Tag Archives: People

It doesn’t even matter


The things which we no longer have are the things which no longer matter. The hurt which remains is there to teach you something about you.

“I tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end it doesn’t even matter…I had to fall to lose it all, but in the end it doesn’t even matter.” (Linkin Park’s “In the End”)

I lost my house in Helendale in July of 2008. While it hurt a bit, I cannot lie and say that the world was over with for me, because it wasn’t. I realized quite early on afterwards that it was meant to be like this. It was meant that I would no longer be in that place for the purpose of my having to begin the process of shedding what was once real to me.

What was once real to me was not for me to become very attached to, because in becoming attached to it all, I would suffer the worst hurt ever, which would be the stinging blows to the pride within me that would tell me that somehow, I deserved to lose everything that I thought mattered to me. And again, I cannot lie – the house, while it mattered to me a little bit, the idea that I lived where I lived mattered to me a whole lot.

Where I lived was a huge source of pride for me, but here I am, years later, and I realize that what was the source of pride was not what I thought it was, but rather and only the illusion of what was, versus what it became. What it became was a monster of proportions so huge and so…untamed…that for at least one person who used to live in that house, the loss of it was something that they’d felt on levels that not a lot of people would feel if they were not so attached to that tangible item.

And really, that is truly what any actual standing building that a person or a group of people would live inside of and call home. It is not the actual building, but what it represents. For me, the house represented a place where memories would be made, with neighbors who were some of the most pleasant people I had ever known.

Yet, here I am, seven years later, almost, and things have changed markedly.

I no longer care about the house that I no longer owed a lot of money on. The only memories that I have of that place that can be called good and real are the ones of my kids, of my hula halau, of the treasure called friends who, when I thought about it, are two of the very best people I know and two people who I love immensely. While I no longer own all the vehicles, no longer have access to the golf course, the lakes, I have what can never be taken from me.

I have me.

I have this me.

Losing something as big as the family home is not something that I hadn’t been through at least once in my lifetime, and that is probably why I was okay the day that I have to pack up my entire house, without the help of certain others, and leave that life behind. The reason that life had to be left behind and the reason why that life and the loss of it no longer matters is because even in all of that loss, the one thing that was gained by me was not just “this me.”

I gained, through the losses, the reality of two people who, no matter what, have always been there for me (Hi April…Hi Tim…I Love You Guys!) Through that loss, I regained and revived and recreated hula to become what, for me and a lot of people like me, it was meant to be, which is not a Polynesian review show, but medicine. I gained, through that hurt, a new lesson to work through and to turn into The Sisterhood of The Soul, and through that group of healer women who are also my cousins, have created what is the beginning of things as they ought to be.

And that is not the only loss that I gained from, really. I gained the bravery to confront my abuser, to tell him that we are done and that within but a very short time here now, it will be on paper. I gained the knowledge that even as I have been the very one to have to learn to heal me, without the hurt of feeling like my own blood relations skipped out on me when things got to be really too much for me to deal with, I gained the right to call myself a strong, Stand Alone Human Being.  This does not mean they all skipped, because the ones who mattered the most never did. It just seemed that way at times.

Seriously…in the end, it doesn’t even matter

When we are able to get past the hurt, and when we are able to look at the dragons which once invaded our waking life and our sleeping dreams, and when we can see things from a new perspective, this is when things that we thought mattered no longer matter as much. It is when we realize that we have learned what we are meant to learn from any given situation that our lives will begin to blossom.

For instance, not too long ago, I was very upset with my parents, and it was over something that was a source of pride for me. I won’t go on with what it was all about. I will just state here that the last time that hurt visited me was yesterday, and when I say the last time, I mean exactly that.

I mean that no matter what it is that I want to do for them or for anyone else, the one person who I need to do the most for is me. This is not my telling anyone that you have to be selfish, because being selfish is very counterproductive.

What I mean is that, once we let go of the grip that we have on certain ideals, on certain things that we think we have to have be a certain way, on things that we believed mattered for so long and which really do not matter in the manner that they once mattered, we are, at that point, in a stage of growth. The sooner that we really wrap our heads around this, and the sooner that we accept this one thing, the sooner we will find out the reason that we hurt for so long.

Vice Grip

Lots of us like to have a vice-grip on things that we ought to not have said grip on. When we choose the energy onto which we will hang we have to remember that there are good reasons to hang onto it, and then there are all the other reasons. 

We each have our own reason for hanging on to the energy, or, on the other side of that, allowing the energy to have its vice-grip on us.

There are times when this grip is welcomed, when it is needed and when it is pleasant, and then there are all the other times.

There are times when it is that we do not want the vice-grip loosened, when we would rather bathe our own selves in that energy because it is so very welcoming and so very…much a part of us…that to release it would cause our own energy field a whole lot of havoc…then, there are all those other times.

It is all those other times that we need to help ourselves understand why it is that we want to believe that we are meant to hang onto it.

Recently, one of those two very good friends ended his own struggle with a vice-grip energy that was not an energy that would have helped him grow into the person who he is becoming. It took us months to realize that what he was seeking had been so easily attained that once it was that he was able to allow this vice-grip to no longer have him in that bind of hurt, things just seemed to be much lighter for him. He’d have never made it through the same lesson one more time. It would have wrecked him for the rest of his life in many more ways than only one.

On my part and in my life, even as there is a very lovely vice-grip energy that I am lucky to have whenever I can get it, there is the other side of that, which is the side and the thing which prompted this writing today.

Too many teachers of the Divine seem not to tell their charges that things will be harsh before they are not, and the harshest lessons of all are the ones which come from the people who have been in our lives for years and years. On my part of all of this other side of the energy stuff, my biggest challenge over the course of my life has been trying hard to get my blood relations, at least a lot of them, to take me seriously, to have some semblance of respect for at least how I feel, let alone who and what I am, and to take some measure of self-control when speaking of things that at one time meant something to me and which, at this time, I realize, don’t even matter to me as much as I thought it all did.

Why? Because I know that I am not meant for those things, at all, and until I woke up this morning, it did not dawn on me that what I was being taught has been learned, and that what I did not want to accept was accepted a long time ago in that, I am a healer, a writer, a scientist, a spiritualist…and no where in all of those things does anyone read the word “marketing person.”

Even though that is what I used to be, and in some ways still am (someone has to promote me and my girls…we do fine doin’ it all on our own), in that capacity, the one that I started out with their offerings, I am no longer.

That me no longer fits this me’s life and this me’s needs and this me needs things to be a lot more organized for this me to be satisfied with life in that respect. This does not mean that I have no respect for what this set of people are doing. It means that I no longer have to voluntarily obligate me…this me…to their bidding, even as I easily and readily lend myself to their success.

That You is not This You

You know very well that not one of us, at least not without the help of someone experienced in past life regression, can go back in time, at least not for real. We can visit there, and we can take a few moments there, but you have got to admit that even though right now, for myself included and to a limited extent, might suck beyond all which else that sucks, you have to admit that you would so much rather be this version of you than that other you.

That other you was weak in many areas of your own life, and that other you was someone who, from time to time, you did not even like very much. That you did things that this you would never dream of doing, because this you has built a wall of integrity that cannot be demolished by anyone but this you.  This you loves who you are becoming, and that old you..well, that you no longer exists.

That You no longer exists

Believe me or not, the reason that for some of us, life seems to be very difficult right now is because many people don’t realize that the reason things do not work like they once did in the past is because you are now this version of you, and this version of you cannot do things any longer that the old version of you used to do. 

That might be a little hard for you to wrap your head around, and it takes time to ease into the new you, but once it is that you have done just said such easing into things, you will find that you cannot do things like you used to do them. You will find that it is hard to fit into your old lifestyle, with the same type of people who used to be the people who you would do anything for.

You will find out that even though this you requires a little more than the old you did, once you get the hang of it, you will not look back, ever, and neither will you want to. You will learn that there are times which require you to return to pieces of that old you, but in those times you will be beside yourself with wonder because even using some of what was you, even in that instance, it is the new and improved you. 

I cannot lie – I would love nothing more than to no longer live where I am right now, but, the fact of the matter is that, the old me – she is who used to live in that big fat house on the golf course in the desert, and she is who would be hurt by the words that she is reading right now, and that me would pretend that anything else offered in the way of a new place to live would be just fine, even though that me, on the inside, would be dying a death of the ego on many levels.

This me, however, has been actively looking for that new place where new memories, with all of the right people, are going to be made, and this me, while she can be markedly impatient for good things to happen, knows, just because she is this me, that the perfect house where all of these great things will happen is just waiting to tell me that it is the right one for us. This me might be a little on the strange side (a little?), but this me loves me, and this me takes no shit from anyone when in regards to this me and what this me knows is right for me. 

In the end, our losses are meant to teach us to become the best versions of ourselves. Our pain is not meant to live on forever, and is there to make us aware that we are in need of some “me maintenance.” Our past hurts are meant to remind us that we have been through what we needed to go through in order to get to the person who we are becoming, and the people who we are each becoming are meant to go through this crap called loss, pain, hurt, all so that we can recognize what they are and more, recognize the things that are NOT meant to hurt us. 

Me and This Me need to get things moving right along for the day… please make sure that you know what is worth having a vice-grip on, and more, what you will allow to have a vice-grip on you.

I Love You All !


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…ain’t nothin’ but a you thing, baby…

It seems as though, of late, with all of the current planetary alignments that we have happening for us all at the moment, that there still are way too many people thinking in a manner that is pointing fingers and not seeing what they are pointing as also being their own…

I am about to rant about something, and will do so without the raving part. Know now that I am not pointing fingers and that really, this is somewhat of an observation for me that I am seeing a whole lot of people pointing out the proverbial splinter in other peoples’ eyes without also seeing on their own why it is that they are pointing out anything at all about anyone else.

I would like to ask all those who believe that they have very little work to be doing on themselves why it is that you people seem to believe that what you are is the model and the standard for the rest of the world. When the hell was it that you were told that you are above all others, and when the hell was it that you chose on your own that whatever it is that you assume about other people and their motives were somehow their truth when in reality all you are doing is trying to point out things so that you do not look like a moron to other people.

All of us don’t like losing, and we hate not being right, but I have news for you all, folks, and that news is that sometimes, you are gonna just have to deal with the FACT that other people are going to live by THEIR standards and rules and not yours, no matter what. It doesn’t matter if you live with the person who you are judging, and it doesn’t matter that you, yourself, would not go about whatever it is that anyone else is going about doing that you would not do the way that they are doing. That shit doesn’t matter. What does matter, though, is that you need to really think before you open your pie hole and start waggin’ that tongue of yours because really, you have not realized yet the truth, and the truth is that you are not the standard for anyone, at all, and you might not believe this, but you, at this moment, are not even the standard for yourself.

How sad.

Just because you …YOU think you know what someone else is going to do, it does not mean that they are going to do whatever it is that you want to believe they will…

…and the reason that you believe or even think or have the assumption that they are going to do whatever it is that you are assuming they will do is because you cannot see past your own self. I said it. Deal with it. You are so buried in the idea that to be wrong about anything is somehow akin to being the lowliest creature on the planet that you and others like you have set out into the world to seek these others out, simply and only for the purpose of your being able to believe that you are superior to anyone at all. You are not.

You are not better than anyone else, so you might want to check yourself prior to further wrecking yourself and think before you assume anything at all. Yours are the rules and the standards and the things that apply to you and you alone, and you have no right enforcing those things onto anyone else at all. Only a moron would think that they could bully someone else into what is not another person’s truth, but when you are involved, somehow, you seem to think that what you say is the gospel of Christ and well, dolls, not everyone follows that – or your – lead. You might not realize this much, but the things that you are doing that you keep telling all these other people is “for their own good,” are the things which are making people think and even know that you are a bully.

No one likes a bully, not even the bully.

When you do not get your way, and when someone else presents something to you that makes you eat the words you thought might curse your target, you get hostile, and you start pulling things out of your ass that make no sense at all, and the only thing at that point that anyone even gets is that the point you were trying to make is not being made, and the only thing that is real to anyone at all at that point is the fact that you are looking really, really foolish the moment that you have chosen to assume that you know what is best for anyone else, that you know what they are thinking and that most of all, you know that no matter what, you are the boss of them.

Let’s get something absolutely crystal clear, okay?

No one on this planet is the “boss of” anyone else, and if anyone reading this is going to take the guarded position of being the adult sized bully in the sandbox that is life, let me make you aware, now, that people like you are no match for people like me and the rest of the weirdos. You want to think that what and who you are is the model for acceptability, when in reality is only the model of what you, yourself, will accept from other people about you. That is really sad. The idea that what other people think of you is somehow your guiding force, is something that everyone needs to be excited about, when for real, it ain’t nothin’ but a you thing, baby.

Snoop …Dre’…and that G-Thang

Nope…I am so not switching teams here haha, but I have to defer to a song entitled “Ain’t nothin’ but a ‘G’ thang,” which was composed and performed by Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre, many years ago when my oldest was but a teeny tiny wee little thing. The reason for this song? Well, that is simple, and it is because the song itself  is all about being true to who you are, not caring about what other people think, and damned sure not straying from those truths . It doesn’t mean that I agree with what they have to say. It means that they are not willing to be anything that they know they are not able to, and more than that, you can go and do what you do according to who you are and not to what anyone else tells you that you are.

While we might not agree with the lyrics, or with what these two people portray as their own lifestyle, and while it is that some of us, myself included, might well become sick to our stomach based on the lyrics of a whole lot of the songs these two have written and produced, it does not take away from the thing at hand, and the thing at hand is that they are not willing to change for others, so others should just deal with it, but more, they do not expect others to change for them, as it should be.

This is lost on some of us, the idea that we need to live and let others live and be who they are and not think that we have all the answers all of the time, because our answers do NOT apply to anyone else, because everyone else’s rules do not apply to us, much as ours do not apply to anyone else. What no one teaches us through their example is that we have the option to not be a bullying asshole. Lots of times people want to believe that they have what is the right answer without thinking that the right answer is applicable to the person who comes up with it (duh).

And yes, I will go there, again, with the whole abuser thing, because they are phenomenal at making it seem as though they are the smartest person on the planet, and they are phenomenal at pretending that they are better than everyone else, and sometimes we get lucky and get to watch the show called “The downfall brought through Truth” and we get to see what happens to them that they said would happen to us.

We need, as a species, to learn to accept that we are not going to be right all of the time. As a species, we need to use our ability to reason rather than to always and only go with what is based solely on our gut reaction, even though our gut reaction is what is always right, so long as it is coupled with a lot of reasoning. That is the problem here, really, that not a lot of people realize that ALL of humanity has this awesome ability to reason and to think, and ALL of humanity has the choice to do so, but only SOME of humanity is taking advantage of these things and making their lives all which they are meant to be, which is nothing short of completely bad ass.

But, no one can be bad ass and will always and only be short of being so if no one is also willing to see things from someone else’s perspective. Even though we cannot truly see things through the eyes or the experiences of others, we can try. We can try to use our own method of empathy, and we can try hard not to be douche-baggish about things when what other people tell us is not in agreement with our own stuff, and from that, we will not have to try to cull from the ashes called “ourselves” the wreckage that is other people when we think that we know what they need.

…and guess what else?

We can’t know what anyone else needs if we are not aware of what we need.

We cannot fix someone else’s problems anyway, but we also cannot help anyone become aware that they have the same fixing thing going on that we have (yes, I said it…if you can see it, you ARE IT)  and really, the only way that we CAN help them is if we are bothering, too, to see what is there and in us that lives in them and that we can acknowledge.

This is lost on some folks. Some folks like to take other folks’ accomplishments and make them into somewhat of a joke, and they do this because they are threatened by another’s brilliance. Some folks like to think that they have the only way of getting somewhere in life, and that the only way to measure that progress is tangibly, and this is not the truth. What some folks do not get and will never understand is that the world is not ruled or measured by their personal measuring stick, and that they alone do not hold the or even are the very example of what anyone else needs to be or to emulate. Some folks want to think that no matter what, whatever it is that fits for them automatically is the absolutely perfect fit for others as well, and this is not the truth, either.

Some folks just need to worry about their damned selves, not be so inclined to compare or compete, not be so inclined to belittle what they do not understand, not be so jumpy toward the idea that what other people like to do somehow is not good enough by some folks’ standards, because the truth is that some folks really just do not get it in terms of other people. Other people are on this planet with us, and other people are going to be different than everyone else because guess what? OTHER PEOPLE ARE FREAKIN DIFFERENT AND YOURS IS NOT THE ONLY WAY TO GET ANYWHERE, NO MATTER WHAT.

You might have the answers for yourself, and you might even have an answer or four for someone else, as well, but there is no way that you have all of the answers. You cannot see past your own self, and lots of people cannot, and they prefer it this way to any other way, because the easiest way to not see what is in need of fixing that is within you is to not bother with knowing that other people are not meant to be told who they are, what they are or anything else about themselves because of you. You are not the reason that anyone is able to do anything. You are not the reason that anyone thinks in a manner that is anything other than about you, and really, you probably don’t want to know what it is that they are thinking about you because what they are thinking about you might not be the thing that you thought they were thinking.

You cannot be everything to all people, not when you are not even everything to your damned self. Besides, all your issues are not a “them” thing…it’s a you thing.

Again…I said it, so deal with it…






The Other Side of Things

Empathy. It is not something that only other people have. It is something that we all have, and when we choose a clueless demeanor over what we know needs to happen, this is when we find that some of us have it, and others of us do, too, but are too scared to use it.

“Rox – I need to know what I can do to help my girlfriend “get it” when it comes to things that have nothing to do with her, everything to do with me, that hurt me, and that she is not aware that she is, in part, a gigantic reason for it…”

These are the emails which make my blood boil, because, and this is going back to that old school of thought blog – a lot of us “get it” in terms of empathy, and then there are others who, for the life of them, cannot see past themselves in order to figure out what the hell someone else, or maybe a few someone elses, are trippin’ about.

Alright…so maybe saying that they make my blood boil is not really the absolute truth, but I will say that they piss me off, a lot, and it is because there are a LOT of people on this planet who still, for the very life of them, CANNOT see past what they want from their own thoughts and their own lives and who also expect people to do as they want without doing anything in return, and that is not okay. It ain’t okay for a few reasons, with the biggest one being that at some point in time in all of our lives we have GOT TO accept the kuleana that comes with who we each are.

Women are HORRIBLE at this

I said it, so deal with it, and no, I am not trying make a big giant stink about anything other than the idea that we are all able to disappoint other people. I am saying that women, for such a long, long time now, have been conditioned to think that every ill in the world is due to some man in our lives who is not thinking like we think. Ummm….DUH…they are GUYS, ladies, and they cannot, will not ever be able to, never have to think like we do. While this does not take away from the empathetic part of things, where hell yes it is nice when the guys make an effort toward understanding that we can see them, at least a few of them, it makes it possible for us  to see them as actual human beings. 

LADIES! Y’all need to knock your crap off and realize that what you want from the guys is what you deserve, but we, ourselves, are NOT perfect, and to think that we are the ones who are supposed to be emotionally inclined in comparison to the guys? Well, you are making us all look like man hating harpies, and it is not cool. It is not cool because all of our collective lives we all have wanted “the perfect mate,” and in that energy we have come to the conclusion that whatever it was that the previous generations were all about, that we, too, are also like that.

No we aren’t. We aren’t because a few of those moms from the generation before ours took time to make sure that all of us knows this. It is unfortunate that while a lot of us understood it and learned it, there are still way too many of us who think that if something is wrong in the world of women, that it is a man’s fault. I have to say hell no, ladies, you are wrong. It is your fault. How dare you give away our power like that and expect the rest of the world to take us as seriously as you want everyone to think you are taking yourselves.

This is not giving us, as a collective whole, the credit that we deserve from all the growth we have suffered through. If you want them to take notice, then you have to be and behave as all who and what you think you are.  If you want the right guy, then you have to stop trying to either turn the wrong one into the right one, or, you have to take a long and scrutinizing look at yourself and wonder why it is that you are not compelled, through Love, to see to it that the person who is supposedly the one who makes you swoon is at least heard.

Yet, it seems, we cannot do that. It seems like we have the very nerve to ask that they all change for us, and rarely does it happen, at least in the manner that I am emailed, by these very same guy-people who a lot of women swear are the ones who are really confused. I would like to know, ladies, when it was that you were so damned perfect, that when your own tears fell and you were hurt, that you did not want your man to be there to soothe you? I want to know, ladies, when it was that when you hurt this person, that somehow, because you are female, you have a pass to pretend to be perfect, even when you KNOW that you are not?

I want to know, really…do you know that you are NOT perfect?

I want to know which unenlightened woman chose to get back at her man for being a man about things, meaning that men, a lot of them, have no clue what it is that we really want from them, and we are the very ones who refuse them this little bit of information. Yeah yeah…I know…there are a whole lot of us who DO tell them what we want, and for the most part, it made things better, or at least how they need to be versus how our white-horse-riding-prince-with-a-trust-fund idealism (and mothers…lets not forget about them) told us it IS.  And hell no – it DOES NOT COUNT when only ONE OF YOU wants to keep the relationship, because at that point you are totally doing what you are not supposed to be doing, which is enforcing your will onto someone else, which makes it so that you are IMPEDING THEIR FREE WILL !!! UGH !

And really, no one knows what the hell they are getting, from anyone, regardless of who they are, who we want them to be, what we expect from them versus what it is that we really and truly need from them. When was it that men were the purveyors of things so unsavory? When was it that we all got angry for these people telling us who we are and why do we think and believe that the changes in our collective thinking about what a man’s position in life is, regarding a woman, did not and somehow DO not apply to us in that same manner where men are concerned? 

Remind me again when it was that we were able to walk on water whilst looking down on what a whole lot of women only see as yet another tool in their chest of things needed (but only WHEN needed) ? This is a crock of crap, really.  This needs to be one of those things that we, as a female collective whole, NEED to examine. We need to think about it in terms of our sons, our brothers, our friends, and we need to see them as equal to us rather than only there to repair the house, the car, open jar lids and be our teddy bears when we need them to be.

If this is the sort of relationship that any woman is in, where she has all the power, and she is in control, then guys, you need to… NEED to get the hell outta dodge, right now, because what WILL ultimately happen is that you will start losing friends, will not be able to leave without Mommy-Girl’s permission, will be the one who is blamed for every little ailment on the planet, and most of all, you WILL BE hopelessly miserable, and why?

Because, you will not be allowed to be the You who you really are, and this is not only about women who like to cut men off at the guava level, but all of us. There are a lot of men who are included in this, who think that without them telling the “little woman” that she is wrong, that she cannot think, that who she is is nothing without him, that she is worthless, that she is not valued by anyone at all, not even her parents- yeah,  if this is you, or even remotely sounds like you and these things are in your ears a lot, it is time to think, not about how to change them, but about what it is that you really want. 

NO one…not a man, not a woman, is beholden to anyone else’s ideals. It could be something online, something that is not tangible anywhere else than on the Astral plane…when we expect more from other people than we are willing to give, and those other people respond to us in a negative manner, it is NOT TIME to check them, because the reality is that those people who just step away are NOT who is in need of people needing to check themselves long before they wreck themselves. 

NO one…not a man, not a woman, is going to take the place of the lessons at hand that are NOT meant for the people who we are judging, who we are badgering, who we are trying to enrage – because really, no one neither needs anyone momming or daddying them, namely NOT if they are able to wake up in the morning, all on their own, without having to be told that the day has started and that, unless you are Motley Crue, life has begun for the day so could we please wake up and NOT behave as though we are the reigning princess of dreamland…because other than Europe and in Disney films, that is the ONLY PLACE where the princess gets to be the princess. Eventually, even the princess will wake up one day to be queen, and unfortunately for the princess type thinking women of the world, it is never the princess who is ruling, because that is ONLY the queen’s job.

And I promise you that it is mighty nice being the queen….

Empathy is not an option, but a requirement

When speaking in terms of men and women and how we do not truly know each other until we know each other and are willing to be open to accepting them all as they are, we are not any better than they are, no matter what. If we, and I am talking about ALL of us, cannot see past what we each want, what we each expect, and everything in any relationship is always only about our very damned selfish selves, then we do not deserve anything better or more than what we already have, particularly if the guy involved is already a prince without the trust fund. The person who emailed me is a very young man, and one who I have been working with for some time now, over the women he allows into his life. I cannot be the one to mom him and tell him what he needs. I cannot be who is the one who is responsible for how he feels, and the beautiful part about this is that this young man takes to heart what it is that a woman better than twice his years tells him.

On his girlfriend’s part, though…and this is to any woman who will think that she can be everything to any man at all…sweetheart – it ain’t gonna work out, and hell yes, I am calling out the one particular woman who, in this case, is very much the one who is the catalyst in all of this garbage. Not all of us is wealthy, and not all of us have at our behest the things that you do. This is a girl who has no empathy, and she should, but is choosing otherwise. I could go on and on, but won’t. The kid who initially wrote that email is reading this, and because he needs at least one woman who is not his mama telling him that he is doing nothing wrong in choosing to be who he is and more, to grow at his pace, and not hers, I am here telling ALL OF US to just ferakin’ chill already. Let people be who they are and worry about your damned selves already because no one else will until you start doing it for yourself. 

A last thought

This writing is not only applicable to clueless women, but also to clueless men who seem to believe that they own the woman who they say they love. You do not own her, just like she does not own you, and the thing is that your own fathers are the ones who have made an entire generation NOT able to understand what the women of today are all about. Let me put it to ya like this, fellas….whatever it was that your mom needed emotionally, your woman needs that, but what your woman does not need is you to be the one who thinks that he needs to father her. That is the fastest way to make her leave you. And when she does not respond the way that your daddy told you all women would, DO NOT take it upon your fucking sorry selves to try to change her. She is who she is and is perfect in her imperfections.

Be mindful of it when you choose to compare her to your mom, because that is just weird, really. Be careful of who she is, because if you really know who she is, you will also know that there are a whole lot of other men who also know who she is and believe it when I tell you guys that no matter how much she loves you, if she is strong in herself, she also loves herself, and really, she will not put up with your bullshit, at all. In fact, if she finds out that you are as weak as you pretend not to be, you will find out exactly which of your friends is the right kind of guy and the right kind of guy is the kind of guy who “gets it” and if you don’t get it, then you better learn to, because really…

…your boys…they are tellin’ you the truth when they tell you that somehow, you won the chick lottery…

‘Auhea wale ana ‘oe….pay attention, ’cause if you don’t, it is almost a given and a guarantee that in the future, sooner than later, someone will…and it will likely not be you… and this applies to both genders, not only the guys ! 

We are not perfect, not one of us, and we all need to check ourselves before we wreck ourselves…some of us way more than others.

I said it…deal with it…



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Ladies and Gentlemen…TRUTH

Watch and Learn…

Yep…I’m on a heated roll these days, and it is because there is a lot of hiding the truth. What no one realizes is that the truth is like a boil – the more it gets covered, the bigger it becomes, and the harder it becomes to deal with. Like a boil (I assume – never had one, but have tended to a lot of them), the truth sucks, too. It hurts. It reminds us too often of who we are not, and always when we are merely and only trying to be who we are. The truth is something that a lot of people – in fact, most people – do not care to deal with, and only because the truth, no matter what, ALWAYS, somehow, pertains to us.

Even when it does not pertain to us, when someone asks us what we think about anything, it at that point becomes ours as much as it is anyone else’s.

Too often we want to hide from the truth, and we want to soften the blow caused by the truth, and we want to sit inside of our selves, lingering there, either very angry or a mess of tears or both – all because someone else’s harsh truth. And what we forget is that we are also the givers of harsh truth, also the people who take for granted that what we have to say needs to be heard. Rarely does anyone really have anything nice to say when speaking the truth.

We hide from the truth, hoping that it will change, and really, the only thing that changes or has the ability to change is us. The truth is like a boulder – big, heavy, something that can kill you, and all of us hide from it. What we are doing when we hide from the truth is we hide from ourselves. We keep ourselves hidden from the things that hurt us and we do not realize that keeping ourselves safe from the truth also hurts us.

Come out! Come out wherever you are !

I am making the call, right now, to come out of hiding and face the truth. Face the truths that hurt the most, so that you can become strong in the convictions caused by it. Face the truth that is not your own, because inside of it is the needed element that may be the key to what it is that ails your soul. Face what you must because if we don’t then we have to keep going through the crap that we are now going through.

Face it all, with that same grimace, because no one says we have to like it, and face it because it is there and waiting to become what it is supposed to be, which is really nothing short of fabulous. Face it because right now it really is the only thing that any one of us has, and face it simply because it hurts, because it sucks, and because we know we can.

It is not enough for anyone to say that things will be okay, and it is not enough that we put ourselves through what we do, all so that we can deny what is there and in our faces all the time. Face your truths, namely the hard ones to deal with, because within them are the parts needed for this thing called life that is simultaneously beautiful and ugly all at one time.

Face it, because it is ours, and face it because it is needed.

Face it, because really, if we do not face it, it does not change, and ultimately, it is the truth that will never change collectively, but rather and only on a personal level.

Once it is that the personal acceptance can be called “the acceptance of the collective whole,” this is when we will see the truth become what it is meant to be, which is, again, nothing short of beautiful on many, many levels.






A longing for home

“Home” is not a building.

I get emails, lots of them, about a general and collective energy that is “I want to go home, ” but always, the corresponding energy to that is the question we ask ourselves and our Guides… “but where is Home?” All of us have had this issue, and all of us have felt homesick, sometimes to the point of tears. The tears are the evidence that there is a place called “Home” for us all and that has nothing to do with the dwelling in which we live, and everything to do with the sameness of energy that is our Soul Family.

Home…it truly is where both your heart AND soul are

If it is that you are feeling like you have been going through what seems like a VERY severe disconnect, it is not an oddity and really, you are dearly NOT alone in that feeling. What we are all doing right now, in a collective manner, is realizing who we are, and who we each realize we are is bringing to light a whole lot of issues that have plagued us each for the bulk of our present human lifetime and at this time, the one thing that is plaguing us is not that we can’t stand the biological families that we each were born into, but that we are now out and about connecting with those who we have a soul-bond with.

Lots of times, we long for familiarity, and we long for others who are like us, and when it is that we feel lonely and we don’t know why, it is not because we need to go and find a new place to live physically, but really, it is because the longing for home is more or less a longing for being with people whose souls are just like ours. These people who we long for, they also long for us, and when the time is right and the conditions are right and our souls are ready to receive them, like magic, they just happen upon our lives. And when we long for each other like this. it is not a bad thing, and yes, a general cleansing is what happens, and it happens so as to make room for those who are worthy of space in our lives.

Do you know who your Soul Family Is?

I know who my Soul family is. The members are varied in personality and in preferences, but there is a similarity between us that is NOT anything physically had, but spiritually and emotionally had. Now, when it came time for me to realize these people I actually went out into my world and sought them out, and failed miserably at finding them. The reason was NOT because I was a jerk or because I was somehow not right, but because I was just not ready for them to start appearing for me. It began many years ago, when I was a youngster. The people who are still in my life from that time, and while it is that throughout the course of my life and their lives, we went on our Paths as we did, those who are meant to be with me, and I with them, came back. Those who were never supposed to leave, never did. Most of all, though, the ones who I had yet to know on this plane have, within the last year, have come into my life.

Because I have the wherewithal now to not see what I see when I see it, I know who is part of my Soul Family, and I also know who is only in my life to bring me a lesson, and, as well, so that I may give to them what it is that Spirit intended for me to give to them. When you are part of someone’s Soul Family, you know that this is them, and you know it because part of the longing that we felt will cease a bit. There were a few who I met in the desert, and then when I came down the hill, were many who I met within the last year, and then recently, there are the ones with whom I have reconnected, and, as well, the ones who are my relatives and to whom I refer as being family.

The reason that I wrote that last paragraph is because I want to illustrate for you the thing that I am trying to get across to you, and that is when you are “home” you know you are, because you will feel like you are “right at home” with those within your Soul-Family.

The families we are born into are not the only family we will ever have

I will state it, again, that the families into which we are born are only our vehicle into this lifetime. They are meant to bring us here so that we can have the lessons that we are meant to have with and by them so that we will learn what we must before we begin to meet those who later on in our lives will show themselves, at least in the manner of the Soul, as being the same as we are, even as they are physically markedly different.  Two people on this plane can be of two different ethnicities, and even as they are from two different places, and from different cultural backgrounds, they are still the same Soul family, and in that manner, they are alike.

When we are with people who we have this bond with, and who we share much in common with it is the first thing, upon first meeting, that we recognize – the sameness of Soul.  I have written poetry about it and I have taken a lot of notes on these things that happen between us all. The one thing that I have become very good at is recognizing the sameness of souls.

The Sameness of Souls

In an instant, that is how we recognize who is our Soul Family members. We know them right away. It is like looking into a mirror that is not us, but IS us, and right away we remember all the things that we were taught from the beginning of time. Right away, our Soul Sight is heightened, and right away there is the familiarity that never goes away. It is these people who we share much more with than we realize. It is these people who, when we happen upon one another’s lives, it is like we were waiting for the day to come, no, not to meet, but to reunite.

There is the sameness of the Soul there, the sort that no matter where we go on the planet and no matter who we meet up with, we have that Divine connection between ourselves and our tribe and more than that, no matter what, we know that even when, in this consciousness, our hearts were made broken by the things of this knowing, we were not ever alone. We know that we never didn’t have a place to call Home, because in that one moment, we return Home to our own Soul’s beginnings. 

The next time you feel like you are longing for Home, remember that it is not that you want to go to a building that symbolizes your physical place of dwelling, but that you and others who are within the same Soul Family are just putting it out there that you are there for one another, and that at the very same time, you are all trying to go back “Home”…

I Love You All



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