Monthly Archives: May 2013

Vacationing on the Shadow Side of Life

The Shadow Side…it’s that place you thought you were meant to stay forever and ever

Nope. We are not meant to stay in the shadows. No way – we need the Light and we get it from the Sunny people who share our lives with us. Yet that is beside the point. As spiritual beings we were never meant to live and to camp on the Dark Side of Life forever, only to visit, and the people who we visit with are either meant to be there with us and learn, or are simply meant to be there with us to learn also as well as to teach us. When their lesson for us is finished and we have been taught something, and when they have learned from us what they are meant to, even if that  lesson is placing hurt on someone else, that is when our time with them in the shadows is done. It is at that point where all those emotions that we have or had when we were in their presence come into play for us, and that is when we are meant to ponder the things that we are feeling, rather than only going through the motions of emotion.

The Motions of Emotion

Whether it is that we need to learn to not hurt other people, or if we need to learn how to deal with our own hurt through them, the Shadow Side will always teach us what we need to learn, and the Shadow Side will never lie to us, and the Shadow Side is always very appealing to us especially while we are learning from it. When we learn from it is when the parts of our Spirit that we cannot deal with NOT looking at – the part that tells us that it is inviting us to play in the realms of the darkness, to visit where we have been, where we are comfortable, and where the most damage to our Souls come from- this is the purpose of our Shadow…so we can see, ever brighter than before, our own Light of Spirit.

The most damage to our souls comes from that place where we kept these people who we loved, who we trusted, who we have and had much in common with. On my end, I was given the keys to unlock the reason why I do not do certain things with certain people, and I found out dearly and through nothing more than my asking…actually my Soul asking, for that lesson in what it is that I do NOT need. This is where the majority of us has been these last few months, and in that time we have allowed the people who we most shared time with go their way and learn their lessons, and in my case, that lesson came in the form of someone who I share heritage with, who I dearly trusted, who I thought had my back…then the truth happened. I found out that they could not be trusted, and that it was not for more than what the ego wanted, and it came in the form of arrogance and hit me in the head, heart and soul like so many bricks through a window.

It hurt. They’re gone. I learned. What did you learn? I am betting a WHOLE LOT, and that you just do not realize it yet, but it will come to you. It always does, the lessons we learn on the Path that only the Fire-Walkers know.

Like a ton of bricks

When we leave for retreat, go on vacation, we prepare ourselves for relaxation, not learning. Yet, in the time that it takes us to get to that point of where we are going, we find out that there was a lot of work that happened prior to our arriving at our destination. We go through the motions, are excited at the thing that is before us, and then we go on our way, and in this case we were on our way back from the Shadow Side of Life, on our way back from the longest time ever that anyone has spent at “The Resort of Learning,” and we were served up with the most important lesson of all, and it was not that we could not trust someone else, but that we could trust anyone at all. The lesson came in the form that we could trust someone else, could put ourselves out there for their world to see, and did our part in the process of bringing the lesson to ourselves and when we did that, we learned more about us than we did about the people who taught us. This is as it is meant to be. Unless we know ourselves, how can we think that we will ever know other people?

Yup…that’s right – while you were in the Shadows with these people, you learned more about you than you did about them. They were just who showed up and showed you who you are according to them, and my only thing to say about that is that when they showed up, you were not the same person who you are now, and in that time they were able to mesmerize you into believing what you would about THEM but not addressing that you existed. Of course, they KNOW you were alive, but to have learned from them what you have in the time that you did you see that you are now more polished and way more refined than you were prior to the discovery that what you went through sucked but was needed. 

What you lived through and made yours IS yours, because you can never NOT go through those things – you can never not have heard what you were told, and you can never not see what you saw, never not feel what you felt, and never not know the pain of the truths that they brought to you. You have learned about what it is like to hurt through another’s actions, through another’s ways of being, and in that shadow you saw yourself there, and while it might have appealed to you, throughout the time you were learning from them, you knew then like you know now that while they were awesome teachers, their time is over with.

I knew this when my Soul started screaming at me, that there were better things and better people in my life than the last teacher who hurt me BADLY did. I knew that in order for me to know who I am, that I needed to be in the awareness that was them that was also me, so that I could get through to my own Self the message that I am way better than the messes that I have encountered, that I no longer need to be that one person who is willing to give away the heart, the soul, the creative nature within, that those things are mine and mine alone and that it is MY option to trust others with it. NO ONE can say that what they went through was more harsh than this or that, because the truth in it all is that it is ALL harsh, but when is learning which is required by the Soul NOT harsh?

It is harsh because without the harshness there can be no way that we will see what is the more agreeable softness that is our truth. Without the harshness and without the nature of that pain and without those people who we grow in closeness with, we will not learn. Teachers, if we can recall back to the day when we had them in high school, are not meant to be soft. They are meant to be creative in the way that they teach us, and when talking of things that are of a creative and spiritual nature, it is our teachers of and in Spirit who come to us in the form of a friend, or a stranger who becomes a friend, and is they who give to us those lessons that we so dearly need and for the most part have chosen for a long, long time, NOT to see the similarities that are there from teachers who came to us from our past. They might have within them the idea that they are on the take, and this is the energy that they will bring with them and will hide from us, and this is the lesson that we will learn, and this, too, is the Fire-Walker’s Path that we will be led by them on…and of course, this is the thing that mars us the most.

We are marred by their actions, by their lies and by the things that they bring to us in the form of those nasty little habits, those adorably magnetic temptations that bother us in our sleep and which bring to us that deliciousness that is the Flesh. The deliciousness that is the Flesh can be in the form of anything that is…I don’t know…any one of the Biblical Seven Deadly Sins. Where it is that we need to hang back, these teachers bring to us the energy that is overdoing things. Where we need to stop hiding our selves, this is where these teachers will bring to us the energy that is exposing ourselves so that we can finally see what is there that others see that we are refusing to see. This is what it means to be tempted, in the most Biblical fashion, by the people who are brought to our lives through our Souls. We think we know what we need, and the people who come to us think they know what we need, too, and while they are in our awareness, it is our Soul that makes us see things that we need to see, but it is our Ego that makes us want what we know is not good for us or our growth.  They show up in the manner that is “friend,” because of the need for the Ego to trust what the Soul already knows is the right thing, is the correct energy, and mostly, is the greatest most reliable teacher for us. In sticking with the idea that we have been vacationing on the Shadow Side of Life, these “friends” who visit our awareness can also be thought of as being our tour guide as we walk through this part of the Path, as we follow the Fire-Walker’s Path.

Then one day, we actually “see” them…and what scares us so much as that we also see ourselves there as well. We see their Souls and we are affected by the sadness and the darkness there, by the idea that they have dragged their own selves through the flames of life but most surely have not bothered with the Path of the Fire-Walker. And it is vehemently, absolutely, completely important that we all take the walk of Fire, that we bother with the pain that is there, and most of all, that we realize that we were meant for the pain, meant for the lesson, meant for the thing that ate our lives for a little while and then regurgitated us with a newness that is foreign but at the same time, familiar.

The Shadow Side of Life can be thought of as being akin to Sin City, to the things we see happen and the things that insult our Souls, and most of all, the things that rocked our world. But unlike things happening in Sin City staying secret and staying there, the vacationing that we each do in the Shadows is not meant to be hidden but meant to be seen and known by the world and the renewed Soul who we each are – that is what is meant to be seen, and that is why we walk the Path of the Fire of Life….so that we can be refined by the Fire of Life and so that more than before, we can see who we have been and more than that, who we no longer are. We find that the difficulties we walked through made us sharper and more refined, much like the refinement that polishes diamonds in the rough which also go through the fire, through the cutting away by the jeweler’s hand that which is no longer needed.

This is what our little vacation in and on the Shadow Side of Life has given us as the trinket, the souvenir that we did not realize was the thing which our Soul begged for….it begged for the Shadow, and the Shadow drew us out, told us its secrets, gave us what we needed, and then suddenly, we came back to our Selves, back to our purpose, and most of all, back to the reality which is in manifest for us, and by us.

Viva Las Shadow Side !!

I Love You All !

Camera Artistry by Randy Jay Braun
Please visit today !! 

Integrity -The Soul’s Currency

No matter what, integrity is what matters most in matters of the Soul

We can think of things in this manner when we are thinking about how it is that we reciprocate our energies with others. It is an exchange, really, of integrity. Integrity is not just something that can be thought of as being an “aside,” and by this it is meant that things that are optional we will know that they are optional, and things that are required will make themselves known as being so. Integrity is one of those things which will scream louder than a whole lot of other things and ways of being will ever, and it is because our level of integrity is sort of our guide, our gauge, if you will, for things that are either thought of as being “right” or “wrong”, and it is the rightness or wrongness, not that we do to or with others, but the rightness or wrongness that includes our conscience and makes us know that there is a level of some sort of Spirit that we need to maintain in order to know that who we are depends, dearly, on our very level of integrity.
We hear about how important it is that people maintain their professional integrity, and this is fine and good and right, but what about our personal and Spiritual integrity, which is the energy which screams at us when we know within our soul that who we are and the choices we make our level of integrity dependent on that choice. When we set out to utilize the energy of other people and we have no intention of reciprocating even in some small way, this lessens our level of integrity. When we are willingly operating from an already low level of integrity and we hide this about ourselves, and then we go out into the great big world and start spreading our ilk to others, not even bothering with the emotional pain we will cause to them, let alone the rest of the energies that we give to them that are in manifest according to the intention set at the onset of the thought we had when thinking about things in a spiritual sort of way, this is when we create our own Karmic imbalance, a Karma Debt, if you will, and not only is it a Karma debt that we create when we are more willing to take and take without the thought of ever giving back, we create a whole new energy, not only within us, but also, outside of us, in the material world.
A Grand Sense of Mistrust

I know mistrust well, because there is a lot that I have to not trust a lot of people about. Mistrust is like a deficit, is like our being overdrawn in the bank. It is born from infractions to the Soul that either were given to us by someone else, or that we gave to someone else and ended up having to deal with the pain and the heartache that spawned from the action. Mistrust is brought to our lives through the lesser-than integrity-filled words and actions of others. We are taught how not to trust others by the way that they keep their word. True, some people will keep their word but at a minimum, and will honor their word so long as it is at a minimum cost of real trust to us. Then there are the others who give us the energy that we can trust them, that our hearts and souls are very well kept and that they have our best interest at heart, and all the while, all the time that they were giving us their words out of their mouths, and even though at some point and in some way we knew that somehow, something was not right. Then the day happens when  BANG! we are unhappy and disappointed that we were right about something being just not right. We are given the seeds of mistrust early on, and through the course of the events which arise we find that the thing that we thought was there in the beginning was all ego, was all on the outside and was a mask to cover up the rest of the truth about the person or people who we trusted. 
We find out that yes, what they brought to us was the truth, the good part, that is, and then slowly, over time, we are given the other side of the story, the side that we would have been happier just not knowing existed, and there soon after ensues the thing that we did not want to face which was the truth in manifest all along and was the thing that told us very early on that there was something just not quite right about the things that we have been told, that what we have been told, even though it might be the truth, is missing something…that something missing is the integrity. We place so much on what others tell us is the truth and it is because we know that when we are telling someone else the truth, that it is indeed the very truest truth. We go out into the world of misinformation and untruths, our truth worn on our sleeves like our hearts end up being, and then the ugliness that is the truth of someone who was not playing fairly to begin with, who was not upfront with their shadowy ways. It is the shadow side of life that sometimes, we are more drawn to, and it is with purpose that we are, because in the knowing of the Shadow side we also have the balance of the truth which is born of the integrity, or lack thereof, within us.
It is like being told you are meant to do something, then you do it, then suddenly, that which you were meant to do becomes more like a grocery store sample table – everyone wants some, the person giving away the samples is not someone who really knows what the hell they are talking about and all they really do know is that they really like this …whatever it is…and why doesn’t everyone just have a try at it?
Because not everyone is privy to the trying, and not everyone is possessed of the Soul which is rich with its own leaning toward integrity, that’s why. Not everyone’s intentions are good, and even though there are a lot of us who are very, very good in the Soul and filled with this Spirit rich with Integrity, there are many who are still sharing the air with us who are up to no good, and I have had a lot…LOT of experience with those who will say one thing with their mouths, but with their actions they are lying to us. There are a lot of people who are reading this right now who have gone through this sort of thing recently, and who, like me, are not so much at a loss for words as much as we all are at a loss, period. And dearly we are feeling these losses, because they were not just losses that we could handle, like losing a cell phone or 20 bucks. These are losses where the deficit is in the Soul of us, where the pain has caused us a no-turning-back sort of mindset, where who we meet from this day forward will automatically have to live, at least in a short-term way, in the energy that was given to us in return for our own integrity. Because someone else damages our sense of trust, those who will follow the ones who caused the ache will initially end up being tested and questioned and everything else that we would do if it is that we have learned not to trust.
Integrity is not something that can be bought, but surely it can be sold. When we operate from a place that is whole and is meant as what it is supposed to be – the Currency of the Soul- we find that more times than not we are met with others who are just as right in the soul as we are. But there are always going to be people on the planet with whom we share our lives, albeit temporarily, who will operate from the rawness that is the unrefined beforehand of what it is to live on the edge of right and wrong, moral and immoral, light and shadow. Our job is not to try to fix other peoples’ sense of integrity, and it is not to teach them how to use theirs.
Our job is truly only to bring to the surface that which, in other people, can be called their level of integrity, or lack thereof.

What Surviving Emotional and Physical Abuse taught me about Respect

Respect isn’t something that is just automatic (but really, it needs to be…I’ll explain)

“RE- SPECT! WALK ! ARE YOU TALKIN’ TO ME?” (Pantera’s “Walk”)

I think I am sick of the idea that we have to earn respect. My thought is that respect should just be a given and that should the other party not live up to the energy that is the respect given by us, then it should be that the other person needs to earn it back.

I sense the raising of the eyebrows with this idea that respect is not something that we should feel the need to demand, or command, or even earn from someone else, because at first meeting, it should just be a given, and it should just stay that way, but always human nature is what it can be, and most of the time, we lose respect for other people because somehow they made it so that we would have a lesser feeling and energy of respect for them. We all do it – we all have, at one point in all of our lives, lost respect for someone else because of an infraction to our very easily-bruised Souls. We were either hurt by their words or actions or we were offended by them. Either way, as we can all attest to, prior to the infraction, we all have respect for others unless and until they prove us to be right in that they are not worthy of that respect.

Then of course they have to earn it back…duh…

Respect…from a Survivor’s perspective

I love saying that I feel like I have survived the greatest hell on earth known to man that any person can go through. For a long time it was my inclination to believe that what my mother told me was right, that her father commanded respect and that she demanded it. While I never got that energy from her that she was not willing to give it so long as she received it, the words seemed to hurt me in some manner and until now I did not know why. The reason that those words hurt me so much is not because of anything other than that since it was that both she and her father commanded and demanded respect, I was programmed to believe that I had to be this way, too. Couple that energy with the idea that the person I married demanded everything, but more than anything else, and even while he never really knew and still does not really know what the truest meaning of Respect, I was not too inclined to stray from the belief that was instilled into me as a child growing up in a very religious home. I was not interested in angering people who demanded or commanded things out of others, and it was because I thought that if they had the nerve enough to demand or command it, then surely they were worthy of it. So, I just gave them my respect.

Fast forward to my adulthood, and we see that all of my life I was bullied and messed with, all the while and because that was my own experience to be bullied by my caretaker as a child, and yes, those same words coming out of her mouth that came out of my mother’s- that she, the caretaker, demanded respect, because they were both taught by their father that this is the way adults are and that adults should just be handed respect because they are adults. This is the reason that any child would grow into an adult who would have a good chance at being confused when it comes to things as important, as valuable, as one of the most vital things in communication between human beings, as Respect.

Respect is not something that can be had easily once it is gone. Trust and respect are alike. It takes so very little to break either one of them that once it has been fractured it is difficult for us to just have it right back.

Respect is not a bargaining chip even though that is how it was presented to me as a child, and it was done so out of the idea that we need to be bullied, to be made scared of other people and losing their love if we did not simply just give respect because other people demanded it. You can demand all you want, but that does not mean that it is just going to be handed over – no no no….in fact, the reason that you might feel like you are somehow owed respect makes me think that you have little, if any, self-respect, and by that I mean that if this is you, then you are likely one of those people who needs to be worshiped, and that is not being respected – that is being feared. That is you being afraid that if you do not bully someone else into the kind of fear-riddled respect that you think is the reality of respect, that you will end up being just as ridiculously expectant of something that is not real. If you have to bully it, command it, demand it, feel it is owed to you, my friend, the issue is NOT that you are not getting it, but that you think that you need to be worshiped.

Demanding anything at all denotes that you feel like you are owed, all the time, by someone, and if you are owed then that also means that somewhere in you there is a deficit and that deficit is what is causing you to be this way. Respecting someone does not come without its price, and that price is that you have to respect them back when you are respected. This is not something that you do not know, and it is not something that your mom or dad or whoever taught you what respect is also did not know about when they were teaching you their way of being respected. The way that you ‘earn’ respect is simply to have it for yourself wherever you are and no matter what. To respect one’s own self is to be able to know what respect really is.

What respect really is is not as important as what it is not, and I think that there are just too many people on this planet who think they know what it is but in fact they have no real clue and yes, it is that one group of people who feel like they are entitled to people kissing their okoles. When you need someone to kiss your rear end and make you feel like you are better than everyone else, and when you need someone to worship you and do everything within THEIR power to make you feel like you are being respected, you are anything BUT being respected. When you feel like you have to bully another person into the “fear of God” type of respect that so many people regard as being respect, you are not being respected – at that point you are demanding that people worship you, that they fall at your feet, that they do what you want. That is not respect. That is fear. Abuse survivors are the most adept at rifling through the bullshit and getting to the fear of a person, and we do it because we can, and people respect us because we have been through a lot but more than that, they respect us because we know what it is to NOT be respected.

We know that placing hurt into the Spirit of another person is not respect, it is bullying. We know that to put a person off, to push them aside until we are ready to give to them what they so readily gave is not respect, but rather is expectancy of another person making time for you but you not making time for them, and when it is this way, and you get angry because the person who you commanded respect from is just not there and giving it willingly or in large form as they did, this is called your Karma calling your numbers. We know that it is rude, not right, uncool, not okay, a pain in the ass to make other people give respect, so rather than just taking it for granted that everyone else on the planet will make us pay heavily and hard if we do not show respect, we just choose to have and to show and to be the epitome of that which can be called “respect.”

We ARE respect, the majority of us, and we are the greatest teachers of showing respect, and more, getting respect, not because we are owed it, not because we command it, and not even because we have earned it, but mostly, because we know too well what it is like to NOT be respected. We are aware of what it is like for another person to throw themselves at our abuser, in front of us even, and we know what the heartache that spawns from it feels like. We know what it is like when our abuser talks at us, down to us, mostly in front of other people, and we know what it is like to have to get out of that feeling that is akin to nausea brought on by someone else trying to make us look bad and shaming us into that belief. We know…oh my Goddess do we EVER know what it is like to suffer the indignities within our own selves caused by blatant disrespect.

And the disrespect happened to us and was meant to be bone deep, and it was…but there is always that flip side, that part of the story that tells everyone that we are the real deal, that what you see with an abuse survivor is totally what you get, and all of it, for the most part, is awesome. It is awesome not because we bounce back, because not one of us will tell you that that is anywhere near the truth. It is awesome because we live it, every single day of our lives, and because, too, we know the meaning of having to earn what we should never have lost in the first place, from day one, even.

Simply put, the reason why most people have a whole lot of respect for people who have been through a whole lot of different kinds of abuses not only to them, but also, to their soul, is because from the moment that we knew what we did not like, we also knew what the truth of us was, and the truth of us remains to be that we give respect from the get go, because we know that we should not judge a person based on what we see with our eyes alone. We know that to be respected that there must be that show of respect first given. There is not one abuse survivor who does not know this as the truth and more, who is not willing to live it, all the way down to the Bones of the Soul…

The old version of commanding, demanding, even, in some cases, earning respect no longer mean anything to anyone unless you sleep in a military barracks and are expected to cover the front lines of battle when called upon…in which case, again, those guys already have my respect.

Think about it…


Camera Artist Randy Jay Braun 
Please visit his website by going to

Soul Search

Eventually comes the day when we have to go within and mean it

“Go within and mean it.” I say these very words, or I type them, at least a dozen times a week. They are written for those who seek their own answers and who, for the life of them, refuse to address that it is not their mind or their bodies which initially ached, but their Soul that still does. If there is one thing that I am adept at, it is the inclination toward helping other people dive on into their very own Souls and look at what is there and find out for themselves why it is that they hurt so very much. Normally what is found there is so far removed from the truth of what they thought they would find that once it is that they can actually look at it and see it as the part of them that needs attention and healing that is not from an outside source they actually begin to accept the challenge which they also set up for their very selves.

I am no stranger to hurting, not virginal in the area of having one’s heart broken, of having one’s self be shaken to the very core middle of one’s self, and always, there are people who come seeking the advice, not of a Sage, but of someone who simply has just been there in terms of knowing what to do with the ache which permeates both the body and the Soul. Always we know that there is someone else on the planet who can relate, but the problem is not finding them, but opening up to them when Spirit sends them in our direction. We can only see what is the outer part of them, and that is how we called them into being for the purpose of helping us get well in the Soul. At this time there are many people who are ailing in the Soul, and there are many people who are not seeing it, not addressing it, but the ones who are addressing it, who can see, this is for you guys. You know who you are, and these last few weeks I seem to have had a majority of people who have dirtied their Soul somehow, be it with negative thoughts or through the exchange of energies, no matter how that exchange happened, with someone else who is dirtier in the Soul than they know they are or are willing to believe they are.

A dirtied Soul is nothing to shake a stick at because it is also a cause for actual physical ailment, and no one who I know likes being physically ill, and most of the time, when we are ailing in the Soul, the body is not long to follow. This is not something that I made up, and it is not something that is not the truth. When we hang onto things which no longer serve us, we are who pays in ways that none of us could imagine we would have to, and make no mistake – if it feels like you are at some sort of deficit, and you feel rather spent, this is not a trick and I am not one to send detrimental energies to anyone…you are causing you to be sick. Think about it this way, it is easy for a negative person to get what they want from a group of people because they do not realize that they and all of their negative energies are projected outward to everyone. They infect the rest of their own world and the people who share it with them with that vibration. Everything that they have, you will also have if you are not careful with the way that you are tossing your soul around.

Not a lot of people know that this is one way how people get physically ill – by being around people who are negatively charged in the Soul. If you thought long enough about the last person who was in your own realm of energy and how dearly you were affected by that person’s energy and the weight of it but you still chose to be within that thought, you are now infected. On the other hand, if you were with those sorts of people and then were around other, happier and right in the Soul types, you would find that the opposite effect would happen. You would find yourself lighted up in the Soul, and there would be no energy of physical effects whatsoever. It is like when children go to school with a cold – eventually all of the children come home sick. This same thing is what happens when we are around people who are up to no good, with people who cannot or refuse to be honest with people about who they are for real, namely themselves, with people who are whining about everything that is not right in their lives, and anyone else who tends to bring a malicious or negative energy to our awareness. I will not go so far as to say that you will not ever share company with people who exude negative energy – the world is a great big place and we are bound to come across them. It goes without saying, though, that it is in anyone’s best interest to try to steer clear of people who are negatively energized.

Nothing good, really, other than a lesson, can come from it. Nothing good can from our partaking in things and activities with people who we know will drag us down into their energetic field. If we are not careful and we continue this madness, we find that we have either “muddied” the positively charged people in our lives and make them not want to be around us, or we end up alone because those good people in our lives who bring us positivity cannot continue to wash their own Souls from the crap that is brought by other people who are somehow finding their way, through others, to us.

Again, we cannot avoid them, at least not entirely. But we can learn not to derive from them anything other than a lesson. It is not easy, but anything worth anything at all rarely is.

The Soul gets a bit dirty from time to time

Our Souls are that which we truly are, and at the moment there are plenty of us who are sitting in hopes that what we see daily and how we feel about who we are in relation to the things that have transpired over these last few months is somehow going to make sense one day. And all of us has this thing about us, this…”one day”…thing, that makes us believe that we are meant for greatness, and that “one day” we will get there with a little bit of luck. To our chagrin, “one day” keeps getting put off and put off until we get to that point where the Soul requires us to be so that we are forced by our own hand and our own Self to meet up with our “one day.” It’s that thing we all know as Karma, and the more we dirty our Souls through other people, the more Karma we create for ourselves to have to cleanse and heal from.

It is this “one day” where we either are able to hash out what is living within us with someone else, or it is this same “one day” that we just decide that today is that “one day” where finally, we will begin the process of releasing what was so that what is can become what it is meant to through us. It is also this “one day” when we have to take the time to think that for the life of us, while we did not ask directly for all of this stuff that is now ours and must be cleared out, we called it into being by thinking about it, by trying hard to not focus on it, by doing everything that we could have OTHER than just not focusing on what might NOT happen for us.

We cloud ourselves with negative thoughts about us and they are thoughts which are brought to us from other people, and these thoughts, no matter what, affect us, and dearly so. It could be the transfer of energy from a person who likes their dirtied Soul. It could be in the form of our empathically reaching into someone else’s awareness with or without their knowing, and feeling every bit of their energy and sometimes that energy is confused energy and that dirties the Soul. It could be anything that brings us the thought that we are not good enough, that what we have to offer to ourselves is somehow not as great as what is offered to someone else, even though it is the same thing. It can be in the ultimatums that we give to other people, and the only thought I can think about that is that if there needs to be an ultimatum made all bets are off because that is just more weighted energy that we need to clear and why? Because we expected others to do what we want them to do on our behalf without respect to what they need to learn and to go through.

Sometimes we need to hurt other people so that we, through their pain, can cleanse ourselves of the compulsion of hurting people, namely those who are close to us. If we see that we are going through the same things again and again, with the same sorts of people, it is wise for us to also look at the picture as wide and deep as we can and look there and see what it was that we needed from these things that hurt our Soul. We need to see there that sometimes, even in the hurt, even in the things that are represented by those we thought the world of but found ourselves to be somehow crushed by them, there is merit. There is something there that we need, even though the teacher who brought us the lesson might not realize that they taught us anything at all, because the truth of that is just like they hurt you, you brought to them the lesson that is hurting someone that they care about and no longer being trusted by them. It is all a circle. We reciprocate that which we are with that which we are not. While we might want to think that who we were we still somehow are, the truth is that who and what we were no longer fits our lives and has no room for the old us in this new part of life.

It is said that people come and go, but what is rarely said is that the reason they do so is because we have reciprocated the energies and the lessons that they would bring to us and now, even though their actions and words might have hurt us, we are stronger for having dealt with it and we are better and cleaner than we were prior to their bringing with them to our lives the fire which burns white hot and which sears us to the very core of us. This is what hurt does – it brings us the pain which is like salt in an already wounded Soul.

My first thought about this is that we just need to allow the pain, allow it so that it can cleanse us and show us our more polished, better able in the Soul, Self.

I Love You All

Beautiful Camera Artistry by my friend and Spirit Brother, Mr. Randy Jay Braun
Please visit his website at

Souls…they just Know Each Other

It is a simple recognition of the Soul…

“I feel like I have known you forever.”  “I am so glad I met you because I feel like I know you already!”  “Somehow, we just click…”

No, these are not pick up lines. These are things that are said when we know someone without even knowing their name. This is not something that does not happen to us all, and it is not something that is as strange as you think it is. It is simply proof that the Soul is forever, that the reason that you seem to get along with some people better than others is because you have never NOT gotten along in Astral terms, and it is just time that you all knew that when you click with someone, no matter why or for the reason that you might believe it to be, it is not only those things but also because you were meant to meet up again in this lifetime.

I experience this phenomena ALWAYS, and always I am treated to the perfection that is the Soul on the level of the Soul with other Souls. Always, I am guided to those who are much like me. Always I am shown who I am through these people and sometimes, as Luck and Spirit would have it, I get to be with them permanently, and that is what this is about today. When we meet up with new people, it isn’t that it is really new but that the meeting is. Sometimes, the newness does not go away and that is when it is the most energetically awesome thing that anyone goes through and experiences. That is when you know for sure that you have met up with your Soul Family. That is when you know where you belong and that is when the fun starts. I say that is when the fun starts because it is a time when you finally know what it is like to belong. It is a time when you know that you are home, in a sense, because the things that you talk about with these other Souls makes sense to you, makes sense to who you are, and just plain old makes sense.

This is not to say that you will not be at odds with them from time to time, but when that time and those times come, you will recall that you met up in this consciousness for a purpose and that it is that purpose in the Now that you met up, because you are not done with the mission that you and these other Souls are meant for. You have a specific mission, and Spirit has challenged us all to find out what that mission is, and when the time comes that we are to meet up with these other same Souls is when the mission begins.

We don’t get to know the mission, either, because that is what we are meant to build together – this … thing…that we are all meant to be a huge part of. We all have a mission, and in some cases that mission is a big one that we cannot undertake all on our own. My mission…my Tribal Mission…is to simply Be with these people in the capacity that I have been and will remain to stay as. When we meet up with our Soul Tribes, we know them because there is no weirdness, no feelings of “I need to get to know these people” and always there is that sense of “I don’t know why I know you, but it is way cool because there is just something there that I cannot place my finger on, but it is there, and I am glad to know you…again…” and no, there needs to be NO kind of thought to the idea that what it was on the top of things and at first glance that THAT is the way that it will stay because like all other things, the reunification of Souls is a big deal, and it is a big deal because these are the people who we each are meant to be with. This…these similar Souls…is the Family which we all yearn for and want to go home to, and these are the people for whom we pine and even as things have changed, the sameness and the newness and that crispy white sheet feeling when you are with these people is incredible. It is like you get to meet up with them all for the first time, again and again, every time you meet.

The weirdness that is not really weird

I say a whole lot about my own weirdness. It is who I am and has always been a big part of me and until recently was not one of the biggest things in my life. While it is not the biggest thing, it is a pretty big thing because for a long while I felt stuck between having that feeling of being stuck and alone with no one to hang with to being inundated with similar Souls, all of the rock and roll sort and all who are just like I am….not perfect, but perfectly imperfect and totally okay with our imperfections. Sure, like in every family, there are misunderstandings and of course there will be differences, and sometimes those differences will cause us to have to be apart, so that we can reconvene on a level that is new, even as the Soul recognition is not new at all. The weirdness is a welcomed one, and one that lets us all know that we are so not alone, even when we feel like we might be.

The weirdness guides us so that we know who our Tribe is, and our weirdness makes it so that there is no mistaking that these people…these people who you know even though before you knew their names you knew who they were…these are your Tribe and they are yours, forever, because they have been your Tribe forever. Those with whom you hold the most counsel with, and those with whom you have the most in common, but not always who you share DNA or a marriage certificate with – these are your people, this is your Soul Tribe.

Cherish them like nothing else, because they are here and in your awareness because they are meant to be here. Love them as though you might not ever have known who you really are without them, even though you do know who you are, and because they are the mirror to who you are and what you see there is the Truth of you all. What you see in the faces of these people who are familiar strangers is you, is your Truth, is who and what you are and these are the people with whom you will spend much time with, and these are the people who will do the most for you and these are the people who will always, always be by your side, even if it is from far away. You will always know them, will always be them and you will always be a part of them, and they, a part of you. From the moment that you see them, meet them in this lifetime, you are not alone.

You were never alone, ever. You were merely and only waiting for the rest of your Tribe to be visible to you, and my best guess is that they showed up at the same time mine did…

And that time is called the right time….they all just showed up, right on time…

I Love You All !

Strange Days are Change Days

If you can’t quite wrap your head around something right now, don’t worry, you are perfectly fine, I Promise…

I have been asked a whole lot lately to do a whole lot of different things, and one of those things is evacuating an area of negative energies, which I did not once, not twice, but three times today alone. The last one that I did today was for family, and it goes without saying that if there were anyone at all in this lifetime who totally deserves a whole lot of rest and relaxation right at this very moment in time, it would be my Soul Family.

You see, there is a lot of change happening to us all right now, and right now, and you all…ALL of you know who you are – yeah, I am talkin’ to you guys, my fellow strange people and the very people who have captured not only my attention but my very Soul. I want you all to read what this says and take it to heart and absorb it (where?) all the way down to the Bones of The Soul. I say this to you all right now because right now that which seems like it is normal also seems like it is the most abnormal thing in the world, and the thoughts we are all thinking right at this time and all at the same time – those are the normal things that you think about anyway, and that those thoughts seem way more pronounced than they normally would are not different but are the very things that we each and all need to pay more attention to. Seriously, I would not be sitting here writing this if my own Soul did not say so, that it is time to put down the flag that is advocacy, and grab up the Maoli drum again and let everyone know that now is not the time to freak out, not at all.

In fact, the reason that you want to freak out is because you are not understanding your own thoughts. You are not understanding your own thoughts because basically, and this goes for me as well, you are not able to grasp on to what it is that you are thinking because it simply is not the way that you are used to thinking about those thoughts that you are thinking in the manner that you are now thinking about them. That which used to tell you one thing, well, it still tells you that but now there seems to be a back-story to it, a prelude to it all, if you will, and the scary part is NOT that we have been there before, but that we have been there before and when we saw it before we feared it because we recognized it with our actual eyes but NOT with the eyes of the Soul. If you want an example, I will give you mine.

So, here I was earlier, trying dearly to come up with some words that would make sense to me when I get a text from an old friend asking me how to cleanse her home. I tell her. She doesn’t get it. I go over there. Still cannot seem to grasp the idea that what I was doing was simply symbolic, and told me that she didn’t feel different than she had before I got there. I told her “oh honey…you need to wait and more, you need to let go of the thing that I showed up here to help you get rid of…stop thinking about it and be happy, dammit…” and away I went. All the while I am waiting for another friend who came to my house earlier and who was telling me about the crap that goes on in her life that is like my life and we talked about it and we helped each other and bang! It hits me that I have to do this same thing for her just not in her presence, so I do it. Then I have to leave to go to my cousin’s house, and I told him this morning that I would be there today at some point and that when I show up I will be there, sage and abalone shell in hand, ready to cleanse his house. So I go, I cleanse, and he is good now, because he told me so.


My thought about all this craziness is that we are in the middle of a very BIG transition at this time, and it is one that is pulling NO punches with ANY of us. We are being called to cleanse a whole LOT out of our lives, and for the very life of us, there are many, many of us who still cannot let go of things. We cannot let go of these things because we are so comfortable in the idea that we are finally adjusted to the last set of adjustments we had to go through and the hell if we are going to go through another set of them just because that is what Spirit tells us is going on whether we like it or not.

And yeah…hell yeah…it IS whether we like it or not, and it is that time of our lives in this, the New Age of Aquarius, that we are expected NOT to hang on to the things that make us mad or hurt us, and we are supposed to look at all these old situations for what they used to be and compare them to what they have become so that we can see how far we have come and how much we have changed and even that much isn’t enough for us to be able to take a breather for a moment because every time we stop, we realize that, again, we are at the start of a new change, a new phase, and while we know we asked for all of this, we were not ready for it to happen so fast that we feel like we have hardly had a chance to catch up to ourselves.

We are at that critical point, guys…the one that tells us to move forward and grow and never mind the things that are going on in the past because there is nothing going on in the past. The things that were there are no longer there but in our memories, and now we see that we have come this far and we have done so much and it seems not to be like we have come as far as we have, but I am telling you that we have. I am telling you all that we have come a long, long way, and in that time we have seen ourselves as what we were and now what we are and we are Loving who we are because who we are is in FULL ON evolution. The ones who are not liking it at all are the ones who we can no longer pull along with us. It is not that we have to leave them behind, but more that they are choosing to stay there, and that is none of any of our business. We do not have the right nor the power to choose for others. This was a dear lesson that I learned these last three weeks, and that is that when someone has decided that there is nothing left for them that they will just give up.

And I don’t know if anyone told you this about me specifically, but the phrase “give up” are not in use in my everyday vocabulary. I am sure that if I thought about it for a while, I would find out that that phrase was never really something that I have used, ever, because if that were the truth, well, I wouldn’t be sitting here telling you all this stuff, because this is the stuff that I am meant to tell you about.

Yes, my friends, these are VERY strange days, but get used to liking them, because the strangeness that is Now is the foundation for what is to come.

Wish I could tell you all what that was, but I can’t…how will you learn if I just tell you what you need and are meant to learn, right?


I Love You All !

The Graduating Class of Aquarius…2013

It dawns on me that my son was meant to wait to Graduate…

I can’t lie and say that when I realized that my son, Jeremy, was graduating late, not really, but just not with his friends,that I was not upset. Yet it was not his fault that he was just…I don’t know – not ready yet. Somehow, because of everything that had gone on during his early years in high school, his emotional life, inner life, would not allow him.

There is truth to the idea that things like these which came into our lives, collectively, do so for a reason, and ALWAYS it is a VERY good reason. I know that the reason that my son was held back, not by his school life, but his life that seemed to go haywire at any given time, was so that he would graduate with a generation which I can sit here, almost tearfully, and give proper acknowledgement to this, the class which I have named and crowned the Graduating Class of Aquarius.

The Graduating Class of Aquarius

It was evidenced by the way these young people expressed themselves in their speeches that told me, for real even, that the Graduating Class of year 2013 is the very essence of the Dawning of the Age of Aquarius.

These are children with Souls. Parents whose children have graduated this year, I join you with my late Graduate, my oldest child, Jeremy, not for an adulthood that is sneaking up on him, but because these children…OUR children, are the very essence of the seed of Love, of Soul, of Community, and we are who planted it in them. We are the ones who taught them that it is far better to work toward something together than it will ever be all and totally on our own. Unlike our graduation, this was very soulful. This was the most beautiful night of Lokahi that I am glad to have been witness to.

The energy was impossibly Divine, abuzz with laughter and joy in abundance. We did not fail them, guys. We taught them what they needed to know, and collectively our generation’s children have pulled through some of the most very difficult times in all of both of our generations have been witness to. I saw it in them, the spark of Love that was familiar but was also different. This was not what it was like way back when we were kids, when Bon Jovi was not classic rock, and when it was that the internet was a fantastical notion that we might be able to connect with other humans and reach out and share our lives with people who just this time last year, we did not know. This is the proof. Our kids are the proof.

We have managed to raise kids who are loving and supporting, and we have given them the keys to the proverbial kingdom in that, for the most part, almost all of us in our generation – we had to learn this from each other, because all of us hurt so very badly. We did it our way, and we did it our way the most loving way that we could have, and these children are who serve as our proof. These kids – they Love one another, and it is a family type love. It is the most Unconditional Aloha that I got to be part of, just like you guys did!!

They did it ! They did it in a time when doing lots of stuff is difficult. But, they did it.

They are excited, and they should be, because they are the epitome of the Dawning of the Age of Aquarius

Congratulations to the Global Graduating Class of 2013…The Class of Aquarius

I Love You All!!
(I Love You Jeremy !! Right on, kiddo! You did it!!)


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