Anyone reading this right now might well have the sensation that this trying to “Just Be” thing is kind of a bitch to actually make happen.
Please bear with me today, because today I am really trying hard to not sound like a whiny princess who cannot get her own ass up and at ’em.
For a long time I was told, taught, expected to learn how to just Be. Just being is the thing that most humans need to be able to do, but, for the very life of me, I am having a very hard time doing it. I like leisure time, and I like being able to just chill, but lately, I do notwant to just chill. Lately, it feels like there is always something that I MUST be doing, and more than that, it also feels, right now, like I am …AM…doing something not quite correctly. That something is merely and only and simply just Being.
Again, you will have to bear with me because I am having a very hard time with this just being thing.
I have heard that I am quite phenomenal at just Being, but I don’t know that because always, I have a hard time just not doing anything, even if that means that the things that I AM doing is thinking. I get paid for it – my ability to think, and my ability to think in terms that not a lot of other people are able to.
Being able to think in terms that not a lot of other people are able to takes a LOT of time, a LOT of practice and a whole lot of utilization of that one ability. I do not know if I am being stretched in terms of this ability, but I do know that at this moment, given that I know that this is NOT going to be one of those magnificently thought out pieces of writing that I always intend on creating, I am at that place, once again, where the only thing that I am able TO do is to Be.
To Be means that one is the observer and not the doer.
That is my problem. That is the problem that a whole lot of us humans here on earth have – the inability to simply and merely just Be.
I am not that great at sitting still for very long, and I am not that great at telling people to handle their own circuses and neither their insane monkeys…and my own mental monkeys have, for the moment, just chosen to not behave. Perhaps it is that they need a break from performing, or maybe it is that they are all telling me that I need to stop the toiling for the words, and stop the madness that is trying hard to get to the next and higher level of my own life, and just breathe.
I would love nothing more than to just be able to stop and do just that. The issue is that I, along with a whole lot of other people, have taken on this energy, for years, that in order for us to be worthy humans, we always and all have to be…HAVE TO BE productive. While I am indeed productive in the manner that is teaching other people to train their thoughts so as to become better habits, I am very much not this way when I KNOW that the time has come to just let go of everything that I see coming to me, to let go of how long it feels as though it is taking, to let go of everything that I have riding on it all, including this blog, and take a break from doing and try hard to just Be.
I am not alone in this
Lots of us do not realize that the inability to just Be comes from a lifetime’s worth of the recording in our heads that tells us that we are not impressing anyone else, but namely ourselves, when we are just “sitting around and doing nothing.”
This is the thing that a whole lot of people grew up hearing, and to this day, because of this one thing, and because a lot of us do not know how to make it stop, and more than anything else, because of the innate “need” to become worthy, so to speak, in the eyes, thoughts, minds of those who were of major significance in our lives as children and then later, still, as adults, we find this habitual “thing” happening to us, this thing called the inability to just Be.
It is a crippling thing, really, the idea that there is a population of people on this planet who cannot relax unless we are doing something.
The thing that I have chosen to “do” so that I can just Be.
Weekends are very important to me, namely Saturdays, which today is Saturday, because it is the one day of the week where I share my time in the manner that is valuable. I have chosen to just Be in the manner that is bringing new life, through planting and nourishing my own self through the doing of proliferating plant life.
When we give our own life force to other beings, even those beings which are not human beings, and even as that is what I do each weekend, this weekend, while not different, has been consciously set in my mind as a “not doing to do, but doing to be” type thing. It is the only thing that I am sure will make me not feel like I do right now, which is not that great.
Feeling not that great means that somewhere, at least within me, there is a need to just let go of the things that have bothered me for so long a time anymore and just Be.
Notice how I keep writing that one phrase, “just Be”?
…yeah, me, too.
This is the way that the Mother Goddess repeats Herself to her kids, and apparently, because I wrote this same thing, almost, in my other blog, ‘Just Rox’, She is screaming at me through my ability to physically see.
So, folks…with that much known…
I Love You All