Tag Archives: #LosAngelesKahuna

In Black and White

zebra-stripes

We all know what we do not want…but…do we know what we DO want?

I am Kahuna.

I will not lie- I have always enjoyed the strange nature of things that go on in the ether, but, for the first part of my life on this planet and in this lifetime, while it was that I was very curious about the weirdness, I was terrified of it at the same time that I was curious about it. The bottom line, all of my life, and even sometimes now, I had a fear, not of going to hell, but of letting my parents -particularly my mother – down.

Fast forward to the Now , and with the help of my Maestro, I realized what I feared was that my mom would so dearly be hurt (which she won’t admit to being but I know that she was), and that she might not love me anymore. I feared that my challenge to what was right and correct and true to her would be what made her not love me. I was terrified that she would judge me for who I am now, for what I like now, for who I Love the most right now…but, that did not happen. What happened was that my mother, in all of her motherliness, actually did what I, myself, have had to do, for what seems like a very long time, but really is not – I did that thing called “accepting my kids for who they truly are,” and nurtured that energy within them.

Essentially, I became the mom I did not have. This is not stating that her as my mother was not the best that I could ever have (because now that I think about it, she was actually trying to protect me. All water signs live through a belief that we have to fear everything…please, keep reading…), because without my mom and all of her religious belief, lots of things that did not happen in my life that could have happened were never realized. What was realized, over time, was that there was nothing that I was taught that was not of some sort of good learning for me.

What I learned was that my mother’s way of love for me was very black and white (and it had to be, because I am, by her own stating so, her “wild child”), was cut to the chase and held no secrecy, at least in terms of the absoluteness that is a mother’s love. What I was shown by the Maestro (as well as my oldest) most recently was that what my mom taught me were the lessons of growing out of those expectations and into my own vision of my life, of what would be contained there, of who would be allowed in it, and how much I was willing to see to it that I would remain who I am – this mom, this “Pineapple,” this Me who is the Me who I love so very much and who my Hanai Ohana would be remiss to know that I chose to change to please other people. I know who matters. If change is required, I will know who is the reason why some changes need to happen for me.

I always felt my mom did not like me as a person. I was wrong. I had felt that way all my life, like if I changed one thing about her conjured version of “me,” that I would lose my mother’s love.

This was, and still is, a primary fear for us all – that our parents will be so disappointed in us and as who we truly are or that we are not doing things their way, that ultimately, we fear losing their love. This does not address the idea that some of us (again, including me), still live in that energy and don’t even know it. The feeling denotes that somewhere within us, we do not have (or think we don’t have) the earliest, most…”spot-welded” moment, where every single one of our sensations, bodily and emotionally, can be recalled, and we can feel everything from that moment as though it were right now. In that moment are snippets and snapshots of it, and of every other one that was also spot-welded in our psyches, that prove through our digging for the truth, that we won’t lose the love of those most important to us and in our lives.

This is the defining moment of who we know as mom or dad and of who they are, specifically and in those roles, in our lives. This is the time that the emotional temperature gauge is set, when we are children, even though we do not realize it. It is also the time in our lives that we, at least in my opinion, have initially brain-mapped ourselves into the energy of the reality, to our little tiny brains, that is “mom” and “dad.” In my life, my recollection of this is so dearly planted, and at times the memories so very painful, and why? Because I could not identify with her role in my life as much as I could my dad’s (he is kind of a brainiac).

I was Daddy’s little princess, and I did not become Mommy’s little girl until I was in 2nd grade. Sure, she might tell you differently, but, this is my remembrance of how it came to be that I would know my mom in her role as mom, and my dad in his role as that person, and how it affects our abilities of communicating what it is that we are trying to utilize in our very most important relationships.

When we are not able to speak our own truths, it is because, I think, of the reward system planted in our heads as children. In my lifetime, as a child, one parent was more encouraging, and the other was the disciplinarian. On the one hand, I was encouraged by both of them to excel in my gifts and talents and the use of them, and on the other hand, I was confused all the time because everything was cause for their God to punish me and that I would end up being sent to hell.

This is how my mother did her mothering for a time – via the fear of God, which I now understand was something that she was able to use as her means of scaring me enough to behave properly (WRONG way to do it, namely if you want your kids to even think to remain with the belief system they grew up with).

I always felt like I was being judged very harshly by her and that most of the time she was picking on me. The realest thing to me then was my own fear of her judgment, but now, I understand that it was not that she was judging me, but that she was still trying hard to get her own parents to at least show her a tiny bit of love that came without condition by trying hard to be the disciplinarian mom (like my grandmother – a Sagittarius – fire, action, catalytic…there is no way my mother, even now, could be a fire sign mom because she is water). She used the phrase “constructive criticism” a lot, which told me that I was a damaged person and would never be right, never be smart enough, good enough, and this equated to my also believing that I had to prove that I was worthy of her SHOW of love.

The way that this always presented itself to me was not what she expected or perhaps had hoped for.I am sure that she thought that what she was doing, because it is how she was shown love by my grandparents (which was without a whole lot of a show of affection…how could they? My Kupuna had six kids!) She did not know until I came around just how difficult it was for her to show affection to others. I am sure that she tried a whole lot to bring herself to that point of that show for me, but, I was not shown this and at a very young age it seemed as though I was more akin to a family pet, perhaps even a show pony. Little did I know or could I have even comprehended that it was not that she did not love me, because I know very well that she did and does. It was that she did not know how to show it properly, and it was because she was not shown it by her own parents the manner that she needed to see it. I know this by her manner of speaking about her own youth, and most of what she says is laden with the energy of discipline as being my grandparents’ ability to love all of their children.

While discipline is a form of Love, it cannot be the only form, because if it is, it will be the only kind that is correct, recognizable and even acceptable.

Think about it.

Love, whether you want to think so or not, is very black and white

Love is black and white.

What I mean by this is that we know when the measure of love that we need is being given to us or withheld from us. What we do not know is the reason why, but, based on how we were each raised will be the way that we form the opinion that will also form the habit which typically happens that represents the energy that we have been presented with as or not as “Love.”

We are rarely truly clear on things. We don’t want other people to hurt, and we also do not want to hurt. We try so very hard to not hurt them by censoring ourselves when we think we need to, and then when it all comes down to the nitty gritty, and we are each in that mode of guardedness, we find ourselves right back at square one, right back to that place where there is confusion, where there is miscommunication, where the hurt is contained.

We also and dearly, the very each of us, cannot believe that anyone else truly and absolutely Loves us. After we have confirmation of this one thing, lots of folks try to find a flaw in it, try to find where it is that we are going to screw things up, where they might not love us anymore because they found out that we are not perfect, that we are merely humans, and that truly, we are as much an imperfect creature as anyone else would be. When it is truly that other people are seeing us, and we are seeing them through the eyes of Love, we are able, NOT to look past the things intentionally done to cause harm, but, instead, to see the truth of them in black and white.

And indeed..inherently and embedded in all Human Beings is this capacity to Love, in black and white, without any bullshit. This is when it is the real thing.

The Truth of Others, in black and white

Our perception of others is based on the things that we have experienced with them, through them.

When we feel a little bit of reservation about people (which, make no mistake, we always do all the time, where strangers and those who have hurt us in the past are concerned), we are, without realizing so, prompting ourselves to seek further answers, to look for a different truth that matches what it is that we are believing.

When we cannot make sense of the truth that we are experiencing (and not one of us has the right to call someone else’s truth about themselves or their experiences “wrong” just because it is not the same as ours is…please – keep reading…) and we are not able to grasp why it is that we are going through something, you can bet that the black and white energy of that situation is going to make itself known to you. This is not my rule. This is the rule of reciprocation, the rule that could be thought of as a transaction, like when you go to the grocery store and you exchange money for goods.

It is this same sort of energy tangibly, but different, because the exchange is ethereal energy rather than tangible things.

That is also where we end up a little bit confused – the idea that we are able to exchange energies, even across great distances. We are able to hone in on the truth of others, if it is that we are particularly close to those others. It is not something that can be avoided, really, if it is that we are that close in energies. It is actually a gift, our abilities towards knowing when those within our Hanai Ohana are hurting, are in turmoil, are in need of some sort of special, loving energy. This output of energies is also the thing that we can learn to utilize in terms of when to just maintain our distance so that our loved ones can recharge themselves (solitude – we all need it from time to time). We all have that need – to recharge. When those closest to us request, whether they do so kindly or sharply, a need for solitude, it is wise to honor it.

It is wise to honor their need in that time for one reason – they have been black and white, most likely, and most likely when they have not been, it is because they do not realize that this is their desire. In black and white terms, we all are in need of this sort of thing, and when we are not given this we lash out and we make things difficult, but mostly for ourselves where they are concerned.

What is also black and white but not quite something that we think about in terms of other people, is the sensations bodily that we feel when we are not sure of the answers that someone else is giving us in terms of who they are in relation to us and our energies. This is when what comes out of our mouth might or might not be believable, and it is not them perceiving what we are saying incorrectly, but our own cue as to us having to learn to discern what is our energy versus what is someone else’s.

When we are particularly close to one other person, as is the case between myself and my other half, it can be confusing in that we cannot discern between what is our own versus what is the others’ and sometimes, it is neither. Sometimes, the things that we feel and sense are the cues coming from the ether, from that place in the cosmos that reaches into our psyche and shows us what we are made of. It is that place that tells us when we are in need of repair, or in need of repairing something that we have done that caused damage to another person. It is within our own symbolism of the visions that we all end up having, the very ones that look like a memory that we would rather not look at again which holds the key to healing that part of our selves, and ultimately our lives. Without this sort of awareness, we float in the sea of confusion until we have created a means by which we are able to, through our own symbolism, understand what it is that we are receiving as a message from the Universe.

Usually the messages from the Universe, while they might scare us, they serve a purpose. That purpose is, through a process of thought born in the brain (and in the case of ANY human female – it is called Critical Thinking…bear it, ladies – we are not biologically able to think in a logical manner. We are emotional beings. Prove me wrong….but I am betting you won’t be able…don’t get ass hurt. Just deal with it and learn about how to think critically. I’ll teach you….) and is totally our own creation, so that we can understand that Love is black and white, on all levels, and that no matter what, we are not able to change it because it has to be allowed to grow.

Once we have looked at the black and the white, we will find there inside of that energy, the truth that is there and is ours.

Truth, while it is ever changing, is also static until we have created better and more believable truths, and truths which feel good and not like we are somehow the world’s biggest fool for wanting to simply just be who we are, truthfully, in black and white….

Where is it in your own life, and in your own thoughts, that you are not practicing the black and white nature of Self-Love and Self-Care, the sort that makes each and every one of us pause for thought, and not pausing for thought of the detrimental sort (we beat the shit out of ourselves over the good opinions of other people, all the time), but pause for thought that has become the truth that we are unaware of as being our own, created through our own means and measure, and the very truth that we do not realize til right this moment that we have been living in.

Please believe your own good, black and white, loving truth about you.

And think, too, about the answer to this question – is your truth about yourself the truth, period? If it is not, can you think of what it is that would make you believe what is someone else’s worn out and outdated truth, perhaps even of the you that you once were?

#LosAngelesKahuna

#PuckingIrishGuysRockShop

#TheCrabAndTheFish

 

 

 

 

 

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The Exchange of Integrity

Money changing hands The Mana'o Blog July 1

Integrity is that thing that we exchange with others at all times. Integrity is also the thing that many tend to let go of when it is that life gets in the way.

Integrity…

Integrity is that thing, I am finding, by right of my own words to a very important person, that I have a whole lot of. You see, the person who inspired this writing, which would be the third one of its kind within a week’s time, gave me, without knowing that they gave me, a challenge and the sort of challenge that I cannot deny. The challenge did not directly come from them. The challenge came from the thing that I was told, this time for the second time, and this time it is nothing that I am not taking seriously, much as I have any other time. Every time, though, when it happens that I see what I see and know what I know is the truth, I find out a whole lot about people in the lives of others who like to say they will do one thing, and end up doing the other thing, and this makes us feel really badly about who we are, simply because the thing that we trusted someone else with has become the symbol of things that hurt us.

Those things hurt us because most of the time those others have been told that maybe what we are doing is not indicative of who we are, and if we are being in the energy that carries less integrity than that which we are living in for and with ourselves, and that energy belongs to someone else, then it is at that time that we need to ask ourselves a whole lot of questions. In my case, the only one that I can ask, in terms of the thing that I am writing about and the thing that caused me to have this inspiration is the idea that when someone entrusts anyone else at all with something that they know carries meaning for anyone, it is wise to hang on to the energy that is the truth that anyone else had in us at one time.

Let it be well known right now that there are not a whole lot of people on this planet who I trust very much, and when it is that someone who I considered trustworthy has proven me otherwise, namely since it is that this person has known me long enough to know, too, that anyone who I bring to their lives with the intention of helping someone else to get what they want to get going, going, and the other person who has entered into anyone’s life by merit of their knowing me, and that person fails to live up to their end of things, I have a problem with it.

I have such a problem with it that today, for the third time this week, I am here, again, writing this blog and I am here, again, trying hard to not feel like I am drowning in my own fear, in my own depths and in my own anger that has become a sadness with a thickness like that of dense cheesecake. My sadness is for a lot of reasons, but in this instance, as I have told those who are still those who I trust, but right now, that sadness is because again, and within a short time, I am cutting ties with someone who I thought was a friend and who I trusted with anything at all, but namely their word.

The words that we speak and write are all we really have. When it is that we say anything to anyone at all, we have to take care that what we say is the truth, and what we say is meant to clarify anything to anyone else. What we are doing in that clarification is simple – we are mapping our expectations. When a transaction of any kind at all takes place, there is a certain expectation of things to happen. Let’s take money, for instance. When we are given the opportunity to make a few dollars doing the thing that we love to do the most, and when it is that an agreement has been made between two or more people in terms of that money or that exchange, all involved are expected, whether it is a signature on a document, or a handshake, or an email, or even a text or phone conversation…all parties, at that moment, are agreeing to the terms of the thing being talked about, meaning that all parties are willingly doing what they all promised that they would.

The reason that I am using money as my example, even as money, while it is important, is not the very most important thing to me, because to me it is simply a tool to get things done, is because everyone knows what money can do to people.

Money and integrity

I understand that there is a lot going on in the planetary climes right now, and that a lot of the things that we held true and as ours are slowly finding their way away from us. I am not different. Just yesterday I had to face the fact that my knee was telling me, again, that I need to just put my hula aside for a bit, and do what I do better than that – write, and research. It has become the only thing that I can turn to in terms of my own and self-imposed therapy. There is no better way for a person who has been called stupid her whole life to prove that one thing different than being the person who makes that thought in my own head no longer valid. I could easily just do something related to hula, but in doing so, all I will end up doing is bring more harm to myself. If there is anyone who does not need more emotional self harm, it is me.

I could sell out, and work with another one of those per word websites, but, that will only make me mad because I know that my words are of value to people. I have been told so. I could sell out, and get help to write web content for other weirdos, but, then I have to believe in the things that I am writing on their behalf, and there is no guarantee that I am going to be paid what I know that I am worth in terms of what I can write, what I do write, and the organic manner that is the writing that I have always done, which is straight from the soul and directly into the eyes that those words are meant for. I could do a lot of things, and yes…I am willing to state now that I am not as good as a lot of writers are, and this is the thing that I believe because the simple fact is that I do not get paid to write, at least not like I did at one time, and only because I will not sell out and take orders from people who are only looking for hits to their websites.

I might be strangling myself in being this way, but this is the way that I do things – with integrity. And I cannot be any other way. I have never been any way but this way. I might do a lot of things that a lot of “saner” people would never do, but the bottom line is that I remain with my integrity, no matter what, and under no circumstances will I allow myself to lower my standards. There are people who want to believe that I have lowered myself to what they want to believe is a level of lowered that only they can see and is about them in certain ways, but even in that thought they are incorrect – I do not see bad things in others if those bad things are not backed up with a certain level of intention. When I see that people are doing things that are going against the thing that they have agreed to, I am automatically seeing what is their intention.

Integrity and Intention

Our integrity is something that we cultivate on our own and without any help. It is brought to us by means of others who have almost no integrity. We learn who we are and who we are not, not only to others but to ourselves, through the level of integrity that others have and are willingly displaying to us through their words and their actions that they show to us. I have been shown my own level of integrity in terms of who I am, and I KNOW that I have not let myself down, meaning that I know, too, that I have not let anyone else down, namely those who are closest to me.

However, those who I thought I might be able to trust with my …trust in them…has been cracked, and in that cracking I have found that I have been duped and that the thing that will be told to me, even though I am not hearing any of it, is just these others trying hard to get around the idea that somehow, their lives are so harsh on them, that they allowed something to slip their mind, for a long time, and that they already know what it was that was so crucial to anyone else that the agreement be kept confidential, as well as said same agreement be kept, period. The reason that the agreement needed to be kept is not just the part that was the representative of the integrity – money – but the truth of the person with whom anyone would make any agreement with. Let it be known now that whenever someone makes an agreement with anyone else, that what you are exchanging is NOT tangible things, but, trust.

Trust is built upon the integrity of others

I am saying it, so deal with it – if you have been operating at less than your own self-set level of integrity, and with my assuming that your own level is as high as it ought to be, then you are not only robbing others of your own self-set goodness, but you are also robbing your damned self of it. When agreements are not kept by all sides, it makes us feel like we somehow are going to lose everything, just because one or more persons have chosen to deal with their own …less than high level of integrity that they expect others, or maybe don’t expect others to have. This is the reality that right at this moment, is mine and this is the reality that lots of people have brought to me not just in the past, but in the recent past, and this is the reality that starts a snowball effect of everything else going wrong in the lives of those whose integrity IS what it is supposed to be (and ought to be) at all times.

What this means is that say you borrowed something from someone. Let’s use clothing for this example – you borrow something that means a whole lot to someone else. You beg that person to please return your item by a specified time, and you trust this person to at least bring it back within a day or two, expecting that like all human beings, the person who is borrowing the dress to at least return it within a respectable amount of time to you.

One day, you are invited to an event that calls for something decently dressy. You call the person who borrowed the item, and they are not able to be reached, by phone, by text, and they do not respond to your emails, either. The event you have been invited to is a fundraiser, and it calls that you wear something demurely smashing, and you call the person again, and again…still, no answer.

And now, you are pissed. (OK I was pissed…keep reading…)

You think that this person has become like all others, and soon you are lumping all others into this pile of others who have less than an acceptable level of integrity. Finally, on the day of this event, you get the dress back. Not only is the dress NOT clean, there are food and wine stains on it, and the person who borrowed it is coming up with all kinds of excuses as to why they did not bring the item back, and they even have the very nerve to have an attitude with you.

Here you were, waiting all this time, knowing that you would have given back that dress in at least the same shape that you borrowed it in, and you are now upset that this person who called themselves a “good friend” has brought this item to you in the manner that they did, with the attitude that they did, and at that moment, you do not realize that you have been shown their truth.

You know it is their truth, but you do not want to believe that it is their truth. You want to see that person in the manner that you would see a stranger, because that is, in that moment, what that person becomes to you. You have experienced the truth of someone else, in this manner, and it is believable and only because the manner in which the other person has brought to you the thing that they think is the truth of you – that you would be cool with it if they didn’t bring your item back to you just the same way it was when you loaned it to them. This was not only them exposing their own truth about themselves, but also will cause any thinking human being without cause to believe otherwise (meaning that at least a return phone call or an email regarding the dress would have at least made the reason for the late return believable) that they were living up to the level of integrity that they always showed you.

Just because someone says something, unless it is that the things that they have said otherwise would tell you not to loan that dress to them, when it is loaned to them, it is you having your experience with them as the thing that caused you to borrow the dress. You wanted to believe your friend, wanted to believe that the words they told you were the truth, wanted to make certain that on both ends, you were both covered. And you did your part – you did exactly what you said you would do, and you loaned your friend that dress, which was one of your most favored ones, and you gave that friend the respect that you have always afforded them.

Then, they did not return the dress. And now you are looking at the dress in its nasty, dirty, stained and B.O. smelling state, and all you can think about at that point and after you have gone through the anger, is why it is that someone you trusted with something so valued by you would return something to you in the shape they did, having the shitty attitude they had, and expecting you to understand why they ended up being the shitty person who they were to you in returning the dress in the manner that they returned it. They gave you every excuse they could, and did not think one moment about why it is that you needed that dress back. You don’t even know why you needed it back, given that you have a closet full of dresses that could be worn to that fancy-shmancy shindig.

The reason…

The reason is simple – we know who we are, and we know that for the most part, we are who we hang with. This lends to the thing that is really bothering me and the thing that is not going to be mentioned here. Those who need to know about the exchange that I am writing about already know.

The reason why it is that anyone will do things in the manner that are less than filled with integrity is because those who are less than filled with integrity are learning that if you operate below the level of the initial exchange, and you operate in the manner that is only about your own self, without regard to what others are also going through, and you choose to do like you have in the past and disregard that perhaps what was needed was that the agreement be seen to and that the transactions be known for what they are, in black and white, so that there is a very high level of clarity.

That anyone will entrust another person with the things that they have to offer and are tangible is one thing, but, to believe that those with whom we make any agreements with are not going to mind very much if we do less than what was agreed to is believing that there truly IS beach-property in Arizona, and that dolphins can be seen frolicking in the dry lakes after a downpour in Death Valley – meaning that you are fooling yourself if you think that the person or persons who you have made any agreements with, even if they are assumed agreements and ones that are clarified at some point, and they are agreements that you looked someone else in the eye and made, and you, yourself, were not in the middle of a pot of shit soup that life threw at you…

…I have beach front property in Kingman, Arizona….

(Ummm…no…no I do not….that would be a lie….I do not lie…)

If you want other people to live up to the standard of integrity that you know you operate at, demand it, even silently. Become that loud voice, the one that rings only in the thoughts and the halls of people who need to feel badly, even though they obviously don’t, for real, about the way that they would assume anyone would be “cool with it” if an agreement has not been kept. Agreements are not only those things that we deal with in business, but also in life. When someone is depending on your integrity to make the words that you speak become the actual truth, it means that they have entrusted you to keep your word and to live up to what you were entrusted with…

…which is not those who you want understanding why it is that you have nothing but excuses (because even silence is very telling), even though you have the means to return a dress, or return borrowed money, but you actually telling them what you think of them, and what you think of you. If you have no issues that are truly pressing right this moment, and you know that you have the means to return the proverbial dress, then fucking do it already…

Your integrity is already showing, because of the silence…

(I really loved that dress…)

#LosAngelesKahuna

#TheCrabAndTheFish

 


Allowed to Fly

The Mana'o Blog_ Like The Soul Released from its Cage

Every person on this planet has the duty to grow from the inside, out. When we have accepted what is before us, even though we might not like it, it is like we have been allowed to spread our wings and fly

The last year has been a bitch.

All of us has been through a whole lot, and even though it was all harsh, it was all there and in place and took place for all sorts of reasons, with the one most important reason being that when we are in the middle of growing our souls, and we are not aware that this is what is going on, we are more inclined to see the current things happening in our lives as being nothing more than one more thing that we did not need to happen for us.

Yes…for us

For us.

It rarely occurs to others that the throes of things that suck and have visited our lives and seem like they are taking forever to leave our lives has everything to do with the idea that as humans, we have been taught, as well as it is inborn, to hold onto things, even if they are not good for us or no longer hold any purpose for us – we hang on to things in our lives, even the bad things, because those things mean something to us.

They mean something to us for the one reason that no one tends to really and truly think about, and that one thing is that everything that gets in our faces, so to speak, and continues to get in our faces are in our faces because they are showing us something. Typically, what those things are showing us are things that we have not wanted to face, have not completely been able to wrap our heads around. All we can see, and all we can feel, and all that we can understand is that we are at a loss, even though, in many ways, our losses were instead the gains that we have no idea they are. What we are gaining is not just a better understanding of what it is that we have been through and why we have gone through it all, but more, so that we can see, through those things that are no longer there, the thing that has been left there.

We can call it a void, but that is such a negative way of saying that we are taught what we are taught the way that we need to learn it all – Spirit does not make mistakes, she only makes sure that the things we are meant to learn and that are pertinent to the things that we are here and purposed with imparting through our own life’s teachings, we learn. Not everyone is like I am – I LOVE to learn. As sick as it sounds, once it is that a certain harsh lesson has come to me and once it is that I have gone through that lesson, it is not unlike me to revisit, at least in my thoughts, the things that I went through, picking it all apart to find the diamond in the excrement, find the treasure in the proverbial dumpster behind the thrift store.

What learning through doing does for us

I say a whole lot about bravery and how it requires us to be afraid on some level. It is bravery that helps us make choices that otherwise, we would not. It is bravery that allows us to know what is the truth of any situation, and bravery that, within that situation, makes it so that we are more able to see the truth of ourselves. Bravery does NOT require any measure of bravado, because bravado is not the truth – bravado is simply bravado and bravado is the thing that has brought many strong nations to its knees. I am not talking about bravado.

I am talking about knowing that you are scared to death of something that is in the here in now, and knowing that if the choice to not be brave is not there yet, that nothing blocking our path will change, because we have chosen, at that time, to study why it is, through our own self reporting, by journaling or speaking to one’s own self and soul, that we know we are or are not ready, are or are not brave enough to face the demons which live within our own selves. Being brave is very different than wearing a mask of bravado. Bravado is part of the ego’s arsenal, while bravery is born in the Soul. Bravado is the thing that is needed when encountering others who are also wearing that same mask, but for no other reason than that on their part, they need their mask, because their mask hides their fear and their mask makes it easier for anyone at all to “be” brave in the face of anything dangerous to our ego-selves.

Bravery, though, is that thing in our souls that makes us check ourselves, makes us think before we do anything, and bravery is the only thing in this lifetime that makes us have to make a choice – the choice that is on many levels….as Shakespeare asks “To Be, or not To Be?” and in this case it also includes “To Do, or not To Do,” and “To Change, or not To Change…this is the question…” and is the question that we each have been asking ourselves for weeks now, in terms of what it is that we see ahead of us, that we know is there and that we know we will have to work towards having. In those decisions we find that we have already torn apart the answers and the part that we do not understand being why they are the answers. We find that we have been brave simply by choosing to acknowledge that certain shitty things are part of our lives at the present moment. We have acknowledged that there is a part of life right this moment that is daunting, that has the energy of the giant spider that resides in the closet of our memories and sticks like glue next to the monsters and dragons that are there, as well.

Spiders and Dragons and Monsters, oh my !

We all have fears, and some of those fears are produced by this thing that I have been told is called our “cellular knowledge.”

Cellular knowledge, loosely defined, is the thing that makes us have a fearful reaction, or a good reaction, and we do not know why we are having that particular reaction. Basically, this knowledge is housed in our cells, is knowledge, at least to my own understanding and in terms of how it was explained to me by my Auntie Kalei, and of course, Mama No, and then confirmed by my past class in biological psychology as well as my own private research of how the brain does what it does….cellular knowledge is knowledge that is inherited, at the cellular level, and points to our past, even anciently. What we are afraid of and what feels like it is primal and within us is an example of this thing called cellular knowledge.

Our cellular knowledge is where I have found, through researching it, the part of us that is terrified of things that are alive and well within our Twelfth house (astrologically, it is where all of our secrets, all of our fears, all of our karmic lessons “live.”), the part that our ego-self does not want the rest of the world to know exists within us. Many of us only can see it as a harsh challenge overcoming that which is housed within their twelfth houses, particularly if their natal sun (sun sign) is in the 12th house. This does not mean anything other than that these are the lessons which we are here to learn, and this is the karma that needs to be balanced, and now is the lifetime that you have the chance to overcome those fears and to ultimately squish the spiders which live in the closet of our minds.

Unfortunately, most folks don’t do the work, are not interested in changing things that ultimately will be for the betterment of their lives as they once knew it. Sure, the things that are there and are shitty and just do not feel okay are the very things that have come calling on the each of us to stand up and be brave, to look at it all and make sure that whatever it is that seems like it is eating us alive is really only pointing at the thing that we keep on not looking at and that we are terrified to deal with. I know this particular dragon very well. It is the very dragon that has haunted me, with the prodding of the monster that is sitting next to it, that is also pointing at the damned spider that I thought I squished.

What a lot of us are not thinking about is that most of the time, it is in the darkness that these ugly things come to us and scare the hell out of us. When we are children, we are left comforted by a tiny little thing called a night light. Lots of us have a memory of that very night light being the one thing that, in the darkness, only made us more afraid. On the top of things we knew that, because of our cellular knowledge, it is the shadow cast upon the wall in our bedroom that made those monsters and dragons and spiders look so big and scary. We knew they were not the reality, and even if they were, we knew that there was at least a shoe to take care of the spider. Yet, we chose always to stay beneath the covers, not having to look at the landscape that was our bedroom at night, not having to acknowledge that we were very scared of what the shadows on the walls showed us.

Then we got older, and taller, but that little kid who was terrified by those shadows still lives and is alive and well and afraid, dearly afraid, of the shadows that she sees there, ominous and glowering in the darkness and casting onto the walls in the hallways of our minds the evidence of our fears and what it is that keeps us from investigating and finding out the very truth of things.

The very truth of things is that sometimes, it takes a lot of harshness for us to finally want to address things that we have not wanted to, perhaps not for many, many lifetimes. The bottom line is that once it is that we have at the very least acknowledged that something needs our attention, it is at that very moment that we understand one very important thing…

Humans CAN fly….

Humans can fly. Maybe not in the sense that the owl in the photo does, but, none the less, we can and are able to stretch our spiritual wings, able to lift ourselves above any situation, if for nothing more than to just get the view of the truth as it really is at any given time. The truth is, by and large, and for the most part, very ugly. The truths that we love are born of the truths that we cannot bear to look at. The truth of me is that I am terrified of most people, for no other reason than that I have been given the instance, over and over again, of people who are dark in the soul, people who are under the influence of the shadow cast by the demons in the closets of their own existence.

If we realized that we are able to rise above the excrement, that we are given this…bird’s eye-view…of what it is that we are faced with, and if we can simply just tear it all apart, so that we can pinpoint where it is that the terror within us lives, we are able, at that moment to either be brave, or work on becoming brave, so that we can, when the demons rear their heads again, stare them in the face, knowing that the danger they pose is a danger that we have self-imposed on ourselves. This is not saying that no one has a real fear of what it is that we each and all have experienced. It is to say, though, that since it is that we are who give these demons their power, we are also the ones who can destroy them with that same power.

Once it is that we have realized our own power in terms of acknowledging what truths are there, and once it is that we have decided that we will take on our demons, that we will slay our dragons, that we will squish our spiders with the gigantic slippah of the truth, we realize that the monsters that live there are the very sort that Bug Bunny coiffed in so many cartoons.

Let this be the monster who stays….he’s got fabulous hair …and he makes us laugh hysterically, even as at the same time, we are terrified of him.

Our terror keeps us grounded, but, our bravery allows us to fly…

Don’t be so scared of what it is that was placed there, for whatever reason we had when we placed it all there….we placed it there, meaning that we are the only one who has the power to remove it all…

…one spider at a time…one slippah at a time….

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It Scares You, Doesn’t It?

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What would you do if challenged to help, for real, using only who you are and what you do? What would you do if you were given the chance to be there, for real, for anyone at all and actually mean it?

We humans like believing that we help everyone we can. While this might be tangibly the truth, what is also the truth is that the underlying energy of the reason why we want to help others is not what we even think about.

The truth is that when we help someone else, we are also helping ourselves.

Work with me for a moment, will you? Let me take you someplace that not a lot of Professional Weirdos are willing to take anyone who ought to want to go to those proverbial places that we all want to visit but are scared to death to do that.

Yes – scared to death. We are terrified of doing right by others, because we do not know how to feel okay with ourselves without also feeling guilty for having felt like that (truth), and on the other side of that, others are scared to help because those others, even while they will not admit it, are doing things solely for the purpose of being thanked and knowing that they were depended on, meaning that to some degree and specifically if they do not realize this, was all about controlling someone else through measures of instilling guilt, shame, self-loathing, into the person who they are claiming they want to help.

And the most …not thought about…part of all of this helping others and the manner which we are doing it, and the reason why we each and all particularly have in terms of helping others. I can say right now that there was a time, a long time ago, that I would help damned nearly anyone who ever came to me for my help. Little did I realize that sometimes, those people were not playing fairly, using my words against others as though that is what my intention was when I began to work with them. When what I told them was used against the person who they were trying to be with, and also worked against these particular clients’ plans other than what I was hoping they would do (which was simply to heal themselves and learn from the harsh things going on in their lives, but they didn’t), I became very upset, to the point of rage. No one needs that.

There were times that I wanted to help them so that they could help me not feel guilty for not putting myself, my beliefs, my values and who I am aside, for not dumbing myself down, for not failing me, but in those times, I reminded myself that being manipulated to help someone else, by that someone else, was not going to help my cause of helping people help themselves be better at being who they really are. I reminded myself that I cannot help everyone, because the truth is that not everyone is able to be helped. You see, that is the part of being able to see one’s own self from a third person point of view – the ability to see where it is that perhaps we might need to work on ourselves. I get a lot of emails asking me about my reasons for doing things for other people and other groups of people, asking me why it is that I do not demand pay for these things from some of these groups, and the truth is that the groups in question are typically not groups of adults, but groups of kids whose parents are not able to help them in the same manner that someone else’s mom whose mission in life is imparting the truth onto the populace.

The only thing that I can say to these and in answer to these questions is because kids need all the help that they can get, because they are kids. I then ask these people if they recall being a kid, at any age, and how at all times they were terrified of everything, and usually I will remind them that the reason they are asking me that specific question is already they are revealing their fear to me. They are revealing that since they do not understand my own reasons as to why I charge certain people a certain rate, and others, I do what I do for the love of my work – that since it is that they would not do the same thing, that they will judge someone like me who has no problem doing what she can with what she has been given if it means that just one more person on this planet learns something.

The reason that anyone is afraid to help is, I think, also rooted in the fear that we will be asked to help others, others who we might not want to help at all, and into play comes that ego-self reaction of feeling obligated to help when really, we might not be able to help someone else, not because we do not want to, but because we are not the right type of healer for them. No one likes letting anyone else down, and really, no one is obligated until and unless they obligate themselves to whatever it is that they have named their cause for the moment. My cause for the moment is, as I have already mentioned, to do what I can with what I have been given so freely, to those who need what I can do…yes, sometimes I do this shit for free. Deal with it.

We have been guilted for generations to help others, ALL others, just because we have been told that we have to do this. No, we do not. You would not help a group of people who form groups of people who seek out the weak and vulnerable among us so that those in that group could further their cause, would you? Of course you wouldn’t. However, you would do something for someone like yourself, someone who you could relate to and someone who you could possibly have a pretty good effect on the lives of both you and the person who you have chosen to help, simply because when we help, we are doing what we are all supposed to be doing with what it is that we do anything at all with. We are not here to be ultra cool and groovy, creating these lives filled with love and wonder, and keeping it all to ourselves, at all. We are not here to decide who is and who is not worthy of our help, for the simple fact that when we need to know, need to learn, need to have that instance of what is part of the purpose we are in this lifetime, and our part in our mission with the tribe of souls on this planet in this lifetime, so that we, through that effort and the use of those gifts, will not only be able to help others who we can help, but more, to teach us the reality that is “judge not, lest first ye shall be judged,” and to also know who are the least of us, who are those who deserve to know what is our inner state of giving, and those who we will learn the very most from, even if we never, ever meet them face to face.

This is what is our collective, global mission – we are in place to be of good service to and for one another, but never to be in servitude, which is what a whole LOT of people feel like they are doing when they are asked to do anything for anyone else. This is not the truth, and no you are not obligated to do anything out of your not wanting to feel guilty. You are not supposed to help if you feel obligated, but go and help anyone who the sacrifice, if that is what you must see it as, will be worth the value of the reward in energy that you, yourself, will create for you, for those others in need. Don’t think of it as being something that you just cannot get into, because service to all of humanity is different than being enslaved by the grind caused by the thing that you have been told all of your life is actual charity. Charity is NOT you giving things and money away for free to strangers (okay, so, technically it is BUT…I think you know what I am saying). but you taking the time to care about other human beings who you are trying to make things a little better for.

It does not make you a patsy, or a sucker, and it does not make you weak. In fact, it makes you very strong to know that on some level, even a tiny little one, you have helped to at least make the thought that you helping is somehow going to score you brownie points with your mother’s god and so that he will not strike you down for not doing what you were told by your unenlightened and controlling pastor who may well be getting a kick back from all of the campaigning that you are doing on behalf of the church he is not giving credit to the congregation for having done a stellar job in terms of caring for the global flock. (Yup, I have issues with church and organized religion…like I make it a secret or something)

I suppose that my point today is that you are meant to help others, without guilt and without feeling guilty if you do not or cannot help with certain others – that is not your fault, and you are not here to save the world. You are here to beautify your world with others like you and who live within that world, for no matter how long a time they are there, so that together, you can, with them, become your purpose, serve your mission with them and with others like them, for a common cause, which typically is not ever a bad cause, really. In my case, it is helping those who are just like me…moms with kids, women who have survived the bad moon rising of domestic violence and emotional abuse, parents who want every kid within their reach to have the best chance at a great life, all created by their own dreams and their own hands….and most of all, those who, by the very grace of the Goddess, have the ability to reach out to the world, to teach it how to live in harmony with itself, to learn to live without apology, and to Love without condition, to live within the bounds of our own personal level and energy of integrity, and to be the shining example of keeping hold and never letting go of each of our own born-into-it Kuleana, our personal responsibility, as handed to us by the Goddess, cultivated within us through the desire to see good in the world as it really is…organic…

….but mostly, to never lose sight of the one thing that should be the prize that all of our eyes are upon, at all times…

…the ability to fully Be Love, and by that measure to Be, In Love… Being, In Love, is not the sort that you might think when you see that term. It is nice to be In Love with one other person who you share so very much in common with (Hi Maestro…Muah). Yet, to Be, In Love, means to always live within a presence of Love within the confines of one’s own life, to Be in the Love that is within one’s own self and for one’s own self, and to know that even when things suck, we have the option to Be, In Love, or to be in turmoil from not ever thinking that the most loving thing that we can ever do for ourselves is to do what we do for those whose mission in life is the same as ours…I just said what it is….I’ll say it again…

 

Nike says Just do it…

Spirit says Be, In Love…so just do it – Be, In Love…

Big Mahalos for Reading and Sharing…Aloha Kakou…

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…on Being Jedi…

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We are all Jedi. We are all Sith. We all have elements of both sides of consciousness.

Star Wars.

Everyone I know, just about, LOVES Star Wars.

We all love thinking that if we could only have the gifts of the Jedi Knights that everything would just change for us, and this is the truth, but first you gotta understand that you have to get through the Sith part of you before you can even begin to think in terms of being Jedi.

The Sith part of you

To think in terms of being Jedi, you have to think not about what is best for you only, but also and more, what is best for whatever situation it is that you have found yourself in. That really is what this is all about. One cannot hope to be able to do what is right and good for themselves, let alone the world in which they live, if one is not willing to release parts of themselves that causes the things that happen that are other than good to continue to happen.

The best rendition and example of this is an adult who grew up with privilege and who no longer has that privilege. Perhaps it was that they were so comfortable in the idea that always, someone or something would always be there for them to parasite more and more of what they think they need. Then one day, the host from which they derived all of their perceived power from, typically in the form of money or other tangible goods, is no longer there.

The host either decides that they have had enough and is no longer available to their taking at a constant, or, physically, the host dies. This really happens. I am watching it now.

I mean, not right this moment, but, I am watching this happen, where someone who I know very well has chosen to not do more for themselves than what it is that they have expected from themselves, and also expecting others to pick up the slack, just because that is what they have always expected and have just grown accustomed to. This is not my rule. At all. This is the rule and the law of the Universe in that, whatever it is that you put out there into the universal climes, no matter what, comes back to us- always, and in the same energy that it was experienced by others.

To “Be Jedi” means that you have a deep knowing, a deep belief in the things that you and your mind and every bit of your own power can make happen for you, whether it is good … or other than good.

You have to know that what it is that you are leaning towards, in terms of Being Jedi, while it hurts and sucks, it is meant.

It is meant because you have to learn that while it is that topically, and in a tangible manner, you want things to be a certain way and you want things to be YOUR specific way, so that you can have comfort, even if it is at another person’s expense.

And why not? Everyone likes it when things are a certain way, but when it is that we actually need things to be a certain way, what we deem as being the “correct” certain way and the way that we want things to be regardless if we know this, we realize that there are bigger things at work and that really, there is not a lot that can be done to make those things different right this moment.

That is what is meant by “Being Jedi” – to be able to not only do all those really cool things that we see the Jedi Knights accomplish with their minds, but more, to also be able to face any dragons that we think are the reason as to why it is that we are not getting our way.

And by the way…

If you can recall for a moment the fact that, throughout his training, Luke Skywalker RARELY, if ever, until he got his mind past his fears and the things that could be called the Monsters in the closet of his mind…well, Luke felt like a failure. In fact, he felt like he could not take his rightful place as a Jedi Master and throughout all of the movies, he showed us all that this was not the truth of him. He showed us all both sides of himself – his Light and his Dark, and throughout it all, we each and all rooted for him, the underdog.

And really, that is what it takes, in part, to being Jedi – to know that no matter what, you are the underdog. You are the geek that people shot spitwads at, and you are the very one who people bullied and teased and told would go nowhere, because you were not cool enough to be like they were. You were different and you knew it, and you being different is really what they saw and whether you want to believe it or not – it was that you were and are different than all of the population of this planet.

We are all different.

We are all the Jedi.

We are all the Sith.

We are all the human beings with all of these qualities about us, and we are all prone to not thinking like we can make a whole hell of a lot of difference because we are too busy worrying and believing that what other people said of us was and is still the truth.

The truth is what it is.

The truth is something that not a a soul on this planet can ever escape and ultimately our truths always catch up to us.

Ultimately they come to us in the manner that is someone else not wanting to help us, come to us in the manner that is the very same bully we encountered throughout our lives, and ultimately, these things are not supposed to be there because we are meant to reach into our Jedi-like souls and clear from our lives and our selves these things that no one else seems to be able to deal with within their own selves and their own minds.

We are blamed for the things that we cannot control, and we are accused of things that we know we would not ever do, and these people who bring this to our lives don’t see that they are their own Jedi, and they are who brings to their own table the solutions to everything that they know they have control over. Lots of times, though, it is the ego, the Sith part of us who wins out, and does so because we are, for the most part, egotistical, arrogantly so, and we are, for the most part, afraid to face truths that we know have always been there, lying in wait in our twelfth house of self-undoing.

We do not have to answer that energy with anything more than acknowledgment, anything more than what is the truth of everything at hand at any given moment.

That’s what is called “Being Jedi.”

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Soul Contract

Hawaiian 100 dollar bill yo

Human beings absolutely NEED an exchange of energies with other human beings.  There is something called an exchange of energies between souls. That there is this exchange is one thing, but that within that exchange is a contract created is completely a different story.

Ho’okupu, in the Hawai’ian language means to honor someone else with an even exchange of Mana, or spiritual energy, for the work that they have done, for the thing that they have brought to someone else that is a thing or a service that the other person needed. It is essentially the word that I want to call “barter,” but it isn’t bartering – it is exchanging goods or services for pay or honors.

It is not until we have chosen, instead, to not honor the agreement that was made between souls, let alone human beings on the tangible level, that the ugliness begins. The ugliness begins when the contract between souls has been violated. The way that it is violated is simply when one soul’s body decides that it has a better idea and that better idea involves that person NOT honoring the contract between souls.

The Contract Between Souls

There are a lot of ways in which I could write this so that it would be much easier for people to not get offended when I say that there are way too many people who we share the air with who are SO cheap, or at least it seems like it, that they will scrutinize every tiny little thing that you bring to their attention in terms of what is, and more, what is not, correct about the reason why it is that they seem to believe that you are at their service when in reality what you are is IN service to all of humanity.

This is not about just money, folks. This more about respect for other people and what they do that makes them thrive. Think about it this way – would you want to walk away from something that you so enjoy doing and also get paid for just because people seem to refuse to want to pay you? And really, I don’t know if it is a refusal to pay, or more of a control thing, but I do know that humans, for the most part, like feeling like they have some sort of measure of control over other people, like making it seem as though we have the one-up on others.

When we choose to not exchange the proper energies, we don’t have anything more than a Karma debt.

Ladies and gentlemen…once again to the stage – KARMIC DEBTS

You see, folks, Karma, as most of you know, is very real. It takes its form in a manner that whoever must make things right will understand even as they might not understand why it is that they are now having trouble trying to get what they have coming to them. The one thing that is most maddening is when the Karma debt that others must pay and the lesson brought to them through us also involves our not getting what we need from them. This is not to say that we will never get what we need, only to say that if we are indeed, and unknown to our thoughts, the teacher of the lesson for the person refusing to trade right energies, we will suffer alongside them, and we won’t know why.

This is when the most of us think it is that we are who are paying this debt, when in reality, we are part of the important line of teachers for someone else. I know this lesson very well. I have been the bringer of lessons for a whole lot of people, and when it comes to that point where they are not getting it in terms of why they are suffering, I am driven to ask them who they have been to that point and why it seems as though they are not paying attention to the theme of their pain.

The Theme of Your Pain

At this time, the pain in my life is connected to tangibles. It is because for the entirety of my life, I have always placed people before things. Then I married the one person who, until recently, I didn’t believe was a very greedy, insecure mess of a human being whose only security came in the form of how much money and toys he had.

My money and toys, for a long time, because that is how HE wanted it, were connected to his ability to gain those things for me, as though I would never be able to gain them for myself. The problem with this was that I was being abused, and because of that, I was totally dependent upon his choices so that I could survive. I won’t lie – it was a nice, materially rich survival, but in that method of survival, my soul was dying.

My soul was dying because it seemed as though I was not going to be what or who I was meant to become. While I know that it is not the case, I still had to go through all what I went through in order to be this me. In order to be this me, I had to exchange these energies with this person for a very long time so that in my own thinking, I would automatically have that thought that even as money is nice, people are nicer. Even as things make me happy, being with the people who I love the very most is the most important thing in the world to me. I needed to be reminded of this, and the only way that Spirit would be able, through Her own Wisdom and Her own measure of communicating particularly with me, was through the giving to me and the taking away from me OF me.

In order for me to be this particular me, and a version of me who I can now tolerate, I HAD TO learn a whole LOT of truths about a whole LOT of things and those lessons had to come through the person and the relationship that I thought, wrongly, that I would be able to depend on the most.

I am ecstatic to say that, even though I went through whatever it was that I went through, I learned who I am by learning who I am NOT. In order to know who this version of me is, I had to peel away the layers of wrong-me so that I could get to this me.

In order to be this me is the same as “in order to be this you”

That anyone else will break a soul contractual agreement is one thing, but that we do not know why it is that we have to suffer with other people is quite a different thing all together.

We do not know what another person’s purpose in our lives is right at the moment that we meet them. We do not know what it is that they are teaching us or what we have to learn from them. We only know that they are in our lives and that whatever purpose they hold for us remains to be seen.

I am not the only person on this planet who has had to go through things. My Maestro has been through a whole LOT of things, and my Mexican soul sister, a woman who I grew up with and whose name is Karla, also been through a whole lot of things, and just like me, these two people had to get through some very ugly crap in order to be who they are right now, and who they are right now is not someone who they thought they might be. While I cannot say who either of these people might have thought they might be is neither here nor there, but, the fact remains that they each have gone through so very much that to think that either of them would be here, alive and well and here to live their purpose is the most miraculous thing of all to me.

It is miraculous NOT because I do not believe that either of the two of them would be able to handle whatever came their way to this point, but because of the strength of their character being so strong that there would be no other way for either of them. This is the trade off they each made with Spirit, the deal that they each made that told not only The Mother Goddess who they knew they were meant to be, but that they were not willing and neither ready to throw in the towel and let the people who let them down in their own lives win again.

They didn’t win, in case you didn’t know

I could sit here and tell people what normally I will tell them, and that is that while it appears that other people in our lives who bring to our lives all of the turmoil have not won, it is a hard sell when I am telling people one thing and their lives are telling them what they, the people, have heard for the majority time of their lives – things change for the better if we are willing to see to it.

Yes…you have to be willing to see to your own lives, and you have to be willing to believe that you have value and are worthy to live that best life. You have to be able to grit your teeth, get through the last of the crap from the last crap you went through and all of the crap that came before it. You have to use your strength and your will and you have to cry, laugh, get good and fucking angry, and most of all, you have GOT TO try.

If you do not try to at least be the best version of you that you can create, that is when all those people who talked all that shit to you for all that time will win. If you do not at least keep up with the contract that you have with your own soul to live your life to the fullest in every part of it, everyone else will win. If you do not try hard to just not allow what other people think of you just not matter anymore (and we ALL have this problem, myself especially included), they will win. If you bother with being bothered, most assuredly, they will win.

They will win because you will have allowed theirs to be the governing voice in your head instead of the voice that tells you that you are worthy to Love you. They will win because you will lower your own self to accept what they think about you as your truth. They will win because you will, once again, have allowed them to bully you into thinking that you need to be what is their model of you rather than who you are for real.

They will win because even though you do not believe one word of what they are saying, have said, might say, you give a shit of what their opinion of you is overall, and overall, the only opinion that ought to matter to you, at least at first, is your own. This is not to say that you should not be bothered by what people think of you, because it is human to want to be Loved and accepted by people, period. But, when it comes to who you are, for real, and people do not like who you are, which is different than what you look like (you’d be amazed at h ow many adults don’t realize that they think what they look like is who they are…yeesh!) it makes you wonder what it is that you can do to make them Love you.

Nothing – you can DO nothing to make ANYONE Love you as you are

Unfortunately, human beings do not come with a guarantee that says that we are going to be Loved by everyone justbecause we are this version of who we are. The contract between souls will not allow for it. If we are Loved by everyone, we will not know what is darkness against the Light. We need to know what is our own darkness so that we can also know our own light, and in that knowing we have to also be able to see in others that which is also within us. That’s right – we have to know what is darkness, not to avoid it, but to be able to use  it.

Using our darkness to also highlight the light that is within us is one of our tools for learning. Without being able to recognize what is the part of us that can be intolerable, can be offensive, can be that person who just sort of climbs into their shell of the soul for protection from the ugliness that is or can be life, we do not know ourselves fully and therefore cannot accept who we are because we will not know who we are. Without being able to know what we are not, we cannot know what or who we are, and if we do not know that much, how the hell can we honor the contract of the Soul which we have made not only with others, particularly our Soul tribes, and more particularly, our very selves?

You see, other people are not the only ones who we have a soul contract with. We also have this same contractual agreement with ourselves. It isn’t only my Soul Tribe who I have contracts of the soul with, isn’t only the Maestro, isn’t only Karla, my kids, my blood relations…I also have to honor this contract with me.

Honoring the contract with you

We let ourselves down the most, and we do this when we are not willing to live up to who we are rather than what is stressing us out in the tangible world. This is not my telling you that the work that you do in the tangible sense does not have to get done or is somehow unworthy of the time and Love you spend on it. I totally get it.  We all know that is not the truth.

What I am saying is that any time we take on work, and any time we are in an exchange of energies with other people, our contract with ourselves is that we do our highest best, no matter what we are doing. When we do things at a lower energetic level in the soul, and we do things because we want other people to know what it feels like if we purposely and out of spite or revenge don’t do them, whose soul are we actually dishonoring? Theirs…or ours?

Our own, of course, and we are told this much when we leave a place and we know we left not having done our highest best good, or at least have given our highest best effort, and that little voice within tells us that we could have done better. This is not me saying to get taken advantage of, because you are, for the most part, smarter than that, and honoring the soul contract with one’s own self is not one that says that you have to do things to impress other people or to even make them like you, and certainly you do not, under any circumstance, do things honorable for dishonorable people .You know to do things that make your soul feel like it has done the best that it could with the body that it lives in, doing the tangible things that it does with the soul’s purpose in mind.

That is how things need to be – everything done with the Soul’s purpose in our minds, no matter what it is we are doing…even our tangible work in the world. 

I Love You All

ROX

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The Ego’s Unforgiving Ridiculousness

I’m not about to tell anyone that we do not need our Egos, because we do. LOADS of people haven’t a clue about what the Ego truly is, even though every single one of us has employed its ridiculousness on more than only one occasion. However, not so coincidentally, it is because of our egos that we are able to hang on to things that really, we need to forgive other people for so that we can move forward.

At this time, there is a plethora of human beings on this planet for whom the engagement of the Ego when thinking in terms of not just going into some sort of …heated exchange…with another human being, over anything at all, seems to be the habit, the …addiction… to the hormonal imbalance which is caused by our being able to go toe to toe in an emotional exchange more often than is needed.

Yes – hormonal.

If you think and believe for a moment that the things that are the constant thought in your head…and no, I am not talking about you being you…I am talking about you being you, then someone comes along and interrupts you being you, at a constant, which releases hormones and the like, into your physical body, at a constant, again…do not forget that…and you are not balanced at all times with a good teeter-totter of both negative and the corresponding positive thoughts, which produce the same within each of us, you will…WILL end up out of sorts.

This is called your body telling you that it is already overly filled with the bullshit that other people bring to you. This is called your body needing you to take notice that something is not right, and normally, no matter what, even if it is a hereditary thing you have goin’ on, all of that ego-negative-bullshit going on WILL take its toll. You are not required to believed a single thing that you read here, and you are absolutely allowed to ignore this, and if you do, I will not know, and that, too, is okay…

until…

Understand that, right at this moment, there is a lot of growin’ goin’ on and that, too, not a whole lot of people who are in the middle of the most horrifically painful spiritual growth spurt are aware that what is going on is their Souls are stretching, are growing so as to accommodate who they are for real. Too many people want to hang on to the things that are acceptable on the surface, things and ways of being which are not going to serve them any longer, and things that, for the very life of me, I do not understand why anyone would want to hold onto that crap!

LOTS AND LOTS of people…perhaps more than even I realize, are caught right there, in that crux between letting things go and moving on, and hanging onto things that they like believing keeps them safe, but safe from what? Growth? That’s not safe to hang onto things that hurt us without a purpose for hurting us. In fact, that isn’t even smart because when we hang on, it is like we somehow cannot rid ourselves of the pain because we are somehow addicted to the drama which we bring about from it, should we hang on to it for longer than is needed (YES- NEEDED).

Hiding from things that we know are meant to make us stronger than we have ever known ourselves to be, in ways that we cannot imagine only serves to weaken us. When we are able to face what it is that we fear (believe it or not, the one thing that MANY MANY humans fear is being loved for real, because they cannot see themselves as worthy of it…what-EVER…) we are then and at that point telling ourselves that we are tired of the things that hurt us and that if we should so choose to look at those things in a manner that is from a neutral place, a place that is not ourselves in physical form but ourselves in a soul sense, we will begin to understand a whole lot more than we thought we did.

We will understand that there is a thing called forgiving ourselves for not being able to let go of the things that have been breaking our hearts, over and over again, on purpose, even, and we will be able to see, too, that we are not bad, that we are worthy of our own Love, for ourselves, because too many of us give away the Love within us, thinking that the more that we give, the more we will get back. Yet, it won’t happen that way if we do not recognize what it is for real. More, it also won’t happen if we do not Love ourselves for real.

Just because someone else hurts your feelings by whatever means they will hurt them, and even if they are being vindictive about it and perhaps even meant to do it, this does not mean that we need to retaliate in the manner that they would expect. It means that right at that moment, we have the option to choose, not only what our response will be,  if we will even bother with one – because sometimes, no words, no response is the greatest, most healing thing we can hope for.

Now, I am not suggesting here, with this next thing, that it is okay to lie to anyone, not even if it is meant to save someone else for their own good, but, even what seems to be the most unforgivable thing is also warranted by and needs that energy, because without it, it stays right there, in the manner that it is, right this moment, which, really, if you stepped outside of your own way, you might be able to see what is there for real.

You might be able to know that, without it being said or even implied, that somehow, even though a lie isn’t cool, sometimes, it is the very thing which will instill in us that thing called a wake up call, and that wake up call is not about anyone else BUT ourselves. Yet, most of the time, most folks and their egos are way too arrogant to see it that way because they are still living in that hurt placed on them so long ago…in that hurt that might not have been placed there on purpose or for malicious reasons. It doesn’t make it right – it makes humans, human.

And for the record – nope, I am not writing about anyone or anything in particular, but rather and only a culminated thought about why it is that we humans tend to need what we need, and when it shows up in a manner that we don’t understand, or comes from a place where we least expect it – whether it is a lie, or perhaps some other thing that no one seems to understand – not only are we hurt, but it is doubly so. When finally it happens, we are at a loss but at a loss because we were not prepared well enough or on our own and through our own abilities to handle what it is, which is not what a lot of ego-driven people want to believe it is. At all.

We are, all of us, at least once in our lives, ego-driven

The Ego gets a very bad rap. It is like this because a long time ago a whole bunch of people decided that they would tell the world what the ego is. We have all been raised by a society which tells us that what we have tells the world who we are, but that is not the case these days. What we have, literally, is only our very selves. Sure, we all have other people in our lives, but, when it is our time to return to Spirit, we are by ourselves, and we are the ones who have left a lot behind, and sometimes what we leave behind is the residue of the hurt that we suffered throughout our lives, which is the hurt that we could not let go of even and up to that point.

It is the Ego which tells us that we should or should not protect certain aspects of who we are.

When the time comes that we are hurt, even egregiously so, it is our ego self that comes to the forefront. It is our ego self that either can hang with the hurt and can help us get out of the way of more harm and how to do that. Just as much as it is our ego self who, when it has been challenged, will puff its chest out, get mouthy and daring, saying things and doing things that will only serve to cause havoc and more damage. The bitch of it all is that it is not only damage to others, but most of all, that damage is something that we, ourselves, cannot and will not ever escape.

When first we practice to put a hurt on someone, namely when we are aware of ourselves doing it, it is at that moment that, too, we are also putting it on ourselves, that same hurt that we wanted someone, anyone else, namely and especially someone who we say that we love. This does not mean that we do not love them when we get angry with them, but when we get angry with them and choose to not forgive them is when the reality should hit home that if we want others to forgive us, then we have to practice it ourselves, both with others, as well as our very selves.

It is the same that thing I teach other people, this art of forgiving those who have wronged us. And believe me when I tell you that indeed, it is a true art form because the fact of the matter is that, as a whole, humanity does not like its truth, even a fabricated truth, fucked with.

We do not like our beliefs, do not like the things that we like, do not like our sheltered little lives fucked with, at all, and when it is that someone has come along, regardless of what their intentions were at the time of the failure and gives us a lesson in love that we are not ready to deal with, it shows.

This means that when we are told that something will happen on a given date, or that what we want to happen can happen, or really, anything at all in the manner that tells us that somehow, we are about to score huge, at the same time that we are made happy, we also need to be very keenly aware, as well, of the reason as to why we are happy.

We know that if we are happy because we thought we were lied to about a whole lot of things, only to find out that not the thing, but the timing of the thing, was not what we thought it would be, and we go on to say that we believe that the thing is GOING TO happen on this date, and it doesn’t happen…whether or not we can handle it in the manner that is telling us that we can deal with it, or whether we are telling the story of how we, alone, were wronged without also looking at the other things that maybe someone else was looking at, even as it is the same thing, we have some serious self-checkin’ that has to happen because without that self-checkin’ the thing that happens afterwards and until we do so is called self-wreckin’.

Self-Wreckin’

Self-Wreckin’ is that thing that all of us does, guaranteed. We are humans, and my experience with humans on the whole is that, while it is that we are way, way cool biological as well as ethereal specimens, given that we are born with the ability to reason, means that we also have the ability to be highly unreasonable. This is not to say that none of us who is evolved enough to know better won’t, for a few minutes now and again, find ourselves somewhat a bit devolved. It means that we are human and capable of being our greatest shot at being undone.

The only way that other people wreck us is if we allow it, and even then, when it is that we have one thing, one goal, one place that we see with our mind’s eyes that we cannot let go of because to us, that is the perfection of our own making, and that is the thing that we need to look at, in its face and not be afraid to let it go.

You see, I have lots of clients who do not understand this, lots of students who want to think past the teacher, which is fine, because I did that too, recently even, and yes, I had to face a hurtful truth that pissed me off and while it did not make me feel foolish, it indeed DID make me know that sometimes, when the lesson is taught and we have learned, the only thing left to do is vent out the feelings to a trusted person, and then finally just let it all go, including the person who caused the ache.

Our Ego-Self is the part of us that tells us that we have to protect who we are, but the problem with that is that sometimes, we go into parent mode and we want to save our own selves from the shock and the hurt that might end up becoming more than we can handle, that is, if we are not brave enough to face our own selves.

We can become brave, though, and we can face what we think we cannot, no matter what, or who, it might be. The only thing that we have to do is listen to the pining of our souls. If we listen to our souls, and we go headlong into the fracas brought by others, and in that messiness can find our place in it, we will also find there the freedom that we so crave, not just from the assholes who visit our lives so that we may learn the lessons that they bring to us, but more, from our very selves.

I Love You All !

ROX

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Visit my website , read my teaching blog, come and hang out with me at bandbacktogether.com…yup…I’ve written a few books, teach hula as both Medicine and as some of the funniest luau entertainment that a group of employees has ever had the opportunity to take pics of the higher ups learning hula from me…yup…at company parties…of course, I also marry peoplecoach individuals and groups…I do LOTS of stuff…because I’m just Rox, and that’s how I roll…follow me on Twitter…but above all…smile and laugh a lot – folks will either think you are talkin’ smack about ’em…or you’re crazy ! Either way, it’s just you being you !! Aloha! I Love You All! ROX


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