Tag Archives: Kahuna

Un-comfort

futless

When we are in the midst of things that are not making us feel better about things and we are feeling very uncomfortable, it is time for us to take stock of who it is that we are at the moment versus who we used to be.

Being confined to a set scheduled work week is something that I find I have always been very dearly uncomfortable with. It is not because I do not like to work (truth is that I LOVE my work), but rather and only that I do not like confinement, and when I am feeling confined at all, I tend to get a little bit testy.

You see, there are times when “confinement” is not really confinement, and in those times where  it might seem like we are confined to one thing or another, and when it is that we have chosen to see whatever that one thing is as anything BUT being confined, the very word “confinement” takes on a new color – the one called “maturity.” Sometimes we have to deal through our own soul’s immaturity in some manner so that we can see through it and to the light that is the evolved manner we end up as being.

Yet, no one ever tells anyone (and no one ever means it unless they are a teacher of all things strange and weird and not exactly mainstream) that when we are growing and we know we are, that that growth, in some ways, is going to be very uncomfortable, and the un-comfort comes from the familiar things and ways of being that a whole hell of a lot of human beings don’t realize or perhaps even understand that evolving to one’s own higher self takes work, time, tears, and lots of un-comfort.

Un-Comfort

There are a lot of ways that the word “uncomfortable” can be thought as. My thought is that when we are in the middle of a thing that is making us have to wait, making us crazy with impatience and making us think thoughts about things that we would rather not deal with (when in fact we know we are supposed to deal with it all so that we no longer have to deal with it anymore…duh), this is when we are being taught directly by Spirit about what it is that we have been not acknowledging.

Now, not acknowledging things does not mean that we are ignoring them, really. It means that we are just not caring enough to have to deal with it or look at it and in that energy we choose instead to just not bother with that one thing.

But it is precisely that one thing that will continue to bother, continue to be the thing that we would rather not deal with and be the thing that we would hope to the Goddess would just sort of vanish and not be around. If you have been reading this blog for any amount of time at all, you will figure out one thing about it, and that one thing is that in our lives, there is nothing that will not be taught, that we will not be presented with, that will not be in our faces, again and again, over the course of our lifetimes, that, if we are meant to learn it, learn it we will.

And if we choose to not learn it by ignoring that whatever it is exists, we will also find that when it is time for that thing that we refuse to learn to just not be there anymore, that one thing will be the only thing that will present itself in the manner that we have not wanted it to for likely a very long time.

Our own discomfort with our un-comfort is sometimes unbearable.

The fact is that we have all been taught to not look at, not see to, not bother with, not acknowledge all those things that hurt us, that make us cry, make us grit our teeth so as to hold back the bitter and biting tears which, for a lot of us, need to fall from time to time. If they don’t fall, you will not realize the one truth that is apparent to the majority of us and that is that we are all human beings just being who we are.

Who we are is sort of a big fat deal

Of course, there are a folks who will not ever believe this, and that is okay, because those people are the very ones who should be reading this right now because those people are the very people who seem to think that what other people say about them is the truth, namely if it is the sort of thing that is not that flattering.

There are some folks who refuse to believe this because they believe that they are not good enough to have anyone say such things about them. The bottom line is that all human beings have the potential for greatness.In that greatness we have many options that point us in the direction that we are, as guided by Spirit and the very essence of that Spirit which resides within us, meant to be going.

Thing is, while we are growing up we are molded in the image of what is comfortable for those who are raising us into the human being that they want us to become. That is okay, but the other thing is that, whether we like it or not, our children or the kids who we raise have that thing called free will. Free will is that thing that we are all born with.

When we use our free will, we are doing as we are meant to be doing.

There are lot of people on this planet who want other people to believe that there is no such thing as free will. It is that particular group of people who, themselves, were taught and believe that while people do indeed have free will, there are only certain folks who we share the air with who are allowed to exercise it.

The un-comfort comes from our not wanting to let other people down, even if those other people are the sort who would never bother to think that somehow, they are letting anyone else down with who they are, are letting someone else down by not giving that other person the availability of their own free will choices when thinking in terms of relating to anyone else at all. That is really what happens here, when we think about it, when it all comes down to the idea that our un-comfort comes from ourselves in that we want to think that somehow, we are able to save everyone else from having to make uncomfortable choices.

We must learn to accept that we cannot help everyone, because sometimes, everyone needs to simply get a clue

In my life there are people who I am very willing to help. It is because those who are most willing to help themselves are also those who are most willing to help others if they can. This is the utmost highest form of unconditional love – helping others who cannot possibly even try to help us in return, and our not expecting to be helped back for the things that we do out of kindness and out of the Soul of Aloha.

Even as it is the most wonderful thing to be able to help others, namely those who cannot do anything in return for us, there comes a time when we must choose to be our own hero and see in front of us, NOT the opportunity to help someone else, but the opportunity to refer back to who we were. We must  realize that who we are is no longer that person, and take things from that vantage point, rather than the vantage point that makes us tired, that makes us want for something that is not up to us to try to make happen for anyone else without their knowing so.

It is in their knowing so that we come unhinged, as it is also that point where, rather than the soul within us rising up to take notice and take the opportunity to see, it is the ego self who rises to the occasion and it is through that reckoning that we will see, for sure, who we are trying to help more – this other person (because we actually care about their well-being) or our sometimes energy-vampiring ego-selves who need the pat on the back for thinking the thought that we would help anyone else at all and that we would also receive lots of attention for having done so.

When we are in a state of un-comfort, we are in a state of learning about what we have evolved, or perhaps devolved, to.

Change is not subject to our automatically being turned into the super heroes we are meant to become in this lifetime. Hell no.

What we are all given to being given is that we are brought through others all of these things that we need to learn about ourselves. Other people, no matter who they are, mirror for us the people who we are, the people who we are becoming, or the people who we no longer can recognize as being.

When someone makes us uncomfortable, our inner selves tell us so. When we are in the company of people who are meant to be part of our soul tribe, again, we are told by the very soul within us that this person or these people are our tribe and that they have been gifted to us by the very Mother Goddess Herself.

When we take notice, consciously, that we are being shown anything at all, it is time to celebrate because it is within that energy of knowing that we are granted the greatest gift of all…

…the gift of evolving to our higher selves, one uncomfortable situation, person, thing …at a time…

I Love You All !

ROX

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Thanks for reading !! Aloha ! ROX

 

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May your days be merry and bright

Today, and if only for today, remember…

I normally won’t write something the day before any major holiday. I did, a long time ago, but it always seemed like it was something that everyone else did, and if you all have not yet figured it out yet, I am so not everyone else. This is what today’s Merry Mana’o is about, to remind you to remember what is good, to recall what you learned from the things that hurt you, and most of all, to never forget that Love always prevails.

Sure, 2014 has not been the kindest of years for a whole lot of us, but I am sure that if we each and all stopped for a moment and thought about what the pain from the year has actually given to us each, we would learn to better use that energy of pain towards the energy that is wholeness.

Remember, if you remember anything at all, that holidays are not about the singular person, that they’re meant for us to be able to see things from that part within us that is about who we are for real, and not who we think the world expects us to be.

You can sit there, reading this, believing that I am writing to one person in particular, but that would not be the truth, and y’all know about me and the truth – it is the very life’s blood of everything that you see and know as the reality of not what you have been through, but more, who you are.

Lots of us have been given the beautiful truths that we longed for and those beautiful truths happened upon our lives all while there was not but ugliness all around, and in that ugliness there still is a bit of beauty, that things that i referred to in the past as being the beauty in the pile of excrement that we each and all have dared call our lives.

But that is what they are – ours, and they are ours to do with what we will, even and all the way down to questioning our own motives for our own truths… even if we found out that somewhere within us might have been the truth that we cannot deal with that is ours. Whether you believe it or not, that – the truth – is the greatest gift that any one of us could hope or wish for.

The truth about anything sets us each and all free, not from the hurtful intentions of others, but more, from our blindness to what is our own truth, our own damage, our own selves.  We each and all have a very hard time looking at our own damage. Regardless if it were someone else who gave it to us, we must see it as the ultimate gift, because contained within that gift are the facets of who we really are, which is the actual reason as to why we each have such a hard time with our own truth.

One day, each of us will choose to embrace the truth, and when that day happens, it is like opening up a Christmas gift that only we could give to ourselves. That gift is trust, perhaps not of everyone else in our lives, but most assuredly, eventually, of our very selves.

We can only look back at this year called 2014, at each and every piece of what has occurred, at what we have each lost, and what, more importantly, we have gained through it all, and forever we will know that what we experienced was meant to teach us about who we are, and for the most part, the majority of us all, in the singular manner, have come closer to that Stand Alone person who we are each and all striving to be.

Stand Alone, as I have often said and often say to many others, is not all alone, because in order to become Stand Alone, one must first know what it is like to be truly and completely all alone. I know that really, we are not ever totally alone, but all of us knows what it feels like to be by ourselves, to be lonely and to feel like no one loves us. Then one day the Mother Goddess sees to it that we understand that when we are meant to no longer just be all by ourselves, and when it is that She knows we are capable of being with ourselves and are fine and good in that manner,that the lessons of the year which passed come fully into play for us.

It is when it all makes perfect sense, and also when we can easily fit the pieces of our own selves into the puzzle that we call “our life”that we begin to see clearly, like the sun finally broke through the clouds.

So, on that note, and given that it is today, I will bid you all with this much…

When you see the children laughing and playing tomorrow morning, riding their new bikes or playing with their new toys, remember that joy, the very same joy that was yours, long before the world set in.

When you sit to break bread with others, whether tonight or tomorrow, and as you hear the evening prayer for the holiday meal, remember to say thank you to Spirit for bringing you together with these same people, people who, even as they may well drive you crazy throughout the year otherwise, they are a part of your holiday, so be grateful that you have lived long enough to see them age gracefully, too.

Remain solid in who you are, and never waiver from that person, because in doing so, you allow others to also do the same.

Most of all, though, do not fail to Love, because really, it is what brings us to our knees, makes us hurt, cry, rage, and paradoxically, is also which makes us whole again.

Mele Kalikimaka me ka Hau’oli Makahiki Hou…

May your days be merry and bright…Aloha!

I Love You All!

ROX

Merry Christmas Mana'o Blog 2014 shoot your eye out lol

 


A Grand Metamorphosis

It’s nice to think, sometimes even to believe, that things as they are will remain as they are.  Yet, things have to change and grow. At the moment, we are all experiencing quite a Grand Metamorphosis.

While I will not, because I cannot, tell all of the entire world what is transpiring at my house and in my life right now, I will say that what is happening is somehow needed, and what is happening somehow needs me, as a healer, to sit here and literally watch things unfold as they are doing so right now.  I am little freaked out about a whole lot of things, but about this one thing I am not.

Okay….I am a little tiny bit freaked out, but it is nothing that sticks around for very long at all, not when I start to look at the bigger picture and see in that proverbial snapshot everything else that has evolved over the last few years and realize that, even though this is probably meant to suck, and meant for me to delve ever deeper into the world of my own healing techniques, and though it is literally work for me, I have that very real, very deep, “little kid waiting for Santa to show up” feeling.

I know that I am not the only one with this feeling, not the only one wearing this energy right now. It is like I have been trying on my mommy’s high heels for so long now that this time, when I put them on, they fit, and really, it is the most surreal thing ever, because for a long time, many people have been asking for, praying for, intending things like this one big giant thing to happen. It is here. We think we are not prepared for it, but that is the furthest thing from the truth.

The Actual Truth

The actual truth is that we are collectively reeling from the pain caused by all we have gone through in our singularly lived yet collectively felt past. That pain is all that we know and is one of the very most familiar things for each of us, even as it is temporary – we know the pain, and that is why we have hung on to it – it is familiar, like an old pair of very worn shoes.

What we are feeling right now and in largess is the pain that we seem unable to release from our lives and the reason it seems so big is because it is the one thing in all of the things that do not suck, that sucks.  The real and personal reasons that it seems we cannot release it is anyone’s guess, but most of the time it is because we are emotionally attached to it in some way, and in that manner, what we are doing is allowing our energies to be drained from us, by people who do not deserve who we are in this time when we have evolved to this point in who we truly are.

They do not deserve to be in our lives because the simplest truth of all is that we have evolved past the neediness, past the nature that is defensive within us and that tells us that we somehow need to defend what is this other person’s truth about us that is not our own truth. Our emotional attachment to the pain may well be that we are hanging on to the other part of the pain, which is not pain, because in that which is not pain we find solace and we find that little tiny piece of happiness that we feel like we need for the parts of our lives and selves that need that explanation, that need to be able to understand why it was that we were put through that pain, and our … I don’t know … inner child somehow wants that salve that is the good memory mixed with the ugly one. It seems crazy, but it is true.

When we are kids we want so badly for people to accept us, and we carry this energy with us all of our lives. It shapes who we are still, if we allow it, and of course it shaped who we were and what our experiences were with people who, for the life of themselves, just could not stop bullying us as kids, for no other reason than that they could. As we grew into who we are in this part of our lives, that hurt remained. We tried pushing it into the deepest recesses of our memories and left them there, like a bunch of old toys in the attic (gotta love Aerosmith). We did not forget about them, though, because in those toys were some favorite things, and it is those favorite things that we want to believe balances out the ugly things, and the shameful things, and the painful things, and the things that really are not ours.

This bothers us.

Actually, this bothers our egotistical self, the self that is that child who is hurt, rather than annoyed only.  This bothers us because we know the truth that is ours, and we, through our human ability to get ass hurt about anything  at all, filter these things that we are told, the things that make us hurt and want to not be who we worked toward being, through the filter that is the wounded child inside. And really, it is just time to let the adult out and let the adult have their say so.

Lots of us won’t do this. Most folks will let things fester and allow who we are not be who speaks for us. The time, however, is now that we ought to be far more inclined to no longer allow those hurts from the past still remain where they are within us. When we hang onto those things, even as they are very difficult to release, we allow those things to live on, inside of us, making it so that whoever it was who’d said or done anything horrid to us still have a piece of us, and that really is not cool.

They don’t deserve a piece of us, because for a long time in each of our lives they held onto that piece, never letting it go, dangling it in front of us every time they saw us, every time they thought about us and with each time, at least for some of us, we felt it. When we felt it, we grew more tired from carrying that weight. Eventually, some of us realized that it was time to save ourselves and to stop trying to make people who are not our kind of people love us for who we are. It was when this happened and some of us accepted it and embraced it that we also knew that we were not, at that point, and are not and will not ever be the person who they wounded, ever again.

You are not that person anymore…

Let’s get real here, okay? You are not the same person who you were when your pain was initially experienced by you. Why are you hanging onto that person’s pain? Yes…I know…it is not easy to let it go, because it hurt so badly, and what you are dealing with in that hurt is no one’s business BUT yours, and I totally get it on that level. What I don’t get is why it is that you have yet to make the decision to turn that pain into usable stuff…medicine…to help heal your pain?

I know, I know…not everyone is me, and not everyone can, when they know they are hurting so badly, turn what they hurt or ail from into their own signature meds for evolving. When we think further about it, we can see a few things that help make sense of what I am saying for those who are shaking their heads and thinking that I am way more off of my rocker than even I know I am haha.

The Pharmaceutical companies turn illness into medicine, and for centuries Native Americans and Hawai’ian people have done this – we have faced our demons of pain, looked them in the eyes and told them that they are no longer of any good purpose, that we have learned all that we can from them, and that our choice to still deal with them is NOT for them to hang out more, but for them to know that really, we are done in terms of fearing them.

You were not that person any longer on the very day that you chose to survive.

You were not that person the moment that you accepted that what was going on in your life was no longer going to control your life and with a slow and untiring vengeance, you went straight to town on those monsters in the closet. You probably know that from time to time, those monsters will poke their heads out, but the more you look at them, the more they look like any other cartoon monster – pretend and not really that dangerous at all.  So ensued your quest to no longer be hurt by them, your intention to not allow the past to control your present and ultimately, your future.

And really, it had to be done, and if it is not done yet, and whether you like it or not, it will be done, because that is how this all rolls, guys – that which is not purposeful in our lives and which have done what it was all meant to do is done, and now all that is left is the memory. It is in the memory that we live from time to time, and in that memory there are times and bits of history that were significant for us and taught us. Usually those were times that we were hurt in unimaginable ways, by people who meant a lot to us, and that is when our evolution began. That is when our place as light workers started, and it hurt so very badly to have to look at, to know was in our presence, and all any one of us wanted really to do is and was to no longer have to deal with it.

Deal with it, however, is exactly what lots and lots of us have done, and are still doing, because lots and lots of us KNOW, for real and for sure that dealing with the monsters has served us well, that facing our fears makes it so that, with practice, we will no longer fear what is in the darkness of the soul.

And really, right now is the best time to do this voluntarily, because, again, right now things are changing at a lightning pace, including human beings and our ways of being. What is unacceptable will no longer be, and what we cannot tolerate will also no longer be. Things and people are leaving our lives because new people have shown up and those new people are the ones for whom that void left by the past has been carved out for.  In the lives of those same new people are happenings that they are not really wrapping their heads around, because what they are seeing in front of them is very surreal.

The surreal nature of all of these things is this way because for many, many years, there was something there that we did not want to look at. Now that it is not there anymore, we can only see the void, but really, it is not a void – it is rather and only space vacated by those things that hurt us and that has been made there within us and within our lives for the new stuff. The surreal part is that we cannot believe that finally, it is done, and the only thing left is the memory, and it is in that memory of whatever it is that haunted you where the medicine is at. From that pain came your wholeness in that area of life, and to reward you for those efforts through that pain, not only have you been healed from it, but just like it happened when we were kids, and the doctor gave us a lollipop after he gave us a shot – there are new people with whom to make new memories.

Done…and…done ! 

Evidence that this is all truth

There is evidence EVERYWHERE, and it is undeniable that we are right where we need to be, right this minute, because whatever is happening is supposed to happen. The pendulum of life has begun to swing, albeit slowly, in the opposite direction.

So, in my opinion, what this means is that, for all of us who have, for the bulk of our lives, suffered greatly through the things that we learned from others, through the suffering and the ugliness that were brought to us by them, the other side of that has begun.

Where there was the ache of loneliness, in place of that is a new relationship where loneliness does not exist, even in when not physically in one another’s awareness.

Where there was once the rage brought by the struggle of not having enough is this new energy, and one that is making us crazy with impatience in terms of being able to have the means by which to pay for our lives.

Where once there was only the memory of the pain, there is now the scar left by the wounding, and the strength brought by the healing that we each and all have struggled to have in our lives.

Think about it…and everything that brought you right here, up to this point, and about how much it all sucked, badly.

Welcome to the flip-side, good humans…

I Love You All !

ROX

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If you live in the San Gabriel Valley Area of Los Angeles County and are bored on Thursday nights…go see my friends, The Pharmaceuticals play Friar Tuck’s in Pomona! Click on the links to learn more about The Pharmaceuticals, or, how to get to Friar’s !!  

 

 


The Days Which Leave Us Aching

I know that I am not only speaking for myself when I say that lately, the days and nights have seemingly melted into the miry abyss that is “Awwww F*CK! AGAIN?!!!” … Yes…again…

*****

I don’t know about any of you who are reading this, but I am about as tired as a person can get, and it is not just any level of tired, but a tiredness that is deep, a tiredness that makes a person ache for better days, wanting for nights which end peacefully, and most of all, the start of the second half of each of our lives, and naturally, the second half which includes all the new people in it that we each have called into our lives and who each have a place there.   There are people who, for years, were not there, but are back and there now, and like the new ones, we know they are permanent.

And really…no bullshit…it is quite nice.

Think about it for a minute, and you will realize that, even though (yep…I’m just going to say it) collectively, life seems to be daily taking a large, nasty crap on the whole of us, it has bonded us to one another. Each of us has this new breath of life in some manner, everyday. It is that one thing, no matter what it is for the each of us, that keeps us going. No, really, again…think about it, and you will figure it all out – things suck ass right now, even though, paradoxically, they sort of rule.

Sorta ruling is better than completely sucking

It is not that easy to try to get anyone to change their thinking habits. Thoughts are habits, really, and the manner in which we think them is also physically a habit. Some of us sit to think, and many of us, when we are in a solitary moment of brainstorming our lives in conjunction with the Goddess’ plan for them, pace.

I pace.

I pace, because I know that brainstorming one’s own life is not only delicate work, but tedious, and really, it is downright dirty work. And not the kind that you need soap for, but the sort you need to have strength of soul for, seriously. At this time there are a lot of people in my life, people who are very, very close to me, with whom I have shared a lot of time, spoken a lot of words, shared much laughter, and all of it is meant in order for me to get to this point where I actually DO know who I can trust.

This is the dirtywork I am talking about, and it is dirty because right now, we have what I have always called a “balance of extremes.” If you thought about it long enough, and let your brain stew about it all, and could, from a third party state of mind, take a very scrutinizing and painful look at what it is that we have each and all been hiding, not only from others, but from ourselves, we would realize that we are each and all hiding about what we are hiding.

That is what all of this is about right now. Take, for example, my tenth house. It is ruled by the moon in my chart, which is in Taurus. Taurus is the CEO of the Zodiac. And Taurus behaves like it – no lie. So, because of this, it is almost like me to wade through the hallways of my own mind, and in the water of my own thoughts, about how many times I really, dearly tried to work for someone, in contrast to my working WITH someone else, and it was always when I worked WITH someone else that I got the best results.

I know this about me, that I do not like being told what to do unless I ask for help. Period. Yes. I was indeed one of those kids who always wailed “I WILL DO IT BY MYSELF!” and normally I meant it. I hate asking for help. Anyone who knows me knows this about me. I am a freedom loving person. And everything about me, even the people with whom I spend the most time, whether on the phone or in person, or both, knows this about me. I do not want anything else for them than that which I would want for me, which, is freedom, but from what?

I figured something out. It is not a “from what,” at all. It is a “for.”

“For”

The freedom to be me so that I can do FOR other people, that which I also do for myself. That is what this is all about. Meaning that, if I ask someone to help me, it is only because I know that, if it were the other way around, they know I would do what I can, even if it is a minimal thing. How this is any way at all tied to the title of this writing is coming…I promise…the reason that I have used this as my example is because, in the company called “ROX, Inc.,” I am every employee. They way that I treat my employees is the way that I hope to be treated in return. There are several of them who could fine tune their skills, and there are a few who need some serious help, and there are those who are bad asses and they know they are, and then, there is the person in charge.

And right now, the person in charge is going through the employee files and seeing which one of her people needs to brush up, needs to clean up, needs to shut the fuck up, and which ones whose time is up…and really, guys, it is down and dirty dirty work. For reals.  It is not easy in real life to tell people that they are not doing what they know they are supposed to, and eventually, we have to excuse them from our lives. Most of the time, it is people who have been there at a constant, getting away with less than attractive qualities about themselves, expecting that they should continue to get away with treating anyone else in a manner which would be unacceptable to themselves.

The hard part of cleaning of the things in our own personal “Inc” is that, what we are looking at with people who are physically in our lives and who we know no longer belong there is a piece, a mirror of ourselves, and what they are showing us is that, whatever it is that is bothering us that is alive in them is also alive in us. The people who we cannot stand the most, I am finding out, are the people who have qualities in them that makes us feel a certain way about ourselves and this continues to happen until we go through our “employee files” and go through them with a fine tooth comb and one by one, promote, or fire, those who warrant those actions. It is through these assholes in our lives that we find the inner employees who need to eitehr shape up, or get the hell gone. In my case…there are a lot of my inner employees who have been pink-slipped, permanently.

And it was not an easy thing to do, letting them go, but I had to. If I hadn’t, I might not be where I am now, which is a LOT better than where I last was.

Seriously…I have been asked…what is the thing that this …firing…of pieces of ourselves do for us?

Here, let me tell you a story….actually, it is an observation that, over time, became something that I just really began to study, literally, in every way possible that I could. I began to make a study of peoples’ habits and what I found out is that our habits are a response to theirs. This includes our personal energetic responses.

When someone does or says something that bothers us, we immediately have a bodily response. Normally, our gut will tell us. When there’s a knot the answer is “NO.” The only way to make the knot from the NOT go away is to rethink the word…like this…and yes, it took me a while to learn to do it.

But I did it. I’m still doing it.

When it was that I knew I was being baited for at least a pain in the ass argument with anyone, instead of buying into their bullshit, I allowed them their moment. I stayed silent. It took me a long time to respond (by not responding), and a long time to really listen to this person and realize that for years, I had been defending myself for nothing, because all of the things that this madman was saying to me was meant to hurt me. It took me time to no longer have an emotional response. I realized, this week even, that all these years, I had been, through my own defending myself against the ridiculous lies that were hitting me in the ears all the time, validating a madman.

The madwoman in me chose to no longer allow the madman in. Because the madwoman is good on her own, and really has, instead of choosing to entertain madmen, chosen to cozy up to her own truth. My own truth was that I knew I hadn’t been treated well, because when I saw others being treated in that same way it made me really, really mad. To the point where I would react, very poorly. The day I caught it was probably the most freeing day I ever had, because I saw what I thought I had been hiding behind NOT hiding it.

I don’t do bravado, but on that day, I found out that I do catty really, really well, and I did not like it. It was not needed. I find that I like me way more when I choose brainy. Brainy gets it done correctly every time these days. Where once I was a very impatient pain in the ass, I find it to be a far more  savory experience, not only knowing that I can control myself, a LOT better these days, but that, catty comes in handy here, where it is that now, I do not have to respond to any asshole human beings. My response is just really to have no response. And like an actual cat who ignores its human, I assume, and somehow enjoys it, it is quite the experience to watch someone who is planning on you losing it, lose it.

It took me a long time to learn to do this. It took me a long time to decide that this person who chose to hurt me when they could just have NOT, did so, and it was not until I chose to no longer let the madman in that I realized I could clean house, so to speak. I could choose NOT to emotionally feel my way through all of the things that my Piscean brain conjures within itself. Instead, when it is that I need to knock my own shit off, I lean on the bull, on the Taurean moon, on the part of me that emotionally, even being a Pisces, I am able to deal with things.

Lots of things, I found out.

The pressure is on, guys

The pressure is on for us all to do whatever it is that we have to do in order to be our best, highest selves. This means that through this energy, we find that there are a LOT of things that we do that we do not need to do, and likely no longer need that energy in our lives.  Reread that – there are habits that we perform that we are not aware that we are performing that, for the life of us, we cannot seem to let go of. We each have habits that we have, that annoy the hell out of us, but we believe we are helpless to do anything about.

The truth is, though, that we are not helpless, at least not when it comes to our own habits. We created the habits, and yes, we might have had some help from other people in the creation of those habits, but none the less we are who is responsible for them, including and even and especially the breaking or changing of those habits.

This is what I mean by the pressure is on us to do something, anything, to make the “ugh” of the current moment not so “ugh.”

We don’t realize that we are who makes our own lives somewhat difficult, and it is not for a lot else more than the way that we react, rather than respond, to certain situations in our lives. I am not suggesting at all that the things that,in our lives, do not warrant our having the reactions that we do, do not have the energy and neither the potential to make us nutty from the inside out. I am suggesting, though, that there are a lot of different, creative ways that we can look at the things that are making us crazy with frustration, with fear, with all the things that we need to look at, but are thinking we are helpless to do a thing about them all, and that once it is that we have created another, new habit, we find out that we were fearful for reasons other than the obvious ones.

We do not have control over other people. We have control over ourselves, and in that control we have the power to do, or not do, something about anything at all.

It isn’t easy not handling things the way that we always have. It isn’t easy trying to look at them all and not see the pile of shit there that needs us to do something about it. It is easy, though, to step ahead of our reaction, think about why we are reacting, and easy to practice responding to it all.

Sometimes we do not realize that a change in our outer circumstances is the heads up that we need from the Universe telling us that it is our turn…

…sometimes, it is the pressure that we feel from the way that we have always reacted to anything that is what needs to be changed rather than the outer circumstances.

It rarely, if ever, is anything outside of us that is bothering us. It usually, if not always, is how we feel and emote about what is happening that needs to be different…

I LOVE YOU ALL !

ROX

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Like Christmas in February

There is not a whole lot more that is quite as delightful as knowing that all this time, you were right !

I won’t give anyone the reason why I feel like this. The people who need to know why I feel like this, know. (Okay, so I gotta tell April why but that is neither here nor there). I thought I was dreaming, but it turns out that I have been handed proof that we are powerful.

I will tell you all that this, proof, was twenty years in the making, that it took me quite by surprise the way that I was shown my own power of manifestation, by the way, and through whom, that proof showed up in my life as soon as – maybe two or three weeks ago, now? I don’t exactly recall when, I just know that that which was recently manifested has made me think about one thing – if I can manifest something as big, beautiful, life changing, gentle, important, into my life, I can manifest anything, really.

The best part is that you can, too. I know this. Because just as I was handed that proof, basically on a proverbial silver platter, I, too, served as being said same proof for someone who is fast becoming a very big part of this second half of my life, and really, I could not be happier. I am guarded, but that is to be expected, and it is because of all the other garbage that I have gone through just to get to the point where really, in my mind, I don’t know if I am coming or going – manifesting one’s own desires, in short, kicks ass.

Like a shiny new bicycle

All of the horrible stuff that we have all gone through has not been without a good enough reason. I know, I know…lots of hurt still swirling around in the cosmos, and I also know that as soon as we can face that demon of hurt, as soon as we can see, too, that the void we feel is slowly becoming a void no more, and once we can accept where we have been, we can guarantee that sooner than later, things will begin to change, and suddenly, we feel like a kid on Christmas morning when they first set eyes on that one thing they so truly, dearly, with everything in them, wanted.

I know that it is not impossible to have everything in your life that you want. I sit here, completely beside myself, not only on the idea that what has occurred began twenty years ago, but that my theory of thinking back to that time, that whatever it was that broke us back then, in the time that has passed by, we have, to this point, created the answer to the situation, and the only answer was that we each needed to believe that what we needed would be also what we wanted. You will have, in the time that has passed, either come up with the reason, or have manifested the only answer. I manifested the only answer. For a long time there were things about me that I believed, and they were not the nicest things to believe about one’s own self, but believe them I did.

Then two decades went by, and here I am, telling you all that while I know it is the absoluteness of the Pisces, that we believe, it does not only apply to the idea that yes, we believe in faeries and elves, monsters and demons, but we also have a gentle powerlessness that is simultaneously our own mechanism of empowerment. It was through my weaknesses that I made it this far and this long, through those things that were not quite perfect that the one wish of the Soul came screaming back at me. Loudly.  I will admit to wanting to dive headlong into the fray, but stopped myself, knowing and thinking that it may not be what I think, may not be what it used to be – I am glad I was right, because it was way, way better than even my ability as a pisces to believe the most ridiculous things.

Yet they are not ridiculous. It was no where near ridiculous, the thing that I wanted so dearly, the thing that I never dreamed was not too far from me. I wanted to cry, wanted to scream joyously at the very top of my lungs, and really, even as it was not a holiday, it sure felt like one.  I did not scream, but my soul did. 

Just like a kid on Christmas morning.

It is in the ugliness of life that the beauty is spawned from

We all have lost, so, so much, but I will remain glued to my thought that it is never for nothing. The things that we each have gone through for many years were meant to bring us to this point. At this point we must look back and piece together the things that are most memorable to us, good or other than good, think about and perhaps even dwell on not what it is that we want, but why we want it. Once we have the answer for the “why” we can go forward, remaining neutral to the things that we do not see in manifest.

I could not have been more delighted, really, and not for more than the proof that is the bigness of my own Soul. I am huge on the idea that who we are is reflected back to us through others. I am big on the idea that once it is that whatever is still there and is hurting us, that those things will be what are the catalyst for us all to seek our power, to find out that we are awesome at this Soul power stuff, and that as long as we all think like good little fish, believe that we have the power to bring to our lives at least something which represents the actuality of things, we also, at that point when we choose to believe this way, open wide the door for the actual situation that we see in our minds to also be as good and as big a possibility as anything would be.

It was my Gator who kept up after me to never just be walking my bull (Lunar Taurus here), who told me that I really needed to let my truth show and just let the shark swim in the ocean of un-reality. It was April who told me that the thing that I so wished for was upon me, that it would be with a lightning quickness and that when it happened that I would hear her saying this to me, and I did. It was my soul mother, Noreen, who, three years ago, told me that it would not be what I thought, the way that this played out, but that it would, by the time that it mattered, make all the sense in the world to me AND that I WOULD BE a VERY happy little land shark…

All of them were right. I am sitting here beside myself, wondering how on earth this all came to be. It was with a little help from my two Soul Sisters and our Soul Mother, with a lot of wild piscean imagination, and yes, a whole lot of pleading with Spirit to please take away the ache from what I thought was gone forever and never to be had again, at all.

How to have your own Christmas all year long

I won’t lie to you – manifestation takes great focus and a lot of patience, it takes a belief in the unbelievable being able to be. My friend Melody Fletcher, the one to whom I refer to as “The Snarky Puppy Chick,” and who lovingly responds always with ‘How are you, Feral (Kitten)?” She is also a part of this, as a teacher and a pal on the other side of the world, who told me, around the same time Noreen said it, about how I have no idea what was ahead of me, that I needed to believe that I could have that one wish.

I have that one wish. I saw it with my own two eyes, and no matter what anyone else thinks, again, I am a very happy Kahu right now, ecstatically so, even.

You can do this, too. I say this because of all of the people who I know, I am the person who I know is the one who may have all the high aspirations of getting what I want to have in my life, but am also the very one who was less inclined to believe in my own ways and powers of manifestation. I used to stare enviously at my dear friend Scott (hello bassist), at how fast his manifestations became reality. I asked him once how he did it, what was going through his head, and his answer was like magic – “Rox, you just don’t think it won’t happen- that’s how I do it and how it happens…” and he was right.

When I set out to manifest what I manifested, and when it came into being, I was, all at one time, taken back to every single conversation I’d had with every single person I’d had it with, regarding our power to manifest. I am likely one of the only Pisceans that anyone knows who refuses to throw caution to the wind, who is the doubting Thomas of all doubters, who, at one point in her life, had very little belief that I would have the luck that I have with this one very big, very important thing.

And yes, it is that big, that important, that life-changing. It may not be that way for anyone else, but for me, it is. I am not sure of what is way more awesome – that I manifested this to happen, or that I was powerful enough to manifest it. I didn’t need to pay anyone to teach me this. I only needed my Soul Tribe to be there for me, no matter what, so that when all else failed (and it failed a LOT…but with VERY GOOD REASON !), they would (and did…thanks April, Dannie and Noreen…all my guys…you guys are the BEST!) be there to help me piece back together my tattered soul, my broken and shattered heart, and the me who is still a very much younger me, still very much the one who, for the life of her, feels like a kid again.

When we least expect the greatness in life to reveal itself, it happens upon us in remarkable ways. When we think we want something else, it is with a swiftness that Spirit comes beckoning us to show us what we need, in the form that we need it, and most of the time, want it to be. What I needed was what I also wanted, and nothing else would be the same as that one thing. There were situations which could have been thought of as being what I wanted, but when I thought about it, it was not. In fact, it was the opposite. I could only hear April telling me to be patient, Dannie telling me to not cry because the Mother Goddess knows what is best for any of us. It was Noreen, who, in her beautiful, Cancerian mother-like ways who was and is always there to help me see what I could not or what I refuse to see, and Jimmy who never ever let me get the best of me. I will admit to being a woman who has some set standards, and many of those standards, I am remiss to say, made me think and do things that eventually only cracked me in the soul a little more.

Once I took heart and heed to what my fellow Seers could also see, and interpreted differently for me, things became crystal clear. Soon enough, the path became brighter and clearer than it had ever been for many years.

Then one day…

…Merry Danged Christmas ! In February even !

If you want something in your life badly enough, you have the power to make it be, and not only make it be, but make it be way, WAY better than you were willing to settle for. I know this, for sure.

I have living proof.

I am living proof.

I LOVE YOU ALL !

ROX

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My Soul Brother

Randy Jay Braun – Hawai’i’s Camera Artist

 

 

 


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