Stuck

toolstop-47If You Feel Even the Tiniest Bit like You Are Stuck in a Place with no escape, I promise that you are not alone.

In fact, you are so not alone…it is not one of those things that requires anything more than patience and little bit of understanding that at this time, Spirit is cleaning house, and no one is immune to the things that are going on. Basically, no matter what we want to think, no matter what we care to believe, EVERYTHING that serves absolutely NO purpose, even if it serves, tangibly, a very good one, is evolving, just like we are.

There are times in our lives when it may well seem as though that all of everything that we are and all of everything that we have always been is about to be crushed within moments and at the very moment that someone who is not us does or says something that might make us ache, and not in a good way.

It feels, right now, very much like everything that we are experiencing, and everything that we are witnessing, even and especially within the bounds of our own lives, is going to end us, end everything that we are, everything that, to this moment, we have worked for, worked toward, worked to have.

And really, it doesn’t matter what it is that we want, because what is going on is nothing that can be avoided, because there really is only one way to avoid it. (Not doing anything about it doesn’t count…because you are not avoiding, you are just not doing) That one way involves a mortician, or a jailer, and even in those moments, you still have to do whatever it is that you might be just…dreading…right now.

Whether you want to believe it or not, there really is no better moment than to do whatever it is that will help move things along so that we can get on to the next buncha stuff we gotta deal with. The way that we have all been taught by the generations which came prior to ours is that we have to…HAVE TO…remain stuck in the energy that tells us, again and again and again, that what we are going through is our own fault, and that how we feel about it all is unwarranted. This is truly where we get the idea that we have to do things that suck because we deserve them. This is where we get the idea that who we are is not now and neither has it ever been “good enough” for other people to even bother telling us so. We were taught that our own opinion of ourselves doesn’t count, and that to be acceptable, other people have to approve of who we are.

I will apologize to you all now for you, just as I went through it, having to endure people being shitty to you all of your life. You need to know, for sure and for real, that you …we…are not all “one purpose fits all,” and because of your original higher self, you are as good enough as SPIRIT needs you to be.

Fuck everyone else who disagrees.

Stuck

I will be the last person on this planet to tell anyone at all that they need to stop doing like they are doing, delve only into the pain, the paranoia, and the lies behind the bullshit that other people have brought to any of us and not get their shit done, namely when I know that in my own life there is one thing that I HAVE TO get done.

Once it is done, while I cannot truthfully state that that one thing is going to magically and immediately make things tangibly better for me or move things forward right away, the one thing that I have to do and that I cannot not do is the very thing that will allow those two things to happen anyway. When we are willing to release what does not serve us, what we are also and simultaneously doing at that time is making room in our lives for what is meant to be there. I am telling you right now, and you will read about it a few paragraphs from this one, that once it is that we can let go of a thing – it could be a thought, an opinion, a person, a place, a memory…ANYTHING – what we do in that energy is we free up the space needed for something better to come in and fill the void (because the Universe LOATHES a void…and indeed -You are reading that correctly – when we release something, it is AUTOMATICALLY creating room for your…YOUR dreams)

…keep reading, because the one question I have been asked lately more than any other is “when is this shit gonna finally fucking stop?”

When I say that allowing what has to happen to happen, no matter how shitty it might feel to simply allow all of them to just happen, think, instead, of what won’t happen and what won’t be gone and what won’t be allowed to grow and to also move ahead if you don’t.

As hard as that might seem to be, as hard as that might seem to do, I am telling you right now that no matter what, once it is that we can allow ourselves to let go of things and accept even the shittiest things that we would rather NOT do, we will begin also to see that in remaining glued to whatever shittiness it is, for whatever purpose we think it will serve in trying to salvage whatever it was that, at one time, might have been the very most important thing to us.

Don’t get me wrong – I am not now and never will I ever state that you should not hang on to your good memories – those are not the thing that I am talking about our needing to let go of and accept as they are being the thing that makes life ugly for us. I am talking about all the unbelievable bullshit that you have, for however long you have believed it all, chosen to take on as your truth as brought to you by other peoples’ words and/or actions in the past. NONE of that matters anymore. What you are doing in believing those thoughts is quietly validating other peoples’ crap…about you…that is not the truth.

Even if it was the truth in the past, it is not the truth anymore. Whatever is back there is back there, and there is nothing that can be done about it happening. But, you have right now, and right now you are alive, and right now you are sitting here reading this, and right now is not then…kinda follow?

Understand, please, that I am not now, nor will I ever suggest anything that is “irresponsibility.” Understand that I am not suggesting that you just sort of say “fuck it!” and let everything just fall where it may.

What I am saying is that what any one of us really ought to be doing right at this time in our lives is taking stock of all of the things that we have and which carry the energy of our having a very dear and an absolute need for.

My only example, at least from where I am speaking, is myself.

There are a very limited few who know everything that is going on in my life at this time. The way I see it, I don’t need the entire world to know what is happening in my life. The only people who need to know are the ones who are not going to suggest that I do anything that I am not comfortable with. It was not that long ago that I would post my bullshit for the world to see, in hopes that one of my many teachers of Spirit would read what I posted and come to my rescue.Over time, and after much having to accept their guidance through a thing or two, the one thing that I know has helped shape who I have become to this point is NOT them coming to my rescue in the manner that, at first, I had hoped for.

The way that this helped shape me was through my own manner of keeping myself as …I don’t know… “tolerably goofy” from all of this madness in my life right at this very moment, and yes, even as I type this, is the strength, the tenacity, and absolutely the level of integrity that I was afforded with through all of the bullshit with people who I won’t even bother to acknowledge, let alone speak to in a manner that is less than …ummm…hostile (I gotta be me). You see, where I was, emotionally, a few short three years ago, versus where it is that, again, emotionally, about a whole LOT of things, I am right now, I am happy that they were closed mouthed about things that I was learning right at that time. I am happy that, even through the tears, through the gnashing of teeth, through the insane bouts of rage that I had gone through, with and without them, I am glad they taught me rather than rescuing me.

I am glad that I now know that I am able to get through ugly things, and I am glad to know that what it is that got me through those things and those times had nothing to do with anyone else, or anyone else’s “help.” What got me through it all was not only their guidance. In order for me to get through it all, what needed to be the main kicker in all of it…was me…

There is really not a wrong or a right way of approaching this…stuck…feeling…just gotta go through it…please keep reading…

Lots of folks know what it is to have to deal with things that other people have brought to them, that other people have brought to them with the expectation that those others will fix it, and that other people have even created for us. For a lot of us, right now is a struggle. It is a struggle in a lot of ways. Some of us are dealing with our working lives (ummm, that’s an understatement), while others of us are working on our personal private lives with others (all good in that manner…blessed and lucky…that’s me…#HeKnowsWhoHeIs), and yet many, many others of us are being made to work on these two things at the same time, and really, the proof that it is or it is not happening for us, perhaps not in the manner that we hoped for, is that we ache.

When we ache is when we are growing. If you think about your child, and you think about their joints aching when they were about to grow taller, you will have something to compare the bullshit that you are going through right now, that you need to go through so that you can grow from it (as will…WILL your professional and private life…seriously…), and also so that you can, without anything else getting in the way, experience what it is that you are meant to, in a good way, at this time in your very busy life.

Yes… I know…you don’t want to go through more, and you are not sure how much more you could even think to handle, let alone really handle. I get it. I am there with you all, right this minute, trying hard to not feel like I am somehow buried beneath this pile of doubt, trying hard to ignore the bullshit that keeps running through my mind of everything that could happen. Sometimes I don’t know what it is that prevents me from utilizing the fear within to become the shield that I know it is becoming. At the same time, I am not sure of myself when it comes to handling people who are terrible humans to begin with. What my thinking and somewhat…intellectual and cerebral… side continues to tell me is that what has to be done is just going to be done, and that all the bullshit that I won’t deal with from anyone, let alone the one person who I do not trust, let alone like...anymore…the bullshit is the end of the line, folks. 

I am not sure of myself when in the company of unsavory people. Unsavory people are those people who make your blood boil and your skin crawl. Most of my day, I am surrounded by them. Easily, I always feel stuck – not in this house…in this energy. Few places am I allowed to feel warmth energy. This is not one of those places, and lately, I figured out what I think I might have known all of my life: it is not my childhood home, and even if it was, it wouldn’t have been. This is a truth that might seem trivial, but, for a whole lot of years, I felt like I did not truly belong anywhere. Sometimes, in the realest sense, I am still looking for “Home,” but, in every way imaginable otherwise, I already have it…all of it, and there is nothing in this world that I would trade it for.

Not one fucking thing. Ever.

Fear is the dominant energy…so, let’s make it dance for us, shall we?

I have held a lot of different jobs throughout the course of my life. The one that I loved the very most, that I still love the very most, is hula. If there is anything that anyone who has ever performed on stage, for any reason at all, knows, very well, it is that initial feeling of stage fright that not one of us does not go through…initially, that is. Once it is that we are able to tap into the energy of the audience we are also able to draw from that energy the energy by which we will flow into it.

I have taught MANY people this dance that I love so much, and it is through their fear that I reach them. I teach them to look at their fear and embrace it, because in doing so they will learn more about why it is that they are so afraid. This way of doing things doesn’t always work. It only works when we know that it can. The way that we learn that we can is by doing what has to be done. 

The fear that we feel about anything will wane a little if we choose to use different words than the ones that we are currently using. If we thought about how powerful words really are, and we think about how much the words of lots of other people throughout our lives have affected us, and we think about what it is that we have always done and perhaps continue to do when in regards to things that scare or hurt us, we can also think about another way to define certain things.

Everything, including the reason behind fear carries an energy, and the energy that it typically carries is that of something from the past. A very very good example of this that is from my own life is being in “relationship.” (It is an energy- not a thing. The only way to say it is to call it…yes, Maestro…an Entity. An ‘Entity’ makes it a thing unto its own, but it is a thing that needs care and time and work. I found this out. No shit – not totally on my own….but, on my own. I did not go running my mouth when (bwaaahahaaaa) the cookies went into full crumble (meaning that I was in tears, probably for a long set of days…meltdown, big time).

Instead I went to my Circle…I went to the women. I went to everyone else that I could, before I went to bother this very special person.

Never did I ever think that I would trust another person again, at least not in a relationship between two people. Yet, it happened. I trust this person with everything- including my very life. I had to go through a whole lot in terms of asking questions, not about them, but about myself. I asked myself if I wanted to go through another day of not being able to share who I am with someone who is very well deserved of a person who will treat them with every bit of love, respect, integrity that anyone would deserve if they, themselves, also gave those same things. I asked myself if I cared to continue believing that all others would see whatever it was in me that made it so that I would have a reason to believe that I was all those horrid things which would warrant someone psychologically harming me in the manner that I had been.

I asked me, again and again, if I wanted to be alone…and to all of these things, my only answer was “NO!”

And it wasn’t as though I didn’t have a very good incentive. We shall just say that when it takes a very long time, just to find out if you were right, and then you find out that you were right and then some, you begin to know, for real, the meaning of power, of self-love, of acceptance, of being able to get through things, just so that you can get to things. In this case, that which has changed my life, has changed me, that took twenty years for me to find, is the very best thing and is something that I am no where near sorry that I decided to see through to the end. The end brought with it a lovely, solid beginning, and one which just continues to make me grow, with one other person, even through the bullshit.

It is the most lovely “stuck” that I have ever been…and was the thing that over time, I was preparing myself for. I had no idea that this is what was going on, no idea what all of the strange dreams, the music which would make me automatically think about that one person, seemingly out of the blue, for years and years, be the things that, even as they sometimes drove me to tears, the tears that they all elicit these days are the ones that come from that thing called “being happy” even though from the looks of things in every other area, would make me, has made me, still has the ability to make me cry like a child.

So…basically…

Basically, we are not really “stuck,” but we are really frustrated from feeling stuck. There is a big difference in terms of what is real, and what feels like it is real.

It is reality that you are going through what you are going through, but it is ethereally real that you feel the realness brought about by all this shit you are experiencing. It is a reality that your thoughts about what is happening in your specific life at this time in your life would make you also feel like you are low enough to dangle your feet off of a folded dollar bill, but the reality is not about the feeling and all about what can be done about how you are feeling right now.

I am feeling, right now, very frustrated. I am very disappointed in Life, generally, speaking, and the more that I think in those terms, the more horribly distraught I become.

Yet, at the same time, I also am very hopeful, yes, because I know that this is temporary, because the people in my life at this time are the ones who are supposed to be part of it, and they are not temporary. I am ecstatically happy in partnership. I have great kids. I am working on my Doctorate. I know the big words haha…and LOOK! There’s FOOD in the fridge! OMG!

…and the energy that remains…the one that is the bright light in the middle of all of this darkness, is that we are all loved, that we are here for a purpose, and there is, in this pain, that purpose. It is not our only purpose. It is one of many.

I could go on and on and on and on…

I Love You All !

Medicine Dance Book Cover Front Draft RJBClick on “Ka Wa Kahiko,” by Randy Jay Braun to read an excerpt of my latest book

“Medicine Dance”

To see more of Randy’s artwork, please visit the gallery at randyjaybraun.com today !

#TheCrabAndTheFish

#LosAngelesKahuna

#PuckingIrishGuy

#LiveALOHA

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About ReverendRoxie22

Visit my website! www.reverendroxie22.wix.com/losangeleskahuna View all posts by ReverendRoxie22

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