Tag Archives: manifestation

A Higher Calling …What’s Yours?

triple goddess blue and purple

Do you know the reason why you are going through everything that you are going through right now?

The truth will, or maybe will not, surprise you.

The truth is that at some point in your life, you asked, from the middle of your soul, for things to be different for you, and you might have even believed that you were deserved of better things. You might have watched something called The Secret and after watching it, you might even have gone out and tried out what you saw and perhaps even manifested something for yourself.

The truth is that what you are going through, and the idea that it is in your life, is NOT something only that you have manifested into being, but, is also a lesson that you have called into being and that lesson is connected to what you do and what you do in this lifetime is connected to who you are and your mission and purpose in this lifetime. I say it a whole lot, specifically to those who I coach through my Awareness training – all of everything that we go through, specifically if it harms us and makes us hurt in the soul and is something that seems to have been part of who we are from the time that we were kids…that is what your Divine Purpose is…your Divine Purpose Is your Higher Calling.

What Is Your Higher Calling?

The way that I figured out was my Higher Calling was to step back from my own life and see what the running theme of every lesson that I have learned to this point, and mainly the lessons that hurt me, very dearly, and the ones that somehow I end up using as an example in my work in this world.  Case in point – when I thought about who I wanted to coach, after some thought and time, I figured out that it is not the “how” that we are going to get something done, but rather and only why.

You will not know what is your calling just by the simple means by which you have chosen to do things in the past. You will get there better by figuring out why you want to pursue what it is that you cannot get out of your head. Whatever it is that you are thinking about, even if it is your current job and you have come up with things that you would like to implement in terms of what you do in your duties….that is you answering the Higher Calling of what your purpose is. 

Your purpose in connected to the thing that you have to go through, and by “go through” I mean the things that you have had to deal with and that hurt your soul. 

As much as I hated going through everything that I have gone through over the course of my life, and as much as I can understand why it is that some folks – even those closest to me – do not realize the reason why I do not do things in the manner which the rest of the world does – I went through those things, unbeknownst to me, because I had to. 

Yes…had to

In fact, when we all can’t find a way out of the things that we feel like we have to go through, it is because we have to go through them in order to level up to the thing that we want to happen for us, or, at least will get us that much closer to that thing. We have to get through things that suck because that is what is required of us to rise up to where we need to be. Where we need to be is up to us, which is the most confusing thing to us all if it is that we have been taught that the only way that we can get what we want is to beg your mom’s big scary god guy for it…I know all about that one and how it is that it does more damage than much else.

triple goddess hula

…and really, the way that we know that we are “leveling up” is because we will, at those times, look out into the nothing, or up into the sky through the ceiling, and ask the question, through tears or through the proverbial gnashing of teeth….a one word query:


It is because I know that the reasons that I have for doing anything at all is not connected to how I intend to make those things happen, but rather and only why they need to happen in my life. Once it is that we are very clear on the reason why we want something in our lives, the how just happens. Bear in mind that the “how” does not happen to us -but is already in place. The how is connected to how we technically and tangibly make things come into our being. So, when I state that we need to know why we want something, someone, somewhere …anything….at all..in our lives…the best, fastest way to get those things there is to know why  we are passionate about that one thing.

Knowing how to do anything is “of the body,” and in order to create anything, we have to know why we are so passionate about anything. I am very passionate, not only about people becoming healed and whole again, but, very dearly passionate about what I do in terms of revealing the Truths of our own inner selves, lives and worlds and that is only and all about who we are in relation to our Purpose….also and better known as A Higher Calling.

A Higher Calling

We are not born knowing what our purpose is.

Believe it. It is the truth.

Not one of us knows what our purpose is. We have to sort of figure it out on our own. There is nothing that someone who can be considered a “guru” can charge enough to make it so that you do not have to go through what you have to go through. Adding to that, there are a lot of “gurus” on this planet who want to make us believe that we do not know what our purpose is and that we will not know what it is until our life is passing before our eyes in the minutes prior to our crossing over. (Been there. Done that. I survived it…and at that point in my life, I thought I knew what my purpose was and was arrogant about it…please keep reading…)

Our purpose and finding it out is NOT something that is meant for us to guess til we leave our bodies. Our purpose is embedded in the things that we go through, the things that we got through, the things that we will still go through. At every juncture in our lives, and at every turn that brings us to a place that feels like harm (and typically is), those are the times that we are being made better, stronger, tougher, clearer, higher purposed..with each and every heart ache.

We go through everything we do so that we can go out into this world and let the world have our words in terms of how we survive the things that we do. Some of us begin early in life, with major losses, and many of us continue to go through things from the time that we are children. I was one of those children. I was not allowed to do a whole lot of things, was not allowed, for the most part, to have what is known as an original thought.

This is the reality that a whole lot of us go through – the idea that we think thoughts that are ours and original, but, as children, our parents censor us …and it is not their fault that they are doing this – they are being parents.

I get it.

I am certain that all of us who are called “mom” or “dad” gets it.

It is at the times in our lives when we hurt the most is when we are supposed to pay the most attention, but we don’t, and we don’t because at those times we are very dearly in an energy of heightened emotional stuff. The emotionality of things is where the gold is in all of our lessons, but we do not know this. We are taught, instead, that we are supposed to express our emotions, and we do. What we are not taught is what to do with those things that we have learned from those times that hurt us the very most – we are not taught why we go through things that hurt so bad.

I can only speak for myself when I state that the way that I have chosen to utilize the pain and every horrid thing that I have experienced is simply to research it, study it, link it to neuro-cognition, learn to use it to teach others how to learn what is their purpose and more, to create the way that the world will benefit from the goodness borne of the things that have shattered us in a gazillion tiny, cutting pieces.

Think of it in terms of this – it is at the very lowest times in our lives that we are being made perfect in our imperfections, and in those imperfections are created the future. The times in our lives that hurt us, that spot weld the things that we learn from and the people who we learn them from in our heads, hearts, souls and memories – even though those times and those things sucked – they taught us.

They taught us in the most hurtful ways, and they taught us in the way that only we would be able to learn – from our own lives. They taught us who we were not by giving us constant reminders of the things that hurt us, things that are not who we are and not what we are about and those things are thrown in our faces, everyday, day after day, until we end up figuring out that all along, what we were asking for was there for us, but was not obvious and neither was it made that way – obvious.

The Harm that Refines


You read that correctly – the harm that refines us.  It is like firing metal to make it a blade and like sandblasting the crud that collects around tiled inner perimeter of a pool caused by an owner just not paying attention to the crud, and when the crud is gone, there in its place is the restored manner which those surfaces are supposed to be, and they are the same surfaces – and sometimes they are made better.

Thinking in these terms we can also see that when we are doing what we are supposed to be doing, even including the things that made us suffer through all of these things that we go through. We can see that in these times in our lives, we somehow, through it all, made it fine and made it out alive. And that realization is also part of all of these things, because that realization is meant to give us guidance in terms of who we are and who we are, as we each and all ought to know, is connected to our very Divine Purpose.

We are all here for a purpose that is Divine and is created by us long before we are imparted into this lifetime. Our purpose is the thing that makes our soul sing, and makes our lives feel like even though they might be difficult, they are worth the everyday push towards our highest best selves, our higher calling…

What are you dealing with right now in your life? What are you doing everyday to make it at least feel a little less scathing?

What have you determined is your Higher Calling?

What, my friends, is your Higher Purpose?

Think about it…






Reader Question : “WHY ME?” (Bruddah, why NOT you?)

We have all been there, and sometimes I still go there, to that place where we throw our hands up into the air, look to the sky and sometimes tearfully ask “WHY ME?”



I get emails from a lot of people wanting to know if I can tell them what their future holds for them. When I explain to them that that is not how all this psychic stuff works, I am met with sometimes angry people calling me a fraud, and when what I tell them has the possibility of happening happens, it is almost an automatic thing for them to call on me and ask me why it is that their lives suck so badly. When I tell them, and actually and also remind myself, that it might not be that life is sucking so badly as much as it is that they are not paying close enough attention to the things at hand that are drawing for them the route to the next place they have to travel on the Path and remind them that when we first started all of this trekkin’ on the Astral thing, that it was not going to be easy and that they would be shown things they did not like, LONG before they would be rewarded with the things that they welcome… they become calm, even as they might not be happy, because suddenly, all the things that caused them to look to the sky to begin with make a little more sense.

You have to deal with the uglies to get to the things that matter

I say it a lot, again, mostly to myself and usually within earshot (or eyeshot online) of those who are seeking what is their own purpose and mission in life, that the Path that we each travel, while it is a solitary one, is not traveled without guidance or without the company of similar others, and sometimes, that guidance is doled out by people like myself. All the time I find that I must remind some of my students that they are going to have to face their demons and they are going to have to take their own lives into their own hands, decide if they are ready to save themselves or if they are still more inclined to stand in their Jesus Christ pose (goodness I Love that song…Soundgarden, in case you were curious) and martyr them on behalf of others who would never even bother in the same manner.

You guessed it – they don’t realize that they can finally let go of trying to make sense of everyone else’s crap and give time to their own crap. And as usual, because they have been doing the things that they have been doing for pretty much their whole lives,  it seems like a preteen being fitted for her first training bra – very uncomfortable. To them it doesn’t seem like it is the right fit. They are not used to not being there for themselves in the way that they are there for other people. They tell me that the way they were raised is to do for others first, sacrificing everything they are for the benefit of other people, saving nothing for themselves and when they get to that point of “WHY ME,” they really are wondering what the hell happened and more, why does it keep happening and I am too glad to tell them why, even if they are not exactly, at that point, crazy about me telling them.

So, to the youngster who tearfully, and then angrily, and then quizzically and loudly asked me “WHY ME?” …well, kiddo, I have a question for you, and that question is “Why Not You?”

Why NOT You?

Why not you? Why not the idea that Spirit and all of and in all of her Wisdom and Power and Glory would choose you to battle through what you are battling through, simply and only because Spirit truly knows what you need, who you are, what you are made of and what you want? We never really know what we want. Most of the time we merely have an idea of what we want, but outside of that, it is only Spirit who has the clue about it and not us.

We think we know what we want, but the truth is that what we think and see and know about ourselves is not as grand and deep as any one of us would like to believe.  We are “surface bound,” the most of us, even those of us who are professionally weird – there is not one of us on this planet who knows totally what we want and for that matter, what we do not want. What you have found yourself caught in the middle of, kiddo, is called a choice, and as far as I can recall, back to my youth, when I, myself, was but a youngster of 23 years old, thought I knew what I wanted – that is, until it was presented to me the thing that I really wanted and when I realized that what I wanted was literally right there in front of me and at that time, I could not have it, but also, at that time, I refused, with a big giant vengeance even, to believe that I would never see that person again…this is how, and more, WHEN, I now realize,  know that my lessons in Spirit and my livelihood were starting to form themselves.  And yep…that situation and that thing that I wanted?

No lie….it happened, and I was right, and I am right when I tell you, young one, that you may want to practice broadening your awareness…so, when you are done reading this, send me that email…anyhow… (check me out…all..momming someone else’s kid and stuff lol)

At that age, we never know what the hell we really want, but when something is presented to us that we cannot resist, and we know that it is ours, as long as we are willing to put in the work involved ON OURSELVES, no matter how long it takes, we are working toward that one energy.

We are never not working toward it, even when it seems that nothing is happening. I promise you that something is ALWAYS happening, and while it may not seem too believable right now in anyone’s head, it is when things suck the most that we are not only learning the most, but also pushing ourselves further toward the thing that we want to see happen. Think about it – recall back to the blog about being in neutral but remaining in a positive neutral state. In that writing there are things that were written that tell us all that when we want something so badly and we are thinking and believing that what we want we will never have (because we are so damned impatient) – this is when we need to form a neutral thought and a thought that is not really positive in its manner as much as it is neutral. The positive energy from the whole neutral thing is NOT for the thing we want, but for ourselves, because all human beings are prone to protecting ourselves, even and namely when the thing that we are manifesting actually means a whole lot to us.

Please do not get me wrong – the neutrally positive thing was not presented to me until but a few weeks ago. Yet, once it was that I had learned (very quickly, mind you) just how dearly important learning this one thing was, once I learned it, it was ON! Once I learned it and practiced it (and am still practicing it) the entirety of my own life lessons suddenly became clear to me, and that one thing that I wanted began to make a whole lot more sense to me…to the point where I am not trippin’ on things anymore the way that I did just a mere few weeks ago.

The reason why it seems that all of our lessons are so …ugh…okay most of our lessons….anyway….is because for as long and as far back as each of us can recall, the reason that we did not go headlong into the fray of things where that one thing is concerned is simply because we did not know that the things that we are faced with that seem like they suck (okay so they DO suck) are the things that we never wanted to deal with but are the things that NEED to be dealt with, because in dealing with them we find the key to the things that we really feel like we are desirous of having in our lives.  

I have maintained, for as long as I have been doing my job as Spiritual teacher and healer, that all of those who learn from me must also learn better and more from their own selves.  The lessons that we are taught sometimes hurt, in fact, most of the times this is the truth. But always, unless it is our time to transition out of this awareness, we make it out alive and well and seemingly with a new glow to us because at that moment and from those lessons…that “OMG” moment….we know a little more about who we are and what we are all about.

It also shows us, most importantly, what we are really made of and how much we think of ourselves, and mostly, it shows us that we are worthy of that one thing. While I will not lie to anyone and tell a soul that there is not one more important thing that I am now thinking neutrally about, I will state that daily, in that energy, just like I saw what was my own instance of “Yay me” not too long ago, I also sense that same “yay me” about this one thing. While this one thing is no way near as important as the last “yay me” thing is, I can say honestly that it is up there in importance and at least in the top ten list of things that are important to me at this time in my life.

So, basically, to that young person who asked me that question and then threw your hands up in the air as though doing so would make this all a little easier to comprehend, the things that you are going through are not without cause and purpose. Our life lessons never are without cause or purpose, because those lessons lend to YOUR Divine purpose. We all have one of those, you know…a Divine Purpose. Just as it is our duty to learn all we can about who we are and our place in this lifetime and in this awareness and on this planet, it is our gift, to see the beauty in the excrement of Life. (think about how many diamond wedding bands have been found while a braver soul than I have gone digging through the “remains” of Fido’s day and you will have a VERY good example of this)

Yes. Gift. Gift because digging through the ugliness of life causes us to stop along the way and put down the shovel so as to look a little more at the pile in front of us, the one made up of all the hurt and all the pain, of all the heartaches that others brought to us and that we, alone, had to deal with. Think about the gold that you found in all of that wreckage and how it is that, sometimes, Spirit sends to our side people with other tools we can use or that they will use to help us dig through the crap., and know now that as much as will be the thing that you so desire is the gift in and of itself, that these others who have shown up are as much the gift  as anything can or ever will be.

Sometimes, it is through those others presenting us with these gifts of theirs that is the thing that we do not realize we are seeking out. It doesn’t mean that we have a chance to put down our shovel and take a break. it means that we have company on the way there. Sometimes that company is welcomed, and sometimes that company is another teacher who we might not even much like. The fact remains that you are learning, and you are growing, and all of the Why Me moments are meant for you NOT to ask me or anyone else what it is that I think of what is going on, but is meant for you to ask YOU that very thing.

I know this makes sense to you…

Aloha….I Love You All…



Click on the image and be taken to “…just Rox…

When All Else Fails, Shift Into Neutral

All human beings have the ability to cause major changes in our lives, but the thing that we need to do is learn to let go of the outcomes we see in our head and want so badly to be the truth.



To have an epiphany means to end up having a sudden understanding about a thing. There are a lot of us who have had such things happen for us over the last few weeks, and over the last few weeks we have all been changed in some manner or another, and the change, by any means, is not a small one and neither is it the only one.  In fact,  inside of the one epiphany are gathered many others, and that is the reason why shifting into a neutral energy is important.

Think about it

When I was told by someone that instead of putting energy toward an outcome of something (because the outcome was what I’d wanted so badly, based only upon the things that I was feeling at the time), that I should think neutrally about it, it dawned on me that the way I had been going about things was really very much a large and annoying mass of confusion because the truth is that at that time, none of the outcomes that my logical human thinking could conjure were “good enough” for everyone involved. There was always going to be that one person for whom even as what I wanted, even as what it is that I still see as being the outcome of things, who would be involved and would somehow be the one who would be the difference in how things turned out.

And I can still see the same outcome, but the energy that I once had toward that same outcome is not what it was just recently. In fact, the energy now is very neutral in that no matter what the outcome turns out to be, it will still be what I need it to be, will still be what I know it is going to be, but without the negative energy which was produced by that outcome and the energy placed toward it in the manner that it was being placed toward it.

Once it was that I did what I never thought I should do, because the thought never crossed my mind, because for the very life of me I could not figure things out due to the idea that what I want I also need, and when push came to shove, there was only a handful of people who not only could help me figure out in black and white what I needed to do, but really, there were only two people who willingly told me what I needed to do and how to do it. That was the thing that I needed the most. It was not that I wanted anyone else to do anything for me, but that I needed to be told what exactly needed to be done.

And so, I did it.  I shifted into neutral, and when I did, even though at first it didn’t seem like anything was happening, all the while, behind the scenes, I knew something was indeed happening.

Bigger than I had expected

Make no mistake – the person with whom these epiphanies were brought to me, at least a few of them, that is, was not the person who anyone would think they would come from. Needless to say, the thing that needed to happen among all the other things which are in utero in the womb of the Universal vibe happened, and still, even as it is two days later, I am not so much in shock as much as I am in the energy of much needed (yet guarded…I am still human, guys) relief. And when I say that I am relieved, I mean that I am relieved that there has come to the surface a mutually agreed upon energy that is made up of a long time of pain being placed into the lives of myself and others, brought not only by one person, but somehow cultivated through the energies of the entirety of the whole of the group.

Were that it were not for the ugliness which ensued throughout the time from this past Friday to right this moment, these epiphanies brought about by having been through way too much as is, and finally, that moment of forgiveness of the self for not having been able to understand something for a long, long time came and draped us all with itself. While the relief is a long time coming, and while it is that there is still the rest of the journey from here on out, this is the starting point rather than an ending. It technically is an end, but not an end which is not somehow very dearly wanted and needed on so many levels, by all involved, that to think that having been trying so hard, for so long, to even gather a tiny bit of understanding from what has been a very big and ugly mess for a very long, long time, is impossible to wrap one’s head around. Yet, it is here, and it is real, and all those who need to know what has happened know.

It was not more than an actual shift in thinking that brought this to this point.

Like shifting a car into neutral

No. It was not that simple. It took many years for me to grab onto the idea that hanging on to the outcome that I would like, that even collectively EVERYONE would have liked, was not going to make things happen any easier. Had anyone at all just put it plainly to me that the thing that needed to happen was akin to shifting my thoughts from 5th gear to neutral, I might not be writing this right now. For a long time all I wanted to do was have some relief, and for as long, all I wanted to know was what I was missing – which step it was, that is, that I was not taking. While it was and still is that I am learning what I am supposed to, sometimes, when things are at the point of desperation, and the thing that is needed and wanted is just out of reach, and the things that we are taught do not include what it is that we need to do, and also when it seems that people expect that I would want anyone to do anything other than to just please tell me what I need to do, in plain black and white, without the shroud of mystery so included in all of this weirdness that I am still very much learning my way around.

Sometimes, we need to be given very detailed and strict instructions. When someone is hurting, it is our choice to either tell them what needs to be done, or make them continue to seek the answers. And mind you that neither of these two ways are bad or wrong.

While I am one who is willing to seek answers, the thing that would have been what I needed the most were the set of instructions, or at least a little hint, so as to allow me and anyone else to follow said instructions and test it out for ourselves. It took me a long time to think about what it was that I wanted and needed and still need to happen.  It really doesn’t matter to me what other people think of the way that I have handled this to this point, because there are truly very few people who totally understand what it is that I have been through, even though I have told my own story for a long time. I never wanted anyone to think that I was depending on anyone else to do this for me – I know better than that. All I really needed was a set of instructions, so that I could, through my own shifting of energetic gears from high gear to no gear at all, breathe again and have that ability to clearly see where it is that I now am. Where I now am is far better than I was just a little less than a week ago.

When we have the chance to let someone in on the secrets that we know they need, and so long as we are aware that we are going to have to do the work ourselves, it is not our duty as much as it is our choice to give them that alternative means of getting to a place which is agreeable to all involved. I won’t ever say that it is this person’s fault, or that person’s fault. It isn’t. I will say though, that, when I got to the very end of my own rope, and on the other end of the line was someone who had finally had enough of my hurting, enough of my pain, enough of my telling them that there are days when I just do not want to get out of bed, this person very gently gave me what I needed, which was simply a set of instructions. What I chose to do with those instructions were mine alone.

This is what anyone needs, but they do not need it until they get to that point where, in reality, the pain is so great and so looming that to not ask for the help is about as foolish as it gets. I asked for the help, in the form of my crying out to the Universe with all of the pain that was gathered throughout the time that I have been walking the crust of the earth. Only one person would be able to give me said set of instructions in the manner that she had, the way a best friend is supposed to, and as always, she was right. She is always right. It was not until someone gave me exactly what I needed, which was to tell me that I needed to simply just shift into a neutral position on what I know is supposed to happen. I needed to be trusted enough to be able to handle the thing that I had to do. It just took someone to tell me the black and white instructions, and the black and white instructions were put into play and here I am now, one week after the energetically violent nature of things came to a head, one week after the turmoil felt on several different levels and which had several different layers of hurt, of feelings of a lifetime of emotionally being abandoned by some of the very most important people in my life, are much easier to deal with.

When it is that we cannot bear the pressure of the energies which are within us is when we are meant to stop and take a look at what is pressuring us and why we feel the way that we do. It does not take a whole lot of things not going one person’s way for anyone to think that no one wants to help us. It might not be that they do not want to but that really, they are as tired and taxed as we are. However, there is always that one person who is always going to give us the hints that we need, and it is through our crying out to the Universe that this eventual shifting of gears happens for us and to us.

Where there is a lot of pressure in our lives and in our spirits is also where we need to take the pressure off of that one thing and shift our energies in to a neutral position, where the emotional nature of things which are created by our egos have caused us to become needy for things that are not of the best nature and are made to feel like this because the truth is totally that we need an end to things. I won’t lie – I still feel the way that I did in regards to the outcome that I would love to see happen, because it is an outcome that would benefit everyone involved. I will also not lie again and say that I have to have that one thing, because what I was given was so much more…insanely cool…that to bother with the other outcome that I wanted so badly is like not only looking a gift horse in the mouth, but also kicking said horse in the eyes.

Shift into neutral when it seems like you have exhausted all other means of relief. Neutral takes away the confusion and replaces it with logic.

I Love You All !


CANCERWATERELEMENTThis and more like these can be viewed by visiting

Randy Jay Braun’s website

A Larger Awareness

The thing that none of us thinks about when we are forced by Spirit to walk through the proverbial fires in life is that our Awareness is made bigger and we are served with Spiritual gifts and the sharpening of them through that very flame.


It is not about who has gone through more than whoever else. Life is not meant to only be sunshine and roses, but more a collection of experiences meant to teach us who we are in this lifetime.  Who we are in this lifetime is what we are supposed to find out. How we get there is not ever readily available for us to know, as who we are is meant to be created. We cannot depend on the opinions of others to create for us the people who we are intended to be. Other people are meant to help us get there, to teach us who we are not, and to remind us that we are not alone on our Path.

Yet, it is not always going to be a human teacher.  Our Aumakua (Guides) come to us in many forms, and lately, that form has been through avian creatures, specifically birds. Lots of us have had encounters with our feathered friends this week, and also with those same friends who bear 6 or 8 legs. None the less, more and more of us have become aware to the idea that somehow, that we see these creatures all the time is one thing, but that we have each seen them and that each time that we had seen them, it was our Souls that took notice.

It came to me, personally, in the form of these creatures, in regards to a loss of energy that was great in terms of weightiness, in terms of things that have no clear explanation other than that it was just meant to be and was meant to be because it is simply a part of the Path which we each travel, on our own, but totally not by ourselves. When I thought about the sheer depth of the loss, I also thought about what, in those same terms, I’d also lost. It used to be sad to me that I never really knew my mother’s father better than I had, but given the things that I’d known about this person, the one thing that always stood out the most to me was his gift for music. Yes, he was also a magnificent golfer, but that is not a gift that is quite the same for me in the way that the ability to create beautiful tones which become music, literally, to the ears, is something that, as someone who still loves to dance hula, is needed by all of us, but in particular, dancers.

Realize that the loss suffered was not mine, even as to this very moment, I can literally feel that loss as though it were my very own.  In that loss, though, I could also sense the loss that I had not realized was mine, which was my own Tutu Papa, a man most people only knew as “Uncle Bill.” While I did not know this man as well as I perhaps should have, what I did know of him was his music. The thing that used to make me sad was the idea that, as a Kumu Hula, my grandfather and I never had the chance to even connect on that level, because when he passed away, I was not yet the teacher, neither haumana…I was simply just a dancer who was in love with both the dance, and more, the music which accompanied it.

While several others were granted the sight of the birds, it was their song which captured me, much more than did just the sight of them. I could hear them singing like I had never in the past, and I could sense their happiness, their joy, and for a moment, given the actual thing that came to pass not too very long ago at all, I could also sense, not just the presence of the recent loss, but more, my Tutu Papa’s presence in the music that was nature. It was in this …thing…that seems to me to still be a bit of a mystery, the thing that happened in another’s life, that my own awareness of just exactly how connected we all really are to one another.

As perplexing as it may seem, and perhaps there may one or more of you who will not “get it” in terms of sensing another’s grief personally, it is not the why, neither the how, or anything “human being” that we must understand outside of the human reaction to our losses, because in those losses are the golden pieces of the puzzle which never is completed. In the hugeness of the energy that was of loss, there was also a brand new Awareness which, if we have paid attention, have bothered to want to see what other people might not want to see, has grown, and not only grown, but has grown exponentially.

How my Grandfather told me he cares still

I make no secret of it that I was lucky enough to be incarnated into this lifetime surrounded by and loved by many talented musical people. On both sides of my family I am blessed with people who can play an instrument, who can sing, and who can bring intangible gifts to all of us.  I have always loved music, always been drawn toward those who are creatively gifted in a musical sense, because I have also always known that music is the thing that any dancer needs.  I have always danced. Anyone and everyone who knows me knows this about me. I have always loved to dance, for fun, and of course, professionally, any dance style that I can replicate and make my own, with the one that I have Loved the very most since I was a tiny little girl of three years old, which is Hula.

Hula was, is, will never not be the music which is my own Soul’s musical talent. Without Hula in my life, I am not sure that I would be who I am now, really, because Hula has always been the way that my own people have communicated with their gods and is the way that I communicate, even now, with those very same gods, with my own ‘Aumakua (yes, even my Tutu Papa) and of course, when there is an audience, the rest of my own world, right at that moment. What these last two weeks have brought to my Awareness is that, if we pay attention to the things that stand out to us the most, in those things and in those thoughts which come from Awareness of those things, we find out that we are still in the company of the ‘Aumakua and of the people who are no longer physically with us in this consciousness.

While I will not state  what loss was suffered, I will state that what is not yet realized by any one of the people who do know, is the Awareness which was created that has not yet been discovered in the manner which I am positive it will be seen by those who know what I am saying here. The reason that I know this is simple, and was contained in a birthday gift to my only daughter, who is named Grace, but in this instance, I will refer to her as “My Maile.” “Maile,” pronounced “My Lei,” asked for an ukulele. Maile has always wanted to play a stringed instrument. She has always been, just like her mother has always been, somewhat in love with music, even preferring what is counted as her own version in her own generation’s version of metal music.

Maile has always had a very real closeness with my younger cousin, Drew, who is a professional musician with the indie metal band, “Black Oil.” She loves “Uncle Drewcifer,” and sometimes, they jokingly call each other “Uncle Drewcifer and Gracifer.” Yes, I know…some of you reading this are tsk-tsking me, and that is fine. Those are just terms of endearment between the two of them. She has always loved him, like I loved with all the “little cousin” energy that I can, another man from the same family which Drew hails from, whose name is Jimmy and is the eldest of those cousins of mine from that ohana. My Maile, like I was with Jimmy, was drawn to Drew because of the sameness of sibling like energy. I won’t say that it is because of Drew that she so loves live metal music shows, loves to mosh (even though she comes home looking like she has been moshing…much like her mother used to back in the ’80’s…yup…hi, Heidi…haha…’aye mijo’…bwaahahahahaha), loves everything that rocks a person to the very core of their Soul.

Maile, like me, loves music, loves being with her musical pals as much as I truly love and adore what limited time I have with mine. (Hi guys! I Miss you all…I Love You All !) Maile, like me, started learning Hula at the same age that I did – 3 years old – but did not “catch” me dancing like I caught my mother. I actually showed her how, then when the time came and I started Hula i Lalo Ka La (“Dance Beneath the Sun”), she knew what her little friends did not and was a willing participant in teaching them what she knew.

While I grew and continue to grow this Love which is contained within me that is the very essence of my Soul – Hula – my own daughter’s Love is for the creation of the music, all kinds of music, not that a dancer dances to, but that a musician plays. Just as I was very interested in the “count of 8” in more modern styles of dance, versus what is the “count of 4,” in Hula, my Maile is very interested not only in playing, but in also being able to read, to understand, and yes, eventually create her own music. While I will not lie – a little piece of my Soul aches for my baby girl to want to dance Hula again, there is a huge piece of me that is jumping up and down, “metal horns” WAY UP, for my girl, the one with holes in her lips, an attitude and of course, a Soul comprised of that one thing every kid, no matter their ethnic origins, is born with.

That One Thing is the Soul which is Aloha.

The way that my own Awareness was made wider these last two weeks was contained within what were the losses, because in those losses and according to what is my own experience with those and the ones which preceded it, not only showed up in the songs which were the birds, the flight path they chose, the fact that the wind did what it does when my Nana is saying something to me, the idea that upon the thought of certain thoughts and energies, certain creatures show up in our awareness to remind us that we are so not alone, that those who have passed onto the other side are still very much here with us, still walking beside us and letting us know so in many different ways.

In my case, it was the little black ukulele that my Maile got for her birthday, was the breeze wafting over my head and which carried hummingbirds toward me, hummingbirds who have always reminded me of my grandmother, Katherine, and who daily give me a reason to know that when others pass, they are not gone, because their Love for us never goes away, just like ours for them also does not.

We all dearly need to take into our own selves the signs which are given and which are for us alone. Once we can believe that that which seems to be coincidental is not so coincidental after all, and that sometimes, our Loved Ones who have crossed over in the physical sense, in their Soul form, are still with us, our Awareness of things gets wider. Just because they have changed form, it does not mean that they have changed themselves in any other manner. They simply have become the evolved form of the Love which they, themselves, are…which really, we all are.

Whenever I hear my friend, Owana Salazar, singing in her beautiful tones, whenever I hear any of the Pahinui ohana’s music, and yes, whenever it is on the breeze which is gentle like the strumming of slack key guitar, whenever it is that I hear the singing of the birds who visit my Awareness, I am reminded that they do not leave us…they just evolve. I am reminded that my Nana sings to me still, that my Tutu Papa is still playing beautiful music, and is doing so through means that, without a greater heightened sense of Awareness, I might not know or even have an inclination toward this idea that yes, indeed, they are still very much with me, with all of us.

Without a heightened sense of Awareness brought to us by the big giant personal losses we each have had to endure, none of us would know that the answers are contained there within our personal Awareness.

I Love You All…


1MANA_O_BLOG Drunken Hula Meme

Hey…a girl’s gotta have SOME fun, sometimes, right? Haha…actually, I try to have fun as much as I can, but when it involves Hula? It is SO on!

If you would like to know what this particular picture is all about…send  an email to reverendroxie22@gmail.com

Up all night

Migraines. Nausea. Uncontrollable urges to cry. Raging. Melancholy. Unable to stay asleep for longer than a few hours through the night. Extreme highs and lows which shift like the wind. All at one time. No, you are not insane, you are shifting.



There are a whole lot of websites which tell us about this thing called “The Ascension,” and there are people in your circle of friends and family who might even be talking about something called “shifting,” and you are totally clueless as to what they are talking about, even though you are experiencing all these physical happenings in your body.  Sometimes you might see something out of the corner of your eye, and never before have you seen things like that. Sometimes you hear things that no one else hears, and sometimes, you feel aches and pains that you “feel” physically, even though, on some other level, you don’t.

You are not crazy. You are doing what is called “shifting,” and what that means, very simply, is that your physical self is doing what your Soul-self has been doing for a long, long time – raising its own vibration so as to accommodate all of the things which are also evolving in the grander awareness around us.  Just like “as above, so below,” the same thing could and does apply to the world around you and also your inner, personal world of thought, soul and feelings. What  is happening within you is also happening outside of you, and in your limited human thinking, you want to believe that you are sick and ailing in the body. The reality is that you are perceiving the changes in the only manner that any human being who has not opened his or her awareness to the point where you know that what you are going through is on the ethereal level and not only on the bodily conscious level.

Your Higher Self is expanding, meaning that you are opening up to a greater awareness, not only of yourself, but of the world around us all, and in particular, your own personal world.

In that way and in that awareness you are starting to understand in the manner that you never have before, or at least were not, until this moment, aware that this is how you have been communicated with by Spirit for a long, long time. Another thing that is happening is that, at this moment in our history as evolved beings, we are ridding ourselves of energies and things and people and situations which are not useful for our personal AND  our collective purpose in this lifetime, and, as well, our collective mission with the others in our tribe. What no longer fits in our lives, or is in not in accordance with our purpose, and specifically what is not aligned with our mission that we are meant to carry out with others, simply is just being ushered out of our lives and is doing so on a grand and global scale. Since it is that we are all connected to one another, we are not only feeling our own stuff, but that of the collective whole in terms of what others who are like us are also going through that mirrors our own stuff.

As crazy as that all might sound, the truth is that humanity has been doing this shift thing since human beings first traversed the planet upright and via only the Ten Toe Express. Now, though, in our very technologically evolved state, it seems that things like this shifting stuff happens at an alarmingly fast rate of speed, and on the flesh-and-blood level of awareness, we are not getting it and we are medicating ourselves literally into oblivion (mostly youngsters because they are having a hard  time with their own growing AND the shifting of consciousness) because we were never taught about how to really deal with the changes, and- yes – the generations prior to our own were bullied into thinking, and even believing, that what I am saying here and now is somehow the ramblings of a madwoman.

I promise you, it is not.

Let’s think in terms that are “as above, so below” for a moment, okay? Let’s think about the last time you had a very, very bad migraine headache – the sort that makes you deal with nausea and makes you want to hurl, and where it was that you thought it came from, even as it came from the same place that it starts with everyone physically (your liver…Google it). Think about the times that you were in such great pain, or perhaps you were having to deal emotionally with things that, if they were familiar, the headache was also familiar and likely brought you back to the thought in your head now and which was similar to then, which in turn also created the same energy that it did back then, but in the now.

The result was a familiar headache from a familiar feeling about a familiar pain in the ass from the past, no matter how distant.

And like we are willing to inoculate ourselves via modern medicine to get rid of the physical manifestation of our emotional and spiritual crap (lots of us turn to #thepharmaceuticals), we are also willing to believe that things within our awareness are the reason that we are Spirit sick, but in reality, things outside are not the cause, but the trigger.

The cause is within you, and the cause is why it seems so hard for anyone who does not know this stuff , to go through all of these spiritual shifts in our own awareness, our own physical selves and the things that are there and present. We are each being called to accept, to deal with and to embrace whatever it is that is bothering us.

By this I do not mean that we have to accept or deal with or embrace them in the manner that we thought was correct the first time all of the really big stuff came to us. What I mean is that we have to accept that we have been where we have been, deal with the things which have culminated over the years, not only to us but to those who we care the most about, and need to embrace the idea that really, this is all meant and is totally part of who we are because we were shaped, not by the actual “bad” things that happened, but rather and only how we went headlong into the fray, choosing to survive it, not worrying about losing whatever it was that we thought was going to be lost, and in that line of thought, we survived.

Survivors. I am one. I love people who want to survive, and I love that they are more willing to come away from something because they had the thought in their heads long before they even got out of something and long before now, that they were going to make things in this particular part of their lives, count, and count on a level that they even didn’t realize was why they went through what they did, why they go through what they do. I just finished telling a very close friend of mine (Hi Jimmy!…no spiders haha) that the reason he is being shown what he is being shown at this moment in time, by someone who he would rather not even have to deal with anymore, is so that this time around, he can say what he has to and needs to say to them, and more, so that this time, it will be with a different, more reasonable, less emotionally driven, more “oh NO! AGAIN?” but not in the same manner that it had always been in the past, kind of energy.

This time, my boy Jimmy gets to have his say so, and this time, gets to walk away from it all knowing, for sure, that he is done with whatever is the energy of that time. This is not only Jimmy’s, but everyone’s lesson right now, to accept that we get to say what we have to say, and we get to say it in a manner that is not like the assholes we once were and we are to expect that, no matter how the other person or party takes it all in and processes it, we get to finally let it go, all of it. And more, we also get to say “to hell with you if you don’t like it if I am not willing to play your high school games anymore. I graduated…deal with it.” Perhaps not in that biting of a manner, but I am sure you get what I am trying to say. You are older now, making you more inclined to know what is important enough to become emotional about, what is just there and being a pain in the ass still. The time has come to us all to let go, for real, of the things that still haunt us daily. Really, the only way that what is there now in the physical cannot be gone from our physical awareness until we have been able to evolve our emotions to the point where we are more tired than compelled to give a damn about things that broke our hearts and made us crazy. Very literally, like Snoop said a long time ago in a lyric in a song, the title which escapes me, but certainly NOT the lyric…it says, and it totally applies to those in mid-shift and applies in the sense that is the others who harmed us…“When you find out what to do with it, I’ll be done with it…”

And really, things like this are happening everywhere, for all of us. Where it was in the past that there was an issue and a situation that called for our emotional selves, and seeing as how we were likely much younger (making us much more emotionally inclined about certain things and FAR MORE egotistical about them as well) and much more able and willing to try harder to not only make things nicer for everyone else involved, but we were more willing to give away pieces of ourselves, only to come back to that energy that lived there for as long as it has been that the initial lesson began, so that we can end it, once and for all.

Ending things, as somehow hard as it seems, even the “bad” stuff, is needed. We need to let go of, finally, permanently, not the lesson or what we have learned, but the emotional stuff that we are prone, as humans, to hang onto.  Our egos want to hang onto the things that hurt us and pissed us off, and while it is that we are meant to retain what we have learned, what we are not meant to hang onto is the pain and the bad stuff – only what we learned. This does not mean that the memory of what we have experienced will go away, because it never will. It means that the way we perceive the memory will evolve into being just that – the snapshot of the thing that happened in our lives that taught us a major lesson about something and that impressed upon us the thing that we learned, and imprinted into our psyche the ability to sense whatever it was that we were given as a lesson so many years ago, possibly lifetimes ago.

‘Auhea wale ana ‘oe – please kokua me and pay attention – you are safe to let go of the pain part, of the things that broke your heart, again and again, and the things that raised the heat of your vibration to the point where it became toxic, and you are safe to rid yourself of that part of whatever it was that you experienced, no matter how long ago. If you have learned what it is that you know you were meant to learn, you can now close that book, and you can now safely, because you no longer need that particular teacher anymore, thank Spirit for that teacher, and in that same energy, you are also safe to release the pain, and the anger, and hell yes – that particular teacher- and retain only the lesson which you have been made stronger and more brilliant because of.

In their place will be the glorious incandescence that is You, shining white hot and brilliant like the stars in the sky, and ever stronger for the things that now, you know.

I Love You All !


Do you see what I see? (Probably not)

Awareness. It can serve us or, through our not wanting to look at what is the truth and the reality, it can hinder us. What is in your awareness, and more – do you know why it is there?


It is my opinion that being aware of things is far more than watching one’s own okole. True, in our physical awareness, and with everything that we see within it, we can see the basic truths of things as they are in the physical sense of things.  We are not really sensing, unless we have been taught to do so, what else is there, in our awareness, and why it is there.

In the lives of Light Workers and Healers, it is awareness which makes us seem as though we have some sort of magical ability to sense where it is that other people are in need of healing (we do, but that is for another blog post). By healing, I do not mean of only the physical sort, but of the emotional and soul sort, which really is where all of our ailments in the body come from. Our thoughts dictate our perception of things, and our memories and the imprint left there by past events help to confirm for us what has come into our awareness.  How we see what has come into our own awareness is how we will always, until we learn to replace whatever it is that is symbolized by what we are looking at, feeling, smelling, hearing, etc., through the limited capabilities of our five physical senses, see what has come into it. The things contained in those thoughts become the symbol of whatever emotions we have behind those thoughts.

And for real, that is where our own personal reality begins – with our own symbols of what we are aware of at any given time.

Turtles, Sharks, Pineapples, Crabs, Alligators, Teeth…

You are all likely wondering what these seemingly random things are about.  For each of these things, there is a corresponding reason for the symbolism produced by each of them, for me, which relates to something or someone else.  Each of these things carry specific meaning and energy for me, and each of these things is related to something as well as someone else.  However, what each of these things means to me does not mean that each of these things will also mean the same things to you.

What are my personal symbols and the reasons behind them are mine. This does not mean that someone else does not have the same symbolism, for the same reason, but normally, what is my “Gator” is someone else’s “Monkey,” and what is my “monkey” is no one’s business but my own.

Symbolism plays a huge part in our own personal awareness of things, of situations, of people. It also is sort of a holder, a container, if you will, of memories which give us each its own personalized energy that was not only created by us, but also has been stored in the capacity in which it was presented to us.  If someone told us something years ago, and we mentally relate that thing to something else, usually a visual, like a mental picture of even a movie scene (no, really), the way that we will remember that is either that it was a good thing (such as the word “Pineapple,” and how it has always made me feel) or perhaps a very bad thing (such as the word “Turtle,” and how, from time to time, it makes me feel), and that is how we will store the memory – it was either good, or it was bad. It is not the actual symbol, but the event related to that symbol that is also where the energy, at least in each of our heads, is stored, good or bad.

What is my “Pineapple” will not be yours, but it could be your “Coconut”

Now, while I am sitting here writing this, and as I read my own words, I am given to a bit of laughter, because what those two words symbolize for me, at least, will not be what they are for a whole LOT of other people, unless those other people know what each of those relate to (only a small handful of people know what either of those two words mean for me…I know they’re  just fruit to you, but they mean a whole, WHOLE lot to me…). My whole point here is that, with just the opening sentence to this portion of this writing, I have effectively planted a seed, not about pineapples and coconuts, but about other things that you, the reader, relates those things to.  At this time, there are some of you whose immediate mind picture was of Hawai’i, and for others, summertime, and yet others, people (yes, people). No matter how anyone looks at each of these words, and knowing what they are technically, no matter what – each of us at this very moment is seeing a different mind-picture, even as we are all seeing the very same words.

It is our awareness of things, of these things which we each have and call our own symbols that bring to us the pieces of reality which we have created.  This is what is meant by anyone at all saying that we create our own reality. Everything that we see and know and feel in our lives, somehow, we drew to ourselves.  What we are not aware of at the time that the things in our awareness is created is that, really, we called what we have in our lives into our lives, because through those things and of course, through those people, there were and are lessons that we also called into our awareness.

Reread that. Reread it because what might seem like I have said that you invited that horribly abusive spouse, that you invited those less-than-desirable people who stole from you into your life, that you invited the way you were treated as a child, that you invited all of the turmoil to your life that you are faced with, in reality, what was really brought by you was the lesson you wanted to learn. It was through means that you could understand why it is that you did not understand why you were someone’s victim (…really, it was so that you would find out that in reality, you were never anyone’s victim, but that you were your own survivor), why those people who swore they were your friends went out into the world and said some really awful stuff about you (…really, it was so that you would know that you truly were NOT with the people who you were meant to hang with, and now look at who you are hangin’ with…yay you!), why it is that anything you have gone through and that also sucked, sucked as badly as it did – it is because you called the lesson into being, that’s why.

You wanted to know some things, and, in wanting to know some things, you needed to have something, some sort of symbol, that you would recognize and that would stick in your brain-cave.  In those things that you needed, there were symbols that you attached to them, and throughout the time that you were learning, you were also cementing into your head whatever symbolism it was that you associated with that person, that place, or that thing, and no matter what way any one of us looks at where we have each been and what we have each gone through, it cannot be denied that whatever it is that you were meant to learn, you probably learned, because you bothered to pay attention to your awareness.

I recall being a little kid and hearing my “Tutu Aunties” (My dad’s aunties…they were ancient to me when I was a child) always scolding us all to ” ‘auhea wale ana ‘oe – PAY ATTENTION!,” and yes, that is what that phrase means, to make sure you are paying attention. I say it often, mainly to some of the teens I coach, that they will want to learn to ‘auhea wale ana ‘oe, because it is not only through what I teach them that they need to retain, but more, what it is that their own good thoughts produce for them as their symbolism and why it is that they associate certain words with certain pictures.  No matter what their reason is, it is their thought associated with a past event which brings to mind their symbols, just as it does for the rest of us.

It is our own symbolism which shows to us, in the manner which only the Mother Goddess can give to us, from our own souls, which help us make the most sense of things, namely when it seems as though there is nothing but nonsense about certain things we have to deal with.  In thinking that we would like to have a better life for ourselves, and for those who we love the very most, we create things that remind us of things associated with the people who are a part of our soul tribe, a part of our family, the family which we were not born into and have instead created for ourselves.

We created the family for ourselves that we do have by calling into our lives and into our awareness the lessons needed so that we may, not seek out these people who we call “family,” but so that at just the right time, when our souls were ready to receive them, and theirs, ours, we just sort of happened for one another. To our lives we draw the people who mean something to us, the very ones who remind us of things, of places, and whenever we think about these people who mean so very much to us, automatically, there are our symbols, our signs telling us that indeed, these people are truly the reason that we went through anything terrible at all with anyone else who is no way associated with the people who hurt us the most and who were also the greatest (harshest) teachers we have ever known or had in our lives.

These new people (and many who are not new and who just happen to happen upon our lives) are the evidence of our awareness, of our paying attention to our symbolism, and about how much we really, really thought well enough of ourselves.  No matter what anyone thinks, the people in our lives are there and there with purpose. They are meant to share with us, and they are also meant to teach us. For those who were treated poorly by someone, the end result has been that the people who show up when we are going through our own healing process are also people who, themselves, need to heal.  The beauty is that, even thought it may seem that you are all somehow out of your minds, you aren’t, but above all, you are with and in the company of people who are worthy of you, of your soul and everything beautiful and magnificent that is contained within it.

The people who mean the very most to us are the ones who seem to show up just in time, who know us without really knowing us, and who seem to be the breather that really no one believes will show up. When they do, it is like being a child again, waiting for the fat guy in the red suit to show up on Christmas morning, except now, the child is an adult, and everyday can be called a reason for childlike, Christmassy excitement.

And hell yes…we all earned whatever it is that we see and feel and know that is within our awareness…no matter what, you brought into your life what you see there now.

Love it…or not…you created it.

Gee…I wonder what else we are all capable of?




Seeds We Have Sown

…and it was given life through breath, by Christ, as He spoke and stated “Life is as the soil upon which we scatter seed. We sleep and we rise, and the seeds begin to sprout and grow, and we haven’t any power over this – the soil and seed do what is intended. The soil does what is intended, as does the seed…” (Mark 4:26-28, NA translation)

Yeah yeah…I know…it is strange for me to use reference that is biblical, but for this blog post it was appropriate because overnight I have found that there are things that too many of us are not willing to think about in terms of what it is that we are proliferating into this consciousness. I am reminded of people who cannot see past their Ego’s wants rather than what the Soul needs. Sometimes, it is the Soul that calls us out and tells us that we have been this person who we are for way too long, that we have to reassess who we are and our place in life and more than anything else, we have to let go of those things which are tearing us apart on the inside.

The problem with this is that, while a lot of us know that we should let go of the things that hurt us, that pissed us off, that made us feel like we actually had or perhaps still have a lot of work to do on ourselves, there is still a population of people who are more inclined to delve into the darkness that is their own, which is fine, but who don’t accept that their darkness has interrupted the lives of other people. They don’t want to see what it is that they have caused someone else – anyone else – and so they ignore it. Or, if they do not ignore it, they choose to ONLY live in the energy that they want to believe is the only one that is available to them, when in reality, it is not.

These are people who have bothered, without much thought and absolutely with way too much emotion (and not the mushy gushy kind, either), and have recklessly chosen for others, as well as themselves, the things that would visit anyone’s life at all. Manipulation is what this is called, and the more proliferate the energy of manipulation it is that we send out into the Universe, the more we will, without even realizing it, bring into consciousness, through other people responding to that energy, EVERYTHING we think about. The part that these manipulating people do not realize is that EVERYTHING we think about in terms of other people and what we believe to be the truth of what they have caused us (which, a lot of times, we know it is NOT the truth), when we want to make it so that we are the victim (good luck with that because if this is how you feel this is all you will EVER be…I said it, so deal with it) and are willing to lie about things, it is a guarantee that we will also and ultimately go through those very same things that we put someone else through for our own selfish gain, or the things that we accused them of having done to us. (The truth, guys…there is NOTHING like it…Truth rules if you can hang with it)

EVERYTHING we think about becomes our reality…so please, be careful of your thoughts and your energy

If you wanna see the evidence of this energy thing and how our thoughts become things, the easiest way to do that is to look at the way the people who you spend the most time with is affecting them. If you have children, you will see this energy in them, and it will manifest as either joy or trepidation. Having worked with a whole lot of kids of parents where one was abusive toward the other, I have seen this manifested in a whole lot of ways, and the one way that is the more prevalent is that of fear.

If we plant the seeds of control in people, and we are not aware of exactly what we are doing to ourselves, we will find out, not in the nicest ways, that we have done so, and have done so without thought and with absolute malice. The evidence is there, in the energy of the children whose lives have been marred by the constant energy of heaviness, of one parent trying to “outdo” the other in terms of making sure that they hurt whoever it is that they intend to. This comes out in our kids, because they watch all of this, and they absorb all of this, and unfortunately, they proliferate this energy. It becomes what they know as “normal,” and unless someone steps in and either tells them the truth of things, or better than that, becomes the example of that truth in the real reality of Life and of living, those children perpetuate that energy. They have a choice not to, but are not aware of that choice unless or until someone comes along and tells them that they have this choice.

Our kids and their having the choice “not to”

I sit here writing this with the beautiful thought in my head that even as I know that my own children have been through a whole lot in terms of what has happened and what they have seen me go through and more, seen me live with after the fact, my kids are well-adjusted, even as they have seen the horrific nature of abuse within a marriage. While I will not say here or ever that they are not damaged by what they have been witness to, I will sit here, proudly so, and state that they have made it through all the madness and have, by my prompting, learned well how to heal the heart ache.

Yet, not all parents are like this. In fact, a whole lot of parents cannot see the things that they are teaching their kids through their own action (or inaction) toward what has happened. I have a lot of people in my circle of souls who have kids who have watched their children’s own mothers lie about the same said kids’ fathers, and these fathers come to me asking me one thing – they want to know how it is that any mother could enforce the energy of hatred toward someone else, namely the other parent of the children who are not these mothers’ kids alone. Of course, my immediate response is a question of why it is that the mothers of their children hate them and what it was that started all of the planting of the wrong seeds?

The stories that I have heard are nothing short of nauseating. I have a hard time, not with the stories of the abuses that were imparted onto these gentlemen and the lies told about them to the authorities (and there are a whole lot more than only a few of these men, lemme tell you what…)about how these men who were once good enough to father these women’s children are somehow now the lowest scum of the earth. I would like to know what holier-than-thou horse these women came riding up on, because for someone like me – someone who really HAS been abused by the father of her children – to hear these lies, to hear the stories from the reporting police officers and to know through those officers that no such things have happened but that the mothers involved are DEMANDING satisfaction…lemme tell you what, folks…hearing that these people are trying hard to proliferate an energy of deception on the heads of innocent people…well, that just makes me really, really angry.

It is not because of anything other than those kids who, for the very life of them, have no idea that what they are being shown are the roots of where one of their parent’s Soul really are. It is the saddest thing in the world for me to look into the eyes of a child, even the older ones, one who has seen far too many ugly things, and to know what that child has gone through, and to know that it can never be undone and that the only thing that can make it better is that kid knowing that there are adults on this planet who can be trusted not to hurt them or manipulate them for same said adult’s ego’s needs and wants.

The planted seed of winning at any cost…even if you have to lie about it…

Yes…I am on a tangent these days, and it all points toward the collective energy of people – namely the children in our midst- who have been made to withstand the rigors of being the prize in the eyes of some people. Some people have no intention of being good to the other parent of their own kids, and this is wrong, and is wrong because there are always two parents involved in the proliferation of human life. I know – there are a LOT of parents who deserve what they are going through, and those are not the ones who I am writing about, and more, the ones who I am writing about know EXACTLY who they are…and yeah, guys…it is not cool to mess with your kids so that the other parent can hurt because you hurt. Get the hell over it already, because there is a big giant world out there waiting for us all and if you continue to fuck with this other person, the Mother Goddess WILL have Her way with you. (This is the absolute truth. Think about it. Karma doesn’t see anything other than the Soul debts created by YOU!)

And hell yes – I am talking to ALL those moms out there, the ones who I have described in this writing, and the ones who are so down on themselves and are down on themselves because of one thing – they cannot take back all of the shit they gave to one other person, and rather than just letting things go, rather than allowing themselves a second chance at whatever it is that they want to believe that they have lost, they continue the ridiculousness that is the constant grind of making the other parent’s life a living hell.

I am here to tell you all, right now, that the reality is that the other person who helped you bring those kids into this lifetime …that is all and only what your purpose was with that person. I know this. I am living this right now. There is nothing more maddening than feeling like you have to change the way that anyone at all else feels about you. Again, I know this monkey, and it is a monkey which took me about two and a half decades to release back into the wild. It is not mine to carry, the burden which was his that told him he needed to parent another adult, and the burden which is now, when this person who helped me bring these kids into this lifetime and his opinion of me no longer matter to me. They no longer matter to me because I found out both the truth of him, and more importantly, of myself. 

And it is this energy that is power, that is the strength, not only of the Mother, but also that of the Mother Goddess which is alive and well within every human female being on the planet, and the sad part is that there are a whole LOT of women on this planet who talk a good game about being a goddess like being, but who, for the life of them, have no clue what that is all about.

You see, goddesses don’t need human approval, and once it is that you can see yourself, ladies (and men, as gods, that is) as goddesses who have been sent to this lifetime to perform just ONE important act (in my case it was three…and yes, haha…all three are what I refer to as being “tequila babies”…let it go…that was not a bad thing to write lol) with one other person (which is the perpetuation of life through these children who we are meant to teach the RIGHT things) with this one other person who, in some cases, were ONLY intended for that one thing (to undo what was done to us through bringing into this world and through our teaching these kids a different way to believe things and do things and LIVE…duh).

When we hang on and it hurts, this is called a lesson in letting go, but when we hang on and we hurt the other person, this is what is called creating your own karma debt, lesson included in that energy, and there is NOTHING that any one of us can do to undo this energy other than GO THROUGH  IT and the more that we refuse to go through it, and the more that we put other people through this same energy that we have created for ourselves, the more likely it is that our own kids will have to undo this for themselves, and all because we could just NOT let go of our own anger, an anger which will seethe and eat at you for the rest of your human life.

I Promise.

And in reality, where it is that anyone who is this …derelict in their own personal nature and energy, you are not hurting anyone, at least not permanently, with your bullshit. What you are really doing is merely making that other person RIGHT.

Yup…think about that for a moment, and think about how weak willed you have been, and think about how much you have hurt anyone else at all, and then go and take a look in the mirror at yourselves, because the reality is that it was YOU who made you what you are at this moment, which, I am thinking, is nothing short of in possession of the ugliest soul ever, and all because you needed to not feel like such a god-damned loser all the time. No one made you stay in that energy, but you made it a project of yours to create this work of ugliness (because most lives, to me, are works of art…unless you continue to do as the Rolling Stones said and chose to Paint it Black…) 

Whatever it is that you, me, we set out to do in this lifetime that affects the lives of others, we will end up with. This is the reason that I tell EVERYONE who, in Spiritual conversation, comes to me with their inquiries, the reason it is so very important to let go of things and of people who we think owe us anything. You will never change them. That is theirs alone to do. You will never win because that is not what life is about. You will never see changes that you are not willing to go through the pain to enact, and you will always feel like you are not worthy of anything that your Ego tells you to take the shortcut toward having.


The only way to see your own sorry life as different, if ,in fact, you feel your life is as sorry as the collective energy is telling me that you are feeling it is, is to STOP blaming everyone else who you believe hurt you (and who may have but how long ago was it again that this happened? Yeah…shut up and get over it) and start actively seeking the healing that is yours and is your own personal responsibility, to your Soul, the Kuleana which you have created.

And shit yeah – STOP USING ABUSE AS YOUR EXCUSE IF YOU KNOW IT NEVER HAPPENED!!! When you do that, you piss people off…and not all people are going to be afraid of what you THINK you can do. I am oft challenged by people who want to tell me that I am wrong, and the only thing that I can think to tell them in return is simple…

We can test that theory if you like, but, you may end up walking away anything BUT the victor in a battle of wits that a lot of people are not prepared for. Yeah…I said it, deal with it.

Stop putting people on the Cross that is yours to bear.

Eventually, people read the rest of the crucifixion story and find out that Christ rose again in three days time.

You can’t rise again if you are too busy bearing a cross that was way too heavy a very long time ago…seriously, just let it all go and find out that you were never meant to be what you are now and that you have been who has kept on keeping up this madness which you, alone, also, have created.

Be Empowered by your creative nature, not weak willed and directed alone by your Ego…



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These photos can be seen (without the writing) by going to RandyJayBraun.com and visiting the “Women of Hula” page



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