Tag Archives: Free will

Willingly, Walk…


The only way to heal from anything at all is to run headlong into the proverbial fire and willingly walk through it to the other side

If there is anything at all that I dislike, more than anything else, it is waiting for something that I know is going to happen, to ultimately happen. Of course, every human being on the planet is always waiting for something, and really, the waiting that I am writing about is the sort that we wait for what seems like a lifetime. In my case, it is the end of one part of my life that will, when it happens, bring to a stop a whole lot of other things that somehow have the same sense of energy attached to it. I totally understand the idea that some things have to happen for other things to happen, it doesn’t mean that on the way to those other things happening that we will not end up having human being type moments, and the sort that reintroduce to us, sometimes through the same people or situations they’d come to us in the first place, to the pain through the harm that most people seem just to put in the back of their minds until later when they think they can deal with it.

Later, I find, rarely, if ever, comes.

Waiting until later is not an option

Okay, so that is not entirely the truth. We can always wait until “later” to fix the things within us that are bothering us all the time, or we can just choose to not believe that we can do anything about those things at all and through that choice will continue to experience things that do not resemble change that we can witness in our own lives and in our own selves.

This is not something that I just made up a few minutes ago, but is rather and only something that came as a realization to me over time that told me that this time, when I felt the pull of the Universe beckoning me in certain directions, and when it was that those directions that I have been pulled in landed me somewhere familiar but was also harmful I started to believe that in order for us to experience the changes that we so dearly seek out, the first order of change has to be within.

Okay, so I didn’t just figure that one out.

I already knew that one. I suppose that the thing that I figured out is that even when it is that we believe that everything that we need in order to further our own selves is in order, there is always that chance that we have missed a step, have overlooked something, or, in my case, simply just do not want to deal with those things any longer. I just do not want to deal with people who like to harm others, and I just can no longer tolerate the harsher energies of them, but in order to not feel the energy at a constant, I have to willingly feel the energy of right now.

The energy of right now tells me that I am almost “there,” even though I am not really that sure about where exactly “there” is, even though, too, the “there” that I have arrived at up to this point has been magnificent, has not been the sort of “there” that was not welcomed and was and is indeed the “there” that is the most “welcome home” feeling I have ever known.

The “there” in that one very uniquely special and particular manner is good, great, awesome like nothing else, is rock solid, is what it was meant to become to this point, there are other “theres” that I have come to recently, and, as well, those are as nice and needed and almost as reassuring as the welcoming energy is and that was already described a few sentences ago.

It is the rest of the “theres” that, while I am not having trouble with, at least not at the level where I know that I am stopping my own flow, the part that I am having trouble with is the not knowing when the end result will be, because always, and with exception to the first “there” in this set of “theres” that you have thus far read about, there is always going to be that measure of having to prioritize what is seen to next.

I will be honest with anyone at all when I say that the reason the next “there” that I need to get to is not more than it is right now is not for any other reason than that really, I just have hoped for so long that it would just simply roll out of my life like a turd rolls downhill, but, nope…looks like I have more work to do with it, and I am fine with it, even though I have been working with it rather than working on it.

One does not work with the flames across which they will walk; they work on them so as to make them as hospitable as possible, given that it will be their bare flesh on the soles of their proverbial feet that will literally feel the majority burn. Too many people will tell others that it is all left up to mind being over matter at any given time, but when it comes to the things that matter the most to us in terms of what we no longer want in our lives, care and time must be taken, just as much as care and time must be taken in order that we have other, more pleasant things in our lives to look forward to.

It takes times for a home to be situated in the manner that the residents prefer so as to make it as welcoming to them as it can be, even as the home itself is new to them, their own waking lives are not.

It takes time for someone whose entire life has been marred by emotional harm from others to be able to poke their heads out of the hiding places they have created within them so as to breathe in the daylight and to know that they are not alone, and time to actually learn to trust themselves to trust other people. I know this one personally. It takes time for anyone at all who has gone through anything at all to not think in the manner they thought that may well have brought them to this place where they are now.

This place where I am now

I could sit here and tell anyone at all the dramatic story of my life to this point, but I am bored with telling it. More than that, I am sick and tired of reliving the crap that I went through just to get to this point.

Believe me when I tell you that strange things happen in my life all the time, but that I could not have seen my life at this point being how it is right now and in the manner that it is right now is the strangest thing of all.

I am ecstatic and thrilled for many areas of my life, because those areas are working like somehow, to this point, this is what I was meant for, these are the people who are meant to be with me at this point, and this is the way that things are going to be from now on. I could sit here and think only about those things, which would be really nice if that were possible. And really, it is possible, but, just as much as those things are possible, to deny the things which need my attention simply because those things are possible is careless and reckless and most human beings cannot just turn a blind eye from the things that they know need their attention.

While it is that we all know that certain things absolutely need our attention, there is that thing about us all that makes it so that we would rather NOT look at those things or work on those things and sometimes, the work is NOT about making those things tangibly change but is about accepting that change is happening now and happening whether or not we are ready for it to be that way.

You see, when the Mother Goddess needs us to be all we are able to be, versus all that She knows we are already, She presents us with a lesson. Right now, my lesson is NOT about what people think of me and not about what I can do for anyone else and is all and only about my being able to accept things as they are slowly…sloooooowly….coming into being.

Thing about all that is that I have accepted things like they are for so long now that I have to now retrain my brain to not be so tolerant of the things that I have been through and that I have allowed into my life through that measure of tolerance of people who believe that because of one factor or another, they are somehow allowed to be …icky.

Icky People and Karma

I know how Karma works. It is all about the intention. It is the reason why any teacher of weirdness will tell anyone at all to be careful what they wish for because they might get that one thing. The other thing that no one ever thinks about is that every thought we think carries energy, and if the strength of emotion behind that thought is pure and regardless if whether that thought is perceived as “good” or “bad” is how anyone at all creates their own Karma.

I have written a whole LOT about Karma and the way that I know it works. What no one thinks about though is that when we are teaching anyone about Spirit, most of us do not think, too, that we need to explain this karma thing a little bit better than we have been, and the way that we have been explaining it for too long already is that “what comes around goes around,” and there are a shit  load of (ahem) “religious types” who like to put it in our faces that when we piss God off, we stand to go through hell-fire and brimstone and that is that.

(What an awful, shitty,pansy-ass way of manipulating people.)

Reality is that, as I have stated in the past numerous times, whatever it is that we truly and dearly want for someone else, no matter what it is, we will end up with that, for sure, but also, for real, we WILL END UP FOR SURE ALSO HAVING TO GO THROUGH SOMETHING LIKE WHAT WE HAVE WISHED ONTO SOMEONE ELSE…of course, there are those times when we are trying to balance things and in balancing things we have to do things that we have to do, because really, there is no other way about doing things.

We are not really told, at least not point blank, that in order to walk the walk, we not only need to heed our own talk, but, we also have to truly be willing to walk that walk, meaning that we HAVE TO walk through the fires that burn us to our very core selves before we can rise like a phoenix from the ashes.

We have to be able to tell others what it was like for real, what happened in our lives that would bring us to this point where we are on our feet but feel like we are on our knees and begging for mercy when in reality, the only thing that we actually have to do is stand up and become stand alone.

Can’t walk if you are in the crawling position.

In order to walk one must be able to stand.

In order to stand, one must have the strength to brave the coals beneath your feet, looking only at the end of the fire walk, to the ocean which waits on the other side.

Once it is that we stand and walk, we also allow a change in perspective. Once we have a change in perspective, and once the paradigm within us regarding anything at all has changed, we can begin seeing where it is that we ultimately will be in the very near future so long as we willingly walk the path of fire.

So do yourself a favor…get up off of your knees…you have no one to beg anything of…

…stand…and walk…willingly

I Love You All !



1Not Your Grandmas Sunday Sermon Meme


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Free Will Gives Us Choices

Free Will allows us to choose if we want to go with the flow of the pain experienced by things out of our control, including planetary things, or to turn that negative feeling brought by planetary energy into something useful and only for ourselves. 

My good friend, Soul-Mother, and favored teacher of all things Not of this World, recently stated something about Mercurial retrogrades being a pain in the butt, which they are, but she also stated that they do not have to be that way and that we are being like the ‘sheeple’ who she teaches her students to not mimic.  And this is sort of a humorous thing to me in that,maybe an hour prior to my seeing this statement that she’d made, I told a very significant person in my life that I was going through “the meh’s” and was lending credence to the current moon cycle.

Then I saw that statement, and really, it makes a lot of sense in that, we are given free-will choice upon entrance into this lifetime. We are given the ability to choose that which will, or will not, be the right choice in our lives, and a whole lot of us, professional weirdos included especially, have just given in to the idea that whatever is happening in the heavens is going to be the thing that we HAVE TO experience here on this planet. The truth is that no, no we do not.

We do not have to experience these energies in the manner that we have assumed we must…we can use them rather than fear them.

If we ponder the things that we think are the truth that apply to us all, you would also begin to take the idea that it is happening, whatever the ‘it’ might be at any given certain time, is happening to us all and that since this is the truth, that we should just live with it. While I know that we have to just live with what is happening in the skies above us, the truth is that even as those energies might be messin’ with us in ways that we just don’t want to have to deal with or feel or go through, the reality is that we always have the option, no, not to ignore how we feel, but to broaden our thoughts, thereby broadening our energetic selves, and stretch beyond what it is that we know as being the truth about some things.

The truth is that, whenever there is a planetary shift, there will also be a human shift in consciousness here on earth, and while some of us will not know what it is that we are feeling other than how we feel, there are those of us who, just like me, need to remember that we have the option to use the energies another way. It doesn’t have to all be “bad,” because there is always a reason as to why it is that we feel bad, or good, or neutral, about anything at all.

Right now we are in the middle of a gigantic shift in our collective consciousness, where the entirety of mankind is trying hard to fit their rigid 3D thinking into their shifting 4D bodies, and of course, there are those of us who have shifted already into the 5D mode of thought already, and we are waiting, impatiently even, for the stragglers to catch up to us. Those who are not yet caught up will not be able to handle the changing energies, because they happen so swiftly, even as they happen quietly. A good example of this is that there are some of us who have found ourselves stuck with “one last thing” and that one thing, at least before I saw that statement, was looming, large and seemingly immovable. Yet, even though this might be the truth, what is also the truth is that while that one thing remains as it is and in its energy, I, too, have energies and they are energies which are real, powerful and in abundance and totally what this “one last thing” requires of me so that I may think outside of what is right here in front of me and think about how I might turn these “same” energies (‘the meh’s) into yet one more step in the ladder to where I am headed.

No one ever said that there would not be these things on my Path that would seem to stand in the way of things that I can see out in the proverbial distance that await me, and no one was meant to tell me. I was, as anyone is, meant to figure this out. Silly me…I did not figure this out until I read that statement that my Teacher wrote out for the world to read on her Facebook profile . I will say to you all, though, that they had to have been the very most powerful words I have read in a long time.

That the situation on the earth is about as schizophrenic as it can possibly get at this time, it does not mean that spiritually and emotionally, we have to be. We can take these energies and think about how we might use them toward something that is not that one immovable thing, and we can shift that portion of our attention elsewhere, so that we do not drive ourselves nutty trying to figure out how to move a thing that is, at the moment, seemingly immovable. The reasons that it is immovable can be many, or can be one solitary reason, but the truth is that the reason it is immovable is to test each of us on our Faith in the Power of our own Spirits, our own inner guidance, and how much we trust our ‘Aumakua.

It is our Spirit Guides, also known as , at least in Hawaiian culture, The ‘Aumakua, who have brought to us the reminders that there are things in our lives that need to be seen to and that these things are the last things that need to be seen to in so far as what we have only been given in terms of the second half of life for the majority of us. You read it right. If what we, collectively, are experiencing at this time and that is a pain in the okole right now and that is something that we would rather not even have to deal with anymore, it is that thing or those things which we need to study, ponder, think about, etc., but not in the manner that we have been but in a new way that we have to create it from. We have to look at what we have been given that is a challenge for us and see what is there, even if it is painful, or hurts us, or makes us angry…we have to acknowledge it so that we can heal it, so that ultimately, we can heal ourselves.

And even our own personal healing is meant to be something that comes from within our own thoughts, in our own Spirits, and the only thing that things outside of us that hit us globally and with the idea that we have to “go along with” the current planetary energies is that we have no choice about what is happening up in the cosmos. We only have choice of what we, ourselves, will do, with those energies.

It hit me like a ton of bricks, the idea that we are not beholden to only the pain brought by these planetary happenings – we can also enjoy the other side of it all, which is still painful, sort of, but is more conducive to our own healing, and it is the other side called “learning.” We can learn from these energies, because it will be within and because of them that we will be able to change the way that life down here on earth ends up being. I cannot fathom my life staying the way that it used to be, and there is really only one thing left to do in matters where my soul is not okay with what is happening. I could continue to brood about things not going my way right damned now, or I can use this time to take action toward the things that I know are mine already, no matter what they might be.

And that is really the beauty of things in this lifetime – no matter what we want to think right at this moment, and no matter what we have been through, no matter what – while we might not, at this very moment, exactly know how we are supposed to get to where we are meant to be, we will get there. We will get there no matter what, and we will get there just at the right time, which really is when we are supposed to be there.  We have all of these things that happen, all of the time, up in the heavens, and every single one of us is affected by it all. Yet, if we are aware of these things, and we know that, scientifically, the planetary gravitational pull of all of the planets in the heavens, and we pay attention to it all, and we know, too, that planetary shifts are real, but like all else, are temporary.

We do not have to become slaves to the planets and their tantrums, their joys, their anything. They are there to be the things in the heavens that signify what is happening here, on earth. We have the free will of choice, granted us all upon entry to this lifetime, and most of us are more willing to follow the crowd rather than the whims of our souls, as set forth by the things that we are willing to learn, even if it hurts a little bit.

We are not beholden to the whims of the planets, because we have free will. We are not required to pander to the energies which, really, when you think about it, are quite useful. They are useful because they point out for us the sins that we have not forgiven ourselves for as of yet. They are useful because they show us where we are in need of growth and of the utilization of the things that we are afraid of for whatever reason we might have to be fearful.

We humans fear pain, and more than that, we fear change, and we inherently know, somehow, even those of us among us who wear a perpetual facial expression whose only name could be “DUH,” that whatever it is that is haunting us is doing so for a reason. My thinking is that, at least as of late, while I might not like feeling “meh,” it would be very careless of me not to take full advantage of these planetary pulls when they happen. By this I mean that we all have the option to ask ourselves why it is that we would feel like we do when we are feeling a certain way.

By this, I mean that we have the free will of choice on our side, and we are allowed to choose to do what we will with the energies what we will…and this is the thing in life which we have all been granted…




Maika'i Ka 'Oiwi o Ka'ala - Splendid is the form of Mount Kaʻal






Expectation and The Free Will of Others

It is the expectation of a certain outcome that lets us down – NOT other people

Human beings have a very bad habit of being so self-centered that when we set our sights on something, and we want it badly enough to have to go through proverbial hoops to have it, and then when the other people involved in the outcome that we have drooled over for far too long is not what we had set our sights on, we end up angry, ashamed of our choices, and most of all, we end up hurt. We hurt because when we want something so badly and it doesn’t come into being the way that we had our sights set on it, we end up disappointed.

It is in the disappointment where we see ourselves for real, because all of our lives, collectively, we have been told who we are and told and reminded that if we are not willing to give up who we are and what we know we deserve, if we are not willing to sacrifice every single little piece of ourselves for someone else’s cause, then somehow, we are not right. This is the thing that the majority of us have grown up thinking, that we have to do for others so that we can have a tiny bit of their conditional love.

By saying that it is the disappointment which shows us our true selves, we have to think about it in terms of the leaf of an aloe vera plant. On the outside, while it is the truth of things that this plant has spiny sides that can poke you and it might hurt a little bit, it is not the only truth about this plant. There is the other truth that sits inside of it, that is medicinal and tastes bad even as it is so very good for us. In that same light, while it is that on the outside, we are smiling and happy and thinking that we have it all together, the truth is that, for a lot of us, the inside does not match the outside. Another scenario would be when a friend says that they will help us out with something or someone, and on the outside, they are telling us that they have our best interest at heart, and then one day we find out what is their truth. One day, we find out what we sorta knew for awhile, and what we knew for however long it was that we knew it, is the thing that we have tried to NOT deal with.

It is not the idea that someone will tell us that they will do something for us or be someone in our lives and according to our own plan as much as the expectation that they will live up to what it is that they are telling us that they will do, and more, what their energy is saying that they are going to do that is different than what words come out of their mouths.

Simply put – this means that no matter what we want, no matter what we see with our mind’s eyes, no matter that we are putting forth certain energy toward an end result, it is not up to us to make the choice for other people and dammit if we humans are not somehow too arrogant to think that maybe our idea of a thing compared with another person’s idea of a thing is NOT the same thing. It is like wanting a certain person as our significant other, and we do dirty things to other people so that we can be with that person, and in the end, when all is said and done and we are found out and have to admit the truth, we want to blame someone else, even though we knew all along that the outcome we wanted is not the outcome that will be. This is called disappointment, and it is a disappointment that we have brought to ourselves and through our own means. 

We expect people to live up to their words

We expect other people to do what they say they are going to do, and when they don’t, we want to know why. A lot of the time we are depending, not on that they will do what they say, but that they will place as much importance onto what it is that they say they will do in regards to how it is that their words will affect our lives. When we tell other people anything at all, namely when it is for them, it is wise to NOT tell them things just so that they will be appeased and so that we don’t have to be the bad guy (you know…the person who always wants to tell the truth, even if it hurts someone?). When we tell people that we will do something for them, and then we don’t do it, it not only affects them and their lives, but more, it makes us not trustworthy.

That is what the energy of expectation does, too – it breaks our trust in people, and the ugly part, the truth part of it, is that on that end, when we expect the outcome that we want to see versus the best outcome for all involved, it is we who are at fault. (I said it. Deal with it.) Expectation makes us want things to be ONLY the way that we want them to be and does not allow for other people to have their own measure of free will.  When it is that we are willing to mess with the free will of other people so that we can have what we think we want by any means at all, and we are willing to be the whore and the slave of our wants rather than the obedient student of our Kuleana in life, it is then that we are setting up our own failure in life. 

Another thing is that when we say we will help with something, and all the while, the only one who we were trying to help was ourselves. When you have to lie to people to get what you want, and then when the truth comes to be, and it is not the truth we wanted, our entire lives are shattered, and it is because we expected the outcome we wanted and were not willing to see it any other way.

The Free Will of Other People

I say it ALL THE TIME – DO NOT F*CK WITH THE FREE WILL OF OTHER PEOPLE. It is something that I am asked often, if I am able to “do things” that will manipulate the energies of other people so as to bring about a set desired outcome of only one of them. This is not the way that the things I do for my work in life are meant to be. At all. Anyone who is one who plays with the energies around us KNOWS that the one thing that we CANNOT do is to make it so that one person in the mix up ends up getting what they want regardless of what it is that everyone involved in that learning and HAS TO learn.

And it really doesn’t matter, because the truth is that no matter what, whatever is meant to happen is GOING TO happen, and there is not one damned thing that any one of us can do about it. Even if you have someone come on into your life, mess with the energies that surround a situation so that everything you want to happen that is beneficial to you and does NOTHING for anyone else, and you end up with EXACTLY the thing that you wanted, you will still have to deal with the reality and the truth of the actuality of the lesson and you will still have to go through the pain and the heart ache and wow…you are SUCH a hero…you have also dragged other people into your selfishness. (And more than much else, if you listen to nothing else that I have been teaching for years now, take heed and heart to this next thing….which is to NOT try hard to get into the good graces of people who you fucked with because they are only going to leave you cold and without the outcome you want…)

That’s right…you read it right, and I know this is right because my silly ass only recently learned this lesson. I learned not too long ago that no matter what I want, if it is not meant, it is not going to happen. Sure, things might be what they are in this very moment in time, but the bottom of it all is that because my silly ass did something not on the up and up, even while I might have gotten what I wanted when I set out on my own ignorant and arrogant ventures in spiritual leanings, at this time, I do not have those things.

It is okay that I don’t have them, because when I wanted them, they made sense. Now that I have become the person who I am, I know better. I know that the things that I want will be mine, but they will take time, because no one can just make things happen that fast. If it is that we want true Love, we have to see what is wrong with our own thoughts about what Love and partnership is and have to make them right. If it is new means of income, we know that it takes thought about what it is that we are really great at and also really great at and willing to do the work involved to see it to successful fruition. Things that we want and desire in our lives take time to bring into manifestation. Period.

This is also the same thing with people. We need people, but we need more to not screw with them and allow them to make their own minds up when it is in regards to us and who they are to us and in our lives.  We can no more make someone else do what we want them to, no matter how badly we want them to do it, and even if they do it, they will …WILL be going back to the truth that is theirs, and if the truth that is theirs DOES NOT INCLUDE YOU IN THE MANNER THAT YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD MANIPULATE THEM TO BE THERE AS, this would be part of the lesson that YOU need to learn.

When you expect that your shady ways of dealing with people will be successful, and when they are successful through those shady means, NOTHING PERMANENT comes from it and ALWAYS THE TRUTH WILL BE REVEALED.  This is the beauty of things that people fail to see, at least the people who employ such miserable tactics onto the lives of others when what it is that said employers see what they want and want it at any cost. The only person who will lose in this sort of thing is the person who is not willing to be upfront and right minded and who manipulates, through the use of friendship and siding with people, just to get to the thing that they want.

My apologies if I offend, but that’s as dirty as it gets. If you are not wise in your ways with people, and you choose to see only your own ends in anything at all, most assuredly, it will be alone that you will find yourself, stuck in the misery that you yourself created.

And over the expectation of an outcome that was never going to be all what you wanted it to be.

Take a lesson in wisdom….stop manipulating other peoples’ means to get to your ends. If you expect what you know you cannot have, you deserve the mess that you create with it.



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