Monthly Archives: October 2018

MTV “Star” is (unwittingly)promoting Domestic Violence

MTV article DV

In a world that is currently unkind to women, the last thing a major television “star” needs to promote is more violence against women.

Go right ahead and state that I am blaming the victim.

I do not know how to say it another way than that when it happens this way, and the victim has a history of being with abusers (by her own account, even) it is less blaming the victim than it is …I guess….momming them….and if you wanna call me someone who does not “get it” in terms of this crap…thatʻs on you, not me. From the things that I have been told, and the way that people want us to be nice to victims..that is one thing but, to do it and after having seen it publicly stated???

It is not blaming as much as it is thinking that this is wrong, that MTV needs to rethink its lineup and that more than much else…Hey JENELLE….the WORLD OF YOUNG WOMEN ARE WATCHING YOU…ARE YOU AWARE OF THE THING THAT YOU HAVE ALLOWED???/

Not likely….awareness is CHOSEN….and you HAVE TO accept whatever is in your own as being the thing that is teaching you how NOT to be victimized. No one can tell me that we have all done this for the reason that this child did. Of course I do not know what it is that compelled her to let a violent man back into the home where babies live but, nevermind that, right?

Never mind that I have actually SURVIVED IT and NOT ONE PERSON…not my therapists, not my doctors, not my friends, no one I knew…NONE OF THEM WERE ALLOWED TO FEEL SORRY FOR ME – I would not let them. I needed to be empowered, and the last thing that I wanted was for ANYONE in my TINY little world to know what John had done to me….

I see that times have changed some, and that, I suppose, the idea that she is somehow “famous” is the reason why. … or at least that that is what I have been told is my motivation – jealousy…over her being on television….

Nah…what I am is actually stunned and ….yeah…pissed. Mrs. Evans has a duty to the public, and she did the opposite in letting him into that house and back into their lives.

I am guessing that this young woman named Jenelle Evans has no idea that making excuses for her husband, David Evans, in terms of his recent DV charge against her, with her first calling 911 on him, citing that he had broken her collar bone, is condoning and even promoting violence against women. 

I am certain that there are a lot of fans of MTVʻs series Teen Mom and Teen Mom 2. I cannot say more about it other than that from the get go, when Teen Mom was first a show, that it was already something that any mom with daughters would NOT want those daughters to see – a television show condoning teen pregnancy.

And no matter who says what regarding the whole idea that that is not what this show promotes, I will ask those producers of that show if they have ever been to Pomona, California, where, to my great dismay and when my oldest was a student at Ganesha High School, on every high school campus, just about and within the PUSD – there are daycare centers.

Yeah I know….it is a great thing to make sure that the teen moms who attend those schools have the best shot at graduating. And yeah – I know….there is nothing that is going to stop teens from getting pregnant and believe me when I state that there are some young women who, while in middle school, intend on becoming pregnant because of the saddest reasons of all….because it is culturally expected of them, or, the sadder thing, that they do not feel like anyone loves them, and if they have their own baby, at least the baby will depend on them, which in some young peoplesʻ heads equates to love.

….and yeah…I am well aware of the idea that people who havenʻt got a whole lot of life experience to fall back on in terms of what happens when we feel like no one loves us, that those people will do what they can in order to feel like they are being loved…by anyone.

This is the sadness.

This is the black eye.

This is how it all starts, that thing that no one wants to know about, even though it is in our faces at all times, and we are being prompted to just ignore it….the young Mrs. Evans is telling the world, through the things that she is stating after the fact, that domestic violence is acceptable.

No it is not.

Hey – MTV – you need to do something about this and I do not mean allow that kid Jenelle to promote it more….because through her you are promoting Domestic Violence…

In an article about Janelle Evansʻ husband, people are upset for, of all things, his wrapping himself in a confederate flag and being very proud of his southern roots. While I have issues, at times, with how things ended up in the south during the times of slavery, and while I get it on a level that is “Yeah…I was born brown and female,” what I do not get is that there is not a whole lot, at least to my knowledge, regarding anyone thinking that the bigger issue is NOT the fact that the guy was proudly wearing what he regards as his heritage, but more, the idea that the young lady was making excuses for his behavior. 

Understand now that I will not ever fault anyone who is promoting their own pride in the heritage into which they were born, no matter how ugly the past was – we cannot continue to carry on those hatreds from the past, even though that is what is happening now and at this time in our lives.

We are experiencing violence on the daily basis, and as someone who is self-employed in the alternative healing trade, as someone who is, herself, still recovering from the last almost three decades of my life that my daughter and I had to end, ourselves, by taking legal action against her father – I am absolutely not just disappointed in MTV for the way that they promote teen pregnancy, but now, without realizing it (or maybe they DO realize it…ratings are everything, folks….and violence is apparently not only acceptable in some demographics, but is marketable…. please, keep reading)  they are also (perhaps unwittingly) promoting, through this…”couple”…. #IPV, which is the other term for #DV… 

Intimate Partner Violence IS Domestic Violence

I am pretty sure that I did not need to explain that one – we love making things sound more technical in this country – and who can blame us, given our current guy in office?

Unless you have been living under a fuckinʻ rock lately, or, worse – unless you believe that some women deserve to be physically harmed, #IntimatePartnerViolence is a BIG BIG problem, not only in your neighborhood, neither your bigger community, the city that you live in, the state, country, continent you call home – you know that IPV is also known as Domestic Violence.

Dear Jenelle Evans….

Stop writing books, and please never ever tell the world, at any time in the future, unless you actually have gotten away from your abuser, please do the world a favor and STOP promoting yourself, because that is what you do not realize that you have said when you said that you have been with abusers in the past, and you are now with yet another one.

If anything, you are an expert on being a DV VICTIM, and baby girl, this world does not need one more abusive person taking advantage of a young woman whose own sense of self is somehow convoluted.

And believe it when I tell you that I am neither a fan yours, nor a “hater” as you stated online…I did not know who the hell you were until about an hour ago, when I was looking at the news stories online and happened upon your name.

I am so sorry, young lady, but you really have no idea what you have made acceptable to the millions of people who have been watching you do the other thing that no one should, in this day and age, and AT YOUR AGE, be doing…which is having an excuse for being pregnant, given that you were adult enough to make the choice to sleep with your kidʻs dad – yet, not wise enough to cover your little, fertile ass from bringing into this world another child born into violence.

It is called birth control, sweetcakes, and you are from the south, meaning that you are likely NOT Catholic, and do not give me this shit about “southern values” because what I am trying to get across to another motherʻs daughter is about valuing your damned self. From your comments, you do not even KNOW what that means, to value, love and empower your very self.

And no way, I will repeat, are you an expert in domestic violence, because to be that, you have to no longer be there with any abuser, not even if he is your baby daddy.

That is not good enough – any human male can help bring a child into this world, but, it takes an actual good human being who is balanced, which you are not, to be a good parent and sweetheart because you have made excuses for this person …and it will not be the last time that you will do that (I asked a few young people your age what the hell is the draw with that dude, and it turns out that he is apparently good looking – whatever….I cannot see it, because I read the article first, and the only thing that I see in your old man is that he is arrogant, abusive, and an idiot – and it has not one thing to do with his pride in his origins – EVERYONE ought to be proud of that about themselves….keep reading….).

The only violence that any child ought to ever know about is the beautiful violence of bringing them into this world.

And I do NOT mean to do that PRIOR to your being able to vote and drink legally….

You, however, with your sorry excuses, have done just that and unless and until we, the older moms of this planet who have raised women your age – some of them getting pregnant by abusers, themselves, and allowed to make the statements that we make – you are not the “star” that you think you are, that others believe you to be, but instead are a victim making a network richer and richer.

We, the moms of the world of a certain age, some of us have dealt with #DV for longer than you have been breathing, kiddo. Just because you are a mother, and just because you are married, it does not make you somehow wise beyond your years, especially not when you are considering yourself a “star” or a “public figure” who is in front of the rest of the world of young men and young women who are thinking to get knocked up for the sake of hopefully getting a spot on a globally televised program.

You have a HUGE responsibility, and one that you do not realize you have not bothered to think about, through the words stated that your relationship with your husband “is fine.”

No, young lady – it is not fine, namely when you have called upon the authorities in your specific locality to come and rescue you (and your kid) from your old man.

It is only my opinion of you, myself an actual survivor who DOES NOT place herself in the position that you have willingly placed yourself in, which is that place that tells your old man that it is okay to brutalize you, that you will excuse his sorry ass for every ugly thing that he is now GOING TO make you go through.

Again – in the article, it is stated by you that you have been with abusers in the past, and the sickening notion that hits me first is not you but your propensity towards attracting these sorts of BOYS to your life (I said it, so deal with it, cupcake) – but is instead the millions of watchers, most of whom are young women in middle school, high school and college who I worry the very most about.

The responsibility that you have, and, as well, the very opportunity that has been given to you, to make a statement that doesnʻt silently tell the world of young women that somehow, someone who is a fan of yours is GOING TO follow suit, because all they see is “how cute” your old man is…yeah…cute like rabid fucking animals in the wild.

That is who you are married to, and you can believe that it is because I am not white, or that I am a “libertard” or a “snow flake” and what have you, but the reality is that I am a woman who has actually survived Domestic Violence, and in the month of the year that we are meant to put awareness about #DomesticViolence and violence against women in the forefront of our collective consciousness, here you are, defending your abuser.

I have been there, myself, but, it was not my ex who I defended, but, my self in that I also hated having to save face, and I hated making it seem like somehow, I was being harmed.  I WAS being harmed, and he got away with it for years against my will, did everything that he could to stay where he was, which in his eyes, was squarely in control of me, my life, who I was, who I would become…and at least on “who I would become” he sort of did help because without his shittiness, I would not be here writing this and actually calling you out with the notion that you might actually have the balls to be an adult about things and tell the world that he hurt you, broke your bones, made it so that you would have to lie about who this person is that you chose to sire your kid.

And you married him, even. So now he thinks he owns you.

You know this – very well, in fact, just based on what you have told the world – that he did not hurt you, that it was a misunderstanding, and then you have the nerve to chastise the world…all because he harmed you….you realize you could be dead right now, right?

I have been there, and I have done that, and the only person who I was interested in making safe was MYSELF. I did not see this way about him, not until before my first kid was born, and my having no idea that this person was like this. I can say it honestly – I truly had no idea what it was like to have to deal with any abuser unless it was someone in my extended family. I am no longer in touch with damned nearly all of them but the ones who knew better…a few of my cousins knew better than to believe that I would have accepted this, and more than much else – some of my aunties had been there, too, and so had some of my cousins….because they also did not accept being someoneʻs victim.

When we do not know what it looks like, we do not know what it is and we end up being in that vortex of unknowing, our only knowledge being primal, being survival….this is what my experience has been, will always be. I did not enjoy it, did not ask for it, did not know how to get out of it but out of it I did  get….you, unfortunately, might not get out of it, at least not further harmed or worse….breathing. 

Wrap your head around that one for a moment if you will and realize that you are not safe at all and that you are the reason that you are not safe – you chose to cover his ass to PD, but, you chose to cover yours with your fans and haters by telling them NOTHING about yourself or if you are okay. You made excuses, and as a mom, my opinion is that you do NOT need to be on TV promoting self-slavery….


I said it

Deal with it, kid….you made an excuse for a man to be violent to you. You do not deserve to be on television…not even public access. You did not service to other young women who are currently trying to get out of the violence with their lives.

You made excuses. That is inexcusable.

I can say it, because I got out of it, for my own sake…let alone my kids.

Here I am, all these years later, and I am not with that abusive person anymore, but, in my head, the things that that idiot did to me, while they are no longer happening, the memories never leave a person.

No matter what…those things will not ever leave me.

They will also not leave you, I promise.

You are, young lady, promoting violence, promoting the idea that women ought to be subservient to their husbands, even when he is being violent, even when he breaks bones, and even, as in your case, when it is that you, specifically, are compelled to save face.

And whose face are you actually saving and why are you covering his actions against you?

I might not be “all the way” in terms of being over it, because no matter what anyone wants to think, one does not have to be in two or three abusive relationships to be an expert. In fact, if you have been in that many relationships and they were abusive ones, and you are now in another one and are married to this abuser, and you get your ass online to defend what the world knows is opposite of the initial call made to 911 – the call that you, young lady, yourself made and where you stated that you were injured – badly….not only have you NO right to state yourself as an expert, but you have no right, just because you have ability, to be bringing life into this world – your kids will grow up believing that abuse is acceptable, is normal, is something that happens to EVERYONE.

I never thought that way, ever, because I have NEVER been one who will make excuses for someone to harm me, and I will never believe that someone who holds the power that you do not know you have – I have never been the one to give someone else another chance to harm me, and this includes my sister who tried to do that to me.

This is what you girls have done. You have made being pregnant a way to get your sorry little ass on television. Sweetheart that is what school is for, and to throw away your young life to raise a child when you are not yet grown enough to take on that responsibility is horrifically IRRESPONSIBLE- not just on your part, but on that of your parents. They ought to have encouraged you towards education, rather than a life given to parenting when you, yourself, are not yet emotionally equipped for it, given that you equate violence with love.

Love does not hurt. From time to time, it is GOING TO hurt because you are growing, but, on the whole, it does not hurt, it does not hit, it does not bring sorrow….it enlivens a person, makes them feel whole, and the first person who needed your specific love is NOT your old man.

It is you, sweetheart.

If I believed that you would respond to this, I would hope that you would see that last thing that you read…the one part that says you have to know how to love YOU before you can love anyone else. That you had to call 911 on him is indicative of you NOT loving yourself, is indicative of the fact that you depend on your temporary status as a star and now, you have become the poster CHILD for #IPV, for #DV, for making excuses for a bad man.

He is a bad man.

He is.

He harmed you, physically, and you let him back into your privacy, back into the life that you share with people who are far more important than even you ought to be to you….your kids.

Your kids need you to be a mom.

The world needs to you stand up for the rest of the young women who also do not know what actual love is….

Your kids need you, period, but they do not need a violent person raising them. You might not get lucky with that, like I did.

On the other side of that is the FACT that your kids might be told by you that they have to love their dad, but, my kids prove that that is not going to last, and if you are not careful, they will blame YOU for not doing more to save THEM from having to watch their dad brutalize their mother.

…the last thing that I want, as a mother, is for any other momʻs daughter to have to go through what I did.

My kids are proof that they will hate him when they have the choice to make on their own, without you making excuses for him.

If you do not think so, you can ask mine.








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