The Other Side of Things

Empathy. It is not something that only other people have. It is something that we all have, and when we choose a clueless demeanor over what we know needs to happen, this is when we find that some of us have it, and others of us do, too, but are too scared to use it.

“Rox – I need to know what I can do to help my girlfriend “get it” when it comes to things that have nothing to do with her, everything to do with me, that hurt me, and that she is not aware that she is, in part, a gigantic reason for it…”

These are the emails which make my blood boil, because, and this is going back to that old school of thought blog – a lot of us “get it” in terms of empathy, and then there are others who, for the life of them, cannot see past themselves in order to figure out what the hell someone else, or maybe a few someone elses, are trippin’ about.

Alright…so maybe saying that they make my blood boil is not really the absolute truth, but I will say that they piss me off, a lot, and it is because there are a LOT of people on this planet who still, for the very life of them, CANNOT see past what they want from their own thoughts and their own lives and who also expect people to do as they want without doing anything in return, and that is not okay. It ain’t okay for a few reasons, with the biggest one being that at some point in time in all of our lives we have GOT TO accept the kuleana that comes with who we each are.

Women are HORRIBLE at this

I said it, so deal with it, and no, I am not trying make a big giant stink about anything other than the idea that we are all able to disappoint other people. I am saying that women, for such a long, long time now, have been conditioned to think that every ill in the world is due to some man in our lives who is not thinking like we think. Ummm….DUH…they are GUYS, ladies, and they cannot, will not ever be able to, never have to think like we do. While this does not take away from the empathetic part of things, where hell yes it is nice when the guys make an effort toward understanding that we can see them, at least a few of them, it makes it possible for us  to see them as actual human beings. 

LADIES! Y’all need to knock your crap off and realize that what you want from the guys is what you deserve, but we, ourselves, are NOT perfect, and to think that we are the ones who are supposed to be emotionally inclined in comparison to the guys? Well, you are making us all look like man hating harpies, and it is not cool. It is not cool because all of our collective lives we all have wanted “the perfect mate,” and in that energy we have come to the conclusion that whatever it was that the previous generations were all about, that we, too, are also like that.

No we aren’t. We aren’t because a few of those moms from the generation before ours took time to make sure that all of us knows this. It is unfortunate that while a lot of us understood it and learned it, there are still way too many of us who think that if something is wrong in the world of women, that it is a man’s fault. I have to say hell no, ladies, you are wrong. It is your fault. How dare you give away our power like that and expect the rest of the world to take us as seriously as you want everyone to think you are taking yourselves.

This is not giving us, as a collective whole, the credit that we deserve from all the growth we have suffered through. If you want them to take notice, then you have to be and behave as all who and what you think you are.  If you want the right guy, then you have to stop trying to either turn the wrong one into the right one, or, you have to take a long and scrutinizing look at yourself and wonder why it is that you are not compelled, through Love, to see to it that the person who is supposedly the one who makes you swoon is at least heard.

Yet, it seems, we cannot do that. It seems like we have the very nerve to ask that they all change for us, and rarely does it happen, at least in the manner that I am emailed, by these very same guy-people who a lot of women swear are the ones who are really confused. I would like to know, ladies, when it was that you were so damned perfect, that when your own tears fell and you were hurt, that you did not want your man to be there to soothe you? I want to know, ladies, when it was that when you hurt this person, that somehow, because you are female, you have a pass to pretend to be perfect, even when you KNOW that you are not?

I want to know, really…do you know that you are NOT perfect?

I want to know which unenlightened woman chose to get back at her man for being a man about things, meaning that men, a lot of them, have no clue what it is that we really want from them, and we are the very ones who refuse them this little bit of information. Yeah yeah…I know…there are a whole lot of us who DO tell them what we want, and for the most part, it made things better, or at least how they need to be versus how our white-horse-riding-prince-with-a-trust-fund idealism (and mothers…lets not forget about them) told us it IS.  And hell no – it DOES NOT COUNT when only ONE OF YOU wants to keep the relationship, because at that point you are totally doing what you are not supposed to be doing, which is enforcing your will onto someone else, which makes it so that you are IMPEDING THEIR FREE WILL !!! UGH !

And really, no one knows what the hell they are getting, from anyone, regardless of who they are, who we want them to be, what we expect from them versus what it is that we really and truly need from them. When was it that men were the purveyors of things so unsavory? When was it that we all got angry for these people telling us who we are and why do we think and believe that the changes in our collective thinking about what a man’s position in life is, regarding a woman, did not and somehow DO not apply to us in that same manner where men are concerned? 

Remind me again when it was that we were able to walk on water whilst looking down on what a whole lot of women only see as yet another tool in their chest of things needed (but only WHEN needed) ? This is a crock of crap, really.  This needs to be one of those things that we, as a female collective whole, NEED to examine. We need to think about it in terms of our sons, our brothers, our friends, and we need to see them as equal to us rather than only there to repair the house, the car, open jar lids and be our teddy bears when we need them to be.

If this is the sort of relationship that any woman is in, where she has all the power, and she is in control, then guys, you need to… NEED to get the hell outta dodge, right now, because what WILL ultimately happen is that you will start losing friends, will not be able to leave without Mommy-Girl’s permission, will be the one who is blamed for every little ailment on the planet, and most of all, you WILL BE hopelessly miserable, and why?

Because, you will not be allowed to be the You who you really are, and this is not only about women who like to cut men off at the guava level, but all of us. There are a lot of men who are included in this, who think that without them telling the “little woman” that she is wrong, that she cannot think, that who she is is nothing without him, that she is worthless, that she is not valued by anyone at all, not even her parents- yeah,  if this is you, or even remotely sounds like you and these things are in your ears a lot, it is time to think, not about how to change them, but about what it is that you really want. 

NO one…not a man, not a woman, is beholden to anyone else’s ideals. It could be something online, something that is not tangible anywhere else than on the Astral plane…when we expect more from other people than we are willing to give, and those other people respond to us in a negative manner, it is NOT TIME to check them, because the reality is that those people who just step away are NOT who is in need of people needing to check themselves long before they wreck themselves. 

NO one…not a man, not a woman, is going to take the place of the lessons at hand that are NOT meant for the people who we are judging, who we are badgering, who we are trying to enrage – because really, no one neither needs anyone momming or daddying them, namely NOT if they are able to wake up in the morning, all on their own, without having to be told that the day has started and that, unless you are Motley Crue, life has begun for the day so could we please wake up and NOT behave as though we are the reigning princess of dreamland…because other than Europe and in Disney films, that is the ONLY PLACE where the princess gets to be the princess. Eventually, even the princess will wake up one day to be queen, and unfortunately for the princess type thinking women of the world, it is never the princess who is ruling, because that is ONLY the queen’s job.

And I promise you that it is mighty nice being the queen….

Empathy is not an option, but a requirement

When speaking in terms of men and women and how we do not truly know each other until we know each other and are willing to be open to accepting them all as they are, we are not any better than they are, no matter what. If we, and I am talking about ALL of us, cannot see past what we each want, what we each expect, and everything in any relationship is always only about our very damned selfish selves, then we do not deserve anything better or more than what we already have, particularly if the guy involved is already a prince without the trust fund. The person who emailed me is a very young man, and one who I have been working with for some time now, over the women he allows into his life. I cannot be the one to mom him and tell him what he needs. I cannot be who is the one who is responsible for how he feels, and the beautiful part about this is that this young man takes to heart what it is that a woman better than twice his years tells him.

On his girlfriend’s part, though…and this is to any woman who will think that she can be everything to any man at all…sweetheart – it ain’t gonna work out, and hell yes, I am calling out the one particular woman who, in this case, is very much the one who is the catalyst in all of this garbage. Not all of us is wealthy, and not all of us have at our behest the things that you do. This is a girl who has no empathy, and she should, but is choosing otherwise. I could go on and on, but won’t. The kid who initially wrote that email is reading this, and because he needs at least one woman who is not his mama telling him that he is doing nothing wrong in choosing to be who he is and more, to grow at his pace, and not hers, I am here telling ALL OF US to just ferakin’ chill already. Let people be who they are and worry about your damned selves already because no one else will until you start doing it for yourself. 

A last thought

This writing is not only applicable to clueless women, but also to clueless men who seem to believe that they own the woman who they say they love. You do not own her, just like she does not own you, and the thing is that your own fathers are the ones who have made an entire generation NOT able to understand what the women of today are all about. Let me put it to ya like this, fellas….whatever it was that your mom needed emotionally, your woman needs that, but what your woman does not need is you to be the one who thinks that he needs to father her. That is the fastest way to make her leave you. And when she does not respond the way that your daddy told you all women would, DO NOT take it upon your fucking sorry selves to try to change her. She is who she is and is perfect in her imperfections.

Be mindful of it when you choose to compare her to your mom, because that is just weird, really. Be careful of who she is, because if you really know who she is, you will also know that there are a whole lot of other men who also know who she is and believe it when I tell you guys that no matter how much she loves you, if she is strong in herself, she also loves herself, and really, she will not put up with your bullshit, at all. In fact, if she finds out that you are as weak as you pretend not to be, you will find out exactly which of your friends is the right kind of guy and the right kind of guy is the kind of guy who “gets it” and if you don’t get it, then you better learn to, because really…

…your boys…they are tellin’ you the truth when they tell you that somehow, you won the chick lottery…

‘Auhea wale ana ‘oe….pay attention, ’cause if you don’t, it is almost a given and a guarantee that in the future, sooner than later, someone will…and it will likely not be you… and this applies to both genders, not only the guys ! 

We are not perfect, not one of us, and we all need to check ourselves before we wreck ourselves…some of us way more than others.

I said it…deal with it…

I LOVE YOU ALL !

ROX

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About ReverendRoxie22

Visit my website! www.reverendroxie22.wix.com/losangeleskahuna View all posts by ReverendRoxie22

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