Tag Archives: pain

A Higher Calling …What’s Yours?

triple goddess blue and purple

Do you know the reason why you are going through everything that you are going through right now?

The truth will, or maybe will not, surprise you.

The truth is that at some point in your life, you asked, from the middle of your soul, for things to be different for you, and you might have even believed that you were deserved of better things. You might have watched something called The Secret and after watching it, you might even have gone out and tried out what you saw and perhaps even manifested something for yourself.

The truth is that what you are going through, and the idea that it is in your life, is NOT something only that you have manifested into being, but, is also a lesson that you have called into being and that lesson is connected to what you do and what you do in this lifetime is connected to who you are and your mission and purpose in this lifetime. I say it a whole lot, specifically to those who I coach through my Awareness training – all of everything that we go through, specifically if it harms us and makes us hurt in the soul and is something that seems to have been part of who we are from the time that we were kids…that is what your Divine Purpose is…your Divine Purpose Is your Higher Calling.

What Is Your Higher Calling?

The way that I figured out was my Higher Calling was to step back from my own life and see what the running theme of every lesson that I have learned to this point, and mainly the lessons that hurt me, very dearly, and the ones that somehow I end up using as an example in my work in this world.  Case in point – when I thought about who I wanted to coach, after some thought and time, I figured out that it is not the “how” that we are going to get something done, but rather and only why.

You will not know what is your calling just by the simple means by which you have chosen to do things in the past. You will get there better by figuring out why you want to pursue what it is that you cannot get out of your head. Whatever it is that you are thinking about, even if it is your current job and you have come up with things that you would like to implement in terms of what you do in your duties….that is you answering the Higher Calling of what your purpose is. 

Your purpose in connected to the thing that you have to go through, and by “go through” I mean the things that you have had to deal with and that hurt your soul. 

As much as I hated going through everything that I have gone through over the course of my life, and as much as I can understand why it is that some folks – even those closest to me – do not realize the reason why I do not do things in the manner which the rest of the world does – I went through those things, unbeknownst to me, because I had to. 

Yes…had to

In fact, when we all can’t find a way out of the things that we feel like we have to go through, it is because we have to go through them in order to level up to the thing that we want to happen for us, or, at least will get us that much closer to that thing. We have to get through things that suck because that is what is required of us to rise up to where we need to be. Where we need to be is up to us, which is the most confusing thing to us all if it is that we have been taught that the only way that we can get what we want is to beg your mom’s big scary god guy for it…I know all about that one and how it is that it does more damage than much else.

triple goddess hula

…and really, the way that we know that we are “leveling up” is because we will, at those times, look out into the nothing, or up into the sky through the ceiling, and ask the question, through tears or through the proverbial gnashing of teeth….a one word query:

“WHY????”

It is because I know that the reasons that I have for doing anything at all is not connected to how I intend to make those things happen, but rather and only why they need to happen in my life. Once it is that we are very clear on the reason why we want something in our lives, the how just happens. Bear in mind that the “how” does not happen to us -but is already in place. The how is connected to how we technically and tangibly make things come into our being. So, when I state that we need to know why we want something, someone, somewhere …anything….at all..in our lives…the best, fastest way to get those things there is to know why  we are passionate about that one thing.

Knowing how to do anything is “of the body,” and in order to create anything, we have to know why we are so passionate about anything. I am very passionate, not only about people becoming healed and whole again, but, very dearly passionate about what I do in terms of revealing the Truths of our own inner selves, lives and worlds and that is only and all about who we are in relation to our Purpose….also and better known as A Higher Calling.

A Higher Calling

We are not born knowing what our purpose is.

Believe it. It is the truth.

Not one of us knows what our purpose is. We have to sort of figure it out on our own. There is nothing that someone who can be considered a “guru” can charge enough to make it so that you do not have to go through what you have to go through. Adding to that, there are a lot of “gurus” on this planet who want to make us believe that we do not know what our purpose is and that we will not know what it is until our life is passing before our eyes in the minutes prior to our crossing over. (Been there. Done that. I survived it…and at that point in my life, I thought I knew what my purpose was and was arrogant about it…please keep reading…)

Our purpose and finding it out is NOT something that is meant for us to guess til we leave our bodies. Our purpose is embedded in the things that we go through, the things that we got through, the things that we will still go through. At every juncture in our lives, and at every turn that brings us to a place that feels like harm (and typically is), those are the times that we are being made better, stronger, tougher, clearer, higher purposed..with each and every heart ache.

We go through everything we do so that we can go out into this world and let the world have our words in terms of how we survive the things that we do. Some of us begin early in life, with major losses, and many of us continue to go through things from the time that we are children. I was one of those children. I was not allowed to do a whole lot of things, was not allowed, for the most part, to have what is known as an original thought.

This is the reality that a whole lot of us go through – the idea that we think thoughts that are ours and original, but, as children, our parents censor us …and it is not their fault that they are doing this – they are being parents.

I get it.

I am certain that all of us who are called “mom” or “dad” gets it.

It is at the times in our lives when we hurt the most is when we are supposed to pay the most attention, but we don’t, and we don’t because at those times we are very dearly in an energy of heightened emotional stuff. The emotionality of things is where the gold is in all of our lessons, but we do not know this. We are taught, instead, that we are supposed to express our emotions, and we do. What we are not taught is what to do with those things that we have learned from those times that hurt us the very most – we are not taught why we go through things that hurt so bad.

I can only speak for myself when I state that the way that I have chosen to utilize the pain and every horrid thing that I have experienced is simply to research it, study it, link it to neuro-cognition, learn to use it to teach others how to learn what is their purpose and more, to create the way that the world will benefit from the goodness borne of the things that have shattered us in a gazillion tiny, cutting pieces.

Think of it in terms of this – it is at the very lowest times in our lives that we are being made perfect in our imperfections, and in those imperfections are created the future. The times in our lives that hurt us, that spot weld the things that we learn from and the people who we learn them from in our heads, hearts, souls and memories – even though those times and those things sucked – they taught us.

They taught us in the most hurtful ways, and they taught us in the way that only we would be able to learn – from our own lives. They taught us who we were not by giving us constant reminders of the things that hurt us, things that are not who we are and not what we are about and those things are thrown in our faces, everyday, day after day, until we end up figuring out that all along, what we were asking for was there for us, but was not obvious and neither was it made that way – obvious.

The Harm that Refines

Yeah….

You read that correctly – the harm that refines us.  It is like firing metal to make it a blade and like sandblasting the crud that collects around tiled inner perimeter of a pool caused by an owner just not paying attention to the crud, and when the crud is gone, there in its place is the restored manner which those surfaces are supposed to be, and they are the same surfaces – and sometimes they are made better.

Thinking in these terms we can also see that when we are doing what we are supposed to be doing, even including the things that made us suffer through all of these things that we go through. We can see that in these times in our lives, we somehow, through it all, made it fine and made it out alive. And that realization is also part of all of these things, because that realization is meant to give us guidance in terms of who we are and who we are, as we each and all ought to know, is connected to our very Divine Purpose.

We are all here for a purpose that is Divine and is created by us long before we are imparted into this lifetime. Our purpose is the thing that makes our soul sing, and makes our lives feel like even though they might be difficult, they are worth the everyday push towards our highest best selves, our higher calling…

What are you dealing with right now in your life? What are you doing everyday to make it at least feel a little less scathing?

What have you determined is your Higher Calling?

What, my friends, is your Higher Purpose?

Think about it…

#LosAngelesKahunaRox22

#TheCrabAndTheFish22

.@LAKahunaRox22

 

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The Wreckage that We are at Times

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The propensity that we have towards not feeling our own pain and believing that we can handle our lives without feeling it is what today’s post is all about.

You can all call me a whiny bitch all you want. I know the truth.

I know that I am strong and resilient, and I also know that there are going to be things that happen that will test my resolve, as things have for the last month, and will mess with my composure, and at the same time, show me not only what I am made of, but what others are also made of. I found out that I am not made of sugar and spice, but rather  a collective of memories that I keep having to live through everyday, just so that I can get through them and over it all.

What I am, right this moment, is someone who is a ball of jumbled emotions. I am, or at least can be, very adept at not feeling what I am feeling at any given moment. I have been that way for a long time. No matter what, though, this time, and these emotions are not going away if I do not acknowledge them. 

And Goddess-bless certain people for trying to lift me out of my mood…I have been made aware by my Spirit Mother and Sisters that I have to feel them, because if I do not feel them, I cannot know how to help anyone else deal with them. This is not my copping out, and is not my being a martyr – this is simply my being the constant Shaman in training, the very one who willingly traverses the Path of the Black Flame. (And yes I do realize that that is also the title of a magazine published by the church of Satan but..it is surely not the same thing…please…keep reading…)

I am realizing one thing – when it is that we are supposed to go through a lot of bullshit, the Universe will serve us up with a ton of it, and no matter what it is that we are thinking we can do to avoid a lot of things that we do not want to deal with, deal with those things we will. I am writing SPECIFICALLY about myself in that, if there is a person on this planet who (a) does not like watching other people suffer, (b) would rather be the one to absorb it all for anyone else, and (c) is learning that in my wanting to do for them what it is that they are learning, I am not learning. What I am not wanting to learn is how to navigate my silly Pisces okole out of this madness.

There are a lot of people who will tell you that if there is one person who has the ability to bounce back from the bullshit that seems to have always plagued my life, it is me.

However, when I look back into the years that I have been able to do the escape artist thing, I find that I have done myself no favors at all, in fact, and those non-favors have led me to have to seek help from other healers. Once it is that I can get past all of the things that broke my heart, no matter who were the ones who’d done it (and mind you I do know that PLENTY of them meant no harm…), no matter how much I do not care to face yet one more little tiny bit of bullshit, face it all, I must. 

Face it all…

I am reminded of the …cute…nature of Disney character “Dory” from “finding Nemo,” with her famous mantra being “Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim.”

There is not a Pisces on this planet who does not know what this is like – the idea that in order to survive the insanity of the ocean of emotion, we have the choice to keep swimming.  In nature, fish have no other real defenses, not even the big scary ones, and it is the reason that most of them swim away from danger. I mean, even in a fish bowl, a fish will try to swim away from something that it senses will hurt it. Try it at home if you can, and you will find out that I am right – stick your finger into a bowl with a goldfish in it, and while that creature will, at first, be curious about the thing that has just come into its watery abode, once it is that it finds out it cannot eat it, said goldfish will swim as far away from your finger that it can, just so that it can remain safe. This is natural for them, to swim from what it is that appears or they sense to be not food or to be some sort of predator coming for it.

Using this same analogy, if it is that we stick our finger in the fishbowl too much, and once in every while we actually touch the gills of the fish in the bowl, eventually that fish is going to chafe, and eventually that fish is going to have a very different response to its own curiosity – and that response is called fear. We fear that which we know is not comfortable, and we fear that which we have no idea about, and we fear whatever it is that we have denied long enough so that we could, at least for a little while, not have to fear those things. Yet, we forget that we have to go through all of that shit, have to deal with the things that we are not exactly too thrilled about having to do.

And yes, I have indeed have had very much enough of that thing called “all this bullshit.” I have had enough of all the hurt and the heartache, to the point where now, if I do not face it all, I will be dealing with more and more of this manifestation of physical pain in lieu of facing the inner demons of simply just not wanting to hurt anymore. It is one of those things that, unless you are me, are my twin flame, are particularly close to me in any manner, you are not going to have the reality of this thing that I am experiencing. This thing that I am experiencing is called pain.

Pain is the indicator light

We human beings ascribe attributes of non-human things to ourselves. I like using a car for my own. Because I have had a lot of difficulties lately with my own vehicle, I can truly say that my Wonderbucket and I, at this moment, have the same issues. The differences are obvious – it is a car. I am a person. It is not running, and I am still breathing. However, my vehicle ran the distance until she was tired, and my vehicle worked hard for me even though I knew that sometimes, she just needed to be parked under a shady tree for a day or two, and always, my vehicle did not let me down. While she may never run again, my vehicle, no matter what, will always be the place that I am able to find solace.

Not only is my vehicle out of commission, my ambulation has been hampered – knee injury…happened whilst performing a labor of Love and a labor of Love which I would do, again and again, and would not bat an eye at it if I ended up, every time, injuring my knee. That I have an injury is one thing – it happens to the best of us. That I have a knee injury specifically is the thing that makes me shudder a little bit in that, hula is danced from the knees and the feet, and through this injury, I have been shown exactly how much not only my legs and my ability to walk, dance, move about, actually mean to me and more, how much my life is not the same, albeit temporarily, without my Medicine Dance.

I have learned a whole lot about myself, and the one thing that I have learned as of this moment is that we all have that point at which we can take no more. Even as this might be true, while we can take no more is one thing, but that what other people are bringing to us that we can take no more of we HAVE TO be able to tell the difference between what is meant to hurt, and what is an attempt that, through our emotional guidance, we are not privy to having to deal with any of it, if that, at any moment, is what we are finding ourselves having to do so as to not have to absorb any more pain, no matter what.

Other people who do not know us and who do not care about what their actions have done to our lives as a whole are, regardless of what we want to think is the truth, also learning. But, I am finding that these are the sort of people who will, without even batting an eye, place the blame of their actions of shittiness onto the people who they have created wreckage for. I am reminded of those who deem themselves “in charge” of anything that has no meaning for anyone other than them. I am reminded of people who take their “manager name tag” and shove it in the faces of the people who they think they are superior to. These are the people, by and large, who have created the very most havoc in my life and in the lives of those particularly close to me. These are the people, I have to believe, want to believe, will try to exact it as being believable even if only to myself, do not know have already, for themselves, started the loop of Karmic grief.

Karmic Grief

This is the part where I give you the cosmic “aaaaahhhhhhh,” and the part where I remind us all, namely myself, that things that suck and feel like they will end our lives as we know it are temporary. 

Don’tcha just hate it when some damned spiritual person comes along and reminds us that everything we are going through is temporary? I am one of those spiritual types and right now I dislike very much reading my own words, but, I have to read them, because I have to believe them, because if anyone wants all of this burdensome bullshit to be over with, it is me (and a few others very close to me). The thing that I like calling “Karmic Grief” is the other side of this pain that collectively, many of us are feeling right this moment.

I would love to tell you that they get theirs when we want them to, but that is not what happens. What happens is that they get theirs when it is most pertinent to the thing that they are exacting now. This means that if someone in your life, regardless of how close you are to them, and more so if you cannot stand them, has harmed your heart and soul in any manner at all, no matter how much we want to see them suffer what it is that we are suffering, it will not come to them until it means something to them that whatever it is that they are putting us through they too will go through.

For instance, there is a woman I know of who likes to behave like a man, and it is proved by the way that she treats men. I am not going to sit here and tell anyone that I can tell you how or when her karmic grief is going to get her, but what I will state is that, without a doubt, it is coming for her, and she will be helpless to do a thing about it when it does. If she does not learn from the havoc that she has wreaked onto at least myself and one other person, then she will end up going through that same measure of grief again and again until she learns that she is not allowed to make peoples’ lives hard and practically ruin them just because she has that material power to do so.

Material power is different than soul power, because material power is finite, while soul power is infinite. (Think about it) Using one’s material power (physical, real or imagined, bullying in one way or another) is easier than going with what your soul is telling you to do. It is your soul’s power that prompts any one of us to ultimately look at the pain and feel the compulsion to deal with it, even though we know that it is going to suck…badly. Using our soul’s power makes us focus on ourselves and not on the things that we see in other people that we, ourselves, cannot “fix” for ourselves. When we cannot “fix” something is when we are being told that what we are faced with is something that we have to deal with, that we cannot turn from, and that ultimately will make us far stronger than the weakness that we are feeling right now in the material. This does not change things for any of us, at least not topically. What it does do is gives us an option – to face (soul power)…or not to face (material power).

In the time that we go through what we will go through when we opt to go with our souls and get through things from the soul, out, we will, for sure, blame otehrs for how we feel, even though the blame for our feeling any way is not what they are responsible for. They are responsible for bringing the pain to us. Our kuleana with that pain is to heal ourselves from it. This does not, at all, make things at all different. They are still who brought the pain. We are still who must feel it and work through it. This does not excuse the pain if it were done on purpose (refer to the thing about me, one other person, and that “manager pin” worn on the sleeve). What it does, believe it or not, is gives us leverage. It does this through the mechanism of them thinking they have hurt us, which they have, and our begging them for mercy, which sometimes we do, and our eventually realizing that we never needed them to give us mercy. We needed them to show us the next lesson.

That’s it. Really. That’s it. In relegating them to this position of merely bringing us the lesson, we take from them the one thing that they hope, like all people like this would be, would be the thing that they need to keep control over us in some manner. When we remove from them, through our choosing to see things through the eyes of the soul rather than the material and we understand what it is that, materially, we mean to them. They actually need us – we never need anyone else to make us feel powerful by their ability to take from us what they think and assume makes them feel more powerful and is ours- material, or otherwise. Empowerment does not come from denying others their power. It comes from respecting them even when they are at their weakest, period. If they do not respect you and never did, that is a them thing, not a you thing…keep reading.

It is not our place to wish bad things onto anyone. It is not our place to want them to hurt like we do, but wish it upon them we will (I can think of four right now…two bitch boys and two manchicks). This is when we end up creating that karmic circle for ourselves, all over again. The lesson, at least for me, in part, I know, is that I have to stop wishing certain peple would suffer, because in doing so, I have to suffer. Right now, the suffering that I am doing is all mine, make no mistake, but it is not because I want suffering for anyone (at least not for real). It is, rather and instead, because that is how I roll. I do not like to suffer, but I will suffer if I am meant to. Learning means that sometimes, we have to go through pain. I am in pain in more ways than one. A lot of us are.

It is not something that will make any of us feel any better about what it is that is right here and now. Karma is not meant to be that way. Karmic grief is not up to us to exact, and if we are lucky we will be somewhere nearby when it all starts for these certain others, for no other reason than to have a sense of confirmation and closure to the pain.

If we are lucky, the Universe will show us glimpses of things being made right and will make it so that we are no way, and in the right energy, the one who is blamed for the karmic grief of others. Understand now that there is a difference between feeling grief, and grieving. The grief about which I am writing and that we feel is to be thought of as our having to deal with a lot of bullshit. But, grieving over things is totally different. We feel grief when others bring it to us, but, we grieve over things, not only that we have lost, but that we seem not to understand the reason as to why it is those things which hurt us are so very hard for us to deal with.

So, if it is that you are experiencing the wreckage that has become your own life, take heart in a few things:

  1. While it might seem very…naive…of me to state so, and even while I, myself, am having a very dearly hard time dealing with even my own words about this shit, whatever it is that you are experiencing and is making you feel grief, it is temporary.
  2. You are not the circumstances of your life. You are a human being. You are worthy of Love and self-acceptance for that alone. You are not required to proverbially beat the shit out of you just because the world seems to have a different idea about it.
  3. The things that mean the most to us might not be the things that we need for this time in our lives, and this also applies to people and the way that we are treated by them, no matter who they are. They might not be able to handle whatever it is that you are dealing with, and in like kind, they will go away and return another time.
  4. Where there appears to be a “hole in the soul” is actually space for something new.

When it seems as though we are not getting what it is that we want, we have to look at the other side of it, to the things that we need. Maybe we need to learn to just live without certain things and people in our lives. I don’t know. I don’t like doing either of those things. But, if it means that I will,eventually, be better and stronger for having done so, then I suppose that which I thought was lost was never mine to begin with.

#LiveALOHA

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It doesn’t even matter

2008-Housing-Market-Crash

The things which we no longer have are the things which no longer matter. The hurt which remains is there to teach you something about you.

“I tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end it doesn’t even matter…I had to fall to lose it all, but in the end it doesn’t even matter.” (Linkin Park’s “In the End”)

I lost my house in Helendale in July of 2008. While it hurt a bit, I cannot lie and say that the world was over with for me, because it wasn’t. I realized quite early on afterwards that it was meant to be like this. It was meant that I would no longer be in that place for the purpose of my having to begin the process of shedding what was once real to me.

What was once real to me was not for me to become very attached to, because in becoming attached to it all, I would suffer the worst hurt ever, which would be the stinging blows to the pride within me that would tell me that somehow, I deserved to lose everything that I thought mattered to me. And again, I cannot lie – the house, while it mattered to me a little bit, the idea that I lived where I lived mattered to me a whole lot.

Where I lived was a huge source of pride for me, but here I am, years later, and I realize that what was the source of pride was not what I thought it was, but rather and only the illusion of what was, versus what it became. What it became was a monster of proportions so huge and so…untamed…that for at least one person who used to live in that house, the loss of it was something that they’d felt on levels that not a lot of people would feel if they were not so attached to that tangible item.

And really, that is truly what any actual standing building that a person or a group of people would live inside of and call home. It is not the actual building, but what it represents. For me, the house represented a place where memories would be made, with neighbors who were some of the most pleasant people I had ever known.

Yet, here I am, seven years later, almost, and things have changed markedly.

I no longer care about the house that I no longer owed a lot of money on. The only memories that I have of that place that can be called good and real are the ones of my kids, of my hula halau, of the treasure called friends who, when I thought about it, are two of the very best people I know and two people who I love immensely. While I no longer own all the vehicles, no longer have access to the golf course, the lakes, I have what can never be taken from me.

I have me.

I have this me.

Losing something as big as the family home is not something that I hadn’t been through at least once in my lifetime, and that is probably why I was okay the day that I have to pack up my entire house, without the help of certain others, and leave that life behind. The reason that life had to be left behind and the reason why that life and the loss of it no longer matters is because even in all of that loss, the one thing that was gained by me was not just “this me.”

I gained, through the losses, the reality of two people who, no matter what, have always been there for me (Hi April…Hi Tim…I Love You Guys!) Through that loss, I regained and revived and recreated hula to become what, for me and a lot of people like me, it was meant to be, which is not a Polynesian review show, but medicine. I gained, through that hurt, a new lesson to work through and to turn into The Sisterhood of The Soul, and through that group of healer women who are also my cousins, have created what is the beginning of things as they ought to be.

And that is not the only loss that I gained from, really. I gained the bravery to confront my abuser, to tell him that we are done and that within but a very short time here now, it will be on paper. I gained the knowledge that even as I have been the very one to have to learn to heal me, without the hurt of feeling like my own blood relations skipped out on me when things got to be really too much for me to deal with, I gained the right to call myself a strong, Stand Alone Human Being.  This does not mean they all skipped, because the ones who mattered the most never did. It just seemed that way at times.

Seriously…in the end, it doesn’t even matter

When we are able to get past the hurt, and when we are able to look at the dragons which once invaded our waking life and our sleeping dreams, and when we can see things from a new perspective, this is when things that we thought mattered no longer matter as much. It is when we realize that we have learned what we are meant to learn from any given situation that our lives will begin to blossom.

For instance, not too long ago, I was very upset with my parents, and it was over something that was a source of pride for me. I won’t go on with what it was all about. I will just state here that the last time that hurt visited me was yesterday, and when I say the last time, I mean exactly that.

I mean that no matter what it is that I want to do for them or for anyone else, the one person who I need to do the most for is me. This is not my telling anyone that you have to be selfish, because being selfish is very counterproductive.

What I mean is that, once we let go of the grip that we have on certain ideals, on certain things that we think we have to have be a certain way, on things that we believed mattered for so long and which really do not matter in the manner that they once mattered, we are, at that point, in a stage of growth. The sooner that we really wrap our heads around this, and the sooner that we accept this one thing, the sooner we will find out the reason that we hurt for so long.

Vice Grip

Lots of us like to have a vice-grip on things that we ought to not have said grip on. When we choose the energy onto which we will hang we have to remember that there are good reasons to hang onto it, and then there are all the other reasons. 

We each have our own reason for hanging on to the energy, or, on the other side of that, allowing the energy to have its vice-grip on us.

There are times when this grip is welcomed, when it is needed and when it is pleasant, and then there are all the other times.

There are times when it is that we do not want the vice-grip loosened, when we would rather bathe our own selves in that energy because it is so very welcoming and so very…much a part of us…that to release it would cause our own energy field a whole lot of havoc…then, there are all those other times.

It is all those other times that we need to help ourselves understand why it is that we want to believe that we are meant to hang onto it.

Recently, one of those two very good friends ended his own struggle with a vice-grip energy that was not an energy that would have helped him grow into the person who he is becoming. It took us months to realize that what he was seeking had been so easily attained that once it was that he was able to allow this vice-grip to no longer have him in that bind of hurt, things just seemed to be much lighter for him. He’d have never made it through the same lesson one more time. It would have wrecked him for the rest of his life in many more ways than only one.

On my part and in my life, even as there is a very lovely vice-grip energy that I am lucky to have whenever I can get it, there is the other side of that, which is the side and the thing which prompted this writing today.

Too many teachers of the Divine seem not to tell their charges that things will be harsh before they are not, and the harshest lessons of all are the ones which come from the people who have been in our lives for years and years. On my part of all of this other side of the energy stuff, my biggest challenge over the course of my life has been trying hard to get my blood relations, at least a lot of them, to take me seriously, to have some semblance of respect for at least how I feel, let alone who and what I am, and to take some measure of self-control when speaking of things that at one time meant something to me and which, at this time, I realize, don’t even matter to me as much as I thought it all did.

Why? Because I know that I am not meant for those things, at all, and until I woke up this morning, it did not dawn on me that what I was being taught has been learned, and that what I did not want to accept was accepted a long time ago in that, I am a healer, a writer, a scientist, a spiritualist…and no where in all of those things does anyone read the word “marketing person.”

Even though that is what I used to be, and in some ways still am (someone has to promote me and my girls…we do fine doin’ it all on our own), in that capacity, the one that I started out with their offerings, I am no longer.

That me no longer fits this me’s life and this me’s needs and this me needs things to be a lot more organized for this me to be satisfied with life in that respect. This does not mean that I have no respect for what this set of people are doing. It means that I no longer have to voluntarily obligate me…this me…to their bidding, even as I easily and readily lend myself to their success.

That You is not This You

You know very well that not one of us, at least not without the help of someone experienced in past life regression, can go back in time, at least not for real. We can visit there, and we can take a few moments there, but you have got to admit that even though right now, for myself included and to a limited extent, might suck beyond all which else that sucks, you have to admit that you would so much rather be this version of you than that other you.

That other you was weak in many areas of your own life, and that other you was someone who, from time to time, you did not even like very much. That you did things that this you would never dream of doing, because this you has built a wall of integrity that cannot be demolished by anyone but this you.  This you loves who you are becoming, and that old you..well, that you no longer exists.

That You no longer exists

Believe me or not, the reason that for some of us, life seems to be very difficult right now is because many people don’t realize that the reason things do not work like they once did in the past is because you are now this version of you, and this version of you cannot do things any longer that the old version of you used to do. 

That might be a little hard for you to wrap your head around, and it takes time to ease into the new you, but once it is that you have done just said such easing into things, you will find that you cannot do things like you used to do them. You will find that it is hard to fit into your old lifestyle, with the same type of people who used to be the people who you would do anything for.

You will find out that even though this you requires a little more than the old you did, once you get the hang of it, you will not look back, ever, and neither will you want to. You will learn that there are times which require you to return to pieces of that old you, but in those times you will be beside yourself with wonder because even using some of what was you, even in that instance, it is the new and improved you. 

I cannot lie – I would love nothing more than to no longer live where I am right now, but, the fact of the matter is that, the old me – she is who used to live in that big fat house on the golf course in the desert, and she is who would be hurt by the words that she is reading right now, and that me would pretend that anything else offered in the way of a new place to live would be just fine, even though that me, on the inside, would be dying a death of the ego on many levels.

This me, however, has been actively looking for that new place where new memories, with all of the right people, are going to be made, and this me, while she can be markedly impatient for good things to happen, knows, just because she is this me, that the perfect house where all of these great things will happen is just waiting to tell me that it is the right one for us. This me might be a little on the strange side (a little?), but this me loves me, and this me takes no shit from anyone when in regards to this me and what this me knows is right for me. 

In the end, our losses are meant to teach us to become the best versions of ourselves. Our pain is not meant to live on forever, and is there to make us aware that we are in need of some “me maintenance.” Our past hurts are meant to remind us that we have been through what we needed to go through in order to get to the person who we are becoming, and the people who we are each becoming are meant to go through this crap called loss, pain, hurt, all so that we can recognize what they are and more, recognize the things that are NOT meant to hurt us. 

Me and This Me need to get things moving right along for the day… please make sure that you know what is worth having a vice-grip on, and more, what you will allow to have a vice-grip on you.

I Love You All !

ROX

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The Ego’s Unforgiving Ridiculousness

I’m not about to tell anyone that we do not need our Egos, because we do. LOADS of people haven’t a clue about what the Ego truly is, even though every single one of us has employed its ridiculousness on more than only one occasion. However, not so coincidentally, it is because of our egos that we are able to hang on to things that really, we need to forgive other people for so that we can move forward.

At this time, there is a plethora of human beings on this planet for whom the engagement of the Ego when thinking in terms of not just going into some sort of …heated exchange…with another human being, over anything at all, seems to be the habit, the …addiction… to the hormonal imbalance which is caused by our being able to go toe to toe in an emotional exchange more often than is needed.

Yes – hormonal.

If you think and believe for a moment that the things that are the constant thought in your head…and no, I am not talking about you being you…I am talking about you being you, then someone comes along and interrupts you being you, at a constant, which releases hormones and the like, into your physical body, at a constant, again…do not forget that…and you are not balanced at all times with a good teeter-totter of both negative and the corresponding positive thoughts, which produce the same within each of us, you will…WILL end up out of sorts.

This is called your body telling you that it is already overly filled with the bullshit that other people bring to you. This is called your body needing you to take notice that something is not right, and normally, no matter what, even if it is a hereditary thing you have goin’ on, all of that ego-negative-bullshit going on WILL take its toll. You are not required to believed a single thing that you read here, and you are absolutely allowed to ignore this, and if you do, I will not know, and that, too, is okay…

until…

Understand that, right at this moment, there is a lot of growin’ goin’ on and that, too, not a whole lot of people who are in the middle of the most horrifically painful spiritual growth spurt are aware that what is going on is their Souls are stretching, are growing so as to accommodate who they are for real. Too many people want to hang on to the things that are acceptable on the surface, things and ways of being which are not going to serve them any longer, and things that, for the very life of me, I do not understand why anyone would want to hold onto that crap!

LOTS AND LOTS of people…perhaps more than even I realize, are caught right there, in that crux between letting things go and moving on, and hanging onto things that they like believing keeps them safe, but safe from what? Growth? That’s not safe to hang onto things that hurt us without a purpose for hurting us. In fact, that isn’t even smart because when we hang on, it is like we somehow cannot rid ourselves of the pain because we are somehow addicted to the drama which we bring about from it, should we hang on to it for longer than is needed (YES- NEEDED).

Hiding from things that we know are meant to make us stronger than we have ever known ourselves to be, in ways that we cannot imagine only serves to weaken us. When we are able to face what it is that we fear (believe it or not, the one thing that MANY MANY humans fear is being loved for real, because they cannot see themselves as worthy of it…what-EVER…) we are then and at that point telling ourselves that we are tired of the things that hurt us and that if we should so choose to look at those things in a manner that is from a neutral place, a place that is not ourselves in physical form but ourselves in a soul sense, we will begin to understand a whole lot more than we thought we did.

We will understand that there is a thing called forgiving ourselves for not being able to let go of the things that have been breaking our hearts, over and over again, on purpose, even, and we will be able to see, too, that we are not bad, that we are worthy of our own Love, for ourselves, because too many of us give away the Love within us, thinking that the more that we give, the more we will get back. Yet, it won’t happen that way if we do not recognize what it is for real. More, it also won’t happen if we do not Love ourselves for real.

Just because someone else hurts your feelings by whatever means they will hurt them, and even if they are being vindictive about it and perhaps even meant to do it, this does not mean that we need to retaliate in the manner that they would expect. It means that right at that moment, we have the option to choose, not only what our response will be,  if we will even bother with one – because sometimes, no words, no response is the greatest, most healing thing we can hope for.

Now, I am not suggesting here, with this next thing, that it is okay to lie to anyone, not even if it is meant to save someone else for their own good, but, even what seems to be the most unforgivable thing is also warranted by and needs that energy, because without it, it stays right there, in the manner that it is, right this moment, which, really, if you stepped outside of your own way, you might be able to see what is there for real.

You might be able to know that, without it being said or even implied, that somehow, even though a lie isn’t cool, sometimes, it is the very thing which will instill in us that thing called a wake up call, and that wake up call is not about anyone else BUT ourselves. Yet, most of the time, most folks and their egos are way too arrogant to see it that way because they are still living in that hurt placed on them so long ago…in that hurt that might not have been placed there on purpose or for malicious reasons. It doesn’t make it right – it makes humans, human.

And for the record – nope, I am not writing about anyone or anything in particular, but rather and only a culminated thought about why it is that we humans tend to need what we need, and when it shows up in a manner that we don’t understand, or comes from a place where we least expect it – whether it is a lie, or perhaps some other thing that no one seems to understand – not only are we hurt, but it is doubly so. When finally it happens, we are at a loss but at a loss because we were not prepared well enough or on our own and through our own abilities to handle what it is, which is not what a lot of ego-driven people want to believe it is. At all.

We are, all of us, at least once in our lives, ego-driven

The Ego gets a very bad rap. It is like this because a long time ago a whole bunch of people decided that they would tell the world what the ego is. We have all been raised by a society which tells us that what we have tells the world who we are, but that is not the case these days. What we have, literally, is only our very selves. Sure, we all have other people in our lives, but, when it is our time to return to Spirit, we are by ourselves, and we are the ones who have left a lot behind, and sometimes what we leave behind is the residue of the hurt that we suffered throughout our lives, which is the hurt that we could not let go of even and up to that point.

It is the Ego which tells us that we should or should not protect certain aspects of who we are.

When the time comes that we are hurt, even egregiously so, it is our ego self that comes to the forefront. It is our ego self that either can hang with the hurt and can help us get out of the way of more harm and how to do that. Just as much as it is our ego self who, when it has been challenged, will puff its chest out, get mouthy and daring, saying things and doing things that will only serve to cause havoc and more damage. The bitch of it all is that it is not only damage to others, but most of all, that damage is something that we, ourselves, cannot and will not ever escape.

When first we practice to put a hurt on someone, namely when we are aware of ourselves doing it, it is at that moment that, too, we are also putting it on ourselves, that same hurt that we wanted someone, anyone else, namely and especially someone who we say that we love. This does not mean that we do not love them when we get angry with them, but when we get angry with them and choose to not forgive them is when the reality should hit home that if we want others to forgive us, then we have to practice it ourselves, both with others, as well as our very selves.

It is the same that thing I teach other people, this art of forgiving those who have wronged us. And believe me when I tell you that indeed, it is a true art form because the fact of the matter is that, as a whole, humanity does not like its truth, even a fabricated truth, fucked with.

We do not like our beliefs, do not like the things that we like, do not like our sheltered little lives fucked with, at all, and when it is that someone has come along, regardless of what their intentions were at the time of the failure and gives us a lesson in love that we are not ready to deal with, it shows.

This means that when we are told that something will happen on a given date, or that what we want to happen can happen, or really, anything at all in the manner that tells us that somehow, we are about to score huge, at the same time that we are made happy, we also need to be very keenly aware, as well, of the reason as to why we are happy.

We know that if we are happy because we thought we were lied to about a whole lot of things, only to find out that not the thing, but the timing of the thing, was not what we thought it would be, and we go on to say that we believe that the thing is GOING TO happen on this date, and it doesn’t happen…whether or not we can handle it in the manner that is telling us that we can deal with it, or whether we are telling the story of how we, alone, were wronged without also looking at the other things that maybe someone else was looking at, even as it is the same thing, we have some serious self-checkin’ that has to happen because without that self-checkin’ the thing that happens afterwards and until we do so is called self-wreckin’.

Self-Wreckin’

Self-Wreckin’ is that thing that all of us does, guaranteed. We are humans, and my experience with humans on the whole is that, while it is that we are way, way cool biological as well as ethereal specimens, given that we are born with the ability to reason, means that we also have the ability to be highly unreasonable. This is not to say that none of us who is evolved enough to know better won’t, for a few minutes now and again, find ourselves somewhat a bit devolved. It means that we are human and capable of being our greatest shot at being undone.

The only way that other people wreck us is if we allow it, and even then, when it is that we have one thing, one goal, one place that we see with our mind’s eyes that we cannot let go of because to us, that is the perfection of our own making, and that is the thing that we need to look at, in its face and not be afraid to let it go.

You see, I have lots of clients who do not understand this, lots of students who want to think past the teacher, which is fine, because I did that too, recently even, and yes, I had to face a hurtful truth that pissed me off and while it did not make me feel foolish, it indeed DID make me know that sometimes, when the lesson is taught and we have learned, the only thing left to do is vent out the feelings to a trusted person, and then finally just let it all go, including the person who caused the ache.

Our Ego-Self is the part of us that tells us that we have to protect who we are, but the problem with that is that sometimes, we go into parent mode and we want to save our own selves from the shock and the hurt that might end up becoming more than we can handle, that is, if we are not brave enough to face our own selves.

We can become brave, though, and we can face what we think we cannot, no matter what, or who, it might be. The only thing that we have to do is listen to the pining of our souls. If we listen to our souls, and we go headlong into the fracas brought by others, and in that messiness can find our place in it, we will also find there the freedom that we so crave, not just from the assholes who visit our lives so that we may learn the lessons that they bring to us, but more, from our very selves.

I Love You All !

ROX

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Sometimes…

For what it is worth, sometimes, things happen that, even as we do not know where to go or what to do after the fact, we know that no matter what, it is actually for the best

Things happen sometimes at the most awful time that they can. This past week has been no exception, and my thought is that it is not only myself who has seen things happen that maybe needed to happen. As much as that might suck to read, and more, to have to deal with accepting, the truth of things is that sometimes, what we want is not what we need, because what we want has the real potential of not only getting in the way of our purpose and mission, but more importantly, it also has the potential to turn us into someone and something that we are not.

When it comes to the words of others, to the promises made by them, to the things that we are willing to hear, to accept, to listen to and to believe, the one thing that we cannot ever forget is to remain true to who we are. That is the most important thing that any one of us can do for ourselves, and the sad thing is that too many of us give up who we are for the purposes of trying to please or even appease others. That isn’t what we are supposed to be doing. What we are supposed to be doing is lifting each other up. We are not supposed to be judging each other, not supposed to play this global match of “the bossa you,” and for the most part, even though things, at this juncture in time, suck okole, the truth is that we are not different in a manner that we are not supposed to be, because the truth is that sometimes, things really do happen for a reason, and the reasons that things happened in the manner that they did in these last few days is because of one thing – to make us see what we are supposed to see.

Do you now see what you are supposed to see?

Some folks might think that I am being harsh right now, and maybe I might be, but the fact of the matter is that when it comes to the things that we try hard to not become, and when it is that something has been presented to us that seems like it is a good thing, and then when we find out that what we wanted was not what we thought it would be, let alone that what we wanted we really, really desired,  we become someone who we are not.

This is not my saying that if this past week, something that happened that damaged your property was what you deserved, but it is my saying that there are some of us who have gone on the deep end of things, thinking that when we heard what we heard, that all of our issues with our lives and all of our bullshit that we didn’t want to look at finally surfaced, the one thing that was left at the bottom of the everything that we hoped and wanted and wished for was who we really are. Who we really are, whether it is to ourselves or to anyone else, becomes tarnished with the energy that is the opposite of the things that we were willing to become, even though those things are not who we really are, we find out that it is not that someone else, that anyone else, needs to change for us, but that we need to really think about changes that need to happen for ourselves and by our very selves before we can add anyone else into the mix of the madness that is our own personal lives.

Our own personal lives

Let’s look at the example that is a new love between two people who have …well, a jumblefuck, really…of a life outside of those two. Now, don’t get me wrong – within relationships there are always going to be those little things that are meant to be there to keep folks in check and to keep them somewhere between the reality that is, and the reality that is in manifest, and the reality that is a memory – this will always be there, no matter what, and now matter what, it is up to the people involved in any relationship, no matter what kind, to take care of those things as best they can.

The issues do not happen until there comes an imbalance and a level of expectation by one, by both, that allows the tarnishing nature of entitlement and expectation to become the only thing that is allowed to be seen by others. It is not something that can be hidden, because when it happens, we don’t realize that it is happening.

We become these…morons…who think that we know what is best for anyone else and only in accordance to what it is that we want and need and desire. We can barely see past our own wants and needs, and we can barely allow ourselves to step aside from it, and we can barely feel our soul as it tries so very hard to breathe, to live, and to get out of the things that we think are meant to stop something from happening, when in reality, they end up being the very cause.

Sometimes, things just are not meant to be what we want them to be

Sometimes, we have got to look at things from a new place. We have to deal with not only what someone else did, said, made light of, but, we also have to deal with the fact that what we wanted, versus what we knew to be the truth, were not in alignment in many ways, with the most important way being that no matter how much we tried to make things happen, they just would not, and not because of anything more than that what it was that we wanted was not going to be beneficial for us, at all, and no matter how much we tried and tried, it was just not going to happen.

We could dream of things how we want them to be, but what we see in those dreams, for the most part, are only indicative of the things that we are desirous of and might not be the thing that we want to have happen. You will know when it is meant to happen because it will be easy, there will be almost no work, no effort at all, involved. There will be no talking anyone into anything. There will be no having to bargain with people, no bargaining with yourself. It will just happen. It will just be.

Things that are supposed to be will just be

I know that a lot of us want things to happen for us in the manner that we think they ought to, but lots of times, Spirit has another plan for us, and lots of times, those plans do not include the things that we think ought to happen.

Spirit is not beholden to our plans, to our thoughts, to the things that we want, but She is very dearly attached to our purpose, our mission with others, the things that we both want AND need in our lives, but we humans are so adept at getting in our own way most of the time that we cannot see past the goal that we have intended, and while that goal might be good for us and what we want, that goal may well not be the thing that is needed all the way around.

Sometimes it is better that we have lost, because in that loss we find things that were not apparent when we were blinded by what we wanted versus what was the best thing for us.

I Love You All !!

ROX

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A Grand Metamorphosis

It’s nice to think, sometimes even to believe, that things as they are will remain as they are.  Yet, things have to change and grow. At the moment, we are all experiencing quite a Grand Metamorphosis.

While I will not, because I cannot, tell all of the entire world what is transpiring at my house and in my life right now, I will say that what is happening is somehow needed, and what is happening somehow needs me, as a healer, to sit here and literally watch things unfold as they are doing so right now.  I am little freaked out about a whole lot of things, but about this one thing I am not.

Okay….I am a little tiny bit freaked out, but it is nothing that sticks around for very long at all, not when I start to look at the bigger picture and see in that proverbial snapshot everything else that has evolved over the last few years and realize that, even though this is probably meant to suck, and meant for me to delve ever deeper into the world of my own healing techniques, and though it is literally work for me, I have that very real, very deep, “little kid waiting for Santa to show up” feeling.

I know that I am not the only one with this feeling, not the only one wearing this energy right now. It is like I have been trying on my mommy’s high heels for so long now that this time, when I put them on, they fit, and really, it is the most surreal thing ever, because for a long time, many people have been asking for, praying for, intending things like this one big giant thing to happen. It is here. We think we are not prepared for it, but that is the furthest thing from the truth.

The Actual Truth

The actual truth is that we are collectively reeling from the pain caused by all we have gone through in our singularly lived yet collectively felt past. That pain is all that we know and is one of the very most familiar things for each of us, even as it is temporary – we know the pain, and that is why we have hung on to it – it is familiar, like an old pair of very worn shoes.

What we are feeling right now and in largess is the pain that we seem unable to release from our lives and the reason it seems so big is because it is the one thing in all of the things that do not suck, that sucks.  The real and personal reasons that it seems we cannot release it is anyone’s guess, but most of the time it is because we are emotionally attached to it in some way, and in that manner, what we are doing is allowing our energies to be drained from us, by people who do not deserve who we are in this time when we have evolved to this point in who we truly are.

They do not deserve to be in our lives because the simplest truth of all is that we have evolved past the neediness, past the nature that is defensive within us and that tells us that we somehow need to defend what is this other person’s truth about us that is not our own truth. Our emotional attachment to the pain may well be that we are hanging on to the other part of the pain, which is not pain, because in that which is not pain we find solace and we find that little tiny piece of happiness that we feel like we need for the parts of our lives and selves that need that explanation, that need to be able to understand why it was that we were put through that pain, and our … I don’t know … inner child somehow wants that salve that is the good memory mixed with the ugly one. It seems crazy, but it is true.

When we are kids we want so badly for people to accept us, and we carry this energy with us all of our lives. It shapes who we are still, if we allow it, and of course it shaped who we were and what our experiences were with people who, for the life of themselves, just could not stop bullying us as kids, for no other reason than that they could. As we grew into who we are in this part of our lives, that hurt remained. We tried pushing it into the deepest recesses of our memories and left them there, like a bunch of old toys in the attic (gotta love Aerosmith). We did not forget about them, though, because in those toys were some favorite things, and it is those favorite things that we want to believe balances out the ugly things, and the shameful things, and the painful things, and the things that really are not ours.

This bothers us.

Actually, this bothers our egotistical self, the self that is that child who is hurt, rather than annoyed only.  This bothers us because we know the truth that is ours, and we, through our human ability to get ass hurt about anything  at all, filter these things that we are told, the things that make us hurt and want to not be who we worked toward being, through the filter that is the wounded child inside. And really, it is just time to let the adult out and let the adult have their say so.

Lots of us won’t do this. Most folks will let things fester and allow who we are not be who speaks for us. The time, however, is now that we ought to be far more inclined to no longer allow those hurts from the past still remain where they are within us. When we hang onto those things, even as they are very difficult to release, we allow those things to live on, inside of us, making it so that whoever it was who’d said or done anything horrid to us still have a piece of us, and that really is not cool.

They don’t deserve a piece of us, because for a long time in each of our lives they held onto that piece, never letting it go, dangling it in front of us every time they saw us, every time they thought about us and with each time, at least for some of us, we felt it. When we felt it, we grew more tired from carrying that weight. Eventually, some of us realized that it was time to save ourselves and to stop trying to make people who are not our kind of people love us for who we are. It was when this happened and some of us accepted it and embraced it that we also knew that we were not, at that point, and are not and will not ever be the person who they wounded, ever again.

You are not that person anymore…

Let’s get real here, okay? You are not the same person who you were when your pain was initially experienced by you. Why are you hanging onto that person’s pain? Yes…I know…it is not easy to let it go, because it hurt so badly, and what you are dealing with in that hurt is no one’s business BUT yours, and I totally get it on that level. What I don’t get is why it is that you have yet to make the decision to turn that pain into usable stuff…medicine…to help heal your pain?

I know, I know…not everyone is me, and not everyone can, when they know they are hurting so badly, turn what they hurt or ail from into their own signature meds for evolving. When we think further about it, we can see a few things that help make sense of what I am saying for those who are shaking their heads and thinking that I am way more off of my rocker than even I know I am haha.

The Pharmaceutical companies turn illness into medicine, and for centuries Native Americans and Hawai’ian people have done this – we have faced our demons of pain, looked them in the eyes and told them that they are no longer of any good purpose, that we have learned all that we can from them, and that our choice to still deal with them is NOT for them to hang out more, but for them to know that really, we are done in terms of fearing them.

You were not that person any longer on the very day that you chose to survive.

You were not that person the moment that you accepted that what was going on in your life was no longer going to control your life and with a slow and untiring vengeance, you went straight to town on those monsters in the closet. You probably know that from time to time, those monsters will poke their heads out, but the more you look at them, the more they look like any other cartoon monster – pretend and not really that dangerous at all.  So ensued your quest to no longer be hurt by them, your intention to not allow the past to control your present and ultimately, your future.

And really, it had to be done, and if it is not done yet, and whether you like it or not, it will be done, because that is how this all rolls, guys – that which is not purposeful in our lives and which have done what it was all meant to do is done, and now all that is left is the memory. It is in the memory that we live from time to time, and in that memory there are times and bits of history that were significant for us and taught us. Usually those were times that we were hurt in unimaginable ways, by people who meant a lot to us, and that is when our evolution began. That is when our place as light workers started, and it hurt so very badly to have to look at, to know was in our presence, and all any one of us wanted really to do is and was to no longer have to deal with it.

Deal with it, however, is exactly what lots and lots of us have done, and are still doing, because lots and lots of us KNOW, for real and for sure that dealing with the monsters has served us well, that facing our fears makes it so that, with practice, we will no longer fear what is in the darkness of the soul.

And really, right now is the best time to do this voluntarily, because, again, right now things are changing at a lightning pace, including human beings and our ways of being. What is unacceptable will no longer be, and what we cannot tolerate will also no longer be. Things and people are leaving our lives because new people have shown up and those new people are the ones for whom that void left by the past has been carved out for.  In the lives of those same new people are happenings that they are not really wrapping their heads around, because what they are seeing in front of them is very surreal.

The surreal nature of all of these things is this way because for many, many years, there was something there that we did not want to look at. Now that it is not there anymore, we can only see the void, but really, it is not a void – it is rather and only space vacated by those things that hurt us and that has been made there within us and within our lives for the new stuff. The surreal part is that we cannot believe that finally, it is done, and the only thing left is the memory, and it is in that memory of whatever it is that haunted you where the medicine is at. From that pain came your wholeness in that area of life, and to reward you for those efforts through that pain, not only have you been healed from it, but just like it happened when we were kids, and the doctor gave us a lollipop after he gave us a shot – there are new people with whom to make new memories.

Done…and…done ! 

Evidence that this is all truth

There is evidence EVERYWHERE, and it is undeniable that we are right where we need to be, right this minute, because whatever is happening is supposed to happen. The pendulum of life has begun to swing, albeit slowly, in the opposite direction.

So, in my opinion, what this means is that, for all of us who have, for the bulk of our lives, suffered greatly through the things that we learned from others, through the suffering and the ugliness that were brought to us by them, the other side of that has begun.

Where there was the ache of loneliness, in place of that is a new relationship where loneliness does not exist, even in when not physically in one another’s awareness.

Where there was once the rage brought by the struggle of not having enough is this new energy, and one that is making us crazy with impatience in terms of being able to have the means by which to pay for our lives.

Where once there was only the memory of the pain, there is now the scar left by the wounding, and the strength brought by the healing that we each and all have struggled to have in our lives.

Think about it…and everything that brought you right here, up to this point, and about how much it all sucked, badly.

Welcome to the flip-side, good humans…

I Love You All !

ROX

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If you live in the San Gabriel Valley Area of Los Angeles County and are bored on Thursday nights…go see my friends, The Pharmaceuticals play Friar Tuck’s in Pomona! Click on the links to learn more about The Pharmaceuticals, or, how to get to Friar’s !!  

 

 


The Birthing of Our (evolved) Selves

In our lives at this time seems to be a whole lot of turmoil, but there is a beauty to this all, really.  We have to remember one very important thing about all of this harshness that almost everyone on the planet is going through right now, and that is that the bigger the ugliness in our lives, the bigger the beauty that is on its way.

*****

I am a huge believer in the strength of human beings. I am this way because I know that my own life has called upon me to become the strongest person in it, as it is with every single on of us. MANY of us right now are experiencing things that are as mind blowing to us, not for anything else than that, while it is that we KNOW that we are loved, by Spirit, by others, and by our very selves, the things that are crazy right now, and the things that seem to break our hearts are meant to show us that those energies are not needed, that they must be vacated in order that the big, beautiful things which are headed our way can be used in our lives the moment that they arrive.

And we wait for these things to happen to us, not realizing that we are co-creating our lives with the Goddess, and we get frustrated by what it is that we have little power over. We forget that we are always being taught, especially those of us who are in the “trades of the realms,” and yes, I am remarkable at brain farting when it comes to this one thing.  Because I teach, sometimes I forget that I am being taught what I will be teaching, and sometimes the lessons that I am being taught are also to show me which segment of society I will be working with next. Sometimes, too, I am being taught because without my thinking about things the way that I should be, I have given some sort of painful something to someone else. We all know that Karma don’t play…

…and speaking of Karma…nope…that’s NOT what is going on, at least not on the whole of things

The whole of things is that, yes, there are a whole lot of folks dealing with paying their karmic debts, BUT, there are a whole lot of others who are shedding their old selves for their new selves. Many light workers are now being forced from homes they have been in for many, many years, and many of us are growing out of or already have grown out of relationships that just no longer fit who we are and probably never did. There are a lot of us who are all of a sudden quitting jobs that have given us the greatest comfort in knowing was there and doing things that are in such opposition with who people thought they were for so long that it seems to not make sense.

But really, it makes a whole lot of sense.

If you thought about the things that you asked for about six months ago, I am almost positive that you were not very clear on what it was that you really needed, as well as wanted, and I only say that because I know that when I need something or want something, in my own desperation, I cry out to Spirit, telling Her what I need, and I forget to also tell Her that when She is blessing me with what I need, to please do so in the manner that is most gentle, most effective, will leave less pain in its wake and most of all, that is permanent and that the outcome be positive for all involved.

The fun part is that all of us does this. There is not one person alive on this planet who does not trip out when things begin to pile up in our lives, not one of us who automatically looks to Spirit for some much needed reminding that we are safe and well in the arms of the Goddess. No one can lie to me and tell me that always, they do this, because always, while we remain as enlightened beings, at the same time, we are equally as flesh and blood as we are enlightened souls, and at the same time we are prone to all of the things that those who come to us for our thoughts and our energies are. While there are some of us who are better at hiding these things, the majority of people, yes – myself included, freak out, at first, when the shit hits the fan.

You know when your life is about to change when it is that several piles of shit hits the fan, all at one time, it seems, and at that same time, it seems that there is little, if any, relief from it. If it seems that there is little, if any, relief from the madness, it is at that point when one must ask one’s own self what the similarities in all of the challenges are, what, really, is old and worn out, and who else it is in our midst, who also may well be being taught the longest, harshest lessons of all, and they are the lessons of our own evolution on a personal, yet very, very powerful, level.

The other side of the ugliness

Yes, of course there is a bright side to this all. My own lessons these last months were all about self-worth and who it is in my own life who values me and who I am, just as I am, and on the other side of this, who is still being quite douchey about things. In these last few months I have learned a whole lot about myself, and most of all, I have learned that, to a select few people, I mean the world, have brought to them the thing that was missing in their lives, and really, I had no clue about these things until I thought about it and realized that what was missing for them was also missing for me.

Another thing that light workers tend to forget is that at the moment, we have a whole lot of expansion happening for us all, meaning that the things that we thought about anything are changing for us, are expanding so that the reality of the bigness that is going on now will be accommodated. In my case it is about my family of origin versus the family which I created being melded in with the family who is my soul tribe. It is also about my work in this world and how it is that my words affect masses of people, all at one time, and that perhaps and rather than only sharing the painful things, to also include in those words also the lovely things which are birthed from that pain. I had to learn to trust people, had to learn to be able to rely on one other person without also allowing what went on in my own life before that person emerged into my life to not affect things with that one person.

I had to learn who my family within my family is, and while it hurt me for a whole lot of years to feel like I had been exiled from my own people, the truth is that even as there is DNA which matches, there must be a match of energies, a match of things unexplained and a match of likes, dislikes, and yes, of course, Love and what Love is to anyone at all. I had to accept, even as recently as yesterday, that really, just as much as some relatives are not my favorite human beings, I may also not be their favorite, either, and this is all fine and good and yes, it was asked for.

I had to learn that there was more to my job than only met my human ability to see. I had to depend on my gifts for most of these last months to get me through some of these things that still, to this day, blow my mind at how easily it was that I had forgotten that even though sometimes, the things which are in our midst are presented in human or tangible form, they require a spiritual and intangible energy to make them better, or, make them no longer be present in our lives if they are not needed or wanted there.

I had to learn that not everyone was lying to me about me, that really, there are a lot of people who love me, just the way that I am, all the way down to my shoeless-most-of-the-time feet, and I had to learn to accept that this is how they really felt, that they loved me as this me, and that for me to not be this me would hurt them to their very core. I had to learn to believe that either way, what I was being told, what I am still being told, is the truth of other people, that it might well also be my own truth, but that the truth that I do not like, I do not have to live and make my own truth.

Mostly, I had to learn to be patient with Spirit, to learn that She has everything set in motion the way that it is for a very specific reason, and whether or not I am right about the reason, or the energy, or the anything, the one thing that has been a challenge for me is waiting for the good things. If it isn’t apparent to anyone, even though I am jovial, outwardly expressive in a manner that can only be called or labeled as “mad cap,” on the inside of my psyche there is still that kid who sometimes feels like she is still the last one to get a piece of birthday cake and a scoop of ice cream, and the bitch of it all is that in that energy, it is my own birthday. And once again I am faced with the challenge to either accept what others have to do and must get done long before my part in their stories become apparent to them, because once I began to learn patience, which I am still learning, I also began to “see” their own stories silently told to me in the way that they expressed their own pain and their own heartaches, their own joys, their own energies.

This time in our lives is meant to refine us, to make us excited for the things that we asked for to come to fruition for us. Now is not the time that any one of us needs to throw our hands in the air and tell Spirit that we quit – not at all. In fact, if you are going to throw your arms in the air in frustration, then express THAT and not that you quit because really, you can’t quit. You can’t quit because you asked to learn whatever it is that is hurting you right now, and you can’t quit because you are almost where you need to be in terms of who you are and mostly, you can’t quit because the reality is that there are a lot of us right now who are in the same energy that you are, and most of us are seeing this part of all this turmoil as one thing…

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas and all through the Universe…

Being blessed in our lives with anything is great, but if we quit, we have to go through the things that we don’t like going through all over again. If we quit, we don’t get to get to the point in our growth which will also be the fruits of the labors of pain that we may have gone through for a long time. In my case it has been most of my life for me, and lots of people believe that I need to toughen up  and learn to take it like a man…to those people…I’d like to say that there is no one in your mind right now else who you would be saying this to, and if you have the very nerve to give that sort of advice to anyone at all and to do so without truly knowing who they are, you might not realize that there are those among us who are VERY tough, who are more inclined to not have to always be tough on the physical and seen-with-human-eyes level, and if this is the way that you think…well…

My dear…you need to check yourself before you further wreck yourself.

Stop telling people how they can improve your way. Take your own advice and improve upon yourself…

…not because I said to, but because that is your lesson…

I Love You All !

ROX

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For the month of October, join us in raising awareness! Send me an email to reverendroxie22@gmail.com for details regarding the

“The Day I Chose To Survive”

Campaign to raise awareness for domestic abuse


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