The world seems like it is pissed off….that’s because it is.
“…their tears are filling up their glasses…” (Tears for Fears, Mad World)
I had a horrible nightmare.
It could not have lasted very long, given the time that I fell asleep, to the time that I was jarred from the…very tumultuous slumber…that I’d barely been able to grasp onto, given where it is that I lay my head at night.
I say a whole lot about symbolism, about how it is that these things play out in the manner that they play out, whether it is in dreaming or wakefulness. When we dream, we are being told something by our Higher Selves. When I was told, through that dream, the message that I had received at that time, I panicked, because the last thing that I ever like to know, let alone do, is hurt someone who I care deeply about. I am sure that that has not happened, and I am more sure that right this moment, as I write this and as the messages come through to me very loudly and clearly, it is not that I hurt anyone at all, but that I was feeling the deep hurt, anger and resentment of the very entirety of mankind.
I had this nightmare, and at first I thought it was because of something that I had said, then it was something that I thought that I did not DO. I went to my class this morning, confused and terrified, and the terror came from not knowing what it was that the nightmare was telling me. The visual that I got was that my entire world was very, very angry with me. When I thought about it, did some very quick research about it, I found out that what I wrote to and for someone who is very important to me was NOT the reason why I felt the way that I felt this morning.
In fact, the reason that I felt the way that I did, and the reason as to why it is that right now, I can sit here and write this and not feel like I am somehow out of my damned mind for doing so, is because I was able to stop myself from getting too far into the thoughts that typically will wreck me. Typically it will be a few hours, if not an entire day, before I will be able to trust what it is that I am sensing as not being anything that I have done directly to anyone else at all, and more, usually is NOT what I initially “see” no matter how the vision comes to me.
If those reading this knew exactly how much Astrology I have studied in the last ten years, those who know me and know me well also know that if anyone can trust her abilities, it is me. The reason why it feels like I can’t is not because of me or anyone else in my life. It is because this is what is happening on a global level, and also that this is all meant, via the Plutonian energies in Virgo right now. Not only that, but, if you understood what I very dearly recently only learned, you would know that now is not the time to panic (which I did) and that now is not the time to be afraid (which, I cannot lie – I am terrified of lots of things), but that now is the time that we have to grab hold of our fears and make them work for us toward our ultimate life. We cannot see the gifts already afforded with the losses, and I am not here to tell anyone what those gifts are unless they are being used as an example to clarify, with tangible means, what I am trying to get across.
What I am trying to get across is that truly, the entirety of humankind, on the very global, very media driven, all the way to the very personal, very private level, is that we are all angry with everything right now. We are mad because it seems like we cannot get ahead, but what we are not, at least I know I was not, this morning, paying attention to is that there are going to be things that will tell us, maybe not outright, what it is that we are truly pining for.
Had I thought about it in this manner, that what it is that I have always pined for is being built by me and with one person in particular, I might not have had a very human being type moment. Indeed, panic is born from lots of negative energies, spawned from lots of negative life experiences. The thing that we are all feeling and sensing right now is exactly this energy – we are tired of feeling upset, of crying, of all those things that we have done, consistently, since very late in 2006. If it were any indicator or if it helps any one of us at all, think about all this bullshit this way – right now is a very 12th house kind of energy, at least in my opinion. Pain comes from our past. Our past is where all of our karma is created, and in order to get past the pain, we have to balance the Karma. If we don’t balance the Karma, we end up embroiled in a loop that rather than it loosening up for us, gets tightly wound around us, creating this energy that is angry, and angry like an angry child who does not get what they want and chooses to make a scene in a very busy grocery store during the busiest time of the day.
Indeed…every one of us is past angry…we are pissed…as well we ought to be
The Whole World Gone Mad
The world is mad.
We are all pissed off right now.
My own symbolism messed with my head through that nightmare. In it a very important person (“the whole world”) was very, dearly angry with me (gone mad), and I could not figure out why.
It jolted me out of what was not a really great sleep to begin with, and made me stay awake all this time, just so that I could ask myself a lot of very important questions, and the answers told me to think critically and to be inside of that energy for a moment, so that I could sense and feel what it is that was actually hurting me, actually scaring me and was not scary, at all. If anything, now that I can sort of think clearly about it, it was a confirmation, was something that I likely am learning to do more with at this time, given that I am growing, along with my other half, at what seems a lightning pace.
At the same time, things seem to be crawling at a snail’s pace….and not just any snail, but one whose shell is too big for its tiny little body….now, imagine the energy that this current snail’s pace is happening for us all, and you will also have the reason why you feel like you feel, right now. (Okay, not all of us…but a very HUGE global majority of us).
It is not the snail’s pace, neither the shell that is too big, but rather and all, on the collective level, we are growing at a lightning pace, all while it seems like everything else in the world is not. We are growing impatient, and we are very aware of our own shortcomings, and in this energy, we are also very patently and dearly aware of our own lessons and just how much of what we have gone through thus far has affected not only ourselves, but those closest to us, as well, and not a whole lot of it is that good. There have been snippets of things that would allow us to relax into the moment, but, we all must agree that it truly, for the last three to four years, has only been in the very moment.
Yet, the moments…they are what we each and all live for right now, and while it is a beautiful thing, all of this stuff we are doing on the soul level, there is still the matter of what the hell we are going to do with this ugly, nasty, taking forever to heal itself physical level. The physical level is not the same thing that we want to believe it is or that we see it as. It is merely the manifestation of the things that we have been through and that a lot of it needs to be made new. Some of the things that we see happening is happening at what is not our own choice, or happens at the wrongest of times, or both, all at the same time. This only points to the fact that it is our souls which are dearly in the lead right now, because the soul knows, absolutely, what it is doing, and it also knows that at the tangible level, we are living out the energy of the Master Number 22 – that of the builder.
As the builders, we have to think of the things that we are evolving away from to be the destruction of the …nasty habits and ways of being… that we are born with in the South Node of our charts. We are both the destroyers of the old ways of thinking and being, and at the same time, we are also building what is the future with those who are most like us in thought and being because those who are most like us are also on the same mission that we are. We are here to rebuild consciousness, and consciousness is not anything to trifle with, even though, at the same time, it remains at our will in terms of how we perceive everything in our lives right this moment that is hard to digest and easy to just turn a blind eye to.
And turning a blind eye to it all will not change a thing, and if we opt to not change and try to go back and stay in the energies of the South Node, then we will continually live out the Karma that we were sent to this lifetime to balance. Had I thought about this earlier, I might not have had the panic attack that I had, and I might not have started my day off at 3 A.M. I might have been able to see things in a different light. I might have known or at least figured out that as the collective of souls elevates higher and higher, the gifts and traits that are good within us each and that have caused us a lot of pain by their not being expressed in the manner that is the (or at least with the help of) both Nodes.
One Node is for reference, is for seeing where we have been, who we have been, what we have done, how we got there and why it hurt…and the North Node is the place that we, as a soul, aspire to. For some of us this means a whole lot, and for all of this, it means that we have this little glimpse into our own selves and into the future that unless we know it is there and is for this purpose, we will continue in this endless loop of uncertainty, in this maddening dance with the devil we call our past inclinations.
We know that the South Node is our Karmic lesson…meaning that the North Node is where our Dharma, or the reward, is at. Once it is that we learn this much, and once it is that we learn that it is not a bad thing to grow, everything begins to lighten up some. The trick? Where it is that we might believe that we have to become that North Node sign, instead, what we really have to do is integrate those good qualities, of both North and South, using more of the South to push us toward the higher octave of the North ….the beauty and harmony provided by the things that we strive for, aspire to, want to live in, at least in part.
Where it is in my life that I am growing is where I ought to be growing, which is in my North Node in Pisces. Right now, the nodes are North Node in Virgo, and South Node in Pisces.
This is a balancing act for me, to cut through the bullshit and see ,as typically I am able to except for this morning when I failed to remember that I am learning my own symbolism and sharpening it. That I panicked is a South Node Pisces thing (remember that I am a North Node Pisces), but, that I was able, because I just kept telling myself that I am not used to all this…balance of energies…was all due to the North, collectively, in Virgo, and the South, collectively, in Pisces.
With my North in Pisces, and South in Virgo, it makes sense that, of all of the people who I know and who are living through the energies of the North and South Nodes, I am meant to integrate what is my Neptunian knowledge with what is the collectively felt energy of the Virgo North alongside my natal (at birth) Pisces (which is my sun in the 8th house…meaning that everything that is changing for me, personally, in terms of what these two places, signs and energies means – typically my working life and how I fit into it), and understand that, until the nodes change again, the thing that I have to work towards is to combine what is felt in my body (earth = Virgo) via the Divine messages in my soul-mind (Pisces) and help those two energies get along well enough to help me get to where it is that I am going on my Path.
A Tug of War
The North and South Nodes are like a spiritual and “personality” game of tug of war.
We can hang tightly on to the things that we have held onto for so long, just because we are very good at those things, or because we have had a lot of good memories or perhaps the person who we used to be has evolved into the person who we now are and now do not know how to live as. This is the reason why the nodes move slowly (retrograde) because the things that we have known and attached ourselves to as our current Self needs time, namely if it is a thing that has been going on for as long and far back as we can each recall, to grow into the evolutionary changes that have already taken place and that are already making us feel like Spirit can’t stand us and that we are Spirit’s step-children.
Yet this is not the case, this…step-child thing (step kids are cool, some of them are), and as of this morning, it is also not the only way that I am interpreting this energy. Where it was that I believed that I might have written something egregiously wrong, it was, instead, my not seeing, through the nightmare, that my symbols of interpretation are getting a bit more vivid and complex for me, and how…ridiculous is it that topically the only thing that I could do was panic? Throw into the mix that this is finals week at school, that there are a lot of horrid things going on in my world apart from my other half that make me want to do like always and run into my safe place and cry like a scared little turd, and you will have the perfect recipe for someone like me to panic and to do so at a phenomenal rate of energy. The thing that I have to be most grateful for is the idea that when I am panicking, I am unable to think clearly…but this time?
I did what I do when I need a question answered, or I have happened upon something very cool and very, very…almost calming…I write it out.
I write it out so that I can see what it is that I am feeling (Virgo) in the emotional and psychic sense (Pisces). When I allowed my South Node to scrutinize my words (Virgo and Pisces are both very good as researchers), and my words are always typically very poetic, very easily understood (Pisces is the artist…Virgo, the word smith or the librarian who needs perfect order and things absolutely alphabetically arranged according to height, color, width…bleh…who fucking needs THAT shit?…Pisces in 3rd house = very easily written communication that is hopefully well understood universally on the spiritual level), I began to also allow my thoughts to expand to the logical thinking of my other half – The Maestro, with my education in behavioral science, and then, as always, when I could not come to an easy conclusion, I did what I am most noted for – I asked Spirit to help me.
So She did….
You are reading it now…