Tag Archives: Family

May your days be merry and bright

Today, and if only for today, remember…

I normally won’t write something the day before any major holiday. I did, a long time ago, but it always seemed like it was something that everyone else did, and if you all have not yet figured it out yet, I am so not everyone else. This is what today’s Merry Mana’o is about, to remind you to remember what is good, to recall what you learned from the things that hurt you, and most of all, to never forget that Love always prevails.

Sure, 2014 has not been the kindest of years for a whole lot of us, but I am sure that if we each and all stopped for a moment and thought about what the pain from the year has actually given to us each, we would learn to better use that energy of pain towards the energy that is wholeness.

Remember, if you remember anything at all, that holidays are not about the singular person, that they’re meant for us to be able to see things from that part within us that is about who we are for real, and not who we think the world expects us to be.

You can sit there, reading this, believing that I am writing to one person in particular, but that would not be the truth, and y’all know about me and the truth – it is the very life’s blood of everything that you see and know as the reality of not what you have been through, but more, who you are.

Lots of us have been given the beautiful truths that we longed for and those beautiful truths happened upon our lives all while there was not but ugliness all around, and in that ugliness there still is a bit of beauty, that things that i referred to in the past as being the beauty in the pile of excrement that we each and all have dared call our lives.

But that is what they are – ours, and they are ours to do with what we will, even and all the way down to questioning our own motives for our own truths… even if we found out that somewhere within us might have been the truth that we cannot deal with that is ours. Whether you believe it or not, that – the truth – is the greatest gift that any one of us could hope or wish for.

The truth about anything sets us each and all free, not from the hurtful intentions of others, but more, from our blindness to what is our own truth, our own damage, our own selves.  We each and all have a very hard time looking at our own damage. Regardless if it were someone else who gave it to us, we must see it as the ultimate gift, because contained within that gift are the facets of who we really are, which is the actual reason as to why we each have such a hard time with our own truth.

One day, each of us will choose to embrace the truth, and when that day happens, it is like opening up a Christmas gift that only we could give to ourselves. That gift is trust, perhaps not of everyone else in our lives, but most assuredly, eventually, of our very selves.

We can only look back at this year called 2014, at each and every piece of what has occurred, at what we have each lost, and what, more importantly, we have gained through it all, and forever we will know that what we experienced was meant to teach us about who we are, and for the most part, the majority of us all, in the singular manner, have come closer to that Stand Alone person who we are each and all striving to be.

Stand Alone, as I have often said and often say to many others, is not all alone, because in order to become Stand Alone, one must first know what it is like to be truly and completely all alone. I know that really, we are not ever totally alone, but all of us knows what it feels like to be by ourselves, to be lonely and to feel like no one loves us. Then one day the Mother Goddess sees to it that we understand that when we are meant to no longer just be all by ourselves, and when it is that She knows we are capable of being with ourselves and are fine and good in that manner,that the lessons of the year which passed come fully into play for us.

It is when it all makes perfect sense, and also when we can easily fit the pieces of our own selves into the puzzle that we call “our life”that we begin to see clearly, like the sun finally broke through the clouds.

So, on that note, and given that it is today, I will bid you all with this much…

When you see the children laughing and playing tomorrow morning, riding their new bikes or playing with their new toys, remember that joy, the very same joy that was yours, long before the world set in.

When you sit to break bread with others, whether tonight or tomorrow, and as you hear the evening prayer for the holiday meal, remember to say thank you to Spirit for bringing you together with these same people, people who, even as they may well drive you crazy throughout the year otherwise, they are a part of your holiday, so be grateful that you have lived long enough to see them age gracefully, too.

Remain solid in who you are, and never waiver from that person, because in doing so, you allow others to also do the same.

Most of all, though, do not fail to Love, because really, it is what brings us to our knees, makes us hurt, cry, rage, and paradoxically, is also which makes us whole again.

Mele Kalikimaka me ka Hau’oli Makahiki Hou…

May your days be merry and bright…Aloha!

I Love You All!


Merry Christmas Mana'o Blog 2014 shoot your eye out lol



Ho’ohana – The Value of Intentional Effort

Rarely is it the thing that is appreciated as much as the thought behind the gifts that we give anyone at all which matters the most. 

There are times when my favorite question to ask is “What were you thinking?” and normally, it is never a bad thing. We love to give gifts, but we do not know that the reason we love to do so is because the reciprocal energy that is the Aloha contained within the intention.

I say it all the time, that it is our intention that matters the most in terms of things that we want for ourselves, and things that we want for others in our lives with whom we share a very real closeness of Spirit and Heart.

“Ho’ohana” – To Work

Giving, as far as human beings are concerned, is second nature. It is not until we are taught otherwise, taught that we have to have more than others, be better than others, become the best and thereby best each other, that we sort of lose this inborn ability toward giving to others what we want them to have from us, and more, what it is that they need in the soul-sense.

Tangible things are cool. We all love them, all want them, but in the truth of things, even though we love having all of our cool things, we are more inclined to feel a lot more like the Royal Family of Cool when we give. It is not in the tangible thing, once again, that our energy is stored in. It is in what we get back from these people that is intangible that we wait for, that we want and that we know, at least for the most part, we will get….a smile.

Effort is never without value

No matter what it is that we are doing, if it is worth the effort to even think about it, it is valuable (of course, unless it is to hurt someone else for whatever reason you think you have…doing that just makes you an extra giant douche bag, seriously). When we think about what we are having for dinner every night, we do so with the intention that is making our kids and families happy, not only with what has been prepared, but more, because we cared enough about it all to think about what they might like to have. When we think about creating a beautiful gift for someone else, it is not only the gift that is beautiful, but more, the thought behind the gift, because in that thought, we were prompted to think about the person who it is being created for, and in that effort, there is value.

When we tell a friend we will pick their kid up from school, just because we will be on that side of town, it is a beautiful effort, and when we gift others with tangible means – and means of anything at all – the thought alone is the beauty in it all.

Ho’ohana means “to work,” and in this instance, it is in the effort that is the work of Love that is the gift and not only the tangible gift itself.  This is why, sometimes, people are inclined to buy others some of the most ridiculous things – because in that effort of thought, you were loving those people. In that energy, you were not only dealing with how you feel about that person, but more, you were also thinking about how they also feel about you, in the soul sense, and in kind, always, the Universe gives to us each, the giver, the receiver, and everyone in between, the gift that is the energy of Aloha between souls.

It is the soul which sees and feels the effort, that makes the outer person experience through physical means the things that make them happy through and about other people.

And yes, this is really why ALL of us LOVES to help other people…okay, maybe if you are a selfish SOB, and maybe if you are one of those people who cannot see past the tip of your own damned nose …. then maybe you don’t give for any other reason than that you believe people will worship you, and in reality, they are worshiping the thing that you gave them. (Dumb ass)

The Effort Taken Toward Intangible Giving

There are a few people on this planet who personally know that if there is something that is really important to them that they need to happen for them, and that if I am able, in any manner, to help them make that happen, I will do for them what I am able to. This is not something that I have never done, but lately, it has become something that I know who I can do things for and trust, not that I will get back what I have given, but more, that I will know that they appreciate what it is that I am doing for them. Throughout the years, and because of the hellish time I had within a marriage that never worked, I learned, from that guy, a very important lesson, and one that I was well aware of for many years – that one thing is that not everyone can be bought.

Read that again, and realize, right now, that there are still a whole lot of us human type beings who believe that everything has a price, that everything is tangibly traded, that everyone will crack when a gift or monetary promise is involved. This is wrong. It is not our right, neither our duty, nor our place, to think so little of others that those others would not somehow clue into the idea that someone else is trying to manipulate them, that in those manipulations that cause some folks to think that money or items replace the reality of the energy behind it all, that the entirety of human beings on the planet somehow all have this one sin that we all fall short of the glory of ourselves with.

It ain’t the truth. The effort in this instance is not the right sort, is saddled with the energy of someone having to have absolute control over people, all through means and manipulations using tangible things. Anyone in their right, positive mind would never do this, because anyone in their right and positive mind would be mindful of how anyone else feels about anything else, namely if that “anything else” is the total energy of others believing that they can buy the loyalties of others, that they can, through their egotistical efforts, buy this sort of energy.

Too all the morons who think this way still

First, I must apologize to two of my teachers, because at this moment, and as she is reading this, or actually the moron thing, she is tsk tsking me…but, at least I know she loves me, and at least she knows that this sort of thing is something that I have gotta do or else my head will implode…

If you are one of these people who thinks that you and your tangible means can buy good people through the fake energy of “giving something” I must let you all know right now that the reason that it seems like no one is loyal to you, that no one wants to be around you, that you are alone in this lifetime without friends, without a true beloved,without your tribe of the Soul, is because when we try to “buy” peoples’ loyalty, we are not giving them the credit for being good enough to just be given something and more, you, yourself, through your manipulative effort, are not being loyal to them.

That’s right – I said it, I’ll keep on saying it, and hell yeah deal with it – you are disloyal, even to yourself, because what you do, think of, give to, whatever, “for” others, ultimately you are also doing to yourself. There is nothing quite as endearing as the truth of who we are, given through the efforts of what we do not have, and that we try to make happen for others, because of how pure our intentions are. Not enough gets said in terms of what the morons of the world and in the energy that is giving and neither about the reality of the karma that they will have returned to them. (It’s called a Karmic return – where the thing that you were meant to learn comes back to you..you know…RETURNS to you…to make you learn from that lesson…duh)

When we first think we are getting away with something, regardless if the other people who we think we are buying loyalty from catch on, this is when the Karma that will return to us is created. My question for the moron tribe is this – have you not paid any attention to the things that you are not aware of how they have happened in your life, and how they are connected to the things that you think are good things, but your intentions behind those things are less than honorable? It is in the less than honorable things that you are thinking, that you are intending to do, that you are exacting into the lives of other people that make this such a really not that great idea.

No, I’m not harpin’ on ya because I really think you are a moron, because some of the most intellectually superior people on the planet still have this one thing – this power over other people through tangible means thing – still to be healed, and yeah, I can promise you that it will not hurt to correct this now, but what will hurt is not if but WHEN the karma comes to you, and is to be made right, and you might not have the same means you do now. Hence, the reason that I tell anyone at all that it is nice to have a lot of means, a lot of ability to afford everything your heart desires, but it is quite another thing to believe that you can have the loyalties of people who you are not willing to show your true self to do that through. Buying people, or at least thinking you can, only makes them mad. I know this, because the baby daddy did this for years, and then one day, he no longer had the means and neither the ability to buy the loyalties of other people.  He is living his karmic return. Unfortunately, he still believes that the only thing that keeps a person loyal is the means by which other people can be bought. He still believes that it is the tangible means he used to have and was able to create that made us all vacate his life, rather than the FACT that when HE no longer had the means and neither the ability, that it was not he who was so repulsive, but that it was everyone else. I will state, now, for the record, in writing even, that when the man lost everything, got sick and HAD TO depend on us – he failed miserably in terms of recognizing that it was never his money, but him, who anyone wanted to be better.

To this day, he still believes that people are only interested in others if said people have the choice to try to buy loyalty. The one thing that I have never forgotten, which I learned, in and of all places – church as a youngster – is that the truth will always be revealed, and namely when it is a truth of ourselves that we don’t want to see, acknowledge or accept – it is what is meant by the saying that “the truth hurts.”

Fortunately for me, I have never really bought into the idea that we can have people be loyal to us with and through tangible means. It just won’t happen, because it will never be the real thing.

It is in our efforts of what we don’t think we can do, but that we so totally want to do, for other people, that causes the Mother Goddess to bless us with the means, at the right time and when we need it, to go out into this world and do what we were born to do, which is to ho’ohana for others through our energies, so that they may know the truth of what is Love, what is loyalty, what is family.

This holiday season, remember these things, because it is not what you can do, but what you put forth in valuable effort, for others, without feeling to have to have it given back, that makes the forever-gift of Aloha the one thing that, at this time of year, is needed more than our ability to outdo anyone else in terms of who brought the biggest, most expensive gifts, and more, who can no longer be bought with those gifts…

Think about the last time you felt like someone was trying to manipulate you with things, only to find out later that they no longer have those things to entice people falsely with.

How did that make you feel, and more, what did it tell you about the moron who tried to do it again?

Think about it…

I Love You All !


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The “Otherside” seems so far away from us all at the moment, but in reality it is not. What is happening at this time is that we are preparing to be Stand Alone in our Power, rather than being all alone in our lives.


I am often times accused of being very “Polly Anna” in the things that I feel are the basic ingredients to a spectacular life as a light worker. Light workers, by and large, are those people who have been through, who still go through, all the crap that no one on the planet cares to deal with. Some of us have known that becoming Stand Alone is not easy work. In fact, it is a bloodsport and our opponent is not the outside world, but ourselves. We are being brought to the task of, not so much getting rid of actual people in our lives, but more, clearing our lives of the energies that we do not need or are not useful for our growth or our shared mission in this lifetime.

The way that these things come to us are normally in the very most hurtful ways possible. One example I can think of right this moment is the fact that, after I dropped my youngest off at school, I ran out of gas. There I was, waiting for my dog to come bounding back to the car as normally he does (I love that guy), and normally he does so the very moment that he hears the car start up. This time, though, when it chugged to a hungry void of mechanical sounds, both he and I were a little bit confused. Yet, where is the confusion at really?

It was in me, because for the life of me I have no clue as to what possessed me to not get gas prior to …well, this morning?

That part is irrelevant, because eventually I made it home, and even as I was completely mortified by that experience, it taught me that sometimes I need to not be so damned unclear in my thoughts, because being unclear in my thoughts causes shit like this to happen. And shit like this is happening everywhere. Proverbially, we are each and all “running out of gas.” We want the old comfort levels to work for us, and it isn’t because we are lazy, but because we are tired, and we are ready for the great big changes, and we are, most of all, tired of having to hurt, all the way down to the middle core of us, in that place that I like and have titled a book called “The Bones of The Soul.”

We ache, all the way down to the Bones of The Soul

Yes, there is such a place, a place where everything that we have ever gone through exists, and everything that we have thought about, done, had, loved, hated – all of it, and it is that place which I have aptly called The Bones of The Soul.

My culture reveres the bones of the ali’i, the royal family, of the warring commanding chiefs, and to this day, there are many of us who still adhere to this ideal that whatever it is that we have done, felt, had in our lives, that our stories are contained in the bones that we leave behind, the skeletal remains of our physical selves and the physical proof that at one time, we existed.  Everything that we are is supported by our skeletons, and at the same time, it is the very “skeletons in the closet” which also weaken us, also make us believe that who we are is not valid in terms of our wanting to be whole, wanting to have relief from all of the madness that comes with the life and the learning of light workers.

Life, Learning, and why it is such a harsh bunch of lessons for those who are in training for the most beautiful time in our lives

We go through the things that we do for a reason. I am not the only one who has been told this, not the only one who knows this, lived and lives this. There are lots of us who are, at this very time, going through a LOT of things that just plain old suck in terms of comfort, in terms of security, in terms of “life as we know it” or “life as we thought we had designed it to be.” Life, as you are all finding out, does not and never will work that way. There are always detours along the route to beingness, always another way that we are being led on the Path we walk alone, and the journey we share with others.

Our lives are not meant to be a joke, not meant to be the way, at least outwardly, the way that it presents itself. I thought that what I wanted was the nice little life at home with the kids, running my own silly little “home based business” like I was told that all moms at home did. I couldn’t do things that way. I had to be in motion. I cannot sit still for too long. My brain does not like being idle. It is always going, always thinking, always making sense of one thing or another. My own security of self has always been my ability to think, my ability to be able to discern what is the truth, and if what I am looking at or thinking about is NOT the truth, I think more about how it is that what I am perceiving can somehow be utilized for my own evolution, and always, I can use what it is that I am faced with. No matter what.

No Matter What

In the daily things that happen in our lives, we find that there is a particular theme to the things that we are currently and each going through. At this time and in my own life, it is the things which are contained within the word and the reality of “Family.”

I was taught that, no matter what, family will always be there for you. What I have learned is that the word and the energy that is “family” has MANY varied meanings, and more than that, once it is that you have grown tired of believing what others have told you, or more, what others have expected you to believe, namely if you are NOT caring to believe it and for no other reason than that it is not YOUR way of doing things, you tend to get a whole lot frustrated, and for nothing more than that when you think about what is, to other people, the energy that is “family,” and what you have seen and been given and know as being that energy, and that energy no longer matches what is yours, whether we like it or not, the lesson is NOT that you are without family, but that you, yourself, must redefine what that means, NOT for what you thought it was, but for what you know it to be right in this moment.

For too very many of us, we have been cemented to the idea that “family is blood.” Well, I have a different take on what is, and more, what is NOT “family.”

Family is not a group of people who shares DNA and a grandma with us, at all, because if that were the truth, there would not be a need for therapists and life coaches like myself to be there when said same family decides that they have the choice to shun you if you do not conform to what is their ideal of what is normal. I have gone through this my whole life, the idea that “family” is blood. I am proof that no, it is not. This is not to say that there are not people within those blood-ties who we do not identify with, who we do not love, and who are not our own definition of “family.”

Family is NOT meant to tell us only what they think is not right according to them. Again, I have gone through this, as well, my whole life, and anyone who is blood related to me and reading this right now and who are taking offense to my words – please, don’t bother, and, in fact, get over it. You know what I have gone through, and you know that I needed more than what I was given, and the bitch of it all for those of you who think I am being a “bad kid” is that I no longer care about what you all think of me. You have always thought of me as the familial whipping girl, the poster child of what happens to a person when they don’t conform to the “rules” of a last name, of all things, and really, I have grown used to the idea that none of you, with exception to the very small number who actually love me enough to accept this me, have ever or will ever accept me, as this me, and it is because I also refuse to think like you guys – with a pack mentality.

Family is NOT meant to only see what it is that they don’t like about us, and they really haven’t got the right to expect that they will change who we are to fit their ego needs. It won’t happen that way, ever. Family is not allowed to judge us, but they do, and they even expect that we will agree to everything they want to see happen, without regard to our also being a human being with our own thoughts and our own opinions about anything at all. It is the pack mentality that breaks us every time, because not all of us were born into this lifetime as part of a pack…some of us were born and meant to shine on our own, because our light is so big, that it is automatic that we do not stay in the beingness that is “alone’ without one day living and actively being Stand Alone.

It is not from the place that we receive the gifts of the relief that is being who we are, at all. It is from the place that is who we are not where this gift comes from, where it is that we are so different from the pack that wants us to be part of their …family…that rather than allowing us to just be who we are, how we are, what we are, all the time, and just loving us on that level, the very level that is the respect needed for us all to go forward and be happy in the skin we are in, they push, and manipulate, and cause hurt…they tell us lies, they give us grief, they do things that are so NOT familial that there are a LOT of alienated adults in my own age group who know what I mean when I say that there are days when I can smile and know, for sure, that I am glad that I sometimes call myself an orphan…even as I know that my Soul Tribe exists.

Being Alone, versus Being Stand Alone

Some of us like it when we see that the people who we believe have hurt us (because they refuse, like I refuse, to conform to your norm), also  try hard to go out into the vastness that is humankind and do us dirty. And being “done dirty” doesn’t always have to be that someone else lied about us. It can also be that someone else is so jealous of who we are that the only thing that they CAN depend on is the idea that within their reach are people who are as small and feeble minded as they are, people who will soothe them, cajole them, and relieve them of the responsibility of having to own up to their own fuck ups.

They say and do things that are unneeded, say and do things to harm us in some manner, and it is not until we decide, for ourselves, that they are not good enough to be in our awareness, not the sort of people who are stand up enough to also and one day become Stand Alone. While it does not or will not feel like it right now, this is the truth of those of us who so badly want to make things right, even though we know they won’t ever be made right.


“Once you know, you can never go back – I’ve gotta take it on the Otherside…” (Otherside, by Red Hot chili Peppers)

It was a conscious decision I had made one day, back in January of 2013, one year, almost to the date, of when I chose no longer to be one person’s target. It was then that I realized that on some level, he was not the only one who had mistreated me. I learned at that time that in order for me to move forward, I had to become strong enough to stand alone, to not want to bother with people who constantly wanted me to sell myself short, who wanted me to sell my soul to the devil of conformity and their very demands on who I am, on who I was. It was probably the very hardest decision to make, but make it, I did.

I had to, and had to because I knew that for the rest of my life, I would be trying dearly to prove myself to a group of people whose standards were too high, but whose standards never applied to them – only to those who they deemed as not like them. I am like no one, much is as anyone reading this is. It took me a long time to look at the people in my life who supported me and I, them. And it took me a long time to welcome this sort of family to my life, the kind that was built on and thrived on Love, on the equal trade of that love, and the non-judgement that we all need from someone, but that not all of us have been given from the people who are meant to give it to us.

I had to let go of the beliefs that I’d held for so long, the ones that repeated to me how blood is thicker than water, how our friends are not going to be with us or in our lives forever, and how it is that “they are your friends, but we are your blood.” There is nothing quite more sickening to me than to keep someone hanging on the ropes of security by something as trivial as being tied to one another via heredity. I want you all to know that it is not that I do not Love these people who are blood related to me, but that on the other side of that Love is the pain and the heart ache that I was given, just because I am different, and just because I would never, ever stand down to them…

…and it was totally because even then, when I had no choice, as a child, I knew something was different about me. I had to accept being on the Other Side of things in terms of what these people were, and more, were NOT willing to accept about me. It didn’t matter that it hurt me, and it didn’t matter that what they expected I knew I was not allowed to expect in return, and guess what, folks?

Now, it doesn’t matter at all, because I finally know, for real, who is, and who is not my family…I know who loves me, accepts me, would never dare ask me to change a thing about me, and these people are the epitome of cherished. I am glad that they know this, and glad, more than anything, that I am as loved.

 To Be Alone just means that we are being prepared to stand alone in our own power, that we are being met with the right people to call “ours” and most of all, that we have always been one thing…

…able to Stand Alone, rightly so, our power fully available to us, and only also available to those who we know are like us…



Hawaiian Woman Lei Floating Violence Meme

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Please get involved with the “The Day I Chose to Survive” awareness campaign. For information on how you can be a part of it, please send me an email with the words

“The Day I Chose to Survive”

in the subject line…mahalo nui… ROX


Every one of us on this planet has a group of people who we think of as family, and not all of those people are related by blood to us. It is for those people in my life who are this family for whom this is written…


I must give props to the people in my life, who, for a long time now, and they all know who they are, have been the family which I did not come from, but are the very family which I embrace and refuse to let go of. We all have these people in our lives, and to each of those who share my life with me, I want you all to know that I absolutely would be terribly miserable without you.

Without you, I have no shoulders to lean on, no ears to bounce my crazy ideas into and off of, and without you, really, while I have relatives, and I love them a whole lot, too, my world is colored by the love I give and receive to the people who I call “My Tribe.” I have been gifted with this very special set of people, the one made up of the misfits like myself, and the one filled with the creative souls who, at one time, seemed to also be looking for a place to belong, and many of you, as have I, found a place within me, much as I have within you, that is Home to You, Home to Me…Home to Us.

Without the presence of you all in my life, I would not know what it is, really, and this is nothing against my blood relations, I would never know the truth that is Family. I love my cousins, and they, too, are part of this Family which has been assembled through the grace that is the Mother Goddess, knowing what is best for her kids, and knowing, too, that even though sometimes, we feel orphaned by our blood, it is in the life giving nature that is the depth of watery emotion which spawns from the love between friends who end up being our family and sometimes, that family is closer to us than is our blood. I know this. I live this. This is my tribe, my family, the ones who might not look like me, but the ones who know me so very well.

I wanted to make this post be one that tells you all that no matter what, I thank you, all, for showing the Aloha to me, when I raged, when I cried, when it was that it seemed that I might need, once again, to be peeled from the ceiling. I want you all to know that without your presence in my life, that I have no life outside of my children. Without you all being there for me, watching me trip and fall, watching me do all of the things that I do, and never once shaking your heads or thinking that maybe, I might not be all there, I thank you. I thank you for allowing me to still be your “weird little friend,” and I thank you for never forgetting that above all else, we are there for one another, that we Malama what we, together, have built to become a great big, connected-by-the-soul, Tribal Soul Family. I cannot thank you enough.

Really…I Love You All…and you know it is the truth of me.

Malama means “care for.”

To the rest of my readers, know now the very difference of what family is, and what family is not. I will not lie to anyone and tell a soul that I am without love for my blood relations, and in that set of people who I thanked in the above paragraph are indeed people who I am related to. When you think about everyone in your lives, and you wonder why it is that some people are closer than are your blood relatives to you, and you wonder why it is that sometimes, you would rather not be with your blood and prefer to be in the water that is your group of friends, this is what is called “Malama” in action, because you would not feel like you do about those people or that group of friends unless you all were not exacting the Malama…or rather…the “ho’omalama” (to care for) energy within that group.

My Tribe…they know that I love them, each and every one of them, and some of them are not here in this state, and some of them have gone on to the other side of the Veil of Consciousness…yet, that doesn’t matter, because even those people still visit me…it is all Love, the tribes that we create, with people who are like us, even though their blood and your blood do not contain the same DNA, even though you do not technically share a grandmother, even though you are not blood related at all. That doesn’t matter. For some of us there is no other family, because the ones that we come from simply are not our kind of people, and that doesn’t matter either, because in our actual blood families there is a link that keeps us bound together, no matter what. Yet, the bond that is alive and well within your own Soul Tribe is never-ending and completes us each. Mine completes me. Without them, I will not say that I am nothing, but my life would be void of the color that is Ohana, that is Aloha, that is my Family…the very one filled with eccentrics like myself.

This same thing can be found in your Soul Tribe…and within the confines of your Soul Tribe there are things there that are common between you, that sometimes, there is no commonality between blood relations, and this is the reason that Spirit provides us with people who we Love, who we Love to be around, and who treat us with honor, respect, care, and of course, their own Aloha Soul.

You will know your Tribe, because you are one of them, and this will be the most obvious thing that tells you that you belong somewhere, with others like you, and with others who have the same thoughts about everything that you do. You will know who they are simply because they smile at you and laugh at your ridiculous jokes, try to prank you and tell other people the silly things you do when you have had too much tequila. These are the people who you know the best, who know you the best, who never ask you anything other than that if you are okay. These are the ones for whom you would die and who you know would also do the same for you, are the very ones, who, regardless of who you bring into the inner circle, who you bring to the Tribe, will be there, no matter what.

These are the people who care about you the most, are the people who know more secrets about you than maybe your own mother or siblings might, and are the people who you share more memories with than you might your own brother or sister. These are the people who were sent to you, literally on the wings of Angels, and the ones with whom you can share you heartaches, as well as your joys, and are the people who make it possible that even on your worst days, there is always something to look forward, no matter how far in the future, because these are the people who cannot see anything in their own lives without you somehow as part of it. Yes, you…wonderful you who didn’t realize that even though you might feel all alone in this lifetime, there are your people…there is your Soul Tribe.

You were born, not only with a certain and specific purpose, but your mission in life is tied to and with these people who are your Tribe. They are there to help you with this, like you are there and for them to help them with this, and while it is that you are all heading toward this same, singular destiny and mission, you are, they are, we all are granted the Love and the Joy that is the Familial vibe that is between you and them, and them and you, and it is a beautiful thing indeed.

Be grateful everyday for these people. Be grateful for the memories that you make, and be grateful for the Love that is common among you. Be grateful for the similarities, and be more grateful for the things which make you the you who you are in that group called your Soul Tribe. Without you, they are not them, and without them, you are not you. Without these people you don’t know how important you are, and they don’t know how important they are.

Without one another, while we might each and all have a blood family that we love, there is nothing quite as beautiful as the Family made of the quilt of your friends and is the Soul Tribe we each call our own. I wake up daily very grateful for my Soul Tribe. Within the mix there are artists and musicians, are scholars and writers, are humans who have chosen, again, by the very grace of the Goddess, to call me one of their own.

I wouldn’t have it any other way….you all know who you are….thank you, all of you, for just being my Soul Tribe…I Promise to Malama you as much as you Malama me…Aloha Kakou!!

You know it… I Love You…All of You !!! Mahalo Nui Loa



…no, really…you DON’T have to fight it out

Thinking past our own selves and our own opinions and assumptions is not easy. We expect that others will be able to relate to us from our perspective, and not their own. This is where a whole lot of misunderstanding in communication between human beings is born – from our chosen cluelessness.

We wonder sometimes why it is that we fight with others, why it is that the people who we most love are the ones who we fight with over something as small as not being able to understand or relate to what they are saying to us, either for real or with their body language. Where people like I am concerned, it is not only the spoken word and neither only the body’s language that is telling me and anyone like me the truth of a person, but also is their energy, even from a distance.

Being someone who sometimes, herself, chooses to be clueless, and for no other reason than to save myself from having to intuit the pain, sometimes effortlessly, from others, I know what it is like to be on one end of the pain, as well as the other. And pain is not easy, comes in many different forms and from many different sources. It is unavoidable.  Each of us has felt pain and each of us has caused pain. The problem is not that we have had or have caused someone else to have pain, but that once it is that it has been initiated, it is almost a sickness that every single last one of us on the planet has caused pain, and then chosen to cause more pain by choosing to fight each and every single little “ego battle” that comes our way. In reality, we do not have to choose every single one of them It is not that we can choose none of them, because without things that suck, we do not learn what does not suck.

We can choose to not fight, but that would be boring, wouldn’t it?

Yep, it’s true – we get to choose all of our own battles, and the thing about humans who are only beginning the long and dusty trek to enlightenment is that lots of us know this is the truth, but lots of us also love the fight, love the drama that comes from the fight, and most of all, because they are only starting on the path, ensure that, through manipulation, hurting another’s feelings, through any means we can think of, we would rather cut someone else down to size, not realizing that the reason we would do such a thing is because we would rather be right, would rather win, would rather do anything at all than just be kind.

Again, we see here that the most of us have been taught, have been trained, and have been raised to see our differences, and our similarities are played down. We are more inclined, because we have each been trained to scrutinize the energies of others that is not the greatest energy (their darkness, that is) and have taken on the thought as truth that in each of our lives we have to be better than someone, and if we cannot be better than someone else, we will bully them, verbally abuse them, do everything we and our arrogance and our egos tell us to do, just so that we don’t have to believe that we are less than them on some level.

We would rather fight, be right, and to hell with anyone else, as long as we are right, or at least not totally wrong. This is a mechanism of the Ego. The Ego is there to protect us, but most of the time we allow it to run amok, stomping all over the souls of others, and then when we are finished gnawing on their raw nerves, and we are over the reason that the fight ensued to being with, we have the very nerve to expect these other people to not be affected by their antics, to not be hurt by the thing that they said or did, to not be human about what we had just gone through with them and on their behalf and without our spoken permission.

How we unwittingly allow others permission to be awful to us

When we get butt hurt because someone else said something unkind and they were completely clueless about it, and we end up in a fight with them over it, this is giving them permission to our ability to control who we are. When someone else gives their opinion and their judgment about who we are, and we get hurt by it, and we dwell in that hurt, they are in control of how we feel. No, it is not easy to not let the things that other people tell us not hurt us if it is meant to hurt us. It is, however, very worthwhile to stop giving into their energy of pain and wanting to not be alone in that pain.

Think about every time you and someone else got into a tiff and how you felt when you came away from it. Some of us, when the tiff is a well placed one, come away with a feeling like a piece of us somehow is no longer there and that the person who we fought with somehow took it from us. This is also true for the other person involved, even if they are the catalyst and the reason for our having been at odds with them over anything at all.  Fighting with others over opinions, over miscommunicated words, over things misunderstood are all things that, when we reach for clarity or perhaps deeper meaning for the energy provided by these events, is draining and takes away our energy.

Seriously…the way that we allow it is to give in, not decide if the battle is worth fighting and just jump on into the fracas and let it roar! We allow these others who do this through means of our believing that what they think of us is the truth of us.  What we believe is the truth of us is within us, but also within those who we mirror and who mirror us in return. When we get angry over frivolous things and things of a nature that are not in agreement with what our own belief about anything is is when the not-fun starts.

If you fight or argue over someone else’s opinions about anything at all, or about who they are in your thoughts, and without how they might feel about it, while you might not be essentially wrong for your opinions, you are wrong for trying to impose it on someone else’s free will

Most of the time, when we are in the middle of trying to get our ego’s point across, the last thing on our minds at that time is that when we try to manipulate other people toward what is our end result, and we try hard to make them want to be a part of what we see as our own version of right versus wrong, and really, anything else, we are tampering with something that we should be more inclined to have a giant amount of respect for, simply and only because we, ourselves, would expect the same.

You have read, heard, thought, at least a million times that you would not want someone else trying hard to make you do for them without them doing for you, the things that you need, much like they need, for the furtherance of their goals and the life that they are manifesting. Maybe they are somehow a part of your life because of marriage, or maybe because of your career. Either way it doesn’t matter as much as does the idea that there is a lot of hubris, collectively, still, and that this is where a whole lot of us get things so jacked up that a lot of times it seems as though we can do nothing to repair the damages.

It is the exaggerated pride, the hubris within each and every one of us that, at least for those of us who are not willing to call themselves on it, causes us to think that we are meant to take their crap and deal with it as though it is the only crap and the only way to deal with things.  It took me a very long time to not defend what is the opinion of other people that is about me versus what is my belief about me, a lot of time to learn to be empathetic and see, or try to see, where it was that anyone else is coming from.  It takes anyone at all a whole lot of time to not defend ourselves against what other people are assuming is the truth of us.  There is not one person who I know who does not like being shown when they have done something good or right.

Conversely, I have yet to meet a human being who is willing to NOT fight with someone else, willing to not hurt another person, or willing simply and only to listen without judging them after that someone else has been found to have said something offhand. It is in that judgment of someone else where we are in error.

It is when we are meant to learn to differentiate things, that what we are taught to do is to judge people and to form a belief that is not truly our own. I recall being a little girl and hearing it said that the reason I was not in many activities other than hula was because of the person who dictated what I was meant to like but only and according to her. If that person were taught how to do more than what the adults in her life taught her (“do what I tell you to do and not what you think you want to do.”), which was to conform no matter what – it was literally that she had to do as she was told, even if she wasn’t any good at it, or else she would end up being disciplined for it.

In this manner we are taught, as children, to trust by learning what the adults in our lives tell us we should rather than what it is that our soul tells us and what our own senses tell us is the truth. If I had been allowed to follow my soul, it would not have been that I had learned how much I loved to dance until I was in middle school and then in high school when I joined the dance program. We are told what we like and what we want to do, or, rather, a majority of us were raised this way.  Seriously, the words “I don’t want to have her do anything that I myself would not want to do.” This is why there is so much fighting between people – because we are not willing to let them be who they are and we start this nonverbal teaching lessons of how to judge people nonsense from a time when humans are in the womb. It is seen in the vicariousness of the football dad, the arrogance of the cheer mom, and in the manipulative thoughts turned into words from a stage mom.

These are all examples of people in our lives when we are very young who have any kind of say so and who take control of someone else’s destiny through imposing on them their will and their likes and what they are comfortable with. It doesn’t have to be a parent. It can be anyone who is responsible in some manner for teaching us to think on our own. It is like being that kid in math who is not understanding how to figure out what is in front of them, NOT because they are stupid, but because they need to be shown another way to figure things out. My second grade teacher did this to me – she called me stupid because I couldn’t figure out how she came up with the same answer that I did. “How could it be wrong?” I recall asking her.

“It doesn’t matter! You are too stupid to do it the right way!”  These are words that no one forgets, not because they are the truth, but because they were the truth of my second grade teacher at the time who just did not realize that I could not do the math HER way. When I showed her how I came up with what I came up with, she was still so angry with me that she failed me, because “I am the teacher and I can do that if I want to.”

This same line of thinking applies when we are talking about defending what I call “Self Beliefs.”

Self- Beliefs

We can think of them as being the ultimate selfie, because it is the picture that we have in our minds of ourselves. When we are willing to fight with someone else, not only are we one another’s mirror, but we are also one another’s catalyst for checking on ourselves so that we are not prone to walking the crust of the earth like we are somehow cool when really, we are not that cool at all ! haha

Like my 2nd grade teacher did me no favors when she called me stupid, we are not doing anyone else any favors when we decide that since they are not the way that we want them to be, and that since we cannot manipulate them, that they are somehow wrong and that they are the biggest sinners in the world of all things “self.”

Our Self Beliefs are the picture that we have of ourselves that is in our thoughts and in our Spirit and that we are in charge of. These Self Beliefs are those things that, as adults, we have to try hard to overcome so that we can grow. If a person has had it so that the whole time that they have graced the face of the planet, other people have been shaping who they are and we are believing what they are saying about us and to us and we do not think for and to ourselves that we are who matters when it comes to what we think about us, then that person will, like I still have a few issues with, have limiting beliefs about themselves.

Limiting beliefs are those things that tell us that we, on our own, are not strong enough to make it without the “love” of the spouse who no longer wants to be around to take the verbal and emotional abuse. Limiting beliefs are those beliefs that others have helped us form that tell us that we deserve to be lonely, by their leaving us by ourselves when we might need them the most. Limiting beliefs are those things that, every time we want to do something or maybe try something new, we fear the failure that we have not even experienced but somehow are positive that we are such sucky people that we cannot ever be anything BUT sucky.

Once it is that we buy into and start living these beliefs is when we have to really stop, even in the middle of tears, and ask ourselves why it is that we believe all the bad things and none of the good that we KNOW is the truth. Such as the idea that women have to keep up with the televised model of beauty, that men are not completely straight if they should choose to do things that do not include burping or farting publicly, or behaving like a chauvinist pig. If we have been told that this is the truth, and then shown so, it is of little wonder as to why it is that we have millions of young girls in high school worried about what they look like and if their butt is Kardashian big enough. It is why we have closeted young high school football stars coming out of the closet at school and hoping upon hope that the news doesn’t get to his parents for fear that his father will beat the gay (and the happy) out of him because he is not the person who his dad tried making him be and who he is not.

At some point in time in each of our lives, we decide that judging people for what and for who they are not is somehow okay. At some time in our lives we realize that what we see in others that bothers us also lives within us and that what we saw there bothered us so much that we had to control the situation by pointing out in someone else what we were NOT so that we could maintain our control over what they thought about us for real.

At some point, we all must decide to Love ourselves, to stop being so hard on ourselves for what someone else’s truth turned us into and be grateful that long before we leave this consciousness we still have the chance to be who we are and to share that with everyone else.

At some point, winning is no longer as big of a deal as is knowing that what might be someone else’s truth does not have to be and should NOT be what is ours.



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One day, every November

To be alive and well and able to see the sun be right where it’s supposed to be everyday…now THAT is what this Life is all about, guys…

Every year, for many years now, there is one day in the month of November that families get together to be with one another. I cannot refer to the name of the holiday, and it is for personal reasons that I don’t. Yet, even as I will not refer to it as being the day that it is called, what I will say is that every year, year after year, there are things and energies which I reflect upon because the truth is that I am, indeed, grateful, everyday of my life, to see that the sun still hangs in the blue Southern California sky, that my kids, even though things are not as great as I wish they could be at this time, are healthy and happy, that my dog is still in need of a bath.

People make such a big deal about things that happen the day after that particular Thursday every November that it is hardly a question in my mind that people are getting more and more cynical about everything. Well, sure, when you think about the way that big business has forgotten what it means to be with people who you love the most and for the reason that you are there, it is without wonder why it is that most folks cannot see anything but what is so blatantly there, all the time, from all sides – that it is not that Thursday that anyone wants us thinking about but instead is that following day. I have a few things to say right now, and all of it points to Gratitude.

Albeit, with attitude…here we go !

I am grateful to those who have hurt me, pissed me off, made me feel like a fool. I am grateful to those who have taken the time, again and again, to forget that I am a human being and that I have feelings like everyone else and that those feelings get hurt, often. I am grateful to those who have talked behind my back, threatened me, told me I was no good, that I am evil, that I am selfish and arrogant. I am grateful to those who did not bother to know me before they judged me harshly, and grateful to those who did not have the time of day for me.

Yes, I am grateful.

I am grateful because without all of these kinds of people visiting my life at the time in my life that they came to me, I would not know how to be humble, would not realize that other people don’t like being bullied, don’t like being told what to do or told who they are. I love that I have had these people teach me without my asking about how it is that humans deal with one another in a manner that is master and servant, that is “one is better than the other,” that is cold, cruel, heartless and selfish. I am grateful that I knew you, that maybe I still know you, because without you, I would not know who I really, truly Am.

I am grateful to you all because in those little tiny moments in my own life, the times when I needed someone to be there for me and to listen to me and to hear what it was that was breaking my heart, there you all were, somehow, to make sure that I knew that I would never be good enough to be with you and yours.  I thank you. I thank you because it was this energy, the one that told me that you did not want me around that saved me the heartaches that most assuredly, I would have suffered.

I am grateful to all those people who hurt me, who thought less of me without thinking that maybe there might be a human person inside of the ears you chose to speak your fabricated truth into, the truth that told you all the time that no matter what, I am not acceptable. No one ever told you that maybe it was not that you did not want me around and that I finally got the hint, but rather and only that, one day, I just no longer cared.

I am grateful to those of you who took the time to point out my flaws, to make me remember that I am not perfect, that somehow, in many ways, there are things that need improvement. Without you there to remind me that I am not perfect, I might not have been compelled to at least strive toward excellence. Without you there primping and preening and making a big giant show of your own perception of our own awesomeness, I would not know how ugly it is for a woman to need to be told she is pretty, that people like looking at her. I would not know what is the truth of the beauty within or that the beauty within is what creates the beauty on the outside. I thank you.

I am grateful to you if you chose to tell wild stories about me, and grateful if you felt at one time or another to lie about me, to make up tall tales about me, and I am grateful if you felt better because of it. I knew I would be of some good purpose for you, and if that was what you needed from me or anyone at all, I am grateful that it was me because just like I would not have had the experience that you gave me, you would not know that no matter how ugly your words were and how ridiculous your stories were, I was still there for you and still, I loved you.

I am grateful to those who have bullied me, from the time that I was a little girl, the all of you who did so, because without you I would never have realized the reality that is the fight, not with others, but with myself and how important it is to always know who I am for real and to not trust what it is that others think I need to be in order to please them. I was not, and no one ever is, born into this life to make others happy. We are brought to this lifetime in order that we might be of good service to others, and if the service that I provided you with was so that you could, for one moment, feel validated by your perception of someone who might not have thought of themselves in the manner that you think of yourself, fine. I am thankful that you showed up, that one or two of you are still here, because as time has passed and memory has slowed and you are not the bad asses you once may have been, I am still standing, and I am stronger than I have ever been in my entire life. This is a priceless gift that, without you all, I would not have ever received.  Thank You !

I am grateful to the one person whose mission, it seemed, for many years, was to make sure to it that I knew no other person would ever love me, that no one would want to bother with someone who was so emotionally dented and dinged, was to make sure that I felt like a whore, like the lowest step on the ladder, like the doormat that many women end up feeling like. I want to thank that person for making me KNOW, quite on my own, that I am not a one in a million girl, but instead, have become the famed and fabled, always sought out but rarely found, once in a lifetime woman. I thank you, because without you, I would not have been able to figure out that it was my place in your life to walk you down the Path of forever, and so that you might, one day, very soon here even, be meeting the Reaper who awaits your walk with him. I THANK YOU.

I am grateful, most of all, to those of you who have stood by me, who remained a brightness in my life when it seemed that the light had dimmed. I am grateful to those who have loved me for years, and grateful to those whose lives I have only recently become a part of, and who, by their own words, have called me a big part of your lives. I am grateful to have known you all, for many years, and even for only a few days, because just like the sun fades into the twilight, so that the moon can show us herself, so, too, has there been the never-ending thought in my head that if it were not for all of the Overlords of Doucheland throughout the course of my life who were there to remind me of why they felt they needed to hurt me, I would never, ever know what it is to be truly with Love in  my life, and neither, what it means to be loved by a family. This is who you are to me, and you all know exactly who you are. You are a gift and a pleasure to me, and I Love You all so very, very much. I Love You. Thank you for being part of my family, and allowing me to be so big a part of yours!

We bring new meaning to the term “Motley Crew” and yes, I know…”The Crue”…hahaha…. I love you all, so very, very much, from the sunny side of the street called Southern California, to the other side of the country where my Southern Ladies rule, to the ‘aina in the middle of the sea, and to those places in the universe where I have only dreamed about…to you all, I wish the very best of all to you, and yours, and may your Love be known to all as much as it has been made known, very dearly even, to me.

Yes, indeed, without your presence in my life, I would not ever know what it is to be Loved, without condition, and truly.

I thank you all the very most.

May this be the very blackest of Mondays we all have ever known!





A longing for home

“Home” is not a building.

I get emails, lots of them, about a general and collective energy that is “I want to go home, ” but always, the corresponding energy to that is the question we ask ourselves and our Guides… “but where is Home?” All of us have had this issue, and all of us have felt homesick, sometimes to the point of tears. The tears are the evidence that there is a place called “Home” for us all and that has nothing to do with the dwelling in which we live, and everything to do with the sameness of energy that is our Soul Family.

Home…it truly is where both your heart AND soul are

If it is that you are feeling like you have been going through what seems like a VERY severe disconnect, it is not an oddity and really, you are dearly NOT alone in that feeling. What we are all doing right now, in a collective manner, is realizing who we are, and who we each realize we are is bringing to light a whole lot of issues that have plagued us each for the bulk of our present human lifetime and at this time, the one thing that is plaguing us is not that we can’t stand the biological families that we each were born into, but that we are now out and about connecting with those who we have a soul-bond with.

Lots of times, we long for familiarity, and we long for others who are like us, and when it is that we feel lonely and we don’t know why, it is not because we need to go and find a new place to live physically, but really, it is because the longing for home is more or less a longing for being with people whose souls are just like ours. These people who we long for, they also long for us, and when the time is right and the conditions are right and our souls are ready to receive them, like magic, they just happen upon our lives. And when we long for each other like this. it is not a bad thing, and yes, a general cleansing is what happens, and it happens so as to make room for those who are worthy of space in our lives.

Do you know who your Soul Family Is?

I know who my Soul family is. The members are varied in personality and in preferences, but there is a similarity between us that is NOT anything physically had, but spiritually and emotionally had. Now, when it came time for me to realize these people I actually went out into my world and sought them out, and failed miserably at finding them. The reason was NOT because I was a jerk or because I was somehow not right, but because I was just not ready for them to start appearing for me. It began many years ago, when I was a youngster. The people who are still in my life from that time, and while it is that throughout the course of my life and their lives, we went on our Paths as we did, those who are meant to be with me, and I with them, came back. Those who were never supposed to leave, never did. Most of all, though, the ones who I had yet to know on this plane have, within the last year, have come into my life.

Because I have the wherewithal now to not see what I see when I see it, I know who is part of my Soul Family, and I also know who is only in my life to bring me a lesson, and, as well, so that I may give to them what it is that Spirit intended for me to give to them. When you are part of someone’s Soul Family, you know that this is them, and you know it because part of the longing that we felt will cease a bit. There were a few who I met in the desert, and then when I came down the hill, were many who I met within the last year, and then recently, there are the ones with whom I have reconnected, and, as well, the ones who are my relatives and to whom I refer as being family.

The reason that I wrote that last paragraph is because I want to illustrate for you the thing that I am trying to get across to you, and that is when you are “home” you know you are, because you will feel like you are “right at home” with those within your Soul-Family.

The families we are born into are not the only family we will ever have

I will state it, again, that the families into which we are born are only our vehicle into this lifetime. They are meant to bring us here so that we can have the lessons that we are meant to have with and by them so that we will learn what we must before we begin to meet those who later on in our lives will show themselves, at least in the manner of the Soul, as being the same as we are, even as they are physically markedly different.  Two people on this plane can be of two different ethnicities, and even as they are from two different places, and from different cultural backgrounds, they are still the same Soul family, and in that manner, they are alike.

When we are with people who we have this bond with, and who we share much in common with it is the first thing, upon first meeting, that we recognize – the sameness of Soul.  I have written poetry about it and I have taken a lot of notes on these things that happen between us all. The one thing that I have become very good at is recognizing the sameness of souls.

The Sameness of Souls

In an instant, that is how we recognize who is our Soul Family members. We know them right away. It is like looking into a mirror that is not us, but IS us, and right away we remember all the things that we were taught from the beginning of time. Right away, our Soul Sight is heightened, and right away there is the familiarity that never goes away. It is these people who we share much more with than we realize. It is these people who, when we happen upon one another’s lives, it is like we were waiting for the day to come, no, not to meet, but to reunite.

There is the sameness of the Soul there, the sort that no matter where we go on the planet and no matter who we meet up with, we have that Divine connection between ourselves and our tribe and more than that, no matter what, we know that even when, in this consciousness, our hearts were made broken by the things of this knowing, we were not ever alone. We know that we never didn’t have a place to call Home, because in that one moment, we return Home to our own Soul’s beginnings. 

The next time you feel like you are longing for Home, remember that it is not that you want to go to a building that symbolizes your physical place of dwelling, but that you and others who are within the same Soul Family are just putting it out there that you are there for one another, and that at the very same time, you are all trying to go back “Home”…

I Love You All



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