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That which we are not aware of

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In terms of being aware, it is not what we are absolutely aware of that we need to hone, but that which we are unaware of and that we are creating that we need to learn…

Awareness: having knowledge of something and especially of something not generally known or apparent (from Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary,1973, pg 78)

Until we are aware of something, we are unaware.

Yeah, I know…duh… 

The reality is, though, unfortunately, that we humans can be severely unaware of what is happening with our own selves, and lots of times it is not a bad thing, even though those lots of things might actually be very, very tough to deal with, let alone live through. At this moment in our shared lives we are finding that there is a LOT of stuff that we are going through, that perhaps a lot of us have denied through the mechanism of being awful in terms of how it is that we feel about ourselves and our abilities.

And let me tell you what – every one of us is going through something right now. I am sure that if you bothered to look at the less than rosy things in your life (you know…the things that take you away from having to deal with the things that you would rather not? Yeah…I’m onto ya…keep reading), you might not be able to see it right away, but in that garbage is what it is, at the bottom of it all, you are learning. And you are not learning to do something OTHER than become aware.

Awareness is that thing that we want, but is something that reveals the truth, not only about other people, but mostly about ourselves. While it is that we do not want to look at the ugliness that exists within the confines of our lives, what we are not thinking about is what is not apparent but is absolutely there for us to find. We are so hard on ourselves, so hard on who we are for real, that we do not buy into what others say about us that is good – we prefer to keep ourselves humble, so to speak, and keep ourselves at a level that is not the level that we each know we need to accept ourselves as being at.

This is not easy to do when we are looking at our tangible realities and finding there the things that scare the hell out of us the most. This is what this things called awareness brings us – the ability to see, perhaps even with our physical eyes, that which is unapparent to us on the physical level.

That which is apparent to us on the physical level is not all that there is to ‘see’

If I tell someone who I am coaching that there are things that they are not aware of, and things that they, themselves, cannot see, it is actually a very good thing that some of them cannot see what it is that anyone else can see and appreciate.

Sometimes, duh is better

Sometimes, it is better that we cannot see these things about us, because in doing so, we will either become so comfortable in the idea that we are changing things for ourselves that we become complacent in our efforts and end up not evolving, or, we will find ourselves so very…filled with un-belief…about the great things that we are being told, that we will over-analyze what we have been told is the truth about us as presented to us by someone else. We will make it so that within that goodness, we will find something that will invariably go ‘wrong.’ We are so much more readily available to believe the ugliness that is said about who we are, far and long before we will even think to accept what is not apparent to us and is actually both true and good. We will essentially mind-fuck it into oblivion, and we will end up continuing to believe the awful things that others have said about us and to us.

The thing about that sort of things is that, when others tell us what they feel is ‘wrong’ with us, what they are actually doing is reflecting how they feel about themselves and showing us, through the mirror who they are, what is really not completely okay about themselves. I am reminded of a mother who cannot find one good thing to say about her adult kid. When finally she does, somehow, because it is her habit and it is her way of keeping her kid a kid, she jacks things up by “balancing” the good things that she’d said by reminding her kid that somehow, they are not the best person on the planet, and why don’t you listen to mommy more?

Well, why would anyone want to listen to someone who never encourages another person to be all that they can be and do so without all of the (ahem) ‘constructive criticism’? (I am sorry, but, that is not a real thing, by the way – how can criticism ever be constructive? It is way, way destructive…keep reading…) It is not that they have a bad thing to say to us or about us, at least for the most part. It is that they are not happy with themselves, or they feel like they are entitled to our changing who we are so that they can feel better about themselves through the mechanism of reflecting their own ‘bad’ onto someone who is essentially ‘good.’

This is the truth. I did not make this up.

On this planet we share the air with people who have been told their entire lives that, because they are not willing to conform to someone else’s level of comfort, that somehow, they are ‘bad.’ What else is the truth is that not one of us has to accept what is someone else’s bullshit when it comes to things like who we are to anyone, namely and mostly ourselves. The damage that is caused by people not thinking before they speak, or perhaps not thinking at least about how it would feel if they were to be told the same things that they habitually say to others…that damage is huge and that damage lasts as long as it takes for a person to raise their level of awareness, at least to the point where what is being said cannot be proved as true.

It is only true if we choose to believe it.

At that point, we make their truth, our truth. At that point, we are living and being the person who they see and who they have a problem with. At that point, what we are doing is anything other than being true to ourselves. We are taught for our lives long that other peoples’ opinion is the truth of us and really, the truth of us is created by and through us. Other people are just tools in that creation. They are there with their cutting words and their biting assumptions, there with words but without a clue. They are there to make sure that they get what they need into our ears and our psyche, and there to help us choose what they are in terms of what it is that they bring to us.

Choosing who they are vs. allowing them to choose for us who we are

In the last paragraph, I wrote that we get to choose who they are in our lives. To make sure that things are more clear for you, let’s see these people as actual tools in a toolbox.

Now, realize that I have almost zero clue about what tool is useful for what job and that for the most part, I am using this only as an example. Inside of a toolbox there are several different tools. Each of those tools has a different purpose.  Each of them does different things, even though lots of them might look a whole lot alike.  Some are exactly alike but are a different size, meaning that even as they might look like something else, they are outwardly and essentially the same, but do not have the same purpose.

NOW…let’s look at the other side of this…the side where you call a guy to repair something.

That guy knows his stuff, and here you are, questioning that guy about his stuff. You sit there telling that guy what he should do according to you, and all the while, that guy is the one who is going to, without your help, either fix what needs to be fixed or leave the repair job, and all because you have shit to say about something that you called on him for. Because you do not know what this guy has already gone through earlier in his work day, you are taken aback when he tells you that you can fix it yourself, and you are offended by him when he hands you his tools and tells you to do it yourself (since you know better than the expert).

…the difference being…

In one instance, we are who, in our DIY manner, chooses who is and who is not a tool for us. We choose who will sharpen us through their words and their sordid thoughts about us. We choose who will strengthen us by their measure of trying hard to make us weak every chance they get. We determine what tool will be best for what job and what part of us needs to be made whole. When we are the one doing the choosing, we are managing who we are through whatever means it is that other people bring to us. In other words, we are not believing what others say of us that is not that great and who are choosing their stuff to measure against our stuff and we are finding out the truth through them without them realizing it.

In the other instance, when we call out someone else about their stuff and we believe them, we are allowing them to create for us an awareness that is not our own, and we are telling them that, because they have a problem, and since they are more willing to see what they think we are not able to do versus the reason why they called us out or upon us for whatever reason they have, we are letting them be in control and we are allowing them into that sacred place of wholeness that only we can see to. This is not to say that we do not, from time to time, in our actual abodes, not in need of someone to come and actually fix stuff for us. It is saying that when it comes to the home that is our peace of mind, the last thing that someone …anyone…needs is one more person telling us that they have a better way of doing things and why are we not doing things their way?

When it comes to that point is when we have to choose who they are to us…are they a tool? Are they someone in need of our specific help with themselves? Are they someone in need of specific help with themselves and who would rather not fix who they are – they would rather tell other people how said other people are not able to do what it is that we are all able to do, so long as we do it ourselves and without believing the things that people tell us is the truth of us.

Basically, the way that we become aware of the things that we are not topically aware of is simply trhrough observance, through listening, through paying attention to the things that others are telling us is the truth of who we are. What you will notice is that everything that they have to tell us about us is typically about them, as well, and when they tell us what they tell us, it is a reflection of themselves, not of us. We are not taught this way. We are taught to believe other people. We are taught to not trust us. We are taught to be beholden to the opinions of other people, and we are not taught that the only opinion of ourselves that truly matters comes from ourselves.

The hardest part of all of this awareness stuff is not that we have to look at what other people think of us. It is that we have to learn to accept that which is GOOD about us and learn to stop accepting what is bad about us according to other people.

The late Dr. Wayne Dyer said it best… “What other people think of me is none of my business. One of the highest places you can get to is being independent of the good opinions of other people.”

The Truth…it completely rocks…namely when it is that we are the creators of our own…

Live Aloha…

I Love You All… ROX

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Them’s Fightin’ Words

 

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Every human being on the planet has within them a certain set of ideals, morals, values, and the like, and when someone crosses the line with any one of us, we end up angry, even wanting some semblance of revenge on them. When they “bring it,” it is like they have approached us with those things called “Fightin’ Words”

On more than only one occasion, I have been known to get very dearly angry with a person, usually another woman, and usually because of something she has said, or, more, something that said woman has said to someone else. It is not until that someone else, without their even knowing what my response will be to finding out what I did not know that they do know, which will elicit within me, within anyone, dependent upon the nature of whatever it is that is being told, some sort of emotional response.

The Energy of The Emotional Response, versus the Energy of the Emotional Reaction

Here I go again, with the “response versus reaction” thing. It is a very important thing that we each and all know that there is a huge world of difference between a response and a reaction.

Responding to something means that we have thought about whatever it is that we are supposed to think about. It means that we have stepped outside of our emotional selves, have become a third party observer to the thing that we, because we are human, have honed our skills for using a response or a reaction in any situation. Most situations, whether anyone wants to believe me or not, call for a response. Embedded in any response, regardless of how much we would much rather react, is the energy called logic.

Logic, very simply, is nothing more than sound reasoning. Sound reasoning is that thing that a LOT of people have no real clue about, or real clue about using, because they have only been taught to get good and egotistically angry. The reason that people get good and egotistically and arrogantly angry is because in all of the things that they have been told, or perhaps have found out through others, the one thing that they were never thinking about is the idea that maybe what has been said is wrong, that absolutely the thing that has set anyone off at all may well be someone else’s truth but is so not our own, that when we hear it, read it, talk about it, the thing that goes right into play IS the ego.

Now, we all know that the ego is NOT what we have been taught that it is . The ego, regardless of what you think it is, is more akin to the thing that I refer to as being “the game face.” Someone who I am very endeared to refers to this as our “mask,” and that person is correct in stating that when we leave our homes and go out into the coldness of the strange world in our midst, we – yes, women, too – bolt on our protective masks.

In donning said mask, we hide from the world what are our vulnerabilities. Women have a much easier time with just such a mask, because we women actually get to literally put our game face on everyday, if we are the sort who like to put our faces on everyday with what we will.

And me being who I am for real, even if I try to explain to them the reality that is not only NOT “putting on” one’s face, but also, the maintaining of the body beautiful in all manner that we can, from sleep and diet, to more spiritually inclined daily routines, all these women think about is that I told them all of this stuff about putting on one’s face everyday. It is like they want to believe that somehow, I am taking a shot at them, when in reality, given that I am very careful when dealing with another woman’s ego, I am merely telling them the truth.

That is where things turn into what are called “fightin’ words.”

Fightin’ Words

Depending upon how you, the reader, “hears” my voice when you read these lessons is what will determine your own reaction on every level. On every level we each and all need…NEED to check ourselves before we ultimately wreck ourselves, because I cannot use a better example of this lesson than to use any woman’s belief that she NEEDS to wear make up. I am sorry ladies, but that is not the truth. NO woman actually NEEDS to wear make up.

But a woman cannot tell another woman this, at least not in the “in your face” way that I have tried hard not to in this writing, because sometimes, humans, sometimes women type humans, don’t believe what is someone else’s truth about really anything at all.

Am I saying that women should not wear make up? Nope. I am saying that with a little bit of research, and a lot of learning to look past the mask we each wear, beneath the veneer of …stuff… that lots of us put on every morning is the realness, is the beauty that is only contained within that one person.

Yet, again, when something that we want to believe is challenged, it is automatic that we WILL go into fight mode, our ego out in the open, vulnerable to attack, even though it is the very thing within us which makes us believe that something as trivial as IF we wear or do not wear make up is a choice as opposed to the lie that we all have believed for too many years already – that any one of us actually needs to wear make up.

It is like any one of us human type beings needing to make certain that we are hurt, or mad, or feeling stupid, and in those emotional ways of being and sensing and feeling, we believe we are more inclined and more…justified… to strike at someone, so that they will hurt, and that they will have to have yet one more thing that they will have to deal with, and lots of us believe that we are right in acting on that one thing…you know, because that other person did something or said something that might make our ego feel a little more bruised than we are okay with.

I am not saying to think in terms of being a pansy-ass about things. I am saying to think about the other shoe, on the other foot, and think, too, about what it is that you are really doing or saying that you want to do, and understand that while I may never know the truth beneath it all, there is one other person who does know – and that person is you.

…and you DO know…I PROMISE you indeed know what is your own truth about what is prompting you to react to what are someone else’s Fightin’ Words

This is not my telling a soul that you are not allowed to be mad, hurt, whatever. This is me telling the world that each of us needs to think about why it is that we are really angry to begin with, why it is that we would want to do something or say something to anyone else that would make us think that we have made things “right”, especially when we think we have lost anything at all.

This is me telling anyone at all that when we operate from a place where we can only recall how foolish we felt or how hurt we were, that the last thing we need to do is lower ourselves to the level of tangibility, to the level that is going from the primal urge to want to get even, to the level that is making it seem as though somehow, we have won.

While it is that you may well be right in your energy, if it is that you are planning to do anything at all from a place that is for anything other than the reality of what is really happening, and we decide that we know what is best for someone else, that we are going to be the harshest lesson for anyone else at all, this is when we NEED to stop and think about the real reason behind it.

When we think we need to strike out at anyone, namely when there is really nothing actually or tangibly lost in a situation, we are wrong. Period. When we do those things that are born of that angry energy, of that energy produced by a dented ego, and we do something that we think is making things right, all we are really doing is serving our ego’s needs, and in serving our ego’s needs that are not the needs that make it whole again through means that are not vengeful, we are only serving ourselves a nice dish of shit soup called Karma that we have created through unbalanced energy of anger and vengeance.

Our ego’s needs are not what we want to believe that they are.

When the ego is large and in charge, we cannot see past it. When our ego is the thing that we have always operated from, and the only thing that we know to do is what we have always done, and a situation presents itself in the manner that will poke the bear, so to speak, and we believe that we are the ones who are going to be the ultimate teacher in a lesson we want to also believe that will control an outcome, and we want to think that somehow, we are justified…well, we shall say that it is like making certain for ourselves that whatever our real reason is behind any action at all is also something that we want to experience.

This is really the reason that I will tell any other human being at all that before they act upon an idea that they really think is a good way, not to do anything more than to get even with someone, or to make them hurt more, or to do something at all that gives us a shit-eatin’ grin because inherently we know that we did or want to do what it is that we have come up with that seems justifiable, we are wrong.

And more than that, imagine this if you will. Imagine that you have gone through something ugly with one other person, and then one day, someone else comes into the picture. While we might well be very happy that we have come into contact with this one other person, and while it is that we believe we are over what we also believe the last person did “to” us, and we act in the manner that we think is deserved by anyone else?

Ummm…I can say this much, and it is from experience – when we do things that we think or say are for one reason, and the reality is a completely other reason, and we want to make it known that no one gets to get one over on us AND get away with it, and we choose to make it tangibly so, even though we KNOW that all the time, Spirit has our back?

I don’t know…let’s play with more scenarios, shall we?

Would you like it if someone did to you what has happened to them? Would you like it if, while only thinking about your own perception of what you want to believe is the loss of face through someone else, you ended up losing what means the very most to you?

What if that which means the very most to you is another human being? What if it is that in your own deep-seated rage you are trying hard to get around the idea that, yes, someone else did you dirty, and someone else made you mad, and someone else did all these things to hurt you and that ultimately revealed who they are to you, that in all of these great ideas that you think are going to make everything better, you end up ultimately losing, because the reality of the other person who means nothing to you now was bigger to you – the getting even part, that is – than is what was born of that perceived loss?

The Baby Born of the Perceived Loss

Let me show you a few things here, before I leave you to ponder the last time you got into a tussle or even decided that you were right and that the only thing to do so you would not feel like you were some sort of great big dummy was to exact some sort of revenge.

Actually, it’s a few questions I would like you all to think about asking you, and I would like for you to do so prior to trying hard to make a reasonable excuse as to why it is that you feel the need to get revenge on anyone at all, namely if the anyone at all is someone who you are just not even dealing with anymore. And yes, there are LOTS of other ways to balance things back to normal, and none of it includes the luxurious decadence of getting your own revenge on anyone else, because really, vengeance is not ours. It is that of Spirit’s…please, read on

If you were in another person’s shoes, and you knew that the other person was already in a very bad way, and you still went ahead and did what you thought in your own human limited thinking, that what you will do will somehow make it known not to screw with you, if that were you, would you have the balls to go through what they are going through right now? Would you take it as being your lesson brought to you by Spirit, or would you take the easy way out and blame it on someone else, even if the way that things got to this point indeed included your hand?

If you were hurting and desperate, and you only had the sun in the morning to look forward to, and the rest of your life was nothing but a dark and lonely void, with you completely knowing that you have to get out of this lesson and learn it all on your own, and you did not have someone there to teach you what it is that is your own way and a way that does not bring hurt to anyone else, would you want to go through what it is that you might be thinking to give to anyone else at all?

If you lost what you, at one point, felt was the thing that made your life so much better, only to find out that it was anything but, and you could not look at your own place in all of the things that made things turn out as they are right now, would you want to have to deal with more, and more than that, do you really think you would be able to without also thinking that you might want to die instead? Could you handle knowing that the one tiny little thing that you felt would justify it all caused another person to act upon taking their own life?

Yes, I do know that fightin’ words are what they are, even though the words, when they are said by someone else, might not be what we think they are. It might well be that the other person is SO blinded by what it is that they think is right, that the person saying them is in such a desperate way that they will say what is their ego’s first thing to say.

If we do not bother to take the entire whole into consideration, including and especially the fact that when we are dealing with a whole LOT of humans who share the planet with us, we cannot go to that place that makes us believe that every person who we come into contact with is what we are, which is hopefully stand alone, strong, brave and filled with integrity.

Usually that is not the case, meaning that when it comes to the fightin’ words of others are the very things that can make or break us, even if we do not believe they can. Being made or broken is not the thing, but rather the catalyst. More than that, when we are waiting for the good things, good and tangible things, and we are still hanging on to whatever stupid bullshit that we are hanging on to in hopes that one day, we might be able to exact our revenge because we have not yet let it all go?

Yet we only think in terms of what will justify, for us, or at least we think, the most perfect means by which we will make our position known. But that is not balanced, and is instead, something other than balanced. Balanced means that no one leaves the situation feeling any worse. Justification through means we know are very hurtful is anything but “just.”

The thing is NOT getting even to relieve your own pain, but being able to justify within you if the other person’s words really have any affect on us in a personal, emotional way and in a way that truly will affect us in a physical manner on a daily basis. If the only emotion that you are feeling when you come up with your own solution is dependent upon the solution being the thing that teaches anyone else not to screw with you, I have news for you…

…that’s called revenge, and even I know how sweet it is…

However, sweet things have a tendency or at least the ability to make us sicker than we can imagine, sometimes chronically so.

Think about it

I Love You All !

ROX

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