Monthly Archives: October 2013

As above, so below

What you think about, that is also what you will become both witness to and creator of

The reality of life is that what we see around us was first a thought. Given that much and knowing that much, the question “What the hell are you thinking?” dearly comes into play because, let’s face it, guys – things from anyone’s perspective, at least in certain circles and in certain ways, are not that great. However, it also goes to say that what we have thought ourselves into on a collective level, we can also think ourselves out of.

Whatever it is that we were all thinking at the time that the thoughts were thought about in regards to what we see now as far as what the global economy looks like all happened because this was the energy, and to some extent, my opinion is that those in power also know how powerful thoughts as things are, and it was those guys who took advantage of all that they have at their disposal and helped to create the mass thought that we are on the verge of financial ruin. The truth is that this “ruin” was seen by many astrologers, for many years, and those who followed the advice and what the astrologers saw are also the very ones who, for the life of us, have come to this point where, in our lives as professional weirdos, we knew, we warned, and now we are the ones who are being sought out for nothing other than a way out of this mess. (Yes, me included as one who has been sought out…and that’s all you are gettin’ outta me)

No lie…thoughts ARE things

So I have this friend. Her name is Melody, Fletcher, to be exact, and my friend Melody can be thought of as the Goddess of Gettin’. I have been in contact with her for long enough to know that her mantra is and always will be that our thoughts are powerful, that the things that we think are the things which we create our lives from, good or bad, and no matter what.  And basically, if we would bother to at least, for a little while, think about what we are thinking about and lend a few queries to those thoughts we would see inside of the answers that we give to ourselves about anything at all why it is that we are seeing the mess that is on the outside of us.

When we think we won’t get what we need, we are sending out that energy through that thought that we are worried that we will be without the things that we need, and we continue with that thought pattern and then end up with the reality that is the reality that we did NOT want. The bitch of it all is that we are who brought it into being through believing that we would not get what we needed through the thought that might look like “I hope we get this” which can, most of the time, be really “I am not going to get that.” The reason that I say it that way is easy.

Think about the last time that you wanted anything at all, and about how badly you wanted it, and how, when it came down to the bottom line, you may have technically gotten what you wanted, but it was so not what you wanted in reality. What you wanted in reality was the energy that is “Yay! I got my way” and in reality and when you got what it technically was that you wanted, the energy was more like “Oh man, that’s IT?” The reason that this happens is because when you are thinking about how great it could be to have what you asked for, you are not believing that you will get what you want.

Yes. It really is that simple.

As Above, So Below

Think about the things that you think about, and realize that your entire world is colored by those thoughts. No one ever really stops to think about what they think about. Ponder the things that cross your mind, think about the things that you would typically be thinking about anyway, and think about how it is that all day long, the thoughts which prevail are the thoughts that run your life.

Let me say that again for you – the thoughts which prevail and are the ones that you think about the most and for the longest periods of time are the ones that create the energy that is your life and through that energy, whatever it is that you are thinking about the most is the thing that creates the energy that is your life and your living of that life.

When we are happy and our thoughts are aligned in that manner, everything else in life is made to be what they are for us and only us through that thought about things. When we are unhappy, and when we think about the things that are part of our lives and according to those unhappy thoughts, in accordance with those thoughts is the energy that is our lives. This is not my rule. This is the rule of the Universe.

When we choose to think about what we haven’t got, and choose to see only what we wish was there and what it is that we know we do not have but that we totally want, the energy is that of the void, is that of missing something in your life and the energy that is the emptiness that is created by the thought that the void is meant to taunt us is what will be experienced.

When we choose to think about what we have got, and what we have at our disposal to make what we do not yet have but know that we can have, and we go into the energy field with the thought in mind that everything changes and that also the changes include our being able to change the energy field that is “have not” to “working toward.” And really, that is another part of manifesting that not one of those professionals,,,the ones to whom I can only refer to as “Teachers in the Kindergarten of Spirit”…thinks to tell people that there is work behind the getting and acquiring of the life that we each want to have.

That’s right – there is work involved in all of this thinking what we want to see in our lives into being. There is work involved in that we have to learn to think apart from the way that we have thought in the past. There is work in learning to trust who we are is good enough in the eyes of Spirit to be able and powerful enough to bring our lives the goodness that we each deserve to have. No one ever said that there is work involved or that the work involved is not about actual physical work, but the inner work where we need to learn to trust is the place that will bring to fruition the things that we need to see in our lives.

So…no matter what, you create your life, even if what I see there is one thing, and what you see there is another thing, and the thing that we are seeing at the same time is the same thing. How you see something is not the same way that I will see things. This is how our reality is created – by our having any sort of judgment on anything at all.

What you think about what it is that you see is yours alone. How you perceive anything at all creates the feeling and the experience that you have.

You create your life through your thoughts.

Knowing and realizing this much alone should prompt you to wonder, at times, what the hell you were thinking about!




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That which lurks beneath

That which lurks beneath.

That which lurks beneath

What you see above the surface only tells a small part of the story

To see me these days is to not realize that I have been through what a whole lot of people would deem as being “hell.” I have had to get through a whole lot, and ahead of me there are still a few things that I have to deal with, and deal with them beginning now and right in this moment. It is not that I have not dealt with what is left, but that there is no real way to prepare one’s self for certain, life-altering events that are upon me. I can sit here and tell anyone within earshot that indeed, I am ready for that one last thing that is going to happen, but the very truth of me is that there is no one real way for me to prepare for it, no real way for me to be completely ready for it all to culminate, and that really, I may be as ready as I am going to be at this moment ,because, really, there is no way to deal with what is ahead of me.  I have never been right where I am at this time.

There are a few people who know what I am talking about, and really, the thing that is ahead of me is not really that big of a deal, even though it can be and has been thought of being just exactly that – a big fat hairy giant deal.  That I refuse to say what it is here is one thing, but that i cannot say enough about how this one event that is impending and unavoidable for me is as giant as it is in terms of learning my own measure of strength, of my ability to heal from the wounds of the past through the employ of that energy of woundedness, that has been the greatest teacher of all in that what hurt me did not kill me…well, we shall say that on the outside, while i am reserved about what it is that I am faced with is one thing. That I am freaking out on the inside is quite another thing, because I have made freaking out internally and quietly to that of an art form.

To have been through what anyone would go through that was the lessons brought about through the pleadings of the Soul within is one thing, but the other thing about this all is that when we are learning anything, we are supposed to use the pain and the agony, along with the glory and the victory, that is the light and energy of the Soul. It is the soul which is the teacher, rather than the actual teacher, and which is the part of us that either “gets it” or does not, in terms of what it is that we are learning and of that which lurks beneath. Where it is that there is pain within, it is the seeds created from that pain in the void that we are choosing to fill that void with ,which brings about the lessons we so dearly need and have asked for.

Beneath the Surface

It is beneath the proverbial surface of things where the lessons at hand are learned. For the outer, physical world to respond with the manifestation of the intended “thing” , there has to be an inner world that is the energy from where that thing grows. Our growth in the soul is what happens when we are hurt by the things that are outside of us and that, for the most part, we have no control over. It is not the thing that happens on the outside of us that is the teacher only, but the energetic response on the inside that brings about the rest of the culminated “thing” that we are waiting for.

Beneath the surface is where the energy counts, and it counts in a big fat hairy way, because it is not the way that we see with the Ego that matters, but more, the way that the Soul responds to the energy and how the Soul understands the way that it is reading the energy. If you are hurt by the energy on the outside, the corresponding energy will be the feeling of that hurt, and more of that hurt will be what comes to us if we are not willing to look at it and address it and deal with it on the level that we are feeling and experiencing it. 

How we feel about anything dictates also how we will view anything.

If we feel in the soul that what we are looking at and faced with is not worth the time that we know it is going to take in order to grow from whatever it is that is pissing us off, our time with that lesson will be long and difficult. If we are only willing to see what is the hard work involved in anything, then the only thing that we are ever going to connect with is the hard work and we all know that for the most part, hard work sucks. If we are willing to keep an open mind and heart and soul about ourselves, and we are willing to see the hard work as being the catalyst which will spawn the future and the since it is that we cannot see the actuality of the future but that we are able to plant the seeds of the future right at this very moment in time, we will find that the hard work in relation to the energy being created by us and for us is all meant and when something is meant, it will just be. 

The way that we are willing to see a situation, a person, a place, a thought, is the way that the outer energy will respond. We are in control of how we feel about anything at all, and when we realize that the things that we are thinking are also the things which are dictating how we feel, we can, at that time, tear it all apart, bit by bit, and find out where it is that we are not thinkin’ right about anything.

The Way that we are willing to see anything is the actuality of what is our belief

If the only way that you see and judge what is your own thought by the way that what you have shared with someone else and that they are also judging as being your truth, you are allowing someone else’s thoughts to direct your beliefs. Again, beliefs are not just the religious type, but are also the things that you are willing to believe about yourself.

The things that play over and over again in your head are the things that have shaped you to this point. The things that are there and just beneath the surface of your Self and the version of you who is “in the real” and who people see as You was created by every little thing that has ever happened in your life. Whatever it is that has happened to you, with you, for you, by you has been what has brought you to this consciousness in the manner that you are here and now.

Because of everything that you have been through, have seen or done, said, heard – all of it brought you to this belief about you that you think is the only truth and also that you might believe will always be the  only truth that is yours. When you can acknowledge all that lurks beneath the surface and when you can accept those things about you that might not be that great, it will be at that time where all that has happened and has taught you, no matter what you have learned, comes into play.

You become the evidence of how you have grown to be who you are now and become the proof that indeed, thoughts are things.

The thoughts that you have had all this time that were not the greatest about your self have been what have brought you to this point where you feel like everything is not that great in your life. If you think this way, things will end up this way, and this same thing is the truth the other way, the positive way. Too many of us are not willing to acknowledge what is there and lurking beneath the surface of who we show the world we are. Too many of us want to believe that the facade with the smile and the sparkling eyes, even as there is an emptiness behind the sparkle, is the reality of who we each and all are.

We have all grown into a collective mess of a whole that no one can deal with, and we cannot deal with it because the truth of us as that whole is that we are tired of living the lie that is pretend happiness. All we have been taught to do our entire collective life is to not show emotion, to not let the world know when we need something, and then we store that emotional upset in the Bones of our Souls.

Eventually, the Bones, they break, and we end up puking our soul out through the tears that were never cried, and the rage that was never allowed to surface, and the resentment that we never bothered to acknowledge. Things that bother us tend to stay with us until we are able to resolve them. We cannot NOT resolve them, but we try our damnedest to ignore the things that make us hurt. When we ignore our hurt , we do not grow. When we do not grow, we cannot live.

When we bother to deal with the things that lurk beneath the facade, beneath the surface of who we tell the world we are, versus the reality of who we are, beneath, then and only then is when real growth, the sort we are afraid to happen for us because we do not want to face the things that lurk and hide and make us crazy.

When we can face the demons which lurk beneath the surface of the facade is when the growing pains we are meant to feel become all the more real. We need to feel them, no matter and regardless if whether or not we want to.

We want to grow, but we want to stick with what has not worked, ever.

Learn to embrace the hurting, accept the ugliness that has happened in your life and then stretch to accommodate who you are becoming.

What lurks beneath is the reality of who you are.

Stop hiding it.



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Assume that you do NOT know

Assume that you do NOT know.

Assume that you do NOT know

Assuming means that you think you know, and really… you might not know

A lot of people believe that they know what someone else likes, wants, thinks, and they assume they are right because of how they particularly feel about anything at all. The problem with assuming anything is that when we assume anything we are giving the impression that not only do we know what someone else is thinking, but that what we have assumed is also their truth. It may well be the truth, but only to ourselves. It is like assuming that a pentagram is a symbol that is indicative of the devil when in reality it is a symbol of non-secular spiritual belief. The reason that a pentagram is thought to be the mark of evil is because for centuries it has also been assumed that any belief that is not mainstream and that does not have a man in charge of a congregation is somehow evil. It is assumed that belief systems that are Feminine in nature are weaker, but if that is the truth, then why is it that an entire generation of men, and the generations which followed, have assumed that if you follow anything that also follows natural law that you are a heretic and that you are evil.

Feminine based beliefs are rooted in the Earth, are rooted in nature, follow the changes of the seasons, and above all, these beliefs never ever promote anything that would cause harm. In feminine based belief systems, one must remember that in general, mothers are not assumed to do anything wrong to their children. I mean, yes, there are some douche-bag types who do horrid things to their kids, but most of the time, it is the moms of the world who are also considered the safest. It was men and the religions that they created for the purposes of perpetrating political agendas that made it so that earth based religions were labeled as being ‘evil.” It was these men who felt threatened by the things that they could not see and assumed were evil.

It was due to patriarchal superiority in ancient times that brought to the world the assumption that beliefs which did not honor anything that wasn’t “male” were also evil. The way that a great majority believes has been made possible by the assumption, not only that the patriarch of ancient days was better, but that anything Feminine was somehow not good enough to be anything but evil. This is why, for a long time, and even now, even here in America, women can be seen as that which brings good men down. It is not women who bring good men down, but the very dirty thoughts that a few who want to turn us into evil beings who give the world the assumption that because they are men, because they are bigger than we are physically, that somehow, it should also be assumed that we are weaker.

When it is found out that perhaps we are not weaker because we are smaller in size, but that who we are is what makes us as powerful as we really are and more, what we can do physically is when the ‘evil’ becomes real on a level that only a politician could make “true.” Yet, this writing is not about women, neither a short historical review about how it is that women were assumed to be the weaker gender for the last few thousand years.

When we assume anything, we are telling other people that we know the truth about them…and that might not be the truth that is theirs

When we assume anything about anyone else, no matter what it is that we are assuming we know more and better about, we are not giving the other person the respect that is the truth of them. When we assume that what we have as our own truth about anything, that other people are going to agree with us, no matter what it is that they think we will agree to, the truth is not being allowed and therefore an assumption about something or someone has been made. When we assume that what another person believes in as being evil, we are making a judgement call on them, and from the Ego’s point of view, we are telling them that no matter what is important to them, what we have as our own truth and what they believe as their truth are different. This usually means that someone who will assume the worst of us will just believe what they think is the truth for no other reason than that they fear being wrong.

People who assume they know better than we do about what is right for anyone are not giving others the right to their own freedom of being, their right to be all who they are and their ability to be able to see the entirety of someone else as being the truth of them and more, as our being able to respect the difference in belief that is the similarity between two people that says “at least you believe something outside of yourself.”

To Assume is to have a false sense of empowerment. 

To assume that we are right about anything, and to continue to push what is our assumption of things as being the absolute truth is not giving way to other people who actually have the absoluteness of truth about them.

It was assumed by a LOT of people who I have known for years that I am somehow evil because I no longer follow the guidelines of belief as set out by what it was that I was brought up to accept as my truth. While I did not stick with that religious belief, what I DID stick with was the ferocity behind the belief that my parents hold in the Christ they adore and the Christianity they follow. That I am more Pagan in my own beliefs anymore is beside the point. That I follow and adhere to what is right for me with a certain fiery passion and an absoluteness of ferocity was the important thing. It is the thing that I never assume anyone else to be like unless I know that this is the truth of them.

When we assume that we know more about what is right for someone else according to what we think we know about anything, and when we enforce that belief onto others because we believe what we want to, and we do not give someone else the benefit of the doubt about their own thoughts, we are in the wrong. A woman will assume what she will of her mate, and whether he is a cad or a prince in her eyes, it will be the assumption, either way, that will make the difference for them both. The woman might have been cheated on, left, beaten, whatever, but whatever it is that caused the issue will not be the thing that guides her. What will guide her is her assumption that she knows the truth of why her mate did whatever it was that he’d done, never giving thought that what she did or did not do, regardless of how scathing it may have been.

Regardless of what was the trigger of his actions in response to her initial action, to the woman, because of society’s standards that are sometimes double, even when thinking in terms of men, the assumption will be the worst of him because of what is already thought about us.

Never mind that she might have been accusing her mate of cheating, or of doing things that might not be happening – that she is assuming he is responding to her action the way that she intends for him to, thereby making it possible through her implanting those thoughts in his head and cementing them in hers, to the woman, it is the man who is at fault because she assumed that his looking at other beautiful women means that he is going to cheat on her. To the woman, his appreciating beauty in other women is a sign that she really is not every woman in the world, that he is somehow blind to all other examples of what is beautiful to him, that he is no longer human but now her puppet.

It means that she thinks that he stopped being a biological creature the moment that they met, and this is not the truth of any man.  She wants it to be his truth because she wishes it was HER truth. See how messy assuming things can make your life?

Assumption actually promotes intentions that are not going to manifest what we want to see manifest

That’s right. You read it correctly – when you assume the worst, you will get the very equivalent of what is the worst in your thoughts and mind. When you think the thoughts that you think and those thoughts hurt you in any way at all you not only hurt at that moment but you continue to hurt until you see what it is that the hurt brought about. The manifestation that is brought to us through that thought energy is normally what you do not want to see. Thinking and assuming that the worst is to happen only means that you are putting the pain on layaway.

Yeah, I know…it is VERY DIFFICULT to not go there to that place where we hide what we are afraid to admit to not knowing with the arrogance that is the know-it-all, that is the right-wing super-tight-butt-hugger conservative who thinks that being pro-choice means that you are a baby killer, or that you are a practitioner of black magick because you are not one to follow mainstream beliefs. This is like the elderly war veteran thinking that what our troops go through now (PTSD) is easier to deal with because it was harsher to be a soldier back in the day. It is like a mother vicariously living through her daughter, putting her in pageants, not because of the kid but because she assumes the kid wants to be told she is pretty when in reality it is not the kid who believes she is not pretty but her mother than assumes that her daughter has the same issues that maybe other daughters whose mothers are that creepy might.

When you no longer care to assume, you give up the craziness that comes from a lack of clarity

Assuming things about people and who they are and what they believe is another way of impeding their free will, at least where we are personally concerned with them. We assume what we will about others because we want our belief about anything to be “right” when in fact it is neither right nor wrong but just something that is personally our own. Assuming things about others keeps them in a safe place where we can deal with our own issues about how we feel about what it is that we really believe about us.  When we assume something we are believing something that keeps our judgement about something or someone in line with the truth that our Ego wants us to keep as “the truth.”

Assumptions make it so that we have control over the fear of being hurt by someone else letting us down by being who they really are and not what we assumed them to be for very long periods of time. I know that it was very difficult for my parents, namely my mother, NOT for her to accept that I am a bit on the Earth Beliefs and Feminine Divine side of Life as much as it was knowing that the very thing she feared the most – that one of her kids would no longer believe in the God they were raised to fear would turn their back on religion.

And I did…I did turn my back on religion, but not on Spirit, and only on the uptight, patriarchal , jealous, domineering, fear-mongering God. I never gave up on Belief.

I only turned in my Holier-than-Thou membership card.



…in the Interim

The Interim is where we sit petulantly and impatiently (and where it is fine to do so)

I am impatient. I have always been. Yet, I am not impatient enough to make a fool of myself anymore just to not be bored because I am impatient. Not a lot of people would know this about me if I didn’t say it. It is because I have either learned how to deal with my impatience in terms of waiting for things to happen in my life…or I really have just grown out of it and am now learning how to grow out of that thought that people who have known me a long, long time about my being very dearly impatient.

And I am impatient because my entire life has been a remarkable show of people telling me one thing and me getting happy and anticipating the outcome and then when I am let down, because I got overly happy about things without regard to the idea that things that are great and things that we desire and things that we are manifesting no matter what they are take time for them to happen. This is not news. This is not something that we do not know. This is not something that has not been around for as long as humans have been on the planet to see the sun rise and set. Impatience. It is something I know well, is something that I wear well (because I am so good at not showing my impatience) and it is something that all of us knows is not going to go away anytime soon…at all.

It is called “The Interim.”

The Interim

This would make a great name for a new thrash metal band or for the title of an album by a thrash metal band, but in reality, the Interim is that place where all those great things that we want to see in our lives that are meant to come along and fill that Void we all dislike so much  brew or simmer and come to their full fruition. It is that place where our impatience and our doubt and everything that scares us like so many spiders, lives, and it is where all of those things that we don’t like and don’t want to face are at. The Interim is that thing where, just like being upset at the idea that we are told that we have to check in for our flight hours in advance, only to have to deal with our flight being delayed (and now we are heavily annoyed at the idea), we are meant to think about if what we see with our mind’s eyes is really worth the wait, is worth the pain that we know we have to endure in the soul and is that place where, without it, we would have nothing worth having.

Of course, when we are in the Interim we are not thinking this way. In fact, when we are in the Interim, we are doing and thinking anything other than why we are in the Interim. And the truth is that while we are there, a whole lot of doubt is there, too, and so is a whole lot of thinking that maybe what we are asking for…that maybe we are not worthy of it.

Well of COURSE we are worthy of it, all of it, no matter what it is. If we know that it is what we are headed for, and we know, too, that who we are deserves what we want, and we know that what we want is ours anyway and that all we have to do is brew over it in the Interim, and the Interim is that place where who we are matters the most, then why would we not see the Interim as somehow being a valuable and worthy place to be? Why is it that we are not realizing that we are waiting for our very selves in the space called “The Interim”? The Interim is that place where what we are made of is put into practice long before the reality of the Void which needs to be made full with the Truth of us is made full. It is that place where all of those dreams and all of those desires and everything we have ever wanted is at, but is a mess, just like we will be when we are in the Interim.

It is the ultimate void 

The Interim is the ultimate Void in that without it, we would be too well aware of the idea that the actual void is what is being seen to at that moment. It is that place within that feels empty, and that place where what we think we want versus what we know we need can become the same thing if we are willing to ponder it as the truth in manifest. When we can see things from a new point of view and when we are able to truly accept things as they are and look at them everyday and every time as being a brand new sheet of paper upon which the end of the story, we know, does not change, the way to getting there can.

The Interim is that place within where we keep our tears and our anger and also where it is that we believe we are meant to hurt and to feel like a fool. In reality it is like the Great Cave, the great space in which those blessings and those wishes and dreams are able to become all they are meant to, right there in the meantime which is also and can be thought of as the Interim. It is that place where, in times of the greatest trials we are talking to the angels, and understanding, eventually, that the pain is meant because without the pain we will not know what is not pain.

We cannot know what is loss without the Interim, because loss does not come about without our having something to lose. We cannot know what it is to have our heart broken if we also do not know what it is that we want to believe is Love but is not and never was. The Interim is a place of wonderment and finding out things that we have only heard about and is where we get the messages from Spirit in the most magnificent ways and in ways that before the Interim, we would never bother to believe were meant to be what they are.

The Interim is where we are told by our soul that we are not right intended and that while it is that we know what we want is great and awesome and good, it might not be what is right for us at all and at that point the Interim is a place where, like a good mother does her children, we get schooled by the Universe. It is that place where we do not want to be patient, and where, like a kid at a birthday party who waits for cake and ice cream eventually gets their piece of cake but when they do, it is no where near what it was when we first wanted a piece of cake and it sucks because it is our birthday cake and still, we were made to wait.

The next time that any one of us has a “why me” moment, and we want to know why it is that we are hurting, and why it is that we are seeing everyone else get what they wanted for so long and so badly, remember that in the Interim is where we are, and in the Interim is the thing that has to be in order for us to know our value through our measure of strength and our measure of character. The Interim is where our integrity is tested, and the Interim is the place where how strong we are matters, and how patient we are also matters. It is where we know that we are supposed to be, even though we also know for sure that it sucks, a lot.

The Interim is like the dentist’s office…no one wants to go there, but sometimes, the pain of going there is lots less horrible than is the thought to have to go without what it is that we know we are headed to.

What we are headed to, by the way, and no matter who thinks or says what, is going to be anyway, no matter what. In my case, the Interim is filling the void. In my case, the Interim is seen as being more of a place where I am creating the reality that is in manifest and in the Interim that is my own are also the bricks which lay upon the foundation which heartache and loss and disappointment and shame built.

The Interim is that place where we get to have control, of everything…even though we think otherwise. The Interim is that place where really, we can tell ourselves and believe that what we initially thought, the part of us that tells us that whatever is going to happen and is meant to happen is going to happen anyway…that part gets to have fun and have a party and be happy that, in the Interim, we are the star of the show and we get to direct the flow of things.

And unlike Las Vegas, what happens in the Interim never, ever stays in the Interim, because one day, it becomes what was the Void.

I Love You All !

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Accommodation of the Void


The Void. Ugh!

Even thinking about it in terms that can be thought as even being semi-friendly makes a lot of our brains itch. We loathe a void. A void means that we are empty of something and that the void demands to be filled. What we are not realizing is that there is a reason for the void and once it is that we understand the reason, there will be no more void. Too many of us are not accepting this. Too many people believe that a void is a bad thing when in reality it is only a neutral thing and doesn’t carry any negative energy until we choose to believe that it is something other than what it truly is, which is merely and only a void.

Nothing in existence did not first come from a void. A void is really only an empty space that is waiting for the right and matching energy to come through to it and fill it. The reason that there is a void created is because that which was there to begin with no longer fits and neither does the energy that used to be there.

It is very easy to become upset by the emptiness that we think is there that the Ego creates in making it seem as though SOMETHING needs to be there to fill the space of emptiness within. It is not that the void is there to make us feel like there is nothing there because, again, the void is just that – an empty space. It does not have any bearing on whether or not what is there when it is refilled is what we want there and when it comes right down to it all, the reason that we feel like it is an emptiness is NOT because of anything other than the cultural conditioning that we have always been subjected to.

The Culture of Having to Have

The Egotistical culture that we have all been witness and party to has taught the majority of us that in order to be whole we have to have things because the energy of having things creates a real energy of wealth. Wealth is not the same as abundance. The reason that we are so not at peace with the void is because we have, for a whole lot of generations, been conditioned to believe that when we are without something tangible and when we have no proof that there need not be any’thing’ in the void that somehow, we are not complete. It is not that we need to fill the Void, but that we believe that without the void being full all the time that we are not whole. The truth is that without the void we cannot create the energy which fills the void. Ours is a culture that glorifies “having” instead of Being.

When we are Being, we are not in need of having. Yes, it is as simple as that. When we are just being and doing so in the manner that is doing what we do and getting along in life and not being needy to fill a void that does not yet require being full is when we are getting it essentially right. It is in the void that we are at our most creative, and when we are in creation mode it is at that time that we are being who and what we are meant to be. When we worry about the void not being full is when we are filling the void with negative energy. The negative energy creates within us a feeling of lack, and when we have a feeling of lack we feel the things that we desire the most that we are still not yet ready for.

The one thing that most of us do not realize is that when we are trying to fill the void with energy that is not the correct energy we are doing ourselves no big favors. We are not meant to fret over the void. The void is there and meant to be like a clean canvas upon which an artist creates a new masterpiece, or perhaps is the silence that is the beat between notes in a song. The void is meant as a piece with which we are turning the blackness that is the nothing into the colorful beauty that is ourselves. Some folks believe themselves to be lonely, and in that loneliness they also believe that they need to have someone else fill that void, when in reality, all that is happening is that the Soul-You is prepping that space for the right person and the right time and the right conditions in the sense that is “Soul.” This same thing is also applicable to anything at all.

The problem with the void, which really is not a problem until someone else reminds us that there is nothing in the void (thereby making it a negative thing), and a lot of the time the someone who it is is our very selves. I know a few people who think that the void that has been created by them by the past actions of their former selves requires that whatever or whoever was there not very long ago is meant or supposed to be there now. What is not understood by these people is that there is a reason that we have created that void and the reason is always that we know we deserve better than what was there. This is not to say that the thing or the person that was there in the past is not somehow lesser in means of what is valuable or not valuable. It is to say that what they and their energy brought to us was meant to help create the void so that we could also and in turn create newness in the absence of that which was there before.

We have been taught to fear the nothingness that is the Void. We have been conditioned to believe that when there is essentially “no thing” that we have less. Sometimes it is the no-thing created that gives us more. We are scared to death, not of finding out about how little we are able to do or to have, but more, of our power. We are afraid to know that we have been powerful all along and we are afraid to face the nothing that is there because in the nothing we are responsible for creating the something that we want to know is there. What we are not aware of, at least from the ego point of view is that we are always creating in the no-thing. We are always making our lives be what they are, and it is when we have effectively been able to create the void that we become afraid and we are afraid because we know that we are magnificently and truly able to make the life that we see in our thoughts. We are scared to know what we are capable of, and in the void, rather than creating energy that is going to propel us forward and into the next stage of growth, we remain in the void with the idea that we have to fill it with tangibles, and the tangible is only the last part of the thing that is the Void. When the tangible is created, we create another void.

We are scared of the void because we are responsible for it. We are responsible for it and that terrifies us because we do not want to create the wrong thing but what we are not realizing, again, is that there is nothing that we can do within the void that is wrong if we create in that space that which is brought by Love. We are scared of the power that is the freedom that we paradoxically love and loathe. We love it because it means that we can be and do whatever we wish, and we loathe it because we believe that we have to fill it with something that will impress other people. This is not the truth. We are not meant to create for others, but with others, the life that we see in our heads and want with our souls.

We can see the Void as merely a void, as a space to create that which is not yet here and present and in manifest.

You can accommodate the void by not accommodating it but by rather and only accepting it as it is, or you can accommodate the pain that you have the option to fill the void with.

Either way, the Void’s presence is proof of your power as a Creator…

I Love You All !

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Sometimes, she talks to spiders

Fear is empowerment gestating

There is no one on the planet who does not know that I do not like spiders one little tiny bit. I mean, yes, if I have to tell you guys this then I will-I had a “pet” spider who the kids and I named Chuck and who used to live in the blinds above my kitchen sink for a very long time (in terms of spider time, that is) – it is not truly that I ‘hate” spiders, but that I fear them immensely. The reason that I fear them immensely is that when looking at one, and in thinking about how big we humans are to something that small, at least in terms of spiders that the majority of us see cruising around in our reality, we can only think that some of those tiny little critters with 8 legs…some of them can kill us.

In the ugliest possible way.

I cannot stand them because I am scared of them. I do not want to suffer a deadly bite, and I do not want to go through the things that I have read about how deadly some spider venom is. However, over the years, because I have educated myself about the most deadly ones to my locality, I can, in my fear, also feel a bit of empowerment in that even as I cannot control the spiders, I can protect myself from them in just knowing what it is that I know of them and can act accordingly.

We forget sometimes that this is their world, too, and we forget that everything in the natural world is meant to teach us through whatever characteristics they hold that make us afraid of things that are not bigger than the nail on my big toe. I say that I hate spiders, but in reality I have great fear of them, of what some of them can do, but when I think in terms of relation to me and my smallness on the planet and how many other people are here and sharing the Cosmic web with us, I can see clearly some of the lessons that the spiders teach me.

What the spiders told me

Yes, there are some of you reading this who know that there is a joke behind my telling people that I “talk to the spiders,” and in different circles it has different meaning and energy. One circle is, at this time, and those within that circle are likely beside themselves with laughter just knowing what that phrase means and that we all have that one memory of me (ahem) “talking with the spiders.” Then there is another group for whom the phrase “What the spider told me” carries a much more important energy and one which is nourishing and healing and one, paradoxically, that tells me that rather than be only afraid of the power of the venom of some spiders, that I need to learn what lessons and teachings these creatures hold for me.

It is not the fear that they could kill me, but that I would not see them coming or perhaps would not feel it if I were sleeping, and that I could get bit by one. It is not really that they scare me so much as that they are really not very beautiful to look at but are, instead, very menacingly beautiful when really studied. And there is a reason that they are menacing and a reason that now, I realize, they are what they are and they do what they do, and yes, this is what the spiders told me.

They tell me that  these very intricate creatures speak to the fear of everything that I cannot see or yet foretell. They tell me that even though my fears might seem small, that they are, as well, quite powerful. They tell me of my own Power and the creative nature of the Feminine Divine and they tell me that my own destiny is mine to create alone and that on my own I am and have the very power to be a Divine force in Life. They tell me that I Am dearly a creative dominatrix, but not where that word would apply but rather, out in the Light, unafraid to be as intimidating as I have been told I am but cannot see because I do not believe that I have an intimidating, neither threatening nature unless it is that I have, myself, been intimidated or feel the tiniest bit threatened. They tell me that, as this ‘dominatrix’ who is not what people think it is or I Am in the sense that anyone might be thinking, I am the very one who is creative in thought which allows me also to be creative in the manifestation that follows.

Spiders tell me that mine is a world that is completely within my power to create, that I alone must create it and that no one else will survive for me and that I must create the reality that I need to have so that, in tandem with my needs, the things that are desired will also be what is manifested. They tell me of the great depth of patience that I am possessed of, and of the things that I am meant to create, not only for me, but for those with whom I share my own world. They speak to me of secrecy and hidden places in the darkness and of the ugliness that creates the beauty in life. They tell me that my power is not in the things that I speak only, but those aspects which are completely and totally the darkness of me that can only tell the intimidating truth of me. They tell me that the reason that, for years, I have felt as though I have been hated, that really, I have not been hated, but rather, misunderstood.

Once we have the ability to look at the things that scare us we can begin to ask why they scare us and how they apply to who we are. Who we are is a collection of everything we have been through in our lives, of all of the events in our lives, good, bad, neutral, and it is the web of power that we create for ourselves through our fears and the things that broke our hearts and made us cry, brought us to our knees and made us beg for mercy in the silence that is the tears which roll down our faces in the middle of the night, staring in the darkness at the invisible ceiling that we know is there, and hoping that the faceless yet beautiful entity on the other side of that ceiling somehow will hear us, finally, and that somehow will see our broken state and will salve us so that we can save ourselves.

These critters will always be foreboding to me, will always carry a bit of a threatening intimidation for me, no matter what, but they will also always tell me that the reason that they are these things to me is also that in many peoples’ eyes, I am like the spider who showed up one day, revealed the fear that lurks within and through the venomous nature that is the intimidation that others perceive to be there, I am able to make different the thought about people who, like me, know things before we are meant to, know your whole life story and exactly who you are at that moment in time, for real, and who, by my very nature, even as I have a darkness in me that is stinging and hurtful, am really only scary until you realize through learning about who I am for real, that I am anything but.

All this I learned while in conversation with the Spiders….


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The Universal Law of Discipline

Unbridled, but Disciplined – this is how we should be, but this is how we are not

You need to take a look at your damned self and know that you are so not the cat’s okole that you think you are

Get over yourself already, seriously. There are a whole lot of people on this planet who seem to think that they are just THE cat’s ass and you are not. If you were, you would not need to be out in the world and telling people that you are the cat’s ass. The “cat’s ass” is that person who thinks that they are just the best at everything, who does not screw up, who thinks they know better and more than most do. I am sorry, geniuses, but there are no people on the planet who are able to not screw up. Period. You are not that great at a whole lot of things and you KNOW you are not, because we all know we are not all great at everything that we do. We have been great at a whole lot of things, all of us has been, but we cannot now nor ever say that we have always done everything perfectly.

The difference between excellence and perfection

No one is perfect, but everyone has the opportunity at being their most excellent at anything they do, and all it takes is being focused. Being able to focus on anything takes discipline. Parents know that teaching very young children not to be distracted is not an easy job and it requires discipline on both the part of the parent and the child. The parent has to be disciplined enough to not lose their patience with their kid as they learn to focus, and the young child has to not lose focus on learning whatever it is that he or she is learning, and all of disciplined behaviors take TIME and PATIENCE and a LOT of screwing up, over and over and over again until everything that you are trying to learn is at its best and highest level of excellence that it can be.

No one can ever be perfect. Perfection is meant for those of us who have gone on to the next consciousness, and also for those who like being made crazy by not wanting to believe that they are not perfect. There are a LOT OF PEOPLE on this planet who think they are perfect, and more who, if you tell them that they are not, will end up coming unglued with you because you had the guavas to say it. This is why discipline in learning your own soul’s mission and purpose are SO important. If you already think you are so perfect, and then someone else comes along and tells you otherwise, and you get ass hurt because of it, that might be a sign that you already know the truth and the truth is that you know that you are not all the cat’s ass that you think you are.

You are anything but perfect, really

Perfect is boring, pretentious and snooty. Perfect is someone trying to hard to be better than anyone else, but the truth is that no one is better than me, or you, or anyone, really. The pursuit of perfection will drive a person to the brink of madness and the pursuit of perfection is something that we are taught by someone else, usually our parents.More than that…perfect is a lie, because no one is and no one can be truly perfect. To be perfect means that you are without flaws, and last I checked we all have the ability to screw up. Without the ability to screw up, then and only then are any one of us on this planet perfect.

Perfection and excellence in the things that we do are different. We can hope for a perfect outcome of something, but to get to that outcome, the conditions must be excellent for it. We can be perfectly matched with people who could help us with the things that we do in our lives and in our work, but we, ourselves, are not now and nor will any one of us be truly perfect unless we are talking in terms of being imperfectly perfect. Then we are as perfect as we can imperfectly be.

To be excellent, you just have to learn to focus, and to learn to focus takes discipline

Humans are the most undisciplined group on the planet. We are this way because we have the ability to reason, and the ability to reason makes it so that we have the option to be, or not be, a douche bag perfectionist. No one taught or teaches a perfectionist how to not see what is not there – they only see what is not perfect and already there, and they judge it. This is the reality of someone who thinks that they are perfect. Perfection means that you have no flaws and that who you are is the standard that everyone else must live up to or be told is not good enough. The mark of a perfectionist is the same one that says that yours is good, but they know someone else’s that is better, and normally it is theirs.

Yet, to be excellent (yes…hello to all of my San Dimas, California friends !! Bill and Ted RULE !!) requires diligence, the sort that it takes to get the job done. To be able to discipline one’s self to that point of being able to focus on one thing at a time, knowing that all of the ‘things’ involved in the entirety of the whole, no matter what it is, will benefit. Yes, you will screw up, but no one doesn’t. You will make a fool out of yourself, but no one doesn’t. You will do a whole lot that is less than attractive and you will be horribly and terribly dismayed at the idea that you are not perfect. You will think that the only person in the world who is as big a loser as you think you are is you and that you are alone in that loser energy. Lemme tell you this much, you are not a loser if you are trying your hardest, and you are not a loser if you know you have done your best and have done all that you are capable of doing. You are not anything that you know you have never been on the negative side of things as long as you know you are on the right Path to wherever it is that you are meant to be.

No, you do not now nor have you ever had to be perfect. Perfect can not ever be, because perfect means that we have to die from this life time, and we – the all of us – we have a whole lot of work to do still.

The Universal Law of Discipline makes us have to go from the coal, which is rough and wild and harsh and dirty, to the gem contained within, which is brilliant and shiny and gorgeous. We have to make it through the fires of refinement, also known as the hard times, in order for us to become the person who we are meant to be.Heartaches hurt us, but they teach us, and adversity makes us know that there are times when we have to think quickly and be on top of things.

I Love You All !!

A needed break from the Universal Laws of Spirit.

It is time, you folks…

Kokua me, yeah?

I needed to take a break from the teachings of the Universal Laws for a moment. While I will not divulge to anyone what my day was like – it was not great, not bad, but there was a lot of heavy, negative emotions that I went through, and yes, all of it regarding the collective heartache that is the soul of the majority of people who are my age, who were raised as though your backyard was Turtle Bay or some other awesome Hawaiian town, even if it wasn’t, I am calling on you all, right this moment. I noticed something about my thoughts today, and it was all about my kids, and a lot of stuff came to the surface for me today. Yesterday, I was talking with Danni about someone we both know whose issues are all tied to the people who we each grew up with. You see, and this is not saying that my parents were awful…there is a difference between awful and what was my …”vanilla plain” life, unless I imagined it in my own head all that time and just dearly adjusted.

Maybe I am way off, and I know that there are a lot of you right now hating on me, acting like I was talkin’ stink about your Mom Guys, but I am not. What I am about to say is the truth, and it is the truth that not too many of us can deny. Our childhoods, while they were fun because it is fun being a Hawaiian kid and growing up with all your uku-billion cousins – all dat small keed time stuffs…yeaaaaah, brah…dassit…you know it!! Come with me, let’s go, you folks, all the way back to our childhoods, with the old Hawaiian ways and the old Hawaiian Rules, that, while I will always have respect for rules, I cannot respect the idea that who we are, for many years, has been based, not on a mutually earned respect between the children who we were, and the adults who used to be our parents. Now, I am not – NOT saying that they did a bad job, because the other side of what I am going to write about next is awesome.

But I will leave that “awesome” til later on in this writing. Right now, I do not want you to think that I am chewing anyone out. I am reminding us all that we do not have to use intimidation, you know…”dirty kine leekenz…” the kine leekenz you get wit’ one komoboko slippah…red…size 12… I didn’t realize when I was a little girl that it was the energy of respect “earned” from scaring the daylights out of us was what I always felt. As a child, I always felt the feelings that other people had for me. I always knew who I could trust and who I could not, but because of the blood relation, I was forced to trust people who I knew better than to.I have prevented it with my children, and people KNOW to NOT GO THERE, because I do not and WILL NOT hit my kids. They are good kids. They deserve my Respect and I deserve Theirs. It is a mutually agreeable energy and Love between my children and I.

I know that they know that I am never going to turn my back on them, that I am never going to try to make it seem as though what I have to go through is because of them, because it isn’t. I have raised my three, thus far, to be the best them that they can be, no matter what.

I was, like many of us Hawaiian raised children, while we are who we are, and proudly so, and they taught us that pride, I will say that I notice that a whole lot of my island friends, and especially my cousins and I, we chose to do it different this time. When it came to be our turn to raise the children, to live up to our collective Kuleana, we did not fail the ‘Aumakua. Our Ancestors, the Elders, The Wise Ones, the Gods, The Guides…my beloved Nana…(I Love You!)…we listened to them. We took from that collective harshness that was good leekenz, and we turned that tragedy into Love. I don’t know about you guys, but I do not recall being able to describe my most vivid memories of this fearful respect as ever being anything other than something to make my little soul want to run and hide. I can see every single one of these people who, when I was a little girl, threatened to hurt me, physically, by “geeving” me “leekenz wit’ da’ spoon/slippah/belt.:..whatever was there. There was even one time when I witnessed someone – an adult – ball of their fist and punch her kid in front of a bunch of us other kids. That ain’t cool. That’s the kind of people who a whole lot of us were raised with.

The sort who scared the shit out of us, just so that we would “Respect” them. I don’t know about you, but I think I will take the actual respect that I get from my kids, than the sort that collectively, we have, many of us, for a lot of way too old school kanakas who are in their winter time now who did this. While I will not divulge the name, I can only guess what the hell else went on when I was not around. I saw a lot when I was around. I heard a lot of threats and I heard a lot of name calling and I heard a lot of things that no kid should have to hear.

I am not the only one, either, and in many cases, a lot of us still use this sort of …whatever the hell you want to call this…it won’t matter, because it is abuse, period.

The jokes about “gon’ get gooood leekenz,” and my favorite, when another family member would laugh when he found out about what happened to me, and made comments about the “two carnation leis around the eyes.” And I dare you to NOT try to think about it, or that fucker, now that I said that, about a carnation lei. Yup, this is the other kind of thing that we all grew up with – adults who wanted respect but were like this, all the time, and bullying us and making us cry. It was like they enjoyed it, all of them. And please, don’t sit there and act like I am the only one who felt or feels like this, because I am not. It is a sick joke to think that most of the time we were told that this was normal and acceptable and it is not. GENERATIONS of island people have made abuse, using religion and whatever the hell could be used, acceptable, and in some peoples’ minds – humorous. It was not humorous to me to hear it. It was not humorous to me to be afraid of these people. It is not humorous now to me that there are people with whom I share blood who look back and laugh.

It is not funny, but it is sad. It is sad because this was acceptable. This was acceptable because until now almost all of us were afraid to stand up and say something.I am not scared anymore. I cannot speak for us all, but I could and likely am saying the words that they don’t want to say. I am not scared. I was terrified as a kid but as an adult it is my Kuleana to the children who are my blood, and, as well, all of the other children of my heritage, to show them that the peaceful way is the better way. I am angry. I look back and see that there were a lot of things in my childhood that were very dearly abusive and that I am not the only one for whom this is the truth. There are a lot of eyes on this right now, a lot of Maoli eyes, and there are some who are hating these words, possibly me, too, and there are those eyes which are like mine.

Always wet. Always thinking that you will never be good enough, that you could have done a better job. The emails that I receive daily tell me this, that I am not the only one, and asking me to address it. Here it is.We grow up being told to value our family, and then we grow up into these adults who are angry and don’t know why because the truth is that we know we have nothing to be angry about that we can do anything about. That is where the grand dividing line is. My generation of Hawaiian parents is NOT scared to change for the better. We are not afraid to not trust our kids enough to be who they are while still respecting us. We are not scared to know that they Love us, that they Love us without being afraid of us. We are not afraid to be different than the generations which preceded our own.

I was brought up to hear phrases like “I don’t care who says what, but in my house, you will respect me, because I command respect.” Wow! Those are some REALLY BIG Words which are loaded down with a VERY HEAVY ENERGY. I know that I am not the only one right this moment who is feeling that old, tight, harsh energy, because you are thinking about the same things that I am, and that means you have a “Wild Auntie” or two and they scared the shit outta you. Well, guess what? There is a NEW wild auntie in town, and she loves rock and roll, and she loves to eat burgers, and she likes being good to her kids and to her nieces and nephews. If I could go back to all those times that I was afraid, that I felt small in the spirit, that I was so nervous all the time at screwing up and fearing being called “lolo” (stupid), or something as equally soul crushing as it is to feel like if WE screwed up (you know…were KIDS????) that somehow, it was because we were STUPID and NOT CHILDREN WHO WERE STILL LEARNING. I heard “you will eat what I fixed and put in front of you and like it or you will starve,” a whole lot. This is not getting real respect, because years later, when we are all adults at the same time, we look back and realize, a lot of us that is, that we were all somehow scared to disrespect.

This is what a whole lot of us went through, and I have heard stories that break my heart about so many other things that are so much more terrible than what I recall and what I am being asked to write about. But we did it, you guys…our generation, we did it. We broke out of that cycle, at least a lot of us have. And it is a beautiful thing, indeed.

I am reaching out to all of the rest of the Island Chains, from Old Hawai’i Nei, all the way down into the lower parts of the planet, to the Maori tribes of New Zealand. We are the generation of parents who have been, for twenty years now, rebuilding what it means to be a parent who’s children do not need to respect them for fear of being hurt if they are not afraid. Our kids are not scared of us. This is a good thing. We have brought into this awareness the beauty that is Ohana without the ugliness that is placing fear into people.

There is no need for that at all.

Please, Kokua Me, and remember our Kuleana that is Aloha and not fear. Fear is not respect, and the respect caused by fear is not the truth of respect. It is the respect that we have to have for all of Life, even and especially the lives which are the ones which we brought to this planet. They are ours to raise and then to send out, not as example of who we are through them, but more, as the product of Love through the Soul come to life. They are ours to Love, not to make afraid of us.

To all of you Kanaka Parents, Island parents, who see your own childhood here in these words, remember that fear and know that the reason you let it go is because you believe that this is the reality that is respect. No, it is not. It is not your truth, but someone else’s.

You have the option to change it, and, as well, you own family history…

Think about ’em, yeah?


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Together, we can change the way that Hawaiian children are raised. 
There is no need for them to feel like they are meant to be scared.
No Child Should ever be scared all the time.

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