Tag Archives: Healing

It doesn’t even matter

2008-Housing-Market-Crash

The things which we no longer have are the things which no longer matter. The hurt which remains is there to teach you something about you.

“I tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end it doesn’t even matter…I had to fall to lose it all, but in the end it doesn’t even matter.” (Linkin Park’s “In the End”)

I lost my house in Helendale in July of 2008. While it hurt a bit, I cannot lie and say that the world was over with for me, because it wasn’t. I realized quite early on afterwards that it was meant to be like this. It was meant that I would no longer be in that place for the purpose of my having to begin the process of shedding what was once real to me.

What was once real to me was not for me to become very attached to, because in becoming attached to it all, I would suffer the worst hurt ever, which would be the stinging blows to the pride within me that would tell me that somehow, I deserved to lose everything that I thought mattered to me. And again, I cannot lie – the house, while it mattered to me a little bit, the idea that I lived where I lived mattered to me a whole lot.

Where I lived was a huge source of pride for me, but here I am, years later, and I realize that what was the source of pride was not what I thought it was, but rather and only the illusion of what was, versus what it became. What it became was a monster of proportions so huge and so…untamed…that for at least one person who used to live in that house, the loss of it was something that they’d felt on levels that not a lot of people would feel if they were not so attached to that tangible item.

And really, that is truly what any actual standing building that a person or a group of people would live inside of and call home. It is not the actual building, but what it represents. For me, the house represented a place where memories would be made, with neighbors who were some of the most pleasant people I had ever known.

Yet, here I am, seven years later, almost, and things have changed markedly.

I no longer care about the house that I no longer owed a lot of money on. The only memories that I have of that place that can be called good and real are the ones of my kids, of my hula halau, of the treasure called friends who, when I thought about it, are two of the very best people I know and two people who I love immensely. While I no longer own all the vehicles, no longer have access to the golf course, the lakes, I have what can never be taken from me.

I have me.

I have this me.

Losing something as big as the family home is not something that I hadn’t been through at least once in my lifetime, and that is probably why I was okay the day that I have to pack up my entire house, without the help of certain others, and leave that life behind. The reason that life had to be left behind and the reason why that life and the loss of it no longer matters is because even in all of that loss, the one thing that was gained by me was not just “this me.”

I gained, through the losses, the reality of two people who, no matter what, have always been there for me (Hi April…Hi Tim…I Love You Guys!) Through that loss, I regained and revived and recreated hula to become what, for me and a lot of people like me, it was meant to be, which is not a Polynesian review show, but medicine. I gained, through that hurt, a new lesson to work through and to turn into The Sisterhood of The Soul, and through that group of healer women who are also my cousins, have created what is the beginning of things as they ought to be.

And that is not the only loss that I gained from, really. I gained the bravery to confront my abuser, to tell him that we are done and that within but a very short time here now, it will be on paper. I gained the knowledge that even as I have been the very one to have to learn to heal me, without the hurt of feeling like my own blood relations skipped out on me when things got to be really too much for me to deal with, I gained the right to call myself a strong, Stand Alone Human Being.  This does not mean they all skipped, because the ones who mattered the most never did. It just seemed that way at times.

Seriously…in the end, it doesn’t even matter

When we are able to get past the hurt, and when we are able to look at the dragons which once invaded our waking life and our sleeping dreams, and when we can see things from a new perspective, this is when things that we thought mattered no longer matter as much. It is when we realize that we have learned what we are meant to learn from any given situation that our lives will begin to blossom.

For instance, not too long ago, I was very upset with my parents, and it was over something that was a source of pride for me. I won’t go on with what it was all about. I will just state here that the last time that hurt visited me was yesterday, and when I say the last time, I mean exactly that.

I mean that no matter what it is that I want to do for them or for anyone else, the one person who I need to do the most for is me. This is not my telling anyone that you have to be selfish, because being selfish is very counterproductive.

What I mean is that, once we let go of the grip that we have on certain ideals, on certain things that we think we have to have be a certain way, on things that we believed mattered for so long and which really do not matter in the manner that they once mattered, we are, at that point, in a stage of growth. The sooner that we really wrap our heads around this, and the sooner that we accept this one thing, the sooner we will find out the reason that we hurt for so long.

Vice Grip

Lots of us like to have a vice-grip on things that we ought to not have said grip on. When we choose the energy onto which we will hang we have to remember that there are good reasons to hang onto it, and then there are all the other reasons. 

We each have our own reason for hanging on to the energy, or, on the other side of that, allowing the energy to have its vice-grip on us.

There are times when this grip is welcomed, when it is needed and when it is pleasant, and then there are all the other times.

There are times when it is that we do not want the vice-grip loosened, when we would rather bathe our own selves in that energy because it is so very welcoming and so very…much a part of us…that to release it would cause our own energy field a whole lot of havoc…then, there are all those other times.

It is all those other times that we need to help ourselves understand why it is that we want to believe that we are meant to hang onto it.

Recently, one of those two very good friends ended his own struggle with a vice-grip energy that was not an energy that would have helped him grow into the person who he is becoming. It took us months to realize that what he was seeking had been so easily attained that once it was that he was able to allow this vice-grip to no longer have him in that bind of hurt, things just seemed to be much lighter for him. He’d have never made it through the same lesson one more time. It would have wrecked him for the rest of his life in many more ways than only one.

On my part and in my life, even as there is a very lovely vice-grip energy that I am lucky to have whenever I can get it, there is the other side of that, which is the side and the thing which prompted this writing today.

Too many teachers of the Divine seem not to tell their charges that things will be harsh before they are not, and the harshest lessons of all are the ones which come from the people who have been in our lives for years and years. On my part of all of this other side of the energy stuff, my biggest challenge over the course of my life has been trying hard to get my blood relations, at least a lot of them, to take me seriously, to have some semblance of respect for at least how I feel, let alone who and what I am, and to take some measure of self-control when speaking of things that at one time meant something to me and which, at this time, I realize, don’t even matter to me as much as I thought it all did.

Why? Because I know that I am not meant for those things, at all, and until I woke up this morning, it did not dawn on me that what I was being taught has been learned, and that what I did not want to accept was accepted a long time ago in that, I am a healer, a writer, a scientist, a spiritualist…and no where in all of those things does anyone read the word “marketing person.”

Even though that is what I used to be, and in some ways still am (someone has to promote me and my girls…we do fine doin’ it all on our own), in that capacity, the one that I started out with their offerings, I am no longer.

That me no longer fits this me’s life and this me’s needs and this me needs things to be a lot more organized for this me to be satisfied with life in that respect. This does not mean that I have no respect for what this set of people are doing. It means that I no longer have to voluntarily obligate me…this me…to their bidding, even as I easily and readily lend myself to their success.

That You is not This You

You know very well that not one of us, at least not without the help of someone experienced in past life regression, can go back in time, at least not for real. We can visit there, and we can take a few moments there, but you have got to admit that even though right now, for myself included and to a limited extent, might suck beyond all which else that sucks, you have to admit that you would so much rather be this version of you than that other you.

That other you was weak in many areas of your own life, and that other you was someone who, from time to time, you did not even like very much. That you did things that this you would never dream of doing, because this you has built a wall of integrity that cannot be demolished by anyone but this you.  This you loves who you are becoming, and that old you..well, that you no longer exists.

That You no longer exists

Believe me or not, the reason that for some of us, life seems to be very difficult right now is because many people don’t realize that the reason things do not work like they once did in the past is because you are now this version of you, and this version of you cannot do things any longer that the old version of you used to do. 

That might be a little hard for you to wrap your head around, and it takes time to ease into the new you, but once it is that you have done just said such easing into things, you will find that you cannot do things like you used to do them. You will find that it is hard to fit into your old lifestyle, with the same type of people who used to be the people who you would do anything for.

You will find out that even though this you requires a little more than the old you did, once you get the hang of it, you will not look back, ever, and neither will you want to. You will learn that there are times which require you to return to pieces of that old you, but in those times you will be beside yourself with wonder because even using some of what was you, even in that instance, it is the new and improved you. 

I cannot lie – I would love nothing more than to no longer live where I am right now, but, the fact of the matter is that, the old me – she is who used to live in that big fat house on the golf course in the desert, and she is who would be hurt by the words that she is reading right now, and that me would pretend that anything else offered in the way of a new place to live would be just fine, even though that me, on the inside, would be dying a death of the ego on many levels.

This me, however, has been actively looking for that new place where new memories, with all of the right people, are going to be made, and this me, while she can be markedly impatient for good things to happen, knows, just because she is this me, that the perfect house where all of these great things will happen is just waiting to tell me that it is the right one for us. This me might be a little on the strange side (a little?), but this me loves me, and this me takes no shit from anyone when in regards to this me and what this me knows is right for me. 

In the end, our losses are meant to teach us to become the best versions of ourselves. Our pain is not meant to live on forever, and is there to make us aware that we are in need of some “me maintenance.” Our past hurts are meant to remind us that we have been through what we needed to go through in order to get to the person who we are becoming, and the people who we are each becoming are meant to go through this crap called loss, pain, hurt, all so that we can recognize what they are and more, recognize the things that are NOT meant to hurt us. 

Me and This Me need to get things moving right along for the day… please make sure that you know what is worth having a vice-grip on, and more, what you will allow to have a vice-grip on you.

I Love You All !

ROX

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Intolerably, Indignantly Righteous

Learning that we are right is one thing. Being a righteous ass hat about it is completely another thing all together.

I learned a few very important lessons this week from more than only one person. In fact, now that I am not an emotionally driven freak about many things, and now that I have had my opportunity to stop myself from getting overly righteously passionate about certain areas of my own life, I have learned that there are times when we are expected to become indignantly righteous about things, and also and more importantly, times when it is upon us each to shut the fuck up and simply just listen.

Just shut the fuck up and LISTEN

Sometimes, we need to shut our mouths, and sometimes, we need, without getting too much in our own way, to stay out of peoples’ business when they are busy trying to make us know something that may well be one of the very most important things that we will ever learn, even and especially when we think we are the bastion of being absolutely and unfailingly right. Sometimes we need to just stay quiet, and sometimes we really just need to listen because in that act of simply listening, we will….WILL…end up learning at least that, more than much else, not only are we not always right, but also, we might be traversing the planet unaware of a few truths that, really, if we would just STOP being so righteously indignant about how right we are and realize that while we are right, that there may not be a wrong, and in fact may well be two ‘rights.’

This new calendar year brought with it the ending of things. Even as it is a new start to a lot of things, and while it might well be that a lot of us who are not that …evolved… might have just followed suit in that they would start their resolutions right away, for the most part, the beginning, unlike the blog about the end being the start of the beginning and how it tells us, basically, that the circle of Karma that we started so as to become a stand alone type human, the end for some people is not the same thing as it will be for those who are in the light of Spirit and squarely in the middle of our own evolution of soul and self.

By this I mean that, no matter what, we are watching our balance become what it is that we have intended for it to become, and in that watchfulness, we have forgotten that while it is great and awesome for us to know this, we have to learn to not only balance it all out, but more, we have to also learn to walk in our proverbial new shoes.

New Shoes

If you have never seen someone who has never worn a pair of high heeled shoes finally wear a pair of them, then you do not know that it takes time and practice to learn to wear them, let alone walk in them. This is the same thing that is happening now in our lives – we are all being expected to wear these new things about ourselves, these new lessons learned, the things that we learned throughout the last year, and most of all, how it was that we fared through it all.

We fared through it all as best we could. We did what we thought we were meant to do, and we tried hard to not lose ourselves in the process, and not realizing we had done so, we lost ourselves anyway, because that is what we were meant to do, supposed to do, and not one of us liked it. Not one of us likes what it is that we are in the middle of right this moment. Not one of us can comprehend much more than what it is that we, ourselves and on our own, have actually been through.

While it applies to plenty of people, there are a very few of us for whom all of this madness which ensued and which we each and all still are trying hard to take stock of the chaos who have not been able to keep our heads squarely on our shoulders. However, there are those of us who, for whatever purpose they have, who are choosing to hang on, NOT to the lesson that was born of all of this, but more, unfortunately, the righteous indignation we have suffered and which was brought about through our own hands, our own thoughts, and the one thing that those people who are thinking in this manner are NOT thinking about is that this is NOT the time to stand there, in all of that righteous indignation, hanging onto whatever it is that you, yourself, cannot change.

You only have the power, no matter what the hell you think, to deal with you. I could have remained angry about something that I came to accept not but a week ago, in fact, a week ago today, about someone who I thought might have had my best interest at heart, only to come upon the truth of what I have always known – that there are people within my own circle of souls who have not been, who will not ever be, someone who is not so righteously, albeit quietly and even covertly, arrogant that they would do what they thought they might be able to in order, not that I would lose my gifts, but that they would – my gifts – be seen as “less than” what they are, by anyone at all.

When it is that we are upon such a truth as that, the sort that is not only thought provoking but, as well, quite life changing in terms of who we know is “for” us and who is not, while it might have been that, at one point in time, we would have become ass hurt over something like it, at this time in our lives, we are, if we are more evolved and have chosen to go through what we have in order to learn, not bothered by it as much as we might have been in the past. And this is only an example of what it is that has been given to us as a gift of the Mother Goddess.

Do not mistake righteous indignation with our knowing, righteously, where it is that we need to become Stand Alone in our power, in our energy…

The biggest thing that I have noticed is that there are people who are righteously indignant about things with only their air of arrogance in play, and then there are those of us who, while all of the madness was happening in our lives and we were not-so happily plodding through it, knew then, when the madness began, what it is that we know now, are staring straight and squarely in the eyes of it, and are more inclined now than ever we have been to do something about it all.

Where it is that we are so very overwhelmed is where it is that we have to look at the reason why. It doesn’t mean that we are somehow more flawed, but instead means that there are parts of ourselves, as our outer and tangible lives will tell us, that we either need to put away, or, give away, or more importantly, through that act of giving away, let go. There are also things that are telling us that we are lacking in certain areas, but that the lack is not really a lacking of anything but rather and only a place where it is our kuleana, our responsibility, to create what must be placed there.

While most of us knows this, there are still many who are living in the arrogance, inside of the energy which is protection through ignorance, or perhaps protection through becoming defensive when in reality there is not a need to defend what we are not understanding, but rather and only a need for us to have at least some clarity about what it is that we believe is the major malfunction of our lives.

Too many people want to blame others on what it is that we, ourselves, have to see to. It is not someone else’s fault if you, yourself, have chosen to stay locked in the pattern that you find yourself stuck in. In fact, most folks who have a clue are more inclined to tell those closest to them that yes, they have things that they want to see to, things that they know they have to do, including this Kahu, that, unless and until it is done, there is no more of anything coming to us but more chaos, more confusion, more of the bullshit that not one of us can claim truthfully that we like.

Of course, getting through all of the chaos also depends on how much time we have everyday.

In a lot of peoples’ lives, the one thing that we each have very little of, because we are the masters of our own existence, is time. It is a funny thing to me to think that we believe we can just simply create time to get it all done. Once it is that the very lot of us decides, like a very few minimum of us has chosen, to look first at ourselves and where it is that we are not completely okay with what we are looking at, and once it is that we claim that we are the owners of that chaos – only then will the clarity and the cognition that we need in order to see to it all, for once and for all, begin to come to us.

It is my own opinion that it is not time that we need, but clarity. It is not time that is going to make this all happen, but our own clarity of thought about where, tangibly and intangibly, all of our stuff should go. Someone very close to me knows what this is all about, to have nothing but complete say so over what is their life, and to have it together in their head, and to see it all in the visions that come to them, and to think that they do not know where they will have time to do this. It is not that easy just shitting another hour out of an already very busy life, let alone day. They are not the only person with this issue.  We will each find that in those closest to us are the very proverbial keys to the kingdom of clarity, and if we are good enough and strong enough, not only to them, but to ourselves, they will gladly school us on some things that we do not realize are not apparent to us, if only and simply for the fact that really, we have no clue what is the truth and reality of anyone else unless and until they allow us that much energy.

Yet, even in this day and age of weirdness and things not of this world are more accepted than they have been in a long while, too many people do not believe that what we want, no matter what it is that we want, is already ours and in manifest. Too many people want to be righteously angry with people in their lives and some want to hang on to that old energy that is not releasing themselves, all on their own, by being kind to themselves, want to blame someone else for the madness that is apparent. For the very life of them each they cannot figure out why it is that things seem to be looking up for a majority of people close to them, and that they are somehow stuck in whatever pot of shit stew they are in.  This is not saying that everyone who is currently in a pot of shit stew is there because they are not willing to look at the mess. This is saying that there are people who just, even as they know it is the best thing for them, cannot let go.

The Righteously Indignant Nature of Arrogance

For most of our lives we have been taught that we have to fight things that we don’t like. Lots of the time those things that we don’t like are not even part of our awareness on a daily basis. We humans are silly and are so because we know better than the way that we sometimes behave. I know someone who is, for all the right reasons, very upset right now. In fact, the whole scenario between this person, another one very close to me, and another person, brought out of them each the one thing that only one of them, at least to my knowledge, has really learned anything about, and that one thing is called forgiveness.

I am not talking about forgiving someone else, but one’s very self. 

Indeed, there comes a time in all of our lives that we can no longer bear the weight of our own indignation, of the very stagnant energy that is the same ol’ thing happening, again and again, in our lives, and we either get tired of it continuing to happen, or finally, one day, we stand up, realize that we are stand alone, and in that energy, we release those who hurt us the most, which in turn releases us as well.

You don’t have to believe what you have just read. You can continue to hang on to that energy that is being righteously angry with others, or, you can come to terms with the part that you have played in the mess that has been created of your own life and you can take the chance to make things happen for you, rather than to you.

It’s like Dorothy never realizing until she woke up that she had the power to change the status of her wanting to go home. All she had to do was realize it.

I Love You All …

ROX

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Sometimes…

For what it is worth, sometimes, things happen that, even as we do not know where to go or what to do after the fact, we know that no matter what, it is actually for the best

Things happen sometimes at the most awful time that they can. This past week has been no exception, and my thought is that it is not only myself who has seen things happen that maybe needed to happen. As much as that might suck to read, and more, to have to deal with accepting, the truth of things is that sometimes, what we want is not what we need, because what we want has the real potential of not only getting in the way of our purpose and mission, but more importantly, it also has the potential to turn us into someone and something that we are not.

When it comes to the words of others, to the promises made by them, to the things that we are willing to hear, to accept, to listen to and to believe, the one thing that we cannot ever forget is to remain true to who we are. That is the most important thing that any one of us can do for ourselves, and the sad thing is that too many of us give up who we are for the purposes of trying to please or even appease others. That isn’t what we are supposed to be doing. What we are supposed to be doing is lifting each other up. We are not supposed to be judging each other, not supposed to play this global match of “the bossa you,” and for the most part, even though things, at this juncture in time, suck okole, the truth is that we are not different in a manner that we are not supposed to be, because the truth is that sometimes, things really do happen for a reason, and the reasons that things happened in the manner that they did in these last few days is because of one thing – to make us see what we are supposed to see.

Do you now see what you are supposed to see?

Some folks might think that I am being harsh right now, and maybe I might be, but the fact of the matter is that when it comes to the things that we try hard to not become, and when it is that something has been presented to us that seems like it is a good thing, and then when we find out that what we wanted was not what we thought it would be, let alone that what we wanted we really, really desired,  we become someone who we are not.

This is not my saying that if this past week, something that happened that damaged your property was what you deserved, but it is my saying that there are some of us who have gone on the deep end of things, thinking that when we heard what we heard, that all of our issues with our lives and all of our bullshit that we didn’t want to look at finally surfaced, the one thing that was left at the bottom of the everything that we hoped and wanted and wished for was who we really are. Who we really are, whether it is to ourselves or to anyone else, becomes tarnished with the energy that is the opposite of the things that we were willing to become, even though those things are not who we really are, we find out that it is not that someone else, that anyone else, needs to change for us, but that we need to really think about changes that need to happen for ourselves and by our very selves before we can add anyone else into the mix of the madness that is our own personal lives.

Our own personal lives

Let’s look at the example that is a new love between two people who have …well, a jumblefuck, really…of a life outside of those two. Now, don’t get me wrong – within relationships there are always going to be those little things that are meant to be there to keep folks in check and to keep them somewhere between the reality that is, and the reality that is in manifest, and the reality that is a memory – this will always be there, no matter what, and now matter what, it is up to the people involved in any relationship, no matter what kind, to take care of those things as best they can.

The issues do not happen until there comes an imbalance and a level of expectation by one, by both, that allows the tarnishing nature of entitlement and expectation to become the only thing that is allowed to be seen by others. It is not something that can be hidden, because when it happens, we don’t realize that it is happening.

We become these…morons…who think that we know what is best for anyone else and only in accordance to what it is that we want and need and desire. We can barely see past our own wants and needs, and we can barely allow ourselves to step aside from it, and we can barely feel our soul as it tries so very hard to breathe, to live, and to get out of the things that we think are meant to stop something from happening, when in reality, they end up being the very cause.

Sometimes, things just are not meant to be what we want them to be

Sometimes, we have got to look at things from a new place. We have to deal with not only what someone else did, said, made light of, but, we also have to deal with the fact that what we wanted, versus what we knew to be the truth, were not in alignment in many ways, with the most important way being that no matter how much we tried to make things happen, they just would not, and not because of anything more than that what it was that we wanted was not going to be beneficial for us, at all, and no matter how much we tried and tried, it was just not going to happen.

We could dream of things how we want them to be, but what we see in those dreams, for the most part, are only indicative of the things that we are desirous of and might not be the thing that we want to have happen. You will know when it is meant to happen because it will be easy, there will be almost no work, no effort at all, involved. There will be no talking anyone into anything. There will be no having to bargain with people, no bargaining with yourself. It will just happen. It will just be.

Things that are supposed to be will just be

I know that a lot of us want things to happen for us in the manner that we think they ought to, but lots of times, Spirit has another plan for us, and lots of times, those plans do not include the things that we think ought to happen.

Spirit is not beholden to our plans, to our thoughts, to the things that we want, but She is very dearly attached to our purpose, our mission with others, the things that we both want AND need in our lives, but we humans are so adept at getting in our own way most of the time that we cannot see past the goal that we have intended, and while that goal might be good for us and what we want, that goal may well not be the thing that is needed all the way around.

Sometimes it is better that we have lost, because in that loss we find things that were not apparent when we were blinded by what we wanted versus what was the best thing for us.

I Love You All !!

ROX

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Impatience

Impatience. It is that thing that irritates us all. We are more inclined to want to believe that our impatience is because someone else made us be that way. This is not the truth. We are impatient because we know that better things await us…far better than what we are seeing to right this moment. 

I will be the last person to tell anyone else that they need to be patient. I mean, I will state now that I have been known to tell others, mainly coaching clients, that it would pay off a bit if they could garner the energy that is patience.  And if you think for a moment that I do not listen to myself and apply what I tell anyone who I am teaching anything, you have another thing coming, because always, before I apply anything that I am teaching, I try it out first – you cannot know if something will work or even be part of another’s healing if you, as a healer, are not personally aware of the outcome. I am one of those healers who, no matter what I am teaching anyone at all, truly knows what I am teaching people and it is because I always try before I have anyone else apply what it is that I am offering them as a method of self-healing.

However, I do have the tendency to grow into a very impatient person when it seems that things are not doing what they are supposed to be doing, and more, when it feels like I am doing a whole lot for anyone who is just NOT getting it in terms of learning. That is where I am right now, with myself, because apparently I have not yet learned to be fearless when it comes to doing things that I just would rather not do. I am like every other human being on the planet – I want things to be easier for me, and really, I have the right to want that, because I know that my whole life to this point, no matter who thinks or says what, I have had a hard time with a lot of things. My life has been a struggle. Emotionally. The thing that I know will make it be less of a struggle is what I am having a hard time with right now, even though I know…KNOW…that once it is that I do what I have to do, that struggle will be over with.

Yet, still, I am impatient and more than that, I am, in a manner that I do not understand, afraid to do this one thing. There are other options, but they are as appealing as this one thing. The difference between all those options and this one thing?

This one thing guarantees that, in the physical sense, I will be freed, permanently, from the last thing that is keeping me, at least in my opinion, from a lot more good things that are already in place. And it is fucking with my patience, everyday, and more, it will, if I do not do SOMETHING soon, begin fucking with my physical health, and hell no I don’t want that…but, there is that thing…that fear of the unknown…it is there because my whole life I have only had the instance of being told that something bad will happen if I do something as selfish as this one thing. I know I am not selfish. I know that I am not bad, but given everything already, with very few (but VERY VERY IMPORTANT) other happenings in place that have caused me to think about what is more important? My level of impatience at this moment, or the idea that doing that one thing will make things (I want to believe) a whole LOT better…because the balance, the pono, will be restored.

This is not my saying that I am always impatient. It is rather and only my saying that there are things that are …I don’t know what to call it all or describe it all as…making me want for the things that are already here, that I know are on their way to me, and all of them are great things. The thing that I believe is making me very impatient right this moment is that I know what I know, in the sixth sense kind of way, and I can see it all, feel it all, sense all of it, and every bit of it makes me giddy with excitement akin to that of a school girl.

Then there is the other side of that giddiness – the side that tells me and that inner school girl that there are still dishes to wash, beds to be made, people to see off to wherever it is that they are intended to go and to be, and all of it is going to take my working on it all, because all of it directly affects me and my life, and most of all, my level of patience, and, as well, my level of fairness in terms of what others need from me as a healer.

And really, I am very well aware of the fact that I indeed need to take a day off from other people and pay attention to me more, because none of this impatience with other people will ever go where it is meant to if I am sitting here ALWAYS doing my work in the world and never taking a break from it, even for one day. This is not my saying that I do not take breaks. It is more like me saying that it is time that I and quite possibly many others like me to start looking at ourselves and seeing there why it is that at this moment, a collective of us are brewing in a shit-pot of impatience, and a lot of us are looking at what everyone else is having materialize in their lives and the majority of us are like those kids at our own birthday parties being made to wait for a piece of cake that was made for us, because it is our day, and we are being made to wait, or so it seems, for everyone else to get theirs. When we finally get ours, we are able to drink our cake that was made for our day…through a fucking straw, which disappoints us and makes us impatient for better things…and it can go on and on like this for weeks at a time.

Sometimes, at the end of those long, dragged out weeks, and after a lot of working with people who we wouldn’t even really have much to do with if they didn’t need our help, we find ourselves drained and wanting for more of the things that as healers, we totally need, and right now, in my own life, I am aware of what it is that I need exactly, and more than that, I know very dearly and completely what it is that I no longer need and what is taking what seems like forever for those things, ways of being, situations and yes, people, to no longer be here.

And really…the ONLY thing that I continually ask is NOT when it is gonna be over with, but why it feels like whatever I was meant to learn has been learned, and that the thing that is making this drag on and on is indeed me and my fear of doing things the way that I know I should do them.

Doing things the way that I know I should do them has not been done because of one thing – I am scared to death of creating a Karmic energy that I cannot reverse.

Yet, I am not sure what I am more afraid of – that the Karma could be created through the balance that is needed, or that deep down inside of my soul I will have to live with what it is that I know that I HAD TO do, and still have to do, but the unknown part is what keeps me at bay. Being kept at bay, for someone like me – someone who actually LIKES to get things done so that they do not have to be dealt with any longer – causes me a whole LOT of impatience.

It gets tiring, in the manner that is almost like dragging a dead weight behind me, a weight that is strapped to me with a vice grip of knots, and then I, in that vision, look down and realize that the weights are not actually tied to me, physically, but that they are tied to the belt loops on the jeans that I am wearing when I have this vision.

The thing is that indeed, I know that I could break free of this…weightedness…but the way that I have to do so could cause me to be exposed to things that, with my pants proverbially down, could really be not that great. Yes, I know…the pants down thing is temporary, but if most folks know how many times I have had to suffer the embarrassments that I have had to in the past, have had to endure with my soul exposed like it has been, you might also understand why it is that these days, there are not a lot of people who I trust when I am in the middle of this energy where it seems that my choices for gettin’ things done are…ugh…and ugh-er, and I am just as far past done with so many things that, in choosing to NOT do what I have been afraid to do for a long time…well, it seems like all I am really doing is running in circles that have only purpose in terms of keeping me at bay longer.

Running in circles, the only thing we get is dizzy

Sometimes, I know that I feel like the only thing that I am doing is running around, again and again, in circle after circle, only to end up right here, like I am right now, feeling like this is it for me…the grand un-pleasurable experience that is being made to wait for things that you know are meant to be, not only the way that you want them to be, but also the very way that you have been shown, through your own visions and with the help of some deep, dear meditation, what awaits.

Yet, when does the time come when we are no longer waiting for whatever it is that we are being taught is finally learned? When does it seem as though somehow, the reason that we are running in circles is not because of anything other than being scared that what we do will cause things to become harder in the long run for us.

We could end up very dizzy, and not in the physical sense, but in the emotional sense, and when that happens there are so many ways, due to the energies that we emit, that in our thoughts there will be the one thing that we ignore, the one thing that we know we have to do, and the one thing that we have to trust, even though we cannot call what will happen should we do what we know we ought to and want to, is ourselves. Instead, we trust the karmic return on what we know we needed as being stronger than the reason that we know we need what it is that we need, what it is that we know is making us impatient and most of all, what it is that is making us so not be who we really are.

Impatience with a situation will certainly make a person not be their best highest selves

Perhaps I am here today having the biggest, yet quietest, tantrum that I have had in a very long time, but to say the very least, I believe that once in a while, we are all permitted, even expected, to have them. I am frustrated, really, with the idea that maybe what I am dealing with is NOT only the physical reality, but more like maybe something on the other side of the veil perhaps is playing with me, daring me to do things and fail in my trying to not do things the way that I have done in the past, because in the past things were done without a lot of thought, without a lot of concern for things that could happen.

So, I suppose today’s blog is more like me telling you that when it comes to things that we know we need, things like patience, things that will make things better for everyone involved, and we know that this is the truth, and the thing that stops us in our tracks is something that we also know is the truth, it is of tantamount importance that we weigh what means more to us.

I am not one who does not know what is and is not important to me or my life. Yet, it is the unknown part of all of this, the outcome, essentially, which, on one end it is needed because in doing what I need to do, what I want to do, what I may well have to do, it will cause more than only myself to be at peace and to live at a level that I am meant to. On the other hand, I also know that this is a lesson in no longer fearing what I should not, which is the power that I have been gifted with to make things pono.

I would like to know about some of your own experiences with impatience and feeling the weight of a decision that must be made in the manner that you know it has to be, and then going ahead and making the right decision for everyone involved. Feel free to comment…just be nice when you do

As far as this choice I have to make?

I’ll let you all know next week when I write the next post of #TheManaoBlog

Until then….I LOVE YOU ALL !

ROX

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A Grand Metamorphosis

It’s nice to think, sometimes even to believe, that things as they are will remain as they are.  Yet, things have to change and grow. At the moment, we are all experiencing quite a Grand Metamorphosis.

While I will not, because I cannot, tell all of the entire world what is transpiring at my house and in my life right now, I will say that what is happening is somehow needed, and what is happening somehow needs me, as a healer, to sit here and literally watch things unfold as they are doing so right now.  I am little freaked out about a whole lot of things, but about this one thing I am not.

Okay….I am a little tiny bit freaked out, but it is nothing that sticks around for very long at all, not when I start to look at the bigger picture and see in that proverbial snapshot everything else that has evolved over the last few years and realize that, even though this is probably meant to suck, and meant for me to delve ever deeper into the world of my own healing techniques, and though it is literally work for me, I have that very real, very deep, “little kid waiting for Santa to show up” feeling.

I know that I am not the only one with this feeling, not the only one wearing this energy right now. It is like I have been trying on my mommy’s high heels for so long now that this time, when I put them on, they fit, and really, it is the most surreal thing ever, because for a long time, many people have been asking for, praying for, intending things like this one big giant thing to happen. It is here. We think we are not prepared for it, but that is the furthest thing from the truth.

The Actual Truth

The actual truth is that we are collectively reeling from the pain caused by all we have gone through in our singularly lived yet collectively felt past. That pain is all that we know and is one of the very most familiar things for each of us, even as it is temporary – we know the pain, and that is why we have hung on to it – it is familiar, like an old pair of very worn shoes.

What we are feeling right now and in largess is the pain that we seem unable to release from our lives and the reason it seems so big is because it is the one thing in all of the things that do not suck, that sucks.  The real and personal reasons that it seems we cannot release it is anyone’s guess, but most of the time it is because we are emotionally attached to it in some way, and in that manner, what we are doing is allowing our energies to be drained from us, by people who do not deserve who we are in this time when we have evolved to this point in who we truly are.

They do not deserve to be in our lives because the simplest truth of all is that we have evolved past the neediness, past the nature that is defensive within us and that tells us that we somehow need to defend what is this other person’s truth about us that is not our own truth. Our emotional attachment to the pain may well be that we are hanging on to the other part of the pain, which is not pain, because in that which is not pain we find solace and we find that little tiny piece of happiness that we feel like we need for the parts of our lives and selves that need that explanation, that need to be able to understand why it was that we were put through that pain, and our … I don’t know … inner child somehow wants that salve that is the good memory mixed with the ugly one. It seems crazy, but it is true.

When we are kids we want so badly for people to accept us, and we carry this energy with us all of our lives. It shapes who we are still, if we allow it, and of course it shaped who we were and what our experiences were with people who, for the life of themselves, just could not stop bullying us as kids, for no other reason than that they could. As we grew into who we are in this part of our lives, that hurt remained. We tried pushing it into the deepest recesses of our memories and left them there, like a bunch of old toys in the attic (gotta love Aerosmith). We did not forget about them, though, because in those toys were some favorite things, and it is those favorite things that we want to believe balances out the ugly things, and the shameful things, and the painful things, and the things that really are not ours.

This bothers us.

Actually, this bothers our egotistical self, the self that is that child who is hurt, rather than annoyed only.  This bothers us because we know the truth that is ours, and we, through our human ability to get ass hurt about anything  at all, filter these things that we are told, the things that make us hurt and want to not be who we worked toward being, through the filter that is the wounded child inside. And really, it is just time to let the adult out and let the adult have their say so.

Lots of us won’t do this. Most folks will let things fester and allow who we are not be who speaks for us. The time, however, is now that we ought to be far more inclined to no longer allow those hurts from the past still remain where they are within us. When we hang onto those things, even as they are very difficult to release, we allow those things to live on, inside of us, making it so that whoever it was who’d said or done anything horrid to us still have a piece of us, and that really is not cool.

They don’t deserve a piece of us, because for a long time in each of our lives they held onto that piece, never letting it go, dangling it in front of us every time they saw us, every time they thought about us and with each time, at least for some of us, we felt it. When we felt it, we grew more tired from carrying that weight. Eventually, some of us realized that it was time to save ourselves and to stop trying to make people who are not our kind of people love us for who we are. It was when this happened and some of us accepted it and embraced it that we also knew that we were not, at that point, and are not and will not ever be the person who they wounded, ever again.

You are not that person anymore…

Let’s get real here, okay? You are not the same person who you were when your pain was initially experienced by you. Why are you hanging onto that person’s pain? Yes…I know…it is not easy to let it go, because it hurt so badly, and what you are dealing with in that hurt is no one’s business BUT yours, and I totally get it on that level. What I don’t get is why it is that you have yet to make the decision to turn that pain into usable stuff…medicine…to help heal your pain?

I know, I know…not everyone is me, and not everyone can, when they know they are hurting so badly, turn what they hurt or ail from into their own signature meds for evolving. When we think further about it, we can see a few things that help make sense of what I am saying for those who are shaking their heads and thinking that I am way more off of my rocker than even I know I am haha.

The Pharmaceutical companies turn illness into medicine, and for centuries Native Americans and Hawai’ian people have done this – we have faced our demons of pain, looked them in the eyes and told them that they are no longer of any good purpose, that we have learned all that we can from them, and that our choice to still deal with them is NOT for them to hang out more, but for them to know that really, we are done in terms of fearing them.

You were not that person any longer on the very day that you chose to survive.

You were not that person the moment that you accepted that what was going on in your life was no longer going to control your life and with a slow and untiring vengeance, you went straight to town on those monsters in the closet. You probably know that from time to time, those monsters will poke their heads out, but the more you look at them, the more they look like any other cartoon monster – pretend and not really that dangerous at all.  So ensued your quest to no longer be hurt by them, your intention to not allow the past to control your present and ultimately, your future.

And really, it had to be done, and if it is not done yet, and whether you like it or not, it will be done, because that is how this all rolls, guys – that which is not purposeful in our lives and which have done what it was all meant to do is done, and now all that is left is the memory. It is in the memory that we live from time to time, and in that memory there are times and bits of history that were significant for us and taught us. Usually those were times that we were hurt in unimaginable ways, by people who meant a lot to us, and that is when our evolution began. That is when our place as light workers started, and it hurt so very badly to have to look at, to know was in our presence, and all any one of us wanted really to do is and was to no longer have to deal with it.

Deal with it, however, is exactly what lots and lots of us have done, and are still doing, because lots and lots of us KNOW, for real and for sure that dealing with the monsters has served us well, that facing our fears makes it so that, with practice, we will no longer fear what is in the darkness of the soul.

And really, right now is the best time to do this voluntarily, because, again, right now things are changing at a lightning pace, including human beings and our ways of being. What is unacceptable will no longer be, and what we cannot tolerate will also no longer be. Things and people are leaving our lives because new people have shown up and those new people are the ones for whom that void left by the past has been carved out for.  In the lives of those same new people are happenings that they are not really wrapping their heads around, because what they are seeing in front of them is very surreal.

The surreal nature of all of these things is this way because for many, many years, there was something there that we did not want to look at. Now that it is not there anymore, we can only see the void, but really, it is not a void – it is rather and only space vacated by those things that hurt us and that has been made there within us and within our lives for the new stuff. The surreal part is that we cannot believe that finally, it is done, and the only thing left is the memory, and it is in that memory of whatever it is that haunted you where the medicine is at. From that pain came your wholeness in that area of life, and to reward you for those efforts through that pain, not only have you been healed from it, but just like it happened when we were kids, and the doctor gave us a lollipop after he gave us a shot – there are new people with whom to make new memories.

Done…and…done ! 

Evidence that this is all truth

There is evidence EVERYWHERE, and it is undeniable that we are right where we need to be, right this minute, because whatever is happening is supposed to happen. The pendulum of life has begun to swing, albeit slowly, in the opposite direction.

So, in my opinion, what this means is that, for all of us who have, for the bulk of our lives, suffered greatly through the things that we learned from others, through the suffering and the ugliness that were brought to us by them, the other side of that has begun.

Where there was the ache of loneliness, in place of that is a new relationship where loneliness does not exist, even in when not physically in one another’s awareness.

Where there was once the rage brought by the struggle of not having enough is this new energy, and one that is making us crazy with impatience in terms of being able to have the means by which to pay for our lives.

Where once there was only the memory of the pain, there is now the scar left by the wounding, and the strength brought by the healing that we each and all have struggled to have in our lives.

Think about it…and everything that brought you right here, up to this point, and about how much it all sucked, badly.

Welcome to the flip-side, good humans…

I Love You All !

ROX

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A whole lot of words about Respect

Seems that there is a whole lot happening in our lives right now. Lots of things and ways of being – even people – are being removed from our lives. We are collectively in an energy of loss, but even as we have all lost so very much, the one thing that never needs to be lost is having Respect…yes, with a capital “R”

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It is with great pleasure that today I am writing, once again, about a subject that, in my opinion, is something that truly and actually NEEDS to be taught. Indeed, that one thing that I am writing about is Respect (with a capital “R”).

When I was a kid, I recall the adults in my life having a favorite phrase that I know they also heard when they were kids, and that phrase is “I COMMAND RESPECT.” Well, let me allow you this much – we all do, but, the thing is, commanding is like demanding, with the latter of the two being less…demeaning…to the person or people who anyone who would do either of these things.

I get it – when it comes to our kids, we have to “command” this Respect out of them when they are very young, and the way that we are supposed to and should be doing that is through showing these tiny little heathens the respect that we are commanding. The reason that I am writing about this particular thing, again, for probably the millionth time is because, in short, when you have to give respect where none has been given in equal measure, it is no longer a thing about having a mutual respect, but more and only about someone expecting any one of us getting what they feel they are due, simply because they happen to hold a power position in the lives of others. The worst offenders of this uneven energy are indeed parents. (Yup… I said it so eat it all up and freakin’ deal with it, guys….I gots me a big ol’ thing to write today….go get yourself a drink and whatever else you’re gonna need)

What are you teaching others about this energy called Respect?

I have written a lot about this, because the truth is that where I come from in terms of people, it is nothing for the “adults” in the lives of children to expect to get from those children the thing that they should get, but do so without returning it. I wonder what it is that compels any human person to think that they are due something that they themselves refuse to give? It might be that these people have respect confused with bullying others into fearing them and gaining respect that way. Way to go, douche-bag – and welcome to the world where in reality, what you send out in terms of energy is what you will get back, no matter what.

If you are not sending out that energy of respect, a respect that is true, that is real, the people who you are commanding it from are going to be on to you, and while you might have the upper hand right now, wait…WAIT til it comes to the  point where they have had enough of your garbage and the tables turn on you. I am not saying that they are going do to you what you have done to them. What I am saying is that, eventually, you will push people out of your life, because you do not know what the hell respect is for real.

And then…you expect the people who you hurt the most to want to stick around and be there for you. I have news for you – it is probably not going to happen. You might have been able to bully them into believing things that you wanted to believe yourself, but the bottom line is that the more that you continue to chip away at what Stephen R. Covey stated in his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, as being an “emotional bank account” that, at the end of it all, is in the red where this is concerned regarding respect.

And really, Mr. Covey was right – it is true that if a person will continue to do the things that causes another person or people to be repulsed and repelled by them, there is a guarantee that somewhere along the way to that place where there is no love left, at least the sort that makes people want to be around a person, there was a very dear and severe lack of true respect.

Respect is NOT something that we can buy, and if what anyone will do in the manner of paying with tangible means (i.e. buying nice things for people who you know dislike you just so that they will like you and other quite douche-bag like things) for the “respect” of others, this is not respect – this is what is called buying people. If you have to buy the respect of others, have to barter things and have to impress people with tangible means, and in reality you know that these people, given the fact that you probably were capping on them all the time, have very little respect for you. If you are the kind of person who has to barter things and money and essentially are the person who lives from the ego instead of the soul, you need dearly to check yourself before you further wreck yourself.

You see, people do not like being lied to, do not like being taken for a fool, do not like being belittled, do not like paying for someone else’s old sins from the past over and over again until you, the one who needs to command respect, finally wear them down to the point where when they see you coming, they turn tail and head the other direction away from you, it is not the others who need to deal with things of a personal and internal soul matter. What you seek from others you must have within you and for you. This is not new. This is something that has a lot to do with the energies that combine and bring out who you truly are through outer means that are outside of your control. And in reality, you are what is that thing called a control freak.

You do not need to control people to have their respect – all you need to do is show some true respect for others and that energy will be given back to you. Try it and see for yourself. There is no need for bravado, because that is just another form of disrespect called arrogance. There is no need for name calling, because what you are emitting in terms of energy is your own feelings about yourself in some manner. What is needed is the paring down of your own self to get to the core of who you are and finding out what it is within you that is making you so very dearly repulsive to others. Have you ever noticed that? The next time that you are at a party…doesn’t matter if it is a company party or a family party – take a few moments to observe everyone’s body language and notice their mannerisms. There is nothing that hides an arrogant fool, just exactly like there is nothing that can hide the light that shines through a person and out to the people who they are with.

Respect is not something that should not be present upon meetings between strangers. The respect begins to be lost when said strangers start to size each other up and begin to take what the other person is saying as somehow being demeaning to them. Sometimes, it is totally demeaning and make no mistake – there are a lot of people who we share the air with who lack the sense in themselves enough to NOT behave in the manner that is boorish, that is needing all the attention from the rest of the planet, and when we come across a bully we are most assuredly encountering the energy that is disrespect.

There are no two ways about this. You either have respect for strangers, so as to exude that energy, thereby bringing it back to you, or you don’t, and you end up bringing the energy back to you as well.

If it is that you are finding yourself at odds with people, it is a good bet that you have likely shown little or no respect for them, and you end up behaving in the manner that is equivalent to a giant two year old, tantrum, foul demeanor, and everything else that it comes with. This is the thing that, for whatever reason there is, still seems so present in our lives, even as there is no reason for it at all. There is no reason for us to play “eye for an eye,” because we no longer live in the times of old. There is no need for us to think that what we have to do is command anything from anyone else. There is no need for anyone’s ego to take over and wreck things any more than they are already. This is the thing about not having respect for people – again, it is the energy and NOT the words coming out of someone’s mouth that others are sensing.

A lack of respect also denotes a real lack of integrity. When we lie to people to save their feelings, we are not respecting that maybe they were learning a soul lesson and that maybe they needed to learn the lesson at hand. When we pretend to have love for another person and that love is based on a the “servant-master” dynamic, that is not respect…it is ownership. When we are more willing to just get our way without regard to how anyone else feels about a thing or two, we are not doing what is the highest best for anyone, but namely for ourselves.

When it is that we find ourselves all alone, both outwardly and inwardly, we need to stop and ask ourselves what it is that we can do to remedy that. There is a giant in difference between being alone and being lonely. If we are lonely we need to ask why we feel that way and realize that perhaps, at some point in our lives, we took everything that was good, if indeed it could be called that, and somehow banished all of it to the wasteland called “someone else’s fault but not mine.” This is not to say that some folks are very lonely because they really want to be with people but are shy. I am talking about those types of people who run their mouths, do horrid things to others, and expect that they will still have the love of these people. It does not work that way. At all.

You see….wherever respect is concerned, there too is also Love concerned. Without a proper love of the self, one cannot love anyone else. It is impossible to know real love if you do not love you, much as it is impossible to respect one’s own self if you do not have respect for yourself. It is not our place to judge anyone else for their actions, but rather and only our place to make sure that both our words and actions have the energy that is of the highest integrity, because that is where the truth of respect for one’s own self is found.

Basically, those who show little respect for others, who care nothing about how others feel, about what affects anyone else, in the manner that is hurtful, really have a problem with self-respect, because really…who we are is reflected in the company that we keep.

…and if no one is around, what is that telling you, let alone the rest of the world?

I Love You All

ROX

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Things are meant to be this way right now

This past week brought us all something that we have waited for, called the Truth. While we may not like what has transpired, make no mistake – what we are experiencing is meant to be.

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Things are not fun right now and this is true for a whole lot of us. Many of us are being shown truths we have never wanted to look at head on, while others are being given the truth of things, and the truth of things are as ass backward from what we thought was there in the first place.  And no matter how any one of us feels about the things happening around us, in the lives of those who we care the most about, and most of all, within our very selves, it is not rocket science to think that even though much of this energy we are currently experiencing sucks okole, I have been hard-pressed to find anyone who does not agree that it sucks, but is needed.

There are severeal reasons why all of this ‘ugh’ is needed

A lot of us here on planet Earth have been so busy avoiding what it is that we do not want to grow toward, but like all else in nature, grow, we must. Growth hurts. Growth makes us cry, and makes us rage, and makes us go through things that we thought we were done with. While it is that certain people represent the things that hurt us, that give us pain, or conversely, give us a feeling of wholeness and renewed energy, all of us still have some stuff that we need to let go of, and whether we like it or not, we are, without restraint, letting go.

Letting go of things about who we are, or that we thought we were or maybe even still think we are, is painful. It is painful because on some level, we have to accept that things are, in some cases and in lots of ways, pau hana, meaning that we are done working on it, that maybe the others involved are not willing to change, not for us but for themselves, and we have to just accept it. It is hard to accept certain things, hard to deal with the way that some things have happened, and it hurts us to the very core middle of us. We have gone on like this for such a long time that the things that we have accepted, and the things that we have dealt with and lived with and just allowed to be as they are have called upon us to change – no, not the others, but ourselves.

We want so badly for other people, namely those who we love the most, not to hurt, not to hurt themselves, not to rob themselves of the goodness that is them, the goodness that is life that takes a bit of doing to deal with anyway, and when we find out that all this time we maybe were not wrong, but that we did more than we should have, gave more than we had, and did it all from Love, and no matter who they are, they did not step up. This does not include the things that we did not understand, or perhaps were not well enough informed about, but the things that we know so, so very much about, which are things that we have each not wanted to face, and are the things that have caused us to feel helpless for a very long time now.

Some of these things include other people, but at the bottom of it all it is simply our very selves we are facing. We are learning to accept that the things that we had hoped for with some folks just cannot happen for them, and we are very disappointed that it is like this. We cannot control what is the lessons and more, the way that other people learn. It might be that our method of learning is not what they can understand, and so we teach them from our point of view, showing them our perspective, and in that energy is the Love which is so needed by anyone, that when someone else, no matter who they are, fail to be all they can be, it hurts us, deeply.

I have gone through this all week, beginning last week, with people who I placed my hope for healing in, and all I can say about my own reaction to it all is that the learning that came this week to me would not have happened had I not gone through what I thought was the very end of my world. It wasn’t. The lesson that I specifically had to learn, I learned, and it was all about acceptance of things, about accepting that some people are not ready for the growth that, again, no matter what, will come to them. Lots of us see the growth and the pain from the growth as what it really is – temporary. Yet, for too many of us, that temporary ouch in and of itself (you know, it being temporary and all) seems, from their perspective, a little too inconvenient for their liking and their schedule and their social life. They seem to like things as they are, but the truth is that in reality, it is not that they like it or are comfortable with it, but that they really have no idea that they are learning something.

Some of us absorb the things that we learn in a sponge-like manner, and we take on these vile energies for the purpose of learning what is there, and more, what is not. What I thought would be the very end of things on one end turned out to be the opportunity to make things for someone else a little bit easier where I specifically am concerned. Where it was that I believed it to be the beginning of the end was actually the growth which I so badly needed, so dearly begged The Mother Goddess to grant me with, and here I am, a few days later, newly minted with thoughts that are not what they were just a few days ago.

Where it was that I believed the sins I had committed these last few weeks, sins which were misunderstandings more than they were anything intended as hurtful, it was actually my being taught the reality that is balance, that is the give and the take, that is the granting and the receiving. Had I not bothered to think in this manner, I might still be the torrid wreck that I was at the start of the week. Daily, the inner light within me glows a bit brighter, because with the release of the things that I thought were the truth, it turns out that there was a perfecting of my strength and a clearing out and a cleansing of what no longer is needed for me to grow, and most of all, the brilliance that I thought was no longer there became the things by which I knew that, for the first time in a very long time, perhaps even in my life, I found that while there is a lot of stuff that I have to get over and let go  of, that this includes things and thought and ways of being which really do not apply to me and neither to the people with whom I share the most time with, care about the very most, and have nothing but the deepest, truest energy of Aloha for.

This, I find, is my very truth.

The Truth Relived Through the Pain

We have always known the truth. Our Ethereal senses tell us what is the truth before our bodies kick in and confirm that truth for us.

Lots of us have had aches and pains and loads and loads of crap that we have been feeling as being the heaviest, loneliest, most awful energies we have ever had to carry within us, but right now, even as some of the things that we still can see physically are still there, we can and have been looking at them with a renewed sight. It is almost like we are seeing things for the first time. In my own sight are the seeds planted by me over the course of many, many years, and being the gardener that I am, I have tended what is there for the bulk of my time on this planet, and realize now that no matter what it is that I am looking at, that I am who planted all those seeds and now those seeds, over the course of many long years, have come to fruition.

Like any garden planted, always there is the threat of pests, and the threat of others trampling our flowers, taking our harvest, and we do not realize that what we have planted is showing us where it is that we need to deal with some things that maybe we may have overlooked. We wanted to let the weeds grow, because at first, the weeds mirrored what is another edible plant. We tended the weeds, not realizing that they were weeds, and when the flowers finally came into existence, we could not look at those weeds as anything other than what they are – not purposeful.

Yet, at the same time, when we think about those weeds, and the hopes that we had that they might not be what we knew they were the whole time, we loved that plant, not only in hopes that it would bear fruit, but more, just because it was ours, and just because it was part of our garden. We loved it as much as we did the rest of the crops, sometimes to the point of thinking that maybe we could replant it somewhere else. Yet, all along, we knew within us that it was just a weed.

This same thing can be applied to some of our behaviors this week, some of our expectations and some of the outcomes. It is not the people who are the weeds, but the things that they do and enact in our lives that are the things that we need to consider being what is really bothering us. It is not them, personally, but the things that they bring to our lives that, rather than seeing them as our only way out, are actually things that we need to learn to deal with, and a lot of the time, we would rather not. Of course we would rather not, because normally, the things that we are being taught are brought to us and into our awareness by those who we love and care about the very, very most. Sure, some of it is related to us and what it is that we need to learn, but the most of it is rooted in the things that we would rather not look at and not so much recognize, but have always known as the truth.

At this moment, like right now, I am going through this. I am going through this feeling that, once again, I am being made to feel like I am doing something SO egregiously wrong, so, so, so vile, and so something that will cut into the comfort of other people, that when I think about it, it makes me want to continue forward.  Even as I am in tears almost, over the things that I have had to listen to about how what I have to do and what I am going to do affects their social calendar, I care not one bit about it, because this is not something that I have not already been through, this week even, and it is fine with me.

As per usual, I am who will have to step up, throat exposed, while the rest of the world does what it has to, as well…but…you betcha…I ain’t scared of it.

In fact, because of it, it has given me something that no one but me, and such things as temporary strife, can…

…the reality that is empowerment…

I Love You All

ROX

1Mana Card Reading Meme RJB

The Loveliest Photography capturing the Loveliest Hula Wahine can be found by visiting www.randyjaybraun.com

Hawai’ian Mana Card Readings can be done for you by me, and all you have to do is send an email to ReverendRoxie22@gmail.com, with “MANA CARD READING” in the subject line,  and I will reply with all the details!


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