Monthly Archives: January 2014

These Pain Filled Days and Nights

None of us likes to be in pain, physical or otherwise, and at this time in our collective lives it seems as though that the pain is all we can claim to owning. I have a few thoughts about the energy being created by it, and what we can do to get through it all.

I wasn’t sure if I was imagining it all, but it was about this time about two weeks ago that it started to be very obvious to me that I am NOT the only one who feels like I do right now. Right now I am frustrated,  bewildered, and basically just NOT understanding why it is that a whole bunch of us seem to have a really great day that falls in between some really, really, really harsh ones.

Many of us have lost loved ones, have lost our homes, our jobs, our everything, including our hope. I am here to tell you all that now is so not the time to give into the pain, to give up on what it is that you and your soul KNOWS is waiting for you. This is the part that we all hate, the part that we know we have to sit through, have to endure. Some of us have fallen chronically ill, while others of us have been met, as I have, with some seriously hard times.  There are more of us who are middle-aged who were forced to go home to our parents’ homes. When this first happened to me, I thought it was the worst thing in the world. Having to accept that your big fat house, and your big fat car, and your big fat life are no longer yours, and, at the same time, have to also face being back at the place where we know we have outgrown, where we know a whole lot of childhood issues still live, and where, for the life of a whole lot of us, we have no choice but to be, at least for the time being.

The time being

I will write this next thing as carefully as I can, so as not to offend or hurt anyone’s feelings. And believe it when I say it – just because right now sucks okole, it is not permanent. I was not too fond of writing that last thing, and more than that, I am really not very fond of looking at it, and they are my own words.

The time being is a collectively very ugly time. I will not rewrite about losses. It hurts too much to know that a mere 6 years ago there was not a lot that I could not afford, could not have, and one of those things that I now cannot have is that security which, at that time, afforded me all those great things that money buys. Money is  an issue, not just for me, but for many people right now. It seems as though there is no end in sight, but if we broaden what our thoughts are, and looked specifically at what it is that is hurting us, perhaps in that hurting we would be able to see something else.

Perhaps if we could stop with the moment, the moment that is right now, and looked, for a little while, at where we have been these last 6 years, and then at the last six months, we would be able to know one thing for sure – we got this far, and further we will surely get. It will take a lot of heart and soul, and a whole lot of ‘guavas,’ because we are not going to be out of this until we are, all at one time, thinking the same way in an energetic sense. By this I mean that we are being shown that we have got to try to look at things from another perspective.

From another perspective

I write about this all the time, the need that we have for security, no matter what it may be in regards to.  I write about our pain and about our human beingness but the one thing that I have been asked to write about that, until this moment, I have not expanded on, it is how it is that we can at least learn to think differently.

I make it sound easy, because before I chose to make a life out of this weirdness, I was and am more now than ever, very adept at bringing to light new thoughts about old things. In my case, I had to think new thoughts about myself, my worth, and how much I mean, at least, to me. This is not to say or even assume that anyone reading this feels like the lowliest person on earth. It is to say, though, that too many of us are stuck right now because we are stuck ON now. Think about that for a bit and let it sink in. Sure, there are many of us who have become ill – seriously ill – within these last years and more than ever these last 6 months. While I am talking to those people, some of them my very dear friends, I am writing more to the populace of souls who, like me, are more inclined to whine about what is going on, more inclined to only see what is right now.

Yeah yeah..I know…”all we have is now,” and this is the truth. Thing is, we are not required to think ONLY negative thoughts about right this moment. We have a brain, we each do. If you are buying into the idea that we can only use 10% of it then you should get in touch with me so we can fix that, because that is not the truth of us. If we were given these big giant brains and have the capacity to use the other 90% of it, and all we are doing is thinking about right now and how crappy it is for any of us, we are not doing ourselves any favors.

By this I mean that there is no law that we are breaking if we choose to use more than only that 10%. And yes…just use it, all of it. Visualize it and feel yourself utilizing more than just the 10% that we have been TOLD we use. This is not me chewing your okole – this is me saying ‘hey man, why are we still listening to what is readily accepted because some scientist who is not me, who is not one of my geeky pals, who is very very old? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEE are we doing this still?”

That part does not really matter as much as this next part. Are you ready for this? Are you ready to know how we begin to get out of right now, like, right now?

It is not that easy, but oh SO worth it

Like all else, it will take practice for anyone to see results. And the results are not going to be the sort that you can see right away, not at all. In fact, the reason for your hammajangs right now IS because you and your soul knew a long time ago that it would be faced with its own evolution, with its own time to shine, but in order for anything at all to shine, it first must be refined by fire. First it must be worn down, the rubble from the past cleared away and yes, the pain, dearly felt. 

The way to get through the rubble is to actually live, even momentarily, in the pain. I have been working with a few men, teaching them not how to attract women, but how to attract the right ones. You see, I have been told that it is painful, literally, for a man to be rejected by any woman at all. When I asked the question “So…dude..why do you want just any woman, at all?” and the two I asked that question of were quiet about it, you can bet that just the way that the sentence was created, they had something to think about.

In using that example, we see that for a long time now, men have been thought of as being the creators of all the ills of women. I must beg to differ – if more of us women were willing to see to it that these men are NOT the ones who are responsible for how WE feel, half the battle will be won. Problem is, there are generations before ours who stick to the idea that women are the weaker gender, and these people believe this. Men, however, the most of them, when I ask that question, are likened to pause, sometimes for longer than I expect them to, because it is a question which is meant to evoke a thought about why it is that any man at all feels like he somehow needs to attract women…plural…rather than thinking of meeting those women with the idea in each of these men’s heads being that they are meeting women for the purpose of knowing how to speak to us.

When they finally can come up with the answer they are comfortable with, and together we tear those words they told me apart and compare them to the answer they give to both me and themselves, it is NOT the look on their face that tells me they have had an OMG moment, but rather is the relaxed energy coming from the thought produced that tells them that they are not required to be with EVERY woman they encounter, but that they are required to be true to who they are, the men, that is, and in that self truth they will find out, through their own means, not about women, but more about why it was so painful for them all of the other times they were with just any woman who would give them even the slightest bit of “good” attention.

An EXTREMELY scrutinizing Piscean Woman

Perhaps it is because I AM one of THOSE Pisces women, the sort who lives in her own little aquarium of a world. I have made an art out of discerning not why I am in pain, but more how I will get OUT of that pain via the most creatively thoughtful means I can come up with. All of this mental stuff that I do all day fuels me toward the tearing apart of human nature as it pertains to how we feel on a daily basis, how it is that we get along with one another and more than anything else, how it is that we think our way to our own demise.

Yes. I said it. Deal with it. We are who is in charge of what we will and will not allow into our thoughts and into our lives. Since it is that we are who is in charge of our ‘stuff,’ we are also in charge of what stuff we will choose to have in our lives. Now, if we look at the mess as a big messy thing, it is going to be a big messy thing and will only be a big messy thing, because right now, that is what it is – big, messy…thing…ugh.

BUT, if we can pick and choose what of those big ugly messy things are bothering us the most at the moment, and chose to take those things apart first, scrutinize why it is that we feel particularly the way that we feel about it and ask ourselves questions that sound like grade school grammar lessons (who, what, when, where, why) and opened our own knowing up to the answers (because they will not come easily and you won’t want to take them easily – they are painful is why and are also the reason that you are feeling this pain of right now as dearly as we all are) and were able, through practice of actively accepting our own truths as they apply to anyone else’s truths, and become scrutinizing like a Pisces, like a Scorpio and like an MIT student during finals week, we would see, whether we like what we see or not, the very answers we seek and most of us need to know. 

Picking apart ourselves is not fun. We have to look at who we are for real in relation to all of the things that we have right in front of us at this moment and really, where it is that we are very dearly meant to learn a lesson. Our spiritual lessons are difficult. They make us see who we really are, and they make us look at every option in front of us. Sometimes those options are not that great. Right now, for a whole lot of us, the options presented to us are “painful” and “REALLY painful,” and we are not the sort to like pain. Yet, it is the pain that is screaming at us all, making us pay attention to it, making us reach out, not only to Spirit, but more importantly, to one another, in an attempt to make sense of it all.

Sometimes there is just no sense to be made of it. Sometimes the pain is there not because of a loss but because of what we are not willing to let go of egotistically.  Please…don’t get me wrong when I write things likes the word “egotistically,” because there is a portion of the populace who only regards that word to mean only one thing, and in reality, the ego is more than only the shadow that arrogance eventually infects.  Our ego is the reason that we will feel our pain, and is also the thing that tells us that we should hang onto it when it is no longer needed (yes, needed). It is that part of us that gets defensive, that wants to be right when we are right and more so when we are wrong. Our egos are not the bad part of us, but instead is the thermometer by which we gauge the temperature of our lives at any given moment.

This is not me telling anyone to not be egotistical, but rather to see that word in a different light and a light that tells us that it is NOT who we are. We…me…you…the dude over there on the right who is picking his nose again…all of us have been convinced that somehow, we are our egos. I won’t sit here and tell anyone to not feel their pain, but I will sit here and tell you all that if it is important enough for you to get upset about, is important enough to have an eventual weighted feeling, enough that it seems you will be crushed under its weight, this is because you are believing what you have been told rather than learning to believe you are who makes the call.

This, too, shall pass

At this moment in this writing, I am going to tell you all that there are worse things in life than pain. I have several friends who I love, a whole lot, who became parents but are parents who mourn a loss that no parent I know wants to suffer. These people are some of the strongest I know, NOT only because they know what a huge loss they have suffered, that they still suffer because of, but because they know that their loved ones would want them to be all they are. Our loved ones who have gone home to Spirit, they never truly leave us. They stay around in another form, one which we cannot physically see, or feel, at least the most of us, and they are there, in Spirit form, reminding us daily that we can get through the toughest things in life, because we managed to get through what we went through when we lost them.

I cannot sit here and tell anyone that I know what they have gone through or that I know their struggle, because I don’t. They would not want me or anyone, not even a person they don’t much want to be around, to have to endure that much pain or loss. Yet, these are the very people for whom a whole lot of us have pity when in reality, they simply and only want people to understand, namely other parents, that no one who has not been through what they have been through will ever understand.

These are people who have the practice of tearing down in order to rebuild down to a “T”. The next time you are in the company of your own friend who has suffered such a loss, rather than pity them, admire them, because they took the time to go through the pain so that one day, they would understand, not why they lost someone so important to them, but how they got through it. It is not a simple task. It is not easy to let go. I have no idea what their daily lives are like, but I know that they are the very epitome of going through the pain of right this moment in time.

Pain is the teacher of the most willing students

You see, pain is not meant to be forever. It is meant to do lots of things, and at the moment we have to think of our lives as being a giant housecleaning. No, I am not suggesting that losses of the familial sort are as trivial as that. What I am suggesting is that the pain which is brought to us in times such as these is meant to show us where it is that we need to still concentrate on. In my case it is, as I have said many times in these last six months, financial security that is created by my own efforts.  While it sucks and hurts like hell sometimes to see the things that I have missed out on, and more than that, what my three kids have missed out on, and it makes me want to cry because I try so hard to get there, I know that obviously, Spirit knows that I have some work to do still.

In those efforts I am shown, through other people and through the discernment which is in place via the ego and the pain caused by it all, what exactly it is that I need to work on and improve, and not for anyone else but me.

The next time you want to cry, do it, but do so with the scrutiny that will cause you to think about how much you would rather laugh in the face of adversity than cry at the mercy of things that you need to learn in order to NOT cry for those things anymore.

When the day arrives and you are ready, you won’t see it or realize it.

Everyone else, though, will…




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Open Your Mind and BELIEVE

It doesn’t matter what, or Who, you believe in, just believe in something that is bigger than you are and that is outside of yourself and your own human misunderstanding of it all.


It is no secret that when it comes to things quite strange, I am one of those people who can be listed under “things and people quite strange.” It really is part of my charm. If it were not that I believe in little green men flying around in disc-shaped aircraft, or that I believed that there are women who, during the week, they are CEOs and homemakers but who, at certain times of the month, can be seen wearing things that would not bespeak their professional status, I would not be the person who a whole lot of people know and who a few love, just as I am…weird, but open-mindedly so.

I don’t want to get into another rant about who believes what and what this person calls their Spirit and what that person thinks will end up sending us all to Club Hades. However, there is still the issue of people thinking that they know better, not only for a few, but for us all, and those people need to just knock off the campaigning for their god to get to move into a bigger pad, with more arrogant people who “take care of god’s house.” What I would like to know is why it is that anyone at all will believe that if their god, or the Catholic god, or the Christian God, or the god to whom anyone at all kneels to is powerful enough to create us humans, but that when god was done with creating us, that god was done, period?

You are the proof that you need

Seriously – you are all the proof that is needed to know, without a doubt, that we are not alone in the Universe, and to believe that we are is highly egotistical and truly very dearly arrogant, and that is me being nice about it, really.

Let’s think about something for a minute, okay? Yes, I know that there are a whole lot of human types folks on the planet, who are all kinds of artistically inclined, and I know, too, that there are all kinds of folks on the planet who are like I am and who believe that we are not alone on this great big rock, but that is not enough for people who think that little green men in round aircraft don’t exist, and that is not enough for people who have been TOLD that what anyone else believes is not the truth (because it is not their truth), and it is totally NOT enough for anyone at all to come out of the thinking pattern that they were raised with.

For a moment I would like anyone at all to think about all the things that we encounter on a daily basis, and it will help my cause to help your cause to think about all those …coincidences…that happen to us all, sometimes all day long, and for some, more than others. Then I want you to think about how many times it was that you were thinking about a dearly departed loved one and then a song that you both loved a whole lot started playing…think about all those times that you had a great idea, and all those times that you wished your social circle could include people who are from your past and then BAM! somehow, there you were, and somehow, there they were.

Think about, too, all those times when it was that all you wanted to do was make a new friend who could help you as much as you knew you could help them, even if it were just something simple but important, like having a friend with an ear and a shoulder, even if that ear and that shoulder were via text message, phone call or email.  Think about all those times that you really, really wanted to have something and then a few days, maybe even a few hours, later, there it was.

Think about all those times when it seemed almost impossible to believe what happened, and how many times you thought about that one thing, and how many times you put that wish out into the Universe and just let it be there to do what it is supposed to do, and think, too, about all those times when a miracle is what was needed and again…there it was, and you are, to this day, still trying to figure out how that happened for you.

It is very simple, really….all you did was believe that it could. In order for you to believe that it could happen for you, you had to have believed in something that was way outside of you, way outside of your own human misunderstanding of things that you might not have really bought into as being the truth, as being whatever it was that might not have been what you were raised to believe, and you will have exactly what it is that is needed in order to also have proof that we need, dearly to believe in a power outside of ourselves that is there and waiting to see to our needs and desires.


There are things that cause our limited human thinking NOT believe. I have a few magnificently talented and artistically inclined friends, and all of them have that very…alien…air about them. I say alien in terms of “foreign” and things that we just do not “get” when it comes to things that we will voluntarily believe as being the truth. We are more inclined to believe a guy in front of a group of people, a guy in a very expensive suit who is standing in front of us, telling us all about what he would like to see happen in terms of what HE wants, than we are to believe our inclinations toward trusting what it is that our gut says, that our souls tell us is the truth and that we can trust to believe.

We would sooner deny what our five sense tells us than we would dare deny the guy in that very expensive suit which was funded by the congregation (yeah I went there…deal with it). We would sooner deny what we and our five senses have told us than we would tell the guy in the suit that what he is telling everyone is only applicable to what his limited understanding is. These people have made it clear to us that what they believe and what they are telling us is the ONLY truth that there is.

This is not the truth, not when there are several many different systems of belief, and not when there are as many cultures as there are on this planet, and not not NOT when people like me have, through our five senses (and also through senses six through eight) have proof that negates the belief that we humans were the only game in the Universe. We are not. We are SO not. We are another life form. We are here in service to one another. We are not here to not think outside of ourselves, and we are not here to make it seem like someone else’s beliefs are the only thing that exists in regards to what anyone at all will take as the truth.

I suppose that my thought about things like this is that we have so much at our disposal that proves us wrong when we are told that we have to believe one way – OR ELSE – that to not investigate even why anyone would bother with the arrogance which is prevalent in terms of “real” beliefs is concerned …yeah, that bothers me. We have been blessed, every single one of us, with this thing that lives between our ears and for the life of us have never bothered to really see or use the entire thing. We have been told, again and again, by crusty old scientific people that we only use 10% of our brain, and what no one ever bothered to do is think that maybe they are telling us this so that we will not think beyond that 10%.

Me and Sylvia Browne and my dearly departed grandmother all have decided that if this is truly what you take as your truth, that is on you, but we have a different idea, and that idea is that we are not alone on this planet. At all. The moment that we can birth ourselves out of the thought that someone else planted there that tells us that Spirit stopped creating when we were made is also the moment that the things we know exist alongside us human beings are real.

I say a whole lot about truth, about what we are willing to believe versus what we see as the truth of what other people believe, and a whole lot of people have chosen to continue to tell us that our senses are wrong, that their big giant holy book is right, that no matter what it is that our own physical awareness – let alone the energies involving themselves with us at all times – is “off.” And while those who have read my rants and my words about these things have had the very audacity, NOT only to question my motives but also have outright said things about me that are not the truth, what they have not also come up with is proof that I am wrong and that they are not.

Follow your heart and soul….and your physical awareness

If there is anything at all that I trust, it is my body. My body knows when I am in danger, and it knows when I am about to be surprised in a good way. My body tells me the truth, just like yours will, too, so long as you trust the animals.

Yes…the animals. Animals run completely on instinct, even our pets – they are animals first- their sentience is loaned to that alone. We are animals, technically, but our ability to reason and those who taught us what we know also know this, and because of this we have been conditioned to trust what someone else says is real, have been taught that we cannot trust ourselves and that we need a second opinion. This is all fine and good. When we choose to not trust who we are, in that non-trust we have also robbed ourselves of our child-like ability to believe in things that other people do not want to see, hear, touch, taste, smell, and yes, believe.

I believe that crop circles are real, but I do not believe that the only life forms who have created them are those little green men. However, I DO believe that the little green men did come and perhaps start the circles and that humans finished them. The reason that I think people end up being abducted is NOT for scientific purposes, but (really) because we take credit for things that we should not take credit for. So now, the little green men are pissed. (I asked an artist – he agreed.)

Believing in only what our limited human abilities are able to do leaves me thinking that we have, for many generations, chosen this imbalance. “Leaders” tell us what they tell us because they know these things, they know what humans are able to do, so the right information has been suppressed to the point where just like when we fill a glass too much and water spills out everywhere, so, too has this information been there, all along. And we silly humans never bothered to question why it is that we believe what we do, and more, why we are told NOT to believe something more than we are being told to believe.

The guy in the 3000.00 suit

Everyone who knows me knows that I am actually ordained, that I am legally permitted to perform certain rites, that when my signature hits the line on the marriage license where it reads “person solemnizing the marriage,” it is official and it is real and those two people are ,at that point, joined together in matrimony, until death to they part, we hope and pray.

Everyone who knows me also knows that I am one of those people who will take the time to think about the things that I am told by others, about what they believe, and also, everyone knows that I am one of the most non-judgmental people on the planet. Yet, and I won’t name names, and won’t say more than I know that I am legally allowed to say without injecting personal truths that are all my own and that would be very damaging to their lives and who they are. I don’t roll that way. In fact, anyone who knows me will tell you that any secret, at least the sort that I don’t have to alert the authorities about, is never anything but safe with me.

When the guys in the 3000.00 suits talk to me, it is like they are teaching an adult things that even a preschooler would raise an eyebrow to. Let’s say this – there was, at one time, a homeless outreach that I worked a lot with. I collected blankets and clothing and even food and job leads for this outreach. The people who received what I and my long-haired freaky people collected for them and on their behalf were grateful that there was someone who would just help without questioning them.

Yet, when the guy in the suit chose to call me, after one of those homeless people gushed and gushed about that “hula dancing weird minister lady,” things got to be a little bit harsh for me, at least where that guy and his “good works” were concerned. He read me the biblical riot act, outright called me a heretic and a witch, told me that my good works meant nothing if HIS particular outreach received none of the props that me and my freaks were getting. This “pastor” went so far as to call me a “spiritual harlot,” and that his god and their people would be “dealing with” me and mine, post haste.

This went on for weeks. I ignored his crap and kept on doing what it was that was right and good in the eyes of Spirit. It was not but a month later that I had heard about what had happened to his outreach, where it was that he ended up. When I next saw this person, he was very humble when he told me that throughout the community of the people he and his had “served” that not one of those people said a thing to him about what he and his suits were out and about doing (ummm…collecting money and supplies to “fix the house of the lord,” which really was not the house of the lord- it was the pastor’s house). Yet, those homeless people could not stop telling this man that whoever this strange, mystical woman with no shoes on her feet is, that he – the pastor – needed to take a lesson from those who do not need a very overpriced suit and an arrogant attitude.

This pastor believed that what he was doing was god’s work, because his reasoning was that he was the pastor of this community and as such he should have digs which were like that of the mansion he’d envisioned that he thinks and believes that his god will give him. When he told me that he just wanted to have real italian tile on his walk way was when I let him in on the fact that I have no church, no congregation, that I share digs with family at the moment, because my own resort-house was taken from me, not only by the bank, but also as a symbol given me by Spirit that my time as that sort of person was over with.

When I laid it on him that the car I drive is borrowed, that I share my daughter’s room with her, that my childrens’ father, even though he was a bastard, would have been homeless AND sick and dying, and that I allow him to stay here with them when he wants to…when I let this man know that I do not follow a “Being,” but that I practice what it is that I preach, it dawned on him the reason why it was that people say what they do about me and my very…Divinely Souled….rock and rollers – it is because they know they can believe in us, and that every word that we say and every single promise we make to anyone at all is good as gold, that if they are cold at night, that one of us will find them a blanket, a pillow, a coat, a pair of socks and a thermal cup so that they can get hot drinks at the local liquor store when the owner is in.

I was raised to believe that we need to believe, NOT in ourselves, but what someone else tells us is real. I do exactly that. I believe that when Spirit tells me that I am on the right path, that my heart and soul are in alignment with Hers, that nothing, no matter what and no matter what things I do not have at this very moment, nothing is more important than my belief in a power higher than me, a strength invisible to those who are choosing not to see it.

It was my Auntie Kalei, and of course, the lovely Noreen, who both always told me, and who still make it known to me that the more that I know that I am not alone on this planet, and the wider my mind can be opened, the better off I will be, not only for me and my kids, but for all those people who are still too nervous to let the world know that they, too, believe in something…

…and it ain’t a guy in a $3,000.00 suit…




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Seriously, folks…Coexist

It would be nice if people of different beliefs would finally, after centuries of pointing out what is NOT similar, we could ALL see what is the same about us all…but noooooooooo….sinner, sinner chicken dinner my okole !! YEESH !


I tell you all about the emails that I receive. This time it was not an email, but a phone call from someone who I have known for a lot of years who does not talk to me unless they can point out a sin that I am committing. In this case, the sin is that I no longer follow the religion I was brought up to believe. So shoot me…we all grow out of everything that was normal, believable and truthful for us eventually, and sometimes that which is normal is totally the opposite of what we have been taught.

Shoot me? Nah…

I would love to sit here, get all…angry…about the way that some people expect that the rest of the breathing populace believe, with absoluteness, whatever it is that they believe. Sometimes I think it is so that they can confirm that what they believe is not somehow…shady…and other times I think that they believe that the ONLY way TO believe is what THEY believe, leaving absolutely NO room for anyone else to believe what they will. This is fine, really.

That is, until a person starts getting hostile, starts getting personal…starts telling someone like me that if I, you, anyone at all does not believe in the things that they believe, that you are not only a bad person, but that you are going to burn in hell.

I have a theory about that, and it is actually quite amusing if you are open-minded about what anyone at all believes. I have been told more than one time that I should “know better” than to believe what I believe, that I will end up in hell faster than I won’t. Well, my thought is that since it is that all the music that I grew up with…you know…drunken English men who bite the heads off of chickens, and other guys who wear snakes while they perform, and still others who call themselves a girl’s name for their first name, and an infamous murderer’s name in the last name…my thought is that I would rather not go to the heaven where a lot of people seem to think is exclusive and only for those who have a get out of hell free card. I would rather go to their version of hell, because the chances of there being great rock music and tons of beer is a lot more appealing to me than is the niceties of someone else’s heaven.

It is how the masses are controlled…duh…

Yeah…I am getting ready to pounce on this one, because it is a familiar one and one which I was “treated” to for the bulk of my life, that if I am not scared of someone’s big giant jealous scary god, that for sure and without a doubt, I am going to burn forever in the lounge at Club Hades.

What a CROCK !

My thought is how dare anyone at all scare the shit out of children just because they need to have that much control. The ugliest thing in the world to me is the idea that adults will tell kids what we tell them because we know they will believe us, know that they hang on our every word. This is so, so, SO wrong on So, SO, SOOOOO many levels. My next thought is why can we just not all get along? Why do we feel like we HAVE TO make other people believe what we do? Why are we so f*cking arrogant that somehow, the last “god” that someone invented, that was meant to keep the populace controlled (Hey…thumpety-thumps….GOOGLE “CONSTANTINE AND THE ROMAN EMPIRE” ALREADY!!). You see, unless you research what you believe, you will not know that religion is MAN MADE, as is that book that a whole LOT of people seem to really believe is “The Gospel Truth.”

I ain’t pointing any fingers here, but…

For a bunch of people who think as though there is nothing that they cannot do if their god is involved, y’all sure do think that without greater numbers that somehow, no one is gonna believe that your god exists.  I promise you – there is nothing further than the truth – your god does exist. He has to. If he didn’t, you wouldn’t have said what you did to me about my Spirit.

My Spirit has no issues with your big giant god. In fact, my Spirit…anyone’s Spirit, really, has no issues with anyone else’s big giant scary god. I find it humorous that anyone would think that in this day and age, that anyone, with everything else that is going on, would hinge their every waking moment on what their god tells them is right and good. Now, no one is saying that we “Spirit” folks don’t do the same thing, but it takes a little bit more open-mindedness for anyone at all anymore to be able to have some sort of anything in their lives that would constitute not only as believing anything at all, but also, to believe in the manner that is “live and let live,” and NOT “na na na na naaaaaaaa my god’s bigger than your’s is…”


And the very God that I grew up with IS this very same scary god, but these days I am more insulted by the idea that anyone anymore at all believes that the deity that created all of us would create us all different for the sole purpose of one person being better and more pious than anyone else. It offends the very intellect in me to have to sit and listen to someone else tell me all the things that THEY think will happen to me and that the one and ONLY thing that will save me and my dirty soul is THEIR specific god. I wish you could all have heard the loudness of silence when I challenged their belief of a jealous god with my belief of an all embracing goddess. “That’s ridiculous,” were her words.

At that point, I had to make the choice of stay and fight for my Spirit, or leave and not make it my point to do the same thing that was being done to me.

So, I changed the subject, preferring to still be able to pound out the words “I Love You” and not “You know I love you, right?.”

Did this stop her?

Oh HELL no

Not only was I not left alone, she proceeded to basically chase me down, albeit on my phone, to tell me that no matter what, she still loves me, that she is more concerned about my afterlife than much else, and while that is all fine and good, there is still the issue that I have freedom of will and freedom of choice. Yet this escaped her. She was still so hell bent on telling me that I will burn and live forever in an eternal bbq pit.

I wonder if these people realize the hurt that this causes, about how dearly judgmental these things and people like this are? I wonder, too, sometimes, if they really believe what they are telling people, or if they have been gently pushed, through guilty manipulation, by an unscrupulous grifting pastor of a church which is well suited to his little man disease and his ego which may have a tapeworm? I wonder if it is that she would have the audacity, again, to lambaste me because I happen to like heavy metal music, or maybe because she just needs someone to say horrid things to? Sometimes, too, I wonder if these people really listen to the things they say to other people?

Probably not.

Kids…they believe the darndest things

I will continue to beat it over the proverbial head, about the things that an adult will tell a child just to maintain control of that child. I get it – I have three of my own but raised four, so I understand the need to maintain SOME semblance of control over them. If we do not help to shape their behavior, we will end up trying, through force and “gentle” persuasion (read: scaring the crap out of them). It is not rocket science – it is not something that is not general knowledge that children believe what we tell them.

If we tell them early in life that their God is better than anyone else’s Godde, or Goddess, or the Great Spirit, they will believe it until someone else comes to them, NOT with something that we might judge that anyone else is judging as “better than” anyone else’s, but with something that makes a LOT MORE SENSE to them than does the general thought that there is only “ONE GOD.”

Okay, so that is correct, but it is a different version of God for everyone. Meaning that no matter how much anyone wants to or chooses to believe that their god is bigger, better and more scary than anyone else’s is, it won’t matter. Just as we cannot change anyone’s beliefs about who they really are, we also cannot change anything about them in so far as what they believe is concerned.

We can no more scare a Pagan into believing what any Catholic will believe, as much as we cannot force a Mormon to be nice to a Wiccan. As much as we want anyone earth based and native to believe what we will that is NOT our belief (remember… I am a Hawaiian person…I am indigenous, and I believe in nature, and, as well, the Spirit Who created nature…I just am not prone to scaring the hell out of people with Her), we also must remember that what anyone will say to anyone at all in regards to beliefs, we also have the very power to insult and offend them with.

Think about this for a moment, and hell yes, I brought this up to my own God-fearing parents, many years ago, when I was an idealistic, analytic teenager with a talent, even then, for bringing a new thought about an old belief into the fracas – if you believe so dearly that your big scary god is also the same god who will ultimately hurt the soul of say…a little Hindu or Buddhist…child…by telling them that theirs is a wrong belief, that it is false, and that they are going to hell anyway, according to YOUR god, why would you want to hurt this baby that way, by already damning his little soul to front center seats to something akin to Satan’s Luau? (South Park…gotta love it lol)

This is the part about a whole lot of beliefs that I do not understand. If we want people to love one another, it has to start where it all starts – with Spirit. Without Spirit, there is NOTHING. There are no birds, no animals, no air, no water, NOTHING, without Her. And yes, I know…you call Her, “Him,” and while this is fine and good, it does not escape my thinking that there are a lot of abusers on this planet who defer to their male god having all the control, gaining all the accolades, getting his groove on with himself, but that it is impossible to think that alongside that big scary male god there might be an equally, but softer, female Spirit who can TOTALLY PMS ON HIM JUST FOR SAYIN’ ALL THAT HORRID CRAP TO PEOPLE.

Think about it – in life there is male and female, all the way down to the electronics in our lives ( take a look at the plug in the wall and the plug at the end of the cord in every outlet in your house and then raise those eyebrows…). There is a dual nature in all of life, and since it is that this is the TRUTH, why is it not also truth that all these years, the only thing that compelled people to do anything, “by the grace of God(de),” that they would have to gain permission, by their big scary god, even just to breathe?

I mean, the reason that there is all kinds of strife right now, why there has been strife is, of course, due to the dual nature of things, but the very things that we are told to believe, those things end up being unbelievable in the biggest possible sense ever. It is when our kids start getting older, start thinking in terms of the question of how life began, and they start learning about science and astronomy and about how things in space are there, even if they cannot see this god to whom they are expected to bow or to kneel to. It is almost as though religious belief and how it is set up does not take into account the idea that humans do grow, do get older and wiser, and most of us learn to read, to discern what we will take as being believable and what is too outrageous to believe.

It is not until that point, when we get too old to believe the fairy tales about the big scary jealous and judgmental god that sits in the clouds and strikes people down with lightning bolts for simply breathing incorrectly, that anyone starts to get scared about what we have told these people when they were really, really tiny little kids. It is not hard to make a child fear anything. I know this personally, because I was the child who was scared, through the threat of going to hell or going to a heaven where a god who loved his subjects conditionally would still run my life.

This is not to say that I do not love those who ghave me a reason to believe in anything at all, but anymore now I know why it was that I never felt like I belonged, why sometimes I still feel like I do not belong and that I never will.

It is because of me, really, and it is due to the idea that it is not me who has to accept what I choose to believe and who it is that I give glory to on a daily basis…and really, it is not glory, because Spirit does not need or require it – She only asks that we do no harm to anyone else, and what we do, to please do honestly. Spirit does not require me to go out into my community to campaign on Her behalf, because she is not trying hard to get your dollars out of your pocket. Spirit knows that in order for anyone at all to get things done, that we humans need our resources for this and the building which is referred to as being god’s house is not one of those things. (leading me to also believe that perhaps the pastors of said sort of churches need to tell their big scary mean male god to pick digs within his means…duh…)

Spirit only really has a few very important requirements, and one of those requirements is that we not judge someone else for anything at all (of course I am sure that we are given a pass when it comes to perverts and murderers…). Spirit only requires love that is unconditional, does not want us thinking that we HAVE TO MAKE the ultimate sacrifice of blood for forgiveness (I mean come ON…your first born? what Mom is really gonna do that? Not this one, and not the one I call SPIRIT, either) and sure the hell does not want us seeing what is different between us- She don’t roll that way.


It’s pretty simple, guys – STOP judging people through the eyes of people who I am sure mean very well, but for the life of them cannot see past their own assumptions about people. It is hurtful for people to assume what they will, tell the ones they are assuming things about that they- the assumers- are very wrong about what it is that they want to believe about anything or anyone.

JUST because some other human in a 3000 dollar suit says it is the truth, it is not everyone’s truth. It is not my truth to go about the planet scaring the hell out of people, but there are a lot of people who still believe that it is quite fine not only to judge how others live, but also, to scare the hell INTO people.

If more folks were willing to see what is the same about us all, I might not be sitting here angry as a hornet at someone who knows me so very well but who chose, instead, to tell me, again, that according what her big giant black book tells her, I am going to hell.

If that is what she wants to believe, that is her choice to do so.

Just as much as it is my choice to love her, but from a distance.

The next time someone has the balls to tell you that because you are fine and good with what you believe, that you are going to hell, tell them that you are good with it because Ozzy, Motley Crue, ALL of Led Zeppelin, Ronny James Dio, Randy Rhodes, Janis Joplin, as well as Frank Sinatra’s Rat Pack, will all be there anyway, meaning that the entertainment will be way, way awesome…with all these luminaries I am pretty sure that no one will worry too much about your fictitious lake of fire.

Seriously, folks…coexist, already…it isn’t like those of us who honor Nature are going to change your mind, so stop trying to change ours.




That sticky loneliness

There is a lingering collective belief that the loneliness that we each feel must mean that we are supposed to be alone…


I am shocked at how many times in a day I get an email, normally from a middle-aged woman, who wants to know why it is that she cannot seem to hold on to a man – any man. When I reply to them with the reason, most of them don’t like my answer. Most of the time, my answer is the same – it is a question, and that question is “why do you believe that?”

The things that I am told that I can repeat here simply astound me. It hurts my eyes to read, over and over and over again, that basically, we believe that we are not good enough to be loved by just one person, let alone everyone else in our lives. And we wonder why it is that we have such an issue with what we look like…duh…because we have been conditioned for a long time to believe that the most beautiful ones among us are who get the best mates, and we believe that the only thing that matters to any man is what we look like. That is not giving anyone any credit for being anything other than another biological creature. Of course, looks do count, but they are not everything. And furthermore – STOP LYING about looks not counting. You are a biological creature even as you are a thinking and reasoning human being…looks COUNT!

First of all, I have a problem with a person who tells me that looks don’t count. It makes me wonder how it is that the person who will say this will also look at themselves in the mirror and live with that lie everyday. Of COURSE it matters…what, are you one of those people who will even lie to yourself and say to you that you walk up to people and tell them that you wanna talk to them to see what kind of personality they have? You can take that and stick it where the sun does not shine…seriously.

ANYway…the thing that prompted me to write about this today was an email that I had received, after I had talked with Dannie about this very thing that I am writing about right now.

This very thing

The very thing that I am writing about is that feeling of loneliness that seems to strike us right out of the blue. You know it well – it is that feeling that somehow you are not whole on your own, that there is someone out there who you will find and that they will make you whole.

No, they will not make you whole – the wholeness comes from having found one another and from doing for you what you should. I am talking about when it is that it seems like you are so unbearably lonely that somehow the Mother Goddess wanted You to be the one child who is that person who is sorta the wallflower, the one who waits on the sidelines while watching his or her friends and siblings laughing and having a great time with the one who they love.

I promise you right now that the weirdness about that lonely feeling is that it is not really a completely lonely feeling but it is a very heavy one – almost like you are missing a piece of you, and some of us are not even attached to anyone and have not been for a long while. The reason I bring that up is because those of us who can deal with the oneness of being by one’s self – we know that there is someone out there who is right for us. We also know that we are able to make the choice of what is right for us and what is not, and when we feel like that…that lonely feeling that is not loneliness for real…it, no matter how it feels, is not a bad thing.

In fact, once you read about why I would say something like that you are going to find out that for real…it is a really, really COOL thing!

Somewhere, out there…

Think about the last time you really thought about being alone versus being lonely. Loneliness is a state of mind, while being alone is a choice and a state of being. I have been lonely, but right now I choose to be alone. It is a lot easier to deal with things when there is nothing but all kinds of things that need to be seen to.

However, there is also that place that all humans come to in life and that place is not a fun place to be. It is when we feel like we will never be anything but alone, and not by choice, when the loneliness sets in. Whether you believe me or not, it is actually a very good thing to feel that way, as long as you are also willing to believe that when you feel that way it is your soul telling you that there is work to be done, and while it is that your soul and Spirit are working together to bring you what you need, you have time to work on yourself.

Remember the distractions that I keep writing about? Self work is one such distraction. This is when we have the absoluteness of who we are at that moment and can pinpoint exactly where it is, through questioning ourselves, that we feel the loneliest at. Lots of times we humans will defer to the idea that we need someone in our bed with us at night. While that is a nice thing to have, it doesn’t always stay nice and it is in those times when we feel this way that we have to remember that we are doing work on ourselves.

The reason that I emphasize working on ourselves is because when it comes to having one person in our lives who we can depend on to be there to support us, we have to know what it is that we want out of them. We cannot just be wanting to get down and dirty with someone, because that really does leave us wanting for something more and something that is real. If we do not know what it is that we want for real and if we are not ready to face our own dragons on our own, then how on earth is it that we can expect to keep someone else happy if we are not able to keep US happy?

Inner work is something that is ugly and harsh, because we have to be willing to see who we are for real, because who we are for real is not someone who needs to be hurt more, not someone who needs to forget about us! This is why a whole lot of different kinds of relationships just do not work – because we, as humans who are not willing to work on ourselves in order that we can be at our best when the time comes for anyone at all to enter into our lives are also not willing to see through any eyes that are anyone else’s but ours. We can see who we are, and we can love who we are, but this does not mean that everyone else will. Too often we are given to the whims of the ego which tells us that in order to be happy, we need someone else to make us happy.

I mean really….do you want to keep on giving up that power to other people?

Not likely…

The inner work

The inner work is what we deny. We deny it because we don’t like to think that we are anything other than fine as we are. We are, but if we want to have people in our lives, we have to be willing to work on us FOR us. We cannot keep walking the planet with the expectation that people will love us just because we are people, just because we are us. That is such a crock of crap that to believe it …well, if you believe that you are perfect like you are, take a look around you and see if there are other people there with you who do not feel like they have to be there.

There is nothing quite more maddening than to believe that we are perfect, because then we have to keep up with that model of perfection that someone else set for us. The inner work that I am writing about is not about other people – it is about ourselves. If we care more from our soul about ourselves, then we will care, too, about the people who we draw to our lives. If the people who we draw to our lives are not the sort of people who we would want to spend a significant amount of time with, in a group or alone, and we mirror each other, and we don’t like what it is that we see in those other people, then damned skippy there needs to be some working on the self before the entrance of …well, just keep reading haha…

You wouldn’t NOT get your hair done for prom or for a wedding, would you?

No, you wouldn’t. In fact, you would be neurotic about not having hair that is just not right.  Using this example for the thing that I am leaving for last, I will say that when it comes to things in our lives that mark other things happening, no one wants to be unprepared for it, in any manner at all. It would be like watching a bride walk down the aisle with curlers in her hair. It would be like looking at a prom picture and seeing that the young couple has no bow tie and no shoes on. It would, to say the very least, be quite awkward to be horribly unprepared for one of the most important days in your life.

In that same manner then, we see that our own compulsion toward being unprepared is what takes us by surprise when in reality it shouldn’t. We know when we are not ready for something, know when we cannot handle the responsibility that comes with being with other people. We know that we have the tendency toward awkwardness when it comes to getting out in the world to meet new people. That is all fine and good, but there are other things involved when we are meeting new people.

Just like we judge them at first glance, they also judge us. Sometimes their judgment of us is harsh, and sometimes it is glowing, but all the time we should be prepared. All the time we should know how to be polite, and all the time we should already be in the mindset that is one of respect, one of behaving in a dignified manner and one that does not put people off. Unfortunately there has been a very long bout, namely with the women on the planet, at least until recently, of ignorance. The ignorance comes from having watched a whole lot of generations before ours take things too personally, take things as though the things that are being said or assumed are somehow the truth, even when we know that it is not the truth.

What we believe about ourselves is usually not our own. We have been shaped by the past, and we live there daily until, one day, we decide that we need to make friends because it is so horridly lonely not having any friends. Then one day comes along and we find that we might like to have a companion. Problem is, when we get that companion, we think they belong to us. What is worse is that a whole lot of us women have watched our mothers and our grandmothers be at the beck and call of men, have watched a whole lot of them “mom” the men in their lives. These are men, not little boys – they don’t want a mama – they want a woman in their lives, and for the life of us we, some of us, that is, still think we know better.


Here is the reason for the inner work, the reason for what you think is loneliness that is not loneliness…

…okay, so it doesn’t have to be loneliness. You can think of it in terms that are a lot nicer than that.

The reason for the inner work, and the reason that you think you are lonely is not what you think. It is not only because you should want to be the best version of you that you can conjure.

When you are out there, beneath that starry sky, all by your lone self, talking to the stars, or the Mother Goddess, or just talking, and you wish upon the stars for that one special someone – that is why you are lonely.

It is not because you are alone, but really, you have gotta believe that, once you get to a certain point in your own self’s evolution, and you start seeing to it that you are the best you that there could be, you cannot believe for one moment that Spirit would allow it so that you would not have someone there for you, someone who is perfectly as imperfect as you are, who likes the same things you do, who looks at you at your very worst and still tells you that you are the hottest thing on the planet, at least to them, do you?

That lonely feeling is not really something that no one likes to think about, but the truth is – and bear with me because this whole writing will be something that will take some thought after you have read it all – that the lonely feeling is not only a call by Spirit for you to do your inner work, but to do your inner work because whoever it is that She knows is exactly what is your heart’s most desired wish is on their way to you.

Reread that and absorb it and let it sink in because I know that it is hard to believe, but it is the truth. That lonely feeling, once you can get past the idea that you are not lovable and that Spirit wants you all to herself, is, again – after you have bothered to do the work – the clue that you need that will tell you that that one person is on their way to you, and more than that…ready for this?

…they also feel that very same way you do, have been asking Spirit for You, specifically, and have also been told, by anyone else at all, that maybe right now is the best time to work on you, because in working on you, the other person is also working on them, and when you are both ready for one another, there is not one thing on this planet that will be in the way of that. It will just be, because it already IS.

Again…working on yourself has a lot of hurt in it, make no mistake. NOT working on yourself will cause you to lose out on a lot more than you think.

Take the time to be your best….because someone, somewhere, is as lonely as you are, right this moment, and hell yeah – I will say it again…they may very well be who you are looking for, too !




Book your nuptials early for Valentine’s Day !!


Engagement of the Brain

Think first…then go about saying and doing, but not without Being…

Some people just do not understand that words are very powerful weapons. It was words that built the Constitution of the United States, and words that bind two people in holy matrimony. It is words that start sentences, and words that form thoughts. Words are as important to us as are numbers, but the way that we have been conditioned to believe all of our lives is the fact that mathematical equations and their answers do not lie. Words cannot lie, either – only the person using them can turn them into lies, even though technically it would not be the words which are lying, because as it is with numbers – letters strung together in to coherent thoughts which created cohesive sentences are not the lie. The intention of the person speaking or writing those words is where the lies are contained in the energy that is the thought behind those words.

It is not something to new that all of us knows the power that words hold for us. I know well the power that words hold, and daily it is a common practice for me to engage the brain prior to the spoken word or the written. Yet, even that is not what I am writing about right now. What I am writing about right now is the idea that we are supposed to think. It seems like more and more we are being quietly scolded for just simply sitting and staying in our thoughts for a while.

What no one really thinks about is that when we sit and think and do so without the idea that we are thinking purposefully is when the ideas we are looking for come to us. It is when we are in that thing called “down time” when we are most going to have the “I wonder if I do it like this if it will…” kinds of thoughts. It is one thing to sit here almost daily thinking thoughts and honing in on the one that ends up being the subject for this writing. It is quite another when we are thinking aimlessly and when we think it is without purpose.

Some of our grandest ideas come from those times when we think that we are just wasting time, when we believe that we are “doing nothing.”

What happens in those times when we are “doing nothing” but thinking

Lots of things happen physically. And if you don’t believe me about the “down time thinking” thing, go back in your memory to the last time you had a great idea and recall that you were probably like anyone would be when they sit and think, namely about things they desire – it normally was spawned by something else, something that bothered you, something that you felt like you just could no longer deal with and so you sat and thought about it. You did not stew over what you did not have, and you did not dwell on what it was that you could not do – you sat there thinking about how great it could be if…

And in that thought and in those moments your bodily energy responded to your thoughts, and in those thoughts you were able to begin to build up the energy it would take to scoop yourself out of whatever it was that seemed like it was just too much to bear, given the bigness of it all. Eventually you finally just gave in to the idea that you could no longer deny that whatever it was at that time that was eating you inside, that it was time for you to come up with something that would motivate you to at least think and acknowledge and begin to build, at least in your thoughts and intentions, this thing called your Dream.

Thinking helps us sort things out

When we are down and out, and when there seems nothing left for us to do, seems like we have no access to anything other than our tears is when the best thoughts, when our best in imagining things happens for us. Really. Think about how outlandish some of what you have thought about when things were not exactly great, and then think about how you felt physically in the days which followed and how very little you even wanted to bother thinking, let alone doing, when it came to that one thing.

I am big on thinking. Thinking is the cardio for the brain and is flex-training for the Soul. Thinking allows the Bones of the Soul to release through tears and through anger and purging of those things that hurt us, allows us to feel not only how or what we feel, but why we feel a certain way. Thinking makes us go within and talk with our inner selves so that “together,” you and you can come up with something. We see so much all the time about how people shun their shadow, but it is those times of deep thought when it is that our Shadow is allowed out to play with us so that we can face what it is that we think we fear. The monster in the closet is NOT the actual thing but is instead how we feel about what we think is there. If we got to that level of fear, to the point where we cannot fathom staring our dragon in the face, then we can also resolve it in the same manner that we created it.

I have a confession to make – for about 6 months now I have had a “twitch,” and I am none too happy about it. However, in less time that it took for me to end up with this “twitch,” I have been able to pinpoint the reason why, when I get mad enough, my body tells me that I need to simmer down, that things are not so important that I need to be physically ill because of them. The things that helped me get to this point are the very things that I needed to face in order to start resolving this “twitch.” Had I allowed it to continue to get worse, I would still be medicating myself with those stupid pills that the doctor gave me. I cannot do that, though. I do not like my twitch, and since it is that I literally thought my way to it, I also know that I am to think my way away from having it still. I know this. I have been working diligently on reversing my neurological “thing” and it is working like magic.

There is no one on this planet who cannot also fix their own life’s “twitches.” If we thought our way there, we can think our way back to a semblance of normalcy, even if that normalcy is a lesser degree of your emotional twitch. Every little bit of change matters, and every little bit of change came from a thought. Every little thing that we see in existence also came from a thought, no matter what it is. The economic problems of the current times is an example of this. The collective thought at the start of the real estate “boom” was NOT that we were all going to make a mint on flipping properties, but that eventually the bubble would burst, and burst it did, and now, here we are, all of us, looking at the few who made us believe that things would be okay, even though their collective thought might have been otherwise all along.

We thought ourselves to this point, all of us, and it will be the shift in that thought, a collective shift in consciousness that does not start somewhere, out there, but instead begins with us. It takes one person to think something will be right and then it takes that person to go out and tell other people what they are thinking that is good and right, and then those people go and do the same. This is not rocket science, even though it could be thought as being a gigantic scientific experiment in manipulating the current energies toward a specific result versus a result that we are more sure will happen.

Let me reiterate that very quickly for you – we thought our way into this time in history, and yes, it does not help our cause at all to also know that planetarily we had a lot of help, not with the way things turned out, but with how we chose to think about them.  That’s right – it is not that we think about anything at all, but how we think about things. If we think things are bad and will stay that way, the Universe will comply. If we think things are grand and great and believe this, again…the Universe complies.

Lots of people tell us not to monitor our thoughts, but I am telling you all right now that it is not possible for humans to not think about what they are thinking about. For those who would tell us that it is not possible, well, they must be those guru types for whom nothing is wrong in the world, because people think, negatively most of the time, because we have been conditioned to believe that only the worst happens.

Collectively, we have really never thought a thought that was not thought for us first. Think about that for a minute. Every thought you have has been, to this point, always something very cautionary, always something that told us, again and again, that we can dream all we want to, but that in order for it to happen, we would have to work at it. Historically people have HATED working toward anything at all if the results were not guaranteed. No one thinks about the idea that we are guaranteeing the results by thinking that what we want will not happen because we are somehow not worthy of such stellar results, of such a grand life that only we, ourselves, could think of.

Think about everything that you have thought about today and about how many of those thoughts have told you that you cannot have what you want, because you have to go to work, you have to take the kids to school, you have to do this, that and the other…

…and I will tell you that yes, you can think in another manner. You still have all that time that you would think that things could not happen, have that time that you dwell on things that suck. I do it all the time. We all do it, but we are not required to do it that way.  We can choose to see things from another perspective that is our own, but that does not make us worry for things that we want to happen NOT happening. We can choose to just think about those things, about how nice those things would be, and we can choose to let those thoughts go. We can choose to be neutral about those thoughts. We can gather the good, light energy created by those thoughts and we can apply that energy to ourselves and go on about our days and nights, retraining ourselves to think those same thoughts, but not the thought that those things will not happen.

We do not have to think that things won’t happen. We do not have to think that they will happen. All we have to do is think, to live in those thoughts that thrill us, that make us smile, that give a glimpse of what is possible.


Stop sabotaging You…

Dream…big even, but think when you do. Always the chain of events goes like this…

…first you think it…

…then you do what has to be done in order to manifest it…don’t be scared of working toward it, even though working on one’s own self is very harrowing work, to say the very little least!




Coming soon…

Hale o Ke’uhane o aloha

…stay tuned !!

Dreams…they don’t build themselves

Too many people want to believe that the Law of Attraction is somehow fail-safe. It isn’t. No matter what anyone cares to believe, dreams and the manifesting of them takes work.

The thing about dreams is that we all have them, and we all want them to become our personal reality. The thing about dreams is that they also take a bit of work, and the work that has to start is on the inside of us. The inside work is the hardest kind, because that is where we have to really ask ourselves what, for real, it is that we want out of this madness called dreaming big.

The madness called “Dreaming Big”

Let’s think about something here for a sec, okay? Let’s think about everything that we can that took both thought and time to bring into being from a dream. Take for instance, the idea that we can flip up a light switch and BANG! Let there be light. Let’s think about the idea that everyday people drive cars, and that not too long ago in the history of mankind were the only “cars” horse and buggies. Let’s think about the microwave oven, and let’s think about instant ramen soup, and let’s think about airplanes and ships and hell yes let’s think about (ugh) Disneyland.

ALL of these things were spawned from someone’s thought, meaning that those things in your head called thoughts that could be equated with your own discovery of things undiscovered (say, for instance, the creation of courage within you to try and try until you manifest that big ole dream of yours). Undiscovered things are those things that are in manifest, things that are basically and only a thought at this moment. We all have them, dreams, and a whole lot of us STILL seem to think that because we think they are way too big, that we are way too small to make them happen.

This is because we collectively suffer from an ongoing condition which makes us all spout the words, or at least the thought “I wanna do it by mySELF!” just like those tiny little petulant kids you are thinking about right this moment. This is a lot of our problem, the idea that we don’t need help. Of course we need help, and loads of it! Where did we get the idea and when the hell did we start believing that somehow we can do everything all the time all by ourselves? If you thought about how many babies are born everyday, just in your own town alone, that should be enough evidence right there that not only are we not alone in this lifetime, but neither are we to be alone all the time. That is why Spirit sends us people, many, many people, to share the earth and life experiences with.

You are not alone, so why behave as though, alone, you can make something bigger than life come alive?

Don’t get me wrong, please – I am all for people doing things on their own, but I am more for the idea that people should ask for assistance when they set out in the world on the building of a dream. I have a whole lot of dreams, and all of them are somehow tied to the sharing of Aloha, to the idea that no matter who our blood relations are, that we are all one family and since it is that we are taught that family comes first, it is also something that we learn to share with people.

When it comes to fashioning a life, every single one of us starts out with the dreams about the great house, the car, the dream job, the great kids, the dog who doesn’t pee on the white carpet, the neighbors who are not dearly a pain in the okole, and the list goes on and on. These are all great things, but they are things that collectively we all desire. What I am talking about today are those things that stir us, that make us believe in something far greater than we are and that exists within and outside of us at the same time.

We have help, all of us, and no, it is not only from Spirit, not only from our blood relations and not only from the typical places and people we can think of. When we ask and are sincere in the intention behind the dream and we know that what we have in manifest is the greatest thing in the world (to us, that is) and we set out into the world with that  thought and that dream, the only thing that happens after that is that the Universe conspires to help us in ways we could never have imagined that She would, with people who we would never have imagined we would, and all because you were diligent with one thing and one thing only.

You believed that it could happen.

There is that word again…”believe”…

What too many of us like to say but too many do not follow is the idea that we have to believe in the reason why it is that we want to do anything at all. We have to believe in the reason, in the cause and we have to believe that what we want out of our own lives will somehow be the thing that is needed the most so that we can impact the lives of others.

Another thing that too many people believe is this nonsense about the Law of Attraction being like a genie in a bottle where all we have to do is think of a thing and like magic – POOF! – there is the thing that we so totally want.

I want you all to know that really, anything worth having is also worth putting for the effort toward the end result. This is what these …gurus…do not tell people – that in order to have what we desire, it takes work. Humans do not like to work, namely when their dreams, their pride, their love for the dream…namely when those things are somewhat vulnerable to the judgments of other people. And again…we are a very lazy bunch, we humans are, and we would rather be and stay lazy than we would put our love, our time and our selves into the manifesting of anything worthy. We would rather wait and see if someone else’s dreams will happen for them, that way if it doesn’t work out, we have an out and an excuse as to why it is that we should just forget the whole damned thing.

Don’t you dare!

Don’t you dare rob yourself of a dream! This is the reason why there are so, so, so many very dearly unfulfilled people – because they are too damned lazy to start working on something. The only way to get to the end of the work is to start the work, and if you do not start the work, how on earth are you going to see your dreams become real? That is how this works, guys…manifesting anything takes work. Sometimes it is work on the self, and other times it is actual physically being involved with the culmination of things and energy that we need in order to have what it is in our lives that we so dearly desire.

Think back to being a kid and your parents told you that if you wanted something, that you would have to work toward it. It is like having a job – no boss is just going to give up a pay check because say that you have a job at his firm – you actually have to earn the dollars you are there for by doing the work that you are hired for. This is the essential problem inherent in us all and it is the one thing that we alone are responsible for changing within us. The compulsion to give up and let things just be is way too much for us to not consider. There are a lot of things happening all at one time, you see, when it is that the fruitioning of dreams is concerned.

And ALL of the time, the most important stuff happening cannot be seen, but only felt, within us. This is where the magic is…on the inside. 

Stop with the “it’s not gonna happen,” because it could happen

The easiest way for us to get out of what we are supposed to be doing with who and what we are is to just believe that there is only one way there. The person who likes to say, is used to saying, always says “it’s not gonna happen” is also the very person for whom it does not happen.  This is the person who cannot see past the hard part of it all, the part that is not even the actual work, but is, instead, the inner work. This is where it all begins. On the inside.

On the inside is where we fear everything. On the inside is that person who thinks that they are not enough to make things happen for them. I promise – if you were good enough to come up with something that you know is doable, then you are also good enough to begin to figure out why it is that you might also think that it won’t happen.  Stop telling yourself that whatever it is that you want is not gonna happen. You know it can happen. You also know that if you stop doubting yourself, it will happen, whatever the “it” may be.

STOP telling EVERYONE you see what you are manifesting

The ONLY reason that anyone would be out in the world repeating themselves about what it is that they are dreaming of is NOT only because they are excited. I mean, very excited people might go out and do this, but the average person is not gonna go and tell  it on a mountain. However, there are those of us who are out there, daily, without proof, that something is in the works. They might be saying that they want it to happen, but they are only talking and not putting that energy into the thing they are manifesting. Being excited is great, but it is not enough. 

The other thing, the other reason that you don’t wana be out there telling people what you are doing is because really, that is just your ego talking. Think about it – how many times have you gone out in the world, thought about something really great for a while, proceeded to go on with life and it never happened? LOTS…right?


The reason this happens is because at that point, it really is your ego who is in charge and it is your ego who is marketing and promoting something that is not even really being thought about, let alone worked on. The only thing working at that point is your mouth and ego in tandem to do one thing – wreck the dream. I am reminded of writers who say they are writers and the ones who actually write, often, if not daily. Just like you are not a writer if you do not engage in the activity of writing, no matter what, if you are not working on your dream doing anything more than running your mouth about it, all you are doing is running your freakin’ mouth. 

And more than that, there is the wasting away of the energy that is supposed to be meant for the building of your dream. We would rather talk  about what it is that we want to do, the way that we see it as the end result in our thoughts, allow it to remain that way forever and ever amen, and why? Because we forgot to balance the excitement with something else that is needed – that one thing is discipline. 

The Collective UGH called disipline

It takes discipline to do anything at all worthwhile to us.  The word “discipline” has taken on such a negative energy over the years and too many of us are so dearly undisciplined that when it comes to things we really, really want in our lives, we are at a loss for how to get there. If there is anything at all that any good teacher of Spirit will tell their students it is that having discipline is a requirement for growth. Of course, when my beloved teacher Noreen told me this, after my beloved first teacher, my Auntie Kalei, gently told me this same thing, that anything I want in my life is mine – I just have to do what is required of me by Spirit to get it done.

At that time in my life I wanted everything handed to me. At that time in my life I was that spoiled golf course princess of a trophy wife, who, even though in the material sense, if I wanted it, all I had to do was show some cleavage and put on a pouty-lipped show, promise some things that I thought nothing about and it and the money I wanted (you know, just in case…yeah…just in case I wanted to buy good booze for me and Kim and Marsha) were mine – just like that. It never dawned on me at that time how much I depended on things outside of me. I never realized then what I know for sure now, and that I know for sure now is that when we put our intention out there into the Universe, give it and our expectations of what we expect to see versus what we end up with (which is ALWAYS SO much WAY better than what we can visualize) and we go with the flow of our lives, continuing to pour our love and our energy into something at all, no matter what, we get what it is that we see and more, what we are willing to create for us.

Don’t talk about it…get your okole out there and LIVE IT

Here is where the fine line is drawn. A person can tell anyone that they are this, that they are that, but if they are not doing what it requires to be thing 1 or thing 2, then they are neither of those things and the only thing that they are is in limbo.

Do not bother wasting your breath or your precious energy talking about your dreams – get your okoles out there and pay attention to things in your awareness. Wait for your signs. Be hungry for your opportunities and be mindful of everything that is in your awareness because all of it carries meaning for you somehow. All of it carries energy which is connected to that one thing that you know is in you, that you know is possible, that you alone are meant to birth into consciousness, not only for you to enjoy, but for the world to take notice of the reality of who you are, according to that dream that lies dormant within you.

Take time everyday to see to it that you do something, at least one thing, toward the manifestation of your biggest grandest dream.

If you don’t take the time, it will not come into being. If it does not come into being, that one thing will continue to haunt you until you decide to finally stop being such a scared pansy-ass, go on out there into the big fat scary world and build that dream…

If a dude can bring to life a talking mouse, and another dude can bring to life a talking sponge, and yet one more can keep us in stitches over how many times that damned coyote is going to be duped by that roadrunner…well, you can just about imagine what else is possible, right?

You won’t know that you have not been the person who brought to life a phenomena that is as big as that sponge is…the very one who lives in a pineapple…under the sea.

If we can bring talking sponges who live in pineapples under the sea, I am pretty sure that there is a whole lot more that we can do.

It just takes work, and belief that it has to be…and it will Be…







Home – it’s not where you think it is

If you feel like you want to go home, or have the energy of being homesick, of the thought that you just want to go home, it is totally NOT what you think it is

I grew up in a town called Covina. It was the grandest time of my life. I had lots of friends, most of whom I still am very close with. I have lots of memories, most of which were with those very friends, and lots of them still live in or around that area. I cannot tell you how many times I have been wistful for home, how many times I have been back to Grantland Drive, just to take a look at my childhood home, a home that looks nothing like it did when I last called it “my house” back in 1990.

Normally, when I take that drive down Grantland, it is an event which leaves me breathless, leaves me longing for something that, until now, I could not pinpoint. You see, too many of us still have not been able to make the choice to separate what is in our thoughts from what is in our reality. This is a lot of the reason why a whole lot of people suffer from the emotional stuff they suffer from. When I figured out that I was suffering…actually longing…for some semblance of what my ideal of “home” is, it was with sadness and relief. Sadness, because I had the best time in that house on Grantland, with those people in that neighborhood. To this day I still can see me and my friends, running up and down Grantland Drive when we were just little tiny kids. I see us now, as adults, and now our kids hang out. Now, we have those same worries that our parents had when we were our kids’ age.

Home is a lot more than just an address and a zip code

A lot of us at this time are longing for home, but the reality is not that we are longing for a specific zip code, a specific house, a specific set of friends. The home that we long for is with people who are just like us, people who we include in our lives for no other reason than that we have a sameness of soul energy with them. We meet these people all the time. Sometimes these people re-enter into our lives through means of social networking (Jimmy, do you even KNOW how long I looked for you? Aye YUH, bruddah!!).  Sometimes, we meet these people through other people, and while they might essentially be “new” to us, to our souls, it is as though we were only waiting for them to show up in our lives in this lifetime (Hey…April, Dannie, Noreen, Scott, Albert, Michelles 1 and 2, Ilyene….need I go on? Hi guys ! Love you!) And LOTS of times, our soul family never really leaves, but we take absence from them like they do us, even though it is not really that they are gone but are just off and doing what they are supposed to be doing (Hey…Dora…Alan…Lisa…yeah, hi guys!…oh man…HEY TOFILAUS!!! yup…you guys, too ! )

Home…it is where our heart is, and is also where our souls are most comfortable. It is where like souls live and where our soul family is created, meaning that “Home” is no where else but within us all.

We know who our Soul Tribe is

Upon meeting in this lifetime, and it has happened a whole LOT lately, not only for me, but for us all, the trickling in of the people who are either now in our lives or now back in our lives, and they are here with purpose and with good reason – because we have to carry out our combined, collective mission. Let that sink in for a bit and think about all the people who you have encountered in these last two years and you will see what I am saying here, and, as well, you will also know who they are and more than that, based on who you all are as a combined unit, you will also see how it is that you will carry out your combined mission with these people.

I know and have known who my soul family people are. They are the ones in life who have been labeled and judged harshly, the ones who have had to pick themselves up and dust themselves off and who have had to actually do the work involved where their own specific healing is concerned. Healing, to someone like me, is an undertaking that is not for the faint of heart or soul. I say this because when we are healing ourselves we have to think like a doctor and have to be rational, not about what we need to do for ourselves, but what no longer serves us. When we figure out what no longer serves us, we have the painful thing that we have to do which is to let go of those things, those people and the pain. These are things that we totally and dearly hang on to, even when we know that they are not good for us or even that what they served our lives with has been met.

When we finally let it all go is when the pain sets in and the pain sets in because we are not able to see what was detrimental in our hanging on. We can only see the Love that we felt. The Love does not die, neither does the memory, and if that memory is a good one, it is harder for us to think of it as being something that no longer serves us. Good memories always serve us well, that is, unless and until we are longing so dearly for that time and that exact same energy- this is when carrying it becomes a burden.

It becomes a burden because our ego will not allow us to believe that we are readying ourselves for a better, newer “home” energy, that where we were as kids, while it was nice, was small potatoes compared to where we are headed and never does it cross our minds that even though we are not those kids anymore, we are still very much those same people, just a lot older with a lot more time under our feet.

Think about the people in your life right now…what is it that you see there?

This is the one thing that was brought to me years ago, by a woman who a few people regard as being our Soul Mother. Her name is Noreen. Noreen is a Wicca Practitioner and one of the very best teachers I have ever come to know and to love. It was roughly five years ago that this lovely creature told me that the one thing that I have to hang on to, even though I had to let them go, is my family. To this day she has, in total Noreen form, NOT eluded to me what it is that I am looking for. She did this for a reason, and today I know that reason – it is because I needed to remember who I was back then so that the Mother Goddess could show me who these people are now.

The way that we are shown is easy – we are immediately drawn to them, and we also know that they are as drawn to us, for whatever reason there may be. In some cases it was an instant physical attraction, and others, the re-entry of like souls on this same path with us who were there in those times in our lives as our friends and confidantes. Still others we feel an immediately kinship with. These people, I have found, are those who are part of our tribe, part of our Soul Family.

Our relatives in contrast to our Soul Family

Please, do not get me wrong – I love many people within my extended family still, and while the family unit which I was spawned into drive me crazy, I must let you all know that I am as equally crazy about them as I am made crazy by them. Make no mistake.  Yet, even within that tiny little unit, there is something there that needs to be seen to, and I have seen to it.

Actually, Mother Goddess…Spirit…She has seen to it. She has seen to it because She is who has prompted me to seek others like me. She has sent to my life those people who mean the most to me who are not my kids or my tiny little family units. She has brought to me those who I will need to help me carry out my purpose, who are there now and have a similar, if not the exact same mission that I have, through means that, collectively, we serve, together, without realizing that this is what we are meant for and that this is what we should be doing.

It is not to say that our mission is the same as our daily work, even though our mission is connected to the work we love the very most and work which involves music, Love, passion, dance and that familial vibe.

You will know who these people are by the way that you are energetically affected by them. You will know who they are because even though you might not have the same talents or gifts on the physical plane that they do, you will find that those very talents and gifts will be complementary to yours.  I am a dancer. Most of my friends are somehow connected to music or the indie music scene and industry. I dance, and they play music. Dancers need musicians because dancers need music. Musicians do not need dancers, but enjoy the idea that the thing they make (music) is able to spark the fire of the Divine within their friends who dance.

The Point

All of this talk about dancing and musicians and soul families…it is meant to show you who you are currently “going home” with or to. Home is not a place outside of you, but inside.  It is that place where you feel loved, safe and accepted, and there really is only one place on the planet that is the same for us all, even as the facets of that place might be very, very different.

That place is in your soul, where these new people, and some of the best from another time in our lives, live, love and are.

The point is that the feeling of homesickness that you have right now means that there is someone else out there also feeling this way, and if we are lucky, there are a few someone elses out there who are also waiting to meet us on this plane, or perhaps reconnect with us. These people are meant to bring with us the grand measure of Love and acceptance that only you and yours can specifically bring to the world, and those things that can only be brought BY you all, because of that fire that is the passion for all that we each do.

Another cool thing that happens is…

I wanted to save the best part of all this homesickness feeling stuff for last. OKAY, now, I have already told you all about people coming in and leaving or whatever, but the one thing that none of us thinks about when we feel like this is that someone else, somewhere else, is also feeling this way and that when we feel this way, not only is someone else also doing this, but it also means that someone else, somewhere else, is actively looking for us, too.

Read that again, absorb it and let it sink in and then think back to the last time that you felt this way and how long it was after the feeling passed was it that you met someone who you are very near and dear with now.

Ahhhh…there it is….the collective thought that is “nuh uh!”

Oh…yes huh…that is what this is about. When we long, it means someone else is doing the same longing. When we are lonely, and when it is mixed with that longing (it always is), it means that instead of feeling lonely we need to be more aware. It does not mean to actively look for them, but it does mean to be excited about it, because somehow they are finding their way to you.

Again…absorb all of that. You are reading it correctly. When we ask, pray and wish for things to be in our lives, always, those things have to come to us by way of Spirit and through other people. Even when we tell Spirit that we are lonely, that we want to be held, that we want for or desire anything at all, I promise you that Spirit hears it. The thing that we humans do not realize is that when we are longing for those arms, for that pal, for that person, that while we wait, we are given that thing that I have said and written a whole lot about which, no matter how much you do not want to think it is the truth, actually suck – they are called distractions.


They have a purpose, our distractions, and normally it is that we are distracted by things and activities and even people so that whatever it is that we are learning that is appropriate for everything that is at the moment, we will learn. Spirit does not want us unprepared for the entrance of these very important people coming to our lives. I won’t lie to you – it took me a very long time, a lot of tears, MANY adult sized tantrums that could rival a very large, obnoxious two year old, and it was all when I felt like I was so very alone in this lifetime that in my petulance, I cried out to the Goddess – “WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU MAKE ME THIS ME AND THEN ALSO MAKE ME BE ALL BY MYSELF? WTF IS THAT ALL ABOUT? !!”

Ha! Just reading it makes me giggle, out loud even, because in my own experiences with this, when I was impatient, it was always me who screwed things up with people, and they were always people who were meant to come to my life for the shared mission. It is never until we understand what it is that we actually need, and more, why we need it, that we learn who these people are. We want to meet our Twin Flame, and we do not realize that sometimes, in our overly emotional lonely state of current being that we are not looking for our Twin and that maybe we already know them and maybe they are already part of our lives and that it is possible that we are not to be romantically involved with them and that the ONLY thing they are meant for is to be with us as family and to carry out that one mission that is shared.

Does this mean that you are never going to meet that one special person? Nope. It means that you need to pay attention to the things that you are asking for of Spirit, and really think about it, past your own temporary loneliness, to the thing that you know you are meant for, the thing that your Soul is here to share in manifesting with the entirety of the whole of your Soul Family.

Does this mean that you are going to eventually be romantically involved with your Twin Flame? It doesn’t always mean that. In fact, the purpose of a Twin Flame in this reality is, as I am and have been mentioning for a while now, is NOT to get jiggy with ’em, but to get out there in this world and do what you are supposed to do with them for the world and the grander populace of Souls among us. And should you hook up and hit it off, cool beans…if not, no big…it IS a gigantically HUGE world and there are a LOT of other people here…just be patient.

That is what a Twin Flame really IS all about. It is NOT that you will be with them on a certain level or in a manner that is what you have been told (am I the ONLY one who is making people know that a Twin Flame relationship is NOT always going to be a romantic one and that it does not have to be?) or that you have read. (Although, typically, it usually IS and most of the time it is in manifest or perhaps even in another realm…) While it is nice that it happens that way, and again, normally it does, but there are those times when it doesn’t. Don’t trip…it is about the shared mission, NOT about gettin’ some squeeze…yeesh !

Does this mean that you need to look at everyone you pass on the street, does it mean that you have to act like a psycho, does it mean that you have to really do anything OTHER than continue as you are? Oh hell no! In fact, if you do any of these things what will happen is that you will push all of what is meant to come to you further way, because excited or not, you will be, in a way, telling Spirit that you do not trust that She knows what She is doing. I promise you that She does NOT jack things up – we do.

Do like the Beatles said…”Let it Be”

I will close today with the most important part of this all, and that is to please, just let things be. I recently told a friend of mine, when querying me about something that he says he had a hand in screwing up, to just please let things be. If it is that the person who he was asking me about is his Twin Flame and they are meant to be together on this plane, there really is not a lot that he or even they can do to change it. The only thing either of them can do is say yes, or no, to one another. Either way, they are both right.

When we have the longing energy of wanting to return home, and we just feel as lonely as we have in a very long time, remember the last time that you told no one (it is never No One…it is always your guides and ultimately Spirit who hears us…well, them and our closest best friends, that is) that you were lonely, that you wanted arms around you, that you were desirous of people who are like you are…remember that you were heard, and that when there are other people involved in the desires of the soul that it takes time, and more, it takes some very harsh lessons that almost all involve releasing the old to make room for the new.

Yup…letting go hurts..a lot, but remember that we asked for new…and we will get new, but we have to release the old, first…



Copy of 1TheShamansPrayer RJB

Believe In Your Dreams

We all have one thing that we each desire as part of our lives. We each know that seeing those desires to fruition takes a lot of doing, and thinking and most of all, believing, that it will happen.

I am a recovering pessimist. It’s true. All my life I have until about a year ago truly believed that in order to have anything good at all in our lives, that we HAVE to sacrifice things that we have and that we love right now. I used to be, and in some ways, still am and always will be, one of those people who hangs onto things for the sake of posterity as much as for sentimental reasons (ever notice how the word ‘sentimental’ includes the word ‘mental’ in it? …another time…another blog…).  I don’t want to sound like somehow those things have no use for me, because I use them for the sake of recapturing energy from the time that those things are from, and use them when I am ‘dwelling’ on a person’s issues and soul needs. I say that I am a recovering pessimist because of the fact that all my life all I ever did was believe what other people said about dreams and dreaming and that for the most part, the thing that I wanted to do with my life and that I am presently doing with my life, it somehow was NEVER going to work.


NOW, when I think back to the time before I could drink alcohol and stay out past ten P.M., and I think about all the things that I wanted to do, and I fast forward to this time in my life, I find that my dreams for being a working Intuitive, a paid healer and now, to add to that, one who utilizes what I know and how long I have been in love with Hula, I realize that no matter what anyone told me and no matter for how long, my life was meant to be spent as a healer, as someone who can relate, as a person whose skills in all things “communication between humans,” all somehow have brought me to this point in my life where I am now ready to build the other part of my practice and income…a new hula halau.

Hula I Lalo Ka La, Helendale, CA

When I started teaching, officially, in my own halau, it was, at least in my mind at that time, the most unique thing in the world. And I was right. It was not only the most unique thing to have a hula studio in the middle of nowhere, but a hula studio in the middle of nowhere that actually survived. That was the part that I had a hard time believing – that it would survive, but it did and did for longer than I thought it would. At the time, I taught mainly children. I loved those kids, but at the time, I was likely not the best role model for them in that I was very competitive, overly combative in my thoughts about being better than the “other” dance teacher.

I recall dwelling on that word “other” for a lot of the time I taught these babies. I did it because for many years, as an island person, I had to mark the box called “other” when it came to my ethnicity. Whether I like admitting to it or not, that is what fueled my passion at that time. It was not that I was any good at what I did, not that my haumana really enjoyed themselves and being part of something that I knew was teaching them more than only this dance which I so very much Love.  When it dawned on me, even in a far-off way, that my antics were not serving my purpose, let alone truly teaching these children the meaning of Aloha, of Ohana, of not having to hate on people just because they were different or not part of our social group – this is when the love for this dance became the thing that I would choose to show.

Yet, what also did not dawn on me was the idea that the children and the teaching of them was merely practice for this time in my life, where I sit here knowing that it is now time to begin piecing together what my hula is and has always been meant for. It was never meant for competing with other people, because I am a lousy competitor. It was never meant for me to use as the prize that I could hold over other peoples’ heads just to prove to THEM that I could do what I wanted to do with this amazing thing I knew, because I did not like it then, the showboating, and I do not like it now. It was never meant for anything that I thought it was meant for.

It was meant, through my teaching these children, as a vehicle through which this part, at this time, of my dreams to become the reality.

I know what I have to do, in the mechanical sense, to get this up and running, but that was not the part that I had to learn from those magnificent children. What I had to learn was a whole lot, and what I received from those babies is something that cannot be bought, for any amount of money. What I got in return from this group of children who most of them are now in high school, some are in college, a few have families of their own now…I learned the essential nature of Love in its purest form – the sort that is straight from the heart and soul of a child.

A thing of beauty is a thing forever

Hula has always been a beautiful thing to me. Even when I was barely a baby myself…3 years old…I was very taken by its grace, by the very ethereal nature of this dance. Of course, I was also awestruck by the person I saw doing this – my mother – as she listened to music that, at that time, I did not understand the language, much as I can now, but I understood something that my mother did not realize, that I did not realize until I had my own kids…love is shown to us in measures of beauty.

Hula is a measure of beauty. Hula is poetry in motion, because there are stories being told, through the hands of the dancer and the songs being danced to. Hula is the silence between the notes and is the thing that most people are shocked to know that I know. When they recall me as a young girl in high school, the one thing they recall is NOT that I loved my dance class, but that I was shyly proud of my culture, that I was able not only to cut a rug like Janet (Miss Jackson if you’re nasty), but that more, I was in love with being Hawaiian, was taken by the very grace and the beauty that was hula…and not just any hula, but my hula.

Hula always soothed me. I had the upper hand with it, namely when it came time to do our dance “tests” and like all normal teens I was never really ready to turn anything in (unless, of course, it was something like Janet, Miss Jackson if you’re nasty). However, because I had a pretty good grasp of Hawaiian language as it pertained to hula, and had I found myself not prepared well enough to do anything nasty like Miss Jackson, it was hula.

Rarely did I not get an “A” on those dance tests…

I am pretty sure that it is not hard to see that I have a great and enduring passion for dance, in particular the dance of my Ancestors, of which I can readily and willingly refer to myself, as well, as a living Ancestor to those who have learned this dance from my teachings. Those children will not ever forget that they, for a short time in their little lives, spent time with an erratic yet very Loving Hula Kumu named Rox or Mapu or whatever it was they called me. They will always have that learning, will always know that if anything at all, even if they did not learn this dance as well as I wanted them to, they learned how to be with other people who they might not have liked but learned to grow with and learn to get along with and most of all, to Love.

Hula taught me to love me. Hula brought out of me that essence that is alive and well within us all. It gave me the things that I needed to get through a lot of terrible things in my life, and it did not dawn on me that this is what those kids gave to me until much later…til 2008, when everything in my life that I knew as mine and normal suddenly became the banks and the bill collectors’. Hula in Helendale with Hula I Lalo Ka La and the children whose laughter and silliness is what my time as their Kumu gave to me. It gave me the understanding that I am different. It gave me the strength that I would need to get through these times, right now, and never has it ever not been in my mind – that I would be back teaching hula, because just like part of my practice is to sit here, almost daily, and give the world these thoughts about things, it is also mine to teach others how to Love, how to be with people for the sake of sharing that Aloha.

Mostly, though, this time, it is meant to bring to others the energy that is healing, the light that is the Love within us all, and the family which a lot of people do not have to go home to. Being homeless literally is bad enough.

Yet, there is nothing quite more lonely than feeling like there is no home to go to, where souls like our own meet, talk, be with each other. This is now what hula is about for me.

Hula O Ka Hipa’ele’ele 

Since the time that I had to let go of Hula I Lalo Ka La (It means “Dance beneath the Sun”…kind of appropriate given that I lived and taught in the high desert…lotsa sun there all the time), and in between that time and now, I have managed to teach on a one to one basis with other abuse survivors. (Na Hula o Ka Wahine’ui…the dance of the beautiful woman) Now, though, with that one-to-one program in place, and with the majority of students I taught no longer needing hula as a means as medicine only but now and also as a means of fitness (truth!), I can go one better than that and have been building, daily and bit by bit, the love-child that has been in manifest since …well, since a long, long time ago…probably around 1973 when this all began for this Kumu Hula Kahu Reverend Maoli Chick.

“Hipa” means “sheep,” in the ancient language, and there are many different ways to say the word “black,” and in this case it is ” ‘ele’ele.”

Yes, indeed, and it is manifesting the way it is meant to…think a day, breathe about it for a day, then for two days, get out there and bug the hell out of my friends …musical ones and artistic ones and the ones who have no clue why it is that they want to learn this dance.  Indeed, my intent IS to call it Hula O Ka Hipa’ele’ele….hell yes…Black Sheep Hula, because that is what I am, have always been, will always be, and it is with grace, honor and loads of pride that I am. I am not one who is much for labels or being judged, but I am one for standing proudly, even loudly, tall and lovingly, as who we each are.

I have always been the one to stand out, have always been loud and sometimes obnoxiously so, and always, have somehow been very proud of who I am, of what I am, even if my obnoxious nature could, at time, be very off-putting. Because of the familial issues, I have always been the Black Sheep. I used to think that it was a stain on the minds and eyes of those who said they loved me, and I know that they do. They just cannot get used to me, and that is okay, too. I don’t have to have those people there anymore. Even though what I went through with them hurt me, it also shaped me, also made me this me, the person who can no longer see in them what they still may see in me. All I can see in anyone anymore is their potential toward healing and Love.

This is what my hula is all about now. It is my mechanism through which those things that live within the hearts and souls of the permanently scarred and the damaged people, the ones who cover their history and hide who they were with a few well placed and beautifully created tats, the ones whose light behind the eyes, even though the evidence of their selves as them now tells a different story, tells me the truth of them.

Hula for me was something that I thought would only be contained within itself, something that I would now do while I cooked dinner listening to Led Ka’apana and Owana Salazar. This was okay for me in 2009 and 2010. But as time passed and my memory of how it was that I would make things okay for me when I taught all those babies this dance, I realized that my best pal on this end of the country, a soulful, lovingly bitchy person named April told me back in 2008, when I lost everything…I realized that she was right. April told me that I would never be done with hula, and that it would just become something else for me. Dannie confirmed it. Noreen confirmed Dannie.

Then along came a succession of failed attempts, followed by a long time in between called 2011, 2012, and 2013 that told me these women were right. I could not then, much like I cannot now, deny my soul its purpose, my self its dreams, just because other people have zero faith in their own dreams becoming real. If there is anything these three women, my three best women friend, have never conveyed to me over the years, it is the idea that dreaming up something outrageous is never impossible. I have never been told or got the energy that I could not or should not do this. I have always only been told that it has to be a good reason, a better one than only paying my bills, that would bring it to life.


The motto for Pisces is “I Believe.” I am a strange Pisces, because for a lot of years, I was not able to believe in anything that I thought of as being something that could be tangible, that could be part of my life, but after so many years of doubting, finally, I am true to my Pisces Self…

…because now really, I Believe…

…in myself, in my heart and soul, in all those tatted out, formerly addicted, formerly unacceptable to society, formerly anything who have chosen daily to remind me that indeed, Rox, this is your essence and it is anything BUT unbelievable…

DO NOT hamper yourself by doubting that you can do whatever it is that Spirit, through others, tells you that you are meant for. All you have to do is believe, and then all you have to do is choose and then…all you have to do will become apparent.

Aloha Pumehana…





The Most Precious Thing

We have been taught for the entirety of our lifetimes that we have to have proof of our worthiness and lots of times we believe that it is material proof that makes us worthy or not of another’s time and heart. This is wrong. Way wrong. It isn’t material worth but more what we have in limitation.

I don’t want this to sound like I am whining, because I am doing anything but whining. This week which has passed has given me a whole lot to think about, and it isn’t like I needed more of it. I already have a whole lot to deal with, but don’t we all?

I have thought endlessly about how much importance a lot of us still place on our material worth, how much we believe that people are only interested in us because of what it is that we can give to them materially. Maybe I am a selfish twit, or perhaps I am just being one of THOSE Pisceans, but bottom line, folks – it is NOT your money, your things, your ability to bring material things to people, at least not all of us. Nope. To a lot of people it is not things that matter, but time. You see, each of us is only allotted enough time in our lifetimes to do what we have to do. Normally, the things that we have to do are NOT get up, go to work, do our daily routine only, but learn from what it is that we think we are lacking in our own lives so that we can see the truth of those things.

Where it is that we think we are saving ourselves from having to deal with the bullshit that is in front of us at this very moment, what is happening in reality is that we are being given, again, that one pain in the ass lesson that we are just refusing to learn, or more, refusing to give time to, because in our own thoughts, it just isn’t important enough to us. Never mind that it might be important to someone else, never mind that we know what it is that we have to do – if we are not comfortable, we are just not going to budge.

Lemme tell you something about the idea of not budging – it does not work. If you choose to sit in the miry goo of what it is that is in front of you, is in your face, is making you do things to avoid having to face it, you will have to go through it over and over again. I say it all the time, but some folks just want to avoid it. I am one of those folks, I will admit, but at the same time I would rather try harder to face it, to deal with it, to not run from it. I would rather put forth the effort to get through it rather than get around it. In that effort there is something else that is far more important than throwing material things at people – that one thing is time.

Time, like effort, is priceless

I hear myself say it at least one time a day, everyday, to at least one person. I said it to someone this morning, and all they did was stomp off. I am not sure that they are even thinking about the things that I said, but I am sure that they have no idea the immediacy of what it is that needs to be done, the pressing nature of their spending their time with people, even people they would rather not, because unless they spend that time, the thing that any one of us truly wants is NOT going to happen and will not happen for one reason – we didn’t take the time.

When we choose to avoid a situation, and we are not willing to look at things from the thought in our head that is empathetic, that is having some semblance of realizing that what we are doing might be saving our own selves is taking away from someone else, and that someone else may well be a very important someone else in our lives.  In my case, those very important people call me “Mom.”

Yes, I know…they are not meant to stay with us forever, but when the shit hits the fan one might assume that they come out of that thought that tells them that their time does not matter to us, and it really does, especially when it is that their time seems to be more importantly spent with people who are not us.  I am not talking about a boyfriend or a girlfriend, because we all know how fleeting that is when people are not old enough to have had the lunations in their lives to know who they are for real. I am talking about the idea that what they do and give to other people – that is important to us, the parents, as well.

When you come from where I came from, and you have always had to fight with people just to hear them tell you, so that you can hear it, that you are important to them (because it is nice to hear) and when it is that you ask anyone at all, when it comes down to the very part of the story where you and anyone else is going back and forth about things, and you have, because it is your duty to, given until it hurts, sometimes literally, pardon my saying so – but hell yes… a person totally expects that that very same energy be returned in some manner that is not anyone else telling us that while we are right, they are more right.

It is not about who is more right, who has done more, what anyone else needs to do for themselves. It is about striking a good balance so that people and their feelings do not get hurt. It is about not hurting someone else by not giving them what it is that we are so willing to give other people. We can use the excuse that things are too negative, that we don’t want to deal with that energy, but what no one seems to get is that very same energy stays until we face it. When I say “face it” I DO NOT mean getting in someone else’s face and blaming them for how we feel.

I mean that we look our own specific dragon in the eyes and ask it why it is that we are compelled to not deal with it, not tame it or at the very little least, not just back off of us every now and then. I mean that we take the time for someone else, even as we are unwittingly taking the time for ourselves to fortify our own lives with that facing of our dragons presented to us by other people.  We would rather run the other way rather than take the time out to hurt a little, to get a little upset, just so that we can sit in that energy that is someone else’s and that we do not want to face.

Hell yes, it takes time, effort, heart and soul to own up to it when we hurt other people. It takes all these things, too, when we , ourselves, hurt. It takes a lot of heart, a lot of soul, and a whole hell of a lot of balls to deal with the things that we do not want to. We might think it is a futile waste of time to have to deal with other peoples’ drama. We might believe that we did not create the drama, and therefore we also do not have to deal with it. But deal with it, eventually, we must. Just because we are not present, physically, when the drama ensues, it does not mean that the drama has nothing to do with us.

In fact, whether we are there or not – it does not dawn on us that we might actually BE the reason for the drama, and that our taking the time, putting forth the effort and giving a little bit of our selves and our souls to that drama might just exactly be what needs to happen.  We cannot ever know what is in store for us and that we totally need in order to move to the next level of things if we are not willing, let alone think we are able, to do so. I know that I say much about doing for one’s self, and really, that is what I am doing now, too. We want things to be different, but are more willing to wait for them to be that way, leaving things to manifest on their own. We don’t realize that things we want are always in manifest, but when we take the time to ignore the dragon sitting in our face and who is now patiently waiting for us to call it out so that it can be tamed, we really are taking away from no one else but ourselves.

Yeah yeah…I have no place to talk…but talk I will

I may be a sinner in the church of running away from things I don’t want to deal with, but all of us, at one point in our lives gets tired of running, gets tired of things just happening the same way, over and over again. Eventually and one day, while we are not looking for it to happen, it happens – that old dragon catches us and does not eat us. In fact it holds us up so that we can see ourselves, and it tells us that all that time we ran that all we needed to do was take the time and make the effort to tame it, to own it and to make it our own so that the next time another ugly thing seems to want to chase us down and eat us, we will know for sure that we can do like we did with the dragon that did not eat us.

I am not ashamed to tell anyone that there are always going to be reasons why I will avoid things, why I will do whatever I can in order to not have to face doing something that will suck. Does this mean that I will never face those things? Absolutely not. It means that I am either just not ready for them yet, or, worse than that, I simply am too scared to have to go through what I know I will have to go through in order for me to not have to deal with it anymore.

Why might I, of all people, do this? That’s easy – because I dearly value my own time and I absolutely push forth my most heart-filled effort, namely when it is for someone else, and especially when that someone else has hurt me. I have issues with self-worth when it comes to others, when it comes to my needing a receipt for proof that I am worthy of their time, of their love and of space in their lives. My thought and my ego’s thought, too, are that if I am able and willing to give those things to anyone that I need to also be as important. And hell yes I want proof. I want people to do as much for me as I am willing to do for them and on behalf of them. Yeah yeah…I know…can’t expect shit outta anyone.

But I do. And it hurts. And I want it to be different, but I cannot change anyone, ever.

Yet there is still that part of me that says I am good enough for the time that should already have been spent, just taking the time to help me, to NOT ask me if I need anything and then just bail out, like always. I have ALWAYS had abandonment issues, and it is totally because I have been emotionally abandoned and left to fend for myself since I was a child. This is why time is such a dear commodity for me – because to this day it is the only thing that I can offer people, because I really haven’t much else TO give anyone. Hell yes it would be way easier to be able to throw some money at a problem, hope that it goes away, and when it doesn’t, be there wondering why and knowing that at least I have at least the means to at least go somewhere myself, just to get away.

But here I sit, thinking and sitting on this pain, and not because of what was said this morning, but because I know that every minute that I spend on someone else is also a minute that I spend that I do not get to have back. This is the thing about humans – and it is really very sad, but the truth is that rarely do we realize the weight of the thing that someone else so dearly needed until it comes to us and we realize at that moment that what we did NOT do on behalf of not only someone else, but our very selves, has come to meet and stare at us like the proverbial dragon we keep running from.

Time. Effort. These two things are things that are finite and these are things that we give freely to people, and sometimes we end up hurting other people who we don’t mean to hurt in the process, and it is a process that we have decided that their sacrifice of their time with us is a good things and a given, because we think it is. We do not think about the things that other people go through, and we are more inclined to save our f*cking selves, which is what we are supposed to do, but at the same time we are also supposed to strike a balance.

In this case, there is no balance. Only one person’s way, times three, and it ain’t workin’. Call me selfish- I don’t care and you are probably right. But I am right, too, in that I know that time is something that is precious, that it slips away from us and we forget that there are other people involved, that perhaps those people might want us to do something for them that they would have the choice to think about when others of us do not have that option or that luxury.

When it is that we expect other people to do things for us, and they do them, and then we have the very nerve to tell them that because of someone else, they will not be able to at least acknowledge and hang out for longer than it takes to take a dump in the morning. It hurts like all hell to listen to it, to have to accept it, to have to eat the pain it causes, and more than anything else, it hurts to think that the other person or people cannot or will not think about us when they are making the choices that they will make.

The next time that you ask anyone to do something for you, and you have the very nerve to expect that they can just give and give and give and give, shut your mouth and tell your f*cking ego to take a backseat, namely when it is that the person with whom you are having a heated exchange actually means something to you. You might learn that they don’t want anything material from you. You might find out that what they want from you really depends on how much they mean to you versus how much what you don’t want to deal with means to you. That is how I take it, always. I take it as I am not worth the time and the effort it will take, even though I do it on the daily, for someone else to believe that we mean anything at all to them, that our pain is somehow something that will be of importance to them.

While I cannot say that I expect my pain to be of importance to anyone else, really, I can say that this hurts, like a bitch even.

No big…yeah right…


I Love You All…



Believe that you are worthy of Love

No one likes being rejected, and all of us has been rejected at least a dozen times in our lives. It is not fun, but there are a lot of different reasons that it happens, and some of those reasons are ones that no one new on the Path to Enlightenment will believe they did not think about

Rejection sucks.

It sucks on a lots of levels, but the one level that no one thinks about it affecting the very most is not the emotional level, but the spiritual level. If we are to believe anything at all about the nature of Unconditional Love, it is that this very sort of Love does not differentiate between what is Love and what is not Love. There is no such thing as there being a level at which it stops. It is the beginning, the in-between and the end of all that we know, and see, and do, and desire…whether you believe me or not – Unconditional Love is at the very core of everything. It was Unconditional Love which Spirit utilized in creating us.

There are a lot of people, though, who like placing conditions on Love, and the biggest thing that bothers any of us about it is that when conditions are placed on it, it is not Love anymore, but that which is other than Love. I mean, technically, it is still Love, because that is what everything and everyone if comprised of – Love. It is not hard to see, either, with one’s own two physical eyes, the nature of the Love within a person and if whether or not they have been in the weighed-down energy of Love that is conditional, and more, if they have been able to live in the light of Unconditional Love.

Unconditional vs. Conditional

One does not have to be a genius to see the difference between the energy of these two words.  The unconditional nature of anything at all means that there are no restrictions, nothing holding anything back and no reasons as to why anyone would restrict, reject or hold back. The other word, “conditional,” means that there contained in the energy that is Love, at least where this article is concerned, is that same Love, technically, but at the same time, comes with conditions.

As ridiculous as it might seem to anyone, the nature of Love is always going to be the truth of it. When the Love is real, there is no judgment to be made as to who it is that we are showing that Love to, and no, it does not mean that if someone else has made us angry that in order for us to Love them the way we did in the past before the infraction they committed was committed. Even when we are angry with them, we still Love them.  At this time I am very angry with a life-long friend of mine. He knows what he did. I am just having a very hard time, not with not Loving this person, but because I know that once I let go of the boundaries I have set for myself so that people like this person do not take advantage of my good nature and hurt me, that this person may end up going the way of his habit of believing that everyone will just get over it and nothing will be remembered.

Yes, I need to get over it, but it is very difficult in that I am not yet over the ickiness, not yet over the idea that someone who has known me forever would not take seriously the idea that I do not want to be spoken to as though I am a piece of meat. I am a human being. Telling people what he told them, while not unforgivable, is the thing that I cannot get over, and the fun part about that is this is not the first time he said something like this. It would be probably be the 150th time. Still, he knew what not to do, and he did it anyway. Just like he has for years, and like I have, for years, I reminded him of this a while ago. He did it anyway. I am very angry with this person, not only for the reason I just gave you, but for the sheer ignorance to what are his life’s kuleana.

We have to take responsibility for the way that we feel about ourselves, because it spills out on to those who we love the most, and when it spills out, like water it does not know where to stop. When his words spilled out, they did not stop, and neither did my anger. When he decided that maybe I would be cool with it, then found out when I got up in his face about it later on, his level of hubris would not allow him to believe it. Yesterday, I am sure he finally understood what I meant by my telling him that he needed to let me get over it still and that until he did, things would stay as they are. Of course, he did not listen…until yesterday, that is.

I will never hate this person. It was the way that he greeted me that made my blood boil “Sol’e” (so-ley…it is polynesian). It was not that it was the beautiful way that his family has always greeted me with that phrase, but that I know that he thought that all had been forgotten.


We can only take so much

I am getting somewhere with this, really. The reason that I told you about that very long hour that I was in the same room with this person is because it illustrates for anyone reading this that no where in that story did any one of you read that I hate this person. I know I still have work to do in the area of forgiving so as to learn and not forget, I know, too, that he is like my family and that alone is cause for me to still Love this person unconditionally. It is not that he is also Polynesian, but that he and I have always been very good to one another. He knew his boundaries with me and he overstepped them. While this is not something that I am very stringent about, for the most part, I tend to hold those who know a thing or two, not only about me, but about Island women in general, to a higher standard. And yes, it is because island men KNOW better than to behave as though women, at all, but most pressingly so, island women, are not to be seen as meat.

He saw me as meat.

While it is not the first time, and neither is he the first man to do so, it is with a vengeance that I hang on to whatever it is that I hang on to that reminds me of the fact that respect is very important, and that it is earned, and if this person has earned mine, why have I not earned his, unconditionally, and as a human being who happens to be a woman?

Because he is only now learning this lesson, through me, and while it pains me to do it this way, it must be done.  I in no way enjoy rejecting my friend who is like a brother to me, so that I do not have to go through this with him again, and neither he, with me, this is just the way that things have to be right now. I say “have to be” because I still have to get over the idea that this person would speak to me, saying the things that he said, in front of people we both know and more, in front of people who only I know.  Respect is a big huge thing with me – you either have loads of it and deserve loads of it, or you don’t and if you don’t then I am either in your life to teach you how to learn some or…in your life to show you what it is that you will not ever have as your own, no matter what that might look like in anyone’s head.

My point with this is that, as I mentioned already, this person who I had an encounter with yesterday now knows the very heavy and full weight of what it is like to be on the other side of my “no.” He knows what it means to know a woman who is of the same ethnic background, sorta, and who is not going to deal with the likes of him until he can grow up and be a man and talk to people who he knows loves him as though, no matter who it is he is addressing, he has the utmost respect for them.

No one likes being rejected by anyone

I am very well aware of what it feels like to be rejected on every level that a person can know of.  I am very well aware of the hurt that we place onto other people when we decide that we are not going to deal with whatever it is that we are going through with them. Rejection stings like a bitch. It highlights what and who we are not, tells us that we are not good enough, makes us feel like we are the sore thumb that sticks out.

But really, if we think about it from a Spiritual perspective, there are a whole lot of different things that either rejecting or being rejected can mean. It is not always that we are, ourselves, being rejected, and also, it is not that we are really rejecting anything. We are stating our preferences, and when there is no preferences involved and it seems that we are who is constantly being told to go away, we can see it as mere humans making a judgment call on us.

Or, we can see it as a means for which through others Spirit is trying to tell us something.

Spirit is trying to tell us something

When the people who we love and respect the most come to the point where they have nothing left to say to us, there usually is a long history behind that energy where something done or said by someone who was there then and is here now. Wherever we roam in this lifetime, we leave our footprint, we leave a memory of ourselves there with the people and sometimes it is that memory and the energy of that memory that makes us think one way or another.

If we believe that we are loved and that someone is going to put up with our crap, and then one day we are slapped with the hot spatula of a truth that we, ourselves, created, with this other “someone”, and we believe, too, that they love us so, so, so much that no matter what we do to them, they will continue to stay and take our crap and we wrap our heads around that thought and do so without the thought that we hurt and abused them, we set ourselves up for rejection.  This is not the love that I am talking about, because clearly being a petulant jack off to people and acting like they owe us their love because we have a piece of paper that ties us together forever and ever amen is the most ridiculous thing in the world.  In fact, this is not love at all – it is ownership and humans cannot own other humans anymore.

…and this goes for ANY sort of relationship… paperwork or not…no one owns anyone else.

If we have to fight with the ones who we say that we love, and they keep on telling us that they know that we are not as betrothed with them anymore, and not for any other reason than that it just is not working out, and they insist that it is, this is not love, it is self-preservation and, as well, desperation and is also hanging on so that you, yourself, don’t feel like a loser.

If you can pinpoint where exactly it is that you are feeling like you are being rejected and you can also see where and why it is that it seems like this is happening, it is not seeming – it really is happening, and it is NOT brought to you by any person but through a person. It means that in that rejection of you by them are needed elements of who you are evolving to be and in those elements are not only the keys to your growth but are the answers to the questions that you do not realize you have been asking, through your actions and through your behaviors that a lot of your loved ones might call anything but “cool.” It means that you really need to look at yourself and ask you why it is that anyone would want you not with them. It means that through someone else, you have met the reasons, whether you like them or not, as to why it is that you hurt so badly.

Spirit teaches us what we need to learn through the things that we do not like. We do not like rejection at all. It means that someone else was right about us. I have the issues I have because my entire life has been lived with the thought in my head that was placed there by someone else that I can do really good things, but …

NOW, had someone who was meant to tell me other things that were not so judgmental chosen to tell me such things, while I will not sit here and tell anyone that I would have had it that way, I will say that it would have likely made it so that I would have gotten to where I am intending to go in my life a little faster and without so much…ugh ! This is why I am so very dearly up the okoles of people who are in charge of or who have children, telling them all to be mindful of what they say and recall the things they learned about being in pain emotionally because the adults in their lives chose to be blind to the things that said children go through in their thoughts. It takes so very little to not harm the innocence of children, and in one giant swoop, we find out that we have the power to wreck lives long before they are even lived.

Sometimes, we are rejected by others because Spirit is trying to protect us

This is the one lesson that is the hardest on us all, because when it comes to other people and how much we feel for them and care about them, there is not a whole lot that our egos will not make us go through in order to be with that person or those people. Think back to when you were in high school, and then a little further down the road in that high school time of life to your first love, your first job, and think about how dearly crushing it was, unless you married your first love, to have gone through the loss of it.

…but wait ! There’s more…

Now that I have brought you back to that time and that pain, the other pain that we never think about until it is back in our face and the same situation that we faced back then is in the here and now. And in the here and now you do not realize that those feelings you are going through are the exact same ones as they were back then. The reason that you are not really aware of the first and biggest heart break of your life is because in the time that passed from then to right now, you do not realize that you came up with the answer to that question and this is why you are experiencing those feelings all over again.

The reason that you are going through what you are going through is because you did not learn what you needed to the first time around, and so now, given that …oh, maybe 20 to 30 years…have passed, you are sensing without knowing what it is that you are sensing. At this point, though, all of the begging and pleading, the promising and the making of deals, all of the things that kill your dignity are the very things that a whole lot of us do when we think that we are being abandoned by anyone.  You can stop doing that, like right now, because really- in the time that has passed, you came up with the answer that you needed all those years ago and this is why you are going through those same feelings, if not the exact same thing, all over again.

What we do not think about while our hearts are being broken and while it is that we are suffering the things that we go through, all in the name, not of love, but of being included (which is NOT the same as being accepted) so that we do not feel like we have been left out, not thought about, not considered, not anything that would lead to our believing that we are not being accepted is that we are a different person now than we were just yesterday. We have a funny thing about us, we humans do, and it is that we all think in black and white, where there is no leeway between so that we can take a minute to think about things rationally.

It is irrational to chase someone who we want to love us, completely foolish to talk someone into us, manipulating them into being with us – because the truth is that it takes away from them. If you have to beg, plead or proverbially sell yourself to anyone – it might not be that you are being rejected, at least for real. It might well be that the person who is rejecting you will do you more damage in the long run. Instead we do the opposite. We chase them and when they have finally had enough, they end up hurting us anyway, and the worst part about it is that it is our fault.

More than one time in all of our lives we have been given a break by Spirit. Mother Goddess has stepped in and gotten herself in the way so that we will get out of our own way.  Like children do, we ignore our Mother. She lets us go just far enough so that we can see where we have been and where we are now and also allows for us to make the choice to do, or not to do, again, that same thing that would bring us right here to this reality.

So, there you have it! Know that you are worthy of Love, that you never had to beg for it, and that if you have to beg for it, that the Mother Goddess is trying dearly to get your attention and tell you that She has something WAY better in store for you.

You just have to be willing to go through the pain that you have now, so that you can recognize it later, and thereby excuse yourselves from having to ever go through it again.

You will have chosen to Love, for real…to Be, in Love, as we are all meant to Be.





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