Point Blank

Sometimes we need to be point blank with others, not only so that we can get things done, but more, so that not only they know what are our boundaries, but more, so that we will know and respect what boundaries we have set that others need to respect.

If there is a lesson that we should all be happy to learn, even if it hurts us to learn it, it is a lesson in respecting other peoples’ boundaries.

Now, I am not saying that making friends online is a bad thing, because I have a whole LOT of friends who I see online more than I do in the real, and of course, as we all do, I have PLENTY of online pals, too. Make no mistake, the connections we make online are as real as any connection we make with anyone at all in the real. To think otherwise is to try too hard to want to believe anything other than this one truth.

This one truth is something that a whole lot of people do not seem to get, that there are people who willingly are our friends, and that is where it stops, that is where it will always stop, and that is not a line that anyone needs to or should cross. Crossing it bleeds of disrespect, not only for another person’s privacy, but more, for who they really are.

We can push and prod and try hard to change this, this fact that what we want with anyone else is fine and good, but in terms of wanting more than we can have, and to push the issue further only shows another person that the one thing that we do not have, due to our own feeling of need or want or whatever, that the respect they are receiving that any and all humans should receive is not something that is being honored.

Honor is something that not a whole lot of people, sadly, know a thing about. To honor someone is to make it known by them and to them that who they are means something to anyone at all, but mostly, respecting who they are and everything that they need is the one thing that not too many people seem to have any regard for. I get it when we are in that thought that we have to…HAVE GOT TO…know someone, and I get it in terms of our own thinking that the message we are getting from a mere picture is something that ought to be taken as the truth.

Out truth and what it is that we want to believe may well be not what is the actual truth of another person.

For instance

Think about someone who is way interested in another person, but that other person has relayed to them that friends is all they will ever be. The person who does not accept this as their truth is not wrong in feeling as they do, but, when said person pushes and pushes, even as the person of interest has declined, this is when even the nicest “pushing” from that person is going to start becoming a problem.

It will become a problem not only for the person of interest (because they would have to continually repeat themselves with no promise that the person in pursuit of them will stop), but more, it will cause the person pursuing to try harder, and when we try harder and already know what the answer is…let’s just say that madness WILL set in.

Pushing anyone for anything is like telling them that what is their truth is not a good enough reason for anyone to just knock their crap off. Most sane human beings will take the hint and simply either deal with what is someone else’s truth, or, they will, as I just mentioned, continue trying hard to change someone else’s truth.

Trying hard to change what is anyone else’s truth is not an easy thing to do. Trying to make someone else see things through your eyes and from your perspective does no one any good at all if there is not that thing called respect. Pursuing anything or anyone at all who has already set the ground rules for any sort of relationship of any kind and that you might have just chosen to not think about what you are doing to that other person is not cool.

Where am I going with this?

Lately, and because I am trying to expand my network to include people who can help me, and I, them, no matter how big or small that help might be, I am running into a whole lot of those folks who seem to think that somehow they have a connection with me in terms of…ugh…we shall call it whatever it is that could also be thought of as being somehow an invitation for more than what it is that is there, that has been presented and that is the very truth of me and everything that I am really all about.

There are VERY few people on this planet who know, for real, who I am and what I am really about. Those few people know, very well, what my boundaries are, and with those few people, there seems, really, to be almost no boundaries. There is nothing that I will not do and that which is within my own power for each of them. They each and all know who they are. In terms of knowing who I am and what I am all about, they get it.

They understand that in order to be a part of my soul tribe, that as much as I respect their boundaries, they’ve gotta respect mine (and they do…Goddess bless each and every one of them for doing so…I Love you guys…thanks). It is not something that I have had to repeat to them, not something that was not understood by them and by me, and not something that is ever an issue that cannot be seen to in the manner that, should those boundaries be crossed, is done with love and regard for all of who I am…and it is very vice-versa with the each of them.

Then there are those ones who are brand new…the sort who want to tell me all these things so that I might well be impressed by the idea that on their end, there is some sort of connection that they have had with my picture. A picture is one thing, but to have a connection with anyone at all requires time, requires patience, requires love of the self, requires respect on a level that is not out loud, but assumed and presumed is just there. It also requires the ability to accept that which we might not like or want to hear, even as what we will hear is that other person’s truth.

That other person’s truth

When a person tells us something, it is up to us to get the hint.

Period.

If we are not willing to hear what they have to say to us, and we are not willing to take from them what is their truth and we are more willing to only see what is our own truth, and we continue to push and push for something that we know we cannot have (but yet we will continue to push) we can guarantee that eventually, and sooner than later, the pushing that we do WILL push back at us, and we might not be able to deal with the emotional after-effects caused by the things that we KNEW better than to continue doing.

Yet, continue doing as they will, they will do, and there are only a few things that we can do to make it known to them that we mean business, that they continually step over the line with us.

Perhaps it is that they cannot help themselves – human beings are like that. When we see something that we feel like we need, or we feel like there is something there that is not there, that is when we have to check ourselves, before we wreck ourselves. I mean, I get it…I totally get the idea that there are things and people in this lifetime that we would absolutely love to have in our lives. We are all like that, but, the difference between us and those who seem not able to accept our boundaries is marked.

It is marked in that all humans can sense emotional pain in others, and like all good humans will do, we want to find out what it is that we can do for anyone else in terms of helping them get through their pain, if not get out of it. You see, for us to want to help people not have a lot of pain is one thing. That is what I do for my work in this lifetime – help other people figure out ways to deal with their emotional pain and turn that emotional pain into a work of art, sometimes literally.

Sometimes, those who we would like to help only have one thing on their mind, and that one thing is simply to get us to change our mind about something that we might not be humanly able to do. I deal with this one everyday. I deal with people who just seem unable to accept the idea that whatever it is that is in their own heads and may well be a lovely thought, might not be what is in anyone else’s head and might not be that same lovely thought.

When we have bothered to take other people for their word and their word being that thing called “their truth,” is when we are ready to face other, more beautiful truths, and truths that we might not well have been able to deal with accepting for a long time, even though for a long time we knew that what we were seeing in front of us was the very truth of another person.

It is not now, nor has it ever been, neither will it EVER be anyone else’s business to try to stop us from having what is our own truth, and neither will it be one of those things that is acceptable to me, to anyone like me, to anyone period, to feel like that truth is not something that is accepted as well as respected by others.

Not accepting the truth of other people, namely when that truth is something that they hold near and dear to themselves, is like telling them that we think their truth sucks, and it sucks because we don’t like it.

Just because we don’t like it, it does not mean that we have the right to try to manipulate them to see things our way. It does not give us the right to plead our case to them, hoping they will understand why we do not share the same way of feeling our energy, but all the while, underneath it all, there is always that energy that tells us that what it is that we are feeling at any given time is somehow us lying to ourselves.

Ummm…whatever…keep on thinkin’ that way, cupcakes, and you are going to find out the business end of someone else that might not be the thing that you thought it was…seriously…

This is what happens when we decide that we do not want to accept another person’s truth about anything, but namely about ourselves and our place or our lack of place in their lives.

There is nothing more maddening for anyone, namely a light worker, than to have to repeat ourselves, over and over again. In terms of light workers, it is that we know, for real, whether you believe me or not, what the underlying motives are in anyone else (kinda cool how we sense energy like that, right? Riiiiight) If we are employed ‘in the realms’ like I am, and we are able to feel and sense our way through another person’s energy, we will try hard to not offend them but…make no mistake…when we are offended, the human being in us takes over the Spirit within by which we lead our very lives.

That’s when it is lights out, baby…

You can take my words as truth, or not, and it won’t matter – I will still be this me, and I will still not acknowledge a person who seems to believe that no matter what, my truth is not what I tell them that it really is. In this instance, my truth is exact, is absolute, and not now, and I must go ahead and say…IF EVER…will that truth change.

I am not one to exchange what (or WHO) is the most important to me, for anyone.

I said it…deal with it.

And I Promise you, each and all, that when I say something, I mean every word that I say. Again…there is a very small group of people on this planet who know this and understand this, because it is also the way that they roll.

If you cannot accept what is my truth, then I invite you to roll your ass on out of my awareness. I cannot get much more point blank than that, much as no one else can, either.

I promise…my truth is not going to change…for anyone…unless, of course, the person for whom it must change is me.

And that is a truth that some people are invited to simply choke down like a gallon of Nyquil on a hot day in the Mojave desert in August…

I Love You All

ROX

Fish are cool !

(Especially the sort of fish who jam the blues like these guys!)

Click the picture to “like” Rudy and the Bluefish on Facebook

Un-comfort

When we are in the midst of things that are not making us feel better about things and we are feeling very uncomfortable, it is time for us to take stock of who it is that we are at the moment versus who we used to be.

Being confined to a set scheduled work week is something that I find I have always been very dearly uncomfortable with. It is not because I do not like to work (truth is that I LOVE my work), but rather and only that I do not like confinement, and when I am feeling confined at all, I tend to get a little bit testy.

You see, there are times when “confinement” is not really confinement, and in those times where  it might seem like we are confined to one thing or another, and when it is that we have chosen to see whatever that one thing is as anything BUT being confined, the very word “confinement” takes on a new color – the one called “maturity.” Sometimes we have to deal through our own soul’s immaturity in some manner so that we can see through it and to the light that is the evolved manner we end up as being.

Yet, no one ever tells anyone (and no one ever means it unless they are a teacher of all things strange and weird and not exactly mainstream) that when we are growing and we know we are, that that growth, in some ways, is going to be very uncomfortable, and the un-comfort comes from the familiar things and ways of being that a whole hell of a lot of human beings don’t realize or perhaps even understand that evolving to one’s own higher self takes work, time, tears, and lots of un-comfort.

Un-Comfort

There are a lot of ways that the word “uncomfortable” can be thought as. My thought is that when we are in the middle of a thing that is making us have to wait, making us crazy with impatience and making us think thoughts about things that we would rather not deal with (when in fact we know we are supposed to deal with it all so that we no longer have to deal with it anymore…duh), this is when we are being taught directly by Spirit about what it is that we have been not acknowledging.

Now, not acknowledging things does not mean that we are ignoring them, really. It means that we are just not caring enough to have to deal with it or look at it and in that energy we choose instead to just not bother with that one thing.

But it is precisely that one thing that will continue to bother, continue to be the thing that we would rather not deal with and be the thing that we would hope to the Goddess would just sort of vanish and not be around. If you have been reading this blog for any amount of time at all, you will figure out one thing about it, and that one thing is that in our lives, there is nothing that will not be taught, that we will not be presented with, that will not be in our faces, again and again, over the course of our lifetimes, that, if we are meant to learn it, learn it we will.

And if we choose to not learn it by ignoring that whatever it is exists, we will also find that when it is time for that thing that we refuse to learn to just not be there anymore, that one thing will be the only thing that will present itself in the manner that we have not wanted it to for likely a very long time.

Our own discomfort with our un-comfort is sometimes unbearable.

The fact is that we have all been taught to not look at, not see to, not bother with, not acknowledge all those things that hurt us, that make us cry, make us grit our teeth so as to hold back the bitter and biting tears which, for a lot of us, need to fall from time to time. If they don’t fall, you will not realize the one truth that is apparent to the majority of us and that is that we are all human beings just being who we are.

Who we are is sort of a big fat deal

Of course, there are a folks who will not ever believe this, and that is okay, because those people are the very ones who should be reading this right now because those people are the very people who seem to think that what other people say about them is the truth, namely if it is the sort of thing that is not that flattering.

There are some folks who refuse to believe this because they believe that they are not good enough to have anyone say such things about them. The bottom line is that all human beings have the potential for greatness.In that greatness we have many options that point us in the direction that we are, as guided by Spirit and the very essence of that Spirit which resides within us, meant to be going.

Thing is, while we are growing up we are molded in the image of what is comfortable for those who are raising us into the human being that they want us to become. That is okay, but the other thing is that, whether we like it or not, our children or the kids who we raise have that thing called free will. Free will is that thing that we are all born with.

When we use our free will, we are doing as we are meant to be doing.

There are lot of people on this planet who want other people to believe that there is no such thing as free will. It is that particular group of people who, themselves, were taught and believe that while people do indeed have free will, there are only certain folks who we share the air with who are allowed to exercise it.

The un-comfort comes from our not wanting to let other people down, even if those other people are the sort who would never bother to think that somehow, they are letting anyone else down with who they are, are letting someone else down by not giving that other person the availability of their own free will choices when thinking in terms of relating to anyone else at all. That is really what happens here, when we think about it, when it all comes down to the idea that our un-comfort comes from ourselves in that we want to think that somehow, we are able to save everyone else from having to make uncomfortable choices.

We must learn to accept that we cannot help everyone, because sometimes, everyone needs to simply get a clue

In my life there are people who I am very willing to help. It is because those who are most willing to help themselves are also those who are most willing to help others if they can. This is the utmost highest form of unconditional love – helping others who cannot possibly even try to help us in return, and our not expecting to be helped back for the things that we do out of kindness and out of the Soul of Aloha.

Even as it is the most wonderful thing to be able to help others, namely those who cannot do anything in return for us, there comes a time when we must choose to be our own hero and see in front of us, NOT the opportunity to help someone else, but the opportunity to refer back to who we were. We must  realize that who we are is no longer that person, and take things from that vantage point, rather than the vantage point that makes us tired, that makes us want for something that is not up to us to try to make happen for anyone else without their knowing so.

It is in their knowing so that we come unhinged, as it is also that point where, rather than the soul within us rising up to take notice and take the opportunity to see, it is the ego self who rises to the occasion and it is through that reckoning that we will see, for sure, who we are trying to help more – this other person (because we actually care about their well-being) or our sometimes energy-vampiring ego-selves who need the pat on the back for thinking the thought that we would help anyone else at all and that we would also receive lots of attention for having done so.

When we are in a state of un-comfort, we are in a state of learning about what we have evolved, or perhaps devolved, to.

Change is not subject to our automatically being turned into the super heroes we are meant to become in this lifetime. Hell no.

What we are all given to being given is that we are brought through others all of these things that we need to learn about ourselves. Other people, no matter who they are, mirror for us the people who we are, the people who we are becoming, or the people who we no longer can recognize as being.

When someone makes us uncomfortable, our inner selves tell us so. When we are in the company of people who are meant to be part of our soul tribe, again, we are told by the very soul within us that this person or these people are our tribe and that they have been gifted to us by the very Mother Goddess Herself.

When we take notice, consciously, that we are being shown anything at all, it is time to celebrate because it is within that energy of knowing that we are granted the greatest gift of all…

…the gift of evolving to our higher selves, one uncomfortable situation, person, thing …at a time…

I Love You All !

ROX

Thanks for reading !! Aloha ! ROX

 

Waking up is hard to do

The last few weeks that have passed have shown us a side of ourselves that no one really cares to deal with. The reason the collective whole of us has been having a collective snit is simple – waking up to who we each and all truly are isn’t easy. In fact, waking up is hard to do.

I have said it more than once, and lately, have said it more than once a day. Those of us who are manifesting who we are for real are having growing pains. I know this one personally, as does any one of those closest to me. Some of us are not aware of this one thing, this thing that we are doing, this thing called waking up to our higher selves.

I could sit here and say that it was but one phone call this morning, but I would be full of crap in doing so. It was after that one phone call that a barrage of texts came to me, which are still happening right now as I sit here writing this and looking at the indicator light on my cell phone that is telling me I’ve been contacted.

We are being shown who we are, shown where our and also that our  greatness lives within us, and some of us, like me, for example, ain’t buyin’ the idea that maybe, for real even, we ARE that awesome.

Ummmm…hello? 

Believe it or not, we are THAT awesome. Think about it – you, me, everyone on this planet has the very same options open to us at birth. This is the truth. This is not something new. Thing is, we are not the ones, at birth, even though, paradoxically, we are always the ones, even at birth, who are ultimately in charge of what happens in our lives. The fact is that each of us, at birth, has that thing called free will at the same time that we are as vulnerable as any infant would be.

This is where a lot of us parents have it wrong, and have, for generations, had it wrong in that, we impose onto our kids the things that we want them to do, of course, for their own good, because we see in these little tiny people who call us mom or dad, the potential that is there due to another thing called the seed of greatness.

The seed of greatness is that thing within us all that we each have and is the option, when we are ready, to choose to sow in the soil of our lives.

While I know that it is hard to think about a five year old having the potential toward greatness when said five year old is out in the yard digging holes in the dirt and playing with bugs and possibly eating worms and her own boogers, what we do not see and what we do not know unless said child tells us, is what said child is thinking.

The seeds of greatness in said child might be in science as someone who finds a way to take dirt and turn it into fuel or energy or even self-producing organic fertilizer…no one knows that because we teach our kids, unfortunately, to be seen, not heard, and to make us proud.

Proud of what? Proud that they were born, and proud that here we have in our midst these tiny little lives that, if we are not more aware of it, we also have the very power to wreck, or at least put off, their chances at greatness created by their own efforts?

Parents are the very ones who set kids up for the fall and we do it through our placing demands on them without realizing that that is what we are doing. Of course we just want the very best for them, and in wanting this, we do like parents do and we start molding for them the structure that they will need in order to make us proud.

Note that I wrote “make us proud” and not “make their lives phenomenal through their own efforts and sense and ability toward creativity and creating that life.”

It is time, folks, for the majority of those of us who have procreated to take a look at our own involvement with our kids’ lives and take into account all of the barriers that were presented to us and know, right away, that what we are seeing there and right this minute is NOT the end of things, really. They ARE kids, and they are OUR kids, meaning that even now, even if they are our adult kids who no longer live in our care, we still CAN do something…”parental”…at this time.

It’s called being supportive of their efforts and knowing that they are doing their best.

Period.

Yeah…but what about us…you know, the ones who were once those kids and are now no longer in need of our mommies to make sure we don’t get lost in the supermarket?

Guess what?

We are always those very kids. I say so because if it were not the truth, the things that we know impede us and slow our growth are the things that we have to get through and have to no longer believe in order to continually evolve as we are meant to…well, those things, those issues, those ways of being would cease to be an issue or a way of being and would still be those things but those things would become options for us to choose instead of things that we have to evolve and grow from.

Essentially this means that we have to understand that the things that we have grown comfortable with, the things that we thought we could depend on and the things that we thought would always be there and be a given, just as we evolve, also evolve, and when those things evolve we experience growth.

The growth that we experience shows up in our lives as pain, as things that make our daily living a pain in the ass, are things that get up in our faces, make us feel like a useless turd and make us question everything that we think we know is the truth of us when in reality, there is so very much more than what we think is there.

We think we are nothing, but really, we are everything in the world and more. We think we are failing in life, but what we are actually seeing in front of us dressed up as failure is actually an opportunity dressed up as such. When we think we are losing anything at all, we have to bother with the question of “what is it that I am being shown and why?”

What shows up as a challenge is actually there to show us what we do not need anymore…or simply just does not fit in the manner that it once did…

…or that needs to be applied elsewhere, even though essentially, elsewhere could mean applying it to something that we would rather do than something that we have convinced ourselves that we have to do.

What this means…well…it means a lot. When things mean a lot, you know I have a story to tell you…so, here we go…

Once Upon a Time…

At one point in my life, I wanted to be a professional dancer. I had my sights set on the New York City Rockettes. At another point, I wanted to be a licensed mental health therapist. Yet, all the while, I knew, deep in the bones of my soul, that neither of these things were going to happen, for the simple fact that I was not meant for these two things.

While it is that technically I did grow up to become both a dancer and someone in the counseling trades, I am not, have never been a New York City Rockette, and even though I have a college degree and though I am very good at what I do, I am not technically the sort of therapist whose name is preceded by and neither titled “Dr.” anything.

Yet, this does not mean that I did not grow up to be just those two exact things – a dancer, and somewhat of a counselor, titled by the letters “Rev,” and no letters following my last name with “PhD.”

That I am one and not the other is one thing, but that the reason that many “professionals” in any industry at all fail to see anything other than what is my label placed there in any manner by anyone at all is quite another.

What most folks don’t realize is that it is never a title that makes anyone good at what they do, but rather and only their track record, and yes, who they really, truly, essentially are in terms of being a human being type person.

Yet, even the track record being anything at all meaningful with what it is that any one of us does with our time and our talent becomes irrelevant when the time is upon us that we must grow, that we must look toward who we are versus who we have been told we are, who we have assumed that we are, who we think we are, even when the outer signs and clues continually tell us that change is happening, is upon us, is going to happen, with us, for us and by us, and we are not aware that this is what is called waking up in the spiritual sense.

Waking up in the Spiritual Sense

The entire human population of this planet is evolving and for the very life of us, too many of us are not catching on to the idea that this is going to happen and it is going to happen to us all, even if we want to believe that we can fight it and that it is going to happen to us all namely if we are seekers of truth.

Seekers of truth are those of us who are not thinking about all of these things that we are each going through in terms of our having asked for something better, different, more attuned to who we are. For years all I wanted to do was to prove to people that I was talented and smart, that I could do the things that I said I could and more, and more than much else, I really and only wanted people to take me seriously.

No one really took me seriously, and to this day, no one really does unless they are part of my daily awareness. It may well have to do with the idea that I am quite an outgoing personality, not bothered by what a whole lot of people think of me anymore. I really only care that the things that I do in this world are the things that I am meant to do, that I am supposed to be doing, that I was born to do and that none of it does anyone in my world and who had any part of my world for a very long time can still not understand me.

But, anymore now, I am more likened to accept that there are people on this planet who will not ever understand me, who will never ever be able to wrap their heads around the work that I do and more than that, they don’t want to, and really, I am not in any position to try to make it clearer to them who and what I am.

Apparently, they have been ignoring it for as long as they have for the purpose of not having to understand me so as to not bother the truth that they have taken as their own.

This is all fine and good.

The reason that I wrote all of that is because I needed to write all of this part now – whenever it is that there seems absolutely no way out of something, this is when it is wise to think about everything that has transpired in our lives to this point and see there, through our own recount of events, the things that are tying together all of the other things that might not be telling any of us what is in store for us next.

This means that, when I thought I wanted to be a Rockette specifically, it was that I was being told by my soul that one day, part of my own life, in a professional manner, would have something to do with art and movement.

When I thought I wanted to be a shrink, it was actually that I was being told that somehow, I would be in the trades of helping people with the way that they think,so that they can modify their thoughts to accommodate who they are, while still living somewhat the life that they are building, so that one day they can live the life that they have been building from the ground up for the majority time they have been in this lifetime and in this shell of a body.

I know, I know…it seems hard to believe that all of this time, you have been doing what it is that you do, not thinking in terms that maybe what you do is not conducive to who you are growing to become, and all the while, every one of us worried, fretted, thought the worst, including me. (I AM comprised of flesh and blood, people, even as we are all and also comprised of the moon, the stars and the universe…)

It is hard to believe that the things we have done for years no longer serve us, and if they do, they’re no longer what they were for us, meaning that, again, those things are evolving.

It is hard to believe that when we each and all asked for a better life, that while we went through and a whole lot of us are right in the middle of the turmoil, that we would not also think that we would have to deal with these sorts of frustrations.

It is hard to believe that when we are preparing for our highest and best life possible, that we end up having to see, go through, feel, know the things that we would rather not.

We have to learn the things that we would rather not, so that when the things that we would rather know finally make its way to us, we will know without a doubt that what it is that we are building toward, and what it is that we used to have as part of our awareness of our very truest selves, we would also know that we have learned a whole lot, that we have had the things that we wanted all along and that no matter what, we would have had to also experience the things that we have so that we would know the difference.

The difference between what, you might want to know?

The difference between what it is that is the very essence, the very song and the very energy of your Soul, and what, essentially, it was that you have been doing all this time in order to know what it is that is NOT…and this is what is known, what folks who work in the weird have been calling and telling people without outright telling them they are doing, that everywhere, even as much as it sucks and is very, very nerve racking and scary…waking up to one’s own higher self, so as to one day wake to being the epitome of one’s own highest and best self.

You have been waking up and finding out who you are for real.

Who you are for real is not contained within a label, not contained within anything that any one of us does, and is only and will always only remain in the idea that all along, we all know and knew what it is that we are meant for, and it is nothing short of brilliance and greatness.

I Promise…

I Love You All !

ROX

 

 

 

Willingly, Walk…

The only way to heal from anything at all is to run headlong into the proverbial fire and willingly walk through it to the other side

If there is anything at all that I dislike, more than anything else, it is waiting for something that I know is going to happen, to ultimately happen. Of course, every human being on the planet is always waiting for something, and really, the waiting that I am writing about is the sort that we wait for what seems like a lifetime. In my case, it is the end of one part of my life that will, when it happens, bring to a stop a whole lot of other things that somehow have the same sense of energy attached to it. I totally understand the idea that some things have to happen for other things to happen, it doesn’t mean that on the way to those other things happening that we will not end up having human being type moments, and the sort that reintroduce to us, sometimes through the same people or situations they’d come to us in the first place, to the pain through the harm that most people seem just to put in the back of their minds until later when they think they can deal with it.

Later, I find, rarely, if ever, comes.

Waiting until later is not an option

Okay, so that is not entirely the truth. We can always wait until “later” to fix the things within us that are bothering us all the time, or we can just choose to not believe that we can do anything about those things at all and through that choice will continue to experience things that do not resemble change that we can witness in our own lives and in our own selves.

This is not something that I just made up a few minutes ago, but is rather and only something that came as a realization to me over time that told me that this time, when I felt the pull of the Universe beckoning me in certain directions, and when it was that those directions that I have been pulled in landed me somewhere familiar but was also harmful I started to believe that in order for us to experience the changes that we so dearly seek out, the first order of change has to be within.

Okay, so I didn’t just figure that one out.

I already knew that one. I suppose that the thing that I figured out is that even when it is that we believe that everything that we need in order to further our own selves is in order, there is always that chance that we have missed a step, have overlooked something, or, in my case, simply just do not want to deal with those things any longer. I just do not want to deal with people who like to harm others, and I just can no longer tolerate the harsher energies of them, but in order to not feel the energy at a constant, I have to willingly feel the energy of right now.

The energy of right now tells me that I am almost “there,” even though I am not really that sure about where exactly “there” is, even though, too, the “there” that I have arrived at up to this point has been magnificent, has not been the sort of “there” that was not welcomed and was and is indeed the “there” that is the most “welcome home” feeling I have ever known.

The “there” in that one very uniquely special and particular manner is good, great, awesome like nothing else, is rock solid, is what it was meant to become to this point, there are other “theres” that I have come to recently, and, as well, those are as nice and needed and almost as reassuring as the welcoming energy is and that was already described a few sentences ago.

It is the rest of the “theres” that, while I am not having trouble with, at least not at the level where I know that I am stopping my own flow, the part that I am having trouble with is the not knowing when the end result will be, because always, and with exception to the first “there” in this set of “theres” that you have thus far read about, there is always going to be that measure of having to prioritize what is seen to next.

I will be honest with anyone at all when I say that the reason the next “there” that I need to get to is not more than it is right now is not for any other reason than that really, I just have hoped for so long that it would just simply roll out of my life like a turd rolls downhill, but, nope…looks like I have more work to do with it, and I am fine with it, even though I have been working with it rather than working on it.

One does not work with the flames across which they will walk; they work on them so as to make them as hospitable as possible, given that it will be their bare flesh on the soles of their proverbial feet that will literally feel the majority burn. Too many people will tell others that it is all left up to mind being over matter at any given time, but when it comes to the things that matter the most to us in terms of what we no longer want in our lives, care and time must be taken, just as much as care and time must be taken in order that we have other, more pleasant things in our lives to look forward to.

It takes times for a home to be situated in the manner that the residents prefer so as to make it as welcoming to them as it can be, even as the home itself is new to them, their own waking lives are not.

It takes time for someone whose entire life has been marred by emotional harm from others to be able to poke their heads out of the hiding places they have created within them so as to breathe in the daylight and to know that they are not alone, and time to actually learn to trust themselves to trust other people. I know this one personally. It takes time for anyone at all who has gone through anything at all to not think in the manner they thought that may well have brought them to this place where they are now.

This place where I am now

I could sit here and tell anyone at all the dramatic story of my life to this point, but I am bored with telling it. More than that, I am sick and tired of reliving the crap that I went through just to get to this point.

Believe me when I tell you that strange things happen in my life all the time, but that I could not have seen my life at this point being how it is right now and in the manner that it is right now is the strangest thing of all.

I am ecstatic and thrilled for many areas of my life, because those areas are working like somehow, to this point, this is what I was meant for, these are the people who are meant to be with me at this point, and this is the way that things are going to be from now on. I could sit here and think only about those things, which would be really nice if that were possible. And really, it is possible, but, just as much as those things are possible, to deny the things which need my attention simply because those things are possible is careless and reckless and most human beings cannot just turn a blind eye from the things that they know need their attention.

While it is that we all know that certain things absolutely need our attention, there is that thing about us all that makes it so that we would rather NOT look at those things or work on those things and sometimes, the work is NOT about making those things tangibly change but is about accepting that change is happening now and happening whether or not we are ready for it to be that way.

You see, when the Mother Goddess needs us to be all we are able to be, versus all that She knows we are already, She presents us with a lesson. Right now, my lesson is NOT about what people think of me and not about what I can do for anyone else and is all and only about my being able to accept things as they are slowly…sloooooowly….coming into being.

Thing about all that is that I have accepted things like they are for so long now that I have to now retrain my brain to not be so tolerant of the things that I have been through and that I have allowed into my life through that measure of tolerance of people who believe that because of one factor or another, they are somehow allowed to be …icky.

Icky People and Karma

I know how Karma works. It is all about the intention. It is the reason why any teacher of weirdness will tell anyone at all to be careful what they wish for because they might get that one thing. The other thing that no one ever thinks about is that every thought we think carries energy, and if the strength of emotion behind that thought is pure and regardless if whether that thought is perceived as “good” or “bad” is how anyone at all creates their own Karma.

I have written a whole LOT about Karma and the way that I know it works. What no one thinks about though is that when we are teaching anyone about Spirit, most of us do not think, too, that we need to explain this karma thing a little bit better than we have been, and the way that we have been explaining it for too long already is that “what comes around goes around,” and there are a shit  load of (ahem) “religious types” who like to put it in our faces that when we piss God off, we stand to go through hell-fire and brimstone and that is that.

(What an awful, shitty,pansy-ass way of manipulating people.)

Reality is that, as I have stated in the past numerous times, whatever it is that we truly and dearly want for someone else, no matter what it is, we will end up with that, for sure, but also, for real, we WILL END UP FOR SURE ALSO HAVING TO GO THROUGH SOMETHING LIKE WHAT WE HAVE WISHED ONTO SOMEONE ELSE…of course, there are those times when we are trying to balance things and in balancing things we have to do things that we have to do, because really, there is no other way about doing things.

We are not really told, at least not point blank, that in order to walk the walk, we not only need to heed our own talk, but, we also have to truly be willing to walk that walk, meaning that we HAVE TO walk through the fires that burn us to our very core selves before we can rise like a phoenix from the ashes.

We have to be able to tell others what it was like for real, what happened in our lives that would bring us to this point where we are on our feet but feel like we are on our knees and begging for mercy when in reality, the only thing that we actually have to do is stand up and become stand alone.

Can’t walk if you are in the crawling position.

In order to walk one must be able to stand.

In order to stand, one must have the strength to brave the coals beneath your feet, looking only at the end of the fire walk, to the ocean which waits on the other side.

Once it is that we stand and walk, we also allow a change in perspective. Once we have a change in perspective, and once the paradigm within us regarding anything at all has changed, we can begin seeing where it is that we ultimately will be in the very near future so long as we willingly walk the path of fire.

So do yourself a favor…get up off of your knees…you have no one to beg anything of…

…stand…and walk…willingly

I Love You All !

ROX

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