hard to do, because most folks, when we find a use for things, we keep them. I do it. I know other people who also do it, and all of us know if whether or not, at the moment we think that thought, if we will be using that particular thing any time at all in the future. It is in the “maybe” we will be able to use those things, real or intangible, when we have caused ourselves the imbalance that we do not realize we are striving for. Yes – we strive for imbalance because inherently, as humans, we need to fix things. Sometimes, we cannot fix things, and sometimes, we have to understand the reason why what at one time what worked for us no longer works for us.

And this next thing…the unbelievable part…is the reason why things don’t work for us  – it is because globally, we are all going through this…hard bullshit… in some manner. With some it is people, others, situations and life-sustaining parts of our lives (jobs, houses, etc), some of us are releasing (and having  a hard time with it) old patterns and ways of being, and for some….NAMELY those whose lives are to be lived as light workers….it is all of this. I know the “all of this” part, because I lived through “all of this,” and in some ways more than others, I still am in the middle of this, and if I can do it, this means that there are not a whole lot of people on this planet who can’t.

No…really…keep reading…

How to know when it is time to cut cords, and more, how to cut those cords

We know when it is time to cut cords when the things that we know we have learned keep on coming back in the form of the person or the people who we were trying hard to deal well with and couldn’t. When it is that you have found your own self at peace with things that have happened, you know that it is also that the cord can be cut. This goes for anything, anyone, at any time. Again- I know this because I was taught this and taught well to use it, and this is why I also know that this totally works. The reason we stay corded to people, ways of being and situations is because we emit that energy toward it all, and that energy is bounced back to us. In this reality – hell, in any reality – everything is energy. Our thoughts are energy. When we think about bad stuff, we are presented with more bad stuff, and the lesson there is to stop thinking about only bad stuff and the possibility of only bad happening (because ultimately it will happen). You are human. You are not going to NOT think about bad stuff – we all do it…even silly, happy, rabid cheerleader me…yes…I think about bad stuff…things like people leaving my life (abandonment), and my not being good enough at what I do (but in my own tribe, I am the only one who does what I do and am quite good at it…thanks guys…I love you!). Yet, the way that things which have hurt me for so long have always been presented to me, and the way that I have been molded by my life and everything in it has caused me to look for the beauty in the excrement, for the needle in the haystack, for the monster in the closet that we have highlighted with our flashlight and that when daylight came and we opened up the closet door, we saw there that it was not a monster, but a tiny little spider.

It was the tiny little spiders in our lives, the ones that say horrible things about us and have for the entirety of our lives, and the ones that broke our hearts a million and one times for seemingly no reason other than that those people could do it and get away with it, even if only for a limited time. It was every time that someone else made you doubt yourself, your worth, who you are, that you are cherished and loved, if by anyone at all, your very self. It was everything in life that made you suffer, that made you feel like you were being treated as though somehow, you were the kid at your own birthday party who had to wait for their own birthday cake until after all the other kids got theirs, and what you were left with was a whole lot of birthday cake soup, mixed with the tears of the non-acceptance of us by others…this is what needs to go away.

These feelings have to be gone from us, because if we hang on to them, we cannot grow. If we choose to allow these fears to be what is the equivalent of the perceived monster rather than the teeny tiny little spider (and y’all KNOW how I feel about spiders…ewwwww) that it truly is, there is no doubt in my mind that you will never see what is on the other side of the ugliness, the lesson and the hurting that happens in life. Sometimes that hurting is something that seems monstrous, but in reality, the Mother Goddess NEVER gives us more than we can deal with, ever. She’s a good Mom. That’s how we good moms roll.

Very simply, the way to cut the cords of all these things which seem like they are  waiting to eat us and that live in our thoughts is to simply go within and visualize yourself actually and physically cutting those cords. You have complete control where your thoughts are concerned, complete control over the things that you believe and do not believe, complete control over everything that you see, know, want, do not want, and all of us keeps on giving our power to these things rather than getting on in there and simply, again and again, for as long and as many times as is needed, by our own means and through what is our own choosing of cutting instrument (I use a green or purple light sabre…quit laughing). The point is that, at any time at all in our lives, we are going to be met with things that just plain suck, that make us think there is simply no way out of through typical means.

It is ours to realize and believe that sometimes, our stuff will not be made to leave our lives through typical means…

…sometimes, we need to use a light sabre…

I Love You All !



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…no, really…you DON’T have to fight it out

Thinking past our own selves and our own opinions and assumptions is not easy. We expect that others will be able to relate to us from our perspective, and not their own. This is where a whole lot of misunderstanding in communication between human beings is born – from our chosen cluelessness.

We wonder sometimes why it is that we fight with others, why it is that the people who we most love are the ones who we fight with over something as small as not being able to understand or relate to what they are saying to us, either for real or with their body language. Where people like I am concerned, it is not only the spoken word and neither only the body’s language that is telling me and anyone like me the truth of a person, but also is their energy, even from a distance.

Being someone who sometimes, herself, chooses to be clueless, and for no other reason than to save myself from having to intuit the pain, sometimes effortlessly, from others, I know what it is like to be on one end of the pain, as well as the other. And pain is not easy, comes in many different forms and from many different sources. It is unavoidable.  Each of us has felt pain and each of us has caused pain. The problem is not that we have had or have caused someone else to have pain, but that once it is that it has been initiated, it is almost a sickness that every single last one of us on the planet has caused pain, and then chosen to cause more pain by choosing to fight each and every single little “ego battle” that comes our way. In reality, we do not have to choose every single one of them It is not that we can choose none of them, because without things that suck, we do not learn what does not suck.

We can choose to not fight, but that would be boring, wouldn’t it?

Yep, it’s true – we get to choose all of our own battles, and the thing about humans who are only beginning the long and dusty trek to enlightenment is that lots of us know this is the truth, but lots of us also love the fight, love the drama that comes from the fight, and most of all, because they are only starting on the path, ensure that, through manipulation, hurting another’s feelings, through any means we can think of, we would rather cut someone else down to size, not realizing that the reason we would do such a thing is because we would rather be right, would rather win, would rather do anything at all than just be kind.

Again, we see here that the most of us have been taught, have been trained, and have been raised to see our differences, and our similarities are played down. We are more inclined, because we have each been trained to scrutinize the energies of others that is not the greatest energy (their darkness, that is) and have taken on the thought as truth that in each of our lives we have to be better than someone, and if we cannot be better than someone else, we will bully them, verbally abuse them, do everything we and our arrogance and our egos tell us to do, just so that we don’t have to believe that we are less than them on some level.

We would rather fight, be right, and to hell with anyone else, as long as we are right, or at least not totally wrong. This is a mechanism of the Ego. The Ego is there to protect us, but most of the time we allow it to run amok, stomping all over the souls of others, and then when we are finished gnawing on their raw nerves, and we are over the reason that the fight ensued to being with, we have the very nerve to expect these other people to not be affected by their antics, to not be hurt by the thing that they said or did, to not be human about what we had just gone through with them and on their behalf and without our spoken permission.

How we unwittingly allow others permission to be awful to us

When we get butt hurt because someone else said something unkind and they were completely clueless about it, and we end up in a fight with them over it, this is giving them permission to our ability to control who we are. When someone else gives their opinion and their judgment about who we are, and we get hurt by it, and we dwell in that hurt, they are in control of how we feel. No, it is not easy to not let the things that other people tell us not hurt us if it is meant to hurt us. It is, however, very worthwhile to stop giving into their energy of pain and wanting to not be alone in that pain.

Think about every time you and someone else got into a tiff and how you felt when you came away from it. Some of us, when the tiff is a well placed one, come away with a feeling like a piece of us somehow is no longer there and that the person who we fought with somehow took it from us. This is also true for the other person involved, even if they are the catalyst and the reason for our having been at odds with them over anything at all.  Fighting with others over opinions, over miscommunicated words, over things misunderstood are all things that, when we reach for clarity or perhaps deeper meaning for the energy provided by these events, is draining and takes away our energy.

Seriously…the way that we allow it is to give in, not decide if the battle is worth fighting and just jump on into the fracas and let it roar! We allow these others who do this through means of our believing that what they think of us is the truth of us.  What we believe is the truth of us is within us, but also within those who we mirror and who mirror us in return. When we get angry over frivolous things and things of a nature that are not in agreement with what our own belief about anything is is when the not-fun starts.

If you fight or argue over someone else’s opinions about anything at all, or about who they are in your thoughts, and without how they might feel about it, while you might not be essentially wrong for your opinions, you are wrong for trying to impose it on someone else’s free will

Most of the time, when we are in the middle of trying to get our ego’s point across, the last thing on our minds at that time is that when we try to manipulate other people toward what is our end result, and we try hard to make them want to be a part of what we see as our own version of right versus wrong, and really, anything else, we are tampering with something that we should be more inclined to have a giant amount of respect for, simply and only because we, ourselves, would expect the same.

You have read, heard, thought, at least a million times that you would not want someone else trying hard to make you do for them without them doing for you, the things that you need, much like they need, for the furtherance of their goals and the life that they are manifesting. Maybe they are somehow a part of your life because of marriage, or maybe because of your career. Either way it doesn’t matter as much as does the idea that there is a lot of hubris, collectively, still, and that this is where a whole lot of us get things so jacked up that a lot of times it seems as though we can do nothing to repair the damages.

It is the exaggerated pride, the hubris within each and every one of us that, at least for those of us who are not willing to call themselves on it, causes us to think that we are meant to take their crap and deal with it as though it is the only crap and the only way to deal with things.  It took me a very long time to not defend what is the opinion of other people that is about me versus what is my belief about me, a lot of time to learn to be empathetic and see, or try to see, where it was that anyone else is coming from.  It takes anyone at all a whole lot of time to not defend ourselves against what other people are assuming is the truth of us.  There is not one person who I know who does not like being shown when they have done something good or right.

Conversely, I have yet to meet a human being who is willing to NOT fight with someone else, willing to not hurt another person, or willing simply and only to listen without judging them after that someone else has been found to have said something offhand. It is in that judgment of someone else where we are in error.

It is when we are meant to learn to differentiate things, that what we are taught to do is to judge people and to form a belief that is not truly our own. I recall being a little girl and hearing it said that the reason I was not in many activities other than hula was because of the person who dictated what I was meant to like but only and according to her. If that person were taught how to do more than what the adults in her life taught her (“do what I tell you to do and not what you think you want to do.”), which was to conform no matter what – it was literally that she had to do as she was told, even if she wasn’t any good at it, or else she would end up being disciplined for it.

In this manner we are taught, as children, to trust by learning what the adults in our lives tell us we should rather than what it is that our soul tells us and what our own senses tell us is the truth. If I had been allowed to follow my soul, it would not have been that I had learned how much I loved to dance until I was in middle school and then in high school when I joined the dance program. We are told what we like and what we want to do, or, rather, a majority of us were raised this way.  Seriously, the words “I don’t want to have her do anything that I myself would not want to do.” This is why there is so much fighting between people – because we are not willing to let them be who they are and we start this nonverbal teaching lessons of how to judge people nonsense from a time when humans are in the womb. It is seen in the vicariousness of the football dad, the arrogance of the cheer mom, and in the manipulative thoughts turned into words from a stage mom.

These are all examples of people in our lives when we are very young who have any kind of say so and who take control of someone else’s destiny through imposing on them their will and their likes and what they are comfortable with. It doesn’t have to be a parent. It can be anyone who is responsible in some manner for teaching us to think on our own. It is like being that kid in math who is not understanding how to figure out what is in front of them, NOT because they are stupid, but because they need to be shown another way to figure things out. My second grade teacher did this to me – she called me stupid because I couldn’t figure out how she came up with the same answer that I did. “How could it be wrong?” I recall asking her.

“It doesn’t matter! You are too stupid to do it the right way!”  These are words that no one forgets, not because they are the truth, but because they were the truth of my second grade teacher at the time who just did not realize that I could not do the math HER way. When I showed her how I came up with what I came up with, she was still so angry with me that she failed me, because “I am the teacher and I can do that if I want to.”

This same line of thinking applies when we are talking about defending what I call “Self Beliefs.”

Self- Beliefs

We can think of them as being the ultimate selfie, because it is the picture that we have in our minds of ourselves. When we are willing to fight with someone else, not only are we one another’s mirror, but we are also one another’s catalyst for checking on ourselves so that we are not prone to walking the crust of the earth like we are somehow cool when really, we are not that cool at all ! haha

Like my 2nd grade teacher did me no favors when she called me stupid, we are not doing anyone else any favors when we decide that since they are not the way that we want them to be, and that since we cannot manipulate them, that they are somehow wrong and that they are the biggest sinners in the world of all things “self.”

Our Self Beliefs are the picture that we have of ourselves that is in our thoughts and in our Spirit and that we are in charge of. These Self Beliefs are those things that, as adults, we have to try hard to overcome so that we can grow. If a person has had it so that the whole time that they have graced the face of the planet, other people have been shaping who they are and we are believing what they are saying about us and to us and we do not think for and to ourselves that we are who matters when it comes to what we think about us, then that person will, like I still have a few issues with, have limiting beliefs about themselves.

Limiting beliefs are those things that tell us that we, on our own, are not strong enough to make it without the “love” of the spouse who no longer wants to be around to take the verbal and emotional abuse. Limiting beliefs are those beliefs that others have helped us form that tell us that we deserve to be lonely, by their leaving us by ourselves when we might need them the most. Limiting beliefs are those things that, every time we want to do something or maybe try something new, we fear the failure that we have not even experienced but somehow are positive that we are such sucky people that we cannot ever be anything BUT sucky.

Once it is that we buy into and start living these beliefs is when we have to really stop, even in the middle of tears, and ask ourselves why it is that we believe all the bad things and none of the good that we KNOW is the truth. Such as the idea that women have to keep up with the televised model of beauty, that men are not completely straight if they should choose to do things that do not include burping or farting publicly, or behaving like a chauvinist pig. If we have been told that this is the truth, and then shown so, it is of little wonder as to why it is that we have millions of young girls in high school worried about what they look like and if their butt is Kardashian big enough. It is why we have closeted young high school football stars coming out of the closet at school and hoping upon hope that the news doesn’t get to his parents for fear that his father will beat the gay (and the happy) out of him because he is not the person who his dad tried making him be and who he is not.

At some point in time in each of our lives, we decide that judging people for what and for who they are not is somehow okay. At some time in our lives we realize that what we see in others that bothers us also lives within us and that what we saw there bothered us so much that we had to control the situation by pointing out in someone else what we were NOT so that we could maintain our control over what they thought about us for real.

At some point, we all must decide to Love ourselves, to stop being so hard on ourselves for what someone else’s truth turned us into and be grateful that long before we leave this consciousness we still have the chance to be who we are and to share that with everyone else.

At some point, winning is no longer as big of a deal as is knowing that what might be someone else’s truth does not have to be and should NOT be what is ours.



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No one can go back

You cannot go backward. We cannot return to the time when we thought things were perfect. We pine for that energy, not for that time period.

I cannot be the only one noticing, what, with all of this “everything old is new again” stuff, is happening at the moment. What is happening at the  moment is that there are people coming  back into our lives from a totally other time in our lives and a lot of these people want what we each had with them so many years ago.

I noticed it about …oh…September, when it seemed like things were just a giant weighted mess. What really was happening was that we were being distracted. At that same time we were also being taught – and we were being taught about how really very tough our collective lives had become, even as it seemed and might yet seem that we have just grown used to things being…very and uncomfortably unkind.

Universally felt unkindness

I am not the only one who was a great big snotty whiny mess…let’s say, from, oh, I don’t know…August, until last week. I was not and still am not the only one who felt this weighted energy. I am here to tell you all that it was a multifaceted big, giant ball of ugh that was meant and was with purpose – in fact, meant with a few purposes, with one of them serving as the distraction that we each needed for what happened next.

What happened next was that we all found out a little bit more about what it is that we do want, versus what it is that we know we absolutely can do without. Where I am concerned, it was about my growing spiritual healing practice, my daily writings (except Sunday because even the Goddess and her old man take Sundays off…what? You think Superbowl was set to be Sundays all because one human thought it up? Come on !! Haha) and now, it is about continuing to grow both.

And I promise you that I was an awful mess. It was a very difficult year, 2013 was, and lots of us were glad to see some things and some people go away, and it was also meant to thicken our skin and toughen us up for what has already begun. Some of us are ready for it, and lot of others of us are simply just not.

Everything old is new again, even old friendships and old loves

This is not to say that your first love is going to want to be all wine and roses with you, because lots of time has passed. This is not to say that your pals from another time in your life are still going to be what you recall them being, because, again, a lot of time has passed. In the many years which have passed since the last time we saw any of these people, every single last one of us has managed to go off in our own direction and live, and hopefully have learned from what it was that we went through.  Now here we are, at least the ones who are meant to learn or perhaps relearn what it was that we did not, through these people, and wouldn’t you know it? Some of us want to actually live in the past believing, perhaps, that living in that time, or a time like it recreated now, will make all of our pain and our loneliness go away.

It won’t.


I have GOT TO reiterate …that these people are back in our lives in some manner is one thing, but know NOW that they are not there for the same reason that they might have been all that time ago. Whatever it is that they came back for, it is not that. It is anything but that. We have to consider a whole lot of things, with the biggest one being that lots of time has passed and in that time which has passed we have all become very different people. Time is funny like that – it does not stop, and we do not stop growing, even if we don’t feel like we are.

A whole hell of a lot of cleaning and clearing to do

If you can, for a moment, think of these people as being the clean up crew for certain remnants of what was your life. All these years you were wondering what they were doing, some of us more than others, and suddenly here they are. They might not be in your close proximity, but they are somehow back in your life and there is a reason they are there. For some of us it is to finish learning a lesson that they were meant to bring to us but for one reason or many reasons, they had to leave for a little while. For others of us, it is a reuniting with a like soul which never really left our side, even though they might have ended up on the other side of the world. No matter why they are back, they are here and they will remain so until it is that we have or they have learned what they have had to but could not because you were not there.

This is what I mean by our cleaning up and clearing out – it includes people, lessons, and things that we either need but do not have, or have but do not need. The only people on the planet who can help us with this are these other people. Some of the lessons are going to suck more than they won’t, while others we will not want ever to end (even though they will and that, in and of itself, is the lesson – to let go and come back to reality about them and you and everything in between). Think of this part of this time as being the clearance sale of all clearance sales, and everything on the rack has to be gone and if it is not gone, then those items will either be placed into storage for another time, or, they will be given away (that letting go thing…”given away”) to a charity.

Humans are bad at learning when we do not want to, and when the lessons suck we want to hide and wait for another day when we are more prepared.

That is not how this works.

Lots of folks don’t understand that sometimes we ARE prepared, right as we are, to go through what we need to in order to make things right again, not only for ourselves but for everyone else involved as well.  Unfortunately, and there are not a whole lot of people who will deny me this much – we got here on our own, by our own hands, and with the help of the beliefs about ourselves that were handed to us by our parents and whoever else were the determining and governing variables in our lives as children. Our personal Grown-Ups, all of them, at least for the most part, have conditioned all of us to believe that we have to be better than other people, at everything, and that most of all, if we do not win, that it is okay, but that if we do not win, no matter what it is, other people will not love us as much as they say they love us at this moment. This, for a lot of people who can now be considered “middle age” (Yes, I am one such person), is akin to the constant recording played over and over in our heads, that no matter how good we are, we can be better at it all, that we can win, that we can be victorious, and screw everyone else, because unless you win, you are a loser. (Go ahead and lie to me and yourself and tell me I am wrong…you can’t.)

This is the reality, and, as well, the place from where all of us have groomed ourselves into what and who we are now, no matter what that may be and no matter, really, what we think of it. It is also a very real, real-time example of our collective dependence on what other peoples’ opinion of us is.

Take for instance, yesterday, on my Facebook wall, I had a bit of a misunderstanding between me and a young woman who I have met more than once, about whom I have known since she was but a young girl, and also is someone who I have never really truly known. While I will not go on about what other peoples’ accounts of this person is, the biggest thing that came through to me was that this is a young woman who has a lot of ambition, but at what cost?

I will admit to admiring the passion within her, because it is like my own is, but the difference between this young woman and myself is lots more than only being years. We do not have the same background, even as one incident in each of our very storied personal lives are, and it is that one incident, on my end, that prompts me to think about how it is that we can think back to the times when things were not like they are now, and we can pine for that exact same energy (so that maybe we might be able to live in it, albeit temporarily). The bottom line is that we can never go back to the times when, it seemed, things were easier. Things seemed easier, but in reality, they were only appropriate to who you were at that time, and at that time, much like now, there were also times prior to it that you may have wanted to return to. It is not the time that you want to relive. It is the energy of that time in our lives.

Energy does not die, but it changes

Think about this for a minute, and let it sink in, and realize right this moment that if you can think back to that time, and relive, through your memory, a time in your life when it may have seemed like things were a lot easier than they are now, then know, too, that this is the personal power that all of us – each and every one of us – has. This is the gift that can also and sometimes be a curse, because while we are living in a past moment energetically, we are still in this time that is Now. There are lots of people who just do not seem to understand that yes – you can go back in time but only in the energetic sense.

Our minds and memories are powerful tools that can and should be utilized to bring about a higher energy for the collective whole of us. They are two things that, when they are worked with in tandem with the reality that is outside of the each of us, can help us do magnificent things in our lives for ourselves and for others.

However, when it is that we stay stuck there, and we believe ourselves to also be stuck here in the Now is when people and their human type ways begin to start thinking thoughts about how great it would be if we could just go right back to that time in our lives. The worst part is that a whole lot of us just do not realize or want to accept that what we see with our mind’s eyes and feel both bodily and emotionally is real, but the things and people that originally brought those feelings and that energy are different.

We cannot go back there, but we can and should relive that energy thought. I say this because if a person is right in the mind, they can handle being nostalgic, can handle accepting that we physically live in the reality called “Right Now,” and this applies to the most of us. There are, however, those of us who, for whatever reason we may have, want to live in that past energy all the time, with all the same people, and all the same things, and that will not happen. We can wish and pine for it, ignoring the idea that a long, long time has passed us in between, that people we love and want to be with also have all those many years away from us and that they have grown, and changed.

That we think about those times in our lives is one thing. We all do it. I do it. You do it. That guy over there with his finger up his nose does it – all of us does it. That there are people who want to stay back in time in a friendlier place in their minds and in their past is when it gets very ugly. When we want to live in that past that we see and we love, and we want to be in that time rather than fight our own demons through the Now, we are not opting for growth, but for comfort born of either a desire to feel that way (which is good and doable) or, the desire to go back in time and relive that time (not possible, at least not at this time in history).  Back there we are not the nut-job of a wife who did her share of wrongness to her old man, and back there we are the stud-muffin we were back in high school, and back there are no kids who need stuff, mortgages that are ours, drama that is ours but share….back there is gorgeous, of course, because back there is not the pain or the ugliness of right this minute.

No one can go back, so deal with right this moment

Okay, so there are people who can and do regress others to another time in their own awareness, but the greater part of us do not bother to deal with the realms of weirdness that I and a few others like me do. For the rest of the human race – we cannot go backwards, so dealing with right this moment is likely the best option for any one of us.

Going back to that thing that I and the young woman I wrote about earlier in this writing, while it is that I totally get where she is coming from, what I do not get is the idea that once we have been sinned against, suddenly, we are in that very “sinned against” energy for the rest of our lives. I am sorry, but I cannot stay living as someone else’s victim. It isn’t right and tends to make us believe that that is all we will ever be. Am I saying this of her? Of course not.  What I am saying is that at this time, she is not where I am, as far as years between the incidents goes. So, naturally, what she went through is still going to piss her off to the point where she may not be able to see much more than her own silent hurt and anguish which historically has always been seen as her anger, and her pain, and her baggage.

Yet, I know that one day she will recall, maybe even with a fondness, the back and forth between us yesterday, and may, one day, hear my voice or see my words in her memory, and perhaps one day, I will not be the venomous bitch I am sure she thinks I am now. And this is okay by me. I have been known as many, many other things…and in comparison to those other things, a venomous bitch is a step up!

No matter how great things were back in the day, you, me, we can never go back there. And why would anyone want to unless they believe that there really is nothing more than what is right this moment for them, ever? If you believe that all you really have IS this moment, then you are farther ahead of the game than even you are aware of.

Now please…go and wash that Aquanet out of your way too big Bon Jovi hair, and ALL of you need…NEED to take off ALL THAT MAKE UP!! Back then was nice, but right now is way, way better, in my opinion.  It is so because I would never want to be that clueless child who lived in a woman’s body . Not only that, I could never go through all what I have been through all over again, for anyone, ever.

Stop wishing for what was, be grateful for what is, and know now that better days are just ahead…let go of what was and be excited for what is to come~!




Please visit RandyJayBraun.com today !

The Other Side of Things

Empathy. It is not something that only other people have. It is something that we all have, and when we choose a clueless demeanor over what we know needs to happen, this is when we find that some of us have it, and others of us do, too, but are too scared to use it.

“Rox – I need to know what I can do to help my girlfriend “get it” when it comes to things that have nothing to do with her, everything to do with me, that hurt me, and that she is not aware that she is, in part, a gigantic reason for it…”

These are the emails which make my blood boil, because, and this is going back to that old school of thought blog – a lot of us “get it” in terms of empathy, and then there are others who, for the life of them, cannot see past themselves in order to figure out what the hell someone else, or maybe a few someone elses, are trippin’ about.

Alright…so maybe saying that they make my blood boil is not really the absolute truth, but I will say that they piss me off, a lot, and it is because there are a LOT of people on this planet who still, for the very life of them, CANNOT see past what they want from their own thoughts and their own lives and who also expect people to do as they want without doing anything in return, and that is not okay. It ain’t okay for a few reasons, with the biggest one being that at some point in time in all of our lives we have GOT TO accept the kuleana that comes with who we each are.

Women are HORRIBLE at this

I said it, so deal with it, and no, I am not trying make a big giant stink about anything other than the idea that we are all able to disappoint other people. I am saying that women, for such a long, long time now, have been conditioned to think that every ill in the world is due to some man in our lives who is not thinking like we think. Ummm….DUH…they are GUYS, ladies, and they cannot, will not ever be able to, never have to think like we do. While this does not take away from the empathetic part of things, where hell yes it is nice when the guys make an effort toward understanding that we can see them, at least a few of them, it makes it possible for us  to see them as actual human beings. 

LADIES! Y’all need to knock your crap off and realize that what you want from the guys is what you deserve, but we, ourselves, are NOT perfect, and to think that we are the ones who are supposed to be emotionally inclined in comparison to the guys? Well, you are making us all look like man hating harpies, and it is not cool. It is not cool because all of our collective lives we all have wanted “the perfect mate,” and in that energy we have come to the conclusion that whatever it was that the previous generations were all about, that we, too, are also like that.

No we aren’t. We aren’t because a few of those moms from the generation before ours took time to make sure that all of us knows this. It is unfortunate that while a lot of us understood it and learned it, there are still way too many of us who think that if something is wrong in the world of women, that it is a man’s fault. I have to say hell no, ladies, you are wrong. It is your fault. How dare you give away our power like that and expect the rest of the world to take us as seriously as you want everyone to think you are taking yourselves.

This is not giving us, as a collective whole, the credit that we deserve from all the growth we have suffered through. If you want them to take notice, then you have to be and behave as all who and what you think you are.  If you want the right guy, then you have to stop trying to either turn the wrong one into the right one, or, you have to take a long and scrutinizing look at yourself and wonder why it is that you are not compelled, through Love, to see to it that the person who is supposedly the one who makes you swoon is at least heard.

Yet, it seems, we cannot do that. It seems like we have the very nerve to ask that they all change for us, and rarely does it happen, at least in the manner that I am emailed, by these very same guy-people who a lot of women swear are the ones who are really confused. I would like to know, ladies, when it was that you were so damned perfect, that when your own tears fell and you were hurt, that you did not want your man to be there to soothe you? I want to know, ladies, when it was that when you hurt this person, that somehow, because you are female, you have a pass to pretend to be perfect, even when you KNOW that you are not?

I want to know, really…do you know that you are NOT perfect?

I want to know which unenlightened woman chose to get back at her man for being a man about things, meaning that men, a lot of them, have no clue what it is that we really want from them, and we are the very ones who refuse them this little bit of information. Yeah yeah…I know…there are a whole lot of us who DO tell them what we want, and for the most part, it made things better, or at least how they need to be versus how our white-horse-riding-prince-with-a-trust-fund idealism (and mothers…lets not forget about them) told us it IS.  And hell no – it DOES NOT COUNT when only ONE OF YOU wants to keep the relationship, because at that point you are totally doing what you are not supposed to be doing, which is enforcing your will onto someone else, which makes it so that you are IMPEDING THEIR FREE WILL !!! UGH !

And really, no one knows what the hell they are getting, from anyone, regardless of who they are, who we want them to be, what we expect from them versus what it is that we really and truly need from them. When was it that men were the purveyors of things so unsavory? When was it that we all got angry for these people telling us who we are and why do we think and believe that the changes in our collective thinking about what a man’s position in life is, regarding a woman, did not and somehow DO not apply to us in that same manner where men are concerned? 

Remind me again when it was that we were able to walk on water whilst looking down on what a whole lot of women only see as yet another tool in their chest of things needed (but only WHEN needed) ? This is a crock of crap, really.  This needs to be one of those things that we, as a female collective whole, NEED to examine. We need to think about it in terms of our sons, our brothers, our friends, and we need to see them as equal to us rather than only there to repair the house, the car, open jar lids and be our teddy bears when we need them to be.

If this is the sort of relationship that any woman is in, where she has all the power, and she is in control, then guys, you need to… NEED to get the hell outta dodge, right now, because what WILL ultimately happen is that you will start losing friends, will not be able to leave without Mommy-Girl’s permission, will be the one who is blamed for every little ailment on the planet, and most of all, you WILL BE hopelessly miserable, and why?

Because, you will not be allowed to be the You who you really are, and this is not only about women who like to cut men off at the guava level, but all of us. There are a lot of men who are included in this, who think that without them telling the “little woman” that she is wrong, that she cannot think, that who she is is nothing without him, that she is worthless, that she is not valued by anyone at all, not even her parents- yeah,  if this is you, or even remotely sounds like you and these things are in your ears a lot, it is time to think, not about how to change them, but about what it is that you really want. 

NO one…not a man, not a woman, is beholden to anyone else’s ideals. It could be something online, something that is not tangible anywhere else than on the Astral plane…when we expect more from other people than we are willing to give, and those other people respond to us in a negative manner, it is NOT TIME to check them, because the reality is that those people who just step away are NOT who is in need of people needing to check themselves long before they wreck themselves. 

NO one…not a man, not a woman, is going to take the place of the lessons at hand that are NOT meant for the people who we are judging, who we are badgering, who we are trying to enrage – because really, no one neither needs anyone momming or daddying them, namely NOT if they are able to wake up in the morning, all on their own, without having to be told that the day has started and that, unless you are Motley Crue, life has begun for the day so could we please wake up and NOT behave as though we are the reigning princess of dreamland…because other than Europe and in Disney films, that is the ONLY PLACE where the princess gets to be the princess. Eventually, even the princess will wake up one day to be queen, and unfortunately for the princess type thinking women of the world, it is never the princess who is ruling, because that is ONLY the queen’s job.

And I promise you that it is mighty nice being the queen….

Empathy is not an option, but a requirement

When speaking in terms of men and women and how we do not truly know each other until we know each other and are willing to be open to accepting them all as they are, we are not any better than they are, no matter what. If we, and I am talking about ALL of us, cannot see past what we each want, what we each expect, and everything in any relationship is always only about our very damned selfish selves, then we do not deserve anything better or more than what we already have, particularly if the guy involved is already a prince without the trust fund. The person who emailed me is a very young man, and one who I have been working with for some time now, over the women he allows into his life. I cannot be the one to mom him and tell him what he needs. I cannot be who is the one who is responsible for how he feels, and the beautiful part about this is that this young man takes to heart what it is that a woman better than twice his years tells him.

On his girlfriend’s part, though…and this is to any woman who will think that she can be everything to any man at all…sweetheart – it ain’t gonna work out, and hell yes, I am calling out the one particular woman who, in this case, is very much the one who is the catalyst in all of this garbage. Not all of us is wealthy, and not all of us have at our behest the things that you do. This is a girl who has no empathy, and she should, but is choosing otherwise. I could go on and on, but won’t. The kid who initially wrote that email is reading this, and because he needs at least one woman who is not his mama telling him that he is doing nothing wrong in choosing to be who he is and more, to grow at his pace, and not hers, I am here telling ALL OF US to just ferakin’ chill already. Let people be who they are and worry about your damned selves already because no one else will until you start doing it for yourself. 

A last thought

This writing is not only applicable to clueless women, but also to clueless men who seem to believe that they own the woman who they say they love. You do not own her, just like she does not own you, and the thing is that your own fathers are the ones who have made an entire generation NOT able to understand what the women of today are all about. Let me put it to ya like this, fellas….whatever it was that your mom needed emotionally, your woman needs that, but what your woman does not need is you to be the one who thinks that he needs to father her. That is the fastest way to make her leave you. And when she does not respond the way that your daddy told you all women would, DO NOT take it upon your fucking sorry selves to try to change her. She is who she is and is perfect in her imperfections.

Be mindful of it when you choose to compare her to your mom, because that is just weird, really. Be careful of who she is, because if you really know who she is, you will also know that there are a whole lot of other men who also know who she is and believe it when I tell you guys that no matter how much she loves you, if she is strong in herself, she also loves herself, and really, she will not put up with your bullshit, at all. In fact, if she finds out that you are as weak as you pretend not to be, you will find out exactly which of your friends is the right kind of guy and the right kind of guy is the kind of guy who “gets it” and if you don’t get it, then you better learn to, because really…

…your boys…they are tellin’ you the truth when they tell you that somehow, you won the chick lottery…

‘Auhea wale ana ‘oe….pay attention, ’cause if you don’t, it is almost a given and a guarantee that in the future, sooner than later, someone will…and it will likely not be you… and this applies to both genders, not only the guys ! 

We are not perfect, not one of us, and we all need to check ourselves before we wreck ourselves…some of us way more than others.

I said it…deal with it…



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No one is an island (and no one is alone)

While it might seem like you are all alone at this present time, make no mistake that you are the furthest thing from being alone. No man is an island, and really, no one is in this lifetime all alone. 

“I stand alone today…don’t ask me why I feel I just know I feel this way…I stand alone today” (Jackyl’s “I stand alone”)

I have been contacted by more people than not in the last two weeks about this feeling that seems to be a collective one. At the moment, people are feeling lonely, feeling misunderstood, feeling like someone is always trying to best them, like someone always has something to say, not only about what we are doing, but how and why we are doing what we are doing. The emails include things about why spouses seem to be turning against one another, about why people think they own other people when in reality it is that sense of ownership owning them. There are people who share the air with us who feel like they are somehow floundering in a sea of uncertainty, and right now, while we are all in this wonderfully fluffy feeling of brand newness with the new year just having begun, there are a lot of people wondering why it is that this year they are just not excited, about anything, and the one thing that most folks are feeling right at this time is very, very alone.

And that feeling of “alone” is not the typical sort, the sort that is fleeting and is about just wanting to have a little company. No, this alone feeling is a global one, and it is not really a feeling of being alone as much as it is a feeling of being alone while in a crowd and knowing that you are not alone and is mixed with a feeling of a longing to go home. Lots of us have no idea why it is that we can be in a crowd and feel like this. We don’t know why we feel like we are all by ourselves. It isn’t scaring us, although it is something that is bothering us dearly and it is because while we are in need of learning, on our own, who we each are in the world, humans are still social animals, and when we feel like this, it hurts, it sucks, and sometimes it is such a heavy weight that it can even make us cry.

I promise you that you are not all alone in that energy, in that feeling like there is something out there, wherever “out there” is for us each, and that somehow we are meant to get there, out there, but that with every step we take toward wherever out there is, it feels like our intended destiny, at least the way that we see it, the way that we see ourselves getting to it, is out of our reach.

Spirit is a comedian sometimes

You have heard, at least once in your lifetime, that “God has a sick sense of humor,” and you are right, in that, when we pine for things, want for things, we are meant to do those things, but that when we try to force those things into our lives, after we have reached out to The Mother Goddess for help, and we try to speed things up, we find ourselves almost in a cycle of “over and over again” and it is with good cause. When we try to force it, we are telling Spirit that She has no idea what She is doing. When we try to make it seem in our own heads that we have the best and only way to get to where we are headed is also when we have chosen to believe that really, ours is the only way to get to that place where we will feel whole and like we are “home.”

Well, folks, I am here to tell you that you need to chill, seriously. The reason you need to chill is because buried inside of the time and the waiting and the impatience is something there for the each of us that no human being could possibly believe is real. Our problem is that all of our lives we have been taught to be cautious, and being cautious is fine, but being told this over and over again made us believe that there was something, at all times, to not trust in, and the one thing that we SHOULD trust in IS Spirit. And even in that instance, while we sat sweetly and tenderly and quietly in those pews, for the bulk of our childhoods, we were told that we have to pray in a certain way, because if we didn’t, that God would not take us seriously, and if God, of all Beings, is not going to take us seriously, why, then, should we trust in this invisible, jealous, dangerous, murderous God if all he is going to do is make us beg for his mercy?

I said it- deal with it

I said it, that the God who a lot of us grew up with was a God that I recall as being vicious. We are taught to not trust things vicious, but when it came to what we believed in, we were also taught to believe – or else! Now, what the hell is anyone with a thought in their head, even when they are tiny little kids, going to believe when on the one hand, we are being told NOT to trust strangers, because strangers will hurt us, and strangers will put us “through hell,” and that strangers are not to be trusted?

This is where our sense and our level of trust comes from – NOT from some big scary God who will lightning bolt our asses for breathing wrong, but from what we are told to believe. When we are told that we are not good enough, essentially, for even God to trust us to make the right choices, and then what we see in our lives and feel in our souls is not that great, automatically we are taken back to those times when we were little kids, feet dangling from the pews, all eyes toward the guy with the smirk and the tie and eyes on a pair of tatas in the front row of a big, gnarly scary building that people were so adamant about making us – forcing us, if you will – believe that this imposing guy named God is somehow going to make things all better, so long as we do not do a thing to piss him off.

If you have to make people scared of something, and you have to threaten their sense of well being, and you do this from a very young age, all while telling these same people that God will not abandon them, and then bad things happen, and these same people pray to a God who they believe has judged them very harshly all their lives, what on earth does anyone with an original thought have any other chance of believing that we each are nothing more than very, very alone in this lifetime?

It really doesn’t matter what anyone calls their Higher Source. My thinking is that as long as people believe in something outside of themselves that half of the inner battle is won. Yet, how is anyone supposed to feel like the higher Being they have prayed to all of their lives is going to be there for them without conditions when all we have been told is that God is jealous, and God can be very dangerous, and that if we do not do every single little thing written in that imposing black book that someone’s church lady mom told us that, if we didn’t do them all, that God would surely punish us for being disobedient? And this is when we are children – little tiny ones at that, and we are at that age when everything we are told by the adults in our lives is the very gospel truth…how is it that we are supposed to be even expected to trust anything or anyone outside of ourselves when we have been bullied into believing that the moment we step out of someone else’s way of being, we are already booked on a fast track vacation at Club Hades?

We are told forever to not trust anything other than the God who wants us dead for breathing wrong…and people wonder why those who were raised up in the church sometimes turn away from the church and toward a more welcoming belief, a more welcoming deity. We are told that our Father will care, as long as we do things his way, and that we are not to trust the Mother. Really?

Yes…really…and we are supposed to trust, too, that with the God of fear, that we will not ever be alone, but that we have a lot of stuff to do before that same God who scares the shit out of us will do anything at all for us. We are supposed to trust our mothers, but are told that the only one in the human family whose words matter are our human fathers. We are told that who we are is not good enough for this horrible male god to love us as we are, and we are told, NOT to trust anything at all that is female. Imagine being a little girl, and that you are already strange, already empowered with visions and knowing things before you are meant to, and that every time you tell people something will happen, it happens, and suddenly, people are not wanting to be around you because they are afraid they will end up being sinned on behalf of by you? Then, when you know that there is and has always been something out there and something bigger than you are, but that you refuse to see it as anything but purely gorgeous, people begin to leave your life, all over the name by which you refer to Spirit as.

Here is where we begin to feel all alone. Belief has made us become these people who we are. EVERYTHING that we do stems from the belief in us. In my case, I always have known that there is a higher power, that we are not truly alone, even when we are by ourselves. Yet I never believed that the god I was brought up to believe in, to be dearly scared of, was the very one which would also take care of me. The reason that things happen this way is because of our fear of things that we cannot see, that we cannot absolutely confirm will not happen to us. We choose to follow what is outside, hoping that all the people we see there will finally accept us as we are. When we meet up with these people and we find out that there are some who are more willing to see who we are not rather than who we are is when the ego kicks in.

We are told by strangers that if we do not believe as they do, that we are not okay to be with them, and the excuse is that we will not understand one another and that it would be weird.  This is bullshit. This is called exclusivity. This is part of why we feel like we have no traveling companions on this Path that we share with others at the same time that we are on it by ourselves. We are made in the image of Spirit, perfect and whole, and yes, different from one another, but we want the same things. We want to belong, and we want to know that when we hurt that someone will ultimately and at least ask us what is hurting us.

We feel alone because we are taught to be alone, are taught to not trust, and are taught to think that everyone else is out to get us, that we must be better than everyone else rather than one with them. We feel alone and unworthy because of what we were told to believe is the God of all when in reality not everyone calls Spirit God, and when it is that our beliefs are or were challenged, there came the day that what someone else said to us just simply made more sense to us than what we had been raised to believe as the truth. It might well have been the truth, but it was not our truth, and this is where the whole of us have gone horribly wrong. In our quest, or actually, in the quest of generations past, to find others like us, we somehow took it upon ourselves to create a reason to make other people who were not and are not like we are feel by themselves.

This is the truth that is the travesty – that we have been told for many years that if we do not seek out others like us, who believe in the same God that we have been forced to believe, that no one will love us, that unless we find other people who believe what we do, that we will be doomed to be alone. At this time in history we are collectively seeking others like us. The Bible thumping maniacs (note that I did NOT write actual real and good believers of Christianity or really, any of the mainstream belief systems…don’t go off unless you reread that and realize that really, I ain’t judgin’ your God…I am judging the way that a LOT OF PEOPLE raised their kids by forcing us to believe what we just cannot believe anymore…deal with it and stop being such a pansy ass…yeesh) of the world, the type who insist that we HAVE TO believe their way…these are the people who have, for MANY generations, made us and continue to make some people feel very alone.

You are not alone

Just because some crazy person told you, through quoting passages from their big fat black book, that you are going to hell, that the reason that you are alone is because you have not joined their fellowship, it does not make it the truth – it only makes it their truth. You are not alone, by any means. You just have not thought about what you really believe.

Once it is that we each figure out what rather than WHO we believe in, things begin to make a lot  more sense to us. We find out that we were never really alone, but that the only thing we were not doing was following what was right for us. Just because you were raised up in the church, it does not mean that you are going to believe in the God of your parents for the rest of your life. Just because you were told that you will have no friends in life and that if you stray from what your family told you and just because there are people who you share blood and a grandma with who vilify you and call you evil because you are not like them does not make it true that you are bad, evil, not acceptable to society.

Once it is that you realize that there are others who are just like you on this big giant planet, and once it is that you figure out that no matter what or who you believe in – it does not make you a bad person, but that it makes you true to you, you will know that all along, the only thing that your upbringing “in the church” was meant to do was show you that you are willing to be open minded, that you are able to believe in something outside of yourself, and that the whole time you were told all these bad things about a god that was meant to help keep you in line and all these things about how you will be …WILL BE burned at the stake for believing in any other god, it does not make it the truth of you.

Yup…basically, the reason that a whole lot of people have this yearning to go home, have this intrinsic feeling of aloneness, is because of the way that they are, that we are, choosing to believe, in someone else’s God.

Not for one moment are we alone. We just have to come out of the safety of the shell of what we might have believed at one time, and come to that place in life where it won’t matter that you be who you are, to anyone, but you, and that no matter what, your earth-bound mother will still love you, even if her God demands that you obey – OR ELSE, and your Mother Goddess tells you that today is the day that you should choose to be magnificent.

I Promise you, and I know this for real, that the people who love you for real will be the same people who, even if they believe differently than you do, will not NOT love you, just because you “lotus” instead of “kneel.”

No…really….I Promise…your people are out there waiting for you. You just have to know this and believe it, no matter what your parents’ God told you when you were a kid.





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