Monthly Archives: June 2013

It all begins with you

Everyone wants change to happen. Change doesn’t just happen.

Change doesn’t just happen. It has to be cultivated, and it has to be thought out, and it has to be able to become real. A whole lot of people just think that when they change their mind that it is so very simple to just go with it. This is not the truth. The truth is that in order for us to go from our darkness and toward our light and getting there guided by the Light within, there needs to be some work going on, and that work has to start on the inside. To change anything at all takes time, because what we are dealing with everyday is a fluctuation in the things that we believe. Change is not easy. Change takes work and change takes time and change takes everything within us each to believe that there is something better for us that will come to us and through us. Without our involvement, we will only want change to happen. In order for change to happen, we have to do what it takes to make it that way.

We have to start with our thought process.

While it is the truth that more and more people are beginning to take notice of the thoughts that they think having everything to do with what they perceive to be the world in which they themselves both live and have created, what is also true is that the people in our lives who seem to be having the hardest time with life in general and who are bitching about it all the time are the very people for whom this is written. To those people who want change to happen TO them, well, y’all are waiting for God to come knockin’ on your door like so many evangelists annoyingly do far more than anyone needs to know their version of the word of God.

You have to actively want to have things better for you, and as much as you want the changes to happen to you is as much you also have to think that all the work that you are going to do is worth it. Change is not easy. Change means, to a lot of people, that we are just not right. To believe that we even need to change anything about ourselves is, again, for some people, akin to telling ourselves that there is something essentially wrong with who we are. There is nothing wrong with anyone. There is only the stagnant nature that is the will of the Ego prodding us to remain in our comfort zone and hope and pray that change will visit us. If that isn’t enough, a lot of people also believe that good change only happens for lucky people.

Of course, then there are those ones who seem to believe that they are somehow owed by Spirit the things in life that they want so bad. These are the people who are the abusers in our midst. These are the ones who live their lives with their arrogance plainly seen by the very world and these are the people who believe that who they are is the greatest example of what everyone else on the planet would like to be like, and if they don’t want to be like them then there is something wrong with everyone. else. These are the types who we see in government who refuse to let go of a woman’s right to choose what is best for her life and her body, and these are the types who feel like they have to put anyone at all in their place, just because putting someone else in whatever it is that the overblown morons seem to believe is the only right way to do anything, think anything, be anything.

These very people, the ones whom I have described in the paragraph above this…these are the ones who are the most fearful, because these are the ones who believe that they know what is best for everyone because they happen to know what is most comfortable and appealing to them. When someone feels like they have to maintain control over anyone else it means that they are afraid, and they will, even knowingly, make other people afraid to think for themselves, will make a person hurt for wanting to be who they are. This happens everyday to a whole lot of people, and there is an entire population of people who are on the receiving end of those ways who are, for the life of them, caught between a rock and a hard place. Abusers are people who hurt, dearly, and are people who never believed that there was anything about themselves that needed or need to be addressed, and these are the very ones who go through life fearing anything different, new, and more, anything which will render them no longer in control of someone else.

The thing about this, though, is that what these abusers are not realizing is that not only are they scared of everything, but by their very own actions based in fear and manifested as control of others, are completely out of control.

Completely OUT of CONTROL !

There is not one single survivor of DV who will not agree with me when I say that when someone feels like they need to control someone else, the person who needs to have that control is completely OUT of their mind. Parasitic people who believe that what is someone else’s is also theirs to take are out of control because when they were growing up, someone else had control over their lives, and they didn’t like it. Yet, even though they know what they went through with the people who were bad to them, some of them, in order to feel some sort of normalcy that is the most abnormal sense of normal that any one person could believe it to be, take control over someone else.

Parents are phenomenal at control, namely the very strictly religious parents, as well as the “I will live vicariously through my kids because I didn’t live my life the way I wanted to and I still don’t because my own parents are still controlling my life and my every thought” sort of parents. When we as parents do not allow, within certain reason, our own children to make their own choices, to think their own thoughts, to choose what they will and will not believe, even if that means what they believe is not the same as what we believe, we end up stifling their Spiritual growth, end up harming their souls in the long run, because when we have to have control over everything that they feel, think, are, will do, whatever, it means that we are still, somehow, under control of our own parents. When we try to make right the wrongs that were done to us as children, and we choose to follow the same pattern that our parents showed us, and we impart that mark on the soul without regard for the human being they are meant to become.

When we show little regard for the children who we bring into this lifetime, and we deal them the same hand of cards from essentially the same deck our hand in life was drawn from, we are paving the way for those children to do as we do rather than to do what it is that comes most natural to them or to anyone else for that matter – the natural ability to simply be who they are for real. As parents we haven’t the right to ruin them, to make them feel unworthy as they are. This is what telling people what to do, and what trying to keep others under our thumb causes them – a very real feeling of not being good enough and a feeling that the person has that tells them that even in their own skin they are not right.

It is a judgment on us when someone else criticizes us, a ding to the heart and a marring of the pride in who we each are. If we are told that we must be one way and that if we do not remain that way, the person who tells us this threatens to take away the thing that all abuse victims and survivors crave, want, and the one thing that all humans need – Love, of others, for others, of ourselves and for ourselves. Telling other people that they have to not grow and not be who they really are so that we can feel better about who we are not is the most common and very much the harshest kind of abuse there is, because it is abusing the Self within that takes place. And the Self is who needs to grow, and if the Self cannot grow or more than that, is manipulated in to believing, through the ego of the person who is being abused, not allowed to grow because of false boundaries and a conditional and violent nature of the “love” from the abuser, then surely, the Self will become crippled.

We were meant to be different, meant to like things that are not the same as everyone else, and we were meant to also change and grow and become the best version of who we each are, to not remain safe and secure in the false notion that if we choose to change to better our own lives, we are somehow not good enough for ourselves, because we want to change, and this makes our abusers manipulate that one thing in us so that they can maintain control over our lives. If we choose instead to follow the whims of the warrior within whose only mission in this lifetime for you, the body on the outside, is the growth that you are meant to experience, we find out through the pain and the hurt that on the other side of all the tears is the ocean called freedom, of choice, of will, of self, of soul, of Life.

And these are the gifts which we are offered in exchange for the false sense of security that comes with the promises made to us when things are rosy, when things are tolerable by any measure at all, and when the person or people in our lives who deem acceptable the reigning in of the Self so as to not impede their goal of never allowing anyone else to become the best version of who they are, simply and only because the abusers of the world fear everything.

Of course, the one thing that is scariest to someone who is afraid of not being all that they tell everyone else on the planet they are- no matter what it is – is that other people will know that while they are scary on the outside, on the inside they afraid to grow, afraid to change, because ultimately, they are afraid that who they really are in the Soul, no one will Love. Let me make this much clear…you can only be truly Loved by everyone else when you can truly Love Yourself. These abusers fear Loving others completely, because they do not understand, will reject, do not believe that it all begins with them. It all begins with Love of Self.

That one thing that all abusers are is afraid of being found out, afraid of other people no longer fearing them, no longer living in the shadow that is the evidence of another’s own inner demons constantly giving them the idea that without someone in their lives to reign control over, they have no proof of their power. The other thing that they are deadly afraid of is the scariest thing of all to them…

…that you will have proof not only of their lack of control and power over themselves, as well as proof of the overflowing dearth of power and control that the person who they told and believed to be weaker than they are actually possesses and actually always has had.

You are more powerful than you know, than you believe you are. You have the power to control the world that you call your own.

It all begins with you!

I LOVE YOU ALL!
ROX

Reverend Roxanne Cottell is the Kumu Hula and Creator of the Healing with Hula Program for Women and the Founder of Na Hula O Ka Wahine ‘Ui – The Sisterhood of The Soul. She is a blogger, book author, choreographer , Public Speaker, Domestic Violence and Emotional Abuse Survivors Advocate and Spiritual Coach. If you would like to contact her for speaking engagements, Spiritual Consultations, or for anything else, please send an email to reverendroxie22@gmail.com 
(c) 2013 Roxanne K. Cottell. All Rights Reserved

Advertisements

It’s YOU, not them….

Our Lives long we try to get people to Love us as we are…knock it off…Love You first, just as you are, and stop waiting for someone else to do it

We should just get over ourselves NOW, dammit. My thought about trying to change someone else to make us more acceptable in their eyes is just…meh…it is too much work to do to try to do something that will not happen.

Okay, so it COULD happen, but the likelihood of that happening on behalf of anything that is not meant for the Self and ultimately, The Soul, is as likely as our winning an Oscar while we are not meant for it – NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

NOT GONNA HAPPEN!

No one else is going to make things beautiful for you. You have to do that on your own. Conversely, no one else has the power to make things ugly for you, only you do. Only you can do for you what no one else, as you well know by this time, should even bother to think to do for anyone else. Whatever it is that you are trippin’ out on is yours alone, and no one outside of you is going to make that different. Even though whatever it is that they are doing and keep on doing bothers you, you have to think about why it is so bothersome. Why is what someone else doing in their lives such a big damned deal to you, and why is it that you are not willingly seeing the other side of the “If only” coin? We do so many ridiculous things when it comes to getting people to see us for who we are according to us that we are not bothering with the fact that what they see and what we see and know are two very different perceptions.

Our perception of ourselves will not be the same that others see. It never will be. While they might physically see what is there and while what is there will match, technically, the thought behind what we each and singly see will be markedly different. It’s like this…a Pisces person will see the moon in the sky like a big pizza pie while the Capricorn person might see it as a good moon by which to plant a crop to sell. In this same light, we all have such very different thoughts and such very different feelings about so many different things that to think for even a tiny moment that a person who has been one way all their lives will change for YOU is like pretending that you do not want them to do the change for you rather than with you as the example of the thing NOT do to or say anymore. While they might change a little bit here and there so that they can accommodate what it is that you might need that you do not have within you, the bottom-line truth is that they are not changing something for you at all. They are changing a part of themselves FOR themselves so that you can be included and accepted in their awareness in a manner which they can relate to.

Their changing anything about them, no matter WHAT you are told, what you want to believe, whatever…is not now and nor will it ever be for you. That is placing too much power and too much control of you and too much of anything into someone else’s hands. That is making them responsible for how you feel. That is making them be the one who decides for you not only how you feel, but eventually who you want to believe you are. Who you are is a sublimely unchangeable part of you. NO ONE ELSE can make you act on the way that you feel. Sure, someone else might have a lot of stuff to say, and while it might hurt the reality of it all is that it is their opinion, and we all know that opinion is NOT fact. Fact is the reality, is the manifestation of what is in your head. If you look at your self in the mirror and see something there that you are not liking or does not fit somehow you are seeing what is there that has been placed there by you via the opinion of someone else. Very truly, you took what someone else thought, said, did to you as the truth that is yours and you allowed it to be your truth even though upon looking at your reflection you see what is there that was not yours to begin with.

And we know what is “ours” and what is not.

What is Yours.

What is yours is how you feel about anything. By this I mean that the way that someone’s energy “hits” you is yours, not theirs. If you think about it deeper, you will find out that while it is that they have fed you their opinion about a thing, the way that you react, or respond, belongs only to you. You are not foolish enough  to walk up to a wild animal, poke it with a stick and expect the animal to not behave like it should. If provoked it will behave in the manner that it has been provoked. If you leave it be, stay a safe distance from it so as only to look at it and observe it, it will, again, behave in the manner that it has NOT been provoked. If you decide to walk into a situation where you know the answer from the person who you have asked their opinion of will not be the answer that you like or that you want, you know already that you have provoked yourself with the stick of self-endangerment in a soul sense. If you take the answer they give you, and look at it from a different place, and see where the person you asked is coming from, you have learned, in that one moment, if you are paying attention to their words, the truth that is theirs alone, the truth that cannot be changed at all by you, and more, the truth that you have the option to react to, to respond to, or – best case – leave it be what it is, which is THEIR truth, you will find out that for all those times that you thought they were trying to hurt you that it was only your perception of what you wanted to believe was the truth of you.

Someone else’s opinion of you is based on the experiences that came from events that happened in the past, meaning that they are based on events that happened for real. The things that are not real, though, are the imagined things that you want to believe that are the bad things that your own thoughts are creating for you. What they tell you is THEIR truth and THEIR feeling about whatever happened. What you hear is THEIR truth and THEIR opinion that does not have to be accepted by you, and really, just because you are not accepting it, it does not make it wrong, or right. It only makes it someone else’s opinion.

What is NOT Yours

Everything and anything that did not come from you is what is not yours. That terrible idea that another person has about the way that you dress – not yours. That awful opinion that someone else has about the idea that you are being “weak” when you are not raising hell over something that someone else said or did about you or about anything you do – again, not yours. Anything that you did not think on your own and anything that is a belief that did not originate in your mind is NOT YOURS. It does not matter how someone else will assume anything about you. That is not your weight to carry. That is not your Kuleana to live up to. That is not the thing that you came up with, so this means that as of this moment, you can let it go.

That’s right…if it is hurting you in any way, and you are not the person who came up with whatever it is that was said, done or whatever, you can let it go. It is not yours. It is not your truth. You did not think it. You cannot own it. Let someone else carry that heavy pu’olo for once.

Auhea Wale ana ‘oe – Pay attention! Let someone else carry their own damned pu’olo for once !

As hard as I know it is to let go of the ugly things that other people think or say about us, just let it go. If you cannot let it go, learn to think about it from another place, in another way, and live with what your perspective of what you came up with on your own about what someone else thinks about ANYTHING having to do with you. Learn to take what can be thought of as someone else’s crap as a way to either see something in yourself that you have never seen and look at it from your own perspective and never mind what someone else thinks, or ignore it, because if they can see it in you, and what they say about what they see in you hurts you, this means that it is also alive and well in them, and more than that, they have no right to judge you about something that they, too, have to fix in them.

You cannot see anything in someone else that you would be willing to see as a bad thing unless it is also in you. If you point out a person’s ability to talk without thinking, this also is yours. Do something about it, but don’t do something about it so that other people won’t tell you that it is there, and don’t do something about it that will hurt them. Do something about it because it can be thought of as something that you can use to your benefit. Do something about it because it is your soul’s wish. Do something about it because you are choosing the option to do something about it but by any and all means DO NOT do anything about a damned thing on behalf of someone else who did not pop out of your body and who now calls you ‘Mom.’

You cannot know what a person is all about in relation to you if you are not also willing to see there in them what is you, good, bad or otherwise. If the lesson that we are meant to learn is the lesson that is us knowing when we are supposed to no longer take from another person, the hurts that are meant to teach us, and we choose to not learn, we can no longer blame anyone for the horrible things that they will tell us because we walked right into their line of fire. If you are not meant to be one way, you will not be that way, but the lesson will be not that you are not meant to be that way but that you are not meant to try to be. If the lesson is that you ought not hurt for the sake of someone else, yes, including hurting from the sting of rejection and a horrible break up, including the shame that one feels over being told that they lost their job for reasons that their arrogant boss told them was the truth but is not a truth that you yourself really knows, including anything that feels like a ding to your soul, you will be given lessons in what it is like TO hurt – not to hurt someone else but to experience being hurt – but only so that you know what is the opposite of the thing that you so dearly need to know and to live and to be.

When it comes to anything at all that is of a personal nature and it causes us pause to stop and think about a thing and when it is that that thing hurts us, no matter what it is, it is meant to teach us what we need to know.

Yes, even when it comes delivered to us by the most unlikely manner, by the most unlikely people…

It is all meant to teach us who we really are in the soul…it is YOU…not them…I Promise !

I LOVE YOU ALL
ROX


Happy Fathers Day…Hawaiian Time, that is…

Our Dads only want us to do what makes us happy…

Tonight I am going to write about something else. I was writing when it hit me. I was messing around with my photo editing software, doing some work for my little cousin, Kisha. You see, Kisha is very excited. She is about to embark on the most scary (first time on a big fat roller coaster scary), beautiful (because I saw what she is doing, and I know she is going to make this her work of beauty that is always in progress), thrilling thing in the world.

“My whole life, my Dad has inspired me…even Now.” How important right this moment is, and we would not know what these kinds of moments are like without our dads. It is the very truth, as we know these days in our technologically sterile, void of contact that is the truth of us, that we are more inclined to no longer reach out to people, at least the most of us. I say much about the Brennecke Ohana, because they are my family. These people are some of the very most Loving, close knit family of siblings that anyone has ever known. Really. Most recently…okay, not like, recently recently, but the “addition” of the new “baby,” of the family, who goes by the name we have always called him…yes…We….the Soares Ohana….the all of us…he’s just Drew. When we are talking about families, I am certain that there is not another group of people with whom I am so happy to have grown up with than these people called my cousins. And I adore them and Love them all so very dearly much. The Soares-Brennecke-Petropolous-Dickerson Family has always been my most favorite group of Perfect-together Misfits…the Very All Of Us.

Kisha…The One and Only but Never Lonely Girl of the Brennecke-Petropoulos Bunch

Without Kisha’s family…without her brothers….they are not her Step-anything, guys…just like Micah has never been, either…without her older brothers, Jim and Jeff, I have no idea of what real rock music sounds like. The Good Kind, that does not make you want to hurl the moment you hear the first note play and only is “good” to everyone for a whisper silent moment – this is what Jimmy brought, and the idea that I don’t have to be bullied by anyone, ever,  always came from Jeff. Then there is my boy…my cousin, Jason, who is more like my brother…and, of course, Drew, my other almost-brother.

And then there is Kisha, the only girl.

Kisha and I are very close, just like sisters. We have always been. I can remember being small kids, running across the street to Booth Park, summertime, to “Summah Fun.” Even as I visited my ancestral Home Land as a child as often as did my cousins, it was not always to my grandparents’ house in Honolulu. But when it was, even though I cried to come home (I rarely stayed longer than three weeks, tops, without my parents. I missed my parents), I can barely recall having a bad time there. When I went and stayed at Nana and Tutu’s house in Pauoa Valley (“Across da Pahk”) it was always Kisha who was there. We fought like sisters at times, but at the end of the day, we loved each other still. This still is the truth of the Now. And yes, like she was inspired by her father,  John Brennecke, Ph.D, the guy who everyone knew as “Uncle Jack,” I have always been inspired, in some small way, by my dad and his example.

No, not of his words, but of his fire. His drive. These traits I inherited from him, as well as my fierce nature…all from pop. I was asked to tell her story, and it took me a few days – til about an hour ago, while I was creating some things for her to use on her company Facebook Page, before I could see, through her story what I see, too, through my Father’s eyes.

Through my Father’s eyes I am seen as perfectly imperfect. Yes, I may be a bit to deal with, and sometimes, if the moon is rightly placed for it, I can be downright brooding and moody. I have never ever seen my mother brood, even though I know she does. But Dad? Oh yeah, plenty of times. So, since it is that I have been tasked with this writing, about this wonderful thing that my cousin is finally doing, and also, since I didn’t know what to write for Fathers Day, I chose this blog post to say a few things at one time.

I am looking at my cousin through what I imagine her father sees, saw, has always seen…my little cousin is probably one of the most creative, driven individuals I have ever known. No matter how Arien in nature this woman is, and even when she was a little girl caked in mud from head to toe, screaming like a banshee, all the way to the day that she graduated from college, my cousin has always been my Uncle Jack’s little Girl. There was no one like her on the planet, just as I know that, for as nutty as I am, and as argumentative as I can be with the man, and no matter how dearly he wants to save me from myself sometimes because I get caked in mud by the slings and arrows that life throws at me, in my father’s eyes, there is no other nutcake on the planet who he is sometimes beside himself, usually laughing and shaking his head in disbelief at the thing his baby princess – me – just muttered. I know that my dad knows that I am who I became because in a lot of ways I am like he is, and Kisha and I are like each other in a lot of ways, and we both were inspired by the fathers who raised us..by the guys who we each call “Dad.”

It is a father’s lot in life to do his best at inspiring his daughter to become the person who she is meant to be, who is the realest version of herself that she can be, because no one likes to be lied to. It is a father’s lot in life to show to his daughter what it is like to give respect and receive it as well, because Uncle Jack always told me, at least, that the only thing that anyone needs to actually get is a clue in life…because in order to give respect you have to be able to receive it. It took me a lot of years to figure out what he meant by that, and it was not until most recently that I figured out what he meant by that.

It sounded like “Tita, you only gon’ get what you are willing to accept is yours!” and yes, it is the truth.

Kisha accepted that it was her choice to live her life, to be happy and to listen to what her Dad, my Uncle Jack, my dad’s good friend and the guy who Kisha loves each and everyday of her life, even now, as he has gone Home to Spirit…she says it all the time….she said it to me today, in fact…

“My whole Life, My Dad Has Inspired Me…even Now…” says Kisha, when talking about the start of her new life as a brand new business owner. She will open Duds and Doodads this month in La verne, California, the very town she grew up in. Every time I talk to her, I can actually hear the sparkle in her eyes. But always, too, I know that she and I both can see her dad smiling right now.

“…you have to learn to receive…,” said the Professor…

Yup…my whole life, even and especially through the times that I have not exactly been a gem through…my Dad, he has inspired me…even Now…

Happy Fathers Day…almost a week late, even….to all those dads out there whose daughters will one day look back, think these same thoughts….

I Love You All !
ROX


Living a Life Led By The Soul Within Us Each

We are far more than just what meets the eyes

Human Beings …we are a silly lot. We think that we have to prove to the world that we believe in things outside of ourselves, and never are we more inclined to NOT tell people that we also need this proof. Proof of what? Of the Great Spirit, God, The Goddess, Godde…Love…the real kind which comes from somewhere inside of each of us, that’s what. We want to live peacefully, our needs met, everything perfect.

We do not realize that to live the perfect life we must accept that in a human, carbon-based life form way that we are anything but totally perfect. We are perfect in our imperfections, but that does not happen for anyone unless we are willing to accept these things about us and everyone else, too. When you choose to live your life by the seat of your beleaguered Soul is when the meat of things begins to soften, is when where we have been and what we have seen and all that we have ever gone through, while it might no longer matter, very suddenly it makes sense….perfectly imperfect sense, at that.

WE are magical and special and all of those other things that we do not want to believe, and we do not want to believe these things because we were never taught to accept that we are imperfect, but we are also special. We were never taught that we can appreciate who we are and not only to appreciate other people. We were only told that we need to have respect for other people, but rarely were we told or even taught that we each deserve respect ourselves. We were taught, told, shown, some of us had it beaten into us, to respect others, but in that respect, which, for some of us, was not good enough for those who were demanding it, we were not given any. This is the soreness in the Soul, and this is the collective broken heart that together we choose to remain held onto and to suffer through.

And the reality is that we do not have to suffer for anything, anyone, any reason. We will hurt, but we don’t have to suffer for the sake of someone else.

Following the Light of our Selves

How about you guys? Have you all had enough of this garbage that calls on us to sacrifice til we can’t see straight? Have you had enough of feeling like you do and have you realized yet that someone else’s crap is not your own? I am learning this daily, and daily it pains me to see the things that I see and to know what I know and daily, too, I know that this is almost done, that we are …I am…spinning my wheels for nothing, worried that Spirit does not hear me and does not know what She is doing. She knows what She is doing, and I know this because even when my days start with the energy that makes me want to slink back to bed, and when I am faced with putting gas in the Wonderbucket or buying what I need to for myself I am aware that I am fine. Even though my brain might hurt from all the things that it has taken in and filtered through it as being “bad” and even as I know that there are things that could be better than what I have in front of me right now, they are, in essence, getting better, or at least getting a little more palatable for my Piscean brain to digest.

If there is anything that I needed to learn these last few days it is that I had to return to that place where Spirit is Who leads me, Who Guides and protects me and my great big Soul. It is the Soul within that has never let me down and never for one moment given up on me or given in to the whims of the Ego, and too, it will always be the Spirit Who will help me when I need it the most, because no matter what, Spirit is the thing that my life is lived by, and it will always be that part of me who is in control.

It will always be Spirit which guides me through tears, even if it is sent in the form of a text from a 19 year old boy who calls me ‘Mom,” and who texted just to know that everything is okay.

It will always be Spirit which guides my words when speaking to a child whose eyes look like mine, whose face is the semblance of my own, and who, for her 15th birthday, only wished for my own happiness.

It will always be Spirit which wraps my own human arms around a little boy for whom monsters in the darkness can be slain by his mother’s Love, and it will always be Spirit who will always Love that I Love these three young people so much.

It is the Soul within us which speaks volumes through the actions on our behalf by others that will always also be the proof of Life lived through, with, by Spirit. It is through the eyes and the Love of the Soul of a person who you love more than you know you do that is the guide to all else.

I Love these children far more than I Love anyone, anything, else…

I Love You All !
ROX


Cheap-Ass Tip : You’re only wearing it one time….

Wedding Gowns …ugh !

A beautiful gown does not have to cost an arm, a leg and the first born child of your first born child. Here are some things to remember when you are shopping for yours !

Everyone loves a beautiful bride, and in the years that I have performed weddings for marrying folks the one question I am asked the most is where the intended and impending bride-to-be should go shopping for her gown.

The fact of the matter is that you are only wearing that dress one time, and unless you have a daughter or if your future children will include one, the idea of anyone spending THOUSANDS on a dress that she will wear ONE TIME just makes my brain itch. I have a few thoughts, and you might balk at them, but if what you want is a wedding that is both perfect AND affordable, the other idea is that you might not think that my ideas are such a wash…here they are…

My first thought is The Thrift Store…yes, the thrift store, and it is because you can get a gorgeous gown with a lot of ugly little beads on it, take it to your friend who is a seamstress, and you and that friend can rework the way the gown looks with a few alterations. While it might seem like the ultimate in Cheap-Assedness, it will save a whole lot of money and will whittle the time seeking out the perfect dress if you could see the possibilities. A lot of the time, what we see in the bridal mags are mainly dresses that are newly designed and created for those brides who can totally afford taking out a loan in order to buy it!

The Second thought that I have is to go to the downtown Los Angeles clothing district, because that is where a LOT of those “loans for a one time wearin’ it” type dresses will be found, and in that case, it won’t be thousands but actually hundreds of dollars.

The Third is Recycler.com, craigslist.org, and of course, Ebay.com – buy your dress online…and while I get it that this can be dangerous in that it might be too small (yikes) or too big (not as yikes) you can refer to the first thought, back to that friend who is handy-dandy on a sewing machine.

The Fourth? Of course !! That same friend…you know the one…she is awesome on a sewing machine, and she is going to charge you a whole lot less than will anyone else who is NOT your friend. This is not you being cheap…okay, maybe a little, but in reality, cheaper is smarter, and smarter means that you have saved some money. If you have a friend who is an amazing seamstress – pay them for making your dress. The two of you will have a great time designing or reworking the pattern and buying the fabric that you find together, and more than that, you will have a great memory of a precious friend who became a permanent part of your special day.

No one likes to think about low-balling the money spent on the day that will change your life forever. At the same time, you cannot have an affordable wedding if you are willing to save on everything BUT the dress. Wedding planning is not a simple task, and planning an affordable wedding is not any easier. However, when thinking in terms of how long one plans to wear this dress as opposed to all of the other more wonderful things that the money saved on the dress can be spent on -perhaps a tropical honeymoon?- the dress seems to pale in comparison. When you look back ten or twenty years from now, and you look in the closet, at the box where the dress that got worn one time will remain, and then realize that you could have saved a LOT of money if you would have thought of your other options, somehow it makes it seem a lot less important that the dress is more expensive than it is beautiful.

Beauty is created and shared, and should not cost a minimum of your first born’s first born child…

Just sayin’ !

Happy Nuttiness~!
Reverend Roxie

Reverend Roxanne K. Cottell is a Southern California Native with Hawaiian Roots and a Penchant for all things hula and all things rock and roll. If what you are looking for is a whole lot of fun and not a lot of drama for you and your guests, Rev. Roxie and her Minions can help you come up with the most affordable wedding that you can all think of…and she can even get an actual ROCK BAND to your nuptials that DOESN’T SUCK !!! You can hit her up by sending an email to her. Please visit her website…and of course – there is a page in her site that is all about AFFORDABLE WEDDINGS THAT DO NOT SUCK !


Don’t judge others because they are not like you

“…don’t judge me because I sin differently than you do…”

                                                                                                                             (Dieter F. Uchtdorf)                                                

We all make judgment calls on other people. It is a part of life. If we do not use our ability to discern who is good and who is other than good, we are not allowing our intuitive side to do what is its only job…to discern. Our intuitive measure is the thing in us that Science calls and which activates the “fight or flight” within us all. There are times in our lives when we have to make a quick judgment call because our safety relies on it. There are times when we have to use it to gauge the energetic temperature inside of our own homes so that we can see what kind of day the rest of the Tribe is going to have based on the energy at the time of the day.
Yet, there are many, many times that we are more given to judging someone else based on a preference that may no longer apply to us, our lives, or the people we are calling judgment on. There are times when who we are in an egotistical sense takes over and makes us make not only a judgment on someone else – normally someone who we do not know – but that judgment on them is harsh and ugly. And we have the audacity to believe that they cannot feel our weightiness, the very nerve to believe that without our even bothering to ask a question of them (you know, such as what their mother named them, for starters) we judge them for things that we really have no clue about. If you are an Empath, which I am, and you are only in the beginning stages of learning to use your gift and how to know what you are honing in on in someone else, it is common that you will make a judgment early on and it is simply and only because of that scientific thing that I mentioned just a bit ago. The problem with empathy – yes…problem…is that when we are learning to use it to our advantage (so that all others may benefit, too) we cannot know yet whose energy we are feeling, ours or someone else’s, and more than that, the “difficult” or heavier energies may not be who they are but instead may be someone who they know and who they are thinking certain thoughts about. 
I know this one very well. Being a strong Empath is great, but it can also be the thing that, without practice and without that practice toward our abilities, we judge others by the energies they emit without also asking questions of them that would help us to clarify a few things. Being able to empathically know things is a great tool to sharpen, but it can also be a very dangerous one if we do not bother to practice, literally, what we preach. 
Practicing what we preach

We have all sinned in the house of judging other people, all of us. We have all come short of the glory that is being fair and open with strangers. We have all made a quick call on someone else without first getting to know them, thereby also getting to know what their trip is. We love our abilities, we empaths and healers and ‘psychics,’ a whole lot, in fact, but there are those among us who, new at it or not, use them the wrong way. Televangelists are very good at making judgment calls on people, and the bad thing about that is that they have an audience who agrees, and sometimes in that audience there are people like we who can look into the energies of other people and see what is there that they don’t want seen. It is this crowd – the ones who listen intently to any leader in the area of Spirit – or at least a few within it, who take what their guru tells them to heart, take it to the mat, if you will, making judgments on others who they do not know from Adam and only by what their eyes tell them is the truth. 
Then the fun starts. These are not the only ones who do this. Arrogant people, leaders in business, college professors, basically anyone, but really – namely those who are in some sort of power position – these are the people who, because they have a following, are very inclined to allow their Ego to take the reigns. When this happens, and because they speak to an audience of people who believe their tenets, we end up with a group of people who believe their own bullshit because they were told to. They were told that what they heard was the truth and the only truth that there is, and they believed it because it was written in a book by groups of people who told other people that they are an expert in whatever field it is that they find themselves in.
While it is that my name is not followed by “PhD.,” and is instead preceded by the letters “Rev.,” I cannot, ever, because it has been done to me throughout the course of my lifetime, judge another person harshly, if at all, just based on what I see with my own human eyes. My own human eyes told me to judge another person because they were different than I am, because their hair was not the same, or maybe their habits were what they were, and my arrogant ego told me that I was right and that I did not need to talk to these types of people because they looked different than I do. It was when I turned 40 that it all came rushing to my thoughts that maybe I am the reason that people are repelled by me, and maybe it is that quick rush to judgment that I habitually honored without realizing that I was hurting people, that I was hurting me, that I was creating Karma and making it so that others, through what my human eyes saw and due to those letters that come before my name, would also judge others in that same manner. 
It was when I took someone to the ER a few years back that it hit me the hardest, when the physician’s assistant on duty wrote what she did in her notes that struck me where it hurt the most..in my pride, and at that moment, due to those letters, in my calling. I learned a whole lot about rushing to judgment. 
It was because of the person who I took there that this woman chose to assume that I was an addict, and while I know that because of her notes I can sue the hell out of her specifically, I also know that it was a reminder that I could take the time to talk to a person first before I just go with what my intuition tells me, and that I have the right and the option to love them instead of reprimand them in my Soul and with my energies. Yes, me…this is what I was doing. My big fat ego and me were busy trying to save the addicts of the world without first knowing the reason for the addiction or without bothering to talk to them first so that I might find out that the energy of their soul was not theirs alone, so that I would know for sure that I was being wrong, that I was not right in the mind or the soul at that moment, and that truly, I was a televangelist in my own mind and in my own world and in my very own overblown -albeit quietly so – arrogance. 
To believe that we can save everyone is one thing, but to believe that we are able to make people think that we are the best in the world and do so through our own words and our own actions and using only the whims of our egos is quite very much another thing indeed. 
The televangelist who all of us are, have been, have the potential to be and also who can be stopped, either by our own Selves, or, on the other side of the slap-happy coin, that bitch named Karma…

That Bitch named Karma really, really is out of control, and we let it be this way. We let it be this way because for the life of us we do not know how to get out of our own way. Arrogant people are the worst at telling other people what they need to do but not doing it themselves. I was this way for a long, long time, allowing my title to be the thing that led me instead of my utilizing what power is given to it the right way. The right way to utilize any kind of power at all is in equal measure of both kindness and common sense. We hear a whole lot about common sense from some of the most nonsensical people, and we know that the majority of them mean well…yet there are those ones who have a need to be worshiped, and adored while the world looks up at them as they stand up there on their ivory tower. I know this animal, too, because I was this animal. And hell yes I can see the whole herd of this creature from a mile away.
You know who you are. You are those people who like to tell others what to do, and you expect them to carry things out in the manner that you would because only your way is the right way. There are some of you reading this right now getting very offended, very angry with me, because you think or believe that I am pointing my skinny little finger at you, and you would be right in that I am calling you out, but not right when you think that I am talking about you specifically. To point out the lot of you who think that you have the ultimate last word and are the expert in anything at all and to go out into the world and impose this energy onto the rest of us is wrong and egotistical on the mild side, and rage-raising and insulting on the other side. 
You don’t know it all. I know this because while I know a whole lot, I know that I don’t know everything that there is to know about anything at all. Things change everyday, and everyday we get a new chance to do things differently, but most of us just stick to our own regimen and this does not stop at our habits that we do each day, but it is also applicable to the things that we think, say and know. Many people in power, no matter what that power might be…it could be job related, or it can be in the community of our family at home where we are the breadwinner…it can be anything at all, really – take for granted that somehow theirs is the only thought to be had about a thing, that they know everything about that one thing, and that dammit – no one is going to tell them that they are wrong. And why would they? Why would they since they are the one who calls the shots? Why would they because every major decision made is theirs to make, even though they “call a meeting” and ask for everyone’s input? Why would they? 
They wouldn’t because they have not been questioned about the things that they know, and they wouldn’t because their arrogance and their ego have taken the reigns, and they wouldn’t because to do so would make them human instead of a minor god in the eyes of those who they have this strange feeling of power over. Parents are horrible at this. Again…I know this personally. We parents have the nerve to believe that we did not bring our kids into this world so that they will make us look good. That is not the job of our children. That is not the job of anyone, but it seems to be the job that we all want to have. It is not the job of our descendants to undo all the folly we did, all the wrongness that we think, and it is not their job to make us look good, even though we expect them to. 
It is not their job to make it seem as though if they do something foolish, somehow we are to blame. They are kids, not machines. They are gifts, not minions. They are blessings, not people who we are allowed to lord our assumed power over, yet because society has told us that the truth is that our kids have to do as we say and not as we do (good gravy we would be in trouble collectively if that were the case) we forge on into the darkness of Control and Judgment on the one group of people who we also expect Love, respect, “honor they father” from, and we have the balls to not give it in return. 
This, people, is the reason that we hate each other, and this is the reason that we try to one up each other, and this is the reason that all of us are in this bitter competition with each other, and more than anyone else, our very selves. We fight our selves each and everyday with this. We want to do right by our kids, and we want them to be happy, but we want them not to stray from who  WE are and we don’t allow them to grow to be who they are meant to be. We want their love, but we settle for their worshipful glances, and we think we are right in that energy. We are not. It is not okay to think that we hold the ultimate truth in what is right or not right for everyone on the planet and even everyone in our own world. But we think we are right, and we do it anyway, imposing onto the most important people in that world, what is right and wrong for them by what is preferable to us. This is not to say that we have no rights to offer our opinion, but we have no right to offer our opinion to our brood as being the facts indeed. 
It all starts where the heart of us collectively is. It all starts with those people whose life depend on us and our call to action and our sometimes rush to judgment on them and everyone else. 
It all starts at home.
It all starts with us.
I Love You All
ROX




The Truth Which is Yours

Truth is not a stretch by any means…

Let’s get a few things absolutely clear here, okay? Truth is Truth. There is no way around it, and there is no way for it to NOT be the Truth in Fact, and even while whatever is the Truth might not be Your specific Truth, again…Truth is Truth and it cannot be changed.

No matter what, the Truth is the Truth and like the days on a calendar, it can never be changed

Not one of us can change the absoluteness that is Truth. Truth is like water – it just is what it absolutely is, and no matter how many times we try to change ourselves so as to accommodate it and more than that, no matter how many times we try hard to place ourselves into a situation where the Truth becomes the thing that is apparent and immediate, the truth behind The Truth is that there is not a lot that a person can do change the Truth other than to simply live with it and within it.

Living With and Within Your Own Truths

It is not as easy as anyone might think, the thing called Living Within Your Own Truth.

To live within one’s own Truth…well, it is like living within your own skin and having no issues with your own self, really. When we think about all the things and ways of being that we have tried on and which did not fit, we find that returning to the truth we thought was ours is comforting, but the truth about that, too, is that while that which comforts us might have been the truth in the past, more and more we also find that we are itching to at least try also forming a new truth about ourselves and what it is that we are willing to know as the Truth which is Our Own.

In my world, the Truth which is my own is the Truth which I can live with that is about myself. You see, for the most part, we are all taught as children to live within our means and never to go outside of it. To live by that which can be seen as the Truth which belongs to someone else is only a measuring stick really, and in that truth are the kernels of Knowing that we often times are told and taught by our well-meaning parents as being the only Truth there is about a thing – that only other people can tell us what is OUR truth. Really, the only Truth that there is about anything at all is the Truth which we are able to deal with on a daily basis and that is also a Truth that is our own. There is nothing wrong with telling people who you are, and there is nothing wrong with being able to live within the confines of what is a Truth that we can deal with. A Truth we can deal with, even if it is a Truth which was formed by others and which rings like our own does, is a Truth that speaks to our Soul, our Egos, our everything, and is a Truth that we are still willing to live by, even as it is a collective Truth.

It all boils down to what it is that we are each willing to live with, what we are willing to see and to know and most of all, to accept as the Truth as it applies to us and our lives. When we are willing to do all of these three things, this is when the Truth of us is easier to deal with. When we are able to accept that maybe we are not everyone’s favorite person, and when we can accept that we are not perfect, that we are not always going to be right – this is when we are more able, not only as a human carbon based life form, but also as a Spirit, to live within what is our own Truth.

Our own Truth will not ever look exactly like anyone else’s. Our own Truth is one of those things that while we eventually accept and embrace it, we also can never change it. Who we are essentially never changes. The person who is within us is the person who the world does not know. Only people who are of likeness to us will ever know who we really are, and believe it when I say that immediately, and no matter what, it is our Souls which know who it is who has our backs and who are only there to make sure that whatever Lesson it is that the Universe is trying to teach us, we learn. When we can accept who we are, what we are each all about, what we have to offer to ourselves let alone anyone else, this is when life turns out to be the thing that we set out for it to be.

While it is a beautiful thought that who we are will be loved and accepted by ALL those around us we have to remember that this will never be. What will always be, though, is our individual opportunity to be able to learn to Love our very selves, no matter what. We are the highest octave on the string of notes called “Our Individual Life” and we are who makes or breaks us. We can only do so much for other people, but we can do a whole lot for ourselves and for who and what we are and aim to be. It is never anyone else who has to accept us or who we are – that is ours alone. To believe that someone else is who will shoulder the burden of Our Selves is preposterous at best. To think that anyone else is supposed to take the responsibility for how we feel, yes, even after they have been incredibly foolish enough to tell us their truth (and even expected us to just be cool with it…nope…not gonna happen) about who we are.

The Truth which is yours is the Truth that you have created for yourself. If you have a bunch of turmoil in your life, it is time that you stepped back and looked at it all for real and thought to yourself about the Truth that is the fact that you called it all into your life somehow. If you have a bunch of confusion in your life and it is making your head swim with nonsense all the time, dive on in there and ask your Self why it is that you have not bothered to STOP with the looking at the Truth that used to be and START looking at the Truth that is, because the Truth that is IS YOU and was created by You, too. Once we each and all can think this way and more than that, ACCEPT what is the Truth of us we will see the changes. We will notice that while the world around us does not change, our thought about it and our entire way of seeing it as it really is also changes. We start thinking in the manner that is us being able to handle our Truth and our being okay with the idea that while we might not like what we see or what is the fact of the matter at the moment, we also know that like all else, our Truth may never change, but the things that comprise our lives always will.

We will always be a certain way until we are not. We will always believe certain things until we no longer have to. We will always be the person we each are. We will always Know that what is happening in our lives is the Truth as far as our lives are concerned at any given time and for whatever reason we might have. The Truth is that life changes always, and whether we like it or not or want it to happen or not, it is going to change.

The only question you should ever have is not if you can handle the change, or if you are going to like the changes, but rather and only what your Truth in all of it is.

Think about it…

I Love You All !
ROX


%d bloggers like this: