Pretty much, methinks the very each and all of us are sick of learning.
…but learn, we must…
Learn we must, because if we do not learn, most assuredly we will be brought back to the beginning of these lessons that have been making us live in what seems to be an ocean of pain, being tossed about by the uncertainty of life, itself. We have to deal with all of these things that are hurting us, because if we do not deal with them, as I just said, we will surely have to deal with them in the future, again and again, until we have learned.
Personally, I have had enough of the harshness, and the next person who tells me that I did this to myself can go and jump into a cold and nasty pile of dog shit, but that is just my opinion.
It has been a bit of time since I have written anything here, and my lazy ass likes to believe that it was all because of the latest Mercury Retrograde, but, the easier, more honest answer is that collectively we have just not been okay. Collectively we have been put through the wringer, have been served up a healthy serving of shit soup, not even asking for seconds but getting them, none the less. Collectively, we have seen our lives take horrific turns, have watched as we have gone through, continue to go through, all of the things that seem to have broken us.
Yet, we are not broken. We are damaged, but not broken. Broken means that we cannot lift our heads to see the Sun, and damaged means that there is no turning back. We are damaged, but we are not broken. There is a difference. Damaged means that somewhere in our own history, we were given a time in our lives when what we were faced with forced us to believe something, forced us to do something to make ourselves get out of the stuck energy that we were in, and make ourselves move forward and into the fray of what scares the hell out of us.
Losses, they scare the holy hell out of us, and the possibility of our heart being broken also scares the hell out of us. Our problem isn’t only that we are terrified, but what it is that we are terrified of.
We are scared to death to know that we are worthy of the Love that we seek out, not only in and from others, but, in and from our very selves. We are terrified at the idea that once we have this Love, once it is that we believe that we are worthy, that we will lose what it is that we do not understand we actually deserve, even though the path that it took us to get there is hard and ugly and daunting. We all and only can see what is hurting us, until we can also believe that we are meant to hurt, so that we do not have to hurt that way ever again. We never have to do a thing, I know, but, we are not taught to know this. We are made to figure it out, and once it is that we do, we are better for the learning we have done.
Better, for the learning…
I am a lifelong student of life. I love to learn as long as I am choosing to learn something, or some subject, but, when it is that I am thrown into the lesson, this is when I get uncomfortable. Lately, I have been learning what it is to truly Love just one other person, even with all of their flaws. It meant a lot to me to know that I am capable of this, as much as it means to him that he knew and knows that how I feel is the Truth of me.
But it took us a while to get to this point, and in this very moment, like all couples, we have to get our bearings back, so that we can get to that place we have earned being, not just with one another, but, in our own lives and in our own thoughts. I might not like the fact that every few months, he and I go through this…cleansing ritual and ceremony, of sorts. I have chosen to think about it this way because of all of the things that we have been through together, and all of the things that we have shared with each other, and all of the things that we each see apart from one another in our own selves that also exists in the other, the only thing that matters more than much else is that we learn with, from and for each other. While I can state truly that right now is neither of our favorite moment, it is also a moment that we each have found out the meaning of what it is to Love, not only each other, but our own selves. This is what true ‘higher learning’ is all about – learning how to get through things without cheating our own selves out of what it is that is good and we have earned through our learning.
I never thought I would ever be this person, at least not in this lifetime, and not with the person who I Love the most. I never thought that I could Love someone this much. This is what learning has brought to me – the knowledge needed that would tell me that I am not only worthy of one other person’s Love, but, that I am capable of giving it right back to him. I went through a lot in my life, and as cheesy and possibly corny as it might sound, his is the Love that I waited to experience, that I needed so badly, and for much of my life, until he showed up, I turned it down. When I married, I thought it was a given that I was loved, because I was told that I was. Instead, what I was was owned, and what I was was trained and what I was was not who or what I am.
My point with all of that was to let you all in on the idea that at any given moment, we are waiting to learn, and what it is that we are learning, in any given moment, is totally up to us. It doesn’t mean that the lesson we are learning is up for discussion, because it isn’t. Spirit truly does not give us more than what we are capable of, doesn’t give us anything that will not make us stronger when we are done learning. That is correct – all of these things that make you feel like you are becoming weak are actually in place, sort of like a water pill for someone who needs to lose water weight – in place to relieve us, even as that is very difficult to believe, of the extraneous weight imposed upon us from all of the bullshit we endure, and more, all the bullshit we cause for ourselves.
It’s true – we cause ourselves a whole lot of grief
Okay, so I know that I cause me a whole lot of grief, and mostly with my outlandish thoughts that are not good thoughts. An outlandish thought is something that I tell coaching clients to have when it is that they are manifesting things for themselves. The reason is because we need to dream big, and we need to make our lives grand, and really, it does not matter one bit who thinks we are or are not being truthful when it comes right down to things – those who disbelieve are the very ones who end up finding out later on that they hastily made a judgment on anyone else, or perhaps on something that anyone else would have liked to experience. I am not big on interpersonal experiences with people who cannot look me in the eye for at least three seconds. I suppose I make folks nervous that way, but I do it purposely.Lots of light workers do this, on purpose, because we are trying to figure things out about other people and what it is that they – the other people – are hurting from.
Right now it is almost as though we are in a sort of flux state, and one that makes it so that the losses that we are feeling are being brought to the surface of things so that we can think about how we feel about anything or anyone at all. We are being asked without being asked to show Spirit what it is that we desire, and the ways that we are being shown these things are some of the very most demeaning, hurtful, ugly things that lived within us until we accepted the truth of things. Once we accept the truth of things, we are better able to handle ourselves in terms of what it is that we are headed towards, and what it is that will break us into a million tiny pieces. What we are not thinking about in terms of those million tiny pieces is that the pieces, while they cut us like a knife, are meant for us to create a gorgeous mosaic with. We do not like to think that we are starting anything over, and truly, when we think about things deeper, we don’t really start over, because to start over with anything at all means that we learn the same things that we might already know. We cannot possibly start over with all of the things that we have already mastered. Thinking and believing so only will drive us to the brink of insanity. Sometimes I have to repeat myself with that – the starting over thing – because when you get to a certain point in your own abilities, there no longer is the need to learn. There comes only the need to Be.
Only the Need to Be
Truly, the bottom line in life and living is that we need to have a need for Being. Or, at least this is what we are told. This last week has proven it correct in that, for the most part, we are here and on this planet to make a difference in the lives of others. We are here to help, in tandem with the rest of the world, to heal that which ails the Soul of the World. We are here to experience Love, Joy, Pain and loss, and we are here so that we may able to spread joy into the lives of others, all on our own, perhaps through our example, and very surely through the things that we think, do, Love, Are.
We have only the need to Be Love, to Be Loved and to Love. We have only the need to Be here with one another so that we might learn from one another the joys that are each other, which automatically lead us to know the joy that is our very weary selves. We have only the need to Be, here, with one another, and we have only the need to Be, In Love, and I am not only talking about one other person only, neither with one’s own self, neither with anything more than Being. Being is the thing that we all are, at all times, so we need to make the very most and best of it, no matter who wants us to sink to their level of negativity. (Even neutral energy is far better than negative energy).
If you are tired, I get it. If you are wanting to beat the shit out of something, or even someone, I totally get it. If you are tired of crying, of trying, of being in this energy that makes you want to cry because you already tried and feel like you have failed….
…the only way to know that you have failed, is to know that you have also not tried. Trying is part of learning, and trying is part of failing so that we can rise again and again until finally, we get it right and figure out that all along, it was not failure, but rather and only just not learning.
I know that you are tired of learning, because I am, too. There is only so much learning that any human soul can do before it cries…and then gets back up and tries again.
I Love You All !