Rainbows are those things that signify when the storm is over with, or going to be over with. It is the sign of hope, the significator of things in manifest, and, as well, the thing that reminds us of what just passed through our lives and is now on its way out. We don’t fear rainbows, but we have a hard time seeing them in the dark…
“I cry out for magic, see it dancing in the light” (Ronnie James Dio, “Rainbow in The Dark“)
It has been a very long time since I have written this particular blog consecutively within days. I will be honest with all of you right now – I am also one who feels like she is watching life happen to other people, in grand fashion, almost like that kid I wrote about a long time ago, the kid who is made to wait for their own birthday cake and ice cream soup and the very kid who ends up with the option to use a soup spoon or a straw to “enjoy” their own birthday cake with. Right now it feels like we are all in this strange sort of vortex, and one that seems to not let up in terms of the thought in all of our heads that may well read or sound like WHAT THE FUCK?
We are, all of us, crying out for the magic that we keep believing in, and believe in it we should, if for no other reason than that it gives us something to hope for.
No, this is not me saying that we have nothing to hope for, but me telling us all that we have all been through so very many trying things over these last almost ten years, and in that time we have all and each managed to get to this point where it is that the things that no longer matter in terms of who we are will no longer be here very soon. For the life of us, we are trying so hard to hang on to what we were and who we were that we do not realize that that person is no longer with us. That person who we were a mere one year ago is no longer here. We keep trying to revive them and trying to make them come back and that person just keeps on freeing themselves from our grip.
We are like the person who is seeking the rainbow in the darkness, the one who does not realize that no matter what, the rainbow exists and will never not. The rainbow is there, within us, where it is meant to be, where it does the most good for us and where it is that we need it to be – we need the reassurance that we are going to be okay after all this crap that we are experiencing subsides, if for nothing else, than just to know that we are the very magic that makes it all happen. We are the rainbow in the darkness of our own lives.
We are the very ones who assigns the energy to whatever it is in our lives that we are experiencing. I know that the one thing that is really harming my Taurean moon is that for a long time I have chosen to hang on to whatever it is that I thought was keeping her – my bull in the middle – safe from harm. It was through all of these awful things that have come into my own life that have actually strengthened her and reminded her that she does not need too much, that she does not need anyone to bring to her the things that her heart desires. The Pisces sun, the one to whom I and many others have, for years, referred to as “The Shark,” is feeling every little tiny bit of the energy that the world is unwittingly “subletting” to us all in the manner that is simply the energy that we just do not want to deal with anymore awfulness, that we are tired, collectively, of all of the people who still do not want to (yes – WANT TO) see things in the manner that the entirety of mankind is beginning to see it.
I am talking about those who seem to believe that still, they can put a price tag on everything that they want to, give a dollar value, and then ascribe that value to people. People are not things, folks, and people are not going to like being thought of as such, and people are god damned tired of other unenlightened people thinking that in order to get their way that all they have to do is try to buy their way to it. It does not work that way, at all. What we are doing at this time is refining ourselves, and we are finding our way to our tribes, our soul mates, our lives, and there are people on this planet who are still so scathingly foolish, scathingly selfish and scathingly clueless in terms of what their evil deeds are doing, not to the people who they are directing this ire towards, but really, to themselves. They don’t realize that they have already lost the battle, that they have nothing left within their tangible arsenal that they can use against anyone else, so they try for the throat of the world through the emotions. Problem is, at least for them, is that they are fighting, unarmed, in a battle that they are nowhere near ready to fight.
And fighting is not what we are meant for, at all. We are meant to be with one another, to Love one another, to give to each other the things that we are not so much without, but that we still have to strengthen. The darkness serves us with knowing that if we “owe,” that maybe it is not really that we owe, but that we are being sought out to take care of other peoples’ bullshit. Other people don’t clean up after themselves, and this is not only about the actual messes that are made, but are more about the messes that they do to themselves in terms of the soul and terms of the Love that they do not have for themselves. This is when they seek out the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, and this is when it is that we who are enlightened to this much are called to make the choice – do we save them, or do we save ourselves?
We all know this answer, but because a lot of us were taught that we have to sacrifice all of our own self to give at the altar of other peoples’ arrogance, other peoples’ starving souls, other people, period, and because we were trained that way a long, long time ago, after we came into our physical selves, the only thing that we do know is how to give until it hurts – hurts us emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially, mentally…and we do not understand that the more that we give, and the less that we have for ourselves, the less that we have in terms of how it is that we go about seeing to it that we are okay, even as we are trying hard to make sure that the rest of our own tribe is as okay. This is as it ought to be.
The world, however, wants and expects for us to do what it wants, and the world wants for us to suffer at its whim because the world wants us to believe,still, that the only one right way to do things is by the world’s expectations and the worlds level of things being seen to and made ready for the next part of all these things happening in our lives and in our faces. We want so much for ourselves, want so much more for the people in our lives, and we are now tired of trying, even though trying is what we are all the very best at. We are phenomenal at trying, not realizing that it is within all of those things that we mark as being “failure” that at those times when we felt like that and feel like that, what we are actually doing is mastering whatever it is that we think we are ‘failing’ to do the ‘right’ way.
This…failure…thing, it is our rainbow in the dark. It is the thing that we all fear doing – not failing, but learning. We forget sometimes that we are not perfect, that other people have the very propensity to NOT evolve, and in not doing so, they fail themselves. I am reminded of a woman who believes that because she can buy her way in this world, that she is also allowed to demand that the world promise her that it is willing to be bought, and this is not the truth. On the part of the woman, it is her lesson, through people who she does this to, to learn that her money cannot buy people. She does not realize that she is NOT the woman in “Stairway to Heaven,” where, “with a word, she can get what she came for.”
Lots of humans being don’t understand that the way of the almighty dollar is no longer the way that we are allowing ourselves to be treated. While there well may be still people on this planet sharing the air with us who can be bought, for the majority of us, our integrity cannot be bought. Lots of people are not getting a clue in terms of the “boss of the world” and the games that people play with us is no longer being played. We are serious- fuckingly so – and we are not letting people tell us who we are by means of the money they are willing to pay for us to become their emotional and spiritual “escorts.” Lots of people are still playing the “poor me” game, and many more are denying the fact that the time has come for all of us to reinvent who we are. This is not my stating that we have to start over, because there is not enough time for that to happen. What I AM saying is that it is time for us to pick up where we left off and start from here.
Start from here
MANY times, just in this last week alone, I have heard it, over and over, not from one person but from a whole LOT of people – they are scared that they are going to have to start over, no matter what it is that they have to start over. I am not immune to this. I had to do it. I didn’t want to do it, and not because I know that I already did what I am doing now, but because I did not think about it in terms of my already knowing what I am doing in this world in terms of what I know. I already know a whole lot about the human condition, and I already know what makes us tick in a biological sense as it pertains to the psychological sense. I already know all of this. I did not think in terms of my already being basically done with learning about the way the human mind works, about the way that biologically, it lends to our healing, and the way that we get there in terms of our muddled thinking. Yet, because of the path that I am taking – the path of teaching what I know that is not only contained in all of those textbooks, contained within the halls of academia – this is the way that I have had to “start from here,” which now that I have had time to think about it, really is not starting over.
What it has given me, at least in terms of EVERYTHING that I intend to do with this time in my life, is the ability to come up with newer coaching programs, is the ability through my own measure of creativity to assign new roles to old but enjoyable activities, activities which, through all that I am doing now toward this one thing, will be part of the madness that is teaching, that is giving to the world the healing from within that is my own. This is the truth, right now, for a whole lot of us. Not just one person, but EVERY person in my life and with whom I share a particular bond of tribal closeness is going through something significant in their lives. We have not given ourselves enough credit, have not believed the pat on the back that we each and all have given to others, and it is hard for us to do this for ourselves because we do not believe that who we are is right for the time being.
Let me make you aware of one true thing – we are the ones who are creating the Now, the ones who have chosen to take on the Kuleana of who we are, of what we each and all represent, of who we are within the tribes we call our own, and all of us are not aware that this is all guided by the hand of Spirit, is meant to refine us through making us better through what we perceive as being failure. What we need to know, to believe, to take on as being our own personal truth, our mantra in the world is that we are more bad ass than we want to believe.
More Bad Ass than We Want to Believe
Think in terms of a rainbow, in all of its beauty, and all of its perfection, and how, in the dark, it cannot be seen, at least not in the brilliance that we typically see it, by means of the sun through the drops of rain which create a prism. The only light in the night time is the moon and the stars. What we do not think about is that, while the moon might be covered in the haziness of the clouds int he night time sky, there still is the rainbow, and it is in the dark. If we take that same light of the day, and apply it to the subdued light of the moon and really thought about the fact that, from a scientific point of view, the rainbow is there. We just cannot see it in the manner that we see it in the day time.
We cannot see the rainbow in the dark, because we have not been taught properly to understand that that which is there by day (visible) is still also there at night (we know it is there, we just cannot see it, because the dark hides it – making it ‘invisible’). It is like the monsters in the closets of our minds, which are the same monsters that we, as children, envision in the closet in our bedrooms, the closet door closed, our imaginations fully in play as we see the shadows there that keep us with our heads under the covers. We think we are safe from the monsters, but the reality is that there are no monsters – only our selves there to make us afraid, by means of words from others. We fear not living up to whatever it is that we think we have to, that has been presented to us by others that we take on as our truth, because no matter who says what to me – we like being accepted, love being acceptable just as we are, and more than anything, we loathe the thought that we are somehow not as great as we are being told we are.
The moment that we take on that truth, even as we know it is believable, all it takes is one fucking jack ass to say something in deference to it, and suddenly our resolve and our sense of personal greatness have been impeded, harmed, made to feel like it is the biggest lie that we not only heard, believed, but even told ourselves. We need to stop, immediately, with this practice, because we also need to understand that really, we cannot save everyone else, namely and especially if right this moment the one person who we need to believe and to tend to is our very selves. This does not mean we cannot continue to tend to them, but that we also need to attend to us. We forget about ourselves, because we are so very dearly concerned with the welfare and well being of our tribes that we forget about us.
We forget about us
Now…do NOT get me wrong…we still are okay to give to others what we have always given to them. However, we need to teach ourselves how to balance theirs versus ours. This is not saying that we have to tell the ones who we love the very most that we cannot be there for them. It means that somewhere within our scope of being, we have to see there who can hang on their own, who has been siphoning us for our good, who has been trying harder to not do for themselves, and we have to take the time away from them in order that we can see ourselves. For me this included a whole lot of people who I just could no longer carry the weight of their heartache for, and believe it when I say it was the hardest thing in the world for me to do.
I had to say goodbye to being the hero in their lives, so that I could, with others, attend to me. Our healing is contained within our own selves, but it is also from others who, just like us, and who are just like us, might not heal us in the manner that I help other people heal themselves, but, they present to us for us who we are to them. When we are shown who we are to anyone else, it rectifies a whole lot of who we thought we were by others who were unkind in their portrayal of us and to us. We want to be all things to all people, but we forget that the people in our lives at this moment are needed too, as much as who we are is needed by them. This is not a time of dependency, but a time of learning independence from the idea that without the ugliness that others bring to us, we will not know what is the beauty.
I beg to differ.
We know what beauty is.
Beauty is why we know what is ugly.
…not the other way around…
The Rainbow, even in the dark, exists. Once it is that the clouds disperse, it is by the very light of the moon that we see the rainbow in a very different light, in a manner that perhaps, in the past, we hadn’t even thought about being for real. We see the beauty in the darkness, in all of its subdued brilliance…
I Love You All !