Dreaming of Dragons

dragon_04

The dreams that we dream while asleep are more about ourselves than what is presented to us in them that we might think is the representation of someone else.

I speak much of dragons. I happen to think they are some of the very coolest ethereal beings that all of us have seen in pictures. However, there are the dragons which, to a lot of people, of late and most recently, my very self, are the very ones that we will run from rather than face and deal with.

My own dragon was that of abandonment. My own fears of being left alone and all by myself have been the very same things that the entirety of what I thought was my safety for so many years and well, folks, let me tell you this much – I still have the same fears, and I still have the same hurts, and I still have the everything that I have always had, except for that now, at least within myself, I know that my own dragon does not present a threat to me anymore. 

When I was a child, and until just a few days ago – maybe a week now – I dreamed about a dragon that looks much like the one in the picture you see. In my dreams at night, and when I would see this particular creature, I could see myself as the self that I am at that time, at that age…that is, until these few days ago.

I have issues with abandonment. It comes from being emotionally abandoned my entire life. It comes from people not allowing me to say what I have had to say for a long time, to anyone at all, and that, right there, causes the issue to be deeper, the wound to be harder to deal with, the time to heal from it very, very scathing. I could sit here and tell you all about everything that caused this for me, and I could sit here and tell you all why it is that this time, this particular feeling of abandonment …well, it really, really sucks and is painful, all the way down to the very bones of my soul.

…no, really. It hurts.

However

Ahhhh…there is the forgiving nature of the word, “however,” and all of its openness, and all of its freedom giving “maybes.”

The thing that I did not know about, until, last night, through the forgiving maybe one hour of sleep I got, came to me in a dream. When I sleep, I know that I dream, but I do not recall them. Some of them are too scary to recall, and that is why lots of us cannot recall them. The dream-state, you see, is one of those places where we fix things and where it is that we are shown what needs to be fixed in us. This is not my rule. This has never been my rule. This is the way these things work.

Very rarely is it that what we see in the dreams we go to at night as being anyone but ourselves. In fact, when we dream, what we see there, or perhaps what we fear in our waking hours, has not one thing to do with what it is that we see, and more importantly, who we think those things represent.

Let me go to that side of myself that teaches, and allow me a moment to go completely behavioral science geek girl on you, and tell you that really, the things that we are seeing while we sleep, the things that we think want to eat us alive and that are represented as our fears in tangibly lived life, are not what, and more importantly, who, we think they are. In fact, again, what we see there are all pieces of our selves and lots of the times, those pieces are the pieces that we have denied for so long and have not wanted to look at for many years, because contained within that acknowledgement are the things which we think can be fixed with something outside of ourselves.

This is not the case. This will never be the case, because always, like actual humans are meant to learn, while it is that we are all self-centered, and while it is that it is, in the tangible sense, not a good thing, when it comes to our own healing and how we get there, it is the greatest thing of all because addressing those things and the need to address them come to us through that energy, even though we don’t want them to. We don’t want them to because we do not want to face them on our own, without help, and in what we see as our present state of abandonment.

Abandonment can mean many things, does not always have to be a bad thing and in some cases can actually heal a person. Right this moment, I am not that person, even though I am the person who has tamed that damned dragon to become the lizard on the wall that I have kept myself surrounded by, not realizing that, all this time, I was scrutinizing the dragon for being something that would eat me alive rather than something that was no longer there, meaning that it could no longer exist as it was.  The only thing that it can serve as now is a tool which can be used to bury said memory of said dragon.

What we see there in our dreams are symbols of the things that we fear the most, that we want to hide ourselves from, that we do not want to consume us, that we think we are not ready to face. Our memories store these fears, and our waking lives give us meaning to those fears. What we fear is not the actual thing, but what we think the actual thing represents. Where it is that someone from the past has hurt us, we also store there the memory of the hurt, which brings to us in the present time the thing that, in other people, might remind us of those past hurts but, at the same time, is not the same thing, meaning that the hurt is not the same as the one from the past.

BUT...it DOES mean that within us is that fear of that one thing, and that one thing that keeps revisiting us needs to be addressed.  What it means is that we can keep on running from that one thing, but it will always and also be the only thing that we have to run to when we are also running from the reason that it exists.

While we fear our own personal dragons, there are a whole lot of us who run to that dragon because we feel that if that damned dragon scares the shit out of us, imagine what it will do to someone else! The one thing that we don’t think about in all of this chasing the dragon on someone else is that, no matter what, unless we face it, we will always fear it, and if we fear it, the things that we see in our waking lives and that we do not want to look at will always be scary to us.

It is not the abandonment that I have feared, but the things that cause people and that live within them that make them go away from my life in the capacity that they had always been there. There is nothing inside of any one of us that is the responsibility of someone else, namely not the things that we are scared of. It is not someone else’s to deal with, this dragon of mine. It indeed is mine. It is not for someone else to look at and decide what I need to do with it. That, too, is mine. It is not for me to expect anyone else to understand why it is that I kept the thing that I feared the most at the end of a fraying rope that became unraveled right when it was meant to, and it is not for me to give the rope to someone else to tame the dragon for me. All of this, and everything symbolically represented to me, in dreams, in messages from the Goddess that come in the form of repeating numbers, through people who will shut me out to shut me up…all of these things represent my dragon.

Addressing the Dragon

For too many years, I addressed my own dragon as “fear of abandonment.”

Right now, though, the dragon has no name, because I cannot keep an untamed dragon for a pet, at least not the dragon who has, for the bulk of my almost 45 years on this planet and in this lifetime, been named just that. I cannot lie about it – I am still terrified of being left alone, of never again being who I am in the lives of certain other people. I cannot lie and say that I am okay with it, any of it, and will not lie and tell anyone that I did not have a hand in it. It takes more than only one scary and untamed dragon to threaten what could become the cage in which the dragon can be kept and called a pet.

My dragon, though, while still a bit untamed, knows that I am not going to deal with its crap for much longer. My dragon, just like my dog did at one time, hates the leash that I keep it on, because my dragon wants to roam the field of my life free, wild and untamed, but what my personal dream dragon doesn’t realize is that the only free, wild and untamed thing that will roam the personal trails of my own life’s path is me.

It doesn’t mean that the dragon won’t accompany me, it just means that the dragon will not be able to harm me anymore, and that I am the one who keep the dragon in check.

My dragon…

I think I’ll call him Norm

I Love You All

ROX

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About ReverendRoxie22

Visit my website! www.reverendroxie22.wix.com/losangeleskahuna View all posts by ReverendRoxie22

2 responses to “Dreaming of Dragons

  • Karen Sutherland

    dear Rev. Roxie,

    I stumbled upon this site via Sarah T’s blog. I want to share with you something that helped my Beloved Husband and me get through having cancer at the same time (both incurable), and then when he died unexpectedly, while we were both in remission, silently slipping the bonds of this earth laying right next to me while I was sleeping.

    from his Book on Sadness, the poet, Rainer Maria Rilke wrote:

    “What if all the Dragons in our lives are really Princesses, waiting to see us both Beautiful and Brave?”

    I hope you like it, and that some small spark coming from these words ignites your soul as it has mine.

    much Love,

    Karen OXO

    • ReverendRoxie22

      Karen…thank you so very much for sharing.

      My love and aloha to you, in the absence of your beloved. I am not sure how I would be able to deal with it.

      It is those things which frighten us to our core that are also the things that make us see us for who and what we really and truly are. We are not afraid, we only think we are afraid. We are not weak, we have only been told we are weak.

      We are not anything, at all, that anyone, at all, in this lifetime, in any lifetime, would tell us that we are, and one of those things which I found out most recently as of a week ago, is that I am braver than I give myself credit for being, much as we all are.

      Indeed, what IF those dragons are really the thing which bring us beauty? It should make perfect sense that this is the very truth.

      I just recently wrote another piece of writing, about a beautiful woman who taught me, as well as all of her grand-kids, specifically we who are her grand-daughters, that if there is anything that we need to be in this lifetime, it is not only strong, but equally as brave. You can read it by going to the “…just Rox…” blog. It is titled “Strong and Brave,” and is about my Tutu-Lady, who passed a few days ago onto the other side of the Veil of Consciousness.

      Thank you, again, for the reminder that the dragons are only scary until we realize that they, indeed, are our dragons…

      Mine’s name is Norm haha

      Aloha…mahalo…ROX

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