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The Wreckage that We are at Times

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The propensity that we have towards not feeling our own pain and believing that we can handle our lives without feeling it is what today’s post is all about.

You can all call me a whiny bitch all you want. I know the truth.

I know that I am strong and resilient, and I also know that there are going to be things that happen that will test my resolve, as things have for the last month, and will mess with my composure, and at the same time, show me not only what I am made of, but what others are also made of. I found out that I am not made of sugar and spice, but rather  a collective of memories that I keep having to live through everyday, just so that I can get through them and over it all.

What I am, right this moment, is someone who is a ball of jumbled emotions. I am, or at least can be, very adept at not feeling what I am feeling at any given moment. I have been that way for a long time. No matter what, though, this time, and these emotions are not going away if I do not acknowledge them. 

And Goddess-bless certain people for trying to lift me out of my mood…I have been made aware by my Spirit Mother and Sisters that I have to feel them, because if I do not feel them, I cannot know how to help anyone else deal with them. This is not my copping out, and is not my being a martyr – this is simply my being the constant Shaman in training, the very one who willingly traverses the Path of the Black Flame. (And yes I do realize that that is also the title of a magazine published by the church of Satan but..it is surely not the same thing…please…keep reading…)

I am realizing one thing – when it is that we are supposed to go through a lot of bullshit, the Universe will serve us up with a ton of it, and no matter what it is that we are thinking we can do to avoid a lot of things that we do not want to deal with, deal with those things we will. I am writing SPECIFICALLY about myself in that, if there is a person on this planet who (a) does not like watching other people suffer, (b) would rather be the one to absorb it all for anyone else, and (c) is learning that in my wanting to do for them what it is that they are learning, I am not learning. What I am not wanting to learn is how to navigate my silly Pisces okole out of this madness.

There are a lot of people who will tell you that if there is one person who has the ability to bounce back from the bullshit that seems to have always plagued my life, it is me.

However, when I look back into the years that I have been able to do the escape artist thing, I find that I have done myself no favors at all, in fact, and those non-favors have led me to have to seek help from other healers. Once it is that I can get past all of the things that broke my heart, no matter who were the ones who’d done it (and mind you I do know that PLENTY of them meant no harm…), no matter how much I do not care to face yet one more little tiny bit of bullshit, face it all, I must. 

Face it all…

I am reminded of the …cute…nature of Disney character “Dory” from “finding Nemo,” with her famous mantra being “Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim.”

There is not a Pisces on this planet who does not know what this is like – the idea that in order to survive the insanity of the ocean of emotion, we have the choice to keep swimming.  In nature, fish have no other real defenses, not even the big scary ones, and it is the reason that most of them swim away from danger. I mean, even in a fish bowl, a fish will try to swim away from something that it senses will hurt it. Try it at home if you can, and you will find out that I am right – stick your finger into a bowl with a goldfish in it, and while that creature will, at first, be curious about the thing that has just come into its watery abode, once it is that it finds out it cannot eat it, said goldfish will swim as far away from your finger that it can, just so that it can remain safe. This is natural for them, to swim from what it is that appears or they sense to be not food or to be some sort of predator coming for it.

Using this same analogy, if it is that we stick our finger in the fishbowl too much, and once in every while we actually touch the gills of the fish in the bowl, eventually that fish is going to chafe, and eventually that fish is going to have a very different response to its own curiosity – and that response is called fear. We fear that which we know is not comfortable, and we fear that which we have no idea about, and we fear whatever it is that we have denied long enough so that we could, at least for a little while, not have to fear those things. Yet, we forget that we have to go through all of that shit, have to deal with the things that we are not exactly too thrilled about having to do.

And yes, I have indeed have had very much enough of that thing called “all this bullshit.” I have had enough of all the hurt and the heartache, to the point where now, if I do not face it all, I will be dealing with more and more of this manifestation of physical pain in lieu of facing the inner demons of simply just not wanting to hurt anymore. It is one of those things that, unless you are me, are my twin flame, are particularly close to me in any manner, you are not going to have the reality of this thing that I am experiencing. This thing that I am experiencing is called pain.

Pain is the indicator light

We human beings ascribe attributes of non-human things to ourselves. I like using a car for my own. Because I have had a lot of difficulties lately with my own vehicle, I can truly say that my Wonderbucket and I, at this moment, have the same issues. The differences are obvious – it is a car. I am a person. It is not running, and I am still breathing. However, my vehicle ran the distance until she was tired, and my vehicle worked hard for me even though I knew that sometimes, she just needed to be parked under a shady tree for a day or two, and always, my vehicle did not let me down. While she may never run again, my vehicle, no matter what, will always be the place that I am able to find solace.

Not only is my vehicle out of commission, my ambulation has been hampered – knee injury…happened whilst performing a labor of Love and a labor of Love which I would do, again and again, and would not bat an eye at it if I ended up, every time, injuring my knee. That I have an injury is one thing – it happens to the best of us. That I have a knee injury specifically is the thing that makes me shudder a little bit in that, hula is danced from the knees and the feet, and through this injury, I have been shown exactly how much not only my legs and my ability to walk, dance, move about, actually mean to me and more, how much my life is not the same, albeit temporarily, without my Medicine Dance.

I have learned a whole lot about myself, and the one thing that I have learned as of this moment is that we all have that point at which we can take no more. Even as this might be true, while we can take no more is one thing, but that what other people are bringing to us that we can take no more of we HAVE TO be able to tell the difference between what is meant to hurt, and what is an attempt that, through our emotional guidance, we are not privy to having to deal with any of it, if that, at any moment, is what we are finding ourselves having to do so as to not have to absorb any more pain, no matter what.

Other people who do not know us and who do not care about what their actions have done to our lives as a whole are, regardless of what we want to think is the truth, also learning. But, I am finding that these are the sort of people who will, without even batting an eye, place the blame of their actions of shittiness onto the people who they have created wreckage for. I am reminded of those who deem themselves “in charge” of anything that has no meaning for anyone other than them. I am reminded of people who take their “manager name tag” and shove it in the faces of the people who they think they are superior to. These are the people, by and large, who have created the very most havoc in my life and in the lives of those particularly close to me. These are the people, I have to believe, want to believe, will try to exact it as being believable even if only to myself, do not know have already, for themselves, started the loop of Karmic grief.

Karmic Grief

This is the part where I give you the cosmic “aaaaahhhhhhh,” and the part where I remind us all, namely myself, that things that suck and feel like they will end our lives as we know it are temporary. 

Don’tcha just hate it when some damned spiritual person comes along and reminds us that everything we are going through is temporary? I am one of those spiritual types and right now I dislike very much reading my own words, but, I have to read them, because I have to believe them, because if anyone wants all of this burdensome bullshit to be over with, it is me (and a few others very close to me). The thing that I like calling “Karmic Grief” is the other side of this pain that collectively, many of us are feeling right this moment.

I would love to tell you that they get theirs when we want them to, but that is not what happens. What happens is that they get theirs when it is most pertinent to the thing that they are exacting now. This means that if someone in your life, regardless of how close you are to them, and more so if you cannot stand them, has harmed your heart and soul in any manner at all, no matter how much we want to see them suffer what it is that we are suffering, it will not come to them until it means something to them that whatever it is that they are putting us through they too will go through.

For instance, there is a woman I know of who likes to behave like a man, and it is proved by the way that she treats men. I am not going to sit here and tell anyone that I can tell you how or when her karmic grief is going to get her, but what I will state is that, without a doubt, it is coming for her, and she will be helpless to do a thing about it when it does. If she does not learn from the havoc that she has wreaked onto at least myself and one other person, then she will end up going through that same measure of grief again and again until she learns that she is not allowed to make peoples’ lives hard and practically ruin them just because she has that material power to do so.

Material power is different than soul power, because material power is finite, while soul power is infinite. (Think about it) Using one’s material power (physical, real or imagined, bullying in one way or another) is easier than going with what your soul is telling you to do. It is your soul’s power that prompts any one of us to ultimately look at the pain and feel the compulsion to deal with it, even though we know that it is going to suck…badly. Using our soul’s power makes us focus on ourselves and not on the things that we see in other people that we, ourselves, cannot “fix” for ourselves. When we cannot “fix” something is when we are being told that what we are faced with is something that we have to deal with, that we cannot turn from, and that ultimately will make us far stronger than the weakness that we are feeling right now in the material. This does not change things for any of us, at least not topically. What it does do is gives us an option – to face (soul power)…or not to face (material power).

In the time that we go through what we will go through when we opt to go with our souls and get through things from the soul, out, we will, for sure, blame otehrs for how we feel, even though the blame for our feeling any way is not what they are responsible for. They are responsible for bringing the pain to us. Our kuleana with that pain is to heal ourselves from it. This does not, at all, make things at all different. They are still who brought the pain. We are still who must feel it and work through it. This does not excuse the pain if it were done on purpose (refer to the thing about me, one other person, and that “manager pin” worn on the sleeve). What it does, believe it or not, is gives us leverage. It does this through the mechanism of them thinking they have hurt us, which they have, and our begging them for mercy, which sometimes we do, and our eventually realizing that we never needed them to give us mercy. We needed them to show us the next lesson.

That’s it. Really. That’s it. In relegating them to this position of merely bringing us the lesson, we take from them the one thing that they hope, like all people like this would be, would be the thing that they need to keep control over us in some manner. When we remove from them, through our choosing to see things through the eyes of the soul rather than the material and we understand what it is that, materially, we mean to them. They actually need us – we never need anyone else to make us feel powerful by their ability to take from us what they think and assume makes them feel more powerful and is ours- material, or otherwise. Empowerment does not come from denying others their power. It comes from respecting them even when they are at their weakest, period. If they do not respect you and never did, that is a them thing, not a you thing…keep reading.

It is not our place to wish bad things onto anyone. It is not our place to want them to hurt like we do, but wish it upon them we will (I can think of four right now…two bitch boys and two manchicks). This is when we end up creating that karmic circle for ourselves, all over again. The lesson, at least for me, in part, I know, is that I have to stop wishing certain peple would suffer, because in doing so, I have to suffer. Right now, the suffering that I am doing is all mine, make no mistake, but it is not because I want suffering for anyone (at least not for real). It is, rather and instead, because that is how I roll. I do not like to suffer, but I will suffer if I am meant to. Learning means that sometimes, we have to go through pain. I am in pain in more ways than one. A lot of us are.

It is not something that will make any of us feel any better about what it is that is right here and now. Karma is not meant to be that way. Karmic grief is not up to us to exact, and if we are lucky we will be somewhere nearby when it all starts for these certain others, for no other reason than to have a sense of confirmation and closure to the pain.

If we are lucky, the Universe will show us glimpses of things being made right and will make it so that we are no way, and in the right energy, the one who is blamed for the karmic grief of others. Understand now that there is a difference between feeling grief, and grieving. The grief about which I am writing and that we feel is to be thought of as our having to deal with a lot of bullshit. But, grieving over things is totally different. We feel grief when others bring it to us, but, we grieve over things, not only that we have lost, but that we seem not to understand the reason as to why it is those things which hurt us are so very hard for us to deal with.

So, if it is that you are experiencing the wreckage that has become your own life, take heart in a few things:

  1. While it might seem very…naive…of me to state so, and even while I, myself, am having a very dearly hard time dealing with even my own words about this shit, whatever it is that you are experiencing and is making you feel grief, it is temporary.
  2. You are not the circumstances of your life. You are a human being. You are worthy of Love and self-acceptance for that alone. You are not required to proverbially beat the shit out of you just because the world seems to have a different idea about it.
  3. The things that mean the most to us might not be the things that we need for this time in our lives, and this also applies to people and the way that we are treated by them, no matter who they are. They might not be able to handle whatever it is that you are dealing with, and in like kind, they will go away and return another time.
  4. Where there appears to be a “hole in the soul” is actually space for something new.

When it seems as though we are not getting what it is that we want, we have to look at the other side of it, to the things that we need. Maybe we need to learn to just live without certain things and people in our lives. I don’t know. I don’t like doing either of those things. But, if it means that I will,eventually, be better and stronger for having done so, then I suppose that which I thought was lost was never mine to begin with.

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Willingly, Walk…

firewalk

The only way to heal from anything at all is to run headlong into the proverbial fire and willingly walk through it to the other side

If there is anything at all that I dislike, more than anything else, it is waiting for something that I know is going to happen, to ultimately happen. Of course, every human being on the planet is always waiting for something, and really, the waiting that I am writing about is the sort that we wait for what seems like a lifetime. In my case, it is the end of one part of my life that will, when it happens, bring to a stop a whole lot of other things that somehow have the same sense of energy attached to it. I totally understand the idea that some things have to happen for other things to happen, it doesn’t mean that on the way to those other things happening that we will not end up having human being type moments, and the sort that reintroduce to us, sometimes through the same people or situations they’d come to us in the first place, to the pain through the harm that most people seem just to put in the back of their minds until later when they think they can deal with it.

Later, I find, rarely, if ever, comes.

Waiting until later is not an option

Okay, so that is not entirely the truth. We can always wait until “later” to fix the things within us that are bothering us all the time, or we can just choose to not believe that we can do anything about those things at all and through that choice will continue to experience things that do not resemble change that we can witness in our own lives and in our own selves.

This is not something that I just made up a few minutes ago, but is rather and only something that came as a realization to me over time that told me that this time, when I felt the pull of the Universe beckoning me in certain directions, and when it was that those directions that I have been pulled in landed me somewhere familiar but was also harmful I started to believe that in order for us to experience the changes that we so dearly seek out, the first order of change has to be within.

Okay, so I didn’t just figure that one out.

I already knew that one. I suppose that the thing that I figured out is that even when it is that we believe that everything that we need in order to further our own selves is in order, there is always that chance that we have missed a step, have overlooked something, or, in my case, simply just do not want to deal with those things any longer. I just do not want to deal with people who like to harm others, and I just can no longer tolerate the harsher energies of them, but in order to not feel the energy at a constant, I have to willingly feel the energy of right now.

The energy of right now tells me that I am almost “there,” even though I am not really that sure about where exactly “there” is, even though, too, the “there” that I have arrived at up to this point has been magnificent, has not been the sort of “there” that was not welcomed and was and is indeed the “there” that is the most “welcome home” feeling I have ever known.

The “there” in that one very uniquely special and particular manner is good, great, awesome like nothing else, is rock solid, is what it was meant to become to this point, there are other “theres” that I have come to recently, and, as well, those are as nice and needed and almost as reassuring as the welcoming energy is and that was already described a few sentences ago.

It is the rest of the “theres” that, while I am not having trouble with, at least not at the level where I know that I am stopping my own flow, the part that I am having trouble with is the not knowing when the end result will be, because always, and with exception to the first “there” in this set of “theres” that you have thus far read about, there is always going to be that measure of having to prioritize what is seen to next.

I will be honest with anyone at all when I say that the reason the next “there” that I need to get to is not more than it is right now is not for any other reason than that really, I just have hoped for so long that it would just simply roll out of my life like a turd rolls downhill, but, nope…looks like I have more work to do with it, and I am fine with it, even though I have been working with it rather than working on it.

One does not work with the flames across which they will walk; they work on them so as to make them as hospitable as possible, given that it will be their bare flesh on the soles of their proverbial feet that will literally feel the majority burn. Too many people will tell others that it is all left up to mind being over matter at any given time, but when it comes to the things that matter the most to us in terms of what we no longer want in our lives, care and time must be taken, just as much as care and time must be taken in order that we have other, more pleasant things in our lives to look forward to.

It takes times for a home to be situated in the manner that the residents prefer so as to make it as welcoming to them as it can be, even as the home itself is new to them, their own waking lives are not.

It takes time for someone whose entire life has been marred by emotional harm from others to be able to poke their heads out of the hiding places they have created within them so as to breathe in the daylight and to know that they are not alone, and time to actually learn to trust themselves to trust other people. I know this one personally. It takes time for anyone at all who has gone through anything at all to not think in the manner they thought that may well have brought them to this place where they are now.

This place where I am now

I could sit here and tell anyone at all the dramatic story of my life to this point, but I am bored with telling it. More than that, I am sick and tired of reliving the crap that I went through just to get to this point.

Believe me when I tell you that strange things happen in my life all the time, but that I could not have seen my life at this point being how it is right now and in the manner that it is right now is the strangest thing of all.

I am ecstatic and thrilled for many areas of my life, because those areas are working like somehow, to this point, this is what I was meant for, these are the people who are meant to be with me at this point, and this is the way that things are going to be from now on. I could sit here and think only about those things, which would be really nice if that were possible. And really, it is possible, but, just as much as those things are possible, to deny the things which need my attention simply because those things are possible is careless and reckless and most human beings cannot just turn a blind eye from the things that they know need their attention.

While it is that we all know that certain things absolutely need our attention, there is that thing about us all that makes it so that we would rather NOT look at those things or work on those things and sometimes, the work is NOT about making those things tangibly change but is about accepting that change is happening now and happening whether or not we are ready for it to be that way.

You see, when the Mother Goddess needs us to be all we are able to be, versus all that She knows we are already, She presents us with a lesson. Right now, my lesson is NOT about what people think of me and not about what I can do for anyone else and is all and only about my being able to accept things as they are slowly…sloooooowly….coming into being.

Thing about all that is that I have accepted things like they are for so long now that I have to now retrain my brain to not be so tolerant of the things that I have been through and that I have allowed into my life through that measure of tolerance of people who believe that because of one factor or another, they are somehow allowed to be …icky.

Icky People and Karma

I know how Karma works. It is all about the intention. It is the reason why any teacher of weirdness will tell anyone at all to be careful what they wish for because they might get that one thing. The other thing that no one ever thinks about is that every thought we think carries energy, and if the strength of emotion behind that thought is pure and regardless if whether that thought is perceived as “good” or “bad” is how anyone at all creates their own Karma.

I have written a whole LOT about Karma and the way that I know it works. What no one thinks about though is that when we are teaching anyone about Spirit, most of us do not think, too, that we need to explain this karma thing a little bit better than we have been, and the way that we have been explaining it for too long already is that “what comes around goes around,” and there are a shit  load of (ahem) “religious types” who like to put it in our faces that when we piss God off, we stand to go through hell-fire and brimstone and that is that.

(What an awful, shitty,pansy-ass way of manipulating people.)

Reality is that, as I have stated in the past numerous times, whatever it is that we truly and dearly want for someone else, no matter what it is, we will end up with that, for sure, but also, for real, we WILL END UP FOR SURE ALSO HAVING TO GO THROUGH SOMETHING LIKE WHAT WE HAVE WISHED ONTO SOMEONE ELSE…of course, there are those times when we are trying to balance things and in balancing things we have to do things that we have to do, because really, there is no other way about doing things.

We are not really told, at least not point blank, that in order to walk the walk, we not only need to heed our own talk, but, we also have to truly be willing to walk that walk, meaning that we HAVE TO walk through the fires that burn us to our very core selves before we can rise like a phoenix from the ashes.

We have to be able to tell others what it was like for real, what happened in our lives that would bring us to this point where we are on our feet but feel like we are on our knees and begging for mercy when in reality, the only thing that we actually have to do is stand up and become stand alone.

Can’t walk if you are in the crawling position.

In order to walk one must be able to stand.

In order to stand, one must have the strength to brave the coals beneath your feet, looking only at the end of the fire walk, to the ocean which waits on the other side.

Once it is that we stand and walk, we also allow a change in perspective. Once we have a change in perspective, and once the paradigm within us regarding anything at all has changed, we can begin seeing where it is that we ultimately will be in the very near future so long as we willingly walk the path of fire.

So do yourself a favor…get up off of your knees…you have no one to beg anything of…

…stand…and walk…willingly

I Love You All !

ROX

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It doesn’t even matter

2008-Housing-Market-Crash

The things which we no longer have are the things which no longer matter. The hurt which remains is there to teach you something about you.

“I tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end it doesn’t even matter…I had to fall to lose it all, but in the end it doesn’t even matter.” (Linkin Park’s “In the End”)

I lost my house in Helendale in July of 2008. While it hurt a bit, I cannot lie and say that the world was over with for me, because it wasn’t. I realized quite early on afterwards that it was meant to be like this. It was meant that I would no longer be in that place for the purpose of my having to begin the process of shedding what was once real to me.

What was once real to me was not for me to become very attached to, because in becoming attached to it all, I would suffer the worst hurt ever, which would be the stinging blows to the pride within me that would tell me that somehow, I deserved to lose everything that I thought mattered to me. And again, I cannot lie – the house, while it mattered to me a little bit, the idea that I lived where I lived mattered to me a whole lot.

Where I lived was a huge source of pride for me, but here I am, years later, and I realize that what was the source of pride was not what I thought it was, but rather and only the illusion of what was, versus what it became. What it became was a monster of proportions so huge and so…untamed…that for at least one person who used to live in that house, the loss of it was something that they’d felt on levels that not a lot of people would feel if they were not so attached to that tangible item.

And really, that is truly what any actual standing building that a person or a group of people would live inside of and call home. It is not the actual building, but what it represents. For me, the house represented a place where memories would be made, with neighbors who were some of the most pleasant people I had ever known.

Yet, here I am, seven years later, almost, and things have changed markedly.

I no longer care about the house that I no longer owed a lot of money on. The only memories that I have of that place that can be called good and real are the ones of my kids, of my hula halau, of the treasure called friends who, when I thought about it, are two of the very best people I know and two people who I love immensely. While I no longer own all the vehicles, no longer have access to the golf course, the lakes, I have what can never be taken from me.

I have me.

I have this me.

Losing something as big as the family home is not something that I hadn’t been through at least once in my lifetime, and that is probably why I was okay the day that I have to pack up my entire house, without the help of certain others, and leave that life behind. The reason that life had to be left behind and the reason why that life and the loss of it no longer matters is because even in all of that loss, the one thing that was gained by me was not just “this me.”

I gained, through the losses, the reality of two people who, no matter what, have always been there for me (Hi April…Hi Tim…I Love You Guys!) Through that loss, I regained and revived and recreated hula to become what, for me and a lot of people like me, it was meant to be, which is not a Polynesian review show, but medicine. I gained, through that hurt, a new lesson to work through and to turn into The Sisterhood of The Soul, and through that group of healer women who are also my cousins, have created what is the beginning of things as they ought to be.

And that is not the only loss that I gained from, really. I gained the bravery to confront my abuser, to tell him that we are done and that within but a very short time here now, it will be on paper. I gained the knowledge that even as I have been the very one to have to learn to heal me, without the hurt of feeling like my own blood relations skipped out on me when things got to be really too much for me to deal with, I gained the right to call myself a strong, Stand Alone Human Being.  This does not mean they all skipped, because the ones who mattered the most never did. It just seemed that way at times.

Seriously…in the end, it doesn’t even matter

When we are able to get past the hurt, and when we are able to look at the dragons which once invaded our waking life and our sleeping dreams, and when we can see things from a new perspective, this is when things that we thought mattered no longer matter as much. It is when we realize that we have learned what we are meant to learn from any given situation that our lives will begin to blossom.

For instance, not too long ago, I was very upset with my parents, and it was over something that was a source of pride for me. I won’t go on with what it was all about. I will just state here that the last time that hurt visited me was yesterday, and when I say the last time, I mean exactly that.

I mean that no matter what it is that I want to do for them or for anyone else, the one person who I need to do the most for is me. This is not my telling anyone that you have to be selfish, because being selfish is very counterproductive.

What I mean is that, once we let go of the grip that we have on certain ideals, on certain things that we think we have to have be a certain way, on things that we believed mattered for so long and which really do not matter in the manner that they once mattered, we are, at that point, in a stage of growth. The sooner that we really wrap our heads around this, and the sooner that we accept this one thing, the sooner we will find out the reason that we hurt for so long.

Vice Grip

Lots of us like to have a vice-grip on things that we ought to not have said grip on. When we choose the energy onto which we will hang we have to remember that there are good reasons to hang onto it, and then there are all the other reasons. 

We each have our own reason for hanging on to the energy, or, on the other side of that, allowing the energy to have its vice-grip on us.

There are times when this grip is welcomed, when it is needed and when it is pleasant, and then there are all the other times.

There are times when it is that we do not want the vice-grip loosened, when we would rather bathe our own selves in that energy because it is so very welcoming and so very…much a part of us…that to release it would cause our own energy field a whole lot of havoc…then, there are all those other times.

It is all those other times that we need to help ourselves understand why it is that we want to believe that we are meant to hang onto it.

Recently, one of those two very good friends ended his own struggle with a vice-grip energy that was not an energy that would have helped him grow into the person who he is becoming. It took us months to realize that what he was seeking had been so easily attained that once it was that he was able to allow this vice-grip to no longer have him in that bind of hurt, things just seemed to be much lighter for him. He’d have never made it through the same lesson one more time. It would have wrecked him for the rest of his life in many more ways than only one.

On my part and in my life, even as there is a very lovely vice-grip energy that I am lucky to have whenever I can get it, there is the other side of that, which is the side and the thing which prompted this writing today.

Too many teachers of the Divine seem not to tell their charges that things will be harsh before they are not, and the harshest lessons of all are the ones which come from the people who have been in our lives for years and years. On my part of all of this other side of the energy stuff, my biggest challenge over the course of my life has been trying hard to get my blood relations, at least a lot of them, to take me seriously, to have some semblance of respect for at least how I feel, let alone who and what I am, and to take some measure of self-control when speaking of things that at one time meant something to me and which, at this time, I realize, don’t even matter to me as much as I thought it all did.

Why? Because I know that I am not meant for those things, at all, and until I woke up this morning, it did not dawn on me that what I was being taught has been learned, and that what I did not want to accept was accepted a long time ago in that, I am a healer, a writer, a scientist, a spiritualist…and no where in all of those things does anyone read the word “marketing person.”

Even though that is what I used to be, and in some ways still am (someone has to promote me and my girls…we do fine doin’ it all on our own), in that capacity, the one that I started out with their offerings, I am no longer.

That me no longer fits this me’s life and this me’s needs and this me needs things to be a lot more organized for this me to be satisfied with life in that respect. This does not mean that I have no respect for what this set of people are doing. It means that I no longer have to voluntarily obligate me…this me…to their bidding, even as I easily and readily lend myself to their success.

That You is not This You

You know very well that not one of us, at least not without the help of someone experienced in past life regression, can go back in time, at least not for real. We can visit there, and we can take a few moments there, but you have got to admit that even though right now, for myself included and to a limited extent, might suck beyond all which else that sucks, you have to admit that you would so much rather be this version of you than that other you.

That other you was weak in many areas of your own life, and that other you was someone who, from time to time, you did not even like very much. That you did things that this you would never dream of doing, because this you has built a wall of integrity that cannot be demolished by anyone but this you.  This you loves who you are becoming, and that old you..well, that you no longer exists.

That You no longer exists

Believe me or not, the reason that for some of us, life seems to be very difficult right now is because many people don’t realize that the reason things do not work like they once did in the past is because you are now this version of you, and this version of you cannot do things any longer that the old version of you used to do. 

That might be a little hard for you to wrap your head around, and it takes time to ease into the new you, but once it is that you have done just said such easing into things, you will find that you cannot do things like you used to do them. You will find that it is hard to fit into your old lifestyle, with the same type of people who used to be the people who you would do anything for.

You will find out that even though this you requires a little more than the old you did, once you get the hang of it, you will not look back, ever, and neither will you want to. You will learn that there are times which require you to return to pieces of that old you, but in those times you will be beside yourself with wonder because even using some of what was you, even in that instance, it is the new and improved you. 

I cannot lie – I would love nothing more than to no longer live where I am right now, but, the fact of the matter is that, the old me – she is who used to live in that big fat house on the golf course in the desert, and she is who would be hurt by the words that she is reading right now, and that me would pretend that anything else offered in the way of a new place to live would be just fine, even though that me, on the inside, would be dying a death of the ego on many levels.

This me, however, has been actively looking for that new place where new memories, with all of the right people, are going to be made, and this me, while she can be markedly impatient for good things to happen, knows, just because she is this me, that the perfect house where all of these great things will happen is just waiting to tell me that it is the right one for us. This me might be a little on the strange side (a little?), but this me loves me, and this me takes no shit from anyone when in regards to this me and what this me knows is right for me. 

In the end, our losses are meant to teach us to become the best versions of ourselves. Our pain is not meant to live on forever, and is there to make us aware that we are in need of some “me maintenance.” Our past hurts are meant to remind us that we have been through what we needed to go through in order to get to the person who we are becoming, and the people who we are each becoming are meant to go through this crap called loss, pain, hurt, all so that we can recognize what they are and more, recognize the things that are NOT meant to hurt us. 

Me and This Me need to get things moving right along for the day… please make sure that you know what is worth having a vice-grip on, and more, what you will allow to have a vice-grip on you.

I Love You All !

ROX

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Intolerably, Indignantly Righteous

Learning that we are right is one thing. Being a righteous ass hat about it is completely another thing all together.

I learned a few very important lessons this week from more than only one person. In fact, now that I am not an emotionally driven freak about many things, and now that I have had my opportunity to stop myself from getting overly righteously passionate about certain areas of my own life, I have learned that there are times when we are expected to become indignantly righteous about things, and also and more importantly, times when it is upon us each to shut the fuck up and simply just listen.

Just shut the fuck up and LISTEN

Sometimes, we need to shut our mouths, and sometimes, we need, without getting too much in our own way, to stay out of peoples’ business when they are busy trying to make us know something that may well be one of the very most important things that we will ever learn, even and especially when we think we are the bastion of being absolutely and unfailingly right. Sometimes we need to just stay quiet, and sometimes we really just need to listen because in that act of simply listening, we will….WILL…end up learning at least that, more than much else, not only are we not always right, but also, we might be traversing the planet unaware of a few truths that, really, if we would just STOP being so righteously indignant about how right we are and realize that while we are right, that there may not be a wrong, and in fact may well be two ‘rights.’

This new calendar year brought with it the ending of things. Even as it is a new start to a lot of things, and while it might well be that a lot of us who are not that …evolved… might have just followed suit in that they would start their resolutions right away, for the most part, the beginning, unlike the blog about the end being the start of the beginning and how it tells us, basically, that the circle of Karma that we started so as to become a stand alone type human, the end for some people is not the same thing as it will be for those who are in the light of Spirit and squarely in the middle of our own evolution of soul and self.

By this I mean that, no matter what, we are watching our balance become what it is that we have intended for it to become, and in that watchfulness, we have forgotten that while it is great and awesome for us to know this, we have to learn to not only balance it all out, but more, we have to also learn to walk in our proverbial new shoes.

New Shoes

If you have never seen someone who has never worn a pair of high heeled shoes finally wear a pair of them, then you do not know that it takes time and practice to learn to wear them, let alone walk in them. This is the same thing that is happening now in our lives – we are all being expected to wear these new things about ourselves, these new lessons learned, the things that we learned throughout the last year, and most of all, how it was that we fared through it all.

We fared through it all as best we could. We did what we thought we were meant to do, and we tried hard to not lose ourselves in the process, and not realizing we had done so, we lost ourselves anyway, because that is what we were meant to do, supposed to do, and not one of us liked it. Not one of us likes what it is that we are in the middle of right this moment. Not one of us can comprehend much more than what it is that we, ourselves and on our own, have actually been through.

While it applies to plenty of people, there are a very few of us for whom all of this madness which ensued and which we each and all still are trying hard to take stock of the chaos who have not been able to keep our heads squarely on our shoulders. However, there are those of us who, for whatever purpose they have, who are choosing to hang on, NOT to the lesson that was born of all of this, but more, unfortunately, the righteous indignation we have suffered and which was brought about through our own hands, our own thoughts, and the one thing that those people who are thinking in this manner are NOT thinking about is that this is NOT the time to stand there, in all of that righteous indignation, hanging onto whatever it is that you, yourself, cannot change.

You only have the power, no matter what the hell you think, to deal with you. I could have remained angry about something that I came to accept not but a week ago, in fact, a week ago today, about someone who I thought might have had my best interest at heart, only to come upon the truth of what I have always known – that there are people within my own circle of souls who have not been, who will not ever be, someone who is not so righteously, albeit quietly and even covertly, arrogant that they would do what they thought they might be able to in order, not that I would lose my gifts, but that they would – my gifts – be seen as “less than” what they are, by anyone at all.

When it is that we are upon such a truth as that, the sort that is not only thought provoking but, as well, quite life changing in terms of who we know is “for” us and who is not, while it might have been that, at one point in time, we would have become ass hurt over something like it, at this time in our lives, we are, if we are more evolved and have chosen to go through what we have in order to learn, not bothered by it as much as we might have been in the past. And this is only an example of what it is that has been given to us as a gift of the Mother Goddess.

Do not mistake righteous indignation with our knowing, righteously, where it is that we need to become Stand Alone in our power, in our energy…

The biggest thing that I have noticed is that there are people who are righteously indignant about things with only their air of arrogance in play, and then there are those of us who, while all of the madness was happening in our lives and we were not-so happily plodding through it, knew then, when the madness began, what it is that we know now, are staring straight and squarely in the eyes of it, and are more inclined now than ever we have been to do something about it all.

Where it is that we are so very overwhelmed is where it is that we have to look at the reason why. It doesn’t mean that we are somehow more flawed, but instead means that there are parts of ourselves, as our outer and tangible lives will tell us, that we either need to put away, or, give away, or more importantly, through that act of giving away, let go. There are also things that are telling us that we are lacking in certain areas, but that the lack is not really a lacking of anything but rather and only a place where it is our kuleana, our responsibility, to create what must be placed there.

While most of us knows this, there are still many who are living in the arrogance, inside of the energy which is protection through ignorance, or perhaps protection through becoming defensive when in reality there is not a need to defend what we are not understanding, but rather and only a need for us to have at least some clarity about what it is that we believe is the major malfunction of our lives.

Too many people want to blame others on what it is that we, ourselves, have to see to. It is not someone else’s fault if you, yourself, have chosen to stay locked in the pattern that you find yourself stuck in. In fact, most folks who have a clue are more inclined to tell those closest to them that yes, they have things that they want to see to, things that they know they have to do, including this Kahu, that, unless and until it is done, there is no more of anything coming to us but more chaos, more confusion, more of the bullshit that not one of us can claim truthfully that we like.

Of course, getting through all of the chaos also depends on how much time we have everyday.

In a lot of peoples’ lives, the one thing that we each have very little of, because we are the masters of our own existence, is time. It is a funny thing to me to think that we believe we can just simply create time to get it all done. Once it is that the very lot of us decides, like a very few minimum of us has chosen, to look first at ourselves and where it is that we are not completely okay with what we are looking at, and once it is that we claim that we are the owners of that chaos – only then will the clarity and the cognition that we need in order to see to it all, for once and for all, begin to come to us.

It is my own opinion that it is not time that we need, but clarity. It is not time that is going to make this all happen, but our own clarity of thought about where, tangibly and intangibly, all of our stuff should go. Someone very close to me knows what this is all about, to have nothing but complete say so over what is their life, and to have it together in their head, and to see it all in the visions that come to them, and to think that they do not know where they will have time to do this. It is not that easy just shitting another hour out of an already very busy life, let alone day. They are not the only person with this issue.  We will each find that in those closest to us are the very proverbial keys to the kingdom of clarity, and if we are good enough and strong enough, not only to them, but to ourselves, they will gladly school us on some things that we do not realize are not apparent to us, if only and simply for the fact that really, we have no clue what is the truth and reality of anyone else unless and until they allow us that much energy.

Yet, even in this day and age of weirdness and things not of this world are more accepted than they have been in a long while, too many people do not believe that what we want, no matter what it is that we want, is already ours and in manifest. Too many people want to be righteously angry with people in their lives and some want to hang on to that old energy that is not releasing themselves, all on their own, by being kind to themselves, want to blame someone else for the madness that is apparent. For the very life of them each they cannot figure out why it is that things seem to be looking up for a majority of people close to them, and that they are somehow stuck in whatever pot of shit stew they are in.  This is not saying that everyone who is currently in a pot of shit stew is there because they are not willing to look at the mess. This is saying that there are people who just, even as they know it is the best thing for them, cannot let go.

The Righteously Indignant Nature of Arrogance

For most of our lives we have been taught that we have to fight things that we don’t like. Lots of the time those things that we don’t like are not even part of our awareness on a daily basis. We humans are silly and are so because we know better than the way that we sometimes behave. I know someone who is, for all the right reasons, very upset right now. In fact, the whole scenario between this person, another one very close to me, and another person, brought out of them each the one thing that only one of them, at least to my knowledge, has really learned anything about, and that one thing is called forgiveness.

I am not talking about forgiving someone else, but one’s very self. 

Indeed, there comes a time in all of our lives that we can no longer bear the weight of our own indignation, of the very stagnant energy that is the same ol’ thing happening, again and again, in our lives, and we either get tired of it continuing to happen, or finally, one day, we stand up, realize that we are stand alone, and in that energy, we release those who hurt us the most, which in turn releases us as well.

You don’t have to believe what you have just read. You can continue to hang on to that energy that is being righteously angry with others, or, you can come to terms with the part that you have played in the mess that has been created of your own life and you can take the chance to make things happen for you, rather than to you.

It’s like Dorothy never realizing until she woke up that she had the power to change the status of her wanting to go home. All she had to do was realize it.

I Love You All …

ROX

Visit my website , read my teaching blog, come and hang out with me at bandbacktogether.com…yup…I’ve written a few books, teach hula as both Medicine and as some of the funniest luau entertainment that a group of employees has ever had the opportunity to take pics of the higher ups learning hula from me…yup…at company parties…of course, I also marry people…I do LOTS of stuff…because I’m just Rox, and that’s how I roll…follow me on Twitter…but above all…smile and laugh a lot – folks will either think you are talkin’ smack about ’em…or you’re crazy ! Either way, it’s just you being you !! Aloha!

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Same Suit, Different Energy

Many of us are convinced that whatever it is that we have trained for in terms of our work in the world is static and cannot be melded to also include Spirit…wow…really?

 

*****

When I started my college education many years ago, I was primed to become a dance art therapist. This is not what happened, at all. I won’t say that I could have become this…dance therapist…either, because of the ugliness that became a part of my life at that time, the ugliness that is domestic violence and emotional abuse. While it was that I still taught, danced, and performed hula, it seemed as though just doing that with that particular dance was so totally not enough, even then, when I was a young woman in my early twenties.  I was told, at that time, that hula was enough for me, that I didn’t need to aspire to more than that, and with that, I should have been happy. I wasn’t. I love hula. I have always loved hula. I would never be able to see my life, ever, without it being some part of my everday, much as it is now. Like some folks enjoy, love and live a particular sport their entire lives, so , too, do I love and live hula.

It used to be, long ago, when I owned a hula halau in the high desert, that my thinking in so far as the dance went was very well cut and dry – you teach, you perform, you do parties, luaus and the occasional bit part, and then you just go on throughout your life loving something that you have always loved, never do it in the capacity that you once did, and enjoy your happy memories. Then, when the day came that the things that had gone on in my own life and in the marriage which turned out to be akin to a university education in survival, I realized that I was not done with this dance. It took more than two decades for me to realize that, while it was that I loved teaching this dance, loved to perform it, loved to do what has been done traditionally for generations, I knew (and my two soul sisters, April and Dannie both confirmed it as time passed) that my hula was meant to evolve into something that not a whole lot of other Kumu Hula’s love for this dance had – the chance to be used as medicine for my aching, tattered heart and soul, and more, the very chance to do what I had always dreamed to do – be able to dance for my living, while still doing good things in the world at large. This is not to say that theirs is not what mine is, because even they would tell you that this is the truth. Theirs is every bit to them what my own hula is to me. Medicine, in some form.

Trading the Pa’u skirt for the Kahuna’s Apple Bottom Jeans

Hula, as it is well known, is normally, when performed, done in some sort of skirt, and most of the time, it is a Pa’u skirt (no, not grass…cotton…brightly colored and patterned cotton…anyway…). When I lost my house in the desert, I lost more than I thought I had, but it was not as though what was lost could not be way more than it was when it was at its height of coolness. Here I was, with three kids, no house, a dog and a car…and no hula. I had suffered a huge loss that, at the beginning, did not seem to be as big as it ended up being, but in that bigness of loss, I found something bigger that can never ever be lost.  After months went by, and after I had had the worst time being anyone’s wife, and after not having danced or taught others to dance had finally brought me to my knees, it was inevitable – the mp3 player had been primed with all my numbers…and outside, there was a full moon.

It was on this night, without my realizing so, that hula became something completely not what it had ever been for me in the past. It became my Medicine Dance. Hula became the thing that I would turn to, that I still turn to, when my heart felt like it was about to again shatter into a million tiny pieces. At that time in my life, there was not a lot that would not turn me into a heaving mess of tears. It was not that hard to make me cry, and it was not that hard to make me feel like I had been and done something wrong. It was not that difficult to hurt me. It was not that difficult to make things hard on me. It was a daily thing for me to fall apart into a mess of tears. It was not that hard to help me have a very, very bad day. Yet, at the end of that bad day, there, as always, to save me from another shot of liquor, to make me not want to go into the baby daddy’s room and wash down a handful of pills and end my pain, even if only for a few hours, was my Medicine Dance.

There, all my life, was this thing called Hula. There, right under the bright and wide full moon, for a long, long time, my suit had been changing. Suddenly, I realized my own metamorphosis. My skirt became a pair of jeans and a tank top, and those clothes, my new “suit.” I found out that I did not need a degree (although I do have one), that I did not need to do much more than just never stop dancing.

So, I never did.

And I never will.

Hula, suits and how they all relate

I think I have made it obvious that I used the thing that I grew up doing as the thing that would help me on the worst days, the thing that still saves me on those days. We all have that one thing, that one thing that we do, for pay, for free, and in that one thing we are expected to do with that one thing, we are also expected that we should only do one thing in relation to it all. Marketers are only expected to market to one type of demographic. Musicians are only expected to play one kind of music. People in certain jobs are expected to only do one thing and to stick to that one thing, never using it at all for anything other than money.

There comes a time in all of our lives when what we do needs to match who we are. I could have stayed as I was, only preferring to teach and perform and only do what I do for money, rather than what it has become, which is medicine and is not medicine that is available in the manner that I deliver it by anyone else. This is the thing about what it is that we each “do” – it is subject to grow and evolve into something that it was not at its own inception.  I started dancing hula when I was 3. By the time I was 12 I was performing in front of audiences, and being asked to compete. At 17, hula was only one of four jobs that I’d held, but it was the very one which I so loved the most. At 33, I owned and taught in my own hula halau. At 40, when there was no more halau, no more students, even as there were still lots of shows I’d done, my time as I’d known it to be in regards to this dance which still, in the minds and hearts of many people, defines me, was over with.

I had to think of something, because it felt like I had nothing left in the manner that was visually creative for me that I could embrace. I took the year off, still not realizing that when I was outside, feeling like my heart was going to just break into a mess of shattered tears, that I was relearning to embrace this dance, relearning to appreciate me and everything that hula has always meant to me and for me. More time went by. More tears. More nights, cold, rainy, or blazing hot…there I was, most of the time beneath the bright almost full moon, and for three nights, even to this day, I could be found outside, music only heard by me, dancing, sometimes laughingly, sometimes tearfully, but none the less, there I was, and there I will be, beneath the Akua (first night full moon phase) Moon, being as graceful as I can, my audience being the moon, the stars, and the night creatures, and of course, The Goddess and the Aumakua, singing to me through Keali’i Reichel’s or Owana Salazar’s beautiful voice…

It did not dawn on me that my two best girlfriends these days were absolutely spot on when they both told me that I was not done with hula, that hula would evolve into something much bigger for me, that it would be something that would be for everyone, not only for little kids and most certainly not only for show. Those days, the ones for show, while they are not completely over (hi Sabrina!! It’s gonna be a blast!!), they are not as important to me as are the moments that I have, with all of those survivors who have already come to me to learn about this dance which I love so very, very much. While I cannot say that this hula is better than the time I spent with my hula keiki in Helendale, I will say that my life is richer now because I choose to take The Medicine Path with it.  My Auntie Kalei told me one time, after many years of not having seen me dance hula, that it was the very essence of me, that it was the thing which my Soul showed itself best through, and that it would be something that I could use to change lives. She was right.

She is always right.

What does your Suit want to be when it evolves?

Think about that for a moment, okay? Hear me, that is, if you know what it is like to have a conversation with me,  and understand that I could easily be standing in front of an audience right now, saying these very things and still be able to make one thing clear, either way – that thing that you do  that Spirit chose for you to come into this lifetime to do, that one thing that you would do for free or for as much kala (it means “money”) as anyone is willing to pay, or both – Only you know what that is. It may well be that you are in this awareness this time around to see if you can mold the suit to the Soul. I just finished telling a friend of mine that there is something that she can do with what she used to do, with what she is so, so, so well educated, brilliantly clever and so very, very much the Ikaika Wahine in doing, that she can take her skills and rather than do what she used to do with them, take it up a notch and go forward into the blackness that is our many veterans’ issues here in this country and take on the role of the protector for those whose lives were once lived to protect.

The things that we can do in our professional lives, with the things that we are on the inside of our souls, can become the marriage of soul and body, right before our very eyes, if we can just look there, where it is that our hearts are and who those very hearts beat for. If we could just take a moment to really think about the things that we have at our whim, and know that with those things we are meant, by the very conception which brought us each here, for the purpose of bettering our own lives, through the things that we are and the things that we can do, and for us to go out into our own worlds and be everything that our abilities, our talents, our gifts, who we are, where we are, need and can solve the question of why we are here in the first place.

If we are meant to do anything at all, we are meant with purpose, and we are meant to get there with the things that we are each born with and come into this lifetime with. This is the truth. We are here to do those things that we love to do, for others, and with others, so that together, even whilst on our own, we can make a huge difference with each little thing that we do in our lives. It is hard to believe that it really is that simple.

Just do what you do.

The rest will just be what it is meant to be.

I Love You All !

ROX

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Making the case for every day of the year

“…Love is all around you…” (Tesla’s “Love Song”)

Often, right around this time of the year, the questions about love, about finding love, about all things love begin to be emailed, texted and chatted to and with me. Most of the time I am asked if I know when someone’s twin flame will show up, or if I know that anyone at all will find Love at all.

You can imagine the responses that I get in reply to the things that I send back to ANYONE at all about why it is that, at least to me, it should be Valentine’s Day everyday where love, for anyone, regardless of who they are in our lives, is concerned. Of course, when you are like me and your job in the world is to be the very conduit of Love and healing for just about anyone who I come into contact with, whose lives I happen to happen upon, for whatever reason it is that I have to be there at whatever time it is that I appear on the scene and in their lives, Love is the easiest thing in the world to do. To simply Love others is just who I am, is exactly what I do, and is how I navigate the open waters of Life.

Yet, we all seem to get a little too…ugh…right around now. Right now it is 3 days prior to Valentine’s Day 2014. Right now there is an entire population of men (and women, too) who are very dearly not looking forward to this coming Friday. And who can blame them? I mean, really – when you think about it, why is it that only one day a year are people more inclined to show, through measures of gift giving, of gifts of Love, when in reality, it is our job to Love people anyway, our job to be able to be empathetic toward anyone at all, walk a few feet in their proverbial shoes, and know, for sure, that they are worthy of this thing called Love? Why are we only so concerned with how big of a diamond you give to her, and why are you only concerned with wearing anything fun underneath those mom clothes but one time a year?

What the hell is wrong with a society which chooses to remain permeated and inundated with a token of Love, when in reality what we ALL need, no matter what kind of Love it is, is the real thing?

Because loving others means that we have to be real

Love, in all of its forms and energy, cannot ever be pretend. Think about it for a bit and you will know that I am right – ever tried, for years and years, to Love someone who was SO cantankerous, so, so, SO acidic in their own views of things, of life, of what love is supposed to be, that eventually, trying to keep up with THEIR ideal just seemed like it would be the wrong way and the wrong kind that was offered by you?  Is this the reason why I am not too very…I don’t know…not one of those people who is inclined to see things in the same way that anyone else would when it comes to things as big and important as loving anyone at all, no matter who they are, for whatever reason it is that they need it.

I learned a long time ago that loving anyone at all should not come with conditions. I had a lot of conditions placed on me for a lot of the time that I have walked the crust of the earth in this lifetime. None of what I was shown throughout that time, other than one instance, could be called or even named as being what is the truth of unconditional love. I think it is sort of a deal breaker when anyone says that “He/She better KNOW that I want one of those (insert lovely gift thingy here) or ELSE!”

Really? Are you kiddin’ me? You mean to tell me that all this time, I have had it wrong? I am not supposed to give or expect to receive back anything remotely even appearing to me to be the truth in Love as it is meant to be? You mean that I am not supposed to care about people, and I am not supposed to know their pain, not supposed to offer them what they need when they need it, and it is because of WHAT????? ARE YOU SURE????

NO ONE- and I mean NO ONE at all can or will convince me that Love, no matter what sort, is only meant for one day of the year. I will not ever believe that the only day of the year that we are required to show love to anyone else at all is February 14th. I have never believed this way. I have always been able to Love people, in the manner that they believe that I am there to, no matter what. I have always been able to see  the good in others, always been able to just deal with and digest the ugliness because I see others only through the eyes of Love. This is my purpose in life – to Love, and it should be so with all of us, because all of our singular purposes in this lifetime are tied to the energy called Unconditional Love.

Unconditional Love is NOT something that most folks want to believe that only Christ was able to give – I beg dearly to differ.

If your dog can do it, then what the hell is your problem?

Your dog…yes, your canine buddy (mine’s name is Kimo – he is the Killer Ninja Puff) has Unconditional Love down to a science. He knows that he is there but to Love, to trust and to have your companionship. You, as his human, give him the same thing. Your excuse as to why it is that you can’t give love to other humans like you do your dog is because you can’t trust humans like you can your dog. This is a problem. This is THE problem. Did anyone ever stop to think that the people anyone at all cannot trust in anyone at all’s singular life is mirroring to you at all the real thing that is underlying your own issues with other people? I mean it is really very simple – learn to trust you, learn to trust your intuition, learn to trust that you are good enough to be loved, and most of all, practice loving you.

The reason that a lot of people do not ever trust anyone else (and I get it, I really do) is because they cannot trust themselves. They cannot trust themselves to trust someone else, because in trusting someone else, they have to be able to let their guard down and let anyone else at all, in. They cannot trust that they will never not be hurt again. They cannot trust that they will be strong enough to handle the dings to their ego when other people tell them that they are not perfect. They cannot trust anyone to not only see them in their glowing light as much as they cannot trust them to also NOT only see their darkness.

People have a hard time trusting others because for forever and five years now we have been conditioned to only see what bad can happen, so we completely cut ourselves off from the good in others, good that is all for us, given by them. People have a hard time trusting because, yes, they, you, me , we all have been so hurt, so battered, our hearts broken into a tiny million pieces, over and over again, that it is of little wonder that we have not already completely wiped out the population of people on the planet. We have learned very well to hate, and we have learned well to judge others for who they are not. We have learned to see only what we think is wrong with someone else, not realizing the things that we see there in them also lives within us. We are so busy pointing out what someone else’s imperfections are that we cannot even begin to see it when someone else points ours out. That is when the hurt is the biggest, and it is not because they pointed it out, but because we refused to see it there when so clearly there it is.

If you could have just one wish

Think about it for a minute – if you could have one wish become true, you would pick something that would not be finite or tangible, but would give you what you needed in order to have that tangibility. If you could have what you thought you wanted right this moment, instead of bothering to look at you from the inside, out, and you could see there what it is that makes you unique and apart from everyone else, would that one wish still be the same, or will it have changed? And, will it have changed according to what is best for you, or would it change to be something that would accommodate someone else – anyone else – so that you would be more acceptable to them and according to what THEY want, not only from you, but from a lot more than only you.

When someone else tells us that they have certain demands and conditions that must be met (or else they will find something else to ‘fix’ us, or, they will simply find someone else who is, at least in their heads, more acceptable to their ego’s senses), that is not Love. I don’t know what to call it other than bullshit. I know what it feels like, though. Very well, I might add, the energy that is never being good enough for someone else and the energy that is telling someone else that unless I am worth a few freakin’ lousy dollars spent on flowers and a bunch of chocolates, that they are not worth my time. This is SO wrong, on SO many levels. No wonder why people think they have to score points with anyone at all, just to get them to take notice that the other person has taken notice.

That is SO manipulative and creepy, so wrong and so…abusive, on an emotional level, that I can barely stand it! I mean, don’t get me wrong, because really, I like presents, and all those other things that all women love. Yet, I am not going to put any sort of pressure on anyone, ever, to prove their worth to me – in terms of people, at least where I am concerned, you are either worth my time, or you are not. If you are worth my time, you will know it, because I am not shy about telling people exactly how I feel about them, no matter who they are.

If you are not worth my time, that, too, will be very obvious, because I don’t waste my time with people who don’t even bother to see me for who I am. This is not to say that because I might not say hello to you everyday, that I don’t want to be friends or that you are not one of my most favorite cousins. It is to say, though, that no one in my life is required to prove how valued I am by the show of trinkets. No one who I know and love, and no one who knows and loves me, is ever, or has ever been held to some secret pact made that says we have to prove anything to one another.

It just is. That is all there is to it. There are 365 days in a year, and every couple of years, 366. We can manage, I think, to find one thing about anyone at all that is love. And love is not only between two people, is not only romantic, and when it is romantic, it should also include a modicum of friendship, because that is where we first learn to love others – through our friends and the people who we have spent the most time with throughout our lives. Sometimes we find that there are things about them that we might not like, but the love does not go away, ever. It remains the same as it always was, and becomes bigger and more real as time passes.

When that happens, and you have been through the wringer more than one time, you begin to know, for sure, that everyday should be marked for Love between human type folks.  Love is something that is given in the form of energy, and yes, sometimes trinkets. Yet, to expect trinkets to be the ultimate show of Love is somehow lacking. Some people just don’t get it – opening a gift is great, but knowing, everyday of your life, that you are special…

…that is a gift in and of itself, every single day.

Love, everyday. Don’t put so much pressure on what is in the heart shaped box. Doing so may make it so that there is so much pressure that eventually the bubble bursts.

The only thing left will be the energy that is that of the goo brought about by too many expectations placed on one person who loves you every single day of the year.

Think about it. Seriously.

I would rather be someone’s reason to smile everyday, than someone’s reason anyone feels required to buy me something one lousy day a year….

That’s not Love. That’s a box of chocolates and flowers that will eventually die anyway. Yeah yeah… I know…it’s the thought that counts…

So, what are you really thinking about in terms of what Love really is?

Oooooh MAN! Y’all weren’t ready for THAT one, were ya?

Haha….yup, you know it ! I TOTALLY know what it is…and of course –

I LOVE YOU ALL !

ROX

RJB_NEW_PO_AO..MEME

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Open Your Mind and BELIEVE

It doesn’t matter what, or Who, you believe in, just believe in something that is bigger than you are and that is outside of yourself and your own human misunderstanding of it all.

 

It is no secret that when it comes to things quite strange, I am one of those people who can be listed under “things and people quite strange.” It really is part of my charm. If it were not that I believe in little green men flying around in disc-shaped aircraft, or that I believed that there are women who, during the week, they are CEOs and homemakers but who, at certain times of the month, can be seen wearing things that would not bespeak their professional status, I would not be the person who a whole lot of people know and who a few love, just as I am…weird, but open-mindedly so.

I don’t want to get into another rant about who believes what and what this person calls their Spirit and what that person thinks will end up sending us all to Club Hades. However, there is still the issue of people thinking that they know better, not only for a few, but for us all, and those people need to just knock off the campaigning for their god to get to move into a bigger pad, with more arrogant people who “take care of god’s house.” What I would like to know is why it is that anyone at all will believe that if their god, or the Catholic god, or the Christian God, or the god to whom anyone at all kneels to is powerful enough to create us humans, but that when god was done with creating us, that god was done, period?

You are the proof that you need

Seriously – you are all the proof that is needed to know, without a doubt, that we are not alone in the Universe, and to believe that we are is highly egotistical and truly very dearly arrogant, and that is me being nice about it, really.

Let’s think about something for a minute, okay? Yes, I know that there are a whole lot of human types folks on the planet, who are all kinds of artistically inclined, and I know, too, that there are all kinds of folks on the planet who are like I am and who believe that we are not alone on this great big rock, but that is not enough for people who think that little green men in round aircraft don’t exist, and that is not enough for people who have been TOLD that what anyone else believes is not the truth (because it is not their truth), and it is totally NOT enough for anyone at all to come out of the thinking pattern that they were raised with.

For a moment I would like anyone at all to think about all the things that we encounter on a daily basis, and it will help my cause to help your cause to think about all those …coincidences…that happen to us all, sometimes all day long, and for some, more than others. Then I want you to think about how many times it was that you were thinking about a dearly departed loved one and then a song that you both loved a whole lot started playing…think about all those times that you had a great idea, and all those times that you wished your social circle could include people who are from your past and then BAM! somehow, there you were, and somehow, there they were.

Think about, too, all those times when it was that all you wanted to do was make a new friend who could help you as much as you knew you could help them, even if it were just something simple but important, like having a friend with an ear and a shoulder, even if that ear and that shoulder were via text message, phone call or email.  Think about all those times that you really, really wanted to have something and then a few days, maybe even a few hours, later, there it was.

Think about all those times when it seemed almost impossible to believe what happened, and how many times you thought about that one thing, and how many times you put that wish out into the Universe and just let it be there to do what it is supposed to do, and think, too, about all those times when a miracle is what was needed and again…there it was, and you are, to this day, still trying to figure out how that happened for you.

It is very simple, really….all you did was believe that it could. In order for you to believe that it could happen for you, you had to have believed in something that was way outside of you, way outside of your own human misunderstanding of things that you might not have really bought into as being the truth, as being whatever it was that might not have been what you were raised to believe, and you will have exactly what it is that is needed in order to also have proof that we need, dearly to believe in a power outside of ourselves that is there and waiting to see to our needs and desires.

However

There are things that cause our limited human thinking NOT believe. I have a few magnificently talented and artistically inclined friends, and all of them have that very…alien…air about them. I say alien in terms of “foreign” and things that we just do not “get” when it comes to things that we will voluntarily believe as being the truth. We are more inclined to believe a guy in front of a group of people, a guy in a very expensive suit who is standing in front of us, telling us all about what he would like to see happen in terms of what HE wants, than we are to believe our inclinations toward trusting what it is that our gut says, that our souls tell us is the truth and that we can trust to believe.

We would sooner deny what our five sense tells us than we would dare deny the guy in that very expensive suit which was funded by the congregation (yeah I went there…deal with it). We would sooner deny what we and our five senses have told us than we would tell the guy in the suit that what he is telling everyone is only applicable to what his limited understanding is. These people have made it clear to us that what they believe and what they are telling us is the ONLY truth that there is.

This is not the truth, not when there are several many different systems of belief, and not when there are as many cultures as there are on this planet, and not not NOT when people like me have, through our five senses (and also through senses six through eight) have proof that negates the belief that we humans were the only game in the Universe. We are not. We are SO not. We are another life form. We are here in service to one another. We are not here to not think outside of ourselves, and we are not here to make it seem like someone else’s beliefs are the only thing that exists in regards to what anyone at all will take as the truth.

I suppose that my thought about things like this is that we have so much at our disposal that proves us wrong when we are told that we have to believe one way – OR ELSE – that to not investigate even why anyone would bother with the arrogance which is prevalent in terms of “real” beliefs is concerned …yeah, that bothers me. We have been blessed, every single one of us, with this thing that lives between our ears and for the life of us have never bothered to really see or use the entire thing. We have been told, again and again, by crusty old scientific people that we only use 10% of our brain, and what no one ever bothered to do is think that maybe they are telling us this so that we will not think beyond that 10%.

Me and Sylvia Browne and my dearly departed grandmother all have decided that if this is truly what you take as your truth, that is on you, but we have a different idea, and that idea is that we are not alone on this planet. At all. The moment that we can birth ourselves out of the thought that someone else planted there that tells us that Spirit stopped creating when we were made is also the moment that the things we know exist alongside us human beings are real.

I say a whole lot about truth, about what we are willing to believe versus what we see as the truth of what other people believe, and a whole lot of people have chosen to continue to tell us that our senses are wrong, that their big giant holy book is right, that no matter what it is that our own physical awareness – let alone the energies involving themselves with us at all times – is “off.” And while those who have read my rants and my words about these things have had the very audacity, NOT only to question my motives but also have outright said things about me that are not the truth, what they have not also come up with is proof that I am wrong and that they are not.

Follow your heart and soul….and your physical awareness

If there is anything at all that I trust, it is my body. My body knows when I am in danger, and it knows when I am about to be surprised in a good way. My body tells me the truth, just like yours will, too, so long as you trust the animals.

Yes…the animals. Animals run completely on instinct, even our pets – they are animals first- their sentience is loaned to that alone. We are animals, technically, but our ability to reason and those who taught us what we know also know this, and because of this we have been conditioned to trust what someone else says is real, have been taught that we cannot trust ourselves and that we need a second opinion. This is all fine and good. When we choose to not trust who we are, in that non-trust we have also robbed ourselves of our child-like ability to believe in things that other people do not want to see, hear, touch, taste, smell, and yes, believe.

I believe that crop circles are real, but I do not believe that the only life forms who have created them are those little green men. However, I DO believe that the little green men did come and perhaps start the circles and that humans finished them. The reason that I think people end up being abducted is NOT for scientific purposes, but (really) because we take credit for things that we should not take credit for. So now, the little green men are pissed. (I asked an artist – he agreed.)

Believing in only what our limited human abilities are able to do leaves me thinking that we have, for many generations, chosen this imbalance. “Leaders” tell us what they tell us because they know these things, they know what humans are able to do, so the right information has been suppressed to the point where just like when we fill a glass too much and water spills out everywhere, so, too has this information been there, all along. And we silly humans never bothered to question why it is that we believe what we do, and more, why we are told NOT to believe something more than we are being told to believe.

The guy in the 3000.00 suit

Everyone who knows me knows that I am actually ordained, that I am legally permitted to perform certain rites, that when my signature hits the line on the marriage license where it reads “person solemnizing the marriage,” it is official and it is real and those two people are ,at that point, joined together in matrimony, until death to they part, we hope and pray.

Everyone who knows me also knows that I am one of those people who will take the time to think about the things that I am told by others, about what they believe, and also, everyone knows that I am one of the most non-judgmental people on the planet. Yet, and I won’t name names, and won’t say more than I know that I am legally allowed to say without injecting personal truths that are all my own and that would be very damaging to their lives and who they are. I don’t roll that way. In fact, anyone who knows me will tell you that any secret, at least the sort that I don’t have to alert the authorities about, is never anything but safe with me.

When the guys in the 3000.00 suits talk to me, it is like they are teaching an adult things that even a preschooler would raise an eyebrow to. Let’s say this – there was, at one time, a homeless outreach that I worked a lot with. I collected blankets and clothing and even food and job leads for this outreach. The people who received what I and my long-haired freaky people collected for them and on their behalf were grateful that there was someone who would just help without questioning them.

Yet, when the guy in the suit chose to call me, after one of those homeless people gushed and gushed about that “hula dancing weird minister lady,” things got to be a little bit harsh for me, at least where that guy and his “good works” were concerned. He read me the biblical riot act, outright called me a heretic and a witch, told me that my good works meant nothing if HIS particular outreach received none of the props that me and my freaks were getting. This “pastor” went so far as to call me a “spiritual harlot,” and that his god and their people would be “dealing with” me and mine, post haste.

This went on for weeks. I ignored his crap and kept on doing what it was that was right and good in the eyes of Spirit. It was not but a month later that I had heard about what had happened to his outreach, where it was that he ended up. When I next saw this person, he was very humble when he told me that throughout the community of the people he and his had “served” that not one of those people said a thing to him about what he and his suits were out and about doing (ummm…collecting money and supplies to “fix the house of the lord,” which really was not the house of the lord- it was the pastor’s house). Yet, those homeless people could not stop telling this man that whoever this strange, mystical woman with no shoes on her feet is, that he – the pastor – needed to take a lesson from those who do not need a very overpriced suit and an arrogant attitude.

This pastor believed that what he was doing was god’s work, because his reasoning was that he was the pastor of this community and as such he should have digs which were like that of the mansion he’d envisioned that he thinks and believes that his god will give him. When he told me that he just wanted to have real italian tile on his walk way was when I let him in on the fact that I have no church, no congregation, that I share digs with family at the moment, because my own resort-house was taken from me, not only by the bank, but also as a symbol given me by Spirit that my time as that sort of person was over with.

When I laid it on him that the car I drive is borrowed, that I share my daughter’s room with her, that my childrens’ father, even though he was a bastard, would have been homeless AND sick and dying, and that I allow him to stay here with them when he wants to…when I let this man know that I do not follow a “Being,” but that I practice what it is that I preach, it dawned on him the reason why it was that people say what they do about me and my very…Divinely Souled….rock and rollers – it is because they know they can believe in us, and that every word that we say and every single promise we make to anyone at all is good as gold, that if they are cold at night, that one of us will find them a blanket, a pillow, a coat, a pair of socks and a thermal cup so that they can get hot drinks at the local liquor store when the owner is in.

I was raised to believe that we need to believe, NOT in ourselves, but what someone else tells us is real. I do exactly that. I believe that when Spirit tells me that I am on the right path, that my heart and soul are in alignment with Hers, that nothing, no matter what and no matter what things I do not have at this very moment, nothing is more important than my belief in a power higher than me, a strength invisible to those who are choosing not to see it.

It was my Auntie Kalei, and of course, the lovely Noreen, who both always told me, and who still make it known to me that the more that I know that I am not alone on this planet, and the wider my mind can be opened, the better off I will be, not only for me and my kids, but for all those people who are still too nervous to let the world know that they, too, believe in something…

…and it ain’t a guy in a $3,000.00 suit…

I LOVE YOU ALL !

ROX

MedicineDance3MemeRJB

Please visit RandyJayBraun.com today!

 

 


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