Tag Archives: YOU!

Waking up is hard to do

lion-waking-up

The last few weeks that have passed have shown us a side of ourselves that no one really cares to deal with. The reason the collective whole of us has been having a collective snit is simple – waking up to who we each and all truly are isn’t easy. In fact, waking up is hard to do.

I have said it more than once, and lately, have said it more than once a day. Those of us who are manifesting who we are for real are having growing pains. I know this one personally, as does any one of those closest to me. Some of us are not aware of this one thing, this thing that we are doing, this thing called waking up to our higher selves.

I could sit here and say that it was but one phone call this morning, but I would be full of crap in doing so. It was after that one phone call that a barrage of texts came to me, which are still happening right now as I sit here writing this and looking at the indicator light on my cell phone that is telling me I’ve been contacted.

We are being shown who we are, shown where our and also that our  greatness lives within us, and some of us, like me, for example, ain’t buyin’ the idea that maybe, for real even, we ARE that awesome.

Ummmm…hello? 

Believe it or not, we are THAT awesome. Think about it – you, me, everyone on this planet has the very same options open to us at birth. This is the truth. This is not something new. Thing is, we are not the ones, at birth, even though, paradoxically, we are always the ones, even at birth, who are ultimately in charge of what happens in our lives. The fact is that each of us, at birth, has that thing called free will at the same time that we are as vulnerable as any infant would be.

This is where a lot of us parents have it wrong, and have, for generations, had it wrong in that, we impose onto our kids the things that we want them to do, of course, for their own good, because we see in these little tiny people who call us mom or dad, the potential that is there due to another thing called the seed of greatness.

The seed of greatness is that thing within us all that we each have and is the option, when we are ready, to choose to sow in the soil of our lives.

While I know that it is hard to think about a five year old having the potential toward greatness when said five year old is out in the yard digging holes in the dirt and playing with bugs and possibly eating worms and her own boogers, what we do not see and what we do not know unless said child tells us, is what said child is thinking.

The seeds of greatness in said child might be in science as someone who finds a way to take dirt and turn it into fuel or energy or even self-producing organic fertilizer…no one knows that because we teach our kids, unfortunately, to be seen, not heard, and to make us proud.

Proud of what? Proud that they were born, and proud that here we have in our midst these tiny little lives that, if we are not more aware of it, we also have the very power to wreck, or at least put off, their chances at greatness created by their own efforts?

Parents are the very ones who set kids up for the fall and we do it through our placing demands on them without realizing that that is what we are doing. Of course we just want the very best for them, and in wanting this, we do like parents do and we start molding for them the structure that they will need in order to make us proud.

Note that I wrote “make us proud” and not “make their lives phenomenal through their own efforts and sense and ability toward creativity and creating that life.”

It is time, folks, for the majority of those of us who have procreated to take a look at our own involvement with our kids’ lives and take into account all of the barriers that were presented to us and know, right away, that what we are seeing there and right this minute is NOT the end of things, really. They ARE kids, and they are OUR kids, meaning that even now, even if they are our adult kids who no longer live in our care, we still CAN do something…”parental”…at this time.

It’s called being supportive of their efforts and knowing that they are doing their best.

Period.

Yeah…but what about us…you know, the ones who were once those kids and are now no longer in need of our mommies to make sure we don’t get lost in the supermarket?

Guess what?

We are always those very kids. I say so because if it were not the truth, the things that we know impede us and slow our growth are the things that we have to get through and have to no longer believe in order to continually evolve as we are meant to…well, those things, those issues, those ways of being would cease to be an issue or a way of being and would still be those things but those things would become options for us to choose instead of things that we have to evolve and grow from.

Essentially this means that we have to understand that the things that we have grown comfortable with, the things that we thought we could depend on and the things that we thought would always be there and be a given, just as we evolve, also evolve, and when those things evolve we experience growth.

The growth that we experience shows up in our lives as pain, as things that make our daily living a pain in the ass, are things that get up in our faces, make us feel like a useless turd and make us question everything that we think we know is the truth of us when in reality, there is so very much more than what we think is there.

We think we are nothing, but really, we are everything in the world and more. We think we are failing in life, but what we are actually seeing in front of us dressed up as failure is actually an opportunity dressed up as such. When we think we are losing anything at all, we have to bother with the question of “what is it that I am being shown and why?”

What shows up as a challenge is actually there to show us what we do not need anymore…or simply just does not fit in the manner that it once did…

…or that needs to be applied elsewhere, even though essentially, elsewhere could mean applying it to something that we would rather do than something that we have convinced ourselves that we have to do.

What this means…well…it means a lot. When things mean a lot, you know I have a story to tell you…so, here we go…

Once Upon a Time…

At one point in my life, I wanted to be a professional dancer. I had my sights set on the New York City Rockettes. At another point, I wanted to be a licensed mental health therapist. Yet, all the while, I knew, deep in the bones of my soul, that neither of these things were going to happen, for the simple fact that I was not meant for these two things.

While it is that technically I did grow up to become both a dancer and someone in the counseling trades, I am not, have never been a New York City Rockette, and even though I have a college degree and though I am very good at what I do, I am not technically the sort of therapist whose name is preceded by and neither titled “Dr.” anything.

Yet, this does not mean that I did not grow up to be just those two exact things – a dancer, and somewhat of a counselor, titled by the letters “Rev,” and no letters following my last name with “PhD.”

That I am one and not the other is one thing, but that the reason that many “professionals” in any industry at all fail to see anything other than what is my label placed there in any manner by anyone at all is quite another.

What most folks don’t realize is that it is never a title that makes anyone good at what they do, but rather and only their track record, and yes, who they really, truly, essentially are in terms of being a human being type person.

Yet, even the track record being anything at all meaningful with what it is that any one of us does with our time and our talent becomes irrelevant when the time is upon us that we must grow, that we must look toward who we are versus who we have been told we are, who we have assumed that we are, who we think we are, even when the outer signs and clues continually tell us that change is happening, is upon us, is going to happen, with us, for us and by us, and we are not aware that this is what is called waking up in the spiritual sense.

Waking up in the Spiritual Sense

The entire human population of this planet is evolving and for the very life of us, too many of us are not catching on to the idea that this is going to happen and it is going to happen to us all, even if we want to believe that we can fight it and that it is going to happen to us all namely if we are seekers of truth.

Seekers of truth are those of us who are not thinking about all of these things that we are each going through in terms of our having asked for something better, different, more attuned to who we are. For years all I wanted to do was to prove to people that I was talented and smart, that I could do the things that I said I could and more, and more than much else, I really and only wanted people to take me seriously.

No one really took me seriously, and to this day, no one really does unless they are part of my daily awareness. It may well have to do with the idea that I am quite an outgoing personality, not bothered by what a whole lot of people think of me anymore. I really only care that the things that I do in this world are the things that I am meant to do, that I am supposed to be doing, that I was born to do and that none of it does anyone in my world and who had any part of my world for a very long time can still not understand me.

But, anymore now, I am more likened to accept that there are people on this planet who will not ever understand me, who will never ever be able to wrap their heads around the work that I do and more than that, they don’t want to, and really, I am not in any position to try to make it clearer to them who and what I am.

Apparently, they have been ignoring it for as long as they have for the purpose of not having to understand me so as to not bother the truth that they have taken as their own.

This is all fine and good.

The reason that I wrote all of that is because I needed to write all of this part now – whenever it is that there seems absolutely no way out of something, this is when it is wise to think about everything that has transpired in our lives to this point and see there, through our own recount of events, the things that are tying together all of the other things that might not be telling any of us what is in store for us next.

This means that, when I thought I wanted to be a Rockette specifically, it was that I was being told by my soul that one day, part of my own life, in a professional manner, would have something to do with art and movement.

When I thought I wanted to be a shrink, it was actually that I was being told that somehow, I would be in the trades of helping people with the way that they think,so that they can modify their thoughts to accommodate who they are, while still living somewhat the life that they are building, so that one day they can live the life that they have been building from the ground up for the majority time they have been in this lifetime and in this shell of a body.

I know, I know…it seems hard to believe that all of this time, you have been doing what it is that you do, not thinking in terms that maybe what you do is not conducive to who you are growing to become, and all the while, every one of us worried, fretted, thought the worst, including me. (I AM comprised of flesh and blood, people, even as we are all and also comprised of the moon, the stars and the universe…)

It is hard to believe that the things we have done for years no longer serve us, and if they do, they’re no longer what they were for us, meaning that, again, those things are evolving.

It is hard to believe that when we each and all asked for a better life, that while we went through and a whole lot of us are right in the middle of the turmoil, that we would not also think that we would have to deal with these sorts of frustrations.

It is hard to believe that when we are preparing for our highest and best life possible, that we end up having to see, go through, feel, know the things that we would rather not.

We have to learn the things that we would rather not, so that when the things that we would rather know finally make its way to us, we will know without a doubt that what it is that we are building toward, and what it is that we used to have as part of our awareness of our very truest selves, we would also know that we have learned a whole lot, that we have had the things that we wanted all along and that no matter what, we would have had to also experience the things that we have so that we would know the difference.

The difference between what, you might want to know?

The difference between what it is that is the very essence, the very song and the very energy of your Soul, and what, essentially, it was that you have been doing all this time in order to know what it is that is NOT…and this is what is known, what folks who work in the weird have been calling and telling people without outright telling them they are doing, that everywhere, even as much as it sucks and is very, very nerve racking and scary…waking up to one’s own higher self, so as to one day wake to being the epitome of one’s own highest and best self.

You have been waking up and finding out who you are for real.

Who you are for real is not contained within a label, not contained within anything that any one of us does, and is only and will always only remain in the idea that all along, we all know and knew what it is that we are meant for, and it is nothing short of brilliance and greatness.

I Promise…

I Love You All !

ROX

BLOG MEME FOR JUSTROX hula shoot

 

 

 

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It doesn’t even matter

2008-Housing-Market-Crash

The things which we no longer have are the things which no longer matter. The hurt which remains is there to teach you something about you.

“I tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end it doesn’t even matter…I had to fall to lose it all, but in the end it doesn’t even matter.” (Linkin Park’s “In the End”)

I lost my house in Helendale in July of 2008. While it hurt a bit, I cannot lie and say that the world was over with for me, because it wasn’t. I realized quite early on afterwards that it was meant to be like this. It was meant that I would no longer be in that place for the purpose of my having to begin the process of shedding what was once real to me.

What was once real to me was not for me to become very attached to, because in becoming attached to it all, I would suffer the worst hurt ever, which would be the stinging blows to the pride within me that would tell me that somehow, I deserved to lose everything that I thought mattered to me. And again, I cannot lie – the house, while it mattered to me a little bit, the idea that I lived where I lived mattered to me a whole lot.

Where I lived was a huge source of pride for me, but here I am, years later, and I realize that what was the source of pride was not what I thought it was, but rather and only the illusion of what was, versus what it became. What it became was a monster of proportions so huge and so…untamed…that for at least one person who used to live in that house, the loss of it was something that they’d felt on levels that not a lot of people would feel if they were not so attached to that tangible item.

And really, that is truly what any actual standing building that a person or a group of people would live inside of and call home. It is not the actual building, but what it represents. For me, the house represented a place where memories would be made, with neighbors who were some of the most pleasant people I had ever known.

Yet, here I am, seven years later, almost, and things have changed markedly.

I no longer care about the house that I no longer owed a lot of money on. The only memories that I have of that place that can be called good and real are the ones of my kids, of my hula halau, of the treasure called friends who, when I thought about it, are two of the very best people I know and two people who I love immensely. While I no longer own all the vehicles, no longer have access to the golf course, the lakes, I have what can never be taken from me.

I have me.

I have this me.

Losing something as big as the family home is not something that I hadn’t been through at least once in my lifetime, and that is probably why I was okay the day that I have to pack up my entire house, without the help of certain others, and leave that life behind. The reason that life had to be left behind and the reason why that life and the loss of it no longer matters is because even in all of that loss, the one thing that was gained by me was not just “this me.”

I gained, through the losses, the reality of two people who, no matter what, have always been there for me (Hi April…Hi Tim…I Love You Guys!) Through that loss, I regained and revived and recreated hula to become what, for me and a lot of people like me, it was meant to be, which is not a Polynesian review show, but medicine. I gained, through that hurt, a new lesson to work through and to turn into The Sisterhood of The Soul, and through that group of healer women who are also my cousins, have created what is the beginning of things as they ought to be.

And that is not the only loss that I gained from, really. I gained the bravery to confront my abuser, to tell him that we are done and that within but a very short time here now, it will be on paper. I gained the knowledge that even as I have been the very one to have to learn to heal me, without the hurt of feeling like my own blood relations skipped out on me when things got to be really too much for me to deal with, I gained the right to call myself a strong, Stand Alone Human Being.  This does not mean they all skipped, because the ones who mattered the most never did. It just seemed that way at times.

Seriously…in the end, it doesn’t even matter

When we are able to get past the hurt, and when we are able to look at the dragons which once invaded our waking life and our sleeping dreams, and when we can see things from a new perspective, this is when things that we thought mattered no longer matter as much. It is when we realize that we have learned what we are meant to learn from any given situation that our lives will begin to blossom.

For instance, not too long ago, I was very upset with my parents, and it was over something that was a source of pride for me. I won’t go on with what it was all about. I will just state here that the last time that hurt visited me was yesterday, and when I say the last time, I mean exactly that.

I mean that no matter what it is that I want to do for them or for anyone else, the one person who I need to do the most for is me. This is not my telling anyone that you have to be selfish, because being selfish is very counterproductive.

What I mean is that, once we let go of the grip that we have on certain ideals, on certain things that we think we have to have be a certain way, on things that we believed mattered for so long and which really do not matter in the manner that they once mattered, we are, at that point, in a stage of growth. The sooner that we really wrap our heads around this, and the sooner that we accept this one thing, the sooner we will find out the reason that we hurt for so long.

Vice Grip

Lots of us like to have a vice-grip on things that we ought to not have said grip on. When we choose the energy onto which we will hang we have to remember that there are good reasons to hang onto it, and then there are all the other reasons. 

We each have our own reason for hanging on to the energy, or, on the other side of that, allowing the energy to have its vice-grip on us.

There are times when this grip is welcomed, when it is needed and when it is pleasant, and then there are all the other times.

There are times when it is that we do not want the vice-grip loosened, when we would rather bathe our own selves in that energy because it is so very welcoming and so very…much a part of us…that to release it would cause our own energy field a whole lot of havoc…then, there are all those other times.

It is all those other times that we need to help ourselves understand why it is that we want to believe that we are meant to hang onto it.

Recently, one of those two very good friends ended his own struggle with a vice-grip energy that was not an energy that would have helped him grow into the person who he is becoming. It took us months to realize that what he was seeking had been so easily attained that once it was that he was able to allow this vice-grip to no longer have him in that bind of hurt, things just seemed to be much lighter for him. He’d have never made it through the same lesson one more time. It would have wrecked him for the rest of his life in many more ways than only one.

On my part and in my life, even as there is a very lovely vice-grip energy that I am lucky to have whenever I can get it, there is the other side of that, which is the side and the thing which prompted this writing today.

Too many teachers of the Divine seem not to tell their charges that things will be harsh before they are not, and the harshest lessons of all are the ones which come from the people who have been in our lives for years and years. On my part of all of this other side of the energy stuff, my biggest challenge over the course of my life has been trying hard to get my blood relations, at least a lot of them, to take me seriously, to have some semblance of respect for at least how I feel, let alone who and what I am, and to take some measure of self-control when speaking of things that at one time meant something to me and which, at this time, I realize, don’t even matter to me as much as I thought it all did.

Why? Because I know that I am not meant for those things, at all, and until I woke up this morning, it did not dawn on me that what I was being taught has been learned, and that what I did not want to accept was accepted a long time ago in that, I am a healer, a writer, a scientist, a spiritualist…and no where in all of those things does anyone read the word “marketing person.”

Even though that is what I used to be, and in some ways still am (someone has to promote me and my girls…we do fine doin’ it all on our own), in that capacity, the one that I started out with their offerings, I am no longer.

That me no longer fits this me’s life and this me’s needs and this me needs things to be a lot more organized for this me to be satisfied with life in that respect. This does not mean that I have no respect for what this set of people are doing. It means that I no longer have to voluntarily obligate me…this me…to their bidding, even as I easily and readily lend myself to their success.

That You is not This You

You know very well that not one of us, at least not without the help of someone experienced in past life regression, can go back in time, at least not for real. We can visit there, and we can take a few moments there, but you have got to admit that even though right now, for myself included and to a limited extent, might suck beyond all which else that sucks, you have to admit that you would so much rather be this version of you than that other you.

That other you was weak in many areas of your own life, and that other you was someone who, from time to time, you did not even like very much. That you did things that this you would never dream of doing, because this you has built a wall of integrity that cannot be demolished by anyone but this you.  This you loves who you are becoming, and that old you..well, that you no longer exists.

That You no longer exists

Believe me or not, the reason that for some of us, life seems to be very difficult right now is because many people don’t realize that the reason things do not work like they once did in the past is because you are now this version of you, and this version of you cannot do things any longer that the old version of you used to do. 

That might be a little hard for you to wrap your head around, and it takes time to ease into the new you, but once it is that you have done just said such easing into things, you will find that you cannot do things like you used to do them. You will find that it is hard to fit into your old lifestyle, with the same type of people who used to be the people who you would do anything for.

You will find out that even though this you requires a little more than the old you did, once you get the hang of it, you will not look back, ever, and neither will you want to. You will learn that there are times which require you to return to pieces of that old you, but in those times you will be beside yourself with wonder because even using some of what was you, even in that instance, it is the new and improved you. 

I cannot lie – I would love nothing more than to no longer live where I am right now, but, the fact of the matter is that, the old me – she is who used to live in that big fat house on the golf course in the desert, and she is who would be hurt by the words that she is reading right now, and that me would pretend that anything else offered in the way of a new place to live would be just fine, even though that me, on the inside, would be dying a death of the ego on many levels.

This me, however, has been actively looking for that new place where new memories, with all of the right people, are going to be made, and this me, while she can be markedly impatient for good things to happen, knows, just because she is this me, that the perfect house where all of these great things will happen is just waiting to tell me that it is the right one for us. This me might be a little on the strange side (a little?), but this me loves me, and this me takes no shit from anyone when in regards to this me and what this me knows is right for me. 

In the end, our losses are meant to teach us to become the best versions of ourselves. Our pain is not meant to live on forever, and is there to make us aware that we are in need of some “me maintenance.” Our past hurts are meant to remind us that we have been through what we needed to go through in order to get to the person who we are becoming, and the people who we are each becoming are meant to go through this crap called loss, pain, hurt, all so that we can recognize what they are and more, recognize the things that are NOT meant to hurt us. 

Me and This Me need to get things moving right along for the day… please make sure that you know what is worth having a vice-grip on, and more, what you will allow to have a vice-grip on you.

I Love You All !

ROX

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…ain’t nothin’ but a you thing, baby…

It seems as though, of late, with all of the current planetary alignments that we have happening for us all at the moment, that there still are way too many people thinking in a manner that is pointing fingers and not seeing what they are pointing as also being their own…

I am about to rant about something, and will do so without the raving part. Know now that I am not pointing fingers and that really, this is somewhat of an observation for me that I am seeing a whole lot of people pointing out the proverbial splinter in other peoples’ eyes without also seeing on their own why it is that they are pointing out anything at all about anyone else.

I would like to ask all those who believe that they have very little work to be doing on themselves why it is that you people seem to believe that what you are is the model and the standard for the rest of the world. When the hell was it that you were told that you are above all others, and when the hell was it that you chose on your own that whatever it is that you assume about other people and their motives were somehow their truth when in reality all you are doing is trying to point out things so that you do not look like a moron to other people.

All of us don’t like losing, and we hate not being right, but I have news for you all, folks, and that news is that sometimes, you are gonna just have to deal with the FACT that other people are going to live by THEIR standards and rules and not yours, no matter what. It doesn’t matter if you live with the person who you are judging, and it doesn’t matter that you, yourself, would not go about whatever it is that anyone else is going about doing that you would not do the way that they are doing. That shit doesn’t matter. What does matter, though, is that you need to really think before you open your pie hole and start waggin’ that tongue of yours because really, you have not realized yet the truth, and the truth is that you are not the standard for anyone, at all, and you might not believe this, but you, at this moment, are not even the standard for yourself.

How sad.

Just because you …YOU think you know what someone else is going to do, it does not mean that they are going to do whatever it is that you want to believe they will…

…and the reason that you believe or even think or have the assumption that they are going to do whatever it is that you are assuming they will do is because you cannot see past your own self. I said it. Deal with it. You are so buried in the idea that to be wrong about anything is somehow akin to being the lowliest creature on the planet that you and others like you have set out into the world to seek these others out, simply and only for the purpose of your being able to believe that you are superior to anyone at all. You are not.

You are not better than anyone else, so you might want to check yourself prior to further wrecking yourself and think before you assume anything at all. Yours are the rules and the standards and the things that apply to you and you alone, and you have no right enforcing those things onto anyone else at all. Only a moron would think that they could bully someone else into what is not another person’s truth, but when you are involved, somehow, you seem to think that what you say is the gospel of Christ and well, dolls, not everyone follows that – or your – lead. You might not realize this much, but the things that you are doing that you keep telling all these other people is “for their own good,” are the things which are making people think and even know that you are a bully.

No one likes a bully, not even the bully.

When you do not get your way, and when someone else presents something to you that makes you eat the words you thought might curse your target, you get hostile, and you start pulling things out of your ass that make no sense at all, and the only thing at that point that anyone even gets is that the point you were trying to make is not being made, and the only thing that is real to anyone at all at that point is the fact that you are looking really, really foolish the moment that you have chosen to assume that you know what is best for anyone else, that you know what they are thinking and that most of all, you know that no matter what, you are the boss of them.

Let’s get something absolutely crystal clear, okay?

No one on this planet is the “boss of” anyone else, and if anyone reading this is going to take the guarded position of being the adult sized bully in the sandbox that is life, let me make you aware, now, that people like you are no match for people like me and the rest of the weirdos. You want to think that what and who you are is the model for acceptability, when in reality is only the model of what you, yourself, will accept from other people about you. That is really sad. The idea that what other people think of you is somehow your guiding force, is something that everyone needs to be excited about, when for real, it ain’t nothin’ but a you thing, baby.

Snoop …Dre’…and that G-Thang

Nope…I am so not switching teams here haha, but I have to defer to a song entitled “Ain’t nothin’ but a ‘G’ thang,” which was composed and performed by Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre, many years ago when my oldest was but a teeny tiny wee little thing. The reason for this song? Well, that is simple, and it is because the song itself  is all about being true to who you are, not caring about what other people think, and damned sure not straying from those truths . It doesn’t mean that I agree with what they have to say. It means that they are not willing to be anything that they know they are not able to, and more than that, you can go and do what you do according to who you are and not to what anyone else tells you that you are.

While we might not agree with the lyrics, or with what these two people portray as their own lifestyle, and while it is that some of us, myself included, might well become sick to our stomach based on the lyrics of a whole lot of the songs these two have written and produced, it does not take away from the thing at hand, and the thing at hand is that they are not willing to change for others, so others should just deal with it, but more, they do not expect others to change for them, as it should be.

This is lost on some of us, the idea that we need to live and let others live and be who they are and not think that we have all the answers all of the time, because our answers do NOT apply to anyone else, because everyone else’s rules do not apply to us, much as ours do not apply to anyone else. What no one teaches us through their example is that we have the option to not be a bullying asshole. Lots of times people want to believe that they have what is the right answer without thinking that the right answer is applicable to the person who comes up with it (duh).

And yes, I will go there, again, with the whole abuser thing, because they are phenomenal at making it seem as though they are the smartest person on the planet, and they are phenomenal at pretending that they are better than everyone else, and sometimes we get lucky and get to watch the show called “The downfall brought through Truth” and we get to see what happens to them that they said would happen to us.

We need, as a species, to learn to accept that we are not going to be right all of the time. As a species, we need to use our ability to reason rather than to always and only go with what is based solely on our gut reaction, even though our gut reaction is what is always right, so long as it is coupled with a lot of reasoning. That is the problem here, really, that not a lot of people realize that ALL of humanity has this awesome ability to reason and to think, and ALL of humanity has the choice to do so, but only SOME of humanity is taking advantage of these things and making their lives all which they are meant to be, which is nothing short of completely bad ass.

But, no one can be bad ass and will always and only be short of being so if no one is also willing to see things from someone else’s perspective. Even though we cannot truly see things through the eyes or the experiences of others, we can try. We can try to use our own method of empathy, and we can try hard not to be douche-baggish about things when what other people tell us is not in agreement with our own stuff, and from that, we will not have to try to cull from the ashes called “ourselves” the wreckage that is other people when we think that we know what they need.

…and guess what else?

We can’t know what anyone else needs if we are not aware of what we need.

We cannot fix someone else’s problems anyway, but we also cannot help anyone become aware that they have the same fixing thing going on that we have (yes, I said it…if you can see it, you ARE IT)  and really, the only way that we CAN help them is if we are bothering, too, to see what is there and in us that lives in them and that we can acknowledge.

This is lost on some folks. Some folks like to take other folks’ accomplishments and make them into somewhat of a joke, and they do this because they are threatened by another’s brilliance. Some folks like to think that they have the only way of getting somewhere in life, and that the only way to measure that progress is tangibly, and this is not the truth. What some folks do not get and will never understand is that the world is not ruled or measured by their personal measuring stick, and that they alone do not hold the or even are the very example of what anyone else needs to be or to emulate. Some folks want to think that no matter what, whatever it is that fits for them automatically is the absolutely perfect fit for others as well, and this is not the truth, either.

Some folks just need to worry about their damned selves, not be so inclined to compare or compete, not be so inclined to belittle what they do not understand, not be so jumpy toward the idea that what other people like to do somehow is not good enough by some folks’ standards, because the truth is that some folks really just do not get it in terms of other people. Other people are on this planet with us, and other people are going to be different than everyone else because guess what? OTHER PEOPLE ARE FREAKIN DIFFERENT AND YOURS IS NOT THE ONLY WAY TO GET ANYWHERE, NO MATTER WHAT.

You might have the answers for yourself, and you might even have an answer or four for someone else, as well, but there is no way that you have all of the answers. You cannot see past your own self, and lots of people cannot, and they prefer it this way to any other way, because the easiest way to not see what is in need of fixing that is within you is to not bother with knowing that other people are not meant to be told who they are, what they are or anything else about themselves because of you. You are not the reason that anyone is able to do anything. You are not the reason that anyone thinks in a manner that is anything other than about you, and really, you probably don’t want to know what it is that they are thinking about you because what they are thinking about you might not be the thing that you thought they were thinking.

You cannot be everything to all people, not when you are not even everything to your damned self. Besides, all your issues are not a “them” thing…it’s a you thing.

Again…I said it, so deal with it…

I LOVE YOU ALL !

ROX 

 

eec23-becourageousrjbmeme

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One day, every November

To be alive and well and able to see the sun be right where it’s supposed to be everyday…now THAT is what this Life is all about, guys…

Every year, for many years now, there is one day in the month of November that families get together to be with one another. I cannot refer to the name of the holiday, and it is for personal reasons that I don’t. Yet, even as I will not refer to it as being the day that it is called, what I will say is that every year, year after year, there are things and energies which I reflect upon because the truth is that I am, indeed, grateful, everyday of my life, to see that the sun still hangs in the blue Southern California sky, that my kids, even though things are not as great as I wish they could be at this time, are healthy and happy, that my dog is still in need of a bath.

People make such a big deal about things that happen the day after that particular Thursday every November that it is hardly a question in my mind that people are getting more and more cynical about everything. Well, sure, when you think about the way that big business has forgotten what it means to be with people who you love the most and for the reason that you are there, it is without wonder why it is that most folks cannot see anything but what is so blatantly there, all the time, from all sides – that it is not that Thursday that anyone wants us thinking about but instead is that following day. I have a few things to say right now, and all of it points to Gratitude.

Albeit, with attitude…here we go !

I am grateful to those who have hurt me, pissed me off, made me feel like a fool. I am grateful to those who have taken the time, again and again, to forget that I am a human being and that I have feelings like everyone else and that those feelings get hurt, often. I am grateful to those who have talked behind my back, threatened me, told me I was no good, that I am evil, that I am selfish and arrogant. I am grateful to those who did not bother to know me before they judged me harshly, and grateful to those who did not have the time of day for me.

Yes, I am grateful.

I am grateful because without all of these kinds of people visiting my life at the time in my life that they came to me, I would not know how to be humble, would not realize that other people don’t like being bullied, don’t like being told what to do or told who they are. I love that I have had these people teach me without my asking about how it is that humans deal with one another in a manner that is master and servant, that is “one is better than the other,” that is cold, cruel, heartless and selfish. I am grateful that I knew you, that maybe I still know you, because without you, I would not know who I really, truly Am.

I am grateful to you all because in those little tiny moments in my own life, the times when I needed someone to be there for me and to listen to me and to hear what it was that was breaking my heart, there you all were, somehow, to make sure that I knew that I would never be good enough to be with you and yours.  I thank you. I thank you because it was this energy, the one that told me that you did not want me around that saved me the heartaches that most assuredly, I would have suffered.

I am grateful to all those people who hurt me, who thought less of me without thinking that maybe there might be a human person inside of the ears you chose to speak your fabricated truth into, the truth that told you all the time that no matter what, I am not acceptable. No one ever told you that maybe it was not that you did not want me around and that I finally got the hint, but rather and only that, one day, I just no longer cared.

I am grateful to those of you who took the time to point out my flaws, to make me remember that I am not perfect, that somehow, in many ways, there are things that need improvement. Without you there to remind me that I am not perfect, I might not have been compelled to at least strive toward excellence. Without you there primping and preening and making a big giant show of your own perception of our own awesomeness, I would not know how ugly it is for a woman to need to be told she is pretty, that people like looking at her. I would not know what is the truth of the beauty within or that the beauty within is what creates the beauty on the outside. I thank you.

I am grateful to you if you chose to tell wild stories about me, and grateful if you felt at one time or another to lie about me, to make up tall tales about me, and I am grateful if you felt better because of it. I knew I would be of some good purpose for you, and if that was what you needed from me or anyone at all, I am grateful that it was me because just like I would not have had the experience that you gave me, you would not know that no matter how ugly your words were and how ridiculous your stories were, I was still there for you and still, I loved you.

I am grateful to those who have bullied me, from the time that I was a little girl, the all of you who did so, because without you I would never have realized the reality that is the fight, not with others, but with myself and how important it is to always know who I am for real and to not trust what it is that others think I need to be in order to please them. I was not, and no one ever is, born into this life to make others happy. We are brought to this lifetime in order that we might be of good service to others, and if the service that I provided you with was so that you could, for one moment, feel validated by your perception of someone who might not have thought of themselves in the manner that you think of yourself, fine. I am thankful that you showed up, that one or two of you are still here, because as time has passed and memory has slowed and you are not the bad asses you once may have been, I am still standing, and I am stronger than I have ever been in my entire life. This is a priceless gift that, without you all, I would not have ever received.  Thank You !

I am grateful to the one person whose mission, it seemed, for many years, was to make sure to it that I knew no other person would ever love me, that no one would want to bother with someone who was so emotionally dented and dinged, was to make sure that I felt like a whore, like the lowest step on the ladder, like the doormat that many women end up feeling like. I want to thank that person for making me KNOW, quite on my own, that I am not a one in a million girl, but instead, have become the famed and fabled, always sought out but rarely found, once in a lifetime woman. I thank you, because without you, I would not have been able to figure out that it was my place in your life to walk you down the Path of forever, and so that you might, one day, very soon here even, be meeting the Reaper who awaits your walk with him. I THANK YOU.

I am grateful, most of all, to those of you who have stood by me, who remained a brightness in my life when it seemed that the light had dimmed. I am grateful to those who have loved me for years, and grateful to those whose lives I have only recently become a part of, and who, by their own words, have called me a big part of your lives. I am grateful to have known you all, for many years, and even for only a few days, because just like the sun fades into the twilight, so that the moon can show us herself, so, too, has there been the never-ending thought in my head that if it were not for all of the Overlords of Doucheland throughout the course of my life who were there to remind me of why they felt they needed to hurt me, I would never, ever know what it is to be truly with Love in  my life, and neither, what it means to be loved by a family. This is who you are to me, and you all know exactly who you are. You are a gift and a pleasure to me, and I Love You all so very, very much. I Love You. Thank you for being part of my family, and allowing me to be so big a part of yours!

We bring new meaning to the term “Motley Crew” and yes, I know…”The Crue”…hahaha…. I love you all, so very, very much, from the sunny side of the street called Southern California, to the other side of the country where my Southern Ladies rule, to the ‘aina in the middle of the sea, and to those places in the universe where I have only dreamed about…to you all, I wish the very best of all to you, and yours, and may your Love be known to all as much as it has been made known, very dearly even, to me.

Yes, indeed, without your presence in my life, I would not ever know what it is to be Loved, without condition, and truly.

I thank you all the very most.

May this be the very blackest of Mondays we all have ever known!

MAHALO NUI LOA~ I LOVE YOU ALL!

ROX

 

 


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