Tag Archives: trust

The Exchange of Integrity

Money changing hands The Mana'o Blog July 1

Integrity is that thing that we exchange with others at all times. Integrity is also the thing that many tend to let go of when it is that life gets in the way.

Integrity…

Integrity is that thing, I am finding, by right of my own words to a very important person, that I have a whole lot of. You see, the person who inspired this writing, which would be the third one of its kind within a week’s time, gave me, without knowing that they gave me, a challenge and the sort of challenge that I cannot deny. The challenge did not directly come from them. The challenge came from the thing that I was told, this time for the second time, and this time it is nothing that I am not taking seriously, much as I have any other time. Every time, though, when it happens that I see what I see and know what I know is the truth, I find out a whole lot about people in the lives of others who like to say they will do one thing, and end up doing the other thing, and this makes us feel really badly about who we are, simply because the thing that we trusted someone else with has become the symbol of things that hurt us.

Those things hurt us because most of the time those others have been told that maybe what we are doing is not indicative of who we are, and if we are being in the energy that carries less integrity than that which we are living in for and with ourselves, and that energy belongs to someone else, then it is at that time that we need to ask ourselves a whole lot of questions. In my case, the only one that I can ask, in terms of the thing that I am writing about and the thing that caused me to have this inspiration is the idea that when someone entrusts anyone else at all with something that they know carries meaning for anyone, it is wise to hang on to the energy that is the truth that anyone else had in us at one time.

Let it be well known right now that there are not a whole lot of people on this planet who I trust very much, and when it is that someone who I considered trustworthy has proven me otherwise, namely since it is that this person has known me long enough to know, too, that anyone who I bring to their lives with the intention of helping someone else to get what they want to get going, going, and the other person who has entered into anyone’s life by merit of their knowing me, and that person fails to live up to their end of things, I have a problem with it.

I have such a problem with it that today, for the third time this week, I am here, again, writing this blog and I am here, again, trying hard to not feel like I am drowning in my own fear, in my own depths and in my own anger that has become a sadness with a thickness like that of dense cheesecake. My sadness is for a lot of reasons, but in this instance, as I have told those who are still those who I trust, but right now, that sadness is because again, and within a short time, I am cutting ties with someone who I thought was a friend and who I trusted with anything at all, but namely their word.

The words that we speak and write are all we really have. When it is that we say anything to anyone at all, we have to take care that what we say is the truth, and what we say is meant to clarify anything to anyone else. What we are doing in that clarification is simple – we are mapping our expectations. When a transaction of any kind at all takes place, there is a certain expectation of things to happen. Let’s take money, for instance. When we are given the opportunity to make a few dollars doing the thing that we love to do the most, and when it is that an agreement has been made between two or more people in terms of that money or that exchange, all involved are expected, whether it is a signature on a document, or a handshake, or an email, or even a text or phone conversation…all parties, at that moment, are agreeing to the terms of the thing being talked about, meaning that all parties are willingly doing what they all promised that they would.

The reason that I am using money as my example, even as money, while it is important, is not the very most important thing to me, because to me it is simply a tool to get things done, is because everyone knows what money can do to people.

Money and integrity

I understand that there is a lot going on in the planetary climes right now, and that a lot of the things that we held true and as ours are slowly finding their way away from us. I am not different. Just yesterday I had to face the fact that my knee was telling me, again, that I need to just put my hula aside for a bit, and do what I do better than that – write, and research. It has become the only thing that I can turn to in terms of my own and self-imposed therapy. There is no better way for a person who has been called stupid her whole life to prove that one thing different than being the person who makes that thought in my own head no longer valid. I could easily just do something related to hula, but in doing so, all I will end up doing is bring more harm to myself. If there is anyone who does not need more emotional self harm, it is me.

I could sell out, and work with another one of those per word websites, but, that will only make me mad because I know that my words are of value to people. I have been told so. I could sell out, and get help to write web content for other weirdos, but, then I have to believe in the things that I am writing on their behalf, and there is no guarantee that I am going to be paid what I know that I am worth in terms of what I can write, what I do write, and the organic manner that is the writing that I have always done, which is straight from the soul and directly into the eyes that those words are meant for. I could do a lot of things, and yes…I am willing to state now that I am not as good as a lot of writers are, and this is the thing that I believe because the simple fact is that I do not get paid to write, at least not like I did at one time, and only because I will not sell out and take orders from people who are only looking for hits to their websites.

I might be strangling myself in being this way, but this is the way that I do things – with integrity. And I cannot be any other way. I have never been any way but this way. I might do a lot of things that a lot of “saner” people would never do, but the bottom line is that I remain with my integrity, no matter what, and under no circumstances will I allow myself to lower my standards. There are people who want to believe that I have lowered myself to what they want to believe is a level of lowered that only they can see and is about them in certain ways, but even in that thought they are incorrect – I do not see bad things in others if those bad things are not backed up with a certain level of intention. When I see that people are doing things that are going against the thing that they have agreed to, I am automatically seeing what is their intention.

Integrity and Intention

Our integrity is something that we cultivate on our own and without any help. It is brought to us by means of others who have almost no integrity. We learn who we are and who we are not, not only to others but to ourselves, through the level of integrity that others have and are willingly displaying to us through their words and their actions that they show to us. I have been shown my own level of integrity in terms of who I am, and I KNOW that I have not let myself down, meaning that I know, too, that I have not let anyone else down, namely those who are closest to me.

However, those who I thought I might be able to trust with my …trust in them…has been cracked, and in that cracking I have found that I have been duped and that the thing that will be told to me, even though I am not hearing any of it, is just these others trying hard to get around the idea that somehow, their lives are so harsh on them, that they allowed something to slip their mind, for a long time, and that they already know what it was that was so crucial to anyone else that the agreement be kept confidential, as well as said same agreement be kept, period. The reason that the agreement needed to be kept is not just the part that was the representative of the integrity – money – but the truth of the person with whom anyone would make any agreement with. Let it be known now that whenever someone makes an agreement with anyone else, that what you are exchanging is NOT tangible things, but, trust.

Trust is built upon the integrity of others

I am saying it, so deal with it – if you have been operating at less than your own self-set level of integrity, and with my assuming that your own level is as high as it ought to be, then you are not only robbing others of your own self-set goodness, but you are also robbing your damned self of it. When agreements are not kept by all sides, it makes us feel like we somehow are going to lose everything, just because one or more persons have chosen to deal with their own …less than high level of integrity that they expect others, or maybe don’t expect others to have. This is the reality that right at this moment, is mine and this is the reality that lots of people have brought to me not just in the past, but in the recent past, and this is the reality that starts a snowball effect of everything else going wrong in the lives of those whose integrity IS what it is supposed to be (and ought to be) at all times.

What this means is that say you borrowed something from someone. Let’s use clothing for this example – you borrow something that means a whole lot to someone else. You beg that person to please return your item by a specified time, and you trust this person to at least bring it back within a day or two, expecting that like all human beings, the person who is borrowing the dress to at least return it within a respectable amount of time to you.

One day, you are invited to an event that calls for something decently dressy. You call the person who borrowed the item, and they are not able to be reached, by phone, by text, and they do not respond to your emails, either. The event you have been invited to is a fundraiser, and it calls that you wear something demurely smashing, and you call the person again, and again…still, no answer.

And now, you are pissed. (OK I was pissed…keep reading…)

You think that this person has become like all others, and soon you are lumping all others into this pile of others who have less than an acceptable level of integrity. Finally, on the day of this event, you get the dress back. Not only is the dress NOT clean, there are food and wine stains on it, and the person who borrowed it is coming up with all kinds of excuses as to why they did not bring the item back, and they even have the very nerve to have an attitude with you.

Here you were, waiting all this time, knowing that you would have given back that dress in at least the same shape that you borrowed it in, and you are now upset that this person who called themselves a “good friend” has brought this item to you in the manner that they did, with the attitude that they did, and at that moment, you do not realize that you have been shown their truth.

You know it is their truth, but you do not want to believe that it is their truth. You want to see that person in the manner that you would see a stranger, because that is, in that moment, what that person becomes to you. You have experienced the truth of someone else, in this manner, and it is believable and only because the manner in which the other person has brought to you the thing that they think is the truth of you – that you would be cool with it if they didn’t bring your item back to you just the same way it was when you loaned it to them. This was not only them exposing their own truth about themselves, but also will cause any thinking human being without cause to believe otherwise (meaning that at least a return phone call or an email regarding the dress would have at least made the reason for the late return believable) that they were living up to the level of integrity that they always showed you.

Just because someone says something, unless it is that the things that they have said otherwise would tell you not to loan that dress to them, when it is loaned to them, it is you having your experience with them as the thing that caused you to borrow the dress. You wanted to believe your friend, wanted to believe that the words they told you were the truth, wanted to make certain that on both ends, you were both covered. And you did your part – you did exactly what you said you would do, and you loaned your friend that dress, which was one of your most favored ones, and you gave that friend the respect that you have always afforded them.

Then, they did not return the dress. And now you are looking at the dress in its nasty, dirty, stained and B.O. smelling state, and all you can think about at that point and after you have gone through the anger, is why it is that someone you trusted with something so valued by you would return something to you in the shape they did, having the shitty attitude they had, and expecting you to understand why they ended up being the shitty person who they were to you in returning the dress in the manner that they returned it. They gave you every excuse they could, and did not think one moment about why it is that you needed that dress back. You don’t even know why you needed it back, given that you have a closet full of dresses that could be worn to that fancy-shmancy shindig.

The reason…

The reason is simple – we know who we are, and we know that for the most part, we are who we hang with. This lends to the thing that is really bothering me and the thing that is not going to be mentioned here. Those who need to know about the exchange that I am writing about already know.

The reason why it is that anyone will do things in the manner that are less than filled with integrity is because those who are less than filled with integrity are learning that if you operate below the level of the initial exchange, and you operate in the manner that is only about your own self, without regard to what others are also going through, and you choose to do like you have in the past and disregard that perhaps what was needed was that the agreement be seen to and that the transactions be known for what they are, in black and white, so that there is a very high level of clarity.

That anyone will entrust another person with the things that they have to offer and are tangible is one thing, but, to believe that those with whom we make any agreements with are not going to mind very much if we do less than what was agreed to is believing that there truly IS beach-property in Arizona, and that dolphins can be seen frolicking in the dry lakes after a downpour in Death Valley – meaning that you are fooling yourself if you think that the person or persons who you have made any agreements with, even if they are assumed agreements and ones that are clarified at some point, and they are agreements that you looked someone else in the eye and made, and you, yourself, were not in the middle of a pot of shit soup that life threw at you…

…I have beach front property in Kingman, Arizona….

(Ummm…no…no I do not….that would be a lie….I do not lie…)

If you want other people to live up to the standard of integrity that you know you operate at, demand it, even silently. Become that loud voice, the one that rings only in the thoughts and the halls of people who need to feel badly, even though they obviously don’t, for real, about the way that they would assume anyone would be “cool with it” if an agreement has not been kept. Agreements are not only those things that we deal with in business, but also in life. When someone is depending on your integrity to make the words that you speak become the actual truth, it means that they have entrusted you to keep your word and to live up to what you were entrusted with…

…which is not those who you want understanding why it is that you have nothing but excuses (because even silence is very telling), even though you have the means to return a dress, or return borrowed money, but you actually telling them what you think of them, and what you think of you. If you have no issues that are truly pressing right this moment, and you know that you have the means to return the proverbial dress, then fucking do it already…

Your integrity is already showing, because of the silence…

(I really loved that dress…)

#LosAngelesKahuna

#TheCrabAndTheFish

 

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Trust and the Sixth Sense

O_Roberts Scandal Manao Blog pic

Trusting in one’s own self is a challenge if we have been told all of our lives that we should trust other people and their own “stuff” and to not trust our selves to have our own best interest at both heart and soul

When it comes to things strange and unbelievable, I am pro at it. I believe in things that most folks do not believe, at least on top of things, exist.

I was taught in church as a child that the only things that exist are the things that we can sense with our 5 physical human senses. We are more than only each of our own five sense, more than only these primal beings who, for the most part, are not but like the animals which we hold dominion over.

The things that we are more inclined to basically hand off to someone else, things like responsibility for how we feel, the actions we take and which affect the lives of others,  are the very things that we are handed as the things that we need in order to sharpen our own senses.

In that sharpening, we find out that we actually have six senses, but also, once it is that we find out what we can do with that sixth sense, we become afraid.

Fear causes us to not trust ourselves

Think back to when you were a kid, and if it applies, being that same kid sitting in church on a Sunday. Think about the sermon, and the music that you heard being sung, and think about the message that was delivered, versus the message that you got. Now, think about, also, the way that the messages were all delivered to you and how you, as that child, that same child who is now the adult and who cannot trust anyone or anything, and sadly, you also do not trust you, relate to the things that your were told to believe as your truth.

Recall, some of you, being that child, and growing into the adult you are now, and how it was that the things that you were told were the truth somehow do not make sense to you now, and how it is that perhaps even as that same child, in your soul, you questioned what you were being told and taught, and mostly, the thing that you questioned the very most is if what you were being taught and told, while it might have been anyone else’s truth, it was anything but the truth to you.

Basically, while you sat in those pews, all that time, you were being told what you are allowed to believe as the truth, and that is because in teaching you someone else’s truth, and making you believe it was THE truth by scaring you into going to hell if you did not believe it, was the only way that the people telling you this could validate what it was and is that maybe they, themselves, never bought as being truth. This means that you are not the only one who was force fed what was someone else’s truth. This means that you were taught to not trust you, but instead to trust the people who, by virtue of being on the planet longer than you, were also taught the same things, by the same sort of people, in the same manner – by use of a truth that was only made valid because a guy in a suit with an ordination said so, and had that black book to back his shit up with.

A few reasons why it may feel strange to trust you

You do not trust you because you have been taught that you have to trust only things and people that are outside of yourself, and you do not trust you because of all the messages that you were forced to listen to and more than that, forced to deal with hearing that if you heeded your own voice and trusted your own voice and self, that big scary God who everyone seemed more to fear his retribution than this…unconditional love…that you were told was the truth of this God, would “get” you.

This was the tactic which was used with me, my brother and sister, but when it came to me, it was almost as though somehow, my parents knew a long time ago that of the three of us, I would be the one to wander from what it was that I was taught in church. They knew then what it took me years to not only figure out, but to accept – I do not like being told a thing. I will not be told what to do. I will not be made to fear anything that I am supposed to trust. I was taught that my own human brain was not enough to make it through this lifetime, that I needed to depend on something outside of myself…which, duh…I do that…but, that which I depend on is NOT tangible, but is comprised only of Love and Spirit. When you are raised to label things, “Spirit” is not recognizable to a lot of people who have been told that Spirit does not exist.

To a lot of people, “Spirit” is the devil, because there is only one God, and that one God according to a lot of unenlightened people is the rule of law.

No thank you.

It is scary trusting one’s own self when you have been taught not to trust anything you came up with on your own

I have no issues with religion. Let us get that much straight right now. I have no issues if others want to share what is their belief with me, and in kind, others should not have issues with me being a very rapt audience because part of my work in this lifetime has a lot to do with deprogramming of the beliefs regarding powerful and titled people, so that said people can maintain what are their beliefs, all while also maintaining their own level of self-trust, which is the very self-trust that too many organized religions, for years, used to tell people that we are not to trust ourselves.

The issue with trusting one’s own self, namely when one has not been taught anything other than the opposite of that, and mainly when what has been taught and the underlying message of what has been taught is basically that other people, mostly people who others perceive as somehow powerful, and more so than we are, are smarter than we are, other people know better what is good for us, and we have been taught anything but being free within our own set of beliefs.

We are taught to be the opposite, to conform to what the rest of the world tells us is the truth, but it is a truth that, while it might well be the truth, generally speaking, there is an entire other set of truths that we are taught, from a very young age, that we must believe. And we are told that we must believe it because some guy in an expensive suit and who stands behind a pulpit is the be all end all of truth.

Ummm…no…no he is not. I know that he is not, because the person who used to be that minister, the minister who would tell people, because he was told by his own minister, as a child, that we are not meant to trust our instincts…was my father.

This does not mean that he was not, by and large, telling the truth, because he was telling his congregants what were his truths. And in actuality, my dad was not the sort of preacher who would get in front of the congregation and tell everyone that they were going to go to hell. That seemed to be the bastion of my mother’s own means of keeping “the flock” in line, or at least the flock’s kids, that is. Where it was and is that most preachers shout it out from the pulpit, standing there whilst the crowd of people watch them adoringly, my own father was the sort of minister who would not stand in front behind the pulpit, because he much preferred to be able to move about the classroom.

While this has nothing to do, really, with a lot of what is being written here, the one thing that it tells you is that, even ministers of the good, born again sort, some of them break free of what is told to them to be protocol. Protocol for some of these guys is that their congregants worship the guy in the suit. They follow the lead of the herd, not realizing that it is okay to be the black sheep, not realizing that the reason that a lot of people anymore these days seem to be lost, and the reason that they are lost is because they have not yet literally found their very own personal way of believing anything.

You have been taught to not trust you, and believed it was the truth of you to do so

If there is one thing that I teach my own students first, and that is the very most important thing of all, it is to trust their own selves.

What this means is that, whatever it is that you are thinking that is about you and only you, even in regards to communicating with anyone else at all, the one person who we each are not able to lie to and fully believe the lies are our very selves. We have been taught to fear an invisible God, but have no proof that we should. This is not truthful. It is anything but truthful. The way that ANY person who is chosen by Spirit to …well, yeah…do what it is that I do for my job – the way that any cleric should be teaching anyone at all is to help them feel at ease with their own version of God.

When it is that an entire population of people whose perception of what is their own personal power is contained within a title, there is a problem. That is letting something tangible and outside of themselves tell the world a truth that is a limited version of what is the entirety of it all. This is also a person who also, like the rest of us, to a certain degree, does not trust their own self, their own sixth sense. And the worst part about it is that there are some in that set of people who, for the most part, adhere to the things that they are telling people, and who are also not telling the entire truth of who they are.

These are the people on this planet who tell us, blatantly, not to trust ourselves, but to trust this big, scary, somewhat reminiscent of a very abusive mate, deity. Please don’t think for a moment that I am writing this because I am wanting to slam on someone’s religious beliefs – quite the opposite, actually. What I am actually doing is point blank, in black and white, blatantly and in your faces telling you all that the time has come, not for one, but for EVERY person on this planet, to finally take charge and take care of the trust issues that you have with you.

This is the thing that not a lot of parents, namely the religious sort, teach their children. This is a problem and is so because it creates dependent children who grow up to be dependent, needy adults. If you thought about it for a moment, you would see the thing that I am talking about, and you would see, too, in your own life, where it is that you were taught to be needy and dependent.

I was taught to depend on and need the opinion of other people, and for a very long time I did just that. I depended on others to tell me who I was, and in kind I ended up doing exactly the thing that I now know was not the thing that I should have done. When a mother tells her child that he or she needs to depend on themselves, normally it means that said child needs to depend on their own leanings, and depend on their own truths, but then you have those mothers who are more inclined to leave the raising of their kids to the truths of a person in a suit and a smirk and who is also like said mother, but, unlike the said mother, is the guy spilling all of his own truths as they are deciphered by him from that holy text that he derives every truth that may well be applicable to him, or worse, applicable to the waiting ears, eyes, minds, hearts and souls of the multitude of people in the congregation which he refers to as being his flock.

So, what are the odds that a kid, unless they chose to rebel in a manner that was not one of the seven deadly sins (one cousin chose sex, another drugs…I chose rock n roll and talking to the spirits of those who have gone home…everyone has their own poison, so to speak), is going to go against the things that this person up front in a suit, because said kid’s mother believes every word coming out of that man’s mouth, and because that same mother, just like her kid, still holds a dependent energy about her and one that makes it so that she will follow, rather than lead or be stand alone?

Now, think of that same mother, that same kid, and as that kid gets older, said kid decides that they will begin to trust their own selves, go with what it is that their gut is telling them, and know now that this is not something that most child behavioral specialists could call being a normal teenager. This is and should only be thought of as said kid beginning to depend on his or her own self and realizing earlier than later that everything that they hear, are told, believe, to that point, may or may not, now, or ever, really, be something that they can believe.

It begins within us each, this questioning of what we have been taught as truth that we are expected to keep as truth, even the very moment that we start to recognize our gut reaction.

Gut Reaction

Basically, the way that we sense things is literally physically. We are equipped with an early warning system, and that system is located within us, inside that area called “the gut.” You’re gut will tell you when you are right, and when you are in danger, and when you get a warm feeling in your gut, and one that is that of comfort, you are not guessing – you are correct.

The other way is true, too – when your gut tells you to run – NOW!…you just do it, right?

And you’re usually right, right?

Okay…

Listening to someone else, and going against what is that tightness in your gut, that is not comfortable, and makes you know that something is just not right, or is at least to be questioned. I get it. I know what it is like to go against my own gut reaction, time and time again, when I ignored my own voice, it never worked out for me. When I followed what my gut, heart and soul all said at one time, I never went wrong. It is the way that I make big decisions these days. It has been like this for me …let’s say that the last time that I followed my gut reaction was the last time I had to. It was the right decision.

When I began the practice of shutting the voices of the past out of the choices I have made in the last few years, I also began the chain of events of things happening in my life, at any time in that span of years, that brought me to this me. I like this me.

Actually, I love this me.

Trusting You is Hard

There are a whole lot of people who do not trust their own decisions. I hear a whole lot about major life decisions, made recently, in the lives of people who crawl into my ears and live there in the safety that is their privacy, my secrecy. I ask them how their physical body feels when I ask certain questions. They are the same question, but are not the same words in the question each time. Each question causes a physical reaction, one that is tightness, or one that is warmth.

This is how you learn to trust you – you learn to ask you the right questions, and not questions that other people have asked you about you. You don’t bother with asking you the degrading things that others ask you about you. Bother only to ask what you have done or said to make them so upset with you. What was the action? What were the words? What do you recall being the reason for those actions and those words? How did you correct it for you, and even if it hurts, how have you remained so strong through it all?

These questions, folks, are the ones that bring to you the truth that is your own. You were never meant to try hard to live by someone else’s rules and someone else’s truths. Even religious people should follow this standard, for the simple FACT that eventually, and one day, they find out that knowing one’s own self and being honest and yes, trusting your sixth sense, are all a part of the plan which whatever deity it is that you are choosing to follow – that deity, so long as you trust in it, and as long as you are allowed to follow your own rules if they don’t bring harm to yourself or others…that very deity will always be there, and what’s more, you will, yourself, learn that the rules set in place for you as a child worshiping that deity was false.

You were being told what you should believe by human beings who needed other humans to validate them and the truths that they themselves might not really believe.

Some of them do it for the paycheck.

None of us needs to do a thing that we are not being told by our own inner selves is not right for us.

You know what is right for you.

Ask yourself why you do not believe a word you are saying to you

I Love You All

ROX

JustRoxMemeForBlog

_COMPLETED

GhettoAllegory Neptune

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Ho’ohana – The Value of Intentional Effort

Rarely is it the thing that is appreciated as much as the thought behind the gifts that we give anyone at all which matters the most. 

There are times when my favorite question to ask is “What were you thinking?” and normally, it is never a bad thing. We love to give gifts, but we do not know that the reason we love to do so is because the reciprocal energy that is the Aloha contained within the intention.

I say it all the time, that it is our intention that matters the most in terms of things that we want for ourselves, and things that we want for others in our lives with whom we share a very real closeness of Spirit and Heart.

“Ho’ohana” – To Work

Giving, as far as human beings are concerned, is second nature. It is not until we are taught otherwise, taught that we have to have more than others, be better than others, become the best and thereby best each other, that we sort of lose this inborn ability toward giving to others what we want them to have from us, and more, what it is that they need in the soul-sense.

Tangible things are cool. We all love them, all want them, but in the truth of things, even though we love having all of our cool things, we are more inclined to feel a lot more like the Royal Family of Cool when we give. It is not in the tangible thing, once again, that our energy is stored in. It is in what we get back from these people that is intangible that we wait for, that we want and that we know, at least for the most part, we will get….a smile.

Effort is never without value

No matter what it is that we are doing, if it is worth the effort to even think about it, it is valuable (of course, unless it is to hurt someone else for whatever reason you think you have…doing that just makes you an extra giant douche bag, seriously). When we think about what we are having for dinner every night, we do so with the intention that is making our kids and families happy, not only with what has been prepared, but more, because we cared enough about it all to think about what they might like to have. When we think about creating a beautiful gift for someone else, it is not only the gift that is beautiful, but more, the thought behind the gift, because in that thought, we were prompted to think about the person who it is being created for, and in that effort, there is value.

When we tell a friend we will pick their kid up from school, just because we will be on that side of town, it is a beautiful effort, and when we gift others with tangible means – and means of anything at all – the thought alone is the beauty in it all.

Ho’ohana means “to work,” and in this instance, it is in the effort that is the work of Love that is the gift and not only the tangible gift itself.  This is why, sometimes, people are inclined to buy others some of the most ridiculous things – because in that effort of thought, you were loving those people. In that energy, you were not only dealing with how you feel about that person, but more, you were also thinking about how they also feel about you, in the soul sense, and in kind, always, the Universe gives to us each, the giver, the receiver, and everyone in between, the gift that is the energy of Aloha between souls.

It is the soul which sees and feels the effort, that makes the outer person experience through physical means the things that make them happy through and about other people.

And yes, this is really why ALL of us LOVES to help other people…okay, maybe if you are a selfish SOB, and maybe if you are one of those people who cannot see past the tip of your own damned nose …. then maybe you don’t give for any other reason than that you believe people will worship you, and in reality, they are worshiping the thing that you gave them. (Dumb ass)

The Effort Taken Toward Intangible Giving

There are a few people on this planet who personally know that if there is something that is really important to them that they need to happen for them, and that if I am able, in any manner, to help them make that happen, I will do for them what I am able to. This is not something that I have never done, but lately, it has become something that I know who I can do things for and trust, not that I will get back what I have given, but more, that I will know that they appreciate what it is that I am doing for them. Throughout the years, and because of the hellish time I had within a marriage that never worked, I learned, from that guy, a very important lesson, and one that I was well aware of for many years – that one thing is that not everyone can be bought.

Read that again, and realize, right now, that there are still a whole lot of us human type beings who believe that everything has a price, that everything is tangibly traded, that everyone will crack when a gift or monetary promise is involved. This is wrong. It is not our right, neither our duty, nor our place, to think so little of others that those others would not somehow clue into the idea that someone else is trying to manipulate them, that in those manipulations that cause some folks to think that money or items replace the reality of the energy behind it all, that the entirety of human beings on the planet somehow all have this one sin that we all fall short of the glory of ourselves with.

It ain’t the truth. The effort in this instance is not the right sort, is saddled with the energy of someone having to have absolute control over people, all through means and manipulations using tangible things. Anyone in their right, positive mind would never do this, because anyone in their right and positive mind would be mindful of how anyone else feels about anything else, namely if that “anything else” is the total energy of others believing that they can buy the loyalties of others, that they can, through their egotistical efforts, buy this sort of energy.

Too all the morons who think this way still

First, I must apologize to two of my teachers, because at this moment, and as she is reading this, or actually the moron thing, she is tsk tsking me…but, at least I know she loves me, and at least she knows that this sort of thing is something that I have gotta do or else my head will implode…

If you are one of these people who thinks that you and your tangible means can buy good people through the fake energy of “giving something” I must let you all know right now that the reason that it seems like no one is loyal to you, that no one wants to be around you, that you are alone in this lifetime without friends, without a true beloved,without your tribe of the Soul, is because when we try to “buy” peoples’ loyalty, we are not giving them the credit for being good enough to just be given something and more, you, yourself, through your manipulative effort, are not being loyal to them.

That’s right – I said it, I’ll keep on saying it, and hell yeah deal with it – you are disloyal, even to yourself, because what you do, think of, give to, whatever, “for” others, ultimately you are also doing to yourself. There is nothing quite as endearing as the truth of who we are, given through the efforts of what we do not have, and that we try to make happen for others, because of how pure our intentions are. Not enough gets said in terms of what the morons of the world and in the energy that is giving and neither about the reality of the karma that they will have returned to them. (It’s called a Karmic return – where the thing that you were meant to learn comes back to you..you know…RETURNS to you…to make you learn from that lesson…duh)

When we first think we are getting away with something, regardless if the other people who we think we are buying loyalty from catch on, this is when the Karma that will return to us is created. My question for the moron tribe is this – have you not paid any attention to the things that you are not aware of how they have happened in your life, and how they are connected to the things that you think are good things, but your intentions behind those things are less than honorable? It is in the less than honorable things that you are thinking, that you are intending to do, that you are exacting into the lives of other people that make this such a really not that great idea.

No, I’m not harpin’ on ya because I really think you are a moron, because some of the most intellectually superior people on the planet still have this one thing – this power over other people through tangible means thing – still to be healed, and yeah, I can promise you that it will not hurt to correct this now, but what will hurt is not if but WHEN the karma comes to you, and is to be made right, and you might not have the same means you do now. Hence, the reason that I tell anyone at all that it is nice to have a lot of means, a lot of ability to afford everything your heart desires, but it is quite another thing to believe that you can have the loyalties of people who you are not willing to show your true self to do that through. Buying people, or at least thinking you can, only makes them mad. I know this, because the baby daddy did this for years, and then one day, he no longer had the means and neither the ability to buy the loyalties of other people.  He is living his karmic return. Unfortunately, he still believes that the only thing that keeps a person loyal is the means by which other people can be bought. He still believes that it is the tangible means he used to have and was able to create that made us all vacate his life, rather than the FACT that when HE no longer had the means and neither the ability, that it was not he who was so repulsive, but that it was everyone else. I will state, now, for the record, in writing even, that when the man lost everything, got sick and HAD TO depend on us – he failed miserably in terms of recognizing that it was never his money, but him, who anyone wanted to be better.

To this day, he still believes that people are only interested in others if said people have the choice to try to buy loyalty. The one thing that I have never forgotten, which I learned, in and of all places – church as a youngster – is that the truth will always be revealed, and namely when it is a truth of ourselves that we don’t want to see, acknowledge or accept – it is what is meant by the saying that “the truth hurts.”

Fortunately for me, I have never really bought into the idea that we can have people be loyal to us with and through tangible means. It just won’t happen, because it will never be the real thing.

It is in our efforts of what we don’t think we can do, but that we so totally want to do, for other people, that causes the Mother Goddess to bless us with the means, at the right time and when we need it, to go out into this world and do what we were born to do, which is to ho’ohana for others through our energies, so that they may know the truth of what is Love, what is loyalty, what is family.

This holiday season, remember these things, because it is not what you can do, but what you put forth in valuable effort, for others, without feeling to have to have it given back, that makes the forever-gift of Aloha the one thing that, at this time of year, is needed more than our ability to outdo anyone else in terms of who brought the biggest, most expensive gifts, and more, who can no longer be bought with those gifts…

Think about the last time you felt like someone was trying to manipulate you with things, only to find out later that they no longer have those things to entice people falsely with.

How did that make you feel, and more, what did it tell you about the moron who tried to do it again?

Think about it…

I Love You All !

ROX

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You can’t fix shattered

In all of life there are many tangible things which can be repaired, but only one intangible thing is almost impossible to repair once it is shattered. That one thing is Trust.

*****

We are not born trusting others.  At the time of our birth, we are not but as primal as is any other creature in all of mammalia. We are, essentially, just like the creatures of the forest and of the jungle – we are animals. We have to be taught trust, just like we have to be taught anything at all. We must have evidence that there is a reason to trust, or to not trust, and through it all, we have to still live in the outer world. No one knows what it is like to have that trust breached until it happens, and then the rest of our awareness becomes tainted with mistrust. We begin to question our own thoughts, and our own validity in so far as who we are and what it is that we need, from others, and more, from ourselves.

If there is one thing that I have a hard time dealing with that is mine alone to deal with, it is being able to trust others not to hurt me, being able to take them on their word that who I am matters. This is not something that just happened to me overnight. It took the almost entire 44 years that I have been on this planet for me to garner the energy that is mistrust. Yet, that mistrust, over the years, has served me very well, namely lately, when there is so, so much happening in my life, and all of what is happening is good. Because of everything that has happened to me in the past, I have a hard time thinking, sometimes, that other people do not have my best interests at heart, at least as much as I know I have theirs, and sometimes, it very dearly hurts me to my core.

And it is in the core middle of us all where this resides, this energy of mistrust, the memories that caused it all to solidify, and the things that hurt us, still.  Trust is hard, make no mistake, and any more now, lots and lots of us are breaking out of that mistrusting energy, and it is because we have been also given the evidence of what is not trust versus what is our truth.

Let’s look at the energy that is trust for a moment, shall we? There are a million and one things in this lifetime that would cause us to mistrust anyone at all, just as much as there is a whole lot of evidence that would tell us that we can trust certain things and people and energies. My own issues with trusting other people not to hurt me comes from a lifetime of my being hurt by others. It is not their fault. They don’t know, and didn’t know, at least a lot of them, that I hurt so badly. There were those few, though, who knew what they were doing, who knew just how to make me hurt, make me cry and make me ultimately not trust them. I still don’t trust them. I cannot trust a person who willingly hurts me, and I will not trust a person who is malicious enough to make that hurt substantial, and all of it, mind you, has been substantial.

My trust issues stem from a lifetime of being emotionally abandoned by people who were significant in  my life. Whether it was a caretaker, or a relative, or the person who fathered my children, it didn’t matter when the time came and they proved themselves as being untrustworthy. Being able to trust someone is tantamount in any kind of relationship. Being able to depend on others to live up to everything they tell us that they will do is a rarity anymore. Too many of us want to speak our truth, but we don’t want to know how that truth is going to affect someone else. We expect people to take us for our word, and then some of us do everything doable to push the line and break that trust, just to see how far we can go with our own garbage.

It bothers me a lot that too many people still want to say things to make people feel better for the moment, but when proving time comes and we want them to live up to their words, they have every excuse as to why it is that they cannot, will not, and may never be able to. People tend to bite off more than they can chew, namely where matters of the heart are concerned. Matters of the heart seem to be the one place in life that people fail others, miserably. I have been told many times that I cannot produce enough results for certain others to trust my words. Then when I come through with exactly what I said I would, it is still not enough and at that point it is an automatic thing for me to do what I can to make what I said I would do happen. I do so, not to please them, but because my level of integrity is what it is, and in my world, it is one of the most important traits that anyone who I share my world with has got to have. Period. Yes, I expect at least as much as I offer…again…period.

Every abuse survivor knows this energy, the energy that is feeling like we have to prove ourselves to even the most unworthiest of people. Every one of us knows what it feels like to know that we are telling the truth, to know that whatever it is that we have promised that we are doing our very highest best to get done, and all it takes is one douchey person to crush that energy within us. You can sit there and tell me all you want that it is the other person, and while I will know this to be the fact and the truth, it will not make me think otherwise about me and my efforts. I am always going to, until I have learned to stop trying harder, try harder, and it is not because of someone else needing that instance of my own evidence brought to them to prove that I am every bit as trustworthy as I tell and prove to anyone else that I am. It is because I am me.

I hate second guessing myself, but when a person has been met, told, experienced nothing but the disappointment in outcome by others after what could be thought, sometimes, as a herculean effort to make others see who I am for real and that what it is that I say and do for anyone is golden. On the other side of that is the person who may or may not have realized that this is what I will do, that I will second guess myself and it is not because of anything that they did directly but rather and only the energies produced by whatever it was that was happening at the time, perhaps in their lives, or my own life, or a mixture of both.

Then there are those people who, for whatever reason they may have, do things to test us, who try hard to make things difficult for us, just because they can, and just because they, themselves, hurt so much. Pain is the indicator that a violation has occurred, and pain is the thing that all of us are trying to not have to deal with, yet deal with it we must. I know emotional pain, so well, in fact, that I have turned the utilization of that pain to teach others how to heal their own lives from the emotional pains they have suffered. Pain is the indelible marker for where we have been. It is the thing which, unlike a goal towards which we propel our very selves, makes us run and want to hide from the world. I have experienced so much emotional pain throughout the course of this lifetime that in this lifetime I chose to turn it into my work in the world.

I did it- my pain – because I can trust my pain to be the realness that I have been told that I have within me. I do what I do in the world and in my line of work because I am an expert on not only how we end up with the pain that has been served up to us on a tarnished silver platter, but more, how we can, right this moment, use that energy to heal ourselves and take us to the next level of awareness.

This is what mistrust by others and given to others can do for us – it can make us see ourselves for real. There are not a lot of people who know or accept just exactly the realness of who I am, of where I have been in this lifetime, and what I have been through.  There are very few people who know the depth of who I am and even fewer who I know I can trust with me.  It took me a whole lot of time to get to where I am right now emotionally, and still, it is not enough to reverse the energy that is mistrust for others and their motives. I always think that people are trying to get the best of me, and when I think that way, it becomes my truth. This is not the truth that I like wearing. It is simply due to the tattered pieces of what was once my reality, and the evidence that people like hurting others, because that is where their own misguided power lies – in that ability to make life hard in an emotional and spiritual sense for someone else.

This starts when we are children. When we are promised by the adults in our lives that we are going to have something, that they are going to provide both tangibles and intangibles for us that we can count on. When a child is told one thing and that one thing is not clearly stated as to what it will be, automatically we are thrust into a place within where we are not sure of ourselves, because someone else made sure to it that, even as we are so dependent on them for everything, they did not care enough to make sure to it that their words are made truth for that kid. As time passes, and those promises and words broken continue to happen, those things that creepy people bring to our lives are reinforced by it all.

People wonder why it is that I have a hard time with the words of others, and I shouldn’t, but I am willing to admit that I do.  It is, because of all of the things that have been a part of my own awareness and all of the crap that I have had to endure, and everything else that constitutes as being the daily living of humans, difficult for me to allow others into my privacy of my Soul.

Yet, when I do, it is because they have proved themselves to me, have proved that how I feel means something, and it means that they have an empathetic part of them that understands what it is like to have trusted people with themselves and their very core being, and have been able to get through it unscathed, even though the memories may well be the thing that broke them, as well.

I trust that peoples’ reactions and responses to what I put forth are their truth. However, I have a hard time with people telling me that I am somehow the reason why anything will befall them, as if I have that kind of power or control over what it is that they are thinking. I tend to cling to the bad things I have told, the things that others have responded to me with that cut me to the core, and it is because other people are not very sure of my own intentions, and my own intentions are not what they are thinking they are. When I say that I don’t need help, I mean I do not need it. When I am merely stating something, it is just a statement. If it is my intent to hurt someone, it isn’t as though I say nothing about it – I am not afraid to tell others how I feel, and I am not scared to let them know when they have offended my soul.  It doesn’t happen much, and most of the time it comes from someone who means something to me, the infraction of the soul that is unbeknownst to them.

Most of the time, it is nothing against me. Most of the time it is their own fear of my abandoning them, and most of the time, as it would be for me with them, I, too, am scared to death of being emotionally abandoned, of being rejected, of just plain old not being good enough. This is the truth that I was given my whole life, and is the truth which daily I find myself figuring out is not the truth, that it was the truth of many people who just figured that I was a little kid, that I would grow out of the hurts and the heartaches, and that one day I might be able to grow from it all.

Trust. It is the most intangible thing on the planet, and is what we need to be able to have with and for other people. If we have no trust, and we cannot trust the reactions that others have with and for us, and we cannot feel safe in the idea that we are loved wholly and completely by others, then, too, we cannot also believe that we, ourselves, are trusting who we are enough to be able to know what is our truth and discern what is not our truth that could be that of others’. It is when we deny who we are with ourselves that this becomes a problem. I know who I am, to me and in my life, and I know who I am to others and in their lives. Now, the bitch of it all will be no longer allowing what was someone else’s truth of me from a time in the past where, really, it was not my fault, and it was surely not my problem, because adults in the lives of children can be the worst perpetrators of mistrust on the planet and in our close relations.

I know that I can trust the people who mean the most to me. I know they have my best interests at heart. Sometimes, those people pay the toll for those who have hurt me and continue to try to hurt me, but it’s all good…I lived through them, and I will continue to do so, and more, because so is the nature of life on this planet with other humans. Humans can be assholes, make no mistake, but all of us with eyes in our heads to read these words have been there, have even done that in terms of being the asshole.

Sometimes, the most appropriate reaction is a response, not to anyone else, but to and for ourselves.  And really, this is something that all of us needs to practice…not furthering the mistrust within us, but learning to discern who is hurting us purposely, and who is not. I know who is trying to hurt me, at all times.

More than that, I also know who is not.

I will state right now that I have learned, and have learned well, what it is to hurt, and I will state right now that indeed, I do know what it is to take that hurt and all that is entailed within it, and have turned it into something that can only make me better as time passes by. I know that along my own path that I will end up being hurt, and that I will suffer more losses, and that, too, I will be lied to, but this does not mean that I am going to revert to living in the truth that may well actually be someone else’s truth about me. They are fine and good to have that truth.

…because I will always have mine…just like you, too, will always have what is your own absolute and beautiful truth that is yours.

I Love You All

ROX

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