Monthly Archives: November 2015

…asses, (feeling) kicked…

 

1NewMoonAries2015_TMB

Right now there are a lot of us who are reeling from things that we never knew could be possible. Take heart in knowing that you will make it through it all, and that it is very temporary…

I have a habit of always preferring to see the possibilities of what could happen after we have had to deal with a whole lot of crap that we never thought we would have to go through.  These last few weeks, for the very all of us, has been very harrowing, to say the least. These last few weeks, for the very all of us, the supposition has been that we are the ones who have brought all of this ugliness, all of these losses, all of this …bullshit…to our own lives. I am so sorry to say it, and I am now telling ANYONE AT ALL who would bother to be harsh to others in regards to telling them that they are indeed the reason, and you are not more aware of the shitty pain that you cause these people…y’all need to lighten up, and if you are in this weightedness and truly feeling this shitty energy right now, then you are the very last person or people who need to be telling anyone else how they ought to feel, and what they ought to do …you are not the only expert on this weird shit, not by any means.

It means that your lesson is to learn a manner by which you can still be you without hurting others with all of your fucking knowledge that you refuse to help with by imparting it GENTLY…meaning that no, not everyone can do things the way that you specifically do them. That they do not do things the way that you specifically do them does not mean that they are not able to do them. Only that they are not able to do them YOUR way – lighten up already. Yeesh!

…on to the lesson at hand…

There are a whole lot of us – myself, included – who have a habit of taking on the responsibility of other peoples’ …ability to be douche bags, to not take full responsibility for their actions or their not taking any action at all (which, by the way, stops the good Karma and …well…neutralizes it…keep reading). No one can blame any one of us for not wanting to take action, for wanting to take too much action, for wanting to stand in one place and stomp our feet and have a tantrum because seriously, it indeed seems like the good folks of Starship Earth are somehow being pummeled by the things in our lives that used to make us thrive.

We used to be able to talk to people who otherwise we would not even think to communicate with, even as we might not realize it at that time, that perhaps it was that we should have been paying attention to the one thing that a lot of us were taught the opposite of – that things and wealth are more respectable than are other intangible things. Over the course of these last few years, since right around 2008, the majority of us have taken it for granted that we are the only ones who have to change, because in doing so we would be able to fit better into our own lives.

Many light workers have worked so diligently on ourselves that somehow, in the mix of everything, we forgot that not everyone else within the confines of our own lives would also be working on their own selves.

Working On One’s Own Self Requires Bravery

I am a fan of the unbridled, even if it is almost broken, human spirit.

More often than not, when it comes to things that we do not want to do, we will put those things off until the last minute because we have not placed those things high on the list of priorities and very simply, we do this because we have prioritized things that do not warrant, neither do they deserve, the attention that we are giving to them, even as they might well be very important in terms of tangibility.

This is not to say that your work in the tangible world is not very important, because the importance in those things lies within what those things do for other people in terms of their lives. (Thereby we prove to ourselves every day that we are, whether we want to believe it or not, very patently important, because they are things and actions of importance that other people are needing from us…again, keep reading…)

We know that we are good at certain things. We know that when we do those certain things that we are going at it and dealing with it in a head-on manner. It is when we know that we have done every possible thing that we know, at least to our best ability, that there is not a lot else that we are tangibly able to do for one reason or another, that we will end up taxing our very selves for the benefit of someone else. Because we have been consciously living in this sort of energy for just shy of a year at this point, we cannot see this truth about this energy because right now we are distracted with the ugly energy that continues to hit us over the head with a truth that is not only our own.

By this I mean that the truths that we are living in right this moment are the ones that we have had a hard time thinking are real. Yet they are real, at least to us. They are tangible in the sense that we feel and sense them, they affect us physically, eventually, and most of all, those things that we are feeling also affect other aspects of ourselves and of our tangibly led and lived lives.

We want to believe that other people are the same callibur that we are in that when we feel empathetic towards others, we assume that this is also the thing that we will get in return – a little thing called basic understanding, which prompts us to have that thing that I have been writing about…a little thing called empathy.

A little thing called Empathy

We have a hard time thinking that these people who also have lives are also people who are somewhat empathetic in the manner that is they know, without a doubt, that we each and all have bills and lives to live. Yet some of them believe that their level of living and their …I don’t know what to call it…height of living … in importance weigh more than does ensuring that the other humans in their lives are also seen to, taken care of, and most of all, the debts that are owed to anyone, whether tangible or intangible, are seen to.

It seems anymore now that when it comes to our paying for what it is that we have to pay for, we want to scrutinize things, make sure that we do not end up losing in some small way. When we do this, we end up making other people lose what is theirs, and all because we seem to need this …control…over others. When we opt to control the outcome of things, and namely when we are covering our own asses, we are wrong – deadly seriously wrong wrong WRONG ! When we feel like we have this sort of right to control other people with the things that we owe them and that they need, we are setting ourselves up for some seriously ugly karma.

You see, the Ego is the thing that dances with the arrogance which entitles certain others, regardless of why, be it their income level, their level of education (NOT intelligence…two VERY different things, I promise), their social status, to believe that somehow, there are those of us who are above others…making a lot of us feel like somehow we are “the help,” and if we are as savvy as we know we are with our words, then we can also state that if we are “the help,” that those who would put us there can neatly be called “the helped,” and even in that manner, some are beyond the help that the Ego needs in terms of waning arrogance through method of being “put in their place.”

In thinking in terms of the words that we use to describe the things that are going on in our lives, where it is that others might well tangibly have the upper hand in any situation, to believe that they are without a need for our special skills and to think that they are somehow the ones who are calling the shots is not giving those of us who are much stronger than they are (obviously) our due credit. There is a remarkable strength in the words that we are choosing, even when we are talking out loud to our very selves. When we think about being “the help,” versus being “the helped,” we can sense, also, the very different energies in those two words as they hit our recollection about what they each mean to us singularly.

In a singular manner, the way that those two words hit me is that one of those people is the one who has the expertise, and the other is the one who does not. Yet, when we think about it in terms that we have been taught for the majority of our lives it is that the unskilled one is more powerful than the skilled other. When we think about those words in the tangible fashion that they really and truly are – it is not the one who has the social status and all the fancy friends who has the power, and for those with the fancy friends and the over-exaggerated perception of power we can clearly see where way down deep inside, they know who has the upper hand.

Where I am concerned, and you might be able to identify with this, is (of all things and places for me, specifically) where writing and words are concerned. It is not that I am doing anything particularly wrong, but that the people who I once was willing to write anything for have suddenly become more of a headache than an asset to me. Where it was that, at one time, I could turn an untruth into an “almost truth,” no longer am I able to do this, and it is not for any other reason than that it just is not who I am. I have a hard time lying. To me, words are the purest form of truth in that, they are what they are and nothing more or less, even as words are the most powerful things on this earth. Because words affect us so deeply and dearly, I know their inherent worth and I know the power that they hold and that they convey.

Other folks know this, too, and this is why I no longer will work with or for people who want to tell me that because I will not lie, that I do not know what I am doing. It is not that I cannot lie, but that I will not, and this, for some people, lowers my tangible value for words. This does not lower my value for me and certain others close to me – only those who have no real idea of what existence is all about.

Those with whom I did much work cannot and do not understand that I live by my own level of integrity. I cannot be moved any longer by the promise of money that I may or may not get, and may or may not get because this is how people are rolling these days – they are picking apart those of us who do our best, for them, for a certain price, and they want more than they are meant to have. They do not like this idea about me, at all, because of course, most humans want way more than we are to expect. What also is an issue is the idea that money can buy anyone and that money is more important or more powerful than anything else. This is where a lot of people are wrong. While it is that we need money to live, what we do not need is the idea that people will utilize it in the manner that is buying others out of their integrity.

And right  now that is what is being called to the forefront – our ability to see when it is that other people are demanding and expecting that we live up(actually down to) to their standards, which is a standard which also calls for us to be less than who we have evolved to having become at this point.

Less than who we are no longer fits

I won’t lie – these last few weeks have been very hard on a whole lot of us, and really, it is not just the things that we have to do in order to get through all of this stuff, but is also and even the things that we THINK will happen. The things that we think will happen could happen, but the thing that we are not thinking about is what can happen and what should happen in terms of how we feel about any of this. That we think they will happen, and that they could happen is quite another thing than is being absolutely sure that things will happen in the manner that is not benefiting who we are. The only way that happens is if we allow people who are not like us to sway us in the manner that is them getting their way through manipulation.

Less than who we are is one of those things that is not dependent upon things that other people think about us – that part is totally and entirely on our shoulders to decide our own worth.

Right now, it is easy for any one of us to fall into that energy that tells us that because other people who should know better are also behaving as though they are owed, are entitled, are somehow not meant to adhere to the unspoken rules of human behavior. The unspoken rules of human behavior should tell each and every one of us that there is a certain protocol to be followed, the sort that makes it so that on some level, we are empathetic towards the needs of others that we are, in small or large part, not just capable, but also duty bound to make sure that we do not create bad Karma for ourselves.

Being human causes us to think that there is something wrong with us. Being soulful causes us to know that this is the wrong truth because it is not our truth. On the human being level we are prone to feeling as though somehow we are able to make other people change their minds, and when we find out that they are being stubborn as hell about things, namely things they have no clue about, we end up thinking that there is a problem with us and our thinking, not realizing that we are not who is wrong.

Being soulful causes us to see the error in this thinking in others, even while human beingness also makes us mad as hell and want to shave their heads. Being soulful makes it so that we are able to see the two sides and not pick either. Being human makes us want to cry from the weight of the hurt, the scathing nature of the error that these others are making out to be our fault, thereby making us also think that it is our fault.

It isn’t.

You cannot be held accountable for the things that other people think. They are who matters in those terms, but in every other manner that is all about you…

…you are the most important person in your life, even if the others in your life are telling you that they are, directly or indirectly. It does not matter. Life will continue to kick us all in the ass if we choose to believe that what we are going through has anything at all to do with something that we did or did not do, are doing, will do.

I say it everyday, at least once, and sometimes twice if I have to remind me that the most important person in each of our lives is our very self. Without our very self, there is no us for others to enjoy as being part of their lives.

I Love You All !

ROX

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Stuck

toolstop-47If You Feel Even the Tiniest Bit like You Are Stuck in a Place with no escape, I promise that you are not alone.

In fact, you are so not alone…it is not one of those things that requires anything more than patience and little bit of understanding that at this time, Spirit is cleaning house, and no one is immune to the things that are going on. Basically, no matter what we want to think, no matter what we care to believe, EVERYTHING that serves absolutely NO purpose, even if it serves, tangibly, a very good one, is evolving, just like we are.

There are times in our lives when it may well seem as though that all of everything that we are and all of everything that we have always been is about to be crushed within moments and at the very moment that someone who is not us does or says something that might make us ache, and not in a good way.

It feels, right now, very much like everything that we are experiencing, and everything that we are witnessing, even and especially within the bounds of our own lives, is going to end us, end everything that we are, everything that, to this moment, we have worked for, worked toward, worked to have.

And really, it doesn’t matter what it is that we want, because what is going on is nothing that can be avoided, because there really is only one way to avoid it. (Not doing anything about it doesn’t count…because you are not avoiding, you are just not doing) That one way involves a mortician, or a jailer, and even in those moments, you still have to do whatever it is that you might be just…dreading…right now.

Whether you want to believe it or not, there really is no better moment than to do whatever it is that will help move things along so that we can get on to the next buncha stuff we gotta deal with. The way that we have all been taught by the generations which came prior to ours is that we have to…HAVE TO…remain stuck in the energy that tells us, again and again and again, that what we are going through is our own fault, and that how we feel about it all is unwarranted. This is truly where we get the idea that we have to do things that suck because we deserve them. This is where we get the idea that who we are is not now and neither has it ever been “good enough” for other people to even bother telling us so. We were taught that our own opinion of ourselves doesn’t count, and that to be acceptable, other people have to approve of who we are.

I will apologize to you all now for you, just as I went through it, having to endure people being shitty to you all of your life. You need to know, for sure and for real, that you …we…are not all “one purpose fits all,” and because of your original higher self, you are as good enough as SPIRIT needs you to be.

Fuck everyone else who disagrees.

Stuck

I will be the last person on this planet to tell anyone at all that they need to stop doing like they are doing, delve only into the pain, the paranoia, and the lies behind the bullshit that other people have brought to any of us and not get their shit done, namely when I know that in my own life there is one thing that I HAVE TO get done.

Once it is done, while I cannot truthfully state that that one thing is going to magically and immediately make things tangibly better for me or move things forward right away, the one thing that I have to do and that I cannot not do is the very thing that will allow those two things to happen anyway. When we are willing to release what does not serve us, what we are also and simultaneously doing at that time is making room in our lives for what is meant to be there. I am telling you right now, and you will read about it a few paragraphs from this one, that once it is that we can let go of a thing – it could be a thought, an opinion, a person, a place, a memory…ANYTHING – what we do in that energy is we free up the space needed for something better to come in and fill the void (because the Universe LOATHES a void…and indeed -You are reading that correctly – when we release something, it is AUTOMATICALLY creating room for your…YOUR dreams)

…keep reading, because the one question I have been asked lately more than any other is “when is this shit gonna finally fucking stop?”

When I say that allowing what has to happen to happen, no matter how shitty it might feel to simply allow all of them to just happen, think, instead, of what won’t happen and what won’t be gone and what won’t be allowed to grow and to also move ahead if you don’t.

As hard as that might seem to be, as hard as that might seem to do, I am telling you right now that no matter what, once it is that we can allow ourselves to let go of things and accept even the shittiest things that we would rather NOT do, we will begin also to see that in remaining glued to whatever shittiness it is, for whatever purpose we think it will serve in trying to salvage whatever it was that, at one time, might have been the very most important thing to us.

Don’t get me wrong – I am not now and never will I ever state that you should not hang on to your good memories – those are not the thing that I am talking about our needing to let go of and accept as they are being the thing that makes life ugly for us. I am talking about all the unbelievable bullshit that you have, for however long you have believed it all, chosen to take on as your truth as brought to you by other peoples’ words and/or actions in the past. NONE of that matters anymore. What you are doing in believing those thoughts is quietly validating other peoples’ crap…about you…that is not the truth.

Even if it was the truth in the past, it is not the truth anymore. Whatever is back there is back there, and there is nothing that can be done about it happening. But, you have right now, and right now you are alive, and right now you are sitting here reading this, and right now is not then…kinda follow?

Understand, please, that I am not now, nor will I ever suggest anything that is “irresponsibility.” Understand that I am not suggesting that you just sort of say “fuck it!” and let everything just fall where it may.

What I am saying is that what any one of us really ought to be doing right at this time in our lives is taking stock of all of the things that we have and which carry the energy of our having a very dear and an absolute need for.

My only example, at least from where I am speaking, is myself.

There are a very limited few who know everything that is going on in my life at this time. The way I see it, I don’t need the entire world to know what is happening in my life. The only people who need to know are the ones who are not going to suggest that I do anything that I am not comfortable with. It was not that long ago that I would post my bullshit for the world to see, in hopes that one of my many teachers of Spirit would read what I posted and come to my rescue.Over time, and after much having to accept their guidance through a thing or two, the one thing that I know has helped shape who I have become to this point is NOT them coming to my rescue in the manner that, at first, I had hoped for.

The way that this helped shape me was through my own manner of keeping myself as …I don’t know… “tolerably goofy” from all of this madness in my life right at this very moment, and yes, even as I type this, is the strength, the tenacity, and absolutely the level of integrity that I was afforded with through all of the bullshit with people who I won’t even bother to acknowledge, let alone speak to in a manner that is less than …ummm…hostile (I gotta be me). You see, where I was, emotionally, a few short three years ago, versus where it is that, again, emotionally, about a whole LOT of things, I am right now, I am happy that they were closed mouthed about things that I was learning right at that time. I am happy that, even through the tears, through the gnashing of teeth, through the insane bouts of rage that I had gone through, with and without them, I am glad they taught me rather than rescuing me.

I am glad that I now know that I am able to get through ugly things, and I am glad to know that what it is that got me through those things and those times had nothing to do with anyone else, or anyone else’s “help.” What got me through it all was not only their guidance. In order for me to get through it all, what needed to be the main kicker in all of it…was me…

There is really not a wrong or a right way of approaching this…stuck…feeling…just gotta go through it…please keep reading…

Lots of folks know what it is to have to deal with things that other people have brought to them, that other people have brought to them with the expectation that those others will fix it, and that other people have even created for us. For a lot of us, right now is a struggle. It is a struggle in a lot of ways. Some of us are dealing with our working lives (ummm, that’s an understatement), while others of us are working on our personal private lives with others (all good in that manner…blessed and lucky…that’s me…#HeKnowsWhoHeIs), and yet many, many others of us are being made to work on these two things at the same time, and really, the proof that it is or it is not happening for us, perhaps not in the manner that we hoped for, is that we ache.

When we ache is when we are growing. If you think about your child, and you think about their joints aching when they were about to grow taller, you will have something to compare the bullshit that you are going through right now, that you need to go through so that you can grow from it (as will…WILL your professional and private life…seriously…), and also so that you can, without anything else getting in the way, experience what it is that you are meant to, in a good way, at this time in your very busy life.

Yes… I know…you don’t want to go through more, and you are not sure how much more you could even think to handle, let alone really handle. I get it. I am there with you all, right this minute, trying hard to not feel like I am somehow buried beneath this pile of doubt, trying hard to ignore the bullshit that keeps running through my mind of everything that could happen. Sometimes I don’t know what it is that prevents me from utilizing the fear within to become the shield that I know it is becoming. At the same time, I am not sure of myself when it comes to handling people who are terrible humans to begin with. What my thinking and somewhat…intellectual and cerebral… side continues to tell me is that what has to be done is just going to be done, and that all the bullshit that I won’t deal with from anyone, let alone the one person who I do not trust, let alone like...anymore…the bullshit is the end of the line, folks. 

I am not sure of myself when in the company of unsavory people. Unsavory people are those people who make your blood boil and your skin crawl. Most of my day, I am surrounded by them. Easily, I always feel stuck – not in this house…in this energy. Few places am I allowed to feel warmth energy. This is not one of those places, and lately, I figured out what I think I might have known all of my life: it is not my childhood home, and even if it was, it wouldn’t have been. This is a truth that might seem trivial, but, for a whole lot of years, I felt like I did not truly belong anywhere. Sometimes, in the realest sense, I am still looking for “Home,” but, in every way imaginable otherwise, I already have it…all of it, and there is nothing in this world that I would trade it for.

Not one fucking thing. Ever.

Fear is the dominant energy…so, let’s make it dance for us, shall we?

I have held a lot of different jobs throughout the course of my life. The one that I loved the very most, that I still love the very most, is hula. If there is anything that anyone who has ever performed on stage, for any reason at all, knows, very well, it is that initial feeling of stage fright that not one of us does not go through…initially, that is. Once it is that we are able to tap into the energy of the audience we are also able to draw from that energy the energy by which we will flow into it.

I have taught MANY people this dance that I love so much, and it is through their fear that I reach them. I teach them to look at their fear and embrace it, because in doing so they will learn more about why it is that they are so afraid. This way of doing things doesn’t always work. It only works when we know that it can. The way that we learn that we can is by doing what has to be done. 

The fear that we feel about anything will wane a little if we choose to use different words than the ones that we are currently using. If we thought about how powerful words really are, and we think about how much the words of lots of other people throughout our lives have affected us, and we think about what it is that we have always done and perhaps continue to do when in regards to things that scare or hurt us, we can also think about another way to define certain things.

Everything, including the reason behind fear carries an energy, and the energy that it typically carries is that of something from the past. A very very good example of this that is from my own life is being in “relationship.” (It is an energy- not a thing. The only way to say it is to call it…yes, Maestro…an Entity. An ‘Entity’ makes it a thing unto its own, but it is a thing that needs care and time and work. I found this out. No shit – not totally on my own….but, on my own. I did not go running my mouth when (bwaaahahaaaa) the cookies went into full crumble (meaning that I was in tears, probably for a long set of days…meltdown, big time).

Instead I went to my Circle…I went to the women. I went to everyone else that I could, before I went to bother this very special person.

Never did I ever think that I would trust another person again, at least not in a relationship between two people. Yet, it happened. I trust this person with everything- including my very life. I had to go through a whole lot in terms of asking questions, not about them, but about myself. I asked myself if I wanted to go through another day of not being able to share who I am with someone who is very well deserved of a person who will treat them with every bit of love, respect, integrity that anyone would deserve if they, themselves, also gave those same things. I asked myself if I cared to continue believing that all others would see whatever it was in me that made it so that I would have a reason to believe that I was all those horrid things which would warrant someone psychologically harming me in the manner that I had been.

I asked me, again and again, if I wanted to be alone…and to all of these things, my only answer was “NO!”

And it wasn’t as though I didn’t have a very good incentive. We shall just say that when it takes a very long time, just to find out if you were right, and then you find out that you were right and then some, you begin to know, for real, the meaning of power, of self-love, of acceptance, of being able to get through things, just so that you can get to things. In this case, that which has changed my life, has changed me, that took twenty years for me to find, is the very best thing and is something that I am no where near sorry that I decided to see through to the end. The end brought with it a lovely, solid beginning, and one which just continues to make me grow, with one other person, even through the bullshit.

It is the most lovely “stuck” that I have ever been…and was the thing that over time, I was preparing myself for. I had no idea that this is what was going on, no idea what all of the strange dreams, the music which would make me automatically think about that one person, seemingly out of the blue, for years and years, be the things that, even as they sometimes drove me to tears, the tears that they all elicit these days are the ones that come from that thing called “being happy” even though from the looks of things in every other area, would make me, has made me, still has the ability to make me cry like a child.

So…basically…

Basically, we are not really “stuck,” but we are really frustrated from feeling stuck. There is a big difference in terms of what is real, and what feels like it is real.

It is reality that you are going through what you are going through, but it is ethereally real that you feel the realness brought about by all this shit you are experiencing. It is a reality that your thoughts about what is happening in your specific life at this time in your life would make you also feel like you are low enough to dangle your feet off of a folded dollar bill, but the reality is not about the feeling and all about what can be done about how you are feeling right now.

I am feeling, right now, very frustrated. I am very disappointed in Life, generally, speaking, and the more that I think in those terms, the more horribly distraught I become.

Yet, at the same time, I also am very hopeful, yes, because I know that this is temporary, because the people in my life at this time are the ones who are supposed to be part of it, and they are not temporary. I am ecstatically happy in partnership. I have great kids. I am working on my Doctorate. I know the big words haha…and LOOK! There’s FOOD in the fridge! OMG!

…and the energy that remains…the one that is the bright light in the middle of all of this darkness, is that we are all loved, that we are here for a purpose, and there is, in this pain, that purpose. It is not our only purpose. It is one of many.

I could go on and on and on and on…

I Love You All !

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“Medicine Dance”

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Things are not as they appear …or are they?


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