Monthly Archives: April 2014

Mirrors Cannot Lie

If we want to know what is the truth of us, all we have to do is pay attention to how others are reacting to our words, our actions, and even the energy that we cannot stop from broadcasting. Other people are our mirrors, and what we see in them depends completely on us.

Our ability to handle the truth lives within us. We might not like a whole lot of the truths that we are told to us about us and by others, but we cannot change their minds or their thoughts about how they perceive us. We alone are who are responsible for what it is that they have seen and that causes their perception by them of us. It is made clear to us who we are through them and to them in the reactions that they have to sometimes something as small as the mere mention of a person’s name. Think about it. I know that when someone tells me that their first name is the same name that is the one of my kids’ dad, my blood boils, and my sense of self-containment seems to go by the wayside.

What else also gives us a clue as to who we are in the lives of other people is if their reaction, rather than response to us, is not particularly favorable. We know when the damage is so bad that what we have said or done to someone else, namely if it was for our own personal gain, that just the sight of us makes them very angry. Women are great at doing this to men. We are great at taking advantage of society’s role as baby-sitter when it comes to things being fair between men and women. While it might seem that I am picking on my own …let’s call them my “coven” (that is so not what they are, but they know what I am talking about), the truth is that there are a LOT of us who still need DEARLY to just let things be, let go of the past, and simply move on.

It isn’t about our not being the only (insert cool thing here) in peoples’ lives, but only about our own selves as being present and aware in our own lives so that we can also be present and aware of who we are in the lives of others. Too, too many people like to take what their version of a story is, broadcast it to everyone in their own inner circle, thinking that we are getting away with anything at all, when in reality, all we are really doing is damaging ourselves.  For the very life of us we cannot let go of things that have hurt us. I won’t bullshit ya – while I don’t broadcast anymore, the details and the ugliness of what I have gone through, at least not here or anywhere public, I will say that there are times, recently even, where I have had to let anyone at all know what it is that the baby daddy said or did or threatened me with, if for nothing other than to merely just release the little bit of bad energy I had for the man at the time.

Yet, and apparently, I am sort of strange because, while it is that this person hurt me dearly, I also am one who is not willing to live in that energy of what was, not one who has chosen to remain to hang on to that hurt that was given to me, just so that I can have some sort of little moronic thing to hang over his big fat empty head. I could sit here and tell you all about the nasty things he has said to me and more, the ugly things that he physically brought to my awareness, and the terrifying energy that was my life not very long ago at all, but for what? I certainly don’t care to live in that energy and never wanted to. This leads me to the question of why it is that  so many people seem to think it is that holding a grudge is somehow going to help them get over it. It won’t. It will prolong the foolishness, and it will only hurt the person who is hanging on to whatever it is that they think and see as being an infraction to their soul that was somehow something that they, themselves, had no part in.

The reality is a whole lot different than that. It is like a woman who has had her heart broken by someone, and rather than moving on to healing and wholeness and the opportunity to actually have Love again, said woman chooses to make life difficult on others, rather than giving in to the acceptance of things as they are, learning to deal with them as best she can, and eventually moving on, only seeing what was her reality in the past as no longer being anything but a memory. Really, that is what those horrible things need to be – JUST a memory and more or less the “trophy” to having survived it. I say a whole lot about being a survivor, and in becoming one, it is not the best way to get there by holding dearly to the heaviness that was the energy of that pain from that time. 

To hang on to the energy of that pain only prolongs that pain. To live inside of that thought, never thinking to release one’s own self from that energy is like handing someone with a penchant and an affinity for violence a very sharp bladed knife and then pointing them to the jugular, bending one’s neck in the direction it would need to be in order to make a clean and effective cut. Pain is a heavy energy. It is where our Spiritual muscles are made what they are supposed to be, which is strong. I can speak for a few people in my own inner circle when I say that it was not until the moment that these people, through their own devices, came to the conclusion that the only person hurting from the past and also from the actions and words they had imparted onto others that were meant to hurt them eventually only and karmically came back to haunt them and make them also pay their Soul’s debt.

The same can be said of people who lose everything and who cannot stop ruminating about what it was that they’d lost, and can be said of people who have been made to look foolish, all by the things that they have exacted themselves, and the same thing can be said of people who feel that everyone on the planet owes them for whatever it is that they, themselves, have brought into their lives and that they have made the people in their lives incredibly miserable by having done and said.

There is never any healing that will take place that will be permanent when we believe that in order to make things right, we have to make them even, and on that note, there are a lot of options that we have at our disposal at making things right and even, and most of the time, we choose the ones that will quell the fire of the good emotional stuff rather than the  bullshit that will end up hurting other people. Yes, indeed, hurt people hurt other people, and those hurt people who hurt other people need badly to get a clue, need badly to take a long look at the patterns in their own lives and realize that the thing that they are seeking is contained in all of these people who they have hurt.

These people are called our mirrors, and always, rather than believe what is there in the mirror, we would rather shatter the mirror.

Our Mirrors Will Never Lie To Us

Think of the people in your life as being mirrors. Whatever it is that is their response or their reaction to what we have offered them in terms of words, actions or energy is what they are mirroring back to us. If we are being ridiculous, we will get that energy from others that we are being ridiculous. If we are being threatening, we will be met with the equal energy of others feeling like we have threatened them and in kind those others will respond to our energetic response.

If we have the energy that we are on the attack, it will be that same energy which we will be getting in return, no matter what. It may not be from the person or the people who we sent this to, but it will, regardless of what we want to believe, be returned, and really, this is one of those things where we will be helpless to do a thing about it.  We are truly not able to do anything about what another person perceives is the actuality of who we are when we are enraged, when we are not willing to allow other people to be who they are all the time, but mostly when they are being the person they are when they are around us.

It is like those times when a victim decides that he or she wants to survive, and that is the energy that is presented to everyone else, but namely to their attacker or abuser. It is like those times when said attacker gets to the point where he or she is not only too tired to continue their tirade, but more, they have become weary of not being loved in the manner that they wish they could be, at which time, for certain people, because of certain events and energies that still preside, even and only in the memories of those whose lives they impacted, it is too late.

…and really, what that says to someone like me is that you probably don’t deserve people in your life who you are just going to manipulate to bend toward your own will and your own way, and all so that you won’t lose out on what you might want to believe is the only thing that you can call your own. What you can call your own is the energy that causes people to stay the hell away from you, because the heaviness of it all doesn’t allow them to be who they are for real, all the time, when they are with you or near you.

You see, what you are doing right now is creating the reflection from others that is unfavorable, and with your own two physical eyes you can see what their inner world in regards to you really is.  This is the thing that, here I go again with this abuse survival thing, ALL abusers cannot see, for any reason, because they are choosing to remain ignorant to the things that they have brought to their victim, their families, and their circle of friends and acquaintances, in the manner that is their telling people why they did what they did, or better than that, why it is that THEY are the victim. One always knows an abuser by their energy. I zero in on it. It is almost as though I do not have a choice in the matter anymore, and it is with very good reason.

It is not only to keep me safe from harm, but more, it is to show me what I have risen above.  What I have risen above is a whole lot in terms of knowing the heaviness that is the energy when I am confronted, even unbeknownst to me, by someone who has been bad to their loved ones. And really, they are not loved by these abusive people, but in their own minds, these people are owned, and once the ownership of them is over with, this is when the energy of release begins.  Thing is, we cannot, ourselves, “call it” when it comes to how, and through which sort of energy, that release will be. We do not have the right to control others. We only have the right to do that for ourselves.

An abuser knows when the release of energy begins, because what replaces the energy of fear, through the energy of release, is the energy that is triumph. No abuse survivor willingly will be in the presence of their abuser, and it is not only because their abuser is a person who makes the person who rose above the abuser’s bullshit is right in their thought that this moron makes them want to hurl, but more, it is because the survivor no longer can see themselves in the reflection of the person who hurt them so badly. Once it is that the abused person realizes and accepts where they have been, accepts that they have to move on in order to heal, and accepts that they have to do these things on their own, this is when the energy that holds the attacked is released. Upon realization that I had been lied about, not only to friends, family and acquaintances, but also to the police, my therapist on more than one occasion (yes, I had a therapist…”had”), and even some of my very closest confidantes, I was able to make the right choice to no longer or ever be so blindsided by my own thoughts about the good in people and to just let them get away with being bad to me.

And, at that time in my life when I chose correctly, he was the very mirror of the pain that was being suffered on the inside of me. However, now is different, and it is because I chose to no longer be the reflection of whatever it was that he projected to me. I had to grow up, very fast, the very first time that he put hands on me, and silly me, I believed that just staying quiet and saying nothing and thinking that maybe it was normal and that all women went through that happened everywhere and that it would only be one time. It didn’t. It wasn’t only one time. It was not that he chose to stop being the moron that I know he still is, but that I knew that there was a truth to me that was all my own, and that no one would be able to hamper other than me.

I refused to see what was in the mirror that no longer had to be the truth of me, and it was at that point that I shattered the mirror, shattered what was someone else’s truth about me, and thereby forged, for myself, a new Path, and one which has become gloriously gorgeous in many ways and continues to do so.

Yet, without caring enough to look at what was staring at me in the face and no longer being scared to look, let alone take action on my own behalf, I would not be able to sit here, today, and tell you that while you cannot change other people, you can, and should, think about the idea that you can and are able to change what mirrors are yours.

I Love You All !



…like the planter who tills the Soil…

The cultivation of our lives depends upon how we are willing to see and also work with the things in our midst that we would rather not have to deal with.

“…upon us all a little rain must fall…”  This is the last lyric in the song written and performed by Led Zeppelin and titled The Rain Song. It speaks volumes to a whole lot of us for a good reason – because really, in our lives, a little rain has to fall and has to give us the catalyst to at least think about things in a different manner, to see them all through a different lens, and from those two things which can be now seen through a different lens, we can also see how the thing that seemed to hamper our plans no longer is as ugly, foreboding, nasty, painful, disgusting, something we just don’t want to deal with, etc., etc., becomes the very thing that will be what is needed – the seed, if you will, of what is to become.

Becoming. It is something that we are all prone and privy to. But in order for our becoming to …well, become… we have to go through a few things, and those few things are the things that we think will be too much for us to deal with.  Reread that, and see that I wrote think will be too much to have to go through and deal with. This is what we humans do not like very much at all – pain, and things that we just don’t want to deal with.

Right now, in my life, there is one thing that I just DO NOT want to deal with, and it is for no other reason than that, really, I am DONE WITH IT, and really, the Guides need to get up off of their asses already and help me, you, all of us with this – all of our collective yet separate “one thing left.” There are some who have said it would be easy, but that is not the truth, because anything at all where other people are involved is never easy – this is what makes being human so awesome, our ability to hone in on the energies of other people. Once in a while, we happen upon an energy that seems to be immovable, seems to be akin to a light pole in cement and that the only thing, like the light pole in cement will only be moved from that cement with heavy equipment, so, too, will it take some heavy duty guavas for us each to face these things that we each call ourselves being done with.

Believe it or not, our Guides DO indeed get lazy. Seriously. Mine are, at this moment, somehow seemingly on vacation or something, even though I know what the current “as above, so below” thing at the moment is what it is (freakin’ gnarly is what it is). Yet, if there is one thing that I am really horrible at, it is giving up hope. There are a few people who know this, personally, that when I am looking toward something and I have something in my thoughts and I really, really want to see it happen, I am unstoppable. However, at those times, namely when I happen upon what it is that I am looking for, I know that it is in those times that I have been guided by something that is outside of me. Right now there are a LOT of us who are, for one reason or another, in complete and utter turmoil.

The turmoil seems endless, as though someone forgot to turn of the faucet and flooding our lives are these…things…people…thoughts…ideas…whatevahs…that are like a blob of glue that someone allowed to fall onto the living room carpet and which has dried, is stuck, and it seems as though it is going to either be forever, or not at all, that the blob will be no longer there, or that it is harder than hell to get the now-dried up blob to be removed from the place it was left.

There are many dried blobs in our midst, and the thing about the blobs is that they ended up there, somehow, and because of that much knowledge, that they got there somehow, we should also have the knowledge, and believe that knowledge, that tells us that the blob is removable, but that it is going to take some work and some effort. In my case, I know this. I know this very well and there are things and beliefs that I have held onto for long enough for me to still believe them, or at least be scared a little bit to do what I have not yet thought about. If that makes no sense to you, reread it, because always, no matter what, where there is a will to change things, there will always surface the way that may not have seemed so obvious previously, but that is, none the less, one more option.


Options. While in the dictionary definition of this word it means almost the same thing as choice, the two are markedly different. I have explained this again and again, how the two words, while maybe the same thing, carry a different energy within them. Having an option means that there is more than one way to go about a thing, but having choices means that there is a limit. Options are limitless, and choices, even the way that the word makes at least me feel, is restrictive.

However, that is aside of the point in this writing. The point here is that we have lots of options to us all, that there is more than only one way to deal with something, and normally we humans only see that one obvious option without also recognizing that there are other ones. Regardless of the others, to each of them there is going to be a small amount, or perhaps a very large amount, of pain, of not wanting to deal with a thing or two,  of trepidation and of the fear of not knowing the outcome. And really, that is where this all comes from – the outcome that we want versus the one that we actually need. Normally, what we want is not what we need, and sometimes, we get what we both need AND want, but it is not without a bit of effort, without a bit of failure, without some tears, gnashing of proverbial teeth, of things that we would rather just not deal with.

I am no exception to this. In fact, in more ways than only the impatience part of things, I am really no exception to this.

There are going to be times in our lives when we will be faced with things that scare the shit out of us, that make us want to run for cover and not have to look at what it is that we maybe are not really scared of as much as we are tired of it.  If any of us would take a moment to see exactly how far we have each come at this point, we would see how the patterns which we have always had in our lives are playing out and how they will play out. This is not something that can be changed, at least not the way that we think it should or can. This is something that, because of these patterns and because of their absoluteness, we must learn to either deal with them head on, or, work with the energies which are provided by the pattern.

Planting the seeds of our Selves via the ever-constant pattern

If we each were to look back on our lives and look at the gigantic events which visited us, and we could pinpoint those events, while the events themselves might not be exactly the same things that happened throughout the course of our lives, the one thing that WOULD be the same is the pattern.  While it is that we cannot change it, we can do other things within it. That is what this pattern thing is all about.

It is like the farmer who plants his crops and who knows when it is the right time to clean the field in which to plant his seeds, and knows when it is time to plant the seeds, and when to water, weed, and tend to the plants which sprout from said seeds. The farmer just knows that there is a lot of work involved in, not so much growing his crops, but more allowing the soil to do what it is supposed to do for the seeds, and what the sun is supposed to do for the plants, and for the water to do what it is meant to do for the roots of these plants.

In that same manner, we, too, are the ones who are meant to care for the things that we see in manifest, before they manifest, and if that means that we have to weed our lives of people, of activities, of things that no longer serve a purpose or things that are not lending to the greater whole of the entirety of us, then that is what that means. While it might a huge pain in the okole for us to have to deal with the weeds which visit us in the manner that is rage, that is sorrow, that is depression, that is anything that appears to have no purpose, in the end, regardless of the result we want versus the one that we need, everything that is meant to be will happen for us.

And that is like money in the bank

I Love You All


Practice what you Preach (like for real)

If there is anything at all that will irritate anyone at all, it is someone who does not walk their talk. If there is anything that will irritate anyone at all who is NOT a follower of any mainstream religions it is when certain set of mainstream believers will preach their gospel so it suits their needs at the moment, but who, for the life of them, can’t see themselves as being anything other than “good.” I’ve got news for ya…you’ve got another thing comin’ !


Yes…hell yes, indeed, I did write a Judas Priest lyric into this writing, because for one – I am tired as hell of “fine, good, and upstanding” people – most of them Christian followers (but they cannot possibly be true believers – true believers have a problem with lying or acting as though they are really what they say they are…keep reading…).

Note that I wrote “followers,” rather than “believers,” and I did so for a reason.  There are a few of you who are reading this, who know me well enough to know that if there is one thing that I am VERY good at, it is not only speaking the truth as it is in my head at any moment, but more, the idea that if I am able to see someone being a phony, I am very truly inclined to call them on it. Yet, I am also one of those people who can see it when it is there, the energy that is fear, and let me tell you something, once it is that the fear sets in, you are pretty much done with.

With that much known, it prompts me to continue on this…I don’t know…quiet tirade about something that I just was witness to, and that something was not anything, really, other than an epiphany about the way that I was raised, versus the way that I see a lot of people behave, versus the way that I know it right. What I saw was nothing short of very…”Marie Antoinette” in that, the way this “good” phony behaved was so very NOT like what Christ would have wanted to happen.

For a group of people who, at least and measured by the thing that I saw just a little while ago, want everyone they come into contact with to believe what they believe (which is normally everything that their guy up front in a way too pricey suit says is the truth…sorry folks…I ain’t buyin’ it), and a lot of them are very pushy about it, so that they, the people who they come into contact with, can also make it through the pearly gates…well, there are quite a whole lot of them who seem to think, too, that there is somehow some magical pass that makes them more forgiven if they live a lie.

This is not to say, neither to assume, that they all live this same lie, the lie that sounds like so many politicians trying to win votes and favor. Neither is it to be taken as though I somehow hate all Christians. I hate no one. I mean, I come very close to hating someone, and then someone else gives me a distraction and I am no longer trying to stop myself from wanting to poke needles into the entirety of a tiny little doll, a doll that should never be used when angry, or filled with rage, or thinking that you hate someone.

It is to say that if your religious beliefs state somewhere within that belief’s holy texts, that you are to love all, to show compassion to all (you know…like that guy who you all tell everyone else died for our sins? duh), to fear nothing, because God has you, then the last thing you want to do is stray from that belief, namely if you are trying to make it so that (ahem) “others” don’t make people like me…’sin’, because what you are doing when you do that shit is you are showing people like me (the original sinners of the world) that not only do you NOT trust the god to whom you kneel, you also like believing that all of those rules which were set out long ago (yes…rules…I said it so deal with it), that some of them somehow do not apply to you.

And you all know who I am talking about. I am talking about those people who will be in your face about “the lawd” this and “the lawd” that, but that is all just a buncha crap. I say this because while it is that they are lawding everyone in their midst, they are hiding who they are. These are the people who you hear in church, who are the loudest and the most inclined to kiss the pastor’s okole, garnering his favor (rather than God’s), and being very vociferous in their incantations to “the lawd.” And they behave as though some of us are not clued into one thing – the idea that while they are lawding everyone, they are, after service, outside the church, committing every single one of the seven deadly sins.

What I heard was not as upsetting as what I saw. For a group of people who are meant to be the bastion of what is the “Love of God,” there sure are a whole lot of those people who claim to be what they are who have forgotten that in the book they love to thump people with are the rules by which they – the thumpers- believe and follow, and this is wonderful – until they start doing the very things that they are out on the street (sometimes literally…with a bullhorn even, and in my town, several different languages) preaching to the world of non-believers that we need to do.

I, frankly, have had enough.

I have had enough of the holier than thou, the get out of hell free card mentality that tells a whole bunch of these people that because they specifically are ‘saved’ that they also have the right to judge others, have the right to stick their noses up in the air and pick and choose which of the least of us it is who they will consider as being a human being, or at least a “whole” human being.  I have had enough of people preaching “the word” of God so that it fits their agenda, and I have had enough of people telling me that they trust their god so damned much, but that they do not trust him enough to take care of their every need – somehow, that is up to someone else, because their god makes it so that people like me and you – you know…us godless heathens- never ever are listened to, are never thought of as anything but crazy (because, you know, that the dead talk to me …that makes me a tool of satan….whatever, crazy lady) and never are we taken as being as serious about our own beliefs as they are theirs.

It is almost as though these people haven’t the thought in their heads that they, through their absolute energy of being a fraud, are not the cat’s ass, are not the only people on the earth who follow a belief, and that sometimes, when you come into contact with someone who is not like you are, you tend to think that you are better than anyone else. I am sorry, cookies, but you are not better than anyone else, not at all. In fact, that many of you seem to believe that you are allowed to get away with things that the rest of us are not tells me that these people are great at one thing: being really awesome phonies.

Deal with it. It is the truth, and I like the truth. The truth, while it might truly set us free, it also levels the playing field. No one likes it when someone else chooses on their own that God will love one person over another. It doesn’t work that way, at all, and I know this because I refer to Spirit, the very one which dictates all of life, as “The Goddess,” and I promise you all that I have yet to encounter anything that I, myself, did not bring into being on my own and with Her help. You see, when we are taught that there is a bigger force out there somewhere, and that we have to be afraid that that force will teach us harshly, the last thing that any thinking human being is going to do is listen to anyone who will have that sort of an opinion of things.

There is no need for anyone to be scary, no need to impose onto other people one’s own determination of who is and who is not worthy of the light of Love. It is no human’s right to speak one truth as it has been read by you, and then take said same truth as being applicable to everyone BUT you. I mean really…they are YOUR beliefs, and since it is that they are YOURS, that is all that should really matter, but it never matters because there are a lot of good people on this planet who have no religion, and yes, I happen to be one of them. I do not need to follow your God, and I do not need to live my life as a lie as set forth by people who have twisted the words for their own personal gain and glory.

What I saw, while it did not change me, it changed my thought about people who enforce impossible rules, set impossible standards for humans who are going to screw up. No one is “sinless,” not even the guy behind the pulpit. The people who this is directed at are not those who attend their various places of worship faithfully and who actually live the truth of what it is to be whatever it is that they have chosen to call their Path.

Some of them stray from their own path, and their own beliefs, and do so right after services, because that is what they are believing is right. To go out into the world and speak one’s truth is one thing, but to go out into the world and speak words that one does not intend on sticking to themselves?

Yeah…that’s called bullshit, and I am done with it all.

STOP making yourselves out to be these people who have it all, including the very keys to the gates to heaven, because really, you have no right to judge…

…it says so in that book you want to keep thumping people with.

Perhaps you ought to try following, and not leading.



Seeds We Have Sown

…and it was given life through breath, by Christ, as He spoke and stated “Life is as the soil upon which we scatter seed. We sleep and we rise, and the seeds begin to sprout and grow, and we haven’t any power over this – the soil and seed do what is intended. The soil does what is intended, as does the seed…” (Mark 4:26-28, NA translation)

Yeah yeah…I know…it is strange for me to use reference that is biblical, but for this blog post it was appropriate because overnight I have found that there are things that too many of us are not willing to think about in terms of what it is that we are proliferating into this consciousness. I am reminded of people who cannot see past their Ego’s wants rather than what the Soul needs. Sometimes, it is the Soul that calls us out and tells us that we have been this person who we are for way too long, that we have to reassess who we are and our place in life and more than anything else, we have to let go of those things which are tearing us apart on the inside.

The problem with this is that, while a lot of us know that we should let go of the things that hurt us, that pissed us off, that made us feel like we actually had or perhaps still have a lot of work to do on ourselves, there is still a population of people who are more inclined to delve into the darkness that is their own, which is fine, but who don’t accept that their darkness has interrupted the lives of other people. They don’t want to see what it is that they have caused someone else – anyone else – and so they ignore it. Or, if they do not ignore it, they choose to ONLY live in the energy that they want to believe is the only one that is available to them, when in reality, it is not.

These are people who have bothered, without much thought and absolutely with way too much emotion (and not the mushy gushy kind, either), and have recklessly chosen for others, as well as themselves, the things that would visit anyone’s life at all. Manipulation is what this is called, and the more proliferate the energy of manipulation it is that we send out into the Universe, the more we will, without even realizing it, bring into consciousness, through other people responding to that energy, EVERYTHING we think about. The part that these manipulating people do not realize is that EVERYTHING we think about in terms of other people and what we believe to be the truth of what they have caused us (which, a lot of times, we know it is NOT the truth), when we want to make it so that we are the victim (good luck with that because if this is how you feel this is all you will EVER be…I said it, so deal with it) and are willing to lie about things, it is a guarantee that we will also and ultimately go through those very same things that we put someone else through for our own selfish gain, or the things that we accused them of having done to us. (The truth, guys…there is NOTHING like it…Truth rules if you can hang with it)

EVERYTHING we think about becomes our reality…so please, be careful of your thoughts and your energy

If you wanna see the evidence of this energy thing and how our thoughts become things, the easiest way to do that is to look at the way the people who you spend the most time with is affecting them. If you have children, you will see this energy in them, and it will manifest as either joy or trepidation. Having worked with a whole lot of kids of parents where one was abusive toward the other, I have seen this manifested in a whole lot of ways, and the one way that is the more prevalent is that of fear.

If we plant the seeds of control in people, and we are not aware of exactly what we are doing to ourselves, we will find out, not in the nicest ways, that we have done so, and have done so without thought and with absolute malice. The evidence is there, in the energy of the children whose lives have been marred by the constant energy of heaviness, of one parent trying to “outdo” the other in terms of making sure that they hurt whoever it is that they intend to. This comes out in our kids, because they watch all of this, and they absorb all of this, and unfortunately, they proliferate this energy. It becomes what they know as “normal,” and unless someone steps in and either tells them the truth of things, or better than that, becomes the example of that truth in the real reality of Life and of living, those children perpetuate that energy. They have a choice not to, but are not aware of that choice unless or until someone comes along and tells them that they have this choice.

Our kids and their having the choice “not to”

I sit here writing this with the beautiful thought in my head that even as I know that my own children have been through a whole lot in terms of what has happened and what they have seen me go through and more, seen me live with after the fact, my kids are well-adjusted, even as they have seen the horrific nature of abuse within a marriage. While I will not say here or ever that they are not damaged by what they have been witness to, I will sit here, proudly so, and state that they have made it through all the madness and have, by my prompting, learned well how to heal the heart ache.

Yet, not all parents are like this. In fact, a whole lot of parents cannot see the things that they are teaching their kids through their own action (or inaction) toward what has happened. I have a lot of people in my circle of souls who have kids who have watched their children’s own mothers lie about the same said kids’ fathers, and these fathers come to me asking me one thing – they want to know how it is that any mother could enforce the energy of hatred toward someone else, namely the other parent of the children who are not these mothers’ kids alone. Of course, my immediate response is a question of why it is that the mothers of their children hate them and what it was that started all of the planting of the wrong seeds?

The stories that I have heard are nothing short of nauseating. I have a hard time, not with the stories of the abuses that were imparted onto these gentlemen and the lies told about them to the authorities (and there are a whole lot more than only a few of these men, lemme tell you what…)about how these men who were once good enough to father these women’s children are somehow now the lowest scum of the earth. I would like to know what holier-than-thou horse these women came riding up on, because for someone like me – someone who really HAS been abused by the father of her children – to hear these lies, to hear the stories from the reporting police officers and to know through those officers that no such things have happened but that the mothers involved are DEMANDING satisfaction…lemme tell you what, folks…hearing that these people are trying hard to proliferate an energy of deception on the heads of innocent people…well, that just makes me really, really angry.

It is not because of anything other than those kids who, for the very life of them, have no idea that what they are being shown are the roots of where one of their parent’s Soul really are. It is the saddest thing in the world for me to look into the eyes of a child, even the older ones, one who has seen far too many ugly things, and to know what that child has gone through, and to know that it can never be undone and that the only thing that can make it better is that kid knowing that there are adults on this planet who can be trusted not to hurt them or manipulate them for same said adult’s ego’s needs and wants.

The planted seed of winning at any cost…even if you have to lie about it…

Yes…I am on a tangent these days, and it all points toward the collective energy of people – namely the children in our midst- who have been made to withstand the rigors of being the prize in the eyes of some people. Some people have no intention of being good to the other parent of their own kids, and this is wrong, and is wrong because there are always two parents involved in the proliferation of human life. I know – there are a LOT of parents who deserve what they are going through, and those are not the ones who I am writing about, and more, the ones who I am writing about know EXACTLY who they are…and yeah, guys…it is not cool to mess with your kids so that the other parent can hurt because you hurt. Get the hell over it already, because there is a big giant world out there waiting for us all and if you continue to fuck with this other person, the Mother Goddess WILL have Her way with you. (This is the absolute truth. Think about it. Karma doesn’t see anything other than the Soul debts created by YOU!)

And hell yes – I am talking to ALL those moms out there, the ones who I have described in this writing, and the ones who are so down on themselves and are down on themselves because of one thing – they cannot take back all of the shit they gave to one other person, and rather than just letting things go, rather than allowing themselves a second chance at whatever it is that they want to believe that they have lost, they continue the ridiculousness that is the constant grind of making the other parent’s life a living hell.

I am here to tell you all, right now, that the reality is that the other person who helped you bring those kids into this lifetime …that is all and only what your purpose was with that person. I know this. I am living this right now. There is nothing more maddening than feeling like you have to change the way that anyone at all else feels about you. Again, I know this monkey, and it is a monkey which took me about two and a half decades to release back into the wild. It is not mine to carry, the burden which was his that told him he needed to parent another adult, and the burden which is now, when this person who helped me bring these kids into this lifetime and his opinion of me no longer matter to me. They no longer matter to me because I found out both the truth of him, and more importantly, of myself. 

And it is this energy that is power, that is the strength, not only of the Mother, but also that of the Mother Goddess which is alive and well within every human female being on the planet, and the sad part is that there are a whole LOT of women on this planet who talk a good game about being a goddess like being, but who, for the life of them, have no clue what that is all about.

You see, goddesses don’t need human approval, and once it is that you can see yourself, ladies (and men, as gods, that is) as goddesses who have been sent to this lifetime to perform just ONE important act (in my case it was three…and yes, haha…all three are what I refer to as being “tequila babies”…let it go…that was not a bad thing to write lol) with one other person (which is the perpetuation of life through these children who we are meant to teach the RIGHT things) with this one other person who, in some cases, were ONLY intended for that one thing (to undo what was done to us through bringing into this world and through our teaching these kids a different way to believe things and do things and LIVE…duh).

When we hang on and it hurts, this is called a lesson in letting go, but when we hang on and we hurt the other person, this is what is called creating your own karma debt, lesson included in that energy, and there is NOTHING that any one of us can do to undo this energy other than GO THROUGH  IT and the more that we refuse to go through it, and the more that we put other people through this same energy that we have created for ourselves, the more likely it is that our own kids will have to undo this for themselves, and all because we could just NOT let go of our own anger, an anger which will seethe and eat at you for the rest of your human life.

I Promise.

And in reality, where it is that anyone who is this …derelict in their own personal nature and energy, you are not hurting anyone, at least not permanently, with your bullshit. What you are really doing is merely making that other person RIGHT.

Yup…think about that for a moment, and think about how weak willed you have been, and think about how much you have hurt anyone else at all, and then go and take a look in the mirror at yourselves, because the reality is that it was YOU who made you what you are at this moment, which, I am thinking, is nothing short of in possession of the ugliest soul ever, and all because you needed to not feel like such a god-damned loser all the time. No one made you stay in that energy, but you made it a project of yours to create this work of ugliness (because most lives, to me, are works of art…unless you continue to do as the Rolling Stones said and chose to Paint it Black…) 

Whatever it is that you, me, we set out to do in this lifetime that affects the lives of others, we will end up with. This is the reason that I tell EVERYONE who, in Spiritual conversation, comes to me with their inquiries, the reason it is so very important to let go of things and of people who we think owe us anything. You will never change them. That is theirs alone to do. You will never win because that is not what life is about. You will never see changes that you are not willing to go through the pain to enact, and you will always feel like you are not worthy of anything that your Ego tells you to take the shortcut toward having.


The only way to see your own sorry life as different, if ,in fact, you feel your life is as sorry as the collective energy is telling me that you are feeling it is, is to STOP blaming everyone else who you believe hurt you (and who may have but how long ago was it again that this happened? Yeah…shut up and get over it) and start actively seeking the healing that is yours and is your own personal responsibility, to your Soul, the Kuleana which you have created.

And shit yeah – STOP USING ABUSE AS YOUR EXCUSE IF YOU KNOW IT NEVER HAPPENED!!! When you do that, you piss people off…and not all people are going to be afraid of what you THINK you can do. I am oft challenged by people who want to tell me that I am wrong, and the only thing that I can think to tell them in return is simple…

We can test that theory if you like, but, you may end up walking away anything BUT the victor in a battle of wits that a lot of people are not prepared for. Yeah…I said it, deal with it.

Stop putting people on the Cross that is yours to bear.

Eventually, people read the rest of the crucifixion story and find out that Christ rose again in three days time.

You can’t rise again if you are too busy bearing a cross that was way too heavy a very long time ago…seriously, just let it all go and find out that you were never meant to be what you are now and that you have been who has kept on keeping up this madness which you, alone, also, have created.

Be Empowered by your creative nature, not weak willed and directed alone by your Ego…



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These photos can be seen (without the writing) by going to and visiting the “Women of Hula” page



The Spider’s Web called Lying

If anyone at all believes that they can get away with being dishonest, I have news for you…especially when that dishonesty and the things which happen afterwards come to fruition. Once the ball of deceit turns into a big fat mess, there is nothing one can do to avoid the Karma that maybe they did not intend on, but is surely the only thing that they CAN count on being true and absolute…and hell yes – coming right for them.


I have a bitch to pitch today, so please forgive me if I happen to get a whole lot mouthier than I normally can be. I make no secret of the fact that my life’s work and my purpose in this lifetime as well as the mission it is tied to is all about helping victims become survivors. I, myself, was my own first client. In the work that I do that is not the same as almost anyone else’s way of dealing with this very terrible social issue called Domestic Abuse, I make it not only a practice of being there for the ones who will eventually call themselves a survivor, but also to the person who has allegedly abused them. I do it this way for a reason. Please keep reading.

As the stomach turns

You can imagine how it makes my stomach turn when I am met up with anyone at all who will tell me their truth about how they became a victim of the most heinous thing that anyone can go through in couplehood, and the reason that it is heinous is NOT because of the possibility of things becoming physically violent only, but more, because voluntarily, we trust them. The reason my stomach turns is because, while it does not happen a whole lot, it does happen, the chance that I will, at any given time at all, become the lesson for someone who has lied about being abused and only so that they could get their way after they did not end up someone’s victim. Sometimes getting their way is the only thing that they can see, and most of the time, these same said vultures – normally another woman- see it as making things even with the person who they accused, falsely, of being abusive to them.

Let me tell you something, people – I am not one who takes lightly the idea that someone has been abused, and I am the first person who comes dearly unglued about it when I do find out it has happened. I am the first one to take an abused person’s words as truth, because really, I have been lied to SO much over so long a time by the person who abused me that it is hard for people to be able to get away with a lie where I am who is listening.

There is the other side of that accusation, the side which is the lies told about the things that anyone has gone through and turn out to be not the truth, at all – and this is the side that makes me more mad, because it is the side where the lies told by these Truth Harlots have made it so that the person they are pissed at has to pay for sins they (the wrongly accused) did not commit.

I won’t lie -it makes me mad because I really have been beaten, have been abused, and I know very well, because of these things, when I am being told a lie, and when I am being told the truth, and it doesn’t matter, because being what and who I am, I never do not know when I am being lied to. I ALWAYS know when I am being lied to, eventually, and normally it is not but within days, at most, that the Universe tells me that I am right – I have been told an untruth.

…and there is no one who does not know me well who also does not know that this is factual. While I might not key into it right away (I still am comprised of flesh and blood, folks…), make no…NO mistake – I ALWAYS find out, because yeah…me and the Goddess, the ‘Aumakua, the Angels…we are tight like that. I never don’t know.

Yet, there are some people on this planet who, for whatever stupid reason they may or may not have, for whatever reality it is that they want to believe they are creating for themselves, do not realize that the more that they lie and the more that those lies are said, written, thought out, told to others, kept quiet on the astral, and that we know, for sure and for real, are the furthest thing from the truth – those are the very lies that NEVER EVER DO NOT COME BACK TO US. Reread that – this is the truth, people. When we lie, and NAMELY when we lie in order to cause pain for another person and more so when we even have the thought in our heads that somehow, from their pain, we will garner ANYTHING at all, even if it is the thought in our heads that somehow we have won….well, no, you have not.

No you have not…won, that is

Oh how I so love this current energy, where Aries, the god of war and who is ruled by Mars, which is the planet which represents confrontation on all fronts, because over time, and because I have had to go through being a victim, I know what it means to have all the wit and wisdom that someone who has been where I have been in life and which were brought to me through battles of wits.

I know what it is like to have to crawl out from beneath the pain and the weight of the lies. I know what it is like to not know when someone else is telling the truth (and some people have no idea what the truth really is because they are so busy trying to cover up their own lies and bullshit that they would not recognize the truth if they were bitch-slapped with it). I know what it is like to have to battle constantly with someone who does not know how to deal with things thought as being truthful – or in a truthful manner, because they stay quietly comfortable in their own little world, a world which only the lies they have told and have been living are their truth. They are only the truth because one sorry son-of-a-bitch has chosen to believe them, and normally that sorry douche-bag is the one who has told the lies.

I said it, so deal with it.

Yes, I am very angry right now. I have been working with abuse survivors for YEARS, and it is not often, thankfully, that I will happen upon someone who has either been the liar or has been lied about. Most of the time, the victims only want to be soothed of their pain. Most of the time, once the fun of talking a good game about what they would like to see happen has come and gone and reality has come back to them, these victims come back to who they really are and realize they do not have to be as hostile as that.

Then there are the ones who lie about it, and it is for those who would do so, those who are reading this now and thinking that I am somehow off my rocker when I say what I say here, and perhaps thinking that they will continue to get away with the things that they say, that their target will always be their victim…I’ve got news for you, folks. You aren’t getting away with anything, and more than that, you are only making things worse and worse for yourselves. You might think that you have gotten away with stuff, but the truth is that all you have really done is shown the world, through that one thing that you said, who you are for real, and who you are for real is someone who does not know who you are, for real, but you want the world to think that the person who you have lied about somehow is really what you say, and maybe continue to say, about them.

You have the right to say whatever you want, but know now that once the untruths have happened, you cannot take back what you have set forth. The Universe does not see the lie, but it knows the energy behind it and if the energy behind it doesn’t match the words being said, the energy behind it, while it waits there, will just get bigger. This is because of one thing – while you are a lying sack of crap, you are still a flesh and blood human, thereby making you what is also like me – an energetic being. You see, the entirety of all of mankind runs on energy, the kind that is etheric and the kind that cannot be changed unless we choose to change it.

For those whose brains cannot comprehend this…etheric…thing I write much about, the simplest way to say it is that what you are saying, when it does not match the emotionality behind it and that energy behind it is stronger, which, when we are full of crap it is ALWAYS bigger (takes more energy to be a dirty lying douche bag creep than it does to be truthful – this is not my rule, but that of the Universe). It is bigger because we have to expend that much more energy, not only to come up with the energy to have the balls to tell such lies, but more, energy to keep said lies from being revealed as such. You might think that you have gotten away with something, and you might have even seen evidence that you are powerful in a way that you think is good, but it is not. In fact, really, what you have made certain is that whatever it is that you have put ANYONE AT ALL else through – well, baby dolls, you are GOING TO GO THROUGH SOMETHING LIKE IT…perhaps the exact same thing…

…or, in terms only a mental midget with a for rent sign between their ears can understand – whatever it was that you lied about will happen to you. Again…not my rule, but that of the larger and grand Universe. NOTHING at all…no debt…no karma that you have created…goes unpaid. The Universe is the ultimate debt collector.

You will pay for your bullshit – I Promise. This is not a threat, this is a promise. What you have created for you through your lies is nothing short of brilliant in terms of being a human manipulation machine, but in terms of human being, you haven’t  a clue how to be one yet, let alone a good one, and at this time, I am busy telling you, oh Overlord of Douche-land, that you are only halfway to your own circle coming full, and really, the rest of us can’t wait to sit back and watch it all.

Whatever it is that you have said, done, manipulated anyone else to believe, you are going to have to go through that, too. Whatever it is hat has been the wish of your very middle Soul, and that which, through lies, brought another person to their knees (but hopefully those someones realize that they are not meant to be there so, please…get the hell up already), took away everything that the person who lied intended for their target to lose – please, cupcakes…don’t get too very attached to everything you see in your awareness right now, yup – even actually people – because everything that you know was not the truth and which caused anyone else at all to lose…well, dolls, that debt has to be paid, and it will be paid, and if you are the person who breathed life into the lies that caused havoc for ANYONE else at all…you, too, will have to experience those VERY same energies.

There is no lie about whatever it is that you have set out into motion into the Universe, that somehow, if it hurt someone else, you have gotten away with something. Okay, sure…you have gotten away with being an asshole, and you have gotten away with perhaps hurting more than only your intended target, and you have gotten away with things that you know you should not have…please, do not think for a moment that you are free of the debt, because you are so, so, so assuredly not. In fact, it is exactly the Universe’s…as well as The Mother Goddess’ – way, to do as I am sure you have, taking her time, as you have, to stretch the pain out. Only this time, the pain is yours, and you are going to go through that pain, and you have nothing to do, or say, about it, because you know you are wrong.

So, too, does the Goddess.

You know you are wrong in that, someone paid the price for your spoiled sorry ass. You know you are wrong in that, if you tell your story to someone like me – someone who has actually been wronged through domestic abuse – and you lied to anyone about it happening (and it didn’t), it isn’t your intended target of abuses, of lies and of your own sense of lack and the idea that you feel you are entitled to whatever it is that you have done…I PROMISE YOU, that as you stand there, laughing, sometimes defiantly, sometimes wickedly, and sometimes, like a fool...the only thing that you are doing, really, is making that energy that much more pure and that much more directed at your very sorry ass self.

So, if you see yourself in the part of this writing that is not that great, that is NOT me telling you that you are a piece of shit (not even good enough to be a whole shit…how sad is that?), but that is indeed your soul begging for you to just drop it – drop the damned act already. The weight of the lies and the things that you have to do is so heavy that your soul is wanting out.

So, stop being a piece of shit already…let go, and do it sooner than later, because Karma is like inflation – gets bigger as time goes by.

Up to you, really….you might think you somehow have won, but really, you know better. I have said it before, and I cannot believe I am repeating myself now.

My friend Kim has a saying, and it is that, if you have to tell people that you are cute, you’re probably not. Same thing goes for those morons who think they can lie, hurt people and get away with it…if you have to tell people that you are that good at being full of shit, the Universe is going to have Her way with you…and while you might be very well and good at being full of shit, at lying and getting away with things, the one thing you are not good at, at least in terms that the Universe dictates, is getting away with not paying up your Karmic Debt.

The truth is something that many people need to learn, if for nothing more than their own sense of sanity…that’s right…the more you lie, the more you have to keep up with all the lies, and the more your brain will just go plum nutty over it all, if it hasn’t already…

If you cannot stop being full of crap, at least be proper enough to not talk when other people are around. You might hurt them and even wreck their lives.

All good…that’s what light workers like me are here for…to unfuck what a world full of lying assholes has fucked up

…mouthier…told ya so hahaha….

I Love You All!



(Photo credit for the cover of “Medicine Dance,” is by Randy Jay Braun from the “Women of Hula” collection at

Playin’ in the Shadows

ATTENTION LIGHT WORKERS ! If ever there were a time in your flesh-and-blood lifetime that you wanted to let the black cat outta the bag to play for a bit…now is that time.


I never really thought about it until two days ago, when one of my very best friends in this Universe and this Lifetime, Dannie, down in Louisiana, calls me from a tat parlor down in the Bayou state, to tell me that she was gettin’ her moth tatted onto her back. At that same time, what I was doing here on the west coast was writing down recipes (Read: Spells) for Shamanic purposes. While that might not seem as though that somehow, it is a big deal, in reality, it actually is. Dannie and I have always been that set of two friends who have been able to finish each others’ sentences, have been able to crawl into each others’ energies from the moment we met.

Until yesterday, I had no clue that her getting that tattoo, and my playing with The Craft in so far as creating my own elixirs is concerned, was the biggest hint to what the hell is happening now.

What the hell is happening now

If it seems as though you are more inclined to do things that perhaps you were maybe a little scared to try, or maybe if you are normally very reserved and now you wanna go out and about in the planetary thing and take a walk on the wild side, or perhaps if you can feel the rock and roll bad girl angel clawing her way out, you are not alone. At this time we are learning to balance who and what we are. For a long, long time, light workers have been so busy trying hard to make sure that our light and our healing energies are doing what they need to that we have forgotten that we have a balancing act that we are meant to maintain. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing, and sometimes, that good thing, as I am learning right now, is gonna be “icky-sweet” without the balance of the dark spiciness of the Shadow Side.

Not Darth Vader and the Dark Side, but close enough

The Shadow Side is where the darkness in us lives and really, we need our darkness because without it we cannot begin to know how to deal with it once it comes to us. And always, it will come to us. Sometimes, we are given clues and hints as to what it is that lives within us through other people. In my case, that darkness of Shadow within comes hollerin’ at me with a Southern Drawl and sounds very dearly like my girl and twin-fish, Gator, who the rest of the world loves and knows as “Dannie.”  In that same manner, Gator’s darkness that is her comes howling at her like wolves barking at the moon and it is in that Devil-may-care Southern California “hey bud let’s party” thing that I apparently, from time to time, have goin’ on. That darkness that howls is what is me at this very moment, and it is meant. I went from being that bad-girl angel earning her wings back, and Dannie was like the Amazon Priestess…while we are still very much who and what we each are, I will not lie to anyone and say that I am not enjoying this trek through the Shadow that is Me. It helps that I have had her here, proverbially right next to me, and vice-versa, so that, over the time that has passed, we have essentially taught the other about how to become our best dark and shadowy mistresses to the dark side that we can…and the truth is that we are both such well trained Pisces’, that it is almost a little like Halloween…and y’all know how much I LOVE Halloween…

Trekking the dark without sacrificing the Light

Without our very own brand of light, our own darkness will engulf us to the point where it will seem as though we are suffocating under the weight of who we are in the Shadow. I am all about healing, from within, and much like people will take on the tiniest bit of the flu virus to avoid the flu, so, too, will humans continue to seek out only the Light and forget about the Shadow. We need the Shadow, and we need it so that the Light within us each will be able to shine that much more gloriously.

Think about it in “Mom terms”

There is such a thing as too much of a “good” thing. When know when something is just way too good to be true. We will feel it physically if it is, and more so if it is not. This is what the Shadow serves us with. Just like there is way too much candy that any 3 year old will consume, there is the idea that, with our physical eyes, we see actual sunlight, but if we look straight at the sun, we will be blinded. (I have had to drill this one into my youngest and also my baby sister, who, as a tiny little girl, would gaze at the Sun, sometimes int he middle of the day.) This same thing also is true regarding the Light within.

We are told, again and again, after “guru” upon “guru” (whatever), that we have to shun the darkness. My own thinking is that if we shun it, we will not recognize it, and in order to know it, we have to be it, and if we are going to be it, now is the time to do that. I am not saying to sacrifice live animals (harm ye none, guys…animals especially included) or dance around naked under the moon unless it is time for you to do that.

What I am suggesting is that it is not wise to deal only in the Light. We have got to acknowledge the Darkness. There are a couple of you reading this who will get it when I start talking about the Dark Side. Yes – That Dark Side, and the thing that I always saw or felt with Lord Vader was that he was the most delicious version of …ghastly…and really, you could sense the depth of his own darkness. When revealed, the Light shows us how hideous he is. This is his pain, and it is also his turning point. In other words, he didn’t choose the Dark Side. The Dark Side always existed, and it exists in us all. We cannot deny our Shadow, cannot deny that some of us have wings that are better worn black, like that of Poe’s Raven.

Dealing only in the light robs us of knowing the pain of life, and healers  HAVE TO know the pain of life. If we do not know the pain, we will never know what it will take to be able to get through it when it comes to us again. More than that, we will not be able to guide others through it. Most of the time, those who heal, simultaneously hurt. Some of us do it better than others. What I saw in Darth Vader was simply that his Darkness never was not there – it always existed. He is not wrong about being Shadowy, because there are parts in the movie where, if you are paying attention, you will notice that he has his moments of pain, and it can be felt. It is not that he turned to the Dark Side, because the Dark Side never did not exist. It was not that he had no Light – he knew what it took to be a Jedi. His Light was in his skill as such. Thing is, Vader was just better at being always in the Shadow.

This applies to everyone. We are all better at being who we are in the moment that we are that person. Sometimes, we find out that we are better at one thing over something else – something that everyone else would probably be a lot more comfortable with, but maybe not you. You might not want to be wonderfully sweet to people right now, and really, if that is how you wanna roll, go for it, but do so quietly. You have to live with you, not everyone else. If “evil bitch face” is where it’s at for you and that is the energy that you are drawing down, and your life circumstances are not the greatest, I am certain that I am speaking for more than only myself when I say that you need to roll with it and the world can kiss your ass.

The Shadow self as the dark and rich fertilizer of the Soul

Haha…yep, I went there, but it is the truth. When I talk of the Shadow, I am not talking about that murderous, almost-an-ape bullshit. I am talking about there is, in every person, another side, and that other side is …strange. If you thought in terms of beliefs, and if you were, like I am, learning facets of the Craft as they apply to what is your own…I don’t know what to call it…”thing” in the world, and you knew that I stray more often than I do not from things which call for me to do anything more than think, and visualize, and focus, and send energy and light. Rarely am I not the only thing needed other than a candle. Yet, there are times that the curiosity of how, scientifically, those things all mesh together in an elemental sense, end up with the results we end up with. It is my own way of safely doing what I was warned as a child that would send me straight to the pit of Hell.

Fine. Cool. Good. Dandy. I’m still gonna do what I am gonna do. This is what this all about right now – doing what in the fuck it is that we are going to do. If you will go through past blogs, you will see that there has been a stretch of time where I just decided to not add the word “fuck” to what I am writing. It shouldn’t bother people. And well, if it does, it does. The Shadow about which I am writing is that part within us that is the catalyst. It is that person who you are who can be dared to do just about anything, and you might just take that dare, even on a double. It is when Loretta, my alter ego, the one who is a 6’2″ tall dominatrix in a hot pink spandex cat suit, white thigh high boots, with a whip in one hand and a leash in the other, and she is staring at you, daring to misspell words and disobey her (kind of a different take on the sexy librarian, if you will).

Sometimes, that Shadow side is the outer self.  In order for the Shadow self to materialize in the real, the Light side has to allow it through. The parts of our selves which seems to be the parts which we would rather not allow the world to know as also the truth of us are those same parts which are begging to see the light. This is why we are, at this time and all at once, feeling a little out of sorts.

Basically, we have all worked toward working in the Light that we forgot to party, we forgot that we could strut our shit, make no apologies for it, and when the learnin’ was over with, we could sit here tired as hell and just reflect on all the growing we did and be all…pansy-assed about things, or…we could look at the things that have changed in many ways, and know that it was the light that brought us to this point and now, it is time for the Dark to come out and play. This does not mean that my witches and alchemist friends are going to go out into the world and actually try to turn people into toads. It means that they will try a new “thing”…a new discipline in Magick, perhaps one they’d thought they were not strong enough to do. It doesn’t matter, just go for it.

No, sweetheart, do not go out and slit peoples’ throats, and do not go out doing stupid shit.

Yes, please, absolutely, get on out there and do what it is that you are supposed to be doing. Hey, it’s like this – if you have to sue a friend because they didn’t keep their end of the bargain, then that is what it  takes. Your darkness would be you NOT being the one wearing the Welcome Mat T-Shirt.  That might seem like a bad thing, like it would hurt them, but, hey, it is in writing, and y’all know how I feel about that, right?


Yup…you do…*cracks whip*

Haha…I Love You All !




Free Will Gives Us Choices

Free Will allows us to choose if we want to go with the flow of the pain experienced by things out of our control, including planetary things, or to turn that negative feeling brought by planetary energy into something useful and only for ourselves. 

My good friend, Soul-Mother, and favored teacher of all things Not of this World, recently stated something about Mercurial retrogrades being a pain in the butt, which they are, but she also stated that they do not have to be that way and that we are being like the ‘sheeple’ who she teaches her students to not mimic.  And this is sort of a humorous thing to me in that,maybe an hour prior to my seeing this statement that she’d made, I told a very significant person in my life that I was going through “the meh’s” and was lending credence to the current moon cycle.

Then I saw that statement, and really, it makes a lot of sense in that, we are given free-will choice upon entrance into this lifetime. We are given the ability to choose that which will, or will not, be the right choice in our lives, and a whole lot of us, professional weirdos included especially, have just given in to the idea that whatever is happening in the heavens is going to be the thing that we HAVE TO experience here on this planet. The truth is that no, no we do not.

We do not have to experience these energies in the manner that we have assumed we must…we can use them rather than fear them.

If we ponder the things that we think are the truth that apply to us all, you would also begin to take the idea that it is happening, whatever the ‘it’ might be at any given certain time, is happening to us all and that since this is the truth, that we should just live with it. While I know that we have to just live with what is happening in the skies above us, the truth is that even as those energies might be messin’ with us in ways that we just don’t want to have to deal with or feel or go through, the reality is that we always have the option, no, not to ignore how we feel, but to broaden our thoughts, thereby broadening our energetic selves, and stretch beyond what it is that we know as being the truth about some things.

The truth is that, whenever there is a planetary shift, there will also be a human shift in consciousness here on earth, and while some of us will not know what it is that we are feeling other than how we feel, there are those of us who, just like me, need to remember that we have the option to use the energies another way. It doesn’t have to all be “bad,” because there is always a reason as to why it is that we feel bad, or good, or neutral, about anything at all.

Right now we are in the middle of a gigantic shift in our collective consciousness, where the entirety of mankind is trying hard to fit their rigid 3D thinking into their shifting 4D bodies, and of course, there are those of us who have shifted already into the 5D mode of thought already, and we are waiting, impatiently even, for the stragglers to catch up to us. Those who are not yet caught up will not be able to handle the changing energies, because they happen so swiftly, even as they happen quietly. A good example of this is that there are some of us who have found ourselves stuck with “one last thing” and that one thing, at least before I saw that statement, was looming, large and seemingly immovable. Yet, even though this might be the truth, what is also the truth is that while that one thing remains as it is and in its energy, I, too, have energies and they are energies which are real, powerful and in abundance and totally what this “one last thing” requires of me so that I may think outside of what is right here in front of me and think about how I might turn these “same” energies (‘the meh’s) into yet one more step in the ladder to where I am headed.

No one ever said that there would not be these things on my Path that would seem to stand in the way of things that I can see out in the proverbial distance that await me, and no one was meant to tell me. I was, as anyone is, meant to figure this out. Silly me…I did not figure this out until I read that statement that my Teacher wrote out for the world to read on her Facebook profile . I will say to you all, though, that they had to have been the very most powerful words I have read in a long time.

That the situation on the earth is about as schizophrenic as it can possibly get at this time, it does not mean that spiritually and emotionally, we have to be. We can take these energies and think about how we might use them toward something that is not that one immovable thing, and we can shift that portion of our attention elsewhere, so that we do not drive ourselves nutty trying to figure out how to move a thing that is, at the moment, seemingly immovable. The reasons that it is immovable can be many, or can be one solitary reason, but the truth is that the reason it is immovable is to test each of us on our Faith in the Power of our own Spirits, our own inner guidance, and how much we trust our ‘Aumakua.

It is our Spirit Guides, also known as , at least in Hawaiian culture, The ‘Aumakua, who have brought to us the reminders that there are things in our lives that need to be seen to and that these things are the last things that need to be seen to in so far as what we have only been given in terms of the second half of life for the majority of us. You read it right. If what we, collectively, are experiencing at this time and that is a pain in the okole right now and that is something that we would rather not even have to deal with anymore, it is that thing or those things which we need to study, ponder, think about, etc., but not in the manner that we have been but in a new way that we have to create it from. We have to look at what we have been given that is a challenge for us and see what is there, even if it is painful, or hurts us, or makes us angry…we have to acknowledge it so that we can heal it, so that ultimately, we can heal ourselves.

And even our own personal healing is meant to be something that comes from within our own thoughts, in our own Spirits, and the only thing that things outside of us that hit us globally and with the idea that we have to “go along with” the current planetary energies is that we have no choice about what is happening up in the cosmos. We only have choice of what we, ourselves, will do, with those energies.

It hit me like a ton of bricks, the idea that we are not beholden to only the pain brought by these planetary happenings – we can also enjoy the other side of it all, which is still painful, sort of, but is more conducive to our own healing, and it is the other side called “learning.” We can learn from these energies, because it will be within and because of them that we will be able to change the way that life down here on earth ends up being. I cannot fathom my life staying the way that it used to be, and there is really only one thing left to do in matters where my soul is not okay with what is happening. I could continue to brood about things not going my way right damned now, or I can use this time to take action toward the things that I know are mine already, no matter what they might be.

And that is really the beauty of things in this lifetime – no matter what we want to think right at this moment, and no matter what we have been through, no matter what – while we might not, at this very moment, exactly know how we are supposed to get to where we are meant to be, we will get there. We will get there no matter what, and we will get there just at the right time, which really is when we are supposed to be there.  We have all of these things that happen, all of the time, up in the heavens, and every single one of us is affected by it all. Yet, if we are aware of these things, and we know that, scientifically, the planetary gravitational pull of all of the planets in the heavens, and we pay attention to it all, and we know, too, that planetary shifts are real, but like all else, are temporary.

We do not have to become slaves to the planets and their tantrums, their joys, their anything. They are there to be the things in the heavens that signify what is happening here, on earth. We have the free will of choice, granted us all upon entry to this lifetime, and most of us are more willing to follow the crowd rather than the whims of our souls, as set forth by the things that we are willing to learn, even if it hurts a little bit.

We are not beholden to the whims of the planets, because we have free will. We are not required to pander to the energies which, really, when you think about it, are quite useful. They are useful because they point out for us the sins that we have not forgiven ourselves for as of yet. They are useful because they show us where we are in need of growth and of the utilization of the things that we are afraid of for whatever reason we might have to be fearful.

We humans fear pain, and more than that, we fear change, and we inherently know, somehow, even those of us among us who wear a perpetual facial expression whose only name could be “DUH,” that whatever it is that is haunting us is doing so for a reason. My thinking is that, at least as of late, while I might not like feeling “meh,” it would be very careless of me not to take full advantage of these planetary pulls when they happen. By this I mean that we all have the option to ask ourselves why it is that we would feel like we do when we are feeling a certain way.

By this, I mean that we have the free will of choice on our side, and we are allowed to choose to do what we will with the energies what we will…and this is the thing in life which we have all been granted…




Maika'i Ka 'Oiwi o Ka'ala - Splendid is the form of Mount Kaʻal





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