When you choose to challenge others through being a scathingly ugly person, it is like stealing their right to freedom of not hearing your crap as much as it is someone else trying to steal your right to freedom of speech.
I have a problem with people lately, more than I have in the past.
I am someone who enjoys the freedom of speech that we are afforded in this country.
I am a writer.
As such, it is mine to enjoy this thing called free speech.
As a public speaker..again…free speech.
However, in some cases, as an American who appreciates everything that every veteran in this country and its history has done, namely losing their lives, so that my right to sit here, for the rest of my life, and write these things, I am a bit dismayed with the idea that there are people who have taken it upon themselves to attack others for having a different opinion than they do. I have the right to think that something is funny, and I have the right to agree with things that some people think are dumb. I have the right to write these things, because I am protected by the same speech laws and rights that others have that allow them the freedom to state, verbally or in writing, whatever it is that they might.
This includes them being …horrid…to us, just because that is who they are, and how they are, and what they do. They do this for whatever reason they might have, but the one reason that I have known, for a lot of years, and now, too, online, is that a bully is a bully, no matter what.
In the past, and not that long ago in the past, the world was not the scathing place that it is now.
“Scathing”…it is a very…passionate … word.
We are, by and large, as humans, very passionate with our words, sometimes in a very ugly way, especially when we feel like there is anything at all to “win.” We like to “win” no matter what, and it is because we have not, a whole lot of us, been taught to also learn to lose well. Whoever said that life is a game didn’t think before they said it, because all that did was turn everyone into either a “winner” or a “loser” and the truth is that life is NOT a game, but an experience.
I do not feel as though it takes anyone at all very much …in them…to be nice, or at least cordial, even though you want to be otherwise. It seems very odd to me that anymore now, we seem more inclined to give an opinion rather than to state facts and more, to state what are our own actual facts to anyone at all, even those who, because of their demeanor, whether it is online or offline, disagree with us.
In fact, that is the one time that we need to be on our best behavior and if anyone at all knows about it being hard to behave one’s own self, it is this chick.
Behave your damned selves already…
It might well be that over the course of the last year, things that have happened in my life, as well as in the lives of those who are the very closest to me, that I have chosen to not argue with people when it comes to their opinion…unless, of course, they attack me online.
No. I cannot take a joke, and no, I do not want to make anyone think, for any reason at all, that I want to go back and forth with them – I don’t. The hardest time that I have had in exercising this…behavior of mine…and that is nothing at all like it used to be (in your face, ghetto style even). There was a time when I used to speak to people as though I was smarter than they were and sharper with my words than lots of people were (and yes, I think this way now, but it is not the same energy…please, keep reading), and thought so because why?
Because I was that good, and I could do this whole…being horrid to others in writing… and was good at it…that’s why.
That was a very long time ago.
These days, I happen to like walking on the side of the rope that tells me to always, even when I am right, even when I am using foul language…try hard to be nice to others.
I am not going to fail to what I used to be. I will not now, and within the best of my better abilities, try hard to NOT, go there, ever, when it comes to arguing with people, namely not over an opinion that might be something that not everyone agrees with.
I will not be abused in any manner, by anyone, ever again…no, not even on something as ridiculous as social media.
I have the same right to not have to put up with peoples’ ugliness on my network profiles as they do to not have to put up with mine, and more, not have to put up with their nastiness on things which I post and are based completely on my opinion. I maintain the right that we all have to NOT be disrespected, NOT be called names, NOT have to deal with shitty people and their shittiness…at all.
I have, over time, kept my ability to demean things and people, or at least have tried to, NOT get personal with those who I know, in check. It is a challenge, to say the very least, but I do it because I have, in a year’s time, been honed by life. I have endured a LOT, with, for, and because of other people. Only in a few instances has it been that I loved them enough to stick by them that it made it all worth while for me. I have watched the one person who I love, and love as much as I love those three people who call me mom (and a few who call me this and who are my adopted soul kids) go through the unkindnesses that he has gone through. Think whatever you want to, but, it takes very little to be kind to people. Even when we don’t agree with them.
Most folks have me pegged as someone who is possessed of a sharp, forked tongue, when the reality is that I cannot lie about things and have a clear conscience about it afterwards. It takes me a bit of time to call people on their stuff, and when I do, I am questioned, as though I have questioned them personally about who they are, rather than them bothering to see that this is me, in writing, in all of my personal brilliance and glory, able to make choices based on the things that are important to me, rather than on what is popular right now.
What is popular right now is hatred and ignorance.
I am too educated for either of those two things unless it is well placed. I am not about to go rounds with people who cannot keep up with me intellectually, just because all of their lives, they never valued intelligence.
I have maintained that these people have the right to not feel like I am attacking them, because I am very good at attacking people, whether you believe that much or not.
However, I find it boring to attack, and will not have the thought in my head to seek out other peoples’ different opinions. I would rather be kind to someone over something we have in similarity than to continue to tell them what it is that I am and that they are not. They are able to do the same thing, and then what are you going to do, get mad at them?
I have the same right that anyone else has to not have to feel like I am being demeaned, being belittled, being thought of as anything other than my damned self. As my damned self these days, the last thing that I am going to do is become one of those…crazy-ass, loud-ass females who has to get loud just to get heard.
And this especially applies to men who like to respond in an ugly way to anything that I have to say on my walls. As ridiculous as it sounds or reads, what you are seeing there are the things that I think about. While you reserve the right to your freedom of speech, I, too, reserve certain rights, and one of those rights is the right to NOT be cyberbullied.
By anyone, of any age…ever…
I might be loud, but, there are a lot of people who, these days, will tell you that I do not get loud on people when I get mad anymore (unless I am triggered…that is different).
I get educated on people, and remind them that I am not going to deal with them or their crap, that I am not going to deal with one more person, specifically ANY man, being an asshole, just because that is their right to not only be that way, but to express through their freedom of speech just how much of an asshole they have the propensity towards being.
As much as it is their right to their opinion, it is my right to not respond in their favor when I have been abused in writing.
I will not allow others to belittle me, call me a liar, tell me that I am wrong for having an opinion about what it is that I think is good, right, moral and something that I believe in. I will never again let another carbon-based being, no matter who they are or who they think they are, no matter what they want to believe or what it is that they have opinions about in terms of what I believe…those people will never, ever get to me again.
There is nothing in their right to freedom of speech that states that I have to sit there and take their shit.
No one does, and really, that is not an opinion, but a fact.
As much as we all enjoy our freedom of speech in this country, we sure do not value sometimes very needed silence. We say we value education, and then many of us behave as though being educated means that we think we are better than other people, and so that means that in some places, and in the minds of a few thousand people, educated people are actually stupid people.
This is not my stating that there are not some among us who are very intelligent. It is to state though that too many of us tend to speak about things, calling ourselves experts because we have an opinion that lots of other people agree with. Lots of people think that this makes them smart. It doesn’t take a lot of smarts to make people think you are smart. It just takes you to know who your greatest audience is going to be and where you are going to get the most agreement with your opinions that you will get people who think that, based on that opinion, they are right.
Again…popular does not mean right, in any manner at all. When we think that our opinions are more important than are the facts of other people and their lives and who they are, we are not being smart, but merely acting like we are so that we can be the smartest of the opinionated people. This is fine.
It’s lonely there. I promise.
We think we are so damned smart here, when really, all we are is opinionated. We allow it that other people can and do piss us off a whole lot, over, of all things, opinions instead of facts. We allow what others think about anything at all, that is not the same thing that we think, is somehow the thing that makes us superior to them.
Just like all else that doesn’t…such as income level, zip code, race…
That people win things wrongly all the time is one thing.
That other people will gloat over the fact that a win is a win is another thing all together. The most alarming thing about this is that just as much as we will accept other people treating us badly, we will also apologize to them for our having had a difference of opinion. Why?
What are you sorry for? Why are you sorry for having an original thought? What is making any one of us believe that who we are is such a big deal that what we opine about is somehow the truth of all truths.
And this is the truth…that our own truth, at least where we, ourselves and ourselves alone, are concerned, is the truth. It is our truth. If we know it is factual to our own lives, then the only truth it needs to be is ours. No one else’s will matter because very simply, their truth and your truth will not be the same truth. It won’t be the same truth because you are not the same two people – each person is given to their own version of the truth. My truth is not going to match yours.
I am not going to sit here defending my truth because it is not going to change. Where you are getting the idea that I am somehow okay with being verbally and “in writing” abused by anyone is foreign to my thought process because in my thoughts, I am not a bad person who deserves to be treated in the manner that many have, over the last few weeks, treated anyone at all.
It is not particular to just me. It seems rampant, this constant…fucking with people.
It seems like it has come to an entire world filled with no-holds-barred vitriol and for what?
So you can feel like an even bigger winner through being a scathing asshole?
Disagreeing with me is one thing, but please manage to keep your manners about you when pointing out your disagreement, and do, please, if you have the balls to say anything that is anything at all different to what I have as my belief and my opinion, also keep to the facts…and keep your name calling to yourself. It ain’t okay, and no, I am not cool with it.
I won’t allow people to be bad to me, or be anything but what I am like with them personally…which is always typically very kind.
If I am not being kind, then it means, very simply, that you have not been kind to me. That is all that this means. If I am being an asshole to you, it means that in the past, you have been one to me and made an excuse as to why you had and will maintain that right.
If you have been mean to me, you will know you have been, because I will refuse to return your calls, your texts, and of course, your online jabs at me. It does not bother me that you have your opinions about me, and it does not bother me that you have those thoughts about me that I might not like. However, when they are thoughts, and they are not voiced, I won’t have this…idea…about you that somehow, my friendship with you does not merit the same weight of importance to you as how your words affect me.
And let’s expand on that …your words….for a moment, shall we?
Words, as I have said many times in the past, have power…use them wisely
Whether or not we hit other people back with our words is on us. We have forgotten how to talk to one another in a caring and loving way. We have forgotten that the things that are not going on in our lives for real, the things that are collectively felt and known, things that we do not have a choice about, and we have forgotten that we are not here to be anything other than love, or a lesson in what is not love.
Hurting others, namely when we know them personally, is not a game, at least not to the people who we do this to. I am no stranger to people being crappy to me, all because I have a different opinion than they do. The problem, again, is not that our opinions differ, but that other people get so personal with us when ours do not match theirs. It is a problem, and is one that is apparently HUGE.
I hate to sound like a whiner, but, over these last couple of weeks, we are all lots more…hyper-sensitive…and we are each and all thinking about just winning some strange battle with people we have known for many years, or even a couple of years, and people we know not at all. We are ready to fight with people over our opinions, and the reason is because our opinions are deeply rooted as being part of our ego-selves and our ego-selves are not liking feeling like we are being treated like what we think we are entitled to versus what it is that we deserve.
What we are entitled to is nothing.
What we deserve is nothing less than what we have given to others in terms of what it is that we felt…were of the opinion that and of…they deserved, as if we were somehow the person who has the right to judge someone else, simply because they disagree with them.
…so, pretty much…be kind to one another.