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Currently Attempting to Just Be

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Anyone reading this right now might well have the sensation that this trying to “Just Be” thing is kind of a bitch to actually make happen.

Please bear with me today, because today I am really trying hard to not sound like a whiny princess who cannot get her own ass up and at ’em.

For a long time I was told, taught, expected to learn how to just Be. Just being is the thing that most humans need to be able to do, but, for the very life of me, I am having a very hard time doing it. I like leisure time, and I like being able  to just chill, but lately, I do notwant to just chill. Lately, it feels like there is always something that I MUST be doing, and more than that, it also feels, right now, like I am …AM…doing something not quite correctly. That something is merely and only and simply just Being.

Just Being

Again, you will have to bear with me because I am having a very hard time with this just being thing.

I have heard that I am quite phenomenal at just Being, but I don’t know that because always, I have a hard time just not doing anything, even if that means that the things that I AM doing is thinking. I get paid for it – my ability to think, and my ability to think in terms that not a lot of other people are able to.

Being able to think in terms that not a lot of other people are able to takes a LOT of time, a LOT of practice and a whole lot of utilization of that one ability. I do not know if I am being stretched in terms of this ability, but I do know that at this moment, given that I know that this is NOT going to be one of those magnificently thought out pieces of writing that I always intend on creating, I am at that place, once again, where the only thing that I am able TO do is to Be.

To Be means that one is the observer and not the doer. 

That is my problem. That is the problem that a whole lot of us humans here on earth have – the inability to simply and merely just Be.

I am not that great at sitting still for very long, and I am not that great at telling people to handle their own circuses and neither their insane monkeys…and my own mental monkeys have, for the moment, just chosen to not behave. Perhaps it is that they need a break from performing, or maybe it is that they are all telling me that I need to stop the toiling for the words, and stop the madness that is trying hard to get to the next and higher level of my own life, and just breathe.

I would love nothing more than to just be able to stop and do just that. The issue is that I, along with a whole lot of other people, have taken on this energy, for years, that in order for us to be worthy humans, we always and all have to be…HAVE TO BE productive. While I am indeed productive in the manner that is teaching other people to train their thoughts so as to become better habits, I am very much not this way when I KNOW that the time has come to just let go of everything that I see coming to me, to let go of how long it feels as though it is taking, to let go of everything that I have riding on it all, including this blog, and take a break from doing and try hard to just Be.

I am not alone in this

Lots of us do not realize that the inability to just Be comes from a lifetime’s worth of the recording in our heads that tells us that we are not impressing anyone else, but namely ourselves, when we are just “sitting around and doing nothing.”

This is the thing that a whole lot of people grew up hearing, and to this day, because of this one thing, and because a lot of us do not know how to make it stop, and more than anything else, because of the innate “need” to become worthy, so to speak, in the eyes, thoughts, minds of those who were of major significance in our lives as children and then later, still, as adults, we find this habitual “thing” happening to us, this thing called the inability to just Be.

It is a crippling thing, really, the idea that there is a population of people on this planet who cannot relax unless we are doing something.

The thing that I have chosen to “do” so that I can just Be.

Weekends are very important to me, namely Saturdays, which today is Saturday, because it is the one day of the week where I share my time in the manner that is valuable. I have chosen to just Be in the manner that is bringing new life, through planting and nourishing my own self through the doing of proliferating plant life.

When we give our own life force to other beings, even those beings which are not human beings, and even as that is what I do each weekend, this weekend, while not different, has been consciously set in my mind as a “not doing to do, but doing to be” type thing. It is the only thing that I am sure will make me not feel like I do right now, which is not that great.

Feeling not that great means that somewhere, at least within me, there is a need to just let go of the things that have bothered me for so long a time anymore and just Be.

Notice how I keep writing that one phrase, “just Be”?

…yeah, me, too.

This is the way that the Mother Goddess repeats Herself to her kids, and apparently, because I wrote this same thing, almost, in my other blog, ‘Just Rox’, She is screaming at me through my ability to physically see.

So, folks…with that much known…

Aloha nui…

I Love You All

ROX

 

 


Them’s Fightin’ Words

 

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Every human being on the planet has within them a certain set of ideals, morals, values, and the like, and when someone crosses the line with any one of us, we end up angry, even wanting some semblance of revenge on them. When they “bring it,” it is like they have approached us with those things called “Fightin’ Words”

On more than only one occasion, I have been known to get very dearly angry with a person, usually another woman, and usually because of something she has said, or, more, something that said woman has said to someone else. It is not until that someone else, without their even knowing what my response will be to finding out what I did not know that they do know, which will elicit within me, within anyone, dependent upon the nature of whatever it is that is being told, some sort of emotional response.

The Energy of The Emotional Response, versus the Energy of the Emotional Reaction

Here I go again, with the “response versus reaction” thing. It is a very important thing that we each and all know that there is a huge world of difference between a response and a reaction.

Responding to something means that we have thought about whatever it is that we are supposed to think about. It means that we have stepped outside of our emotional selves, have become a third party observer to the thing that we, because we are human, have honed our skills for using a response or a reaction in any situation. Most situations, whether anyone wants to believe me or not, call for a response. Embedded in any response, regardless of how much we would much rather react, is the energy called logic.

Logic, very simply, is nothing more than sound reasoning. Sound reasoning is that thing that a LOT of people have no real clue about, or real clue about using, because they have only been taught to get good and egotistically angry. The reason that people get good and egotistically and arrogantly angry is because in all of the things that they have been told, or perhaps have found out through others, the one thing that they were never thinking about is the idea that maybe what has been said is wrong, that absolutely the thing that has set anyone off at all may well be someone else’s truth but is so not our own, that when we hear it, read it, talk about it, the thing that goes right into play IS the ego.

Now, we all know that the ego is NOT what we have been taught that it is . The ego, regardless of what you think it is, is more akin to the thing that I refer to as being “the game face.” Someone who I am very endeared to refers to this as our “mask,” and that person is correct in stating that when we leave our homes and go out into the coldness of the strange world in our midst, we – yes, women, too – bolt on our protective masks.

In donning said mask, we hide from the world what are our vulnerabilities. Women have a much easier time with just such a mask, because we women actually get to literally put our game face on everyday, if we are the sort who like to put our faces on everyday with what we will.

And me being who I am for real, even if I try to explain to them the reality that is not only NOT “putting on” one’s face, but also, the maintaining of the body beautiful in all manner that we can, from sleep and diet, to more spiritually inclined daily routines, all these women think about is that I told them all of this stuff about putting on one’s face everyday. It is like they want to believe that somehow, I am taking a shot at them, when in reality, given that I am very careful when dealing with another woman’s ego, I am merely telling them the truth.

That is where things turn into what are called “fightin’ words.”

Fightin’ Words

Depending upon how you, the reader, “hears” my voice when you read these lessons is what will determine your own reaction on every level. On every level we each and all need…NEED to check ourselves before we ultimately wreck ourselves, because I cannot use a better example of this lesson than to use any woman’s belief that she NEEDS to wear make up. I am sorry ladies, but that is not the truth. NO woman actually NEEDS to wear make up.

But a woman cannot tell another woman this, at least not in the “in your face” way that I have tried hard not to in this writing, because sometimes, humans, sometimes women type humans, don’t believe what is someone else’s truth about really anything at all.

Am I saying that women should not wear make up? Nope. I am saying that with a little bit of research, and a lot of learning to look past the mask we each wear, beneath the veneer of …stuff… that lots of us put on every morning is the realness, is the beauty that is only contained within that one person.

Yet, again, when something that we want to believe is challenged, it is automatic that we WILL go into fight mode, our ego out in the open, vulnerable to attack, even though it is the very thing within us which makes us believe that something as trivial as IF we wear or do not wear make up is a choice as opposed to the lie that we all have believed for too many years already – that any one of us actually needs to wear make up.

It is like any one of us human type beings needing to make certain that we are hurt, or mad, or feeling stupid, and in those emotional ways of being and sensing and feeling, we believe we are more inclined and more…justified… to strike at someone, so that they will hurt, and that they will have to have yet one more thing that they will have to deal with, and lots of us believe that we are right in acting on that one thing…you know, because that other person did something or said something that might make our ego feel a little more bruised than we are okay with.

I am not saying to think in terms of being a pansy-ass about things. I am saying to think about the other shoe, on the other foot, and think, too, about what it is that you are really doing or saying that you want to do, and understand that while I may never know the truth beneath it all, there is one other person who does know – and that person is you.

…and you DO know…I PROMISE you indeed know what is your own truth about what is prompting you to react to what are someone else’s Fightin’ Words

This is not my telling a soul that you are not allowed to be mad, hurt, whatever. This is me telling the world that each of us needs to think about why it is that we are really angry to begin with, why it is that we would want to do something or say something to anyone else that would make us think that we have made things “right”, especially when we think we have lost anything at all.

This is me telling anyone at all that when we operate from a place where we can only recall how foolish we felt or how hurt we were, that the last thing we need to do is lower ourselves to the level of tangibility, to the level that is going from the primal urge to want to get even, to the level that is making it seem as though somehow, we have won.

While it is that you may well be right in your energy, if it is that you are planning to do anything at all from a place that is for anything other than the reality of what is really happening, and we decide that we know what is best for someone else, that we are going to be the harshest lesson for anyone else at all, this is when we NEED to stop and think about the real reason behind it.

When we think we need to strike out at anyone, namely when there is really nothing actually or tangibly lost in a situation, we are wrong. Period. When we do those things that are born of that angry energy, of that energy produced by a dented ego, and we do something that we think is making things right, all we are really doing is serving our ego’s needs, and in serving our ego’s needs that are not the needs that make it whole again through means that are not vengeful, we are only serving ourselves a nice dish of shit soup called Karma that we have created through unbalanced energy of anger and vengeance.

Our ego’s needs are not what we want to believe that they are.

When the ego is large and in charge, we cannot see past it. When our ego is the thing that we have always operated from, and the only thing that we know to do is what we have always done, and a situation presents itself in the manner that will poke the bear, so to speak, and we believe that we are the ones who are going to be the ultimate teacher in a lesson we want to also believe that will control an outcome, and we want to think that somehow, we are justified…well, we shall say that it is like making certain for ourselves that whatever our real reason is behind any action at all is also something that we want to experience.

This is really the reason that I will tell any other human being at all that before they act upon an idea that they really think is a good way, not to do anything more than to get even with someone, or to make them hurt more, or to do something at all that gives us a shit-eatin’ grin because inherently we know that we did or want to do what it is that we have come up with that seems justifiable, we are wrong.

And more than that, imagine this if you will. Imagine that you have gone through something ugly with one other person, and then one day, someone else comes into the picture. While we might well be very happy that we have come into contact with this one other person, and while it is that we believe we are over what we also believe the last person did “to” us, and we act in the manner that we think is deserved by anyone else?

Ummm…I can say this much, and it is from experience – when we do things that we think or say are for one reason, and the reality is a completely other reason, and we want to make it known that no one gets to get one over on us AND get away with it, and we choose to make it tangibly so, even though we KNOW that all the time, Spirit has our back?

I don’t know…let’s play with more scenarios, shall we?

Would you like it if someone did to you what has happened to them? Would you like it if, while only thinking about your own perception of what you want to believe is the loss of face through someone else, you ended up losing what means the very most to you?

What if that which means the very most to you is another human being? What if it is that in your own deep-seated rage you are trying hard to get around the idea that, yes, someone else did you dirty, and someone else made you mad, and someone else did all these things to hurt you and that ultimately revealed who they are to you, that in all of these great ideas that you think are going to make everything better, you end up ultimately losing, because the reality of the other person who means nothing to you now was bigger to you – the getting even part, that is – than is what was born of that perceived loss?

The Baby Born of the Perceived Loss

Let me show you a few things here, before I leave you to ponder the last time you got into a tussle or even decided that you were right and that the only thing to do so you would not feel like you were some sort of great big dummy was to exact some sort of revenge.

Actually, it’s a few questions I would like you all to think about asking you, and I would like for you to do so prior to trying hard to make a reasonable excuse as to why it is that you feel the need to get revenge on anyone at all, namely if the anyone at all is someone who you are just not even dealing with anymore. And yes, there are LOTS of other ways to balance things back to normal, and none of it includes the luxurious decadence of getting your own revenge on anyone else, because really, vengeance is not ours. It is that of Spirit’s…please, read on

If you were in another person’s shoes, and you knew that the other person was already in a very bad way, and you still went ahead and did what you thought in your own human limited thinking, that what you will do will somehow make it known not to screw with you, if that were you, would you have the balls to go through what they are going through right now? Would you take it as being your lesson brought to you by Spirit, or would you take the easy way out and blame it on someone else, even if the way that things got to this point indeed included your hand?

If you were hurting and desperate, and you only had the sun in the morning to look forward to, and the rest of your life was nothing but a dark and lonely void, with you completely knowing that you have to get out of this lesson and learn it all on your own, and you did not have someone there to teach you what it is that is your own way and a way that does not bring hurt to anyone else, would you want to go through what it is that you might be thinking to give to anyone else at all?

If you lost what you, at one point, felt was the thing that made your life so much better, only to find out that it was anything but, and you could not look at your own place in all of the things that made things turn out as they are right now, would you want to have to deal with more, and more than that, do you really think you would be able to without also thinking that you might want to die instead? Could you handle knowing that the one tiny little thing that you felt would justify it all caused another person to act upon taking their own life?

Yes, I do know that fightin’ words are what they are, even though the words, when they are said by someone else, might not be what we think they are. It might well be that the other person is SO blinded by what it is that they think is right, that the person saying them is in such a desperate way that they will say what is their ego’s first thing to say.

If we do not bother to take the entire whole into consideration, including and especially the fact that when we are dealing with a whole LOT of humans who share the planet with us, we cannot go to that place that makes us believe that every person who we come into contact with is what we are, which is hopefully stand alone, strong, brave and filled with integrity.

Usually that is not the case, meaning that when it comes to the fightin’ words of others are the very things that can make or break us, even if we do not believe they can. Being made or broken is not the thing, but rather the catalyst. More than that, when we are waiting for the good things, good and tangible things, and we are still hanging on to whatever stupid bullshit that we are hanging on to in hopes that one day, we might be able to exact our revenge because we have not yet let it all go?

Yet we only think in terms of what will justify, for us, or at least we think, the most perfect means by which we will make our position known. But that is not balanced, and is instead, something other than balanced. Balanced means that no one leaves the situation feeling any worse. Justification through means we know are very hurtful is anything but “just.”

The thing is NOT getting even to relieve your own pain, but being able to justify within you if the other person’s words really have any affect on us in a personal, emotional way and in a way that truly will affect us in a physical manner on a daily basis. If the only emotion that you are feeling when you come up with your own solution is dependent upon the solution being the thing that teaches anyone else not to screw with you, I have news for you…

…that’s called revenge, and even I know how sweet it is…

However, sweet things have a tendency or at least the ability to make us sicker than we can imagine, sometimes chronically so.

Think about it

I Love You All !

ROX

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Impatience

Impatience. It is that thing that irritates us all. We are more inclined to want to believe that our impatience is because someone else made us be that way. This is not the truth. We are impatient because we know that better things await us…far better than what we are seeing to right this moment. 

I will be the last person to tell anyone else that they need to be patient. I mean, I will state now that I have been known to tell others, mainly coaching clients, that it would pay off a bit if they could garner the energy that is patience.  And if you think for a moment that I do not listen to myself and apply what I tell anyone who I am teaching anything, you have another thing coming, because always, before I apply anything that I am teaching, I try it out first – you cannot know if something will work or even be part of another’s healing if you, as a healer, are not personally aware of the outcome. I am one of those healers who, no matter what I am teaching anyone at all, truly knows what I am teaching people and it is because I always try before I have anyone else apply what it is that I am offering them as a method of self-healing.

However, I do have the tendency to grow into a very impatient person when it seems that things are not doing what they are supposed to be doing, and more, when it feels like I am doing a whole lot for anyone who is just NOT getting it in terms of learning. That is where I am right now, with myself, because apparently I have not yet learned to be fearless when it comes to doing things that I just would rather not do. I am like every other human being on the planet – I want things to be easier for me, and really, I have the right to want that, because I know that my whole life to this point, no matter who thinks or says what, I have had a hard time with a lot of things. My life has been a struggle. Emotionally. The thing that I know will make it be less of a struggle is what I am having a hard time with right now, even though I know…KNOW…that once it is that I do what I have to do, that struggle will be over with.

Yet, still, I am impatient and more than that, I am, in a manner that I do not understand, afraid to do this one thing. There are other options, but they are as appealing as this one thing. The difference between all those options and this one thing?

This one thing guarantees that, in the physical sense, I will be freed, permanently, from the last thing that is keeping me, at least in my opinion, from a lot more good things that are already in place. And it is fucking with my patience, everyday, and more, it will, if I do not do SOMETHING soon, begin fucking with my physical health, and hell no I don’t want that…but, there is that thing…that fear of the unknown…it is there because my whole life I have only had the instance of being told that something bad will happen if I do something as selfish as this one thing. I know I am not selfish. I know that I am not bad, but given everything already, with very few (but VERY VERY IMPORTANT) other happenings in place that have caused me to think about what is more important? My level of impatience at this moment, or the idea that doing that one thing will make things (I want to believe) a whole LOT better…because the balance, the pono, will be restored.

This is not my saying that I am always impatient. It is rather and only my saying that there are things that are …I don’t know what to call it all or describe it all as…making me want for the things that are already here, that I know are on their way to me, and all of them are great things. The thing that I believe is making me very impatient right this moment is that I know what I know, in the sixth sense kind of way, and I can see it all, feel it all, sense all of it, and every bit of it makes me giddy with excitement akin to that of a school girl.

Then there is the other side of that giddiness – the side that tells me and that inner school girl that there are still dishes to wash, beds to be made, people to see off to wherever it is that they are intended to go and to be, and all of it is going to take my working on it all, because all of it directly affects me and my life, and most of all, my level of patience, and, as well, my level of fairness in terms of what others need from me as a healer.

And really, I am very well aware of the fact that I indeed need to take a day off from other people and pay attention to me more, because none of this impatience with other people will ever go where it is meant to if I am sitting here ALWAYS doing my work in the world and never taking a break from it, even for one day. This is not my saying that I do not take breaks. It is more like me saying that it is time that I and quite possibly many others like me to start looking at ourselves and seeing there why it is that at this moment, a collective of us are brewing in a shit-pot of impatience, and a lot of us are looking at what everyone else is having materialize in their lives and the majority of us are like those kids at our own birthday parties being made to wait for a piece of cake that was made for us, because it is our day, and we are being made to wait, or so it seems, for everyone else to get theirs. When we finally get ours, we are able to drink our cake that was made for our day…through a fucking straw, which disappoints us and makes us impatient for better things…and it can go on and on like this for weeks at a time.

Sometimes, at the end of those long, dragged out weeks, and after a lot of working with people who we wouldn’t even really have much to do with if they didn’t need our help, we find ourselves drained and wanting for more of the things that as healers, we totally need, and right now, in my own life, I am aware of what it is that I need exactly, and more than that, I know very dearly and completely what it is that I no longer need and what is taking what seems like forever for those things, ways of being, situations and yes, people, to no longer be here.

And really…the ONLY thing that I continually ask is NOT when it is gonna be over with, but why it feels like whatever I was meant to learn has been learned, and that the thing that is making this drag on and on is indeed me and my fear of doing things the way that I know I should do them.

Doing things the way that I know I should do them has not been done because of one thing – I am scared to death of creating a Karmic energy that I cannot reverse.

Yet, I am not sure what I am more afraid of – that the Karma could be created through the balance that is needed, or that deep down inside of my soul I will have to live with what it is that I know that I HAD TO do, and still have to do, but the unknown part is what keeps me at bay. Being kept at bay, for someone like me – someone who actually LIKES to get things done so that they do not have to be dealt with any longer – causes me a whole LOT of impatience.

It gets tiring, in the manner that is almost like dragging a dead weight behind me, a weight that is strapped to me with a vice grip of knots, and then I, in that vision, look down and realize that the weights are not actually tied to me, physically, but that they are tied to the belt loops on the jeans that I am wearing when I have this vision.

The thing is that indeed, I know that I could break free of this…weightedness…but the way that I have to do so could cause me to be exposed to things that, with my pants proverbially down, could really be not that great. Yes, I know…the pants down thing is temporary, but if most folks know how many times I have had to suffer the embarrassments that I have had to in the past, have had to endure with my soul exposed like it has been, you might also understand why it is that these days, there are not a lot of people who I trust when I am in the middle of this energy where it seems that my choices for gettin’ things done are…ugh…and ugh-er, and I am just as far past done with so many things that, in choosing to NOT do what I have been afraid to do for a long time…well, it seems like all I am really doing is running in circles that have only purpose in terms of keeping me at bay longer.

Running in circles, the only thing we get is dizzy

Sometimes, I know that I feel like the only thing that I am doing is running around, again and again, in circle after circle, only to end up right here, like I am right now, feeling like this is it for me…the grand un-pleasurable experience that is being made to wait for things that you know are meant to be, not only the way that you want them to be, but also the very way that you have been shown, through your own visions and with the help of some deep, dear meditation, what awaits.

Yet, when does the time come when we are no longer waiting for whatever it is that we are being taught is finally learned? When does it seem as though somehow, the reason that we are running in circles is not because of anything other than being scared that what we do will cause things to become harder in the long run for us.

We could end up very dizzy, and not in the physical sense, but in the emotional sense, and when that happens there are so many ways, due to the energies that we emit, that in our thoughts there will be the one thing that we ignore, the one thing that we know we have to do, and the one thing that we have to trust, even though we cannot call what will happen should we do what we know we ought to and want to, is ourselves. Instead, we trust the karmic return on what we know we needed as being stronger than the reason that we know we need what it is that we need, what it is that we know is making us impatient and most of all, what it is that is making us so not be who we really are.

Impatience with a situation will certainly make a person not be their best highest selves

Perhaps I am here today having the biggest, yet quietest, tantrum that I have had in a very long time, but to say the very least, I believe that once in a while, we are all permitted, even expected, to have them. I am frustrated, really, with the idea that maybe what I am dealing with is NOT only the physical reality, but more like maybe something on the other side of the veil perhaps is playing with me, daring me to do things and fail in my trying to not do things the way that I have done in the past, because in the past things were done without a lot of thought, without a lot of concern for things that could happen.

So, I suppose today’s blog is more like me telling you that when it comes to things that we know we need, things like patience, things that will make things better for everyone involved, and we know that this is the truth, and the thing that stops us in our tracks is something that we also know is the truth, it is of tantamount importance that we weigh what means more to us.

I am not one who does not know what is and is not important to me or my life. Yet, it is the unknown part of all of this, the outcome, essentially, which, on one end it is needed because in doing what I need to do, what I want to do, what I may well have to do, it will cause more than only myself to be at peace and to live at a level that I am meant to. On the other hand, I also know that this is a lesson in no longer fearing what I should not, which is the power that I have been gifted with to make things pono.

I would like to know about some of your own experiences with impatience and feeling the weight of a decision that must be made in the manner that you know it has to be, and then going ahead and making the right decision for everyone involved. Feel free to comment…just be nice when you do

As far as this choice I have to make?

I’ll let you all know next week when I write the next post of #TheManaoBlog

Until then….I LOVE YOU ALL !

ROX

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