Monthly Archives: April 2017

A Higher Calling …What’s Yours?

triple goddess blue and purple

Do you know the reason why you are going through everything that you are going through right now?

The truth will, or maybe will not, surprise you.

The truth is that at some point in your life, you asked, from the middle of your soul, for things to be different for you, and you might have even believed that you were deserved of better things. You might have watched something called The Secret and after watching it, you might even have gone out and tried out what you saw and perhaps even manifested something for yourself.

The truth is that what you are going through, and the idea that it is in your life, is NOT something only that you have manifested into being, but, is also a lesson that you have called into being and that lesson is connected to what you do and what you do in this lifetime is connected to who you are and your mission and purpose in this lifetime. I say it a whole lot, specifically to those who I coach through my Awareness training – all of everything that we go through, specifically if it harms us and makes us hurt in the soul and is something that seems to have been part of who we are from the time that we were kids…that is what your Divine Purpose is…your Divine Purpose Is your Higher Calling.

What Is Your Higher Calling?

The way that I figured out was my Higher Calling was to step back from my own life and see what the running theme of every lesson that I have learned to this point, and mainly the lessons that hurt me, very dearly, and the ones that somehow I end up using as an example in my work in this world.  Case in point – when I thought about who I wanted to coach, after some thought and time, I figured out that it is not the “how” that we are going to get something done, but rather and only why.

You will not know what is your calling just by the simple means by which you have chosen to do things in the past. You will get there better by figuring out why you want to pursue what it is that you cannot get out of your head. Whatever it is that you are thinking about, even if it is your current job and you have come up with things that you would like to implement in terms of what you do in your duties….that is you answering the Higher Calling of what your purpose is. 

Your purpose in connected to the thing that you have to go through, and by “go through” I mean the things that you have had to deal with and that hurt your soul. 

As much as I hated going through everything that I have gone through over the course of my life, and as much as I can understand why it is that some folks – even those closest to me – do not realize the reason why I do not do things in the manner which the rest of the world does – I went through those things, unbeknownst to me, because I had to. 

Yes…had to

In fact, when we all can’t find a way out of the things that we feel like we have to go through, it is because we have to go through them in order to level up to the thing that we want to happen for us, or, at least will get us that much closer to that thing. We have to get through things that suck because that is what is required of us to rise up to where we need to be. Where we need to be is up to us, which is the most confusing thing to us all if it is that we have been taught that the only way that we can get what we want is to beg your mom’s big scary god guy for it…I know all about that one and how it is that it does more damage than much else.

triple goddess hula

…and really, the way that we know that we are “leveling up” is because we will, at those times, look out into the nothing, or up into the sky through the ceiling, and ask the question, through tears or through the proverbial gnashing of teeth….a one word query:


It is because I know that the reasons that I have for doing anything at all is not connected to how I intend to make those things happen, but rather and only why they need to happen in my life. Once it is that we are very clear on the reason why we want something in our lives, the how just happens. Bear in mind that the “how” does not happen to us -but is already in place. The how is connected to how we technically and tangibly make things come into our being. So, when I state that we need to know why we want something, someone, somewhere …anything….at our lives…the best, fastest way to get those things there is to know why  we are passionate about that one thing.

Knowing how to do anything is “of the body,” and in order to create anything, we have to know why we are so passionate about anything. I am very passionate, not only about people becoming healed and whole again, but, very dearly passionate about what I do in terms of revealing the Truths of our own inner selves, lives and worlds and that is only and all about who we are in relation to our Purpose….also and better known as A Higher Calling.

A Higher Calling

We are not born knowing what our purpose is.

Believe it. It is the truth.

Not one of us knows what our purpose is. We have to sort of figure it out on our own. There is nothing that someone who can be considered a “guru” can charge enough to make it so that you do not have to go through what you have to go through. Adding to that, there are a lot of “gurus” on this planet who want to make us believe that we do not know what our purpose is and that we will not know what it is until our life is passing before our eyes in the minutes prior to our crossing over. (Been there. Done that. I survived it…and at that point in my life, I thought I knew what my purpose was and was arrogant about it…please keep reading…)

Our purpose and finding it out is NOT something that is meant for us to guess til we leave our bodies. Our purpose is embedded in the things that we go through, the things that we got through, the things that we will still go through. At every juncture in our lives, and at every turn that brings us to a place that feels like harm (and typically is), those are the times that we are being made better, stronger, tougher, clearer, higher purposed..with each and every heart ache.

We go through everything we do so that we can go out into this world and let the world have our words in terms of how we survive the things that we do. Some of us begin early in life, with major losses, and many of us continue to go through things from the time that we are children. I was one of those children. I was not allowed to do a whole lot of things, was not allowed, for the most part, to have what is known as an original thought.

This is the reality that a whole lot of us go through – the idea that we think thoughts that are ours and original, but, as children, our parents censor us …and it is not their fault that they are doing this – they are being parents.

I get it.

I am certain that all of us who are called “mom” or “dad” gets it.

It is at the times in our lives when we hurt the most is when we are supposed to pay the most attention, but we don’t, and we don’t because at those times we are very dearly in an energy of heightened emotional stuff. The emotionality of things is where the gold is in all of our lessons, but we do not know this. We are taught, instead, that we are supposed to express our emotions, and we do. What we are not taught is what to do with those things that we have learned from those times that hurt us the very most – we are not taught why we go through things that hurt so bad.

I can only speak for myself when I state that the way that I have chosen to utilize the pain and every horrid thing that I have experienced is simply to research it, study it, link it to neuro-cognition, learn to use it to teach others how to learn what is their purpose and more, to create the way that the world will benefit from the goodness borne of the things that have shattered us in a gazillion tiny, cutting pieces.

Think of it in terms of this – it is at the very lowest times in our lives that we are being made perfect in our imperfections, and in those imperfections are created the future. The times in our lives that hurt us, that spot weld the things that we learn from and the people who we learn them from in our heads, hearts, souls and memories – even though those times and those things sucked – they taught us.

They taught us in the most hurtful ways, and they taught us in the way that only we would be able to learn – from our own lives. They taught us who we were not by giving us constant reminders of the things that hurt us, things that are not who we are and not what we are about and those things are thrown in our faces, everyday, day after day, until we end up figuring out that all along, what we were asking for was there for us, but was not obvious and neither was it made that way – obvious.

The Harm that Refines


You read that correctly – the harm that refines us.  It is like firing metal to make it a blade and like sandblasting the crud that collects around tiled inner perimeter of a pool caused by an owner just not paying attention to the crud, and when the crud is gone, there in its place is the restored manner which those surfaces are supposed to be, and they are the same surfaces – and sometimes they are made better.

Thinking in these terms we can also see that when we are doing what we are supposed to be doing, even including the things that made us suffer through all of these things that we go through. We can see that in these times in our lives, we somehow, through it all, made it fine and made it out alive. And that realization is also part of all of these things, because that realization is meant to give us guidance in terms of who we are and who we are, as we each and all ought to know, is connected to our very Divine Purpose.

We are all here for a purpose that is Divine and is created by us long before we are imparted into this lifetime. Our purpose is the thing that makes our soul sing, and makes our lives feel like even though they might be difficult, they are worth the everyday push towards our highest best selves, our higher calling…

What are you dealing with right now in your life? What are you doing everyday to make it at least feel a little less scathing?

What have you determined is your Higher Calling?

What, my friends, is your Higher Purpose?

Think about it…





Shifting Paradigms

Map of brain.jpg

Change (typically) occurs in the paradigm of things.

PARADIGM : late 15th century: via late Latin from Greek paradeigma, from paradeiknunai ‘show side by side,’ – ‘beside’ + deiknunai ‘to show.’

“To show side by side”…when we think about this definition, or at least when I think about it and the way that part of the dictionary’s definition of the word is that it is meant to show us the patterns we live in, I get happy, but, then in remembering that it is up to a person and their own free will to make that choice – to see the paradigm shift…or not?

That really is the question, namely when we are talking about us human type beings creating a life that we Love and that those who we Love the very most can also be part and party to. If we think in terms of the patterns of our lives and we can see the pattern without the people who are (or were) representative parts of who we are in manifest (be those things either good or bad – either way it is a hint as to where we each and all are in terms of our soul’s growth…please, keep reading…), we can see, too, where it is that our patterns are showing us and have always shown us a whole lot about ourselves, our lives and where it is that our most challenging times are and indeed, where history, and according to our natal charts, will be (and yes, I CAN read and interpret your natal chart in terms of personality and how to deal with yours and that of others…hit me up.)

When we are feeling like we are inside of an energy that we do not want more of, we have to remember, too, that we can change that thought, which will ultimately change the feeling and the energies that we are surrounded by at all times. The thing that we are not ever bothering with is that we are constantly seeing ourselves as being apart from things, when really, we are the very middle core of things when they happen in our lives. When we think that we have no power and that we are weak and never to be strong again, we are not aware that we are being taught, not aware that we are being shown, through who we are supposed to be trusting the very most – ourselves. And not only that – when we realize just exactly how much power we truly do have, it is like we have awaken from a very perilous, very …tiring…nightmare of belief that has been in place for far too long, as is.

The sad part is that for the bulk of our lives, we have been manipulated to believe that on our own, we are not strong enough to change things (even though these same people who tell us that we are not strong enough to change things are the very ones who typically NOT who willingly will help….they’ll dispense advice that they, themselves, would not ever take…and then get offended when those in despair do not take their advice). We believe ourselves to be the actual situation, rather than just the most significant part of the whole. When we are “in our energies” we are the strongest that we are going to be, ever. When we are focused on things that make us feel better and be happy, we are in the best place, emotionally, to be able to at least start our own healing process.

But, the trick is that we have to remember to not be so stuck “in” the ugliness that we cannot ever believe that that which has been given as a lesson is also that which is something that, once it is learned, we will never have to deal with in the same way that we do right now in this moment. 

And “in” is a strange little word, too, when it is thought about in terms of the word intuition, according to Dr. Loretta Standley, and my thought about her definition regarding our intuitive selves.

Since we are naturally intuitive, about everything, then it makes sense to this particular geek girl that it is less the shift in consciousness that makes things grievous than it is that our human propensity towards growing too comfortable and complacent in the boundaries of our lives and boundaries that we have grown to think of as being permanent, as being the only pattern in our lives, and most of all, a pattern that, if we paid good attention to throughout our lives, we would see where, in our lives and the boundaries we create for ourselves within them, where there is and has been a shift in the paradigm of things.

This includes every part of it…the very all of our “things”on the personal, spiritual and emotional levels – we are not aware of the patterns in our lives, and when it comes to a place in life where we feel like we are failing in every part of it, and when our efforts towards rebuilding those parts of our lives feels like all we are doing is building things up so the ether through others can tear it all apart, are the very times in our lives when we have to consider that something else is happening.

That something else is happening is not a bad thing….at all….and the moment that we can address this…”something else” and see it as a tool towards the re-creation of our own lives, beginning with our own Selves being the beautiful wreck of a human being made whole, even as said same human can only see themselves as this wreck. What we have been taught our whole lives long is that “being a wreck” is somehow a bad thing, when really, being that same wreck is a tool in our box of things to create the future.


What? Did you believe that POOF! In seven days some dude wearing a robe and having a bearded face and calling himself ‘god’ was the creator of everything on this planet?

Ummm…yeah….not in this minister’s grimoire…please, keep reading…

We have to consider that maybe it is not that Spirit hates us, but instead is that Spirit knows, as She always knows, that we are no longer needful of the things, the situations, the everything that applied to those times in our lives when it seemed that everything was gorgeous, that we used to do even though the skills we used to make us all that we made ourselves to be, at those times in our lives, is that same thing now that is going on in this shared awareness of ours.

When it feels like things are out of our control, the thing that we are not doing, as I have found out personally through my own attempts at making things right in accordance to what they used to be like for me just about…oh…say ten years ago now….are not the things that we need to re-create the past. The past cannot survive the future, because the past cannot rebuild itself, even as we can replicate it – it is not the same, because you, yourself, are not the same, and the things that applied then are not the same things that apply now- think about it. The past was nice and was a lesson, at least for me, and I learned well enough to know that my own insecurities are those things that even as I feed them wrong at times, in the time that has passed since 2006, and with the person who I have grown to become at this point in my life, I find that who I was would not fit into who or where I am at this time in my life.

And my proof is the people who are most prominent in my life…my David (Muah! I Love You…you make me shine), my Jeremy, Gracie and Joshua (my kiddos…I Love You Guys…you make me proud)…my Spirit Sisters (hey guys…my life would be dull without you ladies…I Love You) (And folks, there …those three entities – this is an example of practicing gratitude….yup…that simple)

Please…keep reading…

Ten Years Ago….

Ten years ago it was April, 2006. I lived in the high desert. I had lots of money but it was not money that I’d worked for – it was money that my kids’ dad inherited.

Looking back now, even while that large chunk of change made things feel easier, and even thought, at that time, I had the best hula studio in the high desert and was making a decent amount of money, I see now the thing that that particular time in my life taught me.

I had friends, and I had a business, and I was in college then, too. My knee was not injured as much (and neither for the same reason) as age and my being clumsy over time has caused it to be. My kids were not too exposed to the thing that I had been in terms of the elders in their lives (OTHER than their father) and I still got along with the majority of my extended family.

Fast forward to now, and none of those things are even a thought unless I bring them up. If I bring them up, it is a trigger for me and causes me to have to live in the moment that has passed, and from my own experience – it does us no good at all to live in the past, to continually bring up in our minds what may well have seemed easier, but, the other ease is that ten years ago, we were not as …refined…in our thinking, even if that refinement does not come across in our daily lives – we have become lots more savvy about the things that we see going on in our lives.


We don’t see that this shift in the collective paradigm is what is happening right now, and for the life of a lot of us, we are not looking at the bigger, global and Universal picture of things.

We are not looking at the fact that when our consciousness shifts, singularly as well as collectively, we are ignoring the things that are going on…things involved in the process of change….and we are calling them what we would in accordance to the level of comfort and clarity that we have in that moment. If we are looking through the eyes of the soul at the thing in front of us and calling it a mess is one thing, but if we are looking at it all and only calling it a mess, we are not also seeing the thing that it also is, which is the evidence needed to show us where we have been, why we have been relevant at certain times in our lives, and why, right now, it might feel like we are anything BUT relevant in our own lives and minds.

Relevance is totally NOT up to the world to decide, because I have learned over time that we are who creates us as being awesome or other than awesome, and what it is that we have built up all around us is NOT the thing that we should be looking at and really – getting the things that we need in order to do our lives on the daily basis is also NOT what we are supposed to be looking at, because that, alone, will never ever give us the instance of what has wrecked up our lives in the emotional sense as much as we can ourselves.

In an example, for the longest time ever, I felt like what was said of me by anyone, good or bad, was the truth, and it well may have been the truth but it was not ever MY truth.

Such as…

It is not my Truth that I am evil,just ’cause someone else’s opinion is that – in fact, I am a very good human being and an awesome Soulful chick

It is not my Truth that I am bad, just because someone else did not agree with my methods of doing things – in fact, where I am concerned and where the thing that I do for the people who I love the most, I know that I am doing the right things and in the right way.

It is not my Truth that I am a hurtful person, just because someone else wants to believe that this is what I would do to anyone at all – in fact, it is not my way to purposely hurt anyone else

When we choose to believe what others say of us, versus what it is that we know is our own Truth, we end up hurting because someone else made it that way. When we choose to at least be neutral and choose to give ourselves a better chance at healing through knowing and even creating new truths to define who we are, and when we choose to STOP listening to other peoples’ truths and STOP making them ours, just because someone else said so, it is not up to us to make them change their minds about us unless we know for SURE that what is going on is something far more sinister, such as trying to defame and slander anyone else at all.

This does not mean that the good truth about us as is offered by anyone else is not the truth – you have to be able to really discern that about you, have to really stop your thoughts, get in front of them and ask questions of you – I spent the last ten years asking myself if I had done things that warranted my being abused, and my answers were all the same.

And my answers always gave me my proof.

Not only was I very nice to everyone, not only was I able to share with others those things and ways of being that would tell anyone at all that I really DO operate from a place of integrity, but always, I gave more than I had to, because that’s just how I roll. Throughout my lifetime, I have managed to create my own manner by which I can solve and issue and then check my own results against the ongoing recording in my head that is my own voice repeating all these untruths about me to me and that were delivered by someone else who was, themselves, at that time, likely in a whole lot of pain themselves.

In algebra, this is called “solve and check” and typically, I do not like mathematics but when it comes to explaining things in this manner, I have only that to tell you all…that in order to solve what it was that was the expression of someone else’s beliefs, we have to check ourselves before allowing the words and believed truths of others to further damage and wreck ourselves.

And in all of this…awareness training and awareness shifting….the one thing that we are not even bothering to think about is that in the middle of all of this is the answer, and that we do not realize that we are the answer. This answer part of us comes the day that we choose to replace everyone else’s bullshit with our own beautiful truths about who we are, what we are, and all that we have been and ever will be. This is not left up to anyone else at all.

This is our part – the creation of the new self from the rubble we perceive as our lives, and how dare ANYONE try to take this massive opportunity at creation away from us?

Why on earth would anyone at all want to believe that anyone else who claims to love us unconditionally would also want us to hurt by means of their measure of “help”?

The better question is to ask our own selves why we are willing to believe the shitty things that other people tell us we are according to them, when what we know as the beauty that we are is the actual Truth of us, because we are who created it?

Why is it that we give away who we are, empower other people to make us believe that it is they – not we – who matter the most in the re-creating of our lives?

When we allow the voices of the uglinesses of the past to dictate the way that we feel about ourselves, and we know that way back there is never going to change and know that we had a great time back there from time to time, what we cannot do is relive that, and if we did and we ended up reliving something like that, it is my own request as the healer that I am that we each and all wanna go back there, knowing that all of the things that we learned from that time until now….those things cannot be unhad, and those things cannot be anything other than the lesson brought by the pain.

I cannot change having been abused, but I can change how I feel about what I went through and telling myself the truth and knowing that none of the abuses that I was made to believe I deserved, by anyone at all, including the adults in my life when I was a child were my cause….while it won’t change the past for me, and while it is that that  memory will always be there, I have learned, on my own, that the things that I went through then were the things that, to this point, made me who I am. While having this very good memory sometimes makes me really, really sad, what it does for me (as it ought to) is also reminds me of who I am, of who I have always been, and that person is not a bad, ugly, evil soul, by any means.

Your own organic Truth about You is a fucking beautiful thing

I promise you, guys…it is so not what you have taught your brain to think and your mind to believe. It is much better than this …shit…going on right now.

I promise ….

I promise you, as much as I promise anyone at all, and even as though I promise that “I could be wrong, but, I don’t feel like I am…” and “this ain’t gonna be easy, and it ain’t gonna be kind,” but I know, after having gone through and endured a lifetime’s worth of harm brought to me by others, and in this time of my life, I KNOW when it is that I, for my own health, safety, and sense of Being…I am VERY WELL AWARE and able to bail out, at least these days, that is, long and far before I have to figure out a way to heal myself, yet again, because I chose to trust ANYONE ELSE at all and chose, instead, to go with the feeling that I have and the ….soul within me…because neither lies to me.

And yeah…this is totally the way, for about three months now, that I have chosen to do this….being a Crafty woman stuff…for myself -to go with the gut feeling, then to question it by comparing it to the rest of everything that has ever been done or said or felt or emoted…indeed, I have created my own way of learning what I must in the moment. It is a learned skill, as all are – to be able to discern the Truth of me, as set forth by others, and every time, my gut, my feelings, my emotional self tells me the Truth of things, not only about myself, but, the others involved.

Seriously….once you have finished reading this, you will have a better understanding of what, exactly, is going on in the cosmos, and perhaps to that end, you will see this strife as being the tools needed, for some, to repair what is the damage done to their memories and the things and people who they love the most, and for others, it will become somewhat of the outline they will be able to follow so as to rebuild the company they each and all call “Myself.”

For us all, it will give us the truth of things as they are, will give us a starting point from which to create the beautiful future that we see, and the future that we see that is created with others…

And yeah….all we really have to do, to begin this process of being more aware of our own selves, our own motives, our own lives….is Believe in what it is that we so dearly want in our lives. 

Seriously….just do like Cher says and BE-lieve!




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