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MTV “Star” is (unwittingly)promoting Domestic Violence

MTV article DV

In a world that is currently unkind to women, the last thing a major television “star” needs to promote is more violence against women.

Go right ahead and state that I am blaming the victim.

I do not know how to say it another way than that when it happens this way, and the victim has a history of being with abusers (by her own account, even) it is less blaming the victim than it is …I guess….momming them….and if you wanna call me someone who does not “get it” in terms of this crap…thatʻs on you, not me. From the things that I have been told, and the way that people want us to be nice to victims..that is one thing but, to do it and after having seen it publicly stated???

It is not blaming as much as it is thinking that this is wrong, that MTV needs to rethink its lineup and that more than much else…Hey JENELLE….the WORLD OF YOUNG WOMEN ARE WATCHING YOU…ARE YOU AWARE OF THE THING THAT YOU HAVE ALLOWED???/

Not likely….awareness is CHOSEN….and you HAVE TO accept whatever is in your own as being the thing that is teaching you how NOT to be victimized. No one can tell me that we have all done this for the reason that this child did. Of course I do not know what it is that compelled her to let a violent man back into the home where babies live but, nevermind that, right?

Never mind that I have actually SURVIVED IT and NOT ONE PERSON…not my therapists, not my doctors, not my friends, no one I knew…NONE OF THEM WERE ALLOWED TO FEEL SORRY FOR ME – I would not let them. I needed to be empowered, and the last thing that I wanted was for ANYONE in my TINY little world to know what John had done to me….

I see that times have changed some, and that, I suppose, the idea that she is somehow “famous” is the reason why. … or at least that that is what I have been told is my motivation – jealousy…over her being on television….

Nah…what I am is actually stunned and ….yeah…pissed. Mrs. Evans has a duty to the public, and she did the opposite in letting him into that house and back into their lives.

I am guessing that this young woman named Jenelle Evans has no idea that making excuses for her husband, David Evans, in terms of his recent DV charge against her, with her first calling 911 on him, citing that he had broken her collar bone, is condoning and even promoting violence against women. 

I am certain that there are a lot of fans of MTVʻs series Teen Mom and Teen Mom 2. I cannot say more about it other than that from the get go, when Teen Mom was first a show, that it was already something that any mom with daughters would NOT want those daughters to see – a television show condoning teen pregnancy.

And no matter who says what regarding the whole idea that that is not what this show promotes, I will ask those producers of that show if they have ever been to Pomona, California, where, to my great dismay and when my oldest was a student at Ganesha High School, on every high school campus, just about and within the PUSD – there are daycare centers.

Yeah I know….it is a great thing to make sure that the teen moms who attend those schools have the best shot at graduating. And yeah – I know….there is nothing that is going to stop teens from getting pregnant and believe me when I state that there are some young women who, while in middle school, intend on becoming pregnant because of the saddest reasons of all….because it is culturally expected of them, or, the sadder thing, that they do not feel like anyone loves them, and if they have their own baby, at least the baby will depend on them, which in some young peoplesʻ heads equates to love.

….and yeah…I am well aware of the idea that people who havenʻt got a whole lot of life experience to fall back on in terms of what happens when we feel like no one loves us, that those people will do what they can in order to feel like they are being loved…by anyone.

This is the sadness.

This is the black eye.

This is how it all starts, that thing that no one wants to know about, even though it is in our faces at all times, and we are being prompted to just ignore it….the young Mrs. Evans is telling the world, through the things that she is stating after the fact, that domestic violence is acceptable.

No it is not.

Hey – MTV – you need to do something about this and I do not mean allow that kid Jenelle to promote it more….because through her you are promoting Domestic Violence…

In an article about Janelle Evansʻ husband, people are upset for, of all things, his wrapping himself in a confederate flag and being very proud of his southern roots. While I have issues, at times, with how things ended up in the south during the times of slavery, and while I get it on a level that is “Yeah…I was born brown and female,” what I do not get is that there is not a whole lot, at least to my knowledge, regarding anyone thinking that the bigger issue is NOT the fact that the guy was proudly wearing what he regards as his heritage, but more, the idea that the young lady was making excuses for his behavior. 

Understand now that I will not ever fault anyone who is promoting their own pride in the heritage into which they were born, no matter how ugly the past was – we cannot continue to carry on those hatreds from the past, even though that is what is happening now and at this time in our lives.

We are experiencing violence on the daily basis, and as someone who is self-employed in the alternative healing trade, as someone who is, herself, still recovering from the last almost three decades of my life that my daughter and I had to end, ourselves, by taking legal action against her father – I am absolutely not just disappointed in MTV for the way that they promote teen pregnancy, but now, without realizing it (or maybe they DO realize it…ratings are everything, folks….and violence is apparently not only acceptable in some demographics, but is marketable…. please, keep reading)  they are also (perhaps unwittingly) promoting, through this…”couple”…. #IPV, which is the other term for #DV… 

Intimate Partner Violence IS Domestic Violence

I am pretty sure that I did not need to explain that one – we love making things sound more technical in this country – and who can blame us, given our current guy in office?

Unless you have been living under a fuckinʻ rock lately, or, worse – unless you believe that some women deserve to be physically harmed, #IntimatePartnerViolence is a BIG BIG problem, not only in your neighborhood, neither your bigger community, the city that you live in, the state, country, continent you call home – you know that IPV is also known as Domestic Violence.

Dear Jenelle Evans….

Stop writing books, and please never ever tell the world, at any time in the future, unless you actually have gotten away from your abuser, please do the world a favor and STOP promoting yourself, because that is what you do not realize that you have said when you said that you have been with abusers in the past, and you are now with yet another one.

If anything, you are an expert on being a DV VICTIM, and baby girl, this world does not need one more abusive person taking advantage of a young woman whose own sense of self is somehow convoluted.

And believe it when I tell you that I am neither a fan yours, nor a “hater” as you stated online…I did not know who the hell you were until about an hour ago, when I was looking at the news stories online and happened upon your name.

I am so sorry, young lady, but you really have no idea what you have made acceptable to the millions of people who have been watching you do the other thing that no one should, in this day and age, and AT YOUR AGE, be doing…which is having an excuse for being pregnant, given that you were adult enough to make the choice to sleep with your kidʻs dad – yet, not wise enough to cover your little, fertile ass from bringing into this world another child born into violence.

It is called birth control, sweetcakes, and you are from the south, meaning that you are likely NOT Catholic, and do not give me this shit about “southern values” because what I am trying to get across to another motherʻs daughter is about valuing your damned self. From your comments, you do not even KNOW what that means, to value, love and empower your very self.

And no way, I will repeat, are you an expert in domestic violence, because to be that, you have to no longer be there with any abuser, not even if he is your baby daddy.

That is not good enough – any human male can help bring a child into this world, but, it takes an actual good human being who is balanced, which you are not, to be a good parent and sweetheart because you have made excuses for this person …and it will not be the last time that you will do that (I asked a few young people your age what the hell is the draw with that dude, and it turns out that he is apparently good looking – whatever….I cannot see it, because I read the article first, and the only thing that I see in your old man is that he is arrogant, abusive, and an idiot – and it has not one thing to do with his pride in his origins – EVERYONE ought to be proud of that about themselves….keep reading….).

The only violence that any child ought to ever know about is the beautiful violence of bringing them into this world.

And I do NOT mean to do that PRIOR to your being able to vote and drink legally….

You, however, with your sorry excuses, have done just that and unless and until we, the older moms of this planet who have raised women your age – some of them getting pregnant by abusers, themselves, and allowed to make the statements that we make – you are not the “star” that you think you are, that others believe you to be, but instead are a victim making a network richer and richer.

We, the moms of the world of a certain age, some of us have dealt with #DV for longer than you have been breathing, kiddo. Just because you are a mother, and just because you are married, it does not make you somehow wise beyond your years, especially not when you are considering yourself a “star” or a “public figure” who is in front of the rest of the world of young men and young women who are thinking to get knocked up for the sake of hopefully getting a spot on a globally televised program.

You have a HUGE responsibility, and one that you do not realize you have not bothered to think about, through the words stated that your relationship with your husband “is fine.”

No, young lady – it is not fine, namely when you have called upon the authorities in your specific locality to come and rescue you (and your kid) from your old man.

It is only my opinion of you, myself an actual survivor who DOES NOT place herself in the position that you have willingly placed yourself in, which is that place that tells your old man that it is okay to brutalize you, that you will excuse his sorry ass for every ugly thing that he is now GOING TO make you go through.

Again – in the article, it is stated by you that you have been with abusers in the past, and the sickening notion that hits me first is not you but your propensity towards attracting these sorts of BOYS to your life (I said it, so deal with it, cupcake) – but is instead the millions of watchers, most of whom are young women in middle school, high school and college who I worry the very most about.

The responsibility that you have, and, as well, the very opportunity that has been given to you, to make a statement that doesnʻt silently tell the world of young women that somehow, someone who is a fan of yours is GOING TO follow suit, because all they see is “how cute” your old man is…yeah…cute like rabid fucking animals in the wild.

That is who you are married to, and you can believe that it is because I am not white, or that I am a “libertard” or a “snow flake” and what have you, but the reality is that I am a woman who has actually survived Domestic Violence, and in the month of the year that we are meant to put awareness about #DomesticViolence and violence against women in the forefront of our collective consciousness, here you are, defending your abuser.

I have been there, myself, but, it was not my ex who I defended, but, my self in that I also hated having to save face, and I hated making it seem like somehow, I was being harmed.  I WAS being harmed, and he got away with it for years against my will, did everything that he could to stay where he was, which in his eyes, was squarely in control of me, my life, who I was, who I would become…and at least on “who I would become” he sort of did help because without his shittiness, I would not be here writing this and actually calling you out with the notion that you might actually have the balls to be an adult about things and tell the world that he hurt you, broke your bones, made it so that you would have to lie about who this person is that you chose to sire your kid.

And you married him, even. So now he thinks he owns you.

You know this – very well, in fact, just based on what you have told the world – that he did not hurt you, that it was a misunderstanding, and then you have the nerve to chastise the world…all because he harmed you….you realize you could be dead right now, right?

I have been there, and I have done that, and the only person who I was interested in making safe was MYSELF. I did not see this way about him, not until before my first kid was born, and my having no idea that this person was like this. I can say it honestly – I truly had no idea what it was like to have to deal with any abuser unless it was someone in my extended family. I am no longer in touch with damned nearly all of them but the ones who knew better…a few of my cousins knew better than to believe that I would have accepted this, and more than much else – some of my aunties had been there, too, and so had some of my cousins….because they also did not accept being someoneʻs victim.

When we do not know what it looks like, we do not know what it is and we end up being in that vortex of unknowing, our only knowledge being primal, being survival….this is what my experience has been, will always be. I did not enjoy it, did not ask for it, did not know how to get out of it but out of it I did  get….you, unfortunately, might not get out of it, at least not further harmed or worse….breathing. 

Wrap your head around that one for a moment if you will and realize that you are not safe at all and that you are the reason that you are not safe – you chose to cover his ass to PD, but, you chose to cover yours with your fans and haters by telling them NOTHING about yourself or if you are okay. You made excuses, and as a mom, my opinion is that you do NOT need to be on TV promoting self-slavery….


I said it

Deal with it, kid….you made an excuse for a man to be violent to you. You do not deserve to be on television…not even public access. You did not service to other young women who are currently trying to get out of the violence with their lives.

You made excuses. That is inexcusable.

I can say it, because I got out of it, for my own sake…let alone my kids.

Here I am, all these years later, and I am not with that abusive person anymore, but, in my head, the things that that idiot did to me, while they are no longer happening, the memories never leave a person.

No matter what…those things will not ever leave me.

They will also not leave you, I promise.

You are, young lady, promoting violence, promoting the idea that women ought to be subservient to their husbands, even when he is being violent, even when he breaks bones, and even, as in your case, when it is that you, specifically, are compelled to save face.

And whose face are you actually saving and why are you covering his actions against you?

I might not be “all the way” in terms of being over it, because no matter what anyone wants to think, one does not have to be in two or three abusive relationships to be an expert. In fact, if you have been in that many relationships and they were abusive ones, and you are now in another one and are married to this abuser, and you get your ass online to defend what the world knows is opposite of the initial call made to 911 – the call that you, young lady, yourself made and where you stated that you were injured – badly….not only have you NO right to state yourself as an expert, but you have no right, just because you have ability, to be bringing life into this world – your kids will grow up believing that abuse is acceptable, is normal, is something that happens to EVERYONE.

I never thought that way, ever, because I have NEVER been one who will make excuses for someone to harm me, and I will never believe that someone who holds the power that you do not know you have – I have never been the one to give someone else another chance to harm me, and this includes my sister who tried to do that to me.

This is what you girls have done. You have made being pregnant a way to get your sorry little ass on television. Sweetheart that is what school is for, and to throw away your young life to raise a child when you are not yet grown enough to take on that responsibility is horrifically IRRESPONSIBLE- not just on your part, but on that of your parents. They ought to have encouraged you towards education, rather than a life given to parenting when you, yourself, are not yet emotionally equipped for it, given that you equate violence with love.

Love does not hurt. From time to time, it is GOING TO hurt because you are growing, but, on the whole, it does not hurt, it does not hit, it does not bring sorrow….it enlivens a person, makes them feel whole, and the first person who needed your specific love is NOT your old man.

It is you, sweetheart.

If I believed that you would respond to this, I would hope that you would see that last thing that you read…the one part that says you have to know how to love YOU before you can love anyone else. That you had to call 911 on him is indicative of you NOT loving yourself, is indicative of the fact that you depend on your temporary status as a star and now, you have become the poster CHILD for #IPV, for #DV, for making excuses for a bad man.

He is a bad man.

He is.

He harmed you, physically, and you let him back into your privacy, back into the life that you share with people who are far more important than even you ought to be to you….your kids.

Your kids need you to be a mom.

The world needs to you stand up for the rest of the young women who also do not know what actual love is….

Your kids need you, period, but they do not need a violent person raising them. You might not get lucky with that, like I did.

On the other side of that is the FACT that your kids might be told by you that they have to love their dad, but, my kids prove that that is not going to last, and if you are not careful, they will blame YOU for not doing more to save THEM from having to watch their dad brutalize their mother.

…the last thing that I want, as a mother, is for any other momʻs daughter to have to go through what I did.

My kids are proof that they will hate him when they have the choice to make on their own, without you making excuses for him.

If you do not think so, you can ask mine.









The Ground Beneath Your Feet

We Can Dance Meme

“When I Hear Music, It Makes Me Dance”

(Debbie Debʻs When I Hear Music )

There is an entire group of women in our late 40s who, right now, can hear this song playing in their heads.


I did it on purpose – I wrote the one line from that song that no one can deny as being a huge part of their lives growing up. You either loved the song or you hated but right this moment, I donʻt care how anyone feels about the song.

I only care about the dance part.

There is not a soul alive who does not equate my name with one word – hula, or, for that matter, dancing, period.

The thing that I have always known, for the majority part of my life, is that humans and music just go together. My Maestro, David, is a musician. He has the most beautiful singing voice, and he is the one person who is not one of my kids, not my best friends, none of my teachers or professors who knows, very well, that the one thing that is akin to his music for him  – for me is dance.

Any kind of dance, but, particularly the very one that has been my closest friend since the time that I was 3 years old.


I have loved this dance from the time that I saw it live for the first time ever, with my mother being the dancer, singing along to the album that she was playing.

She was almost 30.

I was almost 30, as well, when I became part of a halau that was owned by someone in my family. Then one day, I started my own. It was the job I always held and the one that I loved the most, and love the most still. It was the only one of its kind in the desert, and no one else promoted it like I did – which was with every bit of passion that I have for this dance and that dawns on me now was the reason why I was so insanely rabid about its promotion in the middle of nowhere called The High Desert Region of Southern California, particularly Helendale, CA.

I called us Hula i Lalo Ka La… “Dance Beneath the Sun” which was completely appropriate, given my location at that time.

I wonʻt drone on and on about that place, neither that time, other than to remind us all that we are not here to be boring, to sit at a desk all day long and to remain in the constant droning away of the lives that we want to live. We ought to be thankful everyday for our ability to at least walk, to breathe, to see what is the same as others rather than to constantly try “winning” by focusing on what is not the same as us.

There seems to be this awfulness to us as humans anymore. I am no better than the next guy in that I am willing to make it known to others that there are things that they have said and done, whether in person or online, that was not the nicest thing that I said, that they said, assumed, whatever – we are where we ought to not be, even as we are EXACTLY where we NEED to be right this moment – in that space where we are giving ourselves a once over, giving our selves a reality check like nobodyʻs business – we are meant to be with one another – NOT at each otherʻs throats but that, unfortunately, is where we are.

Yes, even those of us who are here to help this place called “Earth” be what it is supposed to be and NOT what other people are currently trying to turn it into.

Right now seems like it is harsh, but that is only because we are experiencing the changes that we, ourselves, called into being. Maybe not the way that these things are being revealed to us, but, on that end, we are also not the only ones who are meant to grow and evolve and be who we are through it all – bumps, bruises, scraped up soul with a fractured heart. We are supposed to triumph, and right now, we are feeling like every horrid thing that we have feared our entire lives is right there and in our faces, as if there is nothing else that we have to tend to and more, no one else who we have to help, and really, we are supposed to be helping ourselves get through this time in our collective lives.

It seems impossible, at times, to do that – it seems like the biggest hurdle in our lives that we are trying to get past right now, and it seems as if what we are is nothing in comparison to WHAT we WERE and I am here to make it known and positively so that who you are is not meant to be what you were. You are not, like I Am not, meant to go backwards to do with what we know, that which we used to do with it.

I teach dance, but it is far more than only that. Over the last two and a half years, I came to realize how much this dance and my ability to create it for me and for others, in every sense of the word, really and truly means, not only to me, but also to everyone else whose lives have been guided by the count of eight, and the very one that matches the heartbeat of the Soul within, the dancer whose feet were stopped by life, but whose heart chose to keep time with the music….even if the guitars were the sort that scream and jam.

You are human. You are meant to dance, even if you look like a damned fool doing it – that is the best sort of fool to be….the dancing sort….it is not a bad thing to be a dancing fool. In the Tarot, the Fool card does not mean “foolish” but rather and only innocence, and the sort that is filled with wonder and awe at the idea that you do not know what you donʻt know that you know….yeah, when my sistah, Lanakila, told me that one, it threw me until my other sistah, Tutasi, reminded me the important nature of knowing who we each are.

I Am A Dancer (and a teacher, and a healer, of the Hula sort…of the every dance I can do sort).

I have not ever been anything else.

Even when I Coach, I am yet, even if only in my mind, dancing, healing myself, my battered soul fully bared with the world watching, even if it does not know that it is, even if I donʻt think I am doing my very level best…the fact that even in my mind I dance is a big frikkinʻ deal.

It is not about being able to impress someone else with your moves, and is not about the newest “jam” that you have heard that is here today and gone tomorrow. It is about being able to just know that when you dance, you are not being strange, and you are not being watched the way that you think you are being watched. You are being watched by the Goddess, being praised by the God of the Dance, and being loved and wrapped in the music, in the count of eight that only your own soul knows as yours. You are being told without being told that it is okay – that when you hear music, it makes you dance, and it ought to.

NEVER EVER THINK that the people who make fun of you when they donʻt even have the guavas to show their true selves are when YOU are the dancer.

They can laugh all they want, but that laughter is limited in that they have to have someone to laugh at.

But your laughter, it is permanent, is real and is the thing that is the song of the Gods, the music produced in the heart of the soul, the place where actual #ALOHA lives.

“Dance is The Hidden Language of the Soul” (Martha Graham) 


We all know each other, even in a crowd and even if we do not personally know each other.

This is more the truth of those who dance indigenously, like I do.

It is the language that no one speaks audibly but that we all understand. We can know one another by the time the music keeps and by the middle area of who we are called The Soul.

When you hear music, please get up and dance. Even if you make a damned fool of yourself, remember to be a dancinʻ fool, as it is the only fool that the world can appreciate.

With everything in the world that we have that is free, the one thing that we will always have is the heartbeat caused by life, and our feet on the ground to keep the time.

It is far more than a count of eight, or two counts of four…

To Dance is to know the bodyʻs language, as much as to cry is the souls message to the Universe.

When you hear music….let it let you dance….

Do your Soul a favor…let it lead.

Indeed….dance like a damned fool….the world is watching, and it is indeed a beautiful thing that it is…





The Deep…

wild orca

“Most of our so-called reasoning consists in finding arguments for going on believing as we already do.”

(James Harvey Robinson)

Lots is happening in our world right now.

Lots more is happening on the personal level, as well, in our own personal and private worlds – the world inside of the each of us.

At this time, the very all of us are experiencing what can be perceived as losses but what if we were to think about them as our actually getting much needed soul-clutter out of our lives so that we can make room for better things to come? 

What if we are being taught things that feel really bad emotionally, and that in order to identify those things, we have to be taught those things and shown those things, and to make those things come out of the depths of where we hide ourselves when things get ugly…what if it is that we are being taught to no longer worry, care about, deal with those things, because in worrying, caring about and dealing with those things, we are doing anything but serving what is our Higher Purpose in this lifetime?

What if it means that we are not the only ones who are learning from these lessons, and what if it is that we are at the end of our learning some things, but that those who keep on impressing upon us what their egos want for us to do, on their behalf, even if the bodies housing those egos would never ever do as much for us? What if it means that in order to balance it all out, we have to let go of some things and at this time in our collective beingness, we are all purging the things that are of no good purpose in our lives and no longer serves who we are becoming? 

What if I told you that even I am going through these things, and that I am having a hard time with some of it, but that I have already conquered this …whatever the hell we want to address it as…perhaps as this energy that seems like it is forcing us to do things, not apart from what we want, but, apart from who we have been made to believe we are….what if I were to tell you that we are all going through this garbage, this ferreting out of things…essentially the cleaning the clutter from the closet of the mind?

Lots of events have prompted this writing…. and, yeah -I have been away for a while….but Iʻm Baaaaaaa-aaaack…..

Think about these lyrics:

“…There’s a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch and it’s bringing me out the dark
Finally I can see you crystal clear
Go ‘head and sell me out and I’ll lay your ship bare
See how I leave with every piece of you
Don’t underestimate the things that I will do
There’s a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch and its bringing me out the dark…”

(Rolling In the Deep by Adele)

The fire has been there for some time now, but I have been fighting the fire when instead, I ought to have been gathering my fellow weirdos and started dancing around it. I have depended upon the good opinion of others whose opinions ought to mean nothing to me at all. Yet I allowed them to mean everything for a very long time. Then one day, one of the people who started this madness for me in childhood taught me something without teaching me something…that I Am Who I Am for a damned reason and trying to break me is not going to work because of one True thing….

While I am never going to state that I Am Unbreakable, I will state, matter-of-factly even, that it is tough to break me. There are only a few people on this planet who know how to do this, and those are the very ones who have done all that they can to, without preserving what is not meant to be there, not harm me. We humans do not know how to not harm others. Harming others is something that we learn while we are growing up.

We are taught that in order to be worthy, we have to become someone elseʻs slave for years on end, just so that we can prove to these certain others that we are worthy. What is really going on is that they are merely keeping us where we have been trying to grow from since the time that we were children and taught not to fight, not to do lots of things with the one thing that we were taught was UNacceptable no matter what was having a difference of opinion from the people who would be the elders, or adults, in our lives. This was the lesson that I was taught, that was impressed upon me that told me that since I have ALWAYS WORKED FOR MYSELF that I canʻt be worthy to others (meaning that they would not hire me because I must have done something wrong instead of my just not being the right fit for the job…and even then…), because I did not earn my freedom from emotional slavery the way that everyone else supposedly does and the way that lots of people still believe you HAVE TO do things.

It doesnʻt matter what line of work you are in, neither what kind of stand up person you are in your community – when it comes to matters of the family from which you hail, there is a real harshness that too many will chalk up to being “tough love.”

Most folks know how I feel about that “tough love” crap – it is not real, is the reality that most people think is good for others when those others wonʻt back down from who they are and lately, no matter who wants to think otherwise, I have been bullied into backing down, harassed into not being Who and What I Am For Real and at this time I can safely say for real that I ainʻt havinʻ anymore of it.

Who they think I am, in relation to who they are not is the reason why I feel I have been done to the way that I have been done to – because a group of people cannot have their way, and having their way this time is symbolized by one thing, yet the truth in the reality is that I have seen through it from the inception of this nuttiness and all it means to me is that it is time that we moved on. 

From it ALL

And yeah…I am totally taking steps towards that happening and the more that I believe the things that you are reading right now, the more that I see the truth of my words coming to life. 

Not one of us thinks that we are going to be separated from the life that we knew so well just a few short months, and in my case, weeks, ago.

We donʻt think or believe that those who we believed ourselves to matter to the most do not feel that way about us. We donʻt think or believe that the person who we are will ever have to prove that we are not someone else or even someone who we might have been in the past. We do not believe ourselves to be anything other than who we are meant to be to anyone else, and always we forget about one crucial person who we absolutely need to Be there for the most, absolutely NEED to be so that we can help ourselves out of the jams that we are placed into by others. 

That person is our very self. 

It was not that long ago that I felt this way about the very ones who I am feeling this way about right now. The photo of the pod of orcas speaks to my Pisces soul. It breathes life into me in places that I did not know existed, and tells me the story of what at least my mom taught me in that real families stick together, are supportive and not harmful, will do what they can to make it easier for us to get through the tough times. 

I write a lot about family dynamics and about how it is that we label ourselves in those dynamics, believing that they are the things that a family is built upon. We state that it is Love that binds a family together, but it is the opposite of Love that banishes those who find themselves apart from that group who we know so well. If I thought about it more deeply, I would know that it is deeply etched in the bones of the soul , these beliefs that we each and all have hung on to for so long that to no longer do things the way that we always have becomes the most painful part of the process. 

I liken it, now that I am squarely in the middle of it, to birthing a child into this lifetime. It is harsh and painful, is messy and can be considered a bloodsport by some, this thing called giving birth and which is a most beautiful violence. I call it this because bringing life into this world is a painful process, and there is thrashing and pushing and your hair gets messy and in my case you end up with broken blood vessels in the eyes…and yet, at the end of the struggle, there is this tiny little life that is vulnerable and meant to be taught how to be the best human ever. 

I canʻt say truthfully that we all see it this way, this thing called bringing new life into the world, and right now we are all birthing ourselves to becoming the best version of ourselves that we have been fighting to become, and at the same time, fighting to not be, and not be because even though new life is awesome, it is very dearly scary, but because we are afraid to be everything that we are.

Each one of our souls knows that new life comes without an instruction manual, and this does not only apply to babies, but applies to us all. 

We are without a clue, even though we have every clue because we were born with the capacity to love and the ability to learn to reason and it is in our reasoning that we end up using and strangling ourselves, and all because someone else, a long time ago, wrote the rules for behavior and those rules were kept alive through making it difficult for us to want to break them. We had the love of those who were supposed to love us without condition suddenly becoming conditional the moment that we chose to think an original thought. We had the thing that we thought was who we were and who we would always be in full tact until someone else came along and told us that that was not the acceptable version of ourselves that they preferred and then one day it happened. 

We became brand new, and those who are averse to growth made us know they are averse.

You donʻt have to be.

Youʻre allowed to be brand new.

Reasoning is why we end up in Soul pain…

My reasons for hanging on to certain others is ridiculous. When I think about that reasoning in another manner I can see where it is that I have been held captive by lots of people throughout the years, and all of it has to do with them, never with me. It guided me to the thought that there are others on this planet who will go to great lengths to preserve what is their highest level of thought, even if that level of thought is based in untruth and flat out lies – and as always, the Karmic wheel turns and turns and for the life of us, we see it, through our unenlightened selves, as being this thing that for too long has been the excuse for abuse – tough love. 

The Karma that people do not think they are creating comes to them as the messy situations that lying causes, that trying to make someone else do something or be something they are not will create, not only for anyone else but also for everyone involved, even and including them more than anyone else. No one thinks about the damages that happen to other peoplesʻ lives until those damages are brought out front and center and made into the thing that has to be considered because we do not really know what those others are really capable of. They donʻt know the messes that they make until one day it comes home to roost. 

And of course I am going through a whole LOT right now with everything that you are reading and of course, I am trying NOT to lose myself to this sort of energy again and make no mistake – I have been the one who has volunteered to help me make me recognize that there is strength in my convictions, enough so that when it comes down to it I am not really giving very much up other than the chance to, for the rest of my life, again and again, go through this karmic crap with anyone ever. 

The Deep

“The Deep.”

That is what I refer to as being the levels of consciousness that we are not aware that the rest of the world sees in us.

We do not see ourselves being treated like crap, but the rest of the world does. We do not see ourselves begging for things that otherwise, we would be remiss to believe that anyone would have to go through and endure things that they, themselves, did not and would not ever bring into their own lives. We do not think about the thing that we are being shown blatantly.

I Am being shown, blatantly, that I do not fit in with certain groups any longer.

On the top of things where my ego lives, I am trying hard not to fight this truth. I am trying hard to not “go there” where it hurts me and I am trying hard to not get so angry at myself for not trying harder to see these people in the manner that I assume they see me, which is not really that great. And really, when I think about what I am looking at, even as it is the same set of people with whom I have gone through more than my fair share of shit because of, is actually the past. 

Our past, as I have stated in the past (haha) many times is only good for reference and nothing else.

There is nothing there in the moment called Now, and there is nothing there in the future which is in manifest. The only thing there is a memory, and most of the time it is the memory that hurts us because embedded in that memory is a time in our lives when we might have loved our outer selves more than we did not think about our inner selves because the outer self had it goinʻ on. We loved those times in our lives because everything felt right and was right but when I look back, the only thing that was right was the thought in my head that I was not a right fit for a lot of things, a lot of ways of being, a lot of people….and yeah, it hurt like a bitch but back then, it was normal to me to hurt like that. 

It isnʻt normal to me anymore.

It does not fit.

I have been shown that I Am Worthy, that I Am Loved, that no one in my world will ever treat me any other way than the way that I treat other people. I have been pushed and pushed and pushed, and finally I find that I have gone through this garbage so that other people can see there the things that they need to learn in order to grow away from the things that essentially harmed them, possibly since when they were very small children. What those other do not get, what they might never get, is that they have the right and the ability to be honest, everyday, that they have the right to defend their Kuleana – their sense and level of integrity, and that they have the right to defend who they are to no matter who it is that wants any one of us to believe that we are not meant to be our highest, best selves. 

Our hurts are meant to teach us things. I Am learning that I Am a force to be reckoned with. When I am harmed, the whole world knows. When I am harmed, the people who harmed me also know because these days I am none too shy about letting them know that I feel as I do. 

How we feel is how we are, and how we are is what the world sees, and if what we are feeling is how we are then this means that lots of people assume that this is who we are.

I Am damaged, but I Am Healing, and I know this. I Am a Beautiful Wreck of Damage whose energy can be compared to the meat that rots into the earth, going back to its origins and giving it back, in death, the life that once sprung forth from it. While that last statement might seem a bit harsh, because I Am Laʻāu Lapaʻau – a Plant Medicine Practitioner – it is one of those statements that I take very seriously. 

It means that even in losses, there is much to be birthed of them, and that even when the pain feels like it is too much to bear, it is there reminding us each of what is next, of what we have the opportunity to do even if it hurts us, as much as it will hurt anyone, and more, the things that will happen after the fact. 

Everything in our lives is custom made and tailored to our needs, even the things that suck, even the things that hurt. The things that suck are the things that we need to as why they suck, and the things that hurt we need to ask why they hurt. Everything has a reason, and if we are to believe that the reasons that we are in the circumstances that we are are due to our inaction alone, then we need to stop judging others for what it is that they are not doing the way that we, ourselves would do them – everyone is different, and no one is going to do everything the way that anyone else says they ought to. 

Every lesson that we learn is also a lesson for the others in our lives and who are dearly  involved in our lives. The things that have been brought to my awareness are the things that people believe are my doing. Yet, the people who brought these things to me also know that these are not mine to own, but theirs. At the moment, I am the one who is not scrambling for much more than a better place, spiritually and emotionally, and of course physically (the roaches are bigger than my daughter-in-lawʻs Sparky Cat) than the one that I live in now and where I do not have to feel like I am constantly trying to stop being put in a position where I have to compete with other peoplesʻ truths. 

In our lives, we are not those who have to prove anything to others, just because someone else – ANYONE ELSE – called us out for the fight. It is just our way of knowing, without really knowing, that it is time to do that whole…Jedi mind trick thing….and blow their minds by not blowing your stack.

Just because you are not who others think you are, it does not mean that you have to prove that you are not what they want you to be. In fact, you have nothing to prove at all, and the only thing that matters at any time at all is that you are being true to yourself, being authentic and in your place as the higher being that you have aspired to for all of your human life. 

We donʻt realize that the pod we came from shows us what we are meant for and yes, what we are NOT meant for. 

I have been shown that there are some of us who are not meant for trying to fit into the mold that someone else has set for us because it makes THEM feel better, not about us and who we know we are, but about their own tortured selves and who they know they are not.

I said it

Deal with it…if you donʻt, it wonʻt change, and your life wonʻt change even the tiniest little bit. 

Ask yourself if you like the things that keep on showing up in your life. Do you like the feeling that you get when you have to defend yourself against an untruth, or would you rather just continue living your truth as you keep on creating it? Do you think that if you tried harder to please those others that they would love you more, or, do you believe the other way in that they might just not ever be satisfied with you because they might not be satisfied with themselves?

Do you really like what you are going through everyday, just because someone else, a long time ago made you feel like you do not know what you are doing and that they have a better plan for your life?

Most of all, is it their business who you are?

#Think about it for a moment.

No answer that you give yourself is the wrong answer.

I Promise…

#LosAngelesKahunaRox #TheCrabAndTheFish #NeverBackDown #UnSilenceTheViolence





What Gilligan Didnʻt Teach You


The Mountain is enraged…and there are lots of spiritual reasons why

Hawaii Maolis – we LOVE our mountains….LOVE them – even the dormant ones.

The photo is of Kilauea, and the deity is none other than the one that the world knows the very most about – The Goddess of the Volcano – Madame Pele.

Most of us Maolis call her “Mama Pele” and mostly “Tutu Pele” and either way it matters. Respect is a big deal to #AllUsGuys…respect….Maolis everywhere are BIG on it, no matter which island nation we originate from. It doesnʻt matter. The thing that we are the most aware of is respect, and more than that, the other thing that we are MORE aware of is blatant DISrespect.

That thing that all workers in the weird know….the Rede

I Am Kahuna Wahine. 

I Am every BIT what I tell people I Am, which is KAHUNA.

I DO NOT surf, and I know that this is one of the very FIRST things that pops into the heads of a whole lot of people who we share the air with and to anyone who thinks this way I am writing this particular blog on your behalf because it is to you guys who this is most directed at.

And how you decide to take my words and what you decide to do with them is all on you – I Am but the messenger.

And I dare this moment, at least for those of us Kahu whose lives are lived with the greatest depth of Aloha on #TheRockin9th, to speak for us all when I state to you that you really, really need to hoʻonānā – PAY ATTENTION.

No…and in no way, shape or form am I addressing my other half who KNOWS and HAS KNOWN that Gilligan never had it correct….

Gilligan is a fictional character who lived on a fictional island with fictional islander savages who Gilligan did not know was there because Gilligan came from a culture that did not know that other people existed outside of their race. When it was that they encountered these “savages,” like everything that is assumed about #AllUsGuys is incorrect, and now, where it is that people are in a serious panic about Ka Mauna ….about the caldera which we Maoli the world over know only as Mama, as Tutu Pele, and yeah…hell yeah…

…and the biggest equalizer against racial and cultural division.

When you tell Hawaiian people that they ought to just get over who we are and stop “forcing” our culture on yours and you do so when you are LIVING ON OUR LAND (yeah….OUR HOMELAND…) and you publicly make it known that you believe yourself to be above the people whose Aloha you have abused?


She is PISSED!

And not just at those who are the originators of the phrase You people , but at our own people, as well, for denying that some of the things that have gone on in Hawaii and have been imparted onto na keiki o kaʻaina – the children of the land (ummm duh…. HAWAII MAOLI…keep reading…) is deplorable and even though I know and we all know that it is technically the 50th “state,” the thing that was forgotten about and has been ignored for generations is this thing called Aloha.

Yes, even some of our own people – NA KANAKA MAOLI of HAWAII – even some of our own, who ought to know better ACT LIKE THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH OUR TUTU PELE.

Ask your local Kahuna

I have been asked, several times, online and when I was on campus this past week, the thing that I think about what those ….leilani estate….dwellers….are going through, and far be it from me and who I am to NOT tell those who ask my truth because my Truth is NOT what people expect from me when it is not pretty or breathy or seemingly somehow a tale of weirdness that only someone like me could link two things together and come up with a theory that is not only fitting, but is actually the very truth.

The very truth is that Mother Nature, in all of her glory, is right now fighting with people who felt like they could outrun the mountain, and no humans, no you cannot. I see this as sort of something that can be called symbolic of the human propensity towards bravery in the face of actual danger, and arrogance in that same manner. And unfortunately, for those who have remained in their stance in terms of who owns what and where, this is called Karma, called sowing what was reaped even if it was not you who planted the seeds of hubris, of not giving a damn about the reality of living on Sacred ground.

When we live with our feet planted on ground that, for all of the wrong reasons, we claim as being ours, and we ignore that twinge of energy we feel when we state these things (and who would not have those twinges if they were not already aware of the things that we, Na Kanaka Maoli, those who I regard and have titled a book called Ka Poʻe O Ka Wai – The People of The Water … are aware of, in terms of Tutu Pele, Mama Pele, Baby Girl Hiʻiaka….those of us who are aware of these things have been telling their stories for all of our lives.

You chose to ignore us.

You chose property “rights” over what is right and good, and now through your panic you believe that somehow, you are the victim. This may be tangible the truth, but, it is not rocket science – when you live near an active volcano, there is the chance that it will blow and for the most part while it is the truth regarding sea floor activity, what is also the truth is that the world of Spirit has had ENOUGH !

The Spirits have had enough of us, of our hubris, of the things that divide us. Tutu Pele is now letting the world know that no matter how big a deal any human being believes themselves to be, there is still the mountain, and the mountain is bigger than all of us are. The mountain is now on fire, and the mountain is now putting people to task, and daring them to dare her, one more time, and telling us all that no matter what, nature rules, and nature defines the rules, and that no mere human has the ability to go against it – even though your holy book told of a giant named Goliath – you are not the guy who took down the giant, and no matter what – if you went ahead and bought property there, I am certain that I am not the only one who is saying it, but I KNOW I am the only one with the guavas to say it publicly….or rather, ask it publicly – what the hell were you thinking when you bought that land, and why were you so inclined to believe that Tutu would spare you from her rage?

Where in your own history books was it found there that anyone beat the volcano, and why would you believe such garbage? You are not more than the mountain, and that really is what this is about for a lot of people the world over who I share ancestry with – when was it at all anything that sounds like common sense to live somewhere that you KNOW you have the chance at DYING and LOSING EVERYTHING?

But that is neither here nor there if you are one of those….Hawaiian Kahuna….

We know what is happening, and we are not being quiet about it, at least within certain circles. The reason why it is that we are not online until this moment and telling the world that is not only ours about how we feel is because it wonʻt matter anyway, because you have all been gilliganized ….and donʻt hurt yourself over trying to pronounce it. It is the thing that, for most of my life, people have believed is somehow the truth, in small part, of Hawaiians…hell – of indigenous people, no matter where, when, why….

…that we are savages, that the majority of us needed to be rescued from our “heathen” gods and the ways that would send us to the pit of their specific godʻs hell.

The truth is uglier than that…and that truth does not apply to anyone…Maoli…because haha….apparently, the things that I have seen on television look exactly like the hell that I was told about all those years in church, being told that this was my destiny, because that is the way that my momʻs god said it would be…or at least that is what the missionaries told us was the truth. 

And you …all of you people…you act like it was not ever going to happen to you, whatever it was that was sset aside for people like m yself, where only the rules of your god applies and where the rules of our Tutu in the caldera donʻt count, donʻt matter, because your gods told you not to worry, and told you that we were the wrong ones and that instead of realizing that you are all strangers in a strange and magickal land…you brought your hatred towards things that are not like you, and you brought your ways that scathed the land, shaved it of its decency in exchange for the value of land according to foreigners who know the value of things and love the way that the value of their things makes them feel next to those people who have no things….

I harbor no ill will towards those who have lost “everything” but, also, I implore all of you – are you certain that you lost “everything?” or is it that you lost what you thought you owned, when really, no one “owns” anything on this planet, and what you are each and all being shown is that you dared your life into being, and then you dared the mountain. In her words today, in an opinion piece entitled Canʻt Fight Pele by Jasmin ʻIolani Hakes, the author states that she is “local enough to know you donʻt fight Pele.”

This is not something that is lost on ALL MAOLIS – we know that there are things in this world that we CAN fight, but more than that, we are taught, at a very young age, to know when it is that we have no chance – we were all raised, even #AllUsGuys on this side of the water, with common sense and a very primal respect for Nature and everything in it, to know that we are a part OF and not apart FROM it, and most of all, at any time, Nature can and does change the course of Life, as much as She is doing so now, in the form of the mountain who we all know as the beautiful violence called Tutu Pele. 

Like all Tutu….this Tutu Lady also doesnʻt play nice, and all Kanaka Maoli KNOW the ways which she reveals herself to us…a white canine, a small child, and an old white haired woman. No matter what – you donʻt mess with her, in any manner, no matter the way that she shows herself to you. Right now, she is Tutu, and she is PISSED. 

Meaning that you have been brought to the end of “it wonʻt happen to me” because from all of the video footage it is totally happening to you, and there are not a whole lot of Maolis who are very up in arms about it at all right now, that there are a lot of people who are ….colonial…who are presently losing everything that they own…and not one of them is bothering to see the message that is loud and clear.

The message that is loud and clear is that after all these generations, the truth is that the mountain knows who is true and who is there only because property values and because you wanted to live in paradise and perhaps thought that the volcano would not blow her stack at any time in your lifetime (even though you stated, maybe, that it would be a great place to raise kids…of course it is – HAWAII IS AWESOME ….but how could you have been thinking about your kids when you placed them in the path of THE VOLCANO FLOW and had the NERVE to call it HOME????).


Then there are the other ones who ought to have known better and who, even though those “officials” KNEW BETTER and were RAISED IN THE LIGHT OF ALOHA….still, you folks – you STILL lined your pockets with pride in dollar value and YOU STILL did like so many others who are in higher positions have done and you took a very DEAR advantage of those whose cultural interests you were meant to protect, even taking AN OATH…and an oath in tribal cultures is like blood traded between brothers of the spiritual sort – you do not, under any circumstance, break that oath.

Many, many officials did just that.

Broke promises to the people of the ʻAina.

The thing that is loudest and clearest is that we need to get our levels of integrity to what they ought to be, because in the world of Spirit – Integrity is currency, and cannot be had by trading it with anything OTHER than what is itself in its purest form. 

When there is a lack of a certain energy, it will be felt and seen within the confines of humanity. When this same lack is regarded as a passing thing and believed to be able to right itself on its own, and when mere humans decide for nature and for other humans the world over, specifically when certain humans of a certain level ought to know better, and when those humans decide to do things all “in the name of the aloha spirit” and those humans know that they are full of crap – strange things happen that capture our attention globally.

Are you paying attention yet??

Are you, humans, paying attention yet? Allow Tutu Pele to be the thing that tells you when you are not being everything that you say you are, which, when it is that you regard things like Sacred ground to simply Be just “property” and when it is that that Sacred ground is cried about as if you did not know what could happen and is now happening and when it is that you think you can outrun the mountain and find that the sea is as pissed off, I would imagine that it would be, at that point, no matter who you are or where you are or what your excuse will be next as to why it is that you thought you would be spared from her wrath and her path (because you are so cool and groovy like that that it would make sense that Pele would sense your greatness alone and part her path for you….hahahahahahah WHATEVAHS) …you werenʻt.

We see you, all of you who are now worried about others in your own culture and race capitalizing on your loss, and we see your heartache and while it is that not a whole lot of others are going to ask you what you are already thinking about….indeed, what were you thinking about when you bought your little piece of paradise? Not too many Hawaiians can afford to live in the part of the path of lava that is being eaten alive as I write this. If you want to believe that some part of me is laughing at your pain, please think again.

I donʻt laugh at tragedy. The biggest tragedy is that you opted to not listen, and created more of this energy of people of my race not able to buy a house where we have ethnic ties but, good gravy and goddess bless your man god for making certain that somehow, you would do like your ancestors did and make it so that we would, from those places covered in tarps, and those places where only the people who have been there their entire lives live – in tent cities along the shoreline, not only by choice, for lots of them, but because MOST OF THEM HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE, and there you are, on the news, not even thinking that these people are GENERATIONALLY THERE and you just sort of showed up and bought land that could have served the needs of the culture rather than the egoʻs need to know that it “owns” property on the Big Island of Hawaii and the bankerʻs need to show his numbers – and none of you thought about the natural dangers.

But, lots of you want folks like me to care, and I am certain that there are some who do but for the most part, the reason it might seem like we do NOT care is not that we do not care but that we are wise enough not to dare things in the world of spirit.

We were taught from the time that we were young, the very all of us, to believe in the unseen world, to believe what we sense and to know that what we are feeling in the body first was in the soul and was delivered to us on the wings, literally, of birds, butterflies and creatures of flight…yes, even way over here on #TheRockin9th, where the geese and their flight pattern has been a mess for months. We were taught to live WITH nature, not APART from it, knowing that we are and will always remain as PART OF IT.

Too many people from this side of the water, with their degrees and their pride on paper are the sort who believe that “it wonʻt happen” to them, and then when it does, they behave as though they did not know it could or more, they believed that it, no matter what “it” is, would not happen to them. They might have believed that they might have passed into the next world by this time, or might have believed like many have in the past – that since it has been “quietly” active for a while, that it would remain to be so, at least in their own lifetime on this planet.

Where are your thoughts about what it is to be part of a world that was not yours and what was it that you thought would be acceptable in terms of who is, and who is not, part of those islands, and more, when was it that anyone with an illness would be spared by the mountain and when was it that anyone saw anyone Hawaii Maoli living that close to the caldera?

When was it that anyone ever really thought that anything at all would spare them? When was it that anyone at all would live to tell about the mauna coming alive in this lifetime, there and real and ready to eat those homes …those….estates… named “Leilani” which….no one knows that that is NOT EVEN an ACTUAL ANCESTRAL name and was one made up by a descendant of a colonist to name his colonial kid with.

Foʻ real….go look it up, the actual origins of that specific name, and find out that I Am correct.

I would have to be…I Am one of those Maolis with an outrageously long middle name and of course I passed that name on to my only daughter (with permission, naturally, and in keeping with the tradition of tribal peoples ALL OVER THE PLANET and NOT ONLY NA KANAKA MAOLI….from my Aumakua – the woman who granted permission to my mother to name me after her…..her being my Grandmother. Please, keep reading). I Am one of those people who is of the ancestry which I Am and Am here to tell the world that there is a lot more to all of this exploding mountain top than what we are being told and are seeing.

All Hawaiians know….as Hakes stated, you do not turn your back on the ocean, and you cannot ever forget that while you can command people and animals, you cannot command nature, and if you can, I promise that you are not someone who is out and about telling the rest of human life that you have this ability – and yes, there are lots of people who have this ability and no they are not part of some government thing…they are what are called Shaman…. no matter what, trust Nature to take care of you.

But trust, too, that there are people among us who dared believe that things that are of a natural nature somehow behave according to the rules of man and commerce and no, no they do not.

People all over the place who never considered themselves as part OF and not apart FROM the natural world are learning very quickly that when you piss off an old woman, the world pays attention….

I suppose that you might hoʻonānā now, yeah???









1_Angels whispering in your ear.jpg

Lately, a whole lot of us are being nudged in a new direction for who we each and all are. Or, we are being given cues to the reasons as to why we have been through so much…

We can believe that we are all alone on this planet, and in a few certain ways we would each and all be absolutely right.

We are alone.

We are alone in our bravery, because no one else can be brave for us – we have to do that all on our own. I suppose that after everything that I have experienced over the course of time that has passed is nothing short of daunting but, the bottom line is that there are things that I have dealt with that should have taken me out, not just of the ball game but out of my body, as well.

Yet, here I sit, still, doing the things that I am supposed to be doing, right this moment in time in my life and while it is that there are a lot of things that I could pitch a serious bitch about, the thought in my head, ever since last Sunday is anything even NEAR defeat and if it is anything to anyone at all who cares to believe anything else about anyone else, I urge you to really think about one thing…who are you more bothered by, or, conversely, WHAT are you bothered by that someone else has told you will happen?

And really, why is it that you believe that they have that much power to begin with?

Letʻs put it this way, shall we? The only time that anyone can scare, harm, control anyone else, ever, is when we let them do that. You see, for a lot of years, there has been this underlying current in my life that is not so underlying. The reason that I would call it this is because when I thought about it in terms of what it meant in the tangible sense, it hurt.

Oh…it hurt, but, not for the reason that I am certain the person or people who orchestrated it all were thinking that maybe I was not being complacent, and that even more importantly, I made certain that, at least in my circle and in my family – and there are 8 of us – we decided, together and a while back, that it was time to move on.

I am certain that there are people who will read this and who will have lots and lots to say about it after the fact and those words will sound like “…yeah right….” and really, I probably no longer care because the frank truth is that trying to get anyone else to believe you after they have fixed themselves on who you are that paints an ugly picture of you (and allows that it is ok for them to slander you, defame you, just be shitty when your name comes up) ….well guys…bottom line there is that it is not YOUR problem, but theirs.

It is not yours to deal with…you just gotta not care…

I have been practicing one phrase and am finding out that I am being truthful when I say “I donʻt give a shit,” and “I donʻt care…one little bit.” I mean every word that I say, every time that I say anything at all. I mean it when I tell someone anything because I know what it is like to believe what you are told, only to have those things not happen for you. I know what it is like to believe that someone loves you, only to have them fail you in a very big way.  By this I mean that it is easier for people to believe the ugly things about who we are than it is to believe the good things that we each and all know exists within the majority of the human race.

Now….go with me here, would ya?

You and your people are all part of the human race. By “your people” I absolutely mean your family, and no, it is not theirs to make a judgment about who you are, just as much as it is not yours to make that same judgment on them. Even as this is the truth, and even though (indeed) this is not only what I have taught my kids (all of them, including the ones who call me “Auntie” and the ones who I refer to as being my “Hanai” or adopted kids), this is also the only way of being that they know, these very kids, where I am concerned.

Parents have a HUGE kuleana – and that kuleana is to teach our kids to be as good to themselves at least as much as they are expected to be good and kind to other people. When those other people are not good to them, we have make sure that our kids know that there is the option to no longer have those others  or their energies as part of their life experience. We are seeing it a lot in the news, how it is that legions of people just expect kids to follow what they have been taught, but, the truth is that, to my knowledge and from what I have seen with my own two eyes, there are still people who think that they get to tell anyone else what they get to do and who they get to be, including what it is and what it is NOT that anyone will be…*ahem*… taught...

What people have been taught versus learning what one must learn

When we place our people to “go up against” anyone elseʻs people, we are already in a place of fear.

Fear is learned.

Fear is a feeling that causes a person to feel like they are  in danger. When our beliefs about anything at all become threatened, and when it is that we feel like we will be expected to not challenge someone elseʻs beliefs about who we are for real is when we will, through our bravado, end up showing people what we are scared of, and it will typically come out as an all out attack on whoever or whatever it is that is the perceived threat.

To what, I have no idea.

Does not matter because it does not change that one thing…that fear is learned.

It is.

The only ones that we have biologically are related with the fear of being eaten by a dinosaur, or, more modernly, being bitten by a venomous creature, and of course other things that are completely out of our control within the natural world. Outside of that, we are conditioned to fear things, specifically what other people could do to us. By “do to us” I am saying that we are worried about what other people will say to us that will hurt us, that will cut us up inside, and that more than anything else, we will be witness to. No one thinks about it that way – that what we also witness will have an impact on us. While this does not mean that we have to walk on eggshells, it does mean that it is wise for us to think about the entire picture, and not only what we believe to be “our side” of things.

When we have what is known as “our side” of anything, what we are already doing is causing division. When we are trying to heal from things that have lay claim to property in our thoughts and in our lives through those thoughts, we cannot decide whose “side” we are. There are no “sides” when it comes to Love, when it comes to healing – we are either all in or not even bothering. There are no two ways about it.

We either want things to be better for all involved, or we donʻt. We either want to make things better for the lives of those who are indirectly affected, or we donʻt. We either want to realize the repercussions, or, we simply do not give a damn about what our actions and words will do to affect who and how. We have been taught to win, that if we do not win, then that means that we lose. No one tells us that we do not have to play someone elseʻs game and neither do they tell us that we are even playing. They just assume things, and when we make those things not happen, they do one of two things – they either leave it be, or, they throw more heat on it.

Typically, people will throw more heat on it. Which is all ego, because it is complicated, and when things are complicated, it means that they have to have an explanation. When things are guided by Spirit, things just tend to fall right into place like puzzle pieces. What I Am experiencing right now is NOT what I assume anyone else thought I would. This is because this time, when I was harmed, and when I saw what was of real importance to anyone at all, I chose to take myself out of a game played between an ego, and a soul…

…between an ego and a Soul…

Our ego tells us that we are supposed to be better than someone else, because if we are not first, then we are second, or last. I have no idea what seems to forbid us, OTHER THAN biological impulse, from being part of something, rather than trying to think that we are better than everyone else within a certain mile radius might think that they are. I have no idea what seems to make us believe that we have to be better than anyone else, when what is the most important thing is to everyday try hard to be a good human being without being bad to ourselves. We are not taught to be good to ourselves. We have been taught to sacrifice everything we have and everything we are to ourselves, and we are supposed to, expected to do this for the betterment of the lives of others. When we need people to listen, they do not want to hear what is our ache – they only care about what is theirs, only care about what they will appear as to anyone else and in that regard – to hell with everyone else.

We are taught this so no one else has to be uncomfortable with a truth that they, themselves, did not create, most of the time unconsciously and through the things that tell more than their words, which are their actions. 

We are taught that if other people are not comfortable with our presence, that it is a bad thing and that how they feel is our fault, other than a thing that is simply and only different, and most importantly (no matter what your lovely grandmother told you…I promise you her intentions were all good…) we cannot ever forget one true thing – even within the same family, there is never the guarantee that we are going to be each othersʻ kind of people. We are all very unique, we humans are, but at the same time, there are things that are similar and generally the same for us all.

For the most part, people are generally all and always looking to do one thing – not get harmed.

Think about it.

Every person who you know is trying hard to do two things:

  1. Not get harmed and
  2. Not create harm for anyone else


There is no guarantee that this is going to happen, either way, and it can and has been, for every person on this planet, the same experience of being harmed and harming, intentionally or otherwise. It is a human thing, to do this, each of us, until we learn to do otherwise.

The other thing that we are not guaranteed is that we will get along with our blood relations. I look back on my own life to this point and there is one thing that has never been otherwise in my lifetime, and that is for the most part, I have always felt like I have been apart from, rather than a part of, the families into which I was born. It does not matter who feels like I am wrong – this is my feeling, and I Am allowed to feel it, no matter who feels like I donʻt have that right.

This is called MY Truth.

Please do not question it.

I donʻt question anyoneʻs…I do not have that right.


If it is not obvious to anyone, we are being nudged towards those who are best suited to our lives, and more, being shown who is meant to stay there. More than that, those who are supposed to be there will still be there, even if they are not there right now – donʻt sweat it. It is supposed to be this way and is this way so that you each and all can finish healing parts of your Selves that, while those others are still in our lives, we cannot heal, because we are having such a great time with these others that we forget – there is work to be done, mostly on ourselves.

And we all know that self-work sucks.

Self-Work sucks okole….big bambucha kine okole….(if you wanna know what that means, hit me up…lol…)…but, it is also the very most worthy work of all.

It is not the sort of work where the pay is in the real – the pay is the better version of yourself, but, first you have to pay attention to your lessons.


The funny thing about lessons is that, haha…we are never aware of them, ever. I do not give a ratʻs ass about it if you think and perhaps have convinced yourself that you DO know …you donʻt. You wonʻt until you have learned the lesson. A lesson is that thing that keeps on showing up in our lives and sucks, and once it is learned, it does not suck anymore. I have a hard time with letting people out of my life, believing that I am why they are mad with me or disagree with me or flatly just think I am lying. When I think further about it, I realize that unless I hear from them, I do not hear from them, ever, and for anyone to pass judgment on anyone else at all, one must know who those others are NOW and not go back in time and disallow people the growing they have done since that time has passed.

People change and learn and we grow. We tend to be apart from others, NOT because we are being taught what it will be like to live without them, at least not all of them. We are being taught about who we are, being shown by them who they believe we are in their lives. Who we are to anyone is not up to us. This is why we are being nudged as we are, being prodded and sometimes outright told to get the fuck out…because we are seeing who is and more, who is totally so not, our kind of people. Other people, namely relative people, even me…we all have this thing in our heads called a memory, and by that memory of the last good thing that we were to anyone is also that other one – the last BAD thing that we were…typically this is where people who want to divide, conquer and control others – and always, people remember bad stuff (again, even me) that has been said of us, but especially our blood relations.

They are who we share just about everything with up to a point in our lives when we are young, and sometimes even well into adulthood. And all the while, and this is where I differ from a LOT of people I share DNA and a grandmother with ….people are just kept in that place, in that memory, where what and who you were a long time ago is who you are all the time. This is so not fair. It is like they are telling you that it is okay that they have become who they are (in accordance with the unspoken familial expectations) but that you who has chosen to be your truest self (and to hell with what everyone “blood” thinks of who you are) does not have that same right because it goes against everything that they have believed about you and everything about you from the time that you guys were tiny little kids. …even the way that you believe in your gods.

Rigidly….thatʻs how.

While it is nice that you have been following this theory and that religion and this here belief, the bottom line is that no, you have not been. You have been touting it, and selling it, and making believe with it, but you are not really living it. More appropriately, you have been studying those disciplines and making parts of them your own, because that is the only way that our brains can comprehend things – by right of the person who is using them, and NOT by a textbook.

You can sit there and tell people that they are sinning, that they are going to burn in your momʻs godʻs hell but the bottom line is that you are judging others, and that ainʻt cool. You are telling people to get out of their own comfort level and you are making an ass out of yourself the whole time and you do not even realize that the thing that makes you believe that you are bound to them for life is that thing that flows through your veins and is thicker than water.

It can be as thick as mud but the truth of the mud is that it, too, needs water. Water is the thing of life…not just blood, and certainly not the life giving or taking opinion of blood relatives. Ever. Even as this is not about our relatives it is about our emotional and soul ailments and it is the truth that some conditions are passed down genetically, and one of those things …lots of those things are familial habits that need to be changed so that everyone is included.

Since we know that this is never going to happen all the way (refer to that whole “not each othersʻ kind of people” thing I mentioned) and that we know that those who are closest to us know us the best, this does not mean that it is our blood who knows us the best, meaning that it is also not our blood which we can trust the most, as much as we can trust that water is water, and that everyone needs it.

Even blood.

Just sayinʻ.

The Bottom Line Truth…

The bottom line truth is that we are not ever meant to stay in the families that we are born into, and that if it has taken this long for anyone at all to have taken the time to hoʻoponopono things within oneʻs own family unit and to reconcile within that unit that it is time to take ourselves and our lives elsewhere, and no one else wants to believe it, that, again, is not our fault.

We are only assumed things about, and it seems, at times, because it is the truth – ignorance is truly bliss for some, namely those arrogant enough to go to the past to see what it is that someone is going to do in the future. That is not giving credence to now, this moment, where everyone actually lives.

Now is what matters.

Now is where you are being this you, not the you who everyone decided a long time ago that you would always be.

Let them have that you in their memories, where all of you belongs – as a memory.

It is not yours to decide if you will be a good memory, or a lesson that they have yet to learn

Think about it.






Safe Places Article CPTSD Blog

There is only one Science of Getting…

I have not written in a very long time.

This morning I was online looking at the books I have downloaded over the last couple of months as a means to privately study the science behind lots of things, but truly and specifically, the Science of Attraction…and no, not the dating sort.

The getting of the stuff sort, because apparently, it is the stuff in our lives that matter, rather than the process of getting those things.

We donʻt think that way. I wish we did, on the one hand, because then we would see evidence of this sort of process happening at all times. On the other hand, with the way that too many humans still believe the ego is what we are meant to live from that from the Divine within us is why I am sort of glad that it is not, because the rampant ability towards growth that each of our own egos have…yea, even mine. We are not meant, in our egos, to be limitless, but that is where we are, the majority of us – hoping that someone elseʻs way is going to be the right way that we ought to make our lives great. It isnʻt that way. They can be the model and the inspiration for the hope for better things, but, without our own hands being in the mix, NOTHING CHANGES.

By our own hands in the mix, I mean that in every way possible, you have to be able to accept the good and the bad, no matter what – this is called balance and without it, our lives cannot be great. We cannot be balanced if we are hanging on to what are the truths of other people and at the same time expect them to see OUR greatness. This is made more concrete to us on the singular level when we choose to believe that we are limited by what others tell us, rather than that we are limitless and that once we accept this much as much as we accept the shit we do not like, we realize and are shown a WHOLE LOT MORE.

We do not realize our limitless nature, do not realize that we are made of the same stuff of dreams and that we are not here by mistake – only a fucking idiot would think that way. 

I figured there must be some sort of something to this…getting of the stuff stuff…and since it is that mine is that mind that tears things apart while in thought mode, and more – I KNOW I Am that One Person in my Own Life who actually does what I teach…thatʻs right – I actually walk my talk, and no one else can say that I do not…and there is only one way to do all this…getting of the stuff stuff… which is paying attention to oneʻs own life patterns.

Oneʻs Own Life Patterns

There is a science, you realize, behind getting what it is that you have in your life, and lots of it is done unconsciously. We want to believe that we are on top of things all of the time but the truth is that we are more inclined to be in denial of things than we are more preferring to fix our own lives and make the world a very much better and brighter place to be -for ourselves before anyone else. I actually ought to think to listen to my friends at school, the ones who are telling me that I Am what I do not realize I Am, or at least, at this point, what my mind cannot accept, due to the evidence all around me that can only be called failure.

What they tell me that I Am is nothing short of brilliant, and that is on the basic side of things. I did nothing more than be me. I guess I will just keep doing that and fuck anyone else who tries to fix me without realizing I am doing that just fine on my own WITHOUT help….and without those things that remain as ʻfailures” for longer than those things need to be my medicine, my teacher and my lesson in things that I need to do for me, so that I can do for others.

Stepping away from those “failures” we see one true thing:

If there is a script that anyone at all ought to follow, it is the following, because it marks our acceptance of things that we would rather not deal with. When we are not wanting to deal with something it is because we have created the most impossible thing in our own minds to overcome and ALL OF IT IS RELATED TO THE ENERGY OF SHAME and GUILT.

When we are willing to feel guilty for longer than it takes us to correct the behavior, it is that point when we will begin, just so you know, MORE OF THAT SAME THING SO THAT WE CAN RECOGNIZE IT AND WORK IT OUT OF BEING IN OUR SELVES. We truly are our own and only saving grace…that script is as follows, and yes, you can insert your own truths into it. It all is the same for us all. In it are the truths that we need to get a little hint as to what it is that we ought to be looking at, and I promise you each and all that what we are looking at has NOTHING TO DO WITH OTHER PEOPLE and EVERYTHING TO DO WITH OUR IMBALANCE OF PERCEPTION OF WHO WE ARE ACCORDING TO OUR OWN SOUL:

“There is a pattern of behavior that is apparent and is mine to deal with because it is my behavior. My behavior is something that lots of people cannot connect with the me who they know (always loving and sweet and not letting things outside of herself bother her) versus the real me and the me who no one wants to know, apparently, because that me is still wondering when it was that she was meant to be anything OTHER than super-human strong. I Am only strong because I have bothered to face the bullshit, and more, only bothered to inject myself into my own problems that were outside of me to see where it was that the missteps were made.”

Acknowledgement is never easy BUT, acknowledgement makes things easier to face in the future, and therein is where the treasures are at.


And in my life it was needed.


I was terrified, NO, not of living without that creep, and NO, not with the thought in my head that without his money, his name, the kids, whatever, I was not going to be all that I Am now, which is no longer afraid of him. 


Not even if I saw him.

I thought I saw him a couple of weeks ago, but, that is neither here nor there – I sometimes forget about the male ego and well, that guyʻs ego is so big it has blinded him to the idea that it is actually what caused this part of his life, no matter where it is being lived right now. Getting back to my point, the way that I was my own problem in that issue and at that time in my life – a time that comes to an absolute end real soon here within the next few weeks for me – was through the terror that that insane fool would make good on every word he spoke to me, to my parents, to our kids, to anyone regarding what it was that made us all scared of him.

Pretty much, rather than allowing what that asshole did, said, threatened with…in choosing the unknown over the …pseudo-comfort…of the known…I chose bravery over fear, once and for all, and it made all of the difference in the world for me, and ultimately, ALL the people in my life.

I get to be the me who I Am now….and all because I created a situation that would allow it. I took right action, and the right thing is happening, because I am no longer that personʻs spouse.

Truly, in looking back, I never was – I was there as an idea of what it was that that person thought it was supposed to look like, without it being the thing that it was for real. What it was for real was a lie to begin with, because that moron thought he owned me. He created that reality for himself through the ego, by means of competing with everything that was outside of himself, when in reality, he was competing with me, that whole time, for nothing more than being right…essentially in his fucked up thoughts – winning, at all costs. This is called “using people to get things” and in his case, that “thing” was control over all of us.

That fool never had control of his own emotional or mental self, and I know now that I always did.

Not the truth in Self

When we are shown who we are not by people who want us to see who we are, because who we are or who they tell us that we are in that moment is what helps THEIR cause, and they are without that same energy for anyone else, this is when we can guarantee that the ego – NOT THE TRUTH IN SELF – is what is in command. And the more that we allow this much, the more that we tell ourselves to believe those ugly things about us. The “proof” comes to us, but not in the manner that we think it is coming to us which is someone ultimately to satisfy our egos rather than in the manner it actually shows up – through the example that is anyone else who is upset with us. This is the biggest lie that we are willing to tell ourselves.

Worse than that, it is also the one that we choose to believe the most and for the longest time. 

We tell this particular lie to ourselves when we tell other people things that we think they want to hear, and most of the time we do this so that we can buy time, and when we need to buy time, it means that something that is not conducive to who we are meant to be becoming has taken over and we have willingly allowed it to be what is our most powerful selves.

This is not the truth so stop telling yourself that it is.

Our most powerful selves cannot ever make us hurt or wonder why it is that we are hurting or wondering when it is that someone else is going to make good on what they tell us. We wait and wait for other people to do things that we are told they are good at, assuming that, like any normal human creature, they will want to show that talent to anyone else, even if that talent shows up as not what we have been told.

To that other person, that we would bother to show that talent means that we trust that they are going to have it in OUR best interest, even for the sake of showing anyone else that truly, we care about what they think about themselves…well it means a whole hell of a lot, not only to that person…but to you, as well. Taking effort is a big fat deal in manifesting our lives – we have GOT TO take action, or else all we are doing is talkinʻ shit.

Think about the last time that you were able to help anyone else, and you were not worried about what you might get in return, and about how good it made you feel that you were able, by right of that talent, able to make another personʻs life a little bit easier. We are gifted with talents and gifts at birth. It is up to us to creatively grow them into being and if we donʻt, it is also ours to deal with the aftermath that ensues which is the absolute truth of our fears of failure. And truly, in the most tangible way, the only reason that it, or anything else, can be called a failure is due to failure to take right action.

A failure to take right action can be made right at any time

Yes, I am a reformed procrastinator. School is why. If I do not have a hula class to teach, then I do not have that marker in time where I need to be somewhere. This is fine, because the failure in my world at that time was that I was judging my life from who I thought I was for real. I was not a hula teacher “for real” meaning that there were other things in my life that I felt needed more attention. I ignored the signs – and the sign was that I needed to choose…remain in my current arrogance of the time OR, step out, perhaps not fearlessly, but for sure very bravely, and venture into the unknown.

“The Unknown” was what taught me the most, because what I thought I would do was become a Life Coach, and I did, but, it cost me a lot of money at the time, and the company that “certified” me went out of business. It took me some time and lots less money, all these years later, to recertify. This only shows one thing for sure – that you are not what you are labeled as.

You are not perfect, but you can be excellent, and there is the difference. We put too many time limits on the creation of our lives, and we forget about how big they really are seen with our mindʻs eyes that in our frustration, we also forget the most important thing of all – that we are, in that time, and without us being very aware of it, creating who we will become in the future that we are also creating. All I have ever wanted to do is make a difference in the lives of other people.

…and no this is not my telling you or my even stating that I am perfect or better than anyone else is.

This is not pointing out anyoneʻs “flaws” because most assuredly, there are no flaws that anyone else can point out that we, at some level, do not know about,

Indeed I know that I am needy, namely right now, and for the things that I have so freely given to others and eventually, like everything else, I will grow past this hurt and become ever more successful with that one thing – leading myself out of the darkness that I set there for me, through others, and at least I know where I stand with me, which is vitally important.

In all of this manifesting thing, all we were taught by that movie The Secret is that manifesting is possible.

What we were not taught were the things that propel it all into movement. You were told by the actors in that movie that manifesting is POOF! like a genie and myself, I have always known that it takes a LOT MORE self work than we are willing to do right off the bat. It takes more for each of us to face our own ugly truths, rather than only believing that we are pointing them out in others because we have the gift of sight – that is not the only thing. When we see it in others, it exists in us, as well, and even if you want to tell me I am wrong – go for it BUT, like DOES attract like, so…if you are experiencing bullshit, know now that it is no one but yours to deal with, even if someone else brought it to you.

Yes, I know we do not want to bring bullshit to ourselves, but we do by concentrating on NOT bringing it to our lives – that is REALLY how it works…we DRAW IT TO US WITH THE THOUGHTS THAT WE BELIEVE….and we are the reason that we believe those things, because. you know – we are always right, about everything, including our very selves….

Because, you know….we humans are perfect….more perfecter than other humans….


This is not how you think?

You think you are above faltering in your energies and you believe yourself to be above the rest of us in terms of being upright and taking right action so as to enrich your own life thereby enriching others, as well, is the outcome?

Well…why not?

I mean – this old guy…actually dead guy….Wallace D. Wattles…the author of the 1903 classic book The Science of Getting Rich pretty much maps it all out for us. Even way back then there were those of us who were trying hard to make it known to the human populace that we are magically energetic and magnetic in nature. Most people ought to realize this much by static electricity, and when there is a lack of moisture in the air we are going to experience it. This is a loose interpretation of it but is none the less how it works.

Even way back then, long before these …humans who produced that movie that introduced us all publicly to this phenomenon….Wattles had it right – there is nothing that we cannot have in our lives if we are willing to see to it that we need to think another way. Right this moment, as like LOTS AND LOTS of moments in my lifetime, it feels like I am still very alone in a crowd but the truth is that I am probably being prepped for what comes next. I never know anything about what comes next OTHER than the energies that I am sensing, and right now, there are no real ones that I am bothering to pay attention to. This is a talent that I have had since I was a small child – the ability to sense and be correct about the energies that I am feeling at any given time, and knowing exactly whose they are, while that part has always been an issue for me in discerning whose is whose…these days, I am spot on with it. 

This is not me bragging. Those who know me best know, as well, that I have a very hard time with patting me on the back. I am very dearly tough on myself.

Everyone knows this.

And I am tough on me because I can become complacent in my process of thinking for the better, than going backwards to the last good things that worked – yeah they worked, and they would have back then when I was THAT version of me, but now?

I AM THIS ME THAT I AM, RIGHT NOW...and in that manner, there is NO turning back, ever. I cannot go backwards. I love this me, even though this me is dearly hurting right now. I cannot change back into what I was, because it no longer fits the bigness of my life. 

This is my reminding myself that sometimes, there are times when we must intuit from the Divine the things that we need to know, and maybe my time is now to do that, at all times, because throughout my life, the bodily sensations that I get, and the thoughts that I think that I KNOW are not mine are things that right now, and at this very critically crucial time in my own personal life, are keeping me at a lesser level of broken than I was for the last few weeks.

Yeah – WEEKS, and it is a bitch trying to NOT express those things because they are not believed or not wanted to be believed even as they are my own observations. Observations do not tell lies – they are complete at the time that they are made. This does not mean that their entirety of being is complete, just that at that moment in time, what we are observing and feeling and sensing in that moment is the very truth of the moment. We can press other truths, but, always it is the prevailing truth that cannot be hidden because it is our Universal Energetic Signature. 

The Universal Energetic Signature

As a behavioral scientist, the one thing that I notice is that the more we stray from our truth, the harder our lives become. The harder our lives become, the sooner we are to throw our hands up and make the world know that we hate it and all of its inhabitants.

Our Universal Energetic Signature is the energy lifeline between yourself and the cosmos. It is the thing that is most noted as you by you that goes into the Universal climes and makes it so that you get exactly what it is that you are drawing to your life, either knowingly or not. At this moment in time, I am trying hard to not be bitter, hard to not be resentful of things and more than anything else, I am trying hard to not hurt. Perhaps it is my lesson right now, by the teachers who have brought it all to me OR, perhaps it is that I am the lesson for others, for whatever reason it is that anyone needs me in their life for any reason at all. The ʻsignature” that I am talking about is our personal magnetic vibration that we emit out into the big emptiness that is not really empty, at all.


Other people matter, they show up in our lives with purpose…to teach, or to be taught, but always, there for the opportunity to Love, even if it is that they only learn to love their battered and tortured selves

Into our lives comes this person who we know is not lying to us, but yet, we choose, instead, to forge ahead into this newness with old thoughts. When we are willing to only think about what USED TO work, rather than taking those MACHINATIONS OF ABILITY and USING THEM FOR OTHER THINGS, we are limiting ourselves. I know this one personally. I thought that I might not ever dance hula again, and yeah I beat the shit out of that one thing so that I can tell each of you reading this that truly, I am remiss that I do not get to teach hula like I did at one time in my life. …okay, I Am a little bit remiss, but I was way way remiss not long ago.

I used to have lots of students, and dance was the middle of my lifeʻs work. At least I thought it was.

Then one day, it all fell apart, and it bothered me to the point of no longer caring about much else than trying to revive it as it was. What I only realized lately is that the reason why it could not be the same is because I WAS NOT THE SAME ME AS BEFORE, and that much on its own, no matter who we think we are or were, is a LOT to deal with.

I did not know then…back in 2009….that I was being prepared for this part of my life, and perhaps that the only way that hula would be involved is through my show of the dance without it being taught to a group, and only danced by me in a solo effort, no matter how good or bad it is, of giving the world a different glimpse of what my culture, in its iconic art form, is all about for real.

To have read that over and over again right this moment, still, in some part of my psyche, is torture, because I was phenomenal at what I did. Yet, in reading it from another perspective, I learned from that time in my life that what I was doing was using Hula as a means to bridge people to each other.

And that is exactly what happened. 

This, I know now, is the actual gift that, as that specific Kumu Hula, was for me. It was the more important lesson of teaching children to get along, regardless of how much bad things were said to them about anyone elseʻs parents. We are awful, or we can be, as parents, imparting our foolishness on to other people because of our arrogance and our pride, not in who we are but in what we can do better than anyone else.

I can see it this way now, because I learned, through not being able to use my hula like I did to make me some money, what I CAN use it for, and it is lots more helpful as medicine.

Maybe that medicine is seen now rather than danced, but that remains to be known. Right now, it is not anywhere OTHER than in my head. 

Not the group dancing, but that I was joyful, always, no matter what, dancing hula. If I never am able to teach a class again, I will always know that I did and that I was good at it. It was the only thing that I had done for my work in this world, not knowing yet that the thing that I was meant for also required my working towards it. 

I work towards it everyday, my ability to help other people understand themselves. I cannot ever sit here and state that I help them for real because lately the evidence that I have helped people in the past is no where to be seen, even though I know it happened, they know it happened, and yeah…hell yeah – the Universe also knows it happened, because it was the grand Universe who and what has given me the strength that I have needed, all the time, but particularly lately, when it seems that on the emotional plane, I am all alone in this energy.

I behave as though I have not been here before, hurting and feeling all by myself in this energy.

I Am not, because I got this far, right?

I could not have gotten very far if I did not bother to make a way for me, throughout all of the things that I need to do for others, to also do well, because I know that in order for others to succeed, it is by my example that I lead them to their own success. If they cannot see it because they are blinded by the fear and the doubt and the worries of what it is that they cannot do anymore, that is not anything of yours to consider, ever. It is selfish of anyone at all to make it be something that anyone else needs from them, but, that selfishness ends when there is a lack of a corresponding energy where other people are concerned.

Mr. Wattles is correct in writing that we are so concerned with competing to succeed, so invested in that emotion of being better than what we need to be, which are co-creators with  one another, that when our egos have us by the fucking throat, and we are more willing to look outside of ourselves without first looking within, we are denying ourselves the truth of who we are for the truth of who we are trying to be again and THAT is a mechanism of the Ego self at its highest lowest finest.

We choose to allow this energy in our lives, for no other reason than that we are very well versed in it. We believe that failure is the only thing that we will ever achieve, and then when it happens, we want to know why it happens. It happens because it is the believable thought that we, ourselves, produce. It happens because we are more willing to believe the things that other people tell us about who we are rather than believing the good things that we know are the truth.

Right at this time in my life the planets are showing me …NOT where I am ʻwrongʻ in any other manner than depending on the good opinions and intentions of other people. Period.

I know EXACTLY who and what I Am, and right now I Am not ashamed to call myself temporarily needy  – this is part of being human…being put in our place to see how the rest of the planet deals with this sort of thing. My job is to teach others how to bring this to their lives.

This thing called co-creation 

Right now, I feel like I depended on the truths of the intentions of other people, rather than on my own, and that is where I gave away my own power –in believing what it was that I did not have evidence of. What I DO have evidence of is that on my own I have created my own empowerment, have made it mine to hoʻomana …or literally meaning to….so much so that this is what I call my coaching practice….Hoʻomana…because yeah, it has a nice ring to it.

I did not come to this conclusion lightly, neither by haste, but, I knew that embedded within it was the power of its own creative force, its power to become what it is meant to be as is envisioned by me. That lots of people think it is a pipe dream is one thing, but, that I keep on being prodded by the Aether, by the people in life and by the very driven force of passion within me…I can see what is  there, and what is mine, and that I have been she who has exacted this empowerment into my own life is nothing short of amazing. 

Even after everything that I have experienced, and everything that should have “taken me out” and didnʻt, here I Am, boldly standing in my own empowerment, knowing, for sure, that I Am this Me because I created this Me.

We have no idea of our abilities until we are forced through personal traumas to use it, all of it. We cannot fear it being lacking – we are who makes it that way.  This is not my truth. It is the truth of the Universe – that which we give most of our focus to is that which we will experience in our lives. I focus on my own successes, because in doing so, it is a guarantee on every level that I also impart this onto others and specifically I inject that same energy into the lives of the people who I love the very most.

I have been doing this, apparently, since I actually believed that I could, which is hallmarked by my return to college in the Fall of 2015.

All those good grades, those considerations for things that people who put forth the effort toward the goal of doing what they do, forever and ever amen, and being everything that they are supposed to be and helping those who have entered into their awareness …this is the reason why ….and they are the answers as to why it is that I do like I do, which is not look back at the past, neither look forward too much to the future, which is everyday changing and in manifest.

All we have is now, and in my now I chose to read a book that I read a long time ago, and one that now, means lots more to me, now that I have evidence, and evidence produced long before I was born, and 33 years before even my 81 year old father was born, in words, telling me that everything old is new again, even the way that we think.

Click the link below to get your free copy of it…read it again and again and see what it means to map your own brain…

Aloha Mai E….til next time….



Click this link to get a free copy of Wallace D. Wattlesʻ The Science of Getting Rich…for free even!! 

Ka Lonopūhā (The Healing Art)


We all have our own method of healing our Selves

Ka Lonopūhā …loosely translated means “the healing art.”

We are the creators of our own personal healing art. The photo is one of my favorite places to think, to decompress, to realign my brain so that it and my mind do not go at odds with each other.

Ka Lonopūhā…The Healing Art

In my actual studies at school, I Am the not-so-quiet and very much involved with my studies, and my environment, and those who I share the immediate air and my time and soul with…type student.

Much as I Am in all of Life. Including the one that I live away from school. The one that I live with the people who mean the most to me and who are not aware of the thing that a whole lot of them are denying, even though it would appear to be the other way. It would appear that a lot of them are fending off the thing that they believe that they are not. Instead, it is not that they are fending anything off or away – if it is observable, it is part of you, but the part that is apart from, physically, you.

Too many people want to believe that when someone tells us that something or someone is a part of us, that they are in our energy.

They are, BUT, not in the way that your brain cannot comprehend, and all because no one could explain it well enough because no one chose, but a very small number of us on this planet, to merely observe, even ourselves as being part of that observation – which means that indeed, there are a lot of us who are watching ALL of Life, with our own Selves as also being observed, in relation to everything that is going on collectively.

Right now, and collectively, the energy is that of a very healing nature. More and more people are coming out of the silence, and we are voicing our pain and we are letting it go, out into the arms of the loving Universe, so that it can be transformed into what it is meant to Be, which is Bravery, culled from fear. To cull something means to cut it out and reject it because it does not meet up to standard, let alone par. The Bravery upon which we cut ties with our old selves are done so once it is that we have chosen to cull…or reject….fear.

The way that we cull the fear and become Brave is to bother with Being our highest best selves, even if that highest best self, the each of us, feels differently and is having whatever kind of experience we are having. The collective whole of us wants things to be lovely, and really, we want things to be good for everyone.

Okay, maybe I am the only one who wants this, no matter how mad I am at someone, or how much I dislike anyone or yeah…even hate them…(don’t hate ’cause of their well earned and culled hate they are getting from me….it is the thing that is culling them from me in reverse…..reread that – you’ll understand it when you need to). Maybe I actually am that sort of person who, for whatever it is worth to anyone, will let things go. I am that person who is able to stand in my…”Reverend Pose” and be there, in that personality and look at things from that observer’s point of view, and stand apart from the situation long enough to see the human factor involved.

…then suddenly realize that I am also part of that factor, that I am as fallible as anyone would be and most of all, I have no right to hang on to anything that I have no business having an opinion about. Unless it is my own, about myself, or regarding myself in relation to anyone else.

When I do this, I am able to sense the similarity, and the similarity right this moment is that for real, we are where we are supposed to be, because whatever it is that we are going to be doing has to do with the way that we have found ourselves through the truth in the turmoil.

We are finding out that we are drawn to where the healing takes place, even as we are still very well in place in those places that physically, we would rather not Be. But, Be where we Are right now we must, because somehow, it is helping to heal who we Are.

Like salt in a wound, or in my case, lime juice in a scrape had whilst pulling limes from the neighbor’s tree…either way, it burns, and either way, it cleanses, and either way, it will not hurt forever, and either way, it will heal.

We go to these places and Be with those who mean the most to us because our souls know that those are those places where we will heal. We still live like humans, in a body, and we still live as humans, living life as fallible creatures, but, we do so also as Souls living lives and learning about who we are, instead of trying to Be who we are not.

The most healing thing…

The most healing thing is now, right now, when it is that we see there in our midst nothing, but everything because in that “nothing” is contained the void which the Universe abhors. By right of quantum physics, that which is empty will get filled. If your life is void of something that truly your heart desires, rather than the thing that, for too long now was gonna be the truth is NOT the truth, that void being filled with more things that hurt…well, you are, right this moment, where it feels like there is nothing left there is this void.

And the void, in the sense that is the science behind it, will be filled, and you get to dictate with what….so, let’s think about that for a moment okay? Let’s think about what we could do with that void, and how we would be able to use it to our best advantage.

Let’s think about the last time that the energy in the middle portion of your belly felt like it does right this moment. I am not there with you, so I cannot see you and you cannot tell me where it is that this warmth, or perhaps this very…intense feeling of resistance…is at in your body. So for your own benefit, think about where it is in your body right this moment that you are having one of these two sensations and when it is that you are having that sensation, what is it that you are thinking about.

There is a better way for every one of us to think the thoughts that we think, but first we have to trust that we can believe those thoughts. SO, the first thing that you have to do is create believable truths about you that apply to you right this moment. You might not be a great artist, or a great musician, or great at that one thing that you want to be great at, but, it does not mean that you won’t ever be. Even though a lot of people in the healing trades tell you that you need to live in this moment (and they are right) what you are not thinking about is that it is okay to be thinking thoughts in that moment. If you don’t think thoughts, then you have no idea of what it is that you might not want to think anymore.

The thing that we are not thinking is that haha….lots of people want us NOT to think, but, our mind does that anyway…think. What I prefer to think of it is, is that you are rewording your thoughts about yourself, and that if you must stay focused and in your thoughts, then why not play with the words that you are thinking those thoughts with and make those words believable as well as at least neutral, if not at least good….(even though we would love for them to be great…I get it I promise…)?

We ought to be thinking, because in order to Be, one must be able to think. To create our lives we must think thoughts conducive to those lives being made. This requires work on our own part. Regardless of what a whole lot of people want to believe, there is not one person on this planet who is not prone to thinking, at one point in their day. I am so very sorry, but to not think, at least at one point in your day, is not giving credit to the idea that you have the capacity to create your world. In order to do that, all of these modern day gurus and people selling it to the world, this thing called the LOA, have it right….you think your existence into being, and the environment it in housed in.

To not think is to not claim responsibility, and neither control of or power over, our own lives.

To not think is to allow the rest of the world to have it in their head that you are thoughtless. To not think means that you are not living completely or fully, even though you might have been taught that thinking is the way that you screwed your life up but I am here to tell you that that is not the truth. It is not that you are thinking too much, but rather, is the kinds of thoughts that you are thinking and more, the way that those thoughts are making you feel.

If you want to heal, then in your thoughts, you have to start thinking things that make you believe that this is what you actually want. This is not about what you are going to get, but, more about the feelings that you feel about you actually getting the things that you want that will lead to the life that you want to have. What you are not told in all of these things is that you have to actually train your thoughts to do this. Only a handful of teachers will tell you this outright (and methinks that I will begin compiling a list of links to these people…stay tuned. I will post them as I find them…) In getting what you want to have, you have to be very clear about what that is.

If it is that you want certain things, it is not the actual thing that you need to call into your life but more, the right situations and synchronicities to happen that will allow these things to happen that help it all Become. Read that again, maybe twice if you must, then you will see what it is that many, many people have NOT done, in relation to calling into being the lives that they want.

You gotta learn to see what is not obvious, and you gotta be willing to see yourself as that thing that you need to be, right this moment, even if in the physical world, you are not what you see there in your mind’s eyes – you are that in your Soul, meaning that you are that in manifest. When you are in manifest, you are learning to appreciate what it is that you are learning to be. When you are learning to be your highest best self, you are unlearning to be what you are no longer, which you have not been in a long time, which is no longer the right fit for the higher self that you are now.

That is a lot to take in, the idea that you are not the same as you once were, and that even in what seems like your broken self, you are still whole, are still able, are still here for a reason. To be in that energy, there are things that you have no reason left to believe about you. There are things that no longer apply and the reason that it feels so…not nice…is because you are, by far, better than you were not too long ago. There are things that you no longer have to deal with and the things that are not there anymore, no matter what they were, that are gone from you are not a part of you. This means that you no longer have to live in that energy any longer.

There are parts of you that won’t ever go away, that are evolved now, that are there and present and waiting to be what they are supposed to be for you, and all you are waiting for is the opportunity, and in those opportunities are the things that you are meant for, in this part of your life, where you are not hurting anymore and you are not having to live up to the things that your ego needed in order for it to live.

You are no longer just that…and you only recently found out that this is the truth of you – that you are not just the body, not just the outer person, but that you are the soul within and that the soul within has grown to who you are now. The only thing that is left is to build from what seems like the rubble that is actually just a collection of mosaic pieces created by and for you.

The Healing Art

Only you know what is your healing art, and only you have the ability to trust it for yourself, so that with it you can create the life that you want. First, though, you have to be willing to heal those parts of yourself that have kept you where you are for what is already too long. It is not because of anything other than that you were not taught that you are allowed to believe in yourself. You were taught to love everyone but that everyone also included yourself.

The healing art that I Am talking about is this thing called being Human and learning to be who you are right this moment.

Only you, at all times, know who you are, even right now, in this moment.

What is your healing art?

Whatever it is, it is right.

No one can do it better than you can

Try it

It takes practice

I promise it works







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