While it might seem like you are all alone at this present time, make no mistake that you are the furthest thing from being alone. No man is an island, and really, no one is in this lifetime all alone.
“I stand alone today…don’t ask me why I feel I just know I feel this way…I stand alone today” (Jackyl’s “I stand alone”)
I have been contacted by more people than not in the last two weeks about this feeling that seems to be a collective one. At the moment, people are feeling lonely, feeling misunderstood, feeling like someone is always trying to best them, like someone always has something to say, not only about what we are doing, but how and why we are doing what we are doing. The emails include things about why spouses seem to be turning against one another, about why people think they own other people when in reality it is that sense of ownership owning them. There are people who share the air with us who feel like they are somehow floundering in a sea of uncertainty, and right now, while we are all in this wonderfully fluffy feeling of brand newness with the new year just having begun, there are a lot of people wondering why it is that this year they are just not excited, about anything, and the one thing that most folks are feeling right at this time is very, very alone.
And that feeling of “alone” is not the typical sort, the sort that is fleeting and is about just wanting to have a little company. No, this alone feeling is a global one, and it is not really a feeling of being alone as much as it is a feeling of being alone while in a crowd and knowing that you are not alone and is mixed with a feeling of a longing to go home. Lots of us have no idea why it is that we can be in a crowd and feel like this. We don’t know why we feel like we are all by ourselves. It isn’t scaring us, although it is something that is bothering us dearly and it is because while we are in need of learning, on our own, who we each are in the world, humans are still social animals, and when we feel like this, it hurts, it sucks, and sometimes it is such a heavy weight that it can even make us cry.
I promise you that you are not all alone in that energy, in that feeling like there is something out there, wherever “out there” is for us each, and that somehow we are meant to get there, out there, but that with every step we take toward wherever out there is, it feels like our intended destiny, at least the way that we see it, the way that we see ourselves getting to it, is out of our reach.
Spirit is a comedian sometimes
You have heard, at least once in your lifetime, that “God has a sick sense of humor,” and you are right, in that, when we pine for things, want for things, we are meant to do those things, but that when we try to force those things into our lives, after we have reached out to The Mother Goddess for help, and we try to speed things up, we find ourselves almost in a cycle of “over and over again” and it is with good cause. When we try to force it, we are telling Spirit that She has no idea what She is doing. When we try to make it seem in our own heads that we have the best and only way to get to where we are headed is also when we have chosen to believe that really, ours is the only way to get to that place where we will feel whole and like we are “home.”
Well, folks, I am here to tell you that you need to chill, seriously. The reason you need to chill is because buried inside of the time and the waiting and the impatience is something there for the each of us that no human being could possibly believe is real. Our problem is that all of our lives we have been taught to be cautious, and being cautious is fine, but being told this over and over again made us believe that there was something, at all times, to not trust in, and the one thing that we SHOULD trust in IS Spirit. And even in that instance, while we sat sweetly and tenderly and quietly in those pews, for the bulk of our childhoods, we were told that we have to pray in a certain way, because if we didn’t, that God would not take us seriously, and if God, of all Beings, is not going to take us seriously, why, then, should we trust in this invisible, jealous, dangerous, murderous God if all he is going to do is make us beg for his mercy?
I said it- deal with it
I said it, that the God who a lot of us grew up with was a God that I recall as being vicious. We are taught to not trust things vicious, but when it came to what we believed in, we were also taught to believe – or else! Now, what the hell is anyone with a thought in their head, even when they are tiny little kids, going to believe when on the one hand, we are being told NOT to trust strangers, because strangers will hurt us, and strangers will put us “through hell,” and that strangers are not to be trusted?
This is where our sense and our level of trust comes from – NOT from some big scary God who will lightning bolt our asses for breathing wrong, but from what we are told to believe. When we are told that we are not good enough, essentially, for even God to trust us to make the right choices, and then what we see in our lives and feel in our souls is not that great, automatically we are taken back to those times when we were little kids, feet dangling from the pews, all eyes toward the guy with the smirk and the tie and eyes on a pair of tatas in the front row of a big, gnarly scary building that people were so adamant about making us – forcing us, if you will – believe that this imposing guy named God is somehow going to make things all better, so long as we do not do a thing to piss him off.
If you have to make people scared of something, and you have to threaten their sense of well being, and you do this from a very young age, all while telling these same people that God will not abandon them, and then bad things happen, and these same people pray to a God who they believe has judged them very harshly all their lives, what on earth does anyone with an original thought have any other chance of believing that we each are nothing more than very, very alone in this lifetime?
It really doesn’t matter what anyone calls their Higher Source. My thinking is that as long as people believe in something outside of themselves that half of the inner battle is won. Yet, how is anyone supposed to feel like the higher Being they have prayed to all of their lives is going to be there for them without conditions when all we have been told is that God is jealous, and God can be very dangerous, and that if we do not do every single little thing written in that imposing black book that someone’s church lady mom told us that, if we didn’t do them all, that God would surely punish us for being disobedient? And this is when we are children – little tiny ones at that, and we are at that age when everything we are told by the adults in our lives is the very gospel truth…how is it that we are supposed to be even expected to trust anything or anyone outside of ourselves when we have been bullied into believing that the moment we step out of someone else’s way of being, we are already booked on a fast track vacation at Club Hades?
We are told forever to not trust anything other than the God who wants us dead for breathing wrong…and people wonder why those who were raised up in the church sometimes turn away from the church and toward a more welcoming belief, a more welcoming deity. We are told that our Father will care, as long as we do things his way, and that we are not to trust the Mother. Really?
Yes…really…and we are supposed to trust, too, that with the God of fear, that we will not ever be alone, but that we have a lot of stuff to do before that same God who scares the shit out of us will do anything at all for us. We are supposed to trust our mothers, but are told that the only one in the human family whose words matter are our human fathers. We are told that who we are is not good enough for this horrible male god to love us as we are, and we are told, NOT to trust anything at all that is female. Imagine being a little girl, and that you are already strange, already empowered with visions and knowing things before you are meant to, and that every time you tell people something will happen, it happens, and suddenly, people are not wanting to be around you because they are afraid they will end up being sinned on behalf of by you? Then, when you know that there is and has always been something out there and something bigger than you are, but that you refuse to see it as anything but purely gorgeous, people begin to leave your life, all over the name by which you refer to Spirit as.
Here is where we begin to feel all alone. Belief has made us become these people who we are. EVERYTHING that we do stems from the belief in us. In my case, I always have known that there is a higher power, that we are not truly alone, even when we are by ourselves. Yet I never believed that the god I was brought up to believe in, to be dearly scared of, was the very one which would also take care of me. The reason that things happen this way is because of our fear of things that we cannot see, that we cannot absolutely confirm will not happen to us. We choose to follow what is outside, hoping that all the people we see there will finally accept us as we are. When we meet up with these people and we find out that there are some who are more willing to see who we are not rather than who we are is when the ego kicks in.
We are told by strangers that if we do not believe as they do, that we are not okay to be with them, and the excuse is that we will not understand one another and that it would be weird. This is bullshit. This is called exclusivity. This is part of why we feel like we have no traveling companions on this Path that we share with others at the same time that we are on it by ourselves. We are made in the image of Spirit, perfect and whole, and yes, different from one another, but we want the same things. We want to belong, and we want to know that when we hurt that someone will ultimately and at least ask us what is hurting us.
We feel alone because we are taught to be alone, are taught to not trust, and are taught to think that everyone else is out to get us, that we must be better than everyone else rather than one with them. We feel alone and unworthy because of what we were told to believe is the God of all when in reality not everyone calls Spirit God, and when it is that our beliefs are or were challenged, there came the day that what someone else said to us just simply made more sense to us than what we had been raised to believe as the truth. It might well have been the truth, but it was not our truth, and this is where the whole of us have gone horribly wrong. In our quest, or actually, in the quest of generations past, to find others like us, we somehow took it upon ourselves to create a reason to make other people who were not and are not like we are feel by themselves.
This is the truth that is the travesty – that we have been told for many years that if we do not seek out others like us, who believe in the same God that we have been forced to believe, that no one will love us, that unless we find other people who believe what we do, that we will be doomed to be alone. At this time in history we are collectively seeking others like us. The Bible thumping maniacs (note that I did NOT write actual real and good believers of Christianity or really, any of the mainstream belief systems…don’t go off unless you reread that and realize that really, I ain’t judgin’ your God…I am judging the way that a LOT OF PEOPLE raised their kids by forcing us to believe what we just cannot believe anymore…deal with it and stop being such a pansy ass…yeesh) of the world, the type who insist that we HAVE TO believe their way…these are the people who have, for MANY generations, made us and continue to make some people feel very alone.
You are not alone
Just because some crazy person told you, through quoting passages from their big fat black book, that you are going to hell, that the reason that you are alone is because you have not joined their fellowship, it does not make it the truth – it only makes it their truth. You are not alone, by any means. You just have not thought about what you really believe.
Once it is that we each figure out what rather than WHO we believe in, things begin to make a lot more sense to us. We find out that we were never really alone, but that the only thing we were not doing was following what was right for us. Just because you were raised up in the church, it does not mean that you are going to believe in the God of your parents for the rest of your life. Just because you were told that you will have no friends in life and that if you stray from what your family told you and just because there are people who you share blood and a grandma with who vilify you and call you evil because you are not like them does not make it true that you are bad, evil, not acceptable to society.
Once it is that you realize that there are others who are just like you on this big giant planet, and once it is that you figure out that no matter what or who you believe in – it does not make you a bad person, but that it makes you true to you, you will know that all along, the only thing that your upbringing “in the church” was meant to do was show you that you are willing to be open minded, that you are able to believe in something outside of yourself, and that the whole time you were told all these bad things about a god that was meant to help keep you in line and all these things about how you will be …WILL BE burned at the stake for believing in any other god, it does not make it the truth of you.
Yup…basically, the reason that a whole lot of people have this yearning to go home, have this intrinsic feeling of aloneness, is because of the way that they are, that we are, choosing to believe, in someone else’s God.
Not for one moment are we alone. We just have to come out of the safety of the shell of what we might have believed at one time, and come to that place in life where it won’t matter that you be who you are, to anyone, but you, and that no matter what, your earth-bound mother will still love you, even if her God demands that you obey – OR ELSE, and your Mother Goddess tells you that today is the day that you should choose to be magnificent.
I Promise you, and I know this for real, that the people who love you for real will be the same people who, even if they believe differently than you do, will not NOT love you, just because you “lotus” instead of “kneel.”
No…really….I Promise…your people are out there waiting for you. You just have to know this and believe it, no matter what your parents’ God told you when you were a kid.
I LOVE YOU ALL !