Monthly Archives: December 2013

The harshness of right this moment

It is up to us to choose how we will handle ourselves until this harsh energy is no longer here and which is meant to refine us all

The harshness. We can either allow it to define us, or refine us. When I say that we can let it define us, I mean that we can, if we should so choose, to allow the harshness of right this moment be the guiding energy in our lives, and allow it to control how we feel about this current time that is happening to us all, and we can, ultimately, do as we have for the majority time of each of our lives and believe that this harshness at this moment is there because we have been “bad” humans and now we are being punished.

Wow, really?

Here I thought you had been reading this blog for like, a long time now, and that since it was and always has been that I refuse to see things that are crappy as things that are also permanent, well, I figured that you might have that same clue that you do not have to judge a thing as crappy OR permanent. (That is just merely the laziness within you telling you that you just wanna give up and let the harshness win…guess what? You really have no choice other THAN to…keep reading)

Yeah…yeah I have been pouting… and whining…and all of those other things that a Pisces will do when it is that we cannot see what it is that we know is there, but is not apparent. It is, whatever the “it” is, not supposed to be seen, but rather and only…ready?

Pondered…studied….questioned…cussed out…called names…all of those things that we, as humans, are prone to doing, because once we can get all of that ridiculous, human plus ego equals having a big fat tantrum stuff out of the way, we can see the gem, the diamond which came from the proverbial lump of turd coal that none of us wants to work til it is at its point of perfection, or at least its point of being understood and utilized.

And that is the tricky part in all of this – recognizing when we, ourselves, have gotten SO dearly out of hand, have gone completely out of our minds, that we just throw our hands up into the air and have chosen to just wear whatever is the energy that is being brought to us by this harshness. I am no stranger to harshness, and neither am I stranger to the whiny crap that I am capable of when I become impatient AND uncomfortable in what I know is a temporary “thing” going on. (I might be enlightened, but I am still every bit as human a being as is anyone.)

Playing with “the tricky part”

Yes…playing with it, because what the hell else are you going to do with the tricky parts of things that are teaching us, and how are you supposed to learn from it if all any one of us sees, and chooses to see, that whatever it is that sucks and that we each are going through, how badly it sucks? If we see it all there and only how badly it sucks and do so without also seeing there what it is that we can create, on our own, from that suckiness, we won’t know that just the mere thought of wanting to change things to be not as sucky right now (meaning that we CAN and should see the suckiness, at least after a day or three of pouting, as that teacher, back when we were in high school, who EVERYONE hated because he or she was SUCH a hard ass, and go from that point instead of thinking like that kid and behaving like that kid…essentially using that energy…which is my next point) can work wonders for us if we allow it to happen for us instead of to us.

Are things happening to us, or for us?

Don’t ya just hate that? Don’t ya just hate it when you are comfortably wallowing in your own muck and then some damned … psycho cheerleader…comes along and tells you that no, it does not have to be this way forever, and that it is because we are each believing that this is all we deserve? That what is happening to us is somehow our gift from the Universe for being such bad, bad children?

Yeah…I do, too, and it is more so when I happen to be said very psycho cheerleader. Thing is, it is that damned cheerleader who lives in all of our psyches who is also the very dingbat who makes us look at things from a new angle and say to ourselves “oh man…the dingshit was right…ugh!” and from that point on, even begrudgingly so, we begin to accept that we were right. Sometimes, we hate it when we are right, and only because we were not the only one who was right.

We would have rather chosen to sit in our own pile of Soul goo, whining about how things suck (I am professional at it), thinking about how everyone else is getting everything they want, and how we are like a kid at our own birthday party, made to wait in line for our own piece of our own birthday cake, and by the time that we get to have our cake, we need a straw to eat it, because the ice cream and the cake have all melted into what is now a nasty, sweet, multi-colored thickness of what we waited so long for, only to be told that we have to wait.

We wait and wait in anticipation and finally when we get our turn, or what we think should be our turn, we are given what we asked for, but find out that we needed to be a LOT clearer about it. We see that we got exactly what we asked for, but we got what we asked for in the literal sense, meaning that we mighta asked for ice cream and cake, but we never said that we wanted it to be like what we see in our heads. All we know is that we want cake, and that we want it now, and the thing in our heads all the while is that “when I get mine, it is gonna be all goopy and messy and melted and I am probably going to need a straw to eat it…” and turns out that yep, we are right !

…and sometimes, bein’ right SUCKS OKOLE !

I know a whoooooooole lot of people who LIKE being right, and always, being who I am, I relish in the thought that sometimes, it sucks being right, because sometimes, being right means that we have to deal with being right when it is sucky being right. I know – I just repeated myself, but that is how people learn and retain stuff, and this stuff is pretty danged important when thinking in terms of how things change, and more, how we perceive them to be at any given time.

At any given time, we humans are given to adhering to the rules that we have set for ourselves and one of those rules we all set is to relish being right.  Sure, it is fun to let our egos out to play, to prance around like maniacs because that is where it feels best when we are right – squarely in the midst and the mind of our Ego. When we operate from “neener neener neener…you are a weener…” we are operating from our ego.

Neener Neener Neener…you are a Weener…bwaaahahahahahahahaaa

Yeah yeah…sue me…you bet your okoles that I am sitting here, wanting to get up and do like little kids do and taunt all of us, namely me, for not having let my soul be who rescued me from all of the goop that collected in the psyche of my mind. I know, inherently, that this crap we are going through is SUPPOSED to happen this way, and it is SUPPOSED to happen this way because we are being taught discipline. Whether you believe me or not is on you, but my friend, Dr. Loretta Standley, whose daily writings are a favorite of mine, confirms everything that I am writing here. And no, I did not have to look at it too much to really think about how it is that we are all just going through the fires of refinement right now, because really, boys and girls, what is on the other side of all of this…crap…cannot be explained well enough to incite you all to being happy little soul boot-campers.

I sorta knew already that right now, it, collectively, was and is gonna be a BITCH! And no, it is not only karmic, but also is, as I said already, our refinement, through fire, so to speak, and it is not so that we can learn how to stop being whiny, but more, so that we can choose what is right for our Path – NOT our Now. Now is meant as the classroom, as boot-camp, and now is when we want to pay such dear attention to our reactions to things and heighten the energy in them so that we KNOW to choose to respond and not to react.

We have all been a particular kind of weener, by the way. In my case, it is the petulant 17 year old who is there, showing the child within how to have a tantrum. And, most of us knows that almost ALL 17 year olds can be a HANDFUL. From time to time, I become this handful. I don’t like being that way, but when we are not given the attention that we need and expect at the real age that we are -almost 44 – and it seems that others in our lives STILL want to parent us, no matter who it is, if we feel like we are parented by anyone, even our parents, and we do not like the way things are happening, we become those unruly kids we once were.

And hell yes, I was a HANDFUL at 17…but weren’t we all? (And if you were not, you are either lying about it, or you were, at that time in your life, Stephen King’s model for The Children of the Corn haha). I know, and can recall, that when I was 17, I was bangin’ my head, rockin’ and rollin’, and taking no prisoners…bwaaahahahahahahaaa….and was doing so from the stinky depths of that place where the sun does not shine…and no, I am NOT talking about your grand-daddy’s outhouse.

You know EXACTLY where it is that I am talking about, and where it is that ALL of us tends to visit now and again. At 17, we are, I was, very reactive. Of course, at 17, not one of us realizes that we are not always needing to react and that a lot of the time, if we think about things first, we find that a response is a LOT more favorable and garners at least clarity for us.

Reaction and Response are NOT the same things

Al Sharpton. I say a lot of not so nice things about this person, but I do so in certain company who know me well enough to know that I know the reality of things, and the reality of things is that while I might not like this person, he worked his sorry okole off in order to be where he is now (which is, and I asked, on a LOT Of peoples’ ‘not nice guys’ list’). While I can take a lesson from his example in being able to work smart rather than hard, it is not my way to take the easy way. This is not to assume that he did. It is only to say that this is my perception of him and his success.

Yet, it is success that a lot of people learned to hate harder and bigger than they have ever in the past, and over something as trivial as a thing that not one of us can control – our ethnicity. He fancies himself the voice of the minority, but he does not speak for me. And really, I am, at least in my own opinion, the man’s WORST nightmare…I am female, an actual ethnic minority, am independent as much as I can be at this time, am dearly college educated, owned my own home, married someone and stayed that way for a long, long time, did not have any kids outside of marriage…I think you see the picture I am drawing for you all, right?

I am not Sharpie’s girl, because without his big mouth and his penchant for guilting people into following his pied piper bullshit of “IT’S WHITEY’S FAULT” (dumb-ass, no it isn’t…), I managed to actually LIVE the minority “dream,” all the way to being married to a white guy. I am what he fears, because what I am and who I am does not need to be told that there are always going to be some sort of challenge for me, because I am a minority and because I am a chick. I did not need to be motivated by someone else because my sixth house is in Capricorn, which means that I would have done all I could, like I am doing now, to create the life that I want for myself and my kids.

Mr. Sharpton likes to garner a reaction, it seems, because in that reaction he gets more people on the Sharpie Road.  I, on the other hand, am not the Rev who is going to sit and bother anyone with something that they can react to. I am going give a few options for a person to think about and wait for their response. When we react it sets off an energy that no one really needs, not even when it is a good reaction that causes a positive energy. The reason that I say that is because like anything else that we are trained to do, to accept, to believe, as we watch, we learn, and if we learn to react and forget about thinking and then responding, we will never be able to utilize, for real, that thing between our ears called our brain.

I am a thinker – make no mistake about it, but for a long time, I was given to reacting to what would cause my ego to think was an infraction against it, when in reality, it was the Mother Goddess giving me a chance to respond. Think about it for a minute – how many times have we all responded rather than reacted? How many times did reacting, unless it was a life or death thing happening, ever really work out for us when it came to things that we knew needed to change in us?

Right now, things suck ass…period. We think that this will never end, but we also all know that this is not a response. We are, instead, reacting to what we see as being the truth. And really, it is ONLY the truth of RIGHT THIS MOMENT. It is a truth that we all can change, but the thing that has to change FIRST is knowing when it is needed to react, and when it is that a response is more appropriate. We cannot stomp our feet and be mean to our guides (I know this one personally…Gabby gets SO upset…she’s a very sensitive guide, Gabriel is…she doesn’t like being told off and makes life harsher because I am impatient). We cannot curse the situation and cannot sit and believe that we are the butt end of the joke that Spirit is playing on us. We cannot sit there, in our miry mind goop thinking all these negative things which will cause a reaction by us when instead we can stop and think and respond to anything at all and not react emotionally.

…and in English, please Rox?


OKAY, basically, we are, and with help from the stars and planets, experiencing the energy that is forcing us to choose to do what is right, to define what it is that we need the most so as to get us on our Paths so that we can do what we were each meant to do with ourselves. We are being refined, as I have said now in this writing more than one time, by these proverbial fires. It is not because the  Mother Goddess wants to punish us, but rather and only because we need to choose and more than that we need to learn to choose what is right for us.

Think of it like a coach getting his players ready (hey…my Steelers were SUPPOSED to be in the playoffs, but hell no…I am wondering if the Chargers are somehow special in that the rules say 6 and they had 7 on that play that cost Kansas the game which ultimately made it so that I am now back to being ONLY a PGA fan until July…ugh….anyhow…) and telling his team that they have to discipline themselves to do the best they can. It is like a dance instructor telling her charges that they need to stand up straight so that they can all appear to uniformly lined up and so that it comes naturally to them all (I know this one personally…it was what I taught my hula haumana first…appearance when performing is EVERYTHING and I like to put on a helluva show, or at least used to). It is like any parent, any employer anyone, really, who is tasked with helping champions create themselves.

This is not my rule. This is the Universal Law in place and that is always in place.

We are being parented right now, by the Mother Goddess, and like all good moms, she will let us know, through our becoming enlightened and our manifestations becoming our realities, when we have learned a specific lesson.

Right now, we are learning ALL of them.

Yup…it sucks, but without it, we don’t know what doesn’t suck, and what doesn’t suck is about to come to us all in a big, big way. Harsh lessons is how we recognize what is worth all the pain in the okole stuff, and what is not.

You are worth it, are you not?

(I thought so, too)




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How everything old becomes new again

At this time of the year, we all look forward to changes that we exact on our own. Thing is, no one realizes why it is that we yearn for change…it isn’t just what you think it is

I like saying that when life gets messy, and when we least expect it, it is also by life that we are handed a proverbial brand new piece of paper upon which to tell our new stories. You see, life is not one long boring string of events either experienced with a collective of people versus being experienced alone. Technically, we experience life on a collective level and our experiences and our opinions of those experiences are what are different.

Think about it for a minute and let it soak into your brain. Every thing that we go through, that we know, that has happened is experienced differently by every single one of us, even though there might be a whole lot of us literally looking at the same thing, at the same time – we are all going to collectively have that same experience, but at the same time, we are not. We are not because we are different than one another, even though, again, we are not.

Yup. That really is a lot to think about, and a lot to digest given that the majority of us have gravitated toward those who are most like us. In my case, it would be other weirdos, and other artistic types, and the people who seem to be misunderstood by the majority of the whole of us.  While it is that there are people in my own tribe who are going through almost the same things that I am, at the same time, what they experience and what I experience and how we each handle those things will be different.

Yet, that is not what I am here and writing about today. Today, I wanna take those things up there and tell you about how we take what we know and do with them what we will according to what bothers us. What bothers a majority of us is that there are a lot…a LOT of old ways of being, of doing, of getting where we want to get, and no one ever questions it, ever. And why? Because we have been taught another person’s ways. This is okay, by the way, because we are not born knowing what we know – we are only born with the ability to learn what it is that we will know.

The reason that we do a lot of things is out of the respect that is not really respect.

The respect that is not really respect

I think I am over all of the painful garbage that I feel like I have relived this last year. Yet this has given me a better insight into what it is that we believe we are doing when we choose to allow the growth that we have asked for. I know that I have, more than one time, heard, out of my mother’s mouth, that in order to learn anything, in order to get through anything, in order for a lot of things, we have to allow ourselves to be patient, have to let in the hurts that we do not want to let in (okay, not in those words but you know what I am saying), that we have to face what it is that ails our souls.

While it is that I know that there are bits and pieces of wisdom in those things, they are not things that I have never known, are not things that I am not aware of and are not things that I know do not need to be acknowledged. I have always known these things. These things have been drilled into my brain since I was a kid, and these are the things that are the basic and bare minimum of what it is that we need to know if we intend to make it through our lives by the seat of our souls.

The reason I brought my mom up is because I know that there is not one person on this planet who did not listen to their mother when they were a little kid. In my case, it was the fear, literally, of her jealous God, a fabricated fear of a curse that someone else said existed…fear, basically, is what has, or used to, govern every thought, every action, every damned thing in my life. I was afraid to disrespect my parents for fear that I would get “good leekenz” and more, that God would punish me and send me to hell with a quickness. I learned to respect my elders, but only because I feared them so dearly. When I got older, I started seeing things my way, the way that I had been told would send me to spend the rest of my days at Club Hades.

Fear is what governs us, whether we want to believe it or accept it – it is what brought us to where we each are right now in our lives. If I were not scared to not be able to dance hula ever again, I would never have started the hula school I started back in 2002, in the most unlikeliest place where anyone would think it would survive, and it did survive, for almost ten years.  If I were not scared to not have friends or love in my life through my soul family, I would not make sure to it that even though I have some serious crap happening in my own life right now, that I would not tell them that I am still alive and that things will be back as they were when the time and the soul of it is all back to balanced.

Fear is the thing that many people my age were raised up with, and fear, to this day, is the thing that too many of us are blocked in our lives with. Fear is why we each have a bitch to pitch, and it is not that we are afraid to not succeed, but that we are scared to death that we are as powerful as we tell everyone else that we are…everyone, that is, but the people who raised us to be who we are in the here and the Now.  It is not that they are the problem, inherently, but that what they taught us, even though it is and always was something from Love and has always been useful, at this point, some of it no longer applies because it can’t apply.

We have been through too much and have seen and experienced too much, so much so that we have other, more meaningful memories that speak to us still, that tell us that who we are is the reason that we go through specifically what it is that we do. It is like knowing for many years who it is that we are meant to be with, and suddenly, one day, that person reappears to us, out of nowhere, it seems, and it is almost as though no time has passed. Then when we come back to reality, we realize that we are married, that we have our own kids, that we might have step-kids, a spouse, and always, what we also have is the “what if?” And it is the “what if” that really makes us think that there is no chance for anything like that again.

I beg to differ, and this is where it is that “old school” meets “new thought” by the same people who were made scared to even bother with a brand new thought – us.

When old school meets the new version of us

We know that it is time to release the old way for our own way when what we have been taught really no longer makes any kind of sense to us. While they might make perfect sense on the top of things, overall, what we used to believe (old school) might apply, but most of it will not (new thought).

It is not that those rules and ways of being are no longer valid, but that they no longer, in part or in whole, apply to who we are. Those things might apply, universally, but the mechanics of that way versus our own new way, may not meet in the middle. Think about it for a minute. Just a few hours ago I spent some time on the phone with a person who I grew up with, who means a great deal to me, and with whom I share MANY awesome familial memories. The conversation was about how it is that sometimes, the things that point us in a certain way do so in order that when the time is right for us to realize in manifest everything that we have thought about and desired in our lives we would see it.

It caused the other person to pause. I could hear it in their voice – this was really and dearly something to think about. It was not that there could not be this thing that we had talked about, at least not right at this moment, that is. It was more about the fact that nothing, not even a partnership between two people, could literally last forever. It is physically impossible. Yet, it also opened up something that this person never, at least in my own opinion and given that I have known them my entire life, really had – hope.

Before I told them what I told them, it was all about “it can’t happen,” and when I gave them my thoughts about things, that picture of “it’s never going to happen because of…” changed. What I gave to them was a new thought which was spawned by the hopelessness that I am very personally aware of that is given to things that we are taught by others and that those others want people to believe, without a shadow of a doubt and without the ability toward reasoning, something to possibly look forward to.

NOW, while I told this person what I think will happen is one thing, and I know that the way that I come to this information is not fail safe because always these messages come to me in the form of pictures, words and 80’s hair band songs (quit laughing). All the while, throughout the years, when I would think about this person with whom I had given my thoughts to, when I thought about a certain thing that pertained only to this person, I would hear a song by the Scorpions, and the only thing that would happen to my thoughts at that point, before I started really studying these gifts I have, would be that I would think that this other person just really like that band. And that much is the truth – that they liked that band.

Then, after one thing happened, recently even, that one song made a lot of sense to me and voila- I no longer hear it playing over and over in my head without knowing the reason why I hear it. I know now, and to an extent I also know that I am right on it.

If  I had chosen to stay safe in the place where I believed that these were just stupid little annoyances, and did not pay attention, not only to my own thoughts, as well as the things I have been taught by new teachers in these last 7 years, I would not be who I am, and I would not be able to do these things that I do.  And all of this came from the idea that what is old school is still valuable, but it must also include what is new for us.

It is not now, nor shall it ever be “out with the old,” but…

I will say that right now, it is high time that we each thought about implementing what we have deduced from the things we have been through, and apply it to ourselves, blending together the old school with the new thought. Really, it is the only way that we, as a species, will survive with one another and without warring over trivial things.  To believe that who we are is not subject to learning and changing, not to accommodate others, but so that we can accommodate each of our singular paths and is also the same sort of thinking that would cause a person to go crazy from that very thought.

The thought that things will never change is what makes things NOT change, but the idea that with every thing that we have, everything that we have been through, and all of the lessons that we have learned throughout the very course of our collective lives is ridiculous (on the lower end of things) and really quite dangerous (on the higher end of things) and is so because of the idea that humans are not static in that people believe the things that we tell ourselves, namely when it is that we feel like nothing is ever going to change.

And all of us KNOWS better than to think that things just will not change. It is not that we know that they won’t, but that we, as a whole, have chosen to be “safer than sorry” when it comes to the things that mean the most to us. We are sick and tired of getting our hopes up only to have them crash to the ground and in to a million tiny little pieces. The thing that not one of us thinks about when it is that we are about to go into a giant tizzy fit is that right at this very moment, things are as they are, but there are other moments that are GOING TO happen, and in those moments we can think, too, that there is more to look forward to than only what we have in our midst at the present time.

At the present time it seems that collectively we are all with the sensation of having our panties in a wad, and all of us wants dearly to pull the wedgie out already.

What we are not realizing is that maybe they really are not in a wad, and that perhaps it is that we are wearing a thong????


Kinda puts it all into perspective for you, doesn’t it?

Learn to embrace the new by never allowing the old to completely be the thing that guides you.  Take what you have been taught and add it to what you have learned.

Really, this is how EVERYTHING old becomes new again.

I Love You All !




The photo depicted is the artwork of one Mr. Randy Jay Braun, also, and known and loved the world over as being “Hawai’i’s Camera Artist.”

I beg dearly to differ, because his artwork is known and loved GLOBALLY…he is EVERYONE’S Camera Artist.

The Website Address to see the rest of his gallery collection can be seen by going to 


Ladies and Gentlemen…TRUTH

Watch and Learn…

Yep…I’m on a heated roll these days, and it is because there is a lot of hiding the truth. What no one realizes is that the truth is like a boil – the more it gets covered, the bigger it becomes, and the harder it becomes to deal with. Like a boil (I assume – never had one, but have tended to a lot of them), the truth sucks, too. It hurts. It reminds us too often of who we are not, and always when we are merely and only trying to be who we are. The truth is something that a lot of people – in fact, most people – do not care to deal with, and only because the truth, no matter what, ALWAYS, somehow, pertains to us.

Even when it does not pertain to us, when someone asks us what we think about anything, it at that point becomes ours as much as it is anyone else’s.

Too often we want to hide from the truth, and we want to soften the blow caused by the truth, and we want to sit inside of our selves, lingering there, either very angry or a mess of tears or both – all because someone else’s harsh truth. And what we forget is that we are also the givers of harsh truth, also the people who take for granted that what we have to say needs to be heard. Rarely does anyone really have anything nice to say when speaking the truth.

We hide from the truth, hoping that it will change, and really, the only thing that changes or has the ability to change is us. The truth is like a boulder – big, heavy, something that can kill you, and all of us hide from it. What we are doing when we hide from the truth is we hide from ourselves. We keep ourselves hidden from the things that hurt us and we do not realize that keeping ourselves safe from the truth also hurts us.

Come out! Come out wherever you are !

I am making the call, right now, to come out of hiding and face the truth. Face the truths that hurt the most, so that you can become strong in the convictions caused by it. Face the truth that is not your own, because inside of it is the needed element that may be the key to what it is that ails your soul. Face what you must because if we don’t then we have to keep going through the crap that we are now going through.

Face it all, with that same grimace, because no one says we have to like it, and face it because it is there and waiting to become what it is supposed to be, which is really nothing short of fabulous. Face it because right now it really is the only thing that any one of us has, and face it simply because it hurts, because it sucks, and because we know we can.

It is not enough for anyone to say that things will be okay, and it is not enough that we put ourselves through what we do, all so that we can deny what is there and in our faces all the time. Face your truths, namely the hard ones to deal with, because within them are the parts needed for this thing called life that is simultaneously beautiful and ugly all at one time.

Face it, because it is ours, and face it because it is needed.

Face it, because really, if we do not face it, it does not change, and ultimately, it is the truth that will never change collectively, but rather and only on a personal level.

Once it is that the personal acceptance can be called “the acceptance of the collective whole,” this is when we will see the truth become what it is meant to be, which is, again, nothing short of beautiful on many, many levels.






How we make a piece of paper more powerful than it really is

No one can resolve to do anything OTHER than be who we each are

I get it – we all want to be healthier, and we all want to stop smoking, and we all want to just be the best version of ourselves that we can possibly think to be, but folks…in order to be that version, you have to be willing to do one thing…

you have to be willing to not pay attention to the ridiculous list of things that you have written down on paper that, at the moment, you are swearing you will do this coming year but that for real, you know that the list is only there as a means with which to spark ideas for you. Seriously. I have yet to meet one human being, and I am included in this, who has bothered with their damned list of New Year’s resolutions. I am almost 44. I think I knew what a resolution was when I was 4 and bothered to look up the meaning in the dictionary. (Yes…4…I was reading the dictionary and the front page of the newspaper at that age…been a nerd my whole life long and have loved every minute of it)

Often, I have wondered…

I have wondered over the years why it is that we humans believe that we can be controlled by a list of things that we really want to do, but that we have not really looked at and more, have not looked at the reasons behind why the list exists. The list does not need to exist, because unless you were born with 8 arms there is no way, without some sort of help, that any one of us could possibly do and be what we have written on that list.

The list, really, is just a bunch of things that are meant to spark our energy one way or another, make us think about what it is that we would like to see in the year to come. Myself, I have one thing on my imaginary list, and that is to see my blog grab the attention of everyone and anyone and to continue to build my practice from it. That is not so “out there” that it cannot happen, and in order for it to happen, the magick ingredient is NOT some ridiculous list which will hold my self-esteem hostage for the next 365+ days into 2015 – not at all. 

In fact, the list is really only there, as I said, to create the energy that is wanting to see at least just one of those things on there that we really want to see for ourselves, and of course, when it is for ourselves, and it makes us happy or have a positive energy, it also affects those in our lives who are closest to us. The list, as you see, is created by us to supposedly keep us in line and keep us saddled with guilt for not having lived up to our own silly demands.

We women are the WORST at this, really. I would love to know which moron in Hollywood made it okay to take an entire population of people, make the majority of us feel like we have to be a certain weight, size, income level, not have babies, not eat what the hell we want, not do a lot of things, and then expect us to be happy with ourselves afterwards. I mean, REALLY?

Yeah yeah…I know…I have been told a million times that I do not know what it is like to have to shed an extra 20 pounds and that since it is that I am part Asian, I also do not have to really worry about my skin aging too badly, but that is nothing in comparison to the way that what we see on television makes us feel like we are inadequate. Lemme tell you what, ladies – I Love You just the way you are. I know – I am not Prince Charming, and I am also not whoever Mr. Sexy is for 2013 (or in my case, Mark Harmon…so I like a distinguished looking man…and yes, of course…a tatted one with piercings and the ability to shred on guitar…. oh hell…I LIKE ‘EM ALL hahahaha…).

The reason that I am writing this today is specifically for those of us who feel like they are not as handsome, beautiful, smart, rich, whatever enough, and that, for the next however long it is til that list is stained by whatever post-holiday food goop, kid goop, tears, and spittle from the very angry words you end up yelling at it – that list…that you jail yourself with – and it is also meant to give you all a new way of looking at why it is that you write that stupid list every year.

Why we write that stupid list every year

We write that stupid list every year, not only because everyone else is doing it, but some of us actually intend to stick to it, which, I have been told by a few clients, is the real thing that they are resolving to do, which is to stick to the things that they say they will do. For those of you who insist on the list, the words on that paper should NOT be anything that makes you feel like a loser or like you are setting yourself up for failure. The only sentence that belongs there does NOT sound like “This year I resolve to do what I say I will” because really, what you are doing is calling yourself a liar. Think about it and reread that one sentence and tell me that you feel good about yourself if you are calling you a liar and I will join you in that chorus of “What a F*CKEN LIAR YOU ARE!” So that it doesn’t sound so harsh in your ears, and so that the child who lives within your soul feels better…and if you HAVE to have that list, write “I would like to WORK ON strengthening my level of integrity this year.”

Ahhhhhhh…hahahaa…..I can sense the big giant relief in the collective of readers.

Do you feel the difference in the weight of the energy within you when you think about the difference in the energy of “This year I will keep my word when I make it” (thereby calling yourself a liar and not realizing it) and “I would like to work on strengthening my level of integrity” ? You don’t have to answer me because I felt the answer when the collective sigh of relief came about.

No one thinks about the power that are the words that we use, about how it is that we hurt others not even knowingly and how it is these things that are weightless are so, so heavy. No one thinks about how dearly people cling to what we say and how many times in our lives the very words that we set for ourselves are the very ones used “against” us at a later time. If we do not think about what it is that we are really trying to tell our brains, what we really do is we set up our Spirits to hurt, to feel the crushing weight of the expectations that we would not keep anyone else tied to. Yet, we are willing to capture ourselves in a madness that is expectation, all so that other people will not judge us harshly for what is already in place PRIOR to the stupid list is written.

The List judges us with our own words

ACK !! Think about that one for a minute and let it sink in – the things that we hurt from and that other people point out to us, whether they are tangible or intangible, are also the things that we write on that list, and we are not aware of it when we author said list. All we know is that, on the top of things, if people are telling us what they think is “wrong” with us, then we have to put it on the list of things to fix. My question that I have for you and is a question which I have asked at least forty-dozen times in private consult with people from all walks of life, is “How could you allow someone else’s opinion of who you are be the thing that guides your life and how you feel about you?”

Ooooooh man ..haha…yup…again with the weight thing…it has lifted from a collective of you at this moment who are reading this, some of you putting on the fridge, others, on the office walls. I can sense it, feel it and know it – I am not the only one who is tired of all this list making. I mean, really, it starts in childhood when our children hear that Santa is making a list and checking it twice to see which kids deserve a Christmas present or not (Ummm ALL OF THEM DO…DUH…IT’S FREAKIN’ CHRISTMAS!…okay…not little axe-murdering kids but I am pretty sure you all get it, right?) and from there, we adults further punish ourselves by making these impossible lists, at least a lot of us, that is, that not one human would be able to keep up with. The longer the list, the more that I am inclined to think that there are some people who are just gluttons for punishment doled out by people who really have no right to judge us because they, themselves, have so much to work on within them.

And that is really what this is all about – the idea that people have the very nerve to tell us what is wrong with us, according to them, reminding us as much as they can that no matter how perfect the rest of the world thinks we are, they think there is room for improvement.

Well DUH ! 

Dear People who have the idea in your heads that somehow, you have the very right to tell other people that they are not as great as you think they should be, so you are going to remind them all the time about the things that are not right with them and according to you.

It is time that we all bothered to look for what is right about others, because the moment that we are able to do that and mean it, we are also able to see what is right within ourselves. The idea of a list of things to change about ourselves is not new, but it is also not something that should be kept to one time a year. Improvement of the self is not a one time a year thing, but is a daily thing that has to be something that we see as a welcomed challenge and not something that someone else pointed out in us that they think could use some work.

Moms are famous for this one, the idea that we know best. I made it no longer my job to tell my kids that I don’t like my daughter’s two-toned hair, my oldest’s penchant for using foul language, and my youngest’s ability to turn on the charm at the most inopportune moments. I have stopped telling them what I think of the things that they love about themselves unless it mirrors what they think. This is not to say that I do not tell them when and where they need to improve something or to try to see it from another angle, and it is not to say that I have shirked my responsibility as a parent. It means that I have learned through the things that I have gone through over the years, about what it feels like to always want someone else’s approval of who I am.

I haven’t got the power to make these kids think that what I like at the age of almost 44 will be the same as what they like at 19, 15 and 9. You see, we moms forget that at one time in our lives, we were 19. 15 and 9. Yesterday was no exception when I was told that Christmas is not about getting presents. But when you are 9 years old, that is what it is ALL about. While I know that it is not about getting, but about giving and being, you cannot tell a 9 year old this, because he will think that all year long he was a bad kid and that he did not deserve to have not one gift under the tree that is the reminder that if you have a tree, when you wake up on Christmas morning, there will be presents there for you if you are a little kid.

Joshua is a little kid, but is a little kid, who, at least this year, and even though I know that his little heart broke a little when he woke up to just that damned tree (that mind you – I DID NOT WANT, because I knew there would be nothing under it this year…broke ass mom….that is what I am) and nothing under it. It was his older brother who made sure to it that by Noon yesterday, there was a Wii system, with 4 games and remotes, and while I know that the system is used (and was well taken care of), it was the greatest thing in the world, not only to Joshua, but to Gracie, too, because she was able to lift his little spirits, and more than a lot else, Jeremy, my oldest, for having the forethought, and more, the imagination it took to recall what would have just shattered him a mere ten  years ago when he, himself, was only 9.

And the idea that “it is not about presents” means nothing when you are a kid, because when you are a kid, it means just that. This is what I mean by the words and the opinions of other people have no bearing on us personally, because we are always going to go with what is the truth to ourselves and not with what someone else will tell us it is. I shall say Goddess Bless my Joshua for understanding, because that was enough for me to feel a tiny bit better for the loss that I know he will not forget, of his Christmas in 2013.

Just because someone else says so, it doesn’t make it so

I used my own kids as the example, because they were the epitome of what Christmas really is all about. They knew that I wanted them to have the most awesome Christmas, that I always want that for them, but they knew that it was not going to be an easy one this year, so we did what we could and now there is a Wii system here.

My point with this whole entire writing is that, when someone else feels compelled to tell us what they think is not completely right about us, we need to stop and think about why it is that anyone would point anything out in anyone else, and more, think about why this person doing the pointing out of things has the idea in their head that somehow they have the right, and, as well, the control over how we do things and more, how we feel about ourselves in the grander scheme of things.

What someone else has to say or thinks about anything at all is none of our business, and what is our own, should remain so without the weight of their or anyone else’s judgement. We are not meant to live up or down to what anyone else feels they would have to. If you think you need to lose weight, then do it. Do not wait til next week – start now. Why wait? If, like me, you think that you need to make yourself known for who you are through what it is that you “do” in life, then do not wait until next week – start NOW and don’t start now because I told you to – start because you are going to start anyway.

No matter what it is that you write on that list, if you must keep the list, then make sure that all you put on that list is because of YOU and not because some jack off told you that THEY think you ought to do this, that and the other. It is none of their damned business.

They need to mind their own business and stop pointing out the splinter in your ass before they even think to do anything at all about the telephone pole sticking out of their own!

Stop being ruled by what other people have compelled you to write down, look at, and be constantly reminded of how imperfect anyone else thinks you are.

Think about what YOU think and things will just magically be what they are meant to be, no matter how long it takes for them to be that way.

Again…splinter….telephone pole…

…remind yourself that you are not held to what other people expect, even though you have it in writing.



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Poignant and True.

I wish

A list of things I wish for us all

It has been a long time since I thought about the things that I really desire to be part of my life. I am sure that there is more than only one person who can relate to this writing.

May you be blessed

May your lives be blessed, on this day and for the rest of your days. May you see in the clouds which are proverbial and there and in your way, the pictures formed there, for you, by Spirit, and which will always be there giving you the hope in things imagined.

I wish for you all this holiday season that the tears and the brooding, the wanting and the wishing, the heart aches and the things that break us all become what they are supposed to be, which is nothing less than or short of brilliance. It is my great hope, my prayer, my pule aloha, that whatever it is that lives there in your heart and soul comes to be the thing that it is meant to be, and more, that the things that have shattered you will reveal the beauty that is behind the tears, the brokenness, the uneven and imbalanced energies which have been set upon you like so many weights.

My greatest desire for you all is that you know that you are Loved, not only by me, but more, by the grander Universe at large, and that what it is you see there in your heart and soul are already in manifest, already coming into being, and already yours, for no other reason than that you asked for them.

I wish for you that you know Love, namely if you have no real idea of what it is. I wish for you that you know Peace, because we can all use a little of it. I wish for you that you know what is the greater balance between things that are permanent and meant, and things which are only there and meant to be what presents itself later as the diamond which spawned from the coal of the things that broke you in two, that made you feel like you were the lowest rung on the ladder, that made you cry rivers that became the ocean, that you still do not understand.

I wish for you all those things that, in secret, you pine for, like a child who, the night before Christmas morning, sits by his window, watching the skies, and looking for those 8 reindeer and that very brightly dressed fat guy in the fuzzy red suit, sleigh filled with wonders and toys and heart filled with cheer and Love.

I wish for you the things that you have and hold near and dear to you, no matter what those things might be, because that is what is in your heart and soul. I wish for you the underlying nature that is knowing always that who you are is the most important thing in your own life, and that what you have is evidence of your own Soul’s Power.

I wish, most of all, that when your head hits the pillow tonight, that all these things, you understand, are the truth.

May your days be Merry and Bright…

Mele Kalikimaka e Hau’oli Makahiki Hou

I Love You All !




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