No one can go back

You cannot go backward. We cannot return to the time when we thought things were perfect. We pine for that energy, not for that time period.

I cannot be the only one noticing, what, with all of this “everything old is new again” stuff, is happening at the moment. What is happening at the  moment is that there are people coming  back into our lives from a totally other time in our lives and a lot of these people want what we each had with them so many years ago.

I noticed it about …oh…September, when it seemed like things were just a giant weighted mess. What really was happening was that we were being distracted. At that same time we were also being taught – and we were being taught about how really very tough our collective lives had become, even as it seemed and might yet seem that we have just grown used to things being…very and uncomfortably unkind.

Universally felt unkindness

I am not the only one who was a great big snotty whiny mess…let’s say, from, oh, I don’t know…August, until last week. I was not and still am not the only one who felt this weighted energy. I am here to tell you all that it was a multifaceted big, giant ball of ugh that was meant and was with purpose – in fact, meant with a few purposes, with one of them serving as the distraction that we each needed for what happened next.

What happened next was that we all found out a little bit more about what it is that we do want, versus what it is that we know we absolutely can do without. Where I am concerned, it was about my growing spiritual healing practice, my daily writings (except Sunday because even the Goddess and her old man take Sundays off…what? You think Superbowl was set to be Sundays all because one human thought it up? Come on !! Haha) and now, it is about continuing to grow both.

And I promise you that I was an awful mess. It was a very difficult year, 2013 was, and lots of us were glad to see some things and some people go away, and it was also meant to thicken our skin and toughen us up for what has already begun. Some of us are ready for it, and lot of others of us are simply just not.

Everything old is new again, even old friendships and old loves

This is not to say that your first love is going to want to be all wine and roses with you, because lots of time has passed. This is not to say that your pals from another time in your life are still going to be what you recall them being, because, again, a lot of time has passed. In the many years which have passed since the last time we saw any of these people, every single last one of us has managed to go off in our own direction and live, and hopefully have learned from what it was that we went through.  Now here we are, at least the ones who are meant to learn or perhaps relearn what it was that we did not, through these people, and wouldn’t you know it? Some of us want to actually live in the past believing, perhaps, that living in that time, or a time like it recreated now, will make all of our pain and our loneliness go away.

It won’t.


I have GOT TO reiterate …that these people are back in our lives in some manner is one thing, but know NOW that they are not there for the same reason that they might have been all that time ago. Whatever it is that they came back for, it is not that. It is anything but that. We have to consider a whole lot of things, with the biggest one being that lots of time has passed and in that time which has passed we have all become very different people. Time is funny like that – it does not stop, and we do not stop growing, even if we don’t feel like we are.

A whole hell of a lot of cleaning and clearing to do

If you can, for a moment, think of these people as being the clean up crew for certain remnants of what was your life. All these years you were wondering what they were doing, some of us more than others, and suddenly here they are. They might not be in your close proximity, but they are somehow back in your life and there is a reason they are there. For some of us it is to finish learning a lesson that they were meant to bring to us but for one reason or many reasons, they had to leave for a little while. For others of us, it is a reuniting with a like soul which never really left our side, even though they might have ended up on the other side of the world. No matter why they are back, they are here and they will remain so until it is that we have or they have learned what they have had to but could not because you were not there.

This is what I mean by our cleaning up and clearing out – it includes people, lessons, and things that we either need but do not have, or have but do not need. The only people on the planet who can help us with this are these other people. Some of the lessons are going to suck more than they won’t, while others we will not want ever to end (even though they will and that, in and of itself, is the lesson – to let go and come back to reality about them and you and everything in between). Think of this part of this time as being the clearance sale of all clearance sales, and everything on the rack has to be gone and if it is not gone, then those items will either be placed into storage for another time, or, they will be given away (that letting go thing…”given away”) to a charity.

Humans are bad at learning when we do not want to, and when the lessons suck we want to hide and wait for another day when we are more prepared.

That is not how this works.

Lots of folks don’t understand that sometimes we ARE prepared, right as we are, to go through what we need to in order to make things right again, not only for ourselves but for everyone else involved as well.  Unfortunately, and there are not a whole lot of people who will deny me this much – we got here on our own, by our own hands, and with the help of the beliefs about ourselves that were handed to us by our parents and whoever else were the determining and governing variables in our lives as children. Our personal Grown-Ups, all of them, at least for the most part, have conditioned all of us to believe that we have to be better than other people, at everything, and that most of all, if we do not win, that it is okay, but that if we do not win, no matter what it is, other people will not love us as much as they say they love us at this moment. This, for a lot of people who can now be considered “middle age” (Yes, I am one such person), is akin to the constant recording played over and over in our heads, that no matter how good we are, we can be better at it all, that we can win, that we can be victorious, and screw everyone else, because unless you win, you are a loser. (Go ahead and lie to me and yourself and tell me I am wrong…you can’t.)

This is the reality, and, as well, the place from where all of us have groomed ourselves into what and who we are now, no matter what that may be and no matter, really, what we think of it. It is also a very real, real-time example of our collective dependence on what other peoples’ opinion of us is.

Take for instance, yesterday, on my Facebook wall, I had a bit of a misunderstanding between me and a young woman who I have met more than once, about whom I have known since she was but a young girl, and also is someone who I have never really truly known. While I will not go on about what other peoples’ accounts of this person is, the biggest thing that came through to me was that this is a young woman who has a lot of ambition, but at what cost?

I will admit to admiring the passion within her, because it is like my own is, but the difference between this young woman and myself is lots more than only being years. We do not have the same background, even as one incident in each of our very storied personal lives are, and it is that one incident, on my end, that prompts me to think about how it is that we can think back to the times when things were not like they are now, and we can pine for that exact same energy (so that maybe we might be able to live in it, albeit temporarily). The bottom line is that we can never go back to the times when, it seemed, things were easier. Things seemed easier, but in reality, they were only appropriate to who you were at that time, and at that time, much like now, there were also times prior to it that you may have wanted to return to. It is not the time that you want to relive. It is the energy of that time in our lives.

Energy does not die, but it changes

Think about this for a minute, and let it sink in, and realize right this moment that if you can think back to that time, and relive, through your memory, a time in your life when it may have seemed like things were a lot easier than they are now, then know, too, that this is the personal power that all of us – each and every one of us – has. This is the gift that can also and sometimes be a curse, because while we are living in a past moment energetically, we are still in this time that is Now. There are lots of people who just do not seem to understand that yes – you can go back in time but only in the energetic sense.

Our minds and memories are powerful tools that can and should be utilized to bring about a higher energy for the collective whole of us. They are two things that, when they are worked with in tandem with the reality that is outside of the each of us, can help us do magnificent things in our lives for ourselves and for others.

However, when it is that we stay stuck there, and we believe ourselves to also be stuck here in the Now is when people and their human type ways begin to start thinking thoughts about how great it would be if we could just go right back to that time in our lives. The worst part is that a whole lot of us just do not realize or want to accept that what we see with our mind’s eyes and feel both bodily and emotionally is real, but the things and people that originally brought those feelings and that energy are different.

We cannot go back there, but we can and should relive that energy thought. I say this because if a person is right in the mind, they can handle being nostalgic, can handle accepting that we physically live in the reality called “Right Now,” and this applies to the most of us. There are, however, those of us who, for whatever reason we may have, want to live in that past energy all the time, with all the same people, and all the same things, and that will not happen. We can wish and pine for it, ignoring the idea that a long, long time has passed us in between, that people we love and want to be with also have all those many years away from us and that they have grown, and changed.

That we think about those times in our lives is one thing. We all do it. I do it. You do it. That guy over there with his finger up his nose does it – all of us does it. That there are people who want to stay back in time in a friendlier place in their minds and in their past is when it gets very ugly. When we want to live in that past that we see and we love, and we want to be in that time rather than fight our own demons through the Now, we are not opting for growth, but for comfort born of either a desire to feel that way (which is good and doable) or, the desire to go back in time and relive that time (not possible, at least not at this time in history).  Back there we are not the nut-job of a wife who did her share of wrongness to her old man, and back there we are the stud-muffin we were back in high school, and back there are no kids who need stuff, mortgages that are ours, drama that is ours but share….back there is gorgeous, of course, because back there is not the pain or the ugliness of right this minute.

No one can go back, so deal with right this moment

Okay, so there are people who can and do regress others to another time in their own awareness, but the greater part of us do not bother to deal with the realms of weirdness that I and a few others like me do. For the rest of the human race – we cannot go backwards, so dealing with right this moment is likely the best option for any one of us.

Going back to that thing that I and the young woman I wrote about earlier in this writing, while it is that I totally get where she is coming from, what I do not get is the idea that once we have been sinned against, suddenly, we are in that very “sinned against” energy for the rest of our lives. I am sorry, but I cannot stay living as someone else’s victim. It isn’t right and tends to make us believe that that is all we will ever be. Am I saying this of her? Of course not.  What I am saying is that at this time, she is not where I am, as far as years between the incidents goes. So, naturally, what she went through is still going to piss her off to the point where she may not be able to see much more than her own silent hurt and anguish which historically has always been seen as her anger, and her pain, and her baggage.

Yet, I know that one day she will recall, maybe even with a fondness, the back and forth between us yesterday, and may, one day, hear my voice or see my words in her memory, and perhaps one day, I will not be the venomous bitch I am sure she thinks I am now. And this is okay by me. I have been known as many, many other things…and in comparison to those other things, a venomous bitch is a step up!

No matter how great things were back in the day, you, me, we can never go back there. And why would anyone want to unless they believe that there really is nothing more than what is right this moment for them, ever? If you believe that all you really have IS this moment, then you are farther ahead of the game than even you are aware of.

Now please…go and wash that Aquanet out of your way too big Bon Jovi hair, and ALL of you need…NEED to take off ALL THAT MAKE UP!! Back then was nice, but right now is way, way better, in my opinion.  It is so because I would never want to be that clueless child who lived in a woman’s body . Not only that, I could never go through all what I have been through all over again, for anyone, ever.

Stop wishing for what was, be grateful for what is, and know now that better days are just ahead…let go of what was and be excited for what is to come~!




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