Monthly Archives: March 2018

HOʻO NĀNĀ (TO PAY ATTENTION)

Safe Places Article CPTSD Blog

There is only one Science of Getting…

I have not written in a very long time.

This morning I was online looking at the books I have downloaded over the last couple of months as a means to privately study the science behind lots of things, but truly and specifically, the Science of Attraction…and no, not the dating sort.

The getting of the stuff sort, because apparently, it is the stuff in our lives that matter, rather than the process of getting those things.

We donʻt think that way. I wish we did, on the one hand, because then we would see evidence of this sort of process happening at all times. On the other hand, with the way that too many humans still believe the ego is what we are meant to live from that from the Divine within us is why I am sort of glad that it is not, because the rampant ability towards growth that each of our own egos have…yea, even mine. We are not meant, in our egos, to be limitless, but that is where we are, the majority of us – hoping that someone elseʻs way is going to be the right way that we ought to make our lives great. It isnʻt that way. They can be the model and the inspiration for the hope for better things, but, without our own hands being in the mix, NOTHING CHANGES.

By our own hands in the mix, I mean that in every way possible, you have to be able to accept the good and the bad, no matter what – this is called balance and without it, our lives cannot be great. We cannot be balanced if we are hanging on to what are the truths of other people and at the same time expect them to see OUR greatness. This is made more concrete to us on the singular level when we choose to believe that we are limited by what others tell us, rather than that we are limitless and that once we accept this much as much as we accept the shit we do not like, we realize and are shown a WHOLE LOT MORE.

We do not realize our limitless nature, do not realize that we are made of the same stuff of dreams and that we are not here by mistake – only a fucking idiot would think that way. 

I figured there must be some sort of something to this…getting of the stuff stuff…and since it is that mine is that mind that tears things apart while in thought mode, and more – I KNOW I Am that One Person in my Own Life who actually does what I teach…thatʻs right – I actually walk my talk, and no one else can say that I do not…and there is only one way to do all this…getting of the stuff stuff… which is paying attention to oneʻs own life patterns.

Oneʻs Own Life Patterns

There is a science, you realize, behind getting what it is that you have in your life, and lots of it is done unconsciously. We want to believe that we are on top of things all of the time but the truth is that we are more inclined to be in denial of things than we are more preferring to fix our own lives and make the world a very much better and brighter place to be -for ourselves before anyone else. I actually ought to think to listen to my friends at school, the ones who are telling me that I Am what I do not realize I Am, or at least, at this point, what my mind cannot accept, due to the evidence all around me that can only be called failure.

What they tell me that I Am is nothing short of brilliant, and that is on the basic side of things. I did nothing more than be me. I guess I will just keep doing that and fuck anyone else who tries to fix me without realizing I am doing that just fine on my own WITHOUT help….and without those things that remain as ʻfailures” for longer than those things need to be my medicine, my teacher and my lesson in things that I need to do for me, so that I can do for others.

Stepping away from those “failures” we see one true thing:

If there is a script that anyone at all ought to follow, it is the following, because it marks our acceptance of things that we would rather not deal with. When we are not wanting to deal with something it is because we have created the most impossible thing in our own minds to overcome and ALL OF IT IS RELATED TO THE ENERGY OF SHAME and GUILT.

When we are willing to feel guilty for longer than it takes us to correct the behavior, it is that point when we will begin, just so you know, MORE OF THAT SAME THING SO THAT WE CAN RECOGNIZE IT AND WORK IT OUT OF BEING IN OUR SELVES. We truly are our own and only saving grace…that script is as follows, and yes, you can insert your own truths into it. It all is the same for us all. In it are the truths that we need to get a little hint as to what it is that we ought to be looking at, and I promise you each and all that what we are looking at has NOTHING TO DO WITH OTHER PEOPLE and EVERYTHING TO DO WITH OUR IMBALANCE OF PERCEPTION OF WHO WE ARE ACCORDING TO OUR OWN SOUL:

“There is a pattern of behavior that is apparent and is mine to deal with because it is my behavior. My behavior is something that lots of people cannot connect with the me who they know (always loving and sweet and not letting things outside of herself bother her) versus the real me and the me who no one wants to know, apparently, because that me is still wondering when it was that she was meant to be anything OTHER than super-human strong. I Am only strong because I have bothered to face the bullshit, and more, only bothered to inject myself into my own problems that were outside of me to see where it was that the missteps were made.”

Acknowledgement is never easy BUT, acknowledgement makes things easier to face in the future, and therein is where the treasures are at.

DIVORCE IS NEVER EASY

And in my life it was needed.

Yes…NEEDED.

I was terrified, NO, not of living without that creep, and NO, not with the thought in my head that without his money, his name, the kids, whatever, I was not going to be all that I Am now, which is no longer afraid of him. 

Period.

Not even if I saw him.

I thought I saw him a couple of weeks ago, but, that is neither here nor there – I sometimes forget about the male ego and well, that guyʻs ego is so big it has blinded him to the idea that it is actually what caused this part of his life, no matter where it is being lived right now. Getting back to my point, the way that I was my own problem in that issue and at that time in my life – a time that comes to an absolute end real soon here within the next few weeks for me – was through the terror that that insane fool would make good on every word he spoke to me, to my parents, to our kids, to anyone regarding what it was that made us all scared of him.

Pretty much, rather than allowing what that asshole did, said, threatened with…in choosing the unknown over the …pseudo-comfort…of the known…I chose bravery over fear, once and for all, and it made all of the difference in the world for me, and ultimately, ALL the people in my life.

I get to be the me who I Am now….and all because I created a situation that would allow it. I took right action, and the right thing is happening, because I am no longer that personʻs spouse.

Truly, in looking back, I never was – I was there as an idea of what it was that that person thought it was supposed to look like, without it being the thing that it was for real. What it was for real was a lie to begin with, because that moron thought he owned me. He created that reality for himself through the ego, by means of competing with everything that was outside of himself, when in reality, he was competing with me, that whole time, for nothing more than being right…essentially in his fucked up thoughts – winning, at all costs. This is called “using people to get things” and in his case, that “thing” was control over all of us.

That fool never had control of his own emotional or mental self, and I know now that I always did.

Not the truth in Self

When we are shown who we are not by people who want us to see who we are, because who we are or who they tell us that we are in that moment is what helps THEIR cause, and they are without that same energy for anyone else, this is when we can guarantee that the ego – NOT THE TRUTH IN SELF – is what is in command. And the more that we allow this much, the more that we tell ourselves to believe those ugly things about us. The “proof” comes to us, but not in the manner that we think it is coming to us which is someone ultimately to satisfy our egos rather than in the manner it actually shows up – through the example that is anyone else who is upset with us. This is the biggest lie that we are willing to tell ourselves.

Worse than that, it is also the one that we choose to believe the most and for the longest time. 

We tell this particular lie to ourselves when we tell other people things that we think they want to hear, and most of the time we do this so that we can buy time, and when we need to buy time, it means that something that is not conducive to who we are meant to be becoming has taken over and we have willingly allowed it to be what is our most powerful selves.

This is not the truth so stop telling yourself that it is.

Our most powerful selves cannot ever make us hurt or wonder why it is that we are hurting or wondering when it is that someone else is going to make good on what they tell us. We wait and wait for other people to do things that we are told they are good at, assuming that, like any normal human creature, they will want to show that talent to anyone else, even if that talent shows up as not what we have been told.

To that other person, that we would bother to show that talent means that we trust that they are going to have it in OUR best interest, even for the sake of showing anyone else that truly, we care about what they think about themselves…well it means a whole hell of a lot, not only to that person…but to you, as well. Taking effort is a big fat deal in manifesting our lives – we have GOT TO take action, or else all we are doing is talkinʻ shit.

Think about the last time that you were able to help anyone else, and you were not worried about what you might get in return, and about how good it made you feel that you were able, by right of that talent, able to make another personʻs life a little bit easier. We are gifted with talents and gifts at birth. It is up to us to creatively grow them into being and if we donʻt, it is also ours to deal with the aftermath that ensues which is the absolute truth of our fears of failure. And truly, in the most tangible way, the only reason that it, or anything else, can be called a failure is due to failure to take right action.

A failure to take right action can be made right at any time

Yes, I am a reformed procrastinator. School is why. If I do not have a hula class to teach, then I do not have that marker in time where I need to be somewhere. This is fine, because the failure in my world at that time was that I was judging my life from who I thought I was for real. I was not a hula teacher “for real” meaning that there were other things in my life that I felt needed more attention. I ignored the signs – and the sign was that I needed to choose…remain in my current arrogance of the time OR, step out, perhaps not fearlessly, but for sure very bravely, and venture into the unknown.

“The Unknown” was what taught me the most, because what I thought I would do was become a Life Coach, and I did, but, it cost me a lot of money at the time, and the company that “certified” me went out of business. It took me some time and lots less money, all these years later, to recertify. This only shows one thing for sure – that you are not what you are labeled as.

You are not perfect, but you can be excellent, and there is the difference. We put too many time limits on the creation of our lives, and we forget about how big they really are seen with our mindʻs eyes that in our frustration, we also forget the most important thing of all – that we are, in that time, and without us being very aware of it, creating who we will become in the future that we are also creating. All I have ever wanted to do is make a difference in the lives of other people.

…and no this is not my telling you or my even stating that I am perfect or better than anyone else is.

This is not pointing out anyoneʻs “flaws” because most assuredly, there are no flaws that anyone else can point out that we, at some level, do not know about,

Indeed I know that I am needy, namely right now, and for the things that I have so freely given to others and eventually, like everything else, I will grow past this hurt and become ever more successful with that one thing – leading myself out of the darkness that I set there for me, through others, and at least I know where I stand with me, which is vitally important.

In all of this manifesting thing, all we were taught by that movie The Secret is that manifesting is possible.

What we were not taught were the things that propel it all into movement. You were told by the actors in that movie that manifesting is POOF! like a genie and myself, I have always known that it takes a LOT MORE self work than we are willing to do right off the bat. It takes more for each of us to face our own ugly truths, rather than only believing that we are pointing them out in others because we have the gift of sight – that is not the only thing. When we see it in others, it exists in us, as well, and even if you want to tell me I am wrong – go for it BUT, like DOES attract like, so…if you are experiencing bullshit, know now that it is no one but yours to deal with, even if someone else brought it to you.

Yes, I know we do not want to bring bullshit to ourselves, but we do by concentrating on NOT bringing it to our lives – that is REALLY how it works…we DRAW IT TO US WITH THE THOUGHTS THAT WE BELIEVE….and we are the reason that we believe those things, because. you know – we are always right, about everything, including our very selves….

Because, you know….we humans are perfect….more perfecter than other humans….

No?

This is not how you think?

You think you are above faltering in your energies and you believe yourself to be above the rest of us in terms of being upright and taking right action so as to enrich your own life thereby enriching others, as well, is the outcome?

Well…why not?

I mean – this old guy…actually dead guy….Wallace D. Wattles…the author of the 1903 classic book The Science of Getting Rich pretty much maps it all out for us. Even way back then there were those of us who were trying hard to make it known to the human populace that we are magically energetic and magnetic in nature. Most people ought to realize this much by static electricity, and when there is a lack of moisture in the air we are going to experience it. This is a loose interpretation of it but is none the less how it works.

Even way back then, long before these …humans who produced that movie that introduced us all publicly to this phenomenon….Wattles had it right – there is nothing that we cannot have in our lives if we are willing to see to it that we need to think another way. Right this moment, as like LOTS AND LOTS of moments in my lifetime, it feels like I am still very alone in a crowd but the truth is that I am probably being prepped for what comes next. I never know anything about what comes next OTHER than the energies that I am sensing, and right now, there are no real ones that I am bothering to pay attention to. This is a talent that I have had since I was a small child – the ability to sense and be correct about the energies that I am feeling at any given time, and knowing exactly whose they are, while that part has always been an issue for me in discerning whose is whose…these days, I am spot on with it. 

This is not me bragging. Those who know me best know, as well, that I have a very hard time with patting me on the back. I am very dearly tough on myself.

Everyone knows this.

And I am tough on me because I can become complacent in my process of thinking for the better, than going backwards to the last good things that worked – yeah they worked, and they would have back then when I was THAT version of me, but now?

I AM THIS ME THAT I AM, RIGHT NOW...and in that manner, there is NO turning back, ever. I cannot go backwards. I love this me, even though this me is dearly hurting right now. I cannot change back into what I was, because it no longer fits the bigness of my life. 

This is my reminding myself that sometimes, there are times when we must intuit from the Divine the things that we need to know, and maybe my time is now to do that, at all times, because throughout my life, the bodily sensations that I get, and the thoughts that I think that I KNOW are not mine are things that right now, and at this very critically crucial time in my own personal life, are keeping me at a lesser level of broken than I was for the last few weeks.

Yeah – WEEKS, and it is a bitch trying to NOT express those things because they are not believed or not wanted to be believed even as they are my own observations. Observations do not tell lies – they are complete at the time that they are made. This does not mean that their entirety of being is complete, just that at that moment in time, what we are observing and feeling and sensing in that moment is the very truth of the moment. We can press other truths, but, always it is the prevailing truth that cannot be hidden because it is our Universal Energetic Signature. 

The Universal Energetic Signature

As a behavioral scientist, the one thing that I notice is that the more we stray from our truth, the harder our lives become. The harder our lives become, the sooner we are to throw our hands up and make the world know that we hate it and all of its inhabitants.

Our Universal Energetic Signature is the energy lifeline between yourself and the cosmos. It is the thing that is most noted as you by you that goes into the Universal climes and makes it so that you get exactly what it is that you are drawing to your life, either knowingly or not. At this moment in time, I am trying hard to not be bitter, hard to not be resentful of things and more than anything else, I am trying hard to not hurt. Perhaps it is my lesson right now, by the teachers who have brought it all to me OR, perhaps it is that I am the lesson for others, for whatever reason it is that anyone needs me in their life for any reason at all. The ʻsignature” that I am talking about is our personal magnetic vibration that we emit out into the big emptiness that is not really empty, at all.

It is what calls to our beingness those things that with a bit of work and time and trial and error and plain old REMINDING OURSELVES THAT WE ARE ONLY HUMANS AND THAT WE NEED TO REMEMBER, TOO, THAT WE ARE ALSO SOULS IN BODIES AND TO TAKE CARE, THROUGH A GENTLE BALANCING ACT, OF OURSELVES SO THAT WE CAN ULTIMATELY TAKE CARE OF OTHER PEOPLE….

Other people matter, they show up in our lives with purpose…to teach, or to be taught, but always, there for the opportunity to Love, even if it is that they only learn to love their battered and tortured selves

Into our lives comes this person who we know is not lying to us, but yet, we choose, instead, to forge ahead into this newness with old thoughts. When we are willing to only think about what USED TO work, rather than taking those MACHINATIONS OF ABILITY and USING THEM FOR OTHER THINGS, we are limiting ourselves. I know this one personally. I thought that I might not ever dance hula again, and yeah I beat the shit out of that one thing so that I can tell each of you reading this that truly, I am remiss that I do not get to teach hula like I did at one time in my life. …okay, I Am a little bit remiss, but I was way way remiss not long ago.

I used to have lots of students, and dance was the middle of my lifeʻs work. At least I thought it was.

Then one day, it all fell apart, and it bothered me to the point of no longer caring about much else than trying to revive it as it was. What I only realized lately is that the reason why it could not be the same is because I WAS NOT THE SAME ME AS BEFORE, and that much on its own, no matter who we think we are or were, is a LOT to deal with.

I did not know then…back in 2009….that I was being prepared for this part of my life, and perhaps that the only way that hula would be involved is through my show of the dance without it being taught to a group, and only danced by me in a solo effort, no matter how good or bad it is, of giving the world a different glimpse of what my culture, in its iconic art form, is all about for real.

To have read that over and over again right this moment, still, in some part of my psyche, is torture, because I was phenomenal at what I did. Yet, in reading it from another perspective, I learned from that time in my life that what I was doing was using Hula as a means to bridge people to each other.

And that is exactly what happened. 

This, I know now, is the actual gift that, as that specific Kumu Hula, was for me. It was the more important lesson of teaching children to get along, regardless of how much bad things were said to them about anyone elseʻs parents. We are awful, or we can be, as parents, imparting our foolishness on to other people because of our arrogance and our pride, not in who we are but in what we can do better than anyone else.

I can see it this way now, because I learned, through not being able to use my hula like I did to make me some money, what I CAN use it for, and it is lots more helpful as medicine.

Maybe that medicine is seen now rather than danced, but that remains to be known. Right now, it is not anywhere OTHER than in my head. 

Not the group dancing, but that I was joyful, always, no matter what, dancing hula. If I never am able to teach a class again, I will always know that I did and that I was good at it. It was the only thing that I had done for my work in this world, not knowing yet that the thing that I was meant for also required my working towards it. 

I work towards it everyday, my ability to help other people understand themselves. I cannot ever sit here and state that I help them for real because lately the evidence that I have helped people in the past is no where to be seen, even though I know it happened, they know it happened, and yeah…hell yeah – the Universe also knows it happened, because it was the grand Universe who and what has given me the strength that I have needed, all the time, but particularly lately, when it seems that on the emotional plane, I am all alone in this energy.

I behave as though I have not been here before, hurting and feeling all by myself in this energy.

I Am not, because I got this far, right?

I could not have gotten very far if I did not bother to make a way for me, throughout all of the things that I need to do for others, to also do well, because I know that in order for others to succeed, it is by my example that I lead them to their own success. If they cannot see it because they are blinded by the fear and the doubt and the worries of what it is that they cannot do anymore, that is not anything of yours to consider, ever. It is selfish of anyone at all to make it be something that anyone else needs from them, but, that selfishness ends when there is a lack of a corresponding energy where other people are concerned.

Mr. Wattles is correct in writing that we are so concerned with competing to succeed, so invested in that emotion of being better than what we need to be, which are co-creators with  one another, that when our egos have us by the fucking throat, and we are more willing to look outside of ourselves without first looking within, we are denying ourselves the truth of who we are for the truth of who we are trying to be again and THAT is a mechanism of the Ego self at its highest lowest finest.

We choose to allow this energy in our lives, for no other reason than that we are very well versed in it. We believe that failure is the only thing that we will ever achieve, and then when it happens, we want to know why it happens. It happens because it is the believable thought that we, ourselves, produce. It happens because we are more willing to believe the things that other people tell us about who we are rather than believing the good things that we know are the truth.

Right at this time in my life the planets are showing me …NOT where I am ʻwrongʻ in any other manner than depending on the good opinions and intentions of other people. Period.

I know EXACTLY who and what I Am, and right now I Am not ashamed to call myself temporarily needy  – this is part of being human…being put in our place to see how the rest of the planet deals with this sort of thing. My job is to teach others how to bring this to their lives.

This thing called co-creation 

Right now, I feel like I depended on the truths of the intentions of other people, rather than on my own, and that is where I gave away my own power –in believing what it was that I did not have evidence of. What I DO have evidence of is that on my own I have created my own empowerment, have made it mine to hoʻomana …or literally meaning to empower..me….so much so that this is what I call my coaching practice….Hoʻomana…because yeah, it has a nice ring to it.

I did not come to this conclusion lightly, neither by haste, but, I knew that embedded within it was the power of its own creative force, its power to become what it is meant to be as is envisioned by me. That lots of people think it is a pipe dream is one thing, but, that I keep on being prodded by the Aether, by the people in life and by the very driven force of passion within me…I can see what is  there, and what is mine, and that I have been she who has exacted this empowerment into my own life is nothing short of amazing. 

Even after everything that I have experienced, and everything that should have “taken me out” and didnʻt, here I Am, boldly standing in my own empowerment, knowing, for sure, that I Am this Me because I created this Me.

We have no idea of our abilities until we are forced through personal traumas to use it, all of it. We cannot fear it being lacking – we are who makes it that way.  This is not my truth. It is the truth of the Universe – that which we give most of our focus to is that which we will experience in our lives. I focus on my own successes, because in doing so, it is a guarantee on every level that I also impart this onto others and specifically I inject that same energy into the lives of the people who I love the very most.

I have been doing this, apparently, since I actually believed that I could, which is hallmarked by my return to college in the Fall of 2015.

All those good grades, those considerations for things that people who put forth the effort toward the goal of doing what they do, forever and ever amen, and being everything that they are supposed to be and helping those who have entered into their awareness …this is the reason why ….and they are the answers as to why it is that I do like I do, which is not look back at the past, neither look forward too much to the future, which is everyday changing and in manifest.

All we have is now, and in my now I chose to read a book that I read a long time ago, and one that now, means lots more to me, now that I have evidence, and evidence produced long before I was born, and 33 years before even my 81 year old father was born, in words, telling me that everything old is new again, even the way that we think.

Click the link below to get your free copy of it…read it again and again and see what it means to map your own brain…

Aloha Mai E….til next time….

#LosAngelesKahunaRox

#TheRockin9th

Click this link to get a free copy of Wallace D. Wattlesʻ The Science of Getting Rich…for free even!! 

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