OHANA
Our lives on planet Earth were meant to be shared. Regardless of what we might want to believe, the reason we have certain people in our lives is because we have a purpose and that purpose includes our not seeing to our mission alone, because that is not the way the Goddess does things. We are not born into this lifetime to be by ourselves, so why do we elect to be alone and not with those we are meant to be with?
My life, like all of our lives, started out with the same things that most people have at the ready, with our blood relations being the first “thing” that we come to know as ours.
Sometimes, even though we come from the same stock, we learn from a very young age who we are meant to be with, who, essentially, is our ohana, our family. What we do not realize and what some of us on this planet fail to think about is that, just because we are born into a group of people, and just because we are blood with them it guarantees nothing – namely not that they will love or understand us, and lots of the time, we are remiss, due to the training that we receive from the families into which we are literally born, unaware of the idea that even as we are born with relatives, we might not be born with family or perhaps into the family which we will be best received, cared for, loved.
Best Received…cared for…Loved
I notice more and more each day that we here, at least in the states, have an issue with things “family,” and there are plenty of us unenlightened enough to not realize that trying too mard to fit in, namely where it is that we are supposed to fit in automatically, only serves to harm us. There is no guarantee that when we are born, those who share DNA with us will love us, no matter what. I know this lesson very well. I won’t state who, or even why, it is that this is one evident truth to me, I will just state that when it is that we are not being well received, even by those we share a Grandma with, we know.
We know because we will “feel” the energetic vibration of those who can only see what is different than them, and when what is different than them is pointed out by one of them, those people go and make certain that everyone else also sees what is different about us as opposed to them. And those who would do this to us will tell us that they have every good reason to do what they are doing, to say the hurtful, harmful things that they will, and they will do so with wild impunity, as though they are hurting no one. And really, that is how they feel about those who are not like them – as if they are no one, as if who we are is of no great importance to who they want to think they are in relation to us. This is how a lot of people grow into the mean and sad people that they are…because someone who should have just shut the fuck up, did not just shut the fuck up.
Nope.
They refused, in fact, to shut the fuck up, and in not shutting the fuck up, they turned a person who they assumed things about into the actuality, even if only to those few who we share blood and a grandparent with. Sometimes, this sort of thing happens in the families of our birth origins, and sometimes, those people just follow suit with their families of birth origins. The truth is that they do not know what they want, what they like, who they ought to know, and all because they are so busy tearing us and who we are apart to those same people we share with them that by the time that they are done, our reputation with our blood relations is shitty, and really, the reason that those people would do and say as they have all boils down to them truly being worried that you might carry some sort of awesomness that they will never have and are never going to have because they are busily making certain, just like a politician, that they get the most popular votes, and to hell with everyone else.
To Hell With Everyone Else
We are all taught the ways of the Tribe from a very young age. As lovely as it would be if our blood ohana would just love us as unconditionally as they report they do, the opposite is the truth. It is within the confines of our blood family that we learn the importance of being who we are for real. I know, for sure, that in certain Hawai’ian families, you are expected to not only do as you are told, but, you are also expected, in some of them, to follow the likes and dislikes of these people, even if you do not feel about others the way that they do. When you do not adhere and conform, you end up being distinguished as the proverbial black sheep. I have this cousin who liked thinking that this was him, all because he thought of himself as being somehow the one who could hang with that ideal.
Well, I have learned that if you are an arrogant moron, the last thing that you are ever going to accept, let alone being labeled as, is that particular animal. What I also learned, very well, is that at that time, when I was trying really hard to conform to what they wanted me to be (but never promised that I would be accepted if I did), it hurt me very deeply to know that I had tried and done everything that I thought I should, all so that they would continue to reject me, continue to talk about me as though they actually knew or know me. To this day, I have been told, at least by those who I see regularly, is that this is no longer the truth, because those who grew into their own Tribes have figured out something about us all – we were always going to be blood, but it doesn’t mean that we are also ever going to actually be ohana. it doesn’t work that way.
You know who your Ohana is…because you also are aware of who they are not
Over time, it dawned on me that I needed to be with people, but that those people had to be as eccentric and strange as I am. You can imagine that it was tough on me, because the biggest aspect of being Maoli is our family. What we are not taught is that our family is who we choose them to be, and has almost nothing to do with DNA.
I have a family, a beautiful one, and the most of the people who are part of my Ohana are NOT blood related to me. They all know who they are, and they know that if it is within my power, I will totally do what I can for them.
I will make them know that they are loved (and they all know that they are), and I will tell them when they have hurt someone (and they know, too, that I will be as gentle as I can be). I tell them when I think they are making a huge mistake, and I make sure that they know, too, when someone is about to hurt them or bring harm to their lives, and always, they know that no matter what, I have their backs. They know that I am not one who will volunteer anything to them, that they are welcomed to ask me anything, as much as they also know that while I will always try my best to give the kindest answer and offer the kindest energy, I will not lie to them about a thing, namely if I know that their issue is also their own cause.
This is what it means to be with your own kind, to have the wherewithal to know who is, and more, who is not and who will not ever be the people who you safely can call your family. My own family is comprised of many people, but on the daily, that circle gets closer and smaller, and it is because people either grow out of a relationship with others, or, they simply and no longer have to see to the purpose that they’d had with certain others. Sometimes, those revealing energies come when we least expect or need or especially want them to – the Goddess does not work on our behalf at our convenience. She only works with us when the time is right and we are open and available to accept the lesson as much as we are able to. She only gives us what we are able to deal with and not more. She also knows who will and who will not be there for us when we absolutely need others’ assistance. We are not ever alone, because the Mother Goddess ensures that when we need help, that help is there in the form of our Soul Tribe being there for us and with us.
For us and with us
I have mentioned in the past, things about the letters “DNA” and “DNF.” Everyone on this planet is familiar with the concept of our being related genetically to others via our DNA. It is a secret rendered only to those close enough to me to know what the letters “DNF” means, and really, it is of little importance that anyone but my Tribe knows what that means.
Outside of the secrecy which is embedded into DNF is the reason behind it, and the reason behind it is not what anyone who has ever experienced it is going to know. Only those who have experienced it need to know. What I am getting at is that we know who we belong with,and we know who, as well, will be there for us and with us, and most of the time, it is the family that we create outside of our bloodlines and on our own with others who are like us. This does not ever mean that you will not have those who share DNA in your own version of DNF, but it does mean that eventually, folks get tired of not being good enough, not being smart enough, pretty enough, enough of a kiss ass enough to be with those within the confines of our bloodline. This is not your fault, and it is not their fault – you just are not each others’ kind of people.
The egregious nature of people, specifically parents, making their kids do things with people who they would likely not even know if it were not for the insistence of parents who have been there themselves is ridiculous. How can anyone learn to value what their own meaning of family is when all they have been exposed to are people who are their family and who treat others, namely us, as though we are the worst person on the planet? How many times have you been in the company of a few cousins – cousins who you grew up with and who treated you as though you had to compete for love in your extended family – who did nothing but bring you harm as a kid? Really, how much are you going to trust those people and why is it that other people, our parents, usually, insist that we have to like them, when we don’t even really know them? And we don’t know them because we are not really exposed to them as being someone who we would hang with?
This is, or maybe was, something that all parents did – force their kids to do things with people they would rather tar and feather. Then when we chose to stand up for ourselves, we were the ones who got lambasted, who were punished, and all because of the FACT that our parents NEED…okay SOME parents NEED…to make sure that everyone likes THEM, even if it is by virtue and done in a vicarious manner – through their children. You will know if it is a vicarious manner when you listen to them tell you things like “I needed you to get along with them because you always make it such a big deal that you don’t want what I need you to do, kid…”
How much punishment have we already been getting at that point, all because of our needy parent? I know that until I said something to my mother, something regarding the way that her family treated me, and of course, my father, she would have just kept on trying to be the glue that held me stuck to people I would rather not have even known. (I choose who I will be stuck to, with and on…and he knows very well who he is haha…of course, my entire Tribe of DNF crazies KNOW very well who they all are…they like me being stuck on The Maestro. He makes me very happy)
The point here is that all day long, I am treated to the brain space of strangers, and in the time that I am coaching them and answering their questions, I find that one of the most terrible things that anyone has to go through is in childhood and when we are forced to be with people who we would avoid otherwise. Think about being bullied in the school yard and then think about how many of those bullies remind you of blood relatives who would treat you as though you don’t matter. Now, think about all those times that you were forced by your parents to see these people who made your life hell and had license to do so because “that is how family is.”
No – WRONG, Moms and Dads of the unenlightened world…that is NOT how family IS…BY ANY MEASURE
If there is one thing that I cannot stand, it is being told what I like, who I like, and who I am going to get along with. This is the power and control that we parents have over our kids, and lots and lots of parents use this control to make sure that their kids do what they – the parents – demand of them. I am reminded of a mother who makes certain that her kids listen explicitly to her, barring the idea that they have a father who is as great a parent as any mother could be. The sin part of this is when the mother decides that she, alone, is who will raise those kids, and the ugly part is that sometimes, this same sort of mother will go out into the world that the kids whe she shares with a man and create havoc for him, all because of one horrible and ugly LIE that we women are made to believe in regards to our kids.
“MOTHER KNOWS BEST.” and if anyone has ever watched “Bates Motel,” then you know that this is not the truth, and that mothers do not always know what is best for their kids, and that sometimes, it is wise to let the world teach them what they need to know, because really, we don’t know it all, and we never will, and the mother who reports that she knows better than anyone else is dreaming, and at the very tiny little least, is VERY delusional,at best. We do our kids NO favor when we cut them apart from those whose wisdom our kids can learn from, and sometimes, our kids will learn better from others than they ever will from us, and it is for one reason and it is a good reason – BECAUSE WE SO DO NOT KNOW IT ALL!
Knowing that we are able to give birth does not license us to know what is best for our kids in terms of their soul and what will make their souls grow so that the human navigating life as that soul will run into less and less opportunity to end up a broken person. Lots of moms will blame an “absent” father, not telling the rest of the population of people who she has dirtied in the soul that the reason he is (not voluntarily) “absent” is because she is insane and he does not want to deal with having to hear her bullshit. She ultimately robs her children of the goodness that is a relationship with someone who loves them as endlessly as she does, but will allow her own insecurities with herself be the thing that guides her in to the hell of being ultimately alone and having NO control over anyone else. This is a very hard lesson for anyone to learn – that no matter what we want to think and what we want others to believe, we have to allow others to be the free thinking masses of cells that they are, as much as we want others to allow this for us.
But, lots of times, we can’t, and the reality is that it is an ego thing, laced with arrogance and proving to the world just how little she really knows about herself, or rather, is willing to accept about herself in terms of just not being as perfect a parent, or even a human being, as she wants to believe that she is.
It does not work that way.
One day those kids will grow into adults, and for the most part, they will have a say so in their lives as to who it is that they trust, and sometimes, this includes their mothers who they will not trust. Just because we gave them their entrance into this lifetime, it does not mean that we get to give to them the insecurities that the world is going to give to them anyway, and the majority of our insecurities are genetically passed on, via route of our having to deal with people who treat us like dirt and have always treated us as such.
I have a huge Hawaiian family, but, my Tribe is blessed with people from all walks of life, from every corner of origin on the planet. My other half is an island boy, but not from an island in the south Pacific. My sisters come from different places on the planet, speaking different languages, some of them, and creating with me the joy (and a shitload of culinary delights) that is being female on planet Earth. I have two mothers, one who birthed me (and who I love endlessly), and the other who birthed within me (who I also love endlessly) the love for all things of a Spiritual nature, as well as a healthy respect for those who believe differently than I do.
In our lives, we have opportunities we shun because we are so glued to one way of thinking, and a lot of the time that one way is not our way.
We can learn to accept these gifts of others who are like us, and learn to heal the emptiness within us left by a group of blood relatives who took it for granted that we would always be there, because we “have to” be, are obligated to be, and have no other choice than to be. This is the biggest lie that we are told, among a lot of the other ones about family and the reality of what it is and more, the truth of who we are allowed to call family, and more, who we are able to connect with on a familial level.
We are born into this lifetime with a certain set of genes that make it so that we look like certain others in our family. What we are also born with is the ability to reason on our own behalf concerning things that have nothing to do with people who would sooner see us suffer more, just because that is how things go.
Our greatest gift in this lifetime is NOT just people, but, it is the knowing of who will love us just as we are, and more, to know who will claim the right to be shitty to us just because it is in our DNA.
Think about it…
I Love You All !
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