Monthly Archives: October 2014

Halloween is not about Satan (I said it, so deal with it)

Nope…this is not a posting about why weirdos like me need to defend the things that spark the faith within us.  It is so that those who deem themselves “fine, right and upstanding” get it through their heads that while it might not be your holiday, it doesn’t mean that it is no one else’s day to celebrate.

Every year I am offended by the same thing, the same energy that permeates the air that is “us versus them,” and I promise you that the “them” I am talking about are the very ones who want you to believe that Halloween is somehow the day to celebrate Satanic rituals and such, and when those energies begin to swirl in the atmosphere, they are felt.

I am telling you all NOW that no, Halloween is NOT a Satanic holiday, and pox to those who would tell you this. Yeesh! How offensive!

For too long already it has been this “Us versus Them” crap, and yes, I grew up with it, but even as a kid I didn’t buy into it. Because my mother simply and likely did not want to buy candy to give out, she chalked it up to it being “the devil’s holiday” and until I protested, and eventually turned 13, I was forced to the hell of being in church on the one night a year that is truly like Christmas for weirdos and (yup) Heebie-Jeebie people like me.

I have a bitch to pitch

I would love to tell you all that “I don’t wanna go off on a rant here” (thank you Dennis Miller), but I’m going to. I am going to address that part of the human race who places themselves above the rest of the world, the very ones who want to tell all of us that we are all going to burn in hell if we don’t stop allowing our kids to dress up like who they are not, carry around a pillow case, knock on doors demanding candy, and continue to do so until their little legs and feet feel as though they will soon fall off.


I don’t know what idiot told any one of you that because it is not something that you or they or anyone else at all who think is okay, that because it is not in some religious text, that somehow, having some fun at this time of year is somehow not okay. Let me tell you what you thumping nut jobs have done to the rest of the world because of your own blindness, your own disrespect for things that are not like you and that some other human told you was the truth, because really, it ain’t the truth, and really, you are doing things that you should not, with the biggest thing being JUDGING OTHERS.

I have, on more than only one occasion, had to step into a heated argument between people like me and people like you, only to have the people like you actually and physically assault me, or try very hard to, and I want to know something if I may, please – when the hell was it again that you were the final judge and jury on what is, and what is not, evil?

How can an ENTIRE SET OF PEOPLE think that what it was that you, yourselves did, when you were children, and because one dude with his own set of minions, decided to tell you that you have to come to that organization’s “celebration” and that if you don’t, it means that you are either for them, or you are against them, and if you are against them, that means that you are not accepted by them, because really, that is what this is all about?

How is it SO easy for the majority of you to tell the rest of the world not to judge, even producing a few “holy texts” to back your play up, to tell children that this holiday is evil? Why are you not also telling these same children that Christmas and Christmas trees are Pagan….PAGAN IN NATURE? WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR PEOPLE TO TELL THE TRUTH?

Is it because for so many generations, you have held on to the belief, NOT that what others believe is wrong, but that since you are all you, and no, this is NOT for all of you….I know quite a few of “you” who are actually good examples of what faith it is that you follow…but is it because that since you have been told by a dude wearing a suit and smirk that you are above the rest of the earthly population, that somehow this excuses you from displaying that energy called RESPECT?

So…I am at the store this morning and a funny thing happened

Earlier today I was at the store – it might be Halloween, but Kimo the killer ninja puff needed a couple of things and well, he is not doing so swell these days…anyway…I am at the store earlier today, and I am in line paying for my stuff, and I hear this…woman…berating another woman about wearing a costume style witch hat. Naturally, and because it was my kid who purchased that same hat for me, I was more than just a little bugged by it.

I so wanted to mind my own business, but this…fine and upstanding woman carrying a leather-bound black book under her arm was SO sure of herself, that when I began to tell HER like it is, not only did she NOT do like she had expected this other young lady to do, she got freakin’ HOSTILE with me, and really, that is all it takes for me to start climbing into someone else’s brain and talk the talk of the Sages, which I did. It was not long after that did this insane woman with her book get in my face.

No. Seriously. She was PISSED! And she was not pissed ONLY because what I was saying made loads of sense, but for no other reason than that I got in her way. I would not allow her to attack this college aged girl, and I would not stand there and listen to her telling this young lady that said young lady would burn in hell if she did not turn tail and not only get her money back, but more than that, if said young lass did not agree with this nut job of a woman with a black book and all of the insanity that she was telling this kid, and a kid who was not even as old as my oldest – he is only twenty. I can only imagine what this young lady was thinking when this not young woman with her ominous black book approached her, attacked her, telling her that she would burn in hell if the big mouthed black book owning thumper did not get her way.

It was not that I said she was wrong in her beliefs, because that is just not cool to do to anyone. It was that someone defended a person, and if my own memory serves me correctly, people who carry that black book are expected to not judge, are expected, as it is said so in the New Testament, to be Christlike and turn the other cheek. This broad was doing anything BUT the things contained in that book. When she started telling me that I would also burn in hell for defying her, I let her know who and what I am, and I also told her that I was raised “in the church,” and that my mother, the one to whom I have always referred to as being “God’s Secretary” (gotta give props where I feel they are due) does not do what she was doing, and that it is very easy to manipulate people through fear, but not so much through love. I reminded her that the Christ which she claims was telling her she should get in peoples’ faces is not the actual Christ Who Is All Love and All Acceptance…

I let it be known that, under no uncertain terms, would her version of Christ not allow her in to HIS kingdom, but the actual Christ, the benevolent Son of Man, would never have approached her in the manner that she has approached probably MANY more people, right there, in front of that store, for a long time, would never have shamed her the way that she shamed this very bright young college girl, and that the actual Christ would have imparted Love and Wisdom onto that college student and would not have turned into a tyrannical lunatic wannabe mom to this girl like the lady with the black book and the menacing look in her eyes had.

And the thing that happens is always what happens – the maniac decided that it was me who needed the lesson. I left her standing there in her own foolishness and shame, because it was a shameful display of idiocy, for no other reason than to have control over someone else. I suppose that is how things roll when you have absolutely no control over your own self.

It happens every year at this time of year

…yeah yeah, I know…I probably should have just let the situation be, and I probably should have encouraged the young college girl to stand up for herself, but I could not help it, because at that point, the only thing that I saw was my own daughter, two years from now, when she, herself, is in college, and I could not help but respond. In fact, it would not have mattered had it been an elderly Medicine Woman, or a seasoned middle-aged Mojo Lady – enough is absolutely enough. I would have stood in defiance as well as defended these people, just because the thumping crazy person would have done as she did, as I assume she always does.

And since it is that I know, just from experience, exactly how hard it is to change the minds of firm believers in anything, I will stop addressing the tyrants, and tell the rest of the thinking and breathing world of humans that you are allowed to stand up for what you believe in. You yourselves might think that today each year, a day known in the western world as “Halloween” is not an evil holiday. It is an ancient holiday which is filled with many traditions. It is not for any other reason, whether anyone wants to believe me or not, that people will call us, along with this date every year, satanic, than that there are still a lot of people who are following what they follow in the hopes that outwardly stating they believe what they do is enough to get them through the gates of Heaven and not a head of the line pass to an eternal vacation on the river Hades.

I am going to tell the rest of us that if you want to dress up like something you are not, and if you want to celebrate the transition of seasons in the manner that you have always (dressing up in costumes that you ought to know better than to wear…lol…I get it…haha…you only get to dress up one time a year in all of that debauchery…I hear ya!!), and you want to do like the ancients did and thank Spirit for the passage of time, for the entrance of shortened days and nights filled with fancy near a fire outdoors, you go right ahead and do it. DO NOT let some pompous bunch of people who want more butts in the seats every weekend deter you from being a human who wants to have a human experience, and do not allow people to deter you from wanting to understand the origins of this day, a day called Halloween.

Do not allow people to tell you that you are going to go to hell if you wear that sexy costume store get up. Do not allow people to get away with telling any one of you that if you allow your children to go trick-or-treating, that said children will also be spending the rest of eternity lake side in Hades, where there is no sunshine but dammit it’s hot!

Understand now, too, please, that not ALL people who love that black book are like that lady was – AT ALL! There are actually those within MANY belief systems who KNOW FOR REAL that they are not allowed to do things like mighty Big Mouth Woman was doing, just as much as we weirdos and eccentrics know this. I know quite a whole lot of “them” who are very intrigued by what it is that I practice, and as long as they all know, very well, in fact, that no way am I judging them for what they follow, I KNOW that they will not judge me, ever. And I can say this because I have known these people for the majority of my lifetime, and all of them say the same thing to me about me, and more, about what it is that I believe – “Girl…you so crazy!”

I would NEVER call them “thumpers,” because that is not what or who they are. I would NEVER tell them that all the holidays they celebrate have Pagan origins, because it is not now nor shall it ever BE my place to tell them that what they believe is better, more believable, more acceptable than what it is that I believe, and really, what any one of us believes is no one else’s business but our own. My lifelong friends who do not believe the things that I do would never tell me without telling me straight up that I am not acceptable in their eyes, neither in the eyes of the One To Whom They pray. Those who I have shared many years enjoying a family-like energy with have never told me that I am wrong, only that I am very eccentric, and this is not a lie, because I am one who tends to do as Lou Reed says – I tend to not only take walks on the wild side, but I actually live there most of the time.

Today is an important day for a LOT of people.

Yes…including me. Stop taking away the joy that people have just because they are not like you…

There are too many people like you on this planet anyway.

…and for that matter, I don’t see your judge’s gavel….

Yup…I said it, deal with it…

I Love You All !


Happy Halloween Meme 2014

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A Grand Metamorphosis

It’s nice to think, sometimes even to believe, that things as they are will remain as they are.  Yet, things have to change and grow. At the moment, we are all experiencing quite a Grand Metamorphosis.

While I will not, because I cannot, tell all of the entire world what is transpiring at my house and in my life right now, I will say that what is happening is somehow needed, and what is happening somehow needs me, as a healer, to sit here and literally watch things unfold as they are doing so right now.  I am little freaked out about a whole lot of things, but about this one thing I am not.

Okay….I am a little tiny bit freaked out, but it is nothing that sticks around for very long at all, not when I start to look at the bigger picture and see in that proverbial snapshot everything else that has evolved over the last few years and realize that, even though this is probably meant to suck, and meant for me to delve ever deeper into the world of my own healing techniques, and though it is literally work for me, I have that very real, very deep, “little kid waiting for Santa to show up” feeling.

I know that I am not the only one with this feeling, not the only one wearing this energy right now. It is like I have been trying on my mommy’s high heels for so long now that this time, when I put them on, they fit, and really, it is the most surreal thing ever, because for a long time, many people have been asking for, praying for, intending things like this one big giant thing to happen. It is here. We think we are not prepared for it, but that is the furthest thing from the truth.

The Actual Truth

The actual truth is that we are collectively reeling from the pain caused by all we have gone through in our singularly lived yet collectively felt past. That pain is all that we know and is one of the very most familiar things for each of us, even as it is temporary – we know the pain, and that is why we have hung on to it – it is familiar, like an old pair of very worn shoes.

What we are feeling right now and in largess is the pain that we seem unable to release from our lives and the reason it seems so big is because it is the one thing in all of the things that do not suck, that sucks.  The real and personal reasons that it seems we cannot release it is anyone’s guess, but most of the time it is because we are emotionally attached to it in some way, and in that manner, what we are doing is allowing our energies to be drained from us, by people who do not deserve who we are in this time when we have evolved to this point in who we truly are.

They do not deserve to be in our lives because the simplest truth of all is that we have evolved past the neediness, past the nature that is defensive within us and that tells us that we somehow need to defend what is this other person’s truth about us that is not our own truth. Our emotional attachment to the pain may well be that we are hanging on to the other part of the pain, which is not pain, because in that which is not pain we find solace and we find that little tiny piece of happiness that we feel like we need for the parts of our lives and selves that need that explanation, that need to be able to understand why it was that we were put through that pain, and our … I don’t know … inner child somehow wants that salve that is the good memory mixed with the ugly one. It seems crazy, but it is true.

When we are kids we want so badly for people to accept us, and we carry this energy with us all of our lives. It shapes who we are still, if we allow it, and of course it shaped who we were and what our experiences were with people who, for the life of themselves, just could not stop bullying us as kids, for no other reason than that they could. As we grew into who we are in this part of our lives, that hurt remained. We tried pushing it into the deepest recesses of our memories and left them there, like a bunch of old toys in the attic (gotta love Aerosmith). We did not forget about them, though, because in those toys were some favorite things, and it is those favorite things that we want to believe balances out the ugly things, and the shameful things, and the painful things, and the things that really are not ours.

This bothers us.

Actually, this bothers our egotistical self, the self that is that child who is hurt, rather than annoyed only.  This bothers us because we know the truth that is ours, and we, through our human ability to get ass hurt about anything  at all, filter these things that we are told, the things that make us hurt and want to not be who we worked toward being, through the filter that is the wounded child inside. And really, it is just time to let the adult out and let the adult have their say so.

Lots of us won’t do this. Most folks will let things fester and allow who we are not be who speaks for us. The time, however, is now that we ought to be far more inclined to no longer allow those hurts from the past still remain where they are within us. When we hang onto those things, even as they are very difficult to release, we allow those things to live on, inside of us, making it so that whoever it was who’d said or done anything horrid to us still have a piece of us, and that really is not cool.

They don’t deserve a piece of us, because for a long time in each of our lives they held onto that piece, never letting it go, dangling it in front of us every time they saw us, every time they thought about us and with each time, at least for some of us, we felt it. When we felt it, we grew more tired from carrying that weight. Eventually, some of us realized that it was time to save ourselves and to stop trying to make people who are not our kind of people love us for who we are. It was when this happened and some of us accepted it and embraced it that we also knew that we were not, at that point, and are not and will not ever be the person who they wounded, ever again.

You are not that person anymore…

Let’s get real here, okay? You are not the same person who you were when your pain was initially experienced by you. Why are you hanging onto that person’s pain? Yes…I know…it is not easy to let it go, because it hurt so badly, and what you are dealing with in that hurt is no one’s business BUT yours, and I totally get it on that level. What I don’t get is why it is that you have yet to make the decision to turn that pain into usable stuff…medicine…to help heal your pain?

I know, I know…not everyone is me, and not everyone can, when they know they are hurting so badly, turn what they hurt or ail from into their own signature meds for evolving. When we think further about it, we can see a few things that help make sense of what I am saying for those who are shaking their heads and thinking that I am way more off of my rocker than even I know I am haha.

The Pharmaceutical companies turn illness into medicine, and for centuries Native Americans and Hawai’ian people have done this – we have faced our demons of pain, looked them in the eyes and told them that they are no longer of any good purpose, that we have learned all that we can from them, and that our choice to still deal with them is NOT for them to hang out more, but for them to know that really, we are done in terms of fearing them.

You were not that person any longer on the very day that you chose to survive.

You were not that person the moment that you accepted that what was going on in your life was no longer going to control your life and with a slow and untiring vengeance, you went straight to town on those monsters in the closet. You probably know that from time to time, those monsters will poke their heads out, but the more you look at them, the more they look like any other cartoon monster – pretend and not really that dangerous at all.  So ensued your quest to no longer be hurt by them, your intention to not allow the past to control your present and ultimately, your future.

And really, it had to be done, and if it is not done yet, and whether you like it or not, it will be done, because that is how this all rolls, guys – that which is not purposeful in our lives and which have done what it was all meant to do is done, and now all that is left is the memory. It is in the memory that we live from time to time, and in that memory there are times and bits of history that were significant for us and taught us. Usually those were times that we were hurt in unimaginable ways, by people who meant a lot to us, and that is when our evolution began. That is when our place as light workers started, and it hurt so very badly to have to look at, to know was in our presence, and all any one of us wanted really to do is and was to no longer have to deal with it.

Deal with it, however, is exactly what lots and lots of us have done, and are still doing, because lots and lots of us KNOW, for real and for sure that dealing with the monsters has served us well, that facing our fears makes it so that, with practice, we will no longer fear what is in the darkness of the soul.

And really, right now is the best time to do this voluntarily, because, again, right now things are changing at a lightning pace, including human beings and our ways of being. What is unacceptable will no longer be, and what we cannot tolerate will also no longer be. Things and people are leaving our lives because new people have shown up and those new people are the ones for whom that void left by the past has been carved out for.  In the lives of those same new people are happenings that they are not really wrapping their heads around, because what they are seeing in front of them is very surreal.

The surreal nature of all of these things is this way because for many, many years, there was something there that we did not want to look at. Now that it is not there anymore, we can only see the void, but really, it is not a void – it is rather and only space vacated by those things that hurt us and that has been made there within us and within our lives for the new stuff. The surreal part is that we cannot believe that finally, it is done, and the only thing left is the memory, and it is in that memory of whatever it is that haunted you where the medicine is at. From that pain came your wholeness in that area of life, and to reward you for those efforts through that pain, not only have you been healed from it, but just like it happened when we were kids, and the doctor gave us a lollipop after he gave us a shot – there are new people with whom to make new memories.

Done…and…done ! 

Evidence that this is all truth

There is evidence EVERYWHERE, and it is undeniable that we are right where we need to be, right this minute, because whatever is happening is supposed to happen. The pendulum of life has begun to swing, albeit slowly, in the opposite direction.

So, in my opinion, what this means is that, for all of us who have, for the bulk of our lives, suffered greatly through the things that we learned from others, through the suffering and the ugliness that were brought to us by them, the other side of that has begun.

Where there was the ache of loneliness, in place of that is a new relationship where loneliness does not exist, even in when not physically in one another’s awareness.

Where there was once the rage brought by the struggle of not having enough is this new energy, and one that is making us crazy with impatience in terms of being able to have the means by which to pay for our lives.

Where once there was only the memory of the pain, there is now the scar left by the wounding, and the strength brought by the healing that we each and all have struggled to have in our lives.

Think about it…and everything that brought you right here, up to this point, and about how much it all sucked, badly.

Welcome to the flip-side, good humans…

I Love You All !




If you live in the San Gabriel Valley Area of Los Angeles County and are bored on Thursday nights…go see my friends, The Pharmaceuticals play Friar Tuck’s in Pomona! Click on the links to learn more about The Pharmaceuticals, or, how to get to Friar’s !!  



“As Above, So Below” The Hermetic Principle of Correspondence

The Hermetic Principle of Correspondence is the thing that we all know better as “As Above, So Below,” and has everything to do with not only what we are thinking, but also how we think

I make no apologies, neither any excuses for the part of my Self that worries, a LOT. I know I do this, a lot, and I know that it drives people crazy, and while I want to believe that it is something that is just a part of who I am, I also know that it can be changed. While I will never not be a worrier, I know that I can put things into a new perspective and see them from another angle.

Even though this all looks really good in writing and even as I know that this is the very truth of me, it doesn’t help my cause at all in terms of becoming mentally blocked, which always causes me to become emotionally blocked. When I am emotionally blocked, and struggling for anything at all that will make sense to me, I become the epitome of Ridiculousness.

And really, it is not pretty, at all, and nope, I sure the hell do not like it when I become that person. I lose all sense of purpose, all sense of what is the real reality I have created for myself, and most of all, I find out that in terms of my own level of impatience, that I am very dearly still very impatient when it comes to things like waiting for what I need to happen for me.  At the moment, there is one thing that I know I have needed for many years, and in that thought I also know that what I need truly depends on what I think about what it is that I need. What I need is peace about a thing, and gradually, I have found out, through learning from this one thing, that I am not really THAT impatient about everything, just about things that I know that I need to happen.

Imagine my surprise when…

…when this last thing that happened, happened. I am not at liberty to let myself tell anyone about it outside of the idea that, as a healer, it is my greatest challenge. It is my greatest challenge in that, there are facets of the personality of the person who is in need of any sort of healing, and there are facets of my own ego self NOT wanting to see things from a different point of view,  and there are just things involved with this one situation that, for the life of me, while I cannot see things as I used to, I still see what is there. What is there is not what I saw before. What I saw before caused me to think in a manner that was not …correct, in the manner that is Spiritual.

When we are not seeing with or through our Spirit’s eyes is when we have the best chance at seeing the Hermetic Principle of Correspondence at work.

STOP! Haha…before any other light workers get the thought in their heads, once again, that I am off of my rocker (duh- BEEN off of my rocker…where y’all been all this time? Yeesh! haha) in stating things this way, bear with me, because the only way to show people (unenlightened ones, that is) how this is affecting them is to show them through the patterns of unbelief. The patterns of unbelief are the patterns that we, ourselves, create.  This affects our thoughts, and our thoughts affect how we see things in our lives.

Our thoughts are what dictate our lives

Whether you like it or not, whether you believe it or not, the truth is that our thoughts dictate EVERYTHING in our lives.  Reread that and let it sink in real good. Every single thought that we think, if we all thought about it real good, has been the cause of the effects that we ourselves brought into our own lives.

Think about this for a moment, and maybe it will help to make sense for you a little bit more. The phrase “As Above, So Below” simply means that whatever is your dominant thought, and whatever is the energy signature of that thought, is also what you will manifest into being. Period. For me, that one thought came with conditions, and those conditions were that I need to not be afraid, that I need to not have my mind set on only one outcome, and most of all, I HAD TO vacate the energy that was negative about this one thing, and turn it into a thought that was neutral. Once I did that, and of course, once it was that a whole lot of other things that I was thinking no longer were the predominant thought about this one thing, things just began to happen in a manner that really, I was no way prepared for at all, even as the thing at hand at this moment are dearly welcomed.

This is the fun part of changing one’s thoughts – that we come to realize that indeed, our thoughts are truly things, that once we can change those thoughts from “OH NO! I AM NOT GONNA GET WHAT I WANT” to “Well, I knew there would be work involved, and even though it is a lot of work, I’m down for it all” – this is also when we will be able to also see this particular piece of Hermetic Philosophy working for us, even though at times it may well seem as though it is working against us. It is not that it is working against us but that we are not used to the idea that in order for our thoughts to become the things that we desire to be in our lives, we first must vacate the things that no  longer serve us with purpose or meaning.

Our thoughts are the guiding energy of our lives. Whatever it is that is in our heads most of the time (Predominating thought) will be the things that we will ultimately see in our lives. And those things are not limited to the tangible. When someone thinks that the opposite gender is the evil in the world, because that person’s focus is negative, naturally, the only type of person who is coming into their lives to share anything with them at all is going to be the sort that they have allowed to be the predominant thought in their heads. When someone thinks about having a really great life and focuses on what it is in their own thoughts that is a great life, it will not happen overnight, but make no mistake – that great life they envision and focus on is on its way to them.

Work involved…and it is not fun work, mind you

All these things that you have just read are the truth. The harshest truth of it all, though, is that in order for us to change our thoughts so that we can deal with them and more, so that we can, on our own, create the life we envision, entails a LOT of self work. Self work is that work that we have to do with ourselves that tells us that in some manner, we are a bit “off” in terms of energy. I can’t sit here and tell you that it is easy. I know the opposite is the truth. Self work requires that we are willing to look at ourselves and take into our selves not only what we think is so great about us, but, more importantly, what we know is just NOT.

Self-work requires that we ably and willingly not argue anymore with our ego, not tell our Spirit and our truest self that it’s wrong. On the top of things we know that there are parts of us that are just not in line with all of who we are in totality.  We know this but still end up doing as Einstein stated in that we feel like if we keep on trying to fix old problems with the same old fixes we thought would work but never did, that those things will just (haha) end up fixed. It never works out like that. What happens is that we go through the same things we went through, the same emotions and the same frustrations, and all because we want to believe that eventually, our tug of war will be won by us.

Again, it never happens this way, ever.

…and no, you cannot make deals with Spirit about this 

We humans dislike pain of any kind. We dislike discomfort, and we dislike things that make us have to learn another way to do anything. The one thing that we cannot stand the very most is that we are not always going to have every answer that we need, and in knowing this we also know and cannot stand the idea that not one of us is perfect. We might believe this from time to time, but on the whole, we know that we are as imperfect as the people who we like to judge.

I said it, so deal with it.

This is where the idea that what we think about can be seen for real, can be seen for what it is, and can have the effects that we do NOT want in our lives.  Our opinions of others are our own thoughts, formed in the “above” part of our Selves. Our thoughts and opinions are what we go by when thinking in terms of things that we want, or, of course, so don’t want.  So, let’s go back in our heads to the last time that we were thinking thoughts that might not have been very nice about someone else, and let’s think, too, what the outcome of all of those things were.

It wasn’t great, was it? In fact, it was SO not that great because already, the formed thought and the opinion that we had of this person was already saddled with a whole lot of judgment, a whole lot of truths that may well be our truth, but is no where near what might be their truth.  You see, it is when our truth, which is only ours, and anyone else’s truth, which is only theirs, meet in the middle that we are more prone to thinking in a manner that is not the best. And more, when we are judging anyone at all,  we are also and actually placing judgment on ourselves.


For real – when we are inclined to judge someone else, harshly or not, what we are actually doing is also judging our very selves. This is called mirroring, and everyone in our lives, for whatever time they are in our lives, is a mirror to us. What this means is that whatever we “see” in others is also alive and well in us, be it through our own reflection in them that is in opposition to what we see, or, be it through the idea…no, the fact…that we only draw the same kind of people who we are to our lives. (Because like attracts like, duh)

So, if you are a douche bag, you will ultimately draw others like you to yourself. If you are a pantie-waist, again, you will draw those types to you. If you are a bully, a bad-ass, an angel, an idiot, a crazy person – doesn’t matter, you will ultimately draw whoever and whatever you are to you. This is not my rule, neither my law, but that of the Universe.

Not one of us likes to see the ugliness that resides within us, and when we see the same ugliness in others that maybe we might not believe is also within us, we are prompted at that moment, through our denial of that similar energy with those people in some manner, to look at ourselves rather than toward others. The only way that we can make any sense at all of who we are is to not deny every part of us. The Hermetic Principle of Correspondence teaches us that whatever it is that we choose to send out into the Universe, it always comes back to us. When we are more inclined to send out the energy that we are better than others, always we will be met with other people like us.

Whatever it is that is in others that is like us, we are prone to seeing it. We cannot deny that it is there, and the reason is because we know the energy.

So, if you know the energy that is of that of “douche bag” then perhaps you might want to start thinking in terms of yourself otherwise.

Ugh…I suppose that perhaps I should just say it, and then you can deal with it…

If you want your life to be grand, it starts with you and your behavior with others.

So, behave, dammit

I Love You All !



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By Rev. Roxanne K. Cottell

An angry, scary God…the things I learned in church

Who else grew up afraid of the God their parents worshiped?

The Mana'o Blog

I Know that I am not the only one who grew up scared to death of God…

There are things that we are taught as children that we are not, when we are children, allowed to question for fear of reprimand, and the reprimand in this case is that of eternal damnation.

My childhood is marred with the memory of those words, etched forever there in my mind where I can hear it still, but now that I hear it, it sounds ridiculously archaic…and not even medieval archaic…just really, really stupidly archaic and ridiculous. I lost a lot of sleep over the things that I was told on a daily basis, and all to keep me in check with their rules. I love them, but now that I am a lot older and now that I know things and have been around for almost 43 years, I also know that…

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“Hush little baby, don’t say a word, and never mind that noise you heard. It’s just the beast under your bed, in your closet, in your head…” (… Metallica’s “Enter, Sandman“)

To be what I am these days…a healer… is somewhat, at least in my life and in my mind, something that could be called somewhat of a miracle. The reason that I can say this is because it took me a very long time to get past all of the things that I grew up learning as a Preacher’s kid. There has always been a very real, very dearly permeating belief in our society that unless you follow one mainstream belief or another, you are either a fake, or you are soul-less, or, my favorite, you are an evil demonic entity and will end up going straight to hell when you pass from this lifetime and into the next.

This line of thinking comes from a place of fear. If I had to break it down some so that it could make a little more sense, I would have to state that the reason that so many people fear the idea that what I believe is wrong is mainly so that, in some cases, the ones who are saying that what I do is wrong does not have to be wrong – and hell yes, this is wrong thinking. Fear motivates us to do things, things that make us feel safer, but in doing so, what we are really doing is keeping ourselves motivated to keep up the madness of being afraid of something that we cannot call the outcome for. This could apply to anything at all. Some people laugh at what I call my irrational fear of spiders, but it is not really a spider, per se, that I fear, but is instead my not knowing what kind of spiders would be able to take me out of this lifetime with one little bite anywhere on my person.

So, let’s take the spider and turn the spider into something that is in my life right now that is scaring the crap out of me. There is something that I MUST do within the next few weeks, because if I don’t do it, the reality is that I am GOING TO have to face more of this …garbage… that I have been choosing to deal with all this time rather than doing the thing that should already have been done, and it dawned upon me yesterday that the reason that I have stalled all this time has to do with fear.

My experience with this particular fear is that it is real, it has been there for two and a half decades, and while it is that, on the top of things I have always known that there is one thing that I have to do in order that everything else which this one thing hinges on can happen. Imagine being in line somewhere to do something very cool, and you get to the front of the line, and there, right in your face is the biggest little spider you have ever seen. The web stretches from one wall to another, and the only way through the web and onto the other side of the line where the fun is is literally to step through the web.

Note that I wrote that the spider is little, meaning that once we get to the front of the line, we can elect to kill the spider and this would not only let us through to the other side where we have waited patiently to be for a long time, but it has the potential to allow others to do the same in following suit and squishing the spider, or, at the very little least, knocking him out of his web or tearing his web down so that you can at least buy time and get to the other side. As easy as this sounds, for people who are not that crazy about spiders, this would be the very most fear-inducing, terrifying thing to have to do.  In this same manner we humans do everything within our power to not have to change things about ourselves so that things that are outside of ourselves and things which we really have no control over can also and at least begin to show us other parts of it so that maybe, just maybe, if we cannot get over our fears, we can at least get through them enough to get to the other side of them, even if it is not all the way.

Our lessons in life are based on what I have been told and makes a whole lot of sense to me- our fears. Whatever it is that we do not want to face and which will help to get us further along on our Path has nothing to do with the physical and outside representation of what we symbolize our fear as. What we fear is not outside of us, but inside, and inside is where we also feel the most terror from those things. I had a terrific fear of not belonging, of not fitting in, and mostly, not only of not being accepted but more, NOT being rejected, by my family, and these ugly things happened over and over throughout the course of my lifetime. It took me a few of these last couple of days to face the fact that I am not going to “fit in” everywhere. In Hawai’ian families, it seems that this is unheard of, but the more that I have taken a step back and looked at it, I realize now that it has not one thing to do with what I have been told all of my life, because if what I have been told all of my life was the truth of all of us, I would not be sitting here telling you all that “family” is a universal term and applies to anyone at all. It is not just a Hawai’ian thing, because if this were truth I would not have felt so rejected and unloved by MANY people in my family, at least one side of it, and more, I would not have had to deal with the weight of their rejection.

I had to face the fear of not belonging, and when I started to do that, I found out that it was not they who were wrong in anything other than being horrible to me. I was who was being wrong in assuming that family is only blood and that no matter what, while it might be true that they love us, they don’t always like us.

Family, as I have proved to myself, is not always what they appear to be, and really, we, as humans, have the ability and even the right and privilege to create our own family from the group of people who we share the most in common with – our friends.  It took me some time to change my rigid thoughts about this, change how and what I took as being the only truth about family, and thought about all the things that being a family entails. When I looked at it that way, I figured out one thing, and that one thing is that no matter where any of us is on this planet, no matter what, Spirit ALWAYS gives us people to share with, to be with, to love and to live with, and lots of times, there is no blood between us, only love.

It is stated that only love can kill the demons, and this is the truth, because really, the other side of being lonely is being able to stand alone in our power. When we stand alone in our power, things are limitless, life is beautiful, and nothing but truth remains, and sometimes, when this happens, the thing that remains is what needs to no longer be present in our lives in the very manner that those things are present in our lives at this time.  If we can see the things that scare the hell out of us as a learning tool and not as the monster that we have been feeding with our fears all this time, and we take into consideration how long it is that we have been feeding this monster with our insecurities, we would be able to also take apart the monster and see why it is that it has been controlling one or more parts of who we are for far too many years already.

Thing is…what we don’t think or believe is really broken within us, we also do not bother to do anything about, and this is the thing that not a lot of us think about when we are stuck in an energy of fear that has weighted us down for possibly very very many years. We are so inclined to adjust ourselves to accommodate the fears rather than take a few minutes to think about things and take a few more minutes to think more about what would really happen if we were, instead of accommodating that fear, more willing to change what that fear means to us.

What my current fear means to me is that I have to learn to face something that is about me, but is not contained within me only, and I have to face the proverbial dragon, because in doing so, I release me from the many years of trying hard to accommodate it without also realizing until yesterday that it has been nestled in the accommodation of this fear that has allowed it to become what it is now.

What it is now is not more than merely an impediment, but, as impediments go, sometimes the changes of them are big and life changing (which this already has the energy of the life changing aspect of it even as I write this), and what may well be the fear within the fear is that we do not want to have to stretch to those life changes. One of those life changes is being able to stare down our own dragons, no matter how we have to do that, in order that our life’s mission can be seen to. In my own case, it is not the release, only, of certain people in my life, but more, their energies of wanting to control. And really, it is not really a release where I have to make them leave my life forever (okay, so one is, but who is counting?), but more a release of my energy of wanting them to be happy, a release of them by me, not physically, but energetically, so that they have the chance to go and learn and grow.

If they come back, fine, if not, then it is yet another thing that I must face and is meant to be this way. Period.

On the one hand, I feel a tremendous weight has been, through the releasing of certain energies which are given through certain people, lifted, even though I feel the void left there. The void is meant to be refilled by what fits better there, by what, energetically, is either exactly like my own energy, or, at the very little tiniest least, is complementary to it. Where it is that one “loss” is a release so those people can learn to grow more into their own selves, the mere thought of the other, while it will and has already started giving me the freedom which is entailed within it, is the one that scares the shit out of me the most, and for what? That’s easy… because I also fear fighting, and with this one thing I have to gear myself and my inner Warrior chick for the greatest, most emotionally heavy battle that I have ever “fought” in all of my almost 45 years traipsing the crust of the earth.

And I know that I at least have to keep this energy, the one that tells me the things that will happen if I DON’T do it. It is the things that are guaranteed to happen in my life -things that I will not like-  that scare me if I don’t do it. Sometimes, namely when it comes to my fears, there are things that I really would love to have my own “cake and eat it” moments, and this one thing is one of those things.

I would love nothing more than to be able to just sit back, ask for what I really would prefer to have happen, and then not worry about it, and I would ask it this way because of all of the things that I have already endured with this one thing that prompt me to realize that on an emotional level with this one thing, I am as exhausted as a person can get. I am tired of looking at it, mulling over it, trying to understand it, trying to just release it spiritually so that it can be released physically but doing so with a vice grip of what I want to happen and ONLY to happen.

Things don’t happen as we want them to – they happen as they need to, and they show up in this fashion as well – as a need that will be filled according to what we need to know we are able to do.

I have known for many years that I can actually do what it is that I know has to be done. The reason that it has to be done is not only for the actuality of this one thing, but more, because without it, I do not get past the fear I have, and without it, others within my tribal soul family may also not get what they need from me, all because of this one thing.  This one thing that I have to do requires the energy of my intention to do it, which, by my own account of things that have nothing to do with this and everything to do with a belief in the power that comes from being afraid and then finally choosing to do something about it to no longer be afraid, the energy behind this choice may well be all that is needed for the thing that I actually WANT to happen. Either way, I know, deep inside of my Soul, that the thing that I HAVE TO do will somehow beget the thing that I have been waiting for since January of 2009. Not too many people know what this is, and it is with good cause…

…because they, too, know that when we choose to do one thing, it begets, as I just wrote, something else, and sometimes, that something else is the actual thing that we waited for, looked for, wanted, needed, desired, or was the dismissal of things that we chose to no longer wait for, no longer wanted, needed, desired…it works both ways and in tandem.

It is through the release of our innermost fears that allow us the greatest freedom. Releasing the fears allows us to be able to fill the void with useful energy and not heavily weighted energy.

We have to think about what we are really doing – losing, or releasing?

Think about it…




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The Birthing of Our (evolved) Selves

In our lives at this time seems to be a whole lot of turmoil, but there is a beauty to this all, really.  We have to remember one very important thing about all of this harshness that almost everyone on the planet is going through right now, and that is that the bigger the ugliness in our lives, the bigger the beauty that is on its way.


I am a huge believer in the strength of human beings. I am this way because I know that my own life has called upon me to become the strongest person in it, as it is with every single on of us. MANY of us right now are experiencing things that are as mind blowing to us, not for anything else than that, while it is that we KNOW that we are loved, by Spirit, by others, and by our very selves, the things that are crazy right now, and the things that seem to break our hearts are meant to show us that those energies are not needed, that they must be vacated in order that the big, beautiful things which are headed our way can be used in our lives the moment that they arrive.

And we wait for these things to happen to us, not realizing that we are co-creating our lives with the Goddess, and we get frustrated by what it is that we have little power over. We forget that we are always being taught, especially those of us who are in the “trades of the realms,” and yes, I am remarkable at brain farting when it comes to this one thing.  Because I teach, sometimes I forget that I am being taught what I will be teaching, and sometimes the lessons that I am being taught are also to show me which segment of society I will be working with next. Sometimes, too, I am being taught because without my thinking about things the way that I should be, I have given some sort of painful something to someone else. We all know that Karma don’t play…

…and speaking of Karma…nope…that’s NOT what is going on, at least not on the whole of things

The whole of things is that, yes, there are a whole lot of folks dealing with paying their karmic debts, BUT, there are a whole lot of others who are shedding their old selves for their new selves. Many light workers are now being forced from homes they have been in for many, many years, and many of us are growing out of or already have grown out of relationships that just no longer fit who we are and probably never did. There are a lot of us who are all of a sudden quitting jobs that have given us the greatest comfort in knowing was there and doing things that are in such opposition with who people thought they were for so long that it seems to not make sense.

But really, it makes a whole lot of sense.

If you thought about the things that you asked for about six months ago, I am almost positive that you were not very clear on what it was that you really needed, as well as wanted, and I only say that because I know that when I need something or want something, in my own desperation, I cry out to Spirit, telling Her what I need, and I forget to also tell Her that when She is blessing me with what I need, to please do so in the manner that is most gentle, most effective, will leave less pain in its wake and most of all, that is permanent and that the outcome be positive for all involved.

The fun part is that all of us does this. There is not one person alive on this planet who does not trip out when things begin to pile up in our lives, not one of us who automatically looks to Spirit for some much needed reminding that we are safe and well in the arms of the Goddess. No one can lie to me and tell me that always, they do this, because always, while we remain as enlightened beings, at the same time, we are equally as flesh and blood as we are enlightened souls, and at the same time we are prone to all of the things that those who come to us for our thoughts and our energies are. While there are some of us who are better at hiding these things, the majority of people, yes – myself included, freak out, at first, when the shit hits the fan.

You know when your life is about to change when it is that several piles of shit hits the fan, all at one time, it seems, and at that same time, it seems that there is little, if any, relief from it. If it seems that there is little, if any, relief from the madness, it is at that point when one must ask one’s own self what the similarities in all of the challenges are, what, really, is old and worn out, and who else it is in our midst, who also may well be being taught the longest, harshest lessons of all, and they are the lessons of our own evolution on a personal, yet very, very powerful, level.

The other side of the ugliness

Yes, of course there is a bright side to this all. My own lessons these last months were all about self-worth and who it is in my own life who values me and who I am, just as I am, and on the other side of this, who is still being quite douchey about things. In these last few months I have learned a whole lot about myself, and most of all, I have learned that, to a select few people, I mean the world, have brought to them the thing that was missing in their lives, and really, I had no clue about these things until I thought about it and realized that what was missing for them was also missing for me.

Another thing that light workers tend to forget is that at the moment, we have a whole lot of expansion happening for us all, meaning that the things that we thought about anything are changing for us, are expanding so that the reality of the bigness that is going on now will be accommodated. In my case it is about my family of origin versus the family which I created being melded in with the family who is my soul tribe. It is also about my work in this world and how it is that my words affect masses of people, all at one time, and that perhaps and rather than only sharing the painful things, to also include in those words also the lovely things which are birthed from that pain. I had to learn to trust people, had to learn to be able to rely on one other person without also allowing what went on in my own life before that person emerged into my life to not affect things with that one person.

I had to learn who my family within my family is, and while it hurt me for a whole lot of years to feel like I had been exiled from my own people, the truth is that even as there is DNA which matches, there must be a match of energies, a match of things unexplained and a match of likes, dislikes, and yes, of course, Love and what Love is to anyone at all. I had to accept, even as recently as yesterday, that really, just as much as some relatives are not my favorite human beings, I may also not be their favorite, either, and this is all fine and good and yes, it was asked for.

I had to learn that there was more to my job than only met my human ability to see. I had to depend on my gifts for most of these last months to get me through some of these things that still, to this day, blow my mind at how easily it was that I had forgotten that even though sometimes, the things which are in our midst are presented in human or tangible form, they require a spiritual and intangible energy to make them better, or, make them no longer be present in our lives if they are not needed or wanted there.

I had to learn that not everyone was lying to me about me, that really, there are a lot of people who love me, just the way that I am, all the way down to my shoeless-most-of-the-time feet, and I had to learn to accept that this is how they really felt, that they loved me as this me, and that for me to not be this me would hurt them to their very core. I had to learn to believe that either way, what I was being told, what I am still being told, is the truth of other people, that it might well also be my own truth, but that the truth that I do not like, I do not have to live and make my own truth.

Mostly, I had to learn to be patient with Spirit, to learn that She has everything set in motion the way that it is for a very specific reason, and whether or not I am right about the reason, or the energy, or the anything, the one thing that has been a challenge for me is waiting for the good things. If it isn’t apparent to anyone, even though I am jovial, outwardly expressive in a manner that can only be called or labeled as “mad cap,” on the inside of my psyche there is still that kid who sometimes feels like she is still the last one to get a piece of birthday cake and a scoop of ice cream, and the bitch of it all is that in that energy, it is my own birthday. And once again I am faced with the challenge to either accept what others have to do and must get done long before my part in their stories become apparent to them, because once I began to learn patience, which I am still learning, I also began to “see” their own stories silently told to me in the way that they expressed their own pain and their own heartaches, their own joys, their own energies.

This time in our lives is meant to refine us, to make us excited for the things that we asked for to come to fruition for us. Now is not the time that any one of us needs to throw our hands in the air and tell Spirit that we quit – not at all. In fact, if you are going to throw your arms in the air in frustration, then express THAT and not that you quit because really, you can’t quit. You can’t quit because you asked to learn whatever it is that is hurting you right now, and you can’t quit because you are almost where you need to be in terms of who you are and mostly, you can’t quit because the reality is that there are a lot of us right now who are in the same energy that you are, and most of us are seeing this part of all this turmoil as one thing…

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas and all through the Universe…

Being blessed in our lives with anything is great, but if we quit, we have to go through the things that we don’t like going through all over again. If we quit, we don’t get to get to the point in our growth which will also be the fruits of the labors of pain that we may have gone through for a long time. In my case it has been most of my life for me, and lots of people believe that I need to toughen up  and learn to take it like a man…to those people…I’d like to say that there is no one in your mind right now else who you would be saying this to, and if you have the very nerve to give that sort of advice to anyone at all and to do so without truly knowing who they are, you might not realize that there are those among us who are VERY tough, who are more inclined to not have to always be tough on the physical and seen-with-human-eyes level, and if this is the way that you think…well…

My dear…you need to check yourself before you further wreck yourself.

Stop telling people how they can improve your way. Take your own advice and improve upon yourself…

…not because I said to, but because that is your lesson…

I Love You All !



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