…when speaking in terms of being angry, sometimes, you just have to let loose!
I have been getting very good, very practiced at knowing when I should be angry and when my anger is useless. There is nothing quite as positively forgiving as being able to pinpoint why we are angry. I know why I am…or rather, was…very angry, but about twenty minutes ago I let it loose and I did so in a way which was productive, at least for me, humorous and downright as girlie as it could get. I cannot help it – this is just who I am and this is just how I roll. When I have an issue these days, I am more prone to let it loose and let folks know why I am angry. In doing so, I find out who in my intimate circle of friends and confidantes I can trust and who has my best interests at heart.
In doing so I find out who is willing to be true and truthful with me and who is just playing me. No one likes being played. I am no exception.
First, you have to know that you are angry and not just hurt
I know very well that I am angry. I know that I have the right to be angry, but I also know that I do not have the right to be angry forever, and neither have I the right to be blatantly hurtful to the person with whom I am angry because anymore now, that is no longer how I do things. I cannot be blatantly terrible to people. I have to be who I am and I have to be able to express the anger, much as anyone else would. And I have to do it my way – with words, with a modicum of humor, and with as much restraint as I can in regards to the situation about which I am angry.
I know that I am angry because I listened to the person at whom my ire is directed, took their signs, signals, all of it, into consideration, their words…everything…it was a trigger that caused this, and the trigger had to do with my best friend, a person who does not suffer fools long. I know this because it was she who constantly told me that the one person who made me madder than even the dead man walkin’ said and did everything that a person who claims to be upfront with people was not with me, and because of my own foolishness and even the need to hear what I wanted to hear – and yes, what I wanted to hear, from time to time, was said. Still, though, it is not okay to not be upfront. Upfront is what she, my best pal, is very good at, and it is part of the reason that I have a lot of respect for her. I have respect for people who are making it known to me that I am not someone who should be getting in her own way when it comes to healing. This is what she serves me up with, and I won’t lie and tell you that it never hurts because the truth often does. However, the majority of people with whom I choose to hang these days are the type who, like her, are upfront with me.
This is what anyone who has a pulse needs – others to not bother with not saying how they feel, with not being who they really are all the time. I know this monster because I was this monster. I have learned well the gift in the truth and more than that, the gift in the silence and even the lies of omission.
First, you have to know why it is that you are angry. Most of the time being angry comes from being hurt by someone. The biggest hurt that anyone can choose to keep as their own is the hurt that is caused by our own unwillingness to not see the bigger picture. I did not want to not see the bigger picture – that maybe I was meant for bigger, grander things than just what I was being told, or not told, and that I was WAY too big of a soul for certain people. When you are in possession of a big giant Soul, and when you are, at times, too Loving and too giving to other people, and when it is that you only care to give to other people the best of who you are, there will always be at least one person in that group of people to whom can be referred to as being “The Cat’s Okole.” I know my reasons for my hurt are the same reasons for being angry. I am well placed in my anger. I make no apologies for being angry.
First things first, again…know why you are angry. It will make all the difference in the world if you do. It keeps you from saying things out of a place of hurt and it makes you think really hard about why it is that you hurt from whatever it was that visited your life.
Second …vent it, but do so without turning it into a gigantic daytime drama…
MANY survivors of abuse will agree with me when I say that we are a gigantic bubble of pain waiting to pop, and lots of times we expect other people to “pop” us. That is irresponsible at best, hopeful at worst, and it is the reason that we never know how to come by our hurt the right way. I used to be very erratic in my tendencies, blaming everyone and every event that I was part of for my anger. The truth is that while my anger was well placed, had this been just last year I would still be dramatizing over it as though my life depended on someone else telling me that I am fine and that I have the right to be mad, even if I am mad at me for being foolish enough to think what I wanted to instead of what I knew to. I knew where this “thing” was going, knew that the person in question was all about themselves. KNEW IT, but went ahead, forging ahead like a lost ship on the ocean in the deepest, blackest dark nights.
If you have something to say, and it is not too hurtful to anyone else, and all you want to do is get stuff off of your chest and out of your reality, vent it. Vent it because if you don’t you will most surely explode about it another time, and vent it because there is a sweetness called self-forgiveness when you do. Vent it because there are people on this planet who are waiting for you not to, and vent it because it is your right and possibly even your duty to your very self to do so. Venting does not mean that you are going to go on a tirade – it means that you are angry and that you need to let it go. When we vent our stuff we can feel it physically, the release of all those things and feelings that we once felt about a situation. And lemme tell you what – this particular situation is about a decade old and came to a final head August 18th. I won’t go into specifics. The people who know me and are close to me already know what the heck I am talking about.
When we vent, at least in my eyes, it is a form of self-forgiveness. When we let go of things that we allow to hurt our very Soul and when we choose to not bother with a thing anymore that has no purpose in the grander scheme of life and of who we really are as a presence in that life, while things outwardly might still seem as crappy as they were prior to venting our stuff, we can literally feel the healing process begin for us physically. If you don’t believe me try it yourself.
Venting, when properly done, is never a bad thing. Venting properly takes not only the ability to think clearly, but also some seriously huge “guavas,” and not because we are choosing to vent on someone, but because we are choosing to think first and more, because we know that venting only makes our lives that much better for us to get through on a daily basis. If I was not able to let it go in my own special way, I would still be holding onto it as though the person at whom my ire was directed would care. They don’t. I know they don’t, but I cared about how it made me feel so I vented it and now?
Feeling like at least a hundred thousand dollars…haha
No, you won’t feel like a million bucks. You might feel gloriously free though, which I do right now. And yes, it is because I was able, through a trigger, to let go of this thing that I have been hanging on to for too long now.
We can let go of things that hurt us. Even though we may never forget how it made us feel, we can let go because we know, much as all survivors know, that whatever it is that doesn’t serve our own purpose as that purpose pertains to other people, we need to let go of. I have been practicing letting go of stuff, and it is with good measure and purpose that I do so.
Why on earth would I want to allow that feeling of anger to control my every move? Why would anyone?
Whatever it is that you are mad about that you have been mad about for too long now…laugh at yourself for hanging on to something that is as useless as used feminine products….yeah, I know, that is a pretty nasty way of painting a picture for you all, but when you think about it for a minute, isn’t everything that hurts us and causes us to do things and think things and say things that we don’t mean kind of ridiculous to hang on to?
That would be like having a reason to PMS but not having the good sense in our heads to know why we are PMSing….and now I bet you can see the reason that I would use such a picture to paint for you reading this.
Hanging on to our old stuff for the sake of healing does not work…kind of like expecting ourselves to not be disgusted by the very thought of used feminine products….
I Love You All !!