Tag Archives: Goddess



When we are in the midst of things that are not making us feel better about things and we are feeling very uncomfortable, it is time for us to take stock of who it is that we are at the moment versus who we used to be.

Being confined to a set scheduled work week is something that I find I have always been very dearly uncomfortable with. It is not because I do not like to work (truth is that I LOVE my work), but rather and only that I do not like confinement, and when I am feeling confined at all, I tend to get a little bit testy.

You see, there are times when “confinement” is not really confinement, and in those times where  it might seem like we are confined to one thing or another, and when it is that we have chosen to see whatever that one thing is as anything BUT being confined, the very word “confinement” takes on a new color – the one called “maturity.” Sometimes we have to deal through our own soul’s immaturity in some manner so that we can see through it and to the light that is the evolved manner we end up as being.

Yet, no one ever tells anyone (and no one ever means it unless they are a teacher of all things strange and weird and not exactly mainstream) that when we are growing and we know we are, that that growth, in some ways, is going to be very uncomfortable, and the un-comfort comes from the familiar things and ways of being that a whole hell of a lot of human beings don’t realize or perhaps even understand that evolving to one’s own higher self takes work, time, tears, and lots of un-comfort.


There are a lot of ways that the word “uncomfortable” can be thought as. My thought is that when we are in the middle of a thing that is making us have to wait, making us crazy with impatience and making us think thoughts about things that we would rather not deal with (when in fact we know we are supposed to deal with it all so that we no longer have to deal with it anymore…duh), this is when we are being taught directly by Spirit about what it is that we have been not acknowledging.

Now, not acknowledging things does not mean that we are ignoring them, really. It means that we are just not caring enough to have to deal with it or look at it and in that energy we choose instead to just not bother with that one thing.

But it is precisely that one thing that will continue to bother, continue to be the thing that we would rather not deal with and be the thing that we would hope to the Goddess would just sort of vanish and not be around. If you have been reading this blog for any amount of time at all, you will figure out one thing about it, and that one thing is that in our lives, there is nothing that will not be taught, that we will not be presented with, that will not be in our faces, again and again, over the course of our lifetimes, that, if we are meant to learn it, learn it we will.

And if we choose to not learn it by ignoring that whatever it is exists, we will also find that when it is time for that thing that we refuse to learn to just not be there anymore, that one thing will be the only thing that will present itself in the manner that we have not wanted it to for likely a very long time.

Our own discomfort with our un-comfort is sometimes unbearable.

The fact is that we have all been taught to not look at, not see to, not bother with, not acknowledge all those things that hurt us, that make us cry, make us grit our teeth so as to hold back the bitter and biting tears which, for a lot of us, need to fall from time to time. If they don’t fall, you will not realize the one truth that is apparent to the majority of us and that is that we are all human beings just being who we are.

Who we are is sort of a big fat deal

Of course, there are a folks who will not ever believe this, and that is okay, because those people are the very ones who should be reading this right now because those people are the very people who seem to think that what other people say about them is the truth, namely if it is the sort of thing that is not that flattering.

There are some folks who refuse to believe this because they believe that they are not good enough to have anyone say such things about them. The bottom line is that all human beings have the potential for greatness.In that greatness we have many options that point us in the direction that we are, as guided by Spirit and the very essence of that Spirit which resides within us, meant to be going.

Thing is, while we are growing up we are molded in the image of what is comfortable for those who are raising us into the human being that they want us to become. That is okay, but the other thing is that, whether we like it or not, our children or the kids who we raise have that thing called free will. Free will is that thing that we are all born with.

When we use our free will, we are doing as we are meant to be doing.

There are lot of people on this planet who want other people to believe that there is no such thing as free will. It is that particular group of people who, themselves, were taught and believe that while people do indeed have free will, there are only certain folks who we share the air with who are allowed to exercise it.

The un-comfort comes from our not wanting to let other people down, even if those other people are the sort who would never bother to think that somehow, they are letting anyone else down with who they are, are letting someone else down by not giving that other person the availability of their own free will choices when thinking in terms of relating to anyone else at all. That is really what happens here, when we think about it, when it all comes down to the idea that our un-comfort comes from ourselves in that we want to think that somehow, we are able to save everyone else from having to make uncomfortable choices.

We must learn to accept that we cannot help everyone, because sometimes, everyone needs to simply get a clue

In my life there are people who I am very willing to help. It is because those who are most willing to help themselves are also those who are most willing to help others if they can. This is the utmost highest form of unconditional love – helping others who cannot possibly even try to help us in return, and our not expecting to be helped back for the things that we do out of kindness and out of the Soul of Aloha.

Even as it is the most wonderful thing to be able to help others, namely those who cannot do anything in return for us, there comes a time when we must choose to be our own hero and see in front of us, NOT the opportunity to help someone else, but the opportunity to refer back to who we were. We must  realize that who we are is no longer that person, and take things from that vantage point, rather than the vantage point that makes us tired, that makes us want for something that is not up to us to try to make happen for anyone else without their knowing so.

It is in their knowing so that we come unhinged, as it is also that point where, rather than the soul within us rising up to take notice and take the opportunity to see, it is the ego self who rises to the occasion and it is through that reckoning that we will see, for sure, who we are trying to help more – this other person (because we actually care about their well-being) or our sometimes energy-vampiring ego-selves who need the pat on the back for thinking the thought that we would help anyone else at all and that we would also receive lots of attention for having done so.

When we are in a state of un-comfort, we are in a state of learning about what we have evolved, or perhaps devolved, to.

Change is not subject to our automatically being turned into the super heroes we are meant to become in this lifetime. Hell no.

What we are all given to being given is that we are brought through others all of these things that we need to learn about ourselves. Other people, no matter who they are, mirror for us the people who we are, the people who we are becoming, or the people who we no longer can recognize as being.

When someone makes us uncomfortable, our inner selves tell us so. When we are in the company of people who are meant to be part of our soul tribe, again, we are told by the very soul within us that this person or these people are our tribe and that they have been gifted to us by the very Mother Goddess Herself.

When we take notice, consciously, that we are being shown anything at all, it is time to celebrate because it is within that energy of knowing that we are granted the greatest gift of all…

…the gift of evolving to our higher selves, one uncomfortable situation, person, thing …at a time…

I Love You All !


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Thanks for reading !! Aloha ! ROX


Waking up is hard to do


The last few weeks that have passed have shown us a side of ourselves that no one really cares to deal with. The reason the collective whole of us has been having a collective snit is simple – waking up to who we each and all truly are isn’t easy. In fact, waking up is hard to do.

I have said it more than once, and lately, have said it more than once a day. Those of us who are manifesting who we are for real are having growing pains. I know this one personally, as does any one of those closest to me. Some of us are not aware of this one thing, this thing that we are doing, this thing called waking up to our higher selves.

I could sit here and say that it was but one phone call this morning, but I would be full of crap in doing so. It was after that one phone call that a barrage of texts came to me, which are still happening right now as I sit here writing this and looking at the indicator light on my cell phone that is telling me I’ve been contacted.

We are being shown who we are, shown where our and also that our  greatness lives within us, and some of us, like me, for example, ain’t buyin’ the idea that maybe, for real even, we ARE that awesome.


Believe it or not, we are THAT awesome. Think about it – you, me, everyone on this planet has the very same options open to us at birth. This is the truth. This is not something new. Thing is, we are not the ones, at birth, even though, paradoxically, we are always the ones, even at birth, who are ultimately in charge of what happens in our lives. The fact is that each of us, at birth, has that thing called free will at the same time that we are as vulnerable as any infant would be.

This is where a lot of us parents have it wrong, and have, for generations, had it wrong in that, we impose onto our kids the things that we want them to do, of course, for their own good, because we see in these little tiny people who call us mom or dad, the potential that is there due to another thing called the seed of greatness.

The seed of greatness is that thing within us all that we each have and is the option, when we are ready, to choose to sow in the soil of our lives.

While I know that it is hard to think about a five year old having the potential toward greatness when said five year old is out in the yard digging holes in the dirt and playing with bugs and possibly eating worms and her own boogers, what we do not see and what we do not know unless said child tells us, is what said child is thinking.

The seeds of greatness in said child might be in science as someone who finds a way to take dirt and turn it into fuel or energy or even self-producing organic fertilizer…no one knows that because we teach our kids, unfortunately, to be seen, not heard, and to make us proud.

Proud of what? Proud that they were born, and proud that here we have in our midst these tiny little lives that, if we are not more aware of it, we also have the very power to wreck, or at least put off, their chances at greatness created by their own efforts?

Parents are the very ones who set kids up for the fall and we do it through our placing demands on them without realizing that that is what we are doing. Of course we just want the very best for them, and in wanting this, we do like parents do and we start molding for them the structure that they will need in order to make us proud.

Note that I wrote “make us proud” and not “make their lives phenomenal through their own efforts and sense and ability toward creativity and creating that life.”

It is time, folks, for the majority of those of us who have procreated to take a look at our own involvement with our kids’ lives and take into account all of the barriers that were presented to us and know, right away, that what we are seeing there and right this minute is NOT the end of things, really. They ARE kids, and they are OUR kids, meaning that even now, even if they are our adult kids who no longer live in our care, we still CAN do something…”parental”…at this time.

It’s called being supportive of their efforts and knowing that they are doing their best.


Yeah…but what about us…you know, the ones who were once those kids and are now no longer in need of our mommies to make sure we don’t get lost in the supermarket?

Guess what?

We are always those very kids. I say so because if it were not the truth, the things that we know impede us and slow our growth are the things that we have to get through and have to no longer believe in order to continually evolve as we are meant to…well, those things, those issues, those ways of being would cease to be an issue or a way of being and would still be those things but those things would become options for us to choose instead of things that we have to evolve and grow from.

Essentially this means that we have to understand that the things that we have grown comfortable with, the things that we thought we could depend on and the things that we thought would always be there and be a given, just as we evolve, also evolve, and when those things evolve we experience growth.

The growth that we experience shows up in our lives as pain, as things that make our daily living a pain in the ass, are things that get up in our faces, make us feel like a useless turd and make us question everything that we think we know is the truth of us when in reality, there is so very much more than what we think is there.

We think we are nothing, but really, we are everything in the world and more. We think we are failing in life, but what we are actually seeing in front of us dressed up as failure is actually an opportunity dressed up as such. When we think we are losing anything at all, we have to bother with the question of “what is it that I am being shown and why?”

What shows up as a challenge is actually there to show us what we do not need anymore…or simply just does not fit in the manner that it once did…

…or that needs to be applied elsewhere, even though essentially, elsewhere could mean applying it to something that we would rather do than something that we have convinced ourselves that we have to do.

What this means…well…it means a lot. When things mean a lot, you know I have a story to tell you…so, here we go…

Once Upon a Time…

At one point in my life, I wanted to be a professional dancer. I had my sights set on the New York City Rockettes. At another point, I wanted to be a licensed mental health therapist. Yet, all the while, I knew, deep in the bones of my soul, that neither of these things were going to happen, for the simple fact that I was not meant for these two things.

While it is that technically I did grow up to become both a dancer and someone in the counseling trades, I am not, have never been a New York City Rockette, and even though I have a college degree and though I am very good at what I do, I am not technically the sort of therapist whose name is preceded by and neither titled “Dr.” anything.

Yet, this does not mean that I did not grow up to be just those two exact things – a dancer, and somewhat of a counselor, titled by the letters “Rev,” and no letters following my last name with “PhD.”

That I am one and not the other is one thing, but that the reason that many “professionals” in any industry at all fail to see anything other than what is my label placed there in any manner by anyone at all is quite another.

What most folks don’t realize is that it is never a title that makes anyone good at what they do, but rather and only their track record, and yes, who they really, truly, essentially are in terms of being a human being type person.

Yet, even the track record being anything at all meaningful with what it is that any one of us does with our time and our talent becomes irrelevant when the time is upon us that we must grow, that we must look toward who we are versus who we have been told we are, who we have assumed that we are, who we think we are, even when the outer signs and clues continually tell us that change is happening, is upon us, is going to happen, with us, for us and by us, and we are not aware that this is what is called waking up in the spiritual sense.

Waking up in the Spiritual Sense

The entire human population of this planet is evolving and for the very life of us, too many of us are not catching on to the idea that this is going to happen and it is going to happen to us all, even if we want to believe that we can fight it and that it is going to happen to us all namely if we are seekers of truth.

Seekers of truth are those of us who are not thinking about all of these things that we are each going through in terms of our having asked for something better, different, more attuned to who we are. For years all I wanted to do was to prove to people that I was talented and smart, that I could do the things that I said I could and more, and more than much else, I really and only wanted people to take me seriously.

No one really took me seriously, and to this day, no one really does unless they are part of my daily awareness. It may well have to do with the idea that I am quite an outgoing personality, not bothered by what a whole lot of people think of me anymore. I really only care that the things that I do in this world are the things that I am meant to do, that I am supposed to be doing, that I was born to do and that none of it does anyone in my world and who had any part of my world for a very long time can still not understand me.

But, anymore now, I am more likened to accept that there are people on this planet who will not ever understand me, who will never ever be able to wrap their heads around the work that I do and more than that, they don’t want to, and really, I am not in any position to try to make it clearer to them who and what I am.

Apparently, they have been ignoring it for as long as they have for the purpose of not having to understand me so as to not bother the truth that they have taken as their own.

This is all fine and good.

The reason that I wrote all of that is because I needed to write all of this part now – whenever it is that there seems absolutely no way out of something, this is when it is wise to think about everything that has transpired in our lives to this point and see there, through our own recount of events, the things that are tying together all of the other things that might not be telling any of us what is in store for us next.

This means that, when I thought I wanted to be a Rockette specifically, it was that I was being told by my soul that one day, part of my own life, in a professional manner, would have something to do with art and movement.

When I thought I wanted to be a shrink, it was actually that I was being told that somehow, I would be in the trades of helping people with the way that they think,so that they can modify their thoughts to accommodate who they are, while still living somewhat the life that they are building, so that one day they can live the life that they have been building from the ground up for the majority time they have been in this lifetime and in this shell of a body.

I know, I know…it seems hard to believe that all of this time, you have been doing what it is that you do, not thinking in terms that maybe what you do is not conducive to who you are growing to become, and all the while, every one of us worried, fretted, thought the worst, including me. (I AM comprised of flesh and blood, people, even as we are all and also comprised of the moon, the stars and the universe…)

It is hard to believe that the things we have done for years no longer serve us, and if they do, they’re no longer what they were for us, meaning that, again, those things are evolving.

It is hard to believe that when we each and all asked for a better life, that while we went through and a whole lot of us are right in the middle of the turmoil, that we would not also think that we would have to deal with these sorts of frustrations.

It is hard to believe that when we are preparing for our highest and best life possible, that we end up having to see, go through, feel, know the things that we would rather not.

We have to learn the things that we would rather not, so that when the things that we would rather know finally make its way to us, we will know without a doubt that what it is that we are building toward, and what it is that we used to have as part of our awareness of our very truest selves, we would also know that we have learned a whole lot, that we have had the things that we wanted all along and that no matter what, we would have had to also experience the things that we have so that we would know the difference.

The difference between what, you might want to know?

The difference between what it is that is the very essence, the very song and the very energy of your Soul, and what, essentially, it was that you have been doing all this time in order to know what it is that is NOT…and this is what is known, what folks who work in the weird have been calling and telling people without outright telling them they are doing, that everywhere, even as much as it sucks and is very, very nerve racking and scary…waking up to one’s own higher self, so as to one day wake to being the epitome of one’s own highest and best self.

You have been waking up and finding out who you are for real.

Who you are for real is not contained within a label, not contained within anything that any one of us does, and is only and will always only remain in the idea that all along, we all know and knew what it is that we are meant for, and it is nothing short of brilliance and greatness.

I Promise…

I Love You All !






The Longer the Wait…

The one thing that no one thinks about when it is that we are waiting for things to happen for us instead of to us is that, the bigger the blessing, the longer the wait.

If you have been studying matters of a Spiritual sort, for any amount of time at all, the one thing that, at this point in time, we should all be grasping hold of, right this minute, is that, the longer that we have to wait for things to change, and the more we have to wait for, pine for, worry over things, and the more that we have to turn to the Goddess for solace, and the more that we trust on the flow instead of pushing against it, the bigger the blessing for us. I do not have to prove this, because I live this, daily.

If we were to stop for a moment, and instead of only seeing the things that have happened that were not that great, and if we could, instead, put together the puzzle of things that, to this point, led us right here where we are a jumbled mess of worry, where we are not trusting ourselves, ourselves to be good enough and ready for the blessing, we would learn, very quickly, that what we are about to have at our disposal, and what we are to know that is our reality and our truth, we would learn easier also to just breathe and to go with the flow of life.

Is this me telling anyone at all to not worry, to not have issues with the idea that yeah – a whole hell of a lot of us have been through a whole hell of a lot for a hell of a long time, myself included?


This is me telling anyone at all that instead of questioning anyone else about what the hell they are going to do, to question ourselves as to why it is that me, you, anyone at all, would not follow the pattern that has been set for us each and all and to pay attention not to the things that we did not have or get, but to the things that we know are ours and on their way to us.

Sometimes, it takes our simply believing

Well, actually, all the time it takes us to simply believe that, when we have a need, or a desire, that we are good enough for the blessing, that the blessing will come just when it is meant to and not when we think it should. This is in no way telling anyone at all that you should not worry, because yes, I know, we live in the real world while our feet are planted on each side of the veil between worlds. This is my telling anyone at all that when it comes to things like waiting for our day to celebrate, that we need to take into consideration the size of the things that we know are on their way to us, that we need to really think about how ready we really are for those things, or if, in fact, we are ready for those things at all?

We need to think in terms of the whole, and not only about our singular tiny personal worlds, the worlds that are the biggest thing to us. Is this my getting after you like someone’s mama? Maybe, but really, it is more like teacher is telling you that she cannot tell you the answer, will not tell you what you want to hear, but also telling you that you have been here before, not perhaps with these same people, and not perhaps with this same issue, but absolutely, you have been here.

You have been here

You have been here, in this place where you are as scared as you are going to be, and you have been here, right where you are, afraid, pissed off, believing that the world and the Goddess are having a laugh at your expense. You have been here where the pain is the most tumultuous thing to you, where the worry and the confusion and the things that are marring your very existence at this moment are the things that seem to be eating you alive, from the inside, out.

The one thing that I am asking that you do is to go back in your memory and see there how it was that you have handled things in the past and know, now, that that is NOT how you are supposed to handle them anymore. It is not that easy trying to handle the same things NOT in the same manner that in the past you may have handled them. It is not easy to not be the habitually driven creature that you are at this point, and that, too, is part of this tumult – to help you create a new method, a new manner, and thereby also creating a new energy by which you will have the chance in the future to go to in order to get through things with a little more ease than you might well have in the past.

Right now you are anything but calm, anything but relying on you for your own comfort. And really, I get it. I have been right there where you are, and in some ways totally AM right there where you are, in that place where you have no idea what to do, where you feel like you are not only at the mercy of other humans and their words of promise, even as they are relying on the words of promise brought to them by other humans, as well. There, right in that place where it seems that you are stuck and at the mercy of someone, of anyone, else, and really, the thing is not that you do not trust anyone, but that you have been messed with so much in the past that you might not be able to see that this is the time that you ought to be looking at your own pattern, not of how you trusted anyone else, but more, where it was that you might have overlooked a few things. Those few things, by the way, have nothing to do with the words of promise, nothing at all to do with anyone else’s words, and everything to do with how aware you are of the things that are not obviously seen.

We have been taught all of our lives to not trust others, to be cautious all the time, and while this is very good advice, it is also advice loaded with energy that will cripple the creative process, that will stifle healing, that will make it so that the things that you have worked toward at this moment are somehow not going to work. They DO work, but the thing is that you, in all of your human being-ness, have done what a good human does, as much as we all do, and have erred on the side of caution. This is never a bad thing, but it can be a very stifling thing, to say the very least.

The Stifle

Being literally clueless to the answers to some of our immediate worries is a bitch. I am in the middle of it right now, and it sucks. There are things that I need to happen, because of obvious reasons, and there are things that I know others need to happen, for also obvious reasons, and when it seems like there is no one to listen and no place to turn to and that nothing can be done, we freak out. It is very easy for me to sit here and tell anyone that they need to just chill, because at the same time, I am doing anything but chillin’.

There are things that I am depending on to be real, and things that I need to happen, and things that, if they don’t happen, and while I will figure out another way, would be of tremendous help, right this moment, and right this moment is very stifling and it should not be. Right this moment there are things happening that are out of our control, and right this moment is when we ought to be paying attention to the things that we are not paying attention to, simply for the fact that in paying attention to the things that we have not paid any to as of late, we are not only closing a different circle, but we are also adding closure to the bigger one and the one that means the most to any one of us at all.

That which means the very most to anyone at all is that which is the very thing which will be seen to first

Ever notice how it is that the things that we worry for the most are the things which we believe keep us from worrying? The reality is that, the things that we worry the most about ARE the things that bring us the worry in the first place. If there is a lack in any sense at all in our lives, it is spawned from our ability, our perfection in terms of being able to worry about an outcome that we truly are the ones directing, either in, or out, of our favor. This could be anything, really. It could be something tangible and real in terms of things, and it can be something that is intangible, such as the way someone else who we feel strongly about feels about us…anything…and when I say anything, I mean exactly THAT!

The things that mean the most to us will absolutely present themselves when they are meant to, and more, when we most need them to be presented.  We can try to make them be real sooner than we are ready to see them in that reality, but until we are ready for whatever it is that we have coming to us, that reality will not be, not ever be, until we are ready.

If things are not happening the way that you want them or need them to, it is not about someone else – it is dearly and only about you and how you are feeling about the mix of energies that may well be coming from those who are well meaning but not well placed in the energies that are filled with fear and mistrust. No one owes anyone at all a good enough reason to make THEM feel better, namely not when the person who may well need that feeling of peace and calm is YOU and NOT them. They have no say over what is making you crazy, making you think in ways that you know you ought to not be thinking in.

Really, it’s the thought that counts…

I will say it until I am blue in the face – watch what you are thinking, perhaps not at all times, but, catch yourself when you start thinking thoughts that are of a weighty, negative nature, because in those thoughts is contained the energy which manifestation of our greatest lives is at.

Sometimes, when we are caught in the middle of a bunch of crap, and we are seemingly at the bottom of the barrel in terms of things that we need in our tangible reality, we get emotional and we turn back to the ways that we once knew as our version of normal. Our old version of normal, a normal which includes fretting over things because they are not in the rank and file order that we need them to be so as to make our own minds rest, no longer fits who we have each evolved to. Sure, we always go back to that, but in the grander scheme of things, we know better.

Most of the time, light workers are able to rise above the confusion, above the energy that is worry and lack, but I will not sit here and lie to anyone and tell you all that you will never worry again. I would never say that. I will say, though, that once it is that you have made it through any lesson at all, and once it is that you have been able to rise above the pain of the hurt brought by worrying and the like, you will begin to realize one sure thing – once it is that you make it through that particular issue, it becomes your choice that you will worry like that again.

That’s right – once you learn to not see things only for what the tangible nature of it is, and once you can get through to the idea that whatever it is that you see as your end result, no matter what and how you get there, what you see there is the truth. It is your truth. When you can look at things and see them as being symbolic, you know, too, that if you have been steadfast in your learning, steadfast in the focus needed to look at the thing at the end, and remain not trained on the thing at the end but the journey to get there and what it is that you are learning on the way there, you will begin to see things in a whole new light.

You will see that maybe you were just not ready for that one thing, at least not just yet. You will see there that maybe you didn’t know it all, no matter what all it was that you were knowing about, or at least thought you were knowing about.

Once it is that you have made yourself ready for the thing at hand, and once it is that you can handle the bigness of what is about to become your own truth in reality…then, and only then, will the tangible evidence of it all become also the very reality of it all, and a reality through which became that way through your own hand.

It’s a lot to think about, isn’t it? When was the last time that you were so impatient for a means to an end that, when it came right down to it, the answer was right there the whole time, and all you really had to do was look at it without thinking that you could change it?

It’s a hard question to answer…but one whose answer reveals more than you thought you knew about a whole lot…the truth is that, the longer that we wait for anything at all, the bigger the blessing is at the end of the wait, and the blessing might not be what you thought it was at the start of things, but something completely and all together different, even as the tangible reality is exactly what you thought it would be.

I Love You All !



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Same Suit, Different Energy

Many of us are convinced that whatever it is that we have trained for in terms of our work in the world is static and cannot be melded to also include Spirit…wow…really?



When I started my college education many years ago, I was primed to become a dance art therapist. This is not what happened, at all. I won’t say that I could have become this…dance therapist…either, because of the ugliness that became a part of my life at that time, the ugliness that is domestic violence and emotional abuse. While it was that I still taught, danced, and performed hula, it seemed as though just doing that with that particular dance was so totally not enough, even then, when I was a young woman in my early twenties.  I was told, at that time, that hula was enough for me, that I didn’t need to aspire to more than that, and with that, I should have been happy. I wasn’t. I love hula. I have always loved hula. I would never be able to see my life, ever, without it being some part of my everday, much as it is now. Like some folks enjoy, love and live a particular sport their entire lives, so , too, do I love and live hula.

It used to be, long ago, when I owned a hula halau in the high desert, that my thinking in so far as the dance went was very well cut and dry – you teach, you perform, you do parties, luaus and the occasional bit part, and then you just go on throughout your life loving something that you have always loved, never do it in the capacity that you once did, and enjoy your happy memories. Then, when the day came that the things that had gone on in my own life and in the marriage which turned out to be akin to a university education in survival, I realized that I was not done with this dance. It took more than two decades for me to realize that, while it was that I loved teaching this dance, loved to perform it, loved to do what has been done traditionally for generations, I knew (and my two soul sisters, April and Dannie both confirmed it as time passed) that my hula was meant to evolve into something that not a whole lot of other Kumu Hula’s love for this dance had – the chance to be used as medicine for my aching, tattered heart and soul, and more, the very chance to do what I had always dreamed to do – be able to dance for my living, while still doing good things in the world at large. This is not to say that theirs is not what mine is, because even they would tell you that this is the truth. Theirs is every bit to them what my own hula is to me. Medicine, in some form.

Trading the Pa’u skirt for the Kahuna’s Apple Bottom Jeans

Hula, as it is well known, is normally, when performed, done in some sort of skirt, and most of the time, it is a Pa’u skirt (no, not grass…cotton…brightly colored and patterned cotton…anyway…). When I lost my house in the desert, I lost more than I thought I had, but it was not as though what was lost could not be way more than it was when it was at its height of coolness. Here I was, with three kids, no house, a dog and a car…and no hula. I had suffered a huge loss that, at the beginning, did not seem to be as big as it ended up being, but in that bigness of loss, I found something bigger that can never ever be lost.  After months went by, and after I had had the worst time being anyone’s wife, and after not having danced or taught others to dance had finally brought me to my knees, it was inevitable – the mp3 player had been primed with all my numbers…and outside, there was a full moon.

It was on this night, without my realizing so, that hula became something completely not what it had ever been for me in the past. It became my Medicine Dance. Hula became the thing that I would turn to, that I still turn to, when my heart felt like it was about to again shatter into a million tiny pieces. At that time in my life, there was not a lot that would not turn me into a heaving mess of tears. It was not that hard to make me cry, and it was not that hard to make me feel like I had been and done something wrong. It was not that difficult to hurt me. It was not that difficult to make things hard on me. It was a daily thing for me to fall apart into a mess of tears. It was not that hard to help me have a very, very bad day. Yet, at the end of that bad day, there, as always, to save me from another shot of liquor, to make me not want to go into the baby daddy’s room and wash down a handful of pills and end my pain, even if only for a few hours, was my Medicine Dance.

There, all my life, was this thing called Hula. There, right under the bright and wide full moon, for a long, long time, my suit had been changing. Suddenly, I realized my own metamorphosis. My skirt became a pair of jeans and a tank top, and those clothes, my new “suit.” I found out that I did not need a degree (although I do have one), that I did not need to do much more than just never stop dancing.

So, I never did.

And I never will.

Hula, suits and how they all relate

I think I have made it obvious that I used the thing that I grew up doing as the thing that would help me on the worst days, the thing that still saves me on those days. We all have that one thing, that one thing that we do, for pay, for free, and in that one thing we are expected to do with that one thing, we are also expected that we should only do one thing in relation to it all. Marketers are only expected to market to one type of demographic. Musicians are only expected to play one kind of music. People in certain jobs are expected to only do one thing and to stick to that one thing, never using it at all for anything other than money.

There comes a time in all of our lives when what we do needs to match who we are. I could have stayed as I was, only preferring to teach and perform and only do what I do for money, rather than what it has become, which is medicine and is not medicine that is available in the manner that I deliver it by anyone else. This is the thing about what it is that we each “do” – it is subject to grow and evolve into something that it was not at its own inception.  I started dancing hula when I was 3. By the time I was 12 I was performing in front of audiences, and being asked to compete. At 17, hula was only one of four jobs that I’d held, but it was the very one which I so loved the most. At 33, I owned and taught in my own hula halau. At 40, when there was no more halau, no more students, even as there were still lots of shows I’d done, my time as I’d known it to be in regards to this dance which still, in the minds and hearts of many people, defines me, was over with.

I had to think of something, because it felt like I had nothing left in the manner that was visually creative for me that I could embrace. I took the year off, still not realizing that when I was outside, feeling like my heart was going to just break into a mess of shattered tears, that I was relearning to embrace this dance, relearning to appreciate me and everything that hula has always meant to me and for me. More time went by. More tears. More nights, cold, rainy, or blazing hot…there I was, most of the time beneath the bright almost full moon, and for three nights, even to this day, I could be found outside, music only heard by me, dancing, sometimes laughingly, sometimes tearfully, but none the less, there I was, and there I will be, beneath the Akua (first night full moon phase) Moon, being as graceful as I can, my audience being the moon, the stars, and the night creatures, and of course, The Goddess and the Aumakua, singing to me through Keali’i Reichel’s or Owana Salazar’s beautiful voice…

It did not dawn on me that my two best girlfriends these days were absolutely spot on when they both told me that I was not done with hula, that hula would evolve into something much bigger for me, that it would be something that would be for everyone, not only for little kids and most certainly not only for show. Those days, the ones for show, while they are not completely over (hi Sabrina!! It’s gonna be a blast!!), they are not as important to me as are the moments that I have, with all of those survivors who have already come to me to learn about this dance which I love so very, very much. While I cannot say that this hula is better than the time I spent with my hula keiki in Helendale, I will say that my life is richer now because I choose to take The Medicine Path with it.  My Auntie Kalei told me one time, after many years of not having seen me dance hula, that it was the very essence of me, that it was the thing which my Soul showed itself best through, and that it would be something that I could use to change lives. She was right.

She is always right.

What does your Suit want to be when it evolves?

Think about that for a moment, okay? Hear me, that is, if you know what it is like to have a conversation with me,  and understand that I could easily be standing in front of an audience right now, saying these very things and still be able to make one thing clear, either way – that thing that you do  that Spirit chose for you to come into this lifetime to do, that one thing that you would do for free or for as much kala (it means “money”) as anyone is willing to pay, or both – Only you know what that is. It may well be that you are in this awareness this time around to see if you can mold the suit to the Soul. I just finished telling a friend of mine that there is something that she can do with what she used to do, with what she is so, so, so well educated, brilliantly clever and so very, very much the Ikaika Wahine in doing, that she can take her skills and rather than do what she used to do with them, take it up a notch and go forward into the blackness that is our many veterans’ issues here in this country and take on the role of the protector for those whose lives were once lived to protect.

The things that we can do in our professional lives, with the things that we are on the inside of our souls, can become the marriage of soul and body, right before our very eyes, if we can just look there, where it is that our hearts are and who those very hearts beat for. If we could just take a moment to really think about the things that we have at our whim, and know that with those things we are meant, by the very conception which brought us each here, for the purpose of bettering our own lives, through the things that we are and the things that we can do, and for us to go out into our own worlds and be everything that our abilities, our talents, our gifts, who we are, where we are, need and can solve the question of why we are here in the first place.

If we are meant to do anything at all, we are meant with purpose, and we are meant to get there with the things that we are each born with and come into this lifetime with. This is the truth. We are here to do those things that we love to do, for others, and with others, so that together, even whilst on our own, we can make a huge difference with each little thing that we do in our lives. It is hard to believe that it really is that simple.

Just do what you do.

The rest will just be what it is meant to be.

I Love You All !



“Medicine Dance” coming soon to lulu.com.

Cover photo by Randy Jay Braun, Hawai’i’s Camera Artist

The Illusionist

Typically, it happens when we are not looking for it, the truth in the illusion we create as what is, and more importantly, what is not, “Home.”


If there is anything that I have enjoyed being, or rather, anyone, who I have enjoyed Being, it is me. There are a lot of lessons that we learn when we are children and we live “at home,” but it is quite a different thing when someone is forced to go back there, not to a place, but to a place in time. 

At certain places, and at certain times, in my memory, “Home” was a comfortable place, until I found out that “Home” is not an address. “Home” is where you are comfortable and is also where you know you belong. “Home,” you see, in the sense that is a building, can contain energies from the past, even if the building is not the same building. It didn’t knock me in the head until about an hour ago, when I finally got over it all, and just began to go back into “think” mode. And the only thing that I could think to do was to write.

So I started doing what I do when I know what I want to say, but I don’t start thinking about what I wanna write, I think about who it is that I do the most for, at least in terms of what it is that “do” in this great big giant Universe.

It’s kids…any kids, at all, even the rotten little turds who like making life hard for everyone else…the little bullying bastards of the world, because they need the mom with the om energy that freely, I realize, I give. I Love the Energy that is the collective of the world’s children. I am a big kid. (Super Soaker fight anyone? I am a Super Soaker ninja, guys…and a water sign…you don’t want to go there with me…haha)

Kids are cool. You know I am right. They are awesome. They say the most hilarious things, and they want to know everything we know, and how in the world adults, namely mothers who also exist on this plane with us, somehow do not realize the gift that they are? The word “Mom” means a whole lot to a whole lot of us. For some of us, it makes us feel comfortable, while others, completely NOT comfortable. Where it is that there can be a feeling within a mother that would even allow her the thought that somehow, her not being there emotionally for her children, and her, seeming to vacate what one would think of as her very Sacred, very, very Divine Privilege, to share air with people for whom she is their guide and their measuring stick to knowing what is, and what is not, also Sacred, also very, very Divine?

Mothers have a Divine purpose. It is our purpose, NOT only to bring into this world, the generations of people who, within those sets of kids, will be leaders and will be people who will change this world. It is up to us to help these little people figure this out about themselves, that they have greatness, and that they are special and that they are here for a Divinely timed and planned purpose, and to make sure that they see it all in their own heads. 

Sometimes, it doesn’t happen this way. Lots of people on this planet had what they needed materially, but in other ways, there was always something that was simply not there. It is the moms of the world, who will, or will not, help us learn that we are able to create our own reality. By this, I mean that, it is our job to get these little people to understand who they are, what they can do, that if they try anything at all, and they fail at it, they may end up learning something else about themselves, that possibly, through that failure, they discovered. Not all kids have this. 

However, my kids do have this. I became the mom I wanted them to have. I could be a pain in the ass, but my kids are good people, with lots of Love to offer the world, and they are like this in an unconditional manner. And yes, of course, I taught them this. This was, is, will always be my purpose in their lives. It will always be mine, to teach them to cut through the illusion that is what they perceive as comfort, and get to the middle of it all, eyes wide open, fear exposed, but their hearts never failing them. This, I taught them. This is what I gave to them – to always seek out their own truth, live up to their Divine Selves and know that they indeed have a Sacred Purpose in this lifetime. I had to teach them that there is no such thing as a big, scary, jealous, vengeful God, and that what their Grandmother calls “God,” their mother addresses as “Spirit,” and “The Mother Goddess.” I taught them that they are free to be who they are, no matter who tells them that they are wrong, and more, judging people before we know who they are for real is simply just not cool. 

I have shielded them from nothing, but mostly, the thing I never shielded them from was Love, or Truth. Really, this is what they need. This is what we all need. They need respect as much as they need to be taught discipline. They need it in overload, because that is what it takes to be able to handle the eventual breakdown of the illusion created by someone else’s sense of what is right, what is wrong, and what is real to them, versus what is real to us. What is real to me will not ever be real to anyone else. I have, if anything, instilled this into their brilliant minds. It was my duty, the moment the doctor said she could see their heads, to make them know that they are important, gifted, special, here for a purpose, and mine…just not to keep.

This was not only my duty to them, but was our simultaneous gift to each other, to teach my kids what is the truth of Love, and learn also this very same thing from them.  We taught each other to be “at home” with each other, and went out into each of our worlds and extended that to our own personal tribes. This is what is my purpose in their lives – to always just be there, and to also teach them to also, for their own tribes, just be there. 

We are their mothers. We are either the bearers of light, the guides through the shadow side, the angel of mercy through the halls of pain, and always, the bastion of Light that is Love, all the time and for real…

…or we remain as the grand illusionists we even fool our very selves with!

Think about it…

I Love You All !



It is Inevitable – the Past must be let go of

Lots of stuff at the moment make no sense. The overwhelmingly obvious theme of things at present time is cleansing, is that of saying goodbye to that which no longer serves us, and making room for the things that we have each intended. 

When things become ugly, and those things that we see in our lives begin to take the form of things that we would rather not know about, see, or have to deal with, these are the very things that we have to ponder, not why we love them so much, even when they turn ugly, but more, why we think we need them to further our intended Path and to see to our intentions as they manifest.  We have come so far along this shared Path that we travel, even as our Paths won’t all intertwine, that the time is Now to see to it that that which no longer serves us, or that which hurts us, or that which we just have no time to see to its care anymore, for whatever reason we might have, for real, guys…it is time to let it all be given back to the Mother Goddess. We simply have, at least a lot of us, that is, no more time to care for painful things which we are emotionally attached to but really are things no longer needed.

Obviously, there is a definite need, on a collective level, for the All of Us to finally heed The All That Is in that it is time to let go of a lot of things. Many of those things look like fear, like anger, like hatred, like revenge, and of course, looks like those who have been less than kind to us. We are entering into a time in our collective lives where everything matters, so long as it holds the potential of the future, not only of the world as a whole, but more, as the things that we each and singly will need in order to be a part of, even as we are apart from, this tangible world we currently are living in and the tangible world that is Becoming.

The Tangible World that We Live In

If you think that what you see in your life and that is tangible and that which can be held with the hands is permanent, you are being called upon at this time to rethink that thought, to see those things that you hold in such high honor as being symbolic rather than “real.”  What some of those things that you are hanging onto symbolize is the thing that is making this transition harder on you. Yet, you are not alone in that energy, in that pain that is borne from letting go of things from the past and that we believe are needed.

Yes, I know…there are a lot of things in this lifetime which are needed, but the things that I am saying here are things that are not tangible but are connected very dearly, through our emotions, to everything tangible. Right now is when we are being called upon by Spirit to, if we intend to hang on to some things, to ask ourselves why it is that we are so emotionally connected to those things and more, to ask if we genuinely Love those things or if it is more about how we feel about them each.

When we look at certain things that we own, we are given the gift of the memory that was also a gift at the time that we made that memory, and that really is the thing that we should be more inclined to think about for a moment, and then release, with Love, into the Cosmos, where it can be rebirthed as something that is akin to the Now and to the things that make sense on an ethereal level.  When we hang onto things from an emotional place is when we find ourselves perplexed in regards as to what we need to do in order to understand the things happening at this time. Really, it is not, as I stated already, the actual thing that we have a hard time releasing, but the emotional energy that haunts us and reminds us of what perhaps might have been for the each of us considered as being “better days.”

Better days are not the ones that we pine for from our past, but lie in wait for us in the future which we are each and collectively creating

We can continue to look back to the past all we want, but Life is not lived back there, but right here in the Now. We can keep on hanging on to the things that at one time made us smile and made sense to us and actually fit into our lives and the grander scheme of those lives once lived and we can try to be happy for the things that have already been and gone, or, we can stop trying to recreate what it is that we think we want, deal with what we have right now and learn to release what was, so that we can forge forward into the scary-excitement that is not just the future, but a future of our own creation.

By hanging on to that old energy, no matter what that energy might be, we don’t leave room for the new things which we have been calling into our lives to become our reality.  When we hang onto the things that hurt us and we seek revenge, this is our allowing the control of others to remain as part of our energetic selves. This is not okay. We have to ask ourselves if those who have hurt us deserve to be a part of us still, if we are willing to allow them even the tiniest bit of our good selves. And don’t get me wrong – I do live with one foot on each side of the Veil of Reality, and I realize that there are things in our personal tangible existence that has to be seen to, and really, the only thing that I can say to or about that is that these are the lessons, the things that we are learning and which all are lent to the common manifestation of the collective energy that we all live with and within.

By hanging on to the things which no longer serve us we do ourselves no favors. It is like hanging on to a suitcase with a broken zipper, one which we insist on still using because contains memories, even though it can no longer be there to serve us correctly and in the manner that it once had. This is the same thing that is referred to as being “emotional baggage,” and it is this stuff that keeps us where we are at, and this stuff that drags us down and this stuff that normally, other people have given to us. I am not in any manner suggesting that maybe there is not a lesson to be learned from those things that we each hang onto. I am saying that when those things no longer can teach us anything, that we should be more inclined to release them to the Goddess so that She can, in turn, make those things, and us, as well, new and more applicable to our mission in life in the Now.

However, we cannot know that this is what is in store for us, and we also cannot ever have what else is in store for us and neither have those things in completion or when we actually desire for them to be in our lives until we and our egos can just learn that sometimes, hanging on to useless things, and more, the energy that is behind the love that we have for those things, only makes traversing the Path we are each on that much longer, and that much more seemingly harrowing than it needs to be. The reason that we have a hard time with so much is because we are holding on to so much and most of us do not want to accept that we needn’t embrace them anymore.

Think about a kid who is holding onto a favorite thing and we tell that kid to please pick something up for us. That kid will be more inclined to hold that favorite thing while trying to also do what we have asked them to do, and more times than not, we have all seen this same kid (the one who calls us “Mom” or “Dad”) try, over and over, to accomplish that one tiny little task with his or her hands full with this other thing, we all know that, while it might get accomplished, it will take a little longer for the task to be done.

I am reminded of things that we, as adults, hang onto from our childhoods that hurt us and that we choose to hang over the heads of the parenting adults in our lives from our childhood. I have done it, and sometimes, when the energy hits me, I still do it, and for the very life of me I know better than to hold onto it. Holding onto whatever pain it was that I had received as a child from people who also should have known better is the choice that I make, that I have always made, and it also and only points to my being able to have a connection to where I came from. Even though where I came from is not where I am now, I still, from time to time, traverse backwards, against my own better judgment, and go there to the past where everything that hurt me or are simply just no longer purposeful for me  comes to life.

It is not easy to just let go of things sometimes, and it is not easy to make it so that we do not have to live there, at least in part, through the memory that keeps us where we are and where it is that we might not need to be. Right now we are all going through something, and as hard as it is to believe this next thing – that everything happening right now is meant as the catalyst of things that are meant, are pending, and are in manifest, and are magnificent, and most of it points to the balance that we are seeking out.

Our sense of Balance comes from our ability to see what is no longer needed, and to be able, through that balance that is becoming bigger and bigger every time we go through things that make our lives feel like they suck, to cleanse our lives and ourselves of such things. It is not that we will ever forget what it is that we have been through, that we have encountered, that we are attached to for whatever reason it is that we are attached to it, but that we will, as time passes us by, even begrudgingly so, allow the release of things, through our own intent and our own involvement of no longer believing that we need to hold onto the past. You read it correctly – humans…we hang onto to stuff that no longer serves us, for the singular purpose of having something that our ego can throw us a pity party in celebration of, but more, because the one thing in our human lives that any one of us can claim to owning is our pain.

And yes, this really is the reason that, unconsciously, anyone will hold onto anything at all…because ownership, still, unfortunately, is really the thing that we have been trained and programmed to think is the very highest thing in the world. To own something means that we have some sort of power over it, and really, giving that much power to anything or anyone else is the first step to going back to those things that hurt us and dwelling on them. This is why it is that we seem not able to heal, from the soul, out.

We cannot heal, because we refuse to let go.

Letting go, sometimes, is really the only way that we can heal. No one that any one of us knows likes their pain and sometimes, their past, but they embrace it as though it is the only thing that they have and will ever have had.

Right or wrong, if you think this way, you’re right…

…but you can totally be right another way, that, while it will hurt, it will not hurt forever, and from that temporary hurt, the lesson learned will remain in the wake of the pain and the memory of how it got there.

Really, as hard as it is to do, it is time to heed the Goddess and let go.

You can’t let anything new in to all of those places if you do not let go of the things that occupy your life, your thoughts and your soul and things which make the pain of our former lives and selves linger.




Seriously, folks…Coexist

It would be nice if people of different beliefs would finally, after centuries of pointing out what is NOT similar, we could ALL see what is the same about us all…but noooooooooo….sinner, sinner chicken dinner my okole !! YEESH !


I tell you all about the emails that I receive. This time it was not an email, but a phone call from someone who I have known for a lot of years who does not talk to me unless they can point out a sin that I am committing. In this case, the sin is that I no longer follow the religion I was brought up to believe. So shoot me…we all grow out of everything that was normal, believable and truthful for us eventually, and sometimes that which is normal is totally the opposite of what we have been taught.

Shoot me? Nah…

I would love to sit here, get all…angry…about the way that some people expect that the rest of the breathing populace believe, with absoluteness, whatever it is that they believe. Sometimes I think it is so that they can confirm that what they believe is not somehow…shady…and other times I think that they believe that the ONLY way TO believe is what THEY believe, leaving absolutely NO room for anyone else to believe what they will. This is fine, really.

That is, until a person starts getting hostile, starts getting personal…starts telling someone like me that if I, you, anyone at all does not believe in the things that they believe, that you are not only a bad person, but that you are going to burn in hell.

I have a theory about that, and it is actually quite amusing if you are open-minded about what anyone at all believes. I have been told more than one time that I should “know better” than to believe what I believe, that I will end up in hell faster than I won’t. Well, my thought is that since it is that all the music that I grew up with…you know…drunken English men who bite the heads off of chickens, and other guys who wear snakes while they perform, and still others who call themselves a girl’s name for their first name, and an infamous murderer’s name in the last name…my thought is that I would rather not go to the heaven where a lot of people seem to think is exclusive and only for those who have a get out of hell free card. I would rather go to their version of hell, because the chances of there being great rock music and tons of beer is a lot more appealing to me than is the niceties of someone else’s heaven.

It is how the masses are controlled…duh…

Yeah…I am getting ready to pounce on this one, because it is a familiar one and one which I was “treated” to for the bulk of my life, that if I am not scared of someone’s big giant jealous scary god, that for sure and without a doubt, I am going to burn forever in the lounge at Club Hades.

What a CROCK !

My thought is how dare anyone at all scare the shit out of children just because they need to have that much control. The ugliest thing in the world to me is the idea that adults will tell kids what we tell them because we know they will believe us, know that they hang on our every word. This is so, so, SO wrong on So, SO, SOOOOO many levels. My next thought is why can we just not all get along? Why do we feel like we HAVE TO make other people believe what we do? Why are we so f*cking arrogant that somehow, the last “god” that someone invented, that was meant to keep the populace controlled (Hey…thumpety-thumps….GOOGLE “CONSTANTINE AND THE ROMAN EMPIRE” ALREADY!!). You see, unless you research what you believe, you will not know that religion is MAN MADE, as is that book that a whole LOT of people seem to really believe is “The Gospel Truth.”

I ain’t pointing any fingers here, but…

For a bunch of people who think as though there is nothing that they cannot do if their god is involved, y’all sure do think that without greater numbers that somehow, no one is gonna believe that your god exists.  I promise you – there is nothing further than the truth – your god does exist. He has to. If he didn’t, you wouldn’t have said what you did to me about my Spirit.

My Spirit has no issues with your big giant god. In fact, my Spirit…anyone’s Spirit, really, has no issues with anyone else’s big giant scary god. I find it humorous that anyone would think that in this day and age, that anyone, with everything else that is going on, would hinge their every waking moment on what their god tells them is right and good. Now, no one is saying that we “Spirit” folks don’t do the same thing, but it takes a little bit more open-mindedness for anyone at all anymore to be able to have some sort of anything in their lives that would constitute not only as believing anything at all, but also, to believe in the manner that is “live and let live,” and NOT “na na na na naaaaaaaa my god’s bigger than your’s is…”


And the very God that I grew up with IS this very same scary god, but these days I am more insulted by the idea that anyone anymore at all believes that the deity that created all of us would create us all different for the sole purpose of one person being better and more pious than anyone else. It offends the very intellect in me to have to sit and listen to someone else tell me all the things that THEY think will happen to me and that the one and ONLY thing that will save me and my dirty soul is THEIR specific god. I wish you could all have heard the loudness of silence when I challenged their belief of a jealous god with my belief of an all embracing goddess. “That’s ridiculous,” were her words.

At that point, I had to make the choice of stay and fight for my Spirit, or leave and not make it my point to do the same thing that was being done to me.

So, I changed the subject, preferring to still be able to pound out the words “I Love You” and not “You know I love you, right?.”

Did this stop her?

Oh HELL no

Not only was I not left alone, she proceeded to basically chase me down, albeit on my phone, to tell me that no matter what, she still loves me, that she is more concerned about my afterlife than much else, and while that is all fine and good, there is still the issue that I have freedom of will and freedom of choice. Yet this escaped her. She was still so hell bent on telling me that I will burn and live forever in an eternal bbq pit.

I wonder if these people realize the hurt that this causes, about how dearly judgmental these things and people like this are? I wonder, too, sometimes, if they really believe what they are telling people, or if they have been gently pushed, through guilty manipulation, by an unscrupulous grifting pastor of a church which is well suited to his little man disease and his ego which may have a tapeworm? I wonder if it is that she would have the audacity, again, to lambaste me because I happen to like heavy metal music, or maybe because she just needs someone to say horrid things to? Sometimes, too, I wonder if these people really listen to the things they say to other people?

Probably not.

Kids…they believe the darndest things

I will continue to beat it over the proverbial head, about the things that an adult will tell a child just to maintain control of that child. I get it – I have three of my own but raised four, so I understand the need to maintain SOME semblance of control over them. If we do not help to shape their behavior, we will end up trying, through force and “gentle” persuasion (read: scaring the crap out of them). It is not rocket science – it is not something that is not general knowledge that children believe what we tell them.

If we tell them early in life that their God is better than anyone else’s Godde, or Goddess, or the Great Spirit, they will believe it until someone else comes to them, NOT with something that we might judge that anyone else is judging as “better than” anyone else’s, but with something that makes a LOT MORE SENSE to them than does the general thought that there is only “ONE GOD.”

Okay, so that is correct, but it is a different version of God for everyone. Meaning that no matter how much anyone wants to or chooses to believe that their god is bigger, better and more scary than anyone else’s is, it won’t matter. Just as we cannot change anyone’s beliefs about who they really are, we also cannot change anything about them in so far as what they believe is concerned.

We can no more scare a Pagan into believing what any Catholic will believe, as much as we cannot force a Mormon to be nice to a Wiccan. As much as we want anyone earth based and native to believe what we will that is NOT our belief (remember… I am a Hawaiian person…I am indigenous, and I believe in nature, and, as well, the Spirit Who created nature…I just am not prone to scaring the hell out of people with Her), we also must remember that what anyone will say to anyone at all in regards to beliefs, we also have the very power to insult and offend them with.

Think about this for a moment, and hell yes, I brought this up to my own God-fearing parents, many years ago, when I was an idealistic, analytic teenager with a talent, even then, for bringing a new thought about an old belief into the fracas – if you believe so dearly that your big scary god is also the same god who will ultimately hurt the soul of say…a little Hindu or Buddhist…child…by telling them that theirs is a wrong belief, that it is false, and that they are going to hell anyway, according to YOUR god, why would you want to hurt this baby that way, by already damning his little soul to front center seats to something akin to Satan’s Luau? (South Park…gotta love it lol)

This is the part about a whole lot of beliefs that I do not understand. If we want people to love one another, it has to start where it all starts – with Spirit. Without Spirit, there is NOTHING. There are no birds, no animals, no air, no water, NOTHING, without Her. And yes, I know…you call Her, “Him,” and while this is fine and good, it does not escape my thinking that there are a lot of abusers on this planet who defer to their male god having all the control, gaining all the accolades, getting his groove on with himself, but that it is impossible to think that alongside that big scary male god there might be an equally, but softer, female Spirit who can TOTALLY PMS ON HIM JUST FOR SAYIN’ ALL THAT HORRID CRAP TO PEOPLE.

Think about it – in life there is male and female, all the way down to the electronics in our lives ( take a look at the plug in the wall and the plug at the end of the cord in every outlet in your house and then raise those eyebrows…). There is a dual nature in all of life, and since it is that this is the TRUTH, why is it not also truth that all these years, the only thing that compelled people to do anything, “by the grace of God(de),” that they would have to gain permission, by their big scary god, even just to breathe?

I mean, the reason that there is all kinds of strife right now, why there has been strife is, of course, due to the dual nature of things, but the very things that we are told to believe, those things end up being unbelievable in the biggest possible sense ever. It is when our kids start getting older, start thinking in terms of the question of how life began, and they start learning about science and astronomy and about how things in space are there, even if they cannot see this god to whom they are expected to bow or to kneel to. It is almost as though religious belief and how it is set up does not take into account the idea that humans do grow, do get older and wiser, and most of us learn to read, to discern what we will take as being believable and what is too outrageous to believe.

It is not until that point, when we get too old to believe the fairy tales about the big scary jealous and judgmental god that sits in the clouds and strikes people down with lightning bolts for simply breathing incorrectly, that anyone starts to get scared about what we have told these people when they were really, really tiny little kids. It is not hard to make a child fear anything. I know this personally, because I was the child who was scared, through the threat of going to hell or going to a heaven where a god who loved his subjects conditionally would still run my life.

This is not to say that I do not love those who ghave me a reason to believe in anything at all, but anymore now I know why it was that I never felt like I belonged, why sometimes I still feel like I do not belong and that I never will.

It is because of me, really, and it is due to the idea that it is not me who has to accept what I choose to believe and who it is that I give glory to on a daily basis…and really, it is not glory, because Spirit does not need or require it – She only asks that we do no harm to anyone else, and what we do, to please do honestly. Spirit does not require me to go out into my community to campaign on Her behalf, because she is not trying hard to get your dollars out of your pocket. Spirit knows that in order for anyone at all to get things done, that we humans need our resources for this and the building which is referred to as being god’s house is not one of those things. (leading me to also believe that perhaps the pastors of said sort of churches need to tell their big scary mean male god to pick digs within his means…duh…)

Spirit only really has a few very important requirements, and one of those requirements is that we not judge someone else for anything at all (of course I am sure that we are given a pass when it comes to perverts and murderers…). Spirit only requires love that is unconditional, does not want us thinking that we HAVE TO MAKE the ultimate sacrifice of blood for forgiveness (I mean come ON…your first born? what Mom is really gonna do that? Not this one, and not the one I call SPIRIT, either) and sure the hell does not want us seeing what is different between us- She don’t roll that way.


It’s pretty simple, guys – STOP judging people through the eyes of people who I am sure mean very well, but for the life of them cannot see past their own assumptions about people. It is hurtful for people to assume what they will, tell the ones they are assuming things about that they- the assumers- are very wrong about what it is that they want to believe about anything or anyone.

JUST because some other human in a 3000 dollar suit says it is the truth, it is not everyone’s truth. It is not my truth to go about the planet scaring the hell out of people, but there are a lot of people who still believe that it is quite fine not only to judge how others live, but also, to scare the hell INTO people.

If more folks were willing to see what is the same about us all, I might not be sitting here angry as a hornet at someone who knows me so very well but who chose, instead, to tell me, again, that according what her big giant black book tells her, I am going to hell.

If that is what she wants to believe, that is her choice to do so.

Just as much as it is my choice to love her, but from a distance.

The next time someone has the balls to tell you that because you are fine and good with what you believe, that you are going to hell, tell them that you are good with it because Ozzy, Motley Crue, ALL of Led Zeppelin, Ronny James Dio, Randy Rhodes, Janis Joplin, as well as Frank Sinatra’s Rat Pack, will all be there anyway, meaning that the entertainment will be way, way awesome…with all these luminaries I am pretty sure that no one will worry too much about your fictitious lake of fire.

Seriously, folks…coexist, already…it isn’t like those of us who honor Nature are going to change your mind, so stop trying to change ours.




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