The “Otherside” seems so far away from us all at the moment, but in reality it is not. What is happening at this time is that we are preparing to be Stand Alone in our Power, rather than being all alone in our lives.
I am often times accused of being very “Polly Anna” in the things that I feel are the basic ingredients to a spectacular life as a light worker. Light workers, by and large, are those people who have been through, who still go through, all the crap that no one on the planet cares to deal with. Some of us have known that becoming Stand Alone is not easy work. In fact, it is a bloodsport and our opponent is not the outside world, but ourselves. We are being brought to the task of, not so much getting rid of actual people in our lives, but more, clearing our lives of the energies that we do not need or are not useful for our growth or our shared mission in this lifetime.
The way that these things come to us are normally in the very most hurtful ways possible. One example I can think of right this moment is the fact that, after I dropped my youngest off at school, I ran out of gas. There I was, waiting for my dog to come bounding back to the car as normally he does (I love that guy), and normally he does so the very moment that he hears the car start up. This time, though, when it chugged to a hungry void of mechanical sounds, both he and I were a little bit confused. Yet, where is the confusion at really?
It was in me, because for the life of me I have no clue as to what possessed me to not get gas prior to …well, this morning?
That part is irrelevant, because eventually I made it home, and even as I was completely mortified by that experience, it taught me that sometimes I need to not be so damned unclear in my thoughts, because being unclear in my thoughts causes shit like this to happen. And shit like this is happening everywhere. Proverbially, we are each and all “running out of gas.” We want the old comfort levels to work for us, and it isn’t because we are lazy, but because we are tired, and we are ready for the great big changes, and we are, most of all, tired of having to hurt, all the way down to the middle core of us, in that place that I like and have titled a book called “The Bones of The Soul.”
We ache, all the way down to the Bones of The Soul
Yes, there is such a place, a place where everything that we have ever gone through exists, and everything that we have thought about, done, had, loved, hated – all of it, and it is that place which I have aptly called The Bones of The Soul.
My culture reveres the bones of the ali’i, the royal family, of the warring commanding chiefs, and to this day, there are many of us who still adhere to this ideal that whatever it is that we have done, felt, had in our lives, that our stories are contained in the bones that we leave behind, the skeletal remains of our physical selves and the physical proof that at one time, we existed. Everything that we are is supported by our skeletons, and at the same time, it is the very “skeletons in the closet” which also weaken us, also make us believe that who we are is not valid in terms of our wanting to be whole, wanting to have relief from all of the madness that comes with the life and the learning of light workers.
Life, Learning, and why it is such a harsh bunch of lessons for those who are in training for the most beautiful time in our lives
We go through the things that we do for a reason. I am not the only one who has been told this, not the only one who knows this, lived and lives this. There are lots of us who are, at this very time, going through a LOT of things that just plain old suck in terms of comfort, in terms of security, in terms of “life as we know it” or “life as we thought we had designed it to be.” Life, as you are all finding out, does not and never will work that way. There are always detours along the route to beingness, always another way that we are being led on the Path we walk alone, and the journey we share with others.
Our lives are not meant to be a joke, not meant to be the way, at least outwardly, the way that it presents itself. I thought that what I wanted was the nice little life at home with the kids, running my own silly little “home based business” like I was told that all moms at home did. I couldn’t do things that way. I had to be in motion. I cannot sit still for too long. My brain does not like being idle. It is always going, always thinking, always making sense of one thing or another. My own security of self has always been my ability to think, my ability to be able to discern what is the truth, and if what I am looking at or thinking about is NOT the truth, I think more about how it is that what I am perceiving can somehow be utilized for my own evolution, and always, I can use what it is that I am faced with. No matter what.
No Matter What
In the daily things that happen in our lives, we find that there is a particular theme to the things that we are currently and each going through. At this time and in my own life, it is the things which are contained within the word and the reality of “Family.”
I was taught that, no matter what, family will always be there for you. What I have learned is that the word and the energy that is “family” has MANY varied meanings, and more than that, once it is that you have grown tired of believing what others have told you, or more, what others have expected you to believe, namely if you are NOT caring to believe it and for no other reason than that it is not YOUR way of doing things, you tend to get a whole lot frustrated, and for nothing more than that when you think about what is, to other people, the energy that is “family,” and what you have seen and been given and know as being that energy, and that energy no longer matches what is yours, whether we like it or not, the lesson is NOT that you are without family, but that you, yourself, must redefine what that means, NOT for what you thought it was, but for what you know it to be right in this moment.
For too very many of us, we have been cemented to the idea that “family is blood.” Well, I have a different take on what is, and more, what is NOT “family.”
Family is not a group of people who shares DNA and a grandma with us, at all, because if that were the truth, there would not be a need for therapists and life coaches like myself to be there when said same family decides that they have the choice to shun you if you do not conform to what is their ideal of what is normal. I have gone through this my whole life, the idea that “family” is blood. I am proof that no, it is not. This is not to say that there are not people within those blood-ties who we do not identify with, who we do not love, and who are not our own definition of “family.”
Family is NOT meant to tell us only what they think is not right according to them. Again, I have gone through this, as well, my whole life, and anyone who is blood related to me and reading this right now and who are taking offense to my words – please, don’t bother, and, in fact, get over it. You know what I have gone through, and you know that I needed more than what I was given, and the bitch of it all for those of you who think I am being a “bad kid” is that I no longer care about what you all think of me. You have always thought of me as the familial whipping girl, the poster child of what happens to a person when they don’t conform to the “rules” of a last name, of all things, and really, I have grown used to the idea that none of you, with exception to the very small number who actually love me enough to accept this me, have ever or will ever accept me, as this me, and it is because I also refuse to think like you guys – with a pack mentality.
Family is NOT meant to only see what it is that they don’t like about us, and they really haven’t got the right to expect that they will change who we are to fit their ego needs. It won’t happen that way, ever. Family is not allowed to judge us, but they do, and they even expect that we will agree to everything they want to see happen, without regard to our also being a human being with our own thoughts and our own opinions about anything at all. It is the pack mentality that breaks us every time, because not all of us were born into this lifetime as part of a pack…some of us were born and meant to shine on our own, because our light is so big, that it is automatic that we do not stay in the beingness that is “alone’ without one day living and actively being Stand Alone.
It is not from the place that we receive the gifts of the relief that is being who we are, at all. It is from the place that is who we are not where this gift comes from, where it is that we are so different from the pack that wants us to be part of their …family…that rather than allowing us to just be who we are, how we are, what we are, all the time, and just loving us on that level, the very level that is the respect needed for us all to go forward and be happy in the skin we are in, they push, and manipulate, and cause hurt…they tell us lies, they give us grief, they do things that are so NOT familial that there are a LOT of alienated adults in my own age group who know what I mean when I say that there are days when I can smile and know, for sure, that I am glad that I sometimes call myself an orphan…even as I know that my Soul Tribe exists.
Being Alone, versus Being Stand Alone
Some of us like it when we see that the people who we believe have hurt us (because they refuse, like I refuse, to conform to your norm), also try hard to go out into the vastness that is humankind and do us dirty. And being “done dirty” doesn’t always have to be that someone else lied about us. It can also be that someone else is so jealous of who we are that the only thing that they CAN depend on is the idea that within their reach are people who are as small and feeble minded as they are, people who will soothe them, cajole them, and relieve them of the responsibility of having to own up to their own fuck ups.
They say and do things that are unneeded, say and do things to harm us in some manner, and it is not until we decide, for ourselves, that they are not good enough to be in our awareness, not the sort of people who are stand up enough to also and one day become Stand Alone. While it does not or will not feel like it right now, this is the truth of those of us who so badly want to make things right, even though we know they won’t ever be made right.
“Once you know, you can never go back – I’ve gotta take it on the Otherside…” (Otherside, by Red Hot chili Peppers)
It was a conscious decision I had made one day, back in January of 2013, one year, almost to the date, of when I chose no longer to be one person’s target. It was then that I realized that on some level, he was not the only one who had mistreated me. I learned at that time that in order for me to move forward, I had to become strong enough to stand alone, to not want to bother with people who constantly wanted me to sell myself short, who wanted me to sell my soul to the devil of conformity and their very demands on who I am, on who I was. It was probably the very hardest decision to make, but make it, I did.
I had to, and had to because I knew that for the rest of my life, I would be trying dearly to prove myself to a group of people whose standards were too high, but whose standards never applied to them – only to those who they deemed as not like them. I am like no one, much is as anyone reading this is. It took me a long time to look at the people in my life who supported me and I, them. And it took me a long time to welcome this sort of family to my life, the kind that was built on and thrived on Love, on the equal trade of that love, and the non-judgement that we all need from someone, but that not all of us have been given from the people who are meant to give it to us.
I had to let go of the beliefs that I’d held for so long, the ones that repeated to me how blood is thicker than water, how our friends are not going to be with us or in our lives forever, and how it is that “they are your friends, but we are your blood.” There is nothing quite more sickening to me than to keep someone hanging on the ropes of security by something as trivial as being tied to one another via heredity. I want you all to know that it is not that I do not Love these people who are blood related to me, but that on the other side of that Love is the pain and the heart ache that I was given, just because I am different, and just because I would never, ever stand down to them…
…and it was totally because even then, when I had no choice, as a child, I knew something was different about me. I had to accept being on the Other Side of things in terms of what these people were, and more, were NOT willing to accept about me. It didn’t matter that it hurt me, and it didn’t matter that what they expected I knew I was not allowed to expect in return, and guess what, folks?
Now, it doesn’t matter at all, because I finally know, for real, who is, and who is not my family…I know who loves me, accepts me, would never dare ask me to change a thing about me, and these people are the epitome of cherished. I am glad that they know this, and glad, more than anything, that I am as loved.
To Be Alone just means that we are being prepared to stand alone in our own power, that we are being met with the right people to call “ours” and most of all, that we have always been one thing…
…able to Stand Alone, rightly so, our power fully available to us, and only also available to those who we know are like us…
I LOVE YOU ALL !
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
Please get involved with the “The Day I Chose to Survive” awareness campaign. For information on how you can be a part of it, please send me an email with the words
“The Day I Chose to Survive”
in the subject line…mahalo nui… ROX