Category Archives: family

It doesn’t even matter


The things which we no longer have are the things which no longer matter. The hurt which remains is there to teach you something about you.

“I tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end it doesn’t even matter…I had to fall to lose it all, but in the end it doesn’t even matter.” (Linkin Park’s “In the End”)

I lost my house in Helendale in July of 2008. While it hurt a bit, I cannot lie and say that the world was over with for me, because it wasn’t. I realized quite early on afterwards that it was meant to be like this. It was meant that I would no longer be in that place for the purpose of my having to begin the process of shedding what was once real to me.

What was once real to me was not for me to become very attached to, because in becoming attached to it all, I would suffer the worst hurt ever, which would be the stinging blows to the pride within me that would tell me that somehow, I deserved to lose everything that I thought mattered to me. And again, I cannot lie – the house, while it mattered to me a little bit, the idea that I lived where I lived mattered to me a whole lot.

Where I lived was a huge source of pride for me, but here I am, years later, and I realize that what was the source of pride was not what I thought it was, but rather and only the illusion of what was, versus what it became. What it became was a monster of proportions so huge and so…untamed…that for at least one person who used to live in that house, the loss of it was something that they’d felt on levels that not a lot of people would feel if they were not so attached to that tangible item.

And really, that is truly what any actual standing building that a person or a group of people would live inside of and call home. It is not the actual building, but what it represents. For me, the house represented a place where memories would be made, with neighbors who were some of the most pleasant people I had ever known.

Yet, here I am, seven years later, almost, and things have changed markedly.

I no longer care about the house that I no longer owed a lot of money on. The only memories that I have of that place that can be called good and real are the ones of my kids, of my hula halau, of the treasure called friends who, when I thought about it, are two of the very best people I know and two people who I love immensely. While I no longer own all the vehicles, no longer have access to the golf course, the lakes, I have what can never be taken from me.

I have me.

I have this me.

Losing something as big as the family home is not something that I hadn’t been through at least once in my lifetime, and that is probably why I was okay the day that I have to pack up my entire house, without the help of certain others, and leave that life behind. The reason that life had to be left behind and the reason why that life and the loss of it no longer matters is because even in all of that loss, the one thing that was gained by me was not just “this me.”

I gained, through the losses, the reality of two people who, no matter what, have always been there for me (Hi April…Hi Tim…I Love You Guys!) Through that loss, I regained and revived and recreated hula to become what, for me and a lot of people like me, it was meant to be, which is not a Polynesian review show, but medicine. I gained, through that hurt, a new lesson to work through and to turn into The Sisterhood of The Soul, and through that group of healer women who are also my cousins, have created what is the beginning of things as they ought to be.

And that is not the only loss that I gained from, really. I gained the bravery to confront my abuser, to tell him that we are done and that within but a very short time here now, it will be on paper. I gained the knowledge that even as I have been the very one to have to learn to heal me, without the hurt of feeling like my own blood relations skipped out on me when things got to be really too much for me to deal with, I gained the right to call myself a strong, Stand Alone Human Being.  This does not mean they all skipped, because the ones who mattered the most never did. It just seemed that way at times.

Seriously…in the end, it doesn’t even matter

When we are able to get past the hurt, and when we are able to look at the dragons which once invaded our waking life and our sleeping dreams, and when we can see things from a new perspective, this is when things that we thought mattered no longer matter as much. It is when we realize that we have learned what we are meant to learn from any given situation that our lives will begin to blossom.

For instance, not too long ago, I was very upset with my parents, and it was over something that was a source of pride for me. I won’t go on with what it was all about. I will just state here that the last time that hurt visited me was yesterday, and when I say the last time, I mean exactly that.

I mean that no matter what it is that I want to do for them or for anyone else, the one person who I need to do the most for is me. This is not my telling anyone that you have to be selfish, because being selfish is very counterproductive.

What I mean is that, once we let go of the grip that we have on certain ideals, on certain things that we think we have to have be a certain way, on things that we believed mattered for so long and which really do not matter in the manner that they once mattered, we are, at that point, in a stage of growth. The sooner that we really wrap our heads around this, and the sooner that we accept this one thing, the sooner we will find out the reason that we hurt for so long.

Vice Grip

Lots of us like to have a vice-grip on things that we ought to not have said grip on. When we choose the energy onto which we will hang we have to remember that there are good reasons to hang onto it, and then there are all the other reasons. 

We each have our own reason for hanging on to the energy, or, on the other side of that, allowing the energy to have its vice-grip on us.

There are times when this grip is welcomed, when it is needed and when it is pleasant, and then there are all the other times.

There are times when it is that we do not want the vice-grip loosened, when we would rather bathe our own selves in that energy because it is so very welcoming and so very…much a part of us…that to release it would cause our own energy field a whole lot of havoc…then, there are all those other times.

It is all those other times that we need to help ourselves understand why it is that we want to believe that we are meant to hang onto it.

Recently, one of those two very good friends ended his own struggle with a vice-grip energy that was not an energy that would have helped him grow into the person who he is becoming. It took us months to realize that what he was seeking had been so easily attained that once it was that he was able to allow this vice-grip to no longer have him in that bind of hurt, things just seemed to be much lighter for him. He’d have never made it through the same lesson one more time. It would have wrecked him for the rest of his life in many more ways than only one.

On my part and in my life, even as there is a very lovely vice-grip energy that I am lucky to have whenever I can get it, there is the other side of that, which is the side and the thing which prompted this writing today.

Too many teachers of the Divine seem not to tell their charges that things will be harsh before they are not, and the harshest lessons of all are the ones which come from the people who have been in our lives for years and years. On my part of all of this other side of the energy stuff, my biggest challenge over the course of my life has been trying hard to get my blood relations, at least a lot of them, to take me seriously, to have some semblance of respect for at least how I feel, let alone who and what I am, and to take some measure of self-control when speaking of things that at one time meant something to me and which, at this time, I realize, don’t even matter to me as much as I thought it all did.

Why? Because I know that I am not meant for those things, at all, and until I woke up this morning, it did not dawn on me that what I was being taught has been learned, and that what I did not want to accept was accepted a long time ago in that, I am a healer, a writer, a scientist, a spiritualist…and no where in all of those things does anyone read the word “marketing person.”

Even though that is what I used to be, and in some ways still am (someone has to promote me and my girls…we do fine doin’ it all on our own), in that capacity, the one that I started out with their offerings, I am no longer.

That me no longer fits this me’s life and this me’s needs and this me needs things to be a lot more organized for this me to be satisfied with life in that respect. This does not mean that I have no respect for what this set of people are doing. It means that I no longer have to voluntarily obligate me…this me…to their bidding, even as I easily and readily lend myself to their success.

That You is not This You

You know very well that not one of us, at least not without the help of someone experienced in past life regression, can go back in time, at least not for real. We can visit there, and we can take a few moments there, but you have got to admit that even though right now, for myself included and to a limited extent, might suck beyond all which else that sucks, you have to admit that you would so much rather be this version of you than that other you.

That other you was weak in many areas of your own life, and that other you was someone who, from time to time, you did not even like very much. That you did things that this you would never dream of doing, because this you has built a wall of integrity that cannot be demolished by anyone but this you.  This you loves who you are becoming, and that old you..well, that you no longer exists.

That You no longer exists

Believe me or not, the reason that for some of us, life seems to be very difficult right now is because many people don’t realize that the reason things do not work like they once did in the past is because you are now this version of you, and this version of you cannot do things any longer that the old version of you used to do. 

That might be a little hard for you to wrap your head around, and it takes time to ease into the new you, but once it is that you have done just said such easing into things, you will find that you cannot do things like you used to do them. You will find that it is hard to fit into your old lifestyle, with the same type of people who used to be the people who you would do anything for.

You will find out that even though this you requires a little more than the old you did, once you get the hang of it, you will not look back, ever, and neither will you want to. You will learn that there are times which require you to return to pieces of that old you, but in those times you will be beside yourself with wonder because even using some of what was you, even in that instance, it is the new and improved you. 

I cannot lie – I would love nothing more than to no longer live where I am right now, but, the fact of the matter is that, the old me – she is who used to live in that big fat house on the golf course in the desert, and she is who would be hurt by the words that she is reading right now, and that me would pretend that anything else offered in the way of a new place to live would be just fine, even though that me, on the inside, would be dying a death of the ego on many levels.

This me, however, has been actively looking for that new place where new memories, with all of the right people, are going to be made, and this me, while she can be markedly impatient for good things to happen, knows, just because she is this me, that the perfect house where all of these great things will happen is just waiting to tell me that it is the right one for us. This me might be a little on the strange side (a little?), but this me loves me, and this me takes no shit from anyone when in regards to this me and what this me knows is right for me. 

In the end, our losses are meant to teach us to become the best versions of ourselves. Our pain is not meant to live on forever, and is there to make us aware that we are in need of some “me maintenance.” Our past hurts are meant to remind us that we have been through what we needed to go through in order to get to the person who we are becoming, and the people who we are each becoming are meant to go through this crap called loss, pain, hurt, all so that we can recognize what they are and more, recognize the things that are NOT meant to hurt us. 

Me and This Me need to get things moving right along for the day… please make sure that you know what is worth having a vice-grip on, and more, what you will allow to have a vice-grip on you.

I Love You All !


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The Ego’s Unforgiving Ridiculousness

I’m not about to tell anyone that we do not need our Egos, because we do. LOADS of people haven’t a clue about what the Ego truly is, even though every single one of us has employed its ridiculousness on more than only one occasion. However, not so coincidentally, it is because of our egos that we are able to hang on to things that really, we need to forgive other people for so that we can move forward.

At this time, there is a plethora of human beings on this planet for whom the engagement of the Ego when thinking in terms of not just going into some sort of …heated exchange…with another human being, over anything at all, seems to be the habit, the …addiction… to the hormonal imbalance which is caused by our being able to go toe to toe in an emotional exchange more often than is needed.

Yes – hormonal.

If you think and believe for a moment that the things that are the constant thought in your head…and no, I am not talking about you being you…I am talking about you being you, then someone comes along and interrupts you being you, at a constant, which releases hormones and the like, into your physical body, at a constant, again…do not forget that…and you are not balanced at all times with a good teeter-totter of both negative and the corresponding positive thoughts, which produce the same within each of us, you will…WILL end up out of sorts.

This is called your body telling you that it is already overly filled with the bullshit that other people bring to you. This is called your body needing you to take notice that something is not right, and normally, no matter what, even if it is a hereditary thing you have goin’ on, all of that ego-negative-bullshit going on WILL take its toll. You are not required to believed a single thing that you read here, and you are absolutely allowed to ignore this, and if you do, I will not know, and that, too, is okay…


Understand that, right at this moment, there is a lot of growin’ goin’ on and that, too, not a whole lot of people who are in the middle of the most horrifically painful spiritual growth spurt are aware that what is going on is their Souls are stretching, are growing so as to accommodate who they are for real. Too many people want to hang on to the things that are acceptable on the surface, things and ways of being which are not going to serve them any longer, and things that, for the very life of me, I do not understand why anyone would want to hold onto that crap!

LOTS AND LOTS of people…perhaps more than even I realize, are caught right there, in that crux between letting things go and moving on, and hanging onto things that they like believing keeps them safe, but safe from what? Growth? That’s not safe to hang onto things that hurt us without a purpose for hurting us. In fact, that isn’t even smart because when we hang on, it is like we somehow cannot rid ourselves of the pain because we are somehow addicted to the drama which we bring about from it, should we hang on to it for longer than is needed (YES- NEEDED).

Hiding from things that we know are meant to make us stronger than we have ever known ourselves to be, in ways that we cannot imagine only serves to weaken us. When we are able to face what it is that we fear (believe it or not, the one thing that MANY MANY humans fear is being loved for real, because they cannot see themselves as worthy of it…what-EVER…) we are then and at that point telling ourselves that we are tired of the things that hurt us and that if we should so choose to look at those things in a manner that is from a neutral place, a place that is not ourselves in physical form but ourselves in a soul sense, we will begin to understand a whole lot more than we thought we did.

We will understand that there is a thing called forgiving ourselves for not being able to let go of the things that have been breaking our hearts, over and over again, on purpose, even, and we will be able to see, too, that we are not bad, that we are worthy of our own Love, for ourselves, because too many of us give away the Love within us, thinking that the more that we give, the more we will get back. Yet, it won’t happen that way if we do not recognize what it is for real. More, it also won’t happen if we do not Love ourselves for real.

Just because someone else hurts your feelings by whatever means they will hurt them, and even if they are being vindictive about it and perhaps even meant to do it, this does not mean that we need to retaliate in the manner that they would expect. It means that right at that moment, we have the option to choose, not only what our response will be,  if we will even bother with one – because sometimes, no words, no response is the greatest, most healing thing we can hope for.

Now, I am not suggesting here, with this next thing, that it is okay to lie to anyone, not even if it is meant to save someone else for their own good, but, even what seems to be the most unforgivable thing is also warranted by and needs that energy, because without it, it stays right there, in the manner that it is, right this moment, which, really, if you stepped outside of your own way, you might be able to see what is there for real.

You might be able to know that, without it being said or even implied, that somehow, even though a lie isn’t cool, sometimes, it is the very thing which will instill in us that thing called a wake up call, and that wake up call is not about anyone else BUT ourselves. Yet, most of the time, most folks and their egos are way too arrogant to see it that way because they are still living in that hurt placed on them so long ago…in that hurt that might not have been placed there on purpose or for malicious reasons. It doesn’t make it right – it makes humans, human.

And for the record – nope, I am not writing about anyone or anything in particular, but rather and only a culminated thought about why it is that we humans tend to need what we need, and when it shows up in a manner that we don’t understand, or comes from a place where we least expect it – whether it is a lie, or perhaps some other thing that no one seems to understand – not only are we hurt, but it is doubly so. When finally it happens, we are at a loss but at a loss because we were not prepared well enough or on our own and through our own abilities to handle what it is, which is not what a lot of ego-driven people want to believe it is. At all.

We are, all of us, at least once in our lives, ego-driven

The Ego gets a very bad rap. It is like this because a long time ago a whole bunch of people decided that they would tell the world what the ego is. We have all been raised by a society which tells us that what we have tells the world who we are, but that is not the case these days. What we have, literally, is only our very selves. Sure, we all have other people in our lives, but, when it is our time to return to Spirit, we are by ourselves, and we are the ones who have left a lot behind, and sometimes what we leave behind is the residue of the hurt that we suffered throughout our lives, which is the hurt that we could not let go of even and up to that point.

It is the Ego which tells us that we should or should not protect certain aspects of who we are.

When the time comes that we are hurt, even egregiously so, it is our ego self that comes to the forefront. It is our ego self that either can hang with the hurt and can help us get out of the way of more harm and how to do that. Just as much as it is our ego self who, when it has been challenged, will puff its chest out, get mouthy and daring, saying things and doing things that will only serve to cause havoc and more damage. The bitch of it all is that it is not only damage to others, but most of all, that damage is something that we, ourselves, cannot and will not ever escape.

When first we practice to put a hurt on someone, namely when we are aware of ourselves doing it, it is at that moment that, too, we are also putting it on ourselves, that same hurt that we wanted someone, anyone else, namely and especially someone who we say that we love. This does not mean that we do not love them when we get angry with them, but when we get angry with them and choose to not forgive them is when the reality should hit home that if we want others to forgive us, then we have to practice it ourselves, both with others, as well as our very selves.

It is the same that thing I teach other people, this art of forgiving those who have wronged us. And believe me when I tell you that indeed, it is a true art form because the fact of the matter is that, as a whole, humanity does not like its truth, even a fabricated truth, fucked with.

We do not like our beliefs, do not like the things that we like, do not like our sheltered little lives fucked with, at all, and when it is that someone has come along, regardless of what their intentions were at the time of the failure and gives us a lesson in love that we are not ready to deal with, it shows.

This means that when we are told that something will happen on a given date, or that what we want to happen can happen, or really, anything at all in the manner that tells us that somehow, we are about to score huge, at the same time that we are made happy, we also need to be very keenly aware, as well, of the reason as to why we are happy.

We know that if we are happy because we thought we were lied to about a whole lot of things, only to find out that not the thing, but the timing of the thing, was not what we thought it would be, and we go on to say that we believe that the thing is GOING TO happen on this date, and it doesn’t happen…whether or not we can handle it in the manner that is telling us that we can deal with it, or whether we are telling the story of how we, alone, were wronged without also looking at the other things that maybe someone else was looking at, even as it is the same thing, we have some serious self-checkin’ that has to happen because without that self-checkin’ the thing that happens afterwards and until we do so is called self-wreckin’.


Self-Wreckin’ is that thing that all of us does, guaranteed. We are humans, and my experience with humans on the whole is that, while it is that we are way, way cool biological as well as ethereal specimens, given that we are born with the ability to reason, means that we also have the ability to be highly unreasonable. This is not to say that none of us who is evolved enough to know better won’t, for a few minutes now and again, find ourselves somewhat a bit devolved. It means that we are human and capable of being our greatest shot at being undone.

The only way that other people wreck us is if we allow it, and even then, when it is that we have one thing, one goal, one place that we see with our mind’s eyes that we cannot let go of because to us, that is the perfection of our own making, and that is the thing that we need to look at, in its face and not be afraid to let it go.

You see, I have lots of clients who do not understand this, lots of students who want to think past the teacher, which is fine, because I did that too, recently even, and yes, I had to face a hurtful truth that pissed me off and while it did not make me feel foolish, it indeed DID make me know that sometimes, when the lesson is taught and we have learned, the only thing left to do is vent out the feelings to a trusted person, and then finally just let it all go, including the person who caused the ache.

Our Ego-Self is the part of us that tells us that we have to protect who we are, but the problem with that is that sometimes, we go into parent mode and we want to save our own selves from the shock and the hurt that might end up becoming more than we can handle, that is, if we are not brave enough to face our own selves.

We can become brave, though, and we can face what we think we cannot, no matter what, or who, it might be. The only thing that we have to do is listen to the pining of our souls. If we listen to our souls, and we go headlong into the fracas brought by others, and in that messiness can find our place in it, we will also find there the freedom that we so crave, not just from the assholes who visit our lives so that we may learn the lessons that they bring to us, but more, from our very selves.

I Love You All !


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Visit my website , read my teaching blog, come and hang out with me at…yup…I’ve written a few books, teach hula as both Medicine and as some of the funniest luau entertainment that a group of employees has ever had the opportunity to take pics of the higher ups learning hula from me…yup…at company parties…of course, I also marry peoplecoach individuals and groups…I do LOTS of stuff…because I’m just Rox, and that’s how I roll…follow me on Twitter…but above all…smile and laugh a lot – folks will either think you are talkin’ smack about ’em…or you’re crazy ! Either way, it’s just you being you !! Aloha! I Love You All! ROX

Ho’ohana – The Value of Intentional Effort

Rarely is it the thing that is appreciated as much as the thought behind the gifts that we give anyone at all which matters the most. 

There are times when my favorite question to ask is “What were you thinking?” and normally, it is never a bad thing. We love to give gifts, but we do not know that the reason we love to do so is because the reciprocal energy that is the Aloha contained within the intention.

I say it all the time, that it is our intention that matters the most in terms of things that we want for ourselves, and things that we want for others in our lives with whom we share a very real closeness of Spirit and Heart.

“Ho’ohana” – To Work

Giving, as far as human beings are concerned, is second nature. It is not until we are taught otherwise, taught that we have to have more than others, be better than others, become the best and thereby best each other, that we sort of lose this inborn ability toward giving to others what we want them to have from us, and more, what it is that they need in the soul-sense.

Tangible things are cool. We all love them, all want them, but in the truth of things, even though we love having all of our cool things, we are more inclined to feel a lot more like the Royal Family of Cool when we give. It is not in the tangible thing, once again, that our energy is stored in. It is in what we get back from these people that is intangible that we wait for, that we want and that we know, at least for the most part, we will get….a smile.

Effort is never without value

No matter what it is that we are doing, if it is worth the effort to even think about it, it is valuable (of course, unless it is to hurt someone else for whatever reason you think you have…doing that just makes you an extra giant douche bag, seriously). When we think about what we are having for dinner every night, we do so with the intention that is making our kids and families happy, not only with what has been prepared, but more, because we cared enough about it all to think about what they might like to have. When we think about creating a beautiful gift for someone else, it is not only the gift that is beautiful, but more, the thought behind the gift, because in that thought, we were prompted to think about the person who it is being created for, and in that effort, there is value.

When we tell a friend we will pick their kid up from school, just because we will be on that side of town, it is a beautiful effort, and when we gift others with tangible means – and means of anything at all – the thought alone is the beauty in it all.

Ho’ohana means “to work,” and in this instance, it is in the effort that is the work of Love that is the gift and not only the tangible gift itself.  This is why, sometimes, people are inclined to buy others some of the most ridiculous things – because in that effort of thought, you were loving those people. In that energy, you were not only dealing with how you feel about that person, but more, you were also thinking about how they also feel about you, in the soul sense, and in kind, always, the Universe gives to us each, the giver, the receiver, and everyone in between, the gift that is the energy of Aloha between souls.

It is the soul which sees and feels the effort, that makes the outer person experience through physical means the things that make them happy through and about other people.

And yes, this is really why ALL of us LOVES to help other people…okay, maybe if you are a selfish SOB, and maybe if you are one of those people who cannot see past the tip of your own damned nose …. then maybe you don’t give for any other reason than that you believe people will worship you, and in reality, they are worshiping the thing that you gave them. (Dumb ass)

The Effort Taken Toward Intangible Giving

There are a few people on this planet who personally know that if there is something that is really important to them that they need to happen for them, and that if I am able, in any manner, to help them make that happen, I will do for them what I am able to. This is not something that I have never done, but lately, it has become something that I know who I can do things for and trust, not that I will get back what I have given, but more, that I will know that they appreciate what it is that I am doing for them. Throughout the years, and because of the hellish time I had within a marriage that never worked, I learned, from that guy, a very important lesson, and one that I was well aware of for many years – that one thing is that not everyone can be bought.

Read that again, and realize, right now, that there are still a whole lot of us human type beings who believe that everything has a price, that everything is tangibly traded, that everyone will crack when a gift or monetary promise is involved. This is wrong. It is not our right, neither our duty, nor our place, to think so little of others that those others would not somehow clue into the idea that someone else is trying to manipulate them, that in those manipulations that cause some folks to think that money or items replace the reality of the energy behind it all, that the entirety of human beings on the planet somehow all have this one sin that we all fall short of the glory of ourselves with.

It ain’t the truth. The effort in this instance is not the right sort, is saddled with the energy of someone having to have absolute control over people, all through means and manipulations using tangible things. Anyone in their right, positive mind would never do this, because anyone in their right and positive mind would be mindful of how anyone else feels about anything else, namely if that “anything else” is the total energy of others believing that they can buy the loyalties of others, that they can, through their egotistical efforts, buy this sort of energy.

Too all the morons who think this way still

First, I must apologize to two of my teachers, because at this moment, and as she is reading this, or actually the moron thing, she is tsk tsking me…but, at least I know she loves me, and at least she knows that this sort of thing is something that I have gotta do or else my head will implode…

If you are one of these people who thinks that you and your tangible means can buy good people through the fake energy of “giving something” I must let you all know right now that the reason that it seems like no one is loyal to you, that no one wants to be around you, that you are alone in this lifetime without friends, without a true beloved,without your tribe of the Soul, is because when we try to “buy” peoples’ loyalty, we are not giving them the credit for being good enough to just be given something and more, you, yourself, through your manipulative effort, are not being loyal to them.

That’s right – I said it, I’ll keep on saying it, and hell yeah deal with it – you are disloyal, even to yourself, because what you do, think of, give to, whatever, “for” others, ultimately you are also doing to yourself. There is nothing quite as endearing as the truth of who we are, given through the efforts of what we do not have, and that we try to make happen for others, because of how pure our intentions are. Not enough gets said in terms of what the morons of the world and in the energy that is giving and neither about the reality of the karma that they will have returned to them. (It’s called a Karmic return – where the thing that you were meant to learn comes back to know…RETURNS to you…to make you learn from that lesson…duh)

When we first think we are getting away with something, regardless if the other people who we think we are buying loyalty from catch on, this is when the Karma that will return to us is created. My question for the moron tribe is this – have you not paid any attention to the things that you are not aware of how they have happened in your life, and how they are connected to the things that you think are good things, but your intentions behind those things are less than honorable? It is in the less than honorable things that you are thinking, that you are intending to do, that you are exacting into the lives of other people that make this such a really not that great idea.

No, I’m not harpin’ on ya because I really think you are a moron, because some of the most intellectually superior people on the planet still have this one thing – this power over other people through tangible means thing – still to be healed, and yeah, I can promise you that it will not hurt to correct this now, but what will hurt is not if but WHEN the karma comes to you, and is to be made right, and you might not have the same means you do now. Hence, the reason that I tell anyone at all that it is nice to have a lot of means, a lot of ability to afford everything your heart desires, but it is quite another thing to believe that you can have the loyalties of people who you are not willing to show your true self to do that through. Buying people, or at least thinking you can, only makes them mad. I know this, because the baby daddy did this for years, and then one day, he no longer had the means and neither the ability to buy the loyalties of other people.  He is living his karmic return. Unfortunately, he still believes that the only thing that keeps a person loyal is the means by which other people can be bought. He still believes that it is the tangible means he used to have and was able to create that made us all vacate his life, rather than the FACT that when HE no longer had the means and neither the ability, that it was not he who was so repulsive, but that it was everyone else. I will state, now, for the record, in writing even, that when the man lost everything, got sick and HAD TO depend on us – he failed miserably in terms of recognizing that it was never his money, but him, who anyone wanted to be better.

To this day, he still believes that people are only interested in others if said people have the choice to try to buy loyalty. The one thing that I have never forgotten, which I learned, in and of all places – church as a youngster – is that the truth will always be revealed, and namely when it is a truth of ourselves that we don’t want to see, acknowledge or accept – it is what is meant by the saying that “the truth hurts.”

Fortunately for me, I have never really bought into the idea that we can have people be loyal to us with and through tangible means. It just won’t happen, because it will never be the real thing.

It is in our efforts of what we don’t think we can do, but that we so totally want to do, for other people, that causes the Mother Goddess to bless us with the means, at the right time and when we need it, to go out into this world and do what we were born to do, which is to ho’ohana for others through our energies, so that they may know the truth of what is Love, what is loyalty, what is family.

This holiday season, remember these things, because it is not what you can do, but what you put forth in valuable effort, for others, without feeling to have to have it given back, that makes the forever-gift of Aloha the one thing that, at this time of year, is needed more than our ability to outdo anyone else in terms of who brought the biggest, most expensive gifts, and more, who can no longer be bought with those gifts…

Think about the last time you felt like someone was trying to manipulate you with things, only to find out later that they no longer have those things to entice people falsely with.

How did that make you feel, and more, what did it tell you about the moron who tried to do it again?

Think about it…

I Love You All !


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Have a very good Holiday



Making the case for every day of the year

“…Love is all around you…” (Tesla’s “Love Song”)

Often, right around this time of the year, the questions about love, about finding love, about all things love begin to be emailed, texted and chatted to and with me. Most of the time I am asked if I know when someone’s twin flame will show up, or if I know that anyone at all will find Love at all.

You can imagine the responses that I get in reply to the things that I send back to ANYONE at all about why it is that, at least to me, it should be Valentine’s Day everyday where love, for anyone, regardless of who they are in our lives, is concerned. Of course, when you are like me and your job in the world is to be the very conduit of Love and healing for just about anyone who I come into contact with, whose lives I happen to happen upon, for whatever reason it is that I have to be there at whatever time it is that I appear on the scene and in their lives, Love is the easiest thing in the world to do. To simply Love others is just who I am, is exactly what I do, and is how I navigate the open waters of Life.

Yet, we all seem to get a little too…ugh…right around now. Right now it is 3 days prior to Valentine’s Day 2014. Right now there is an entire population of men (and women, too) who are very dearly not looking forward to this coming Friday. And who can blame them? I mean, really – when you think about it, why is it that only one day a year are people more inclined to show, through measures of gift giving, of gifts of Love, when in reality, it is our job to Love people anyway, our job to be able to be empathetic toward anyone at all, walk a few feet in their proverbial shoes, and know, for sure, that they are worthy of this thing called Love? Why are we only so concerned with how big of a diamond you give to her, and why are you only concerned with wearing anything fun underneath those mom clothes but one time a year?

What the hell is wrong with a society which chooses to remain permeated and inundated with a token of Love, when in reality what we ALL need, no matter what kind of Love it is, is the real thing?

Because loving others means that we have to be real

Love, in all of its forms and energy, cannot ever be pretend. Think about it for a bit and you will know that I am right – ever tried, for years and years, to Love someone who was SO cantankerous, so, so, SO acidic in their own views of things, of life, of what love is supposed to be, that eventually, trying to keep up with THEIR ideal just seemed like it would be the wrong way and the wrong kind that was offered by you?  Is this the reason why I am not too very…I don’t know…not one of those people who is inclined to see things in the same way that anyone else would when it comes to things as big and important as loving anyone at all, no matter who they are, for whatever reason it is that they need it.

I learned a long time ago that loving anyone at all should not come with conditions. I had a lot of conditions placed on me for a lot of the time that I have walked the crust of the earth in this lifetime. None of what I was shown throughout that time, other than one instance, could be called or even named as being what is the truth of unconditional love. I think it is sort of a deal breaker when anyone says that “He/She better KNOW that I want one of those (insert lovely gift thingy here) or ELSE!”

Really? Are you kiddin’ me? You mean to tell me that all this time, I have had it wrong? I am not supposed to give or expect to receive back anything remotely even appearing to me to be the truth in Love as it is meant to be? You mean that I am not supposed to care about people, and I am not supposed to know their pain, not supposed to offer them what they need when they need it, and it is because of WHAT????? ARE YOU SURE????

NO ONE- and I mean NO ONE at all can or will convince me that Love, no matter what sort, is only meant for one day of the year. I will not ever believe that the only day of the year that we are required to show love to anyone else at all is February 14th. I have never believed this way. I have always been able to Love people, in the manner that they believe that I am there to, no matter what. I have always been able to see  the good in others, always been able to just deal with and digest the ugliness because I see others only through the eyes of Love. This is my purpose in life – to Love, and it should be so with all of us, because all of our singular purposes in this lifetime are tied to the energy called Unconditional Love.

Unconditional Love is NOT something that most folks want to believe that only Christ was able to give – I beg dearly to differ.

If your dog can do it, then what the hell is your problem?

Your dog…yes, your canine buddy (mine’s name is Kimo – he is the Killer Ninja Puff) has Unconditional Love down to a science. He knows that he is there but to Love, to trust and to have your companionship. You, as his human, give him the same thing. Your excuse as to why it is that you can’t give love to other humans like you do your dog is because you can’t trust humans like you can your dog. This is a problem. This is THE problem. Did anyone ever stop to think that the people anyone at all cannot trust in anyone at all’s singular life is mirroring to you at all the real thing that is underlying your own issues with other people? I mean it is really very simple – learn to trust you, learn to trust your intuition, learn to trust that you are good enough to be loved, and most of all, practice loving you.

The reason that a lot of people do not ever trust anyone else (and I get it, I really do) is because they cannot trust themselves. They cannot trust themselves to trust someone else, because in trusting someone else, they have to be able to let their guard down and let anyone else at all, in. They cannot trust that they will never not be hurt again. They cannot trust that they will be strong enough to handle the dings to their ego when other people tell them that they are not perfect. They cannot trust anyone to not only see them in their glowing light as much as they cannot trust them to also NOT only see their darkness.

People have a hard time trusting others because for forever and five years now we have been conditioned to only see what bad can happen, so we completely cut ourselves off from the good in others, good that is all for us, given by them. People have a hard time trusting because, yes, they, you, me , we all have been so hurt, so battered, our hearts broken into a tiny million pieces, over and over again, that it is of little wonder that we have not already completely wiped out the population of people on the planet. We have learned very well to hate, and we have learned well to judge others for who they are not. We have learned to see only what we think is wrong with someone else, not realizing the things that we see there in them also lives within us. We are so busy pointing out what someone else’s imperfections are that we cannot even begin to see it when someone else points ours out. That is when the hurt is the biggest, and it is not because they pointed it out, but because we refused to see it there when so clearly there it is.

If you could have just one wish

Think about it for a minute – if you could have one wish become true, you would pick something that would not be finite or tangible, but would give you what you needed in order to have that tangibility. If you could have what you thought you wanted right this moment, instead of bothering to look at you from the inside, out, and you could see there what it is that makes you unique and apart from everyone else, would that one wish still be the same, or will it have changed? And, will it have changed according to what is best for you, or would it change to be something that would accommodate someone else – anyone else – so that you would be more acceptable to them and according to what THEY want, not only from you, but from a lot more than only you.

When someone else tells us that they have certain demands and conditions that must be met (or else they will find something else to ‘fix’ us, or, they will simply find someone else who is, at least in their heads, more acceptable to their ego’s senses), that is not Love. I don’t know what to call it other than bullshit. I know what it feels like, though. Very well, I might add, the energy that is never being good enough for someone else and the energy that is telling someone else that unless I am worth a few freakin’ lousy dollars spent on flowers and a bunch of chocolates, that they are not worth my time. This is SO wrong, on SO many levels. No wonder why people think they have to score points with anyone at all, just to get them to take notice that the other person has taken notice.

That is SO manipulative and creepy, so wrong and so…abusive, on an emotional level, that I can barely stand it! I mean, don’t get me wrong, because really, I like presents, and all those other things that all women love. Yet, I am not going to put any sort of pressure on anyone, ever, to prove their worth to me – in terms of people, at least where I am concerned, you are either worth my time, or you are not. If you are worth my time, you will know it, because I am not shy about telling people exactly how I feel about them, no matter who they are.

If you are not worth my time, that, too, will be very obvious, because I don’t waste my time with people who don’t even bother to see me for who I am. This is not to say that because I might not say hello to you everyday, that I don’t want to be friends or that you are not one of my most favorite cousins. It is to say, though, that no one in my life is required to prove how valued I am by the show of trinkets. No one who I know and love, and no one who knows and loves me, is ever, or has ever been held to some secret pact made that says we have to prove anything to one another.

It just is. That is all there is to it. There are 365 days in a year, and every couple of years, 366. We can manage, I think, to find one thing about anyone at all that is love. And love is not only between two people, is not only romantic, and when it is romantic, it should also include a modicum of friendship, because that is where we first learn to love others – through our friends and the people who we have spent the most time with throughout our lives. Sometimes we find that there are things about them that we might not like, but the love does not go away, ever. It remains the same as it always was, and becomes bigger and more real as time passes.

When that happens, and you have been through the wringer more than one time, you begin to know, for sure, that everyday should be marked for Love between human type folks.  Love is something that is given in the form of energy, and yes, sometimes trinkets. Yet, to expect trinkets to be the ultimate show of Love is somehow lacking. Some people just don’t get it – opening a gift is great, but knowing, everyday of your life, that you are special…

…that is a gift in and of itself, every single day.

Love, everyday. Don’t put so much pressure on what is in the heart shaped box. Doing so may make it so that there is so much pressure that eventually the bubble bursts.

The only thing left will be the energy that is that of the goo brought about by too many expectations placed on one person who loves you every single day of the year.

Think about it. Seriously.

I would rather be someone’s reason to smile everyday, than someone’s reason anyone feels required to buy me something one lousy day a year….

That’s not Love. That’s a box of chocolates and flowers that will eventually die anyway. Yeah yeah… I know…it’s the thought that counts…

So, what are you really thinking about in terms of what Love really is?

Oooooh MAN! Y’all weren’t ready for THAT one, were ya?

Haha….yup, you know it ! I TOTALLY know what it is…and of course –




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That sticky loneliness

There is a lingering collective belief that the loneliness that we each feel must mean that we are supposed to be alone…


I am shocked at how many times in a day I get an email, normally from a middle-aged woman, who wants to know why it is that she cannot seem to hold on to a man – any man. When I reply to them with the reason, most of them don’t like my answer. Most of the time, my answer is the same – it is a question, and that question is “why do you believe that?”

The things that I am told that I can repeat here simply astound me. It hurts my eyes to read, over and over and over again, that basically, we believe that we are not good enough to be loved by just one person, let alone everyone else in our lives. And we wonder why it is that we have such an issue with what we look like…duh…because we have been conditioned for a long time to believe that the most beautiful ones among us are who get the best mates, and we believe that the only thing that matters to any man is what we look like. That is not giving anyone any credit for being anything other than another biological creature. Of course, looks do count, but they are not everything. And furthermore – STOP LYING about looks not counting. You are a biological creature even as you are a thinking and reasoning human being…looks COUNT!

First of all, I have a problem with a person who tells me that looks don’t count. It makes me wonder how it is that the person who will say this will also look at themselves in the mirror and live with that lie everyday. Of COURSE it matters…what, are you one of those people who will even lie to yourself and say to you that you walk up to people and tell them that you wanna talk to them to see what kind of personality they have? You can take that and stick it where the sun does not shine…seriously.

ANYway…the thing that prompted me to write about this today was an email that I had received, after I had talked with Dannie about this very thing that I am writing about right now.

This very thing

The very thing that I am writing about is that feeling of loneliness that seems to strike us right out of the blue. You know it well – it is that feeling that somehow you are not whole on your own, that there is someone out there who you will find and that they will make you whole.

No, they will not make you whole – the wholeness comes from having found one another and from doing for you what you should. I am talking about when it is that it seems like you are so unbearably lonely that somehow the Mother Goddess wanted You to be the one child who is that person who is sorta the wallflower, the one who waits on the sidelines while watching his or her friends and siblings laughing and having a great time with the one who they love.

I promise you right now that the weirdness about that lonely feeling is that it is not really a completely lonely feeling but it is a very heavy one – almost like you are missing a piece of you, and some of us are not even attached to anyone and have not been for a long while. The reason I bring that up is because those of us who can deal with the oneness of being by one’s self – we know that there is someone out there who is right for us. We also know that we are able to make the choice of what is right for us and what is not, and when we feel like that…that lonely feeling that is not loneliness for real…it, no matter how it feels, is not a bad thing.

In fact, once you read about why I would say something like that you are going to find out that for real…it is a really, really COOL thing!

Somewhere, out there…

Think about the last time you really thought about being alone versus being lonely. Loneliness is a state of mind, while being alone is a choice and a state of being. I have been lonely, but right now I choose to be alone. It is a lot easier to deal with things when there is nothing but all kinds of things that need to be seen to.

However, there is also that place that all humans come to in life and that place is not a fun place to be. It is when we feel like we will never be anything but alone, and not by choice, when the loneliness sets in. Whether you believe me or not, it is actually a very good thing to feel that way, as long as you are also willing to believe that when you feel that way it is your soul telling you that there is work to be done, and while it is that your soul and Spirit are working together to bring you what you need, you have time to work on yourself.

Remember the distractions that I keep writing about? Self work is one such distraction. This is when we have the absoluteness of who we are at that moment and can pinpoint exactly where it is, through questioning ourselves, that we feel the loneliest at. Lots of times we humans will defer to the idea that we need someone in our bed with us at night. While that is a nice thing to have, it doesn’t always stay nice and it is in those times when we feel this way that we have to remember that we are doing work on ourselves.

The reason that I emphasize working on ourselves is because when it comes to having one person in our lives who we can depend on to be there to support us, we have to know what it is that we want out of them. We cannot just be wanting to get down and dirty with someone, because that really does leave us wanting for something more and something that is real. If we do not know what it is that we want for real and if we are not ready to face our own dragons on our own, then how on earth is it that we can expect to keep someone else happy if we are not able to keep US happy?

Inner work is something that is ugly and harsh, because we have to be willing to see who we are for real, because who we are for real is not someone who needs to be hurt more, not someone who needs to forget about us! This is why a whole lot of different kinds of relationships just do not work – because we, as humans who are not willing to work on ourselves in order that we can be at our best when the time comes for anyone at all to enter into our lives are also not willing to see through any eyes that are anyone else’s but ours. We can see who we are, and we can love who we are, but this does not mean that everyone else will. Too often we are given to the whims of the ego which tells us that in order to be happy, we need someone else to make us happy.

I mean really….do you want to keep on giving up that power to other people?

Not likely…

The inner work

The inner work is what we deny. We deny it because we don’t like to think that we are anything other than fine as we are. We are, but if we want to have people in our lives, we have to be willing to work on us FOR us. We cannot keep walking the planet with the expectation that people will love us just because we are people, just because we are us. That is such a crock of crap that to believe it …well, if you believe that you are perfect like you are, take a look around you and see if there are other people there with you who do not feel like they have to be there.

There is nothing quite more maddening than to believe that we are perfect, because then we have to keep up with that model of perfection that someone else set for us. The inner work that I am writing about is not about other people – it is about ourselves. If we care more from our soul about ourselves, then we will care, too, about the people who we draw to our lives. If the people who we draw to our lives are not the sort of people who we would want to spend a significant amount of time with, in a group or alone, and we mirror each other, and we don’t like what it is that we see in those other people, then damned skippy there needs to be some working on the self before the entrance of …well, just keep reading haha…

You wouldn’t NOT get your hair done for prom or for a wedding, would you?

No, you wouldn’t. In fact, you would be neurotic about not having hair that is just not right.  Using this example for the thing that I am leaving for last, I will say that when it comes to things in our lives that mark other things happening, no one wants to be unprepared for it, in any manner at all. It would be like watching a bride walk down the aisle with curlers in her hair. It would be like looking at a prom picture and seeing that the young couple has no bow tie and no shoes on. It would, to say the very least, be quite awkward to be horribly unprepared for one of the most important days in your life.

In that same manner then, we see that our own compulsion toward being unprepared is what takes us by surprise when in reality it shouldn’t. We know when we are not ready for something, know when we cannot handle the responsibility that comes with being with other people. We know that we have the tendency toward awkwardness when it comes to getting out in the world to meet new people. That is all fine and good, but there are other things involved when we are meeting new people.

Just like we judge them at first glance, they also judge us. Sometimes their judgment of us is harsh, and sometimes it is glowing, but all the time we should be prepared. All the time we should know how to be polite, and all the time we should already be in the mindset that is one of respect, one of behaving in a dignified manner and one that does not put people off. Unfortunately there has been a very long bout, namely with the women on the planet, at least until recently, of ignorance. The ignorance comes from having watched a whole lot of generations before ours take things too personally, take things as though the things that are being said or assumed are somehow the truth, even when we know that it is not the truth.

What we believe about ourselves is usually not our own. We have been shaped by the past, and we live there daily until, one day, we decide that we need to make friends because it is so horridly lonely not having any friends. Then one day comes along and we find that we might like to have a companion. Problem is, when we get that companion, we think they belong to us. What is worse is that a whole lot of us women have watched our mothers and our grandmothers be at the beck and call of men, have watched a whole lot of them “mom” the men in their lives. These are men, not little boys – they don’t want a mama – they want a woman in their lives, and for the life of us we, some of us, that is, still think we know better.


Here is the reason for the inner work, the reason for what you think is loneliness that is not loneliness…

…okay, so it doesn’t have to be loneliness. You can think of it in terms that are a lot nicer than that.

The reason for the inner work, and the reason that you think you are lonely is not what you think. It is not only because you should want to be the best version of you that you can conjure.

When you are out there, beneath that starry sky, all by your lone self, talking to the stars, or the Mother Goddess, or just talking, and you wish upon the stars for that one special someone – that is why you are lonely.

It is not because you are alone, but really, you have gotta believe that, once you get to a certain point in your own self’s evolution, and you start seeing to it that you are the best you that there could be, you cannot believe for one moment that Spirit would allow it so that you would not have someone there for you, someone who is perfectly as imperfect as you are, who likes the same things you do, who looks at you at your very worst and still tells you that you are the hottest thing on the planet, at least to them, do you?

That lonely feeling is not really something that no one likes to think about, but the truth is – and bear with me because this whole writing will be something that will take some thought after you have read it all – that the lonely feeling is not only a call by Spirit for you to do your inner work, but to do your inner work because whoever it is that She knows is exactly what is your heart’s most desired wish is on their way to you.

Reread that and absorb it and let it sink in because I know that it is hard to believe, but it is the truth. That lonely feeling, once you can get past the idea that you are not lovable and that Spirit wants you all to herself, is, again – after you have bothered to do the work – the clue that you need that will tell you that that one person is on their way to you, and more than that…ready for this?

…they also feel that very same way you do, have been asking Spirit for You, specifically, and have also been told, by anyone else at all, that maybe right now is the best time to work on you, because in working on you, the other person is also working on them, and when you are both ready for one another, there is not one thing on this planet that will be in the way of that. It will just be, because it already IS.

Again…working on yourself has a lot of hurt in it, make no mistake. NOT working on yourself will cause you to lose out on a lot more than you think.

Take the time to be your best….because someone, somewhere, is as lonely as you are, right this moment, and hell yeah – I will say it again…they may very well be who you are looking for, too !




Book your nuptials early for Valentine’s Day !!


Home – it’s not where you think it is

If you feel like you want to go home, or have the energy of being homesick, of the thought that you just want to go home, it is totally NOT what you think it is

I grew up in a town called Covina. It was the grandest time of my life. I had lots of friends, most of whom I still am very close with. I have lots of memories, most of which were with those very friends, and lots of them still live in or around that area. I cannot tell you how many times I have been wistful for home, how many times I have been back to Grantland Drive, just to take a look at my childhood home, a home that looks nothing like it did when I last called it “my house” back in 1990.

Normally, when I take that drive down Grantland, it is an event which leaves me breathless, leaves me longing for something that, until now, I could not pinpoint. You see, too many of us still have not been able to make the choice to separate what is in our thoughts from what is in our reality. This is a lot of the reason why a whole lot of people suffer from the emotional stuff they suffer from. When I figured out that I was suffering…actually longing…for some semblance of what my ideal of “home” is, it was with sadness and relief. Sadness, because I had the best time in that house on Grantland, with those people in that neighborhood. To this day I still can see me and my friends, running up and down Grantland Drive when we were just little tiny kids. I see us now, as adults, and now our kids hang out. Now, we have those same worries that our parents had when we were our kids’ age.

Home is a lot more than just an address and a zip code

A lot of us at this time are longing for home, but the reality is not that we are longing for a specific zip code, a specific house, a specific set of friends. The home that we long for is with people who are just like us, people who we include in our lives for no other reason than that we have a sameness of soul energy with them. We meet these people all the time. Sometimes these people re-enter into our lives through means of social networking (Jimmy, do you even KNOW how long I looked for you? Aye YUH, bruddah!!).  Sometimes, we meet these people through other people, and while they might essentially be “new” to us, to our souls, it is as though we were only waiting for them to show up in our lives in this lifetime (Hey…April, Dannie, Noreen, Scott, Albert, Michelles 1 and 2, Ilyene….need I go on? Hi guys ! Love you!) And LOTS of times, our soul family never really leaves, but we take absence from them like they do us, even though it is not really that they are gone but are just off and doing what they are supposed to be doing (Hey…Dora…Alan…Lisa…yeah, hi guys!…oh man…HEY TOFILAUS!!! yup…you guys, too ! )

Home…it is where our heart is, and is also where our souls are most comfortable. It is where like souls live and where our soul family is created, meaning that “Home” is no where else but within us all.

We know who our Soul Tribe is

Upon meeting in this lifetime, and it has happened a whole LOT lately, not only for me, but for us all, the trickling in of the people who are either now in our lives or now back in our lives, and they are here with purpose and with good reason – because we have to carry out our combined, collective mission. Let that sink in for a bit and think about all the people who you have encountered in these last two years and you will see what I am saying here, and, as well, you will also know who they are and more than that, based on who you all are as a combined unit, you will also see how it is that you will carry out your combined mission with these people.

I know and have known who my soul family people are. They are the ones in life who have been labeled and judged harshly, the ones who have had to pick themselves up and dust themselves off and who have had to actually do the work involved where their own specific healing is concerned. Healing, to someone like me, is an undertaking that is not for the faint of heart or soul. I say this because when we are healing ourselves we have to think like a doctor and have to be rational, not about what we need to do for ourselves, but what no longer serves us. When we figure out what no longer serves us, we have the painful thing that we have to do which is to let go of those things, those people and the pain. These are things that we totally and dearly hang on to, even when we know that they are not good for us or even that what they served our lives with has been met.

When we finally let it all go is when the pain sets in and the pain sets in because we are not able to see what was detrimental in our hanging on. We can only see the Love that we felt. The Love does not die, neither does the memory, and if that memory is a good one, it is harder for us to think of it as being something that no longer serves us. Good memories always serve us well, that is, unless and until we are longing so dearly for that time and that exact same energy- this is when carrying it becomes a burden.

It becomes a burden because our ego will not allow us to believe that we are readying ourselves for a better, newer “home” energy, that where we were as kids, while it was nice, was small potatoes compared to where we are headed and never does it cross our minds that even though we are not those kids anymore, we are still very much those same people, just a lot older with a lot more time under our feet.

Think about the people in your life right now…what is it that you see there?

This is the one thing that was brought to me years ago, by a woman who a few people regard as being our Soul Mother. Her name is Noreen. Noreen is a Wicca Practitioner and one of the very best teachers I have ever come to know and to love. It was roughly five years ago that this lovely creature told me that the one thing that I have to hang on to, even though I had to let them go, is my family. To this day she has, in total Noreen form, NOT eluded to me what it is that I am looking for. She did this for a reason, and today I know that reason – it is because I needed to remember who I was back then so that the Mother Goddess could show me who these people are now.

The way that we are shown is easy – we are immediately drawn to them, and we also know that they are as drawn to us, for whatever reason there may be. In some cases it was an instant physical attraction, and others, the re-entry of like souls on this same path with us who were there in those times in our lives as our friends and confidantes. Still others we feel an immediately kinship with. These people, I have found, are those who are part of our tribe, part of our Soul Family.

Our relatives in contrast to our Soul Family

Please, do not get me wrong – I love many people within my extended family still, and while the family unit which I was spawned into drive me crazy, I must let you all know that I am as equally crazy about them as I am made crazy by them. Make no mistake.  Yet, even within that tiny little unit, there is something there that needs to be seen to, and I have seen to it.

Actually, Mother Goddess…Spirit…She has seen to it. She has seen to it because She is who has prompted me to seek others like me. She has sent to my life those people who mean the most to me who are not my kids or my tiny little family units. She has brought to me those who I will need to help me carry out my purpose, who are there now and have a similar, if not the exact same mission that I have, through means that, collectively, we serve, together, without realizing that this is what we are meant for and that this is what we should be doing.

It is not to say that our mission is the same as our daily work, even though our mission is connected to the work we love the very most and work which involves music, Love, passion, dance and that familial vibe.

You will know who these people are by the way that you are energetically affected by them. You will know who they are because even though you might not have the same talents or gifts on the physical plane that they do, you will find that those very talents and gifts will be complementary to yours.  I am a dancer. Most of my friends are somehow connected to music or the indie music scene and industry. I dance, and they play music. Dancers need musicians because dancers need music. Musicians do not need dancers, but enjoy the idea that the thing they make (music) is able to spark the fire of the Divine within their friends who dance.

The Point

All of this talk about dancing and musicians and soul families…it is meant to show you who you are currently “going home” with or to. Home is not a place outside of you, but inside.  It is that place where you feel loved, safe and accepted, and there really is only one place on the planet that is the same for us all, even as the facets of that place might be very, very different.

That place is in your soul, where these new people, and some of the best from another time in our lives, live, love and are.

The point is that the feeling of homesickness that you have right now means that there is someone else out there also feeling this way, and if we are lucky, there are a few someone elses out there who are also waiting to meet us on this plane, or perhaps reconnect with us. These people are meant to bring with us the grand measure of Love and acceptance that only you and yours can specifically bring to the world, and those things that can only be brought BY you all, because of that fire that is the passion for all that we each do.

Another cool thing that happens is…

I wanted to save the best part of all this homesickness feeling stuff for last. OKAY, now, I have already told you all about people coming in and leaving or whatever, but the one thing that none of us thinks about when we feel like this is that someone else, somewhere else, is also feeling this way and that when we feel this way, not only is someone else also doing this, but it also means that someone else, somewhere else, is actively looking for us, too.

Read that again, absorb it and let it sink in and then think back to the last time that you felt this way and how long it was after the feeling passed was it that you met someone who you are very near and dear with now.

Ahhhh…there it is….the collective thought that is “nuh uh!”

Oh…yes huh…that is what this is about. When we long, it means someone else is doing the same longing. When we are lonely, and when it is mixed with that longing (it always is), it means that instead of feeling lonely we need to be more aware. It does not mean to actively look for them, but it does mean to be excited about it, because somehow they are finding their way to you.

Again…absorb all of that. You are reading it correctly. When we ask, pray and wish for things to be in our lives, always, those things have to come to us by way of Spirit and through other people. Even when we tell Spirit that we are lonely, that we want to be held, that we want for or desire anything at all, I promise you that Spirit hears it. The thing that we humans do not realize is that when we are longing for those arms, for that pal, for that person, that while we wait, we are given that thing that I have said and written a whole lot about which, no matter how much you do not want to think it is the truth, actually suck – they are called distractions.


They have a purpose, our distractions, and normally it is that we are distracted by things and activities and even people so that whatever it is that we are learning that is appropriate for everything that is at the moment, we will learn. Spirit does not want us unprepared for the entrance of these very important people coming to our lives. I won’t lie to you – it took me a very long time, a lot of tears, MANY adult sized tantrums that could rival a very large, obnoxious two year old, and it was all when I felt like I was so very alone in this lifetime that in my petulance, I cried out to the Goddess – “WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU MAKE ME THIS ME AND THEN ALSO MAKE ME BE ALL BY MYSELF? WTF IS THAT ALL ABOUT? !!”

Ha! Just reading it makes me giggle, out loud even, because in my own experiences with this, when I was impatient, it was always me who screwed things up with people, and they were always people who were meant to come to my life for the shared mission. It is never until we understand what it is that we actually need, and more, why we need it, that we learn who these people are. We want to meet our Twin Flame, and we do not realize that sometimes, in our overly emotional lonely state of current being that we are not looking for our Twin and that maybe we already know them and maybe they are already part of our lives and that it is possible that we are not to be romantically involved with them and that the ONLY thing they are meant for is to be with us as family and to carry out that one mission that is shared.

Does this mean that you are never going to meet that one special person? Nope. It means that you need to pay attention to the things that you are asking for of Spirit, and really think about it, past your own temporary loneliness, to the thing that you know you are meant for, the thing that your Soul is here to share in manifesting with the entirety of the whole of your Soul Family.

Does this mean that you are going to eventually be romantically involved with your Twin Flame? It doesn’t always mean that. In fact, the purpose of a Twin Flame in this reality is, as I am and have been mentioning for a while now, is NOT to get jiggy with ’em, but to get out there in this world and do what you are supposed to do with them for the world and the grander populace of Souls among us. And should you hook up and hit it off, cool beans…if not, no big…it IS a gigantically HUGE world and there are a LOT of other people here…just be patient.

That is what a Twin Flame really IS all about. It is NOT that you will be with them on a certain level or in a manner that is what you have been told (am I the ONLY one who is making people know that a Twin Flame relationship is NOT always going to be a romantic one and that it does not have to be?) or that you have read. (Although, typically, it usually IS and most of the time it is in manifest or perhaps even in another realm…) While it is nice that it happens that way, and again, normally it does, but there are those times when it doesn’t. Don’t trip…it is about the shared mission, NOT about gettin’ some squeeze…yeesh !

Does this mean that you need to look at everyone you pass on the street, does it mean that you have to act like a psycho, does it mean that you have to really do anything OTHER than continue as you are? Oh hell no! In fact, if you do any of these things what will happen is that you will push all of what is meant to come to you further way, because excited or not, you will be, in a way, telling Spirit that you do not trust that She knows what She is doing. I promise you that She does NOT jack things up – we do.

Do like the Beatles said…”Let it Be”

I will close today with the most important part of this all, and that is to please, just let things be. I recently told a friend of mine, when querying me about something that he says he had a hand in screwing up, to just please let things be. If it is that the person who he was asking me about is his Twin Flame and they are meant to be together on this plane, there really is not a lot that he or even they can do to change it. The only thing either of them can do is say yes, or no, to one another. Either way, they are both right.

When we have the longing energy of wanting to return home, and we just feel as lonely as we have in a very long time, remember the last time that you told no one (it is never No One…it is always your guides and ultimately Spirit who hears us…well, them and our closest best friends, that is) that you were lonely, that you wanted arms around you, that you were desirous of people who are like you are…remember that you were heard, and that when there are other people involved in the desires of the soul that it takes time, and more, it takes some very harsh lessons that almost all involve releasing the old to make room for the new.

Yup…letting go hurts..a lot, but remember that we asked for new…and we will get new, but we have to release the old, first…



Copy of 1TheShamansPrayer RJB

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