Tag Archives: Karma

The Wreckage that We are at Times


The propensity that we have towards not feeling our own pain and believing that we can handle our lives without feeling it is what today’s post is all about.

You can all call me a whiny bitch all you want. I know the truth.

I know that I am strong and resilient, and I also know that there are going to be things that happen that will test my resolve, as things have for the last month, and will mess with my composure, and at the same time, show me not only what I am made of, but what others are also made of. I found out that I am not made of sugar and spice, but rather  a collective of memories that I keep having to live through everyday, just so that I can get through them and over it all.

What I am, right this moment, is someone who is a ball of jumbled emotions. I am, or at least can be, very adept at not feeling what I am feeling at any given moment. I have been that way for a long time. No matter what, though, this time, and these emotions are not going away if I do not acknowledge them. 

And Goddess-bless certain people for trying to lift me out of my mood…I have been made aware by my Spirit Mother and Sisters that I have to feel them, because if I do not feel them, I cannot know how to help anyone else deal with them. This is not my copping out, and is not my being a martyr – this is simply my being the constant Shaman in training, the very one who willingly traverses the Path of the Black Flame. (And yes I do realize that that is also the title of a magazine published by the church of Satan but..it is surely not the same thing…please…keep reading…)

I am realizing one thing – when it is that we are supposed to go through a lot of bullshit, the Universe will serve us up with a ton of it, and no matter what it is that we are thinking we can do to avoid a lot of things that we do not want to deal with, deal with those things we will. I am writing SPECIFICALLY about myself in that, if there is a person on this planet who (a) does not like watching other people suffer, (b) would rather be the one to absorb it all for anyone else, and (c) is learning that in my wanting to do for them what it is that they are learning, I am not learning. What I am not wanting to learn is how to navigate my silly Pisces okole out of this madness.

There are a lot of people who will tell you that if there is one person who has the ability to bounce back from the bullshit that seems to have always plagued my life, it is me.

However, when I look back into the years that I have been able to do the escape artist thing, I find that I have done myself no favors at all, in fact, and those non-favors have led me to have to seek help from other healers. Once it is that I can get past all of the things that broke my heart, no matter who were the ones who’d done it (and mind you I do know that PLENTY of them meant no harm…), no matter how much I do not care to face yet one more little tiny bit of bullshit, face it all, I must. 

Face it all…

I am reminded of the …cute…nature of Disney character “Dory” from “finding Nemo,” with her famous mantra being “Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim.”

There is not a Pisces on this planet who does not know what this is like – the idea that in order to survive the insanity of the ocean of emotion, we have the choice to keep swimming.  In nature, fish have no other real defenses, not even the big scary ones, and it is the reason that most of them swim away from danger. I mean, even in a fish bowl, a fish will try to swim away from something that it senses will hurt it. Try it at home if you can, and you will find out that I am right – stick your finger into a bowl with a goldfish in it, and while that creature will, at first, be curious about the thing that has just come into its watery abode, once it is that it finds out it cannot eat it, said goldfish will swim as far away from your finger that it can, just so that it can remain safe. This is natural for them, to swim from what it is that appears or they sense to be not food or to be some sort of predator coming for it.

Using this same analogy, if it is that we stick our finger in the fishbowl too much, and once in every while we actually touch the gills of the fish in the bowl, eventually that fish is going to chafe, and eventually that fish is going to have a very different response to its own curiosity – and that response is called fear. We fear that which we know is not comfortable, and we fear that which we have no idea about, and we fear whatever it is that we have denied long enough so that we could, at least for a little while, not have to fear those things. Yet, we forget that we have to go through all of that shit, have to deal with the things that we are not exactly too thrilled about having to do.

And yes, I have indeed have had very much enough of that thing called “all this bullshit.” I have had enough of all the hurt and the heartache, to the point where now, if I do not face it all, I will be dealing with more and more of this manifestation of physical pain in lieu of facing the inner demons of simply just not wanting to hurt anymore. It is one of those things that, unless you are me, are my twin flame, are particularly close to me in any manner, you are not going to have the reality of this thing that I am experiencing. This thing that I am experiencing is called pain.

Pain is the indicator light

We human beings ascribe attributes of non-human things to ourselves. I like using a car for my own. Because I have had a lot of difficulties lately with my own vehicle, I can truly say that my Wonderbucket and I, at this moment, have the same issues. The differences are obvious – it is a car. I am a person. It is not running, and I am still breathing. However, my vehicle ran the distance until she was tired, and my vehicle worked hard for me even though I knew that sometimes, she just needed to be parked under a shady tree for a day or two, and always, my vehicle did not let me down. While she may never run again, my vehicle, no matter what, will always be the place that I am able to find solace.

Not only is my vehicle out of commission, my ambulation has been hampered – knee injury…happened whilst performing a labor of Love and a labor of Love which I would do, again and again, and would not bat an eye at it if I ended up, every time, injuring my knee. That I have an injury is one thing – it happens to the best of us. That I have a knee injury specifically is the thing that makes me shudder a little bit in that, hula is danced from the knees and the feet, and through this injury, I have been shown exactly how much not only my legs and my ability to walk, dance, move about, actually mean to me and more, how much my life is not the same, albeit temporarily, without my Medicine Dance.

I have learned a whole lot about myself, and the one thing that I have learned as of this moment is that we all have that point at which we can take no more. Even as this might be true, while we can take no more is one thing, but that what other people are bringing to us that we can take no more of we HAVE TO be able to tell the difference between what is meant to hurt, and what is an attempt that, through our emotional guidance, we are not privy to having to deal with any of it, if that, at any moment, is what we are finding ourselves having to do so as to not have to absorb any more pain, no matter what.

Other people who do not know us and who do not care about what their actions have done to our lives as a whole are, regardless of what we want to think is the truth, also learning. But, I am finding that these are the sort of people who will, without even batting an eye, place the blame of their actions of shittiness onto the people who they have created wreckage for. I am reminded of those who deem themselves “in charge” of anything that has no meaning for anyone other than them. I am reminded of people who take their “manager name tag” and shove it in the faces of the people who they think they are superior to. These are the people, by and large, who have created the very most havoc in my life and in the lives of those particularly close to me. These are the people, I have to believe, want to believe, will try to exact it as being believable even if only to myself, do not know have already, for themselves, started the loop of Karmic grief.

Karmic Grief

This is the part where I give you the cosmic “aaaaahhhhhhh,” and the part where I remind us all, namely myself, that things that suck and feel like they will end our lives as we know it are temporary. 

Don’tcha just hate it when some damned spiritual person comes along and reminds us that everything we are going through is temporary? I am one of those spiritual types and right now I dislike very much reading my own words, but, I have to read them, because I have to believe them, because if anyone wants all of this burdensome bullshit to be over with, it is me (and a few others very close to me). The thing that I like calling “Karmic Grief” is the other side of this pain that collectively, many of us are feeling right this moment.

I would love to tell you that they get theirs when we want them to, but that is not what happens. What happens is that they get theirs when it is most pertinent to the thing that they are exacting now. This means that if someone in your life, regardless of how close you are to them, and more so if you cannot stand them, has harmed your heart and soul in any manner at all, no matter how much we want to see them suffer what it is that we are suffering, it will not come to them until it means something to them that whatever it is that they are putting us through they too will go through.

For instance, there is a woman I know of who likes to behave like a man, and it is proved by the way that she treats men. I am not going to sit here and tell anyone that I can tell you how or when her karmic grief is going to get her, but what I will state is that, without a doubt, it is coming for her, and she will be helpless to do a thing about it when it does. If she does not learn from the havoc that she has wreaked onto at least myself and one other person, then she will end up going through that same measure of grief again and again until she learns that she is not allowed to make peoples’ lives hard and practically ruin them just because she has that material power to do so.

Material power is different than soul power, because material power is finite, while soul power is infinite. (Think about it) Using one’s material power (physical, real or imagined, bullying in one way or another) is easier than going with what your soul is telling you to do. It is your soul’s power that prompts any one of us to ultimately look at the pain and feel the compulsion to deal with it, even though we know that it is going to suck…badly. Using our soul’s power makes us focus on ourselves and not on the things that we see in other people that we, ourselves, cannot “fix” for ourselves. When we cannot “fix” something is when we are being told that what we are faced with is something that we have to deal with, that we cannot turn from, and that ultimately will make us far stronger than the weakness that we are feeling right now in the material. This does not change things for any of us, at least not topically. What it does do is gives us an option – to face (soul power)…or not to face (material power).

In the time that we go through what we will go through when we opt to go with our souls and get through things from the soul, out, we will, for sure, blame otehrs for how we feel, even though the blame for our feeling any way is not what they are responsible for. They are responsible for bringing the pain to us. Our kuleana with that pain is to heal ourselves from it. This does not, at all, make things at all different. They are still who brought the pain. We are still who must feel it and work through it. This does not excuse the pain if it were done on purpose (refer to the thing about me, one other person, and that “manager pin” worn on the sleeve). What it does, believe it or not, is gives us leverage. It does this through the mechanism of them thinking they have hurt us, which they have, and our begging them for mercy, which sometimes we do, and our eventually realizing that we never needed them to give us mercy. We needed them to show us the next lesson.

That’s it. Really. That’s it. In relegating them to this position of merely bringing us the lesson, we take from them the one thing that they hope, like all people like this would be, would be the thing that they need to keep control over us in some manner. When we remove from them, through our choosing to see things through the eyes of the soul rather than the material and we understand what it is that, materially, we mean to them. They actually need us – we never need anyone else to make us feel powerful by their ability to take from us what they think and assume makes them feel more powerful and is ours- material, or otherwise. Empowerment does not come from denying others their power. It comes from respecting them even when they are at their weakest, period. If they do not respect you and never did, that is a them thing, not a you thing…keep reading.

It is not our place to wish bad things onto anyone. It is not our place to want them to hurt like we do, but wish it upon them we will (I can think of four right now…two bitch boys and two manchicks). This is when we end up creating that karmic circle for ourselves, all over again. The lesson, at least for me, in part, I know, is that I have to stop wishing certain peple would suffer, because in doing so, I have to suffer. Right now, the suffering that I am doing is all mine, make no mistake, but it is not because I want suffering for anyone (at least not for real). It is, rather and instead, because that is how I roll. I do not like to suffer, but I will suffer if I am meant to. Learning means that sometimes, we have to go through pain. I am in pain in more ways than one. A lot of us are.

It is not something that will make any of us feel any better about what it is that is right here and now. Karma is not meant to be that way. Karmic grief is not up to us to exact, and if we are lucky we will be somewhere nearby when it all starts for these certain others, for no other reason than to have a sense of confirmation and closure to the pain.

If we are lucky, the Universe will show us glimpses of things being made right and will make it so that we are no way, and in the right energy, the one who is blamed for the karmic grief of others. Understand now that there is a difference between feeling grief, and grieving. The grief about which I am writing and that we feel is to be thought of as our having to deal with a lot of bullshit. But, grieving over things is totally different. We feel grief when others bring it to us, but, we grieve over things, not only that we have lost, but that we seem not to understand the reason as to why it is those things which hurt us are so very hard for us to deal with.

So, if it is that you are experiencing the wreckage that has become your own life, take heart in a few things:

  1. While it might seem very…naive…of me to state so, and even while I, myself, am having a very dearly hard time dealing with even my own words about this shit, whatever it is that you are experiencing and is making you feel grief, it is temporary.
  2. You are not the circumstances of your life. You are a human being. You are worthy of Love and self-acceptance for that alone. You are not required to proverbially beat the shit out of you just because the world seems to have a different idea about it.
  3. The things that mean the most to us might not be the things that we need for this time in our lives, and this also applies to people and the way that we are treated by them, no matter who they are. They might not be able to handle whatever it is that you are dealing with, and in like kind, they will go away and return another time.
  4. Where there appears to be a “hole in the soul” is actually space for something new.

When it seems as though we are not getting what it is that we want, we have to look at the other side of it, to the things that we need. Maybe we need to learn to just live without certain things and people in our lives. I don’t know. I don’t like doing either of those things. But, if it means that I will,eventually, be better and stronger for having done so, then I suppose that which I thought was lost was never mine to begin with.


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You cannot hide from the Karma You have Created

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People who have created a false power for themselves through tangible means are the same people who owe the biggest karmic debts. 

A tax offset is a fancy term for what the IRS uses to tell anyone at all that the reason their tax refund has been made smaller or is nonexistent is because somewhere along the line of government “help,” somehow, in the eyes of the agencies who claimed that money, a person has either not paid a debt in terms of students loans (all clear here), child support payments (again..all clear), and lots of people now know, too, unemployment compensation debt owed on what the state of California calls fraud.

This is not my stating that anything on my end of things was fraudulently had, because from my vantage, and because I know the story in completion, it is not fraud. However, to the state of California, it IS fraud and they wanted that money.

So, they took it. Of course, I now have to file certain paperwork with the IRS, because I am not the party who created a reason for an offset. Of course, as per usual, the person who did create it – that person cannot believe it. That person refuses, flatly, to call the treasury department to find out that I am correct. What this person does not realize is that, where the government and debt are concerned, if you owe them they are going to get what they are owed.

The last time I wrote about Karma it was about how we create it through our intention. This time it is about being the person who thought they were going to get away with every ugly thing that they wanted to see happen, with everything that they did in order to create a false sense of power for themselves through tangible means, with everything that they did that was not backed by the purity of thought.

You see, I am sitting here with a smirk on my face, when really, I should be damned angry that this…person…has refused to do what I have suggested and call the phone number that I was given by a family member. The reason that this other person will not call is NOT because they know that there is no way that I would lie about this, but because of one thing – they aren’t right.

Aren’t right

I was on the phone the other day with my good friend Gator. We were discussing things that are happening to this other person and her words are ringing in my ears right now, because her words are the very truth. Her words told me that the thing that this other person was exhibiting were not only things that point to mental illness, but that the illness is the tangible proof, not only for me, but for that other person, too, that karma is being paid…and not by me.

Arrogant people already aren’t right in a lot of ways, but the one way that they are not right is in the assumption that there is nothing that they have done that would cause them to owe any kind of karma debt. We find this is not the truth through Bernie Madoff, who rightly was served up his karma bill the moment they found him guilty of all of the white collar crimes the man committed. When it is that things outside of ourselves have control of our inner world, and when it is that we are more dependent upon the tangible things more than we are inclined to go to our inner resources to get our answers, we experience false power, even though we believe it is real power.

And when we are talking about arrogant people, the only answers they care about are the ones that they believe will serve them more than will the very truth of things. In this instance, the very truth of things is that this is not my Karma debt to worry about, and it is not my ego that needs to accept my error, and not me who has to atone for anything, at all.

Do I expect that other person to man up and deal with it properly? No. No I do not, because this is someone, even for as many years as this person has known me and has had the opportunity to see what it looks like to be stand alone, upright, with nothing to hide and nothing to sweat, has refused to see things in a manner that is directly from the soul. This person does not trust intangible things, and this is a person for whom the phrase “show me MY money” should be tattooed on to their forehead.

Please don’t get me wrong – I enjoy what money can do for me. However, I also know that there are things that can replace money in terms of getting tangible items, and I know that an outer resource like money is but a tool by which a life is built, but more than anything else, in reality, while money carries the energy of power, that power is finite because once the money is gone, there is no more power being derived from it.

This is the thing that many people are not willingly learning, that money is a tool, that it does not give anyone any power, and that without it, those who want to believe that they have any real power will be shown, in no uncertain terms, that the thing that they thought they were and that at least one person I know very well is now experiencing is a direct result of the nature of their intent at the onset of the unreality of tangible things carrying power for any person at all.

Yet, money and power and the like is not what I am writing about. I am telling you all that if you think that what you did a long, long time ago will never catch up to you, and whatever it was that your purest intentions were at the time you made that choice, think again.

When we set out to right things in a manner that not a lot of people would think is the right way to do things, and we feel like we have to make excuses as to why it happened, and when we cannot accept that what has happened is our being blatantly told by the Mother Goddess that we have a debt to make right, and we have not bothered to make those things right within ourselves, we will pay a debt that we will not see coming at us, and if we are not accepting a lot of other things that a lot of other people have told us is the truth, our pain from that truth is going to be HUGE.

When we cannot see ourselves as someone who is not owed, who is not entitled, who is not all of those overblown ego things, and we have, over the years, chosen to hurt other people for the things that we knew were not right, knew were not their things to have to deal with, knew that, at the time of the thing that caused the debt, our intention was different than the words coming out of our mouths, we cannot understand why it is that suddenly, we are having a down turn in our own thought about how powerful we truly are.

You are not powerful, neither empowered, if what you have done, are doing now, intend on doing, is meant to do good things for you while not also serving a higher purpose for others. You are not powerful if you believe that, when you had your pretend power (money), you could do and say anything to anyone at all and they would, because you thought you were powerful, do anything for you, because you had money, and you had the thought in your head that you were untouchable. You are not now, nor have you ever been, anywhere near as powerful as you think you once were if you have used bully tactics to get what you wanted. Spirit does not appreciate the shake down and more than that, Spirit will not tolerate it.

Eventually, all of that false power, and all that you have said to others that was meant to hurt them, all that you did that was not the most well-intended and backed by a real sense of integrity, every single damned thing that you knew was not the right way to do things, all catches up to you.

An abuser will end up losing everything that he thought gave him power through the manipulations and the bullying, perhaps not through having only to deal with those things themselves, but more, through the very people who they actually abused.

Whether or not those people retaliate in the manner that most would is irrelevant, and the only relevant thing involved there is that the victim of the abuser eventually WILL end up the victor, because the bottom line is that it was not the intention of the abused to rile the abuser. On the other side of that is the abuser believing that they are untouchable in terms of what their victim can do to them in the manner that they’d done to their victim.

What any abuser never understands and likely will never understand is that the energy that they have put out into the Universe is what brings the lesson back to them – NOT the person who they were bad to. While these abusers will do and say and threaten all they can and all they want to, they do not see the thing that they are creating for themselves.

They are creating for themselves a falsehood, a lie that they are somehow the most important person, that they alone are deserved of the good things in life, even as they were the largest, moronic and gaping asshole that even they, themselves, knows. They do not realize that Spirit, while it is that, at that moment, when fist hits face, is watching, is giving this person every chance She can so that the abuser does not have to suffer what Karmic fate they create for themselves.

Yet, create that fate they end up doing, and by the time that it all starts to really take tangible place, those who are wrong end up not knowing what the hell it is that has happened. They will, if they do not understand the way that energy works, continue to do the same things, again and again, and lots of them never learn, and end up coming right back to another lifetime to go through it all over again. NO matter how much I remind a lot of people of this one truth, they still ignore it as though it does not apply to them somehow.

Karma is the great debt collector, and no matter how much running and hiding anyone does, it will catch up to you.

Yes, I am suggesting that everyone and anyone really and truly think about what you are willing to go through because you cannot see past your own god damned high and mighty self, to the point that you are willingly hurting people because you cannot accept that maybe this time, it was not someone else, and maybe this time, you are who has to pay up, even if you don’t want to. Even if you don’t feel like it. Even if you try hard to get out of the thing that you have created all on your own.

You can’t escape your own Karma.

I said it.

Deal with it.

I Love You All !


Soul With Teeth Shark1




Them’s Fightin’ Words


1Fightin words meme3

Every human being on the planet has within them a certain set of ideals, morals, values, and the like, and when someone crosses the line with any one of us, we end up angry, even wanting some semblance of revenge on them. When they “bring it,” it is like they have approached us with those things called “Fightin’ Words”

On more than only one occasion, I have been known to get very dearly angry with a person, usually another woman, and usually because of something she has said, or, more, something that said woman has said to someone else. It is not until that someone else, without their even knowing what my response will be to finding out what I did not know that they do know, which will elicit within me, within anyone, dependent upon the nature of whatever it is that is being told, some sort of emotional response.

The Energy of The Emotional Response, versus the Energy of the Emotional Reaction

Here I go again, with the “response versus reaction” thing. It is a very important thing that we each and all know that there is a huge world of difference between a response and a reaction.

Responding to something means that we have thought about whatever it is that we are supposed to think about. It means that we have stepped outside of our emotional selves, have become a third party observer to the thing that we, because we are human, have honed our skills for using a response or a reaction in any situation. Most situations, whether anyone wants to believe me or not, call for a response. Embedded in any response, regardless of how much we would much rather react, is the energy called logic.

Logic, very simply, is nothing more than sound reasoning. Sound reasoning is that thing that a LOT of people have no real clue about, or real clue about using, because they have only been taught to get good and egotistically angry. The reason that people get good and egotistically and arrogantly angry is because in all of the things that they have been told, or perhaps have found out through others, the one thing that they were never thinking about is the idea that maybe what has been said is wrong, that absolutely the thing that has set anyone off at all may well be someone else’s truth but is so not our own, that when we hear it, read it, talk about it, the thing that goes right into play IS the ego.

Now, we all know that the ego is NOT what we have been taught that it is . The ego, regardless of what you think it is, is more akin to the thing that I refer to as being “the game face.” Someone who I am very endeared to refers to this as our “mask,” and that person is correct in stating that when we leave our homes and go out into the coldness of the strange world in our midst, we – yes, women, too – bolt on our protective masks.

In donning said mask, we hide from the world what are our vulnerabilities. Women have a much easier time with just such a mask, because we women actually get to literally put our game face on everyday, if we are the sort who like to put our faces on everyday with what we will.

And me being who I am for real, even if I try to explain to them the reality that is not only NOT “putting on” one’s face, but also, the maintaining of the body beautiful in all manner that we can, from sleep and diet, to more spiritually inclined daily routines, all these women think about is that I told them all of this stuff about putting on one’s face everyday. It is like they want to believe that somehow, I am taking a shot at them, when in reality, given that I am very careful when dealing with another woman’s ego, I am merely telling them the truth.

That is where things turn into what are called “fightin’ words.”

Fightin’ Words

Depending upon how you, the reader, “hears” my voice when you read these lessons is what will determine your own reaction on every level. On every level we each and all need…NEED to check ourselves before we ultimately wreck ourselves, because I cannot use a better example of this lesson than to use any woman’s belief that she NEEDS to wear make up. I am sorry ladies, but that is not the truth. NO woman actually NEEDS to wear make up.

But a woman cannot tell another woman this, at least not in the “in your face” way that I have tried hard not to in this writing, because sometimes, humans, sometimes women type humans, don’t believe what is someone else’s truth about really anything at all.

Am I saying that women should not wear make up? Nope. I am saying that with a little bit of research, and a lot of learning to look past the mask we each wear, beneath the veneer of …stuff… that lots of us put on every morning is the realness, is the beauty that is only contained within that one person.

Yet, again, when something that we want to believe is challenged, it is automatic that we WILL go into fight mode, our ego out in the open, vulnerable to attack, even though it is the very thing within us which makes us believe that something as trivial as IF we wear or do not wear make up is a choice as opposed to the lie that we all have believed for too many years already – that any one of us actually needs to wear make up.

It is like any one of us human type beings needing to make certain that we are hurt, or mad, or feeling stupid, and in those emotional ways of being and sensing and feeling, we believe we are more inclined and more…justified… to strike at someone, so that they will hurt, and that they will have to have yet one more thing that they will have to deal with, and lots of us believe that we are right in acting on that one thing…you know, because that other person did something or said something that might make our ego feel a little more bruised than we are okay with.

I am not saying to think in terms of being a pansy-ass about things. I am saying to think about the other shoe, on the other foot, and think, too, about what it is that you are really doing or saying that you want to do, and understand that while I may never know the truth beneath it all, there is one other person who does know – and that person is you.

…and you DO know…I PROMISE you indeed know what is your own truth about what is prompting you to react to what are someone else’s Fightin’ Words

This is not my telling a soul that you are not allowed to be mad, hurt, whatever. This is me telling the world that each of us needs to think about why it is that we are really angry to begin with, why it is that we would want to do something or say something to anyone else that would make us think that we have made things “right”, especially when we think we have lost anything at all.

This is me telling anyone at all that when we operate from a place where we can only recall how foolish we felt or how hurt we were, that the last thing we need to do is lower ourselves to the level of tangibility, to the level that is going from the primal urge to want to get even, to the level that is making it seem as though somehow, we have won.

While it is that you may well be right in your energy, if it is that you are planning to do anything at all from a place that is for anything other than the reality of what is really happening, and we decide that we know what is best for someone else, that we are going to be the harshest lesson for anyone else at all, this is when we NEED to stop and think about the real reason behind it.

When we think we need to strike out at anyone, namely when there is really nothing actually or tangibly lost in a situation, we are wrong. Period. When we do those things that are born of that angry energy, of that energy produced by a dented ego, and we do something that we think is making things right, all we are really doing is serving our ego’s needs, and in serving our ego’s needs that are not the needs that make it whole again through means that are not vengeful, we are only serving ourselves a nice dish of shit soup called Karma that we have created through unbalanced energy of anger and vengeance.

Our ego’s needs are not what we want to believe that they are.

When the ego is large and in charge, we cannot see past it. When our ego is the thing that we have always operated from, and the only thing that we know to do is what we have always done, and a situation presents itself in the manner that will poke the bear, so to speak, and we believe that we are the ones who are going to be the ultimate teacher in a lesson we want to also believe that will control an outcome, and we want to think that somehow, we are justified…well, we shall say that it is like making certain for ourselves that whatever our real reason is behind any action at all is also something that we want to experience.

This is really the reason that I will tell any other human being at all that before they act upon an idea that they really think is a good way, not to do anything more than to get even with someone, or to make them hurt more, or to do something at all that gives us a shit-eatin’ grin because inherently we know that we did or want to do what it is that we have come up with that seems justifiable, we are wrong.

And more than that, imagine this if you will. Imagine that you have gone through something ugly with one other person, and then one day, someone else comes into the picture. While we might well be very happy that we have come into contact with this one other person, and while it is that we believe we are over what we also believe the last person did “to” us, and we act in the manner that we think is deserved by anyone else?

Ummm…I can say this much, and it is from experience – when we do things that we think or say are for one reason, and the reality is a completely other reason, and we want to make it known that no one gets to get one over on us AND get away with it, and we choose to make it tangibly so, even though we KNOW that all the time, Spirit has our back?

I don’t know…let’s play with more scenarios, shall we?

Would you like it if someone did to you what has happened to them? Would you like it if, while only thinking about your own perception of what you want to believe is the loss of face through someone else, you ended up losing what means the very most to you?

What if that which means the very most to you is another human being? What if it is that in your own deep-seated rage you are trying hard to get around the idea that, yes, someone else did you dirty, and someone else made you mad, and someone else did all these things to hurt you and that ultimately revealed who they are to you, that in all of these great ideas that you think are going to make everything better, you end up ultimately losing, because the reality of the other person who means nothing to you now was bigger to you – the getting even part, that is – than is what was born of that perceived loss?

The Baby Born of the Perceived Loss

Let me show you a few things here, before I leave you to ponder the last time you got into a tussle or even decided that you were right and that the only thing to do so you would not feel like you were some sort of great big dummy was to exact some sort of revenge.

Actually, it’s a few questions I would like you all to think about asking you, and I would like for you to do so prior to trying hard to make a reasonable excuse as to why it is that you feel the need to get revenge on anyone at all, namely if the anyone at all is someone who you are just not even dealing with anymore. And yes, there are LOTS of other ways to balance things back to normal, and none of it includes the luxurious decadence of getting your own revenge on anyone else, because really, vengeance is not ours. It is that of Spirit’s…please, read on

If you were in another person’s shoes, and you knew that the other person was already in a very bad way, and you still went ahead and did what you thought in your own human limited thinking, that what you will do will somehow make it known not to screw with you, if that were you, would you have the balls to go through what they are going through right now? Would you take it as being your lesson brought to you by Spirit, or would you take the easy way out and blame it on someone else, even if the way that things got to this point indeed included your hand?

If you were hurting and desperate, and you only had the sun in the morning to look forward to, and the rest of your life was nothing but a dark and lonely void, with you completely knowing that you have to get out of this lesson and learn it all on your own, and you did not have someone there to teach you what it is that is your own way and a way that does not bring hurt to anyone else, would you want to go through what it is that you might be thinking to give to anyone else at all?

If you lost what you, at one point, felt was the thing that made your life so much better, only to find out that it was anything but, and you could not look at your own place in all of the things that made things turn out as they are right now, would you want to have to deal with more, and more than that, do you really think you would be able to without also thinking that you might want to die instead? Could you handle knowing that the one tiny little thing that you felt would justify it all caused another person to act upon taking their own life?

Yes, I do know that fightin’ words are what they are, even though the words, when they are said by someone else, might not be what we think they are. It might well be that the other person is SO blinded by what it is that they think is right, that the person saying them is in such a desperate way that they will say what is their ego’s first thing to say.

If we do not bother to take the entire whole into consideration, including and especially the fact that when we are dealing with a whole LOT of humans who share the planet with us, we cannot go to that place that makes us believe that every person who we come into contact with is what we are, which is hopefully stand alone, strong, brave and filled with integrity.

Usually that is not the case, meaning that when it comes to the fightin’ words of others are the very things that can make or break us, even if we do not believe they can. Being made or broken is not the thing, but rather the catalyst. More than that, when we are waiting for the good things, good and tangible things, and we are still hanging on to whatever stupid bullshit that we are hanging on to in hopes that one day, we might be able to exact our revenge because we have not yet let it all go?

Yet we only think in terms of what will justify, for us, or at least we think, the most perfect means by which we will make our position known. But that is not balanced, and is instead, something other than balanced. Balanced means that no one leaves the situation feeling any worse. Justification through means we know are very hurtful is anything but “just.”

The thing is NOT getting even to relieve your own pain, but being able to justify within you if the other person’s words really have any affect on us in a personal, emotional way and in a way that truly will affect us in a physical manner on a daily basis. If the only emotion that you are feeling when you come up with your own solution is dependent upon the solution being the thing that teaches anyone else not to screw with you, I have news for you…

…that’s called revenge, and even I know how sweet it is…

However, sweet things have a tendency or at least the ability to make us sicker than we can imagine, sometimes chronically so.

Think about it

I Love You All !


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The Ego’s Unforgiving Ridiculousness

I’m not about to tell anyone that we do not need our Egos, because we do. LOADS of people haven’t a clue about what the Ego truly is, even though every single one of us has employed its ridiculousness on more than only one occasion. However, not so coincidentally, it is because of our egos that we are able to hang on to things that really, we need to forgive other people for so that we can move forward.

At this time, there is a plethora of human beings on this planet for whom the engagement of the Ego when thinking in terms of not just going into some sort of …heated exchange…with another human being, over anything at all, seems to be the habit, the …addiction… to the hormonal imbalance which is caused by our being able to go toe to toe in an emotional exchange more often than is needed.

Yes – hormonal.

If you think and believe for a moment that the things that are the constant thought in your head…and no, I am not talking about you being you…I am talking about you being you, then someone comes along and interrupts you being you, at a constant, which releases hormones and the like, into your physical body, at a constant, again…do not forget that…and you are not balanced at all times with a good teeter-totter of both negative and the corresponding positive thoughts, which produce the same within each of us, you will…WILL end up out of sorts.

This is called your body telling you that it is already overly filled with the bullshit that other people bring to you. This is called your body needing you to take notice that something is not right, and normally, no matter what, even if it is a hereditary thing you have goin’ on, all of that ego-negative-bullshit going on WILL take its toll. You are not required to believed a single thing that you read here, and you are absolutely allowed to ignore this, and if you do, I will not know, and that, too, is okay…


Understand that, right at this moment, there is a lot of growin’ goin’ on and that, too, not a whole lot of people who are in the middle of the most horrifically painful spiritual growth spurt are aware that what is going on is their Souls are stretching, are growing so as to accommodate who they are for real. Too many people want to hang on to the things that are acceptable on the surface, things and ways of being which are not going to serve them any longer, and things that, for the very life of me, I do not understand why anyone would want to hold onto that crap!

LOTS AND LOTS of people…perhaps more than even I realize, are caught right there, in that crux between letting things go and moving on, and hanging onto things that they like believing keeps them safe, but safe from what? Growth? That’s not safe to hang onto things that hurt us without a purpose for hurting us. In fact, that isn’t even smart because when we hang on, it is like we somehow cannot rid ourselves of the pain because we are somehow addicted to the drama which we bring about from it, should we hang on to it for longer than is needed (YES- NEEDED).

Hiding from things that we know are meant to make us stronger than we have ever known ourselves to be, in ways that we cannot imagine only serves to weaken us. When we are able to face what it is that we fear (believe it or not, the one thing that MANY MANY humans fear is being loved for real, because they cannot see themselves as worthy of it…what-EVER…) we are then and at that point telling ourselves that we are tired of the things that hurt us and that if we should so choose to look at those things in a manner that is from a neutral place, a place that is not ourselves in physical form but ourselves in a soul sense, we will begin to understand a whole lot more than we thought we did.

We will understand that there is a thing called forgiving ourselves for not being able to let go of the things that have been breaking our hearts, over and over again, on purpose, even, and we will be able to see, too, that we are not bad, that we are worthy of our own Love, for ourselves, because too many of us give away the Love within us, thinking that the more that we give, the more we will get back. Yet, it won’t happen that way if we do not recognize what it is for real. More, it also won’t happen if we do not Love ourselves for real.

Just because someone else hurts your feelings by whatever means they will hurt them, and even if they are being vindictive about it and perhaps even meant to do it, this does not mean that we need to retaliate in the manner that they would expect. It means that right at that moment, we have the option to choose, not only what our response will be,  if we will even bother with one – because sometimes, no words, no response is the greatest, most healing thing we can hope for.

Now, I am not suggesting here, with this next thing, that it is okay to lie to anyone, not even if it is meant to save someone else for their own good, but, even what seems to be the most unforgivable thing is also warranted by and needs that energy, because without it, it stays right there, in the manner that it is, right this moment, which, really, if you stepped outside of your own way, you might be able to see what is there for real.

You might be able to know that, without it being said or even implied, that somehow, even though a lie isn’t cool, sometimes, it is the very thing which will instill in us that thing called a wake up call, and that wake up call is not about anyone else BUT ourselves. Yet, most of the time, most folks and their egos are way too arrogant to see it that way because they are still living in that hurt placed on them so long ago…in that hurt that might not have been placed there on purpose or for malicious reasons. It doesn’t make it right – it makes humans, human.

And for the record – nope, I am not writing about anyone or anything in particular, but rather and only a culminated thought about why it is that we humans tend to need what we need, and when it shows up in a manner that we don’t understand, or comes from a place where we least expect it – whether it is a lie, or perhaps some other thing that no one seems to understand – not only are we hurt, but it is doubly so. When finally it happens, we are at a loss but at a loss because we were not prepared well enough or on our own and through our own abilities to handle what it is, which is not what a lot of ego-driven people want to believe it is. At all.

We are, all of us, at least once in our lives, ego-driven

The Ego gets a very bad rap. It is like this because a long time ago a whole bunch of people decided that they would tell the world what the ego is. We have all been raised by a society which tells us that what we have tells the world who we are, but that is not the case these days. What we have, literally, is only our very selves. Sure, we all have other people in our lives, but, when it is our time to return to Spirit, we are by ourselves, and we are the ones who have left a lot behind, and sometimes what we leave behind is the residue of the hurt that we suffered throughout our lives, which is the hurt that we could not let go of even and up to that point.

It is the Ego which tells us that we should or should not protect certain aspects of who we are.

When the time comes that we are hurt, even egregiously so, it is our ego self that comes to the forefront. It is our ego self that either can hang with the hurt and can help us get out of the way of more harm and how to do that. Just as much as it is our ego self who, when it has been challenged, will puff its chest out, get mouthy and daring, saying things and doing things that will only serve to cause havoc and more damage. The bitch of it all is that it is not only damage to others, but most of all, that damage is something that we, ourselves, cannot and will not ever escape.

When first we practice to put a hurt on someone, namely when we are aware of ourselves doing it, it is at that moment that, too, we are also putting it on ourselves, that same hurt that we wanted someone, anyone else, namely and especially someone who we say that we love. This does not mean that we do not love them when we get angry with them, but when we get angry with them and choose to not forgive them is when the reality should hit home that if we want others to forgive us, then we have to practice it ourselves, both with others, as well as our very selves.

It is the same that thing I teach other people, this art of forgiving those who have wronged us. And believe me when I tell you that indeed, it is a true art form because the fact of the matter is that, as a whole, humanity does not like its truth, even a fabricated truth, fucked with.

We do not like our beliefs, do not like the things that we like, do not like our sheltered little lives fucked with, at all, and when it is that someone has come along, regardless of what their intentions were at the time of the failure and gives us a lesson in love that we are not ready to deal with, it shows.

This means that when we are told that something will happen on a given date, or that what we want to happen can happen, or really, anything at all in the manner that tells us that somehow, we are about to score huge, at the same time that we are made happy, we also need to be very keenly aware, as well, of the reason as to why we are happy.

We know that if we are happy because we thought we were lied to about a whole lot of things, only to find out that not the thing, but the timing of the thing, was not what we thought it would be, and we go on to say that we believe that the thing is GOING TO happen on this date, and it doesn’t happen…whether or not we can handle it in the manner that is telling us that we can deal with it, or whether we are telling the story of how we, alone, were wronged without also looking at the other things that maybe someone else was looking at, even as it is the same thing, we have some serious self-checkin’ that has to happen because without that self-checkin’ the thing that happens afterwards and until we do so is called self-wreckin’.


Self-Wreckin’ is that thing that all of us does, guaranteed. We are humans, and my experience with humans on the whole is that, while it is that we are way, way cool biological as well as ethereal specimens, given that we are born with the ability to reason, means that we also have the ability to be highly unreasonable. This is not to say that none of us who is evolved enough to know better won’t, for a few minutes now and again, find ourselves somewhat a bit devolved. It means that we are human and capable of being our greatest shot at being undone.

The only way that other people wreck us is if we allow it, and even then, when it is that we have one thing, one goal, one place that we see with our mind’s eyes that we cannot let go of because to us, that is the perfection of our own making, and that is the thing that we need to look at, in its face and not be afraid to let it go.

You see, I have lots of clients who do not understand this, lots of students who want to think past the teacher, which is fine, because I did that too, recently even, and yes, I had to face a hurtful truth that pissed me off and while it did not make me feel foolish, it indeed DID make me know that sometimes, when the lesson is taught and we have learned, the only thing left to do is vent out the feelings to a trusted person, and then finally just let it all go, including the person who caused the ache.

Our Ego-Self is the part of us that tells us that we have to protect who we are, but the problem with that is that sometimes, we go into parent mode and we want to save our own selves from the shock and the hurt that might end up becoming more than we can handle, that is, if we are not brave enough to face our own selves.

We can become brave, though, and we can face what we think we cannot, no matter what, or who, it might be. The only thing that we have to do is listen to the pining of our souls. If we listen to our souls, and we go headlong into the fracas brought by others, and in that messiness can find our place in it, we will also find there the freedom that we so crave, not just from the assholes who visit our lives so that we may learn the lessons that they bring to us, but more, from our very selves.

I Love You All !


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Visit my website , read my teaching blog, come and hang out with me at bandbacktogether.com…yup…I’ve written a few books, teach hula as both Medicine and as some of the funniest luau entertainment that a group of employees has ever had the opportunity to take pics of the higher ups learning hula from me…yup…at company parties…of course, I also marry peoplecoach individuals and groups…I do LOTS of stuff…because I’m just Rox, and that’s how I roll…follow me on Twitter…but above all…smile and laugh a lot – folks will either think you are talkin’ smack about ’em…or you’re crazy ! Either way, it’s just you being you !! Aloha! I Love You All! ROX

Things Unsaid

When learning things regarding our lessons, there are things that cannot be said for the simple reason that if it is said, it cannot be learned. 

When I started college, my initial “thing” was to study Behavioral Science so that when I chose to grow up into the teacher that I did not know I was meant to be (and that is SO not what I imagined it to be), I would be able to not only help other people retrain their brain to think right (and thereby act right), but more, I would be able to stand in front of a gallery of young college students and teach them what I know about our behavior and why we are so prone to trippin’ out all the time over things that we ought not be trippin’ about.

It didn’t happen that way.

I had NO CLUE that, indeed, I was meant to become a teacher of things, but not of things contained in actual academic texts, and neither of things, at least in the manner of speaking in terms and about things…academic…but rather and only in terms of bigger, more important things…things like daily walking the healing Path, and daily living a Spiritually led life. Little did I know that I would be able to use what I know and what I learned in college to further the actual teaching that I would do, which is not just right here every week, but out in the real world of souls which, in case none of you have looked at things in the manner that I constantly look at them, not everyone is going to end up in college, and not everyone is going to be able to discern for themselves what it is that is their “trip” in terms of what they’re trippin’ on.

Teaching People How Not To Be Trippin’

My work in this world became evident to me a couple of years ago, when I was on the phone at one point with the lovely April, and then at another point, the equally as lovely Dannie. One of them said that hula would be mine forever, but that it was not going to be what it had always been for me but would become SO much more than what ANY Kumu Hula could imagine, and she was right. The other said that if I thought that everything I knew at that point, and now, everything I know plus everything that I employ daily as a means for helping others learn, was meant to be contained and locked within the confines of the conventional classroom, I had another thing comin’ (yeah yeah shut up…I love my leather clad mahus…get over it lol).

Where one told me that I would never stop dancing OR teaching hula, the other told me that it would be through not only what I’d learned in college, but more, what I’d learned through all the crap that I had gone through for so long and that seemed normal to me. Even though I knew that the things that I had been witness to, things that I had experienced in my life even to that point, in my mid-30’s, were some of the most … horrific experiences… in terms of emotional toll taken, when it was that I was told these things and because of all of the things that shook my very core and shook the trust in others right out of me, I knew that I could trust my two best friends. I knew that I could trust them because they’d both been telling me things, sometimes outright, and sometimes in a veil of mystery.

A Veil of Mystery

*Clears Throat* …ahem…students…welcome to class today. This part of this writing is addressing those who I am actively teaching, those who are feeling like they are at their wit’s ends with my telling you each that the things that you want to know, versus the things that you need to know, combined with the things that I know and the things that I cannot tell you are what this is all about today.

Yep…don’t I know it? I know that many of you cannot stand the idea that there have been more than only a few times that I have said to the each of you that the thing that you are asking me to tell you is the very thing that you are learning about and that because you are learning that one thing, I am not able to tell you what you want to know that you already know that I do know, and you know that I know because I told you that I know.

And indeed, I have a problem with this one thing, too, and yes, my own teachers, to this day, STILL tell me the VERY SAME THINGS that I tell all of you – that if I knew I could tell you what it is that you are meant to be learning, I would. If I knew that what you are learning was something that I would not have to reexperience myself, that I would have to go through again, that I would have to deal with even though I had already gone through it, I would. If I knew that you were not as close as you are to where you are meant to be with this one thing, I might give you a hint, but I cannot just tell you what it is that you want to know because of one thing…

One Thing…

Yes, you read that right – if I tell you what you have asked me to tell you, have had a tantrum over not knowing and have told me that you don’t care if you have to learn it and that you will learn it and use the information that I give you as Cliff notes, not only will I have to relearn that same lesson but not for the same reasons that you, yourself, are learning it, but it will likely suck for me way, way more than it did the first time because – yes, I’ve already been there, I’ve already done that, and in sharing my cheat sheet with anyone at all, it is like my telling Spirit that I need to retake the test.

Think about when you were in high school and that one teacher with a hard on for NOT telling any of us what we wanted to know and realize that this is the very same thing, only it is not a grade you are working toward to get out of high school, but rather and only the armor needed to get through the next lesson you will learn in relation to the one that you are learning and that I cannot tell you what you want me to tell you.

The reason that we are met with difficulties in our lives, and the reason that things seem to come crashing down onto us at the most inconvenient times in our lives, and the reason that you secretly will wish my brain to collapse, dry, shrivel up into a walnut in my skull is so that we can master that part of our lives. Unlike the grading scale in conventional school and typical learning, being taught to navigate your life from the Soul out, and more – mastering it all – is hands on. This means that you don’t get to have a book, and you don’t get to have extra credit, and nothing that is familiar to you in terms of how you have learned things in the manner that is learning in the traditional sense – none of that will be of any good purpose for you when it comes to lessons in coping, lessons in growing, in acceptance, in Loving who you are. And really, THAT is what it is that seems to be SO difficult about all of this weirdness that you are all learning, not only about me, but more importantly, about you.

The reality is that in this lifetime we need some sort of guidance, some of us more than others, but not because some of us are more duh than others, but because all of us are learning something different at the same time. What I am learning is not what you are learning, but this does not mean that there is not anyone else on the planet or even within my own awareness who is also not learning the same thing, perhaps, as any one of us would be at any given time at at all.

The Karmic Thing About Teaching

Yes…there’s that word that you all love to hate – Karma, Karmic, whatever – and you hate it because every time I use it, you KNOW that there is something that you are going to learn whether you want to or not, and that what you are learning, I already know about, and that I am not able to tell you how to get out of. It just has to be done and I cannot tell you because really, if I tell you what you are learning about, I will have to go through that lesson of NOT telling you.

It is like when a mother is teaching her kid to behave – at first, we might tell that kid about what they are doing that is not okay to do, and then when they do it again and again, we want to trip out on them and tell them how to do that one thing that we know will keep them out of the spot they are in at the moment. Yet, every parent knows that the kid will not listen, will not do what he or she has been told will get them out of the spot they’re in. Most parents will go out of their minds about that one thing, will try, over and over again to get that kid to do things they need to do in order to get out of that spot.

In the same manner, students of many different spiritual paths will end up that same way. I know this. I was this student and more times than not am still this student, and like a rock-headed human being, I have a snit, and I beg and plead and ask and to no avail – still, I must learn, and still, my teachers, like I will not, do not budge.

So, kiddos, that is why I cannot tell you more than I tell you, why I will not allow you, as my charge, to not learn, because that is my place in your life – teacher. And I am a damned good one. I was told so…by my own teachers…and yep, haha….it was one of those things that I was not allowed to be told and that I had to learn…

I Love You All !



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Bring on the Happy !

One thing that lends to the energy of now is that people are struggling in a lot of ways, but the one way that we are all very well learned about is the one where we have worked at what it is that we do in our lives and have not been compensated for it…that is about to change…

Make no mistake – the life of a creative person who also has a brain in their heads and who has chosen to follow that creative spark, not only as the thing that keeps them sane but more, as the thing that feeds them…it isn’t easy. I know this one personally, and for a lot of years I made it all work. I wrote (still do), and I taught and performed dance (still teach), and I created artwork (still do this one, too), and in between all of those things I managed to live a pretty fun life, given all of the circumstances at the time I was living.

Yet, even as I know and knew that to choose to live the creative life, where it was and is that I am who not only creates my own life, but creates my own living through that creative means within me, that it would not be an easy thing to do in the manner that is being paid the money that I would be paid if I chose to stay “a suit” and in marketing and promotional event planning. I knew that the last “real” job I had would be the last time that I would be conforming, not only to what is acceptable in the eyes of the greater society in which I live, but more, within the community that is made up of who used to be the most important people in my life and who are no longer, because of who they are in relation to me and regardless of who they are in the confines of my life, able to be who they were when first the things and reasons that we were to know one another were apparent.

And let me tell you something, right now – there is no artist who will read this and who will not agree with me when I say that it is not an easy time trying to make your bills vanish and your money not. I am using money and bills and livelihood and the like to illustrate bigger things…in fact, I am using it to illustrate how the tide is about to turn for us, and no, not only us artsy types, not only us writing types, not only us professional weirdo types, but all of us.

All of us are about to realize what it is to be rewarded for all the hard work, whether it was on an emotional level and you had to heal from the things that were presented to you by others in your lives, or if it were that you were trying to create a life through a living which you, yourself and by your own hand created….whatever it is that you have been diligently working away at and whiling away the hours, days, weeks, months and yes, as in my case, years, putting forth energy and effort toward the things you want to do, the things you want to have, the things which you have set as goals and things that you have set as being a goal to reach so as to not have to deal with certain things anymore, regardless if they are people or situations or whatever…whatever it is that we each have put forth energy and effort toward, our rewards are about to meet us, and meet us in a very, very big way.

If you have put effort toward something that you have wanted, or a situation which you have asked Spirit to bring into your life, you are about to get what it is that you have put effort toward. And that is the key here – knowing what it is that you have placed your heart, soul, energy and efforts toward. If you have been waiting for a big pay day in some manner, it is upon you, right now, and you will start to see evidence of this being the truth very soon, if you have not already.

If you thought about it in the manner that is what it is that you do in exchange for money, and what it is that you are passionate about that you could or would do for money, and what it is that you chose to do in either regard and that has brought you many pleasurable hours but very little money, that is going to change and soon. I say this for a plethora of reasons and I say this for other reasons that are just really and dearly based in common sense. (That, and it helps a lot that I got confirmation of all of this from the Good Doctor herself – Dr. Loretta Standley, and her weekly horoscopes…you should check it out!)

I know that not everyone follows horoscopic prediction, and because I am a science geek who loves reading about things which happen to happen and why, reading the good doctor’s writings about what is happening up in the great big blue yonder, I found out that what we have been doing all this time is not only looking toward our goals, etc., becoming reality, but more, we have been actively, physically and in the real, building toward it, and a lot of us don’t believe that this is the truth.

Well folks, I promise – this is the truth. Most of what a whole lot of us have been through these last almost 6 years is nothing short of maddening, nothing short of miraculous that we made it through it all without having to do a whole lot of things in terms that suck and that we knew we HAD TO do. While it might be true that the situations which were helped to be brought into being through this sucky energy that we have had to experience are all things that we would rather not look back at to ponder or even acknowledge anymore, what we are also not looking at while we are looking at these sucky things are the things which were culled and mined out of the deepest parts of ourselves and that we now are able to have at our disposal.

Without all those things that sucked for us we would not have been brought here, albeit on the sucky scenic route, to where we are now, with ourselves polished and sharper, and our ability to reason at a higher level and with a higher vibration would not be what they are now. When our levels of such things are higher, and we are at a more pure vibration and that vibration is and has been geared toward things of a higher purpose and calling, and while we did not know that the things that were sucking for us were for a purpose, what was happening was that we were being prepared for what is right now and what is right now, if we all looked at everything as it is at this moment, still in a jumblefuck of what it is supposed to be when all is said and done, there is not one person who can tell me that what they have in front of them at this point is not something that is undesirable for them, for their life path and purpose.

While it is that we might have put in immeasurable energy and hours toward something that we, ourselves, knew we would have to create ourselves if we were to be able to get to where we are now, even if where we are now is nowhere near where we want to be, we have to admit to it that it is a lovely thing to be closer to it now than we were just a year ago. And if we thought about “a year ago” we would see where we have been in that time and we would know where it was that we lost a piece of ourselves and that the piece(s) that we lost, while it hurt to lose them, were no longer of any use to our purpose or our mission.

And really, that is what this all boils down to – Spirit preparing us for the thing that is our purpose so that we can carry out our mission.

It is the mission that we each have to carry out that also tells me that this is what is happening, that this is what is occurring for us all in the cosmos, and that the things that we have worked toward, no matter what they might be, good or bad or neither of these two things, no matter what…it is time to bring on the happy.

For so long we have believed too many gurus when they told us that happiness is easy, that it shouldn’t have to be worked for and that it just “is,” but those are easy things to say to anyone when you are a guru with a following and people who are willing to pay you to “guru-tize” them. There are the rest of us, the people who, as much as anyone whose timing was right when they set out into the world as their own guru, also have worked as hard, as much, as diligently toward their own ends and their own means to have whatever it is in their lives that they both want and need…your, my, everyone’s proof of hard work is about to start revealing itself to us all, and really, there is nothing that any financial analyst, nothing that any job expert in any field, nothing that any guru, nothing that anyone who is too lazy to chase their own goals, will be able to say in regards to things like this NOT happening.

If you have been waiting for the day that you can go back to college and have been putting in the hours toward that happening, keep your eyes open and remain aware, because you are about to get an education. If you have been trying hard to make your life become whatever it is that you want it to be in terms of things that no one else would think to be, you are about to have those things become your reality and there is nothing that anyone else can nay-say for it in hopes that it won’t happen – it is going to happen. No matter what. If you have been waiting for anything, have put forth energy and light and hope, and yes, Love, toward anything at all that you want to see happen for you and in your life and you have done everything that you knew you should have…hang on to your okoles, folks…

…you’re about to get straight paid, in dividends even…and all because you never gave up !

Of course, if the only thing that you wanted was for someone else to NOT be happy?

Yup…you are about to get that right back at you, in your face and up your okole, and here all this time you thought you were gettin’ away with stuff…


Remain aware and with your eyes open, guys, because very truly, we are all about to receive our just desserts….

…and really, I hope that yours are as awesome and sweet as mine have been since early February…





“Medicine Dance”

“Chick Wisdom”

…both coming soon to lulu.com

Gorgeous Camera Artistry by none other than

Hawai’i’s Camera Artist, Randy Jay Braun

Eventually, we stop

There comes a time in our lives when all of the crazy-making behaviors that we exhibit will come to a halt, regardless if we want to make them do so…other humans and more than that, Spirit, will only tolerate so much of our nonsense.

I wish I knew what compels some people to continue trying to hurt other people for whatever reason it is that they may have. I know that I have been through a whole lot in terms of someone else almost making me feel so useless and worthless and so, so…not important, to at least one person…that I really contemplated dying. It was not me, and it was never me, who needed to continue to try making life harder on other people just because I was so terribly miserable. That is not mine to do, and neither is it anyone’s to do, to make people miserable just because that is something that seems like we are allowed to do to others.

We are not. The fun part about this is that, for those who are enlightened to the reality of Karma and how we all will end up getting what is so rightfully ours and that which we so well earned, good or bad, not a lot of people believe that this is really what happens. Too many people want to believe that when they are trying hard to get revenge on someone else that whatever it is that they are doing is justified because their little feelings got hurt, possibly a long time ago, and for the life of them, because it seems as though that pain is the only thing they can call their own, they go about their daily lives thinking and believing that if they hurt someone else, that the someone else deserved what they got, because the person who is exacting their revenge hurts so badly that they cannot see past that one thing, OR past the thing, the person, the event that the person doing the hurting believes has exacted onto them.

When we hurt, it is never without good reason. If we allow the hurt to not do what it is supposed to do (teach us – NOT teach someone else what we need to learn that we have not yet likely learned or for getting your revenge), we will end up not only hurting, but hurting more, because all of the things that we do, think, say, whatever, without a doubt and for sure, will always come back to us and when it does, it comes back to us three-fold. 

Reread that and let it sink in – the real reason that things seem to just get worse on you, should you be the type who always want to exact your revenge on anyone else, and if it seems like the ones who you are trying to do this to are just not hating life as much as you are, well, darlin’ – welcome to Karma and the law of three-fold return. 

It is not a “law” that any one of us can do anything about, not a law that you can hire a lawyer to get yourself out of trouble from having broken, but a law that has been exacted by the Goddess herself and is in effect precisely to keep us all in line and keep us at least not trying to hurt each other.  If it were that my witchy friends were not adherent to this particular law, there would be no world where politicians get away with the nasty things they get away with. There would be no women on the planet trying hard to exact revenge on former abusive partners, no people who would be inclined to lie about past abuses and there would be no heart ache, and ultimately, no learning. We would all be fat, happy, sitting on our asses not worrying about being a better version of ourselves than we are right now.

Unfortunately, there are still a whole lot of people on this planet who do not believe that this is the truth. There are people who, for the very life and sake of themselves, cannot grasp that when any one of us even thinks those nasty thoughts of revenge, that somehow, that nastiness will revisit our lives. These are the same people who keep on doing stupid shit, who keep on strolling through life as though what they have done to other people is somehow what they deserved, and really, that is not ours to dictate what measures of comeuppance anyone will receive.

If you believe for one moment that you are untouchable by the Karmic energy that you created, let me tell you right now that you are also likely one of those people who continues to reply to all those emails you receive from someone in Ethiopia who swears that someone in that country wants to give you an excessive amount of money and that you will end up getting straight paid. To believe that the things that you have done to other people are just done and over with is also to believe that you have no sins to make up for. None of us is perfect. None of us is above having to take the same so-to-speak medicine that we offer up to other people with the idea in our heads that what they are being given by us they deserve and that we are the ones who are justified to deliver.

I promise you, you are not justified, but more like just-fried in the brain if this is what you believe. If you are the type of person who feels that your lifetime of pain must be made right by you handing down the proverbial hatchet to other people, I have news for you. EVERYTHING that you do, that you wish, that you have done, that you think you want to do, that you speak, that you send energy toward – ALL THESE THINGS CARRY YOUR KARMA IN THEM, and pretending as though you are clueless to this one thing amazes me because you cannot correlate all the shitty things you have done and see them as all the shitty things that are now happening to you.

Let’s look at it this way. If you spent your lives in church, lambasting those who are not of the same belief as you are, and if you spent your life as being one of those rich people who looks down on those who are way, way poor, if you are one of those people who feels like yours is the judgement which is meant, if you think that you are above anything that you have wished upon someone else, good or bad, get ready for hell that was created by you and you alone. Sure…you might have a little breather here and there, but for the most part, you will not escape what you have created for someone else. It will not happen. If you wish that someone else will hurt, you will also hurt. If you wish that someone else will lose what they have, you will also lose what you have. If you do things with the intention of hurting other people, you will also hurt.

However, if you wish for everyone involved in any situation, whether you like them or not, be blessed for their actions in service to others, this will come back to you. If you wish for someone who hurt you and broke your heart to be happy in their lives without you, you will also receive that same energy in return. If you wish for someone else to meet with abundance, you will meet with it as well…as you see, Karmic energy is neutral. Karmic energy is like a blank canvas in that it is what we place there symbolically for others that we also place there for ourselves.

When we think that we are getting away with something, no matter what it is, and things, good or bad, start happening for us and in our lives, we see the magic that is our own power at work in our lives. If we think that we are good enough for something, for anything, but the symbol of that one thing that we know we want is something that pisses us off, we have the right, the power, and even the Kuleana (responsibility) to see to it that we involve ourselves in that energy that tells us that what hurts right now will not hurt forever because in the right actions that we do now are the seeds of what is good or bad and in our future. If we want to exact revenge on someone for something that happened a long time ago, whatever it is that we see with our own inner vision is what is also going to happen to us. This is not my rule. This is something that we have lived with for as long as humans have lived and breathed, the idea of  “what ye sow, so shall ye reap,” and that is a very real thing.

When I chose to no longer live by the whims of the ego and chose to delve deeper to that part of me that hurt so badly for so long, rather than handle things how I had in the past, which was to get really mad, get on my keyboard and start shit with people and then ultimately see these people and start shit with them face to face, I found out that all of the things that hurt me so bad were gone and that I could not live in the past with all of its pain and all of the Karma that I had helped these people create with me.

When I chose no longer to hurt, to no longer blame someone else for that hurt, and when I chose to not look at what I heard versus what I might not have been looking at or had been paying attention to, I figured out that the catalyst for my hurt was over a long time before, but that the only one who was still living in that energy was me. The people who had hurt me had moved on, but I still had that knot of pain in me and I really wanted them to feel it, too.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was me who held me at that point, and me who held on to things that I did not need to, and while I was in control, I was allowing what they had said or done to make me believe that I had no control. This is where the foolishness begins – when we believe that we have no control, and really, we have none over other people, but we have it in abundance with ourselves.  When we finally can accept that maybe what we have been doing this whole time has actually been hurting us more than has the memory is when the healing begins.

When we choose to no longer hurt through our hurting other people, we begin to heal, and we are better able to accept where we have been and we can finally see why it is that we hurt so badly, all on account of something that we can no longer do a thing about, because it has already happened and that alone is the biggest indicator that we are no longer in control of certain things, of certain situations and most of all, that we have never really been in control of other people and that we have allowed ourselves to be out of control with ourselves.

Our biggest indicator that we have come to the point where we are now out of control of and with ourselves is when we feel like everything in our lives revolves around our making someone else, or more than only one person, miserable, like they owe us something or that somehow, we are the ones who have the right to make them miserable. This is what has been, will remain to, will never NOT keep a person bound by the energy that they hate, but that they also are the ones who are creating. If you hurt, it is not up to you to make anyone else hurt – it is up to you to make YOU not hurt, through the kindest means that a person can think to, so that you never ever have to live with that feeling again. This is the real shit right here, folks, the ability to rise above what has happened to us and in our lives. This is the thing that divides us from the animals – our “only mammal on the planet” ability to think and to reason. No other creature on this planet can do it – only us humans.

Which makes me wonder why it is that anyone at all would not ask themselves once in a while if what they are doing is really doing more than just making things worse on themselves, because the reality is that this will pass, and the other people will go on about living their lives, and those who walk around with a pounding thought of revenge in their heads?

They get to walk around letting whatever someone else did, or said, or didn’t say or didn’t do, probably a long, long time ago, be what is in control of them and of themselves. The leash that is control over others is not a leash that we should be too proud, eager, even inclined to keep hold of, for the simple fact that that which you tie yourselves to (pain, hurt, anger, etc) you really DO bind yourself to that energy, and that alone is enough to not allow anything good and that would bring us joy and would not bring anyone else further bullshit to their lives.

That alone – the idea that our controlling someone else actually has them in control of us – should be well enough for ANYONE to just simply let go and see how much nicer and more abundant life can be. All you have to do is LET IT GO and you will be just fine…

I Love You All !



MEDICINE DANCE coming soon to Lulu.com

In the meantime, please visit RandyJayBraun.com to see his collection “Women of Hula”



The Spider’s Web called Lying

If anyone at all believes that they can get away with being dishonest, I have news for you…especially when that dishonesty and the things which happen afterwards come to fruition. Once the ball of deceit turns into a big fat mess, there is nothing one can do to avoid the Karma that maybe they did not intend on, but is surely the only thing that they CAN count on being true and absolute…and hell yes – coming right for them.


I have a bitch to pitch today, so please forgive me if I happen to get a whole lot mouthier than I normally can be. I make no secret of the fact that my life’s work and my purpose in this lifetime as well as the mission it is tied to is all about helping victims become survivors. I, myself, was my own first client. In the work that I do that is not the same as almost anyone else’s way of dealing with this very terrible social issue called Domestic Abuse, I make it not only a practice of being there for the ones who will eventually call themselves a survivor, but also to the person who has allegedly abused them. I do it this way for a reason. Please keep reading.

As the stomach turns

You can imagine how it makes my stomach turn when I am met up with anyone at all who will tell me their truth about how they became a victim of the most heinous thing that anyone can go through in couplehood, and the reason that it is heinous is NOT because of the possibility of things becoming physically violent only, but more, because voluntarily, we trust them. The reason my stomach turns is because, while it does not happen a whole lot, it does happen, the chance that I will, at any given time at all, become the lesson for someone who has lied about being abused and only so that they could get their way after they did not end up someone’s victim. Sometimes getting their way is the only thing that they can see, and most of the time, these same said vultures – normally another woman- see it as making things even with the person who they accused, falsely, of being abusive to them.

Let me tell you something, people – I am not one who takes lightly the idea that someone has been abused, and I am the first person who comes dearly unglued about it when I do find out it has happened. I am the first one to take an abused person’s words as truth, because really, I have been lied to SO much over so long a time by the person who abused me that it is hard for people to be able to get away with a lie where I am who is listening.

There is the other side of that accusation, the side which is the lies told about the things that anyone has gone through and turn out to be not the truth, at all – and this is the side that makes me more mad, because it is the side where the lies told by these Truth Harlots have made it so that the person they are pissed at has to pay for sins they (the wrongly accused) did not commit.

I won’t lie -it makes me mad because I really have been beaten, have been abused, and I know very well, because of these things, when I am being told a lie, and when I am being told the truth, and it doesn’t matter, because being what and who I am, I never do not know when I am being lied to. I ALWAYS know when I am being lied to, eventually, and normally it is not but within days, at most, that the Universe tells me that I am right – I have been told an untruth.

…and there is no one who does not know me well who also does not know that this is factual. While I might not key into it right away (I still am comprised of flesh and blood, folks…), make no…NO mistake – I ALWAYS find out, because yeah…me and the Goddess, the ‘Aumakua, the Angels…we are tight like that. I never don’t know.

Yet, there are some people on this planet who, for whatever stupid reason they may or may not have, for whatever reality it is that they want to believe they are creating for themselves, do not realize that the more that they lie and the more that those lies are said, written, thought out, told to others, kept quiet on the astral, and that we know, for sure and for real, are the furthest thing from the truth – those are the very lies that NEVER EVER DO NOT COME BACK TO US. Reread that – this is the truth, people. When we lie, and NAMELY when we lie in order to cause pain for another person and more so when we even have the thought in our heads that somehow, from their pain, we will garner ANYTHING at all, even if it is the thought in our heads that somehow we have won….well, no, you have not.

No you have not…won, that is

Oh how I so love this current energy, where Aries, the god of war and who is ruled by Mars, which is the planet which represents confrontation on all fronts, because over time, and because I have had to go through being a victim, I know what it means to have all the wit and wisdom that someone who has been where I have been in life and which were brought to me through battles of wits.

I know what it is like to have to crawl out from beneath the pain and the weight of the lies. I know what it is like to not know when someone else is telling the truth (and some people have no idea what the truth really is because they are so busy trying to cover up their own lies and bullshit that they would not recognize the truth if they were bitch-slapped with it). I know what it is like to have to battle constantly with someone who does not know how to deal with things thought as being truthful – or in a truthful manner, because they stay quietly comfortable in their own little world, a world which only the lies they have told and have been living are their truth. They are only the truth because one sorry son-of-a-bitch has chosen to believe them, and normally that sorry douche-bag is the one who has told the lies.

I said it, so deal with it.

Yes, I am very angry right now. I have been working with abuse survivors for YEARS, and it is not often, thankfully, that I will happen upon someone who has either been the liar or has been lied about. Most of the time, the victims only want to be soothed of their pain. Most of the time, once the fun of talking a good game about what they would like to see happen has come and gone and reality has come back to them, these victims come back to who they really are and realize they do not have to be as hostile as that.

Then there are the ones who lie about it, and it is for those who would do so, those who are reading this now and thinking that I am somehow off my rocker when I say what I say here, and perhaps thinking that they will continue to get away with the things that they say, that their target will always be their victim…I’ve got news for you, folks. You aren’t getting away with anything, and more than that, you are only making things worse and worse for yourselves. You might think that you have gotten away with stuff, but the truth is that all you have really done is shown the world, through that one thing that you said, who you are for real, and who you are for real is someone who does not know who you are, for real, but you want the world to think that the person who you have lied about somehow is really what you say, and maybe continue to say, about them.

You have the right to say whatever you want, but know now that once the untruths have happened, you cannot take back what you have set forth. The Universe does not see the lie, but it knows the energy behind it and if the energy behind it doesn’t match the words being said, the energy behind it, while it waits there, will just get bigger. This is because of one thing – while you are a lying sack of crap, you are still a flesh and blood human, thereby making you what is also like me – an energetic being. You see, the entirety of all of mankind runs on energy, the kind that is etheric and the kind that cannot be changed unless we choose to change it.

For those whose brains cannot comprehend this…etheric…thing I write much about, the simplest way to say it is that what you are saying, when it does not match the emotionality behind it and that energy behind it is stronger, which, when we are full of crap it is ALWAYS bigger (takes more energy to be a dirty lying douche bag creep than it does to be truthful – this is not my rule, but that of the Universe). It is bigger because we have to expend that much more energy, not only to come up with the energy to have the balls to tell such lies, but more, energy to keep said lies from being revealed as such. You might think that you have gotten away with something, and you might have even seen evidence that you are powerful in a way that you think is good, but it is not. In fact, really, what you have made certain is that whatever it is that you have put ANYONE AT ALL else through – well, baby dolls, you are GOING TO GO THROUGH SOMETHING LIKE IT…perhaps the exact same thing…

…or, in terms only a mental midget with a for rent sign between their ears can understand – whatever it was that you lied about will happen to you. Again…not my rule, but that of the larger and grand Universe. NOTHING at all…no debt…no karma that you have created…goes unpaid. The Universe is the ultimate debt collector.

You will pay for your bullshit – I Promise. This is not a threat, this is a promise. What you have created for you through your lies is nothing short of brilliant in terms of being a human manipulation machine, but in terms of human being, you haven’t  a clue how to be one yet, let alone a good one, and at this time, I am busy telling you, oh Overlord of Douche-land, that you are only halfway to your own circle coming full, and really, the rest of us can’t wait to sit back and watch it all.

Whatever it is that you have said, done, manipulated anyone else to believe, you are going to have to go through that, too. Whatever it is hat has been the wish of your very middle Soul, and that which, through lies, brought another person to their knees (but hopefully those someones realize that they are not meant to be there so, please…get the hell up already), took away everything that the person who lied intended for their target to lose – please, cupcakes…don’t get too very attached to everything you see in your awareness right now, yup – even actually people – because everything that you know was not the truth and which caused anyone else at all to lose…well, dolls, that debt has to be paid, and it will be paid, and if you are the person who breathed life into the lies that caused havoc for ANYONE else at all…you, too, will have to experience those VERY same energies.

There is no lie about whatever it is that you have set out into motion into the Universe, that somehow, if it hurt someone else, you have gotten away with something. Okay, sure…you have gotten away with being an asshole, and you have gotten away with perhaps hurting more than only your intended target, and you have gotten away with things that you know you should not have…please, do not think for a moment that you are free of the debt, because you are so, so, so assuredly not. In fact, it is exactly the Universe’s…as well as The Mother Goddess’ – way, to do as I am sure you have, taking her time, as you have, to stretch the pain out. Only this time, the pain is yours, and you are going to go through that pain, and you have nothing to do, or say, about it, because you know you are wrong.

So, too, does the Goddess.

You know you are wrong in that, someone paid the price for your spoiled sorry ass. You know you are wrong in that, if you tell your story to someone like me – someone who has actually been wronged through domestic abuse – and you lied to anyone about it happening (and it didn’t), it isn’t your intended target of abuses, of lies and of your own sense of lack and the idea that you feel you are entitled to whatever it is that you have done…I PROMISE YOU, that as you stand there, laughing, sometimes defiantly, sometimes wickedly, and sometimes, like a fool...the only thing that you are doing, really, is making that energy that much more pure and that much more directed at your very sorry ass self.

So, if you see yourself in the part of this writing that is not that great, that is NOT me telling you that you are a piece of shit (not even good enough to be a whole shit…how sad is that?), but that is indeed your soul begging for you to just drop it – drop the damned act already. The weight of the lies and the things that you have to do is so heavy that your soul is wanting out.

So, stop being a piece of shit already…let go, and do it sooner than later, because Karma is like inflation – gets bigger as time goes by.

Up to you, really….you might think you somehow have won, but really, you know better. I have said it before, and I cannot believe I am repeating myself now.

My friend Kim has a saying, and it is that, if you have to tell people that you are cute, you’re probably not. Same thing goes for those morons who think they can lie, hurt people and get away with it…if you have to tell people that you are that good at being full of shit, the Universe is going to have Her way with you…and while you might be very well and good at being full of shit, at lying and getting away with things, the one thing you are not good at, at least in terms that the Universe dictates, is getting away with not paying up your Karmic Debt.

The truth is something that many people need to learn, if for nothing more than their own sense of sanity…that’s right…the more you lie, the more you have to keep up with all the lies, and the more your brain will just go plum nutty over it all, if it hasn’t already…

If you cannot stop being full of crap, at least be proper enough to not talk when other people are around. You might hurt them and even wreck their lives.

All good…that’s what light workers like me are here for…to unfuck what a world full of lying assholes has fucked up

…mouthier…told ya so hahaha….

I Love You All!



(Photo credit for the cover of “Medicine Dance,” is by Randy Jay Braun from the “Women of Hula” collection at RandyJayBraun.com)

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