Monthly Archives: January 2015

A Feeling of Electricity

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If there is anything that any heavy metal music fan knows all about, it is a feeling of electricity…and, oh! What a feeling it is !

There is a reason I used that picture of an entire generation’s epitome of what it means to be “Metal”

There is no mistaking my musical preference – while I LOVE Hawai’ian music, and can pretty much choreograph any piece of music, the bottom line is that now and forever, I will be what the world of music loves and knows as being a “Metal Chick.” I have been this way from the time that I was a tiny little girl when my older cousin, Jimmy (Pe he’a ‘oe, cuzz?) first introduced me to this genre of music by playing none other than Led Zeppelin’s “Rock n’ Roll.” He asked me, the me who was barely 7 years old – “Eh, Mapuana, you like this?” asked Jimmy. I recall fondly, vividly, as though it was just yesterday, my response “Ooooh…cousin…I REALLY like this! What is THIS?” He answered, “That’s called rock and roll, and that band is called Led Zeppelin.”

I was never the same. My love for music, particularly of the guitar-laden sort, just grew bigger and wider, and at this point in my life, there is no other means or way of being than to be …yup – Metal.

Okay, now that the nostalgia is out of the way, what’s my point?

Today’s teaching is about the electricity we each feel when we know that something is coming, that whatever it is that is on its way is something to be really happy about, or, on the other side of that, really concerned about. Always, it is the electricity feeling that gives away to us that things are about to change in a big, big way, and sometimes, that change is welcomed, and always, it is needed.

It is needed for many reasons, but the one reason that I know it exists within human beings is as a signal that something is about to happen. It is like when you are standing in the audience at an arena rock show, standing there with a giant group of people who are all there for the same reason – to rock their brains out.

The reason that you feel that electricity in situations such as the one in the picture above is because of the over-all feeling of the collective energy present. When you are at a rock concert and your favorite band is rockin’ your brains out, while it is that you know you are having a great time, what you are not paying attention to is the fact that all of those other people in that giant crowd – every single one of them – is also feeling just as you are at that moment.

Every single one of those people in that audience are having the same experience as you are, even though their perception of what they are seeing will not be the same as is yours. That doesn’t matter, though, and what does matter is the fact, too, that all of that wonderfully electrically charged positive energy is causing the bigger feeling of electricity that every single one of those audience members – as well as the band, and hell yes – the band in the picture (Metallica)  is also feeling.

…on the collective level…

On the collective level, what you are experiencing is what I just told you about, which is the fact that there are thousands of other people in this place with you, all for the same reason – because you all love metal music. On the collective level, you are having the same energetic pull as anyone else in that place is having, and all at the same time, you are all bouncing, literally, energetically, and almost every other way, too.

It is the frenetic combined with the Divine, yes, even while the music you are hearing was or might have at one time been referred to as “the devil’s music.” (I heard it all the time…that I would go to hell if I chose to continue to bang my head *sigh*…if you believe that the music you or anyone else listens to is going to do bad things to you, it means you are either listening to someone else’s fears about stuff…or…you are listening to rap music, and in either case, you need to knock that shit off already!) (Seriously)

Frenetic Energy + Divine Energy = ELECTRICITY

There are certain times in my life where I have had this absoluteness of electricity coursing through me. The last time this electricity was felt was right around this time last year, and at that time, I was right, just like I am right this time, too. It is the nervous energy, mixed with the energy that is wishes and things sought out and hoped for, maybe for years, all backed up by the Divine nature of the Mother Goddess that makes for this particular sense of electricity.

It is not the same electricity that one might experience with a first kiss, with winning the football pool for Super Bowl…it is more like an electrical bolt which travels first through the Soul, and then after some time spent …I don’t know what to call it…shaking off what lesser electricity can be shook…so as to have the very truest truth of the reality of the energy needed to give that electricity feel which makes those moments which we knew were on their way to us a lot more exciting or concerning.

What the electricity does

Because I have been through this feeling of electricity in the past, and because the last time that this happened I chose to pay attention to what was going on in the days and weeks afterwards, I now can tell anyone when it is that something BIG is going to happen, and those people who I tell are experiencing that same bolt of electricity in themselves, that is when I know, too, that it is not only me who is going through this shocking stuff, but that it is instead a global thing.

The electricity lets us know that something big is on its way, or perhaps something that is not that great is coming. Of course, we also have to remember to think about the idea that how we perceive what might be on its way is all up to us. We can be afraid of it, worry needlessly about it, do all kinds of things to protect ourselves, and then the day comes that we worried about, and we find out that it was not that big or worrisome, even as it might be a serious pain in the ass.

That it is a serious pain in the ass is one thing, but that you can now feel your way to those times in your life that would cause a serious issue for you, perhaps unneeded, is another thing.

The Electricity

The Electricity is meant as a signal for the each of us. We know when it is time to take action based solely upon how it is that we are feeling. When we choose to trust ourselves is when we are able to sense things when they are upon us. That a whole lot of people ignore this signal is another thing altogether. In paying attention to this electricity we find that there is truth in the thought that nothing is coincidence.

Nothing is coincidence because this bolt of electricity happens, and nothing is coincidence because what is actually the thing that you want to call coincidence is nothing more than the set of steps, signs and symbols which are telling us the next thing to happen, if we have been aware of what has been going on in our lives to that point.

If we are more aware of the things that are not apparent, not obviously there but somehow seems to nag at us, calling us to pay attention and more, to put things together as they match and as they start to make sense you will see how it is that you have been told what your answers are for many, many lifetimes. In paying attention to the electrical currents that run through our bodies, and in paying attention, too, to the outer events taking place in relation to that feeling of electricity, we find ourselves having a most unique method by which to figure out what the next thing will or will not be, based almost completely on if we are or are not paying attention to every little thing that we would otherwise see as only being a coincidence.

That electricity that you feel is the only proof that anyone needs that there is no such thing as any coincidence. It is not a coincidence that when you are going to go to any rock show, that you would feel an internal thrill happening, and an internal thrill that is not only yours, but the collective of those who will also be in attendance.

It is the electricity that tells us all that there is really no need to always feel like we are twisting and turning through the never, unless, that is, it is the electricity which is giving reason for the twist.

I LOVE YOU ALL !

ROX

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The Problem with Feeling Entitled

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The problem with feeling like you are entitled to anything at all is that, most of the time, you’re wrong

Yup. I am on a tangent today. Between trying to catch up on my blogs, and trying to answer the phone, the emails, the text messages, the chat messages, from all of the lovely people who I work with, work for, teach, is that, always, in that demographic of people, there is bound to be at least one of them who is going to feel some sort of entitlement to my time and my teachings.

I must state now that, after the last week that I have had, the LAST thing that I expected was someone getting in my face, over, of all things, ANYTHING having to do solely and completely and only with ME. 

Thing is, there are many more people on this planet than I realized who actually live in an air of entitlement, and they do so for one reason – they really, truly do not know any better, because they were not taught any other way than to expect things from other people, especially when it is that they feel like they are getting anything for free.

First of all, free is anything BUT free.

If there is one lesson that I learned a very long time ago, it is that really, anything that is free, it really isn’t free. When we think about it a little more, we find that even things in life that are told to us are “free,” that everything in this lifetime comes with a price.

You read it right, folks – no matter what your own energy of what might be or what might not be “free,” we find that in that “free” thing there are some costs.

The “cost” of “Free” things

Let’s go to an example that I LOVE the most – the freecycle.

The Freecycle is an activity that is all about NOT throwing good, usable things away. It is like recycling, but, you are not going to a recycling center – you are either meeting up with the giver, or you are going to a set location that the giver assigns to the pick up, or, it is being dropped off. MANY people use the freecycle thing so as not to have to deal with the guilt of filling landfills more than they already are.

I have been freecycling for YEARS, and the one thing that I noticed the very most about anyone who is scoring on the freecycle, it is that when someone has been granted the claim to that item, if that item is NOT where it is told to them it would be, or, perhaps, as it happens from time to time, the item no longer is available to anyone to have, these people get irate, get hostile with the giver, tattle on them to the moderator of whatever freecycle it is that they belong to, and over what?

NOT just the thing that they are whining about not getting, but more, they are also let down, and they are let down because they are no longer getting that stupid thing that they were told was theirs.

They end up butt hurt because when they “won” that item, they felt entitled to picking it up and claiming ownership of it. This is fine and good. I get it. I have had to not go and pick up plenty of things, all because the owner of the item decided that it was no longer up for grabs.  While it is that I have been disappointed, I cannot recall EVER having a problem with thinking that I was entitled to ANYTHING, namely NOT an explanation as to why it was that the owner changed his or her mind.

But, this is a foreign thought to a whole LOT of us human type beings, because from the time that, at least here in the states, we were all children, we have all bought into the idea that, at one time or another, we were entitled to something. It could be an explanation, or it could be an apology…hell, it could be a stupid tangible thing on the freecycle, but at one point or another in all of our lives, we each have felt entitled to something.

This is where the “free” in getting free stuff is somehow no longer free, because at this point, we have an emotional investment in something that someone else, someone who might not have any sort of control over what the hell it is that we are snitting about, told us we could have.

I am all for getting my hands on free stuff, but I learned a long time ago that free is anything BUT free.

You must remember that, at one point, the things that we think are free in our lives were had at a cost, and in some cases a dear cost. You must remember that, at one point, the things that we take for granted were things that were never to be taken for granted. You must remember that, at one point, there was a time when your own life was built and had on the premise that you worked hard to have it.

You were free in the idea that you, alone, would be who would make certain that you remained free in your ability to choose what is, and what is not, right for you, and you were and still are the very one who, at the very bottom of it all, decides what you will and will not freely do, be, give, have, whatever. That is the only freedom we really have, which is called the freedom to choose, and in certain circles, is labeled as being “free will.”

It is your own free will to feel like you are entitled, and it is your own free will to choose to be a douche-bag about anything at all, but it is not your free will to decide for others how they will feel, how they will react, or if they will react at all. You can try as you might to make your point, and you can try to bully and needle, but the bottom line is that, no matter what, if there are outer entities, of any kind, that have to be dealt with, deal with them you will, even if you do not want to.

You are entitled to your free will of choice, but you are NOT entitled to becoming an ass hat if things don’t go the way that you feel they ought to

If there is one thing that I know too much about, it is the ability that human beings have to turn into people who they aren’t, even if said people do not realize or even know that this is or has happened to them.

And it happens in the most subtle manner possible. Abusers…yes, I know I said I would try hard to not write more about that part of my past, but it totally applies here…abusers are the type of people who can, over the course of time, turn good people into good people with very bad attitudes and awful personal views of themselves. I know this for sure, because I have been there.

I have been there, in that energy where I knew who I was and am, but too afraid to really act on anything that I thought and now know I have to do. It is my free will choice to do with what I care to.

Of course, this free will of choice was not something that, when I was “in the throes” of being victimized, really thought was mine. It is what I know to have been the entitlement to my own life and my own choices that this person decided, quite by his own, to take it away from me, little by little. It caused the destruction of self, the destruction of self-trust, the destruction of me, over a period of twenty years. It was not until my oldest was 19 did I finally, forgivingly, decide that I needed to have me back.

Without me, I know I would be dead right now.

Seriously.

When it comes to our own lives, and our own choices, and our personal preferences, it boils down to our free will. It has NOTHING to do with what we think we are owed, what we feel like we are entitled to.

A few good examples of entitlement worn by others are as follow:

-The neighbor who, because they are nice to you, feels privy to just walking onto your property, pick flowers, fruits, vegetables, and believes that it’s all good because, you know, you’re neighbors and allowing them to walk all over you is somehow their entitled version of being neighborly.

-The employee who feels like it is owed to him, just because he has been with the company for a gazillion years (even though he is a shitty big mouthed moron), a company car, an expense account, accolades and a promotion.

-The adult child who feels like his parent(s) owe them anything, just because said adult child feels like it is meant to be that way.

-The spouse who feels as though he actually owns their mate, because it is not on paper, making them their property, or

– The spouse who feels entitled to their spouse’s unconditional adoration, even if they’ve not been the greatest human being on the planet and could never amount to anything near being a good person, even if they tried to be one.

These are just a very few examples, and I might be a little on the irritated side of things right now because right now there is this …electricity, and one that carries with it great, awesome changes. Along with these changes are sure to be things which will come to each of us that we are just going to really LOVE having as part of each of our own personal awareness.

On the other side of that is the …well, the other side, where the entitled douche bags in our lives will get what it is that they are truly entitled to, and that part is not up to us to choose for them, because already they have, by their own actions which were spurred by their own sense of entitlement. They have chosen whatever it is that they have, and the way that those things happen are in the manner that is their not being able to deal with the disappointment which comes with a feeling of entitlement.

Yeah yeah….it is totally the reason that I used the photo I did for this particular lesson – to show you all what an entitlement is, and in terms of that particular entitlement, it is like all others – no matter what it is that you think you are owed, someone else always has something different to say about it. Sometimes, it is an entity over which we have absolutely NO control. The only entity we DO have control over is our very selves.

Seriously…

ROX

 


Trust and the Sixth Sense

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Trusting in one’s own self is a challenge if we have been told all of our lives that we should trust other people and their own “stuff” and to not trust our selves to have our own best interest at both heart and soul

When it comes to things strange and unbelievable, I am pro at it. I believe in things that most folks do not believe, at least on top of things, exist.

I was taught in church as a child that the only things that exist are the things that we can sense with our 5 physical human senses. We are more than only each of our own five sense, more than only these primal beings who, for the most part, are not but like the animals which we hold dominion over.

The things that we are more inclined to basically hand off to someone else, things like responsibility for how we feel, the actions we take and which affect the lives of others,  are the very things that we are handed as the things that we need in order to sharpen our own senses.

In that sharpening, we find out that we actually have six senses, but also, once it is that we find out what we can do with that sixth sense, we become afraid.

Fear causes us to not trust ourselves

Think back to when you were a kid, and if it applies, being that same kid sitting in church on a Sunday. Think about the sermon, and the music that you heard being sung, and think about the message that was delivered, versus the message that you got. Now, think about, also, the way that the messages were all delivered to you and how you, as that child, that same child who is now the adult and who cannot trust anyone or anything, and sadly, you also do not trust you, relate to the things that your were told to believe as your truth.

Recall, some of you, being that child, and growing into the adult you are now, and how it was that the things that you were told were the truth somehow do not make sense to you now, and how it is that perhaps even as that same child, in your soul, you questioned what you were being told and taught, and mostly, the thing that you questioned the very most is if what you were being taught and told, while it might have been anyone else’s truth, it was anything but the truth to you.

Basically, while you sat in those pews, all that time, you were being told what you are allowed to believe as the truth, and that is because in teaching you someone else’s truth, and making you believe it was THE truth by scaring you into going to hell if you did not believe it, was the only way that the people telling you this could validate what it was and is that maybe they, themselves, never bought as being truth. This means that you are not the only one who was force fed what was someone else’s truth. This means that you were taught to not trust you, but instead to trust the people who, by virtue of being on the planet longer than you, were also taught the same things, by the same sort of people, in the same manner – by use of a truth that was only made valid because a guy in a suit with an ordination said so, and had that black book to back his shit up with.

A few reasons why it may feel strange to trust you

You do not trust you because you have been taught that you have to trust only things and people that are outside of yourself, and you do not trust you because of all the messages that you were forced to listen to and more than that, forced to deal with hearing that if you heeded your own voice and trusted your own voice and self, that big scary God who everyone seemed more to fear his retribution than this…unconditional love…that you were told was the truth of this God, would “get” you.

This was the tactic which was used with me, my brother and sister, but when it came to me, it was almost as though somehow, my parents knew a long time ago that of the three of us, I would be the one to wander from what it was that I was taught in church. They knew then what it took me years to not only figure out, but to accept – I do not like being told a thing. I will not be told what to do. I will not be made to fear anything that I am supposed to trust. I was taught that my own human brain was not enough to make it through this lifetime, that I needed to depend on something outside of myself…which, duh…I do that…but, that which I depend on is NOT tangible, but is comprised only of Love and Spirit. When you are raised to label things, “Spirit” is not recognizable to a lot of people who have been told that Spirit does not exist.

To a lot of people, “Spirit” is the devil, because there is only one God, and that one God according to a lot of unenlightened people is the rule of law.

No thank you.

It is scary trusting one’s own self when you have been taught not to trust anything you came up with on your own

I have no issues with religion. Let us get that much straight right now. I have no issues if others want to share what is their belief with me, and in kind, others should not have issues with me being a very rapt audience because part of my work in this lifetime has a lot to do with deprogramming of the beliefs regarding powerful and titled people, so that said people can maintain what are their beliefs, all while also maintaining their own level of self-trust, which is the very self-trust that too many organized religions, for years, used to tell people that we are not to trust ourselves.

The issue with trusting one’s own self, namely when one has not been taught anything other than the opposite of that, and mainly when what has been taught and the underlying message of what has been taught is basically that other people, mostly people who others perceive as somehow powerful, and more so than we are, are smarter than we are, other people know better what is good for us, and we have been taught anything but being free within our own set of beliefs.

We are taught to be the opposite, to conform to what the rest of the world tells us is the truth, but it is a truth that, while it might well be the truth, generally speaking, there is an entire other set of truths that we are taught, from a very young age, that we must believe. And we are told that we must believe it because some guy in an expensive suit and who stands behind a pulpit is the be all end all of truth.

Ummm…no…no he is not. I know that he is not, because the person who used to be that minister, the minister who would tell people, because he was told by his own minister, as a child, that we are not meant to trust our instincts…was my father.

This does not mean that he was not, by and large, telling the truth, because he was telling his congregants what were his truths. And in actuality, my dad was not the sort of preacher who would get in front of the congregation and tell everyone that they were going to go to hell. That seemed to be the bastion of my mother’s own means of keeping “the flock” in line, or at least the flock’s kids, that is. Where it was and is that most preachers shout it out from the pulpit, standing there whilst the crowd of people watch them adoringly, my own father was the sort of minister who would not stand in front behind the pulpit, because he much preferred to be able to move about the classroom.

While this has nothing to do, really, with a lot of what is being written here, the one thing that it tells you is that, even ministers of the good, born again sort, some of them break free of what is told to them to be protocol. Protocol for some of these guys is that their congregants worship the guy in the suit. They follow the lead of the herd, not realizing that it is okay to be the black sheep, not realizing that the reason that a lot of people anymore these days seem to be lost, and the reason that they are lost is because they have not yet literally found their very own personal way of believing anything.

You have been taught to not trust you, and believed it was the truth of you to do so

If there is one thing that I teach my own students first, and that is the very most important thing of all, it is to trust their own selves.

What this means is that, whatever it is that you are thinking that is about you and only you, even in regards to communicating with anyone else at all, the one person who we each are not able to lie to and fully believe the lies are our very selves. We have been taught to fear an invisible God, but have no proof that we should. This is not truthful. It is anything but truthful. The way that ANY person who is chosen by Spirit to …well, yeah…do what it is that I do for my job – the way that any cleric should be teaching anyone at all is to help them feel at ease with their own version of God.

When it is that an entire population of people whose perception of what is their own personal power is contained within a title, there is a problem. That is letting something tangible and outside of themselves tell the world a truth that is a limited version of what is the entirety of it all. This is also a person who also, like the rest of us, to a certain degree, does not trust their own self, their own sixth sense. And the worst part about it is that there are some in that set of people who, for the most part, adhere to the things that they are telling people, and who are also not telling the entire truth of who they are.

These are the people on this planet who tell us, blatantly, not to trust ourselves, but to trust this big, scary, somewhat reminiscent of a very abusive mate, deity. Please don’t think for a moment that I am writing this because I am wanting to slam on someone’s religious beliefs – quite the opposite, actually. What I am actually doing is point blank, in black and white, blatantly and in your faces telling you all that the time has come, not for one, but for EVERY person on this planet, to finally take charge and take care of the trust issues that you have with you.

This is the thing that not a lot of parents, namely the religious sort, teach their children. This is a problem and is so because it creates dependent children who grow up to be dependent, needy adults. If you thought about it for a moment, you would see the thing that I am talking about, and you would see, too, in your own life, where it is that you were taught to be needy and dependent.

I was taught to depend on and need the opinion of other people, and for a very long time I did just that. I depended on others to tell me who I was, and in kind I ended up doing exactly the thing that I now know was not the thing that I should have done. When a mother tells her child that he or she needs to depend on themselves, normally it means that said child needs to depend on their own leanings, and depend on their own truths, but then you have those mothers who are more inclined to leave the raising of their kids to the truths of a person in a suit and a smirk and who is also like said mother, but, unlike the said mother, is the guy spilling all of his own truths as they are deciphered by him from that holy text that he derives every truth that may well be applicable to him, or worse, applicable to the waiting ears, eyes, minds, hearts and souls of the multitude of people in the congregation which he refers to as being his flock.

So, what are the odds that a kid, unless they chose to rebel in a manner that was not one of the seven deadly sins (one cousin chose sex, another drugs…I chose rock n roll and talking to the spirits of those who have gone home…everyone has their own poison, so to speak), is going to go against the things that this person up front in a suit, because said kid’s mother believes every word coming out of that man’s mouth, and because that same mother, just like her kid, still holds a dependent energy about her and one that makes it so that she will follow, rather than lead or be stand alone?

Now, think of that same mother, that same kid, and as that kid gets older, said kid decides that they will begin to trust their own selves, go with what it is that their gut is telling them, and know now that this is not something that most child behavioral specialists could call being a normal teenager. This is and should only be thought of as said kid beginning to depend on his or her own self and realizing earlier than later that everything that they hear, are told, believe, to that point, may or may not, now, or ever, really, be something that they can believe.

It begins within us each, this questioning of what we have been taught as truth that we are expected to keep as truth, even the very moment that we start to recognize our gut reaction.

Gut Reaction

Basically, the way that we sense things is literally physically. We are equipped with an early warning system, and that system is located within us, inside that area called “the gut.” You’re gut will tell you when you are right, and when you are in danger, and when you get a warm feeling in your gut, and one that is that of comfort, you are not guessing – you are correct.

The other way is true, too – when your gut tells you to run – NOW!…you just do it, right?

And you’re usually right, right?

Okay…

Listening to someone else, and going against what is that tightness in your gut, that is not comfortable, and makes you know that something is just not right, or is at least to be questioned. I get it. I know what it is like to go against my own gut reaction, time and time again, when I ignored my own voice, it never worked out for me. When I followed what my gut, heart and soul all said at one time, I never went wrong. It is the way that I make big decisions these days. It has been like this for me …let’s say that the last time that I followed my gut reaction was the last time I had to. It was the right decision.

When I began the practice of shutting the voices of the past out of the choices I have made in the last few years, I also began the chain of events of things happening in my life, at any time in that span of years, that brought me to this me. I like this me.

Actually, I love this me.

Trusting You is Hard

There are a whole lot of people who do not trust their own decisions. I hear a whole lot about major life decisions, made recently, in the lives of people who crawl into my ears and live there in the safety that is their privacy, my secrecy. I ask them how their physical body feels when I ask certain questions. They are the same question, but are not the same words in the question each time. Each question causes a physical reaction, one that is tightness, or one that is warmth.

This is how you learn to trust you – you learn to ask you the right questions, and not questions that other people have asked you about you. You don’t bother with asking you the degrading things that others ask you about you. Bother only to ask what you have done or said to make them so upset with you. What was the action? What were the words? What do you recall being the reason for those actions and those words? How did you correct it for you, and even if it hurts, how have you remained so strong through it all?

These questions, folks, are the ones that bring to you the truth that is your own. You were never meant to try hard to live by someone else’s rules and someone else’s truths. Even religious people should follow this standard, for the simple FACT that eventually, and one day, they find out that knowing one’s own self and being honest and yes, trusting your sixth sense, are all a part of the plan which whatever deity it is that you are choosing to follow – that deity, so long as you trust in it, and as long as you are allowed to follow your own rules if they don’t bring harm to yourself or others…that very deity will always be there, and what’s more, you will, yourself, learn that the rules set in place for you as a child worshiping that deity was false.

You were being told what you should believe by human beings who needed other humans to validate them and the truths that they themselves might not really believe.

Some of them do it for the paycheck.

None of us needs to do a thing that we are not being told by our own inner selves is not right for us.

You know what is right for you.

Ask yourself why you do not believe a word you are saying to you

I Love You All

ROX

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Medicine beneath the Light of The Moon

Take the time to dance, to sing, to play, to draw, to act, because in doing so, you also take time to Be…aloha… I LOve You All ! ROX


Dreaming of Dragons

dragon_04

The dreams that we dream while asleep are more about ourselves than what is presented to us in them that we might think is the representation of someone else.

I speak much of dragons. I happen to think they are some of the very coolest ethereal beings that all of us have seen in pictures. However, there are the dragons which, to a lot of people, of late and most recently, my very self, are the very ones that we will run from rather than face and deal with.

My own dragon was that of abandonment. My own fears of being left alone and all by myself have been the very same things that the entirety of what I thought was my safety for so many years and well, folks, let me tell you this much – I still have the same fears, and I still have the same hurts, and I still have the everything that I have always had, except for that now, at least within myself, I know that my own dragon does not present a threat to me anymore. 

When I was a child, and until just a few days ago – maybe a week now – I dreamed about a dragon that looks much like the one in the picture you see. In my dreams at night, and when I would see this particular creature, I could see myself as the self that I am at that time, at that age…that is, until these few days ago.

I have issues with abandonment. It comes from being emotionally abandoned my entire life. It comes from people not allowing me to say what I have had to say for a long time, to anyone at all, and that, right there, causes the issue to be deeper, the wound to be harder to deal with, the time to heal from it very, very scathing. I could sit here and tell you all about everything that caused this for me, and I could sit here and tell you all why it is that this time, this particular feeling of abandonment …well, it really, really sucks and is painful, all the way down to the very bones of my soul.

…no, really. It hurts.

However

Ahhhh…there is the forgiving nature of the word, “however,” and all of its openness, and all of its freedom giving “maybes.”

The thing that I did not know about, until, last night, through the forgiving maybe one hour of sleep I got, came to me in a dream. When I sleep, I know that I dream, but I do not recall them. Some of them are too scary to recall, and that is why lots of us cannot recall them. The dream-state, you see, is one of those places where we fix things and where it is that we are shown what needs to be fixed in us. This is not my rule. This has never been my rule. This is the way these things work.

Very rarely is it that what we see in the dreams we go to at night as being anyone but ourselves. In fact, when we dream, what we see there, or perhaps what we fear in our waking hours, has not one thing to do with what it is that we see, and more importantly, who we think those things represent.

Let me go to that side of myself that teaches, and allow me a moment to go completely behavioral science geek girl on you, and tell you that really, the things that we are seeing while we sleep, the things that we think want to eat us alive and that are represented as our fears in tangibly lived life, are not what, and more importantly, who, we think they are. In fact, again, what we see there are all pieces of our selves and lots of the times, those pieces are the pieces that we have denied for so long and have not wanted to look at for many years, because contained within that acknowledgement are the things which we think can be fixed with something outside of ourselves.

This is not the case. This will never be the case, because always, like actual humans are meant to learn, while it is that we are all self-centered, and while it is that it is, in the tangible sense, not a good thing, when it comes to our own healing and how we get there, it is the greatest thing of all because addressing those things and the need to address them come to us through that energy, even though we don’t want them to. We don’t want them to because we do not want to face them on our own, without help, and in what we see as our present state of abandonment.

Abandonment can mean many things, does not always have to be a bad thing and in some cases can actually heal a person. Right this moment, I am not that person, even though I am the person who has tamed that damned dragon to become the lizard on the wall that I have kept myself surrounded by, not realizing that, all this time, I was scrutinizing the dragon for being something that would eat me alive rather than something that was no longer there, meaning that it could no longer exist as it was.  The only thing that it can serve as now is a tool which can be used to bury said memory of said dragon.

What we see there in our dreams are symbols of the things that we fear the most, that we want to hide ourselves from, that we do not want to consume us, that we think we are not ready to face. Our memories store these fears, and our waking lives give us meaning to those fears. What we fear is not the actual thing, but what we think the actual thing represents. Where it is that someone from the past has hurt us, we also store there the memory of the hurt, which brings to us in the present time the thing that, in other people, might remind us of those past hurts but, at the same time, is not the same thing, meaning that the hurt is not the same as the one from the past.

BUT...it DOES mean that within us is that fear of that one thing, and that one thing that keeps revisiting us needs to be addressed.  What it means is that we can keep on running from that one thing, but it will always and also be the only thing that we have to run to when we are also running from the reason that it exists.

While we fear our own personal dragons, there are a whole lot of us who run to that dragon because we feel that if that damned dragon scares the shit out of us, imagine what it will do to someone else! The one thing that we don’t think about in all of this chasing the dragon on someone else is that, no matter what, unless we face it, we will always fear it, and if we fear it, the things that we see in our waking lives and that we do not want to look at will always be scary to us.

It is not the abandonment that I have feared, but the things that cause people and that live within them that make them go away from my life in the capacity that they had always been there. There is nothing inside of any one of us that is the responsibility of someone else, namely not the things that we are scared of. It is not someone else’s to deal with, this dragon of mine. It indeed is mine. It is not for someone else to look at and decide what I need to do with it. That, too, is mine. It is not for me to expect anyone else to understand why it is that I kept the thing that I feared the most at the end of a fraying rope that became unraveled right when it was meant to, and it is not for me to give the rope to someone else to tame the dragon for me. All of this, and everything symbolically represented to me, in dreams, in messages from the Goddess that come in the form of repeating numbers, through people who will shut me out to shut me up…all of these things represent my dragon.

Addressing the Dragon

For too many years, I addressed my own dragon as “fear of abandonment.”

Right now, though, the dragon has no name, because I cannot keep an untamed dragon for a pet, at least not the dragon who has, for the bulk of my almost 45 years on this planet and in this lifetime, been named just that. I cannot lie about it – I am still terrified of being left alone, of never again being who I am in the lives of certain other people. I cannot lie and say that I am okay with it, any of it, and will not lie and tell anyone that I did not have a hand in it. It takes more than only one scary and untamed dragon to threaten what could become the cage in which the dragon can be kept and called a pet.

My dragon, though, while still a bit untamed, knows that I am not going to deal with its crap for much longer. My dragon, just like my dog did at one time, hates the leash that I keep it on, because my dragon wants to roam the field of my life free, wild and untamed, but what my personal dream dragon doesn’t realize is that the only free, wild and untamed thing that will roam the personal trails of my own life’s path is me.

It doesn’t mean that the dragon won’t accompany me, it just means that the dragon will not be able to harm me anymore, and that I am the one who keep the dragon in check.

My dragon…

I think I’ll call him Norm

I Love You All

ROX

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The Ego’s Unforgiving Ridiculousness

I’m not about to tell anyone that we do not need our Egos, because we do. LOADS of people haven’t a clue about what the Ego truly is, even though every single one of us has employed its ridiculousness on more than only one occasion. However, not so coincidentally, it is because of our egos that we are able to hang on to things that really, we need to forgive other people for so that we can move forward.

At this time, there is a plethora of human beings on this planet for whom the engagement of the Ego when thinking in terms of not just going into some sort of …heated exchange…with another human being, over anything at all, seems to be the habit, the …addiction… to the hormonal imbalance which is caused by our being able to go toe to toe in an emotional exchange more often than is needed.

Yes – hormonal.

If you think and believe for a moment that the things that are the constant thought in your head…and no, I am not talking about you being you…I am talking about you being you, then someone comes along and interrupts you being you, at a constant, which releases hormones and the like, into your physical body, at a constant, again…do not forget that…and you are not balanced at all times with a good teeter-totter of both negative and the corresponding positive thoughts, which produce the same within each of us, you will…WILL end up out of sorts.

This is called your body telling you that it is already overly filled with the bullshit that other people bring to you. This is called your body needing you to take notice that something is not right, and normally, no matter what, even if it is a hereditary thing you have goin’ on, all of that ego-negative-bullshit going on WILL take its toll. You are not required to believed a single thing that you read here, and you are absolutely allowed to ignore this, and if you do, I will not know, and that, too, is okay…

until…

Understand that, right at this moment, there is a lot of growin’ goin’ on and that, too, not a whole lot of people who are in the middle of the most horrifically painful spiritual growth spurt are aware that what is going on is their Souls are stretching, are growing so as to accommodate who they are for real. Too many people want to hang on to the things that are acceptable on the surface, things and ways of being which are not going to serve them any longer, and things that, for the very life of me, I do not understand why anyone would want to hold onto that crap!

LOTS AND LOTS of people…perhaps more than even I realize, are caught right there, in that crux between letting things go and moving on, and hanging onto things that they like believing keeps them safe, but safe from what? Growth? That’s not safe to hang onto things that hurt us without a purpose for hurting us. In fact, that isn’t even smart because when we hang on, it is like we somehow cannot rid ourselves of the pain because we are somehow addicted to the drama which we bring about from it, should we hang on to it for longer than is needed (YES- NEEDED).

Hiding from things that we know are meant to make us stronger than we have ever known ourselves to be, in ways that we cannot imagine only serves to weaken us. When we are able to face what it is that we fear (believe it or not, the one thing that MANY MANY humans fear is being loved for real, because they cannot see themselves as worthy of it…what-EVER…) we are then and at that point telling ourselves that we are tired of the things that hurt us and that if we should so choose to look at those things in a manner that is from a neutral place, a place that is not ourselves in physical form but ourselves in a soul sense, we will begin to understand a whole lot more than we thought we did.

We will understand that there is a thing called forgiving ourselves for not being able to let go of the things that have been breaking our hearts, over and over again, on purpose, even, and we will be able to see, too, that we are not bad, that we are worthy of our own Love, for ourselves, because too many of us give away the Love within us, thinking that the more that we give, the more we will get back. Yet, it won’t happen that way if we do not recognize what it is for real. More, it also won’t happen if we do not Love ourselves for real.

Just because someone else hurts your feelings by whatever means they will hurt them, and even if they are being vindictive about it and perhaps even meant to do it, this does not mean that we need to retaliate in the manner that they would expect. It means that right at that moment, we have the option to choose, not only what our response will be,  if we will even bother with one – because sometimes, no words, no response is the greatest, most healing thing we can hope for.

Now, I am not suggesting here, with this next thing, that it is okay to lie to anyone, not even if it is meant to save someone else for their own good, but, even what seems to be the most unforgivable thing is also warranted by and needs that energy, because without it, it stays right there, in the manner that it is, right this moment, which, really, if you stepped outside of your own way, you might be able to see what is there for real.

You might be able to know that, without it being said or even implied, that somehow, even though a lie isn’t cool, sometimes, it is the very thing which will instill in us that thing called a wake up call, and that wake up call is not about anyone else BUT ourselves. Yet, most of the time, most folks and their egos are way too arrogant to see it that way because they are still living in that hurt placed on them so long ago…in that hurt that might not have been placed there on purpose or for malicious reasons. It doesn’t make it right – it makes humans, human.

And for the record – nope, I am not writing about anyone or anything in particular, but rather and only a culminated thought about why it is that we humans tend to need what we need, and when it shows up in a manner that we don’t understand, or comes from a place where we least expect it – whether it is a lie, or perhaps some other thing that no one seems to understand – not only are we hurt, but it is doubly so. When finally it happens, we are at a loss but at a loss because we were not prepared well enough or on our own and through our own abilities to handle what it is, which is not what a lot of ego-driven people want to believe it is. At all.

We are, all of us, at least once in our lives, ego-driven

The Ego gets a very bad rap. It is like this because a long time ago a whole bunch of people decided that they would tell the world what the ego is. We have all been raised by a society which tells us that what we have tells the world who we are, but that is not the case these days. What we have, literally, is only our very selves. Sure, we all have other people in our lives, but, when it is our time to return to Spirit, we are by ourselves, and we are the ones who have left a lot behind, and sometimes what we leave behind is the residue of the hurt that we suffered throughout our lives, which is the hurt that we could not let go of even and up to that point.

It is the Ego which tells us that we should or should not protect certain aspects of who we are.

When the time comes that we are hurt, even egregiously so, it is our ego self that comes to the forefront. It is our ego self that either can hang with the hurt and can help us get out of the way of more harm and how to do that. Just as much as it is our ego self who, when it has been challenged, will puff its chest out, get mouthy and daring, saying things and doing things that will only serve to cause havoc and more damage. The bitch of it all is that it is not only damage to others, but most of all, that damage is something that we, ourselves, cannot and will not ever escape.

When first we practice to put a hurt on someone, namely when we are aware of ourselves doing it, it is at that moment that, too, we are also putting it on ourselves, that same hurt that we wanted someone, anyone else, namely and especially someone who we say that we love. This does not mean that we do not love them when we get angry with them, but when we get angry with them and choose to not forgive them is when the reality should hit home that if we want others to forgive us, then we have to practice it ourselves, both with others, as well as our very selves.

It is the same that thing I teach other people, this art of forgiving those who have wronged us. And believe me when I tell you that indeed, it is a true art form because the fact of the matter is that, as a whole, humanity does not like its truth, even a fabricated truth, fucked with.

We do not like our beliefs, do not like the things that we like, do not like our sheltered little lives fucked with, at all, and when it is that someone has come along, regardless of what their intentions were at the time of the failure and gives us a lesson in love that we are not ready to deal with, it shows.

This means that when we are told that something will happen on a given date, or that what we want to happen can happen, or really, anything at all in the manner that tells us that somehow, we are about to score huge, at the same time that we are made happy, we also need to be very keenly aware, as well, of the reason as to why we are happy.

We know that if we are happy because we thought we were lied to about a whole lot of things, only to find out that not the thing, but the timing of the thing, was not what we thought it would be, and we go on to say that we believe that the thing is GOING TO happen on this date, and it doesn’t happen…whether or not we can handle it in the manner that is telling us that we can deal with it, or whether we are telling the story of how we, alone, were wronged without also looking at the other things that maybe someone else was looking at, even as it is the same thing, we have some serious self-checkin’ that has to happen because without that self-checkin’ the thing that happens afterwards and until we do so is called self-wreckin’.

Self-Wreckin’

Self-Wreckin’ is that thing that all of us does, guaranteed. We are humans, and my experience with humans on the whole is that, while it is that we are way, way cool biological as well as ethereal specimens, given that we are born with the ability to reason, means that we also have the ability to be highly unreasonable. This is not to say that none of us who is evolved enough to know better won’t, for a few minutes now and again, find ourselves somewhat a bit devolved. It means that we are human and capable of being our greatest shot at being undone.

The only way that other people wreck us is if we allow it, and even then, when it is that we have one thing, one goal, one place that we see with our mind’s eyes that we cannot let go of because to us, that is the perfection of our own making, and that is the thing that we need to look at, in its face and not be afraid to let it go.

You see, I have lots of clients who do not understand this, lots of students who want to think past the teacher, which is fine, because I did that too, recently even, and yes, I had to face a hurtful truth that pissed me off and while it did not make me feel foolish, it indeed DID make me know that sometimes, when the lesson is taught and we have learned, the only thing left to do is vent out the feelings to a trusted person, and then finally just let it all go, including the person who caused the ache.

Our Ego-Self is the part of us that tells us that we have to protect who we are, but the problem with that is that sometimes, we go into parent mode and we want to save our own selves from the shock and the hurt that might end up becoming more than we can handle, that is, if we are not brave enough to face our own selves.

We can become brave, though, and we can face what we think we cannot, no matter what, or who, it might be. The only thing that we have to do is listen to the pining of our souls. If we listen to our souls, and we go headlong into the fracas brought by others, and in that messiness can find our place in it, we will also find there the freedom that we so crave, not just from the assholes who visit our lives so that we may learn the lessons that they bring to us, but more, from our very selves.

I Love You All !

ROX

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Visit my website , read my teaching blog, come and hang out with me at bandbacktogether.com…yup…I’ve written a few books, teach hula as both Medicine and as some of the funniest luau entertainment that a group of employees has ever had the opportunity to take pics of the higher ups learning hula from me…yup…at company parties…of course, I also marry peoplecoach individuals and groups…I do LOTS of stuff…because I’m just Rox, and that’s how I roll…follow me on Twitter…but above all…smile and laugh a lot – folks will either think you are talkin’ smack about ’em…or you’re crazy ! Either way, it’s just you being you !! Aloha! I Love You All! ROX


Intolerably, Indignantly Righteous

Learning that we are right is one thing. Being a righteous ass hat about it is completely another thing all together.

I learned a few very important lessons this week from more than only one person. In fact, now that I am not an emotionally driven freak about many things, and now that I have had my opportunity to stop myself from getting overly righteously passionate about certain areas of my own life, I have learned that there are times when we are expected to become indignantly righteous about things, and also and more importantly, times when it is upon us each to shut the fuck up and simply just listen.

Just shut the fuck up and LISTEN

Sometimes, we need to shut our mouths, and sometimes, we need, without getting too much in our own way, to stay out of peoples’ business when they are busy trying to make us know something that may well be one of the very most important things that we will ever learn, even and especially when we think we are the bastion of being absolutely and unfailingly right. Sometimes we need to just stay quiet, and sometimes we really just need to listen because in that act of simply listening, we will….WILL…end up learning at least that, more than much else, not only are we not always right, but also, we might be traversing the planet unaware of a few truths that, really, if we would just STOP being so righteously indignant about how right we are and realize that while we are right, that there may not be a wrong, and in fact may well be two ‘rights.’

This new calendar year brought with it the ending of things. Even as it is a new start to a lot of things, and while it might well be that a lot of us who are not that …evolved… might have just followed suit in that they would start their resolutions right away, for the most part, the beginning, unlike the blog about the end being the start of the beginning and how it tells us, basically, that the circle of Karma that we started so as to become a stand alone type human, the end for some people is not the same thing as it will be for those who are in the light of Spirit and squarely in the middle of our own evolution of soul and self.

By this I mean that, no matter what, we are watching our balance become what it is that we have intended for it to become, and in that watchfulness, we have forgotten that while it is great and awesome for us to know this, we have to learn to not only balance it all out, but more, we have to also learn to walk in our proverbial new shoes.

New Shoes

If you have never seen someone who has never worn a pair of high heeled shoes finally wear a pair of them, then you do not know that it takes time and practice to learn to wear them, let alone walk in them. This is the same thing that is happening now in our lives – we are all being expected to wear these new things about ourselves, these new lessons learned, the things that we learned throughout the last year, and most of all, how it was that we fared through it all.

We fared through it all as best we could. We did what we thought we were meant to do, and we tried hard to not lose ourselves in the process, and not realizing we had done so, we lost ourselves anyway, because that is what we were meant to do, supposed to do, and not one of us liked it. Not one of us likes what it is that we are in the middle of right this moment. Not one of us can comprehend much more than what it is that we, ourselves and on our own, have actually been through.

While it applies to plenty of people, there are a very few of us for whom all of this madness which ensued and which we each and all still are trying hard to take stock of the chaos who have not been able to keep our heads squarely on our shoulders. However, there are those of us who, for whatever purpose they have, who are choosing to hang on, NOT to the lesson that was born of all of this, but more, unfortunately, the righteous indignation we have suffered and which was brought about through our own hands, our own thoughts, and the one thing that those people who are thinking in this manner are NOT thinking about is that this is NOT the time to stand there, in all of that righteous indignation, hanging onto whatever it is that you, yourself, cannot change.

You only have the power, no matter what the hell you think, to deal with you. I could have remained angry about something that I came to accept not but a week ago, in fact, a week ago today, about someone who I thought might have had my best interest at heart, only to come upon the truth of what I have always known – that there are people within my own circle of souls who have not been, who will not ever be, someone who is not so righteously, albeit quietly and even covertly, arrogant that they would do what they thought they might be able to in order, not that I would lose my gifts, but that they would – my gifts – be seen as “less than” what they are, by anyone at all.

When it is that we are upon such a truth as that, the sort that is not only thought provoking but, as well, quite life changing in terms of who we know is “for” us and who is not, while it might have been that, at one point in time, we would have become ass hurt over something like it, at this time in our lives, we are, if we are more evolved and have chosen to go through what we have in order to learn, not bothered by it as much as we might have been in the past. And this is only an example of what it is that has been given to us as a gift of the Mother Goddess.

Do not mistake righteous indignation with our knowing, righteously, where it is that we need to become Stand Alone in our power, in our energy…

The biggest thing that I have noticed is that there are people who are righteously indignant about things with only their air of arrogance in play, and then there are those of us who, while all of the madness was happening in our lives and we were not-so happily plodding through it, knew then, when the madness began, what it is that we know now, are staring straight and squarely in the eyes of it, and are more inclined now than ever we have been to do something about it all.

Where it is that we are so very overwhelmed is where it is that we have to look at the reason why. It doesn’t mean that we are somehow more flawed, but instead means that there are parts of ourselves, as our outer and tangible lives will tell us, that we either need to put away, or, give away, or more importantly, through that act of giving away, let go. There are also things that are telling us that we are lacking in certain areas, but that the lack is not really a lacking of anything but rather and only a place where it is our kuleana, our responsibility, to create what must be placed there.

While most of us knows this, there are still many who are living in the arrogance, inside of the energy which is protection through ignorance, or perhaps protection through becoming defensive when in reality there is not a need to defend what we are not understanding, but rather and only a need for us to have at least some clarity about what it is that we believe is the major malfunction of our lives.

Too many people want to blame others on what it is that we, ourselves, have to see to. It is not someone else’s fault if you, yourself, have chosen to stay locked in the pattern that you find yourself stuck in. In fact, most folks who have a clue are more inclined to tell those closest to them that yes, they have things that they want to see to, things that they know they have to do, including this Kahu, that, unless and until it is done, there is no more of anything coming to us but more chaos, more confusion, more of the bullshit that not one of us can claim truthfully that we like.

Of course, getting through all of the chaos also depends on how much time we have everyday.

In a lot of peoples’ lives, the one thing that we each have very little of, because we are the masters of our own existence, is time. It is a funny thing to me to think that we believe we can just simply create time to get it all done. Once it is that the very lot of us decides, like a very few minimum of us has chosen, to look first at ourselves and where it is that we are not completely okay with what we are looking at, and once it is that we claim that we are the owners of that chaos – only then will the clarity and the cognition that we need in order to see to it all, for once and for all, begin to come to us.

It is my own opinion that it is not time that we need, but clarity. It is not time that is going to make this all happen, but our own clarity of thought about where, tangibly and intangibly, all of our stuff should go. Someone very close to me knows what this is all about, to have nothing but complete say so over what is their life, and to have it together in their head, and to see it all in the visions that come to them, and to think that they do not know where they will have time to do this. It is not that easy just shitting another hour out of an already very busy life, let alone day. They are not the only person with this issue.  We will each find that in those closest to us are the very proverbial keys to the kingdom of clarity, and if we are good enough and strong enough, not only to them, but to ourselves, they will gladly school us on some things that we do not realize are not apparent to us, if only and simply for the fact that really, we have no clue what is the truth and reality of anyone else unless and until they allow us that much energy.

Yet, even in this day and age of weirdness and things not of this world are more accepted than they have been in a long while, too many people do not believe that what we want, no matter what it is that we want, is already ours and in manifest. Too many people want to be righteously angry with people in their lives and some want to hang on to that old energy that is not releasing themselves, all on their own, by being kind to themselves, want to blame someone else for the madness that is apparent. For the very life of them each they cannot figure out why it is that things seem to be looking up for a majority of people close to them, and that they are somehow stuck in whatever pot of shit stew they are in.  This is not saying that everyone who is currently in a pot of shit stew is there because they are not willing to look at the mess. This is saying that there are people who just, even as they know it is the best thing for them, cannot let go.

The Righteously Indignant Nature of Arrogance

For most of our lives we have been taught that we have to fight things that we don’t like. Lots of the time those things that we don’t like are not even part of our awareness on a daily basis. We humans are silly and are so because we know better than the way that we sometimes behave. I know someone who is, for all the right reasons, very upset right now. In fact, the whole scenario between this person, another one very close to me, and another person, brought out of them each the one thing that only one of them, at least to my knowledge, has really learned anything about, and that one thing is called forgiveness.

I am not talking about forgiving someone else, but one’s very self. 

Indeed, there comes a time in all of our lives that we can no longer bear the weight of our own indignation, of the very stagnant energy that is the same ol’ thing happening, again and again, in our lives, and we either get tired of it continuing to happen, or finally, one day, we stand up, realize that we are stand alone, and in that energy, we release those who hurt us the most, which in turn releases us as well.

You don’t have to believe what you have just read. You can continue to hang on to that energy that is being righteously angry with others, or, you can come to terms with the part that you have played in the mess that has been created of your own life and you can take the chance to make things happen for you, rather than to you.

It’s like Dorothy never realizing until she woke up that she had the power to change the status of her wanting to go home. All she had to do was realize it.

I Love You All …

ROX

Visit my website , read my teaching blog, come and hang out with me at bandbacktogether.com…yup…I’ve written a few books, teach hula as both Medicine and as some of the funniest luau entertainment that a group of employees has ever had the opportunity to take pics of the higher ups learning hula from me…yup…at company parties…of course, I also marry people…I do LOTS of stuff…because I’m just Rox, and that’s how I roll…follow me on Twitter…but above all…smile and laugh a lot – folks will either think you are talkin’ smack about ’em…or you’re crazy ! Either way, it’s just you being you !! Aloha!

THe Ghetto Allegory for Mana'o Blog

 

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