Monthly Archives: December 2013

The harshness of right this moment

It is up to us to choose how we will handle ourselves until this harsh energy is no longer here and which is meant to refine us all

The harshness. We can either allow it to define us, or refine us. When I say that we can let it define us, I mean that we can, if we should so choose, to allow the harshness of right this moment be the guiding energy in our lives, and allow it to control how we feel about this current time that is happening to us all, and we can, ultimately, do as we have for the majority time of each of our lives and believe that this harshness at this moment is there because we have been “bad” humans and now we are being punished.

Wow, really?

Here I thought you had been reading this blog for like, a long time now, and that since it was and always has been that I refuse to see things that are crappy as things that are also permanent, well, I figured that you might have that same clue that you do not have to judge a thing as crappy OR permanent. (That is just merely the laziness within you telling you that you just wanna give up and let the harshness win…guess what? You really have no choice other THAN to…keep reading)

Yeah…yeah I have been pouting… and whining…and all of those other things that a Pisces will do when it is that we cannot see what it is that we know is there, but is not apparent. It is, whatever the “it” is, not supposed to be seen, but rather and only…ready?

Pondered…studied….questioned…cussed out…called names…all of those things that we, as humans, are prone to doing, because once we can get all of that ridiculous, human plus ego equals having a big fat tantrum stuff out of the way, we can see the gem, the diamond which came from the proverbial lump of turd coal that none of us wants to work til it is at its point of perfection, or at least its point of being understood and utilized.

And that is the tricky part in all of this – recognizing when we, ourselves, have gotten SO dearly out of hand, have gone completely out of our minds, that we just throw our hands up into the air and have chosen to just wear whatever is the energy that is being brought to us by this harshness. I am no stranger to harshness, and neither am I stranger to the whiny crap that I am capable of when I become impatient AND uncomfortable in what I know is a temporary “thing” going on. (I might be enlightened, but I am still every bit as human a being as is anyone.)

Playing with “the tricky part”

Yes…playing with it, because what the hell else are you going to do with the tricky parts of things that are teaching us, and how are you supposed to learn from it if all any one of us sees, and chooses to see, that whatever it is that sucks and that we each are going through, how badly it sucks? If we see it all there and only how badly it sucks and do so without also seeing there what it is that we can create, on our own, from that suckiness, we won’t know that just the mere thought of wanting to change things to be not as sucky right now (meaning that we CAN and should see the suckiness, at least after a day or three of pouting, as that teacher, back when we were in high school, who EVERYONE hated because he or she was SUCH a hard ass, and go from that point instead of thinking like that kid and behaving like that kid…essentially using that energy…which is my next point) can work wonders for us if we allow it to happen for us instead of to us.

Are things happening to us, or for us?

Don’t ya just hate that? Don’t ya just hate it when you are comfortably wallowing in your own muck and then some damned … psycho cheerleader…comes along and tells you that no, it does not have to be this way forever, and that it is because we are each believing that this is all we deserve? That what is happening to us is somehow our gift from the Universe for being such bad, bad children?

Yeah…I do, too, and it is more so when I happen to be said very psycho cheerleader. Thing is, it is that damned cheerleader who lives in all of our psyches who is also the very dingbat who makes us look at things from a new angle and say to ourselves “oh man…the dingshit was right…ugh!” and from that point on, even begrudgingly so, we begin to accept that we were right. Sometimes, we hate it when we are right, and only because we were not the only one who was right.

We would have rather chosen to sit in our own pile of Soul goo, whining about how things suck (I am professional at it), thinking about how everyone else is getting everything they want, and how we are like a kid at our own birthday party, made to wait in line for our own piece of our own birthday cake, and by the time that we get to have our cake, we need a straw to eat it, because the ice cream and the cake have all melted into what is now a nasty, sweet, multi-colored thickness of what we waited so long for, only to be told that we have to wait.

We wait and wait in anticipation and finally when we get our turn, or what we think should be our turn, we are given what we asked for, but find out that we needed to be a LOT clearer about it. We see that we got exactly what we asked for, but we got what we asked for in the literal sense, meaning that we mighta asked for ice cream and cake, but we never said that we wanted it to be like what we see in our heads. All we know is that we want cake, and that we want it now, and the thing in our heads all the while is that “when I get mine, it is gonna be all goopy and messy and melted and I am probably going to need a straw to eat it…” and turns out that yep, we are right !

…and sometimes, bein’ right SUCKS OKOLE !

I know a whoooooooole lot of people who LIKE being right, and always, being who I am, I relish in the thought that sometimes, it sucks being right, because sometimes, being right means that we have to deal with being right when it is sucky being right. I know – I just repeated myself, but that is how people learn and retain stuff, and this stuff is pretty danged important when thinking in terms of how things change, and more, how we perceive them to be at any given time.

At any given time, we humans are given to adhering to the rules that we have set for ourselves and one of those rules we all set is to relish being right.  Sure, it is fun to let our egos out to play, to prance around like maniacs because that is where it feels best when we are right – squarely in the midst and the mind of our Ego. When we operate from “neener neener neener…you are a weener…” we are operating from our ego.

Neener Neener Neener…you are a Weener…bwaaahahahahahahahaaa

Yeah yeah…sue me…you bet your okoles that I am sitting here, wanting to get up and do like little kids do and taunt all of us, namely me, for not having let my soul be who rescued me from all of the goop that collected in the psyche of my mind. I know, inherently, that this crap we are going through is SUPPOSED to happen this way, and it is SUPPOSED to happen this way because we are being taught discipline. Whether you believe me or not is on you, but my friend, Dr. Loretta Standley, whose daily writings are a favorite of mine, confirms everything that I am writing here. And no, I did not have to look at it too much to really think about how it is that we are all just going through the fires of refinement right now, because really, boys and girls, what is on the other side of all of this…crap…cannot be explained well enough to incite you all to being happy little soul boot-campers.

I sorta knew already that right now, it, collectively, was and is gonna be a BITCH! And no, it is not only karmic, but also is, as I said already, our refinement, through fire, so to speak, and it is not so that we can learn how to stop being whiny, but more, so that we can choose what is right for our Path – NOT our Now. Now is meant as the classroom, as boot-camp, and now is when we want to pay such dear attention to our reactions to things and heighten the energy in them so that we KNOW to choose to respond and not to react.

We have all been a particular kind of weener, by the way. In my case, it is the petulant 17 year old who is there, showing the child within how to have a tantrum. And, most of us knows that almost ALL 17 year olds can be a HANDFUL. From time to time, I become this handful. I don’t like being that way, but when we are not given the attention that we need and expect at the real age that we are -almost 44 – and it seems that others in our lives STILL want to parent us, no matter who it is, if we feel like we are parented by anyone, even our parents, and we do not like the way things are happening, we become those unruly kids we once were.

And hell yes, I was a HANDFUL at 17…but weren’t we all? (And if you were not, you are either lying about it, or you were, at that time in your life, Stephen King’s model for The Children of the Corn haha). I know, and can recall, that when I was 17, I was bangin’ my head, rockin’ and rollin’, and taking no prisoners…bwaaahahahahahahaaa….and was doing so from the stinky depths of that place where the sun does not shine…and no, I am NOT talking about your grand-daddy’s outhouse.

You know EXACTLY where it is that I am talking about, and where it is that ALL of us tends to visit now and again. At 17, we are, I was, very reactive. Of course, at 17, not one of us realizes that we are not always needing to react and that a lot of the time, if we think about things first, we find that a response is a LOT more favorable and garners at least clarity for us.

Reaction and Response are NOT the same things

Al Sharpton. I say a lot of not so nice things about this person, but I do so in certain company who know me well enough to know that I know the reality of things, and the reality of things is that while I might not like this person, he worked his sorry okole off in order to be where he is now (which is, and I asked, on a LOT Of peoples’ ‘not nice guys’ list’). While I can take a lesson from his example in being able to work smart rather than hard, it is not my way to take the easy way. This is not to assume that he did. It is only to say that this is my perception of him and his success.

Yet, it is success that a lot of people learned to hate harder and bigger than they have ever in the past, and over something as trivial as a thing that not one of us can control – our ethnicity. He fancies himself the voice of the minority, but he does not speak for me. And really, I am, at least in my own opinion, the man’s WORST nightmare…I am female, an actual ethnic minority, am independent as much as I can be at this time, am dearly college educated, owned my own home, married someone and stayed that way for a long, long time, did not have any kids outside of marriage…I think you see the picture I am drawing for you all, right?

I am not Sharpie’s girl, because without his big mouth and his penchant for guilting people into following his pied piper bullshit of “IT’S WHITEY’S FAULT” (dumb-ass, no it isn’t…), I managed to actually LIVE the minority “dream,” all the way to being married to a white guy. I am what he fears, because what I am and who I am does not need to be told that there are always going to be some sort of challenge for me, because I am a minority and because I am a chick. I did not need to be motivated by someone else because my sixth house is in Capricorn, which means that I would have done all I could, like I am doing now, to create the life that I want for myself and my kids.

Mr. Sharpton likes to garner a reaction, it seems, because in that reaction he gets more people on the Sharpie Road.  I, on the other hand, am not the Rev who is going to sit and bother anyone with something that they can react to. I am going give a few options for a person to think about and wait for their response. When we react it sets off an energy that no one really needs, not even when it is a good reaction that causes a positive energy. The reason that I say that is because like anything else that we are trained to do, to accept, to believe, as we watch, we learn, and if we learn to react and forget about thinking and then responding, we will never be able to utilize, for real, that thing between our ears called our brain.

I am a thinker – make no mistake about it, but for a long time, I was given to reacting to what would cause my ego to think was an infraction against it, when in reality, it was the Mother Goddess giving me a chance to respond. Think about it for a minute – how many times have we all responded rather than reacted? How many times did reacting, unless it was a life or death thing happening, ever really work out for us when it came to things that we knew needed to change in us?

Right now, things suck ass…period. We think that this will never end, but we also all know that this is not a response. We are, instead, reacting to what we see as being the truth. And really, it is ONLY the truth of RIGHT THIS MOMENT. It is a truth that we all can change, but the thing that has to change FIRST is knowing when it is needed to react, and when it is that a response is more appropriate. We cannot stomp our feet and be mean to our guides (I know this one personally…Gabby gets SO upset…she’s a very sensitive guide, Gabriel is…she doesn’t like being told off and makes life harsher because I am impatient). We cannot curse the situation and cannot sit and believe that we are the butt end of the joke that Spirit is playing on us. We cannot sit there, in our miry mind goop thinking all these negative things which will cause a reaction by us when instead we can stop and think and respond to anything at all and not react emotionally.

…and in English, please Rox?


OKAY, basically, we are, and with help from the stars and planets, experiencing the energy that is forcing us to choose to do what is right, to define what it is that we need the most so as to get us on our Paths so that we can do what we were each meant to do with ourselves. We are being refined, as I have said now in this writing more than one time, by these proverbial fires. It is not because the  Mother Goddess wants to punish us, but rather and only because we need to choose and more than that we need to learn to choose what is right for us.

Think of it like a coach getting his players ready (hey…my Steelers were SUPPOSED to be in the playoffs, but hell no…I am wondering if the Chargers are somehow special in that the rules say 6 and they had 7 on that play that cost Kansas the game which ultimately made it so that I am now back to being ONLY a PGA fan until July…ugh….anyhow…) and telling his team that they have to discipline themselves to do the best they can. It is like a dance instructor telling her charges that they need to stand up straight so that they can all appear to uniformly lined up and so that it comes naturally to them all (I know this one personally…it was what I taught my hula haumana first…appearance when performing is EVERYTHING and I like to put on a helluva show, or at least used to). It is like any parent, any employer anyone, really, who is tasked with helping champions create themselves.

This is not my rule. This is the Universal Law in place and that is always in place.

We are being parented right now, by the Mother Goddess, and like all good moms, she will let us know, through our becoming enlightened and our manifestations becoming our realities, when we have learned a specific lesson.

Right now, we are learning ALL of them.

Yup…it sucks, but without it, we don’t know what doesn’t suck, and what doesn’t suck is about to come to us all in a big, big way. Harsh lessons is how we recognize what is worth all the pain in the okole stuff, and what is not.

You are worth it, are you not?

(I thought so, too)




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How everything old becomes new again

At this time of the year, we all look forward to changes that we exact on our own. Thing is, no one realizes why it is that we yearn for change…it isn’t just what you think it is

I like saying that when life gets messy, and when we least expect it, it is also by life that we are handed a proverbial brand new piece of paper upon which to tell our new stories. You see, life is not one long boring string of events either experienced with a collective of people versus being experienced alone. Technically, we experience life on a collective level and our experiences and our opinions of those experiences are what are different.

Think about it for a minute and let it soak into your brain. Every thing that we go through, that we know, that has happened is experienced differently by every single one of us, even though there might be a whole lot of us literally looking at the same thing, at the same time – we are all going to collectively have that same experience, but at the same time, we are not. We are not because we are different than one another, even though, again, we are not.

Yup. That really is a lot to think about, and a lot to digest given that the majority of us have gravitated toward those who are most like us. In my case, it would be other weirdos, and other artistic types, and the people who seem to be misunderstood by the majority of the whole of us.  While it is that there are people in my own tribe who are going through almost the same things that I am, at the same time, what they experience and what I experience and how we each handle those things will be different.

Yet, that is not what I am here and writing about today. Today, I wanna take those things up there and tell you about how we take what we know and do with them what we will according to what bothers us. What bothers a majority of us is that there are a lot…a LOT of old ways of being, of doing, of getting where we want to get, and no one ever questions it, ever. And why? Because we have been taught another person’s ways. This is okay, by the way, because we are not born knowing what we know – we are only born with the ability to learn what it is that we will know.

The reason that we do a lot of things is out of the respect that is not really respect.

The respect that is not really respect

I think I am over all of the painful garbage that I feel like I have relived this last year. Yet this has given me a better insight into what it is that we believe we are doing when we choose to allow the growth that we have asked for. I know that I have, more than one time, heard, out of my mother’s mouth, that in order to learn anything, in order to get through anything, in order for a lot of things, we have to allow ourselves to be patient, have to let in the hurts that we do not want to let in (okay, not in those words but you know what I am saying), that we have to face what it is that ails our souls.

While it is that I know that there are bits and pieces of wisdom in those things, they are not things that I have never known, are not things that I am not aware of and are not things that I know do not need to be acknowledged. I have always known these things. These things have been drilled into my brain since I was a kid, and these are the things that are the basic and bare minimum of what it is that we need to know if we intend to make it through our lives by the seat of our souls.

The reason I brought my mom up is because I know that there is not one person on this planet who did not listen to their mother when they were a little kid. In my case, it was the fear, literally, of her jealous God, a fabricated fear of a curse that someone else said existed…fear, basically, is what has, or used to, govern every thought, every action, every damned thing in my life. I was afraid to disrespect my parents for fear that I would get “good leekenz” and more, that God would punish me and send me to hell with a quickness. I learned to respect my elders, but only because I feared them so dearly. When I got older, I started seeing things my way, the way that I had been told would send me to spend the rest of my days at Club Hades.

Fear is what governs us, whether we want to believe it or accept it – it is what brought us to where we each are right now in our lives. If I were not scared to not be able to dance hula ever again, I would never have started the hula school I started back in 2002, in the most unlikeliest place where anyone would think it would survive, and it did survive, for almost ten years.  If I were not scared to not have friends or love in my life through my soul family, I would not make sure to it that even though I have some serious crap happening in my own life right now, that I would not tell them that I am still alive and that things will be back as they were when the time and the soul of it is all back to balanced.

Fear is the thing that many people my age were raised up with, and fear, to this day, is the thing that too many of us are blocked in our lives with. Fear is why we each have a bitch to pitch, and it is not that we are afraid to not succeed, but that we are scared to death that we are as powerful as we tell everyone else that we are…everyone, that is, but the people who raised us to be who we are in the here and the Now.  It is not that they are the problem, inherently, but that what they taught us, even though it is and always was something from Love and has always been useful, at this point, some of it no longer applies because it can’t apply.

We have been through too much and have seen and experienced too much, so much so that we have other, more meaningful memories that speak to us still, that tell us that who we are is the reason that we go through specifically what it is that we do. It is like knowing for many years who it is that we are meant to be with, and suddenly, one day, that person reappears to us, out of nowhere, it seems, and it is almost as though no time has passed. Then when we come back to reality, we realize that we are married, that we have our own kids, that we might have step-kids, a spouse, and always, what we also have is the “what if?” And it is the “what if” that really makes us think that there is no chance for anything like that again.

I beg to differ, and this is where it is that “old school” meets “new thought” by the same people who were made scared to even bother with a brand new thought – us.

When old school meets the new version of us

We know that it is time to release the old way for our own way when what we have been taught really no longer makes any kind of sense to us. While they might make perfect sense on the top of things, overall, what we used to believe (old school) might apply, but most of it will not (new thought).

It is not that those rules and ways of being are no longer valid, but that they no longer, in part or in whole, apply to who we are. Those things might apply, universally, but the mechanics of that way versus our own new way, may not meet in the middle. Think about it for a minute. Just a few hours ago I spent some time on the phone with a person who I grew up with, who means a great deal to me, and with whom I share MANY awesome familial memories. The conversation was about how it is that sometimes, the things that point us in a certain way do so in order that when the time is right for us to realize in manifest everything that we have thought about and desired in our lives we would see it.

It caused the other person to pause. I could hear it in their voice – this was really and dearly something to think about. It was not that there could not be this thing that we had talked about, at least not right at this moment, that is. It was more about the fact that nothing, not even a partnership between two people, could literally last forever. It is physically impossible. Yet, it also opened up something that this person never, at least in my own opinion and given that I have known them my entire life, really had – hope.

Before I told them what I told them, it was all about “it can’t happen,” and when I gave them my thoughts about things, that picture of “it’s never going to happen because of…” changed. What I gave to them was a new thought which was spawned by the hopelessness that I am very personally aware of that is given to things that we are taught by others and that those others want people to believe, without a shadow of a doubt and without the ability toward reasoning, something to possibly look forward to.

NOW, while I told this person what I think will happen is one thing, and I know that the way that I come to this information is not fail safe because always these messages come to me in the form of pictures, words and 80’s hair band songs (quit laughing). All the while, throughout the years, when I would think about this person with whom I had given my thoughts to, when I thought about a certain thing that pertained only to this person, I would hear a song by the Scorpions, and the only thing that would happen to my thoughts at that point, before I started really studying these gifts I have, would be that I would think that this other person just really like that band. And that much is the truth – that they liked that band.

Then, after one thing happened, recently even, that one song made a lot of sense to me and voila- I no longer hear it playing over and over in my head without knowing the reason why I hear it. I know now, and to an extent I also know that I am right on it.

If  I had chosen to stay safe in the place where I believed that these were just stupid little annoyances, and did not pay attention, not only to my own thoughts, as well as the things I have been taught by new teachers in these last 7 years, I would not be who I am, and I would not be able to do these things that I do.  And all of this came from the idea that what is old school is still valuable, but it must also include what is new for us.

It is not now, nor shall it ever be “out with the old,” but…

I will say that right now, it is high time that we each thought about implementing what we have deduced from the things we have been through, and apply it to ourselves, blending together the old school with the new thought. Really, it is the only way that we, as a species, will survive with one another and without warring over trivial things.  To believe that who we are is not subject to learning and changing, not to accommodate others, but so that we can accommodate each of our singular paths and is also the same sort of thinking that would cause a person to go crazy from that very thought.

The thought that things will never change is what makes things NOT change, but the idea that with every thing that we have, everything that we have been through, and all of the lessons that we have learned throughout the very course of our collective lives is ridiculous (on the lower end of things) and really quite dangerous (on the higher end of things) and is so because of the idea that humans are not static in that people believe the things that we tell ourselves, namely when it is that we feel like nothing is ever going to change.

And all of us KNOWS better than to think that things just will not change. It is not that we know that they won’t, but that we, as a whole, have chosen to be “safer than sorry” when it comes to the things that mean the most to us. We are sick and tired of getting our hopes up only to have them crash to the ground and in to a million tiny little pieces. The thing that not one of us thinks about when it is that we are about to go into a giant tizzy fit is that right at this very moment, things are as they are, but there are other moments that are GOING TO happen, and in those moments we can think, too, that there is more to look forward to than only what we have in our midst at the present time.

At the present time it seems that collectively we are all with the sensation of having our panties in a wad, and all of us wants dearly to pull the wedgie out already.

What we are not realizing is that maybe they really are not in a wad, and that perhaps it is that we are wearing a thong????


Kinda puts it all into perspective for you, doesn’t it?

Learn to embrace the new by never allowing the old to completely be the thing that guides you.  Take what you have been taught and add it to what you have learned.

Really, this is how EVERYTHING old becomes new again.

I Love You All !




The photo depicted is the artwork of one Mr. Randy Jay Braun, also, and known and loved the world over as being “Hawai’i’s Camera Artist.”

I beg dearly to differ, because his artwork is known and loved GLOBALLY…he is EVERYONE’S Camera Artist.

The Website Address to see the rest of his gallery collection can be seen by going to 


Ladies and Gentlemen…TRUTH

Watch and Learn…

Yep…I’m on a heated roll these days, and it is because there is a lot of hiding the truth. What no one realizes is that the truth is like a boil – the more it gets covered, the bigger it becomes, and the harder it becomes to deal with. Like a boil (I assume – never had one, but have tended to a lot of them), the truth sucks, too. It hurts. It reminds us too often of who we are not, and always when we are merely and only trying to be who we are. The truth is something that a lot of people – in fact, most people – do not care to deal with, and only because the truth, no matter what, ALWAYS, somehow, pertains to us.

Even when it does not pertain to us, when someone asks us what we think about anything, it at that point becomes ours as much as it is anyone else’s.

Too often we want to hide from the truth, and we want to soften the blow caused by the truth, and we want to sit inside of our selves, lingering there, either very angry or a mess of tears or both – all because someone else’s harsh truth. And what we forget is that we are also the givers of harsh truth, also the people who take for granted that what we have to say needs to be heard. Rarely does anyone really have anything nice to say when speaking the truth.

We hide from the truth, hoping that it will change, and really, the only thing that changes or has the ability to change is us. The truth is like a boulder – big, heavy, something that can kill you, and all of us hide from it. What we are doing when we hide from the truth is we hide from ourselves. We keep ourselves hidden from the things that hurt us and we do not realize that keeping ourselves safe from the truth also hurts us.

Come out! Come out wherever you are !

I am making the call, right now, to come out of hiding and face the truth. Face the truths that hurt the most, so that you can become strong in the convictions caused by it. Face the truth that is not your own, because inside of it is the needed element that may be the key to what it is that ails your soul. Face what you must because if we don’t then we have to keep going through the crap that we are now going through.

Face it all, with that same grimace, because no one says we have to like it, and face it because it is there and waiting to become what it is supposed to be, which is really nothing short of fabulous. Face it because right now it really is the only thing that any one of us has, and face it simply because it hurts, because it sucks, and because we know we can.

It is not enough for anyone to say that things will be okay, and it is not enough that we put ourselves through what we do, all so that we can deny what is there and in our faces all the time. Face your truths, namely the hard ones to deal with, because within them are the parts needed for this thing called life that is simultaneously beautiful and ugly all at one time.

Face it, because it is ours, and face it because it is needed.

Face it, because really, if we do not face it, it does not change, and ultimately, it is the truth that will never change collectively, but rather and only on a personal level.

Once it is that the personal acceptance can be called “the acceptance of the collective whole,” this is when we will see the truth become what it is meant to be, which is, again, nothing short of beautiful on many, many levels.






How we make a piece of paper more powerful than it really is

No one can resolve to do anything OTHER than be who we each are

I get it – we all want to be healthier, and we all want to stop smoking, and we all want to just be the best version of ourselves that we can possibly think to be, but folks…in order to be that version, you have to be willing to do one thing…

you have to be willing to not pay attention to the ridiculous list of things that you have written down on paper that, at the moment, you are swearing you will do this coming year but that for real, you know that the list is only there as a means with which to spark ideas for you. Seriously. I have yet to meet one human being, and I am included in this, who has bothered with their damned list of New Year’s resolutions. I am almost 44. I think I knew what a resolution was when I was 4 and bothered to look up the meaning in the dictionary. (Yes…4…I was reading the dictionary and the front page of the newspaper at that age…been a nerd my whole life long and have loved every minute of it)

Often, I have wondered…

I have wondered over the years why it is that we humans believe that we can be controlled by a list of things that we really want to do, but that we have not really looked at and more, have not looked at the reasons behind why the list exists. The list does not need to exist, because unless you were born with 8 arms there is no way, without some sort of help, that any one of us could possibly do and be what we have written on that list.

The list, really, is just a bunch of things that are meant to spark our energy one way or another, make us think about what it is that we would like to see in the year to come. Myself, I have one thing on my imaginary list, and that is to see my blog grab the attention of everyone and anyone and to continue to build my practice from it. That is not so “out there” that it cannot happen, and in order for it to happen, the magick ingredient is NOT some ridiculous list which will hold my self-esteem hostage for the next 365+ days into 2015 – not at all. 

In fact, the list is really only there, as I said, to create the energy that is wanting to see at least just one of those things on there that we really want to see for ourselves, and of course, when it is for ourselves, and it makes us happy or have a positive energy, it also affects those in our lives who are closest to us. The list, as you see, is created by us to supposedly keep us in line and keep us saddled with guilt for not having lived up to our own silly demands.

We women are the WORST at this, really. I would love to know which moron in Hollywood made it okay to take an entire population of people, make the majority of us feel like we have to be a certain weight, size, income level, not have babies, not eat what the hell we want, not do a lot of things, and then expect us to be happy with ourselves afterwards. I mean, REALLY?

Yeah yeah…I know…I have been told a million times that I do not know what it is like to have to shed an extra 20 pounds and that since it is that I am part Asian, I also do not have to really worry about my skin aging too badly, but that is nothing in comparison to the way that what we see on television makes us feel like we are inadequate. Lemme tell you what, ladies – I Love You just the way you are. I know – I am not Prince Charming, and I am also not whoever Mr. Sexy is for 2013 (or in my case, Mark Harmon…so I like a distinguished looking man…and yes, of course…a tatted one with piercings and the ability to shred on guitar…. oh hell…I LIKE ‘EM ALL hahahaha…).

The reason that I am writing this today is specifically for those of us who feel like they are not as handsome, beautiful, smart, rich, whatever enough, and that, for the next however long it is til that list is stained by whatever post-holiday food goop, kid goop, tears, and spittle from the very angry words you end up yelling at it – that list…that you jail yourself with – and it is also meant to give you all a new way of looking at why it is that you write that stupid list every year.

Why we write that stupid list every year

We write that stupid list every year, not only because everyone else is doing it, but some of us actually intend to stick to it, which, I have been told by a few clients, is the real thing that they are resolving to do, which is to stick to the things that they say they will do. For those of you who insist on the list, the words on that paper should NOT be anything that makes you feel like a loser or like you are setting yourself up for failure. The only sentence that belongs there does NOT sound like “This year I resolve to do what I say I will” because really, what you are doing is calling yourself a liar. Think about it and reread that one sentence and tell me that you feel good about yourself if you are calling you a liar and I will join you in that chorus of “What a F*CKEN LIAR YOU ARE!” So that it doesn’t sound so harsh in your ears, and so that the child who lives within your soul feels better…and if you HAVE to have that list, write “I would like to WORK ON strengthening my level of integrity this year.”

Ahhhhhhh…hahahaa…..I can sense the big giant relief in the collective of readers.

Do you feel the difference in the weight of the energy within you when you think about the difference in the energy of “This year I will keep my word when I make it” (thereby calling yourself a liar and not realizing it) and “I would like to work on strengthening my level of integrity” ? You don’t have to answer me because I felt the answer when the collective sigh of relief came about.

No one thinks about the power that are the words that we use, about how it is that we hurt others not even knowingly and how it is these things that are weightless are so, so heavy. No one thinks about how dearly people cling to what we say and how many times in our lives the very words that we set for ourselves are the very ones used “against” us at a later time. If we do not think about what it is that we are really trying to tell our brains, what we really do is we set up our Spirits to hurt, to feel the crushing weight of the expectations that we would not keep anyone else tied to. Yet, we are willing to capture ourselves in a madness that is expectation, all so that other people will not judge us harshly for what is already in place PRIOR to the stupid list is written.

The List judges us with our own words

ACK !! Think about that one for a minute and let it sink in – the things that we hurt from and that other people point out to us, whether they are tangible or intangible, are also the things that we write on that list, and we are not aware of it when we author said list. All we know is that, on the top of things, if people are telling us what they think is “wrong” with us, then we have to put it on the list of things to fix. My question that I have for you and is a question which I have asked at least forty-dozen times in private consult with people from all walks of life, is “How could you allow someone else’s opinion of who you are be the thing that guides your life and how you feel about you?”

Ooooooh man ..haha…yup…again with the weight thing…it has lifted from a collective of you at this moment who are reading this, some of you putting on the fridge, others, on the office walls. I can sense it, feel it and know it – I am not the only one who is tired of all this list making. I mean, really, it starts in childhood when our children hear that Santa is making a list and checking it twice to see which kids deserve a Christmas present or not (Ummm ALL OF THEM DO…DUH…IT’S FREAKIN’ CHRISTMAS!…okay…not little axe-murdering kids but I am pretty sure you all get it, right?) and from there, we adults further punish ourselves by making these impossible lists, at least a lot of us, that is, that not one human would be able to keep up with. The longer the list, the more that I am inclined to think that there are some people who are just gluttons for punishment doled out by people who really have no right to judge us because they, themselves, have so much to work on within them.

And that is really what this is all about – the idea that people have the very nerve to tell us what is wrong with us, according to them, reminding us as much as they can that no matter how perfect the rest of the world thinks we are, they think there is room for improvement.

Well DUH ! 

Dear People who have the idea in your heads that somehow, you have the very right to tell other people that they are not as great as you think they should be, so you are going to remind them all the time about the things that are not right with them and according to you.

It is time that we all bothered to look for what is right about others, because the moment that we are able to do that and mean it, we are also able to see what is right within ourselves. The idea of a list of things to change about ourselves is not new, but it is also not something that should be kept to one time a year. Improvement of the self is not a one time a year thing, but is a daily thing that has to be something that we see as a welcomed challenge and not something that someone else pointed out in us that they think could use some work.

Moms are famous for this one, the idea that we know best. I made it no longer my job to tell my kids that I don’t like my daughter’s two-toned hair, my oldest’s penchant for using foul language, and my youngest’s ability to turn on the charm at the most inopportune moments. I have stopped telling them what I think of the things that they love about themselves unless it mirrors what they think. This is not to say that I do not tell them when and where they need to improve something or to try to see it from another angle, and it is not to say that I have shirked my responsibility as a parent. It means that I have learned through the things that I have gone through over the years, about what it feels like to always want someone else’s approval of who I am.

I haven’t got the power to make these kids think that what I like at the age of almost 44 will be the same as what they like at 19, 15 and 9. You see, we moms forget that at one time in our lives, we were 19. 15 and 9. Yesterday was no exception when I was told that Christmas is not about getting presents. But when you are 9 years old, that is what it is ALL about. While I know that it is not about getting, but about giving and being, you cannot tell a 9 year old this, because he will think that all year long he was a bad kid and that he did not deserve to have not one gift under the tree that is the reminder that if you have a tree, when you wake up on Christmas morning, there will be presents there for you if you are a little kid.

Joshua is a little kid, but is a little kid, who, at least this year, and even though I know that his little heart broke a little when he woke up to just that damned tree (that mind you – I DID NOT WANT, because I knew there would be nothing under it this year…broke ass mom….that is what I am) and nothing under it. It was his older brother who made sure to it that by Noon yesterday, there was a Wii system, with 4 games and remotes, and while I know that the system is used (and was well taken care of), it was the greatest thing in the world, not only to Joshua, but to Gracie, too, because she was able to lift his little spirits, and more than a lot else, Jeremy, my oldest, for having the forethought, and more, the imagination it took to recall what would have just shattered him a mere ten  years ago when he, himself, was only 9.

And the idea that “it is not about presents” means nothing when you are a kid, because when you are a kid, it means just that. This is what I mean by the words and the opinions of other people have no bearing on us personally, because we are always going to go with what is the truth to ourselves and not with what someone else will tell us it is. I shall say Goddess Bless my Joshua for understanding, because that was enough for me to feel a tiny bit better for the loss that I know he will not forget, of his Christmas in 2013.

Just because someone else says so, it doesn’t make it so

I used my own kids as the example, because they were the epitome of what Christmas really is all about. They knew that I wanted them to have the most awesome Christmas, that I always want that for them, but they knew that it was not going to be an easy one this year, so we did what we could and now there is a Wii system here.

My point with this whole entire writing is that, when someone else feels compelled to tell us what they think is not completely right about us, we need to stop and think about why it is that anyone would point anything out in anyone else, and more, think about why this person doing the pointing out of things has the idea in their head that somehow they have the right, and, as well, the control over how we do things and more, how we feel about ourselves in the grander scheme of things.

What someone else has to say or thinks about anything at all is none of our business, and what is our own, should remain so without the weight of their or anyone else’s judgement. We are not meant to live up or down to what anyone else feels they would have to. If you think you need to lose weight, then do it. Do not wait til next week – start now. Why wait? If, like me, you think that you need to make yourself known for who you are through what it is that you “do” in life, then do not wait until next week – start NOW and don’t start now because I told you to – start because you are going to start anyway.

No matter what it is that you write on that list, if you must keep the list, then make sure that all you put on that list is because of YOU and not because some jack off told you that THEY think you ought to do this, that and the other. It is none of their damned business.

They need to mind their own business and stop pointing out the splinter in your ass before they even think to do anything at all about the telephone pole sticking out of their own!

Stop being ruled by what other people have compelled you to write down, look at, and be constantly reminded of how imperfect anyone else thinks you are.

Think about what YOU think and things will just magically be what they are meant to be, no matter how long it takes for them to be that way.

Again…splinter….telephone pole…

…remind yourself that you are not held to what other people expect, even though you have it in writing.



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Poignant and True.

I wish

A list of things I wish for us all

It has been a long time since I thought about the things that I really desire to be part of my life. I am sure that there is more than only one person who can relate to this writing.

May you be blessed

May your lives be blessed, on this day and for the rest of your days. May you see in the clouds which are proverbial and there and in your way, the pictures formed there, for you, by Spirit, and which will always be there giving you the hope in things imagined.

I wish for you all this holiday season that the tears and the brooding, the wanting and the wishing, the heart aches and the things that break us all become what they are supposed to be, which is nothing less than or short of brilliance. It is my great hope, my prayer, my pule aloha, that whatever it is that lives there in your heart and soul comes to be the thing that it is meant to be, and more, that the things that have shattered you will reveal the beauty that is behind the tears, the brokenness, the uneven and imbalanced energies which have been set upon you like so many weights.

My greatest desire for you all is that you know that you are Loved, not only by me, but more, by the grander Universe at large, and that what it is you see there in your heart and soul are already in manifest, already coming into being, and already yours, for no other reason than that you asked for them.

I wish for you that you know Love, namely if you have no real idea of what it is. I wish for you that you know Peace, because we can all use a little of it. I wish for you that you know what is the greater balance between things that are permanent and meant, and things which are only there and meant to be what presents itself later as the diamond which spawned from the coal of the things that broke you in two, that made you feel like you were the lowest rung on the ladder, that made you cry rivers that became the ocean, that you still do not understand.

I wish for you all those things that, in secret, you pine for, like a child who, the night before Christmas morning, sits by his window, watching the skies, and looking for those 8 reindeer and that very brightly dressed fat guy in the fuzzy red suit, sleigh filled with wonders and toys and heart filled with cheer and Love.

I wish for you the things that you have and hold near and dear to you, no matter what those things might be, because that is what is in your heart and soul. I wish for you the underlying nature that is knowing always that who you are is the most important thing in your own life, and that what you have is evidence of your own Soul’s Power.

I wish, most of all, that when your head hits the pillow tonight, that all these things, you understand, are the truth.

May your days be Merry and Bright…

Mele Kalikimaka e Hau’oli Makahiki Hou

I Love You All !




Things made with Care,like so many stockings hung

Macaroni masterpieces…ashtrays made of old soap dishes…garden lanterns you can’t buy…that’s what Christmas is meant to be made of….

I will not lie to anyone about it, the fact that I love to shop. I am thrift store royalty in some parts, and in other parts, the maven of the markdown, but when the days grow shorter, and the nights are about as cold as this Southern Cali Kahu can deal with, it is not my thing to go out into the great big world of savings to shop, for anything other than food…and yes, up until last year, I made gifts of food, and gifts made out of things that were given to me as gifts. There has not been one gift returned to me, that I have made for others, and always, because I know that the gift is not the thing, but that I took the time to make it, infused it with the love of the Soul – this is what matters. And it not only matters to me, but also to whom I give that gift to.

I used to make the joke that the reason that I do not shop between the day after we eat too much in November until almost February is because I cannot afford to, and that is only partially true. The reason that I try hard not to do any kind of big fat shopping is simple – there has to be time in between all of the madness and the re-entering of the discount stores, for the world to relax into “I will not kill that nice little old lady who I don’t know” mode.

The best things I have ever received were the smiles and the thanks

Yup. It is the truth – I love creating things. And they are quite lovely things, I must say. I have given many gifts away, for years and years now, almost all hand made, comprised of other things that I was gifted throughout the year, things that constituted as payment for writing work I have done, of old, worn out things that were once beloved by me, of things that no one seemed to want or to care about anymore.  You can call it recycling, or you can call it my being a cheap-ass (more like broke ass, thank you very much), but the truth of the matter is that there is no gift given, or as well received, if it is done with a lot of heart, a grip of soul, and made completely out of Love, than the one made by our own hands.

Again, I must reflect on things that are the energy behind other things, behind gestures that have many meanings, behind the things that we have been conditioned to believe is the truth. There is no truth behind the idea that when you spend more on something brand new that your love is bigger than someone else’s is, just because the gift came wrapped beautifully and also came with a return receipt, just in case.  You see, that is the beauty in a gift made of things old, things collected, things given to us – it cannot be returned. If we know who we are giving the gift to, you can bet it will not only be something well appreciated, but more, something that will be loved for a long, long time.

Randy Jay Braun and my old, old photo frames from my old, old life…

I have a friend. He is very famous for his photographic artwork and is also known as Hawai’i’s Camera artist. His renditions of hula are loved worldwide. Randy and I are Soul family. This time last year, this person could not have even known the situation that I am still in, and I could not have received a more beautiful thing from this person named Randy and to whom I refer as “Bruddah.”

I won’t go on and on about what it was that he and his lovely Annie sent to me, but I will go on and on about what I was able to do with them all.

I have made gifts for people for years now, and I have not ever received a complaint about what it is that these people have been given. Ever. This time last year, I was able to give these beautiful, personalized gifts to people who, unless they are not within my close proximity, mean the most to me. This is not to say that there are not some folks who live far away from me who are not my closest folks (Hello? April lives 80 miles away, and Dannie and Noreen live on the other side of the country…) It is to say, though, that if you are within that mindset that tells you that your homemade gifts will not be loved as much as the store bought one, think again.

Energy does not lie, because it cannot lie

There are people who receive these things from me who, at one time, were very …closed-minded…about what Love really is, and until I explained it to them that I love them, but it is not what they think it is, they had no idea that this is what I meant. You see, I do not have to be seen naked, do not have to be one of many, do not have to do or be a lot of things that a whole LOT of people assumed that I was. And this does not apply to only one person, but a few people. I do not have to be with a man to love him, and, in fact, I do not have to be with any of the men whom I adore so dearly for them to know that I love them, because they indeed do know that I love them. They know this because it is in my energy.

It took a few of them a little time and some trading of energies and loads and loads of teaching and reminding them on my end that we can be friends, that we can be only friends, and that it would be way, way cool to do that, because that is how I love them, each and every one. When it was that they were able to get past what I look like, and saw through to who I really am, it was a giant relief for them. The proof was in the giving last year at this time, when I drove around my area, handing out these gorgeous renditions that, without Randy’s help, I would not have been able to do for them all.

And dammit if they don’t all still have these gorgeous gifts still hanging on their walls in their homes. It meant that much to them.

We never know how much we mean to anyone else until that one year comes along, right around this time of year, and we have no spare money to make gift purchases. This happened a lot of years ago, when I had two small kids at home who were waiting for Santa to show up. We had a long list of employees to buy gifts for, as well, and the children’s father, while he’d made a decent wage that allowed us to live comfortably, as long as we did no Christmas shopping for anyone else.

It was that year that I knew that I had to do something else. Here we were with at least two dozen permanent employees who had taken the time and what little money they’d had and bought us, or my favorite, made us something for Christmas. At that point I had already spent what I could on my own two kids, did not purchase anything for anyone else’s kids, and then sat on the phone with my friends wondering what we would do in order to make it so that we could recompense for what we had been given.

I went to the local craft and thrift stores, and that Christmas, Roxie’s workshop was officially a yearly thing. That was twelve years ago. This would be the first year that the workshop went on hiatus, and for nothing other than that I am now the one who is choosing between food and gas, or Christmas gifts and starvation. Yes, it is really like that, but as always, I will make it. I always make it somehow.

I guess what I am saying is…

I guess what I am saying is that every year a whole lot of people believe that they HAVE to go out and buy stuff. I respect that there are people who love this sort of thing, and that is all fine and good, because really, I have nothing really against people who like to shop. I really am one of them. Just not at this time of year.  It is not that I want someone else to do things my way, but rather that sometimes, when we have nothing to buy something with, it is a guarantee that there is something in all of our homes that we no longer want, that we would not be heart broken if it were taken apart and turned into a work of art.

I am not saying that there are people who are as able as anyone else is to do this. All I am saying is that there is a lot of extra stuff on the planet that no one wants anymore, that can be torn into pieces and made into something else that someone else who we love will love as much, and it will not be because of anything other than that it was made, with love, and with them squarely in mind.  And really, this is what I give to them, in the form of the thought that came from the creative collective mind, and the love that came right from me.

I cannot stand this particular materialism that we live in temporarily every year. There seems to be something each month that retailers want for us to spend our money on, and their biggest fishing trip is from now until they want it to be over with. I have a bone to pick with them, and I know that my mere and measly few dollars saved by me makes no difference to anyone, and never does it mean a thing to my bottom line, neither theirs – broke, no matter what, is broke. That is not something ridiculously hard to understand.

I am not my mother in that, I am not so painstakingly worried about it, about not having a balanced checkbook, not having my head above the “NSF” line so that my silly ego can feel like I have accomplished something this month. I am not my father in that, I will spend money on what I want, within good reason of my finances, if I want it, but I will NOT nickel and dime ANYTHING, ever, as that creates an energy of just not wanting to spend the money on anything that I think is not useful. I do not roll that way. I cannot think like those brought up in the depression era, because I am one of those who is living in the recession era, when what everyone who CAN afford to buy every tiny little thing that their lovely little hearts are desirous of, can be seen on any social networking site because people like showing their shit off. Even I like to show my shit off (and one day that shit that I show off WILL be in the form of a BMW 535i, V8, Sapphire Blue….all the bells and whistles, folks, because that is one of my heart’s desires…that car….see how that works? That energy thing? I feel somewhat kind of better just thinking that one day this will be the truth).

What is way sad, though, is that we are promoting materialism, rather than giving. This time of year calls for us to give, not to horde. We can horde energy, by the way, through compliments and shit like that. We all love compliments. Sometimes peoples’ net worth is what they need complimented. I know this. I was this. Think about it and you will see what I am meaning and saying.

Materialism and giving

I bet you can feel the mixed up energy in reading that emboldened thing right above this sentence. The two literally go hand in hand, but at the same time, are at odds with each other in an energetic sense. Materialism fuels this time of year, but it is about giving, really.

If you bother with the reality behind it all, you will know that this is NOT a holiday about three wise men, a baby in a manger, a virgin and a dude named Joe. In fact, it is a holiday that was set many years ago by Pagans…by people who were called heretics and crazies, who were tortured as witches and made to be seen by all as “evil.” If you know the meaning behind the reason for this holiday and can adhere to it the way that you and your soul feel best and most comfortable with, then you will know, too, that the reason that any one of us gathers at this time is NOT to see who got the best thing in a box, but to give to one another our Love.

Think about it – how many times a year do we see some of the people we see at this time of year, and how many times are we able to be with them, even though it might be nasty ugly outside and cold. How many times do you catch yourself thinking about these people throughout the year and tell yourself that you cannot wait to see them again and that they are the reason that you love this time of year?

If you really thought about why you love this time of year as much as you do, I am betting that in that thought you are not seeing yourself shopping before they get here, but you are, instead, seeing you there with them, Christmas day, smiles and hugs and warmth and all that other good stuff that happens at this time of year. THIS, you guys, is the meaning of this time of year. It is not about who can buy who the best gift, but who it is we love the most and want to give a token of that Love to.  It is not about who can rally the troops and gather the masses the day after we eat too much in November, but why it means so much to us to get out there long before the sun rises, stand in line with people we do not know, rush head long into danger, like, for reals, all for the love of one person. Of course, there are those of us who like that sort of shopping rush, and who want to get into the fracas, but for the most part, there is not one person who I have spoken with who will disagree with me when I say that enough is already enough.

If you cannot afford to buy, then create. This is how we get back what we so freely gave away, that we continue to freely give away, to people who already have way too much. No, not your loved ones…

Sam Walton’s loved ones…

Yup…I said it…deal with it…



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The things that break us, make us

When things seem unbearable is when we are learning the most

“That which does not kill us makes us stronger…” 

While I do not know who coined that phrase, at least not off of the top of my head, I cannot stress how true these words are, because really, that which does not break us, makes us. I know this, because I am living this right now. What seems like a bunch of crap on a daily basis I know is not crap, but rather and only a whole bunch of lessons lumped into one time period in  my life because guess what – it all applies to whatever it is that I am supposed to be doing with my life, with these gifts I have, and with the people who come into my life and more, with the ones who stay in my life.

And the strangely beautiful part of this is that those same people who are in my life, even if they are not in it every single day of my life, are also going through a whole lot of crap, and the crap that they are going through is almost exactly like the crap that I am going through – not a lot of fun at all.

Yet, when we ask Spirit for things to happen for us, we do not realize that in order for things to happen for us, other things must happen to us. Without them happening to us we will not know how to explain that same thing to someone else should someone else in our circle come to us one day, out of their gourd with anxiety and frazzled to no end. Again, I know this animal, because at the moment, I could qualify as being this animal.

In fact, right now, there are a whole lot of us who could be this very animal.

You won’t believe the reason that I give you as to why it is that you are going through what you are going through

Well, actually, there are a lot of reasons why anyone goes through anything, but the one thing that no one thinks about when they are going through a whole lot of stuff is that one reason for the stuff is they are taking your attention away from the thing that you desire to have so dearly. If we dwell on the thing that you want, the thing that you will do instead is dwell on what you do not have that is comparable to the thing that you do want.

Reread that. It will make sense the second time you read it. It is because we humans are SO awesome at not being able to see things from another perspective, and another perspective that is ours alone. This is because we each have our own personality, and because my thought is that our personalities are totally Sun/Moon/Rising sign set, it is going to be from those three areas where we will see to it that the thing we are not to be dwelling on be not able to be seen right now, not even in our heads or with our Spirit’s eyes.

You see, Spirit is a funny sumbitch sometimes. Spirit, in all of Her wisdom, coupled with a sometimes seriously sick sense of humor, throws us situations and people who are difficult, people who we know with an absoluteness that we would never know if we were allowed to know just a little bit about them prior to our believing that we can deal with them. Sometimes it is to see how dearly we desire what it is that we desire to see in our lives, and sometimes it is for something that not one of us ever thinks about and that sometimes, namely when we want something so dearly, we need a distraction. Badly.

A Fish Tale

Pisces. I say a lot about them because I am one, and because I am a Pisces, I am also all of those things that a Pisces is and can be, sometimes more. One of those things that a Pisces can be is very obsessive about things, and if there is one thing that we fish need, badly, namely when we are in the middle of wanting to see something in our lives, sometimes to the point where we will obsess over it, is a distraction.

A distraction can be anything, but most of the time, the thing that can be called a distraction is one of those things that pulls our attention away from the thing we desire, long enough for us to focus our attention on the thing that is the distraction for us. When it is that we think we want to be with someone, Spirit sends the distraction that might be someone else who is as interesting but who is not who is in manifest for us. This person may want to be with us, to the point where they are distracted by us, and end up distracted by the things that they also want to see in their lives. And our job at that point is that we have to be able to stay focused, not on the other person who we desire to be in our lives, but on ourselves.

And it is a mad-making thing for anyone, really, trying to get someone else to stop obsessing over us so that we can obsess over the person we want. The reason we need the distraction is so that we can also figure out if person “A” is the right one for us. We are given the ugliness brought by person “B” so that we can have time, room and forethought to see what is not that great about person “A.” The distraction in this scenario is person “B” and the madness is our ability, or lack thereof, to not obsess over person “A” long enough so that through the shiny, rhinestone-like sparkle set forth by them and so that we can see past what is just the wrapper, so to speak.


My two best friends on this planet, April and Dannie, (of course there is still Dora…hey girl!! I ain’t forgot about ya…) both know all about being distracted from one thing long enough, just as much as I do, so that whatever is better and a better fit for us each, no matter what it is, can make its way to us. April, Goddess bless her heart, just as much as I had thought, thought she loved a guy who could be considered as “Person A,” and she and I went back and forth, reading this person, thinking that what we were reading was applicable to him. At the same time, I also had a “Person A,” and, as well, so did Dannie.

At the time, all three of us believed that each of our “Person A’s” were the right fit, and at the time that we were being sent the things and the people who would be who they were meant to be at the time they were meant to be in our lives, each “Person A” fit right nicely in our lives because each of them had a lesson to teach each of us and, also, each of these people were in place as the distraction, not only for April to have the correct “Person A” to show up and be crazy about, but also for me, which turned out to NOT be a person but instead was the most important thing in my life that was not one of my three kids – my Spiritual Practice, and Dannie, who also had the desire to return to the house – NOT the man – she started her family in, which she did.

NOW, we all had our own hearts’ desires, and all of us believed, at that time, that what we thought we desired was what we needed, but really, the things that grabbed our attention were also the things and the people who would be and could be considered the things and people who distracted us long enough so that we would not obsess over whatever could be thought as being “Person A.”

The reason for the distraction, at least according to the three of us, is so that we do not lose our minds every time something seems to sidetrack us. It was mine and Dannie’s Soul Mother, Noreen, a Spiritual Teacher who is near Dannie down south, who told both of us that when it seems that things are very difficult, that is the same time that we do not realize that the distractions we are being given are what are needed at that time so that when the thing that is worthy of us happens upon our lives, we are ready for them, no matter what it is, and also, sometimes, the “what” is actually a “who.”

In my case, it is this blog, it is my growing ability to be “on it” when I read my Hawaiian Mana Cards for people, it is my ability to help people sort out their thoughts, put them on paper so those thoughts become tangible things, and it is my absolute Love of the Soul of humanity which was my heart’s greatest desire. I come from a family of “old school” style women, the sort who, some of them, speak like an independent woman, but whose actions could never be as independent as are mine. There really is nothing wrong with their way – it is their way, and that is okay. As much, there is nothing wrong with my way, as it is also okay.

This was part of the lesson through experiencing all the crap I went through.

Experiencing all the crap we go through is good for us, even though it sucks okole

There is not one of us on this planet who cannot and will not be able to say that they have not gone through some crap in life. It is the crap in life that refines us, breaking us down and breaking away all of the things that we think are the truth of us. The truth of us is NOT what someone else tells us it is. The truth of us is ours alone, and no one can live it for us – that is ours alone.  The truth of us is not something that we are born with, but is something that we create and make our own. It is why we are different, why we have similar interests, even though we might have markedly different lives.

It is the crappy stuff that makes us grow. Without my having gone through what I did with the father of my children, I might believe that all marriages have two almost-sane people in them, but I know differently. I am insane. He is a part-time moron who is dying. What I wanted from my marriage was to be able to grow old with someone else who I cared about, and I guess what he wanted was someone who he could control. I will never know that much, at least not all the way, unless I ask Spirit for that much. I really don’t care to know. It isn’t that important.

The thing about most of the marriages, at least on one side of my family, is that all of them have been married for what seems like FOREVER. While I do not have much contact with them, I will say that I have had the very gift of watching them all become who they now are, and in the time that my mother’s siblings and their spouses have been in my memory, even though we are not each other’s favorite, I must say that these are people who stay married a long time because on that end, even I must agree, marriages are not meant to end in anything other than one of the two married people passes away. Seriously, I am very much a “until death do we part” kind of chick.


…I must also state here, and now, that I know the ugliness that has befallen each of those couples, and because I have chosen to no longer be “that cousin”…we all have one…haha…I have also taken it upon myself to see them all as the greatest social science research project that any one Science-Geek Kahu Chick from Southern California would love to observe…you know…like Jane of the Jungle observes her …ummm…subjects…anyhow…haha…

As I was saying, before I got distracted (because I do not need, any longer, to focus on how we made our marriage fail and have instead begun to be thought of as me using myself as my subject…and hell yes, I will write about it- you know it!), because I know what goes on within the confines of a marriage that lasts longer than ten years. I know, I know…there are a lot of marriages that have lasted longer than ten years, and yes, there are many which have ended. My thing is, though, that if you can live with one person for ten years of your life, you will notice what is their pattern.

It will be their pattern that will become part of the distractions as to the real reason why you are having such a shitty time at the moment. Had I not thought about it earlier today, after I had finished a reading for a lovely young lady named Mariah (hey kiddo!), about how it was that we all needed to set boundaries, it would not have dawned on me that really, when we ache and cry and whine and are just unbearable, it is not only because we are not comfy, but because of a lot of other, crappier reasons.

The crappy reasons are anything that makes us cry and ask why it is that God hates us enough to make us go through the torture that is each of our singular lives. It is comforting, sometimes, when we realize that others in our Soul Family are going through something similar to us, sometimes downright scarily similar to ours, even though it is in opposite fashion (because they are a guy and you are a chick). The ugly is what you are each going through, and the beautiful part is that you can recognize this sameness. While it may be that there is a huge difference in the literal nature of the things going on, it is not the events, but the souls which are involved.

The Collective AHHHHHHHH !

I heard it – it was the collective of you all having an A-ha! Moment. I could literally feel the release of pressure and the lifting of a weight..a collectively felt and held weight.

All this time, you have each seen your Soul Family. The traits are that they are brand new to your life, but their issues in each of their lives are not. Each of these people who are new to you are there and you have happened upon one another’s lives because of your similarities. We see bits and pieces of ourselves within them. We see them in us. Each of their Souls carries a note, an octave that is of the same energetic vibration. Because of this, at the right time, we happened upon one another’s lives for the purpose of being the mirror. There are a few right now who can see this much in me that is also in them. New people are the gift brought by the very mercy within the Soul for the Self.

You might see there, in their eyes, that sameness of Soul that seems like you have returned home, somehow, and with these people, no matter who else is in their lives and technically there in some manner that is also similar to you, you all know who you are. You know who they are because somehow, from the moment you happened upon each other, it was like you went home. In fact, it probably felt like it, a whole lot. This is what happened for me when I left the desert. I knew when I left that if anyone up there was going to be a part of my life for the rest of my life, it was going to be April. It was just there upon the return of the two similar souls in this lifetime and recognizing one another. I knew this same thing about Dannie, and, as well, Noreen.

There are others who, like them, know that they are here with me in this time and now for a purpose. Apparently, that purpose is a bicoastal one, and it is a high desert one. It is a Glendora one, and a Rancho Cucamonga one. It is a Claremont one, and an El Monte one. It is Upland, Covina, and Azusa, Pomona, La Verne, and hell yeah, San Dimas, too. It is an Ole Hawai’i Nei one, and an every where else I can think of, one. People all over the world know when they have returned to the home that is the shared Souls of Similar nature.

These new people…they, dear reader whose query did cause me to write at this length about something that seems to bedevil the very combined lot of us at the moment…these new people are the outcome of the distraction. They are the reason why you did hurt so much, and are the reason why you STILL hurt so much over the thing that made you hurt so badly in the first place. It was the misconception of the Love that you thought was only on the surface, was meant for you to show off, like a damned bracelet…

…these people are the reason for the distraction, because the only way that your mission gets carried out is with them, at this point, there, mirroring you, and me, and the all of us…

I hope that this long winded explanation about why it is that you think God hates you…God doesn’t hate you. At all. The reason for the hurt is so that you care enough about you to want to find out why it is that you hurt so much and fix it. Not that it is broken, because if you eventually learn from it, even though whining about it feels better, then all the whining is worth it.

Once again…the outcome of the hurt is the new people. You share a mission with these new people. You have something that they need to carry out their mission. They have something that you need to carry out your mission. You also share a mission with them that is the same, but your purpose will be different. These new people are there now, are the gift given to quell the ache caused by the fire of refinement.

BUT…it is the distraction of getting to this point, to reading this so that you would finally KNOW that they are the outcome of your manifested desires. You each have a purpose and a mission. Without the sucky part of your life, of anyone’s life, you cannot see the sweetness that is the reward at the end that is Love and knowing that no matter who you believe does not value you, at least you know now that when the lesson was finally learned by you, you realized at that point that you Loved yourself enough to go through all the bullshit you went through.

And look at you now…

…kick ass, right?


I Love You All !! hahahaha


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Mind Your Business (or “What would Jesus do?”)

Seriously…worry ’bout yo’ damned self (and watch how easy life becomes for you…)

I wanted to write this in the manner that is “HEY F*CK YOU, YA NOSEY ASS” but won’t.

I won’t because that will not get my message across, and really,  if I want to make it a big deal, the way that I know there are people on this planet waiting for me to make it a big fat freakin’ deal, I need to make my words be the thing that clarifies for likely a lot more people than only the nosey bastards who thought to take the time and waste the energy about what someone very close to me posted on their Facebook wall that somehow has affected more people than either she or I could imagine it would, and really should not have.

It should not have for a lot of reasons, with the biggest being that the majority of people on the planet need dearly to just mind their own business. You see, we are all given our own crap to deal with, and when speaking of things crappy, there are different versions of that which is crappy because, guess what? There are different versions of human beings on the planet and guess what else?

Not one of us is required to take anyone’s judgement of who we are, what we do, what we like…but that seems to be one of those things and situations that is neither here nor there, because that is not the way that things happen. Things happen in the manner that is busy-body, that is everyone up in everyone else’s game, and that is not cool. And really, there are a few people reading this right now who know EXACTLY about the thing that was posted and EXACTLY that I am INDEED talking to them when I tell them that they can continue talking all they want, because from it was from  within them that created a buncha crapola that they have also created the negative energy that is caused by judging other people.

Really, all humans need to remind themselves that it is not polite to judge, namely if they, themselves, cannot walk on the surface of water…

My first thought upon reading emails from people who I normally will not get the time of day from unless I ask nicely for it from them is that there must be something going on within the confines of blood relations because they really have nothing to say to me, and I neither have anything to say to them, and really, all of us just sorta get along this way, where we can love one another from a distance. It works out better this way. I don’t say something horribly, terribly bitchy and straight out mean to them, and they don’t have to have their feelings hurt and go on about the surface of the planet ass hurt because I gave my truthful opinion.

Yes, it really is this way, and it works out well…until someone posts something that offends anyone else’s sense of who they are, of who this errant poster of things that obviously offended more than one person (and for what, I do not know…get the hell over it already, guys…wow). And for real, people need to just KNOCK their crap OFF already !!

Mind your own business 

If you are old enough to know that it ain’t cool to bug about things that have no real bearing on your life, then you are old enough to deal with it when this writing and all of what it entails hits your eyeballs…you need to knock your crap off, and you really need to take into consideration that you are not the best example of being the best example you can be. Allow me to illustrate for you, the things that I have, with my own two eyes, borne witness to, by some of the people who had a problem with a particular post which was made by a particular person who is about 16 or 17 years my junior and who, even though this person can be an ass, is very near and dear to me, and hell yes, is one of those people who I have made a lot of sacrifices for…and in keeping with the soul of this post…it ain’t none of your business who this person whose back it is that I have this time.

Just know that you have been the ones to make it so that this post would find its way, not only to your nosy asses, but to the rest of the nosy asses of the world…mind your own damned business already. Seriously. I would really like to know what compels you to believe that somehow you are more pious than are other people, people with whom you seem to have had issues with ever since I have known you, and the time that I have known you, I promise, has been too long. The way that I know you is just the excuse that a lot of you have – that because we are related, you hold the rights to the judgmental attitude that is still way too much for this Pisces to think is somehow what makes us not be close anymore.

And that is fine and good with me, really. This is meant for all of those on this planet who seem to think that since it is that you attend church, since it is that you like to wave your “Saved” status around as though it is somehow your badge of honor to shove in other peoples’ faces, I would like to ask you a few questions…and ALL of them start with this one query…

…and I really think you will want to puke into your own baptismal wafers when I ask you this one question that you have ALL asked me at least one time…and really, you cannot handle my answers, so please come up with your own. We wouldn’t want to make my Goddess make your jealous God a little more jealous than my mom tells me He really is.

Here is that question…I asked it…so deal with it like you expect certain others to deal with what you never thought they would ever find out about.

Lemme see you turn red when I ask you…

What would Jesus do?

Seriously, what would your Lord and Savior do if he could see the thoughts in your head and hear the things that you are whispering behind the safety and the pretend sanctity of what you think is your privacy. You cannot believe for one moment that your Lord and Savior would think very highly of you for judging someone else so harshly, can you? It is none of my business what this person does, and really, it ain’t any of yours. I have more right to say something to them, but you have no right at all.

What would Jesus do if he could hear the things that you have said about other people, in church on Sundays even, when you are supposed to be there and singing praises to the Lord and instead, you are there, like the proverbial den of vipers, with your flapping jaws and your wagging tongues, pretending to be more holy than others…you forgot the rest of that thinking…it is not that you are more holy, but that you are holier than thou.  And really, what would Jesus do the minute he heard about what you thought was okay to judge?

What would Jesus do if he could tell you what he sees as being the content of your soul and the reality of your heart and all of the ugly things that you think about people, all in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost? How would you explain to him that you didn’t mean to hurt anyone with your judgment, but that you are human and that you are as susceptible to giving in to the whims of the sins that you see in everyone else, and that you like to point out in folks like me? What would Jesus say about that?

What would Jesus say about your murmurs of indecency and your hidden obsession with things that only kill the soul of you? What would Jesus say about the idea that you tell people to love without condition, even as you point out that it is fine that people are gay, as long as they are not the people who you love? What would Jesus tell you about you after you have bothered to tell him, in the most ass-kissiest way, that you think you are better than anyone else, because what you think is the truth in the Bible is being misconstrued as the truth because it is not the truth as you want it to be and only the truth as it applies to what you want other people to think of people who are like me in many ways (because that is just how Baby Girl rolls, folks..true to herself and fuck everyone else…I taught right, that’s why…), but that you are not real sure of it being the absoluteness of the truth?

What would Jesus think if you were to tell him that you think that there are certain people who you think ought not have the right to say what they will, no matter where it is, because it offends YOU so much but when it came to YOU being a thief, came to YOU talking shit, came to YOU to be judged like you are judging…when it was YOUR TURN, you HATED it , had a problem with it, said shit in your own defense, but when it comes to people like me?

What would Jesus do if he saw you drinking a beer, smoking a joint, listening to heavy metal music? Would you come to him fully as yourself or would you opt for your Sunday best? And by Sunday best, I do not mean the suit and the fancy shoes that you only wear on Sundays. I mean your best, most purest thoughts and behaviors, and by pure I DO mean the true ones, NOT the ones you and your dirty fucking mind have to clean up because people like me can read your sorry asses like a book…and at this point, are the sorriest, most judgmental asses there are!! Would Jesus tell you that because you spoke in his name about this person who you emailed me about…is it a safe bet that he would agree with you, or with me?

What would Jesus do, in all of his hippie, no shoe wearing, hanging out with guys who I would hang out with, talking to strangers about things you assholes keep quiet about until Sunday morning when you have the pastor’s ass to kiss, making it look like you are better than anyone like me, and obviously like JESUS, if he read the things that I read, about this person who I love so very much, even as I disagree with her about a lot…what would your proper suit wearing Jesus tell you about someone like me? That I am a heathen? That I am a devil worshiper? That my music is what is sending me straight to the pit of hell?

Does your right and proper, suit and tie wearing Jesus have the same balls you have? You know..the kind that tell you that things you have to say about people like me to other people who do not know me, and neither know the person who inspired this writing, are okay to say because as long as I and others like me don’t hear what your nastiness is about, it doesn’t matter, because I don’t hear it?  I am sorry, ass hat, but it does matter. What energy you place into the Universe goes to where the thought is. If I thought I were wrong, I would not write what I am writing, but I know I am right. What you think about anyone is what they know is your truth, because that is how energy works…duh.

One last thing before I finish this writing

The teaching in this is there and apparent. The only people who would not be able to see it are those who are too inclined to see me and what I am all about, and what I am all about is the truth, not at any cost, but when and where it is needed. It is needed always and everywhere, so deal with it if you feel so inclined to dish out your own. What would be equally refreshing is if people like you would bother to just not bother with people like me and mine. But you won’t, because you can’t, because your silly little ego and you need people to be better than and need people to judge harshly. I can say it because I have been right where this person on whose behalf I write this. I have been there. I have done that with a lot of the same people who this other person does not realize has never had her back. Ever.

When it is that we know that what we will say will cause some peoples’ asses to swell (because that is really where their brains are, dolls…really) and make them believe that they have a reason and a right to pick someone apart, it is also that same time that these same haters grew up and thought for a moment the real reason that they have anything to talk behind someone else’s back for.

It’s called “inferiority,” and you all wear it so damned well.

An inherited trait, sorta…

Like heart problems is a familial trait, so, too, is the idea that who we are and who we are related to trumps all else. I am sorry, but it is not okay to try to make yourself feel better by making someone else feel worse. What I cannot believe is that there are people who have the very nerve to believe that they are above the rules that they set for all others, but when it comes to themselves, they feel that somehow they are higher and mightier enough to have an opinion about things that have NOTHING at all to do with them.

That I know the person who posted what they did does NOT feel worse, it does not mean that anyone had the right to call her out in the most vile way…by telling on her. I mean, really…she IS in her middle twenties, and other people who are not her do NOT pay her bills, but people still felt compelled to say what they did.

I suppose my entire point with this post and the lesson contained within it is that if what someone else does is not really intruding on your life, will not matter in the grander scheme of your daily living, will cause you to worry for them and make you think that for real, their lives are endangered because of what they have posted, you have nothing at all to say to anyone.

Human beings – we think we know what is best for everyone else, and then one day we get a clue, at least a lot of us do, and we realize that the thing we are judging someone who we say we love over is also something that WE, ourselves, are a little weird about (and might even LIKE…that’s right – you jack-offs might actually LIKE the thing that she posted…but you will never have the balls enough to admit it like she did…). The person who posted what she did posted the thing because she knows that it is okay to have one’s own likes and dislikes, one’s own opinion, one’s own anything, and that as long as what she likes is not hurting anyone else, that she has nothing to sweat.  It was not anyone’s place to say what they would to me, and it was not anyone’s place to judge, namely not those who did judge, because they are not the sort who will not sink very quickly to the bottom of the sea if their asses were or are foolish enough to see only what it is in someone else that they, the judgers, don’t get it in terms of the thing that they saw.

The reason that I know anyone would be offended by what was posted is simple – the person who posted what she posted had the guavas enough to speak her truth. It is unfortunate when people who judge are also the type who are worried about their truth pissing someone else off. These are the sort who will sit in church on Sunday, “amening” and “testifying” loudly, so that everyone can hear them being holy. These are the ones to whom I refer as being “modern Pharisees” because it was also the Pharisees who chose to pray loudly and in front of people in the times of Christ, so that they could be recognized by their pretend piety rather than by whatever is the truth of them. By my observation, they are better leaving things as they are, because the truth of them would make normal humans fall over from all the belly laughs acquired by what I have always known is the truth of most of them.

With that much known…that is, about the pretend piety…I am confident in saying, too, that at least I know that the person who offended people with her liking something so…so…well, we shall say that it was not something that people of a few more years than her would have posted (as if THAT matters or something) is, at the very worst, unafraid, just like her sister, to speak her own truth, and if people don’t like that truth, then they can just go dislike that truth with other people who don’t like that truth. I have no opinion about the truth that the person who posted what she posted.

She just knows that no matter what, the one thing which does not ever change is the Truth.

It is too bad that most people don’t realize or accept this…

I Love You ALL !!




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