Tag Archives: Mother goddess

A Feeling of Electricity

Metallica TGA event blog1

If there is anything that any heavy metal music fan knows all about, it is a feeling of electricity…and, oh! What a feeling it is !

There is a reason I used that picture of an entire generation’s epitome of what it means to be “Metal”

There is no mistaking my musical preference – while I LOVE Hawai’ian music, and can pretty much choreograph any piece of music, the bottom line is that now and forever, I will be what the world of music loves and knows as being a “Metal Chick.” I have been this way from the time that I was a tiny little girl when my older cousin, Jimmy (Pe he’a ‘oe, cuzz?) first introduced me to this genre of music by playing none other than Led Zeppelin’s “Rock n’ Roll.” He asked me, the me who was barely 7 years old – “Eh, Mapuana, you like this?” asked Jimmy. I recall fondly, vividly, as though it was just yesterday, my response “Ooooh…cousin…I REALLY like this! What is THIS?” He answered, “That’s called rock and roll, and that band is called Led Zeppelin.”

I was never the same. My love for music, particularly of the guitar-laden sort, just grew bigger and wider, and at this point in my life, there is no other means or way of being than to be …yup – Metal.

Okay, now that the nostalgia is out of the way, what’s my point?

Today’s teaching is about the electricity we each feel when we know that something is coming, that whatever it is that is on its way is something to be really happy about, or, on the other side of that, really concerned about. Always, it is the electricity feeling that gives away to us that things are about to change in a big, big way, and sometimes, that change is welcomed, and always, it is needed.

It is needed for many reasons, but the one reason that I know it exists within human beings is as a signal that something is about to happen. It is like when you are standing in the audience at an arena rock show, standing there with a giant group of people who are all there for the same reason – to rock their brains out.

The reason that you feel that electricity in situations such as the one in the picture above is because of the over-all feeling of the collective energy present. When you are at a rock concert and your favorite band is rockin’ your brains out, while it is that you know you are having a great time, what you are not paying attention to is the fact that all of those other people in that giant crowd – every single one of them – is also feeling just as you are at that moment.

Every single one of those people in that audience are having the same experience as you are, even though their perception of what they are seeing will not be the same as is yours. That doesn’t matter, though, and what does matter is the fact, too, that all of that wonderfully electrically charged positive energy is causing the bigger feeling of electricity that every single one of those audience members – as well as the band, and hell yes – the band in the picture (Metallica)  is also feeling.

…on the collective level…

On the collective level, what you are experiencing is what I just told you about, which is the fact that there are thousands of other people in this place with you, all for the same reason – because you all love metal music. On the collective level, you are having the same energetic pull as anyone else in that place is having, and all at the same time, you are all bouncing, literally, energetically, and almost every other way, too.

It is the frenetic combined with the Divine, yes, even while the music you are hearing was or might have at one time been referred to as “the devil’s music.” (I heard it all the time…that I would go to hell if I chose to continue to bang my head *sigh*…if you believe that the music you or anyone else listens to is going to do bad things to you, it means you are either listening to someone else’s fears about stuff…or…you are listening to rap music, and in either case, you need to knock that shit off already!) (Seriously)

Frenetic Energy + Divine Energy = ELECTRICITY

There are certain times in my life where I have had this absoluteness of electricity coursing through me. The last time this electricity was felt was right around this time last year, and at that time, I was right, just like I am right this time, too. It is the nervous energy, mixed with the energy that is wishes and things sought out and hoped for, maybe for years, all backed up by the Divine nature of the Mother Goddess that makes for this particular sense of electricity.

It is not the same electricity that one might experience with a first kiss, with winning the football pool for Super Bowl…it is more like an electrical bolt which travels first through the Soul, and then after some time spent …I don’t know what to call it…shaking off what lesser electricity can be shook…so as to have the very truest truth of the reality of the energy needed to give that electricity feel which makes those moments which we knew were on their way to us a lot more exciting or concerning.

What the electricity does

Because I have been through this feeling of electricity in the past, and because the last time that this happened I chose to pay attention to what was going on in the days and weeks afterwards, I now can tell anyone when it is that something BIG is going to happen, and those people who I tell are experiencing that same bolt of electricity in themselves, that is when I know, too, that it is not only me who is going through this shocking stuff, but that it is instead a global thing.

The electricity lets us know that something big is on its way, or perhaps something that is not that great is coming. Of course, we also have to remember to think about the idea that how we perceive what might be on its way is all up to us. We can be afraid of it, worry needlessly about it, do all kinds of things to protect ourselves, and then the day comes that we worried about, and we find out that it was not that big or worrisome, even as it might be a serious pain in the ass.

That it is a serious pain in the ass is one thing, but that you can now feel your way to those times in your life that would cause a serious issue for you, perhaps unneeded, is another thing.

The Electricity

The Electricity is meant as a signal for the each of us. We know when it is time to take action based solely upon how it is that we are feeling. When we choose to trust ourselves is when we are able to sense things when they are upon us. That a whole lot of people ignore this signal is another thing altogether. In paying attention to this electricity we find that there is truth in the thought that nothing is coincidence.

Nothing is coincidence because this bolt of electricity happens, and nothing is coincidence because what is actually the thing that you want to call coincidence is nothing more than the set of steps, signs and symbols which are telling us the next thing to happen, if we have been aware of what has been going on in our lives to that point.

If we are more aware of the things that are not apparent, not obviously there but somehow seems to nag at us, calling us to pay attention and more, to put things together as they match and as they start to make sense you will see how it is that you have been told what your answers are for many, many lifetimes. In paying attention to the electrical currents that run through our bodies, and in paying attention, too, to the outer events taking place in relation to that feeling of electricity, we find ourselves having a most unique method by which to figure out what the next thing will or will not be, based almost completely on if we are or are not paying attention to every little thing that we would otherwise see as only being a coincidence.

That electricity that you feel is the only proof that anyone needs that there is no such thing as any coincidence. It is not a coincidence that when you are going to go to any rock show, that you would feel an internal thrill happening, and an internal thrill that is not only yours, but the collective of those who will also be in attendance.

It is the electricity that tells us all that there is really no need to always feel like we are twisting and turning through the never, unless, that is, it is the electricity which is giving reason for the twist.



 GhettoAllegory Neptune


Soul With Teeth Shark1



JUST IN! A Message from Spirit

Take heed and heart – the Divine within has been calling us all out…a Message from Spirit for us all…’auhea wale ana ‘oe…pay attention, yeah ?



I know it seems as otherwise, but I am telling you all that the things that you are going to read here, while they might not make sense to you right now, they will make sense to you in time to come.

There are a lot of us going through more than we thought we would, and it is with great reason and good cause. There is an incredibly huge amount of loss happening, continuing to happen, and at an alarming rate. There are things that we each have collectively experienced, but from our own point of view, meaning that, from time to time, we will not fully understand who we are in measures of what it is that we perceive as our place in the lives of others, let alone in this lifetime. We cannot distinguish, at this moment, what is in the future, but we can get there on our own, with a little help from our Soul Family, with a lot of help from the ‘Aumakua, and with complete faith that Spirit has our backs and does so in the form of others who have been there, others who are there now, others who are there for us in the most complete manner that we cannot wrap our heads, hearts and hope around. Yet, it remains that every single one of us, even as it does not appear as such at the moment, are geared, primed, and headed for our own measures of intended, and soon, manifested greatness.

We are the ultimate proof of our own power, the absoluteness of the All That Is and the epitome of Perfected Imperfection that really, this is what makes us all the same, even as we are all and each uniquely different from one another. That part doesn’t matter, because our lives are dearly enmeshed, not only on the physical plane, but more importantly, in places and realities where, if we knew how great that level of Self was, we would be astounded in one manner, feeling foolish in another manner, and completely awestruck at just how important we each and all are.

If we knew just exactly our places in the lives of others, and we could accept our own level of imperfection, being always at its level best, we would understand, too, the importance of who we are and how we are and more important than that, what we are, even if what we are is not what we want to be – what we are is what we are, and the only people who can exact a difference in that manner is our very selves. We have become so dependent on our material worth, on our tangibilities rather than what it is that we are sensing on another level, that we want to believe that what we see with our physical selves is far greater to our soul than what is felt on levels that not a lot of us can explain.

Once it is that we have finally and with great joy accepted who we are right in this moment in time, this is also when the realities which we are not consciously aware of will come to us, effortlessly, and almost as though those impressions have come to us literally on the wings of angels, because really, sometimes that is how it happens – when we cry out to Spirit from within, and when we bother with ourselves on the level that is the same amount of deep caring and love that we say that we have for others, we realize that we are finite in body, but that we are boundless, unlimited and able in every other way. These are the things that we all take for granted. These are the things that we push aside and out of our own awareness all for the love of things we can hold tangibly, all for the things that we can look at and feel with our five senses, not realizing that we are far more than only this tangible reality.

We like to think that we are the only beings in the Universe, but how can that be when there is an infinity in the cosmos that we have not yet seen, known, heard of, can imagine being real? We like to believe that in our arrogance we are the only game in town, but our issues and our challenges prove to us that this is not the truth, because if it were the truth we would not be where we are right now, which is boldly measured and irreverently challenged by a cosmic ruler that is teaching us what we have, for many lifetimes, refused, not to learn, because we are born with the ability to believe, but more, what we have just not accepted as being our own truth, and a truth that we keep denying, even as we have done our very damnedest best to create it. We want others to believe our truths and want them to accept what is met as being their truths, which are also the truths that we are inclined to point out, no matter what it is that we think we are doing, but we are hard pressed to open ourselves to our own truths.

When it is that we need to depend on anything at all, depend on the truths that you have created, that you have shared as your own with others, and make certainly sure that what it is that you are giving away as that truth IS your truth. People tend to see through the bullshit, and people tend to not want to give in to us as much when it is that they can decipher that it is the truth of ourselves that they seek, even and as much as we seek it ourselves. When we feel compelled to look at another’s truth, and we are compelled to judge them from that place, and we feel the need to make it known to them and anyone else that our opinion of them is not that great, we want the world to see only what is not good, rather than our choosing insted to see there what is the good, what is the love, what is the thing that keeps us all going, what keeps us all alive, and that is all and only Love.

We must Love who we are in order to be who we are, and right now we are all who we are meant to be at this point and time in our loveliness, this time in our evolution collectively and on the individual level. We are here for a purpose that is Divine, and like all things that are meant, that are created and molded and given to us each as the gift of the Goddess are also as Divinely and timed and planned, so, too, are the truths which we are compelled to give silently and without our knowing so, about ourselves, and which is the one thing that we sense in others, and is a thing that we all need to tap into and touch upon or else we are left to the whims of the imagination run amok. We allow who we are to delve into places unknown, and in doing so are the catalyst for the unfolding and eventual blossoming of the whole self, as it is meant to be seen, as it is meant to be shared, not only with the world, not only with the Divine, but mostly, with our very selves.

It is within ourselves where this Divine intelligence lives, and within ourselves where it is that we are alive and well and knowing fully that who we are as we are is meant to be. We are meant to be these people who we are now, and in this consciousness we are also meant to draw to us the people who are there and now and who, by the very grace of the Goddess, are there, sharing with us who we are for the purpose of a shared mission. We share our lives with people for this purpose, with this energy and with this big love within that is meant for us to know, for sure, that we are here on purpose, and that Spirit has a thought in Her that is for us to crawl slowly like we have had far too much to drink, and sometimes for us to run like hell away from something that we might need, and sometimes, we are just meant to sit and ponder what is happening in our lives, all the time, and to pay attention to the things which visit us, delight us, enrage us, give a pause to think about why it is that we think that somehow, if we are not so great, why do we have a divine purpose?

Because we do, that’s why, and Spirit doesn’t have to tell us what it is, why it is, when it will fully mature – all we need to do, all we need to ponder, all we need, period, is to know that whatever it is, it is meant, and whatever it is, it is purposeful, and whatever it is, it is meant to hone us to the brilliance that we have always been, to remind us that we are not just people, but people with a mission, and one that is shared, and that all that we go through, all the things that we have and have not, all and everything that we know, is meant, even if it sucks and hurts and seems as though it has taken from us the thing that made us who we are. We make us who we are. Nothing outside of us makes us who we are. Nothing that we can hold, unless we are so blessed by Spirit and told so, tangibly, is anything more than the result of the power and can be seen only as that – as the ultimate proof that indeed we are the most powerful people in our own lives, so why are we worried about so many things that we might believe are the most important things in our lives?

Because as sentient beings we have been allowed to learn our lives long that we are empowered by our selves, through our selves, and within our selves, and the moment that we are in disbelief of this one thing is when we also begin to notice what are the limits that maybe we have imposed upon ourselves so that we would better be able to learn the things that we do not want to learn, in the most compassionate way that the Mother Goddess can provide, even when it means a significance of loss so grand that on our human own, we cannot comprehend, and when it is that we cannot comprehend the why, and we do not want to think anymore about the how, it is at that point that we know, based on all the other things in the past that we should be looking at, worked out for us.

The past cannot be changed, but it can be referred to, and in grand form we look back there and only point to and out those things that broke our hearts and made us hurt, all the way down the to bones of our souls. We cannot ever take away the measure of the pain from the losses we end up going through, but we can gauge the way that we have evolved through how well we make it through them.

We cannot measure what is someone else’s loss according to how we are measuring our own, so without a thought, we choose to judge who we are in relation, not to them, but to their experiences, and we end up judging those who, we do not realize, love, unreasonably, the human potential to harm others. We should not be learning further the power that is in hurt, for it is within this power that we are able to create pain for others, and no one needs that. Instead, we should be otherwise inclined to do only what does the least harm, and what makes the least chaos, and what is, in fact, a form of Love from Spirit that can only come from hardship, that can only come from the lessons that we alone must learn, even as we are in the company of those we love the most.

I suppose that I wrote this particular thing today because of all of the major losses, because of all of the things that we are each and all going through, and it all makes us feel so very all alone, and while I know that this does not take the sting of anything away from any one of us, I do know that when I write in this manner, when it is that the message that is being given comes to me in a hot instance, and when it is that we are all grinding our proverbial teeth, readying ourselves for the thing that comes next, we are empowered. We are empowered because of who and what we are, not what we have, not who we know who we might perceive as being empowered by some outer eminence that only they have contained within themselves.

We are all great, and we are all prone to moments of clarity through the measures of pain and heartache that we all end up going through. Mostly, we want to crawl inside of our inner hiding places, and we want to stay there in that warmth of darkness, of not having to deal with the things that our lives, as storied as they may be, give to us. We want to pretend like the things that shatter us, no matter what those things might be, are never going to allow us to have the completion and the wholeness that we each and all crave. It is in our losses where we gain, at least the most of us, and some of our losses cannot be gauged in human terms – only spiritual ones, because those are the very ones which count the very most.

No, I am not talking about when someone leaves our lives through means not our own or perhaps means not ready for. I am talking about things that take us away from our own ability to be reasonable, to not think in terms of what it is that our imagination is giving us in terms of who we are. Who we are is infinite, and the moment that we wear this on the outside rather than only hiding it from the rest of the world for fear that what it might seem to judge us for, this is when we are in the energy of the infinite, the energy that is wholeness, Divine on every level and where it is that finally, we are living from the middle of our soul rather than the platform of our ego selves.

Nope….this isn’t a writing that was honed throughout the week, but is a message from the Divine that reminds us all that yes, indeed, we hurt, on many levels, and for a whole lot of very, very, very good reasons. The people who hurt the most right now do not need to hurt the most, but it is the only way that they can get through what it is that they are faced with.

…the rest of us?

Yeah…we need to not forget that who we are, all the way to the bones of the soul, is infinite, and that the things which are outside of us are not.

This has been a public service announcement from Spirit…

I Love You All


Soul With Teeth Shark1

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…no, really…you DON’T have to fight it out

Thinking past our own selves and our own opinions and assumptions is not easy. We expect that others will be able to relate to us from our perspective, and not their own. This is where a whole lot of misunderstanding in communication between human beings is born – from our chosen cluelessness.

We wonder sometimes why it is that we fight with others, why it is that the people who we most love are the ones who we fight with over something as small as not being able to understand or relate to what they are saying to us, either for real or with their body language. Where people like I am concerned, it is not only the spoken word and neither only the body’s language that is telling me and anyone like me the truth of a person, but also is their energy, even from a distance.

Being someone who sometimes, herself, chooses to be clueless, and for no other reason than to save myself from having to intuit the pain, sometimes effortlessly, from others, I know what it is like to be on one end of the pain, as well as the other. And pain is not easy, comes in many different forms and from many different sources. It is unavoidable.  Each of us has felt pain and each of us has caused pain. The problem is not that we have had or have caused someone else to have pain, but that once it is that it has been initiated, it is almost a sickness that every single last one of us on the planet has caused pain, and then chosen to cause more pain by choosing to fight each and every single little “ego battle” that comes our way. In reality, we do not have to choose every single one of them It is not that we can choose none of them, because without things that suck, we do not learn what does not suck.

We can choose to not fight, but that would be boring, wouldn’t it?

Yep, it’s true – we get to choose all of our own battles, and the thing about humans who are only beginning the long and dusty trek to enlightenment is that lots of us know this is the truth, but lots of us also love the fight, love the drama that comes from the fight, and most of all, because they are only starting on the path, ensure that, through manipulation, hurting another’s feelings, through any means we can think of, we would rather cut someone else down to size, not realizing that the reason we would do such a thing is because we would rather be right, would rather win, would rather do anything at all than just be kind.

Again, we see here that the most of us have been taught, have been trained, and have been raised to see our differences, and our similarities are played down. We are more inclined, because we have each been trained to scrutinize the energies of others that is not the greatest energy (their darkness, that is) and have taken on the thought as truth that in each of our lives we have to be better than someone, and if we cannot be better than someone else, we will bully them, verbally abuse them, do everything we and our arrogance and our egos tell us to do, just so that we don’t have to believe that we are less than them on some level.

We would rather fight, be right, and to hell with anyone else, as long as we are right, or at least not totally wrong. This is a mechanism of the Ego. The Ego is there to protect us, but most of the time we allow it to run amok, stomping all over the souls of others, and then when we are finished gnawing on their raw nerves, and we are over the reason that the fight ensued to being with, we have the very nerve to expect these other people to not be affected by their antics, to not be hurt by the thing that they said or did, to not be human about what we had just gone through with them and on their behalf and without our spoken permission.

How we unwittingly allow others permission to be awful to us

When we get butt hurt because someone else said something unkind and they were completely clueless about it, and we end up in a fight with them over it, this is giving them permission to our ability to control who we are. When someone else gives their opinion and their judgment about who we are, and we get hurt by it, and we dwell in that hurt, they are in control of how we feel. No, it is not easy to not let the things that other people tell us not hurt us if it is meant to hurt us. It is, however, very worthwhile to stop giving into their energy of pain and wanting to not be alone in that pain.

Think about every time you and someone else got into a tiff and how you felt when you came away from it. Some of us, when the tiff is a well placed one, come away with a feeling like a piece of us somehow is no longer there and that the person who we fought with somehow took it from us. This is also true for the other person involved, even if they are the catalyst and the reason for our having been at odds with them over anything at all.  Fighting with others over opinions, over miscommunicated words, over things misunderstood are all things that, when we reach for clarity or perhaps deeper meaning for the energy provided by these events, is draining and takes away our energy.

Seriously…the way that we allow it is to give in, not decide if the battle is worth fighting and just jump on into the fracas and let it roar! We allow these others who do this through means of our believing that what they think of us is the truth of us.  What we believe is the truth of us is within us, but also within those who we mirror and who mirror us in return. When we get angry over frivolous things and things of a nature that are not in agreement with what our own belief about anything is is when the not-fun starts.

If you fight or argue over someone else’s opinions about anything at all, or about who they are in your thoughts, and without how they might feel about it, while you might not be essentially wrong for your opinions, you are wrong for trying to impose it on someone else’s free will

Most of the time, when we are in the middle of trying to get our ego’s point across, the last thing on our minds at that time is that when we try to manipulate other people toward what is our end result, and we try hard to make them want to be a part of what we see as our own version of right versus wrong, and really, anything else, we are tampering with something that we should be more inclined to have a giant amount of respect for, simply and only because we, ourselves, would expect the same.

You have read, heard, thought, at least a million times that you would not want someone else trying hard to make you do for them without them doing for you, the things that you need, much like they need, for the furtherance of their goals and the life that they are manifesting. Maybe they are somehow a part of your life because of marriage, or maybe because of your career. Either way it doesn’t matter as much as does the idea that there is a lot of hubris, collectively, still, and that this is where a whole lot of us get things so jacked up that a lot of times it seems as though we can do nothing to repair the damages.

It is the exaggerated pride, the hubris within each and every one of us that, at least for those of us who are not willing to call themselves on it, causes us to think that we are meant to take their crap and deal with it as though it is the only crap and the only way to deal with things.  It took me a very long time to not defend what is the opinion of other people that is about me versus what is my belief about me, a lot of time to learn to be empathetic and see, or try to see, where it was that anyone else is coming from.  It takes anyone at all a whole lot of time to not defend ourselves against what other people are assuming is the truth of us.  There is not one person who I know who does not like being shown when they have done something good or right.

Conversely, I have yet to meet a human being who is willing to NOT fight with someone else, willing to not hurt another person, or willing simply and only to listen without judging them after that someone else has been found to have said something offhand. It is in that judgment of someone else where we are in error.

It is when we are meant to learn to differentiate things, that what we are taught to do is to judge people and to form a belief that is not truly our own. I recall being a little girl and hearing it said that the reason I was not in many activities other than hula was because of the person who dictated what I was meant to like but only and according to her. If that person were taught how to do more than what the adults in her life taught her (“do what I tell you to do and not what you think you want to do.”), which was to conform no matter what – it was literally that she had to do as she was told, even if she wasn’t any good at it, or else she would end up being disciplined for it.

In this manner we are taught, as children, to trust by learning what the adults in our lives tell us we should rather than what it is that our soul tells us and what our own senses tell us is the truth. If I had been allowed to follow my soul, it would not have been that I had learned how much I loved to dance until I was in middle school and then in high school when I joined the dance program. We are told what we like and what we want to do, or, rather, a majority of us were raised this way.  Seriously, the words “I don’t want to have her do anything that I myself would not want to do.” This is why there is so much fighting between people – because we are not willing to let them be who they are and we start this nonverbal teaching lessons of how to judge people nonsense from a time when humans are in the womb. It is seen in the vicariousness of the football dad, the arrogance of the cheer mom, and in the manipulative thoughts turned into words from a stage mom.

These are all examples of people in our lives when we are very young who have any kind of say so and who take control of someone else’s destiny through imposing on them their will and their likes and what they are comfortable with. It doesn’t have to be a parent. It can be anyone who is responsible in some manner for teaching us to think on our own. It is like being that kid in math who is not understanding how to figure out what is in front of them, NOT because they are stupid, but because they need to be shown another way to figure things out. My second grade teacher did this to me – she called me stupid because I couldn’t figure out how she came up with the same answer that I did. “How could it be wrong?” I recall asking her.

“It doesn’t matter! You are too stupid to do it the right way!”  These are words that no one forgets, not because they are the truth, but because they were the truth of my second grade teacher at the time who just did not realize that I could not do the math HER way. When I showed her how I came up with what I came up with, she was still so angry with me that she failed me, because “I am the teacher and I can do that if I want to.”

This same line of thinking applies when we are talking about defending what I call “Self Beliefs.”

Self- Beliefs

We can think of them as being the ultimate selfie, because it is the picture that we have in our minds of ourselves. When we are willing to fight with someone else, not only are we one another’s mirror, but we are also one another’s catalyst for checking on ourselves so that we are not prone to walking the crust of the earth like we are somehow cool when really, we are not that cool at all ! haha

Like my 2nd grade teacher did me no favors when she called me stupid, we are not doing anyone else any favors when we decide that since they are not the way that we want them to be, and that since we cannot manipulate them, that they are somehow wrong and that they are the biggest sinners in the world of all things “self.”

Our Self Beliefs are the picture that we have of ourselves that is in our thoughts and in our Spirit and that we are in charge of. These Self Beliefs are those things that, as adults, we have to try hard to overcome so that we can grow. If a person has had it so that the whole time that they have graced the face of the planet, other people have been shaping who they are and we are believing what they are saying about us and to us and we do not think for and to ourselves that we are who matters when it comes to what we think about us, then that person will, like I still have a few issues with, have limiting beliefs about themselves.

Limiting beliefs are those things that tell us that we, on our own, are not strong enough to make it without the “love” of the spouse who no longer wants to be around to take the verbal and emotional abuse. Limiting beliefs are those beliefs that others have helped us form that tell us that we deserve to be lonely, by their leaving us by ourselves when we might need them the most. Limiting beliefs are those things that, every time we want to do something or maybe try something new, we fear the failure that we have not even experienced but somehow are positive that we are such sucky people that we cannot ever be anything BUT sucky.

Once it is that we buy into and start living these beliefs is when we have to really stop, even in the middle of tears, and ask ourselves why it is that we believe all the bad things and none of the good that we KNOW is the truth. Such as the idea that women have to keep up with the televised model of beauty, that men are not completely straight if they should choose to do things that do not include burping or farting publicly, or behaving like a chauvinist pig. If we have been told that this is the truth, and then shown so, it is of little wonder as to why it is that we have millions of young girls in high school worried about what they look like and if their butt is Kardashian big enough. It is why we have closeted young high school football stars coming out of the closet at school and hoping upon hope that the news doesn’t get to his parents for fear that his father will beat the gay (and the happy) out of him because he is not the person who his dad tried making him be and who he is not.

At some point in time in each of our lives, we decide that judging people for what and for who they are not is somehow okay. At some time in our lives we realize that what we see in others that bothers us also lives within us and that what we saw there bothered us so much that we had to control the situation by pointing out in someone else what we were NOT so that we could maintain our control over what they thought about us for real.

At some point, we all must decide to Love ourselves, to stop being so hard on ourselves for what someone else’s truth turned us into and be grateful that long before we leave this consciousness we still have the chance to be who we are and to share that with everyone else.

At some point, winning is no longer as big of a deal as is knowing that what might be someone else’s truth does not have to be and should NOT be what is ours.



Please visit RandyJayBraun.com today !

No one can go back

You cannot go backward. We cannot return to the time when we thought things were perfect. We pine for that energy, not for that time period.

I cannot be the only one noticing, what, with all of this “everything old is new again” stuff, is happening at the moment. What is happening at the  moment is that there are people coming  back into our lives from a totally other time in our lives and a lot of these people want what we each had with them so many years ago.

I noticed it about …oh…September, when it seemed like things were just a giant weighted mess. What really was happening was that we were being distracted. At that same time we were also being taught – and we were being taught about how really very tough our collective lives had become, even as it seemed and might yet seem that we have just grown used to things being…very and uncomfortably unkind.

Universally felt unkindness

I am not the only one who was a great big snotty whiny mess…let’s say, from, oh, I don’t know…August, until last week. I was not and still am not the only one who felt this weighted energy. I am here to tell you all that it was a multifaceted big, giant ball of ugh that was meant and was with purpose – in fact, meant with a few purposes, with one of them serving as the distraction that we each needed for what happened next.

What happened next was that we all found out a little bit more about what it is that we do want, versus what it is that we know we absolutely can do without. Where I am concerned, it was about my growing spiritual healing practice, my daily writings (except Sunday because even the Goddess and her old man take Sundays off…what? You think Superbowl was set to be Sundays all because one human thought it up? Come on !! Haha) and now, it is about continuing to grow both.

And I promise you that I was an awful mess. It was a very difficult year, 2013 was, and lots of us were glad to see some things and some people go away, and it was also meant to thicken our skin and toughen us up for what has already begun. Some of us are ready for it, and lot of others of us are simply just not.

Everything old is new again, even old friendships and old loves

This is not to say that your first love is going to want to be all wine and roses with you, because lots of time has passed. This is not to say that your pals from another time in your life are still going to be what you recall them being, because, again, a lot of time has passed. In the many years which have passed since the last time we saw any of these people, every single last one of us has managed to go off in our own direction and live, and hopefully have learned from what it was that we went through.  Now here we are, at least the ones who are meant to learn or perhaps relearn what it was that we did not, through these people, and wouldn’t you know it? Some of us want to actually live in the past believing, perhaps, that living in that time, or a time like it recreated now, will make all of our pain and our loneliness go away.

It won’t.


I have GOT TO reiterate …that these people are back in our lives in some manner is one thing, but know NOW that they are not there for the same reason that they might have been all that time ago. Whatever it is that they came back for, it is not that. It is anything but that. We have to consider a whole lot of things, with the biggest one being that lots of time has passed and in that time which has passed we have all become very different people. Time is funny like that – it does not stop, and we do not stop growing, even if we don’t feel like we are.

A whole hell of a lot of cleaning and clearing to do

If you can, for a moment, think of these people as being the clean up crew for certain remnants of what was your life. All these years you were wondering what they were doing, some of us more than others, and suddenly here they are. They might not be in your close proximity, but they are somehow back in your life and there is a reason they are there. For some of us it is to finish learning a lesson that they were meant to bring to us but for one reason or many reasons, they had to leave for a little while. For others of us, it is a reuniting with a like soul which never really left our side, even though they might have ended up on the other side of the world. No matter why they are back, they are here and they will remain so until it is that we have or they have learned what they have had to but could not because you were not there.

This is what I mean by our cleaning up and clearing out – it includes people, lessons, and things that we either need but do not have, or have but do not need. The only people on the planet who can help us with this are these other people. Some of the lessons are going to suck more than they won’t, while others we will not want ever to end (even though they will and that, in and of itself, is the lesson – to let go and come back to reality about them and you and everything in between). Think of this part of this time as being the clearance sale of all clearance sales, and everything on the rack has to be gone and if it is not gone, then those items will either be placed into storage for another time, or, they will be given away (that letting go thing…”given away”) to a charity.

Humans are bad at learning when we do not want to, and when the lessons suck we want to hide and wait for another day when we are more prepared.

That is not how this works.

Lots of folks don’t understand that sometimes we ARE prepared, right as we are, to go through what we need to in order to make things right again, not only for ourselves but for everyone else involved as well.  Unfortunately, and there are not a whole lot of people who will deny me this much – we got here on our own, by our own hands, and with the help of the beliefs about ourselves that were handed to us by our parents and whoever else were the determining and governing variables in our lives as children. Our personal Grown-Ups, all of them, at least for the most part, have conditioned all of us to believe that we have to be better than other people, at everything, and that most of all, if we do not win, that it is okay, but that if we do not win, no matter what it is, other people will not love us as much as they say they love us at this moment. This, for a lot of people who can now be considered “middle age” (Yes, I am one such person), is akin to the constant recording played over and over in our heads, that no matter how good we are, we can be better at it all, that we can win, that we can be victorious, and screw everyone else, because unless you win, you are a loser. (Go ahead and lie to me and yourself and tell me I am wrong…you can’t.)

This is the reality, and, as well, the place from where all of us have groomed ourselves into what and who we are now, no matter what that may be and no matter, really, what we think of it. It is also a very real, real-time example of our collective dependence on what other peoples’ opinion of us is.

Take for instance, yesterday, on my Facebook wall, I had a bit of a misunderstanding between me and a young woman who I have met more than once, about whom I have known since she was but a young girl, and also is someone who I have never really truly known. While I will not go on about what other peoples’ accounts of this person is, the biggest thing that came through to me was that this is a young woman who has a lot of ambition, but at what cost?

I will admit to admiring the passion within her, because it is like my own is, but the difference between this young woman and myself is lots more than only being years. We do not have the same background, even as one incident in each of our very storied personal lives are, and it is that one incident, on my end, that prompts me to think about how it is that we can think back to the times when things were not like they are now, and we can pine for that exact same energy (so that maybe we might be able to live in it, albeit temporarily). The bottom line is that we can never go back to the times when, it seemed, things were easier. Things seemed easier, but in reality, they were only appropriate to who you were at that time, and at that time, much like now, there were also times prior to it that you may have wanted to return to. It is not the time that you want to relive. It is the energy of that time in our lives.

Energy does not die, but it changes

Think about this for a minute, and let it sink in, and realize right this moment that if you can think back to that time, and relive, through your memory, a time in your life when it may have seemed like things were a lot easier than they are now, then know, too, that this is the personal power that all of us – each and every one of us – has. This is the gift that can also and sometimes be a curse, because while we are living in a past moment energetically, we are still in this time that is Now. There are lots of people who just do not seem to understand that yes – you can go back in time but only in the energetic sense.

Our minds and memories are powerful tools that can and should be utilized to bring about a higher energy for the collective whole of us. They are two things that, when they are worked with in tandem with the reality that is outside of the each of us, can help us do magnificent things in our lives for ourselves and for others.

However, when it is that we stay stuck there, and we believe ourselves to also be stuck here in the Now is when people and their human type ways begin to start thinking thoughts about how great it would be if we could just go right back to that time in our lives. The worst part is that a whole lot of us just do not realize or want to accept that what we see with our mind’s eyes and feel both bodily and emotionally is real, but the things and people that originally brought those feelings and that energy are different.

We cannot go back there, but we can and should relive that energy thought. I say this because if a person is right in the mind, they can handle being nostalgic, can handle accepting that we physically live in the reality called “Right Now,” and this applies to the most of us. There are, however, those of us who, for whatever reason we may have, want to live in that past energy all the time, with all the same people, and all the same things, and that will not happen. We can wish and pine for it, ignoring the idea that a long, long time has passed us in between, that people we love and want to be with also have all those many years away from us and that they have grown, and changed.

That we think about those times in our lives is one thing. We all do it. I do it. You do it. That guy over there with his finger up his nose does it – all of us does it. That there are people who want to stay back in time in a friendlier place in their minds and in their past is when it gets very ugly. When we want to live in that past that we see and we love, and we want to be in that time rather than fight our own demons through the Now, we are not opting for growth, but for comfort born of either a desire to feel that way (which is good and doable) or, the desire to go back in time and relive that time (not possible, at least not at this time in history).  Back there we are not the nut-job of a wife who did her share of wrongness to her old man, and back there we are the stud-muffin we were back in high school, and back there are no kids who need stuff, mortgages that are ours, drama that is ours but share….back there is gorgeous, of course, because back there is not the pain or the ugliness of right this minute.

No one can go back, so deal with right this moment

Okay, so there are people who can and do regress others to another time in their own awareness, but the greater part of us do not bother to deal with the realms of weirdness that I and a few others like me do. For the rest of the human race – we cannot go backwards, so dealing with right this moment is likely the best option for any one of us.

Going back to that thing that I and the young woman I wrote about earlier in this writing, while it is that I totally get where she is coming from, what I do not get is the idea that once we have been sinned against, suddenly, we are in that very “sinned against” energy for the rest of our lives. I am sorry, but I cannot stay living as someone else’s victim. It isn’t right and tends to make us believe that that is all we will ever be. Am I saying this of her? Of course not.  What I am saying is that at this time, she is not where I am, as far as years between the incidents goes. So, naturally, what she went through is still going to piss her off to the point where she may not be able to see much more than her own silent hurt and anguish which historically has always been seen as her anger, and her pain, and her baggage.

Yet, I know that one day she will recall, maybe even with a fondness, the back and forth between us yesterday, and may, one day, hear my voice or see my words in her memory, and perhaps one day, I will not be the venomous bitch I am sure she thinks I am now. And this is okay by me. I have been known as many, many other things…and in comparison to those other things, a venomous bitch is a step up!

No matter how great things were back in the day, you, me, we can never go back there. And why would anyone want to unless they believe that there really is nothing more than what is right this moment for them, ever? If you believe that all you really have IS this moment, then you are farther ahead of the game than even you are aware of.

Now please…go and wash that Aquanet out of your way too big Bon Jovi hair, and ALL of you need…NEED to take off ALL THAT MAKE UP!! Back then was nice, but right now is way, way better, in my opinion.  It is so because I would never want to be that clueless child who lived in a woman’s body . Not only that, I could never go through all what I have been through all over again, for anyone, ever.

Stop wishing for what was, be grateful for what is, and know now that better days are just ahead…let go of what was and be excited for what is to come~!




Please visit RandyJayBraun.com today !

The Other Side of Things

Empathy. It is not something that only other people have. It is something that we all have, and when we choose a clueless demeanor over what we know needs to happen, this is when we find that some of us have it, and others of us do, too, but are too scared to use it.

“Rox – I need to know what I can do to help my girlfriend “get it” when it comes to things that have nothing to do with her, everything to do with me, that hurt me, and that she is not aware that she is, in part, a gigantic reason for it…”

These are the emails which make my blood boil, because, and this is going back to that old school of thought blog – a lot of us “get it” in terms of empathy, and then there are others who, for the life of them, cannot see past themselves in order to figure out what the hell someone else, or maybe a few someone elses, are trippin’ about.

Alright…so maybe saying that they make my blood boil is not really the absolute truth, but I will say that they piss me off, a lot, and it is because there are a LOT of people on this planet who still, for the very life of them, CANNOT see past what they want from their own thoughts and their own lives and who also expect people to do as they want without doing anything in return, and that is not okay. It ain’t okay for a few reasons, with the biggest one being that at some point in time in all of our lives we have GOT TO accept the kuleana that comes with who we each are.

Women are HORRIBLE at this

I said it, so deal with it, and no, I am not trying make a big giant stink about anything other than the idea that we are all able to disappoint other people. I am saying that women, for such a long, long time now, have been conditioned to think that every ill in the world is due to some man in our lives who is not thinking like we think. Ummm….DUH…they are GUYS, ladies, and they cannot, will not ever be able to, never have to think like we do. While this does not take away from the empathetic part of things, where hell yes it is nice when the guys make an effort toward understanding that we can see them, at least a few of them, it makes it possible for us  to see them as actual human beings. 

LADIES! Y’all need to knock your crap off and realize that what you want from the guys is what you deserve, but we, ourselves, are NOT perfect, and to think that we are the ones who are supposed to be emotionally inclined in comparison to the guys? Well, you are making us all look like man hating harpies, and it is not cool. It is not cool because all of our collective lives we all have wanted “the perfect mate,” and in that energy we have come to the conclusion that whatever it was that the previous generations were all about, that we, too, are also like that.

No we aren’t. We aren’t because a few of those moms from the generation before ours took time to make sure that all of us knows this. It is unfortunate that while a lot of us understood it and learned it, there are still way too many of us who think that if something is wrong in the world of women, that it is a man’s fault. I have to say hell no, ladies, you are wrong. It is your fault. How dare you give away our power like that and expect the rest of the world to take us as seriously as you want everyone to think you are taking yourselves.

This is not giving us, as a collective whole, the credit that we deserve from all the growth we have suffered through. If you want them to take notice, then you have to be and behave as all who and what you think you are.  If you want the right guy, then you have to stop trying to either turn the wrong one into the right one, or, you have to take a long and scrutinizing look at yourself and wonder why it is that you are not compelled, through Love, to see to it that the person who is supposedly the one who makes you swoon is at least heard.

Yet, it seems, we cannot do that. It seems like we have the very nerve to ask that they all change for us, and rarely does it happen, at least in the manner that I am emailed, by these very same guy-people who a lot of women swear are the ones who are really confused. I would like to know, ladies, when it was that you were so damned perfect, that when your own tears fell and you were hurt, that you did not want your man to be there to soothe you? I want to know, ladies, when it was that when you hurt this person, that somehow, because you are female, you have a pass to pretend to be perfect, even when you KNOW that you are not?

I want to know, really…do you know that you are NOT perfect?

I want to know which unenlightened woman chose to get back at her man for being a man about things, meaning that men, a lot of them, have no clue what it is that we really want from them, and we are the very ones who refuse them this little bit of information. Yeah yeah…I know…there are a whole lot of us who DO tell them what we want, and for the most part, it made things better, or at least how they need to be versus how our white-horse-riding-prince-with-a-trust-fund idealism (and mothers…lets not forget about them) told us it IS.  And hell no – it DOES NOT COUNT when only ONE OF YOU wants to keep the relationship, because at that point you are totally doing what you are not supposed to be doing, which is enforcing your will onto someone else, which makes it so that you are IMPEDING THEIR FREE WILL !!! UGH !

And really, no one knows what the hell they are getting, from anyone, regardless of who they are, who we want them to be, what we expect from them versus what it is that we really and truly need from them. When was it that men were the purveyors of things so unsavory? When was it that we all got angry for these people telling us who we are and why do we think and believe that the changes in our collective thinking about what a man’s position in life is, regarding a woman, did not and somehow DO not apply to us in that same manner where men are concerned? 

Remind me again when it was that we were able to walk on water whilst looking down on what a whole lot of women only see as yet another tool in their chest of things needed (but only WHEN needed) ? This is a crock of crap, really.  This needs to be one of those things that we, as a female collective whole, NEED to examine. We need to think about it in terms of our sons, our brothers, our friends, and we need to see them as equal to us rather than only there to repair the house, the car, open jar lids and be our teddy bears when we need them to be.

If this is the sort of relationship that any woman is in, where she has all the power, and she is in control, then guys, you need to… NEED to get the hell outta dodge, right now, because what WILL ultimately happen is that you will start losing friends, will not be able to leave without Mommy-Girl’s permission, will be the one who is blamed for every little ailment on the planet, and most of all, you WILL BE hopelessly miserable, and why?

Because, you will not be allowed to be the You who you really are, and this is not only about women who like to cut men off at the guava level, but all of us. There are a lot of men who are included in this, who think that without them telling the “little woman” that she is wrong, that she cannot think, that who she is is nothing without him, that she is worthless, that she is not valued by anyone at all, not even her parents- yeah,  if this is you, or even remotely sounds like you and these things are in your ears a lot, it is time to think, not about how to change them, but about what it is that you really want. 

NO one…not a man, not a woman, is beholden to anyone else’s ideals. It could be something online, something that is not tangible anywhere else than on the Astral plane…when we expect more from other people than we are willing to give, and those other people respond to us in a negative manner, it is NOT TIME to check them, because the reality is that those people who just step away are NOT who is in need of people needing to check themselves long before they wreck themselves. 

NO one…not a man, not a woman, is going to take the place of the lessons at hand that are NOT meant for the people who we are judging, who we are badgering, who we are trying to enrage – because really, no one neither needs anyone momming or daddying them, namely NOT if they are able to wake up in the morning, all on their own, without having to be told that the day has started and that, unless you are Motley Crue, life has begun for the day so could we please wake up and NOT behave as though we are the reigning princess of dreamland…because other than Europe and in Disney films, that is the ONLY PLACE where the princess gets to be the princess. Eventually, even the princess will wake up one day to be queen, and unfortunately for the princess type thinking women of the world, it is never the princess who is ruling, because that is ONLY the queen’s job.

And I promise you that it is mighty nice being the queen….

Empathy is not an option, but a requirement

When speaking in terms of men and women and how we do not truly know each other until we know each other and are willing to be open to accepting them all as they are, we are not any better than they are, no matter what. If we, and I am talking about ALL of us, cannot see past what we each want, what we each expect, and everything in any relationship is always only about our very damned selfish selves, then we do not deserve anything better or more than what we already have, particularly if the guy involved is already a prince without the trust fund. The person who emailed me is a very young man, and one who I have been working with for some time now, over the women he allows into his life. I cannot be the one to mom him and tell him what he needs. I cannot be who is the one who is responsible for how he feels, and the beautiful part about this is that this young man takes to heart what it is that a woman better than twice his years tells him.

On his girlfriend’s part, though…and this is to any woman who will think that she can be everything to any man at all…sweetheart – it ain’t gonna work out, and hell yes, I am calling out the one particular woman who, in this case, is very much the one who is the catalyst in all of this garbage. Not all of us is wealthy, and not all of us have at our behest the things that you do. This is a girl who has no empathy, and she should, but is choosing otherwise. I could go on and on, but won’t. The kid who initially wrote that email is reading this, and because he needs at least one woman who is not his mama telling him that he is doing nothing wrong in choosing to be who he is and more, to grow at his pace, and not hers, I am here telling ALL OF US to just ferakin’ chill already. Let people be who they are and worry about your damned selves already because no one else will until you start doing it for yourself. 

A last thought

This writing is not only applicable to clueless women, but also to clueless men who seem to believe that they own the woman who they say they love. You do not own her, just like she does not own you, and the thing is that your own fathers are the ones who have made an entire generation NOT able to understand what the women of today are all about. Let me put it to ya like this, fellas….whatever it was that your mom needed emotionally, your woman needs that, but what your woman does not need is you to be the one who thinks that he needs to father her. That is the fastest way to make her leave you. And when she does not respond the way that your daddy told you all women would, DO NOT take it upon your fucking sorry selves to try to change her. She is who she is and is perfect in her imperfections.

Be mindful of it when you choose to compare her to your mom, because that is just weird, really. Be careful of who she is, because if you really know who she is, you will also know that there are a whole lot of other men who also know who she is and believe it when I tell you guys that no matter how much she loves you, if she is strong in herself, she also loves herself, and really, she will not put up with your bullshit, at all. In fact, if she finds out that you are as weak as you pretend not to be, you will find out exactly which of your friends is the right kind of guy and the right kind of guy is the kind of guy who “gets it” and if you don’t get it, then you better learn to, because really…

…your boys…they are tellin’ you the truth when they tell you that somehow, you won the chick lottery…

‘Auhea wale ana ‘oe….pay attention, ’cause if you don’t, it is almost a given and a guarantee that in the future, sooner than later, someone will…and it will likely not be you… and this applies to both genders, not only the guys ! 

We are not perfect, not one of us, and we all need to check ourselves before we wreck ourselves…some of us way more than others.

I said it…deal with it…



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No one is an island (and no one is alone)

While it might seem like you are all alone at this present time, make no mistake that you are the furthest thing from being alone. No man is an island, and really, no one is in this lifetime all alone. 

“I stand alone today…don’t ask me why I feel I just know I feel this way…I stand alone today” (Jackyl’s “I stand alone”)

I have been contacted by more people than not in the last two weeks about this feeling that seems to be a collective one. At the moment, people are feeling lonely, feeling misunderstood, feeling like someone is always trying to best them, like someone always has something to say, not only about what we are doing, but how and why we are doing what we are doing. The emails include things about why spouses seem to be turning against one another, about why people think they own other people when in reality it is that sense of ownership owning them. There are people who share the air with us who feel like they are somehow floundering in a sea of uncertainty, and right now, while we are all in this wonderfully fluffy feeling of brand newness with the new year just having begun, there are a lot of people wondering why it is that this year they are just not excited, about anything, and the one thing that most folks are feeling right at this time is very, very alone.

And that feeling of “alone” is not the typical sort, the sort that is fleeting and is about just wanting to have a little company. No, this alone feeling is a global one, and it is not really a feeling of being alone as much as it is a feeling of being alone while in a crowd and knowing that you are not alone and is mixed with a feeling of a longing to go home. Lots of us have no idea why it is that we can be in a crowd and feel like this. We don’t know why we feel like we are all by ourselves. It isn’t scaring us, although it is something that is bothering us dearly and it is because while we are in need of learning, on our own, who we each are in the world, humans are still social animals, and when we feel like this, it hurts, it sucks, and sometimes it is such a heavy weight that it can even make us cry.

I promise you that you are not all alone in that energy, in that feeling like there is something out there, wherever “out there” is for us each, and that somehow we are meant to get there, out there, but that with every step we take toward wherever out there is, it feels like our intended destiny, at least the way that we see it, the way that we see ourselves getting to it, is out of our reach.

Spirit is a comedian sometimes

You have heard, at least once in your lifetime, that “God has a sick sense of humor,” and you are right, in that, when we pine for things, want for things, we are meant to do those things, but that when we try to force those things into our lives, after we have reached out to The Mother Goddess for help, and we try to speed things up, we find ourselves almost in a cycle of “over and over again” and it is with good cause. When we try to force it, we are telling Spirit that She has no idea what She is doing. When we try to make it seem in our own heads that we have the best and only way to get to where we are headed is also when we have chosen to believe that really, ours is the only way to get to that place where we will feel whole and like we are “home.”

Well, folks, I am here to tell you that you need to chill, seriously. The reason you need to chill is because buried inside of the time and the waiting and the impatience is something there for the each of us that no human being could possibly believe is real. Our problem is that all of our lives we have been taught to be cautious, and being cautious is fine, but being told this over and over again made us believe that there was something, at all times, to not trust in, and the one thing that we SHOULD trust in IS Spirit. And even in that instance, while we sat sweetly and tenderly and quietly in those pews, for the bulk of our childhoods, we were told that we have to pray in a certain way, because if we didn’t, that God would not take us seriously, and if God, of all Beings, is not going to take us seriously, why, then, should we trust in this invisible, jealous, dangerous, murderous God if all he is going to do is make us beg for his mercy?

I said it- deal with it

I said it, that the God who a lot of us grew up with was a God that I recall as being vicious. We are taught to not trust things vicious, but when it came to what we believed in, we were also taught to believe – or else! Now, what the hell is anyone with a thought in their head, even when they are tiny little kids, going to believe when on the one hand, we are being told NOT to trust strangers, because strangers will hurt us, and strangers will put us “through hell,” and that strangers are not to be trusted?

This is where our sense and our level of trust comes from – NOT from some big scary God who will lightning bolt our asses for breathing wrong, but from what we are told to believe. When we are told that we are not good enough, essentially, for even God to trust us to make the right choices, and then what we see in our lives and feel in our souls is not that great, automatically we are taken back to those times when we were little kids, feet dangling from the pews, all eyes toward the guy with the smirk and the tie and eyes on a pair of tatas in the front row of a big, gnarly scary building that people were so adamant about making us – forcing us, if you will – believe that this imposing guy named God is somehow going to make things all better, so long as we do not do a thing to piss him off.

If you have to make people scared of something, and you have to threaten their sense of well being, and you do this from a very young age, all while telling these same people that God will not abandon them, and then bad things happen, and these same people pray to a God who they believe has judged them very harshly all their lives, what on earth does anyone with an original thought have any other chance of believing that we each are nothing more than very, very alone in this lifetime?

It really doesn’t matter what anyone calls their Higher Source. My thinking is that as long as people believe in something outside of themselves that half of the inner battle is won. Yet, how is anyone supposed to feel like the higher Being they have prayed to all of their lives is going to be there for them without conditions when all we have been told is that God is jealous, and God can be very dangerous, and that if we do not do every single little thing written in that imposing black book that someone’s church lady mom told us that, if we didn’t do them all, that God would surely punish us for being disobedient? And this is when we are children – little tiny ones at that, and we are at that age when everything we are told by the adults in our lives is the very gospel truth…how is it that we are supposed to be even expected to trust anything or anyone outside of ourselves when we have been bullied into believing that the moment we step out of someone else’s way of being, we are already booked on a fast track vacation at Club Hades?

We are told forever to not trust anything other than the God who wants us dead for breathing wrong…and people wonder why those who were raised up in the church sometimes turn away from the church and toward a more welcoming belief, a more welcoming deity. We are told that our Father will care, as long as we do things his way, and that we are not to trust the Mother. Really?

Yes…really…and we are supposed to trust, too, that with the God of fear, that we will not ever be alone, but that we have a lot of stuff to do before that same God who scares the shit out of us will do anything at all for us. We are supposed to trust our mothers, but are told that the only one in the human family whose words matter are our human fathers. We are told that who we are is not good enough for this horrible male god to love us as we are, and we are told, NOT to trust anything at all that is female. Imagine being a little girl, and that you are already strange, already empowered with visions and knowing things before you are meant to, and that every time you tell people something will happen, it happens, and suddenly, people are not wanting to be around you because they are afraid they will end up being sinned on behalf of by you? Then, when you know that there is and has always been something out there and something bigger than you are, but that you refuse to see it as anything but purely gorgeous, people begin to leave your life, all over the name by which you refer to Spirit as.

Here is where we begin to feel all alone. Belief has made us become these people who we are. EVERYTHING that we do stems from the belief in us. In my case, I always have known that there is a higher power, that we are not truly alone, even when we are by ourselves. Yet I never believed that the god I was brought up to believe in, to be dearly scared of, was the very one which would also take care of me. The reason that things happen this way is because of our fear of things that we cannot see, that we cannot absolutely confirm will not happen to us. We choose to follow what is outside, hoping that all the people we see there will finally accept us as we are. When we meet up with these people and we find out that there are some who are more willing to see who we are not rather than who we are is when the ego kicks in.

We are told by strangers that if we do not believe as they do, that we are not okay to be with them, and the excuse is that we will not understand one another and that it would be weird.  This is bullshit. This is called exclusivity. This is part of why we feel like we have no traveling companions on this Path that we share with others at the same time that we are on it by ourselves. We are made in the image of Spirit, perfect and whole, and yes, different from one another, but we want the same things. We want to belong, and we want to know that when we hurt that someone will ultimately and at least ask us what is hurting us.

We feel alone because we are taught to be alone, are taught to not trust, and are taught to think that everyone else is out to get us, that we must be better than everyone else rather than one with them. We feel alone and unworthy because of what we were told to believe is the God of all when in reality not everyone calls Spirit God, and when it is that our beliefs are or were challenged, there came the day that what someone else said to us just simply made more sense to us than what we had been raised to believe as the truth. It might well have been the truth, but it was not our truth, and this is where the whole of us have gone horribly wrong. In our quest, or actually, in the quest of generations past, to find others like us, we somehow took it upon ourselves to create a reason to make other people who were not and are not like we are feel by themselves.

This is the truth that is the travesty – that we have been told for many years that if we do not seek out others like us, who believe in the same God that we have been forced to believe, that no one will love us, that unless we find other people who believe what we do, that we will be doomed to be alone. At this time in history we are collectively seeking others like us. The Bible thumping maniacs (note that I did NOT write actual real and good believers of Christianity or really, any of the mainstream belief systems…don’t go off unless you reread that and realize that really, I ain’t judgin’ your God…I am judging the way that a LOT OF PEOPLE raised their kids by forcing us to believe what we just cannot believe anymore…deal with it and stop being such a pansy ass…yeesh) of the world, the type who insist that we HAVE TO believe their way…these are the people who have, for MANY generations, made us and continue to make some people feel very alone.

You are not alone

Just because some crazy person told you, through quoting passages from their big fat black book, that you are going to hell, that the reason that you are alone is because you have not joined their fellowship, it does not make it the truth – it only makes it their truth. You are not alone, by any means. You just have not thought about what you really believe.

Once it is that we each figure out what rather than WHO we believe in, things begin to make a lot  more sense to us. We find out that we were never really alone, but that the only thing we were not doing was following what was right for us. Just because you were raised up in the church, it does not mean that you are going to believe in the God of your parents for the rest of your life. Just because you were told that you will have no friends in life and that if you stray from what your family told you and just because there are people who you share blood and a grandma with who vilify you and call you evil because you are not like them does not make it true that you are bad, evil, not acceptable to society.

Once it is that you realize that there are others who are just like you on this big giant planet, and once it is that you figure out that no matter what or who you believe in – it does not make you a bad person, but that it makes you true to you, you will know that all along, the only thing that your upbringing “in the church” was meant to do was show you that you are willing to be open minded, that you are able to believe in something outside of yourself, and that the whole time you were told all these bad things about a god that was meant to help keep you in line and all these things about how you will be …WILL BE burned at the stake for believing in any other god, it does not make it the truth of you.

Yup…basically, the reason that a whole lot of people have this yearning to go home, have this intrinsic feeling of aloneness, is because of the way that they are, that we are, choosing to believe, in someone else’s God.

Not for one moment are we alone. We just have to come out of the safety of the shell of what we might have believed at one time, and come to that place in life where it won’t matter that you be who you are, to anyone, but you, and that no matter what, your earth-bound mother will still love you, even if her God demands that you obey – OR ELSE, and your Mother Goddess tells you that today is the day that you should choose to be magnificent.

I Promise you, and I know this for real, that the people who love you for real will be the same people who, even if they believe differently than you do, will not NOT love you, just because you “lotus” instead of “kneel.”

No…really….I Promise…your people are out there waiting for you. You just have to know this and believe it, no matter what your parents’ God told you when you were a kid.





What the Hummingbirds told me

Divine and Mercurial is the Hummingbird

I woke up different today. I mean, I am still me, and I am still weird, but today I woke up with a sense of purpose. It was like I went to sleep last night, not thinking about things in the manner that I am right this minute, and like Magick, and overnight, things changed. And it was not an outward change, not anything that anyone who does not know what to look for would see. Yet, those who are “in the know” of certain things and ways of seeing, even though they are not right here with me, or that I am not right there with them, I can say it that, in fact, not too many of us woke this morning with that same “awright! A new year within whose time I can screw things up because next year…guess what? We get another one!!” sort of energy.

Let’s see here…okay, so it is, indeed, a brand new year, but this year there is something very different.

He doesn’t rock in the treetops, but my little winged messengers from the Divine do, indeed, ROCK !

So, there I was, alone, sitting on the deck and thinking that I needed to text Dannie and April, Scott, Jimmy and whoever else it is that I go back and forth with on a daily basis via text or online or on the phone, and I was not thinking about anything, really, other than that my daughter was not home yet, and that she wanted to go to the grocery store with me today. I thought about the weddings that I’d performed last night and how those people all woke up different than they were yesterday, and markedly so. I thought about all the things that have happened within the space of the last six months, and realized just how much that we have all been through.

I stood there, silently, thinking and not really bothering to look up, and that lasted about five or so minutes.

Then, there they were…and there were two of them, right there in my face, happily chirping away like nothing had changed at all, like the world was not different and as though things were just perfectly right for the time being.

And ya know what?

Not only were those two right, but were Divinely timed with a message 

And the message is not only for me, not only for just one person, but for The One, and that includes us all. In that split second that those two creatures were happily in my face and then followed me to the door of the house, those two tiny little birds told me a whole lot, such as the idea that we have lived within this self-contained bubble that has done anything but protect us, such as the idea that now is the best time, and better than any other time, given that we are now in New Moon, to really think about what it is that we want from what we have gone through.

We are supposed to be feeling like we are somewhere between here and forever, like right at the moment, rather than just Be, we are meant to also DO and no matter what, to also DO with a whole lot of joy, because we are primed and ready for the big show, meaning that all of the hurts that we each and all suffered in the past can now be released, for good, and, as well, for the good of us all.

We are supposed to not be afraid, just like those two creatures who normally split from sight when they see us, and like those two practically chased me down just to get their message across to me, I am here, too, proverbially chasing you all down to let you know that while it is that life will never be totally perfect and neither will it always be completely this gorgeous, so long as we never forget the things that we learned throughout the time that has passed over these last 7 years, and most of all, that we carry the joy we know we need in order to be all that we are meant to be, that doing what we are meant to do in this lifetime is meant to start and to happen NOW!


I have mentioned the word “receipt” in the past to you all, and the receipt for the start of the year is that we are in New Moon, and always at the New Moon we know that whatever it is that we are supposed to be doing, NOW is the time to just go for it, seriously. It is not now time to sit and ponder what it is that you want to do – it is presently time to stop being such a sissy-lala and just go for it. No matter what it is that is driving you nutty in the thought that you cannot do what you need to, I am telling you now what I was told – do not sit and wait for your life to happen to you. Go out there and get it.

NOW, this does not mean that if you see a lovely woman who you want to know better, that you should go all…Fred Flintstone on her and do the caveman thing (there ARE laws, you know), but it DOES mean that you should STOP all the insecure nonsense and at LEAST go make a new friend (yes, with her, silly…yeesh!). It does not mean that if you have been planning on robbing a bank that you ought to go and do it, but it DOES mean that with the same verve that you had when you came up with the plan in your head that you should now take that same thing and put that energy toward something bigger and better and more meaningful than that (in NO WAY am I EVEN condoning that ANYONE does ANYTHING ILLEGAL!!! NO NO NO!!!).

IN fact, it would be the best thing in the world if the all of us just decided, collectively and on our own, to get out there into the big fat swing of things and just do what we do, be happy with ourselves, help other people be happy, live in Love and be joyful.  Yes, I know…it is sometimes difficult for people to think that all these things and messages and everything that I write here somehow are delivered to me today  on the wings of two little tiny birds.

Yet, it did.


My grandmother, Katherine Nahunoni Aoki-Soares, used to say it to me all the time, that I needed to ” ‘auhea wale ana ‘oe, Mapuana – PAY ATTENTION!” and it was not until after she had passed away that I knew what my Nana was telling me. You see, too many people mistook her for being timid, when in reality, she was very strong – she had to be in order to deal with my grandfather for as long as they were married, and they were married until he died in 2002 after, at that time, better than 60 years of nothing close, in my opinion, to being anywhere near wedded bliss.

It was Nana who told me that in everything there is a message, that in all we see, say, do, hear, know, the Mother Goddess is talking to us (her word was “God Almighty” and in her case it was the truth of her – she was the MODEL of what is a truly good Christian…’aumoe malie, Nana…I Love You!). Nana used to tell me things, in the height of her illness (Alzheimer’s) that could not have come from anywhere else than straight from Spirit. Nana has been gone since 2009, my oldest child’s 15th birthday, in fact, and since then, my grandmother comes to me in visions, in dreams, in the silence that is the All That Is, and has, since I can recall until now, never led me astray.

I am told that this year, all of the pain and the hurt that we each experienced will begin to lift. It is not to say that we are completely out of the uglies, but it is to say that we are now on the downhill slope of things. While it will not be seen or heard of in the news, in politics, in anything other than our very selves, it will be felt, collectively, and in that energy we will all come to know that there is no time at all like the present, no time at all like right now.

Right Now is very special, because within the Now moment, we are present, aware and we know things that we could not know, and it is on a global level. The powers that think they still be do not realize that the power structure has gone from the material to the Divine, practically overnight. We are starting this year with a New Moon, on the first day of the New Year,  with the new moon making us KNOW that the time is RIGHT NOW to get everything that we want in our lives IN our lives and to NOT STOP until it is there, or at least showing itself as coming into being.

And what is coming into being for me is as magnificent as anything, much as it is for you all, as well.  Don’t play with your fear anymore.

Go out there and do what you do, because right now, all the heavens support it!

I Love You All !



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