Monthly Archives: February 2015

You cannot hide from the Karma You have Created

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People who have created a false power for themselves through tangible means are the same people who owe the biggest karmic debts. 

A tax offset is a fancy term for what the IRS uses to tell anyone at all that the reason their tax refund has been made smaller or is nonexistent is because somewhere along the line of government “help,” somehow, in the eyes of the agencies who claimed that money, a person has either not paid a debt in terms of students loans (all clear here), child support payments (again..all clear), and lots of people now know, too, unemployment compensation debt owed on what the state of California calls fraud.

This is not my stating that anything on my end of things was fraudulently had, because from my vantage, and because I know the story in completion, it is not fraud. However, to the state of California, it IS fraud and they wanted that money.

So, they took it. Of course, I now have to file certain paperwork with the IRS, because I am not the party who created a reason for an offset. Of course, as per usual, the person who did create it – that person cannot believe it. That person refuses, flatly, to call the treasury department to find out that I am correct. What this person does not realize is that, where the government and debt are concerned, if you owe them they are going to get what they are owed.

The last time I wrote about Karma it was about how we create it through our intention. This time it is about being the person who thought they were going to get away with every ugly thing that they wanted to see happen, with everything that they did in order to create a false sense of power for themselves through tangible means, with everything that they did that was not backed by the purity of thought.

You see, I am sitting here with a smirk on my face, when really, I should be damned angry that this…person…has refused to do what I have suggested and call the phone number that I was given by a family member. The reason that this other person will not call is NOT because they know that there is no way that I would lie about this, but because of one thing – they aren’t right.

Aren’t right

I was on the phone the other day with my good friend Gator. We were discussing things that are happening to this other person and her words are ringing in my ears right now, because her words are the very truth. Her words told me that the thing that this other person was exhibiting were not only things that point to mental illness, but that the illness is the tangible proof, not only for me, but for that other person, too, that karma is being paid…and not by me.

Arrogant people already aren’t right in a lot of ways, but the one way that they are not right is in the assumption that there is nothing that they have done that would cause them to owe any kind of karma debt. We find this is not the truth through Bernie Madoff, who rightly was served up his karma bill the moment they found him guilty of all of the white collar crimes the man committed. When it is that things outside of ourselves have control of our inner world, and when it is that we are more dependent upon the tangible things more than we are inclined to go to our inner resources to get our answers, we experience false power, even though we believe it is real power.

And when we are talking about arrogant people, the only answers they care about are the ones that they believe will serve them more than will the very truth of things. In this instance, the very truth of things is that this is not my Karma debt to worry about, and it is not my ego that needs to accept my error, and not me who has to atone for anything, at all.

Do I expect that other person to man up and deal with it properly? No. No I do not, because this is someone, even for as many years as this person has known me and has had the opportunity to see what it looks like to be stand alone, upright, with nothing to hide and nothing to sweat, has refused to see things in a manner that is directly from the soul. This person does not trust intangible things, and this is a person for whom the phrase “show me MY money” should be tattooed on to their forehead.

Please don’t get me wrong – I enjoy what money can do for me. However, I also know that there are things that can replace money in terms of getting tangible items, and I know that an outer resource like money is but a tool by which a life is built, but more than anything else, in reality, while money carries the energy of power, that power is finite because once the money is gone, there is no more power being derived from it.

This is the thing that many people are not willingly learning, that money is a tool, that it does not give anyone any power, and that without it, those who want to believe that they have any real power will be shown, in no uncertain terms, that the thing that they thought they were and that at least one person I know very well is now experiencing is a direct result of the nature of their intent at the onset of the unreality of tangible things carrying power for any person at all.

Yet, money and power and the like is not what I am writing about. I am telling you all that if you think that what you did a long, long time ago will never catch up to you, and whatever it was that your purest intentions were at the time you made that choice, think again.

When we set out to right things in a manner that not a lot of people would think is the right way to do things, and we feel like we have to make excuses as to why it happened, and when we cannot accept that what has happened is our being blatantly told by the Mother Goddess that we have a debt to make right, and we have not bothered to make those things right within ourselves, we will pay a debt that we will not see coming at us, and if we are not accepting a lot of other things that a lot of other people have told us is the truth, our pain from that truth is going to be HUGE.

When we cannot see ourselves as someone who is not owed, who is not entitled, who is not all of those overblown ego things, and we have, over the years, chosen to hurt other people for the things that we knew were not right, knew were not their things to have to deal with, knew that, at the time of the thing that caused the debt, our intention was different than the words coming out of our mouths, we cannot understand why it is that suddenly, we are having a down turn in our own thought about how powerful we truly are.

You are not powerful, neither empowered, if what you have done, are doing now, intend on doing, is meant to do good things for you while not also serving a higher purpose for others. You are not powerful if you believe that, when you had your pretend power (money), you could do and say anything to anyone at all and they would, because you thought you were powerful, do anything for you, because you had money, and you had the thought in your head that you were untouchable. You are not now, nor have you ever been, anywhere near as powerful as you think you once were if you have used bully tactics to get what you wanted. Spirit does not appreciate the shake down and more than that, Spirit will not tolerate it.

Eventually, all of that false power, and all that you have said to others that was meant to hurt them, all that you did that was not the most well-intended and backed by a real sense of integrity, every single damned thing that you knew was not the right way to do things, all catches up to you.

An abuser will end up losing everything that he thought gave him power through the manipulations and the bullying, perhaps not through having only to deal with those things themselves, but more, through the very people who they actually abused.

Whether or not those people retaliate in the manner that most would is irrelevant, and the only relevant thing involved there is that the victim of the abuser eventually WILL end up the victor, because the bottom line is that it was not the intention of the abused to rile the abuser. On the other side of that is the abuser believing that they are untouchable in terms of what their victim can do to them in the manner that they’d done to their victim.

What any abuser never understands and likely will never understand is that the energy that they have put out into the Universe is what brings the lesson back to them – NOT the person who they were bad to. While these abusers will do and say and threaten all they can and all they want to, they do not see the thing that they are creating for themselves.

They are creating for themselves a falsehood, a lie that they are somehow the most important person, that they alone are deserved of the good things in life, even as they were the largest, moronic and gaping asshole that even they, themselves, knows. They do not realize that Spirit, while it is that, at that moment, when fist hits face, is watching, is giving this person every chance She can so that the abuser does not have to suffer what Karmic fate they create for themselves.

Yet, create that fate they end up doing, and by the time that it all starts to really take tangible place, those who are wrong end up not knowing what the hell it is that has happened. They will, if they do not understand the way that energy works, continue to do the same things, again and again, and lots of them never learn, and end up coming right back to another lifetime to go through it all over again. NO matter how much I remind a lot of people of this one truth, they still ignore it as though it does not apply to them somehow.

Karma is the great debt collector, and no matter how much running and hiding anyone does, it will catch up to you.

Yes, I am suggesting that everyone and anyone really and truly think about what you are willing to go through because you cannot see past your own god damned high and mighty self, to the point that you are willingly hurting people because you cannot accept that maybe this time, it was not someone else, and maybe this time, you are who has to pay up, even if you don’t want to. Even if you don’t feel like it. Even if you try hard to get out of the thing that you have created all on your own.

You can’t escape your own Karma.

I said it.

Deal with it.

I Love You All !

ROX

Soul With Teeth Shark1

 

 

 

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Currently Attempting to Just Be

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Anyone reading this right now might well have the sensation that this trying to “Just Be” thing is kind of a bitch to actually make happen.

Please bear with me today, because today I am really trying hard to not sound like a whiny princess who cannot get her own ass up and at ’em.

For a long time I was told, taught, expected to learn how to just Be. Just being is the thing that most humans need to be able to do, but, for the very life of me, I am having a very hard time doing it. I like leisure time, and I like being able  to just chill, but lately, I do notwant to just chill. Lately, it feels like there is always something that I MUST be doing, and more than that, it also feels, right now, like I am …AM…doing something not quite correctly. That something is merely and only and simply just Being.

Just Being

Again, you will have to bear with me because I am having a very hard time with this just being thing.

I have heard that I am quite phenomenal at just Being, but I don’t know that because always, I have a hard time just not doing anything, even if that means that the things that I AM doing is thinking. I get paid for it – my ability to think, and my ability to think in terms that not a lot of other people are able to.

Being able to think in terms that not a lot of other people are able to takes a LOT of time, a LOT of practice and a whole lot of utilization of that one ability. I do not know if I am being stretched in terms of this ability, but I do know that at this moment, given that I know that this is NOT going to be one of those magnificently thought out pieces of writing that I always intend on creating, I am at that place, once again, where the only thing that I am able TO do is to Be.

To Be means that one is the observer and not the doer. 

That is my problem. That is the problem that a whole lot of us humans here on earth have – the inability to simply and merely just Be.

I am not that great at sitting still for very long, and I am not that great at telling people to handle their own circuses and neither their insane monkeys…and my own mental monkeys have, for the moment, just chosen to not behave. Perhaps it is that they need a break from performing, or maybe it is that they are all telling me that I need to stop the toiling for the words, and stop the madness that is trying hard to get to the next and higher level of my own life, and just breathe.

I would love nothing more than to just be able to stop and do just that. The issue is that I, along with a whole lot of other people, have taken on this energy, for years, that in order for us to be worthy humans, we always and all have to be…HAVE TO BE productive. While I am indeed productive in the manner that is teaching other people to train their thoughts so as to become better habits, I am very much not this way when I KNOW that the time has come to just let go of everything that I see coming to me, to let go of how long it feels as though it is taking, to let go of everything that I have riding on it all, including this blog, and take a break from doing and try hard to just Be.

I am not alone in this

Lots of us do not realize that the inability to just Be comes from a lifetime’s worth of the recording in our heads that tells us that we are not impressing anyone else, but namely ourselves, when we are just “sitting around and doing nothing.”

This is the thing that a whole lot of people grew up hearing, and to this day, because of this one thing, and because a lot of us do not know how to make it stop, and more than anything else, because of the innate “need” to become worthy, so to speak, in the eyes, thoughts, minds of those who were of major significance in our lives as children and then later, still, as adults, we find this habitual “thing” happening to us, this thing called the inability to just Be.

It is a crippling thing, really, the idea that there is a population of people on this planet who cannot relax unless we are doing something.

The thing that I have chosen to “do” so that I can just Be.

Weekends are very important to me, namely Saturdays, which today is Saturday, because it is the one day of the week where I share my time in the manner that is valuable. I have chosen to just Be in the manner that is bringing new life, through planting and nourishing my own self through the doing of proliferating plant life.

When we give our own life force to other beings, even those beings which are not human beings, and even as that is what I do each weekend, this weekend, while not different, has been consciously set in my mind as a “not doing to do, but doing to be” type thing. It is the only thing that I am sure will make me not feel like I do right now, which is not that great.

Feeling not that great means that somewhere, at least within me, there is a need to just let go of the things that have bothered me for so long a time anymore and just Be.

Notice how I keep writing that one phrase, “just Be”?

…yeah, me, too.

This is the way that the Mother Goddess repeats Herself to her kids, and apparently, because I wrote this same thing, almost, in my other blog, ‘Just Rox’, She is screaming at me through my ability to physically see.

So, folks…with that much known…

Aloha nui…

I Love You All

ROX

 

 


Them’s Fightin’ Words

 

1Fightin words meme3

Every human being on the planet has within them a certain set of ideals, morals, values, and the like, and when someone crosses the line with any one of us, we end up angry, even wanting some semblance of revenge on them. When they “bring it,” it is like they have approached us with those things called “Fightin’ Words”

On more than only one occasion, I have been known to get very dearly angry with a person, usually another woman, and usually because of something she has said, or, more, something that said woman has said to someone else. It is not until that someone else, without their even knowing what my response will be to finding out what I did not know that they do know, which will elicit within me, within anyone, dependent upon the nature of whatever it is that is being told, some sort of emotional response.

The Energy of The Emotional Response, versus the Energy of the Emotional Reaction

Here I go again, with the “response versus reaction” thing. It is a very important thing that we each and all know that there is a huge world of difference between a response and a reaction.

Responding to something means that we have thought about whatever it is that we are supposed to think about. It means that we have stepped outside of our emotional selves, have become a third party observer to the thing that we, because we are human, have honed our skills for using a response or a reaction in any situation. Most situations, whether anyone wants to believe me or not, call for a response. Embedded in any response, regardless of how much we would much rather react, is the energy called logic.

Logic, very simply, is nothing more than sound reasoning. Sound reasoning is that thing that a LOT of people have no real clue about, or real clue about using, because they have only been taught to get good and egotistically angry. The reason that people get good and egotistically and arrogantly angry is because in all of the things that they have been told, or perhaps have found out through others, the one thing that they were never thinking about is the idea that maybe what has been said is wrong, that absolutely the thing that has set anyone off at all may well be someone else’s truth but is so not our own, that when we hear it, read it, talk about it, the thing that goes right into play IS the ego.

Now, we all know that the ego is NOT what we have been taught that it is . The ego, regardless of what you think it is, is more akin to the thing that I refer to as being “the game face.” Someone who I am very endeared to refers to this as our “mask,” and that person is correct in stating that when we leave our homes and go out into the coldness of the strange world in our midst, we – yes, women, too – bolt on our protective masks.

In donning said mask, we hide from the world what are our vulnerabilities. Women have a much easier time with just such a mask, because we women actually get to literally put our game face on everyday, if we are the sort who like to put our faces on everyday with what we will.

And me being who I am for real, even if I try to explain to them the reality that is not only NOT “putting on” one’s face, but also, the maintaining of the body beautiful in all manner that we can, from sleep and diet, to more spiritually inclined daily routines, all these women think about is that I told them all of this stuff about putting on one’s face everyday. It is like they want to believe that somehow, I am taking a shot at them, when in reality, given that I am very careful when dealing with another woman’s ego, I am merely telling them the truth.

That is where things turn into what are called “fightin’ words.”

Fightin’ Words

Depending upon how you, the reader, “hears” my voice when you read these lessons is what will determine your own reaction on every level. On every level we each and all need…NEED to check ourselves before we ultimately wreck ourselves, because I cannot use a better example of this lesson than to use any woman’s belief that she NEEDS to wear make up. I am sorry ladies, but that is not the truth. NO woman actually NEEDS to wear make up.

But a woman cannot tell another woman this, at least not in the “in your face” way that I have tried hard not to in this writing, because sometimes, humans, sometimes women type humans, don’t believe what is someone else’s truth about really anything at all.

Am I saying that women should not wear make up? Nope. I am saying that with a little bit of research, and a lot of learning to look past the mask we each wear, beneath the veneer of …stuff… that lots of us put on every morning is the realness, is the beauty that is only contained within that one person.

Yet, again, when something that we want to believe is challenged, it is automatic that we WILL go into fight mode, our ego out in the open, vulnerable to attack, even though it is the very thing within us which makes us believe that something as trivial as IF we wear or do not wear make up is a choice as opposed to the lie that we all have believed for too many years already – that any one of us actually needs to wear make up.

It is like any one of us human type beings needing to make certain that we are hurt, or mad, or feeling stupid, and in those emotional ways of being and sensing and feeling, we believe we are more inclined and more…justified… to strike at someone, so that they will hurt, and that they will have to have yet one more thing that they will have to deal with, and lots of us believe that we are right in acting on that one thing…you know, because that other person did something or said something that might make our ego feel a little more bruised than we are okay with.

I am not saying to think in terms of being a pansy-ass about things. I am saying to think about the other shoe, on the other foot, and think, too, about what it is that you are really doing or saying that you want to do, and understand that while I may never know the truth beneath it all, there is one other person who does know – and that person is you.

…and you DO know…I PROMISE you indeed know what is your own truth about what is prompting you to react to what are someone else’s Fightin’ Words

This is not my telling a soul that you are not allowed to be mad, hurt, whatever. This is me telling the world that each of us needs to think about why it is that we are really angry to begin with, why it is that we would want to do something or say something to anyone else that would make us think that we have made things “right”, especially when we think we have lost anything at all.

This is me telling anyone at all that when we operate from a place where we can only recall how foolish we felt or how hurt we were, that the last thing we need to do is lower ourselves to the level of tangibility, to the level that is going from the primal urge to want to get even, to the level that is making it seem as though somehow, we have won.

While it is that you may well be right in your energy, if it is that you are planning to do anything at all from a place that is for anything other than the reality of what is really happening, and we decide that we know what is best for someone else, that we are going to be the harshest lesson for anyone else at all, this is when we NEED to stop and think about the real reason behind it.

When we think we need to strike out at anyone, namely when there is really nothing actually or tangibly lost in a situation, we are wrong. Period. When we do those things that are born of that angry energy, of that energy produced by a dented ego, and we do something that we think is making things right, all we are really doing is serving our ego’s needs, and in serving our ego’s needs that are not the needs that make it whole again through means that are not vengeful, we are only serving ourselves a nice dish of shit soup called Karma that we have created through unbalanced energy of anger and vengeance.

Our ego’s needs are not what we want to believe that they are.

When the ego is large and in charge, we cannot see past it. When our ego is the thing that we have always operated from, and the only thing that we know to do is what we have always done, and a situation presents itself in the manner that will poke the bear, so to speak, and we believe that we are the ones who are going to be the ultimate teacher in a lesson we want to also believe that will control an outcome, and we want to think that somehow, we are justified…well, we shall say that it is like making certain for ourselves that whatever our real reason is behind any action at all is also something that we want to experience.

This is really the reason that I will tell any other human being at all that before they act upon an idea that they really think is a good way, not to do anything more than to get even with someone, or to make them hurt more, or to do something at all that gives us a shit-eatin’ grin because inherently we know that we did or want to do what it is that we have come up with that seems justifiable, we are wrong.

And more than that, imagine this if you will. Imagine that you have gone through something ugly with one other person, and then one day, someone else comes into the picture. While we might well be very happy that we have come into contact with this one other person, and while it is that we believe we are over what we also believe the last person did “to” us, and we act in the manner that we think is deserved by anyone else?

Ummm…I can say this much, and it is from experience – when we do things that we think or say are for one reason, and the reality is a completely other reason, and we want to make it known that no one gets to get one over on us AND get away with it, and we choose to make it tangibly so, even though we KNOW that all the time, Spirit has our back?

I don’t know…let’s play with more scenarios, shall we?

Would you like it if someone did to you what has happened to them? Would you like it if, while only thinking about your own perception of what you want to believe is the loss of face through someone else, you ended up losing what means the very most to you?

What if that which means the very most to you is another human being? What if it is that in your own deep-seated rage you are trying hard to get around the idea that, yes, someone else did you dirty, and someone else made you mad, and someone else did all these things to hurt you and that ultimately revealed who they are to you, that in all of these great ideas that you think are going to make everything better, you end up ultimately losing, because the reality of the other person who means nothing to you now was bigger to you – the getting even part, that is – than is what was born of that perceived loss?

The Baby Born of the Perceived Loss

Let me show you a few things here, before I leave you to ponder the last time you got into a tussle or even decided that you were right and that the only thing to do so you would not feel like you were some sort of great big dummy was to exact some sort of revenge.

Actually, it’s a few questions I would like you all to think about asking you, and I would like for you to do so prior to trying hard to make a reasonable excuse as to why it is that you feel the need to get revenge on anyone at all, namely if the anyone at all is someone who you are just not even dealing with anymore. And yes, there are LOTS of other ways to balance things back to normal, and none of it includes the luxurious decadence of getting your own revenge on anyone else, because really, vengeance is not ours. It is that of Spirit’s…please, read on

If you were in another person’s shoes, and you knew that the other person was already in a very bad way, and you still went ahead and did what you thought in your own human limited thinking, that what you will do will somehow make it known not to screw with you, if that were you, would you have the balls to go through what they are going through right now? Would you take it as being your lesson brought to you by Spirit, or would you take the easy way out and blame it on someone else, even if the way that things got to this point indeed included your hand?

If you were hurting and desperate, and you only had the sun in the morning to look forward to, and the rest of your life was nothing but a dark and lonely void, with you completely knowing that you have to get out of this lesson and learn it all on your own, and you did not have someone there to teach you what it is that is your own way and a way that does not bring hurt to anyone else, would you want to go through what it is that you might be thinking to give to anyone else at all?

If you lost what you, at one point, felt was the thing that made your life so much better, only to find out that it was anything but, and you could not look at your own place in all of the things that made things turn out as they are right now, would you want to have to deal with more, and more than that, do you really think you would be able to without also thinking that you might want to die instead? Could you handle knowing that the one tiny little thing that you felt would justify it all caused another person to act upon taking their own life?

Yes, I do know that fightin’ words are what they are, even though the words, when they are said by someone else, might not be what we think they are. It might well be that the other person is SO blinded by what it is that they think is right, that the person saying them is in such a desperate way that they will say what is their ego’s first thing to say.

If we do not bother to take the entire whole into consideration, including and especially the fact that when we are dealing with a whole LOT of humans who share the planet with us, we cannot go to that place that makes us believe that every person who we come into contact with is what we are, which is hopefully stand alone, strong, brave and filled with integrity.

Usually that is not the case, meaning that when it comes to the fightin’ words of others are the very things that can make or break us, even if we do not believe they can. Being made or broken is not the thing, but rather the catalyst. More than that, when we are waiting for the good things, good and tangible things, and we are still hanging on to whatever stupid bullshit that we are hanging on to in hopes that one day, we might be able to exact our revenge because we have not yet let it all go?

Yet we only think in terms of what will justify, for us, or at least we think, the most perfect means by which we will make our position known. But that is not balanced, and is instead, something other than balanced. Balanced means that no one leaves the situation feeling any worse. Justification through means we know are very hurtful is anything but “just.”

The thing is NOT getting even to relieve your own pain, but being able to justify within you if the other person’s words really have any affect on us in a personal, emotional way and in a way that truly will affect us in a physical manner on a daily basis. If the only emotion that you are feeling when you come up with your own solution is dependent upon the solution being the thing that teaches anyone else not to screw with you, I have news for you…

…that’s called revenge, and even I know how sweet it is…

However, sweet things have a tendency or at least the ability to make us sicker than we can imagine, sometimes chronically so.

Think about it

I Love You All !

ROX

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Mahalo for reading!


It doesn’t even matter

2008-Housing-Market-Crash

The things which we no longer have are the things which no longer matter. The hurt which remains is there to teach you something about you.

“I tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end it doesn’t even matter…I had to fall to lose it all, but in the end it doesn’t even matter.” (Linkin Park’s “In the End”)

I lost my house in Helendale in July of 2008. While it hurt a bit, I cannot lie and say that the world was over with for me, because it wasn’t. I realized quite early on afterwards that it was meant to be like this. It was meant that I would no longer be in that place for the purpose of my having to begin the process of shedding what was once real to me.

What was once real to me was not for me to become very attached to, because in becoming attached to it all, I would suffer the worst hurt ever, which would be the stinging blows to the pride within me that would tell me that somehow, I deserved to lose everything that I thought mattered to me. And again, I cannot lie – the house, while it mattered to me a little bit, the idea that I lived where I lived mattered to me a whole lot.

Where I lived was a huge source of pride for me, but here I am, years later, and I realize that what was the source of pride was not what I thought it was, but rather and only the illusion of what was, versus what it became. What it became was a monster of proportions so huge and so…untamed…that for at least one person who used to live in that house, the loss of it was something that they’d felt on levels that not a lot of people would feel if they were not so attached to that tangible item.

And really, that is truly what any actual standing building that a person or a group of people would live inside of and call home. It is not the actual building, but what it represents. For me, the house represented a place where memories would be made, with neighbors who were some of the most pleasant people I had ever known.

Yet, here I am, seven years later, almost, and things have changed markedly.

I no longer care about the house that I no longer owed a lot of money on. The only memories that I have of that place that can be called good and real are the ones of my kids, of my hula halau, of the treasure called friends who, when I thought about it, are two of the very best people I know and two people who I love immensely. While I no longer own all the vehicles, no longer have access to the golf course, the lakes, I have what can never be taken from me.

I have me.

I have this me.

Losing something as big as the family home is not something that I hadn’t been through at least once in my lifetime, and that is probably why I was okay the day that I have to pack up my entire house, without the help of certain others, and leave that life behind. The reason that life had to be left behind and the reason why that life and the loss of it no longer matters is because even in all of that loss, the one thing that was gained by me was not just “this me.”

I gained, through the losses, the reality of two people who, no matter what, have always been there for me (Hi April…Hi Tim…I Love You Guys!) Through that loss, I regained and revived and recreated hula to become what, for me and a lot of people like me, it was meant to be, which is not a Polynesian review show, but medicine. I gained, through that hurt, a new lesson to work through and to turn into The Sisterhood of The Soul, and through that group of healer women who are also my cousins, have created what is the beginning of things as they ought to be.

And that is not the only loss that I gained from, really. I gained the bravery to confront my abuser, to tell him that we are done and that within but a very short time here now, it will be on paper. I gained the knowledge that even as I have been the very one to have to learn to heal me, without the hurt of feeling like my own blood relations skipped out on me when things got to be really too much for me to deal with, I gained the right to call myself a strong, Stand Alone Human Being.  This does not mean they all skipped, because the ones who mattered the most never did. It just seemed that way at times.

Seriously…in the end, it doesn’t even matter

When we are able to get past the hurt, and when we are able to look at the dragons which once invaded our waking life and our sleeping dreams, and when we can see things from a new perspective, this is when things that we thought mattered no longer matter as much. It is when we realize that we have learned what we are meant to learn from any given situation that our lives will begin to blossom.

For instance, not too long ago, I was very upset with my parents, and it was over something that was a source of pride for me. I won’t go on with what it was all about. I will just state here that the last time that hurt visited me was yesterday, and when I say the last time, I mean exactly that.

I mean that no matter what it is that I want to do for them or for anyone else, the one person who I need to do the most for is me. This is not my telling anyone that you have to be selfish, because being selfish is very counterproductive.

What I mean is that, once we let go of the grip that we have on certain ideals, on certain things that we think we have to have be a certain way, on things that we believed mattered for so long and which really do not matter in the manner that they once mattered, we are, at that point, in a stage of growth. The sooner that we really wrap our heads around this, and the sooner that we accept this one thing, the sooner we will find out the reason that we hurt for so long.

Vice Grip

Lots of us like to have a vice-grip on things that we ought to not have said grip on. When we choose the energy onto which we will hang we have to remember that there are good reasons to hang onto it, and then there are all the other reasons. 

We each have our own reason for hanging on to the energy, or, on the other side of that, allowing the energy to have its vice-grip on us.

There are times when this grip is welcomed, when it is needed and when it is pleasant, and then there are all the other times.

There are times when it is that we do not want the vice-grip loosened, when we would rather bathe our own selves in that energy because it is so very welcoming and so very…much a part of us…that to release it would cause our own energy field a whole lot of havoc…then, there are all those other times.

It is all those other times that we need to help ourselves understand why it is that we want to believe that we are meant to hang onto it.

Recently, one of those two very good friends ended his own struggle with a vice-grip energy that was not an energy that would have helped him grow into the person who he is becoming. It took us months to realize that what he was seeking had been so easily attained that once it was that he was able to allow this vice-grip to no longer have him in that bind of hurt, things just seemed to be much lighter for him. He’d have never made it through the same lesson one more time. It would have wrecked him for the rest of his life in many more ways than only one.

On my part and in my life, even as there is a very lovely vice-grip energy that I am lucky to have whenever I can get it, there is the other side of that, which is the side and the thing which prompted this writing today.

Too many teachers of the Divine seem not to tell their charges that things will be harsh before they are not, and the harshest lessons of all are the ones which come from the people who have been in our lives for years and years. On my part of all of this other side of the energy stuff, my biggest challenge over the course of my life has been trying hard to get my blood relations, at least a lot of them, to take me seriously, to have some semblance of respect for at least how I feel, let alone who and what I am, and to take some measure of self-control when speaking of things that at one time meant something to me and which, at this time, I realize, don’t even matter to me as much as I thought it all did.

Why? Because I know that I am not meant for those things, at all, and until I woke up this morning, it did not dawn on me that what I was being taught has been learned, and that what I did not want to accept was accepted a long time ago in that, I am a healer, a writer, a scientist, a spiritualist…and no where in all of those things does anyone read the word “marketing person.”

Even though that is what I used to be, and in some ways still am (someone has to promote me and my girls…we do fine doin’ it all on our own), in that capacity, the one that I started out with their offerings, I am no longer.

That me no longer fits this me’s life and this me’s needs and this me needs things to be a lot more organized for this me to be satisfied with life in that respect. This does not mean that I have no respect for what this set of people are doing. It means that I no longer have to voluntarily obligate me…this me…to their bidding, even as I easily and readily lend myself to their success.

That You is not This You

You know very well that not one of us, at least not without the help of someone experienced in past life regression, can go back in time, at least not for real. We can visit there, and we can take a few moments there, but you have got to admit that even though right now, for myself included and to a limited extent, might suck beyond all which else that sucks, you have to admit that you would so much rather be this version of you than that other you.

That other you was weak in many areas of your own life, and that other you was someone who, from time to time, you did not even like very much. That you did things that this you would never dream of doing, because this you has built a wall of integrity that cannot be demolished by anyone but this you.  This you loves who you are becoming, and that old you..well, that you no longer exists.

That You no longer exists

Believe me or not, the reason that for some of us, life seems to be very difficult right now is because many people don’t realize that the reason things do not work like they once did in the past is because you are now this version of you, and this version of you cannot do things any longer that the old version of you used to do. 

That might be a little hard for you to wrap your head around, and it takes time to ease into the new you, but once it is that you have done just said such easing into things, you will find that you cannot do things like you used to do them. You will find that it is hard to fit into your old lifestyle, with the same type of people who used to be the people who you would do anything for.

You will find out that even though this you requires a little more than the old you did, once you get the hang of it, you will not look back, ever, and neither will you want to. You will learn that there are times which require you to return to pieces of that old you, but in those times you will be beside yourself with wonder because even using some of what was you, even in that instance, it is the new and improved you. 

I cannot lie – I would love nothing more than to no longer live where I am right now, but, the fact of the matter is that, the old me – she is who used to live in that big fat house on the golf course in the desert, and she is who would be hurt by the words that she is reading right now, and that me would pretend that anything else offered in the way of a new place to live would be just fine, even though that me, on the inside, would be dying a death of the ego on many levels.

This me, however, has been actively looking for that new place where new memories, with all of the right people, are going to be made, and this me, while she can be markedly impatient for good things to happen, knows, just because she is this me, that the perfect house where all of these great things will happen is just waiting to tell me that it is the right one for us. This me might be a little on the strange side (a little?), but this me loves me, and this me takes no shit from anyone when in regards to this me and what this me knows is right for me. 

In the end, our losses are meant to teach us to become the best versions of ourselves. Our pain is not meant to live on forever, and is there to make us aware that we are in need of some “me maintenance.” Our past hurts are meant to remind us that we have been through what we needed to go through in order to get to the person who we are becoming, and the people who we are each becoming are meant to go through this crap called loss, pain, hurt, all so that we can recognize what they are and more, recognize the things that are NOT meant to hurt us. 

Me and This Me need to get things moving right along for the day… please make sure that you know what is worth having a vice-grip on, and more, what you will allow to have a vice-grip on you.

I Love You All !

ROX

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