How we make a piece of paper more powerful than it really is

No one can resolve to do anything OTHER than be who we each are

I get it – we all want to be healthier, and we all want to stop smoking, and we all want to just be the best version of ourselves that we can possibly think to be, but folks…in order to be that version, you have to be willing to do one thing…

…you have to be willing to not pay attention to the ridiculous list of things that you have written down on paper that, at the moment, you are swearing you will do this coming year but that for real, you know that the list is only there as a means with which to spark ideas for you. Seriously. I have yet to meet one human being, and I am included in this, who has bothered with their damned list of New Year’s resolutions. I am almost 44. I think I knew what a resolution was when I was 4 and bothered to look up the meaning in the dictionary. (Yes…4…I was reading the dictionary and the front page of the newspaper at that age…been a nerd my whole life long and have loved every minute of it)

Often, I have wondered…

I have wondered over the years why it is that we humans believe that we can be controlled by a list of things that we really want to do, but that we have not really looked at and more, have not looked at the reasons behind why the list exists. The list does not need to exist, because unless you were born with 8 arms there is no way, without some sort of help, that any one of us could possibly do and be what we have written on that list.

The list, really, is just a bunch of things that are meant to spark our energy one way or another, make us think about what it is that we would like to see in the year to come. Myself, I have one thing on my imaginary list, and that is to see my blog grab the attention of everyone and anyone and to continue to build my practice from it. That is not so “out there” that it cannot happen, and in order for it to happen, the magick ingredient is NOT some ridiculous list which will hold my self-esteem hostage for the next 365+ days into 2015 – not at all. 

In fact, the list is really only there, as I said, to create the energy that is wanting to see at least just one of those things on there that we really want to see for ourselves, and of course, when it is for ourselves, and it makes us happy or have a positive energy, it also affects those in our lives who are closest to us. The list, as you see, is created by us to supposedly keep us in line and keep us saddled with guilt for not having lived up to our own silly demands.

We women are the WORST at this, really. I would love to know which moron in Hollywood made it okay to take an entire population of people, make the majority of us feel like we have to be a certain weight, size, income level, not have babies, not eat what the hell we want, not do a lot of things, and then expect us to be happy with ourselves afterwards. I mean, REALLY?

Yeah yeah…I know…I have been told a million times that I do not know what it is like to have to shed an extra 20 pounds and that since it is that I am part Asian, I also do not have to really worry about my skin aging too badly, but that is nothing in comparison to the way that what we see on television makes us feel like we are inadequate. Lemme tell you what, ladies – I Love You just the way you are. I know – I am not Prince Charming, and I am also not whoever Mr. Sexy is for 2013 (or in my case, Mark Harmon…so I like a distinguished looking man…and yes, of course…a tatted one with piercings and the ability to shred on guitar…. oh hell…I LIKE ‘EM ALL hahahaha…).

The reason that I am writing this today is specifically for those of us who feel like they are not as handsome, beautiful, smart, rich, whatever enough, and that, for the next however long it is til that list is stained by whatever post-holiday food goop, kid goop, tears, and spittle from the very angry words you end up yelling at it – that list…that you jail yourself with – and it is also meant to give you all a new way of looking at why it is that you write that stupid list every year.

Why we write that stupid list every year

We write that stupid list every year, not only because everyone else is doing it, but some of us actually intend to stick to it, which, I have been told by a few clients, is the real thing that they are resolving to do, which is to stick to the things that they say they will do. For those of you who insist on the list, the words on that paper should NOT be anything that makes you feel like a loser or like you are setting yourself up for failure. The only sentence that belongs there does NOT sound like “This year I resolve to do what I say I will” because really, what you are doing is calling yourself a liar. Think about it and reread that one sentence and tell me that you feel good about yourself if you are calling you a liar and I will join you in that chorus of “What a F*CKEN LIAR YOU ARE!” So that it doesn’t sound so harsh in your ears, and so that the child who lives within your soul feels better…and if you HAVE to have that list, write “I would like to WORK ON strengthening my level of integrity this year.”

Ahhhhhhh…hahahaa…..I can sense the big giant relief in the collective of readers.

Do you feel the difference in the weight of the energy within you when you think about the difference in the energy of “This year I will keep my word when I make it” (thereby calling yourself a liar and not realizing it) and “I would like to work on strengthening my level of integrity” ? You don’t have to answer me because I felt the answer when the collective sigh of relief came about.

No one thinks about the power that are the words that we use, about how it is that we hurt others not even knowingly and how it is these things that are weightless are so, so heavy. No one thinks about how dearly people cling to what we say and how many times in our lives the very words that we set for ourselves are the very ones used “against” us at a later time. If we do not think about what it is that we are really trying to tell our brains, what we really do is we set up our Spirits to hurt, to feel the crushing weight of the expectations that we would not keep anyone else tied to. Yet, we are willing to capture ourselves in a madness that is expectation, all so that other people will not judge us harshly for what is already in place PRIOR to the stupid list is written.

The List judges us with our own words

ACK !! Think about that one for a minute and let it sink in – the things that we hurt from and that other people point out to us, whether they are tangible or intangible, are also the things that we write on that list, and we are not aware of it when we author said list. All we know is that, on the top of things, if people are telling us what they think is “wrong” with us, then we have to put it on the list of things to fix. My question that I have for you and is a question which I have asked at least forty-dozen times in private consult with people from all walks of life, is “How could you allow someone else’s opinion of who you are be the thing that guides your life and how you feel about you?”

Ooooooh man ..haha…yup…again with the weight thing…it has lifted from a collective of you at this moment who are reading this, some of you putting on the fridge, others, on the office walls. I can sense it, feel it and know it – I am not the only one who is tired of all this list making. I mean, really, it starts in childhood when our children hear that Santa is making a list and checking it twice to see which kids deserve a Christmas present or not (Ummm ALL OF THEM DO…DUH…IT’S FREAKIN’ CHRISTMAS!…okay…not little axe-murdering kids but I am pretty sure you all get it, right?) and from there, we adults further punish ourselves by making these impossible lists, at least a lot of us, that is, that not one human would be able to keep up with. The longer the list, the more that I am inclined to think that there are some people who are just gluttons for punishment doled out by people who really have no right to judge us because they, themselves, have so much to work on within them.

And that is really what this is all about – the idea that people have the very nerve to tell us what is wrong with us, according to them, reminding us as much as they can that no matter how perfect the rest of the world thinks we are, they think there is room for improvement.

Well DUH ! 

Dear People who have the idea in your heads that somehow, you have the very right to tell other people that they are not as great as you think they should be, so you are going to remind them all the time about the things that are not right with them and according to you.

It is time that we all bothered to look for what is right about others, because the moment that we are able to do that and mean it, we are also able to see what is right within ourselves. The idea of a list of things to change about ourselves is not new, but it is also not something that should be kept to one time a year. Improvement of the self is not a one time a year thing, but is a daily thing that has to be something that we see as a welcomed challenge and not something that someone else pointed out in us that they think could use some work.

Moms are famous for this one, the idea that we know best. I made it no longer my job to tell my kids that I don’t like my daughter’s two-toned hair, my oldest’s penchant for using foul language, and my youngest’s ability to turn on the charm at the most inopportune moments. I have stopped telling them what I think of the things that they love about themselves unless it mirrors what they think. This is not to say that I do not tell them when and where they need to improve something or to try to see it from another angle, and it is not to say that I have shirked my responsibility as a parent. It means that I have learned through the things that I have gone through over the years, about what it feels like to always want someone else’s approval of who I am.

I haven’t got the power to make these kids think that what I like at the age of almost 44 will be the same as what they like at 19, 15 and 9. You see, we moms forget that at one time in our lives, we were 19. 15 and 9. Yesterday was no exception when I was told that Christmas is not about getting presents. But when you are 9 years old, that is what it is ALL about. While I know that it is not about getting, but about giving and being, you cannot tell a 9 year old this, because he will think that all year long he was a bad kid and that he did not deserve to have not one gift under the tree that is the reminder that if you have a tree, when you wake up on Christmas morning, there will be presents there for you if you are a little kid.

Joshua is a little kid, but is a little kid, who, at least this year, and even though I know that his little heart broke a little when he woke up to just that damned tree (that mind you – I DID NOT WANT, because I knew there would be nothing under it this year…broke ass mom….that is what I am) and nothing under it. It was his older brother who made sure to it that by Noon yesterday, there was a Wii system, with 4 games and remotes, and while I know that the system is used (and was well taken care of), it was the greatest thing in the world, not only to Joshua, but to Gracie, too, because she was able to lift his little spirits, and more than a lot else, Jeremy, my oldest, for having the forethought, and more, the imagination it took to recall what would have just shattered him a mere ten  years ago when he, himself, was only 9.

And the idea that “it is not about presents” means nothing when you are a kid, because when you are a kid, it means just that. This is what I mean by the words and the opinions of other people have no bearing on us personally, because we are always going to go with what is the truth to ourselves and not with what someone else will tell us it is. I shall say Goddess Bless my Joshua for understanding, because that was enough for me to feel a tiny bit better for the loss that I know he will not forget, of his Christmas in 2013.

Just because someone else says so, it doesn’t make it so

I used my own kids as the example, because they were the epitome of what Christmas really is all about. They knew that I wanted them to have the most awesome Christmas, that I always want that for them, but they knew that it was not going to be an easy one this year, so we did what we could and now there is a Wii system here.

My point with this whole entire writing is that, when someone else feels compelled to tell us what they think is not completely right about us, we need to stop and think about why it is that anyone would point anything out in anyone else, and more, think about why this person doing the pointing out of things has the idea in their head that somehow they have the right, and, as well, the control over how we do things and more, how we feel about ourselves in the grander scheme of things.

What someone else has to say or thinks about anything at all is none of our business, and what is our own, should remain so without the weight of their or anyone else’s judgement. We are not meant to live up or down to what anyone else feels they would have to. If you think you need to lose weight, then do it. Do not wait til next week – start now. Why wait? If, like me, you think that you need to make yourself known for who you are through what it is that you “do” in life, then do not wait until next week – start NOW and don’t start now because I told you to – start because you are going to start anyway.

No matter what it is that you write on that list, if you must keep the list, then make sure that all you put on that list is because of YOU and not because some jack off told you that THEY think you ought to do this, that and the other. It is none of their damned business.

They need to mind their own business and stop pointing out the splinter in your ass before they even think to do anything at all about the telephone pole sticking out of their own!

Stop being ruled by what other people have compelled you to write down, look at, and be constantly reminded of how imperfect anyone else thinks you are.

Think about what YOU think and things will just magically be what they are meant to be, no matter how long it takes for them to be that way.

Again…splinter….telephone pole…

…remind yourself that you are not held to what other people expect, even though you have it in writing.

I LOVE YOU ALL !

ROX 

 

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