Things are happening in the manner that we would rather that they not. Believe it when I state that we are all going through this same sort of thing – this thing that sucks and hurts and makes us not want to complete the lesson we are each and all currently learning
I do not have the right to tell anyone else how to feel. I never have. The only thing that I can say to anyone who is, at this moment, feeling like I am (which is not that great in terms of things happening around me) is that it is not going to last forever, this bullshit that we are all going through and the very same said bullshit that seems like at every turn that more bullshit is just heaped onto the pile and we are left helpless to what appears as being the whims of the Universe (or something otherworldly with bad intentions).
And for the most part, I am “outing” myself, specifically for a few people who I share a seriously real soul-bond with, because I am finding out that we are all going through something that is similar in nature, and not one of us feels like we are able to get through this without our trying hard to do things that ultimately would bring harm to us each, even if what we don’t realize that we are truly desiring is just an end to all of this bullshit.
I must also state, as well, that, whether anyone sees it, believes it, knows it…I, too, am going through a whole lot right now, and not one bit of it has a thing to do with people within my soul-tribe and all of it has to do with me and how I feel about anything at all, namely those who are right there with me, in spirit, going through all of this shit, the each of us on our own, but not one of us believing that we have to do this by ourselves.
For the last couple of weeks, we have all gone through this terribly emotional energy, and all of it sucks, with exception to the things that we know are the very truth of us and that are shared with others. In my case, it is the terror of being abandoned, one more time, and my not being able to survive it as well as I thought I have to this point. I have serious abandonment issues. It seems when my own chips are down, so are everyone else’s, and because of my line of work, it is an automatic thing for me to put aside what it is that I need, mostly need to say, that is, and try to help anyone else make sense of anything that they, themselves, are going through. If I stopped my emotional self for a moment and look at things in the manner that the patterns have come into fruition, I would see there, for sure, that the things that are coming out of my mouth and the things that I want to see happen are right in line with each other, even as it may well feel otherwise.
The thing that I know I am feeling is called “resistance,” and what it can be described as is that thing that causes a knot in our diaphragm and makes us just want to no longer breathe, makes us want to curl up in a ball and not see the light of day for a while. I know this feeling. I am in that energy myself and no matter how many lovely things happen on one day, it seems that no matter what I, myself, do, whatever it is that needs to be addressed at this time will not ever stop rearing its ugly head. No matter what I do to resist the things that I am feeling right now, no matter what it is that I think I am sensing and no matter what I want to believe, this whole bunch of shit is meant for one reason.
Spiritual Awakening on a collective level
I forget, a lot, namely when I am in the throes of what seems to not have the ability to just leave me be, in my life and apart from the one person who means the very most to me that while I am in the position that I am (#LosAngelesKahuna), I find out that not even folks whose work in this lifetime is of a healer’s place in life, I, too, am still in that place where there are still things and facets of myself and my old ego-self which need to be addressed, through Love and Unconditional caring for my own Soul-Self. You see, folks like me (Light Workers, Seekers, Seers, Prophets, Alchemists, Magicians, Etc), we tend to see things from the point of view that is unselfish, all loving, abiding all that is the good within us, and most of the time, we do so with extreme caring and and absolute depth of Love.
When, however, it comes to ourselves, we are more inclined to have an “ego-self” reaction rather than a human response to the question of “Why is this happening to me and why do I feel like I am all alone in it?”
The answer is simple, even though the reality of going through this mess is the hardest thing for us all to do – that answer is that we are being prepared, through this calamity, to get out into the world so that we can be there for others who are going to go through these things. Whether you want to believe me or not, this is the truth. I know this is the truth because lately, and after I told the last suited manchick CEO to take a hike, while I was not better off for the income part of it, I was and remain WAY better off for no longer having to deal with that person OR others like them. In choosing to no longer be thought of as the “friend you (she) can (could) buy,” I chose my freedom from that feeling like that one person made me feel for a very long time. I know that I am a good friend. I also know that I am a good Spiritual Healer. I know, too, that when it comes to the things that are not ably nor easily explained by me to anyone (unless they hold a very real, a very Divinely placed closeness with them and them with me) else, I am being taught a lesson that one day, I will encounter the people for whom it was that I endured what it is that I am currently and have been enduring for too long already.
The You Who Is Currently in Manifest
I repeat myself often with this one, and most of the time it is because I am reminding me of how truly far I have come in what might seem like forever but was not. I could sit here and tell anyone at all that what I have gone through is cause for me to either continue to allow what I don’t show the entire world is my pain, or, I can look at what it is that I am trying to deal with in so desperate a manner at times that I am markedly ashamed of the things that I have said, of the things that I have daydreamed myself doing to one other shameful person, of all of the things that I have thought and believed as put forth by that one person and that I have listened to for a very, very large portion of my life.
When I think about how it is that other people, again, with one person in particular always, and without prompting, says to me, and I think, too, about what the one person who I am manifesting OUT of my life, has manipulated me to believe throughout the majority of my adult life. I could lie and tell anyone at all that I am over it all, but, that would not be giving credit to the idea that what I have gone through and what I am doing FOR myself now is the balance between extremes that not a whole lot of people can tolerate. I have said it, again and again, that the tears I cry (like the ones that are falling from my eyes right now…yes…now…even as I write this…and it is all because I feel so fucking stuck in the miry mess that is my life when I would rather be in the company, always, of that one other person who I refer to as the Maestro) are not for nothing – they are telling me that there is a lot that I have yet to release from me and they are telling me that I am okay to hurt, that I am okay to desire what it is that I now know for sure is in manifest.
That which the Third Eye sees is That which is in Manifest (On the good side of things)
When we daydream, what we are actually doing is called visualization. Most folks don’t realize that when we actually and truly desire an outcome, while it takes a little bit of time, whatever it is that we both desire and believe usually happen for us. It can be something small that is an immediate fruition (meant to show us our power) or, if it is something big and in your desires there is anyone else with you (and who does not know what it is that you want for and with them in terms of your manifestations), know now that what it is that you are seeking with that one person or those other people will take a little longer. However, what all of all of this strange stuff that I write about, at least in terms of this writing, is that in order to have what we see through our visualizations, and whatever it is that we truly desire, and whatever it is that we also truly believe we will have is exactly what we will end up with.
When I manifest anything, or even set out to do so, the first thing that I do is I say a few words to Spirit, and in those words I (try to) remind myself that what it is that I desire the most is already in manifest. The luck for me in all of this weirdness is that I am a Pisces, and as such, I already believe in the truth of the things in manifest for me, that are good, that will bring me joy (I already proved it to myself back in Feb. 2014…and I indeed got EXACTLY what I desired, more than I desired, because I was right in 1993, like I am right at this time in 2016) and that will be that thing called permanent. Lots of other things have come into my awareness, and even though I am feeling pretty ..bad…right now, and have been for a very long time, it does not mean that I have nothing to look forward to. What it means is that right now, when we are all in this crap together and when it is that we are all believing that this is the end of ourselves, what it actually is is the beginning of our new selves, with these new lives that we have called into being, with these people who, in a very short time, have come to mean the very most to us.
I have been told for years that anything worth having in one’s life is worth the crap that we have to go through in order to see to it happening. I know that there is a lot going on outside of me that carries the potential to make me revert to the old me, and the only reason that this would happen is because that part of me is what aches right now, and it aches for no reason other than that it is now time that I do all I can to part ways with that part of me. It is not that I do not Love every piece of who I am. It is more that I know that with everything happening in my life that are both good as well as not good at all, what is happening when I feel a certain way and that I am not feeling from my other half is another part of me that is begging to be both acknowledged, embraced and released from me, because really, that person needs to not be called back into my awareness because that part of me (“that person”) and her presence is no longer in use. This does not mean that from time to time I will not call her out for help, but, when that happens, even that “old”
part of me will not appear to me like she does now.
Like she does now, while I am sure that she is here and rearing herself to my psyche for a very good reason, right now the only reason that I am sure she is revisiting me is to remind me that she needs to be dismissed, not dissed, but just released into the Universe so that when I need that part of me again (typically when I tell people that I need to “flip the bitch switch”), and when I ask her to rear her frenetic self, she will not be that hard to excuse back to wherever it was that she chose to be during the times that I do not need her, which is a whole lot these days.
Before I go off to write another thing in the other Mana’o Blog
One last, probably drawn out bunch of words…the last thing that any one of us needs to do is more fretting (and no, I am not talking about of the guitar sort). The more that we fret, and the more that we tell ourselves that we can fix things, the more that we will try to and the more that we will try even harder to resist the feelings that we, ourselves, have allowed to crop up.
The way that we get out of this shit is to go headlong into it. There really is no other way. We have to become, myself very much included, braver than we have ever in the past. We have to think of this time in our lives as being the time in our lives that we, ourselves, have called into being, not realizing that when we asked to become more aware, we were also asking that all those things and ways of being that will no longer serve who we are or what we are here for will take us right back through this corn-field maze of confusion and strife and I am positive that none of us wants to go through this shit again. I know that I am not willing to go through the pain that I have gone through for the bulk of my adult life. Because I know this, I have been presented with other, more tolerable pains that I have been presented with for a very long time now. It is hard for me to think apart from how my ego-self feels right now, hard for me to want to sit here and go through more of the same bullshit, even though that I also know that in doing so, I will ultimately no longer have to deal with the particular bullshit that I am currently going through because once I am aware of how I react to it all, and once I have seen to it that I will see things differently, I can also see, very clearly, the end result – and the end result that my mind’s eyes see will pale in comparison to the reality.
Whether you believe it or not, the truth is that the things that we go through that hurt the most are indicative, on the other side of that scathing pain, of the blessings that we are not aware of that are on their way to us, even and at the same time that this bullshit is going on. This is happening because while it is that we are aware of what is hurting us and while it is that we are going through this pain right now, what we are forgetting is that everything that is going on that sucks also has an equal “thing” going on in reciprocation and that thing is the thing that we each and all have been manifesting on the singular level. I have a hard time looking at things through my piscean rose-colored glasses, because really, I am only that rose-colored glasses wearing person when it comes to things that I am manifesting in terms of my working life. Everything else – namely my relationships – are absolutely rock solid. What is NOT rock-solid are the tangibles in my life. The reason that I now absolutely believe that they are like this is because my ego-self would not allow me to see past what did not work for me or work out for me in the past in terms of work.
Then one day I became very clear as to what it was that I wanted to do with all of these words, and all of this schooling, and all of the pain that I have chosen to turn into my own war wounds and pain that became my medicine and that remind me of not only where I have been in this lifetime, but more, that I made it out of those times that literally could have ended my physical life as I knew it and know it. It is difficult for me to see myself, or at least who I used to be, as the casualty, but I know that that person is indeed the casualty. If it means that I do not get to have things as easy as that person made it all seem to be, then that is what it means, but I know, too, that ease that is permanent is better, as I am sure I am not the only one finding out this one truth. I know, as well, that who I was is no longer the person who I have become. I know that I asked for myself to be more streamlined, and in that process, streamlining is hard to do when I have two sides of my own self tugging at me for more relevance in terms of my life right now.
My life right now, with exception to one part of it, is in flux. All of the right people are in place, and I know that they are the right ones, because in certain areas of all of their lives, they are experiencing things that are anything but easy. Reading this, you might believe that I am making light of all of their plights right now, but I am not. What I am actually doing is reminding every single one of them (and they each know who they are) that we are all in this together, even though we each are fighting, everyday, a very scathing singular battle. None the less, the thing that tells me we are each and all right on track and where we actually need to be in order to learn the thing that we have had presented to us.
The reason why it is that this happens at what seems to be, and usually is, the most inopportune of times is that we are more ready to take it all on than we are to just let it all be. We all want to be the person who came away with all of our selves in full tact but what even I have not addressed is that I did not get to this point on my own, that I will continue to have this dream in my mind because what I know is there and waiting to become is right within our reach. It is right there, guys. These losses and all this pain is meant to teach us, not how to escape it, but, how to use the aches, the pains, the things that are plaguing us all the time, right this moment, to our better advantage.
This really is the truth. I don’t say or write things for the sake of anything other than allowing a bit of Grace to those who mean the very most to me.
Guys…I promise…our day is approaching where all of the beauty that we have seen and that we have been manifesting, even through this bullshit that we are all getting through better than we want to believe we are, is ours.
All we are supposed to do now is make it through this last part of all of this. I never promised to anyone at all that returning to our place as higher beings was going to be easy.
However, I remain steadfast in reminding us all that the pain we each are feeling now will be matched on the other side of that ..and that bliss we are all manifesting right now will be the only thing that we will not only recognize, but also, truly the only thing, through our brilliance and the empowered people who we are, we will recognize as being normal. even though so many of us within the tribe that I call mine are each and all going through some seriously painful stuff.
Remain steadfast…”Onipa’a…” Stand tall….be brave…
We’re almost there
I Love You All