Take a walk in someone else’s shoes…it’s the only way to know their truth…

Humans. We are very dearly selfish and we don’t realize it. I know this. I have been this. It is a no where place to be. It is a no where place to be because when we are selfish and thinking only about what we want, we are really not thinking or inclined to be thinking that other people might not want what we want. Sometimes what we want is not able to be had right this moment, but it never means that it can never be had, and sometimes, when we wait to have what we want, it is a lot better for us in a lot of ways. Not only that, sometimes, what we end up with is a whole lot better than what we could begin to imagine.

But that is not how things happen, is it? Things happen in the way that is “you first after me,” and things happen in ways that break our hearts, shake up our worlds and make us feel awful. Things that are awful happen to other people, not only to us, but it never turns out that we find out a thing about how we behaved in the manner that was giving until someone points out that we have only been giving enough to make ourselves feel better about our being selfish to begin with.

Empaths, we feel everything, and in some cases, we are also intuitives, and sometimes are also psychic mediums and have an entire set of outcomes that we can see, but the one thing that we cannot see (yet, we can feel it) is someone else’s level of or lack thereof of empathy.

I am a product of the ’80’s…big hair…Bon Jovi…short skirts…high heeled shoes…metal horns up…and lots and lots of ego. What no one can even think of is suffering a loss so huge that immediately, once the loss is felt, it reverberates. In my case it is the reverberations of a bad marriage, of losing my home, of going from a big fat income made by someone else to my doing what I do in the world, as a healer and an empath and not making a whole lot of income at all. I went from being the at-home mom with her own business, many friends, a choice of cars to drive, to living under someone else’s roof and driving a borrowed car that is older than my youngest child who is 9.

And it happened this way not only because of my own level of hubris, of arrogance and trying hard to hide my own truth, but because when I could afford the world, I did not do one thing that all empaths MUST do, and that is sympathize with others.  I was able to see only my own perceived greatness, not realizing that what I was and am still thankfully able to do could help a whole lot of people. I wanted to be the next best thing to the last greatest psychic we had here in this lifetime and I wanted to buy  my way there. It cannot be done, and it would not have happened in any permanent way because I did not pay my dues at that time, much as I am paying them now.

Walking in another’s pair of shoes…

I won’t bore you with the stories that I could tell you about being able to buy whatever I wanted and them some. I won’t bore you with my own crap because I have regrets about my own past that is as recent as 7 years ago that makes me wish that I had not been such an egotistical shithead. Yet, I am not ashamed to tell people that this is what I was, that this is the reason why I know I struggle now. I cannot blame it on the economy, and I won’t say that it didn’t have a part in this, but I can say that I know, now, at least, that there were things that I could have done differently, with a lot less hubris and a lot more soul, and the one thing that I could have done differently was not expect the people who I was able to help to remember it later on.

I forgot that the neighbor whose groceries one Christmas time, while most were bought by me, I had help. I forgot that the little kids who were going to go without gifts one Christmas, much as my own kids may end up doing, again, this Christmas, were so happy that they got anything at all, and there I was, telling their mother what SHE needed to do the next year so that she wouldn’t have to depend on people like me to do it for her. (UGH! What a DOUCHE BAG I WAS!!! WOW!! It hurts my eyes to read that I was like that, but it is actually freeing me somehow…read on..).

In essence, I forgot who I was, who I have always been, and that alone was enough to cause Spirit to remove from my life the things that were infecting my soul with arrogance, with entitlement, with expectation, and man, oh MAN it was a horrible blow to my ego to watch as my entire house was the center of attention when I lost it. I felt violated when I had heard that there were former neighbors of mine picking through my rubble, taking from my house what they could, and then eventually seeing a whole lot of it on sale on ebay. It hurt like hell for me to have to find out who my real friends were, who would still bother with me at that time, since I was no longer a country club member. It hurt me to be who I was not, and at the time, I had no idea of who I thought I was, even though I always knew exactly who I am.

It was when I’d hit rock bottom, back in 2012, January, that I knew that I am who had to become the Empath who I always have been and it was no one else who would be doing what I needed me to do. It was up to me. It is always up to us to learn what we have to. When we don’t learn what we have to we end up being someone who we are not. I loved having money, but I hate that it turned me into the worst person I can think that I have ever been. I loved saying that I lived in a certain community, but I hate knowing that I allowed that to be the thing that I became. I forgot, at that time, to embrace me…weird, lovable, sometimes out of her gourd me.

It was hard for me to be smacked with the hot spatula of the truth, and hard for me to have to go through all the things that I never wanted to go through but that I saw nothing wrong with anyone else going through and more than anything else, I cannot deal, still, well with the idea that back then my error in thought was that no matter what, if something was wrong, I could just throw a few bucks at it and it would all be okay again.

And it was, okay, but it was fleeting, because eventually that is what I taught myself to believe – no matter what, money fixes everything.

Here I am now, without a lot of money, with almost none, in fact, and finally, I know what it means to walk in someone else’s shoes. I am walking the Path in shoes that fit, finally, and learning that I am not the only game in town. I have learned that there is an option in forgiving people that does not come with paying for forgiveness with cash. I have learned well, that there is nothing like being one’s own self, no matter who does not and who will never approve.

When I knew I had grown past that part of me was when I also knew that even though I might be disappointed that things are not the way I want them to be right this moment, they are going to be the way that I create them to be and that creating huge dreams takes huge amounts of time, learning, discipline and patience. It also takes a whole lot of love from one’s own self to realize that nothing that we do for others that can be seen by the world is as lasting as the things that we can do for others without needing to be seen. There is a difference, and the difference is that between making yourself happy while making others happy, and making yourself crazy while making others feel like they’re your favorite charity case all while waiting for accolades.

It is not anyone’s job to get accolades from others.

It is only our job to be of good service to others.

And really…I like my job…



About ReverendRoxie22

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6 responses to “Empathy

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