“…Iʻm gonna live my life from day to night with no hesitation…make the best of every situation I find myself placed in…Deciding right from wrong, choosing my final destination, ʻcause when itʻs said and done itʻs just yourself that youʻre facing…”
(Kottonmouth Kings Tangerine Sky)
So….there were a few things that I had to …get through…this week, and for a few more weeks I am certain, I am going to have many, many more….things…to get through.
Since I would rather not push those things or issues aside, I Am also sure that, over the course of the next weeks and months, everything that we have been really, really, truly focused on is going to come into our lives. And when I tell each of you reading this that you ought to think positively because we have this Jupiter thing that is GOING TO TAKE US TO THOSE PLACES WE HAVE MOST WANTED TO BE in our lives so please, when I say we each have (self healing) work to do (And I AM SO TALKING TO EVERY ONE OF US ON THIS PLANET) on our very tired selves – I MEAN EXACTLY THAT !!!!
And yeah…whether we like it or not, every single damned one of us has to deal with one or more…things…that we would rather not. In my specific case, there is a whole LOT that I have already faced, gone through, dealt with and am still emotionally dealing with even as I write this.
Yet, write this I must because I can no longer settle for less than being very clear with myself, with those closest to me, and with what I have to say to the world.
Hopefully the world will at least think I am nuts, or maybe it might think that I Am right when I state that if you think you have gone through everything that you have gone through over the course of the last ten years was for nothing, I am asking you to right now please stop that shit. You cannot have imagined what you have gone through and neither could you have possibly thought that when you asked for change, that the way that change is coming into your life is what you wanted…but I promise you that it was and is what you need. When you think of all the things that you have been through, you have to be amazed at the idea that all this time you thought things that were not the truth, knowing in the Bones of Your Soul the actual Truth and because of it, you are here.
This is called The Truth and this is part of The Truth that does not suck very much because there is the other permeating Truth that is thick in the air, the energies surrounding it and all of us, like the dirty haze of the Los Angeles Skyline on a sunny Los Angeles day. It makes the air thick and heavy and it is hard for us to take a breath, let alone breathe like normal people breathe. Yet, even with all of that known, we know we still have to breathe, even in the thick of things…
…and in the thick of things, letʻs face it, for a lot of us, still…
Right now sucks.
Right now would not have happened if I chose to go to the store with my kids. I could have left but did not – because I have too many things that I am thinking about right now, and too much has happened for me to be the version of me I was just this past October when the shit that hit the fans seemed to hit other fans and ended up everywhere. It was like everything that I said or did turned into a something akin to a steaming, impressively large and tightly coiled pile of dog shit.
…and of course, somewhere inside of that impressively large pile of dog shit is Grandmaʻs engagement ring and now we have to dive into the shit to recapture that diamond….
It sucks.
I know.
What else I know is that what you read next will suck way more, and for no reason other than that, once you put it all together and really look at everything as an entire piece – you begin to see the pattern, begin to see the things there that too many people would rather not – that thing called the Truth.
You are supposed to lose everything that you believed had worth, held monetary value to you, that you loved for whatever reason you loved it all for – I get it…been there, done that and still going through that shit, too.
I Am talking to my damned self too….because really, when we are talking about the things that we cannot or…actually do not want to look at, it is truly that our apprehension is about our own selves more than it is (or therefore can be) about anyone else.
No, this is not meant for any one person in particular, and if I must point out anyone, then I Am mainly speaking from my own point of view, from my own…sense of Self…. and from my own point of view we each and all need to look at what has been presented to us all and wonder what it is that we are actually looking at, wonder what it is that anyone else sees there? Because truly, everyday, and for the last …year…the thing that I have come to know about, more than anything else, is that the person referred to as “I” or “Me” or “Myself”….all these people who we each and all talk to, everyday…this is who we are facing.
Every fucking day, and every fucking day we each and all ask ourselves, the selves that look back at us and remind us of who we are not when in reality, we need to be reminded of who we are and of everything that we are made of.
I will remind us all, right now….Who We Are is nothing short of Magnificent, and we are made of the Heavens….which makes us nothing less than the truly Cosmic Beings that we each and all are born as….think about that and let it sink in and do not fear what you want to believe is meant to harm you.
Change is not going to harm you
Not changing will.…and thatʻs totally a thing that no one thinks about…that we have to change, not so that we can be controlled by someone else but, because who we used to be is not able, nor enough, to fill the void created by what we think is loss. It is in the losses that no one tells us, reminds us that we are the first thing to fill the void…we fill the void with Love, for ourselves, first.
When the love for ourselves is when others will also see that much -when we are worth our own time, heart and soul is when we will be that to anyone else…no matter what and no matter what the hell it is that you want to believe. Once it is that you know what is, and what is not, actual Love, you wonʻt ever settle for whatever sufficed in the past as that energy for you. There are plenty of us right now who are experiencing this right now and I want you guys all to know that for real…you donʻt gotta worry about a whole lot right now because the very all of us is going through something just like this that has to do only with one person – our very selves, and about how we are perceived through our own eyes. There is no one else on this planet who loves you like you do, and on the other side of that, is no one else who will beat the shit out of you and that will use against you every tiny little flaw that you think is there and is not there…
I promise – I know this one, too….personally even….yeah…keep reading…
We have accomplished much…even if it doesnʻt feel that way
We have accomplished much, the very All of Us, and in that time we have come to know what our own perception of anything else by anyone else of who we are, is. Sometimes, we are more inclined to believe what we do not like to be the only truth, than we are to believe what it is that we long to hear and which is also the truth, to know, to feel, to Be.
We want to Be Loved, and this is because we ARE Love…and I bet that no one ever thought of it that way. We are, for others, the very Epitome of what certain kind of Love looks like and when we know that it is the Truth, we can also see it no other way.
This is what I am finding out about myself – that I can see Love in no other way other than my own, and this is not only pertinent to me but to us all.
…and…
That is not about any one thing in particular, but, at the same time, is about the only thing that matters and at least we know that there are others on this planet like us whose motivations are but to Love, to Be Love, to Have Love and to Know Love, so that when one is brimming with it, it shows.
It cannot, however, show itself if we are not, ourselves, willing to Love every part of who we are as Beings.
Even the shitty, ugliest parts of ourselves…when I say ALL, I mean ALL…
That is a very scary thing to do, because when that happens, suddenly, we realize that maybe we have been paying attention to the things that we judge as bad about ourselves, that we know it would feel pretty darned cool if someone would just …get it…in terms of the things that scare us, that make us want to reveal what we are afraid to and afraid of, but at the same time, too afraid that if we do that, we will end up, one more time, feeling like we did all of that being afraid for nothing.
That is not the truth. Ever.
The hardest thing to do is to Love Your Self when it is that you believe that no one on this planet will, can, or wants to Love you. The hardest thing in the world to do is to trust people when all of your life, you did that, and by right of the hand of the Goddess calling them home because their work on this plane is seen to, or, by fate, or gossip, or believing things that donʻt make sense – they bail on us (or at least that is how it feels)…and we donʻt know why they donʻt make sense…the hardest thing, I know, is to believe the good things that other people have to say about you, to you. It is hard to hear it because you canʻt believe it.
You want to believe it, but, you canʻt, because you have that thing called a memory, and that son of a bitch likes to mess with us, all the time, makes us want to compare ourselves now to the person we were years ago, to a time that doesnʻt exist anywhere else than in the memories.
And if you can think that far back, it is a blessing and a curse, because you can recall those times fondly.
I can, too, but, the thing that no one thinks about regarding those times is that there were shitty things that happened, and shitty people who came into our lives, and we were, at those times, too, going through one or eighty things that hurt, that made us have to shift in our Being somehow, that sucked, that made us feel like everything we did and tried to do failed…kind of like a whole lot of us are feeling right now.
I get it.
I promise I get it – I lost my entire life too, it seemed at the time, but, nothing that is broken or feels broken is going to stay that way. In fact it probably feels broken at this point because something else has happened. It feels broken because for many of us, it seems the parts donʻt fit, and for some of us, it feels like our lives are clunking around in this vast void, this hugeness of nothing and space and silence that we have no idea what we are supposed to do with, like extra pieces that are clunking around in the box ….
…I think I have at least one idea….
Duh….You Become Abundant and FILL THE VOID…
Oh man I can hear your brains churning. And some of you are getting mad because I used that word abundant.
That word makes a lot of people cringe because too many people equate that word with money. Money is only one end result of thinking abundantly. There are more ways to be abundant than just monetarily. That is the thing that has been and is crippling all of us, all at one time, and for the very life of us, we are not sure what is the truth.
I will tell you the truth – you are worth far more than anything contained in the material world. No matter who wants you to think another way about you and this includes you – you are magnificent, you are here on purpose, and without you, lots of things would not happen, would not have happened and no one would have been there to see it happen. Not only that, there were times in your own life when the choices that you made at those times were the right ones, because everyone who you loved and cared about were loved and cared for and likely, those same people are still being loved at the tiniest little least.
The thing that you are not thinking about, while you are looking at things that have not a thing to do with you, is that – again…you are here on purpose. IF you were not, then you would not be breathing. You may not know what that purpose is, but know that as you live, love and breathe, that your purpose might include that you are here to work, to struggle, even if for a moment, because the thing that is coming next is the thing that will fill the void.
This is just how the Universe works, and you, whether you want to believe me or not, are the one who has the grand opportunity to fill that void with whatever it is that you want to…
…and when you do, make certain NOT only that it is done with love, but that whatever is there is filled with something that YOU Love….
Really, that is where it all starts, where the healing begins, and where the past no longer matters for anything more than a reference point.
A reference for what, you may be curious?
Well…only you know that…
That is the beautiful part -you get to choose what goes in the empty space….
Choose wisely, my friends…
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